YuGiOh! GX! The Fan Fic
by Weather Report
Summary: AM I UPDATING IT? The story of a young boy named Jaden Yuki, living in a world drawn from 4Kids and its masterful treatment of the series. The show was already bad, but eh... this story's worse. CRAZY worse. Enjoy!
1. Episode 1: The Next King of Games

Let this serve as the theme song for the first half of our season. (All links like this are from youtube. Fix them accordingly. Every link belongs to the creator and can be removed upon request. Tell me if any links die) [.com/watch?v=PmSKxQ2ESdg]

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode One: The Next King of Games

We begin our first episode inside of a large, Domino City high school by the name of 'Sakuragi Hanamichi High'. Inside, several once-middle school students were traversing the halls at their own leisurely pace, looking for the classrooms in which they'd be taking their entrance exams. One important boy in particular had his own circle of friends surrounding him, all eager for their new lives as high school students.

The kid in question had short-yet-puffy brown hair, odd for many traditional Japanese anime characters in a world of blondes, blues and purples, and was strutting the halls with his large male friend, his cool thinner male friend, and his shy female friend who seemed to be interested in him. "Jay-man, we're finally here!" the large boy announced cheerily! "High school!"  
"Remember when we were just little kids and we always dreamed about becoming cool high school 'yankees'?" the thinner boy chuckled.  
"Oh yeah, yo, that's because we read 'Chagecha'!" the important kid recalled. "What a horrible idea! That story was cancelled after only eight chapters, right?"  
"Oh, remember when we followed that yakuza guy last year, Jaden?" the thinner guy laughed. "We totally kicked his ass and saved those orphaned puppies!"  
"Oh yeah! I remember, yo! We've had so many great adventures in our school years," the Jaden wistfully remembered, blinking his tremendously large brown eyes. He turned to his female friend, who hadn't said anything yet. "Hey, what's up? You haven't said anything yet."  
"O-oh," the girl gasped. "Sorry, I was just thinking…"  
"'Bout what, yo?" Jaden asked.  
"Well… weren't you going to go to those Duel Academy entrance exams today?" the girl asked.

"… OHCRAPYOU'RERIGHT!" Jaden leaped out of the nearest window and ran off.  
"AAAAAAW!" the big guy wailed! "I KNEW THAT STUPID DUEL MONSTERS WOULD TEAR OUR FRIENDSHIP APAAAART!"  
"How COULD you? We agreed we'd keep that from him, woman!" The thinner kid punched the girl in the face.  
"OH!" She fell onto another student's feet, causing him to fall in turn. "You hit me… then it's a good thing I brought THIS baby today!" She pulled out her lucky tommy gun and unleashed hell within the highly-populated schoolhouse. But that's another story.

Jaden bolted through the city as fast as he could, leaping over traffic, bounding over park benches and slamming into trash cans. As he dashed through the Domino City Park district, he began checking out his backpack. "Alright, I got my deck, I got my gear, and I ain't goin' to no REAL school! That's because I like card games! Sadly I'm late for my entrance exams because my old friends I've known since elementary school tried taking me to an actual high school entrance exam! Ha ha, screw them, I'm going to Duel Academy! Wait, why'm I saying all this?"  
"That's one WEEEIRD kid," an onlooker chuckled to himself.

Ahead of Jaden walked a mysterious previous main character with legendarily spiky hair in his early thirties! Somehow, he and his Yuginess didn't actually notice Jaden heading towards him at a breakneck pace! "OH NO YO!" Jaden screamed, still running. "LOOK OUT, YO!" Yugi looked to his left. "NO, BEHIND YOU!" Yugi looked to his right. "NO, RIGHT HERE!" Yugi looked upward. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Ow," he screamed, slamming into the man and pushing them into the unforgiving sidewalk. "Oh, sorry 'bout that," Jaden apologized, helping the man up. "… Sorry you're such an IDIOT!" Jaden pushed the Yugi over again.  
"Ow! Why did you do that?" the Yugish man whined.  
"'Cause you didn't just get out of the way while I kept yellin' an' screamin' an'… screw it, I'm late for the DUEL ACADEMY ENTRANCE EXAMS!"

Something clicked within the Yugi-like man. "Wait. Did you just say, 'Duel Academy'?" he asked.  
"Hellz yeah!"  
"By that, do you mean the school where you duel?" Yugi questioned further.  
"The COOL school where you duel!" Jaden corrected. "Yeah, where ELSE could I be headin' toward like this?"  
"I don't know, but have a FREE Duel Monsters card!" Yugi invited, handing Jaden a free card of some sort. The boy snatched it up.  
"Cool! But why?"  
"Because you bumped into me, which told me to believe in you and your incredible Dueling adventures that are sure to follow!"  
"Oh!" Jaden bowed in appreciation. "Thanks! I'll be sure to bump into more people from now on!" Jaden ran off as Yugi dusted himself off. As the happy idiot boy ran off, that man did the COOLEST THING POSSIBLE… he gave Jaden a THUMBS-UP as he took his leave.  
"WAHAHAHAHA, FAREWELL, YOUNG DUELIST! HA HA HA…" Yugi was suddenly run over by a bicyclist.

"… Oh, that guy was Yugi," Jaden realized. "He's a lot lamer than I thought. Well, I guess I should take a peek at this here Duel Monster card, yo!" With a small smile, he looked at the card he'd been given. It was… a Kuriboh. With wings. It was called 'Winged Kuriboh'. "… I hate you, Yugi," Jaden decided. "A Kuriboh with wings? That's insultin', man! WHAT'RE YOU TRYIN' TO SAY, BASTARD?"  
"OOH," the Kuriboh cooed.  
"… OH MY GOSH, MY CARD JUST TALKED TO ME!" Jaden slipped the card into his handy-dandy deck box and began running back off to the task at hand. "Then again, who cares, 'cause I gotta go to school!"  
"LOSER!" accused a man.  
"Hey," Jaden reasoned, "I can't become the next KING OF GAMES if I'm LATE to the games!"  
"BOO," someone said.

Meanwhile, several miles away, inside of a large dome-shaped building…  
Several nerdy kids were running around within a massive arena, constructed just so that kids can play card games and adults could watch. Something was wrong with that picture, though. "_All people who have won their entrance duels, please escort yourself to the left,_" an intercom buzzed, "_and those of you who have lost, thus humiliating yourself against a badly-made deck and forever tainting your memory with the stench of failure, and the rejection of a school that teaches children to play simple card games… better luck next year. Or not, because I really hate you all._"

A sexually-ambiguous creepy blonde ponytailed person in a blue Duelist uniform, complete with frills, was seated around several uncomfortable teachers up in the stands, sternly watching today's youth fail at card games with intense intent. "And have fun at the Kaibaland-sponsored Duel Academy, mwee-hee-hee-hee," it cackled.  
"I despise you and also fear you," a fellow teacher told it.

"Now, I summon Leghul," a dueling proctor announced within the massive Duel Pit. "and now I will attack you directly! Bug Bite!" A large, spiky centipede flew out of a card and attacked a short, sad-looking kid with blue hair and glasses!  
"Ow," he recoiled. (Boy: 4000 Life Points - 3700 Life Points) _I wish I was already enrolled so that I didn't have to deal with these crappy, freaky cards, _the boy thought._ I also wish I knew why I had to duel this idiot, even a beginner could beat him. Three-hundred Attack Points? Seriously? Oh yeah, and I wish I stayed home, too. I'm depressed with life in general. Hey, I bet I just declared what my character is all about! That's not good…_  
"_All of you terrible kids who can't play this game who also have NOT reported for a duel, please shame yourself now,_" the intercom asked.

Meanwhile once more, outside the building, within the parking lot of destiny…  
"Alright ladies, that's it," said a man of some sort with two women companions, all of which who worked for the school and such. "Mark all the no-shows 'no-shows', ha ha. I'm so funny."  
"WAIT, Y'ALL!" cried a very unfitting voice! It startled everyone present into looking at the kid who had just climbed up the railing around the parking lot. "I'm no no-show, yo! You can count JADEN YUKI IN!"  
"… Like I said, mark 'em. NOW," the man stressed.  
A few minutes and some intense negotiations (possibly street brawls) later, Jaden appeared next to the depressed blue-haired kid, cracking his shoulder. "Dislocated shoulders hurt, man…" He peered over at the kids in the massive Duel Pit and was instantly revitalized. "Oh boy! Look at 'em go!" he excitedly shouted, pumping his fists in some strange sort of fascination.

"I activate Hammer Shot, destroying the monster on the field with the most Attack Points!" a boy said, just after summoning his Dark Magician. A large hammer fell and crushed his monster. "Aw, man, I really gotta stop doing that."  
"Oh, you mean that poor kid over there?" the blue-hair guy asked.  
"No, I'm talkin' 'bout THAT poor kid!" And lo, Jaden pointed to a cool kid with swept-back grayish hair and a decidedly British voice. On his field was a guy who had a big raidin' spear who somehow emanated the word 'Vorse'. (Vorse Raider: 1900 Attack Points) His dueling, proctoring opponent with massive sunglasses had some sort of guard holding a big shield, along with a movable fortress constructed out of a golem covered in gears. (Big Shield Gardna: 2300 Defense Points, Gear Golem the Moving Fortress: 2200 Defense Points)  
"Alright, new guy. Multiple-choice," the man-proctor yelled, "You've got two monsters starin' you down. Do you  
A: Throw in the towel,  
B: Beg for mercy, or  
C: Run home to momma?"  
"I'll take D;" the kid answered in his thick, Britanian accent, "you're an idiot!" He flipped up his Trap card: RING OF DESTRUCTION! Basically the card's art-square showcased a collar covered in grenades.  
"A Trap? IT CAN'T BE!" the proctor screamed, in fear for his own life!  
"Yes, this card destroys one monster on the field, causing us both to take damage equal to the monster's Attack Points!" the boy explained, quite confident in his success. The grenade ring appeared magically around his own monster's neck.  
(Shady Proctor: 4 Life Points) "OH NOOOOO!" the proctor screamed! "But, wait, are you sure you really wanna do that?"  
(Cool Kid: 1900 Life Points, Vorse Raider: 1900 Attack Points) "I'm DEAD-SURE."  
"You don't say that, it's dead-WRONG," corrected the proctor.  
"I KNOW WHAT I MEAN!" The grenade ring then detonated, resulting in a stylish explosion of some sort. (Dumb Kid: 0 Life Points, Shady Proctor: 0 Life Points. TIE)

Up in the stands, an angry-seeming kid with noticeably extreme swoopy-yet-spiky black hair was sitting with his two groupies. "Wow, that guy's purdy good, don'cha think Chazz, I reckon?" asked one in his offensively 'hillbilly-ish' voice, whilst having bluish hair swept over his shoulder and simultaneously having neat spectacles.  
"Shut up, Billy Hills," the Chazz groaned, "your accent is offensive to hill-folk everywhere!"  
"Guess the rumors about that Bastion kid bein' some kinda whizz-kid are true, huh, Chazz, huh?" his other groupie asked, complete with tallness, toughness, a large nose, blank expression and a haircut not unlike a freshly-cut lawn.  
"Shut UP, Deep-Voice Dobbson," Chazz growled, "your accent is offensive to deep-voiced men and women everywhere!"  
"Boy, I reckon yer' the best friend ever!"  
"It sure is nice 'ta sit with you, huh, Chazz, huh!"  
"SHUT UP! YOUR VOICES ARE IN**FU**RIATING!"

"Woo-ee," Jaden whistled, "that kid sure was an idiot."  
"I heard that he came from a dueling prep school," the sad blue-haired kid remembered, "and his name's Bastion Misawa. He got the highest score on the written test, but he's still stupid and rarely wins, just having tie matches. We should stay away from him. By the way, I'm Syrus Truesdale. I barely passed the written test, mostly because I couldn't get any sleep last night. I was too scared about the rapidly rising population of the earth, and all the horrors we'll face. I learned it from one of those depressing PBS 'Nova' specials and…"  
"Wait, what written test...?" The brown-haired guy shook the idea out of his head. "Those CAN'T exist… But so what? You're in like Flynn, mah min! And by that I mean 'man'! You're already in 'da school, fool!" Jaden rhymed. "I will too, after the duel, so don't be cruel! Ha ha, rhymin' like that should be a crime… I mean rhyme, 'cause 'rhymin' and 'crime' don't rhyme…"  
"While you were trying to rhyme, the last applicant just finished up and failed," Syrus insisted, pointing down into the Duel Pit.  
"_WAAAAGH, I FAAAAAILED!_" screeched a failure of a kid.  
"OH CRAP, HE **DID** FAIL!" Jaden screamed!

Meanwhile AGAIN, with the teachers…  
"Looks like we have a pretty good crop this year," one guy said to another.  
"Yes indeed-y," his accomplice answered in a freakily nasally tone.  
"AAH! What happened to your voice?"  
"I DON'T KNOW!" the nasally man screamed! "HELP ME!"  
A guy in a cool suit walked over to the really scary teacher and told it, "Sorry to interrupt, but one last applicant is really freaking out over there, Mr. Crowler."  
It turned around and glared at him. "Did you just call me 'Mister?'" it asked.  
"Sorry. I'm new here. But really, that kid's goin' crazy." The man pointed to Jaden, across the stadium.  
"WAAAAAAAAGH I GOTTA DUEEEEEL!" Jaden screamed, irritating everyone present.

"Yes, I've noticed him…" Crowler noted, "BUT YOU MUST NEVER CALL ME 'MISTER'! I! AM! A! WOMAN!"  
"Oh, well I'm new here," the man repeated, shaking uncontrollably.  
"In that case," it growled, grimacing at him not two inches away from his face, "next time you should **probably** call me **'Doctor'**. I didn't spend all that time at Kaibaland Dueling College to be **MOCKED**."  
"Uh… uh…" the man whimpered.  
"Either way," Crowler sighed, getting back on track, "just tell that truant child to come back NEXT year like everyone else that stupid."  
"Uh… UH… UWAAAAAAAH!" the new teacher cried, racing away as fast as he could.  
"I don't think he's coming back," the nasally man said.  
"I know," Crowler insisted.  
"Come now, Ms. Crowler," a misplaced old man teacher goaded, "I want to see just one more duel before I die today of old age. COUGH COUGH."  
"He's serious, he's 'bout to croak any moment now," another teacher recognized. "His eyes are REALLY dilated."  
"Yeah," Mr. Nasal added, "The boy was only a LITTLE late. Give'm a chance."  
"GRR! NO!" Crowler exploded! "I have no leniency for slackers!" Suddenly, its Duel Phone™ beeped inside of its pocket. "And who might this be?" Crowler asked, placing the phone to its ear.

"_It's Chancellor Shepherd here,_" a man with the perfect gruff police chief voice told.  
"Ah, yes, what is it?"  
_"I just wanted to conveniently call now to make sure that you don't do what you did last year for cutting a third of the applicants for calling you 'Mister'. And… that's it. Lame joke, but it's all we got. Bye."_ He hung up.  
"That was oddly convenient," Crowler growled. "Meh, I'll give the slacker-boy a chance."  
"But wait," the nasally man asked, "which proctor should duel him, and with which crappy deck?"  
"If you promise to never speak again, I'll do it. Deal?" Crowler offered.  
"My voice isn't my fault," the man sniffed. He emitted one tear.

Jaden and Syrus both approached Bastion Misawa , the tie-match kid you've possibly forgotten about by now, thanks to the adventures of Crowler. Bastion had just sat down onto one of the thousands of bleachers provided when Jaden popped up next to him, proclaiming "TIGHT duel, Bastion!"  
"WAGH!" Bastion screamed, caught off-guard by the sudden intrusion! "Uh, thanks."  
"Looks like you might be the SECOND-worst Duelist here!" Jaden supposed.  
"Huh?"  
Suddenly, the intercom started to bother everyone again! "_Jaden Yuki, please report to Duel Stadium Four, or whatever._"  
"Go time, yo!" Jaden cheered! "Wish me luck, dudes!"  
"W-wait," Bastion begged, reaching out to Jaden, "if I'm the second-worst, then who's the first?"  
"I dunno. Do you know anybody who always LOSES their duels?" Jaden checked. At this, Bastion clammed up with both shame that nobody thought tie-matches to be cool, and amazement at the fact that there very well COULD be a boy who always lost… interesting…  
"Woah," Syrus remarked. "He shut him up in an instant! He's GOT to be good. Or I could be wrong. And then he'd fail, and I'd have no friends to be with, again. Unless Bastion's my friend." Syrus turned to Bastion. "Hey Bastion, are you my friend?"  
"Hell no."  
"Aw."

Jaden strutted once more into the Duel Arena like a real jive turkey. He was prepared to have a Duel Monsters card game Duel against a Duelist teacher, who happened to ALSO be a Duelist itself, by taking out his Duel Disk. The Duel Disk was some sort of portable card-playing device, which comes as some sort of gauntlet that could expand to hold all the different types of playing cards you could ever want. They also could create virtual representations of any card you play, because they thought it would be boring without that kind of thing. The Crowler stood its place to the far-right of the box-like arena, giving off a look of disgust, aimed toward the weird kid. Its Duel Disk of choice looked like a scary sword that could kill people. It had mysterious bloodstains on it. "Okay, test time!" it yelled in an effeminate voice.  
"WAUGH!" Jaden howled! "Oh, it's only an ugly lady, yo. Wait, is that any better…?"  
"Ugh. So, son, your name?" Crowler scowled, scowling.  
"Are you REALLY a lady?"  
"Answer the question," it stressed.  
"Jaden Yuki," Jaden Yuki said.  
"Well, Jaden Yucky," Crowler said, smirking, "I'm Doctor Velian Crowler, Professor of Useless Card Game Techniques here at Kaibaland Duel Academia."  
"Oh, a Professor! And here I thought you were just some sort of ugly lady! Or are you both? OOH!" Jaden was onto something!  
"Grr…" it growled. "Your humor is terrible, Mr. YUCKY."

"Well Chazz," Billy Hills mentioned, stealing the scene away, "now that he mentions it, he DOES kinda look like a she, I reckon!"  
"That kid's got SOME lip, tellin' the truth to Crowler like that, right, huh, Chazz, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.  
"GRRRRR…" Chazz punched his friends in the faces! "SHUT YOUR FACES ABOUT HER!" Chazz unintelligibly screamed. _Nobody talks about my mum like that…_

Crowler tapped a weird deck-holding mechanism strapped to its chest and chanted, "Duel Vest, on," gracefully removing five cards from its deck of cards.  
"Hey, that's pretty elegantly unnecessary, Ms. Crowler, but how do I get one of those mad-slick duel blazers?" Jaden asked, interested in its signature blue Duel Coat.  
"Oh, it only takes an extreme amount of effort, extremely high marks, and… how do you children say it… Mad Dueling Skills. Yes," Crowler answered after much thought, "but of course, first you must GET into Duel Academy, and I'm here to make sure that won't be happening!"  
"Well hey, if I beat you, then I'll show MAH Mad Duelin' Skills!" Jaden figured! "Thanks for the head-start, teach!"  
"Oh, I'm SO going to enjoy this," Crowler groaned, internally bursting a blood vessel.  
"DUEL!" both parties exclaimed, for that is how you begin a card game. (Jaden Yuki: 4000 Life Points, Velian Crowler: 4000 Life Points)

"HERE GOES!" Jaden drew his starting hand with intense effort. His hand was made up of the cards Elemental Hero Avian, Monster Reborn, Draining Shield, Hero Signal, Polymerization, and The Warrior Returning Alive, whatever THAT all means. "Sweet, yo! I'm gonna summon Elemental Hero Avian in Defense Mode!"  
"Hmph!" yelled a man in an embarrassing green winged jumpsuit, complete with a wimpy clawed glove, leaping onto the field from a virtually-summoned card image. Crowler stared at it with a combination of disgust and hilarity. (Elemental Hero Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"I'll also _throw-down_ a _face-down,_" Jaden snickered, setting his Draining Shield Trap card. What does THAT do, you may ask? Well, stay tuned!  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Alright, **get your game on—**"  
"BOO," someone said.

"Yes, very good," Crowler complimented with lies. "_Just don't tell me what to do, child._"  
"Say something?"  
"No," Crowler answered. "_Ha ha ha ha ha. Also, since I'm using my own deck as opposed to those infinitely useless test decks, __I'LL__ be calling __ALL__ the shots!_"  
"Oh, that's cool!"  
"Shut up, Mr. Yucky." Crowler drew its next card, adding a second Statue of the Wicked card into its hand, also constructed of the aforementioned card, Confiscation, Heavy Storm, Ancient Gear Golem and Emes the Infinity, though to be fair the last one was there due to a lack of sense on the animator's part. "_I'll fail this little upstart and send him home,_" Crowler reassured itself.  
"Okay, whatever 'ya say, teach!" Jaden laughed! "Man, she is SUCH a riot."

Crowler frowned. "Well then, enough with the '_comedy_'. I think I'll start off nice and easy with my Spell card: Confiscation!" Crowler announced in a grandiose fashion. As it held the card up, an intense psychedelic background and accompanying guitar riff explained HOW dangerous this was!  
"Okay, so what's it do?" Jaden asked. (Crowler: 3000 Life Points) "Wow, you have such dumb cards, Ms. Crowler! That's what makes you funny!"  
"IDIOT!" some guy yelled.  
"What it does is give ME the chance to peek at YOUR hand and toss one of YOUR cards into the GRAVEYARD!" Crowler informed. Holograms of Jaden's cards instantly floated in front of Crowler's face with a rainbow-themed background for no reason. "Oh yes, I remember some of these cards from your dad."  
"When did you see my dad?" Jaden yelled!  
"Last night! Burned!" Crowler insulted!  
"GAY JOKE!" somebody guessed.  
"I'M NOT A MAN!" Crowler screamed!  
"Yeah, dude, she's a SHE!" Jaden proclaimed radically!  
"YEAH, RIGHT!"  
"Sure showed THAT sucka'!" Jaden believed.

_Why do I even bother making jokes if they always end up like this?_ Crowler asked itself, questioning its life and career choices. "Hmm," Crowler thought loudly, getting back to the task at hand, "which card shall I banish? Eenie meenie miney you." Crowler poked the hologram of Monster Reborn, being some weird blue totem thing. "MONSTER REBORN TO THE GRAVEYARD!" It blew up and the other cards faded, along with their hip digital background.  
"Darn it! The picture exploded!" Jaden lamented! Then after one stern look from Crowler, Jaden got a clue. "Sorry, should'a told me," Jaden apologized, sending his Spell card to the Graveyard.  
"I DID ALREADY. My word, how have you SURVIVED this long, being so STUPID?" Crowler wondered. "_Okay, Crowler, take a deep breath… control yourself…_ Alright then, on with the game. I'll set two cards face-down onto the field." Two large, face-down holograms of cards appeared. "Then I'll activate Heavy Storm, destroying all Spell and Trap cards on the field!" A huge hurricane, filled with a few screaming guys, a house ripped from its foundation, and a delightful cow, stormed the field, ripping away all Spell and Trap cards and eating them up. Which means you'll never know what Draining Shield does or looks like.  
"Whoopsie," Jaden joked, "didja forget you had two Traps?"  
"Now now, you mustn't speak out of turn, young one," Crowler shushed.  
"I ain't in school yet so you ain't the boss o' me, lady! Yet." Suddenly, the field transformed into a dark, twisted holographic land filled with curly clouds! "WOAH! What's up wit' this, yo?" Jaden screamed!  
"NOTHING'S happening," Crowler said sarcastically.  
"Oh, that's good—"  
"NOT YET!"  
"AAH, OH NO! AHH!"Two wiggly golden idols appeared, somewhat demon-snake-ish in appearance!  
"AHHHHH!" the audience shrieked! Over half of the newly-accepted kids, weak of heart and mind, ran away in fear, exiting the building, running back into town, going home, eating dinner, and going to sleep. OR DID THEY…? Nah, half of them were killed in the ensuing trampling.  
"I'm too depressed to run," Syrus sighed, shaking vigorously.  
"Indeed," Bastion sighed.

But Chazz and his buddies commented as well! "I reckon a card THAT strong COULDN'T be in one o' the test decks, Crowler must be usin' her own!" Billy Hills noticed. "I reckon those two Trap cards all turn into a MONSTER CARD when they get destroyed!"  
"She already SAID that, you idiot! Plus, why did you have to describe EVERYTHING? Why don't you kill yourself?" Chazz snapped.  
"Yeah, this is already over, huh, Chazz? No applicant can hope to beat the deck of an expert like Ms. Crowler, huh, Chazz, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson reckoned.  
"Shut up! Stop stating the obvious, you two! Go drown yourself in Kool-Aid!" Chazz growled.  
"Yeah, it's impossible, I reckon, don'cha think, Chazz?"  
"Yeah, whadda ya think, Chazz, huh?"  
"I think that you should both just go do a double suicide and leave me alone!" Chazz yelled!

And again, meanwhile, somewhere afar in the arena...  
"That Crowler's an idiot," some large-breasted blonde girl in a blue uniform announced, "that boy has 'Yu' in his name. EVERYBODY knows about THAT trend. He's practically invincible."  
"You're too soft, Alexis."  
"What are you talking about, Zane?"  
"I just hope we get a chance to see that legendary monster Crowler has stashed away in that deck of his," an older teen boy with DARK-BLUE hair grunted.  
"What does that have to with ANYTHING I just said?" Alexis asked, irritatedly.  
"…" Zane glared at her silently.  
_I so want to make love to him right now,_ Alexis thought, trembling with stereotypical anime female excitement.

Back in 'da Duel Pit…  
"Ready for your next lesson?" taunted Crowler, as its two golden snake-demons wiggled around like wild.  
"You bet!" Jaden cheered. "I can't REMEMBER the last time learning was THIS much fun! Except for Schoolhouse Rock, yo! Now THAT video series was OFF 'da HOOK, y'all."  
"Well I AM quite an excellent teacher. And yet…" It held a single card high into the air, causing it so shine like a star and blind all students unlucky enough to stare directly at it without protection!  
"MY EEEEEEYES!" some kids screeched!  
"Now I sacrifice my two Wicked Statue Tokens to summon the **LEGENDARY** Ancient Gear Golem!" The two tokens exploded into flames in offering as Crowler smacked its shining card onto the Duel Disk Blade! And finally, upon the field appeared a giant, ancient fighting robot, covered in epic rust! It was patterned after a gladiator for some reason.

"There it is," Alexis realized, now surprised having randomly taken the scene again, "he really DOES have a legendary Super Rare card! Why we forgot about it, I don't know, and it's not all THAT special."  
"And I'd say we're about to find out what just MAKES it so legendary," the second of the blue-hairs smirked.  
"It's not legendary."

And so, our hero Jaden stared up at the giant robot in an intense mixture of fear, excitement, and hunger for he had skipped his breakfast!(CURRENT FIELD:  
Jaden: 4000 Life Points; Elemental Hero Avian, DEF Mode (1000)  
Crowler: 3000 Life Points; Ancient Gear Golem, ATK Mode (3000))_  
I really wish I hadn't skipped out on breakfast this mornin', dawg,_ Jaden worried.

TO BE CONCLUDED...

RIGHT NOW!

"Ho ho ho ho ho," Crowler laughed, "I hope you're not TOO scared of my Ancient Gear Golem!"  
"Aw, no way!" Jaden disagreed! "I've ALWAYS wanted to take one of those on!"  
"GASP!" the audience collectively gasped!  
"HE'S A MADMAN!"  
"I'm still blind from earlier. What's happening?"

"Either Jaden's brave or he's an idiot," Syrus bemoaned, "and if he's brave he'll be doing some stupid things throughout my school years, leading towards the deaths of everybody we hold dear, possibly thanks to a cosmic horror or stupid occurrence of the past, making no sense in the end. So I really, really just hope he's just an idiot, don't you, Bastion?"  
"Who're you again?" Bastion asked.

"He's staring down that legendary rare monster like he doesn't have a care in the world!" Zane exclaimed exasperatedly. "I guess the youth and inexperience have their use after all, huh Alexis?"  
"What are you talking about, Zane?" Alexis asked. "He's probably never even seen one of those before today. Look." Alexis leaned out toward the Dueling masses down below. "HEY, HAVE YOU EVEN _HEARD_ OF ONE OF THOSE BEFORE?"  
"_Uh, no, actually I just wanted to look popular n' fly!_" Jaden explained.  
"Told you."  
"There won't be much left of it to show after this," Zane remarked.  
"…" _Next time, I need to love for the mind, not for the delicious body,_ Alexis decided.

"WAAAAAHAHAHAHA!" Crowler laughed, as if it had just eaten tremendous amounts of sugar! "USE YOUR MECHANIZED MELEE ATTACK!" The comically-oversized gears inside the golem whirred around, causing its large, single eye to GLOW! It propelled its massive robot fist through the air, gathering all the energy in its mechanical frame, and smashed it into Avian's body!  
"Don't worry, I've got'm!" Avian assured. He was completely crushed by the fist, which was twice the size of his own body. "Whoops."

Meanwhile with Syrus for some reason…  
"Aw, Jaden's monster didn't stand a chance! Its Defense Points were way too low! It was hopeless, man, HOPELESS!"  
"And it's about to get worse if you don't shut up, Syrus," Bastion warned.  
"So you DO know my name."

After crashing through Avian's crappy body, the golem's fist continued to fly through the Duel Pit into Jaden! "AAAAAARGH, THE PAIN!" he screamed, being hit! The holographic energy surged through his body and into his Duel Disk, deducting several hundred Life Point's worth of Life Points! (Jaden: 4000 -2000 Life Points) "Stupid special ability causing damage to Defense Position monsters which doesn't normally happen!" Jaden lowered his head down in apparent shame due to the intense 'pain' of the hologram. It came off as terribly dramatic in a bad way.  
"Don't feel bad, kid," Crowler consoled, "this is the top dueling school in the country! Some people…" Jaden looked up and smiled like a funky chimpanzee. "Oh, poop."  
"Hahahaha!" Jaden giggled (?). "I've NEVER been hit by a hologram like THAT before!"  
"Wh…Bu…He… **BUT I JUST HALVED YOUR LIFE POINTS, YOU FOOLISH FOOLY FOOL!**"Crowler shrieked! "CAN'T YOU STOP **LAUGHING** AT **EVERYTHING?** You will NOT be allowed to make a **MOCKERY **of **MY DECK!**"  
"Just keep tellin' yourself that," Jaden sighed, touching his next draw of the game._  
"OOH,"_ his next card said.  
"… WHATTHECRAP. AGAIN." Jaden picked up the WINGED KURIBOH! "Why do ALL my cards keep talking to me? And by that, I just mean Kuriboh and Avian, yo. I'll show YOU what I do to Kuribohs!"

But then, he remembered the immortal words of Yugi: _'Remember to wash your hands before and after every meal.'_  
"Y'know, I'm starting to believe that m'self, Yugi," Jaden muttered.  
"OOH," Winged Kuriboh said, somehow winking from within the card's art.  
"Ew. Don't do that. I'm making you a living sacrifice to the giant death golem, alright?"  
"OOH."  
"Good! I summon Winged Kuriboh, yo, in Attack Mode, yo!"  
"OOH," it said, being summoned. (Winged Kuriboh: 200 Defense Points)  
"Next I'll throw down one face-down," Jaden rhymed, setting a card onto the field.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Now what do you think o' me now, teach?" Jaden asked, winking to the audience.  
"I think you're the biggest idiot I've ever seen or heard of, kid. In fact, you've made me so angry that I won't even feel great after beating you." Crowler pointed to the winged mascot. "Golem, destroy!" The golem crushed Winged Kuriboh, just like Avian.  
_Oh yeah, he's dead!_ Jaden thought victoriously. _THAT'LL show'm! _(Jaden: 2000 Life Points)

"So, what's wrong with your Duel Disk?" Crowler asked, confused. "The Life Point logo should have appeared by now, signifying your defeat."  
"Check it out." Jaden pointed to the Golem, who was retracting its fist, rather than smacking Jaden violently. "The only saving grace of that damn Kuriboh is that the turn he's destroyed, I take ZERO damage! Take 'DAT!"  
"THAT'S ALMOST AS BAD AS YOUR ACCENT!" Crowler screamed, attempting to rip out its hair!

But hold on, because it's time for another pointless scene with that Zane-and-Alexis-combo…  
"I told you," Alexis chuckled, "that 'Yu' guy's goin' places. He should thank his parents, because otherwise he'd have no talent." Sadly for her, though, her friend/lover was too busy 'secretly' scratching plaque off his teeth to notice "Why do I bother…?"

"… Grr… fine. So your lame little monster managed to save you this turn," Crowler said, regaining composure and the star spot, "but you won't be so lucky NEXT time!"  
"Hold up, teach! Teachers aren't ALLOWED to say 'lame'! It's too cool for them! So step off, yo!"  
"Oh, well I'm sorry," Crowler apologized seriously.  
"You SHOULD be!" Jaden scoffed. "I activate my Trap card, Hero Signal!" His Hero Signal card, lying dormant previously as a face-down trap card, flipped up and revealed a cityscape with an 'H'-themed Bat-Signal!" The card fired a large, flying 'H' into the air!"  
"Oh no, not an 'H'!" Crowler gasped!  
"And when I play this after you beat one o' my monsters, it brings out Elemental Hero, including my second of the day! Elemental Hero Burstinatrix, arise!" Jaden whipped out a red-clad lady in a jumpsuit, covering pretty much the least skin they could have settled for. Many people gasped. "Whoops, THAT'S not the censored version!" He put it away and pulled out the 4Kid's version, covering everything! A raging flame appeared in front of its summoner as many spectators booed Jaden.  
"Argh!" Crowler recoiled!  
"Yah!" the monster yelled as she leaped out of the flames! She was now appropriate for the idiotic American industry. (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points, 800 Defense Points)  
"BurstINATRIX? THAT'S not an appropriate name!" Crowler screamed!

"But it doesn't stand for 'dominatrix'," Syrus corrected from his seat, "the suffix means 'woman'. I wish people would do their research, or stay in school and whatnot, instead of stealing and murdering." Bastion shot him a dirty glance.

"My turn!" Jaden's newly-drawn card was covered in a few dozen skyscrapers and a full moon. Was it to be the game-winner? _OBVIOUSLY YES._ "Alright Winged Kuriboh! Thanks for saving me one turn, you stupid filler, you! Here goes nuthin'!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"First, I return Avian to my hand from the Graveyard discard pile-type thing with The Warrior Returning Alive!" Avian staggered back from the grave, covered in arrows and blood, then shone with intense light, blowing it all away!  
"_**AND I LIVE!**_" Avian announced! He staggered into Jaden's hand and faded away, being a hologram and such. Then Jaden pulled out one SPECIAL card; the one you will NEVER STOP SEEING. "Now I'll fuse him and Dominatrix… I mean, BURSTinatrix…"  
"COULD YOU BE ANY MORE OBVIOUS WITH YOUR PUNS?"  
"Quiet, nameless audience member #42! Now I'll activate the Spell card Polymerization!"

Jaden threw one of his Spell cards away to the Graveyard/discard pile slot in the Duel Disk, summoning a swirling portal of blue energy to the field. Avian and Burstinatix both flew into the void from Jaden's hand, disappearing within the spiraling dimension of kewlness. Then the portal faded into pixie dust and started to re-form itself… as a green, creature-like man, with one wing and one dragon head for a right arm. He stood at around eight feet-tall, serving as the only good thing to come from this series as of yet.

"HE'S ELEMENTAL HERO FLAME WINGMAN, Y'ALL!" Jaden announced! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points) "I hope your Golem's ready to die a violent, flaming death! Yeah!"  
"You've fought valiantly, I do admit… somewhat…" Crowler acknowledged, "But next time, young boy, you may want to do something less stupid."

"What's he mean?" Syrus asked.  
"Flame Wingman's only got twenty-one-hundred Attack Points, while that Golem of Crowler's has got three-thousand Attack Points, meaning that Jaden's still losing. But if Jaden's Flame Wingman WERE to defeat a monster, he would deal extra damage to the owner equal to the ORIGINAL Attack Points of the destroyed monster," Bastion explained simply.  
"… You lost me there, Bastion. As far as I can see, Jaden's going to lose this next turn. Then he'll be forced out of the school, only to try again next year, over and over again rather than getting a real education, forcing him to live in the streets until he dies of starvation. Game over, man, game over."  
"That's nice. Weirdo." Bastion scooted away from the strange young boy.

"Alright young scholar, I don't mean to rush you but I AM a busy lady. Are you done yet?" Crowler rushed.  
"Do you think I'm really that stupid?" Jaden asked.  
"I'll try to refrain from answering that."  
"Well I don't care, 'cause I'm usin' the Field Spell card Skyscraper!" Jaden tossed the cool building-filled card onto his Duel Disk, summoning tall pointy structures all around the field, and even making a fat moon take up the background, assisted by a starry night! (Note: You cannot see stars at night in the city usually.) In a hilarious juxtaposition, the Ancient Gear Golem stood in the middle of the city, as if it were a raging kaiju from a monster film, while the winged hero leaped to the top of the tallest and pointiest building in the city. "Flame Wingman, show her why I deserve to go to them schools to get my edjumacation! Use Skydive Scorcher!"  
"Bring it on!" it invited smugly! "Your silly little Skyscraper field card hasn't lowered my Golem's Attack Points at all!"  
"You're right, teach," Jaden agreed, "but my Field card was made to INCREASE the Attack Points of ANY Elemental Hero, while attacking, by _ONE-THOUSAAAAAND!_"

"O-O-O-ONE-THOUSAND?" Crowler screamed, flailing about unimpressively! "**THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!**" The amazing hero man flew several meters up into the sky and held is dragon-arm outward. Then dropping down into the golem at super-high speed, it engulfed itself in flames, melting the monstrosity as it was touched, allowing for a great and fun injury. The golem's chest melted as if butter spread onto an empassioned boy's dreams, and allowed the mysterious man entry into all of its important ancient golem parts! He went about, tapping every visible item available, causing the overly rusted metal to break away into rust-dust! Superancient electricity sprayed about from its ruined batteries, spreading across all its hardwares and displaying error messages on each two-thousand year old monitor screen! They all broke immediately afterwards. The mammoth structure of the legend started to sway and fall to pieces. Satisfied, the Flame Wingman punched the head away and flew out of the neck orifice.  
"**Noooooooooo!**" Crowler worried in an overly humiliating way, shimmying about like a worm!  
"GASP!" gasped the audience, though they honestly should have seen it coming!

"_NOOOOO! This cannot BEEEE!_ _My very_… best… card… ow." Crowler was shut up as the massive robot hologram came crashing down upon its skull.  
"Oh yeah, and my super hero's super power?" Jaden snickered. "It causes your Golem's Attack Points to be deducted from your Life Points!"  
"_Oh screw you,_" Crowler muffled-ly growled from underneath the hulking hologram. And so, Crowler was finally killed. (Crowler: 3000 - 0 Life Points, Game Over) Then the golem, the city and all the other holograms faded away into obscurity once again, and Crowler got better.

The guitar BGM played a happy, peppy tune to signify everything was slightly less bad! "That's game!" Jaden winked!  
"BOO!" somebody yelled.  
"Who keeps doing that?"  
As the holograms all faded away, Crowler slowly rose to its feet. "Impossible. I was defeated... in a trading card game?"  
"HUH, WOW!" Deep-Voice Dobbson exclaimed!  
"WOW, I RECKON!" Billy Hills exclaimed!  
"It must be dumb luck, there's no way some flunky with a great deck could beat Ms. Crowler!" Chazz shivered in fear!  
"I knew it." Alexis acknowledged. "Told ya, huh, Zane…what?" Mr. Darkblue walked away rudely. What a jerk. "He's still hot," Alexis shrugged.  
"I was wrong! I love being wrong!" Syrus cheered!  
"I could use some competition here. Besides everybody else at this school," self-corrected Bastion.  
"I made the academy!" Jaden screamed in happiness as he leaped around stupidly. "Ha ha! Yeah, bisshies! Woooo!"  
"Yay," cheered the audience. Jaden removed Winged Kuriboh from his deck and stared at it. "You're gonna be the best meat shield ever."  
"OOH," it winked.  
And thus, the credits were ushered in on our hopeless main character. It is highly suggested. [.com/watch?v=Qq6mnC2GeuQ]

[COMMENTARY]

Hi, to the hundreds of millyuns of you who have not yet met me, I am Weather Report, author of crappy fiction…? Well, that's your decision. Thank you for reading this product of my boredom, and I assure you that I won't be abandoning my fic… unlike SOME people out there.

But before you give me any flak about it, do NOT compare this to any version Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged. If you do, I will slap you and then probably cry thanks to the huge divide in quality between us... And in addition, if I make any jokes in the future pertaining to something done on said popular YGO web show, it was either done on accident or with intense caution. PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE THE SERIES AND I MADE A MISTAKE.

EDIT:  
Seeing as I've evolved as an author over the course of writing this thing, I'd say this pilot is pretty alright. It's not nearly as great as later chapters, but you can tell I tried. The duel was mostly boring, but maybe some of you thought it was alright. Remember everybody you've seen in this episode, other than the nasally man and anybody without an unofficial name. THEY MATTER, REST ASSURED.

Also I hate how the scene had to switch every three seconds, but hey, if you're using terrible source material, what could you expect? Me: out. You: enjoy, please.

LAST EDIT:  
12/17/10


	2. Episode 2: Welcome to Duel Academy

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode Two: Welcome to Duel Academy

The loud engine of a 'choppah could be heard as a bunch of people approached a diabolical volcano on a random island, in, well, a helicopter. "_Attention new Duel Academy students…_" a raspy mechanical voice began over the intercom.  
"What? I can't hear you!" somebody voice yelled.  
"_If you haven't gone deaf already, you would have realized we are approaching your new home away from home,"_ the raspy voice continued.  
"What! In a volcano!" someone yelled.  
"I can't hear you;" another person explained, "everybody's deaf!"  
"What?"  
"_Now now, I know you're excited, but don't shout. And for your information, a volcano is a perfectly safe place to live_," the com lied.  
"I wanna go home!" someone yelled.  
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"  
"Huh?"

"_Tighten your seat belts and adjust your seats into an upright position, because we're about to land on Academy Island!_" the irritating voice exclaimed.  
The helicopter strafed downward, causing everybody to hit their heads on the ceiling. They crash-landed into a large, dome-looking building, punctuated with large brownish obelisks outside of the building for no reason. Atop the dome were some other domes, colored (in ascending order:) red, yellow, blue and white. Around the island were some large dormitory buildings and even a shipping port. AND AN ACTIVE VOLCANO, SPEWING ASH EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY.

So where we'd left off, the helicopter had crashed into a large dueling arena and all of the students climbed out of the wreckage. They instinctively surrounded a massive jumbo-tron-looking thing screen held high above any mere mortal. The students were all wearing their academy-issued jackets, colored red, yellow or blue. It was apparently important. The screen broadcast the letters 'DA', printed in a fancy font. It stood for something. Ignoring that, it suddenly announced "ALL STUDENTS, PLEASE FORM A SINGLE CROWD IN ORDER OF COLOR RANK." The hundreds of idiot kids just sat there, staring straight up at the screen. "HEY… eh, well good enough."  
"Good… now if I get led to my untimely and bloody death, I won't have to worry about by clothes getting bloodstained…" Syrus said, admiring his new red coat.  
"Silly kid, if you die, you won't HAVE to worry about your clothes!" some guy assured.  
"Huh?" Syrus turned his head to face this mysterious character, causing the guy who just spoke to be stabbed in the eye by Syrus's wacky hair and fall to the ground.  
"AAAAAAUGH, AHH, AAAAAAHH!" he screamed, rolling on the floor, bleeding profusely.  
"Why can't **I** get poked in the eye and bleed profusely? I deserve it, after all..." Syrus muttered.

Suddenly the screen changed to reveal a bald person in another red-colored uniform, apparently trying to mock all pre-conceived conventions of skill at this 'school', and he held the world record for 'best goatee'.  
"Good morning," he said. Several people went, well…  
"_**Le Gasp!**_" The collective gasp resonated throughout the crowd. Suddenly, Someone Jones pulled a jar into the air and closed it quickly.  
"Yes! The ultra-rare limited-edition 'Le Gasp' gasp is mine!" Someone Jones announced. Several people stared at him. "Well anyways, my name is Someone Jones. Good to meet you," he shrugged, and being a minor character and all, he faded into obscurity.  
"It's Professor Dumbledore!" Random Voice gasped, bringing attention back to the main screen. "But with less of a beard and more baldness. And no glasses. And—"  
"His goatee reminds me of home…" Bastion sighed.  
"I STILL wanna go home!"  
"AND I'M STILL DEAF! WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT GOATEES?"  
"—o and welcome, my students," the Dumbledore/goatee/computer virus continued.  
"No! You minor characters made us miss the start of his boring speech!" Alexis screamed in anger.  
"…named Chancellor Shepherd, or Master, if you'd prefer it, _heh heh_, and _**YOU!**_" He paused to point at a snoring Jaden. "... are the brightest and best group of duelists in the world."  
"SNORE!" Jaden literally snored as he stood, much to the delight of the children."Now please, get yourself settled in at your colorfully-assigned dorms. I think you'll find them quite comfortable, depending on how you're ranked, of course… huhuhuhahahahaha..." The kids grimaced at his evil cackle.

TWO! MINUTES! LATER!  
Jaden and Syrus were soon outside, sitting on one of many giant rock/slab things in front of the building, both holding YugiNavis™ (little hand held Duel cell phones, yo, if you couldn't tell from Crowler's). The stones had no purpose in anything, except for filling empty space.  
"Well, I don't know about you Sy, but I'm in the Slifer Red dorm," Jaden announced.  
"That's sad! Same as me!" 'Sy' replied, wiping his tears with his coat. Bastion casually walked by in yellow, hoping nobody would bully him._  
As long as I don't say anything, they'll ignore me,_ Bastion told himself.  
"Hey Bastion? You in red, too?" Jaden called.  
"AAH!" Bastion ran away. He soon peeked out from behind one of the many rock/slab things with a wry smile. Stepping back into sight, he felt like being superior for a moment. "Er, well, let's see here." He began inspecting his canary yellow uniform. "Yellow sleeves, yellow buttons… I don't think so," he replied. "Better luck next year, I suppose?"  
"Oh! I get it, that's why Sy and I are in **red** dorm," Jaden said, suddenly being smart for once. "It's because we're wearing **RED**!"  
"Now you're just not paying attention," Syrus sighed.

"Please don't tell me you just figured that out just now…" Bastion sighed. _Is he colorblind or something?_ he wondered.  
"What, you thinkin' I'm colorblind or somethin', now? THE HELL IS **YOUR** PROBLEM?" Jaden shouted with sudden rage. _How did he know?_ Bastion wondered._  
I hope nobody realizes that I have to use eye-drops_, Jaden worried, _or else I'll be bullied for not understanding the concept of green! Kids are cruel._  
"Uhh… no actually, I didn't think you were colorblind… erm… b-boo?" Bastion stammered. He looked around and saw a fat kid. "Oh! Theeere's that boy! Well then, I'd better be getting the hell out of this conversation!" He began suspiciously tip-toeing toward the boy.  
"No, but I could have been," Jaden said with a worried chuckle. "**See you around the dorms!**" he shouted, waving crazily.  
"EEEK!" Bastion shrieked, and he darted off like a frightened bunny. Tears flowed freely from his eyes. _He's a madman!_ he told himself. _YOU JUST CAN'T STOP THIS KID!_

"I doubt we'll be seeing HIM around much, since our dorm's over there…" Syrus's voice drifted. Jaden looked up from his YugiNavi™, and saw a crap-building-thing with a red roof.  
"So THAT'S where it is! Teleport power!" Jaden shouted, striking a dumb pose. And he and Syrus were on the deck of a cream-colored, two –story structure with a red roof.  
"Wow, how'd you do that? Anyways," Syrus frowned, avoiding the subject, "this isn't a dorm, it's like one of those outhouse thingies. Only it has a second floor, for the stuff that can't be avoided. Like us. I'm saying we're disgustingly useless, because I'm like that. Oh well, at least our bodies will be intact if the building topples and we fall to our untimely deaths." Syrus sighed, staring at the nearby cliffs overlooking the sea. "Yes, it's brilliant to place a weak structure over a cliff."  
"Hey! Check out the view! It's sweet!" Jaden waved out over the ocean, drawing a seabird's attention. "Hey seagull! Wha'chu lookin' at? Hey… yeargh! Help!" Jaden screamed. Splattering noises could be heard from his direction. Syrus opened a door with a key he'd found under a helpful placemat. Jaden followed him in, now wearing blood stains on his uniform, whilst holding the seagull he'd just beheaded to save his skin. He looked at it and threw it behind his back.

"Kinda small, huh?" Syrus asked weakly.  
"Hey, you're tiny; you'll never grow, yo! It's me we need to worry about!" Jaden laughed! "I'm going through puberty and I'm living in THIS palace! And for our first year here! I'll be crushin' myself to death, yo! Aha-ha-haaa!" Jaden laughed moronically. Nobody could tell what he was saying.  
"It's weird isn't it, meeting at the entrance exams, and now we're roommates?" Syrus supposed, mustering all the enthusiasm he had. "You think we were connected to each other in some ancient life, Jaden? Like some convoluted Egyptian legends or something that's dictating our future? "  
"No offense, but that's just lame," Jaden said, bemused. "How could THAT happen a SECOND time?"  
"B-b-but it could be true!" Syrus bawled.  
"Forget it! They broke the molds when they made the two of us, yo. One totally rad, the other really uncomfortable to talk to," Jaden continued, ready for a duel to the death. Of wit.  
"Yeah… but for some reason that hurt..." Syrus sighed.  
"We're going to have to work on that confidence, but first, let's work on this sweet pad!" The brown-haired freak walked up to the curtains, which were pulled shut currently.  
"I'm an emo-sadsack! I'm not supposed to-" Syrus protested as Jaden shamelessly ripped the curtains open. LIGHT FLOODED FORTH!

"ROOOOOOOOOOOOAR!" something roared! "THOSE WERE CLOSED FOR A REASOOOOON!" Said thing had a low and very annoyed-sounding voice, reminiscent of a menacing koala bear.  
"Sorr-" Syrus began, but was rudely interrupted by Jaden.  
"Sorry, we didn't see you up there…"  
"Well, can you see me now!" da' thing shouted as it stood, and it was, as it turned out, a large koala bear on the top bunk of their new bunk bed they'd ignored! "**ROOOOOOOOOAR!**" the koala bear bellowed again, and Jaden and Syrus hugged each other in abject terror!  
"WAAHAHAAAAAAAGH!"  
"I always loved you as a brother, Syrus!" Jaden wept.  
"That's disturbing!" Syrus explained, for no good reason.  
"Stop screaming! Who are you and what are you doing in my room?" the koala demanded.  
"You're… NOT a koala and can think rationally?" Syrus asked.  
"For now," answered the bear-like terror. Jaden and Syrus gave a sigh of relief.

"Oh, sorry. My name's Jaden Yuki," Jaden introduced, rubbing the back of his head. "I sure am happy you're not eating us yet."  
"Yeah, I'm Syrus," Syrus said, looking to his feet in fear. "I do… Syrus stuff."  
"We're your new roommates!" The koala grunted and rolled around in his bed in understanding.  
"You're new, alright, so let me tell you how things work here," the beast graciously decided.  
"Oh, I know how things work. You duel and they give you a color. Like we're Red for Red-Hot Awesome!" Jaden shouted, punching the air.  
"No, we're red for blood-red. Or hemorrhoid-red… " Syrus said, shuddering, but all he got in response was a look of disgust.  
"Uhh... you need to know how the color thing works. That's more important than anything," the koala reminded.  
"But we-"  
"_SHHH!"_ Syrus ordered. "_Haven't you seen those koala scars on television? Don't interrupt him, before he decides to rend your face!"_ He stopped mid-word when he thought of koala-scars he'd seen on television and the koala's glistening, sharp teeth. He never wanted to see anything like that TV movie again. "...IGNORE ME!" Jaden shouted, as he sank under the bed.

"You got three different kinds of students here." The koala kid pulled out three large posters from behind his back and slapped 'em flat. The first one had a picture of Zane Truesdale standing in front of a castle. "There's Obelisk Blue students…" the koala began, taking out a second poster. This one featured Bastion in front of a mansion of some sort. "Then there's Ra Yellow students…" the koala continued, and he prepared the final poster. This one showed Jaden sitting on a cliff in front of the new tool shed they lived in. "And here, in the Slifer Toolshed, are us the lowest of the low."  
"How am I on that poster when I just got here, yo?" asked Jaden, curiously.  
"Why do you carry posters of the new students?" Syrus brought up.  
"I have no excuse. The blues are the highest ranked students. Some kids are in there because they're great, others because they're rich. Or they bribed the producers or manga-ka. Whichever works. Yellows are the second-highest. Mostly because they're the younger students with a lot of potential, even Bastion. Who cares if he has an IQ of 42? He SURE can duel a tie match!" The koala paused for a second.

He pulled out his 'Dramatic Voice' gag medicine and gulped it down, and in a hammy, deep voice, he stated, "AND THEN, THERE IS US… The Red Wonders."  
"They should gave called us the Blood Reds!" Syrus protested. "It stands for my beliefs more that way!"  
"Ooh! Red Wonders! Sounds like a baseball team, yo!" Jaden said dreamily. "I gots to order some jerseys!"  
"No, 'Wonders' as in 'I wonder how these blunders even got this far'," the koala groaned, and Jaden's face lit up.  
"That rhymed!" he exclaimed happily.  
"That pun was just as useless as I am…" Syrus mused.  
"Look, we're bottom of the barrel here," the koala began again.  
"Before you go puttin' yourself down like that, why don'cha tell us your name?" Jaden asked.  
"Oh, I'm Koala Ko Ala," the kid said, breaking through all previously-conceived naming conventions. Jaden and Syrus stared at each other for a moment.  
"R-really? You're sure you aren't… Chumley… or anything of the sort?"  
"Yeah, I'm Koala Ko Ala. Why can't you just accept it?" Koala Ko Ala asked. Jaden and Syrus turned around and walked out the door. "WHY DO THEY ALL DO THAT?"

Syrus and Jaden trekked outside onto the super-danger cliff overlooking the sea, and Syrus hunched himself up into a ball of depression. "Aww, don't tell me you're still depressed! We just saw the posters! I thought they were pretty tight, myself," Jaden said, annoyed somehow, but Syrus remained hunched up. "I thougt that you WANTED us to get away from that koala guy! So smile, yo!"  
"But Chumley said we're the worst…. and I didn't need another reminder to tell me THAT…" Syrus sighed. Suddenly, an assassin jumped behind Syrus and pulled a knife to his back. "EEEEEEK!"  
"Call him _Koala Ko Ala,_" he muttered menacingly, and he disappeared into the mist just as quickly as he'd appeared. Shrugging it off, they decided to take a walk.  
"Let's walk to forget what just happened there!" Jaden suggested.  
"A-agreed," Syrus shuddered.  
"EEEEH, forget what that koala told you, red's a sweet color!" Jaden said as they trailblazed the dirt road between them and the school, happily as always. "Think about it, where does 'Red Hot' come from? From red, babeh!" Jaden continued. Syrus adjusted his posture and started to smirk. And he was supposed to be emo! He was making progress. "Besides, the year hasn't even started yet! So how can we be the worst?" Jaden continued yet again.

"Yeah! You're Right!" the blue-hair boy cheered! "Red is for **BLOOD! **_Dripping!_ Dead! _Wet!_ I'm like a _murder scene!_ A life just _waitin'_, ripe for the _pluckin'! _Or one of those bottles or vials of blood with HIV in it, right?" Syrus asked, suddenly becoming stranger than usual. He was scary when interested.  
"Hey, I'm no bottle!" Jaden laughed, ignoring the depths of Syrus' morbidness! But suddenly… he smelled something. Hot dogs? No. It smelled like… the scent of a duelist? I don't get it… BUT IT'S ENOUGH FOR JADEN! (Note: never expect Jaden to exhibit this power ever again)"DITCHED!" he shouted, as he started dashing towards the main building, leavin' Syrus in the dust.  
"But... uh... HUH?" Syrus blinked.  
"There's some kind of duel action taking place in there, hurry up!" Jaden called, pickin' up his pace. Within seconds of exaggeratedly fast dashing he'd entered the main school building and passed some janitors cleaning up the helicopter crash site with their mops.  
"Hey! Wait up! How do you know?" Syrus asked, out of breath, instantly standing next to Jaden with no explanation.  
"I just know, it was here. I'm sure of it," Jaden repeated, while Syrus had an uncertain look on his face.  
"How do you know?" Syrus stressed.  
"I just **do.** I'm the main character, so there. I can do that type of stuff. Be quiet and come 'ere," Jaden snapped, and the rest of the journey was in silence. _Idiot. Can't he smell it in the air?_ Jaden asked himself. _Hmm... knowing him, he's got no hope of smelling da' duelin' spirit, yo._ He looked at Syrus, who'd sneezed his own glasses off._  
Maybe I could if the pollen count wasn't about to bring about by super-sensetive allergies… _Syrus thought, putting his tiny spectacles back on.

"Oh! Wow! Cool! "Jaden made random noises of admiration as they finally began looking around the giant Duel Dome, staring at the thousands and thousands of chairs lined up half-way to the ceiling."Radical! Sweet! Off-da-hook, yo! It's so poppin' without the other students inside; you can really get the ESSENCE of these digs in your veins now!"  
"Yeah, no kidding. This stainless place is actually full of deadly chemicals that would kill us in a millisecond, if they got in our veins that is," Syrus remarked, holding his 'Big Book of Deadly Chemicals Within Everyday Objects Volume 5'. Suddenly he noted the sight of two people standing on the arena. "People!" Syrus exclaimed, tugging Jaden's sleeve frantically, dropping his book with a loud 'BANG' sound.  
"Dobbson, I say it'd be awesome to duel here, I reckon!" a great (grating?) voice said.  
"Yeah Billy, it would, huh, Billy, huh?" a deep voice replied.

"Let's find out!" Jaden exclaimed, and ran up to the two boys. The great person had glasses on and looked nothing like a hillbilly, betraying his voice. The deep-voiced one looked about three years too old to be in this school, but maybe he's just good at flunking. Just look at his catchphrase. "Wanna duel?"  
"Don't! If you slip, you'll land on the floor and chomp on your own tongue!" Syrus exclaimed desperately.  
"You're annoying," Jaden chuckled.  
"Hey look, I reckon! Slifer Rejects, I reckon!" the great one laughed.  
"Look at the crest; do 'ya THINK Slifer's up there, huh, kid? This is OBELISK territory, huh, kid, huh?" the deep-voiced person pointed just above the entrance. There was a dead deer's head on a plate stuck to the wall. "Crap, we've gotta replace it, huh, Billy?"_  
THAT'S SLIFER?_ Syrus thought. "Y-y-you know, if all peoples start hunting at the massive rates they do know, the world would be extinct of all animals within less than a hundred years," Syrus sighed, trying to change the subject and avoid conflict.

"Hey! Like I said, let's duel, yo!" Jaden called to the (stupid) people there.  
"Hey! You're a kid, I reckon!" Great-Voiced Person said, bug-eyed.  
"Hey! Chazz, it's that applicant you saw beat Ms. Crowler, huh, Chazz? Huh?" Deep Voiced Person called into the sidelines. Immediately, Chazz appeared! He frowned at the world.  
"Hey! Deep-Voice Dobbson, Billy Hills! SHADDAP! YOUR VOICES INFURIATE ME!" Chazz screamed.  
"Hi! My name's Jaden!" Jaden shouted, making cool hand gestures. He slipped over and fell immediately afterwards. "Eh, whassup, Chazz?" he finished, striking a 'gangsta' pose from the ground.  
"Hey, that's Chazz Princeton. Top Duelist at Prince Dueling School. He's gonna be the next King of Games! Top Duelist in the World! You can't just talk to HIM like THAT! IreckonhuhChazzhuh!" Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson declared, in startling synchronosity.  
"Impossible," Jaden grunted, folding his arms. Deep Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills collapsed onto the floor, dead inside. "You see, I'm tops! The cat's meow! Totally tits!" Jaden finished. He rushed up to where Chazz was and bumped into him. "Can I have my free duel now?" Jaden asked. Chazz snorted and Jaden was blasted back to where he was before via a devastating CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST, an invisible laser eye beam!

"You can't even deflect the Chazzisawesomeenergyblast! I reckon you suck!" Billy Hills guffawed.  
"Yeah, ANYBODY with REAL duel skills can deflect an ENERGY BLAST, huh, Chazz?" DeepVoice Dobbson snickered.  
"CAN IT, YOU VOICE REJECTS!" Chazz screamed. "And you, did 'tits' EVER mean 'cool?'" he continued, stepping down from the sidelines.  
"HUH? Waddaya mean, huh, Chazz?" Dobbson asked. "Don't you know your 80's trivia slang, huh?"  
"Just a lil' bit," Chazz added. "Anyways, I could POSSIBLY offer you a duel, random tits kid. You did beat my mum and her legendary monster, after all. It's gotta take some skill to do that. But seriously, don't try getting all 'hi' in my face anymore. I don't like that."  
"Wait, that weirdo was your MOM?" Jaden gasped.  
"Or, what it was that game just luck?" Chazz smirked. "Only an amateur would talk like THAT."  
"NEVAR! Let's duel, homes!" Jaden screamed.

"Don't!" a feminine lady voice warned. "You don't know this kid's power! He's the unholy union of Crowler's desperation and her bribing Seto Kaiba and the producers to have a son! Sure, he is rich and spoiled, but being spoiled gets you money! For cards!" The current cast turned to face Alexis, entering the scene.  
"Eh, what?" Jaden asked, confused at the quick origin story.  
"A-ALEXIS? This room is off limits! Even during the afternoon!" Chazz screamed. "Unless, y'know, they have a DUEL here, and stuff."  
"Wow, I'm gonna tell the Chancellor you hijacked the Duel Dome this early into the year," Alexis said in a mother-like tone, turning towards the elevator marked 'EXPRESS ELEVATOR TO CHANCELLOR SHEPHERD'S ROOM'.  
"No! I won't get din-din if you do that!" Chazz screamed! "C'mon, idiots! Let's book it!" Everyone but Syrus, Alexis and Jaden screamed and rushed off (well, Jaden took a few steps before realizing his mistake). _NO! NOW THEY ALL KNOW MY SECRET!_ Chazz believed. _I'll make'm keep quiet if it's the last thing I do!_  
"She's haawt," Syrus drooled, staring at her humongous boobs. She was anatomically-incorrect to the point that they were larger than her face. I was uncomfortable.  
"By the way, sorry if Chazz rubbed you the wrong way. Those weirdos can be like that with anyone deemed below them. Mostly Chazz." Alexis turned to leave. "But yeah, don't duel him unless you know what you're getting into. He's better than approximately 80% of the student body, but that can be attributed to nobody in the school knowing how to use Pot of Greed."

"Don't worry, lady. I'll just beat them in a card game, thus robbin' them of all credibility! You don't have to take care of us," Jaden promised.  
"We'll see," she sighed, leaving once and for all.  
"Hey, speaking of not having dinner, it's six o' clock, the universal dinner time hour!" Syrus suddenly realized, pulling Jaden away.  
"Whee!" Jaden laughed. As he fell onto the floor, being pulled through all the muck on the floor, passing Alexis.  
"What's your name again?" he asked. _Woah! That's a short Japanese-style schoolgirl skirt!_ he realized, staring at Alexis closely. _Neat! And yet…_ He felt a burning anger, but toward who was this sexual harassment suit to be filed?  
"Alexis Rhodes," Alexis replied, and with that, she took off to her dormitory.  
"I'm Syrus!" Syrus called.  
"Okay," Alexis learned, uncaring._  
Why does nobody like me?_ Syrus asked himself.

ONE! HOUR! LATER!  
In a mere hour, within the Obelisk castle everyone was drinking fruit cocktails and champagne, Chazz's mum and some other 'haawt' teacher-lady telling everyone 'Don't tell your parents, now!'. There was much drunken partying late into the night.

In the Ra Mansion, everyone was drinking ancient Japanese tea and eating fish. Yeah, they're pretty poor, actually. They were sad.

In the Slifer Toolshed, everyone was starving, only having rice, tuna and curry to eat in incredibly small portions. "Isn't it abuse not to feed us well?" a kid asked. The Headmaster with funny, trademark Yu-Gi-Oh-style hair and spectacles began to speak.  
"Hello, everyone," he greeted, adjusting his red tie and clean white button-up shirt, "My name, which you will not hear again until the next time you see me in class is—"  
Jaden suddenly cried "This stuff's GOOD!" while scoffing down his meal, knocking several unnamed people over from surprise. The large figure of the headmaster towered over him.  
"If someone does not feel like waiting and learning the names of key characters… oh well, let's eat!" the Headmaster decided.  
"YAAAY!" The entire Slifer Red cast of characters held Jaden into the air as tortillas were flung into the sky.  
"B-but wait, I asked 'isn't this abuse?' Why are you ignoring me?"

Meanwhile, Syrus was pouring tea for himself, muttering about how if he spilled the kettle he would have his hand burnt to ashes and all that crap. What an idiot. "Would you like some?" he asked Koala Ko Ala.  
"NYOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Koala Ko Ala roared, evilly! "I already HAVE a Sammich, thank you." He held up a handy Sammich. "Have a chip." He handed Syrus one potato chip.  
"Wow, thanks." Syrus scraped off a few of the many deadly crystals of salt._  
NO! Stop that!_ Syrus' hair ordered through his mind._  
But why, hair? Why?  
Because salt makes chips taste nice, remember?_ his hair assured._  
Well, you are right…  
And tell the koala kid thank you. You need allies. Like Jaden._  
"Uh, th-thanks for the chip?" Syrus thanked. Koala Ko Ala teared up suddenly.  
"OH, THANK YOU, SMALL WEIRD KID! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS I HAVEN'T BEEN IGNORED! WAAAAAAAAGH!" He gave Syrus a bear hug. "Okay, back to the bed." The big kid walked off toward his bed. Syrus gave his hair a thumbs-up.

Minutes later, tired from the partying, Jaden walked into the room and took off his new sombrero and lead Syrus into their dorm room. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HAH HAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Koala Ko Ala wailed from happiness.  
"Damn, tortilla parties really get to people like him," Jaden said. But suddenly, something beeped!  
"BEEBEEBEEP," beeped a thing. Jaden pulled out his YugiNavi™ and a message from Chazz played instantly, somehow.  
"_Duel me. Midnight. Don't tell anyone about me and Alexis. Winner gets loser's best card. Not takin' 'no' for an answer,_" Chazz demanded through the machine. His image blipped out.  
"Him and Alexis? WHATEVER could THAT mean? Bye!" Jaden waved to the kiddies, leaving in a blinding flash.  
"My eyes!" Syrus yelled, recoiling from said flash. Jaden teleported into the arena, followed by Syrus. (He will never exhibit this ability again.)"Why'd you bring ME, too?" Syrus complained, ignored. They saw Chazz and co. sitting on the immense rows of bleachers and seats. "Wait…" Syus looked at his watch. "Oh, great, and we travelled through time as well. Great job, Jaden."  
"Well, well, well. You came. Wait…" Chazz greeted, beginning to walk down from the seats, stepping carefully over row after row of chairs. Suddenly he fell, bouncing off the rows of seats! "ARGH! Ow, oof, eef, ouff, urgh, augh, yow, poopie!" He struggled to his feet upon the hard unforgiving floor while his lackies took to the stairs on either side of the seating area.

"Yeah. So, what is it about you and Alexis?" Jaden asked.  
"You know! That thing!"  
"What thing?"  
"The one that you can't talk about!"  
"…" Jaden stared at him like he was some sort of crazy person._  
Wait… does he even know?_ the black-haired death-spike head pondered. _Oh, crap, he didn't know! _"Uh… never mind, I'm just going to duel you so that I can avenge my mum."  
"That's not the reason YOU told us, huh, Chazz, huh."  
"SHUT UP! Let's see who's the REAL king of games. And have your best card ready, 'cause we're ante-ing up this one," Chazz growled. _Heh heh. I'm gonna give this idiot an illegal Slifer the Sky Dragon card. Heh heh. Irony, _Chazz thought. Yes, he had an illegal Slifer the Sky Dragon card handy. _And he shall NEVER be able to use it in a real duel! Heh, I'm -layered traps are the best.  
Finally! I can get rid of my stupid Winged Kuriboh!_ Jaden decided with an idiot smirk.

"DUEL!" They both shouted, prompting their Duel Disks to turn on and flash a Life Point display. (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Jaden: 4000 Life Points)  
"Reborn Zombie! Defense Mode!" Chazz called, slapping down his card. (Reborn Zombie: 1600 Defense Points)  
"Hey, that was sudden," Jaden stated. "You didn't say whose turn it was, or who got to go first! In fact, screw it. Just screw it all. I'll fold and give you a Winged Kuriboh!"  
"Why would I want that crappy card?" Chazz ordered.  
"But you'd win it if you won—"  
"SHUT UP! I set one card and end," Chazz finished. The Reborn Zombie was a barely-fleshed skeleton, with no eyes and a nice green cloak. He looked quite warm and zombified.  
"**Brains brains brains,**" the Zombie muttered in a spooky voice.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Shut up, Zombie!" Chazz ordered.  
"**Brains…**"

Jaden checked his cards. He drew an Elemental Hero Avian. "OOH," a soft, fluffy voice called from within his deck.  
"Stupid Chazz, not taking my talking useless card," Jaden sighed, sadly. "All it does is give me a free turn! If I use it, then the turn means nothing! And I would've just drawn that next card after him if he weren't in the deck in the first place! WHY do I use him? I ask you! Why? I DON'T NEED NO SCREWED-UP DUMBASS CARD!"  
"What are you raving about?" Chazz asked, irritated.  
"Nothing. But I still use Polymerization!" Jaden's cool fusion portal appeared on standby. The boy pulled two additional monsters from his hand. Can YOU guess what they were? "I fuse Elemental Heroes Avian and Domi… Bursti…" Jaden looked angrily at his cards. "Oh, screw it all!" His two monsters appeared on the field and were pulled into the swirly portal of magic.  
"What's goin' on?" Avian asked. "Wait, woah, WOOOOOAH!"  
"Elemental Hero Flame Wingman, come on out!" Jaden called! The one-winged man came out, dragon head hand at the ready.  
"Ha, loser. You set off my Trap card, Chthonian Polymer! Do your stuff! Wahahahaha!" Chazz laughed. His Trap card flipped up! WOAH! A strange purple aura emitted from the virtual rectangle, which showed some unhappy fat guy getting consumed by evil fire.  
"Watch out, Jaden," a newcomer warned. Alexis came walking into the arena, drawing everybody's attention, most notably Syrus' and Chazz's! The Reborn Zombie shattered into nothingness and the aura washed over Flame Wingman, causing him to teleport onto Chazz's side of the field! Covered in the purple aura, the hues of the Hero's bodily color scheme became much darker and evil-related. Like grey and indigo.

"Heh heh. You fail!" Chazz heh-heh-ed. "Not even Alexis can help you now!"  
"What's that even do? And why'd she just burst in here?" Jaden gasped!  
"I like walking around the Duel Dome," Alexis revealed.  
"Is that all you do?" Syrus asked.  
"Well duh, until my two friend characters get introduced, that's all I CAN do."  
"Well, back to the duel, I just took control of your Hero monster, because you Fusion Summoned him this turn," Chazz explained!  
"Anyways, I can summon another monster according to the Special Summon, though." Jaden said as he made his choice. "Alright then, Elemental Hero Clayman comes in Defense Mode, yo." A large brown fighter appeared, and he was one of the worst ideas I've seen in a while. With large balls of mud for parts, he resembled some sort of MAN of CLAY! (Elemental Hero Clayman: 800 Attack Points, 2000 Defense Points)

"Heh THAT all? You'll NEVER gain Alexis' affection like THAT!" Chazz mocked. _Yeah, that's right. I'm puttin' the blame on him! Now I can cover my tracks and come out un-humiliated!_ Jaden and Alexis looked at each other and shrugged. "I summon Chthonian Soldier!" A grey, Doom™-imp-like knight appeared, growling quietly. (Chthonian Soldier: 1200 Attack Points)  
"He sucks big-time, bro," Jaden pointed out.  
"I'll ignore that! Now, Flame Wingman, use Flame Dragonarm! Chthonian guy, just swing your sword or something," Chazz commanded, pointing to Clayman. The Elemental Hero jumped into the air and burst into flame. He came crashing down arm-first on the soft, squishy man, exploding him. "And don't forget his effect!" Chazz warned!  
"He has an effect?" Jaden gasped, stupidly! The Flame Wingman appeared in front of Jaden in the blink of an eye and gave him a flame-charged holographic uppercut right in the chin! "Ow! Damn you, my own monsteeeeeeer, yo!" (Jaden: 3200 Life Points)

Chthonian Soldier (which looked like some dumb guy in grey armor, nothing special) looked around for a moment. Chazz made a 'go on' motion with his hands. "Who, me?" he asked, in a dumb-guy voice.  
"Go already!" urged Chazz. Finally, the idiot of the group came and cut Jaden with a really normal sword for normal damage. (Jaden: 2000 Life Points)  
"Ow the sword!" Jaden cried!  
"You may have felt like something at home, but in reality, you're worse than an amateur~!" Chazz mocked mockingly. "This game'll be over in just two turns. Trust me. One face-down will end my turn." His hologram appeared, signifying he was done. Jaden cast his gaze downward and began shaking like crazy! "Aww.. What's wrong? Wanna run home, cryin' and suckin' on mama's milk?" Then Chazz got the picture. "Oh no… you're doing the same stupid thing from yesterday!" Jaden was laughing, of course. It's a good thing he almost never does that again, since it's just annoying.  
"Th-this is too fun! I'm losing and I don't even care! Wahahahaha!" he laughed, bringing to mind the image of a dummy. "I'm diggin' this school! I feel as if here, I really CAN get my game on! Yugi must've been onto somethin' with me!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, IDIOT!" Chazz screeched.

"If Jaden didn't have that 'Yu' in his name, he would have lost by now," Alexis said, gravely. "I hope you all realize the name theme we have in this series by now."  
"Somehow, that makes sense when you say it," Chazz realized, eyes shimmering with luv.  
"Elemental Hero Sparkman! Let's go!" Jaden said, 'throwin' down' a card. A man flew out, a SUPER man! The guy made a big fuss of flexing his muscles as the blue and gold armor he wore shone from the powerful electricity he was producing within his hroic frame. (Elemental Hero Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) "Awright, yo! Attack with Static Shockwave!" A large beam of electricity burst out of Elemental Hero Sparkman's outstretched arm. The Chthonian Soldier was shocked, throwing his sword in the air, showing off his bones like in the cartoons and then comically turned to dust. (Chazz: 3600 Life Points) But his sword was left spinning in the air, somehow, even though he didn't throw it or anything, and it flew towards Jaden for some reason, hitting him square in the tummy! "Ow, the hologram!" he grunted! (Jaden: 1600 Life Points)  
"Ha, you didn't even know his special ability? Ha ha, idiot," Chazz jeered. "When I take damage from a battle with him, you take the same amount. Just look at my lead now! Thanks, kid, that turn was pretty much useless. Now may I shut up and go?"  
"Fine then, I set a card and end my turn," Jaden growled, taking things slightly seriously.

"Flamey… Wingy… Guy! Attack before I draw my card!" Chazz ordered. Flame Wingman set his arm on fire and leaped at Sparkman! And yet… a Trap card was activated.  
"Sorry, yo!" Jaden pseudo-apologized.  
"A trap! NOOOOO!" Chazz exclaimed, as if he had never heard of one before. It had a kooky mirror picture on it.  
"Right, it's my Mirror Gate card," Jaden nodded. "So our monsters swap sides because you attacked a Hero of mine. Then through confusing means, YOU take the damage and Flame Wingman becomes mine!"  
"B-but that card doesn't make much sense!" Chazz cried!  
"They both hit mirror images of themselves, and then their attacks bounce back, and they switch factions?" Syrus struggled. "Nope, no sense in that one.  
The two monsters were covered in a golden beam and teleported to the opposing player's side. Then they thought it would be a great idea to hit each other! They grappled like real manly men, pushing each other's arms as hard as they could!

They struggled against each other for but a moment, however, because we know who's stronger. "All right, go Wingman!" Jaden supported, punching the air. Soon the plates of armor on Sparkman's body started to crack open and release electricity, filling the room with bright blue light and causing the scene to look semi-dramatic! He soon he shattered from the sheer manliness of the scene.  
"NOOOOO, IT'S SUCH A CONFUSING CARD!"Chazz screamed in pain. (Chazz: 3100 Life Points)  
"Like I've said before, don't forget Wingman's' super power," Jaden said enthusiastically.  
"IT'S JUST CALLED AN EFFECT, MAYBE AN ABILITY IF YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!" Chazz screamed! The released electricity somehow turned around and headed for Chazz, somehow. It went right through him and caused more pain than a regular hologram should. "YEOWCH!" he yelped. (Chazz: 1500 Life Points)  
"Oh no, now the electricity's gonna hit us too, and eventually the building's electrical system, and all the lights will flicker on and off, and everything will go 'poof', if you catch my drill!" Syrus gasped!  
"That made NO sense…"  
"Well YOU try standing next to an attractive person, and see how YOU explain an explosion!"  
"... Well anyways, nice move, Jaden!" Alexis cheered.

"More like lucky move," Chazz grunted, as he pulled out a Spell card from his hand. "I activate Chthonian Blast! Since my monster was destroyed this turn, one of yours is destroyed as well! Say goodbye!" A small whirlpool OF DEATH! formed underneath Wingman.  
"Err... goodbye?" Jaden bid, confused. Flame Wingman waved as he slowly sank, looking disappointed. "And now, you take damage equal to half of its attack points!" Chazz added.  
"So it IS useful!" Jaden realized!  
"Shaddap!" The whirlpool spat a drop of water at Jaden as it disappeared.  
"Ow, water." (Jaden: 550 Life Points)  
"Now I activate Call of the Haunted!" Chazz shouted, pointing a finger at Jaden. His face-down card flipped up. "It lets me Special Summon one monster from my Graveyard in Attack Mode!" His Chthonian Soldier came up from the ground with no special effects whatsoever, disappointingly. "And now I sacrifice him to special summon Mefist the Infernal General!" A soldier clad in black armor and holding a large trident-like trident appeared on his black horse, which had head armor, which didn't look very helpful, but who knows. (Mefist: 1900 Attack Points) Also the Cthonian Soldier exploded.  
"Not bad," Jaden nodded.  
"'Not bad', heh-heh." Chazz flipped his hand and did a cool 'evil claw' pose with it! "Especially since this card will bring your DOOM! Just try defending yourself, I dare you! I double-dog dare you, bitch!"  
"Never! My 'Yu' will protect me!" Jaden defended! "That lady says so!"  
"I'm a student," Alexis defended.  
"OOH," said you-know-who. Jaden pulled out his card, which was… a Winged Kuriboh.

"Dammit, kid, now I gotta wait NEXT turn for my dramatic comeback!" Jaden cursed.  
"Wait, I hear something," Alexis said, shushing everybody. Footsteps could be heard from the corridors. "WHUZZ GOIN' ON IN THAR?" some man yelled from the hauntingly creepy corridors of the school.  
"G-G-G-RAPIST DISGUISED AS A FACULTY MEMBER!" Syrus screamed, racing off!  
"GUYS! Dustin the Old Copper Man's comin' this way! RUN FOR IT!" Alexis shouted.  
"SCHOOL SECURITY, THEN!" Syrus screamed racing back. "WHAT DO WE DOO-HOO-HOO?"  
"Why should we run?" Jaden asked as the holograms disappeared.  
"The rules of Kaibaland Duel Academy state that no off-hour duels are allowed," Alexis recalled. "Chazz knew that, of course, and let me guess… he **didn't tell you?**" She got 'all up in his face,' as Jaden would say, and stared at him accusingly.  
"You didn't tell us either, so you're hypocritical," Syrus accused.

"Well, well, well, ahem. You lucked out this time," Chazz grunted as he walked off, shaking his blushed expression off. "You won't be so lucky next time, I bet! Muhuhahaha! WOAH!" He tripped over Deep-Voice Dobbson's foot. "The hell're you doing over there, not saying anything for the entire duel?"  
"I dunno, I reckon. We just din't talk, I reckon."  
"Let's get outta here, huh, Chazz, huh!" The trio ran off in a rushed manner.  
"HEY! You said I was about to lose!" Jaden protested, running after them with his Winged Kuriboh held high. "Take my Kuriboh, PLEASE! I don't want hiiiiim!" Defeated, Jaden sulked and put the card back into his deck box. "He just… won't stop… saying 'OOH'…"  
"Jaden, we gotta get out of here or we'll be locked up in the slammer!" Syrus yelled, breaking into a sprint. "And by that, I mean the Chancellor's office."  
"Stoopid..." Jaden moaned as they teleported away for the second and truly final time. I'm sorry I lied to you all. Two black-clad police officers and Dustin the Old Copper Man stepped into the arena, looking for people to lock up. _But everyone had teleported away!_  
"But ah culdda SWORD dere were sum kidsn here," Dustin sadly sighed.  
"Wow, he IS a senile cop!" one of the men laughed.

"Thanks for showing us the teleport-tastic way," Syrus panted as he dragged Jaden.  
"Don't mention it… and please, don't chat me up 'til I feel better about this ordeal."  
"You could give ME the Winged Kuriboh."  
"I said don't talk to me…"  
"Sorry you couldn't finish your duel, I guess," Alexis apologized.  
"Meh. I knew I would win anyway," Jaden knew. "I was just trying to force my Winged Kuriboh on 'dat foo' there a second ago."  
"SO you can talk to her, but not me?"  
"What? Because of your 'Yu'?" asked Alexis.  
"Why're you all ignoring me? I'm Syrus? Remember?"  
"No, because of this!" Jaden grinned, pulling out a Monster Reborn. "The NEXT card on my deck, after Kuriboh."_  
"I activate Monster Reborn!" Jaden would have said, playing his cool mystical card of destiny! Flame Wingman suddenly rose from beyond the grave, better than ever! Just looking at him had caused Mefist the General to explode! His horse scrambled away into the nearby trash can from fear.  
"NOOOOO!" Chazz wailed! Flame Wingman flew into his face and kicked him! "WAAAAAAGH, NOBODY LIKES ME!" (Chazz: 0 Life Points, Game Over)_

"But Flame Wingman can't be Special Summoned from the Graveyard," Alexis said, holding up the card and pointing to the text 'This card cannot be Special Summoned except by Fusion Summon.'  
"But HE didn't know that!" Jaden insisted.  
"You cheating bastard."  
"Sure am!" Jaden jumped on his feet and an off to the Slifer Toolshed. "See ya!"  
"Jaden! You always leave me somewhere! Do you not like me or something?" Syrus sobbed, chasing after him!  
"Could be!"_  
This ended abruptly,_ Alexis thought, watching the two idiots run off. _This sure is gonna be one stupid year…_

[COMMENTARY]

Thank you all for your support, and the support of the YGO Card-Maker forums! Without you all, I'd never have gotten this far into the story! Well, actually a friend on the site wrote this chapter, and I revised it. I originally planned for it to be a story co-written by the both of us, but he couldn't complete chapter at a weekly pace due to personal stuffs, and that's as far as I'll go with that.

Also, did anybody realize that I said I'd update on Mondays? And I put up this one on a Friday? Either that, or I just thought I said that. Either way, in order to keep up a normal schedule, I'll put a new chapter every Friday, just to help ease you into the weekend. Also for those who care, I'm doing the same to my release schedule on the ol' YGO forums, for the people who want to get 12 chapter ahead of the competition.

And thanks again to my friend for the following:

Koala Ko Ala's name

Chazz's mom idea

YugiNavi ™, the product and name

The invention of Someone Jones

EDIT!

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST EDITION OF THIS EPISODE, ACTUALLY I MADE SEVERAL, SEVERAL REVISIONS TO IT AFTER I FIRST POSTED IT HERE AND FOUND OUT THAT IT WAS SHEER CRAP COMPARED TO EVERYTHING ELSE. SOME THINGS WERE BADLY EXPLAINED, SOME THINGS WERE UNFUNNY, AND THERE WAS A lot OF BAD GRAMMAR. I HOPE ANYBODY RE-READING THIS SAYS 'YOU SUCK LESS NOW AND I LOVE YOU FOR FIXING THIS CRAP'. THANK YOU FOR CARING OR NOT.

IN CONTINUATION:

Ah, it's been a long time since coming to the 'Self-Proclaimed Worst Episode Ever'. This is the FOURTH edit you are reading now, and it's all because I couldn't grasp the writing style of myself and my friend yet back then! But now… now it looks… adequate. It's not the best episode, it's not at the bottom of the barrel, but it brings out so many plot elements.

WHO are Alexis' family members? WHY does Syrus' hair talk? WHAT the heck is Mirror Gate supposed to do, really? Tune in to find out.

Last edit: 12/17/10


	3. Episode 3: A Duel in Love

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 3: A Duel in Love

The guitar solo signaled the start of class on "Death-Volcano" Duel Academy Island. "Duel Monster can be grouped into the following classes: Normal, Effect, Ritual, Fusion and Synchro monsters, and Spells and Traps," recited Alexis Rhodes in front of a large class, taught by Ms. Crowler. "Trap Cards, ablah blah blah, Counter blah, blah blah, Spell Cards blah." Every student in the class wasn't paying attention. They just all sat in their chairs, staring at the clock on the shining, pristine, asbestos-filled wall.  
"That was VERY boring, but you still got them all right!" Crowler cheered! "Except for that Synchro mess, they don't exist. I wouldn't expect ANYTHING less of my Blue Obelisk students."  
"So reds and yellows don't matter, huh?" some guy yelled. "RACIST!"  
"And you're a gaycist. Now who has the most distracting hair in the room… you! Syrus Truesdale."  
"Me? But look at Beehive Larry!" Syrus whined! "And Mohawk Jill!"  
"No, they both have interesting, great hair. Your ugly head is MUCH more distracting. Now tell the class what a Field Spell is."  
"A Field Spell is a card that affects the entire field and is a Spell!" Syrus squealed.  
"You're right, I reckon, but since 'yer wearin' red, 'yer AU-TO-MA-TI-CALL-Y WRONG!" Billy Hills laughed. The entire class laughed, even the Slifer Red students!  
"Ha, we're being ridiculed too!" Beehive Larry giggled, with his tall hair and everything.  
"Heh," Chazz said, wholeheartedly.  
"But you just said I was right…"  
"Hmmm…" Bastion studied, around other people wearing yellow, "Why am I not laughing? Did I miss the punchline?"

"Relax, Sy, they're all just racist against giant red dragons and cartoon show producers." Jaden assured.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I think not," Crowler cruelly admitted, "I happen to love big-shot producers with illegal trading cards named after them. Now will somebody NOT wearing red give me the answer? We need to ridicule a Ra Yellow as well."  
"Ha ha ha, I could be next!"  
"This is stupid…" Syrus muttered.  
"Hey, teach," Jaden spoke up, "you really shouldn't make fun of the weakest kids in the school, because I beat you, so we're more powerful than the blues, but weaker than the yellows!"  
"YELLOW RULES!"  
"GRRRRRR!" Crowler proceeded to take out a handkerchief and bite on it for some reason as Jaden showed off his peace signs to the class. "THAT'S IT! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS SLACKER IN MY SCHOOL FOR ANOTHER SECOND!"  
"Teach, you really gotta tell yourself things in your mind."  
"SHUT UP, JADEN… JADEN _YUCKY!_" Nobody laughed at his joke. "But… his last name is 'Yuki', so 'Yucky' and 'Yuki'… AAAARGH! Now will everybody take out your textbooks, and turn to page three." he commanded, instantly calming down.

LATER! THAT! DAY!  
A different teacher was teaching the same group, since they do that teacher-swap thing in Japan. He had a fat cat and weird, Marik hair. He appeared to be the Headmaster of the Slifer Red dorm. "Hello, class," he greeted, stroking his cat, "My name is Professor Lymon Banner. I specialize in some of the lesser-known strategies in Duel Monsters. And even a few that may even be considered… UNNATURAL!"  
"AAAAH!" went the kids.  
Jaden, the only boy in class not scared by his proposition, was very bored. Suddenly, Syrus appeared! "Thanks for earlier, Jaden."  
"What?"  
"When you insulted every blue in the school whilst simultaneously taking all of the yellows up a notch."  
"Oh yeah."  
"Syrus," Mr. Banner called.  
"Yes?"  
"Pick up Garfield for me."  
"Garfield? What an unoriginal name!" Syrus gasped.  
"Too bad."  
Turns out that the cat was rubbing against his leg. "MEOW," the cat meowed, in the voice of Lorenzo Music. Look him up yourself.  
Syrus jumped! "THAT CAT SOUNDS WEIRD!"

Meanwhile, in Crowler's office with a random suit of armor standing inside, it wrote furiously with an old-fashioned quill pen. "How dare that Jaden Yucky make a mockery of me in front of my classroom, then force me to ignore it by teaching children!" Crowler growled. "That'll be the last mistake he makes at this academy." It took the note it wrote and placed it (the note) inside of a letter. Then it creepily applied lipstick and kissed the letter! "Now you're done for! Muhahahahaha!"

Meanwhile again, in another large, domed room, the students were now all in TRACK UNIFORMS! Jaden, surrounded by two random kids, looked around. "If this is a school for card games, then why are we in gym class?" he asked himself. "If we play a luck and strategy based card game, what's the point of training your body, yo?"

And in the locker rooms nearby, Crowler diabolically dashed awkwardly to a locking unit. It began inconspicuously opening every locker (why weren't they locked?) until it gasped in surprise! "Aha!" It had found uniform-quality shoes! "These HAVE to be Jaden's shoes, because NOBODY ELSE wears shoes that look like that! Not in THIS school! With its uniforms and such." Giving a ghastly smile right into the camera, it forced many people watching the show to crap their pants simultaneously. The author's soul snapped in two.

Back in Jaden-place, a bright, happy lady in a similar, purplish track suit (which was oddly tight, making many boys' noses gush fruit juice (yes, 4Kids made me say that)) walked in, and said "My name is Fonda Fontaine, and it is not a name pun! I'm also your gym class instructor for this year! You ready to sweat?" Jaden gulped. _She looks even sexier than Ms. Crowler, and she was ugly!_

"Dammit, why can't the girls gym sign be more noticeable?" Syrus sobbed, running into the boy's locker rooms. He opened a locker. "Stupid Jaden, using my locker!" He pulled Jaden's shoes out of his own locker and a LETTER fell onto the floor! "Gasp! A letter with a kiss on it! What could it be? A suicide note?"

Syrus looked around, then sneaked into a corner where nobody could see him. "I hope I can stop Jaden from killing himself. This letter'll tell me all I need to know. If he dies, then I'll be left alone with that Ko Ala kid, and he'll eat up all the food in the big winter, leaving me and him to duel to the death so that I can eat his flesh, eventually being found out and getting sent to jail for trying to defend myself! Boy I hate winter." He opened the note and read the following transcript;

_'Since the moment I saw you, I've been in love with you._' By now, Syrus was scared of Jaden._  
'Meet me tonight behind the girl's dorm, endearingly, ALEXIS RHODES?_' "**JADEN'S REALLY ALEXIS, AND HAS THE PSYCHIC ABILITY TO UNDERGO SEX-CHANGE SURGERY AND BE IN TWO PLACES AT THE SAME TIME?**" Syrus stumbled backward and fell on his bottom. "I'M IN DESPAIR! I'M IN DESPAIR OVER JADEN'S SEXUAL FETISHES!" Then he thought about it all for a second. "Wait, that one's a girl, so it's okay." Suddenly, he imagined a weird fantasy.

_Girl Jaden was running in a storm of rose petals. "Syyyyyyruuuus…", she sighed, oh so provocatively.  
Syrus ran through the same area, yelling "Female Jaden named Alexis…" The creepy duo caught up with each other in a huge flowery meadow and joined hands. Suddenly her face melted and matched Jaden's features!  
"GAAAAAH!" Syrus screamed!  
"Please be mine," s/he asked softly._

"That was overly creepy," Syrus said, catching his breath.

Later that night at the Slifer Red dorm, more stupid things happened.  
"Hey Sy, the outhouse is all yours." Jaden entered the sadly crappy-looking building, wiping his hair off. "Note to self. Next time, realize there's a SINK before washing your hair, eugh…"  
"Did you say 'Outback Café'?" Koala Ko Ala gasped loudly.  
"Um, no. Where's Syrus?"  
Koala shifted on the bed so that he faced Jaden. "He just left to meet girl Jaden at the Obelisk Blue dorm. He was lookin' MIGHTY pervy."  
"'Pervy'? Syrus' gone through puberty already? He looks eight, man. I wouldn't have guessed."  
"Shouldn't you go rescue him from whatever crap's about to go down?" Koala suggested.  
"Why not you?"  
"I don't wanna."  
"… Jan Ken Pon to decide it?"  
"Okay, but I'd rather play Rock Paper Scissors."

Meanwhile again again, Syrus was rowing across a lake in a random row boat. "I sure am glad that I found that boat wherever it came from again! "Now, I'll go invite female Jaden into a double-suicide, because the true joy of love is finding death together!" he sang! "Ugh, I wish I'd signed up for that rowing class…"

But at that same moment, some guy in crappy discount ninja clothing snapped a lock on the gate to the Obelisk Blue swimming pools! The locks clattered to the floor and it ran in like a really lame secret agent! It dashed expertly from bush to bush, letting no mere mortal eye comprehend its speed… and at the same time, in a huge nearby building…  
"Wanna go to the Obelisk hot springs… I mean, wading pools?"  
"No way, if we go, then the boys'll follow, and everything'll turn to crap in an instant."  
"Hello, girl's dorm? As in, no boys allowed?"  
"Wow, that was stupid of me."  
"I know, right? It's like the script writers wanted this to be painfully obvious!"  
"Quiet, please."

Crowler's face eerily poked out of the bushes. "AHH!" somebody screamed.  
"_This is perfect!_" Crowler announced to the world. "_Jaden will come in looking for Alexis, and then I'll snap a picture of him in the act of walking into a girl's dorm!_" A short animation of this act flashed in its head, and Crowler used a digital camera to capture Jaden on photo!_  
"Oh no not again!"_ Jaden screamed!  
"And then I'll have captured him red-handed, and then… uh, nobody'll like him anymore. Yes. Perfect." Crowler then began to wait…

Several feet away, Syrus's boat landed upon the land and he crawled out, carrying several feet of rope. He dashed through the gate, not caring about anything else in the world! _My suffering is almost over!_

At the same time, in the Obelisk Blue 'wading pool', three female characters sat in the water wearing some painfully-bright blue bathing suits with the 4Kids logo on the stomach. "Can you believe that since we're too far out of Japan's waters, it's against the law to go into hot springs without a swimsuit?"  
"Can you believe how out of place they look?" one girl complained. "This blue is obviously edited in! They just defied all of Japanese tradition!"  
"Why are we talking about this? It's kinda stupid," Alexis reminded. Yes, it was Alexis, a girl with red hair and a girl with black-ish hair! Don't Japanese kids have black hair anymore? Chazz doesn't count. He's too Chazzy. Alexis suddenly left the pool-hot springs.  
"What? What do you mean, this is a stupid conversation?" the red-haired girl, Angry McArgue, yelled.  
"It COULD be, if people cared about it!" the blackish-haired girl, Nancy Wut said for no reason. She's the dumb one! Tee hee.  
"What are you talking about?" Alexis groaned.  
"I don't know! HELP ME!" the red-gal screamed.

Outside, Crowler reared its ugly head again, smiling freakily. Suddenly, it frowned ugily. "Huh?" Syrus walked into the scene, still lugging his rope and shaking some pills.  
"_This is my chance!_" Crowler muttered, garnering the acute senses of a hunter/paparazzi. "_Come on out, let me degrade you with a picture that will disgust all of your friends and such! I've even got my SERIOUS face on; I'm ready for this!_"  
"Girl Jaden? I have sleeping pills to numb the pain of hanging!" Syrus called.  
"HOLY SHNITZEL!" Crowler screamed, bursting out of the bush! "IT'S THAT SLIFER SLACKER THAT ACTUALY KNOWS WHAT A FIELD SPELL DOES!"  
A girl in pink pajamas stepped out into the fray, wiping her eyes from tiredness. "Who is it?" Several other girls rushed out in anger!  
"IT'S A NINJA!" another young lady accused!  
"Get'm!"  
"Oh, no, I'm a kunoichi! I'm a girl ninja!" Crowler defended!  
"Says you!" they countered.  
"Escape!" Crowler leaped into the sea, never to be seen by another human again. "Remember me as a womaaaan…"  
"Oh, and that guy's got blue hair!" somebody noticed.  
"GET'M!"

Syrus stood dully as dozens of girls surrounded him. "If you make a move, I'll down these sleeping pills," he warned, holding up his prescription drugs! Some girls restrained his arms and he dropped his wares! "No, without a rope I can't hang myself and without my pills I can't overdose! My threats are useless! Now I'll be stripped and hung on the walls of the dorm, slowly dying a painful death as the blood drains from my flesh and the birds pluck out my liver, and—"  
"What's the deal, sneaking in here?" Angry McArgue ordered. "And you'd better have a good reason. We just caught a ninja peeking, and we're pretty irate now!"

TWO! MINUTES! LATER!  
Within the dorm crafted from pure gold with a giant-yet-useless fountain in the center of the foyer, Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut tugged Syrus with a rope to Alexis. "A love letter from Alexis? Liar, Alexis has no feelings except for awesome!" Nancy Wut yelled.  
"Yeah, it's right in my pocket. Heh," sniffed Syrus.  
"Um, excuse me, but Alexis isn't stupid; she's the only girl in this show who was given a personality," Angry McArgue stated.  
"But really, here's the note. Please, Alexis, let's die together! I have sleeping pills~" The way Syrus said 'sleeping pills' was very expressive and very disturbing.  
"Um, here, it says my name has a 'J' in it." She pointed to the name 'Ajecsis' on the note. "Alexis isn't spelled with a 'J', genius." Alexis growled.  
"I'm sorry Syrus, but Tuesdays are meant for farming, not killing." Nancy Wut explained.  
"Stop saying such random things, it won't catch on! But so then you DON'T want to commit a double suicide?" Syrus understood.  
"NO."  
"Wait," Angry McArgue pointed out, "This note says 'Specifically for Jaden Yucky, not that kid who knew what a field spell card is'!" She pointed to the words 'Spesifickly for Jaden _**YUCKIE**_ not that kid who knew what a Feld Spell is.' "You're an idiot not to notice how obvious that was!"  
"Now THAT'S depressing! I can't even land a night with GIRL JADEN! Will I EVER be able to live my life, ending in a double suicide with a woman I love?"

"'Girl Jaden'…? Well, sorry Syrus, it really does sound like you believed it." Alexis apologized, utterly blown away by the boy's naivety. "We'll just let you go, seeing as you DID get that freakish ninja to unveil itself to the public, thus doing us a great service as a whole."  
"I don't buy it." Angry McArgue pointed to the boy in a deadly-decisive fashion! "He could've written it up himself, and you know how much I love arguing!"  
"So we need to throw him off the roof because he was doing what men do?" Nancy Wut suggested.  
"But I was tricked in a humiliating fashion! That's unfair!" sobbed Syrus. "I don't wanna die in such a humiliating fashion!"  
"Girls, what on EARTH is going ON down there?" Fonda Fontaine entered the conversation via the balcony in a fluffy robe! "Nobody can sleep with all that ruckus!"

"Uh… Plan D! Plan D!" Nancy Wut called! The trio understood. The three girls awkwardly hid Syrus by sitting on him!  
"We were trying to find out how many people could sit on a single stool!" Alexis assured! "Y'know, craaazy teenager stuff!"  
"This is oddly pleasing!" Syrus whispered.  
"Shut up, chair!" Angry McArgue yelled.  
"Sorry for sitting so loudly!" Alexis apologized.  
"Well, next time you girls should choose a smarter place to do such horribly humiliating acts!" Fontaine ordered, retreating to her quarters.  
"So what now?" Angry asked as they all got off of the faux-chair.  
"I'll tell you what; we'll use Syrus as a type of bait," Alexis said. "Let's find out about what we were talking about earlier."

Earlier that morning…  
"Hey Alexis," Nancy Wut asked, "D'you think that Jaden kid can play well?"  
"I guess so; if I dueled him in an odd situation, I'd really know."

Later that night…  
Alexis smiled in a creepily awesome fashion. "I don't like the looks of this…" Syrus said in response. His eyes began to water. "Please don't tell me you're going to use me as an excuse to play a card game. I don't like being used!"  
"I wonder if this'll get Jaden to show us his real powers…" Alexis wondered.  
"NOOOOOO I WANNA GO HOME…"

As that was going on, within the Slifer Red dorm, Jaden played a video game while playing Jan-Ken-Pon with Koala Ko Ala repeatedly.  
"Jan-Ken-Pon! Jan-Ken-Pon! Jan-Ken-Pon!" Suddenly, Koala Ko Alathrew down something that WASN'T a tie. "JAN-KEN-PON!" He got scissors, thus beating Jaden's paper!  
"NOOOO!" Jaden screamed! "I guess I've got to save Syrus…" Suddenly, his YugiNavi™ beeped! He whipped it out and checked his latest message.  
"_We have your friend, Syrus,_" told a mysteriously deep voice, "_and if you want him back, come to the girls' Obelisk Blue dorms now._"  
"Son of a gun…" Koala Ko Ala gasped. "At least I got to win after a four hundred-game tie match."  
"Oh well, time to go find a random boat!" Jaden tromped out of the room, going to find a boat.

Crowler the Ninja was using a bamboo pipe to breathe through the water as it tread away from the dorm. It sucked in a small swell of water, pressuring it to surface. "BWAHH!" it gasped. "Pfft! Ptuh! Such nasty water! How is anybody supposed to use these things right? Oh wait." It saw another boat crossing the lake with a different idiot inside.  
"Boy, I SURE am glad I just happened to find this boat lying around!" Jaden cheered.  
"What took him so long?"Crowler groaned, quite sarcastically.  
"Too bad Syrus hadn't signed up for that rowing class with me, yo," Jaden sighed. "He'd have loved it!" He rowed the craft onto the shore and was already face-to-face with Alexis and her posse holding Syrus hostage in their sandy clutches!  
"Hi, Jaden."  
"Hey, Syrus, yo! What's goin' on here?" Jaden inquired.  
"I did something stupid, hoping to commit a double-suicide with a secret lover."

"He trespassed into the girl's dorm!" Angry McArgue argued.  
"Is that true, Sy? That's even illin' than trying to make a young woman kill herself!" Jaden cried!  
"You're trespassing now, too, Jaden," Angry McArgue reminded.  
"Yeah, so if you want to leave scot-free, you need to beat me in a card game right now!" Alexis warned!  
"That's even more unfair than trying to stop a kid from entering your school because he's two minutes late, then losing and vowing to ruin his life!" Syrus explained!  
"Don't worry, Sy, I know how to beat a girl!" Jaden warned, cracking his knuckles.  
"WHA?" Syrus gasped!  
"In card games!"  
"Oh. Duh," they all reassured themselves.  
"And in real life."  
"GASP!" everybody gasped!  
"Let's duel, Alexis!" Jaden challenged! There was fire in his eyes!  
"You might wanna get those eyes checked," Alexis suggested.

A few minutes later, Jaden n' the gang were in the two awesome rickety old wooden boats in the middle of the lake, ready to duel! It was stupid, yes, but dangerous as well! "This is a stupid place to play," Syrus mentioned. "While standing on the boat, you could fall and drown, thus ridding the world of your existence forever… and is it true that Alexis is your psychic twin that underwent a sex-change operation?"  
"No, I don't think so," Jaden told him.  
"Okay." The duelists stared each other down, intent in murdering the opposing player in a harmless card game.  
"Well," Crowler noted, in the water, "a Slifer Slacker versus an Obelisk. I wonder how this'll turn out! Heh… oh, wait."  
"Ready?" Alexis asked.  
"Yeah," Jaden answered, "ready for the lowDOWN to throw DOWN the smack-DOWN DOWNtown, Crown Clown."  
"Uh, alright."  
"LET'S DUEL!" they yelled!  
(Jaden Yuki: 4000 Life Points, Alexis Rhodes: 4000 Life Points)  
"Get your game on, Alexis!" Jaden suggested.  
"BOO," someone said.

The onlookers were intent on their own duelists winning so as to revel in the spoils together. Syrus, to save himself and his friend from being put down for sneaking into the girls' dorm… forever. The girls, to… well, actually, they're just assholes. Who cares about them? Alexis pulled her starting cards from her deck, yelling "ALRIGHT!" She'd drawn a lame-looking card with a dancer dancing oddly in the dark. How pathetically lonely. "Etoile Cyber, rise!"  
Some weird lady appeared, spinning like a maniac for no good reason? Suddenly she stopped, revealing that she was in an ugly red and whitish costume, covering her arms with medical bandages!  
"Mhm!" she grunted. (Etoile Cyber: 1200 Attack Points) She hovered above the water because, you know, holograms do that.  
"I'll also place a card face-down and end my turn!" Alexis yelled!  
"Here goes SOMETHING!" Jaden announced.  
"BOO," someone said. He drew a card; Sparkman!  
"Yes," Jaden whispered. "I'll summon the Elemental Hero Sparkman!" A huge blast of electricity shocked the air and Sparkman flew out of it! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)  
"That makes a lot of sense!" Syrus yelled!  
"And now, he'll attack your monster with Static Shockwave! It'll make her hair so frizzy that she'll NEVER get it straight again!"  
"Was that even a legit threat?" Syrus gasped!  
"Hooyah!" Sparkman held out his arm blasted a bolt of lightning at the lady!

"Stop right there! I use my trap card, Double Passe!" Alexis's card flipped up to display a picture of a singular woman dancing under a spotlight, and somehow encouraged the bolts to 'dance' around the lady monster and shocked Alexis' duel disk! "Nnnagh! Uugh!" she grunted in 'pain'. "It tickles…"  
"That was actually pretty satisfying, y'all!" Jaden smiled!  
"My Trap card redirects your attack into a direct attack!" Alexis explained. (Alexis: 2400 Life Points)  
"That was pretty dumb to use," Jaden decided.  
"Then my monster gets to attack YOU!" Alexis hassled!  
"**OHCRAPITMAKESSENSENOW!**"

Etoile Cyber leaped into action, literally! "And also, when my Etoile Cyber attacks, she gains six-hundred Attack Points!" Alexis announced!  
"That's whack!" Jaden gulped!  
"GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Etoile Cyber roared and spun like a hell-bent ballerina, flipping around in a flaming (?) arc! (Etoile Cyber: 1200 - 1800 Attack Points) She approached and kicked Jaden SO hard that he felt nothing, as she was still just a hologram!  
"Aaargh!" (Jaden: 2200 Life Points)  
"Are you alright?" Syrus asked hastily. "Because you should be, since it's a hologram and all."  
"I guess so. Boy, that Alexis is stupid. She COULD have just summoned something stronger than that wimpo-dimpo monster! Then she wouldn't have had to lose those life points!"  
"W-wimpo-dimpo?" Syrus exclaimed!  
"So you're impressed as to how I still managed to summon it and inflict so much damage?" Alexis asked, irked.  
"No, not really. It's just a card game," Jaden truthfully said.  
"Oh, well. Now, where were we?" Alexis drew a crappy Vanilla-colored card focusing on a bald, purple ice skater complete with a large pirate earring! "Meh! I summon Blade Skater!"  
The purple lady appeared and slid onto the water! Sadly she slipped backward stupidly and hit her head, but crawled back up and stood next to the ballerina, holding her head and sniveling! Etoile Cyber handed her a hankie. It was accepted.  
"That's so nice!" Syrus called.

"I now cast Polymerization to fuse my Etoile Cyber and Blade Skater to form…" The two girls combined into a living hurricane, whipping up the water and taking on a lady-like shape!  
"Wait, Polymerization?" Syrus gulped. "Jaden, this MEANS SOMETHING!"  
"Yeah, I know it!" Jaden agreed, tensing his shoulders and grinning so hard it looked stupid! "This is gonna be fun."  
"Cyber Blader, it's been long enough come on out!" ushered Alexis!  
"Here she comes!" Angry McArgue called!  
"I'm hungry," Nancy Wut realized!  
The hurricane ceased movement and dispelled itself! A blue-haired, purple-visored, crimson-costumed ice skater stood on the water, brushing some hair out of her eyes! She had an aura of complete confidence about herself. (Cyber Blader: 2100 Attack Points)

_That's even hotter than Elemental Hero Domi-Burstinatrix – damn it!…_ Jaden thought.  
"Attack Sparkman with Whirlwind Rage!" Alexis commanded! Cyber Blader began spinning around and garnered a gale to cover herself as armor and weaponry… and spun… and spun… and spun… and BLEW THE CYCLONE AT SPARKMAN! He was consumed utterly and completely by the blade-like winds, ripping his body to pieces! It was as if he'd been run over by a steamroller made out of pure unadulterated hatred and knives. Lots of knives. His body evaporated into holographic dust. The remnants of the steamroller-knife-winds brushed past Jaden, decreasing his Life Points.  
"Damn, that was hot…" (Jaden: 1700 Life Points)  
"Jaden, you're weird…" Syrus whimpered.  
"Way to go, Alexis!" Nancy Wut cheered.  
"Yeah, you've got him! Beating Ms. Crowler was just a fluke!" Angry McArgue yelled!  
"Well, it would be my pleasure to prove you wrong, yo!" Jaden said! "My draw!" He drew a new card: a Field spell covered in weird technological lines ahead of a creepy evil dark portal... "Totally tubular, man!" he chuckled!  
"Why do I hang out with you?" Syrus asked.  
" Because I activate the Spell card; Fusion Gate!" Jaden slapped the creepy card into the Field Spell slot on his Duel Disk! "You oughtta like this one, Syrus!"  
"I DON'T LIKE FIELD SPELLS!"

In stark contrast to Syrus's wailing, the guitar riffs in the background of your mind just got radder than ever! "Now, I can Fusion Summon monsters without the use of Polymerization!" He held out two monster cards in an overly dramatic fashion! "Now I fuse these two, Avian and Burstinatrix, to form Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!" The monsters appeared together on the field, slapping each other a high-five!  
"Let's DO this thing!" Avian said as a giant black hellish mouth grew out of the water. "OOOOH MY GOSH, WHAT **IS** THAT?" They were quickly eaten.  
"You killed your own monsters," Syrus stated.  
"Death is just the FIRST part of being reborn!" Jaden told.  
"You're scaring me again."  
"BLUH BLUH," the giant maw sputtered, garnering attention. "BLECH." It caught on fire and exploded as Elemental Hero Flame Wingman broke free, flying into the sky with his one wing! He looked toward the Cyber Blader and shot one more ball of flame from his dragon-shaped arm, striking the big mouth! "I'LL BE GOOD…" it mumbled, fading under the surf. (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)  
"That was… pretty unnecessary," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"Oh," Alexis sighed in an overly sarcastic tone, "it looks like your monster's gonna attack my Cyber Blader, but since they both have equal attack points, they'll just destroy each other! And even IF they both die and you use his 'super power' on me, I'll have one-hundred Life Points left and you'll be open." _Just keep bluffing, just keep bluffing,_ Alexis told herself, staring at her mainly useless hand of cards.

"Blader is one letter away from bladder!" Nancy Wut reminded.  
"Take this, Sarcasm Woman Nancy! I use Kishido Spirit!" Jaden activated a card showing a man in knight armor full of SAMURAI SPIRIT! A large energy pulse was sent through the water. "This card makes it so that my Hero can't be destroyed when he attacks a monster with the same attack points! Plus, I can still inflict that damage against your hot monster!"  
"Wait, 'hot monster'?" Alexis balked.  
"I was… being sarcastic!" Jaden excused! "Now go, Flame Wingman, and attack her Cyber Bladder—sorry, I didn't mean it!" _Now she really hates me, I know it!_ Jaden shed a tear of digital remorse.

Flame Wingman flew through the air and powered up his dragonarm, blasting a torrent of flames at Cyber Blader/Bladder! _What an idiot. Does he even know what sarcasm means?_ Alexis thought. _I mean, he just called Nancy 'Sarcasm Woman'! He IS stupid for a 'Yu'! The viewers will be so upset! _The flames of desire were met head on by the action-skater's palm! The forces of both fighters stood without budging for several seconds. Then, as if they both just said 'Wait, this is stupid.', they stopped and retreated.  
"Whubba-huh?" Jaden exclaimed!  
"It's obvious, Jaden," Alexis said. "My Cyber Bladder can't be destroyed by—gosh dammit, Nancy, why'd you have to say the bladder thing?"  
"I can't help it; you know about my condition!"  
"She can't be destroyed when you only have one monster," Alexis spat. "Ugh. I'm feeling so tired of this crap."  
"Th-then that would mean that…"  
"YES, Jaden, your turn was completely useless!" Alexis finished!  
"That's pretty depressing."  
"Not as depressing as realizing your life is a lie, like earlier."  
"Shut up, Syrus."  
"Yeah, shut up, Syrus."

Alexis drew a new card. "This card's just as situational as your failure card!" She held out an equip card with a black-armored knight with some weird bio-weapon growing out of his arm. It looked painful and disturbing. "I equip my Cyber Bladder…"  
"Just go with it, nobody cares," Angry McArgue explained.  
"I equip Cyber Bladder with Fusion Weapon!" The techno-bladder's arm turned into the same red thing as in the picture and it released a crackling electrical shock. (Cyber Blader: 2100 Attack Points, 1100 Defense Points -3600 Attack Points, 2600 Defense Points)  
"This looks bad to the max!" Jaden cringed!  
"Go, Bladder, and attack Flame Wingman with Trident Shock!" Cyber Bladder aimed her weird arm at Flame Wingman and fired an electrical discharge at him! He took it in the chest, convulsing madly!  
"_**Ooooooow!**_" he growled, just before making an overly dramatic explosion!  
"Argh, the fake smoke's in my eyes!" cried Jaden. (Jaden: 200 Life Points) "You know, you'd have won if you actually SUMMONED another monster!"  
"…Too bad! I can't draw any of them!"  
"If you lose, you're both getting expelled!" Nancy Wut smiled!  
"Shut UP, Nancy!" Angry McArgue yelled!

"That's it, I'm off girls for good! They're jerks!" Syrus groaned! "And boys, too. Zoophilia and a life of being looked upon as a creepy weirdo, here I come."  
"But animals have genders, too, Sy. And man is the MOST DANGEROUS animal!" Jaden announced decisively._  
Damn, if only I had more than two non-tribute monsters in my deck right now. Why'd I even let Nancy Wut touch my stuff?_ Alexis asked herself, staring at the strict lineup of Dark Magicians._  
I_ _wonder why most people don't understand how humans are animals, too! I mean, really,_ Jaden asked himself. He looked at his Fusion Gate card. _Man, that card's useless right now. Seriously, it's not gonna help me win somehow! _He drew… MONSTER REBORN! "Shiny…" He smiled in a depraved manner.  
"Ahh, creepy!" Alexis gasped!

"I summon… Elemental Hero Clayman!" Clayman appeared, made out of heavy clay and stuff! He fell onto the lake… and sank…  
"Help me…" he begged! (Clayman: 800 Attack Points)  
"Next I activate Monster Reborn!" Jaden yelled in confidence! Another raging tornado appeared repetitively and spat Sparkman out into the fray!  
"Why does everything have to jump out of tornadoes in this duel?" Syrus screamed!  
"Uh-oh," Alexis muttered, "He's making a classic Yu-comeback! This won't end well for Cyber Bladder…"  
"I'm sorry, Cyber Bladder, but I have to destroy you! I fuse, with Fusion Gate, Sparkman and Clayman, to form a new hero!" Jaden pointed into the sky and Clayman's wet, moldable body clung to Sparkman! Once combined, they spun around for no explained reason into a malevolent storm!  
"OWM," gulped the giant mystery mouth as it consumed them in their entirety.  
"THAT THING AGAIN?"

A big lightning bolt shocked the creature and released the duo as a new giant hero, covered in bright yellow armor decorated with orbs of electrical force! His holographic arrival shook the lake, sending waves out through the water! "WoOoOaAh!" everybody wailed!  
"Yow!" Crowler exclaimed, rocking about in the rough surf! "I wish I had brought a boat!"  
The large man, in all his yellow glory, crackled with lightning-based energy! "Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!" Jaden shouted! (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)  
"M-my Cyber Bladder still has more Attack Points than him…" Alexis pointlessly argued.  
"Yeah, but Thunder Giant can destroy any monster who started out with less power than him," Jaden said.  
"B-but that means…"  
"Yeah!"  
"What?"  
"Yeah!" Jaden repeated. "I'm sorry my love, but once you die, you shall live on as a part of my heart forever!" Jaden wiped the tears from his eyes!  
"Go, Thunder Giant!"  
"Groar." Thunder Giant obeyed and held his hand above Cyber Bladder as his ELECTRO PLAMS SHOCKED HER INTO OBLIVION!

"_I forgive you…_" she whispered, loudly enough for everyone to hear.  
"And now, Thunder Giant, use Voltic Thunder(in no relation to Elemental Hero Voltic)!" Jaden sent his giant to deal a crushing blow to Alexis' Life Points, ending the game! A blast of volt-y thunder shocked Alexis to the holographic core!  
"Nooooooooooooo." And for some reason, some electricity shocked Crowler as well.  
"THIS ISN'T A GOOD JOOOOOKE!" Oh ho ho, that Crowler! She sure is a hoot. Thank you, source material. Alexis slumped onto the boat, having finally and utterly lost. (Alexis: 0 Life Points, Game Over.)

"Alexis, are you okay?" Angry McArgue worriedly asked.  
"What just happened?" Nancy Wut asked. Nobody was surprised.  
"Hooray, I don't have to get married to a cat now!" Syrus laughed, hugging Jaden!  
"That's creepy, and get off!" Jaden yelled, pushing him away.  
"Sorry."  
Several seconds later, the two boats had been moved closer together to talk about stuff, as if to bring about the end of he episode.  
"Well, Alexis, a deal's a deal, yo." Jaden reminded.  
"Alright, we'll keep your secret for you so that people don't look down on you forever, thus ruining your lives so that nobody will come near you and you'll have to commit zoophilia," Alexis agreed._  
Her mind's so hot,_ Syrus told himself.  
"Well, I say that we be complete jerkasses and turn them in to the eki-in!" Angry McArgue yelled! They stared at her, confused. "Look it up, it's a Japanese thing!"  
"Nobody asked you, and nobody asked because you always argue about stuff!" Alexis yelled back!  
"But Alexis…"  
"It's IN YOUR LAST NAME. We're not STUPID."

"Anyways, that was a cool duel!" Jaden said randomly. "Heh, I rhymed."  
"Heh, you noticed that he fell in love with Cyber Bladder while we were playing?" Nancy Wut revealed. "I'd call that… a DUEL in LOVE! Ha ha!"  
"Aaaanyways," Alexis sighed. Jaden and Syrus both got into optimal rowing positions!  
"Well, see ya, we've got A LOT of rowing to do and we don't like Nancy at this point!" Jaden waved, leaving.  
"Vitamin C you later!" Nancy Wut bade._  
Man, I wish that Nancy would just shut up sometimes,_ Alexis told herself._  
My last name has 'Argue' in it? I've never realized that…_ Angry McArgue noticed._  
Spuds,_ Nancy Wut silently smiled._  
I REALLY wish I'd brought a boat…_ Crowler sadly told itself as it swam back to the school.

[COMMENTARY]

First off, I'd just like to ask all of you… five or so… readers at the time of posting this to, well, ask more people to read this story. I've only got THREE reviews in THREE chapters. To me, that's not enough. If we wanna get this story of 'da ground, yo, we need… we need… NOTORIETY! We gotta get noticed, 'ya know?

Well, onto a chapter discussion, I hope you'll realize that I'll be purposely labeling people I made up by their FULL names whenever I point them out. It's not for any specific reason, it just looks funny. And SPEAKING of made-up characters, we have two people almost as important as Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson, and they don't even have any catchphrases! First off: ANGRY MCARGUE. I named her as such because she was ALWAYS angry for some reason to me in this episode when I watched it. "Why's she always ANGRY? And why does she keep ARGUING?" I asked myself (maybe not literally). And so, the mean, angry person was born of my imagination. And as for Nancy Wut, I hate her, personally. It's SO hard to write for a blithering idiot and make them FUNNY! And so, I figure that I'll never think of anything as funny as 'spuds' again, but she'll still be in our hearts and minds, stressing me out, forever.

Anyways, I had fun with Syrus's breakdown in this episode, I gave him a Zetsubou-Sensei reference, and I thought that all of the jokes concerning him were pretty good. Good…EXCEPT WHEN COMPARED TO CYBER BLADDER! I have NO idea how I came up with that one, but it was a good'n. And speaking of Cyber Bladder, don't think that we'll get to see more of Jaden's love interest much in the future. I'm not going to go into that one, it's too… scary. Anyways, have a good week.

EDIT:

Yow, looks like this is an editing of the commentary. As we see here, I was totally overexcited when first typing this stuff up. Looking back, getting TOO loud and excited looks… like dumb. Yep, looks like dumb. I would like to go back and dull it up, but I'll just throw this stuff in down here.

Also in terms of things I've changed along the way, I fixed several bad mistakes and gave Jaden's Fusion Gate a horrifying secret. Oh boy, I also made thoughts italic! It's horrifying to look back and see myself missing so many things as I 'edited' it the first time. GROWTH POWER!

Anyways, that's it, see you guys. Or not?

LAST EDIT:  
December 17, 2010


	4. Episode 4: Making the Grade

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 4: Making the Grade

The guitar was on vacation today, and replaced by THE NEW YORK SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA! (Imagine it yourself, lazy bums.) The music was loud and exciting, filled with horns and stringed instruments, and the ocean was all abuzz with ADVENTURE! I hope that helped you. "Attention, everyone," some guy said over an intercom to dozens of helicopters, huge ships , submarines and two giant movie monsters, "It's been a long journey and we've lost hundreds of great soldiers to make it this far, but it's all paid off since we're almost there." Some sailors and their captain were standing and pushing buttons and twisting knobs inside the main ship.  
"Look like the goods are all safe," the captain said, weeping with joy. "We made it." He had a briefcase labeled 'DA' in fancy print.  
"But sir," one sailor asked, "Was it really necessary to send out the ENTIRE U.S. Navy for this job—" The captain shot him in the head.  
"Do YOU have anything to say?" he asked the other sailor.  
"Uh…" He was shot as well.  
"NOBODY MESSES WITH TRADING CARD GAMES ON MY SHIP." He pushed the cadavers out of the way and stated manning the ship. He pulled out some sort of intercom device and announced, "Everyone, full steam ahead! This is the moment we've been working for! Waiting for! The moment where Kaibaland Duel Academy gets their new trading card booster packs!"  
The entire Navy joined together in joy and jubilation! They cheered so hard that their hearts were united as one under the hot, summer sun! Even the giant monsters blasted gamma rays into the sky with glee, furthering global warming at an alarming rate!

NOBODY plays around with TRADING CARDS.

Meanwhile, at the Slifer Toolshed, Jaden was sleeping well past his first period of the school day. It was 8:54 AM. "Snore, snore, snore, snore, snore…" he chanted, still asleep. Syrus was sleepily worshipping a poster of a deer by the desk in their room.  
"Please, spirit of the deer head in the Duel Dome, help me pass my exams!" he begged. "I deserve this, especially since Jaden's too loud to sleep around! I feel like I'm going to die of exhaustion or annoyance! PLEASE help me get promoted AWAY from Jaden and his stupid, literal snoring!" Suddenly, a bomb went off! _**BWOOOM!**_

"DAAAAAAH, I'M DYING NOW! Wait…" He walked over to Jaden, still annoying, and noticed his bomb-shaped alarm clock. _**BWOOOM! BWOOOM!**_ It kept on repeatedly making realistic explosion sounds, rocking the entire tool shed. "Oh, just that retarded clock…" Syrus started pushing Jaden. "Jaden, wake up and turn off that stupid clock already! My ears are bleeding! And class started at 8:50. You MADE me late with all the noise, accept it. Own up to it, jerk."  
"ROOOOOOOAR!" Jaden burst out of bed, smashing Syrus into the wall and obliterating the alarm clock like Exodia obliterates Life Points. "I **TRIGGER** MY **TRAP CARD!**"  
"Why can't he just _dream_ in _Defense Mode?_" Syrus asked himself.  
"BOO," someone said.

"No, Syrus," Koala Ko Ala butted in, "you gotta let'm sleep! See, after our Normal Trap cards test, we have our Six Samurais card test, and after that, the Metal Raiders set exam! Wouldn't it be TOTALLY LICIOUS if Jaden slept through it?"  
"That's a stupid idea that makes no sense, and it's too late to drag that anime-only catchphrase in here."  
"Failures make me smile," Koala Ko Ala explained. "Plus, after THAT, we have the Duel Exams, where we have to duel some OTHER guy who sucks… or JADEN. That way, we're eliminating the competition!"  
"Koala, that idea's stupid, but it just might not work! We'd probably not duel him anyways in the first place!" Syrus protested! "AND, on top of that, we might have to duel Someone Jones and his Gasper Ghosts deck, or maybe even Mohawk Jill, the toughest Red in school, mistress of the Punk Rockers archetype!"  
"Hm, you MAY have a point… wake him up and get'm to fight Mohawk Jill, hurry!" Koala Ko Ala cried!  
"Jaden, wake up and duel the strongest student in school for us so that we don't have to face soul-crushing public humiliatiooooooooon! Oh, I don't have time for this!" Syrus bolted out of the room.  
"You know, I don't even GO to the school here," Koala Ko Ala remembered, "I just stay since I have no home anymore..."

Syrus dashed down the stairs of the Slifer Toolshed as the seven other rooms filled with every other Red broke open like a bursting dam, releasing HUNDREDS of students sprawling near and off of the nearby cliff. "Damn, they really hate us Reds," Syrus muttered. "Putting all of those other students into the other seven rooms in the shack… wait! I could've been in there, and thoroughly CRUSHED by FAT people! Aw, man, now I feel bad for them so they can take advantage of me—" He fell onto the concrete walkway leading to the school, hitting his nose. "WAAAAAAH, MY NOOOOOSE! I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH!" Then he got over it and walked to school, sniffling like a wimp.  
Twenty seconds later, Jaden leaped off of the balcony, finishing up a continental breakfast created by Koala Ko Ala, leaping off of the struggling kid's heads as they stood up. "Ow, my broken neck," one guy said.  
"Boy, that 'Chumley' SURE can make breakfast!" Jaden smiled. "I need to ask why Syrus's worshipping a deer, though." Jaden threw his dirty plate and utensils behind his back as he left the crowd.  
"My neck's still broken… ow! A plate!"  
"THE FORK! IT'S IN MY CORNEA!"

Jaden soon came across a fat lady pushing a truck uphill. "Watch out! I'm running far faster than possible," Jaden warned! He passed by, leaving a huge dust cloud in his wake! "Wait, 'dat lady there was in a jam, yo! I've gotta help her!" He re-appeared behind the lady somehow and helped push the truck. "Don't worry, I'm here to help!"  
"Oh, thank you, young man!" she thanked. "Not many kids today would help old ladies pushing trucks anymore, with their electric scooters, and their potato chips, and their walkmans and their game boys, ignoring what really matters."  
"Actually, ma'am, it MAY help if you DRIVE the truck up the hill," Jaden suggested.  
"Oh my gosh, I forgot you could do that with cars AND trucks!" She took out her handy keys, ready to rumble. They were made of colorful plastic.

MEANWHILE, IN PROF. BANNER'S CLASS…  
Rows and rows of students were taking their easy Normal Trap card test. "Remember students, you have forty-five minutes left to take the test," he said in his overly soft voice.  
"Teacher, everybody's FINISHED," a guy with shades explained, "everybody except for Barry the Beginner."  
"It's not my fault that I don't know what a Trap card is!" some kid yelled. He had hair that slightly resembles Yugi's, but it was black with a little red at the edges. "Just for that remark, I'm stealing Yugi Muto's deck! You'll see! YOU'LL _ALL_ SEE!"  
"Simmer down, idiot students," Banner ordered. "I bet that you missed a TON of questions with those shades on. Take them off and check your answers."  
"Why would I have…" The boy removed his shades and glanced at his paper. "Holy crap! There was a question SIX? I TOTALLY missed that!"

Syrus held his head face-down on his desk, whispering to himself. "Okay, so note to self, Barry the Beginner will steal Yugi's deck in about 14 more adventures, give-or-take."  
"I didn't know that this was an ORAL exam, Sy!" Jaden was on da loose! He sat down next to Syrus.  
"Jay! See, how do you like YOUR nickname, Jay?"  
"SHUT UP, WE'RE CHECKING OUR ANSWERS!"  
"I really don't like it."  
"Well, don't call me Sy!"  
"You never told me it annoyed you."  
"See, it all started when I was alone in my room when I was six—"  
"SHUT UP!" Chazz exploded, seated a few desk-rows away. "YOUR VOICES IN**FUR**IATE ME! JUST LET US TAKE THE **FRAGGING** TEST!"  
"Thanks a lot, Pointy-Head! Now I can't concentrate!" Beehive Larry exclaimed.  
Jaden turned around and gave Chazz a piece of his mind. "Yo, stop trippin'! You got NO RIGHT to tell me 'ta stop talking! It's not like this is an IMPORTANT TEST or anything!"  
"What kind of idiot ARE you?"  
"Actually," Banner said, startling Jaden, "the test will only amount to 2% of your quarterly grade, so it actually DOESN'T matter in the SLIGHTEST. But still Jaden, shut the hell up and get your exam."  
"Ha, I was right!" Jaden awkwardly grinned. "I'm a-comin'!"

_I wish that everybody would just shut up and finish already,_ Alexis thought, _I have better things to do than explain what's in the picture of Magic Cylinder._  
_Hmm,_ Bastion wondered, studying his test, _what's this 'Trap Hole' card the exam talks about?_  
_Stupid Bastion,_ Alexis mocked.  
_WHO SAID THAT?_ Bastion panicked.

Two minutes later, Jaden finished his impossibly easy test and used Syrus as a pillow. "I feel uncomfortable," Syrus bellyached.  
"Hush up and act comfortable, please!"  
But at that moment, near a door, somebody screamed "OH BLOODY HELL! AAAAARGGH!" Nobody paid any attention, because this happened every so often. Ms. Crowler was forcing its face through the door in an elastic-yet-uncanny manner.  
"_Oh, that Jaden can rest easy __now__,_" it plotted, "_But soon enough, he'll be taking a NIGHTMARE of a duel exam! _HA HA HA!"  
"WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU," the entire room sighed.  
"Me too, teach!" Jaden chimed in.

An advertisement appeared to break up the nonstop action. The Yu-Gi-Oh! GX icon appeared in a reddish backdrop as an announcer said, "Yu-Gi-Oh! GX is sponsored by… Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, since nobody else cares! Oh and 4Kids."  
"**C'MON AND GET YOUR GAME OOOOOON!**"

Suddenly, for no reason, it immediately happened AGAIN right after that.  
"**C'MON AND GET YOUR GAME OOOOOON!**"

It turns out that it was actually the **U.S. NAVY DUEL MONSTERS THEME SONG COMMERCIAL!** The American captain of the ship from earlier held up a walkie-talkie and barked into it, "Okay boys, twice is enough! Stop! Dang, it's so annoying! Just send in the choppers." He put away the walkie-talkie and several helicopters flew past up above. "…Man, I love this Duel Monsters dub, and I just wish I could tell people and they not laugh at me…" he muttered, wiping away tears with his booster pack briefcase.

"Alright class," Banner calmly explained, "the Metal Raiders set exam is now complete, and we're now under attack by U.S. Navy helicopters, signifying that our new booster packs are here. Get in line."  
"Wait, you mean that the NAVY sent us CARDS? Don't they only do that for poor countries in times of war?"  
"Who cares?"  
"Wait," one stupid kid thought aloud, "our country's at WAR with EUROPE and we need these cards to DEFEND OURSELVES?"  
"No, that's not it at all—"  
The entire class exploded through the doors, pushing and shoving the competition. "I'm gonna get those cards if it's the last thing I do!"  
"No, I'LL defeat those darn French ONCE AND FOR ALL!"  
"Ow, I'm being trampled."  
"WHO CARES? Ow, the trampling…"  
Chazz was calmly gathering together a bunch of papers at his seat, not budging. "Chazz, Chazz, I reckon!" Billy Hills urgently pressured.  
"Chazz, the new cards are here, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, I guess.  
"Why should I care?"  
"You can sell'm on E-Bay, I reckon!"  
Chazz threw his papers on the ground. "Go get me some crappy cards and we'll sell them for 500% profit."

"Snore, snore, snore, snore…" snored Jaden and his buddy Syrus, tucked underneath his neck.  
"Wake up," Bastion ordered Syrus and Jaden. "Wake up or else my British voice will enter your dreams and give you a nightmare about having a British voice!"  
"WHAAAAAT?" Syrus screamed, waking up with a jolt. "I saw on a show once that if your accent changes so suddenly, then you have an un-operable brain worm eating your language centers in your head! Wait, what did I just say?" Syrus looked up at Bastion. "Hey Bastion, the patron spirit of the Slifer dorm isn't a deer head, is it?"  
"Why are you asking me, geek?"  
"It's called SLIFER Red, Sy." Jaden explained, holding up one finger as his head lay sideways.  
"I'll ignore that. Where'd everybody go?" Syrus asked, realizing how empty the room was.  
"Oh, Europe declared war on Japan, so everybody's going to pick up the cards the U.S. Navy dropped off for us to defend themselves," Bastion sighed. "Looks like every time I move someplace, Europe just HAPPENS to declare war on it…"  
"EUROPE HASN'T DONE SUCH A THING IN YEARS! But boy, I sure believe you! Let's go get some supplies!"  
"Now hold on Syrus," Bastion held off in a creepy pose, kinda shifting his body to the right while holding one hand up.  
"Ugh, that pose is creepy."  
"Shouldn't we wait for the crowds to disperse first so that we don't get trampled?" Bastion reasoned.  
"But everybody left a while ago," Syrus reminded.  
"Oh, yeah."  
"Come on, Jaden, let's ditch him and save ourselves!" Syrus suggested!  
"What took you so long to come up with that? Let's go!" beckoned Jaden, with a hyper-active smile on his face! He leaped to his feet and began to make his daring escape, latching onto Syrus by the leg!  
As the duo ran off, Bastion outstretched his arm! "Wait, I can be an emergency food supply! Don't leave me alone agaiiiin!"

Several idiot students ran up to the card shop, sealed off by a large, metal gate. Some people whacked at it with their fists, others slapped the dead bodies of recently-trampled students against it, making large bloody dents. "LET US IN!"  
"I WANT TO LIVE!"  
"STOP SMASHING ME INTO THE DOOR! I'M NOT DEAD YET!"  
Several army hummer trucks drove in front of the school and released dozens of black-garbed identical soldiers into the building! "HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT!" they chanted methodically.  
"Holy crap, the Europeans have come to steal our Duel Monsters technology!" somebody cried at the mere sight of them all, before slipping on some leftover blood. The students were quickly and totally surrounded. Then, the troopers all spread up against the walls, allowing a single AMERICAN CAPTAIN to come through.  
"Oh children," he laughed, "lookin' fer THESE?" The captain held up his briefcase into the air!  
"NOO! THE EUROPEANS HAVE SENT OUT A TEXAN WHO LIVES IN SPAIN TO CAPTURE OUR CARDS AND SHOVE THEM IN OUR FACES!" somebody cried.  
"Rescue Cat help us all!"  
"Naw, kids!" the captain protested. "Gosh darnit, every time I come 'n deliver the next set, y'all turn it into a gol-dern bloodbath!" He kicked a disembodied head out of the way.  
"That was my brother."  
"Who cares? I'm delivering the new set of cards to the survivors!" he cheered! "Oh, and Europe just surrendered when they found out that a new set was just released in Japan."  
"WOO-HOO!" The legion of teens who had just survived the Half-Hour War were clapping as hard as they could, screaming and crying and hugging one another!  
"Will you marry me?" one guy with a moustache asked a girl!  
"Yes, yes I will!" Nancy Wut replied! They both leaped into a limo labeled 'Just Married' and drove down the hallway, somehow making that hard right turn. And everybody was laughing and cheering for the man who'd just saved the world from a Worldwide Duel Holocaust, the young couple that had just left, and the brave souls who'd been forced to give up their lives to save the others.

This happens EVERY THREE MONTHS. Cards are a big deal in this timeline.

The captain opened up the steel gate by pressing a flashing button upon the wall, and turned to the students, shouting "Come'n get it!" Every last living student crammed themselves into the little shop and opened up the briefcase, revealing… a heavily censored group of documents.  
"AAAARGH, DISGUSTING!" Everybody was blasted out of the shop by the sheer wall-bangingness that had just occurred.  
"Whoopsie, wrong briefcase." The captain took the briefcase, ran out of the school, pulled out the keys to the ship, ran in, drove it back to America, swapped the cases at the U.S. Marine Base, drove back, jumped back into the shop and slammed in on the table. It held a piece of paper.  
"What's up? What happened to the cards?" a random guy asked.  
"Yew know 'da ruwels," the young lady who worked at the shop who'd also never been mentioned before reminded in a heavy New Yorker accent, "Foist come, foist soived."  
"WHAT?"  
"And I was first, so I bought every one," someCROWLERkid in a black cape and hat smirked, treading out from the shadows.  
"WHAT?"  
"My sons died for THIS?" one brave individual sobbed.  
"REMEMBER THE FALLEN, CROWLER, REMEMBER THE SACRIFICES!"

ONE! MINUTE! LATER!  
"C'mon Sy, let's make tracks!" Jaden commanded, skidding into the hallway on a pool of blood.  
"I told you that I hated that name! Woah!" Syrus almost fell over on a disemboweled stomach. They entered the shop, which was so empty to the point that a thin mist covered the area. "Where IS everyone? We have to protect ourselves from the Spanish! I heard they have a new archetype that negates Spell cards!"  
"Wait, don't tell me they've… RUN OUT OF CARDS?" Jaden shrieked!  
"EEEP!" The two scrambled over to the front desk, which was run by that lady from earlier with the accent. Her nametag read 'Countergirl Williams'. "'Scuse me Countergirl, but please tell me that you still have some cards left!" Syrus pleaded.  
"Of COU'SE we still have 'sum ca'ds, but jus' regulah wuns," she explained, loudly smacking some bubblegum. "He'a ya go." She handed them a green 'Duel Academy' edition booster pack with a green lizard named Gagagigo in an action pose.  
"Aw, but that 'Gagagigo Redemption' pack is based around that dumb ol' Gagagigo card nobody likes! It's all about the ALIEN cards now!"  
"Great, I'm gonna lose the exam," Syrus whined, "because I have to replace my cards with stuff like Gagagigo and Gogiga Gagagigo since I didn't get anything better, and then I'm going to flunk out of school, and then—"  
"Stop monologing! I'm trying to think of something!" Jaden ordered.  
"But you KNOW that's my thing!"  
"Just take the pack already before I throw up on you."  
"Yipes! Why don't you just take it so that I don't have to feel the crushing blow that is getting Gigobyte?" Syrus wondered aloud.  
"Because YOU deserve it more than me, yo" Jaden explained.  
"That was mean."  
"I didn't mean it like THAT…"

"Yoo-hoo!" a familiar voice called, "Driving boy!" The fat lady from before entered the scene! ZAM! "  
"Oh, it's you, the lady who don't know what a truck does! You work here?" Jaden inquired.  
"Oh no, I own the shop! It's the 'bee's knees', huh?" the fat lady asked.  
"Sorry, yo, but nobody says that anymore."  
"How do you know her, Jaden?" Syrus inquired. "Don't tell me that… you sold your body to her?"  
"You're disgusting! I just helped her out with a broken-down truck that actually wasn't broken down, they just hadn't driven it before for some reason…." Jaden explained. "Well, it was complicated."  
"Oh, before I forget, I have something for you!" the lady said. On closer inspection, her nametag read 'Ms. Dorothy'. "Just call it a 'thank you' for earlier." And thus she presented Jaden with a mysterious card.  
"WHAAAAAAAAT?" Jaden fell over and went into shock at the mere sight of it.  
"What's eatin' him?" Countergirl Williams asked.  
"Oh," Syrus Sy-ed, "it's just that for him, that's the WORST CARD EVER…"

But enough about that, because now we're inside the 2nd floor corridors, where Chazz and his posse were walking on a dangerous pathway built FORTY FEET IN THE AIR! "And then, some guy said he'd bought up all the cards already, I reckon!" Billy Hills explained.  
"Yeah, we couldn't get you any, Chazz, huh, sorry."  
"Damnit, you buffoons, what do you think I pay you for?" Chazz ordered.  
"We don't get paid, huh, Chazz."  
"So what? I grace you with my presence! Anyways, at least I know that nobody could get any of those presumably awesome cards and beat me, so my victory today is assured. "  
"Unless that student happens to be Jaden _Yucky_," something cackled.  
"Who—mum?" Chazz whirled around and saw some guyCROWLERin a black cape and hat.  
"Hey, it's your mom, I reckon!" Billy Hills gasped! "I reckon they took all the cards earlier!"  
"What cards, you mean THESE cards?" Like a flasher, Crowler ripped open its cool cape and revealed that several cards were sewn into the fabric! Never-before-seen cards (in this dimension), such as OJAMA KING, and HAMMER SHOT! Even if I did mention Hammer Shot in the first episode, nothing's cannon here.  
"Woah, now I sense foreshadowing in that Ojama King card, huh, Chazz, huh?"  
"I've never reckoned so much in my life!"  
"So, my boy, would you like to accept these cards from… your MOTHER?" Crowler whipped its cape away, revealing its true face and sending many cards into the air, fluttering down onto the first floor! "Wait—oh, crap!"  
"Cool, Duel Monsters cards!" some nasally-voiced kid screamed, picking up the cards!  
"Wait, unhand those cards!" Crowler ordered! "Darn, looks like the Ojama King deck's a bust."  
"I already knew it was you. But mum," Chazz asked, "why'd you get all of those cards? Was it… love for your son?"  
"No, an EVIL PLAN to make JADEN _YUCKY_ get an F!" Crowler cackled!  
"What an ingenious plan, I reckon!" Billy Hills cheered!  
"And," Crowler continued, "I want YOU to be the one to use this new deck to beat him!" It pointed to Chazz!  
"But we're not in the same dorm! They won't let me be his test opponent," Chazz inferred.  
"Oh, I'm not talking about YOU," Crowler corrected, "I'm pointing to DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON!"  
"GASP!" the trio gasped!  
"HUH, CHAZZ, HUUUUUH?"

Take this time to listen to some random song, as it will help it feel like a passage of time for you all, and that is the intended, dramatic effect.

And thus, the "commercial break" was over. "YOU MEAN I'M GOING TO DUEL JADEN, HUH?" Deep-Voice Dobbson gasped!  
"Yes, and all you have to do is show up and put Jaden Yucky in his place in front of the entire academy! Wahahaha!" Crowler laughed. "Pulling strings is fun."  
"Wait, why not me, your own 'flesh' and 'blood', even though we all know that you never birthed me! What's HE got that I DON'T?" Chazz whined.  
"Well, the Ojama deck was made just for you, but since I dropped it, now I have to give the back-up deck to the kid with the deep voice," Crowler explained.  
"GRRR!" Chazz turned and leaped off of the HALLWAY SUSPENDED FORTY FEET IN THE AIR! "I WON'T FORGET THIIIIIIS!" He landed on his back, swore, and slithered away.

Suddenly, Jaden screamed inside of the Duel Dome! "AAAAAAUGH! I'm dueling an OBELISK! And it's DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON? What grudge does HE have against ME?"  
"Oh," Crowler sighed, walking onto the field as the duelists got ready for their exams, "yes, well you always TALK such a big game, so I pulled some strings to help you SHOW how good you really are. Pulling strings is fun. So buck up, soldier, you get to face one of the strongest players at the school today and prove to us all how spectacular you really are!"  
Many, many, many students who'd get to duel in just a half-hour looked on at this great injustice. _I've got a BAAD feeling about this,_ Syrus told himself, _and when I get a bad feeling, I get indigestion. Uh-oh…_  
_I sure wish that I had that last Gagagigo card for my deck today,_ Bastion told himself, _then I'd get to show it off to the school, complete with my three Ring of Destruction cards._  
_Oh, I got one of those cards today,_ Syrus thought. _Wanna trade?_  
_Sure, I'll give you a Power Bond for it._

Jaden and Deep-Voice Dobbson both nervously inched their way to the center of the Duel Dome, ready to duel for superiority. There were several other duels going on around them, but they didn't matter as much, so they didn't get the cool platform like these cool dudes. "Alright, Dobbson, get your game on!" Jaden expressed.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Let's finish what we started… oh, wait, I never dueled you before," he realized.  
"Indeed," Crowler said, "you can try to prove yourself against Dobbson's perfect deck in front of the whole school."  
"Uh, um… yeah, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson sheepishly agreed. He was shy, being in front of all those spectators.  
"You didn't say Chazz at the end!" Jaden realized!  
"Well, I, huh, only say that when I'm around Chazz…"  
"Okay."

Both players placed their decks into their duel disks and Crowler flipped out of the way. "DUEL!" they shouted!  
"I'm not lettin' up on some sorta deep-voiced guy!" Jaden growled. (Jaden: 4000 Life Points)  
"Bring it, huh!" (Deep-Voice Dobbson: 4000 Life Points)  
"Look at'm go, Chazz, I reckon!" Billy Hills cheered from the sidelines with Chazz. "He's gonna whup this Slifer slacker's butt, I reckon!"  
"Shut up, ingrate," Chazz demanded. "It should be ME up there. I was the one who almost beat him before, why'd she choose Deep-Voice Dobbson?"  
"I reckon 'yer just jealous."

"I'm kickin' this game off!" Jaden drew his card with INTENSE GRAPHIX flowing behind him!  
"OOH," the card said. It was Winged Kuriboh.  
"Looks like this time you're gonna be slightly more useful, but only if that guy's stupid enough to fall for it!" Jaden scanned his cards and summoned Elemental Hero Clayman! "Hey Deep-Voice? You remember him from the last duel?" (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points)  
_HE SUMMONED A MONSTER!_ Syrus exclaimed.  
_HE SUMMONED A MONSTER!_ Bastion exclaimed.  
_HE SUMMONED A MONSTER!_ Alexis exclaimed.  
_HE SUMMONED A MONSTER!_ Crowler exclaimed.  
"YOU JUST-JUST-JUST SUMMONED A MONSTERRRR, HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson exclaimed.

He quickly regained his composure. "Well, huh, that guy's not gonna stand up for long against ME!" Deep-Voice growled. "Draw!" Deep-Voice drew his new card. _Thanks for the new card, Chazz's creepy mom! _"I summon the mighty Bass Beast!" A large lion with a deep singing voice stood on two feet and growled at Jaden.  
"Grrrrrr!" it sang in its deep voice! (Bass Beast: 1600 Attack Points)  
"Holy moley!" Jaden gasped! "It has such a deep voice!"  
"No wonder mum said I'd never be able to use such a deck…" Chazz muttered in awe.  
"And that's not huh all huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson continued! "Check out the magic of Opera Hall, huh!" A spell card appeared, showcasing a fat opera singer performing with an opera robot. "Once per turn, I can special summon one huh 'Bass' huh monster from my hand! And I've got the best one: Bass Caterpillar, huh!" A huge green cartoony caterpillar appeared with a microphone!  
"LAAAAAAA…" he sang in his equally deep voice. (Bass Caterpillar: 1400 Attack Points)  
"Now, let your singing powers combine, huh! I remove both of them to Special Summon Bass Aircraft, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson removed both creatures with wonderful voices from the field. However, the hologram of the caterpillar started to fire out flames, launching it into the air! It swirled and Bass Beast leaped into him! They combined into a ball of light, which exploded into an army airplane!  
"LAAAA~" it sang.  
"Its voice is so awesome!" Jaden gasped! (Bass Aircraft: 2000 Attack Points)  
"I'm not done yet, huh, Jaden, huh, since I can now use my awesome plane's singing ability!"  
"That's _no_ good!" Jaden denoted.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"That was a stupid joke!" Syrus complained. "Don't do those!"  
"By sending one of my cards to the Graveyard, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson explained, "my Bass Aircraft turns one of your monsters into Attack Mode!"  
"Laaaaaaa, lalalalalalalalaaaaaaa~" the plane sang, with the voice of a deep-voiced male angel. Clayman stood up and placed his hand to his ear to hear.  
"No, Clayman! Don't listen, opera music's boring!" Jaden urged!  
"Now, huh, Bass Aircraft, huh, use your Deep-Seeking Missile attack!" The airplane shot several missiles at Clayman, blowing him up upon contact.  
"Noooooooz, all he wanted was to hear some terrible music!" Jaden gasped, blocking his face from the ensuing smoke. (Jaden: 2800 Life Points)  
"AAAAAAAAWW!" the crowd collectively gasped!  
"Well," Crowler said from within an office overlooking the Duels with Chancellor Shepherd, "looks like Jaden can't play with the big boys after ALL, right?"  
"I dunno," Chancellor Shepherd answered.

"And now, I'll end my turn, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled.  
"Alright, I'm just gettin' warmed up! Speaking of 'warm', here's a guy who can really bring on 'da heat, yo! Elemental Hero Sparkman!" Jaden summoned the Sparkman we all know and love. "In Defense Mode," he added. Spark Man flexed with huge sparking energy! And settled into a defensive position. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)  
"W-wait, huh! That doesn't make sense, huh: an electrical guy does NOT use fire, so he has nothing to do with heat!"  
"… Yeah, just keep tellin' yourself that."  
_HE IGNORED IT, HUH!_  
"Woah, he summoned another monster!" the entire school gaped. Not gasped, just gaped.  
"I'll also set a card face-down, yo," Jaden added with a card-setting.

"I'm so amazed that he was able to summon another monster," Bastion noted.  
"I know, I'm mesmerized!" Syrus agreed.  
_This is so stupid,_ Alexis thought. _If we all know that he's going to win after a big struggle, why is it such an amazing thing if he summons another monster? They're all idiots, IDIOTS!_  
"Ready for more, huh, Jaden, huh?" Deep-Voice asked. "I summon Bass Mouth in attack mode, huh!" A giant pair of singing lips appeared. (Bass Mouth: 1500 Attack Points) "Then, due to my Opera Hall card I can Special Summon the Bass Robot, huh!" The robot from the card image appeared as well!  
"La-la-la-laaaaaa!" the two monsters sang in their respective deep voices. (Bass Robot: 1500 Attack Points)  
"No way! Their singing voices have melted my heart!" Syrus screamed!  
"There's even a mouth? That's funny!" Jaden realized, sweating.  
"Now I play my face-down card, Call of the Haunted, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled, triggering his Trap! A spooky graveyard scene appeared on the card! "I can summon the Bass Potato I discarded before for Bass Aircraft's ability to the field, huh!" A large potato with human lips appeared!  
"LAAAAAA." (Bass Potato: 1800 Attack Points)  
"Holy crap!" Syrus gasped!  
"IT CAN'T BE! A POTATO?" Bastion roared in surprise!  
"I can't believe it!" Chazz said. "He actually summoned a potato to the field! With human lips, no less!"  
"It's amazin', huh, I reckon!" Billy Hills cheered!

"Now, I'll fuse my three monsters, huh! I remove them all from the field, huh!" His robot picked up the potato and put it into the mouth. The Bass Mouth released a massive electrical charge, lighting up the entire Duel Dome! Then the Bass Robot threw it into the air and it blasted a massive energy burst at it! They combined in the huge energy storm to become a bust of an opera singer!  
"LALALA LAAAAAA!" it sang in the most perfect opera voice you've ever heard!  
"It's Bass Statue, huh!" (Bass Statue: 2800 Attack Points)

"No freakin' way, man, no freakin' way!" Syrus screeched! "Jaden only has 2800 Life Points left! If Dobbson doesn't do something stupid right now, he's won already! Game over, man, game over!"  
"WILL YOU GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF?" Bastion ordered, smacking Syrus upside the head!  
"Ow."  
"I'm over here!" Nancy Wut said, poking her head out from behind Bastion.  
"WAH?" Bastion gasped.  
"Chazz, I reckon that I got a look at Deep-Voice Dobbson's voice earlier!" Billy Hills explained. "I saw that by discardin' a card, Bass Bust could destroy a card, so I reckon that if he doesn't do anything stupid, he can attack Jaden's Life Points directly n' win!"  
"You're right!" Chazz yelled! "If he destroys the Trap card, he wins! C'mon, Dobbson! Don't be an idiot!"  
"And now… I remove both of my monsters from play in order to special summon Bass Singer, huh." Deep-Voice Dobbson announced.

_**WHAT AN IDIOT**__,_ every last person in the immediate area, including the U.S. Navy leaving Japan's waters thought, SIMULTANEOUSLY.

The two monsters exploded and were replaced by a short, fat man in a nice suit. "LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he sang, in the lowest tone humanly possible… or even alienly. (Bass Singer: 3000 Attack Points)  
"That idiot!" Syrus exclaimed!  
"Ugh, he's so stupid," Alexis exclaimed!  
"To 'da max, yo!"Jaden exclaimed!  
"My Bass Singer's special ability, huh, removes one of your monsters from play every turn, so say good-bye to Sparkman!" Deep-Voice Dobbson exclaimed!  
"Whoops!" Sparkman exclaimed, as he imploded upon himself.  
"How does THAT make any sense?" Jaden asked.  
"I don't care, huh! Attack, huh, and win, since that Trap card will most definitely NOT make me lose!"  
"No way, since it's A Hero Emerges!" Jaden's Trap card flipped up, featuring a cool zombie super hero performing an awesome slicing move!  
"WHAT AN IDIOT!" Crowler gasped!  
"WHY MUST I BE WRONG, HUH?"  
"Now you have to choose a card in my hand randomly when you attack! If it's a monster, then it emerges onto the field! Get it? Emerges?"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Take your pick, Dobbson!" Jaden held out his four card hand.  
"Huh, the one on the far right!" Deep-Voice Dobbson guessed.  
"Sweet, Elemental Hero Dom—Burstinatrix in Defense Mode!" Jaden leaped for joy! Burstinatrix appeared, and she looked none too happy at Jaden.

_Jerk, _she thought, hurt by his horrid joke. (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points, 800 Defense Points)  
"Huh, a monster, but my Bass Singer can change the position of a monster he attacks! Now, Concerto, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson declared!  
"LAAAAAAAAAAA!" The opera singer's voice was so low that it made Burstinatrix blow up!  
"Hoo-yah!" she screamed, for some odd reason. Blame the show, I'm just quoting it. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points)  
"Jaden!" Syrus cried!  
"Hahahaha!" Crowler laughed evilly! "Now you'll get an F and there's NOTHING you can do about it!"  
"Crowler, shut up and sit down, sir," Chancellor Sheppard asked.  
"Don't call me sir! I'm a woman!" Crowler objected!  
"… That explains so many questions but yet asks too many new ones."

"So, huh, Jaden, _**huh**_," Deep-Voice Dobbson said with extra emphasis on the last 'huh', "What'cha gonna do now?"  
"Oh, I've got a whole army of vicious monsters in my deck, Deep-Voice Dobbson," Jaden furiously warned, "and I'm just WAITING to sic 'em all on you! This isn't over, yo, it's just BARELY started!" Jaden drew his card which happened to be, apparently, some weird little girl being taken hostage by an evil, giant, floating woman's head just as the girl had sprouted her first pair of wings.

_"Now, don't tell anybody about this," Ms. Dorothy said, several minutes earlier, "but I managed to hide away some extra booster packs just in case if any POLITE kids need them, unlike the others with their rap music, and their Japanese comic books, and their pogo sticks… sorry, here you go!" Ms. Dorothy handed Jaden the WORST CARD EVER… inside of the worst BOOSTER PACK ever, aptly titled 'Kuriboh's Opera and Ojama Friends'. It had a collage of Bass Singer, Ojama King, and Winged Kuriboh. Jaden's mouth fell open in surprise. He promptly fainted, then stood back up and screamed,  
"THEY ACTUALLY MADE A PACK BASED AFTER THAT STUPID THING AND HIS FRIENDS?"_

"Alright, time to sacrifice some Winged Kuriboh!" Jaden yelled!  
"OOH," Winged Kuriboh cooed.  
"SHUT UP! I SUMMON WINGED KURIBOH IN DEFENSE MODE!" Jaden's signature failure of destiny appeared.  
"OOH," it said confidently, somehow.  
"AAAAAAAWW," the ENTIRE FEMALE PORTION OF THE AUDIENCE SIGHED.  
"Wait," somebody yelled from across the dome, "I got a Shiba Warrior Taro!" They summoned an awesome puppy with a knife and a bandana!  
"IT'S SOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUTE!" The entire female audience exploded because they were too stereotypical.  
"Now, I'll **throw down** a **face-down** and call it a turn," Jaden said, throwing down a face-down as the pink girl-smoke cleared away.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"That's it?" Syrus whined. "That sucks! Now he's just going to win somehow!"  
_WHY DIDN'T I EXPLODE TOO? _Alexis asked herself, afraid of the true answer.

"Okay, huh, Slifer, huh, I'm going to attack your Kuriboh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson roared!  
"NO, YOU NINCOMPOOP!" Chazz screamed! "DESTROY IT WITH YOUR FREAKIN' SPECIAL ABILITY!"  
"You said 'poop', I reckon!" Billy Hills giggled. "Also, he's an idjit, I reckon."  
"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the singer sang.  
"Thanks a lot," Jaden thanked as the awesome shockwaves assaulted his fuzz ball, "now I discard two cards from my hand to activate 'Some Lady Abducts an Angel Kid!'" His Quick-Play Spell card flipped up, able to be played like a Trap card since it was Quick-Play type! I've just confused some of you! The card of choice featured a small, angel-winged girl, being cupped within the hands of a really large woman. It was obviously a kidnapping.  
"WHERE'D HE GET THAT STUPIDLY MIS-NAMED CARD FROM?" Crowler screamed, aghast!  
"Please, sit down, Crowler!" Shephard ordered sternly. "I'm trying to watch the duel with the dog card!"

Winged Kuriboh suddenly grew wings (BIGGER wings) and a weird golden eel-like dragon tried to gobble him up. "GOBGOBGOB," it gobbled, but alas, Kuriboh turned reddish and just got stuck in its mouth! "GOBBIE?"  
"OOH," Winged Kuriboh 'ooh'-ed. (Winged Kuriboh Lv 10: 300 Attack Points)  
"Huh? OH NOOOOOOOO!" Deep-Voice Dobbson cried out! The Singer's song simply bounced off of Winged Kuriboh and was then absorbed!  
"Oh yeah," Jaden corrected, "My Kuriboh just evolved into level TEN!"  
"LEVEL TEN?" the audience gasped!  
"HUH, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THERE'S NO WAY THAT A CARD COULD MAKE WINGED KURIBOH MORE POWERFUL, HUH, JADEN, HUH?"  
"It's JUST a card game," Jaden corrected. "No, wait, there's no such thing as JUST a card game! Anyways, when attacked, he tributes himself and blows up the whole field. Then you lose Life Points equal to the attack of your monsters combined."  
"NOOOO, HUH, BASS SINGER, HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson cried!  
"Go, Winged Kuriboh Level Ten! Use your… attack without a name, I guess!" Winged Kuriboh exploded, causing the dragon to shoot out a gigantic laser beam and destroy the evil opera man!  
"La?" He exploded.

Satisfied with his job, the dragon flew into the sky, saying, "REMEMBER: HE DIED SO THAT YOU COULD LIIIIVE!" Then it disappeared. (Deep-Voice Dobbson: 1000 Life Points)  
"Who knew that such a stupid monster could prove to be so powerful, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson grunted.  
"I dunno. I feel sorry for it sucking so hard, yo."  
"Huh, well, I end my turn."  
"NO, YOU FOOL!" Chazz roared, shaking the bleachers as the girls all began slowly regenerating. "SUMMON A MONSTERRRRRRR!"  
"I reckon Dobbson's an idjit. Also, I reckon that almost none of us have Japanese names, yet we're from Tokyo."  
"That's odd, Billy. I guess we'd better change that. You're an American now."  
"SWEET, I RECKON!"

"Attack!" Jaden ordered, since his turn began after Chazz began yelling.  
"You can count on me!" Avian announced, flying to deliver a punch to Deep-Voice Dobbson! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"I discard my Bass Buster card from my hand in order to decrease your monster's Attack Points by 1, HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled! He discarded a card showing the Bass Caterpillar smashing a French horn on some guy's head.  
"Whoops." (Avian: 1000 - 999 Attack Points) Avian barely missed Deep-Voice Dobbson with his weak punch. (Deep-Voice Dobbson: 1 Life Point)  
"Now I summon, huh, Bass Hat, huh, and he attacks for game." Deep-Voice Dobbson summoned a giant, red, baseball cap and it sang as it ate Avian. (Bass Hat: 2000 Attack Points)  
"Nom nom NOM!"  
"Argh, I've failed again!" Avian whimpered!  
"NOOOOOOOOES!" (Jaden: 0 Life Points. GAME OVER) Jaden failed. "IF ONLY I'D HAVE SET MY DRAINING SHIELD CARD WHICH IS RIGHT HERE IN MY HAND!"

"AAAAAAAARGH!" The fans were outraged with disappointment! Because they'd exploded too early to see Winged Kuriboh Level Ten. Otherwise, they felt good for Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"That was… so stupid…" Syrus whispered briefly before fainting due to stupidity-related fatigue.  
"DEEP-VOICE DOBB-SON! DEEP-VOICE DOBB-SON!" the audience cheered!  
"Hey, but he's a blue, so it was kinda obvious that he'd win!"  
"Oh, yeah." The audience began filing out of the Duel Dome, even though the other games weren't over yet.  
"Now I feel slightly fulfilled," Crowler said, leaving its seat.  
"But seriously," Chancellor Sheppard asked on, "are you SURE you never had a sex transplant? I could've sworn…"

"Well," Jaden sighed, "that's game."  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Just who keeps doing that?" Jaden turned to his left and noticed a weird duck standing around.  
"BOO, BOO!" it said. Then it flew away.  
"Oh. Anyways Dobbson, just tell me whenever you wanna duel again."  
"Okay, huh, Jaden, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson agreed, shaking Jaden's hand. Two new rivals have just been truly born… but then he handed Jaden an 'F' on a white sheet of paper.  
"Aw dammit."  
"I-I can't believe it…" Chazz stammered. "Dobbson actually won? BECAUSE YUKI'S AN IDIOT?"  
"I reckon so. I also reckon that we congratulate'm!" Billy Hills decided.  
"Okay." Chazz and Billy Hills left the bleachers, treading on Syrus's hair.  
"HEY, DON'T STEP ON ME!" the hair yelled.

"Well, that was depressing," Alexis told herself, leaving without another word.

[Commentary]

Well, this was one of the best episodes: the STUPID ones. Due to the dumb plot given to me so graciously by the writers of this episode, I took the ball… and won a 100-meter dash with it. WHY did they have a navy ship delivering them their cards? WHY was it such a major event that they were pushing each other out of the way for them? WHY did Crowler have to rip open its coat like a flasher? All of those questions… and more… were never answered. So, I had to invent… the HALF-HOUR WAR. It really came together as I was typing it up, and it was the first high-point of this story.

And WHY, you may ask, were there so many dead people nobody cared about? Well, I'll tell you why: all cannon has been shoved out the window for funny stupidity, allowing for hi-LARIOUS hijinks to occur. So don't ask why it needed to be so bloody. It just WAS.

Also, the dramatic break was TRULY needed in order to appreciate the massive shock given to you by having Deep-Voice Dobbson replacing Chazz here, which was gratefully allowed to me before on the YCM forums via positing two halves to an episode. Since you don't get that, I improvised rather hastily and crappily, so I apologize.

Also, whenever Avian has been summoned, even cued back to episode one(when he died and let Jaden take 2000 damage), he SUCKS and lets Jaden take a big hit. So when he comes out and ISN'T fusion material, you KNOW crap's gonna happen.

EDIT:  
Yow. This chapter really WAS a smash. It's STILL great, even disregarding the minor edits I just made to it! The Half-Hour War was the first of several 'What the Hell' choices I made while writing. Another notable one would come up in Episode 26. Yeah, anticipate it, kids.

LAST EDIT:

12/23/10


	5. Episode 5: The Shadow Duelist Part One

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan-Fic  
Episode Five: The Shadow Duelist – Part One

It was not the normal morning you'd wake up to on Duel Academy Island; it was night. There was a full moon in the sky. For some reason, Alexis had wandered into a forest, and nearby was a large, decrepit building that SHOULD have been torn down, but I GUESS they just LOVE SAFETY HAZARDS. Like the VOLCANO. Alexis kneeled and placed a rose down gently next to the gate to this heap of moldy wood. Then Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut set their own roses next to the first. _Be at peace, brother,_ they all thought in unison, _wherever you are._

Meanwhile, Jaden, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala were seated around a table in the dark with a candle and trading cards! "Uh, okay, so here's my story," Syrus said. "Uh, so there was a cave at night, and I walked in. And so when I'm in, then I see some, uh, cards, and I bend down to pick them up from the water. Then an, uh, arm grabs me, and I drown!" Suddenly Koala Ko Ala smacks him in the back of the head.  
"That was just stupid! Even worse than MY ghost story, and we ALL KNOW how un-scary were-koalas are!"  
"Calm down, Koala Ko Ala," Jaden sighed, "Let me tell MY ghost Duel Monsters story!"  
"Dah, okay."  
"Okay, so LOOOOOONG AGO, when I was eight years younger, I would hear CREEPY sounds from my toy chest where I kept my cards in, yo," he told. "Then I was really scared and wanted to check it out, y'know what I'm sayin'? So I opened it up… and there was an evil Yubel card in it, and from then on, it kept ruining the lives of me and my friends until I got rid of it! THE END!"  
"That was even DUMBER!" Koala Ko Ala roared!  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"MEOW."  
"WAAAH!" The kids turned around and saw the headmaster standing over them with Garfield the cat! "AARGH, HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE?"  
"Well, if I gave an explanation, you'd think very low of me, so I'll just keep quiet," Professor Banner said.  
"Hey, wanna tell a SPOOKY story?" Jaden suggested.  
"Uh, okay. Once there was a dorm at the edge of the island's forest. Then it was shut down because a lot of students kept MYSTERIOUSLY DISSAPEARING! Muhuhahahaha!" Banner laughed!  
"Wh-where'd they all go, then?" Syrus innocently asked.  
"They left the island because they didn't like the idea of being stuck on an island until you graduate. Y'see?"  
"Oooooooh," the kids understood.  
"MEOW," Garfield meowed in his creepy voice.  
"Oop, that means he needs to take a poop." Banner rose out of his chair and left. "See you."  
"Bye."

"Hey Jaden," Syrus remembered, "I do remember seeing a creepy building at the end of the forest before. I think that's the one Banner talked about."  
"Then let's go there tomorrow!" Jaden exclaimed! "In the nighttime!"  
"But WHYYYYYYYYY? If we go, then we'll fall through the old, rotten floorboards, then we'll be trapped under hundreds of pounds of wood and insects and dirt. Then we'll slowly starve to death, as nobody could hear us scream!"  
"But if it's that rotten, we can just pick it up!"  
"That doesn't make sense! Did you even listen to the whole thing?"  
"Anyways," Koala Ko Ala yawned, "count me out. I'm too fat and lazy to go do stuff."  
"But—"  
"FAT AND LAZY!" he stressed.  
Meanwhile again, right outside of the window, Crowler stood and listened. "Heheheheheh," Crowler schemed, "this is just the thing I've been waiting for! I'll hire some evil guy to lay in wait for those kids and duel them into submission! Hahahaha!"  
"Hey, is that Crowler?" Jaden asked. "I'll be right back, I've gotta go say hi to Crowler!"  
"Whoops." Crowler leaped off of the cliff in its great escape.

MEANWHILE AGAIN!  
As all this was unfolding, in the town of Citysville some bad dude just won a card game. He wore a fat black suit and a Darkwing Duck-style fedora hat. And a domino mask. Since they hide your face so well. "Oh noooooo!" screamed his victim, a bald guy with shades. "I lost! How dare you beat a blind man!"  
"Too bad, I'm just that strong," the man laughed.  
"No, you stink if you can only beat blind people you forced to play card games!" the blind man raged.  
"Shut up! I'm invincible whenever I play against blind people! Now gimmee your soul!" He held out a blue Millennium Puzzle (upside-down pyramid with an Eye of Wdjat on a string for those who have forgotten) made of glass and it glowed furiously! Several people living in the buildings nearby yelled at him to turn it off.  
"Oh no, apparently due to what those people are saying, you're holding up something that glows!" the blind man gasped. Suddenly the puzzle shot a bullet out of its eye.  
"Yeah, I got another soul!" the evil man smiled.  
"Nuh-uh, you only hit my calf!" the blind man screamed, nursing his calf in agony! "Ugh, the pain!"  
"Rest in peace," the jerk continued, "IN THE SHADOW REALM."  
"Are you making fun of my blindneeeeeess?" The blind man fainted.  
"That was fun," the evil guy said, as his cell phone began ringing.  
"DOO DOO DOOBIE D-DOO DOO D-DOODOO," it sang in a synthesizer-type tone.

"Evil Man Duels and Shoots Blind People Inc., how may I help you beat and shoot blind people?"  
"_Um, yes, I have a SPECIAL assignment for you,_" Crowler said over the phone.  
"Hmm, what KIND of special assignment?"  
"Ow, the pain!"  
"Shut up, blind man I just beat!"  
"_I want you to duel a KID, tomorrow night on Duel Academy Island._"  
"Hmm. Sounds risky," the man thought aloud, rubbing his chin. "Oh well, how much harder can a kid be than a blind guy? I'll take it. Have a nice day." He cut off the cell phone. "Oh, wait, where was I supposed to go again?"  
"Duel Academy Island," the blind guy reminded.  
"Hey, thanks."

THE! NEXT! DAY!  
Crowler was sneaking a peek at Jaden and Syrus in their class, again, as usual. "Hmm," it thought, "failing another class, is that right? Well, don't you worry, you'll have a make-up lesson soon enough - if you _know _what I _mean_! That duelist I hired will beat you so badly that you'll feel bad whenever you duel, and then soon enough, you'll flunk out of school! Ha ha!"  
"There are several things wrong with your plan, teach," Jaden said, apparently paying attention, "I'm not going to lose to some evil, evil idiot you've probably hired, and also, the LAST time you hired somebody to beat me, just a few days ago, I suffered NO adverse effects AT ALL! Chew on THAT, sucka!"  
"NRGH! Beaten in a battle of wits, but I haven't lost the war!" Crowler retreated, and the class cheered Jaden on for him common sense.

AND! THAT! NIGHT!  
Crowler was now, instead of spying on Jaden as usual, standing on the docks of Duel Academy Island, next to the depressingly small lighthouse. Suddenly, a MAN IN BLACK CLOTHING WALKED OVER! Crowler turned and faced him and asked, "Titan, I presume?"  
"Yes," the man in the black clothing who enjoys defeating blind people whilst wearing a domino mask answered, "I'm Titan. Cocoa Titan, at your service."  
"Cocoa?" Crowler gasped, "I thought your FIRST name was Titan."  
"THAT'S WHAT THEY **ALL** SAY."  
"Anyhoo," Crowler continued, "I want you do defeat a small child SO INTENSELY that he LOSES his WILL to LIVE as a DUELIST!"  
"Is he… blind?" Cocoa inferred.  
"No, he has perfect vision, according to my findings. And I'm not going to tell you where I got THOSE from…" Crowler's eyes shifted nervously from side to side. "But are you up to the challenge?"  
"Yes, but it's going to cost you extra."  
"We've already discussed the price." Crowler handed Cocoa two Hanewata cards and a D.3.S. Frog.  
"E-HE-HEEEEX-ELENT." Titan left quickly, across the docks.  
"Wait, do you know who he is?" Crowler yelled.  
"Don't worry, my DUEL senses never fail me! WAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"Hm, what a weirdo," Crowler mumbled.

"Boy, I just LOOVES me some dark forests at night!" Jaden cheered, leading his friends along a beaten path in the woods, holding up an old-fashioned barn lantern.  
"Jaden," Syrus whined, "I don't wanna go find the house that will break under our weight and make us starve to death! Plus, what if a serial murderer rapist appears, grabs us from behind, slits our throats and does who-knows-what to our corpses?" Syrus turned around and scared away a serial murderer rapist that was holding a knife behind them. "THAT was close… but what about the next time?"  
"Well, can't you just turn around again, Syrus?" Koala Ko Ala suggested.  
"Yeah, but, uh, I…" And suddenly, they were at the abandoned dorm of legend! "Oi! How'd we get here so fast?"  
"Hold that thought, yo, 'cause I found a flower!" Jaden bent down and examined three roses lying on the ground. "Wait, THREE flowers! Jackpot!"  
"What does this mean for US?" Syrus asked.  
"…Let's go inside!" Jaden suggested.  
"You're ignoring me. Why are you ignoring me?"  
"Hey, what's that light?" a feminine voice called out through the darkness. Jaden held his light up to her face and it was… Nancy Wut! And Angry McArgue! And Alexis Rhodes!  
"It's you!" Jaden exclaimed! "What are YOU doing here?"  
"That's funny, I was about to ask the same thing!" Angry McArgue growled.  
"Hey, don't steal my lines," Alexis ordered.  
"We just wanted to investigate it, like Paranormal Investigation, or whatever the show's called where they never find anything," Koala Ko Ala suggested.  
"HUH?" Nancy Wut gasped!  
"That's dumb, you KNOW how people have a tendency to decide to drop out of school here for no good reason after coming here!" Alexis roared! "Only people with high duel energy can make it out safely!"  
"What are you talking about?" Syrus cried!

Jaden waved the question away. "Naah, that can't happen, Lexie. And Nan. And Angy."  
"Did he just give us all stupid nicknames?" Angry McArgue asked, quite angrily.  
"My reason," Jaden continued, "Is that if your duel energy is 7,084, mine is 9,013."  
"Why is it so high?" Syrus asked, loudly this time.  
"Don't even ask, he's in another world," Koala Ko Ala said.  
"No, it's at 4K right now, not even enough to walk through the door!" Alexis argued!  
"Woah, yo, don't get mad, get glad!" Jaden urged.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Ahh, not that again!" Syrus gasped!  
"We won't get in your way, but at least tell us why YOU'RE here."  
Alexis suddenly turned melancholy. "Well, you see, one of the kids who left here was my brother," she sighed.  
"HOW SUPRISING!" the boys gasped!  
"And…" Angry McArgue added, "He was also my father."  
"OH MY GOSH!"  
"And, also," Nancy Wut added, "He was my son."  
"HOLY CRAP!"

"Now, wait a minute," Syrus groaned, "you've got to be kidding. This makes no sense. Stop joking. I can believe Alexis, but—"  
"Actually, they're telling the truth too," Alexis revealed.  
"B-but—"  
"Don't ask."  
_Today I've uncovered a secret which should have never been revealed,_ Jaden shuddered. Suddenly and inexplicably, Alexis and her entourage disappeared.  
"Did she just disappear?" Syrus whispered in terror!  
"Well, why're you just standin' there?" Jaden asked. "It's like you're just WAITIN' to disappear! US, on the other hand," He pointed to Koala Ko Ala. "are going in.  
"But I don't wanna—"  
"Are GOING IN."  
"Okay."  
"I didn't get a word you said!" Syrus whimpered. Reluctantly, he followed his friends… into the darkness…

Meanwhile, standing by some trees whilst leaving, Alexis and her female buds stopped and checked on the unsuspecting little boys. "I sure hope that they make it out okay," Alexis sighed softly.  
"**I** sure hope that **we** don't get kidnapped by a large idiot," Nancy Wut sighed softly.  
"IDIOT!" Angry McArgue slapped her in the face! "Don't you KNOW what happens when you say stuff like that?"  
"I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!" Nancy cried!  
"THERE YOU ARE," Cocoa growled menacingly, appearing out of thin air.  
"Oh crap…" Alexis shuddered.  
"DAMN YOU NANCYYYYYYYYYYYY…" was all Angry McArgue could yell.  
"Wh-what was that?" Syrus shuddered.  
"Aw, you're just trying to scare us with your girly screams of vengeance, Sy!" Jaden chuckled.  
"Why do I even bother…"

TO BE CONTINUED… RIGHT NOW!

The group was inside of the building, which was designed with some shelves, cupboards and ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs for some reason.  
"What's up with this place?" Koala Ko Ala asked. "It's like Victorian-era Egypt… in England… and stuff."  
"Who cares? It's sure spooky!" Jaden poked at a suit of knight armor.  
"What's with the armor?"  
"Dunno. It was just here. Oh look, yo, a photo-yo!" Jaden shined his flashlight on a picture of a guy who looks like a more masculine Alexis. And somehow, a more masculine Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut, as well…

Meanwhile AGAIN, down below the rotting floorboards, Alexis and her friends woke up inside of a creepy-looking coffin. "What's going on?" Angry McArgue yelled, tugging at the ropes holding her hands together.  
"Heheheh," Cocoa laughed, "It seems that you've fallen into my trap…"  
"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID, STUPID, PERSON!" She roared loudly enough for the trio up above to hear her!  
"That sounds like a heated argument!" Syrus inferred!  
"We've just GOTTA see this!" Jaden lead the group toward the nearest staircase and they dashed down to see what they were missing. The stairs ended by a whole bunch of old furnishings covered up in white cloth. "Where are you, Alexis? And Angry? And Nancy?"  
"Hey, look!" Koala Ko Ala picked a card off of the floor. It was Cyber Blader! "Does this card have any relevance? I've sure never seen it before."  
"We have," Syrus assured. Jaden swiped it out of the chum's hand and took it for himself.  
"I'll lead the way so that I can return this card to Alexis or not!" he said, triumphantly! _Finally, we can be together…__** FOREVER.**_ "This way!" Jaden ran through a large mine-like path without thinking about what could possibly go wrong.  
"Jaden, what if that serial-rapist-murderer appears again?"  
"Well he'll just kill all of the serial rapists around here, Sy! Especially if you phrase it like that!"

Two minutes later, they arrived in a really big but normal-looking cave with cool lines drawn across the ground, making it not normal anymore. "What's wrong with you, man?" Angry McArgue ordered of Cocoa.  
"I just told you what! I'm sorry!"  
"Oh, hey, Jaden?" Alexis noticed Jaden and company. "Please just duel this guy and let's get out of here. He's a complete and utter failure."  
"What?" Jaden asked.  
"He thought that WE were ALL you, Jaden!" Angry McArgue explained loudly!  
"Ugh, and what a mistake THAT was!" Cocoa put his face in his palms. "Gosh, maybe dueling and shooting all of those blind buys was stupid. Maybe I've caught their blindness!"  
"I have an anti-blindness potion!" Nancy Wut offered.  
"R-really? Can I have it?"  
"Sure, but you have to beat the REAL Jaden first!"  
"Okay, I'm game."_  
And so the plan is set in motion, _Nancy Wut schemed.

"WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIT!" Jaden called! "First off, let me ask you; Is this REALLY how your brother, father and son looked like, or has he really just let himself go? I mean, he LOOKS like an Atticus, but I'm not quite convinced."  
"He's evil. How did you get the idea that he was Atticus?"  
"I just guessed, judging y how the episode was flowin'."  
"Heh," Cocoa smirked. "I'll play against you, but if you lose… I'll make you lose your soul via gunshot wound to the calf!" He held out his MYSTICAL Millennium Puzzle.  
"Wait… are YOU the guy Ms. Crowler hired to beat me? That's cool!"  
"Wait a minute, guys," Koala Ko Ala said, "Why don't you just shoot him now so that—" Syrus grabbed his mouth. "Mmfph?"  
"Don't say anything!" Syrus whispered. "Idiots are prone to doing whatever you tell them to! Trust me, I know how it works!"  
_"Hey Jaden," Syrus said, "Could you get me some milk?"  
"Sure, Sy!" Jaden said. He walked over to the refrigerator. "Game on, get'cher game on," he quietly sang. Jaden took the milk carton out of the refrigerator and Syrus could barely contain his laughter. Suddenly, it exploded, setting Jaden on fire! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
"HAHAHA! YOU FELL FOR IT!"_  
"What a cruel trick! Even I would've fallen for something so innocent!"  
"Quiet, Chumley, I'm tryin' to duel here!" Jaden ordered!  
"THAT'S NOT MY NAME!"

Jaden pulled out a container of 'Dehydrated Duel Disk Pellets' from his back pocket, spat on it, and took out a fully-fledged Duel Disk! "Technology these days SURE is convenient!" He put it on and set his deck inside. "Now get your game on, boyo!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"That's twice in one night!" Syrus gasped! "Or… was it once yesterday and once tonight…?"  
"HI-YA HOO!" Cocoa strapped a glove onto his arm, which grew into a duel disk! It came out from a slot in the glove, I mean.  
"Hurry, guys," Nancy Wut wailed! "I have to go to the bathroom!"  
"You always say that when you get captured!" Angry McArgue said.  
"But it makes them work faster," she replied with a wink.  
"I'm just gonna forget you said that, yo." (Jaden: 4000 Life Points Cocoa Titan: 4000 Life Points) "Ha, the Life counter says you're 'Cocoa Titan'!"  
"Ugh, this is one reason why I only duel blind people," Cocoa recoiled.  
"Is your first name Cocoa, or are you some giant with power over chocolate? The possibilities are boggling my mind!" Jaden roared…with laughter!  
"You'll pay for that. I summon Infernal Queen Archfiend!" Cocoa summoned!

A purple stick figure appeared on the field. (Stick Figure Purple: 900 Attack Points)  
"That's not an Archfiend," Alexis noticed.  
"… That's another reason why I duel blind people."  
"Dang, I can't let my guard down, that thing's part of the Stick Figure series!" Jaden growled!  
"So he knows the cards well," Cocoa said in a dramatic fashion. "As long as my Purple is on the field, all Stick Figure cards gain 1000 Attack Points!"  
"Crap, now they're slightly more frightening!" Syrus yelled!  
"Purplepurplepurple…" Purple chanted. Suddenly it gained 1000 Attack Points. (Stick Figure Purple: 1900 Attack Points)  
"At least as long as you control these monsters, you have to pay life points on every Standby Phase, just like the Archfiends!" Jaden smartly recited from memory! "GAME OVER! I gain Duel Energy equal to yours, putting me at a high and mighty 9,457!"  
"You remembered about that crap?" Alexis gasped.  
"Actually, my boy, you're wrong. DEAD WRONG! Hahahaha!" laughed Cocoa, as if he'd made a great joke. "I play my Field card!"  
"No, it can't beeeee!" Jaden cried, shielding his eyes!

They were now in a huge, demonic, red arena decorated with skeletal totems. "WHY IS IT STILL PANDEMONIUM?" Syrus wondered!  
"Hey, I was about to ask that!" Angry McArgue argued! "GIVE IT BACK!"  
"SHUT UP!" Alexis smashed her forehead with a head butt, knocking her out.  
"Patched!" Nancy said, with a wink.  
"Now, I don't have to pay!" Cocoa laughed evilly! "Also, when a Stick Figure is destroyed out of battle, Pandemonium lets me put another one into my hand from my deck! Muhuhahahaha!" Suddenly, the three coffins were closed by some evil bony tentacles!  
"What the fu—"  
"I JUST GOT PAAAAAATCHED!" The coffins were all dragged underground… BY HOLOGRAMS.  
"Noooooo, I don't understand! How could this have happened?" Jaden screamed! "And when did she stop being so funny?"  
"You didn't protect them," Cocoa mocked.  
"No, literally, how do holograms do that in real life? They're just… just pictures! I'll never forgive you for disobeying the laws of nature," Jaden roared with anger! "Never! Never! NEVEEEEER!"  
"That was a good point!" Syrus agreed!

"Here I go! Punishment, start!" Jaden summoned… "Elemental Hero Avian!"  
"NO, DON'T!" urged his friends.  
Avian appeared in all of his stupid glory. "I'll try my best!" he promised. (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"I'll throw down sum' face-downs as well!" Jaden added.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"JADEN, STOP MAKING IT DO THAT!"  
"What the heck was that?" Cocoa asked, as if he'd just been insulted. "You just summoned a super-weak monster! How dense can you be? You act as if you have no eyesight!"  
"Shut up, blindophobe!"  
Cocoa wiped away a single tear. "You'll pay for that comment very DEARLY INDEED. I summon Stick Figure Red!" A red stick figure appeared on the field, covered in sparks for some reason. (Stick Figure Red: 2000 Attack Points)  
"And now, do your stuff, Purple!"  
"Purplepurplepurple…" chanted the Stick Figure Purple once again, wiggling its boneless arms. Then the other figure gained power just like it had before! (Red Stick Figure: 2000 - 3000 Attack Points)  
"And now my second fiend is now a fiendish fiend to be reckoned with indeed," Cocoa taunted.  
"That joke was TERRIBLE!"  
"Who gives a crap? Stick Figure Red, use Red Stick Figure Attack!"  
"Did ANYBODY put ANY effort into these stupid cards?" Koala Ko Ala asked the world.

The red stick figure ran up to Avian and punched him. "Help me, Jaden!" Avian pleaded!  
"Too bad, I use Mirror Gate!" Jaden activated! A mirror appeared in front of Red Stick Figure, intent on killing him and his friend!  
"You DO care!" Avian sniffled.  
"Too bad, because when my Red Stick Figure is targeted by a card effect…" Cocoa chuckled, "… A RANDOM NUMBER APPEARS! And if it's a two or five, your card fails and you fail forever!" Out of the pool that nobody really noticed before in the center of the arena, a two appeared.  
"Two," said some young, disembodied voice.  
"Hey that card cheats yo!"  
"Too bad! Punch him again!" Red Stick Figure punched Avian as the Mirror Gate card exploded into smithereens!  
"Noooooo!" Avian gasped! He exploded too, in a bland fashion.  
"I can't believe that just happened, guys!" Jaden cried! "I mean, did you see it coming?"  
"YES."  
"Oh." (Jaden: 4000 - 2000 Life Points) "Well now I can use my other card, Hero Signal!" His Hero Signal card appeared, shooting out a heroic 'H' into the sky!  
"Oh no, an 'H'! My least favorite letter…" Cocoa grunted.  
"And it lets me summon an E-Hero from my deck with 1500 or less Attack Points! So come on out, Clayman!" Jaden invited!  
"Hurgh!" Clayman grunted, in similar fashion to Cocoa, and sat down in a defensive position. (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points)  
"Yeah! Now that preposterous purple monster can't POSSIBLY beat HIM!" Syrus smiled contentedly. "Clayman can DEFINETLY protect his Life Points from THAT!"  
"Maybe so," Cocoa said, "but not from THIS!" He held out his millennium puzzle! It glowed!  
"AAAHH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Cocoa looked at the field. Nothing had changed.  
"Darn, now I seem like a big blowhard," Cocoa whimpered. "Well, it was supposed to kill you, but I guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way… in a battle of wits!"

"This looks serious," Jaden muttered, "He just tried to kill me, and failed due to my magical name protection. But now I'm gonna get my game on!"  
"BOO," somebody said.  
"DAMMIT JADEN, STOP SAYING IT!" sobbed Syrus.  
"I can't help it; it's in mah blood! My turn, yo! I play the Spell card Pot of Greed!" An ugly card featuring a horrendous pot was activated! "It lets me draw two cards!" He drew two cards. "Then I fuse my Elemental Heroes Clayman and Sparkman together to summon Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!" He slapped Polymerization onto the field, and Sparkman flew onto the scene! Then he and his buddy were sucked into a massive tornado which spat them out as a GIANT, ROARING, GIANT MAN! TWICE FOR EXTRA IMPACT! (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)  
"Now, use your ability to kill that stupid red guy!" commanded Jaden!  
"Five," the voice from earlier said.  
"Crap, I forgot!" Jaden cursed! "That was stupiiiiiid!" Thunder Giant shot lightning bolts at Stick Figure Red, then they bounced back and made him explode.  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ATTACK THE PURPLE?" Koala Ko Ala ordered! "THE PURPLEEEEEEEEE!"  
"I DON'T KNOW!"  
"Well, Jaden," Cocoa snickered, "Looks like you don't stand a FIEND of a chance! MUHUHAHAHAHA—"  
"You fail at comedy."  
"Oh."

TO BE CONTINUED!

[COMMENTARY]

First off, I'd like to thank THE FIRST PERSON TO SUBSCRIBE TO THIS STORY, named TheLastButterfly, and they also asked me why Syrus was worshipping that DANG deer head at the beginning of episode four. Well, to answer your question, Mr./Mrs. Butterfly-person, it was a throwback to episode two, when there was a deer head on the wall of the Duel Dome after Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson asked "Do you see a Slifer head on that wall, huh, I reckon, huh?", when originally it was an Obelisk the Tormentor head hanging there. And after all those times people told me "DON'T EXPLAIN THE JOKE!", ruining many bad puns, I seem to have done it again.

Anyways… This one was a GREAT episode to use. It almost wrote itself! Seriously, all of the dumb crap that happened came to me as I saw just a few seconds of each scene. Any scene can completely alter my fic FORVER… as shown by the Atticus problem, leaving all of you confused beyond belief, and it's also why Titan is such an awesome and dumb character.

Also, somehow the serial-rapist-murderer joke always gets to me. And I assure you that this two-parter will not be Titan's final appearance… as he is cool and my favorite character to write for. And another reminder, all of you who got this far, please force people who aren't into Yu-Gi-Oh to read this, as we MUST diversify! Show them episode four, since one is kind of lacking and I must re-write it someday! The Half-Hour War SHALL make them make this story longer and more popular! FOR THE GLORY OF SYRUS! Have a good day.

EDIT:

Well, looking through, I see this as one of my more creative episodes. I made Titan one of my favorite characters for his cuddly attitude and blatant inferiority! Don't worry, he'll make more appearances after a while. MANY more.

And in addition: PAY ATTENTION TO EVERY LAST JOKE. I don't want to stress it too much, but I want that to stick with you.

LAST EDIT:  
12/18/10


	6. Episode 6: The Shadow Duelist Part Two

**SOOPER SPECIAL NOTICE**

From now on, but mostly starting in Episode 11, I REALLY started including awesome theme songs and background songs for the story, to help with the mood. Now, obviously this site doesn't have link tags. That's gonna be a problem. I'm going to try something though, so listen good.

I'm going to provide the site address to the videos (which are on **YouTube**) in brackets [], or when I forget about those, parentheses (). For no apparent reason, the corrupt bigwigs at Fanfiction dot net do NOT like people putting on website addresses, so whenever I put up an address, it deletes the 'Youtube' and '.' and 'com' parts. I'm not really at liberty to complain, but it's still not cool, so it's up to you to remember this.

Then you, as the readers, are going to, if you feel like it, paste the addresses into your browser and look them up. But that's not all! Put the video in a different tab and just let it sit there. As you read, let the songs carry the stories on their backs! And if you read at the correct pace, then your mind will hopefully be blown.

I'm going to take this stuff out of the fanfiction syndication of the fic if it gets bad reputation, so if it alienates you, speak up. In addition, if it goes well, I'll accept some cool song ideas for characters and such, but they must be from some sort of anime or Japanese game, to help with the stupid anime feel of this story, though most other animes aren't as dumb and I apologize for saying stupid anime feel. Welp, that's it.

**SOOPER SPECIAL NOTICE – END**

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 6: The Shadow Duelist – Part Two

_LAST TIME, ON YU-GI-OH THE FAN FIC, YO!  
"Alexis is in a coffin!" Syrus cried!  
"I want her NOW!" Jaden ordered!  
"The only way you can get her back is if you beat me in a card game," Cocoa said.  
"HI-YAH!"  
"OOF!" Jaden punched him in the face!  
"I summon Terrorking Archfiend in Attack Mode!" Cocoa summoned a fat kitten onto the field.  
"It's STILL not an Archfiend!"  
Suddenly, Avian exploded.  
"Thunder Giant, avenge me!" Thunder Giant shot out some lightning which bounced back and made him explode.  
"HI-YAH!"  
"OOF!" Jaden kicked Cocoa in the face!  
"Then if I can't beat you," Jaden growled, "I guess I'll just have to kill you!"  
"BRING IT ON!"_

_Now for today's episode, yo!  
Da-na, cummon n' getcha game oooon!_

Jaden stood against the vile Cocoa Titan, looking like an idiot without any cards on the field. (Jaden: 2000 Life Points; Cocoa Titan: 4000 Life Points) "Hahahahaha," Cocoa cackled, "You may have LAUGHED at my monsters when you first saw them! But now, they shall soon seal your fate and I can shoot you in the calf!"  
"But I already knew that they were tough," Jaden sighed.  
"Hey! Jaden, you can't let him do it!" Syrus warned! "If you do, then you'll bleed so much that you'll have to be sent off of the island since the hospitals here can't do enough to save you, and your leg will get an infection while we wait for the choppers to arrive! Then you'll have to lose your leg because it couldn't be saved, and you'll never have the heart to duel again! You'll find that it was the only real career you could hold, so you spend the next thirty-four years working in a lousy 7/11 in Tokyo, and then you'll die when defending the store from a thief armed with a large sausage! IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO SAVE YOUR FAAAAATE!"

"Your words have given me couraaaaaage!" Jaden slapped down another three cards! "I throw down two face-downs and activate Mirage of Nightmare!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Jaden, PLEASE stop SAYING THOSE THINGS!"  
"I told you, Sy, it's in my blood! Now go, Titan of Cocoa!" Jaden ordered. Two face-down Spell of Trap cards appeared next to some guy freaking out whist looking at two mummies. If he's so scared of them, then why does he still look?  
"Your puny cards can't save you from my STICK FIGURES!" Cocoa roared!  
"But my Mirage of Nightmare lets me draw until I have four cards in my hand."  
"Psshaw! It wouldn't matter if you had forty-kajillion cards in your hand; you STILL couldn't beat me!"  
"Unless there were eight-kajillion Exodias to deal with, fool!" Koala Ko Ala reinforced!  
"Shut up, Chumley! Stick Figure Red, attack! Red Stick Figure Attack!" The evil stick man ran with his fist covered in red energy, ready to pummel Jaden to a stupid red pulp! (Red Stick Figure: 3000 Attack Points)  
"Nope, 'cause I use Mirror Force!" Jaden's Trap card flipped up, creating a cool mirror effect, reflecting the attack!  
"Nooooeees!" Cocoa's stick figure bumped into the shield and broke. Then Purple Stick Figure got hit by his flying stickbody parts. "YOU ACTUALLY HAD A **GOOD** CARD?"  
"Hellz yeah, sucka!" Jaden gave him a thumbs-down!

"Well, my turn isn't over yet, and I'll discard one card," Cocoa paused for dramatic effect. "STICK FIGURE YELLOW! It lets me add my Stick Figure Red to my hand!" He discarded a card with a yellow stick figure in a dramatic pose and got his old friend back again. "Now I summon him again." He was summoned again. (Red Stick Figure: 2000 Attack Points)  
"He's STILL stupid."  
"And now, I'll use Pandemonium's effect, muhuhuhahaha! I can add a Stick Figure into my hand from my deck! And I'll attack you with my RED STICK FIGURE! Your face-down card can't save you now!" Cocoa took a card from his deck whilst his red stick figure went on the offensive! Again!  
"Can we ever stick up to this Stick Figure?" Koala Ko Ala wondered in despair! Then he smirked.  
"What kind of joke WAS that?" Syrus whined!

"I think I just stuck up to that Stick Figure!" Jaden cried! He flipped up his last card: A Spell with a nice cracker and tuna can snack picture! "I use Emergency Provisions! I can discard any Spell of Trap cards on my field to gain one-thousand Life Points for each one! Yeah!" His Mirage of Nightmare-or-whatever card transformed into a tasty cracker! He tossed it into his mouth. "Omm!" (Jaden: 1000 - 3000 Life Points) Then Stick Figure Red punched him in the chops anyway, forcing him to spit disgusting cracker crumbs all over the place! "Aargh, it be hot n' stingy!" (Jaden: 3000 - 1000 Life Points) BUT HE STILL STOOD UP.  
"Uuugh, how do you still stand?" Cocoa asked, aghast!  
"As long as I got two good legs, I'm more than able to stand up for my rights, yo!" Jaden said.  
"But they aren't! Not for long!" Cocoa took out his millennium puzzle again! "I'm getting kinda fed up with you not losing, so I'll shoot your calf!"  
"NOOOO! JADEEEEEN!" Koala Ko Ala screamed!  
"REMEMBER THE RANT! YOU CAN'T GET HIT, JADEEEENNNUUHH!" Syrus reminded.  
"Hooooleeyyy craaaaap!" BANG. Everything went white for a second. Suddenly the ground next to Jaden started to smoke. And he was okay. COCOA HAD MISSED.  
"HUNH? I MISSED?" He clutched his head in anger! "And that was my last bullet! I really HAVE caught their blindness, argh!"  
"You've got'm on da ropes, Jaden!" Koala Ko Ala reassured!  
"That was amazing!" Syrus congratulated with teary eyes, "Even though you did nothing."  
"That was closer than a close shave, yo! Now it's my move!" Jaden drew his card. "Okay! Let's stand up!"

[.com/watch?v=bybkLlNbaaw] Jaden's custom theme song began playing! "Yeah, my favorite jams, dude!"  
"Jaden, that's a HORRIBLE song for this situation," Syrus sighed.  
"Well, if ANY OF YOU READERS HAVE SOMETHING BETTER, send it in! To Weather Report! Yeah! Now I activate The Warrior Returning Alive! I add Avian into my hand from my Graveyard!" Jaden said, killing the fourth wall. Suddenly Avian flew back from the grave as Jaden discarded a Spell!  
"Not HIM!"  
"It's cool, I got it!" Jaden said, gaining the support of the masses!  
"I'm returning alive!" Avian laughed!

"Now I fuse him and Elemental Hero Burstinatrix with Polymerization to summon Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!" Avian and Burstinatrix dashed out of his hand!  
"Yo!" Avian greeted with a 'peace' sign. Burstinatrix just looked slutty as usual. They both swirled together mysteriously and then became the green man with one wing and a dragon head arm! "Hmph," he said coolly. (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)  
"He's so much cooler than Avian!"  
"You're right, Sy! And now, Flame Wingman, shoot a fireball at'm! Fireball Shoot!" Flame Wingman flew in front of the crimson stick man and punched him in the head with his flame-charged dragonhead arm, sending his face into the ground! "Oh no! My monster!" Cocoa cried! Stick Figure Red exploded.  
"'_Oh no_' is right!" Jaden agreed! "Because of my Wingman's super power, your stick man's not the ONLY one who'll be hurtin'… YOUwillTOO!"  
"Why'd you squish the words together? Can you even READ the LINES? AUGH!" Cocoa suddenly blew up, but he was alright. (Cocoa Titan: 1900 Life Points) "How dare you inflict damage to me!"  
"I dunno, you wanted to fight me, so there."

Titan noticed that Jaden's catchy theme song had just ended. "Well, too bad, because your 'theme' is now ovah!" Cocoa sent another Stick Figure Yellow into his Graveyard. "Now I'm back in control! I discard another Stick Figure Yellow to add my Stick Figure Red into my field again!" The red figure stood once more, but nobody really cared the third time around.  
"Well, that sucks! All I can do is summon my random monster, Dark Catapulter!" A robonic (yeah, robonic) dinosaur man appeared with some huge stick thingies on his back. They seemed to do something, but we're not sure. (Dark Catapulter: 1500 Defense Points)

"Hmph. You'll wish you'd never summoned that fancy dino-man. I sacrifice my Red Stick Figure for… THE SKULL ARCHFIEND OF LIGHTNING!" Red Stick Figure blew up and was replaced by a Summoned Skull-ish guy.  
"WHAT IS WITH YOU?" Syrus ordered! "First Pandemonium, now THIS? Can't you AFFORD REAL ARCHFIENDS?"  
"It's tough when you're only paid in cards."  
"Oh, I'm sorry."  
"Anyways, attack!" Summoned Skull-ish shot lightning at Flame Wingman, making him explode in a shower of sparks!  
"Neeeeeeeeuuuuuuu!" Jaden nasally cried! (Jaden: 600 Life Points) "Oh, that's it, you're SO screwed! I activate my Dark Catapaulter's ability!" A cool token appeared on the robonic dino-man's forehead. "For every turn he's been in Defense Mode, I can remove a card from my Graveyard and destroy a Spell or Trap on the field!" Jaden ironically removed Avian from play! "Now, do yo' thing!" Dark Catapaulter ducked down to the floor and summoned a huge lightning blast in-between his back sticks! It was blasted out with such force that it destroyed the entire world of Pandemonium! The place turned back into a normal, weirdo cave.

"My weird world named after an adjective!" Cocoa sobbed! "It's discarded, all discarded!" He took out his millennium puzzle gun again! "I just remembered! I have another bullet left! Hahahaha!" He began bouncing around on one leg as he pulled a bullet out of his vile shoe! Whichever leg it is, it's up to you. He loaded it into his puzzle and took aim! "DIIIIIE, ICHIGO KUROSAKIIII!"  
"Not on MY watch!" Jaden took his Avian card and threw it at the cheap pyramid thingie!  
"Nooo, you aren't supposed to throw meee!" Avian screamed! He hit the pyramid with such force that it blew up violently.  
"How did you do thaaaaat?" Cocoa asked in an old man voice!  
"Simple: I cheated!" Jaden's card was actually… Avian.  
"What you say and do do not match!"  
"Heh, he said 'do do'."  
Cocoa held his puzzle high in the air! "This thing costed me four Blue-Eyes White Dragons and a Blue-Eyes White ULTIMATE Dragon! You will pay!" Cocoa threw the remains of his puzzle onto the ground and it starred smokin' up a storm!  
"And don't think I'm not gonna get my Avian back; it costed good money!" Jaden dashed over to the card on the ground. Suddenly, the snake statues that NOBODY AT ALL NOTICED, AS THEY WERE NEVER REALLY SHOWN BEFORE, PERIOD, began shooting laser beams at Jaden. "WHAT THE SHELL?" A huge Eye of Wdjat appeared on the floor and encompassed the duelists in evil darkness power!  
"YOU SAID IIIIIIIIIITT!"

They were now both in an orb of pure duel energy, which is now apparently real. "Oh ship! Oh fork! This ain't good," Cocoa cursed.  
"Stop makin' all those jokes and explain this to me!" Jaden ordered.  
"Apparently those snake heads sent us into the DOOM DIMENSION, where Bakugan go once they get affected by the DOOM card!" Cocoa explained!  
"You actually watch that show?"  
"It's funny, I rather enjoy it."

"This doesn't LOOK like the doom dimension."  
"That's because it's another name for THE SHADOW REALM!" Titan shrieked! "And if people go there without adequate duel energy, they get turned into a zombie-like man!"  
"NOT A ZOMBIE-LIKE MAN!" Jaden exclaimed! Kajillions of evil blob guys fell from the sky! They began flying onto Cocoa!  
"Help meee!" he screamed! Jaden stood there and looked at him. "They're climbing inside my mouth, Jaden! Save me!" Jaden stood there and looked at him. "Seriously, help me—bloorf! Blubblubblub…" Jaden stood there and looked at him. Suddenly more blobs surrounded HIM as well!  
"Aaaahh! Blobs! Save me, Cocoa—oh yeah, he's kinda dead right now."  
"OOH," somebody 'oohed'. It was Winged Kuriboh! He appeared by Jaden's side and looked at the blobs!  
"NYEEEEH!" They all retreated.  
"SQUASH THE MONSTER!" Jaden stomped on Winged Kuriboh. "That's what you get, bastard!" But things were getting worse for Cocoa. His eyes flashed and turned red.  
"JADEN YUKI," he said in a boring monotone voice, "PREPARE TO DIE."  
"Oh, I guess I shoulda saved him from becoming a zombie-like man."

Cocoa stared at Jaden with his intense red eyes and stated in monotone: "Only one duelist shall leave alive, but do you have the strength to defeat me, even after this stunning transformation."  
"You didn't even state it as a question!" Jaden yelled! "How am I supposed to answer that? And what's up with all of this?" Jaden stretched his arms out. "What's the dilly wit' this stupid place, man?" He'd suddenly had an epiphany. "I know! Crowler, that lady, hired you to spook me out and Duel me, but this is a little overboard! First you capture three harmless, teenage girls, and then you have snake statues make a hologram-thing to scare me! And then you make all of these black bean buns, which you ate, and THEN you speak like a robot with red contact lenses! You need a life, dude!"  
"I'm not joking. This is real. Why do you think that I'd go through with all of this."  
"BECAUSE Crowler hired you, OF COURSE!" Jaden stressed! The Dark Catapaulter and Summoned Skull-ish appeared upon the field again, all of a sudden. "Now I'm gonna kick your ass for wasting so much money on this stuff!"  
"Aren't you angry at me for stealing your teenage female friends," Cocoa asked.  
"But this thing is a HUUUUUGE WASTE! Look at all this! This cost hundreds of dollars, I'm sure! And have you gotten any idea of what our country's national debt is?"  
"Lower than America's."  
"Sure, but it's still pretty high! I use Monster Reincarnation to discard a crappy card to get a better monster: Elemental Hero Sparkman!" A cool purple totem card appeared on the field. Then Jaden discarded the situational Kishido Spirit card and retrieved his Sparkman from the Graveyard! "And here he is, 'cause everyone loves Sparkman!" Sparkman struck the field like lightning and gave Jaden a thumbs-up. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)  
"Okay, it's my turn," Cocoa said with no real effort used.  
"You forget: because your Pandemonium is da-dead, you lose Life Points for every Stick Figure or Skull Archfiend of Lightning you control, yo!"  
"Oh no." Summoned Skull-ish glared at Cocoa. "Bleeeeeeegh," he vomited. (Cocoa Titan: 1400 Life Points) A large glop of 'bean bun' fell out of his mouth. It grew eyes and bounced away.  
"Yeah, yeah, bean buns is REAL scary, yo."  
"Actually it is. Skull Archfiend of Lightning, attack that evil dinosaur robot."  
"GRAAAUGH!" Summoned Skull-ish released a wave of electricity from its pie hole and blasted Dark Catapulter into smithereens!  
"Woah! Looks like somebody's pulling out all the stops now that he's evil, yo!" Jaden grunted.  
"What are you talking about."  
"Yeah, yeah, super transformation and all that crap. Go on, finish it up."  
"I set one card and summon Stick Figure Yellow to end my turn," Cocoa finished. A yellow stick figure appeared.  
"GRrRrRrR!" it growled in varying tones. (Yellow Stick Figure: 1100 Attack Points)  
"Aw, man, now I have the urge to attack wildly!" Jaden whined!  
_Perfect, all a part of the plan of summoning a weak monster on purpose,_ Cocoa thought vile-y.

"Psyche!"  
"What."  
"I equip Sparkman with the card Sparkman's Gun!" Jaden announced! Suddenly, Sparkman was holding a pistol!  
"Oh no, even I know the power of guns," Cocoa gasped!  
"It allows me to change the position of your monsters, but only three times! And I think I know who to shoot first!" Sparkman held up his gun and it shone.  
"But wait, this isn't good for the eight year-olds watching people play card games," Cocoa complained, "I watched that card when I was eight, and look at me now, shooting calves and all that."  
"Talk to da gun, yo!"  
"Hm," Cocoa thought aloud, "Even if you try to kill my Skull Archfiend of Lightning, you may fail due to his special ability, you know."  
" I just said TALK to DA GUN. I'm not doing that yet, I'm killing the monster you stupidly left out for me! Sparkman's Gun Bullet Shoot Attack!" Sparkman shot a bullet at Yellow Stick Figure. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)  
"Ugh," it grunted. It blew up! (Cocoa Titan: 900 Life Points)  
"And also, I'm using my Spark Blaster on my OWN monster, Mr. Dumb Failure Guy!" Jaden laughed. Sparkman shot himself in the head with his own gun.  
"Ow," he said. He crouched down and grabbed his wound in pain. "Damn Personas!" (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)  
"Your jokes suck, Sparkman," Jaden said, lacking remorse.

"Hmph, using your Sparkman to kill an enemy, then having it hide in Defense Mode in shame," Cocoa grunted. "You're a coward, using a strategy like that."  
"It's not cowardly, just cheap!"  
"Too bad, because I activate Battle-Scarred." Cocoa activated a Trap Card with Terrorking Archfiend slicing a Marauding Captain's face, spewing out green apple jam. "Now when I pay five-hundred Life Points for my Stick Figure or Archfiend cards, you do it too." (Cocoa Titan: 900 - 400 Life Points)  
"See, THAT'S cheap, too!" Jaden said. "I'M not calling it cowardly, AM I?" (Jaden: 600 - 100 Life Points)  
"Anyways, since I couldn't draw a monster, somehow, I attack your Sparkman." Cocoa's Summoned Skull-ish fired another volley of electricity at Sparkman. Sparkman tried to shoot the lightning, but it didn't work, much to his surprise. He was hit and disintegrated.

"Then I set a card and activate the Spell card Double Spell. It's a Spell that lets me discard a Spell to copy a Spell in your Graveyard, and I'll choose the Spell Emergency Provisions." His newly-set card turned into a tasty cracker. He ate it. (Cocoa Titan: 400 - 1400 Life Points) "Yum. Your turn… of doom… begins now. Next turn your life points will be zero because of the Battle-Scarred card I have on the field, and you don't have any cards in your hand."  
"Oh, nobody noticed that before," Jadne noticed, wiggling his fingers around.  
"Yes. Well, you lose, so just play and such."  
"Well," Jaden said, drawing his card, "just so you know, 'doom' came from an old word meaning 'destiny'! So I'm not gonna die, I'm just gonna attain my destiny… of kicking your ass!" Jaden examined his super-lucky card. "Time to repent of your sins of being hired by teachers long ago to Duel people so hard that they gave up hope on dueling and left the school forever to look for new joooooobs! I summon… Elemental Hero Bubbleman!"  
"…Did you just say 'bubble'."

A blue batman-like failure man leaped into the air, surrounded by bubbles, creating a beautiful ballet scene. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)  
"If he's the only guy in my hand," Jaden explained, "I get to summon him and draw two cards! And they'd better be good, yo!" Jaden drew just the two cards he needed! "OHHHH YEEEEAAAAH, BAYBEH! I ACTIVATE POLYMERIZATION!"  
"What could you possibly summon to kill my Skull Archfiend of Lightning." Cocoa asked. Suddenly, Summoned Skull-ish was slowly but surely sucked into a raging black hole! "WHAAAAAAAAT."  
"Yes, I'm fusing him and my Red-Eyes Black Dragon together to form Red Eyes Black Skull Dragon! Yo!"

A ginormous, black, skeletal dragon of awesome, with piercing red eyes of pain had finally appeared!  
"No, you don't get it," Cocoa pleaded! "Don't you see that my monster is only KIND OF LIKE Summoned Skull. That was the whole point of the monster."  
"If it wouldn't work, then it wouldn't have turned into a dragon hologram!" Jaden bargained. "Now, use your Black Skull Flame Burst!"  
"GWAGYOOON!" The dragon roared, and then breathed out a raging fireball of flaming fire to burn Cocoa's life points away!  
"Noooooooo." (Cocoa Titan: 0 Life Points) He fell to the ground in pathetic defeat. "I just lost a card game. My life is oveeeeeeeer."  
"It's not THAT bad, pathetic villain."  
"LITERALLY," Cocoa added. Suddenly, the evil bean bun spirits swarmed all over Cocoa! "Ahh, they're eating my flesh."  
"Hmm," Jaden thought, "should I save him, or should I just leave like nothing ever happened here…" Jaden promptly left the evil world of doom and hopped back out into real life.

"Jaden!" Syrus called!  
"What happened there?" Koala Ko Ala asked. Jaden's friends were apparently worried about him, as they had rushed over to him and made sure if he was okay by patting his stomach.  
"I beat that dumb Cocoa guy. He's gonna come out when he's ready." Jaden pointed back to a floating black orb in the center of the room, which he had apparently just returned from. "How's Alexis doin'?" He paused. "And her friends?"  
"Oh," Syrus noticed. "They're over there." He pointed to the girls, sitting in their coffins, asleep.  
"Okay, looks like we've tied up those DARN loose ends, guys! Let's hit the hay!" Jaden began to leave.  
"Wait, Jaden!" Koala Ko Ala exclaimed. "What about them? We can't just LEAVE 'em—"  
"Yes we can! They'll be fine."  
All of a sudden, the big orb of evil began to shrink, loudly releasing electrical shocks. Everybody ducked for cover. "HOLY MOTHER FREAKING LOADS OF CRAPSAUCE JIBBERJABBER GREAT GOOGLYMOOGLY!" Syrus said. Then it was ALL OVER. It was silent and regular again.  
"Well, he's DEFINETLY not crushed and or killed!" Jaden laughed. "Like I said, let's go."

Ten minutes later… NANCY WUT'S EYES OPENED IN A SCARY FASHION!

[COMMENTARY]

No, that song will NOT be Jaden's real theme song, and I'm not accepting requests for him. Anyways, this was one of the most entertaining episodes to write, between the stupidity of Jaden and the stupidity of Cocoa Titan. They practically work off of each other!

Also I loved the stupid alternate universe duel part! Jaden genuinely believes that it's all Cocoa's doing, and so even whilst he's being killed by evil spirits, he says "Aw yo it's just a sham!". Awesome stupid bravery.

Well that's about it for this chapter, and remember, you cannot hide what is inside.

EDIT:  
This chapter was alright, but certainly not as bombastic as the last one was. Still, it showed off a lot of other stupid things and tied up our Duel. I noticed this time around that I'd left a few areas with very little description, so I think I KINDA fixed it up, but I'm unsure. Hit me up if you see something lame-sounding. Still, gotta love that surprise ending.

LAST EDIT:

12/18/10


	7. Episode 7: Duel and Unusual Punishment

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 7: Duel and Unusual Punishment

Alexis was walking with her two followers. But she wasn't just walking, she was walking IN DA FOG BY DA OCEAN ON THE THIN PATHWAY AT DA SCHOOL. Nancy Wut was wet and soggy because she had just fallen into the sea. "Thanks for saving my life, guys!" she thanked.  
"Stop being so thankful!" Angry McArgue retorted. Suddenly, Alexis froze in her path.  
"Woah, Zane?" Alexis called. Zane was standin' by the lighthouse! In da fog! "Hey!" Zane kept on standin', paying her no mind. "Yo, Zane?" He paid her no mind. "Zane, you rude idiot! I'm over here!" Nothing. She walked over and poked him. "Zane? Zane?"  
"Poke the bastard's eye!" Angry McArgue ordered.  
"Yeah!" Nancy Wut shivered.  
"Zane?" Alexis began jabbing at his eye with her sharp, manicured fingernail.  
"Nothing," he calmly muttered as she continued jabbing his eye. "I just felt like being alone."  
"Aww, that's our ZAAAANY Truesdale!" Nancy Wut joked. Angry McArgue pushed her into the ocean again. "But I can't swiiiiiimmmmmmm…"  
"Well maybe that's because he shouldn't be here," Zane reasoned.  
"… Well, I knew you'd always be like that, yet I still can't get used to it," Alexis said, holding her head in her palm in shame. Suddenly and without warning, Angry McArgue pushed her into the water.  
"TAKE THAT! Oh, wait, you're Alexis."  
"AND YOU'RE A TERRIBLE CHARACTER."

Meanwhile in the Slifer Toolshed… or on the road TO the Toolshed… a military van filled with military personnel drove by. It stopped just outside and the troops leaped out in strict lines of five, holding advanced guns and stuff. "HUTHUTHUTHUTHUT," they said.  
At that same time, Jaden and Syrus were sitting atop a sleeping Koala Ko Ala's tummy, watching television. "Man, I SURE am glad yo found that television outside, Syrus!" Jaden congratulated, patting his head. "You're a good boy!"  
"Don't thank me yet. It might explode or emit something heinous, so watch out and use Koala Ko Ala for cover, 'kay?" Syrus warned. He held up the remote control he'd found with the TV, but Jaden swiped it away.  
"Hey, we could watch MTV on this baby! My fave channel!" Jaden informed. He pressed the ON button and pressed M-T-V on the number pad.  
"WELCOME TO MTV, NO MUSIC, ALL REALITY SHOWS, ALL THE TIME! RADICAL!" the TV blared! "Except in the mornings."  
"Oh no, what did they do since I last watched this channel, yo?" Jaden wailed!  
"When was that, in the 80's?" Syrus asked.  
"Wait, it's still morning," Jaden remembered, "so they MAY be gettin' ready to show some MUSIC VIDEOS!" But nope, they found a commercial!

Joey Wheeler and a random kid were sitting in a restaurant. The kid picked up a salt shaker and stared at it intently. "This salt shaker top looks unnatural, like a tumor," the boy remarked.  
"Heh heh heh, Toomer Hyoomer!" Joey giggled rudely.  
"HEY!" the boy snapped, gaining his undivided attention. "There's nothing funny about tumor humor." The screen began turning white and blank, except for Joey Wheeler and his blank expression.  
"TUMOR HUMOR: IT'S NOT FUNNY." said the narrator of the commercial, as the words appeared onscreen. "A MESSAGE FROM THE TUMOR HUMOR ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA."

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAAAAAAAT?" Syrus cried, almost falling off of Koala Ko Ala's tummy and into the precarious mouth! "I DON'T GET IT!"  
"WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY GLORIOUS AMERICAN EIGHTIES MUSIC VIDEOS?" Jaden cried, not unlike Syrus!  
"And the ENDING! What, are we supposed to be AGAINST IT, or is the TUMOR HUMOR ASSOCIATION **FOR** ALL OF THIS?" Syrus screamed!  
"I THINK YOU'RE OVERREACTING, SY!"  
"AND NOW," said the TV, interrupting the nervous breakdown, "IT'S TIME FOR TMNT!"  
"Yo, Syrus! That sounds awesome!" Jaden cheered! "It's the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!"  
"B-but what about the tumors?" Syrus worried.

And so, the following theme song played:_  
Teen-age mu-tant ninja tu-mors!  
Teen-age mu-tant ninja tu-mors!  
Teen-age mu-tant ninja tu-mors!  
Teen-age mu-tant… TUMOR POWER!  
Teenage mutant ninja-tumors, mighty-morphin' ninja tumooooooors!_

The resulting cries could be heard throughout the island. "**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, TOO MUCH TUMOOOOOOOOORSS!**"

Downstairs, the special action corps had assembled at the toolshed and charged up the stairs to the second floor! Professor Banner broke through his door, with a mug of coffee and pajamas handy! And the cat. "OH NO!" he gasped! "The DISCIPLINARY action SQUAD! They ONLY come when a STUDENT has done something REALLY BAD! RUN, JADEN, RUN! And the puffy boy. And the blue hair boy." Then he walked back into his home.  
The boys recovered slowly from their mental scarring by turning the TV off. "Damn, that was creepy." Then some guys knocked at the door.  
"OPEN UP, THIS IS THE DISCIPLINARY ACTION—"  
Jaden opened up the door. "WE DON'T WANT ANY!" he roared! He slammed the door in their faces. "Damn door-to-door-Duelists." Suddenly the  
door was blown right off its hinges by apparently nothing.  
"AAAHH!" Syrus leaped under Koala Ko Ala for protection.  
"This is the Disciplinary Action Squad!" the head disciplinary lady yelled! "You two are under Yu-Gi-Oh arrest!"  
"But what did we do, yo?"  
"The answer will be made MORE than apparent after you come with us," the disciplinary action squad lady stated.  
"No way!" Jaden defied! "I'm not goin' until I hear just what I did!"  
"That's the rule, boy—"  
"I raise your one unfairness with one irresponsibility!"  
"Trying to bribe me, boy?" the lady asked, intrigued.  
"Not if you can stop me! Now pay up, or put up!" Jaden held up his Duel Disk!  
"Fine, here you go." The lady gave Jaden $-12 in DuelBucks.  
"Yeah, Sy! I just extorted cash! Wait… this is NEGATIVE twelve DuelBucks?"  
"I'm makin' a break for it!" decided the weakest link. Syrus, using Koala Ko Ala for padding, leaped out of the window off of the cliff into the sea.

A LIL'! WHILE! LATER!  
All of the kids and officials were in the Chancellor's Office. "WE'RE SUSPENDED? Yo." Jaden and Syrus screamed. In the office today for some reason were three terrifyingly large screens, notable in that they were broadcasting gigantic teacher faces. It was incredibly unsettling.  
"That's right," said the chief squad person lady on one screen, "for you have committed the terrible crime of pirating cable television!"  
"But Koala Ko Ala was at the abandoned dorm, too—wait, we weren't in trouble for that?" Syrus gasped.  
"Well of COURSE not, silly! NOBODY cares about that! Hahaha BUT YOU'RE STILL IN TROUBLE."  
"I TOTALLY agree, miss," agreed Crowler on a different screen.  
"AAAAAHH!" screamed everybody, turning towards its gigantic, creepy head.  
"You scared me there for a second," Chancellor Shepherd sighed.  
"I TOTALLY AGREE!" yelled the proctor who Bastion Misawa dueled on the first episode.  
"Stop copying me—what in blazes are YOU doing here useless proctor boy?" Crowler yelled!  
"I DON'T KNOW, SIR! I GOT LOST ON THE WAY TO THE BREAKFAST CART!"  
"We don't HAVE a breakfast cart!"  
"AND THAT'S WHY I GOT LOST!" And without another word, the man and his shades left. His screen… turned black… forevermore…  
"So, WHAT did we do again, yo?" Jaden asked, needing a reminder.  
"You pirated cable from America."  
"HUNH?" Jaden and Syrus hunh'd. "HOW DID WE DO THAT?"

Meanwhile, outside of the dorm, Banner was waiting around with his cat in full uniform. "What happened to that pirated cable television I ordered with all the American channels on it, Garfield?"  
"MEOW."

"And so," the lady continued, "as written in the Kaibaland Duel Academy of Japan Book of Rules and Regulations, Article 23, Paragraph 13, and I quote, 'Any children harboring stolen cable without sharing with the faculty and staff shall be thusly expelled from the school unless they can win a card game against some people you hire.'"  
"THAT'S NOT…" Syrus caught himself. "Wait, that's STUPIDLY fair. Any kid who can duel well can do ANYTHING they want and not be expelled?"  
"Well, it is a DUEL SCHOOL," Shepherd said.  
"That doesn't make it right."  
"Well, won't it sound harder…" Crowler gave them a dramatic pause. "…once I tell you that we hire PROFESSIONAL DUELISTS FOR THESE TYPES OF THINGS?"  
"OH, SNAPSKY!" Jaden excitedly gasped! "I get to duel a cool duel-ist at the cool school, you fools!"  
"J-Jaden, DON'T rap about this!" Syrus suggested.  
"Hmm," Shepherd wondered, "Wouldn't the PARADOX Brothers be sufficient for this, seeing as we have TWO boys?"  
"That sounds right to me," said the discipline lady.  
"Well, then THAT'S settled."  
"Okay." Without a word, the screens flickered off and the boys left.  
"Jaden," Syrus shuddered, "if we lose because of me, then I just KNOW that I'll do something in a self-destructive rage to make our plane crash into… THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE."  
"RE-LAX, Sy!" Jaden said, ruffling his hair.  
"Owww!" his hair groaned.

About forty seconds later, Koala Ko Ala was in attendance within Shepherd's well-lit office. "YOU wanted to SEE ME?" Shepherd asked in his most nasally, official voice possible.  
"Yeah," Koala stuttered, "I, like, was at the abandoned dorm too, last night, and I think it's unfair for Jaden to duel with such a terrible player as a teammate."  
"Koala Koala,"  
"It's Koala KO Ala, separate the syllables."  
"Anyways, we don't CARE about that dumb dorm. Didn't you listen? Those kids stole cable!"  
"B—but they were using me as a cushion!" Koala Ko Ala argued! "So it should be a TRIPLE-DUEL, since I'm JUST AS GUILTY!"  
"BUT. YOU. WERE. ASLEEP." Shepherd moaned, knitting his brow.

Suddenly, Alexis broke into the office!"NO, IT WAS ME!" she announced!  
"WH-WH-WH-WHAT?"  
"I was at the abandoned dorm, too!" she revealed!  
"I JUST SAID THEY STOLE CABLE! WE DON'T EFFING CARE ABOUT THAT DUMB DORM," the Chancellor near-cursed.  
"W-well, I snuck into the room and secretly whispered into their ears, 'steal the cable, you need it'!" Alexis lied! "I'm just as guilty, so it should be a triple-duel! You know how bad Syrus is at dueling!"  
"Nuh-uh," Koala Ko Ala interrupted, "QUADRUPLE duel."  
"Yeah!"

They both fell through the trap door Shepherd activated. "It's times like these I enjoy having installed this baby," he sighed.

Meanwhile meanwhile, Jaden had decided that he was tired of Syrus being so depressed. "STOP BEING SO DEPREEEEESSED!" He threw Syrus out the window and onto the beach. Then he, too, leaped out of the dorm room and onto the beach, holding two decks. "If you're so WIMPY like you say you are," Jaden preached, "then duel me so that I can help you work out your kinks, yo!" He tossed Syrus' deck onto the sand, near his head, seeing as the rest of his body got buried into the beach upon impact.  
"I can't move, because I got buried somehow. And I mean, this is so sudden."  
"It's all about the impact! Now get you game on!" Jaden gave him a reassuring smile.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"WAAAAGH! NOT AGAIN!" Syrus' screams, somehow, blew the sand sealing his body away! He climbed out of the new crater and picked up his deck. "But I don't have my duel disk." Jaden tossed it at his face! "AHH! THE SHARP PARTS!"  
"You'll get used to them!" Suddenly, a large wave crashed over both players, thoroughly soggying them to the core.  
"Oh, NO!" Syrus whined! "My DECK'S all WET! Looks like I'll just go home now."  
"I got a spare!" Jaden tossed the spare deck at Syrus like a fastball, causing him to drop his ruined copy. Syrus looked through it quickly.  
"Heeeeey, there's no ARMOROID card in here! I need that card!"  
"Whoops, yo! Now…." Jaden waved his arm, dispelling all unlucky spirits and signaling a grape day! "SY, LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Oh, well at least I know I'm almost used to that voice now," Syrus said, smiling uneasily.

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Syrus: 4000 Life Points) The waves picked up, LITERALLY! The boys were lifted twelve feet into the air with the waves turning solid beneath their feet! "This is weird!" Syrus cried.  
"It's all part of the game, yo!" Jaden picked up Elemental Hero Avian. He decided to play him for some reason. "Sweet!" he called. "Go Avian! In Attack Mode!" Avian appeared.  
"And I destroy it!" Syrus immediately made Avian explode.  
"OH NOOOOOOO!" Avian shouted. He exploded! Jaden's wave began furiously waving around!  
"Well, I THROW DOWN a FACE-DOWN and end my turn!" Jaden reinforced.  
"BOO!"  
"Okay," Syrus yelled, "I summon Super Robot Police Robot!" Syrus' wave swelled higher and higher as a dumb police car robot drove onto the scene! "Attack him! Hit-And-Run!" The car drove super-fast, aiming to run over Jaden! And so it drove off Syrus' wave and tackled… a cool shield barrier thing!  
"Negate Attack, man!" Jaden signaled. The police car exploded on contact. Then a new one was lowered onto Syrus' field.  
"Aw, man! THAT stinks."  
"Plus," Jaden added, "you were a complete FAILURE! You should've used that guy's special power! You could've seen my Trap card and destroyed it somehow! But you WON'T be a SCREW-UP during the TAG-DUEL, RIIIIIGHT?"  
"You really suck at making me feel better. You're dumb."  
"HUNH?" Jaden gasped! His wave lowered drastically! "You KNOW I didn't mean it! I just meant it as a joke. I was sarcastic, so that you could learn from your mistakes."  
"Oh." They stood around idly for a minute. "Wanna continue dueling?"

"Dah, okay. I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman in Attack Mode!" Sparkman flipped out of his card and onto the field. Electricity bounced off of the waters in a beautiful manner, dealing no harm to neither Jaden nor Syrus. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) "Plus, I use his super-power: if Avian was destroyed without a battle or card effect, Sparkman can bring him back!"  
"I didn't know THAT!" Syrus gulped! "THAT'S not his ABILITY!"  
"_I SAID THAT'S HIS SUPER-POWER!_" Avian sprang back from the grave!  
"Thanks, buddy!" Sparkman punched him. "Ow."  
"Sparkman, attack that dumb police car!" Sparkman threw a lightning spear at him, generated by his hands!  
"YEEEEOW!" said the car.  
"AAAAAAAAHH!" (Syrus: 3600 Life Points) His wave sank downward quite a bit, as well!  
"And now, Avian, do yo' thing!" Jaden suggested!  
"Okay, boss!" Avian flew towards the blue-haired boy, then tripped and knocked into him in a humiliating fashion.  
"WAAAAAAAAAGH!" they screamed! (Syrus: 2600 Life Points)  
"Finally, I'll THROW DOWN A FACE-DOWN!" Jaden repeated.  
"BOO," someone said.

"Ugh, this sucks," Syrus whined, struggling to his feet.  
"Don't worry, man, I bet you have a monster that can WIPE DA FLOOR with MINE!"_  
It's no good,_ Syrus thought, drawing a Pot of Greed and staring at his steam locomotive monster in his hand that has 1800 Attack Points and gains more when it attacks, but loses some (but not enough for Avian to kill it) when it's attacked. _I can't win with THESE cards._ "I just use Pot of Greed." An ugly pot appeared and giggled a bit. Then it 'sploded. "I draw two cards." He drew a card with a welder-man on it and a crappy-ol' Polymerization. "Holy crap! I drew a GOOD card! That NEVER happens!"  
"Aw, it should at LEAST have a 1/40 chance!" Jaden said._  
I'll NEVER forget the day I first used Power Bond…_ Syrus reminisced. _Back when Syrus was slightly shorter, he Dueled a BIG BULLY at ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! (Syrus: 4000 Life Points. Grizzly-Voiced Green: 14 Life Points)  
"GIVE IT UP," the eight-year old bully ordered in his gravelly, grizzly voice. "'YER TOAST!" his Gearfried the Iron Knight was staring down that steam locomotive and a helicopter.  
"No way," Syrus growled, "I'm not afraid of you ANY MORE! I activate Power Bond!"  
"STOP!" yelled Zane from nowhere.  
"Oof!" Syrus fell over.  
"Ha, how do you expect to WIN if you FALL OVER?" Grizzly-Voiced Green snickered. Zane approached him calmly and coolly.  
"This duel never happened, got it?" he stressed. He took out a Hane Hane card.  
"Bro, I'm ABOUT to HUMILIATE HIM."  
"Heheh, nice card," the bully said.  
"Just take this and walk away."  
"You got 'yerself a DEAL!" The bully swiped the card out of his hand.  
"Aw, GREAT, bro!" Syrus roared! "Now I'll NEVER learn how to stand up for myself!"  
"No Syrus, you WEREN'T." Zane growled. "And I would've never GIVEN you that card if I were to know you'd MISUSE it like you were ABOUT TO."  
"But I WASN'T!"  
"THIS was the face-down card you opponent had on the FIELD!" Zane held up a Bad Reaction to Simoochi card.  
"That wouldn't WORK, DUMB-ASS BROTHER!" Syrus cursed! "I even had an MST in my hand! LOOK!" Syrus threw the Mystical Space Typhoon he had in his hand at Zane with enough force to stab it into his flesh.  
"THAT'S RIGHT, A VERY POWERFUL TRAP CARD." Zane hadn't noticed the sharp Spell sticking out of his now-bleeding neck yet. "And when it's activated—"  
"THAT'S IT!" Syrus ran after Grizzly-Voiced Green with a bored vengeance! "COME'ERE, FATASS!"  
"__**AAAAAUGH! MY LEGS DON'T BEND THAT WAY! OOOOOOH, NO! IS THAT MY LARGE INTESTINE? OH, THE HUMANITYYYYYYYY!**__"_

_DAMN, I used to be SO BADASS! _Syrus smiled to himself. The waves underneath the two players were still wiggling like water should, and they were also getting restless. "Yo Sy," Jaden called, "the waves're gettin' restless! Hurry, they may recede and we'll fall! TO OUR _DOOMS!_"  
"Then it's settled; I'm goin' back to my former days of bad-assery! I play POWER BOND!" A big, swirly black hole appeared.  
"That's no Power Bond," Jaden playfully remarked, "THAT'S a Polymerization! I should know!"  
"Aw, DAMN IT!" Syrus cried. "Well anyhoo, I'll fuse the Super Robot Helicopter Robot and Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot cards in my hand to summon Super Robot Steam Locomotive Helicopter Robot, or SRSLHR for short!" And then our black hole exploded, making a steam locomotive with a helicopter rotor on its side appear! (SRSLHR: 2200 Attack Points)  
"Sorry, but that wasn't short, and that guy's a pretty useless Fusion!" Jaden laughed!  
"Crap's about to GO DOWN, JADEN!" The waves responded to Syrus by exploding (hypothetically) behind him! "Time to go LOCO-MOTIVE! Use TRAIN TWISTER!" _Yep, I'm a bad-ass!_  
"BOO."  
"Ahh?" The pain train's rotors spun like MAD! It summoned a massive twister, which ate up Avian.  
"WHY MEEEEEE?" he wailed. Nobody could see what was happening inside… EXCEPT FOR THE WAVES. And Avian. And the train which had just flown into them all. "Woah," Avian chuckled, "this is kinda cool! Wait, there's a light… and it's growing… HOLY CRAP!" Several 'woot-woot' sounds came from the twister. "THERE'S A TRAIN IN HERE! OH, MAN, IT'S COMING—OWAAAAAAAAAH! GUUUURGH, IT CRUSHED MY LEEEGS! ARGH! NOOOO, **IT TURNED AROUND FOR MORE!** WAAAAAAGH… OH, I'M STILL ALI—_NOOOOOOOOO, IT CRUSHED ME AGAIN! I'M DEAD NOW! NO, FOR REAL! AHH!_" The twister disappeared and Jaden's wave reared back. The complicatedly-long-named Super Robot floated back down to Syrus.

"Woah!" Jaden grunted. (Jaden: 2800 Life Points) "Um... , then I use POLYMERIZATION, TOO! And I gots a Clayman in my hand, too, yo." A black hole appeared, AGAIN, and it absorbed Sparky and Clay-y. It quickly spat out Thunder Giant. (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)  
"Aw, man!"  
Um..."'Aw' is RIGHT!" Jaden yelled! "Plus, sorry to say, but you're about as BADASS as RASPBERYL!"  
"Who's THAT?"  
"I dunno, maybe you'll find out by our NEXT adventure. Anyways, Thunder Giant, blow that… THING up!" Thunder Giant responded in turn by punching the train. It blew up. "Now, I summon Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!" The fiery lady flew right next to Thunder Giant, making her look even smaller than usual.  
"Not Elemental Hero Flaming Dominatrix!" Syrus cried, grabbing his head with both hands!  
"Close enough!" Jaden supported! (Flaming Dominatrix: 1200 Attack Points) "Double Attack Thunder Fire Go Yeah~" he ordered! They shot out a DAZZLING array of flames and electricity, urging Jaden's wave to circle Syrus' like a wild snake, preying on its prey! Then, it struck. It pushed Syrus over.  
"AAAAAAHH—ow." Syrus had landed head-first into the sand, burying only his head, leaving the rest of his body standing straight up like a rod. (Syrus: 0 Life Points. GAME OVER)

"That was awesome, Sy!" Jaden encouraged. He leaped off of his wave and plucked Syrus out like a radish.  
"That really sucked, man, sucked." Syrus whimpered.  
"Whadda ya talkin' 'bout?" Jaden said. "It was COOL! Didja see how I WON? Plus, there was a card you smiled at, so I at least know all but one thing can depress you." Jaden picked up Syrus' discarded cards, strewn across the beach. "Hey, you had POWER BOND ALL ALONG? AND A LIMITER REMOVAL? DAMN, MAN! THAT DUMB TRAIN WOULD'VE HAD QUADRUPLED ATTACK POINTS! YOU WOULDA BEATEN ME IF YOU HADN'T SCREWED UP! Oh boy… There's hope for you yet!"  
"But what if I FORGET the NEXT TIME? Wahahaaaah!" Syrus cried, as he began to run away like a sissy.

"What was THAT?" Jaden wondered aloud. "Wait, when he said his flashback aloud, I heard him say that Zane was dumb. He has problems with him!" Jaden smashed his fist into his palm! "THAT'S IT! If I can show ZANE how dumb he is by beating him in a DUEL, then Syrus'll be a better Duelist! It's the perfect plan!" Jaden ran off, excited about his 'awesome' idea. I pity him.

[COMMENTARY]

This is going down as #2 in the list of episodes you should force your friends to read in order to get them hooked. This is the shortest, but one of my favorites! Revising it today, I laughed too much, thus killing two people, hypothetically, of course.

Anyways, the television IS IMPORTANT. NOT just because it taught us the horrors of tumor humor, but because in a majority of future episodes, it will provide us with a good dumb tv-based joke. Please enjoy them.

Also the flashback was pretty great in my opinion, as well as the beginning by the docks… actually, Zane's a pretty funny character in this story due to the context of his appearances. But remember, Syrus was once a badass. And what once was can NEVER BE AGAIN. Except for maybe. Keep your hopes up?

EDIT:

Yes, Syrus may become a badass someday, but I will not. Ignoring that, I still enjoy those Tumor Humor jokes to this day. It had a little social commentary, had a little lampshading, and had a little excitement, but nonetheless, this one was pretty solid. Not as off-the-wall as other episodes, but still makes you smile… on the inside. Have a merry Halloween.

LAST EDIT:

12/21/10


	8. Episode 8: For the Sake of Syrus

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan-Fic  
Episode Eight: For the Sake of Syrus

Another bright, deadly morning on 'Death-Volcano' Duel Academy Island began, and the magma mountain rumbled softly, emitting a rad electrical guitar sound. Jaden walked through a hallway with a serious face and walked through an automatic sliding door. _I didn't even know they'd invented those yet… _Jaden thought. _That reminds me of my intense anger and hatred from yesterday._

_"Uh, Jaden, Syrus has a brother, duh," Alexis said upon the cliffs above the crashing sea of death.  
"I'm not too sure if talked to you last time, but okay. Who is he?"  
"He's Zane Truesdale, the best duelist at the Academy. Plus, he's pretty cool-looking. And that's about it."  
"Oh, thanks."_

"And that's my motivation, alright!" Jaden had gone all the way to the 'Special Writing Table' in the academy's card shop to write his proposal, and damn it, he wasn't leaving 'til he'd filled-out the most badass request form ever. He took out a red pencil and a sheet of official-looking paper with a Blue-Eyes White Dragon silhouette lining the top left corner. Under that it read '_Kaiba is still richer than you_' and outlined everything needed to ask some kid to play a game with you. "Alright, since I'm at the writing table, I can write now without consequence, yo!" he shouted!  
"Um, you're dumb," Countergirl Williams said from the counter, smacking her gum.  
"I know, you don't have to tell ME." _Now when I play against that Zane guy, he'll have no reason to tell his brother that he's not ready to use a trading card! I'm not too bright, but even __I__ know the flawed logic there! But wait, that's bad… ah, well I'll ignore that._

Jaden wrote 'Zane' on the paper in fatty letters. Suddenly, Crowler walked by for no reason. It noticed that Jaden was writing something. "What are you writing?" it asked.  
"A paper."  
"I don't believe you. Let me see it." Crowler forcefully ripped it out of Jaden's hands! "Oh, now look at what you've done! You ripped it!"  
"I have a spare," Jaden announced, holding up his second paper.  
"Oh. So you're writing out a duel request form to duel Zane Truesdale?" Crowler scoffed, reading a couple of words off the ruined page. "He'll defeat you, I already read the TV listings."  
"What's THAT mean?"  
"Oh, who cares, you'll never understand." Crowler ripped up the paper and threw it away.  
"I have a third—" Crowler took that one too and destroyed it. "Gosh, man, what's the deal? I'm just tryin' to help Syrus gain his confidence so that we can win the Tag Duel coming up soon!"  
"I'm ripping them up because you're an idiot!" Crowler yelled!  
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Jaden screamed melodramatically! _Actually, I have two more!_

Meanwhile, Syrus was sitting in the Slifer Toolshed in a blanket, staring at a card. "Stupid Power Bond card!" Syrus yelled. "Great, thanks to my blabbering brother, I have intense self-esteem problems! I'm contemplating suicide."  
_I would have never given you that card had I known you would misplay it, _a voice inside his head told.  
"WAAAAAUGH! GHOSTY VOICE!" Syrus wailed! "WHO SAID THAT?"  
_Sure, you know how to use Power Bond, but there's more to dueling than just that!_  
"Syrus, make your stupid imagination shut up!" Koala Ko Ala ordered from the top bunk of the bed. Syrus dove under the covers.  
"Great, now I believe that I can't play Duel Monsters! And also because I see all of those ads of the skinny, pretty girls, I need to turn bulimic! And those Scientologists have made an argument, and now I have to become one of them! ARGH, I THINK IT SO NOW IT'S TRUE!"  
_"No, Syrus,"_ Syrus's hair whispered, _"If you think that, then the duel will go like THIS…"_

_Syrus and Jaden stood in a hall of light. They were fighting two shadow-filled duelists, one of which sounded suspiciously like Tristan Taylor, Yugi's old friend from the first series.  
"Come on, you really suck!" he goaded! "That's all you can do? Fine, I'll use my monster card to use a Trap card which pays some Life Points, and I'll tribute my monster to Tribute Summon this monster, then discard two cards to Special Summon this card, so that I can take over your dumb police car and attack Jaden making his Life Points zero!" A giant police car robot appeared next to Jaden and punched him in the chops!  
"Oof!" Jaden's skull exploded in a bloody torrent of terror as he spiraled into the air!  
"NOOOOOOO, IT'S ALL MY FAULT THAT HE DREW SUCH AN AWESOME COMBO WHICH WAS REALLY ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLEEEEEEEEEE!" cried Syrus. Suddenly, Jaden rose up from the floor and his flesh peeled off!  
He stretched his arm out, which was for some reason covered in squirming maggots now, and wailed "WHY, SYRUS, WHYYYYYYYYY? WHY DID YOU LET HIM USE THAT REALLY IMPOSSIBLE COMBO? YOU HAD A SOLEMN JUDGMENT FACE-DOWN, YOU KNOOOOOWW!"  
"Oh, yeah, that card negates everything!"  
"I'll tell you why," the other duelist said in a cool yet calculating tone, "because he doesn't belong here." The shadow was lifted off of him and he was… TRISTAN TAYLOR!  
"BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! HOW THE HELL DOES THAT __**WORK**__?"  
The two revealed Tristan Taylors both began cackling evilly! "Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" _  
"DAMMIT HAIR, NOW I BELIEVE IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! YOU FAILED!" Syrus wailed!  
_"Sorry…"_

Meanwhile in the forest, Koala Ko Ala had left and was munching some eucalyptus leaves because Syrus' hair's story was freaking him out. _TWO Tristan Taylors? Brr…_  
"Stupid Ms. Crowler," Jaden mumbled, passing by, "rippin' up the other two papers I had stashed away. How was I to know that today she could read minds? What a crook, yo! She's trippin'."  
"Uh, Jaden, what's goin' on?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"Oh, hey, Chum—sorry, I mean Koala Ko Ala. Whatcha eatin'?"  
"Eucalyptus. Want some?"  
"Koala," Jaden gasped, "That stuff's POISONOUS to humans!"  
"I'm not a human, I'm a Ko—"  
"YOU'RE **NOT** A KOALA."  
"WHAAAAT?" Koala Ko Ala almost fell out of his tree in surprise! "So THAT explains why those Koala magazines never thrilled me."  
"I'm not going to ask you what kinds of magazines you're talking about, but I'm angry. I need to duel my emotions out in one gracefully hardcore movement of the wrist and mind in harmonious motion!"  
"That was beautiful," Koala sniffed, brushing away a tear, "but it really made no sense. Sure, I'll duel you after I fall off of this tree and get my deck from the tool shed."  
"Wait… I think I have a better idea…" Jaden had a thought! "Sorry, I'll be right back after a few hours!" Jaden bolted out of the forest scene to put his thought into action. [i]I'm going to just ASK Zane to Duel me in PERSON! It's so obvious even I couldn't think of that![/i]  
"So who's gonna help me get off of the tree, then?" Koala Ko Ala's hands were slipping dangerously…

Jaden suddenly was pushed onto the beach. "Ow, stupid teleportation! Why can't I control it?"  
"Because you suck, ass-butt." Two MEAN Obelisk Blues were blocking his approach to the Blue dorms. One had a SWEET weird hairdo that looked like it had been twisted 90 degrees to the right! The other had a GNARLY "Three Stooges" Moe bowl-type haircut! They SERIOUSLY had duel power!  
"I am NOT an 'ass-butt!'" Jaden defended! "I may be a butt, but why technically call me a 'butt-butt'? That makes no sense!" Sudenly the Moe-guy splashed him with a bucket of water. "WHAT THE HELL?"  
"Heh heh, come back when you're promoted to Obelisk Blue, Slifer Slacker!" Moe-guy laughed. "Let's go, Twisthead."  
"Lol, Moe!" They laughed as they walked off, bumpin' knuckles all the way.  
"I'm not an ass-butt…" growled Jaden with vengeance.

ONE! WHILE! LATER!  
Jaden and Koala Ko Ala walked back into the Slifer Toolshed, because apparently Jaden went back to help Koala Ko Ala up off of the ground. "So whadda ya gonna do now, Jaden?" Koala Ko Ala asked innocently.  
"Well, I'll tell ya ONE thing I'm not gonna do:" Suddenly Jaden's voice turned dark and demonic. "**I WILL NOT FORGIVE THOSE TWO**." Jaden kicked open the door and walked in. "Up 'n at'm, Sy, we've got some Obelisk Blues to humiliate in a duel. Or worse."  
"Jaden, forget about it!" Koala Ko Ala yelled! "We'll never see them again, they're just one-shot characters!"  
Jaden pulled the covers off of Syrus' bed. SYRUS WAS NOT THERE! "What a twist!"  
"There's a horribly-written note!" Koala Ko Ala noticed! He read it aloud: "'Dear Jade, I'm leafing Duel Academy. It's fur the… uh, beast. Sigged, Syrus.' Why can't he write more clearly? Is he really THAT traumatized?"  
Jaden ripped the paper out of his hands. "No way, Jose!" He appropriately pronounced it as 'Joes'. "He's not goin' anywhere, yo! We're gonna perform a dramatic rescue!"  
"Okay then." Jaden tore out of the room as Koala Ko Ala stumbled over and fell.

Mere minutes later, Syrus had constructed a crappy raft and was about to shove off of the rocks and into the ocean. Looking down at his handiwork, he mumbled, "I'm an idiot. This thing couldn't even float for three seconds. On the plus side, I get to drown and die quickly and easily!"  
Jaden and Koala Ko Ala were tripping all over the rocks about an eighth of a mile away. "Darn rocks!" Jaden cursed! "They're real… ass-butts!"  
"You're under a bad influence, Jaden, like Bad Reaction to Simoochi," Koala Ko Ala sighed sadly, holding up the weird card he'd just referred to, showing some evil spirits making fun of a sad lady. "That will NEVER become a good catch phrase. Just stick to 'get your game on'. It's slightly less stupid." Suddenly, Jaden's pocket glowed!  
"Whubba-huh?" Jaden gasped, taking his deck box out from his pocket! Winged Kuriboh flew out of the box and fluttered around Jaden's face, and somehow Koala Ko Ala couldn't care less! "OOH," it said. It flew in his face, enraging him!  
"Not you again…" Jaden picked up some rocks. "I'M GONNA GET YOU THIS TIME!" He threw several, but they missed, seeing as it's a ghost that rocks can't hit. It began flying away after Syrus, because all it wants to do is help! "AFTER IT, KOALA!"  
"Magic meatbaaaaaall!" The boys followed it: One for vengeance, another for an emergency food supply.

Meanwhile again, on the random stretch of concrete stretching into the ocean with a mini-lighthouse on it, Zane was standing. Yeah, he was just standing. UNTIL ALEXIS APPEARED! Then he turned his head. And stood. On his feet. WHAT A SCENE! "So," Zane spoke, "any new leads?"  
"No," Alexis sighed, "but I thought that we were supposed to be worried about Syrus right now."  
"Don't worry, you'll find him," Zane reassured.  
"Uh, alright. But once again, I heard that Syrus was missing." _He's so sexy when he's stupid._  
"Oh did you, now?"  
"Well, it's the goal of the day to find him, and apparently if we do, we get five dollars." Inside of the duel dome there was a bulletin board. It had a memo reading: 'Today: Find Syrus. Tomorrow: Catch footage of Koala Ko Ala's dad.'  
"The big bad brother. What, does Jaden want to scold me now?" Zane supposed.  
"That didn't make ANY sense."  
"Heh," Zane chuckled.  
"Pfft, he thinks he's funny…" Alexis turned toward the rocks and saw Syrus ready to do something stupid! "OH MY GOSH HE'S ABOUT TO SHOVE OFF!"

Syrus stupidly pushed his lousy boat into the water as Jaden ran up a hill and leaped several feet into the air. "NO, SYRUS, NO!" he screamed!  
"JADEN? WHYYYYY?" Syrus wailed. Jaden landed on the boat, instantly making it break and capsize. "You suck at building boats, Syruuuuuus…" Jaden wailed as he sank; apparently he couldn't swim. "Shoulda taken the class blublublub."  
"Oh no, I didn't take the Boat-Building OR Swim Classes!" Syrus panicked, fearing the wetness! "Who'll save him now?"  
"I WIIIIIILL!" Koala Ko Ala heroically ran up the hill, leaped, and smashed into the ocean, causing ALL of the water to splash skyward, making many fish fall all over the place. Jaden coughed up some water and flopped around a little, but he was otherwise alright.  
"Thanks, guys koff koff koff!" he thanked.  
"Hurry, you don't have much time!" Jaden and Syrus scurried off of the ocean floor and onto dry land just as the water fell into place again in one huge sheet, rather than rainfall.

Jaden wiggled around, easily drying himself off. "Syrus, why'd you decide that if you didn't know how to play a single card right that you'd leave school forever?" he asked. "We'll teach you, yo!"  
"Well, then you could get a better Tag Duel partner instead of me, like Koala Ko Ala," Syrus explained.  
"Uh, yeeeeah, I actually suck, so your idea stinks," Koala Ko Ala said.  
"Also, you're wrong," added Jaden.  
"What?"  
"I wouldn't be able to do that."  
"Do what?"  
"Get another partner."  
"Huh?"  
"I can't get another partner, it's against the rules."  
"Oh."  
"So if you left, you'd die and I'd be screwed."  
"Oh, sorry then."  
"But-but I came to save your life, not my grades."  
"Oh, that makes it better then."  
"Good, good."  
"He is right you know," Zane called. Everybody gasped and averted their gaze at… ZANE AND ALEXIS ON A CLIFF!  
"Zane? But we already established that fact!" Syrus explained and yelled.  
"Hey lady, I can see up your skirt from here," Koala Ko Ala said. "Have some dignity." Alexis groaned and stepped back about three paces. "Thanks."  
"Thanks a lot, Koala Ko Ala," Jaden mumbled.  
"You're droppin' out?" Zane asked.  
"No, we already fixed that problem, so we can all go home now."

The credits began to roll, but Zane cut it off. "Well it's about time," he growled.  
"Not anymore, jerk-off!" Koala Ko Ala insulted!  
"Yeah, it was just about over, yo! Talk about lame!"  
Syrus began walking away. "I'm tired and I was really ready to end the episode."  
"Syrus, you KNOW you can't have a daily adventure without a duel, too!" Jaden explained, throwing in helpful arm movements.  
"Because I know it," Zane said.  
"Uh, what?" Alexis groaned.  
"That's IT!" Jaden roared! "I've been in such a bad mood today that I've even gotten out of character for a while! Now I'm going to do what I've been TRYING to do all day…" Jaden paused. "I'm gonna ask you to play a card game with me! Will you play a card game with me?"  
"Jaden, you know that you're not allowed to directly ask people to play a card game with you here—no, wait, how many times have we broken that rule already?" Syrus wondered. "Anyhoo, I have no problem with this."  
"… Duel a Slifer? Sure, why not. After all it's been a while since I went slumming."  
"What's slumming, Jaden?" asked naïve little Syrus.  
"I dunno, but I've got a card game to win!" Jaden answered, cracking his knuckles in anticipation. "Get yo' game on!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Jaden, WHO WAS THAT?"  
"I think it was some sort of duck. No, seriously."

SOME! TIME! LATER!  
Hour(s?) later, on the pier, the group had set itself up along the harbor place. It was nightfall, and Syrus was antsy because that was about the time when the kids all got served milk and cookies in the dorms. _I sure hope we don't miss the milk and cookies… _Syrus hoped. _Oh yeah, and that Duel's starting now all of a sudden._  
"DUEL!" Jaden and Zane drew their respective cards. (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Zane: 4000 Life Points)  
"I sure hope we don't miss our milk and cookies," Syrus worried.  
"Don't worry, Sy, this'll be quick enough so that we don't miss cookie time!" Jaden smiled. "Nuthin' goes better with winnin' than cookies!"  
_Except for ice cream,_ Alexis mentally corrected.  
"I'll kick this off by summoning Elemental Hero Avian in Attack Mode!" Jaden announced!  
"AW, MAN!"  
"You KNOW every time you use him you screw up somehow and he dies!"  
"We BEEN over that, yo!"  
Avian appeared, struck a foolish pose and yelled "HOOAH!" (Avian: 1000 ATK)  
"And I think I'll go ahead and throw down a face-down!" Jaden concluded, throwing down a face-down card.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"We can do this, right, Jaden?" Avian asked. Nobody replied.

"That's all, huh?" Zane supposed. "For my first move, I'll summon Cyber Dragon in Attack Mode!" Upon summoning, Zane's huge robot snake dragon thing burst through the concrete and made an EVEN BETTER pose than Avian! It curved and SMILED. (Cyber Dragon: 2100 ATK)  
"Oh crap, guys! You were right!" Jaden gasped! "I sure wish I could listen to other people!"  
"I could play my Cyber Dragon BECAUSE it was my first turn, Jaden. With no monsters out, he requires no sacrifice," Zane explained.  
"WHO ASKED YOU?"  
"And now I'll play Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy your face-down card!" A rip-roarin' tornado took out the Trap Jaden was saving.  
"This sucks!"  
"Not as fast as your Life Point meter will go down! Cyber Dragon, attack! Strident blast!" Cyber Dragon powered up fire power and shot out a column of flame at Avian!  
"Yeooooww!" he screamed, as he was burned away at a humorous speed.  
"Damn it all, yo! I'm never summoning him again unless I have a good reason!" Jaden exclaimed. (Jaden: 2900 Life Points) "Or unless it's to troll you."  
_Boy, my brother says the funniest things unless he's scarring me for life,_ Syrus thought.

"Next, I'll activate the Spell card, Different Dimension Capsule," Zane said, Cyber Dragon staring down Jaden like some hungry guy staring down a stack of pancakes. A sarcophagus appeared on the field and Zane took his deck out from the deck holder. A card popped out like magic, and he placed it in front of his face menacingly! "It allows me to take any card in my deck, and remove it from play for two turns. Then I can add it to my hand." He put the card into the HOLOGRAM and it left the third dimension entirely, fading into the solid ground.  
"That turn was so weird that I can't even remember all the questions I was about to ask you," Jaden admitted. He wiped his nose for no reason.  
"Why do hero-type people in Japan apparently wipe their noses all the time?" Syrus asked.  
"They only do that on TV, Sy, and plus I have an ENGLISH name, so I'm ENGLISH now," Jaden laughed.  
"Then why did you do that, anyways?"  
"Because they did it in the source material."  
"It's your move, Jaden," Zane said, changing the subject.

"A'ight, a'ight, I'll use my Polymerization card! Next, I'll ROLL OUT my heroes Sparkman and Clayman!" Elemental Heroes Sparkman and Clayman both appeared and then got sucked into a black hole that Polymerization suddenly created, crushing them and killing them as they passed the event horizon. The sounds were gut-wrenching. Then the black hole was consumed by light! "Now I'll, heh, ROLL OUT my Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!"  
"BOO."  
"Repetition isn't always funny!"  
The electric black hole exploded and dropped Elemental Hero Thunder Giant fell down from above. (Thunder Giant: 2400 ATK) "RAAAAAWRWAAAAR!" he roared, similar to Godzilla in many respects.  
"Then what was the cool light show for?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"Who cares, because my Thunder Giant's special ability can destroy your Cyber Dragon like spoiled milk!"  
"WHAT? I don't get it!" Suddenly Cyber Dragon was shocked by a bolt of lightning, killing it randomly.  
"Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" Jaden cheered! "I killed one of your main monsters!"  
"Yay!" Koala Ko Ala cheered!  
"Okay," Syrus sighed, "but he has two more copies."  
"Uh…" Jaden began sweating. "I'll pretend I didn't just hear that."  
"Me too," Koala Ko Ala agreed.  
"Well, I'll set a card face-down and have my Giant guy attack you directly!" Jaden pointed at Zane and his Thunder Giant held out both fists in agreement. Electricity came out in a lame looking-fashion. Zane didn't flinch as he was struck by the holographic attack! (Zane: 2400 Life Points)

"Wow, he didn't even flinch from that fake attack!" Jaden gasped.  
"Duh, Jaden, It's not real."  
"WHATEVER YOU SAY, Alexis. WHATEVER YOU SAY."  
"Nice moves kid," Zane congratulated. "But, now that my field's empty again, I can just throw out another Cyber Dragon." Another Cyber Dragon appeared.  
"U-uh, well, my m-monster is still st-st-stronger that it…" Jaden stuttered.  
"Or better yet two!" No, Zane did NOT use a comma. "I activate Monster Reborn!" He held out said card. "And with just one monster in my Graveyard, you can guess who's coming back." And alas, within a huge shower of sparkles, the first Cyber Dragon appeared!  
"Holy crap, man, this ain't lookin good, yo…" Jaden shivered in his boots.  
"But not for long," Zane added. He held out a Polymerization card in-between his fingers with a twirling motion. "Impressive form," he noted.  
"That was an impressive way to reveal a card, Zane," Alexis said sweetly, "look at what it's done to Jaden!" Jaden was laying on the ground, unconscious but frothing at the mouth in a puddle of urine.  
"Wake up, or else I'll get that on tape!" Koala Ko Ala threatened, holding out a camera of some sort!  
"And he'll do it, too," Syrus put in for good measure.  
"WAAH, HUMILIATION!" Jaden quickly leaped to his feet, pretending that had never even happened. BUT THE STAINS TELL ALL…

A more impressive black hole than even Jaden's, sporting diamonds and golden corridors, appeared behind the two Cyber Dragons and Zane regally rose his arm for extra impact. "Now, Cyber Twin Dragon, emerge!" A two-headed Cyber Dragon appeared from the depths of the black hole! (Cyber Twin Dragon: 2800 Attack Points)  
"What a stupid idea!" Koala Ko Ala gasped!  
"And my monster can attack twice per turn, so that means DOUBLE the trouble for you and your Life Points!" Zane's joke wasn't funny, but the two dragons charged up one laser beam each and fired them at Jaden in the form of two laser beams!  
_Quick, Jaden, come up with a comeback before you look totally un-cool compared to him…_

"Wow, a two-headed dragon!" Jaden bravely yelled. "What're you compensating for, something down there, perhaps?" The audience face-palmed together in perfect synchronization. "But I have a Trap card!" Jaden flipped up his Trap: A Hero Emerges! "You choose one card in my hand and I can Special Summon it! Now choose!" Jaden held up his single card. Zane stared blankly at it while the twin laser blasts were still slowly (and I mean ) rotating towards him and his giant. "I'll just summon him then. Wroughtweiler!"  
A dangerous-looking robot dog appeared on the field! "RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA-RA—"  
"Yeah yeah, you're a toughie, alright, now shut up," Jaden said. (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Defense Points)  
"You'll need'm," Zane agreed! "Cyber Twin Dragon, DOUBLE Strident Blast!"  
"That's STILL a stupid idea!" Koala Ko Ala gasped! "What's next; a THREE-headed dragon with TRIPLE Strident Blast?"  
"RA-RA-RA-RA—" Wroughtweiler was yet again interrupted from his stupid barking by the giant lasers striking him and Thunder Giant. They were vaporized into vapor. (Jaden: 2500 Life Points) The dog's head, however, survived just long enough to spit out two cards at Jaden.  
"Thanks for killing him for TWO REASONS: One, he was annoying—oh, no, I meant to say that the two reasons were these two cards I get from my Graveyard. A Hero and Polymerization… well, you get what I mean."  
"I don't worry."  
"Heh ha ha, you ARE SO STUPID!" Jaden laughed! "What's up with your brother, Sy?"  
"He was dropped on his head by his mother when he was younger. Last year, I mean. Though he was always pretty off." Syrus turned to Alexis. "And why aren't you defending your boyfriend?"  
"Because he IS stupid," Alexis replied. "Why don't you defend your abusive older brother?"  
"Touché, Girl-Jaden, touché."  
"What?"  
"Long story. Remember?"  
Zane smiled and retorted, "You too, Jaden."  
"That was a DUMB retort," Koala Ko Ala explained.

"My turn!" Jaden announced! He threw down a monster! "I throw down a face-up! Elemental Hero Bubbleman!"  
"BOO," someone said. A pile of fun bubbles appeared and signified somebody's appearance. Some ugly Batman impersonator appeared and blew them about, but sadly he was fat-ish and blue. A TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT. "BOO," someone repeated. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)  
"I understand where he's coming from, he IS pretty ugly," Alexis muttered.  
"And because the rules on Duel Academy Island are different from the rules everywhere else," Jaden went on, "I can draw two awesome cards, yo!" Suddenly and without warning, Winged Kuriboh appeared on his shoulder.  
"OOH," it cooed.  
"THIS IS FOR EARLIER!" Jaden punched it in the face!  
"OOH!" It fell on the ground, unconscious similarly to how Jaden was when he'd wet himself. Jaden took this time to look at his two cards. They were Winged Kuriboh and Some Lady Abducts an Angel Kid!  
"Oh, and because the rules for Bubbleman everywhere else say that when he's summoned and I have nothing on the field, it counts as a Special Summon, so I can summon Winged Kuriboh and activate Some Lady Abducts an Angel Kid!" And thus, he cheated by using the real rules, and played his other cards. Winged Kuriboh appeared, then got swallowed up by a dragon, took over its body and blew Cyber Twin Dragon up. (Zane: 0 Life Points. Game Over)

"Wow," Syrus gasped, "now I have the power – to save the day with my Cyber Bond card! It all makes sense now!  
"That was awesome!" Koala Ko Ala screamed!  
"Impossible…" Alexis whispered. "He won."  
"Hm." Zane smiled and turned around to leave. He looked back at his little brother, though. Then he left. Then he tripped and fell.  
"Hey, I actually beat him!" Jaden cheered! "Does that make me Obelisk Blue now?"  
"No." Alexis took her leave to console Zane. "Oh no, not again!"  
"Aw, snap," he cursed. "Uh, bye, Alexis?" asked Jaden, somehow.  
"So, what happened?" Alexis asked the blue-haired tall guy, helping him to his feet. "You were supposed to win. What went wrong?"  
"I think Sy chose good friends, Alexis." Zane smiled.  
"I guess that explains everything…"  
Jaden turned to his buddies and said, "How about we go eat some milk and cookies?"  
"AWRIGHT!" Koala Ko Ala yelled!  
"But seriously, change your pants," Syrus said.  
"It was THAT noticeable?"

[COMMENTARY]

Well, this one was a pretty good episode. Koala Ko Ala questions his humanity, Syrus has a freaky vision with two Tristan Taylors, Jaden wets himself, Crowler rips up papers, Alexis appears in a flashback that never happened, and Zane just does what he does best.

Plus, I got to establish the fact that Jaden sucks sometimes and only won in MY version because he cheated! What a cheater! And watch out, that duck from episode four is now officially cannon. You know the one.

Anyways, remember Syrus' vision, and Twisthead n' Moe WILL be back, someday…

EDIT:

Well I still believe this chapter was excellent, though a bit rough at the edges. The later parts were harder to connect with than the earlier ones, and the imagine spot by Syrus still gets me. However, I had to add in some of my strange prose in a few spots, and the start was a lot less descriptive earlier on. Maybe it had some tempo going for it, but I don't know. I'm happy where it is.

LAST EDIT:

12/23/10


	9. Episode 9: A Spirit Summoned :0

A REVOLUTIONARY NEW CHAPTER BY WEATHER REPORT

AN EPISODE NOBODY WILL EVER FORGET

YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC  
EPISODE 9: A SPIRIT SUMMONED

THEME MUSIC: THIS [.com/watch?v=5Q4Ks7i54v4]

A BLEACH AND YU-GI-OH CROSSOVER OF ACTING PROPORTIONS

Hanataro Yamada, an incompetent-looking Slifer Red student, flew through the halls one dark blustery autumn night. "JADEN!" he cried; he was acting in place of Syrus for this episode. "JAAADEN!" he repeated, more anxiously this time around. He passed by a girl and her best buddies; Orihime Inoue, Rukia Kuchiki and Hiyori Sarugaki, all Obelisk Blues with varying hair colors between them. "Hey, Alexis, Angry, or even Nancy!" he pleaded! "Have you seen Jaden—I mean Ichigo lately?"  
"Sorry, no," Orihime said, having shiny orange hair. "Also, you can refer to us as ourselves instead of our characters, y'know."  
"Why would we wanna see THAT idiot?" short-haired blonde Hiyori mouthed off. "Bug off."  
"Wait, I am NOT playing Nancy Wut in this episode," Rukia said, puffy hair and shortness in perfect alignment. "Orihime, switch roles with me."  
"Uh, okay." The two switched standing positions.  
"Nope, haven't seen him lately."  
"Oh, well, thanks anyway." Hanataro dashed off, with no success. _Damn, this is important! Why can't I find him when I need to?_

Soon enough, he met up with Chad Sado, the resident large Mexican guy playing an English Ra Yellow character. "Chad, hey!" Hanataro greeted. "Have you seen Ichigo?"  
"mmmnmnnmmn…" he mumbled.  
"Hey, wait, you can't play BASTION!" Hanataro argued. "We need Ishida. He talks. ISHIDAAAAAA?" Uryu Ishida walked onto the scene with his eerily shimmering specs and somehow 'orderly' hairstyle.  
"You called?" he asked, fixing his glasses.  
"Uh, yeah, you make a better Bastion Misawa, so take Chad's place."  
"mnmnmm?" Chad grumbled.  
"Is it because people think I'm British?" Uryu challenged, peeved!  
"Come on, Uryu, this is the last time, okay? It has nothing to do with memes or whatever."  
"Ugh, fine," Uryu sighed. Chad took off his yellow Duel blazer and Uryu put it on instead. Chad silently took his leave, wiping away a tear of defeat.  
"So, have you seen Ichigo as of late?" Hanataro asked.  
"I JUST got here; of course not," Uryu growled bluntly.  
"Oh. Thanks?" Hanataro ran off, again. "_Damned rude Brits..._"

Then he ran into three smooth-looking men in white coats. One, Sosuke Aizen, without glasses, turned around. "Hey, watch it, Slifer Slacker."  
"Stop acting like a Blue, you aren't even WEARING blue."  
"Hey," said another one, also Aizen, but with glasses grunted, turning, "you can't make fun of US, huh, Hanataro, huh."  
"Yeah," said the other guy, turning around, a TALLER version of Sosuke Aizen with glasses, "you can't do that, I reckon!" You see, actually the short one was AIZEN Aizen, and the TALL one was Sosuke SOSUKE. You'll get used to it.  
"Well, have you seen Jaden or not?"  
"Uh, no."  
"I haven't, huh, right, huh?"  
"Don't think so, huh, Hanataro, huh. I reckon!"  
"Damn, you're confusing! Anyways, back to my mission." Hanataro left without another word.

Finally, he decided to check the place he'd LEAST expect: the Slifer Toolshed. He burst through the door, glimpsing the incredibly girthy Marechiyo Omaeda sleeping and orange-haired Ichigo Kurosaki standing with his back facing the doorway randomly; they were his Slifer Red roommates. "Oh, Ichigo, THERE YOU ARE!" Hanataro jubilantly exclaimed!  
"Huh?" Raspberyl turned around.  
"WHAT THE HECK?" Hanataro gasped! "YOU'RE NOT ICHIGO!"

SECOND THEME SONG: NO, I DO NOT WATCH THAT SHOW. [.com/watch?v=gNu-E6JBZFU&feature=related]

STARRING (in order of appearance):

Hanataro Yamada as Syrus Truesdale

Orihime Inoue as Alexis Rhodes, and then Nancy Wut

Rukia Kuchiki as Nancy Wut, and then Alexis Rhodes

Hiyori Sarugaki as Angry McArgue

Yasutora Sado and Uryu Ishida as Bastion Misawa

Sosuke Aizen, Sosuke Sosuke and Aizen Aizen as Chazz Princeton, Billy Hills, and Deep-Voice Dobbson

Marechiyo Omaeda as Chumley Huffington/Koala Ko Ala

Jaden Yuki as Ichigo Kurosaki

Neku Sakuraba as Himself

Kaname Tousen as Himself

Ikkaku Madarame as Janitorboy Ikkaku

Toshiro Hitsugaya as Cult Leader Boy

Yumichika Ayasegawa as Cult Kid 1

Renji Abarai as Cult Kid 2

Rangiku Matsumoto as Cult Girl

Shinji Hirako as Cult Leader Man

Gin Ichimaru as Chancellor Shepherd

Zaraki Kenpachi as Jinzo

AND… Raspberyl as Jaden Yuki

Special guest appearance by Syrus Truesdale

Special thanks to the Prism Rangers, a Rifle Demon, seven Prinnies, and the International Hollow Association of Hueco Mundo.[/center]

Hanataro stood, mouth agape, at the little girl he'd just seen transform from Ichigo. "B-but you were Ichigo! And then you-you TURNED AND…"  
"So, what?" Raspberyl asked. "What's wrong?" Just then, Syrus Truesdale rushed through the doorway!  
"JADEN! WE HAVE A PROBLEM—who're you guys?"  
"Oh, didn't you get the memo?" Hanataro asked.  
"What memo?" Syrus freaked out. "Who ARE YOU?"  
"No, you guys are supposed to be starring in Bleach this week."  
"Oh, so Jaden's filling in for Ichigo?"

Jaden stood in the air (wearing a black kimono), held up his massive blade, and shouted, "BAN-KAAAAAAIIIII!" He covered himself in an impressive power aura of power as he gained a black coat and a small, equally dark katana sword. "GET READY TO DIE!" he shouted!  
Neku, standing at the other side of Hokage Rock, held out his left palm and roared "DON'T CALL ME PHOOOOOONES!" He fired off a massive kamehameha blast from just one hand!  
Bleach-resident Kaname Tousen called out to Jaden, "What anime are we in?" Jaden grabbed him held him out as a human shield.  
"WE'RE IN THIS ONE!"  
"Hey, what're you—NOOOOOOOO!" _**VSSHHH…**_

"Wait… did Tousen just die in that cut?" Hanataro wondered, worried.  
"So, thanks, I'll leave this up to you," Syrus sighed, leaving.  
"Well, back to the script," Hanataro said, shrugging, "Raspberyl, if that IS your REAL NAME, we have some BIG problems!" He walked back outside and pulled in Janitorboy Ikkaku Madarame, dressed up like a janitor with a moustache. He had a small janitor hat that sat just barely on the back of his bald tough-guy head. "This guy, Janitorboy Ikkaku, the new janitor, is oddly injured!"  
"I'm injured," he groaned. "The Jinzo card! He came TO LIIIIIFE!" Then he fainted.  
"That was weird," Raspberyl sighed. "Besides, Yu-Gi-Oh cards don't come to life! What a CRAZY new janitor!"  
"Well, how do you explain this?" Hanataro said. "His head was shaved by Jinzo!" Janitorboy Ikkaku's head glowed faintly.  
"I'm not bald." He pointed to his moustache.  
"I did not insinuate that, sir."  
"Aren't YOU supposed to be knocked out?" Raspberyl ordered.  
"Not anymore, because now I feel a lot better," Janitorboy Ikkaku explained, stepping onto his feet. "And I can explain EVERYTHING, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"So it was not too long ago, and I was cleaning up some pee outside the library…" he began.

_Janitorboy Ikkaku took out a three-sectioned spear with a red mop on the end and began cleaning up a yucky fluid. "Damn kids, can't even make it to the bathrooms these days."_  
"_HOLY SHIZZ-NIT!" a boy screamed, not too far inside of the bookhouse!_  
"_Hubba-_**WHA?**_" screamed a vaguely effeminate voice. Janitorboy Ikkaku dropped what he was doing, straightened his moustache and hat, and snuck inside the library. At a table near the non-fiction books section nobody would ever visit, four people were manipulating an Ouija board by candlelight. They all wore red cloaks and stuff, because red is the most magykal color ever. The lead boy was small with silver hair and a disgruntled face._  
"_**Shut. Up.**__" he ordered. "Do you WANT people to sneak in here and bust us?" He jabbed an accusing finger at some effeminate guy with a funky eyelash._  
"_B-b-but it just pointed to 'H'…" he croaked, pointing to a pointer that pointed to an 'h' symbol._  
"_He's right," said a guy with pinappley crimson hair and odd eyebrow tattoos. "If you go screaming EVERY time we spell a letter because they bumped into the table, then you'll wake up EVERYBODY."_  
"_Nobody's bumping into the table!" assured a young lady with strikingly blonde hair for a Japanese school and strikingly large breasts for a normal world. "It's all real, right, Hitsugaya?"_  
"_No."_  
"_See?"_  
"_Quiet, everybody," said Shinji Hirako, also robed, but sitting a small distance away with a trendy yellow bowl-cut. "If you're too loud, then we'll NEVER MEET JINZO."_  
"_Okay, daddy," the others all moaned in a hypnotized-ish fashion._

Holy crap, that's a hypnotist cult_! Janitorboy Ikkaku thought to himself. Oh well, at least they won't, say, _summon a demon!_ Suddenly, a MYSTERIOUSPHANTOM APPEARED BEFORE HIS EYES, DRESSED COMPLETELY IN GREEN AND BLACK ARMORLIKE CLOTHING! "HOLY CRAP!" Janitorboy Ikkaku screamed!_  
"_An intruder!" Shinji yelled! "Get him!" The evil cult tore off after Janitorboy Ikkaku, who tried his darndest to escape unscathed!  
"NEVER ADMIT DEFEAT AND ASK FOR A QUICK DEATH!" the phantom called! "DIE FIRST, THEN ADMIT DEFEAT!" Janitorboy Ikkaku tripped on a shoelace left randomly upon the floor._  
Damn, why didn't I clean that up?_ Janitorboy Ikkaku debated. He looked over his shoulder. The weirdoes were catching up._  
"_IF YOU ARE DEFEATED BUT DIDN'T DIE, IT JUST MEANS YOU WERE LUCKY!" babbled the phantom. "AND NOW I ASK YOU, ARE YOU LUCKY, PUNK?"_  
"_GYAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAH!"_

"And so," Janitorboy Ikkaku concluded, "I escaped and then fainted apparently, due to both fear and fatigue, and then that Hanataro guy found me."  
"Oh, that makes PERFECT sense!" Raspberyl exclaimed!  
"Huh?" Omaeda asked, drowsily.  
"It DOES?" Janitorboy Ikkaku gasped, happy to see somebody believed in him!  
"Not to me," Hanataro said.  
"Yeah, I see what you're talking about, Janitorboy Ikkaku!" the demon girl said, patting Janitorboy Ikkaku's shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll just call the cops or teachers, and then those cult followers'll be arrested!" Then the lights went off.  
"AAAIIIEEE!" Hanataro screamed wimply! "The lights went out!"  
"Duh!"  
"But why?" Hana pleaded, for some reason.  
"Maybe the fuse's busted," Janitorboy Ikkaku guessed.  
"Maybe Omaeda did it," Raspberyl guessed.  
"Huh?" Omaeda asked.

"OR MAYBE IT WAS ME!" said some guy who was an EVIL SPIRIT DUEL MONSTER! OOOOOHH! A mysterious man in a fedora hat and long coat approached in an evil fashion, somehow! He smacked Janitorboy Ikkaku in the head with a rusted blade and picked him up!  
"Let'm go, you dumb Jinzo!" Raspberyl ordered!  
"NEVER!" he rasped! And so, he retreated toward the nearby woods with a 'GASHUNK' in his robotic step.  
"AFTER HIIIIM!" Raspberyl commanded! She leaped onto Hanataro's back and slapped his shoulder!  
"Hey, I'm not Kenpachi! Get off 'a me!" He slid her off of his fancy red coat. The duo ran off, leaving Omaeda to his own devices. At that point, the lights flickered on again.  
"We're sorry for the inconvenience, kids," said Chancellor Gin Ichimaru over the intercom, "but a crazy robot ran into the power supply room and momentarily turned everything off for no reason. Don't give me complaints, just beat him up if necessary. Have a nice day."

The two Slifers made it to the island's giant generator holding pin in the forest(it was made so that the generators couldn't escape) and stopped with a jolt. Janitorboy Ikkaku was strapped to a large plank of wood, around a roaring bonfire! Also the people from the flashback were inside, for further danger. "What's going on?" Raspberyl asked.  
"THEY SHALL BECOME THE FOOD… FOR MY SOOOOOUL!" Jinzo rasped! Jinzo took off his head… which was really a helmet! His head was…

HIS HEAD WAS THAT OF ZARAKI KENPACHI'S! Although his head was obviously too big in proportion to his body, as was his incredibly tall spiny hair, but that wasn't the point. "HO-LY—" Hanataro didn't finish. Raspberyl was laughing at him like crazy. "You're ruining the mood!" Hanataro accused!  
"BUT HE JUST LOOKS SO FUNNY!" she laughed, spewing forth saliva! "DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIGHT MR. BIG HEAD, SERIOUSLY? HAHAHAHAAA!"  
"Actually, yeah."  
"Please stop that," Jinzo Kenpachi asked in a gruff, Kenpachi voice, "you're gonna hurt somebody's feelin's like that."  
"AW, HAHAHAHAHA HA, I'M GONNA PEE, IT HURTS SO BAD! HAHAHA… whoo, okay," Raspberyl sighed, recovering from laughter and wiping away a tear, "fine, I guess that since this is Yu-Gi-Oh, I have to duel you now."  
"Ah, yes," Jinzo Kenpachi agreed, "you see, in order to become, 'REAL'," he began, trying to touch a generator tower thing. His palm simply passed right through it, though. "I need to steal your Duel Energy through a Duel. And then I have to burn your body into a crisp. But if you beat me, then I pretty much die again. Sound fair?"  
"NOTHING'S fair in Yu-Gi-Oh! But what the heck." Raspberyl took out her Duel disk from behind her back and tried to strap it onto her arm. "Dang, it's too big. Can I get some help, here?"  
"Catch!" Hanataro tossed Raspberyl a roll of duct tape.  
"Thanks." She taped the crappy device onto her wrist. "Okay, Duel!" It slipped.

(Jinzo Kenpachi: 4000 Life Points, Raspberyl: 4000 Life Points)  
Jinzo Kenpachi automatically created a duel disk on his own arm with pure willpower, as well, and drew his cards. "I summon Fishbone D. in Attack Mode!" An ugly long-armed monster man with a fish mask appeared!  
"GWAAAAR," he said. (Fishbone D.: 1600 Attack Points)  
"Next I use the card Spiritual Pressure Absorption." Jinzo Kenpachi placed down a Spell which appeared on the field as a red guy getting the life sucked out of him.  
"NUH-UH!" Raspberyl blurted out! "That's just Ectoplasmer! Don't try to gloss up EVERY card like it's from Bleach! What a dumb gimmick!"  
"Fine. But I still use its power! I tribute Fishbone D. in order to deal half of his sixteen-hundred Attack Points as damage to your life points!" Jinzo Kenpachi held out his arm and the Hollow monster fell over. Its spirit came out of its body and flew through Raspberyl!  
"boo" it cried.  
"NOOOO!" Hanataro shrieked. "RASPBERYYYYL!"

"Um, okay, it's just a hologram. Am I supposed to be hurt or something?" (Raspberyl: 3200 life Points) She drew her new card and called, "I summon Prism Green in Attack Mode!" A super-sentai parody in a green suit appeared on the field with an emerald glow!  
"Ya-ha!" he triumphed! (Prism Green: 1000 Attack Points)  
"But that's no Bleach character!" Hanataro yelled! "Can't it at least be something like one of the Karakura Superheroes?" A beat. "If you knew who those were?"  
"Never! Next I set four cards face-down and activate Mirage of Nightmare!" Five non-monster cards appeared on Raspberyl's field. "On your Standby Phase, I draw four new cards, but on MY turn, I discard four as well! Now Prism Green, attack!" The green ranger took out a short wand of some sort and leaped toward Jinzo Kenpachi! He struck him with his mace, releasing all seven colors of the rainbow!  
"GAAAAH, IT'S SO COLORFUL!" (Jinzo Kenpachi: 3000 Life Points)  
"That's not all," Raspberyl continued on, "I'll use your Ectoplasmer card to tribute my radical hero and inflict five-hundred damage to your Life Points!" Prism Green died, but his spirit lived on! It punched right through Jinzo Kenpachi's chest!  
"AAAAAARGH, IT HURTS FOR SOME REASON!" (Jinzo Kenpachi: 2500 Life Points)  
"Ha," Prism Green said, "I may die, but justice lives on!" And his spirit faded away.

"Yeah, you got'm on da ropes!" Hanataro yelled!  
"No, not really."  
"She's right!" Jinzo Kenpachi agreed! "When my Fishbone D. is killed by a Spell, I can summon him again!" The ugly, wimpy Hollow appeared again, flashing its white, shiny, mask teeth! (Fishbone D.: 1600 Attack Points)  
"But I get to draw my cards now!" Raspberyl reminded. Her Mirage of Nightmare flashed mummy-color and allowed her to draw four new cards. "Next I'll flip up one of my cards, Emergency Provisions, oh yeah!" The Mirage of Nightmare card was turned into a cool cracker, which she just looked at dully. "Uh, should I eat it?"  
"Only if you want to," Hanataro offered.  
"Okay then." (Raspberyl: 3200 - 4200 Life Points)

"Well, no matter! I summon Hell Butterfly in attack mode!" A black butterfly from the Soul Society appeared and fluttered a bit. (Hell Butterfly: 1600 Attack Points) "Now, attack her DIRECTLY!"  
"No way, Jose!" she shouted. "I use A Hero Emerges!" A card with a zombie super hero making a cool pose flipped up! "Now, choose one of the monsters in my hand! If it's a monster, then I can summon'm to the field!" She held out her four cards where Jinzo Kenpachi could see them.  
"I choose…" Jinzo Kenpachi rubbed his chin for a second. "The one on the far right. I choose that one."  
"Good." Raspberyl threw down her monster! "It's PRISM YELLOW!" A yellow version of Prism Green appeared!  
"YAAAH!" he yelled, shining some yellow onto the situation! (Prism Yellow: 1600 Attack Points)  
"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Jinzo Kenpachi, emulating the ever-famous Home Alone scream pose!

Prism Yellow leaped up triumphantly and kicked the Hell Butterfly right in the antennae (remember, if you ever get attacked by a butterfly, hit it in the antennae. Also, NEVER bleed near one). But they BOTH exploded in a flash of rainbow-colored light!  
"FOOLISH FOOLY FOOL!" Jinzo Kenpachi ridiculed! "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU KICK A BUTTERFLY, IT'S BASICALLY SUICIDE? NOW THAT YOU'VE KILLED MY MONSTER, WE CAN BOTH ADD ONE MONSTER IN OUR DECK INTO OUR HANDS! And I choose Yammy Rialgo." A picture of a fat guy with a bit of a Hollow mask on his jaw appeared. It had no effect and its stats were 0/0. He was utterly useless.  
"Well, I choose Prism Red!" Raspberyl yelled, holding up a red version of those guys from earlier.  
"Ugh, the dreaded Prism Red, leader of the Prism Rangers," Jinzo Kenpachi monologued. "Anyways, Fishbone D.! Use Fishbone Attack!" The evil spirit fish man took out a large fishbone. Then he threw it at Raspberyl, aiming to murder!  
"Oh, okay, then." The bone flew through her body, since it wasn't really real. (Raspberyl: 2600 Life Points)  
"AAAARGH, ARE YOU OKAAAAAAY?" Hanataro yelped!  
"Duh, it didn't hurt a bit!"  
"THIS sure will… AS LONG AS YOU BELIEEEEEEVE!" Fishbone D.'s soul once again flew at Raspberyl and did nothing to her. (Raspberyl: 1800 life Points)

"You'd better hurry up, young lady," Jinzo Kenpachi chuckled, "'cause your buddies are getting roasted to a crisp over there!" He pointed to the roaring bonfire in the distance. The people inside were awake and moving around. They were even playing cards.  
"I play Bubonic Vermin!" the girl one said.  
"Well, I activate Trap Hole!" the girl-ish one said.  
"Oh, crap!" Raspberyl cursed! "JANITORBOY IKKAKU! DON'T WORRY! YOU'RE ON FIRE, BUT WE'LL SAVE YOU!" Janitorboy Ikkaku, who was in a seated position, looked at himself, twitched his moustache, and shrugged. "You bastard, how DARE you burn people for your own personal gain! I summon Prism Orange, the German of Courage!" A semi-fat orange ranger appeared and punched the air.  
"HOO-WAH!" he grunted. (Prism Orange: 800 Attack Points)  
"Now I equip him with Supa-Color!" Raspberyl continued. A Spell Card with Prism Orange glowing flipped onto the field.  
"WHAT YOU SAY?" Prism Orange asked… with a vengeance. "YOU'RE NOT ENJOYING OF THE SUPA COLOR?" He glowed deep orange from the bottom of his heroic heart!  
"What kind of lame card idea is that?" Jinzo Kenpachi recoiled. "I bet that reference just sailed over so many of those kiddie's heads out there!"  
"It's the best we could think of here! Now the let's keep the good times rollin' with Polymerization! I fuse my Prisms Red and Orange to summon…" The two colorful Rangers flew into a black hole and became… "Honorary Ranger Rifle Demon!" A giant, black demon with a laser gun for an arm appeared.  
"RAAAAAARRGH!" he roared, pumping his gun in victory. (HRRD: 2000 Attack points)  
"How is that even possible?" Hanataro asked, staring at the giant behemoth.  
"Like I said, it's the best we've got! Now, since my Prism Orange was sent to the Graveyard, the effect of Supa-Color activates!" Raspberyl stabbed her finger at Ectoplasmer. "Your dumb card dies!" It exploded suddenly.  
"That doesn't make sense, either, but that's so awesome!" Hanataro cheered!  
"And that ain't it, yet!" Raspberyl laughed!  
"Huh-WHA?" Jinzo Kenpachi gasped!  
"My Rifle Demon can attack directly to deal a thousand damage to your Life Points! Go, Honorary Shot of JUSTICE!" The demon fired a laser at Jinzo Kenpachi, dealing massive damage! His shoulder imploded upon impact!

"GRRRRRRAAAAGH!" (Jinzo Kenpachi: 500 Life Points) He was now truly outraged, because we all know that Jinzo Kenpachi doesn't appreciate being shot at. "OH, THAT'S IT. My Fishbone D. is revived now," Jinzo Kenpachi reminded as his Hollow came back, "and I'll sacrifice him for the BEST monster EVER… JINZO!" Fishbone D. disappeared in a flash of light. Then lightning struck! A huge gust of wind began to blow! Hanataro was blown away! The earth began to shake!  
Jinzo Kenpachi simply stepped onto the field and it all stopped. (Jinzo Kenpachi: 2400 Attack Points) "Now, I'll attack! Rusty—"  
"Hey, you can't draw yourself!" Raspberyl said. "That's just stupid! I mean, SURE you're a card, but that doesn't make sense! If somebody ELSE summoned you RIGHT NOW, would you have to go run ALL THE WAY OVER THERE, and then COME BACK when you're destroyed? And wouldn't THAT mean you'd be DEAD, meaning I get a TKO?"  
"YOU TALK CRAZY! RUSTY BLADE SLICE!" Jinzo Kenpachi through down his rusty blade and sliced the Honorary Ranger in two rusty halves! He exploded.  
"NO! HRRD!" Raspberyl cried! (Rapsberyl: 1400 Life Points) Now clouded by rage, she was cosumed with the flames of revenge!  
"WOAH! You okay?" Hanataro gasped.  
"Damn, you'll pay SO HARD that you'll WISH you'd NEVER HAD TO PAY IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Raspberyl warned. "I set a monster face-down and end my turn."  
"Raspberyl!" Hanataro yelled. "Stick to the script! Summon it FACE-UP!" He waved his copy of the script around.  
"Who cares, it's STUPID not to summon guys face-down!" Raspberyl cheated. "Besides, isn't it common sense?"

"You MAY be right, but you're also WRONG!" Jinzo Kenpachi mocked!  
"But HOW?" Janitorboy Ikkaku asked randomly.  
"I summon Numb Chandelier in Attack Mode!" A squiddy pink monster with a mask featuring heart-shaped eyeholes appeared and snickered. (Numb Chandelier: 1000 Attack Points)  
"You never answered my question! And WHY summon somebody so WEAK and STUPID?"  
"Because RUSTY BLADE SLICE!" Jinzo Kenpachi sliced through the face-down monster… PRISM INDIGO!  
"Owwwwww…" he groaned. Then he blew up!  
"Oh yeah," Raspberyl cheered, "since he has an effect similar to Wroughtweiler's in this episode, I can add Prism Orange and Polymerization into my hand!"  
"Well, now my Numb Chandelier can attack you directly!" Jinzo Kenpachi commanded! "Seed Flare™!"  
"That's a Pokemon™ attack! You TOTALLY ripped them off!" Hanataro worried.  
"I DON'T PLAY POKEMON™!" The octopus shot out a large seed pod, covered in the power of Grass! It hit Raspberyl and bounced off.  
"Once again, I don't really care." (Raspberyl: 400 Life Points) "You realize that if you were SMART you could've KILLED ME right here." Jinzo Kenpachi held up the script. "Oh. That makes more sense now."

"Now, lastly," Jinzo Kenpachi said, "I equip myself with Kenpachi's Secret Bankai!" His rusty blade transformed! Now it was a larger blade covered in mosaics.  
"Damn," Raspberyl grunted, "will we EVER see it?"  
"Not likely! Now I can use Trap Cards and such!" He pointed to his Trap card nearby on the floor.  
"Who cares, man? They don't even matter! I activate Pot of Greed!" Raspberyl summoned a small, yet ugly pot in her tiny hands. She threw it at Jinzo Kenpachi!  
"OW! I'M BLEEDING!"  
"I can draw two cards and then I'll summon Prism Blue!" Raspberyl summoned a BLUE Prism Ranger!  
"YAH!" he roared! (Prism Blue: 800 Attack Points)  
"Now I use Mystical Space Typhoon to kill off your dumb Trap," she said, using a hurricane to kill a Spirit Barrier card.  
"NO! That card had 'Spirit' in it, so we didn't HAVE to change it! NO!" Jinzo Kenpachi cried!  
"And lastly, I activate the Spell card Football Game of JUSTICE!" Raspberyl sent a card to the Graveyard and held up a rainbow-colored football. It exploded, summoning all SEVEN Prism Rangers for Raspberyl! Red struck a hero pose and the team of seven got into formation.

"Huh?" Jinzo Kenpachi asked, dumbstruck. Seven blue penguins apparently called Prinnies appeared on his side and flashed their dual machetes! "And who are they? What's going on? Why are we playing FOOTBALL? Or rugby, in some countries that aren't America. And isn't this just some Magichange attack from Disgaea 2 for the PSP? Is this product placement or something?"  
"This card can only be activated by removing all seven Prism Rangers from my hand or Graveyard," Raspberyl said, folding her arms, "and Purple was in my hand this whole time. Now I can inflict 2000 points of damage to you, if they get at least one point this quarter. And this IS product placement."  
Jinzo Kenpachi gulped. "Oh, crap, guys! You'd BETTER win!"  
"But, but we don't have fingers, dood!" a Prinny grumbled. "We can't win, dood."  
"Damn. Just go."  
"DOOOOOOD!" The penguins bounced out into the fray! Prism Purple ran into the crowd with the football in hand! He sidestepped them all, leaped up, and tossed it into the air. Prism Yellow grabbed the magic pigskin over to the left.  
"OVER THERE, GUYS!" Jinzo Kenpachi yelled, pointing furiously at him! Two Prinnies turned around and attacked him! Yellow simply tossed them into each other. As they exploded, he threw the football to the other side of the field. Green, Orange and Indigo smacked it away with their staves into the receiving hands of Prism Blue.  
"NOW, WE FINISH THIS!" Red yelled! Blue held the ball in place on the ground as Red charged to it, back flipped and power-kicked it. The football took on all seven elemental powers of the rainbow: fire, earth, light, nature, water, love and money! It smashed into Jinzo Kenpachi's face with such intense force that it knocked the wind out of Jinzo Kenpachi as it smashed into his stomach.  
"UUUUUUUGH!" he 'ugh'ed. The football grew and glew with the force of a thousand rainbows, and was then detonated.

"FRIENDSHIP!" the seven Rangers roared holding their right arms up, and they faded away. (Jinzo Kenpachi: 0 Life Points, GAME OVER)  
"AAAARGH!" Jinzo Kenpachi roared, covered in dangersmoke! Then he stood idly.  
"Uh, shouldn't you be dead by now?" Raspberyl asked. "You just LOST. This IS Yu-Gi-Oh, right?"  
"No, actually that wouldn't kill me."  
"OH CRAP THEY'RE SCREWED!" Hanataro screamed! The kids and Shinji were looking pretty crispy!  
"NO THEY AREN'T!"

Uryu and Chad came swinging in on a jungle vine through the forest, wielding two sealed bottles of water! They threw them into the roaring fire, instantly quenching it! "YOU GUYS!" the heroes cheered! Then the three Aizens ran into the area! Aizen Aizen and Sosuke Sosuke held Jinzo Kenpachi in place!  
"This is for trying to kill people!" Sosuke Aizen yelled! He punched him in the face.  
"OW!"  
Then, the three action girls of the series appeared suddenly, holding heavy-duty machine guns! "DIE, FIEND!" they screamed! Then shot him repeatedly.  
"THAT HUUUUUURTS!"  
"WHO CAAAAAARES?" Orihime asked.  
Raspberyl picked Janitorboy Ikkaku up, among the other burnt guys, sitting, and doing nothing. "Janitorboy Ikkaku! You're okay!"  
"Uh, yeah?" Suddenly, Janitorboy Ikkaku's moustache fell off.  
"OH MY GOSH!" Raspberyl and Hanataro gasped! "IT'S IKKAKU!"  
"NOIT'SNOTWHATYOUTHINK!" Then, the cops arrived.  
"Okay, book'm, guys!" said the senior policeman. Two others placed handcuffs on him and the other guys in the quenched fire.  
"NO!" Janitorboy Ikkaku wailed! "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" He was hauled off, with the other guys, into the paddy wagon.  
"Thanks, kiddos," said the policeman, "that Janitorboy Ikkaku guy's been going from Duel Academy to Duel Academy, leading psycho hypnotism cults based around summoning evil monsters and ritual suicides!"  
"So THAT'S why that Blue-Eyes was attacking New York last month!" Hanataro realized.  
"Yeah, so now he's going to jail. And so is that Jinzo Kenpachi corpse, he's good evidence." The policemen picked everything up and put it into the car.  
"But what're YOU guys doing here?" Raspberyl asked.  
"Oh, well the Chancellor told us to beat up the jerk who turned off the lights instead of him, so…" Hiyori trailed off.  
"Okay." Then Jinzo Kenpachi broke out of the cop car!

"YOU'RE ALL DEAD MEAT!" he loudly yelled. His head was blown off without warning. His limp body fell to the floor. Everybody turned and saw Marechiyo was holding a submarine sandwich and a smoking pistol.  
"MARECHIYO!"  
"Aw," he said, bashfully smiling, "it was nuthin'."

Meanwhile, the Aizens were having a talk. "Man, we finally did something important, I reckon!" exclaimed Aizen Aizen.  
"Well, it was BOUND to happen, since you ARE my clones," Sosuke Aizen said.  
"Nuh-uh, huh, Sosuke Aizen, huh," Sosuke Sosuke retorted, "you guys are MY clones, I reckon!"  
"Well, I reckon we ALL agreed that YOU were clones of ME!" Aizen Aizen yelled.

Suddenly and without warning, Ichigo Kurosaki appeared. "Hey, everybody, I'm here, get your game on, heh heh. Oh, wait, am I too late?"  
"Yeah, you are," Rukia said. "Sorry."  
"Heeeeeey…" Ichigo stared at Raspberyl. "Who's this?"  
"Oh, that's just Raspberyl, your replacement," Hanataro explained.  
"Actually, I'm just Young Etna," Raspberyl revealed.  
"HUH?"

[.com/watch?v=3ZSTtfyI2w4]ENDING THEME SONG, 'CAUSE IT'S OBLIGATORY!

[COMMENTARY]

Hey all, this was a good episode, right? Nobody said anything about it on the forums, much to my dismay and anger, but if any of you liked it, give me a positive review for it. If I get five, I could try doing this with another recommended series that I've read/watched. If not, well, meh, I'll do it anyways..

I had fun thinking up of the casting, and there IS no reason why Neku from The World Ends With You is there. It was just funny. And for your information, Janitorboy Ikkaku will make a few more appearances in the future, don't you worry.

Thinking of casting 'Young Etna' in the Jaden spot was a tough decision. I needed an unrelated person to be used here, and so, I looked to Disgaea, that thing many people obviously know I like now. And so, 'Young Etna' was the best possible choice. Now what do you say? She's just Raspberyl? Even I don't know anymore…

And yes, there were three Aizens.

EDITS:

Yes, there are still three Aizens. One for each day of the week. As I went over the chapter, I realized two things: ONE! I was an idiot to not describe how any of the borrowed characters appeared, so I fixed that kinda a bit slightly sorta. TWO! Raspberyl is sort of a badass. She HAS to be used in every crossover episode! And I HAVE to do those for teh lulz! I'm sure maybe one person got a kick out of the combination, and I'm sure several of you don't care about Bleach, but oh well, it still works as a standalone episode since it has Raspberyl and it's okay now.

Also Janitorboy Ikkaku is awesome. I couldn't just forget about him. He stays. FOR GOOD. I'm incredibly sure that I'm starting to hit the stage where I'm calling-out to so many different series that most of you can't even tell if I'm coherent anymore. And I'm not.

LAST EDIT:

12/22/10


	10. Episode 10: Family Business

Syrus entered the Slifer Toolshed and saw Jaden and Koala Ko Ala watching television. "Yo Sy!" Jaden greeted, waving his hand. "We were just watchin' Bleach!"  
"Two Bleach references in two weeks?" Syrus gasped. "That's uncreative! And also, didn't they say that we weren't allowed to watch the television if we don't share with the faculty?"  
"I've got it ALL covered," Jaden winked.  
"This is a great episode," Koala Ko Ala warned, "you'd better get here fast! It's episode thirty-four! Where Aizen's found dead!" Syrus charged over onto his bunk of 'da bed and stared at the small screen…

Momo Hinamori had woken up late for a meeting. "Oh no, it's so late already!" she gasped, grasping the time of morning. She ran down a hall of the Soul Society and came upon a small barricade. "I'll just take this shortcut…" She leaped over it, and froze.

Several captain-class Soul Reapers had been standing around something hung upon a wall, covered in blood. Upon it was Captain Sosuke Aizen. "I can't believe he died this way," one guy said. Another one quickly studied the scene and wrote something in a notepad.  
[manga. bleachexile. com/ bleach-chapter-100-page-18 .html]"Cause of death…" he grunted, "...was _**EXPLOSIVELY BLOODY DIARRHEA**_."  
"_**CAPTAIN AIZEEEEEEN!**_"

Jaden flipped off of his seat, Koala Ko Ala threw up out the window, and Syrus sat down in shock. "That… wasn't what happened…" Syrus muttered.  
"But that's what it LOOKS like!" Jaden defended, pointing to the picture link I just provided.  
"YOU… YOU'RE RIGHT!" Koala Ko Ala screamed! "UGH, NOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOOK AT THAT PAGE WITHOUT LAUGHING AFTER I RECOVER! DAMN GAG DUBS!"  
"Could this day get ANY worse?" Syrus wailed! "I mean, after ONE bad thing goes wrong, then something ELSE bad happens, then some guys do something REALLY stupid that'll draw meteors into orbit and crush us ALL! And the episode hasn't even STARTED yet!"  
"Dude, that's just weird, yo." Just then, a giant flaming meteor fell onto and crushed the Slifer Toolshed.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 10: Family Business

It was a hazy, misty ocean morning, and a man was stupidly crossing the entire ocean on a rickety raft made out of papier-mâché and cardboard. Then it capsized! The man sank into the ocean… but then, a large, flabby narwhal swam under and away with him. "HEY!" the man roared beneath the surf, inexplicably not emitting any bubbles or bubble-like organisms. The narwhal froze. "TAKE ME TO DUEL ACADEMY ISLAND." His piercing gaze struck the narwhal so hard that a section of its own fat got pushed in, as if a manly ghost had stabbed the whale flesh!  
"Uh, uh, ooh ah, um, alright." the whale agreed, shakily and frightened-y. It turned around toward the direction in which the guy was originally rowing and took off through the air with a jet-like sound.

The man sat cross-legged with a devastating glint in his beady eyes and fat pink circular nose. The narwhal quickly surpassed the sound barrier.

Meanwhile, Jaden was sitting under a tree. "Ahh, this is the life!"  
"THAT'S EASY FOR **YOU** TO SAY!" Syrus and the other Slifer Reds were busy recovering burnt belongings and stuff from the meteor strike. The toolshed was totally crushed, but the rest of the island was quite alright. Dozens of meteors were flying about and striking the ocean randomly. "HURRY UP AND GET OVER HERE, SOMETHING TERRIBLE'S HAPPENED!"  
"Of course!" Jaden pointed to the toolshed.  
"NO, SOMETHING ELSE!"  
"Oh, yo, why didn't you say so, yo?"

A giant narwhal suddenly landed. All of the meteors suddenly lifted themselves up and flew back into outer space. The narwhal continued flying away as the tough-looking man (who had the intense, glaring nose) leaped off, flipped twice, and landed on his hands, performing a handstand. He then flipped backward onto his feet in a single, gravity-defying bound without even physically moving his body.  
"Where's the dorm master?" he asked. The several suddenly-homeless kids stared at him for a second. "**I SAID WHERE IS HE?**" he asked, a _teensy_ bit louder this time.  
"Uh ooh ah um uh in there!" they all struggled. They pointed to the crushed dorm as a combined force of direction.  
"So he was killed by the meteor, huh?" he guessed. The man simply stared at it long and hard enough… for a rainbow to strike it, repairing it all instantly!  
"I'm alive!" Lyman Banner jubilantly exclaimed. He graciously let the man into his office for a chat.

"Who do you think THAT guy is?" Syrus asked Jaden.  
"Hmm…" Jaden thought about his large nose, tiny eyes, and oddly ear-shaped hair. The man looked exactly like Koala Ko Ala, except taller, muscular, and wearing an undershirt and track pants, as if to say 'My son is a failure compared to me! Wahahahahaaa~'. "No idea. Let's sneak over and listen in!" They both tip-toed comically over to the door and placed their ears to it.  
"So," Banner asked, "what seems to be the problem, KOALA KO ALA'S DAD?"  
_Koala Ko Ala's dad,_ Jaden thought.  
_That's his dad,_ Syrus thought.  
_That's really his dad,_ Jaden thought.  
_He really has a dad like that,_ Syrus thought.  
_WHO WOULDA THUNK IT?_ Jaden and Syrus thought in unison, shrugging.  
_Not me, yo!_ Jaden thought. Syrus frowned and slapped him.  
"Well," Koala Ko Ala's dad started, "my son is quite obviously…"  
"Learning impaired?"  
"Stupid. That's the word I was looking for, stupid. Well, it's come to my attention that he really SUCKS at dueling, and it's useless for me to pay for him to SUCK at everything he does. So if he SUCKS so much at this school, and everything else sans eating and sleeping, then he should SUCK at the family business." He took out a tall, green bottle of Koala Juice™ and slapped it onto the table.  
"Erm, what is this?" Banner asked. "Green tea—"  
"IT'S KOALA JUICE, YA DUM-DUM!" Koala Ko Ala's dad roared. "My family makes a living off of this stuff! Respect it, it helped build the foundations of this country!"  
"Uh, OHHH, KOALA JUICE!" Banner said, as if he'd simply forgotten. "I can't believe that I forgot all about it! I used to drink it EVERY day!"  
"Just so you know, the secret ingredient is eucalyptus leaves."  
"GULPGULPGULPGULPGULP—**SPPPPORSH**—WHAAAAAT?" Banner wiped the remaining juice off of his mouth and stared at him! "ISN'T THAT STUFF POISONOUS TO HUMANS?"  
"It's like a delayed-action poison. But only if you're a wimp!" Koala Ko Ala's dad remarked.  
"OH, MAN, I ALREADY INGESTED SOME OF IT!"

Jaden and Syrus stared at each other for a moment, shrugged deeply, and then ran away.

ONE! SECOND! LATER!  
They dashed up the newly-repaired stairs toward their room and forced it open. Koala Ko Ala was placing clothing into his backpack! "Koala Ko Ala! What's wrong? What're you doing?"  
"What's it look like?" he grunted.  
"It looks like you're feeding your backpack, yo! Stop, before you overfeed it!"  
"Like I have a choice!" Koala Ko Ala turned around from them, lifted up the fridge in their room, and shook out all of their food into his bag.  
"Hey, you can't just let your… SUCKY… dad force you out of school just because you're a straight-D student!" Syrus encouraged.  
"But that was LAST year! This year's even WORSE!"  
"Uh, oh. Well… you tried."  
"YO!" Jaden yelled, grabbing his shoulder. "You can't give up NOW! Maybe if you start going to class, you'll get your grades on!"  
"BOO," somebody said.  
"I thought that it wouldn't trigger—oh who cares!" Jaden pulled on Koala Ko Ala and slammed his fists on his back. "THAT DUCK DOESN'T MATTER; WE'LL TAKE 'EM ON TOGETHER!" But Koala Ko Ala wasn't convinced. His eyes were spilling over with some weird, wet fluid. WHAT WAS IT?  
"But right now…" Syrus fidgeted. Jaden and Syrus smiled and pointed at him with both hands.  
"IT WON'T WORK THIS TIIIIME!" Koala Ko Ala sobbed loudly! "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! THERE'S SOME SLIME COMMIN' OUT MY EYE! I DON'T HAVE TIME TO SING NO STUPIPD THEME SONGS!"  
"You're crying, yo!"  
"Nuh-uh, I just got something in my eye! Each one!" he countered.  
"No, those are just tears," Syrus said. Koala Ko Ala poked both of his own eyes.  
"YEOW! NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME? MY FINGERS WERE IN MY EYES!"  
"Aw, he's having a breakdown. What should we do, Sy?"

"It's not a breakdown," Koala Ko Ala said, "I'm just sad n' junk. BUT!" He stood up suddenly with fire in his eyes!  
"WAAAAUGH!" Syrus screeched, pointing at the fires!  
"I just KNOW I can be a master if I can just perfect my special power!"  
"What is it?"  
"I can EAT. A LOT."  
"Oh, alright."  
"Also, I can TALK to KOALAS!"

_Koala Ko Ala flashed back to one time where his Big Koala card came to life. "Hey, Big Koala," he'd said.  
"Yo," it said back. Koala Ko Ala slapped both hands on each side of his face!  
"IT TOTALLY TALKED TO ME!"_

"Well," Jaden shrugged, "that sounds crazy. Didja tell yer' dad 'bout it?"  
"No. All HE said was…"

_"YOU'RE A DUM-DUM! I DIDN'T RAISE MY BOY TO BE A __**CRAAAZY**__ DUM-DUM, DID I?"_

"That's harsh," Syrus whimpered. "Can't you… be used to lure dumb koalas to your Koala Juice factory?"  
"Actually, we HIRE them," Koala Ko Ala said, "they're paid seven bucks an hour to pick eucalyptus leaves and grind them up for their fancy juices. That's why it's called Koala Juice."  
"That stuff's POISONOUS!"  
"Dad says it's only poison to WIMPS."

Suddenly, Jaden grabbed Koala Ko Ala by the collar and heaved him up! "Ko-**ALA** Ko **ALA**, you **SON OF A KOALA! **The **REASON** you **ALWAYS** do **WHATEVER **your **DUMB** father **SAYS** is **BECAUSE** you **ALWAYS** keep **REFERRING **to **THINGS** he **SAYS!**"  
"B-b-but I only did that twice!"  
"**NOW **you're **PROTECTING** him!" Jaden roared! "**YOU** can't **LET**'m get **ALL** up **IN** yo **BUSSINESS!** It's **YOUR** life, **AND** you **NEED** it **NOW! **So let's go to the Chancellor and set this crap straight with that **DUM-DUM SUCKER!**" Jaden pulled both boys out by the scruffs of their necks.  
"AAARGH!"  
"JAY-DUUUHN! WHY ARE YOU PULLING ME, TOO? IT'S NOT MY DAD!"

FOUR! SECONDS! LATER!  
"And so, Chancellor Shepherd, mah main man, THAT! Is the reason. Why Koala. Ko Ala. Should stay, at this VERY school."  
"That was a VERY odd plea," Shepherd told Jaden, alongside his average compadres and Koala Ko Ala's dad in the bald guy's bright, sun-filled office, "but I can't just tell his dad that he can't take his son home because you said he can talk to koalas. That'll just sound tacky!"  
"Exactly! You don't just TELL a man that he's wrong," Koala Ko Ala's dad said, bein' muscular and stuff, "ESPECIALLY if he was knighted by the Queen of England two years ago and given by her majesty the title of "Awesomest Man Alive Among Men", little boy!"  
"WELL I'M DA AWESOMEST **HUMAN BEIN' **AMONG HUMAN BEIN'S THEN, YA HEARD SON?" Jaden yelled, punctuating with crazy hand movements and getting all up in the man's grill. "I SAY NAY-UH, BEEYUTCH! LET MAH PEOPLE GO!"  
"Yeah, and I'm Syrus!" Syrus said!  
"Syrus stay outta this."  
"Aw."

"Look, boys," Shepherd urged, "you CAN'T get all up in Koala Ko Ala's dad's GRILL, y'know, or else my office is gonna be bloody for the second week this semester week. Rather, why can't we settle this… WITH A DUEL?" The man leaped off of his desk chair, held out his white dueling glove, and slapped both Ko Alas with it!  
"OOF!" Koala Ko Ala's dad whispered.  
"Ow." Koala Ko Ala cried as he was sent spinning onto the floor.  
"Now I have challenged BOTH of you to a family duel," Shepherd explained, "and if Koala Ko Ala loses, he leaves and is grounded for a month. If Koala Ko Ala's dad loses, then he leaves his boy here and grounds him for a month."  
"Why can't I win?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"Huh?"  
"Well, if I lose, I lose, and even if I win, I lose! My PRIVILEGES, that is!" he argued.  
"Shut your SUCKETTY mouth, son!" yelled Koala Ko Ala's dad, ripping a duel disk out from a hole in the time-space continuum he'd suddenly summoned. "It's TIME TA' DUEL!"  
"RIGHT NOW—"  
"First thing in the mornin'."  
"Oh, well that's fine," everybody accepted.  
"Then it's settled," Shepherd said, "it shall be decided… IN THE MORRRRNIIIIIIIIING!"

That night was spent with much happy partying, drinking, and laughs shared between Koala Ko Ala and Koala Ko Ala's dad.

The next morning, Banner had the boys and "Awesomest Man Among Men" enter a secluded room… soon filled with UNHOLY DUELING RAGE! "Uuuugh, I feel terrible," Banner groaned.  
"Aw, how can you be SICK and a DUELING OFFICIAL at the same time, yo?" Jaden asked, nudging him in the side.  
"I don't know, it must be the Koala Juice. Anyways," he declared, staring at the two Ko Alas standing at opposite sides of the room, "let the duel BEGIN! _Begin! Begin, begin, begin…_"  
(Koala Ko Ala: 4000 Life Points, Koala Ko Ala's dad: 4000 Life Points)  
"That was a great echo," Syrus complimented.  
"Thanks."

"AW-RIGHT, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW MANLY YOU REALLY ARE, OLD MAN!" Koala Ko Ala drew a card. And it was… "OKAY, I SUMMON DEATH KOALA!" A puffy brown koala in a black robe with a sickle in hand appeared!  
"RAWR!" it roared. (Death Koala: 1100 Attack Points)  
"Oh, man," Syrus said, checking his YugiNavi™, "if my hunch is correct, and Death Koala is humorously based off of Des Koala, then Koala Ko Ala's an idiot! Shouldn't he have set him for maximum damage?"  
"Oh, CRAP!" Jaden screamed! "No WONDER he was getting D's even when he went to class!"  
"I CAN HEAR YOU, BASTARD!" he roared responsively.  
"I know, yo."  
"Since you made such a SUCKY move," Koala Ko Ala's dad growled, "I CAN'T afford to LET THIS TURN PASS WITHOUT KICKING YOUR CAN! I SUMMON…I SUMMON… **I SUMMOOOOON!**" Koala Ko Ala's dad began running at Koala Ko Ala, holding his card in his hand, gathering electrical energy! "AAAAAAAH!"  
"WHAT THE HELL?" Syrus cried! "HE'S GOING TO DESTROY US ALL!"  
"IT'S HIS SPECIAL TECHNIQUE!" Baner informed!  
"SPECIAL TECHNIQUE OF STUPID USELESSNESS?" Syrus asked.  
"NO, NOT REAL—WELL, KINDA."  
"**AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!**"Innumerable holes began ripping all over the room, creating wormholes to alternate dimensions of such magnitudes of horror and sheer beauty, that the scene was both heart-stoppingly horrible and yet so melancholy that it brought a tear to everyone's eyes! "I SUMMON DRUNKEN TIGER!" Koala Ko Ala's dad threw down his monster, releasing all of his energy, sealing away all of the terrors and dreams that he'd helped to release! A tiger with shades, a belly-band, and a bottle of 'UMNUMMY' beer appeared.  
"Roar," he said in a cool way. He appeared in a cool claw-based pose. (Drunken Tiger: 1800 Attack Points) Then he fell over.  
"WHAT WAS ALL THE BUILD-UP FOR?"  
"I dunno," Banner shrugged. "It sure was trippy."

"Attack, with Dizzy Punch!" Koala Ko Ala's dad yelled.  
"Okay," the drunken fiend said. He dizzily stumbled over to the koala and fell onto him while trying to punch him. He exploded in a burst of thunder!  
"HOLY CRAP! HOW DOES THAT WORRRRRK?" Koala Ko Ala wondered! (Koala Ko Ala: 3300 Life Points)  
"AAAAAAND THAT KOALA IS DOOOOOOWN!" Banner yelled!  
"Hey, just because you're the Duel Official doesn't mean you call out that kind of thing," Jaden said.  
"Oh."  
"With dueling skills like THAT, son," Koala Ko Ala's dad smirked, "we'll be home for dinner… WHICH SHALL BE KOALA JUICE!"  
"NOOO, DAD!" Koala Ko Ala whimpered, "NOBODY _EATS_ KOALA JUICE, THEY _DRINK_ IT! YOU **NEVER** LET ME EAT SOLIDS FOR DINNER!"  
"So THAT'S why he doesn't wanna leave the academy," Syrus sighed. "I was hoping it was all about friendship or… something besides that."  
"He SHUR does eat, dude!" Jaden laughed.  
"This next card's gonna spell defeat, you know!" Koala Ko Ala boasted! He drew Death Koala again. _…CRAP._

"Uh," Koala Ko Ala groaned, "well I use the Spell card Death of Major Koala!" He held up a Spell card with the image of a koala being speared by a spear. It was terrible. "Death of Major Koala lets me re-summon my Death Koala from my Graveyard!" Death Koala did rise again, but he had a spear in his belly. (Death Koala: Immense Pain)"Then I can summon A SECOND Death Koala from my hand!" Koala Ko Ala smacked his second guy onto his Duel Disk. And so it appeared! And it even took the spear out of its friend. (Death Koalas: Friendship Forged) They bumped their knuckles together.  
"So, what're you going to do with your SUCK-filled koalas, Koala?" Koala Ko Ala's dad asked. "You just summoned two worthless monsters to the field. Should I be scared?"  
"NO! I mean, YES!" he shouted.  
"Ooh, I've got goose bumps," Banner gasped.  
"Me too, yo!" Jaden agreed.  
"OH NO!" Syrus screamed.  
"I tribute my two Death Koalas for my Big Koala!" Koala Ko Ala yelled! A fat, blue koala with an amazing belly pouch fell from the sky onto the two lil' guys. Their friendship couldn't save them (Big Koala: 2700 Attack Points) "Now, attack his Drunken Tiger with Pouch Pounder!"  
"RUH!" The Big Koala picked up the tiger and stuffed him into his belly pouch. There was much wailing.  
"Oh, man that must feel HORRIBLE!" Koala Ko Ala's dad gasped! (Koala Ko Ala's dad: 3100 Life Points) He smirked. "That is… horrible TO A WIMP!"  
"Well, then I guess that your Drunk Tiger Guy was a wimp," Syrus laughed, "so he got hurt easily, which SHOULD mean that all of your OTHER monsters should be just as wimpy, and you'll lose really fast! Ahahaha!"  
"That joke got old before you even finished it," Banner solemnly proclaimed.  
"Oh." Syrus moved away and sat down in the Corner of Shame.

"I SUMMON THE DRUNKEN ANGEL!" Koala Ko Ala's dad exclaimed! Some freak angel in a white suit appeared. He was drunk. (Drunken Angel: 1800 Attack Points)  
"That's blasphemy!" Jaden acknowledged!  
"And what happened to the fancy lightshow?" Banner inquired.  
"I decided to save time and NOT use it, because a man just gets things done! Now I activate the cards Bottle of Beer and Flippin' the Table!" A bottle of beer appeared! A table appeared! "First, I destroy all cards I control to do the same to you!" He picked up the table and threw it! Everybody exploded with tabley madness, man!  
"Oh crap!" Koala Ko Ala yelped as his Big Koala fell over, dead! However, the weird angel just sat there, picking his nose.  
"My Drunken Angel stays on the field since he can't be destroyed by Flippin' the Table! But next," Koala Ko Ala's dad said, holding up the bottle of beer, "you lose five-hundred Life Points since the Bottle of Beer card was discarded! HA!" He threw the bottle at his son at light speed, immediately cracking it apart upon his skull!  
"AH! THAT WASN'T A HOLOGRAM!" (Koala Ko Ala: 2800 Life Points)  
"Holograms are for WIMPS! NOW, DRUNKEN ANGEL, ATTACK! RADICAL HOLY CEREMONY!" The entire building suddenly became a white void, devoid of everything except Koala Ko Ala and the Drunken Angel.  
"What IS this?" Koala Ko Ala asked, panicked.  
"HA!" the angel exclaimed, throwing a gigantic nickel at him!  
"WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS ATAAAAACK—oof." The koala boy was crushed by the five cents of pain! (Koala Ko Ala: 1000 Life Points) Then everything in the world turned back to normal and all was well.  
"That attack was, like, made on crack or something!" Syrus said.  
"Oh, that Maximillion Pegasus!" Banner giggled. "Always up to something stupid with his card designs." Everybody stared at him. "What, we were college roommates."  
"Oh."

"Make your move, son," Koala Ko Ala's dad urged, "you'll be safe and sound at home, drinkin' that Koala Juice like you always loved."  
"And READ the CARD, yo," Jaden helpfully stressed.  
"Grrrr….RRRRRGH! YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL, DAD!" Koala Ko Ala yelled! "I HATE THAT STUPID EUCALYPTUS CRAP!"  
"GASP!" gasped Syrus.  
"GASP!" gasped Jaden.  
"GASP!" gasped Banner.  
"GASP!" gasped Koala Ko Ala's dad.  
"GASP!" gasped the 'Boo' duck.  
"EVERY DAY, EVERY NIGHT, ALL I GET IS KOALA JUICE, KOALA JUICE, KOALA JUICE!" Koala Ko Ala went on! "DON'T I EVER GET TO DRINK WATER JUST ONCE? GOSH! YOU'RE JUST… JUST… A BIG FAT DUMMY! AND I'LL BEAT THAT FACT INTO YOU RIGHT NOW!" Koala Ko Ala drew… he drew an awesome green monster card, synonymous with jumping, boxing, Australia and all it stood for! Anybody who's seen the original show should know what this is! Could it be… a kangaroo? "I first activate the Silent Doom card to summon Big Koala from my Graveyard!" A creepy hand appeared and pulled Big Koala out of the Graveyard and onto the field! _I'll show YOU who sucks at dueling!_

"Next, I summon the monster… Elemental Hero Avian!" Koala Ko Ala said!  
"Huh?" Jaden gasped.  
"What is he trying to do?" Banner asked.  
"He's going to lose in a few seconds," Syrus warned. And so, with a turbulent wind, Avian appeared!  
"Hahahahahaha! I'm here to save the day!" he triumphantly announced! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"I activate the card You Suck Big Time!" Koala Ko Ala's dad said! He held out a Spell card with some guy knocking Avian the hell out, sending blood everywhere. "If you summon a normal monster with one-thousand or less Attack Points in Attack Mode, then you lose one-thousand Life Points!"  
"Hunh?" Avian exploded violently.  
"NOOOOOO, WHY DID I THINK THAT STEALING SOME OF JADEN'S CARDS WOULD HELP ME WIN?" Koala Ko Ala asked himself, cursing fate! He exploded. A little (Koala Ko Ala: 0 Life Points. Game Over)  
"YOU BASTAAAAAARD!" Jaden roared, leaping at his throat! "GIVE ME BACK MY CARDS, YOU!"  
"AAAAAH!" Koala Ko Ala punched him in self-defense so hard that he blew a huge hole in the side of the building and fell off of the nearby cliff.  
_Holy crappoly!_ Koala Ko Ala's dad thought, _That jab was amazing! How could my son be able to do that? Wait… it must've been… the power of friendship…What an amazing excuse for an ending!_

THIRTY! SECONDS! LATER!  
Thirty seconds later, Syrus and a very soggy Jaden burst into their room to find Koala Ko Ala packing again! "Aw, c'mon dude, stop feeding your backpack like that! You'll make it sick, yo!"  
"It's no use, Jaden," Koala Ko Ala whimpered, "I'm going to leave, like I told my dad. And get grounded. Actually, it was what Chancellor Shepherd said, but I'm in no position to argue."  
"Aw, but who'll fill in the Chumley position?" Syrus asked, misty-eyed. "Who KNOWS what'll happen to the universe if you do THAT? Leaving, I mean."  
"Don't leave," Jaden said, pulling a fish out of his pocket. "I'll give you this fish I found in the ocean if you stay!"  
"Nah, that Chazz kid's gonna take my spot, anyhow," Koala Ko Ala explained, picking up his bag.  
"Hey wait, you still have my cards!" Jaden yelled, going in for the kill! "GIVE'M BAAAAAACK!" Koala Ko Ala grabbed him and tossed him over his shoulder, through the window, knocking into Crowler(who was hiding there to listen to them talk and plot evil plans), sending them both over the cliff again.

FIVE! MINUTES! LATER!  
And so, about five minutes later, Koala Ko Ala, Syrus, and Jaden, wiping himself off with a towel, walked down the dusty dirt road to the school pier. But as they did, good ol' Prof. Banner came outta nowhere! What a surprise! "Hey kids!" he beckoned. "Your dad left for some reason and gave me a note!" He handed Koala Ko Ala a note.  
"B-but why would my dad just leave like that after coming here on a mission?" Koala Ko Ala asked! "This makes no sense!"  
"But you can stay!" Jaden exclaimed! "Now gimme back my cards."  
"What's the note say, sir?" Syrus asked.  
"I don't know, but if anybody else besides Koala Ko Ala opens it up, they'll die," the man explained, pointing to some writing on the front of the note: '_If anybody besides Koala Ko Ala reads this note, they will die in six seconds._'  
"That's just like dad!" Koala Ko Ala reminisced. He opened up the note, which read as follows;

_'Dear son,_

_It's come to my attention that being at this school has awakened THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP within you, thus giving you the unbridled strength needed to punch your friend through a wall. So, in order to not interrupt your training, I've decided to let you stay in school. Just try going to class once in a while, though. It's stupid, you staying inside all day long! I mean, for Pete's sake…'_

That was all Koala Ko Ala needed to hear. The boy crumpled up the rest of the rambling note and charged off toward the cliff, teary-eyed and full of emotion! "What's goin' on?" Jaden asked. He and Syrus followed him.  
"DAAAAD!" Koala Ko Ala yelled over the cliff. "EVEN THOUGH THE REST OF TH NOTE WAS REALLY STUPID AND BORING, THANK YOU SO MUCH! AND I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME SOMEDAY—"  
"SHUT UP!" Chazz yelled, down the road, "YOUR VOICE IS INFURIATING ME!"  
"Yeah," Crowler agreed, poking its head out from beyond the cliff, "I can't hear Yucky-boy over the sound of your stupid speech!" It retreated afterward.  
"I wonder if your dad heard you…. In his heart." Syrus said… from the heart.

"WAAAAHAHAHAHA!" Koala Ko Ala's dad laughed, racing by in the sky on a meteorite! "MEN DON'T HEAR WITH THEIR HEARTS, THEY HEAR WITH THEIR EARS! SEE YA, SON! AHAHAHAHAHA…" And soon enough he'd left the atmosphere to go back to his Koala Juice headquarters, stationed on the moon.

_WHAT A MAN,_ everyone thought. Koala Ko Ala wiped away one million tears.

COMMENTARY

This was a short episode, but one of the funniest, if I do say so myself. This episode shall be #3 on the list of Episodes to Force People to Read to Like the Series. And that TV gag is just something my sister suggested. Once she said 'it looks like he had diarrhea or something', I could NEVER look at it the SAME WAY AGAIN… I hope I screwed you guys up, too.

Anyways, Koala Ko Ala's dad is the best man in the history of history, though there are no plans to write him into any more episodes at this point. Luckily, he DID give us the gift of Koala Juice. He also managed to save the world four times in his youth. Once from ninjas, once from samurais, once from pirates, and once from masked wrestlers, if you were curious.

There's not much else to talk about, so have a good day. Or something like that.

Oh yeah, and in the next episode, Jaden and Syrus face the PARADOX BROTHERS, YEAH! DON'T MISS IT!

EDITS:

Looking over this chapter, I've realized that Koala Ko Ala's dad is a badass, sure, but how does he compare to everyone else? I mean, this shouldn't matter to you people starting out, ten episodes in, but it's going to be hard to make his next appearance stand out as something utterly MANly! Also I fixed errors.

I'm both surprised at my plotting I had been setting up even this early and how terrible my description was! It's shameful to the point of looking bland! I hope I was able to PARTIALLY alleviate the pain this time around. I think it worked. In any case it's mostly the same, full of that down-home country flavor. It just looks more… professional. Stupid forum tags I was too stupid to get rid of the first time around. Also I didn't make up the TV gag, my sister suggested it. Blame her. I cannot quit stressing it.

LAST EDITED:

1/9/11


	11. Episode 11: Tag Team Trial Part One

_Hey, yo! You came, you saw, and you voted, and we have a winner for my NEW THEME SONG! It's Happily Ever After, from some anime of some sort! Thanks for participating in the theme song poll! Listen to it here: [.com/watch?v=WYFN6mB9Tzk]_

_REMEMBER: UNLESS NOTED, ALL LINKS ARE STILL TOWARD YOUTUBE. FILL IN THE FRONT PORTION AS NEEDED. YO._

"Hey, who're you talking to, Jay?" Syrus asked, abruptly entering his shared room, full of Jaden, Koala Ko Ala, and Lyman Banner.  
"Oh, just Professor Banner, because we JUST SAW STAR WARS EPISODE SEVEN!" Jaden yelled!  
"WHAAAAAAAT?" Syrus gasped. "EPISODE SEEEEVEEEEEEEN?"  
"Heck yeah, Syrus!" Banner exclaimed! "It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen, and **I **saw that Bleach thing you looked at last week."  
"I'll tell you about it!" Koala Ko Ala was eager to declare. "Y'see, it happens after Vader died, and everything's all cool and stuff. But then, ALL of the plot threads get SOLVED in ONE movie."  
"P-plot threads?" Syrus gulped.  
"You'd never know them if you'd never seen **that** movie," Jaden said.  
"So, then we found out that CHEWBACCA was POSSESSED by an evil spirit THIS WHOLE TIME. And he tried to kill everything in the UNIVERSE!" Koala Ko Ala went on.  
"HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?" Syrus wheezed, squeezing his cranium!  
"It made sense in the way they presented it!" Banner said. "And the ending was so epic! They teamed up with the STAR TREK people and destroyed the Death Star MK-2! It made a huge explosion that was seen ALL THROUGHOUT THE SPACE -TIME CONTINUUM!"  
"WAAAAGH, MY MIND'S BLOWN!" Syrus screamed, as his head exploded! "But answer this, why'd you not call me over for this? You KNOW I love Star Wars-slash-Trek." He pointed to his several Star Wars/Trek figurines.  
"Uh, I dunno."  
"Anywho," Banner said, getting up to leave, "now that you have shared your television, it is now legal!"  
"How?" Syrus asked.  
"Well, the rules say that if you don't share it, then it's illegal, right?"  
"Right."  
"Now you've shared it."  
"That was easy. So can we skip out on our tag duel?"  
"Ha, no."

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 12: Tag Team Trial - Part One

Today the guitar intro sounded especially serious, as it was almost time for Jaden and Syrus to initiate their Tag Duel of Destiny! Crowler was storming the halls, which were for no reason full of Slifer Reds. "Stupid Slifer Slackers," it muttered.  
"HEY!" one guy yelled.  
"WELL IT'S TRUE!" Crowler returned fire. "Always littering the hallways… not being great duelists… wearing a non-blue color… and housing that gosh-dang Jaden Yucky! I HATE'CHA ALL!" it screamed to the heavens!  
"WAAAAAUGH! OUR FEELINGS ARE HURT!" the Slifers all screamed, running away like roaches.  
"Hey mum," Chazz said, walking up to it from behind without warning, "I have a favor to ask."  
"Oh, Chazz. Ask away, my boy," Crowler sighed.  
"Let me and my two friends Duel those two dumb idiots."  
"NO."  
"But why, I reckon?" Billy Hills whined, stepping out from behind Chazz.  
"Yeah, huh, Crowler, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson whined, stepping out from behind Billy Hills. _Darn, you're always one step ahead 'o me, Billy. But soon enough, that will change…_  
"SHUT UP YOU TWO, YOUR VOICES IN**FUR**IATE ME!"  
"No way, Chazz," it told its son.  
"Why not? If it's unfair, we can just get the fat kid to join him and we'll have a Triple Duel, AND get that guy out before he eats us out of academy and home. It's Dueling three birds with one Duel."  
"Well, you ARE exceptional Duelists," Crowler acknowledged, "but we've hired the best Tag Duelists in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE…"

"So, Jay, y'worried?" Koala Ko Ala asked, within the Slifer Toolshed, with Jaden and Syrus at his side.  
"Naw, y'know what I say? I say another Duel, another day, yo!" Jaden smirked.  
"BOO," somebody said.  
"That weirdo is right," Syrus agreed, "that WAS a bad line."  
"Well, also, this isn't just another Duel on this other day… that was… awkward sounding… but if you lose you're out. Gone. Kaput. Zilsky."  
"What's 'Zilsky'?" Jaden asked.  
"I dunno, but they'll expel you!" Koala Ko Ala stressed!  
"Aw, you cute, naive, little Koala," Jaden giggled, "you have NO idea that it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to lose? I have 'Yu' in my name. YU-ki. YUUUU-ki. Say it with me."  
"No," Koala Ko Ala said.  
"Well, I'm not losing today!"  
"What about that Deep-Voice kid?"  
"Now don't get me started on him; he's a hack! A hack I say, yo!"  
As Jaden and Koala Ko Ala argued, Syrus looked at his cool Spell card, Power Bond. _Man, will I EVER be able to use this card correctly?_  
And so, he remembered a few days ago, the words that had worried him for so long…

"_Hey, you had POWER BOND ALL ALONG? AND A LIMITER REMOVAL? DAMN, MAN! YOU WOULDA BEATEN ME IF YOU HADN'T SCREWED UP! There's hope for you yet!  
"HADN'T SCREWED UP!  
"HADN'T SCREWED UP!  
"HADN'T SCREWED UP!  
"HADN'T SCREWED UP!_  
"HADN'T SCREWED UP!"  
"FOR THE LOVE OF KOALAS, STOP REPEATING YOURSELF, JADEN!" Koala Ko Ala roared!

_And, also, I remember the worst thing I've ever thought about…_ Syrus continued to remember, _that HORRIBLE vision of the future...  
__Syrus and Jaden stood in a hall of light. They were fighting two shadow-filled duelists, one of which sounded suspiciously like Tristan Taylor, Yugi's old friend from the first series.  
"Come on, you really suck!" he goaded! "That's all you can do? Fine, I'll use my monster card to use a Trap card which pays some Life Points, and I'll tribute my monster to Tribute Summon this monster, then discard two cards to Special Summon this card, so that I can take over your dumb police car and attack Jaden making his Life Points zero!" A giant police car robot appeared next to Jaden and punched him in the chops!  
"Oof!" Jaden's skull exploded in a bloody torrent of terror as he spiraled into the air!  
"NOOOOOOO, IT'S ALL MY FAULT THAT HE DREW SUCH AN AWESOME COMBO WHICH WAS REALLY ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLEEEEEEEEEE!" cried Syrus. Suddenly, Jaden rose up from the floor and his flesh peeled off!  
He stretched his arm out, which was for some reason covered in squirming maggots now, and wailed "WHY, SYRUS, WHYYYYYYYYY? WHY DID YOU LET HIM USE THAT REALLY IMPOSSIBLE COMBO? YOU HAD A SOLEMN JUDGMENT FACE-DOWN, YOU KNOOOOOWW!"  
"Oh, yeah, that card negates everything!"  
"I'll tell you why," the other duelist said in a cool yet calculating tone, "because he doesn't belong here." The shadow was lifted off of him and he was… TRISTAN TAYLOR!  
"BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! HOW THE HELL DOES THAT __**WORK**__?"  
The two revealed Tristan Taylors both began cackling evilly! "Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" _

"THAT'S IT, MAN! THAT'S IT!" Syrus exclaimed! "I'M NOT GONNA TAKE THIS STRESS ANYMORE! WE ARE GOING TO POUND MY BRO AND TRISTAN TAYLOR IF IT'S THE LAST THING WE DO!"  
"Okay," Jaden said, writing 'Beat Tristan Taylor and Sy's Bro' in his Slifer Red notepad. "Okay, I wrote it down. Now I'll **NEVER** forget!"

"Okay, then I think we're ready to go," Syrus sighed. "See ya, Koala Ko Ala."  
"Oh, it's time?" Koala Ko Ala guessed. "Then I guess it's time for me to go." He jumped off of the bunk bed and over to the door. "Well, guys?"  
"You actually want to go to the Duel Dome?" Jaden gasped.  
"Well, duh, now that I've got a new lease on life from my dad for the next few weeks, I think it's about time! Thanks, continuity!"  
"Well, that's good. Weirdo."

MEANWHILE IN THE DUEL DOME…

The intercom blared, "_Welcome folks to the DUUUUUEL DOOOOOME! We're hosting a MAJOR match between TWO Slifer Reds, Syrus Truesdale the 'Doomsday Wimp', and Jaden Yuki, the boy who humiliated himself against the kid with the deep voice! They're fighting for their lives… SCHOOL LIVES! Against two famous tag duelists, that is, as the school rules decree! The snack bar is also now closed, so you'll have to go down to the café if you want a hot dog._"  
Bastion Misawa, seated around a whole bunch of fellow Ra Yellows muttered, "I sure wish I had gotten myself a hot dog." A girl was clinging to his arm. She wore cute little animal ears, was of middle stature, and had a slot in her brunette-haired head. They were pig ears, but they were cute on her. She also had a nice pink scrunchie on her left wrist. Her name: Piggybank. Why was she here? Wait until episode 13 for that.  
"Bastion, what's wroooong?" she asked him innocently.  
"I shoulda gotten a hot dog while I had the chance."  
"Oh." Then they continued to sit, just waiting for the duel to commence. Then, a trio of Ra Yellow boys sat down around them, carrying hot dogs and large bottles of cola.

_WHY DIDN'T I GET MY HOT DOG WHILE I HAD THE CHANCE?_

Meanwhile, again with Chazz, Deep-Voiced Dobbson and Billy Hills, Chazz peered at Bastion. "Holy crap, guys!" Chazz exclaimed! "Bastion has a girlfriend!"  
"HUH, CHAZZ, HUNH?" Deep-Voiced Dobbson exclaimed right back at him.  
"Well, I reckon that'd be delightful for'm!" Billy Hills congratulated.  
"She has a slot in her head, it's creepin' me out."  
"Well, I reckon that's just tragic, y'all."

"HEY, THEY'RE COMING!" some dude yelled from the duel gate, the gate where the duelists enter from. Mass murmurs were all abound! "IT'S… IT'S…"

Jaden and Syrus entered the Duel Dome.  
"BOOOOOO!" The people began throwing crap at the poor guys.  
"Jaden, they hate us!" Syrus whined.  
"Nah, they just hate the messenger, yo!" Jaden assured.  
"Oh." And as soon as they'd reached the center of the duel arena, Crowler popped out from behind Jaden's back!  
"WHA?"  
"AND NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I PRESENT TO YOU ALL, THE PARADOX BROTHEEEEERS!" Crowler leaped off of the stage, signaling the spewing of smoke from a ceiling panel. The lights darkened, and 'Eye of the Tiger™' began to play. I am not licensed enough to link to such a song.  
"Holy guacamole, the PARADOX BROS. ARE HERE?" Syrus screamed! "THEY DUELED YUGI MUTO AND JOEY WHEELER YEARS AGO!"  
"I can't hear you, I'm groovin' to the phat beats!" Jaden ignored, shaking his jazz hands. The smoky ceiling panel slowly lowered itself down as a funky lightshow started to blind dozens of students.  
'Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive!'  
Now you could see the two shadows of the players through the smoke, setting them up as the physical gods they were. No sane man could stay calm at the view.  
_I can't believe this… we're gonna lose…_ Syrus promised himself.  
"PARADOX! PARADOX! PARADOX!" the kids chanted! And so, the panel cautiously reached the floor, and the smoke faded away.  
'Risin' up, straight to the top, had the guts, got the glory, went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop!  
Just a man and his will to survive…'

The music faded off, and at that time it was clear to all souls watching, that the two legendary Tag Duelists, Para and Tristan Taylor, were about to kick some—WHAAAAAT?  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAA?" The collective sounds of confusion of everybody in attendance nearly deafened the utter-ers.  
"WHO THE FLOOP IS THAT?"  
"Uh, Dox got sick so I had to take his place," Tristan explained.  
"He is here to help save him face," Para added.  
"But I hired…" Crowler gave up.  
_Holy ship, this is… half of my nightmares come to life_! Syrus nearly fainted. Instead he merely cried tears of blood.  
"And so, without further disappointment—I mean, stupidity—oh, I'm no good at this." Crowler flipped off of the stage. "Let the duel begin!"

"Y'ready, Sy?" Jaden challenged.  
"Y-y-you, y-y-yuh-yu-y-you bet?" Syrus supposed.  
"Man, you're stuttering even more than usual, bud!"

"I'm just allergic to horror."  
"DUEL!" Tristan yelled, holding up his Duel Disk!  
"Yeah, you fools!" Para added, revealing his own!

"You heard 'em, Sy," Jaden urged, holding forth his Duel Disk as well.

"Uh, uwah," Syrus sobbed, waving his arm up and dropping it.

(Para and Tristan: 8000 Life Points, Jaden and Syrus: 8000 Life Points)  
"Why'd you add that?" Tristan asked, nudging Para.  
"Rhyming keeps you from getting fat!" Para explained.  
"Huh?"  
"Muh."  
Tristan stared at him for a beat. "Get yo' games on!" Jaden challenged, drawing his hand.  
"BOO," somebody said.  
"Jay-duhn, stop it!" Syrus whined like a baby seal.  
"Just take your turn, man, I believe that you'll make up for what I just said!" the Slifer Sucker assured.  
"OKAY! I SUMMON SUPER ROBOT HELICOPTER ROBOT IN ATTACK MODE!" Syrus summoned his helicopter guy. (SRHR: 1000 Attack Points)  
"We just lost," Jaden sighed, picking up his suitcases and turning to leave. "Thanks a lot for doing something stupid, as usual."  
"SHUT UP!"

"I am surprised that thing even HAS an Attack Mode!" Para mocked! Then he stared hard at Tristan.  
"Oh, uh, we're gonna mash you up into pie ala mode?"  
"Good one! I summon Jirai Gumo!" A huge, hulkin' brown spider creature appeared and snarled at the boys!  
"SNARL!" it snarled! (Jirai Gumo: 2200 Attack Points) Para stared at Tristan again.  
"No, I am NOT gonna rhyme your freaking cards!"  
"Then I will not shop at Menard's™!"  
"Well, I'm gonna do the SMART thing here," Jaden snarkily stated, "and summon Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!" Burstinatrix was summoned. (Burstinatrix: 800 Defense Points)  
"Hey, I thought you'd call it Dominatrix as always."  
"Nah, that joke wasn't funny anymore."

"Then I summon Kaiser Sea Horse in Attack Mode!" Tristan roared! A purple and blue crustacean knight appeared, though I don't see how that's a sea horse. (Kaiser Sea Horse: 1700 Attack Points)  
"That is NOT a sea horse!" Jaden smirked. "You're already failing! You're gonna lose in no time!"  
"Not really, since I play Tribute Doll!" Tristan chortled! A dead-ish soldier doll appeared on the field. "I can tribute now that huge spider thing to summon Kazejin from my hand!" The spider ate the doll stupidly, even though it was really… A TIME BOMB! The spider exploded graphically and was replaced by a big gust of wind! It blew Syrus away!  
"WAAAH!" Syrus cried!  
"SYRUUUUUUUS!" Jaden wailed, reaching for him.

A fat green guy with no legs was summoned and stopped the wind with his mere presence. (Kazejin: 2400 Attack Points)  
"Now we're getting' ready to kick some butt!" Para exclaimed!  
"I think I'm getting better at this rhyming stuff, just like buildin' a hut!"  
"That was dumb, Tristan."  
"Well, Mistan," Tristan rhymed. "Next I play Dark Designator!" A hard-to-explain card appeared. "I can call a card name, and if it's in Para's deck, then it's added to his hand!"  
"Oh no!" Syrus gasped, running back on-stage!  
"And I choose... Sanga of the Thunder!" Tristan called.  
"And that choice was no blunder!" Para placed his card into his hand!  
"Well, THAT was cheap, man!" Jaden complained.

Tristan stared at Syrus. "I'M GONNA FREAKING KILL YOU," he growled.  
_WHAAAT? THIS IS __EXACTLY__ LIKE MY MIND SAYS IT WOULD BE LIKE! THIS SUCKS! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO HIM?_  
"Don't worry, Sy, we'll make'm eat his words!" Jaden laughed confidently.  
"Uh, you're kinda right, because I summon Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot!" Syrus yelled! His cool train appeared, somewhat soulfully! (SRSLR:1800 Attack Points)

"CHOOCHOO!" it cheered, shaking its hips unabashedly.

"And now I play Polymerization!" Syrus announced, slappin' his Spell into the Graveyard! "And I'll fuse my two monsters into the ultimate despair engine of complete destruction that could wipe out the universe as we know it…"  
"WE GET IT ALREADY!"  
"Hmm, tough crowd. Well, I summon Super Robot Steam Locomotive Helicopter Robot." The two machines flew into a vortex. One second later came out as a train helicopter. It was shocking. (SRSLHR: 2200 Attack Points)  
"He's still useless!" some guy yelled from the stands.  
"WHO. FREAKING. CARES. Now anyways, attack!" Syrus ordered! "Train Plane Bang!" His train flew at the force of three trains and two planes!  
"WOOOOOT!" it screamed!  
"No, Sy, don't!"  
"HOW STUPID!"  
"You're a failure!"  
"No WONDER you're Zane's least favorite brother!" And other people in the audience said things somewhat like that, as well.  
"Tristan, now, if you'd please," suggested Para.  
"Kazejin, use the attack from Code Geass!" Tristan commandrhymed! Kazejin floated in front of the useless contraption monster and stared at it. Soon enough, Steam Gyroid looked down in shame, turned around, and retreated.  
"That was no attack from Code Geass," Para said.  
"I couldn't think of an attack name that rhymed with 'please'!"

"I TRIED to tell ya, Sy, but that guy can negate an attack, and now you look stupid," Jaden scoffed.  
"You didn't really try. But now he can't use that power LATER!" Syrus said.  
"Then why didn't you just attack with the helicopter first?"  
"YEAH!"  
"DUMMASS!"  
"You're a failure! FAILURE!"  
_This day… really… sucks._

"Aw, cheer up, Sy!" Jaden said, smiling with a pat on the back added in for extra comfort effort. "I'LL just win it for us!"  
"But then I'll just be…"  
"Completely ineffectual, yes!" Jaden concluded.  
"Hey, that's not such a bad idea!"_He's right,_ Syrus told himself, _as long as HE doesn't suck, then we'll be in the clear! I'm gonna be a burden and thus help Jaden win and stop us from being booted out of school and being forced to usher in our new lives of crime in order to survive! HE CAN DO THIS!_ Syrus placed one hand behind his head and put on the kind of face you'd put on if you knew you were in the wrong place and felt awkward. "Uh, I'll just put a card face down, eheheh." He ended with sticking his tongue out a bit.

"Oh, no, he's become completely laid back and carefree!" Tristan gasped!  
"Worst of all, I have gum that is sugar-free!" Para gasped, holing up a stick of minty gum.  
"You lie, that has some sugar in it," Tristan accused, looking closely at the wrapper.  
"Don't make me make you swallow a peach pit! I use Monster Reborn to bring out my Jirai Gumo!" Para used his card, which summoned out the giant creepy spider onto the field again!  
"GROWL," it growled. (Jirai Gumo: 2200 Attack Points)  
"Then I use Tribute Doll."  
"OOOOOHHHH NOOOOOOO!" screamed Syrus and Jaden!  
"WOOOOOHOOOOO!" screamed the audience!  
"Kick their asses, Para and Tristan!" Piggybank cried, shaking Bastion's arm a bit.  
_I can't take this anymore, I'm taking this hot dog business into my OWN hands,_ Bastion fumed.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Meanwhile, as I do say often for lack of proper English skills and proper prose, the spider had just exploded into… "Suijin!" A big blue pair of legs with an evil snarling face as a crotch appeared out of the smoking wreckage of the spider. (Suijin: 2500 Attack Points)  
"EEEEEEEWWWW!" the audience barfed.  
"That thing is just disgusting, yo," Jaden vomited.  
_I think I'm about to lose my breakfast,_ Koala Ko Ala thought, holding his belly.  
_That's so… that's so… yucky!_ Chazz thought, clutching his abdomen. Deep-Voice Dobbson passed him a semi-used barf bag.

"S'all yer's, Chazz, I reckon…" Billy Hills gurgled. "Ugh…" he fainted.

"And for my next move," Para continued, "I must borrow one of your monsters, Tristan, my partner."  
"Well, here you go, pardner!" Tristan exclaimed, pointing to his Kaiser-not-a-Seahorse.  
"I sacrifice that weird thingie to summon—"  
"Something even MORE disgusting?" Jaden challenged.  
"Uh, not yet. SANGA OF THE THUNDER! Because that thing counts as two Light sacrifices, don'cha know."  
"RULES FTW!" The Sea Horse fakie was blasted by lightning and turned into an enormous torso and arms combo! (Sanga: 2600 Attack Points)  
"Holy moley, that thing's gonna combine!" Beehive Larry gasped! "They're gonna combine, like robots! Robots, I tell's ya!" Somebody hit him with a bat.  
"Shut up, we're trying to LISTEN, filler person!" they growled.

"AND NOW, COMBIIIIIIINE!" Tristan and Para commanded!  
"Told ya!"  
"SHUT UP!"  
"Ow."  
The three roboty guys began glowing as hard as they could possibly glow! And so, with all eyes focused on the trio of triplocity… the green guy sat on the blue guy and the yellow guy sat on the green guy and _**SHAZAM!**_ "Behold, the Gate Guardian!" Para and Tristan introduced. (Gate Guardian: 3750 Attack Points)  
"I know about robots," Syrus remarked, "and that is NOT how you combine. Just look at my Steam Gyroid—"  
"WHICH GATE GUARDIAN WILL NOW ATTACK!"  
"HUNH?" The giant threesome summoned a wave of water. Then they charged it with electricity. Then they blasted it away with wind! It was truly a tag team triple threat.  
_Holy snap…_ Jaden realized, _now I know the real meaning of a Tag Duel…_ And the stupid train plane was DOOOOOOOOOWN! As it had gotten hit and exploded.  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Syrus screamed! (Jaden and Syrus: 6450 Life Points)  
"Are you okay, patsy?" Jaden called.  
"Uh, yeah, considering that they're just holograms."  
"Oh, and I set a card." Para remembered. "Your turn."

_Those guys are toast!_ Chazz thought to himself. _They can't POSSIBLY win now that they're facing one of the hardest monsters to summon ever! Plus, it's twelve stars-worth of power! It makes so much more sense when you look at the card! Otherwise it comes off oddly, but that doesn't make it any better for those Slifer Slackers. They're SO super-heated bread that butter can be spread across._  
_Oh, this is just divine!_ Crowler told itself. _The Paradox brother… and Tristan… are CLOBBERING those two Slifers! Oh, SUUURE, Jaden Yucky's got the power around here, but little Truesdale is just too small and useless to act as anything but a human meat shield in here! Oh, how WILL they make it?_  
[.com/watch?v=WYFN6mB9Tzk] "LIKE THIS!" Jaden roared!

"WHAAAAT?" inquired Crowler and Chazz.  
"What's he talkin' 'bout?" some guys in the audience wondered.  
"GIVE ME THAT HOT DOG!" Bastion yelled, punching some hot dog holders in the face, causing them to drop their hot dogs! A large shadow crept up behind him.  
"HEY, some guy growled, "YOU CAN'T JUST STEAL HOT DOGS LIKE 'DAT." Bastion turned. About fourteen thugs with hot dog-related jackets were approaching.  
"Oh crap," Piggybank cursed, "they're the Hot Dog Mob. Bastion, they'll KILL you for trying to take hot dogs by force!"  
"Yeah, right!" Bastion challenged, chowing down into a dawg. "I'LL TAKE 'EM **ALL** ON!" And armed with nothing but his fists, he ran into battle with these strange men.

TO BE CONTINUED...

"I activate my Polymerization Spell card!" Jaden announced. His Elemental Hero Clayman appeared out of the blue, punching the air for no discernable reason!  
"HUH HUH HUH," he punched. (Clayman: 800 Attack Points)  
"What?" Para gasped! "A man made out of clay?"  
"You can't summon a man made out of clay today!" Tristan told Jaden. But Jaden wasn't about to listen today, so belay the cause for delay.  
"I fuse my Elemental Heroes Clayman and Burstinatrix together to form…" And so the two heroes flew into a sudden black hole vortex, somehow molding together out of sight… "ELEMENTAL HERO RAMPART BLASTER!" A giant battle suit filled with a really small lady with a massively amazing blaster gun arm fell out of the hole. (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points, 2500 Defense Points)  
"Uh, why's this the time for your theme tune?" Syrus inquired. "Unofficial theme tune, if I may add."  
"BECAUSE 'O THIS, HOMIE!" Jaden explained! "My monster can ATTACK YOU DIRECTLY FOR ONE-G POINTS FOR THE FIRST HIT OF THE DUEL!"  
"Our life points!" the ParaTris Brothers realized! "That so disappoints!"  
"BLASTIN' RAMPARTS ATTACK!" The lady aimed her arm cautiously and fired off dozens of high-speed missiles at the two guys standing behind the faux mecha!  
"OWOOFEEF OUWFOWOOF EEFOUWFY EEAAARRGHH!" The two men were consumed in the blazing explosions of justice, the American way, and all sorts of pies. (ParaTris: 7000 Life Points)  
_Actually, that was a bit cooler than I'd expected,_ Syrus figured with a shrug as the last pie faded.

"Well, it ain't over yet!" Tristan said, quickly recovering from the holographic assault! "I equip our monster with Fairy Meteor Crush!" In an epic fashion, a card with a fairy-crushing meteor flew onto Sanga of the Thunder's face. It just kinda sat there, though.  
"What's it do?" Jaden asked.  
"MYSTICALSPACETHPHYOON," Syrus activated! A gigantic hurricane, even larger than that mechanized monstrosity appeared, consuming the monster, and finally fading away, causing its equip card to simply drift off onto the floor, where it exploded in a fiery blaze of JUSTICE!  
"OOH," several onlookers ogled.  
"Pick that card back up, Gate Guardian," Para ordered, "because I activate Curse of Anubis!" His OWN Trap card flipped up, becoming a jackal statue.  
"**I CURSE THEE,**" it told Syrus.  
"Why me?"  
"Serves 'm right," Tristan glared.  
"This card negates your typhoon, ending its flight!" Para rhymed. And so, the Gate Guardian picked up the flaming card, brushed off some dirt, and placed the glowering asteroid back onto its face. That sounds stupid.  
"It also destroys one of your monsters and you lose Life Points equal to its Attack Points!" Tristan yelled! Jaden's theme song abruptly ended as his Rampart Blaster was blasted away, signaling failure of a comeback. [End the song. **NOW**.]  
"Ow," Jaden and Syrus said. (Jaden and Syrus: 4450 Life Points)  
"Damnit, my doing something ruined everything!" Syrus whined.  
"It SURE did," Jaden agreed. "Feel bad, Sy. Feel real bad and it might fix things. Maybe."

"Also I summon a Brick Wall, which you have to destroy in order to attack any other monster we control," Tristan said quickly. A brick wall appeared! (Brick Wall: 2100 Defense Points)  
_THIS IS SO AWESOME!_ Crowler thought, drooling all over the stage. Kinda.  
"URGH!" Bastion groaned! One of the eleven Hot Dog Mob guys that Bastion hadn't already defeated had just pierced Bastion's with a massive spear!  
"BASTIOOOOOOON!" Piggybank screeched!

TO BE CONTINUED…

"It's your turn now," Tristan said.  
"Go or else we'll steal your plow!" Para added.  
"We don't have any plows!" Syrus tried to convince. "I'll just summon this cool bike in Defense Mode," Syrus sighed, summoning a CYCLOPS BICYCLE. (Dat Bike: 1000 Defense Points)  
"Cool, a CYCLOPS BICYCLE?" Jaden asphyxiated! "That's been my dream for years!"  
"TOO BAD SO SAD ATTACK IT!" Para's Gate Guardian crushed it… WITH A HUGE METEOR FROM ABOVE. (Jaden and Syrus: 1700 Life Points) "Man, you guys suck at dueling! You should just give up! At dueling! Because you're terrible at it! Ha ha!"  
Syrus slumped onto the floor. "He's right," he told Jaden, "let's just give up."  
"You suck! You suck! Nyeeh!" the ParaTris Bros. laughed.  
"You guys suck at dueling!" some guy yelled!  
"You're just gonna lose, so give up!" said another.  
"I PAID TO SEE THIS?" an angry customer roared.  
"I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman and give'm Sparkman's Gun, yo," Jaden said. And Elemental Hero Sparkman appeared with his cool gun. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) "Shoot'm!" And Sparkman shot the Gate Guardian in the chest! Blood poured out all over the stage! It was holographic, though, but still!  
"OH CRAP!" Tristan cried!  
"GUNS AREN'T ALLOWED IN SCHOOL, YOU SAP!" Para cried!  
I'm SO gonna kick your asses, thought Jaden and Bastion, staring at their enemies.

TO BE CONTINUED…

COMMENTARY  
So, I hope that the MUSICAL MOMENT felt cool enough, so you'd better get used to it! There shall be more of those from now on. I'd also be really happy if you sent me some good ideas of usable songs for the series as theme tunes, background tunes, and more, and I'll call you a nice person in front of millions. If millions read this, that is, but who cares.

Also I'd like to get this out of the way: NO, I DID **NOT** COPY THE PARADOX BROS. JOKE FROM LITTLE KURIBOH. They ALWAYS did this in the original show, which many people would, I believe, not know. So please don't harass me for it (though nobody got at me for Ms. Dorothy before, so maybe I'm just being really negative).

Anyways, as this two-parter has a lot of relevance to episode 8, For the Sake of Syrus, I had to have some flashbacks. Just wanted to let you guys remember that.

And lastly, Bastion VS the Hotdog Mob. No, it has no relevance to anything, and yes, I put Piggybank an episode early for her ORIGIN as to how she met Bastion, because I want some people to either think 'WTF', or 'HMM I WONDER HOW IT HAPPENED…'. It's a real doozy. So, anyways, everybody have a good day.

EDIT:  
Ah, going back through the old stuff is so refreshing. It reminds me of everything I wanted but forgot because I'm not smart. I really hate how I sucked at removing the tags from the forum-style posting, and yet I have been reinformed with the initial vision of Jaden as a happyidiotboy. Should I continue to write him that way? Hmm.

In any case, everybody hates Syrus. Piggybank is random. The Hot Dog Mob awakens Bastion's side plot spirit. Syrus tries something. It fails. Jaden tries something. It fails. He gets back up. All's right with the world.

LAST EDIT:

1/14/10


	12. Episode 12: Tag Team Trial Part Two

Earlier that morning, before the guys went off to their duel, they watched television. And this is what they saw. "Woah, Jay, look at this!" Syrus gasped, watching the single most awesome commercial in existence.  
"What is it, yo?" Jaden asked.  
"And why didn't you call ME over?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"Oh, you don't matter, Koala, but just LOOK at THIS!" Syrus aimed his pointer finger at the screen **and** something awesome at the SAME TIME. And THIS is what it WAS.

"Shindo Hikaru was almost on the top of the world," the narrator told, "having being entered in the Hokuto Cup, until everybody found out… that Hikaru... had a _checkered past_."  
"YOU played WHAT?" Fujiwara no Sai screeched in disbelief!  
"Yes," Hikaru solemnly stated, "I used to play checkers." He pulled out his gold-plated '_World Checkers Champion_' trophy from four years ago.  
"NNNOOOOOOOOO!"

After that sequence, dramatic action music started playing. Many fiery chase scenes flashed by the screen. Then a helicopter pulled up and four gun-wielding men leaped down off of a rope ladder. Akira Toya followed! Sounding deranged, he yelled, "YOU NEVER **TOLD** ME YOU PLAYED **CHECKERS!**"  
Hikaru unsheathed his samurai sword and said, "Bring it on." Ominous Latin chanting ensued.

It then showed Hikaru in a Jeep with Sai driving up on a movable bridge, lifting itself up to let a boat float beneath it. Hikaru yelled to Sai, the driver, "JUMP!" Sai leaped into the water as the entire bridge flared up into a roaring fireball. The remaining men from earlier and Akira drove near the bridge in a limousine.  
"Damn," he cursed.

It showed a separate scene under a different bridge late at night. "If we're gonna get through this," Sai decided, "we're gonna get through it together."  
"GET DOWN," a man ordered, and Sai and Hikaru crouched onto the ground. "YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR TREASON." The man stepped out of the shadows and revealed that he… was a robot… with a gun! The robotic cop held Hikaru at gunpoint. "I COULD KILL YOU RIGHT NOW," the robot challenged.

The chanting ceased as we cut to Sai and Akari Fujisaki at a coffee shop. "We've gotta help Hikaru," Akari said chillingly.  
Sai lifted his mug to his mouth, drank some coffee, and put the cup back down onto the table. Then, Yuki Mitani approached them and said, "Alright," taking out a walkie-talkie, "but we're gonna need some reinforcements."

Just then, a shady character opened Hikaru's jail cell. He was Yoshitaka Waya! "I'm here to get you out of here," he said.  
"Huh?" Hikaru responded.  
Then Yoshitaka pulled out a knife. "Not." He quickly sliced Hikaru's jugular vein!  
_It wasn't supposed to end this way…_ Hikaru thought, dropping to the floor.

In yet another scene, Sai was dressed in an orange costume at a fruit festival swarming with enemy robots in fruit costumes. "You think I could learn necromancy?" he asked Akari, who was dressed as an avocado. She nodded, looking worried.

Latin chanting returned! Akira and his father Toya Meijin had a stern staring-at with each other! Sai, wielding a staff, transformed into a neko-guy! Guys in fruit costumes were ice skating in circles!

Akari, now in a jail cell with Yun Sensei, told him, "It doesn't matter if you play checkers or not. It's how you play it."

Tetsuo Kaga stood atop an airplane, which had a flaming wing and was headed straight for Mount Everest! "The only thing that truly matters…is shogi!" He laughed maniacally as the plane rapidly surpassed the sound barrier and he was burned to cinders.

Hikaru flew through white nothingness, Latin chanting ceasing again. _What am I fighting for…for…for…for…_

He burst out of the ground in a rainy cemetery, right in front of his mossy tombstone. He stepped out of his grave, grabbed the stone, and CRUSHED it between his hands! He looked up to the heavens and screamed, "DAAAAAAAH!" It echoed chillingly.

Anime theme song music started playing. The television displayed Hikaru and Sai in a giant, collapsing mechanical building. "YOU HAVE YET TO SEE MY TRUE POWER…" a man grunted in the darkness. Then, out of that darkness, came a giant go board-shaped robot with pincer arms and Toya Meijin in the cockpit!  
"This is our last chance," Sai pressured, grabbing Hikaru's shoulders. He took out his fan and pointed to one of the spots on the board robot. "PUT THE FINAL PIECE RIGHT THERE AND ALL SHALL BE CLEAR!"  
Hikaru placed his fist in his palm and shouted, "JAN… KEEEEEN… ROOOOOOOOCK!" He charged forward with a glowing hand and leaped at the robot as it powered up its photon blasters! _Oh no, it's too late,_ he thought.  
Suddenly, Akari blazed through the ceiling with seventeen gigantic machine gun laser guns and roared, "BUT YOU STILL HAVE MEEEE!" And they all were consumed in light… and the logo for the movie appeared.  
"Hikaru No Go: A Checkered Past," the narrator read. "Coming April 19th, 2010."

The kids stared at the screen, slack-jawed. After two minutes, Koala Ko Ala said, "I don't get it."

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 12: Tag Team Trial – Part Two

And so, where we last left our two failure kids, staring down Gate Guardian, Para, and Tristan Taylor. They had seventeen-hundred Life Points. And they had Sparkman. With his gun. That had just shot Gate Guardian. Which made it slump over into Defense Mode. And bleed. Profusely. "What have you done?" Para asked hysterically!  
"He shot him with that gun!" Tristan shakily proclaimed, pointing to Sparkman.  
"Damn straight I had that guy shoot that guy with a gun!" Jaden agreed.

"That guy REALLY shot that guy with a gun!" exclaimed one of the Hot Dog Mob men, dividing his attention. Suddenly, the spear he'd been carrying up until now was torn out of his hands. "Wha?" Bastion had pulled it all the way through his body, tossed it into the air, and caught it.  
"Alright," he challenged, "who wants some?"  
"You're okay?" Piggybank gasped.  
"WHO CARES?" the Hot Dog Mob leader (signified by his hot dog hat) roared! "GET HIIIIIIM!"  
"And back at 'ya," Piggybank grunted, sliding in next to Bastion. He held out his spear. She put out her dukes. The entire (remaining) mob rushed up to them, and…  
TO BE CONTINUED…

_Woah,_ Koala Ko Ala thought, watching the duel, _this duel looks cool, but Bastion's fight is even COOLER!_ He began staring at Bastion, smacking down 'da mob.  
"Wowzers," Billy Hills gasped, "lookie there, I reckon! Bastion Misawa, I reckon, is beatin' the Hot Dog Mob!"  
"HUH BASTION HUUUUUUUH?" Deep-Voice Dobbson gasped.  
"Shaddap!" Chazz growled. "I'm watching the Duel!"  
"HOLY CRAP I RECKON HE JUST PUNCHED THROUGH THAT MAN'S STOMACH!"  
"OH MAN GOTTA WATCH."

"Now I'm gonna throw down a face-down and end my turn," Jaden said, confidently.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Hmph," Para grunted, "you may have a gun, you son of a gun."  
"But the game has merely just begun!" Tristan finished! "I set a card face-down and end my turn!"  
"Jaden," Syrus said, turning to his buddy, "how can you possibly look so positive about this situation? Sure, that guy's in Defense mode now, but what does that make? A giant, defense guy who'll kill us next turn! It's hopeless! I feel hopeless because of this giant, evil, thingy!"  
Jaden turned to him and chuckled. "Heh heh heh, Sy, you'll find out… after you… draw… that… card."  
"Uh okay HOLY MACKEREL!" Syrus drew Super Robot Drill Robot, a purple drill super-robot! He turned to Solemn Judgment, lying in his hand, waiting oh-so patiently to be played. _I'd better set this before I forget about it,_ he thought. "First, I set two cards face-down!"And so he did. "And now I'll summon… SUPER ROBOT DRILL ROBOT!" He held his monster card into the air and it seemed to ripple with light!  
"OOH," the audience gasped. Syrus felt an impulse of adrenaline. He was trembling. "'Ya did it, Sy!" Jaden proclaimed! "Way to go, yo! You just got 'yo game on!"  
"BOO."  
"Aw, who asked you?"  
"AND NOW…" Syrus began, without concluding, for now. He smacked his card onto the Duel Disk and had wrought a purple drill robot super robot fighter who hath broken through the ground! _Jaden was right!_ Syrus believed! _He guessed that my next card would be awesome! This is… very coincidental._ He turned to Jaden, who gave a thumbs-up and at that moment thought, _Lucky guess yo!_

_But… I'm actually gonna kill that bastard monster that's been so irritatingly invincible all this time! This… sense of EMPOWERMENT! This… FEELING OF PRIDE! This… is just a card game… so it really doesn't…_  
_"SHUT UP!"_ an alien voice ordered of him. It was his hair again, speaking through a mind link of some sort of no matter! _"It doesn't matter that this is just a game,"_ it yelled, _"This is your first major achievement since you've even STARTED playing card games!"  
"But it still doesn't matter," _Syrus told his hair._  
"It does! You're about to do something Jaden couldn't do alone. Together, with his crazy luck skills!"  
"You don't usually speak to me like that."  
"You usually aren't pumped up with adrenaline. Tear that sucker to pieces."_  
"SRDR," Syrus commanded, "TEAR THAT SUCKER TO PIECES!"  
"But he has too much defense!" Para laughed!  
"It's as useless as punching a fence!" Tristan added.  
"Well, this fence… JUST GOT PUNCHED!" Syrus yelled, adding in a wimpy punching motion as he got to the yellish part. "Any Defense Position monsters my robot fights are AUTOMATICALLY destroyed!"  
"Wall go!" Tristan ordered as his Brick Wall flew into Super Robot Drill Robot's face! (Jaden and Syrus: 1700 - 1200 Life Points)

"Wait… that doesn't make any sense!" Syrus gasped! "I mean, why did we take damage, why didn't my attack work?"  
"Because of Brick Wall's special ability!" Tristan laughed!  
"For you I feel no pity!" Para added.  
"But… the damage…" Syrus muttered. Jaden turned to face Syrus and shrugged, thinking, _Better luck next year!_ "Urgh, that's not all!"  
"There's more?" Para gasped!  
"There's more?" Tristan gasped.  
"Seriously, don't rhyme 'more' with 'more'," Para suggested.  
"Sorry."  
"SHIELD CRUSH GO!" Syrus yelled, activating Shield Crush, which featured a shield getting crushed, and the card's holographic representation appeared in mid-air before firing a crushing laser beam at Gate Guardian's shield-like arms! In short, it blew up. Let's go with that.

"WOOOOOOWWWWW!11!1!" the crowd screamed!  
Even Bastion, who'd just ripped off his shirt and stabbed his new spear through a man's face as Piggybank punched a man in half, stopped to say "Woah."  
"HOW THE HELL CAN HE GET THAT LUCKEEEEY?" Chazz and Crowler screamed simultaneously!  
"OH!" was all Koala Ko Ala could yell.  
"Nice goin' Sy!" Jaden congratulated! "Y'know what they say, 'the bigger they brawl, the harder they fall'!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"They don't say that, Jaden."  
"They sure do now!"

The twins (kinda) smirked, looking at the two boys, purple drill robot and super hero facing them, as if to all say, 'Screw your ass, we're winning!' "I see that you may have enjoyed your sentiment," Tristan babbled.  
"But now, for destroying our Gate Guardian," Para added, "we use Dark Element!" Para slapped down a card with a zombie screaming in pain as he stood in some black fire for some reason. (Paratris: 3500 Life Points) "When Gate Guardian's in the Graveyard," Para read off of the card, "we can summon the monster Dark Guardian! But we have to halve our Life Points first. Ent."

A multi-colored fog seeped out of the hologram and was sucked into the Graveyard. Then a zombie appeared! (Zombie: 0 Attack Points, 8790 Defense Points) "Oh, is THAT all?" Jaden challenged. Then the zombie caught on black fire!  
"WAAAAARGH!" the zombie cried, exploding. And after that, a HUGE DEMONIC SHADOW DESCENDED ONTO THE FIELD! "Oh, so I guess it wasn't all…"  
And it was… it was… a guy attached to a spider with an axe in hand. WITH THIRTY-EIGHT HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS! (Dark Guardian: 3800 Attack Po— "WE JUST HEARD THAT!" said some random guy.  
"Oh and he can't be destroyed by battle," Para added, just in time.

"Oh no," Bastion gasped, punching out two of the three final hot dog mob men at the same time, "it's THAT strong and JUST AS INVINCIBLE AS ME?"  
"Yeah, right!" laughed the last man.  
"WATCH OUT!" Piggybank screamed, kicking a mobman's lower jaw out! The last mob man pulled out a gun… and shot it. "BASTIOOOOOOON!"  
TO BE CONTINUED…

"Now Dark Guardian," Para yelled, "attack that dumb drill! Super Axe Slashah!"  
"NO NOT SLASHAH!" Syrus gasped! _We just lost! When that attack connects, our Life Points'll be zero! Wait, why didn't I just use Solemn Judgment?  
_"HOO-AH!" the monster grunted, swinging his axe, launching a giant wave of axe power!  
"Sorry, but I use Hero Barrier!" Jaden said! He flipped up his Trap card, which beamed forth … a giant 'H'!  
"Oh no! An 'H'!' Tristan gulped!  
"I think my head's starting to ache!" Para groaned.  
"Hey, 'H' and 'ache' don't rhyme!" Tristan accused.  
"Sorry, um, lime." As they were busy rhyming, the axe blast smashed into the 'H' and faded away.  
"Take 'dat, yo!" Jaden laughed! "You fail at winning forever!"  
"That was harsh…" SIGH-rus sighed.  
"Yeah, RIGHT!" Jaden 'psshawed'. "Look, stop being so negative! We're gonna beat these two guys, and then we're gonna go through all sorts of zany duel adventures! Then we'll graduate, after I turn evil and you save my life somehow! But right now… LET'S GO!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"I play Pot of Greed!" Jaden drew two cards. "It lets me draw two cards—"  
"WE ALL KNOW THAT!" the world yelled.  
"Okay, but d'ja know I'd use… FUSION GATE?" Jaden smacked a Field Spell into his Field Spell compartment. The world was consumed by a black hole…  
"WAAAAUGH!" you screamed. It was a holographic black hole, though. "Whew!" you sigh.

"This card counts as all 'da Polymerizations I want!" Jaden explained. "And so, I'll summon… ELEMENTAL HERO AVIAN!"  
"NOOOOOOOO!" the audience cried!  
"HA, IDIOT!" Chazz laughed. Avian swirled onto the field with a whirlwind entrance!  
"HA, HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Avian laughed! "I'M HEEEERE!"  
"JADEN YOU IDIOT, YOU'VE JUST DOOMED US ALL!" Syrus screamed maniacally!  
"No way," Jaden began. "doom is an old Norse word for destiny. Or a word LIKE destiny, I don't remember which. So yeah, we're meeting our destiny… OF BEATING THEM UP! I fuse MY OWN Light, Water and Wind guys to summon a Fusion Hero! Irony."  
"That's not irony." Jaden removed his Sparkman, Avian, and Bubbleman in his hand from play. "Now I summon Elemental Hero Tempest!"

[.com/watch?v=WYFN6mB9Tzk #t=1m48s] Jaden's theme song picked up from where it had once been cut off. They all got sucked into the black hole of earth; the winged screw-up hero, the gun-slingin' lightning man, and the dumb-looking man with a terrible excuse for a name. They were consumed by the hole… and soon refused by it as well, and were combined into a man with cool hair, wings, a blue suit, and a bubble-launching arm (they had to add in Bubbleman somehow, right?)! (Tempest: 2800 Attack Points)

"Oh, I thought they'd do something smart," a young kid innocently stated.  
"Shut up, you bastard kid!" Jaden roared!  
"WAAAAH!" the kid screamed.  
"Now I use Skyscraper!" Jaden ripped out his Fusion Gate and replaced it with a picture of the big city. Huge buildings started to grow out of the ground! Syrus was inevitably standing on top of one as it grew suddenly.  
"WOAH!" he gasped.  
"SYRUUUUUUUUS!" Jaden screamed, stretching out his hand to him! "Anyways," Jaden shrugged, as soon as the buildings had finished extending, "when my weaker Hero attacks your stronger dummy,"  
"WE HEARD THAT!" ParaTris accused.  
"he gains a thousand Attack Points!"  
"Okay."

Tempest flew into the nighttime Skyscraper sky and aimed his bubbly arm at Dark Guardian! "NOW, USE BUBBLY AAAAAAAARM!" (Tempest: 2800 - 3800 Attack Points) Tempest shot out a bubble from his bubble launcher with a satisfying 'bloop' sound. The guardian tried his best to deflect it with his axe!  
He struggled on, as Para chuckled, "You know, he won't die by battle."  
"Syrus, discard a card!" Jaden ordered.  
"OKAY," Syrus agreed, several stories up. "WAIT, WHADDA YOU SAY?"  
"Great! Now my Tempest can't be destroyed by battle due to his ability!" The bubble splattered all over the Dark Guardian.  
"OH NO, HE IS ALL WET!" Para growled.  
"We're gonna… um, bet." Tristan threatened, emptily.  
"THAT WAS **DUMB**, JADEN!" Nancy Wut yelled from within the audience. "NOTHING CHANGED!"  
"YOU'RE A DUMB DUELIST!" another guy insulted._  
Aw, man,_ Syrus thought, _now everybody thinks that Jaden's a dumb duelist! He's just making everybody think he sucks at dueling! This duel is… is…'nt fun! Isn't fun at all!_

"Well, I use the card Super Samurai Smack-DUUUUUN!" Tristan yelled, beginning his turn with a bang. His Trap card, a big battle between two samurai in front of the roarin' coastal shoreline at sunset, flipped onto the field and disappeared. "Super Samurai Smack-DUUUUUN! makes our two strongest monsters fight again and stuff!" Dark Guardian brandished his mighty axe again and swung it! The energy wave travelled powerful slow, though. "Do you wanna use your special ability?" Tristan invited.  
"Ugh," Jaden recoiled, "I'll discard Skyscraper." The buildings faded away, Tempest shielded his face with his arms, and Syrus fell down from above onto his face. Painfully.  
"OW!" Syrus cried. "JADEN, NO!"  
"JADEN YES!" Jaden cheered for himself. Slowly but surely, that energy blast swooped into Jaden for critical damage!  
"That thang was goin' powerful slow, I reckon powerfully!" Billy Hills gasped.  
"UUUUUUURRRGH!" Jaden and Syrus groaned, as if they were undergoing intense intestinal distress. (Jaden and Syrus: 200 Life Points)  
"That's all for me!" Tristan huffed.  
"And next turn I give you my guarantee," Para added,  
"This duel will be ours, just wait and see!" Tristan wrapped up. "Oh, and I'll set another card."

"OH CRAP!" an onlooker realized! "THEY'RE PULLIN' OUT ALL DA' STOPS! THEY RHYMED THRICE!"  
"Don't sweat their rhyming, Sy," Jaden supported, "just follow your heart, and your dreams… of not being expelled… will definitely come true, yo."  
"Uh, um, er, eh, okay," Syrus half-heartedly trusted. _Okay, all I have to do… is use… Power Bond. But it's not even in my hand yet. Wait, he's trusting me to draw a certain card? You can't exactly WILL that to happen, of course! What if he blames me for losing after his is all over and never talks to me again? Will I be left out of all the ZANY and CRAZY duel adventures to come? I CAN'T HANDLE THE PRESSUUUUUURE!_

Meanwhile, Bastion had been fired upon by a bullet! _Damn, I can't dodge a bullet in mid-air! That's physically impossible… impossible… impossible… IMPOSSIBLE!_ he told himself whilst the bullet flew. "BUT YOU STILL HAVE MEEEEEE!" Piggybank pulled out a golf club!  
"No, not a GOLF CLUB!" the hot dog mob man final guy gasped!  
"YES, A GOLF CLUB!" She swung her club at the bullet, placing her final bets on its success. Somehow, it connected and sent the bullet into the man's skull, killing him instead.  
"Yay," cheered the onlookers.  
"Wait…" Bastion blinked. "You just… saved my life?"  
"Bastion, I'm SOOOO happy you're alright!" Piggybank squeed, hugging him drastically.  
"Who are you again and why is there a hole in your head?" Bastion asked.  
"Hey," some guy realized, slightly out of range of the bloodbath, "I just realized: you originally just wanted a hot dog. Then you stole some from some guys by beating them up, and after that the mob came in. This means that you're the bad guy here, the mobsters were just upholding the peace, and you've killed innocents in order to get a snack, whom will all be cleaned up later by Janitorboy Ikkaku." Bastion stared at him for a moment before spearing his skull.  
"Dammit, not another one!" Janitorboy Ikkaku groaned nearby, toiling away with his fast-depleting body bag supply. "Why can't you kids clean up your OWN damn dead bodies!"  
BASTION'S STUPID SIDESTORY: THE END

Meanwhile once more, Syrus gripped his new card and began his turn. _Ugh, I'm so nervous. Well, I guess, as they say, it's time to duh-duh-duh-duh-duel!_ "MY TURN!" He drew… Power Bond! _HOW HORRIBLY CONVENIENT!_ he thought.

[.com/watch?v=XRgD1psV]"HOW HORRIBLY CONVENIENT!" he cried.  
"He got something convenient?" Para cried!  
"That is, for us, inconvenient!" Tristan finished.  
"Alright," Syrus started, with his own theme song blaring, which began to capture the imaginations of millions of televised onlookers around the country. "I tribute my SRDR for Super Robot Unidentified Flying Object Robot!" His purple drill exploded… into a flying saucer with awesome eyes! It hungered. (SRUFOR: 1200 Attack Points)  
"Woah," the audience gasped.  
"Now I use Power Bond!" Syrus smashed his card onto the field, summoning another black hole… filled with construction workers in wielding masks! "I'll fuse Jaden's Elemental Hero and my Super Robot together!"  
"Oh," Para said.  
"No!" Tristan said.

Thousands of workers and their depraved souls grasped the two Fusion materials and began attaching metals to them. They worked unbelievably fast, able to make a UFO and a man into a man on a UFO within seconds. "IT'S SRUFOR FIGHTER!" Syrus named. "And his Attack Points are equal to the Attack Points of each part used to make him!"  
"TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-THAT MEANS FO-FO-FO-FOUR-THOUSAND ATTAAAAACK!" Para and Tristan shouted! But on the inside, they had a plan. The random Trap he'd hastily set after that Super Samurai Smack-DUUUUUN! "But we'll still survive it," they hastily added.  
"Not really," Syrus admitted, "because it's DOUBLED because of POWER BOND!" The UFO man's spirit shimmered… and his power became 8000.  
"Uh, eh, that's STILL not good enough, heh, heh," Tristan and Para stammered.  
"Plus I'll throw in Limiter Removal just for the hell of it." (Super Robot UFO Robot Fighter: 16000 Attack Points)  
"THAT'S IT! I'M TIRED OF WAITING!" Tristan activated his Trap card!  
"No, don't use it yet, is my warning!" Para warned!  
"I'll discard Random Monster A and Random Monster B from my deck in order to use my Trap card, Da Puppet Master Appears!" Tristan threw some cards in his deck away to flip up his Trap Card, which had a random puppeteer getting smacked over the head by a fish of some sort. _  
_  
"Wha...what?" Syrus asked.  
"Don't worry, Sy," Jaden said.  
"That's ALL YOU SAY NOW!"  
"I know, but it WILL ALL WORK OUT."  
"This card," Tristan explained, "has the Puppet Master being knocked out by an even better monster. Da Puppet Master."  
"Those names are suspect."  
"Who cares, because I get to pay one-thousand Life Points to tribute my Dark Guardian in order to summon him, and then discard two cards in my hand in order to take control of one monster in your hand!" Tristan let Dark Guardian explode into another, smaller monster. (ParaTris: 2500 Life Points) The monster looked like a man with a puppet. Nothing special—UNTIL A SHADOW HAND FLEW OUT OF HIS EYES AND STOLE ONE OF SYRUS'S CARDS! Syrus looked on in horror as his card was stolen, which was SUPER ROBOT POLICE CAR ROBOT. "The best part is," Tristan finished, "is that I CAN ATTACK JADEN DIRECTLY WITH IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOUR ATTACK."  
_OH… SHIIIIIIII—wait,_ Syrus realized, _this is… just like my fantasy, but… but…_

"WHY, SYRUS, WHYYYYYYYYY? WHY DID YOU LET HIM USE THAT REALLY IMPOSSIBLE COMBO? YOU HAD A SOLEMN JUDGMENT FACE-DOWN, YOU KNOOOOOWW!"

_That's… not happening this time. IT'S NOT FRICKING GOING DOWN!_  
"I activate Solemn Judgment in order to halve our Life Points and negate your card effect."

His Trap card flipped face-up. And old, bearded man walked out of the card with his two young female attendants. He stared at Da Puppet Master intensely with his watery peepers. The old puppet-controllin' man simply exploded, turning back into Dark Guardian, negating the Tribute Summon. (Jaden and Syrus: 100 Life Points)

"You did it, Sy!" Jaden cheered as the police car was sent back into his friend's hand! "Now, finish 'em!"  
"SRUFOR FIGHTER, ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Syrus aimed his finger at the Dark Guardian. The warrior glared at the monster. IT EXPLODED INTO FIREWORKS! IT'S NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE DESTROYED IN BATTLE!  
"NO, NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!" The two duelist enemies, defeated, fell to the ground. (ParaTris: -10700 Life Points. Game Over)  
"AND THAT'S GAME, BASTARDS!" Syrus concluded. And so, his theme song began fading away, into the background, as songs do…

"Woah," Chazz said.  
"Woah, Crowler said.  
"Woah," said Tristan.  
"Woah," said Tristan—wait, TWO TRISTANS?  
"HUNH?" the audience gasped! Para's face was actually a mask, and it was revealed to the world that the Paradox Brothers… were just two Tristan Taylors!  
"HEY, I _KNEW_ IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE TO HIRE THE PARADOX BROTHERS!" Crowler roared! It turned to Chancellor Shepherd, sitting nearby.  
"Well, we don't ALWAYS have the money for real celebrities to come to our school," he shrugged.  
"LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!111!1!" The two Tristans escaped.

Jaden turned to Syrus. "That was effing sweet, yo!" He patted his shoulder. "That was the most epic turn EVER! Did you realize that you killed a monster that can't get destroyed by battle by just looking at it, dawg?"  
"Well, I couldn't have done it without you," Syrus sighed.  
"SHUT UP!" Jaden punched him in the face.  
"Ow."  
"YOU were the one who summoned that freaking wicked dude! YOU were the one to pump him up beyond comprehension! YOU were the one that ruined their perfect plan! YOU DON'T SUCK!"  
Syrus glared at him. "You mean… I don't suck?"  
"Well, you usually do, but not right now!"  
_Wow, I just conquered my weird fantasy… hey, there really WERE two Tristans. That was really screwed up. Anyways, I've learned that believing in yourself can make the world bow down to you in awe and fear. Hey, I wonder if my bro watched me!_ Syrus looked up toward the highest seating area in the Duel Dome. His brother and Alexis were standing there, talking and stuff… but Zane had some mighty suspect toilet paper on his shoe. _He… went to the… bathroom… and missed it. Life sucks._

Jaden also stared up at Zane. Then he took out his notepad, where he'd written 'Beat Tristan Taylor and Sy's Bro'. He crossed off Tristan's name. _One down and one to go… wait, didn't I already beat Zane?_ He crossed off Zane's name. "Hey, Sy, I'm done pounding your bro and Tristan like you told me to!" Jaden reported.  
"Oh yeah, and you're not expelled anymore," Shepherd told them.  
"Whoopee!" Syrus and Jaden cheered.  
"Congratulations!" Koala Ko Ala cheered, clapping.  
"Congratulations, students," Lyman Banner and Garfield clapped.  
"Congratulations," Alexis and Bastion clapped.  
"Congrats, Sy!" Jaden applauded.  
"Good job," Chazz clapped.  
"Congratulations, I reckon!" Billy Hills clapped.  
"Great job, huh, Syrus, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson clapped.  
"Congratulations," Crowler clapped.  
"Eh, congrats," Angry McArgue clapped.  
"Woo-hoo, party time!" Nancy Wut shouted.  
"Congratulations," Zane clapped.  
"CONGRATULATIONS!" cheered the audience.  
Syrus turned to them. "Thank you," he thanked. "Thank you my father. Goodbye my mother. And to all the children, congratulations!"

THE END. A STUDIO GAINAX PRODUCTION.

COMMENTARY

This was one of my favorite episodes to type. I knew from the beginning that the vision I made up HAD to be used in the duel. You probably picked up on that too… except maybe not the two Tristans. That was a great plot twist, even I have to admit it.

Meanwhile, I made Syrus genuinely happy here, so expect him to be SLIGHTLY less depressed from now on, instead he shall be more of a straight-man. But he'll still have some of his CAR-RAAAAZY rants, though.

I hope people liked the theme songs, because I tried to give Syrus the most dramatic one I could think of that day, and Jaden got the one that would remind the most fanboys about awesomeness.

Yes, Piggybank will be a lot different in future appearances, and she will be somewhat important, and the ending was a big cop-out depending on who you ask. But I hope this chapter was satisfying enough to have to wait one extra day for due to me workin' hard on the current chapter.

Oh yeah, and the TV gag was EPIC, I'd say. I probably won't be able to top it, but it sure was satisfying anyways!

EDIT:

Dammit, shut up hyper earlier version of me with several exclamation points who just seems to gush about everything he wrote about while being unable to grasp the number of shitty errors he had left for the rest to look over in shame! Now I can totally say this chapter was alright. Somehow I always like the PT 1 half of these two-parter chapters I've written, but that's okay for now. There's a lot more exposition, while the second half is a struggle to wrap everything up. That's my personal opinion, bleh.

Syrus, following the events of 'oh hey I'm not worthless kinda' learned to not go on about the worst possible thing as much, saving his character trait from complete mediocrity. Expect less of that from now on, yay! Though I still enjoy it, just not all the time…

There are also some reasons I can give for the songs I gave to Jaden and Syrus, though they mainly pertain to WHERE they came from. Happily Ever After, from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, was chosen as Jaden's theme song. Theme songs as a whole are to be used when characters pull a Yugi – that is to say, draw something RIGHT WHEN THEY NEED IT, IMPOSSIBLY – with the power of rock. How else could they do it? No one will be able to notice it for a while, but that's how concepts roll in this story, yo.

Back to the main subject, Jaden is our main hero guy. That means he has to pull of amazing crap that makes others go 'Oh yeah that's why he's the main guy'. We shall begin hammering that into you in later episodes! So remember how in Gurren Lagann (which is oddly enough, not one of my top five favorite anime. However, Neon Genesis Evangelion is, and I shall NEVER stop making the references!) they constantly bend time and space to do exciting things! Expect that. Not just yet, but in a little while, once we bridge the gap from comedy to action-comedy… no, I should say comedy-action. No, then it sounds like an action with some comedy in it… well, we'll have some action in our comedy soon.

Odoru Akachan Ningen! It sounds dramatic. What a dramatic guy, that Syrus. If I had to describe him, I'd say 'whiner'! Welcome to the NHK, its series where it's used as an ending song, is pretty much about guys learning to deal with their problems (citation needed). Okay, I've never even seen/read the series or any of its interpretations until today, but I'd heard something along the lines of it being a dark comedy about worthless people coming to accept themselves in some way or another. Could I get a double-check over here? Either way, that's Syrus. A dark comedian who has problems and will spend the series getting the hell over it! Expect it. EXPECT.

And that is the edited commentary. I made some edits in the chapter too, but they didn't really affect the story itself. Yip.

LAST EDIT:

1/14/10


	13. Episode 13: Formula for Sucess

Jaden and his peeps were watching television. Apparently, it was the dub of Beyblade. Tyson Granger and Kai Hitawari were getting ready for a Beyblade battle, or whatever they're called! "LET IT RIIIIP!" they cried, letting loose their battle-tops!  
"Y'know," Syrus said, "whenever they said that, I thought it was a fart joke."  
"What were you expecting," Jaden asked, "a GOOD joke? It's HARD to make a good weekly TV joke!"  
"Then don't."

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 13: Formula for Success

The guitar sounded pretty sporty today, as we open up to the gym, with an open roof, letting in the sun-shiny day. The boys were playing baseball. The bases were loaded, and Jaden was up at bat. "C'mon, Jaden!" some guy yelled.  
"You 'kin hit it!" another said.  
"If you don't score, I'll kick your ass!" a bully threatened.  
"That's right, Jaden," Syrus warned, "be careful! You DON'T want some guy sticking his foot up your butt! It hurts!"  
_Oh, I'll score alright,_ Jaden told himself, stepping up to the plate. _First, I'll hit the ball out the roof and score. Then the guy on third base'll score, then the guy on second base'll score, and lastly, the guy on first'll score, which is me. And then, I'll REALLY score, if y'know what I mean, yo! Hohohohoho!_ But in all actuality, he wasn't going to _really_ score for about twenty more years.

It's the bottom of the eighth. The opposing squad, the Yellow Yellers, had three points. If Jaden could pull this off, then the Red Rockers would have four points, giving them the game. "Wait!" Bastion cried, running onto the scene. "I'm sorry I'm late! I was studying some Attack Point quantum mechanics and lost track of time!"  
"What did you study?" asked a bamboozled kid.  
"What?"  
"Huh?"  
"I'm here, so it's all okay now." The kid just stared at him as he walked over to the pitcher's mound.  
_That guy's bananas,_ he thought to himself. _BANANAS!_  
"Hey, wait up!" Piggybank, that random girl from the last episode, charged out of the locker rooms and to Bastion's side. "What, did you forget me?"  
"You're creeping me out," Bastion admitted.

"Who IS that broad?" a guy asked.  
"And why'd she go through the BOY'S locker room? Girls don't go THERE!" another immature guy whined.  
"I hear that she's a Bastion fangirl!"  
"Aren't we ALL a bit too young to have fangirls?"  
"The LOCKER ROOM, guys," the boy stressed, "the LOCKER ROOM!"  
"What's up with her ears?"  
"I heard she's a stalker."  
"I heard that she's a character made up for the heck of it."  
"I heard that she was introduced because there aren't enough girls at this school," a smart kid supposed.  
"Well, which is it?"  
"I guess it's just a little of all of 'em," a guy concluded, "a lil' of all of 'em."

"Hey, who the heck's she, Bastion?" Jaden asked, pointing his bat menacingly at Bastion. "If you don't spill it, I swear I'm hitting someone with my bat!"  
Bastion looked at Piggybank over his shoulder and said, "Oh, she's a fangirl stalker with pig ears lampooning the cat ear fetish (and sub-type bunny ear fetish) and thought up of on the spot and used in order to help support the fact that we need more female Duelists here with names."  
"Oh, okay, yo." Jaden got into a batting stance and Bastion got into place.  
"I hope you're ready for me to, heheh, BRING the HEAT," Bastion chuckled, as he CAUGHT ON FIRE!  
"Oh no!" Piggybank tossed a closed water bottle at Bastion, which appropriately put out the fires anyway.  
"Er, well, as I was saying, this one's commin' in RED HOT!"  
"Oh, don't you get ME started on RED, dude!" Jaden sniffed.

"I hope you're ready for something with some BITE!" Bastion warned! He pulled back, flung the ball, and it did something cool. It turned into THREE separate baseballs!  
"Crap, yo!" Jaden swung at the two new ones, which suddenly turned into smoke upon impact. "Then where's the last one…?" he asked himself. He looked around and then froze. A large tiger pounced upon him! "Yeow, yo! It really DOES have some bite!" he yelped as it bit into his arm. Then it turned back into a simple baseball and bounced into the catcher's mitt.  
"C'mon, Jaden, play it like it's a card game!" Syrus shouted! "Then you'll win for sure, mister YU-ki!"  
"OOH, BASTION, YOU'RE THE GREATEST!" Piggybank squealed!  
"Shut up, ya dumb broad!" Jaden roared! "It's not fair! We DID NOT sanction the usage of Secret Baseball Techniques Twenty-Four OR Seventy-Five!" He was pelted by pennies. "Ow! What?" Piggybank stopped throwing pennies at him.

"Stop acting like you're better than Bastion! He'll beat your ass up in a second!" Piggybank reached inside of her slot-head again, then pulled out and threw a nickel at Jaden.  
"Ow!" He turned to Bastion. "Bastion, make your fan stop!"  
"I clearly don't know who she is," Bastion admitted, tossing two more baseballs into the catcher's mitt.  
"Strike-out," Barry the Beginner (see episode four or something) called, as he was the umpire. He was secretly vying for Baseball Barry to be his nickname, but it was already taken…  
"I didn't even see him… aw, Syrus, what went wrong?" Jaden asked.  
"You didn't play like it was a Duel," Syrus sighed.  
"I CAN'T if there's no CARDS, Syrus."  
"WE NEED A RED PITCHER."  
"I'm gonna get my baseball game on!" Jaden chuckled, running onto the pitcher's mound.  
"BOO," somebody said.

"Gimme your best shot," Bastion challenged with a smirk.  
"Awright, I'm gonna throw down a strike-out down!" Jaden exclaimed, tossing his baseball straight into the ground, where it bounced over to Barry.  
_Now, if the science of baseball has taught me anything…_  
"Ball," Barry called.  
"Okay, throw it back, dude," said Jaden.  
"Sorry, but I'm a Ra Yellow, so I'm gonna hold onto it for a minute," Barry said, holding onto the baseball.  
_YES! Science has not forsaken me!_ Bastion took off, stealing first base!  
"Dude! Throw the frickin' ball already!" Jaden ordered!  
"No," Barry answered. Then Bastion stole home base and was replaced by another Ra Yellow.  
"Holy crap, man! You're just gonna let'm do that?"  
"Sure." Four more players charged onto the field.  
"This has GOT to be cheating!"  
"No, they're just stealing bases." Then some Slifer Reds ran onto the field.  
"What do you think you're doing?" Jaden asked.  
"We switch teams, since losing sucks," one said.  
"Sorry, Jay," Syrus apologized, running by, "but you didn't play it like a Duel." Soon enough, the scoreboard said '_Yellow Yellers: 589 Jaden Yuki: 0, sucks_'  
"Who wrote that?"

Meanwhile, Crowler was studying the game from inside of an elaborate but large baseball costume, in order to remain unnoticed. "Hmm," it studied, "that Bastion kid hasn't just UTTERLY CRUSHED Jaden YUCKY, but he broke baseball, too. This is perfect, maybe I can find a NEW prodigy other than Chazz to defeat Yucky-boy…"  
"Hey, Crowler, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson waved.  
"Shut up, I'm looking for a kid to beat Yucky-boy."  
"Okay, huh, teacher, huh."

Bastion had left the locker rooms about a few seconds later, with the scores at 16,097 to 0. "I had no idea that people could run across bases so much!" he smirked. He took out a sports drink and gulped it down.  
"BastiOOOOOOOON!" Piggybank glomped him from above!  
"Don't drop down on people, you're wearing a skirt."  
"I'm amazed! You actually BROKE a great American and slightly less great Japanese pastime!" Piggybank recounted. "That was the best baseball-related thing I've ever seen somebody do single-handedly!"  
"What about me?" Barry the Beginner asked.  
"Hey," some shy-looking, kinda tall brown-haired boy said, "you're Bastion, right?" He was also a Ra Yellow student.  
"Yeah."  
"I was wondering," the boy went on, "can I join your fan club?" He pointed to Piggybank, who was still sitting on Bastion. "I'm not attracted to you, I just think that you'd be a great role model for the kids."  
"Sure, what's your name?"  
"My name… is Baseball Bob." Baseball Bob took out an Ultimate Baseball Kid card. "That is my reference, and I shall become a worthy companion who was amazed at your baseball skills."  
"Dah, okay." And so, Bastion had gained another apprentice, even though Piggybank just kinda appeared earlier.  
"Wow," some Obelisk Blue with a fluffy pompadour gasped from afar, "that guy has fans. I must learn more!"

Then Crowler approached Bastion and company. The group flinched. "Hey, Bastion, would you like to be my apprentice?" it asked.  
"Why are you dressed up in a baseball suit?" the British boy asked. Indeed, Crowler forgot to take it off.  
"Erm, to celebrate your crushing victory over Jaden Yuki? Anyways, you'll get a lot of perks if you join up with me, like… you get to Duel Jaden."  
"Count me in!" Bastion agreed, suddenly rising to the occasion. "I'll Duel him into such a tie match that his head'll spin!"  
"Oh, thanks." Then Crowler walked away. "_All according to plan… heheheh!_"  
"Say what?" Bastion asked.  
"Nothing."

THE! NEXT! DAY!  
Chazz Princeton walked into '_Spell Cards and You_' class, taught by Crowler, and sat down in his seat. "Yo, I want a club sandwich, some saltines, a hot dog with onions, and one of those southern American 'Sweet Teas'. Now."  
"No way," replied an Obelisk Blue. "We don't follow YOUR orders anymore."  
"But you ALWAYS follow my orders! What's wrong with today?"  
"Sorry, bub," a taller Obelisk Blue chuckled, "but didn't you know that sweet tea is just iced tea with sugar in it? And we don't respect you anymore because Bastion Misawa is Crowler's new apprentice."  
_Bastion Misawa? The kid who couldn't win a Duel to save his life—but only tie it?_! "But I'm ALWAYS mum's apprentice! What's wrong with today?"  
"Also," said the guy with the fluffy pompadour from the day before, "that's my seat. Get out of it."  
"But this is ALWAYS my seat! What's wrong with today?"  
"You stole it from me when you were Crowler's apprentice, and now I want it back," the boy forever known as Fluffy Fred (fluffy hair for the win) stated. "Get up now, jerk-wad."  
"WHAT. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY." Chazz growled. "DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO DO SOMETHING? "  
"Did I stutter? Gimme me back my chair so that I can give it back to The King."  
"The King?" Bastion walked over. He had on a badge that said 'Baseball King' on it.  
"Ah, hello, Chazz," he greeted. Then he walked over to his seat.

"N-no, wait!" Fluffy Fred picked up Chazz and pushed Bastion into the seat instead.  
"Ow."  
"Ow! Put me down! And don't drop me, since that's what people always do on television!" Fluffy Fred placed Chazz on the floor. "Damn fools…" Chazz, defeated, slinked back into his chair, which was now what used to be Bastion's chair. Fluffy Fred sat down next to Bastion, in the last empty chair in class.  
"Oh, sorry, but we just got MYSTERIOUSLY transferred here," Baseball Bob said, walking over with Piggybank.  
"Hi, Bastion!" Piggybank greeted. Bastion looked around in deep thought. [i]Hmm, if what I know about the science of human nature is correct… [/i]  
"Hey, you, could you please move for my friend?" Bastion asked Fluffy Fred.  
"Okay, you da' King!" Fluffy Fred sat on the ground as Baseball Bob sat in his new old chair, and Piggybank stationed herself in Bastion's lap.  
"I'm still uncomfortable, though. Who told you to sit on me, Piggybank?"  
"I did."  
"Oh." Bastion pushed her onto the floor next to Fluffy Fred.

Then Crowler entered the room to no fanfare. "Okay, students, take out your rule books that came in your Starter Decks and turn to the Spell Cards section," it said, still wearing that baseball costume.  
"MUM!" Chazz screeched! "WHY DID YOU CHOOSE MISAWA OVER ME, YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD? AND WHAT'S WITH THAT COSTUME?"  
"Well, I'm just OH SO full of the baseball spirit ever since Bastion broke the game yesterday," Crowler snickered.  
"And I helped!" Barry the Beginner said, ignored.  
"Plus, you lost to Jaden Yucky."  
"No I didn't!" Chazz protested!  
"When you Dueled him on episode two!" Crowler said, looking at an episode guide. "You Dueled Jaden Yuki, but your game was cut short due to you leaving the arena, resulting in a tie!"  
"B-but-"  
"And the rules state that if an upperclassman ties to one of lower house status, then the game goes to the idiot who's still in a non-blue house!" Crowler pointed to page four in the manual.

"There's no such rule!" Chazz growled, checking for himself. He scanned the page until he read what Crowler had just described. _Son of a gun…_ "D…dammit…" _I can't just let it end like this!_ "MISAWA!" he roared, shaking the foundations of the classroom!  
"Yes?" Bastion responded.  
"I challenge you to a Duel! And the loser leaves this school forever (unless they come back), YOU GOT THAT?"  
Chazz had made a stupid decision.  
"Eh, okay."  
Chazz had made a stupid decision.  
"Perfect." Chazz sat back down, smug and sure of himself. _Heh, fool didn't see THAT commin'… AW, CRAP!_ He remembered the rule. The rule he'd just read. The one that explained how he lost to Jaden. _Did… I just condemn myself?_  
Chazz had made a stupid decision.

LATER! THAT! DAY!  
Some guy knocked on Jaden, Syrus, and Koala Ko Ala's door. "I'll get it," Koala Ko Ala helpfully said, leaping off of the bunk bed and over to the door. He opened it up, and in came Piggybank!  
"Oh no, she's gonna throw money at me!" Jaden cried!  
"Isn't it a GOOD thing when people throw money at you? Anyways, who're you?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"I'm here to deliver… a note." Piggybank dramatically pulled out a folded piece of paper from behind her back. It said '**NOTE**'.  
"'Note'," Syrus read.  
"Open it up, yo!" Jaden urged excitedly. Syrus opened it up and read it.  
"It says for me and Jaden to come to the beach to learn the secret to how Bastion won baseball yesterday. It was pretty pretty obvious, but he seems a bit unstable and we should humor him for today."  
"Aw, YOU'RE the unstable one, yo!"  
"W-w-w-w-what about me?" Koala Ko Ala asked, overreacting. "Why didn't he invite me?"  
"Have you ever been inside of the same frame before?" Piggybank challenged.  
"No."  
"Well why would he invite you, then? C'mon guys." And so, the three left the building, leaving Koala Ko Ala to cry himself to sleep with a large sandwich.

A FEW! MINUTES! LATER!  
Bastion, Baseball Bob, and Fluffy Fred were sitting on the beach near the Ra Mansion. They were stationed around something that was obviously a spear wrapped up in a blanket. "Yo, we're here, yo!" Jaden called, as he approached with his peeps.  
"Ah, Jaden, you're finally here. And Syrus," Bastion realized.  
"So are you gonna show us how you did that stuff?" Fluffy Fred excitedly asked.  
"Yeah, tell us how you did that trick!"  
"Elementary, my dear Baseball Bob, Fluffy Fred, Jaden Yuki and Syrus Truesdale."  
"And me!" Piggybank added, unsuccessfully.

Bastion stood up and held up the spear. Remember how he used a spear against the hot dog mob? That proves how skilled he was with one! He tore the blanket off, revealing its shiny, ebon, metallic handle and amazingly sharp blade. His 'Baseball King' badge shone brightly in the sunlight.  
_But what does that have to do with baseball?_ everybody else thought.  
Bastion twirled the spear into the air, caught it, and threw it at a fish in the water several feet out. He leaped out and grabbed the handle! He pushed off of the tiny fish, flipped off with spear, held it up into the heavens and roared, "RAZOOMAFOO!" Lightning struck the spear twice—in the same spot! He slowly floated down and stabbed his weapon into the beach. The sky cleared up.  
_But what does that have to do with baseball?_ everybody else thought.  
Then the spear fell apart into a baseball bat covered in random mathematical equations.  
_OOOOOOOOH,_ everybody else thought.  
_What was the point of THAT?_ Syrus thought to himself.  
_Shut up, Syrus.  
Yeah, shut up, Syrus._

The kiddies ran up to Bastion and his cool bat, kicking away some spear debris in their wake. "What's with all the writing?" Baseball Bob innocently asked.  
"Simple. All of these scientific equations? THEY MAP OUT THE SCIENTIFIC SOLUTION TO BASEBALL." Bastion flashed a flashy grin. "And now, it's impossible for me to lose."  
"I get it now, yo!" Jaden said, studying the bat. "THAT'S how you do that trick!"  
"Now I know how to hit a homer!" Fluffy Fred cheered!  
"Anyways, who wants to see where I live?" Bastion suggested.  
"OOH OOH ME ME I DO I DO!" As Bastion carelessly threw his bat away and walked toward the mansion, the small crowd clamored over to him.

Around three minutes later, the group had arrived at Chez Bastion. "Jaden, how useless has the episode been so far?" Syrus asked a bouncy Jaden.  
"Around 70% of it's been made up, but who cares? We get to see where a genius lives!"  
"He's dumb, he never wins a Duel!" Syrus complained further.  
"But he NEVER LOSES."  
"Aw man you got me."  
"And here we are!" Bastion loudly announced, opening the door to his small apartment room. It was pretty normal-looking, except that THERE WAS WRITING ON ALL THE WALLS, FLOOR AND CELING BITS!  
"Woah, this is just what I thought a CRAZY man's room resembled, but I was wrong!" Baseball Bob gasped.  
"As you can see," Bastion said with his laser pointer, pointing at different random mathematical equations, "I have successfully figured out how to master Spells, Traps, and monsters to their fullest potential, by discovering the science behind them all!"  
"I don't get it, but that means it's working!" said Fluffy Fred.  
"It's like an epiphany or something!" Jaden celebrated!  
"I don't have anything of merit to add to this conversation…" Syrus moped.  
"Well who cares," Piggybank rudely blurted out, "Bastion's a genius!"  
"We knew that."  
"SHUT UP, WHY DON'CHA?"  
_No wonder she's the least popular character in the story,_ Bastion thought. He pulled out some buckets of paint. "Who wants to paint my room because I became Crowler's new apprentice and replaced Chazz and am moving to the Obelisk Blue dorm so I need to clean this place up before I leave?"  
"WE DO!" The idiots all began picking up paint brushes and started painting the walls, as Bastion expertly sneaked out through the door. _Heh, the science of HUMAN NATURE never fails. Thank you so much, Mister Mark Twain._  
"I SHUR do loves me some paintin'!" Jaden laughed.

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
"… ya got that, Chaaazz?" said some irritating-sounding guy on a television screen deep in the heart of the Obelisk Blue Castle, in Chazz's privately large room. Yeah, it was a waste of money to provide each student with a huge suite. Who cares?  
"Yeah, yeah," Chazz answered.  
"I can't HEAR you," another guy stressed.  
"I said YEAH, idiot."  
"Good." Two men were on Chazz's TV; one who apparently had the abilities to both make an auto-split-screen effect, while the other could make others talk through television screens. One had a normal businessman style, while the other had a cool hairstyle, over-the-top like you'd expect from Yu-Gi-Oh, but with a more suave-ish touch.  
"The Princeton Brothers have a PLAN, Chazz, and we're gonna follow THROUGH with it," the cooler one said, in a voice like he was talking to a little kid and attempting not to be imposing, but failing horrendously.  
"You sound stupid, you know."  
"You had BETTER be following through on YOUR end, Chazz," the boring one grunted. "Imagine it, the world of politics, finance, and card games! They'd all be ours!"  
"Hey, but I reckon that finance and Duel monsters kinda go hand-in-hand, y'all," Billy Hills said.  
"Yeah, what makes DUEL MONSTERS so important, huh, you two, huh?" asked Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Wh-what the hell, Chazz? I thought you told me nobody else was in here!" the cooler one yelled!  
"I thought so, too!"  
"Well, get them out of here!" the boring guy ordered.  
"Yikes, I reckon, huh!" The two young men were forced out of the room.  
"Anyways," the boring guy continued, "once we control those three industries, we will control the entire world!" Cut to: a picture with Chazz and his two brothers in front of a random backdrop. The elder two were dressed in formal business attire, while Chazz was just in his school uniform, looking out of place.

Yes, they were the three Princeton Brothers! Chazz, the guy who Duels well, Zazz, the guy who knows his government trivia, and Slade, the one with the odd-name-out! Slade had the cooler look, so it didn't matter much.  
"So anyways, go out there and win tomorrow, no matter what, **LITTLE BROTHER,**" Slade hissed in his 'lil' kids story time' voice.  
"If this plan fails because of you making a stupid bet, I swear, I'm giving you the BIGGEST noogie when I see you again!" Zazz threatened, shaking his fist.  
"Yow!" Chazz recoiled. "Uh, okay, I'm sure I'll win with my sub-par deck type! Because I'm good like that, y'know!"

The television blipped off. _How are we supposed to rule the world like that?_ Chazz wondered. _I'm just in it so I don't get noogied. The others are just wasting their time, pathetic idiots… they're just jealous because I'm the only one who was a son of Crowler and was created through bribery. _Chazz wandered over to his window. Bastion, Baseball Bob, Piggybank, Fluffy Fred, Jaden and Syrus were all gathered around outside, with a campfire, tents, and what looked to be marshmallows. _What's he doing out there?_ Chazz thought. _I know! He's just trying to make me angry at him for stealing my spot from mum! No way, I'm just paranoid…_ Chazz closed his curtains and walked off.

"Welp," Piggybank sighed, looking through binoculars toward Chazz's room, "'_Operation: Annoy Chazz_' is a bust. I guess we're gonna have to camp out for real now." She turned around and helped herself to marshmallows on a stick.  
"Dang, I really thought it would work, too," Bastion tsk'ed. "Anyways, thanks for accompanying me out here for camping due to my room being painted and such, but why in the name of all that is holy did you paint my personal computer?"  
"We were in 'da zone," Jaden said.  
"The zone of PAINTING," Baseball Bob helpfully added, chewing on some s'mores.

EVEN LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
Chazz soon enough had gotten the idea that it would be GREAT to break into Bastion's room and do some evil crap. "Room 203," Chazz read off of a door, "204, 205, Bastion. Aha, Bastion means it's Bastion's room!" Deep-Voice Dobbson stared at the door sign literally marked 'Bastion'.  
"That's rather convenient, huh, Chazz, huh?" he remarked.  
"I reckon it is," Billy Hills nodded. "I reckon it's gonna be so simple t' steal Bastion's cards and all that so that he loses the game tomorrow by default, boy howdy!"  
"SHADDAP!" Chazz roared loudly! "YOUR VOICES ARE SCREWING UP EVERYTHING! THIS IS A COVERT MISSION, NUMB-SKULLS!"  
"**SHUT UP OUT THERE!**"  
"Sorry," Chazz told some angry guy or gal from outside their room. "Now guys, let's make this a clean break-in and get rid of 'da goods."  
"'Da goods?" the two gasped. "Okay, I reckon, huh!"

Using Deep-Voice Dobbson's head as a spiky battering ram, the three guys successfully broke into Bastion's bright white room! "Woah, it's so bright, huh, Chazz?" Deep-Voice Dobson gasped, rubbing his injured head.  
"Why's it painted white?" asked Chazz. "Even the bed… even the windows—even the COMPUTER? What kind of idiot IS this idiot?"  
"I reckon he painted over his cards too!" Billy Hills chuckled, looking at a random deck lying on the computer table. Chazz picked up a few cards. Each side was perfectly painted. Those idiots sure do a thorough job.  
"Meh, let's throw 'em into the ocean, anyway. You know how people always seem to make a miraculous comeback, so let's not even give him the satisfaction of getting these worthless cards and making then usable again somehow."  
And so, the boys cheated their way into throwing some cards into the ocean.

Meanwhile, on the semi-nearby docks of Duel Academy, the Ms. Dorothy lady who works at the card shop was watching a ship sail off, just after leaving a shipment of NEW CARDS! for the island to enjoy. Some white cards floated by upon the foamy surf. Placing a crate labeled 'FRAGILE CARDS' onto her truck-thing-truck from an earlier episode, she inspected them from afar. "Hmm, are those… no, they couldn't be… wait, maybe… oh, wait, no… OH MY GOSH!"

THE! NEXT! MORNING!  
The kids camping out were suddenly jolted awake by a roaring truck stopping right next to Syrus's head. "WAAAAGH!" Syrus screamed!  
Everybody woke up and paid close attention as Ms. Dorothy leaped out of her truck and yelled, "IS THIS YOUR CARD?" She held out a painted card… slightly washed up and clean on one bit, revealing the letters 'f Destr' and part of a grenade in front of a fiery background!  
"Is that a Ring of Destruction card?" Bastion inquired, steadying his 'Baseball King' badge. No, it will always be part of his uniform.  
"Yes!"  
"Oh, Bastion!" Piggybank sobbed, grabbing Bastion close. "I'm so sorry I couldn't prevent this from happening!"  
"Those dang kids!" Dorothy cursed! "This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for those bad influences, and that rock n' roll, and those Japanese comic books, and those inappropriate television shows—"  
"Actually," Baseball Bob stated, "if we're in Japan already, you wouldn't call them Japanese comic books. You'd just say comic books, or manga."  
"You almost ran over me…" Syrus complained, weeping.  
"Oh, sorry, but we've got to bring the culprits to justice!" Dorothy preached on!

"Now hold on a second," Bastion said, "do we REALLY know who did this?"  
"CHAZZ."  
"BILLY HILLS."  
"THAT DEEP-VOICED GUY."  
"Maybe," Bastion agreed, "but what if it WASN'T? They really don't want me to be promoted to Obelisk Blue, but what if it was somebody else, who wanted to blame everything on Chazz, hmm?"  
"Sure, that makes sense," Fluffy Fred thought aloud, "but what if you're wrong?"  
"How many people hate Chazz?"  
"Around thirty-seven."  
"And how many would be capable of thinking up of such an ingenious plan?"  
"Around eight or so."  
"So," Bastion concluded, "do you want to possibly waste somebody else's time, which could result in getting them unrightfully expelled—"  
"Which would probably make them be unable to use their most perfect skill," Syrus picked up, "forcing them to work a dead-end job until they snap under pressure, kill eight or so men, give or take, and get shot by policemen…"  
"Exactly!" Bastion yelled! "If I were to press charges, I could be unknowingly aiding in the deaths of NINE innocent men! I cannot live knowing that! For I know the TRUE SCIENCE BEHIND THE HEARTS OF MEN AND MINDS OF THE POPULACE! I CANNOT GO ON LIKE THAT! BECAUSE I CARRY MORE COPIES OF MY DECK!" He pulled out an exact copy of his old tie match deck.  
"… Woah," the crowd simultaneously gasped.  
"Now," Bastion coughed, "let's get in on some Dueling action."

Around a few minutes after the last scene, the trio of Jaden, Syrus and Bastion came runnin' into the Duel Dome, housing Crowler and Chazz. "Ah, so you made it, Bastion?" Crowler asked, quite obviously right. It was also still wearing that suit. Right behind the FIRST power trio came all of Bastion's followers.  
"How long have you been WEARING that suit, dude?" Fluffy Fred disgustedly asked.  
"How long have you been wearing YOUR clothes?"  
"Good point."  
"HEY!" Jaden flipped onto the stage and landed on his toes, right next to Chazz, and pointed at his nose! "You threw Bastion's cards into the ocean, yo! Admit it!"  
"HIYAH, HUH-RECKON!" Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson came out from nowhere, crushing Jaden's face in between their elbows!  
"AARGH, MAH FACE!" Jaden reeled back, gripping his pained face!  
"How DARE you accuse Chazz, huh, JADEN, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson's voice sounded harsh and accusing.  
"Billy and Dobbson were with me last night all the time, so OF COURSE they don't have to lie about my innocence," Chazz lied.  
"Why, you bastard…" growled Piggybank, standing around the other pro-Bastion angry people group.  
"Hey, calm down, guys, we talked about this," Bastion pleaded, trying to calm them down.

"NOT SO FAST!" cried out a feminine voice!  
"GASP!" screamed the group. Alexis and Zane had entered the scene!  
"Alexis and Zane just entered the scene!" Syrus cried!  
"Who's she again?" Baseball Bob wondered.  
Alexis walked right up to Chazz, who gulped, and shouted, "LIAR! We saw you do it, too!"  
"Gulp," Chazz gulped.

_Earlier that morning, Alexis and Zane were doin' some hot n' steamy stuff I guess I can't say here. By the piers. How kinky?  
"We're gonna dump the cards here, huh, Chazz, huh?"  
Alexis pushed Zane away for a second and listened. "Shut UP, Dobbson! We're trying to dump Bastion's cards here!" Aleixs and Zane, using crates for strategic cover, peered out at three MYSTERIOUS figures over by the lighthouse.  
"But why're we dumpin' them again, Chazz, I reckon I forgot."  
"Be-CAUSE! If I lose to Bastion Misawa, then my reputation shall be forever tarnished, and I'll get a noogie through some means I don't care to list out!"  
"And we, Deep-Voiced Dobbson, huh, and Billy Hills, huh, are assisting you, Chazz Princeton, in this great adventure?"  
"Yes, YES, __**YES!**__ GOSH, YOU'RE SO STUPID! KILL YOURSELVES OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE I, CHAZZ PRINCETON, AM DUMPING BASTION MISAWA'S CARDS INTO THE OCEAN!"_

"And I have 'da tape to prove it!" Nancy Wut giggled, popping out from the upper-right corner of your television screen.  
"Where'd you come from?" gasped Syrus.  
"Who cares?" Angry McArgue yelled, suddenly appearing next to Syrus.  
"WAAAGH!"  
"Shouldn't you be more concerned with the fact that Nancy caught Alexis and Zane ***** ***** **** and ***** *** while watching Chazz early in the morning ON TAPE?"  
"WHAT? Anyways, I'll deal with that later." Alexis turned back to the incredibly sweaty Chazz. "Normally, I wouldn't snitch, but you DON'T go messing with somebody else's CARDS in THIS school."  
"Ugh, curses!" Chazz grunted, spitting out some blood as if he'd been punched in the gut really hard.

"Yeah, no joke, that's low for even YOU!" Jaden agreed, punching Chazz in the gut.  
"OW! Why'd you hit me? GET'M!" Billy Hills and Deep-Voiced Dobbson got into battle mode, getting red and blue glowing eyes, respectively.  
"Oh no you DON'T!" Baseball Bob took out a baseball bat. Fluffy Fred took out brass knuckles. Piggybank took out some razor-sharp dollar bills. "We'll handle them, boss, go on ahead and Duel."  
"Thanks," Bastion thanked, "but you really don't have to fight and stuff—"  
"But they'll kill ME!" Jaden complained, with Syrus as a shield.  
"Please put me down, Jaden."  
"Oh, okay." Bastion pointed at them. "Alright team, you first mission as the Bastion Baseball Wreckers Gang: protect Jaden and Syrus!"  
"OKAY!" They all leaped at those two DANG Blues!  
Billy Hills turned to Chazz. "Y'know, if you lose this match and leave forever, I reckon us two'll never respect y'all, and plus we'll never follow you around again, prob'ly" he quickly whispered.  
"I know. Just get them."  
"Okay, I reckon." And so, in the background, a randomly epic battle began taking place.  
_Why am I here if I don't have any lines?_ Zane wondered, as Alexis, he, and Alexis's two random friends left… without another word.

"Anyways," Chazz shrugged, "if you ARE out of a deck, which you seem to be, then you'll have to forfeit the game!"  
"No."  
"What?"  
"I said NO!" Bastion gripped both sides of his coat. "You know what I did with all of that science knowledge on card games?" Ripping his coat off epically, with six deck boxes strapped to his chest, he roared, straight to the heavens, "I HAVE CREATED SIX MORE DECKS OF THE SAME KIND!" Luckily, the men weren't grossed out and the ladies weren't excited because Bastion had on another shirt underneath. It was dark green, if you're curious, perv.  
"That's so stupid!" Chazz recoiled, shielding his eyes. He held out his trusty Duel Monsters deck! "I don't care HOW many decks you have, but isn't it smart to just have ONE or TWO? You save a lot of money, and stuff! Now let's do this thing already!"  
"Don'cha mean… let's DUEL this?" Jaden suggested.  
"No."  
"BOO," someone said.

"Duel Disk, on!" commanded Bastion! His Duel Disk turned on and he threw his deck into the card playing device.  
"I wish I had an automatic Duel Disk," Syrus sighed.  
"Actually, it's NOT voice activated," Bastion admitted.  
"Hubba-WHA?"  
"You're just a problem to be solved, Chazz," Bastion 'mocked', "a theorem to be cracked! You're finished!"  
"That was SUCH a geeky threat," Chazz retorted!  
"WHO CARES? DUEL!"  
(Bastion: 4000 Life Points, Chazz Cheater-Pants: 4000 Life Points)

"H-hey, what's up with the Life Point counter?" Chazz gasped!  
"Don't look at me," Crowler unhelpfully suggested, still wearing its baseball suit.  
"Nobody was looking at you!"  
"Oh, well… don't look at me."  
"I'll ignore that and GET THIS THING STARTED!" Chazz drew his card, but he was much more scared than he let on. _Crap, I KNEW guys like that always made miraculous comebacks and stuff! This sucks! My only hope is to defeat him before he can use a Ring of Destruction…_ "I summon Cthonian Soldier!" Chazz exclaimed, summoning the familiarly sucky monster.  
"GRR," he growled. (Cthonian Soldier: 1200 Attack Points)  
"Then I'll set a card face-down and end my turn," Chazz grunted, following through.  
"Do you, now?" Bastion challenged.  
"Oh no, he's gettin' ready to BRING THE HEAT!" Jaden trembled.  
"He's ALWAYS ready to bring the heat!" corrected Piggybank from above.  
"I agree!" Syrus agreed.

"I summon Hydrogeddon!" Bastion announced, summoning a water-stegosaur hybrid for the ages!  
"_HISSS, HISS HISS HISS,_" it hissed. (Hydrogeddon: 1600 Attack Points, 1000 Defense Points)  
"How appropriate!" Syrus smiled. "It's 'hydro', plus 'Armageddon', the end of the world! I like THAT card."  
"You're scary," Jaden said.  
"I know, I know…"  
"Now attack Cthonian Soldier," Bastion commanded, "with Hydro Gust!"  
"PUH!" The dinosaur spat out a gust of water! No, that does NOT work. Anyways, the brown, dirty water splashed onto the soldier and blew him up.  
"Well alright then!" Chazz accepted, losing life points! (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 3600 Life Points) "Thanks, you activated his special ability!" Chazz thanked! "Now YOU lose the same amount of Life Points as I just did." Bastion lost some Life Points without any fanfare. (Bastion: 3600 Life Points)  
"He just walked into THAT one," Syrus Sy-ed. Or sighed, alternatively.  
"Well, I'll just use MY ability," Bastion countered! "When Hydrogeddon beats a monster in battle, I can summon another copy from my deck! Rise, Hydrogeddon number two!" And dramatically in a gush of water, a second Hydrogeddon was summoned from the earth! "Oh, and my Battle Phase is still not over."  
_Oh, shi—_ Chazz mentally stopped himself. _Wait, no, I'm not allowed to say that on this story yet. Um, something the kids can say, something the kids can say… oh, here's something: Oh, poop._ "Now, Hydro Gust!"  
"PUH!" The second Hydrogeddon emulated the first one's triumph and spat out an identical spout of water.  
"WAAAGH—BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB!" Chazz was struck in the face, comically knocking him upside down, mocking physics. (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 2000 Life Points) "GRR," Chazz grr-ed, or growled if you prefer, standing up once more, "I activate my Trap card, Call of the Haunted!" In a random blaze of lightning (don't ask), Cthonian Soldier appeared again!

"What a DUMB move!" Syrus contradicted!  
"No WONDER you're Crowler's protégé!" Jaden said.  
"What's that mean?"  
"I don't know!"  
"Anyways," Chazz continued, "now I'll use the card Inferno Reckless Summon!" He activated a card featuring skeletons rising from the grave whilst getting blasted by laser beams. "Now we can summon any other copies of monsters we both control from anywhere! So I can summon two more soldiers and you get another stupid dinosaur."  
"That's not nice, take it back!" screamed Piggybank, who was about forty feet in the air and punching Deep-Voice Dobbson in the kisser!  
"Oh, well then I'm sorry. But I get my monsters!" Chazz summoned his two wimp monsters. (Chthonian Soldiers: 1200 Attack Points) The three soldiers got into an odd formation, which consisted of them all standing next to each other. It was fool-proof.

"You call that stupid NOW?" Chazz challenged.  
And so, a third dinosaur appeared on Bastion's field. "That Chazz kid's planning something crazy out there, yo," Jaden figured, "as his monsters alone are really useless. They truly are stupid."  
"Indeed," Syrus agreed.  
"You shut up! I activate the Equip Spell card, Cthonian Alliance!"  
"See, I told ya."  
"This card gives eight hundred Attack Points to the equippee for each other copy of itself on the field!" Chazz narrated. One Cthonian Soldier was engulfed in a ray of purple light, although the card itself showed a guy being possessed by battle-spirits, I think. "Now his Attack points are… well, I'll let the NERD figure it out." He was struck in the head by a razor-sharp dollar bill! "OW!"  
"JERK!" Baseball Bob insulted.  
"Gosh, sorry!" (Cthonian Soldier: 3600 Attack points, Chazz is rude) "Hey, I said sorry! Gosh! Again!" Cthonian Soldier (the one from the huge light burst) grew two sizes, that day… so he was twice as big as the others. "ATTACK!" And so, the soldier cut a dinosaur in half. AND A GIANT DUST CLOUD CAME POURING OUT!  
"Ugh, my sinuses-!" Bastion cried! (Bastion: 1600 Life Points)  
"This isn't looking good," Syrus mentioned.

"Fine, then, good show!" Bastion complimented! "But they don't call me the King of Baseball for nothing! I'll set a Trap card, and then summon my Oxygeddon card!" A pterodactyl made out of wind that thoroughly confused me appeared!  
"_KYAAR,_" it screeched.  
"Now attack that Cthonian Soldier with Vapor Scream!" commanded Bastion!  
"**EEEEEEK!**" it screamed, making the soldier blow up, as usual. (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 1400 Life Points)  
"Well, you take damage, too!" Chazz reminded! "So ha! There. I'm better than you." (Bastion: 1000 Life Points)  
"Well my turn's not through, so my Hydrogeddon Number Two attacks another soldier!" Bastion announced. His second dinosaur spat water. A soldier exploded. (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 1000 Life Points)  
"What, do you keep forgetting or something? Idiot! Just for that, I'm not even explaining it to you again!" Chazz yelled.

"Huh?" Jaden wondered. (Bastion: 600 Life Points)  
"Oh, I get it now," Syrus figured out, "Bastion's just attacking to bring down the Attack Points of the main soldier there! He's not even an idiot! It's as if Chazz doesn't even matter! I'm hating on Chazz from now on. What a Bastion, that guy…"  
"Well, duh!" Jaden answered, patting his head.  
"I'll end this turn with one more face-down card," Bastion said, setting a face-down card. _Oh man,_ Chazz worried, _He's set two Traps this turn. Which one is Ring of Destruction? Is one EVEN Ring of Destruction? I've gotta hurry up and end this._

"Hmph, think your little Trap cards'll save you this time? No way!" Chazz's Cthonian Soldier, for some reason, began spinning like the Tazmanian Devil, as something has once done on this show before, except he was on FIRE! "I tribute the last soldier, along with every card in my hand, in order to Special Summon the almighty Infernal Incinerator! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA… ha." And so, as Chazz laughed maniacally, the tornado became a ball of flames, which shot out a ring of energy, which made it explode, and out of the explosion came a weird guy, who was attached to the back of a giant beast, colored red and black, causing me to comically write in this many commas. Hey, if you want a good description, look it up for yourself. (Infernal Incinerator: 2800 Attack Points) "HA HAHAHAHA HA HAAAA!" Chazz concluded his laughing! "How's it feel to face THIS monstrosity? He gains two-hundred Attack Points for every monster you control, meaning he's gonna kick your ass right outta the school!"

The smaller figure attached to the incinerator rubbed his chin for a few seconds before deciding… "Mmm, I don't like'm."  
"**RAAAAAARR!**" roared its brethren! (Infernal Incinerator: 2800 - 3400 Attack Points)  
"That thing has thirty-four Attack Points?" Jaden gasped! "This turn Bastion's gonna lose, no matter WHAT he attacks! _Unless…_"  
"You're right!" Syrus screamed! "AUUUUGH, THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL! _Unless…_"  
Baseball Bob decided that it was time for him to say something inspiring from up above, floating and fighting Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills with his trusty, trusty bat. "Bastion!" he cried! "You said you learned the science behind Duel Monsters, right? Well, if you're the Baseball King, show us what you can—ugh!" Billy Hills punched him in the back of the head, knocking him out and into the bleachers!  
"I reckon three strikes and 'yer out, bub!" Billy one-lined.  
"BOOOOOOOB!" Bastion cried! And he did NOT say 'boob', merely an elongated 'Bob'.  
"Pay attention, loser!" Chazz ordered! "Infernal Incinerator, use Firestorm Blast!"  
"HWAAAARRRRRRGH!" Infernal Incinerator stood up straight, aimed at a Hydrogeddon, and spat out a maniacal (don't ask how) twister of fire!  
"USE THE TRAAAAAAAAAAP!"  
_Damn,_ Chazz gulped, _the Trap? Ring of Destruction?_

There was a flash of white light. A cool diamond-y barrier grew out of the floor, constructed of several cool pillars. It absorbed the fire and disappeared. "It's Amorphic Barrier," Bastion revealed, "and when I have three or more monsters, it negates your attack and ends the Battle Phase."  
"HOW SITUATIONAL!"  
"Be quiet, Syrus."  
"Well, good luck getting your famous Ring of Destruction," Chazz sneered, "you're gonna need it if you want to actually WIN, Mr. I-Can't-Win-a-Duel-Normally,-So-I'll-Just-Make-BOTH-Of-Us-Lose!"  
"I'm afraid there won't BE a next turn." Bastion drew his card. He stared at it and thought, _Perfect. Let's put my theories to work._

[.com/watch?v=zW3wvLfkm2I] Bastion's obligatory theme song began playing out of nowhere. "Wha… what's up with the music?" Chazz uncomfortably asked. "Where's it coming from? It doesn't even match your character accurately!"  
His opponent thought for a second. "UP YOUR ASS!" Bastion retorted finally, randomly. "I activate the Spell card, Bonding H2O!" A Spell card featuring some guy pouring a liquid into a flask of stuff appeared and glowed! "I tribute two Hydrogeddons and one Oxygeddon in order to summon the mighty Water Dragon!"  
"But… that's all you have!" Chazz gasped! "Were you setting this all up the whole time?" The trio of monsters were engulfed in purple whirlwinds, thus chemically bonding them together! An utterly massive water spout erupted out from the center of Bastion's field and shot up to the really tall ceiling! It struck Billy Hills.  
"I reckon this hologram's weeeeeeet!" he cried, falling several stories to his apparent death.  
"BILLY!" Chazz screamed! He turned back to the giant spout. It began changing shape… into a red-eyed dragon! "Holy CRAP that thing's huge!"  
"HYAGOOOON!" it roared! (Water Dragon: 2800 Attack Points) Some water from its body began spraying around the field at random. It stared hard at the opposing monster.  
"And," Bastion reminded, "because I have less monsters now, your monster has less Attack Points!" Infernal Incinerator looked kinda sad. (Infernal Incinerator: 3400 - 3000 Attack Points)  
"Aw, man!" it complained, trying to wipe off some wetness from its arms.  
"RAWR, RAW RAW RAWR!" the beast half complained!  
"Aw, don't worry, you'll be dry in a minute!" the humanoid part soothed. _Or, at least I HOPE so…_

"It's no use, Bastion!" Syrus called out. "Because the boost was so pathetic, it won't amount to much when it decreases!"  
"That dumb kid's right!" Chazz agreed! "You STILL aren't powerful enough to defeat me! But you can attack anyways."  
"You'd better double-check your work…" Bastion ordered, then paused… "BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY DONE ALL THE MATH!" It was somehow intensely awesome, and created a beautifully extreme burst of light from behind his back!  
"MY EYES!" Syrus screamed, shielding his peepers!  
"Did he…" gasped Crowler!  
"…just make…" continued Fluffy Fred!  
"…a good math dig, I reckon?" Billy Hills concluded satisfyingly, injured!  
"You've had ALL of this planned out SINCE THE BEGINNING, YO?" Jaden shuddered in anticipation! "That's _**total sweetness!**_"  
"BOO," someone said.

"Ability activate!" called Bastion. He pointed at his Water Dragon, which nodded, apparently understanding him. It inhaled a gigantic lungful of air and released it! A freaking large wall of water splooshed out of the serpentine Water Dragon's body, headed straight for Chazz's monster.  
"OH SHI—" Chazz's cry was cut short as he was engulfed in aqua madness! "Blublublub…" His Infernal Incinerator began wiggling about nervously, steaming due to water cooling it down! (Infernal Incinerator: 0 Attack Points, go Bastion!)  
"Aw, now I'm all wet AGAIN!" the incinerator guy cried!  
"How do you DO that to the Attack Point calculator?" Chazz squealed!  
"I know the SCIENCE behind it!"  
"No, I mean the message!"  
"I did, too! And my monster's ability makes Pyro-Type monsters it battles literally powerless!"  
_Oh, Bastion,_ thought Piggybank, _staring down from her battle above, you've just completed a perfect Duel, and I'm in such stereotypical awe over your card game prowess…_

"FINISH THIS GAME, WATER DRAGON! TITAL BURST!" See, I spelled it like 'titan' for titanical power, but it's 'tidal', though they sound the same? Yeah. And so, the Water Dragon exhaled out a huge, continuous stream of water, flooding right toward that Infernal Incinerator guy.  
"No, NO!" Chazz whimpered! "It can't end like this! Not so soon!" _I can't leave the academy! Or else I'll just work a dead-end job until I snap and kill somebody! I CAN'T lose!_  
"In fact, it WON'T end like this!" Bastion said suddenly! "I activate the Trap card, Ring of Destruction." His second Trap flipped up. A large ring of grenades appeared upon the water dragon's maw! The water stream was immediately cut short.  
"Why's he…" Syrus began, but stopped.  
"Oh, irony…" _I deserve this,_ thought Chazz, _he actually showed me that he could really win normally if he wanted to, but just laughed in my face with that stupid card of his, saying he could win however he wanted to… once again, the irony. Am I using the word right…?_

_Suddenly, Bastion had a flashback. Bastion had been finishing up fixing stuff up in his room, unpacking his things from a suitcase he'd brought with him from home. There were some clothes, some card materials, and a book. "Hmm? What's all this, then?" he asked nobody. It was titled __The Science of Everything.__ "Why'd I bring this book along by accident? Oh, yeah." He opened it up. It was full of random scientific equations under headings for different real-life things, like card games and human nature. "Bah, what kind of rubbish is this?" He read on, into the human nature section._

_"Basically," he summarized, "it says that if I walk up to a girl and ask her out, they'll instantly fall in love with me? That sounds ridiculous!" Bastion closed up the book and went outside for a little walk. He noticed Piggybank randomly walking around by herself for absolutely no reason. _The book says they'll fall in love, right? Well, if I want to experiment, I'd better not use it on any popular people or pretty people, or else my reputation shall be forever tarnished.

_He approached her and asked, "Hey baby, wanna go out sometime?" Piggybank stared at him in disbelief.  
"Oh, uh, I don't… know what to say…" she stuttered out, blushing and turning away. Bastion felt as if he'd been struck by a laser beam from the heavens. _IT ACTUALLY WORKED! I ACTUALLY MADE SOME WEIRD GIRL FALL IN LOVE WITH ME! WITH SUCH A BOOK, I CAN NEVER LOSE ANOTHER CARD GAME AGAIN!_ And from that point on, from before he showed up with Piggybank on that two-part episode, he would NEVER be the SAME AGAIN…  
_  
The ring exploded violently! The dragon turned red and fire-filled! "It's containing the explosions?" Jaden exclaimed! "That's so totally wiggedy-whack!"  
"BOO."  
"HYAGOOOOOON," the dragon roared, one more time. And yes, it looked like that unused fire dragon that appears next to him on the show's original theme song, so you three nerds can stop belly-aching about how it doesn't exist! It flew into the air once more, spread out its newly-formed wings of blazing glory, and detonated. The resulting explosion covered the entire arena in fake smoke. But the Life Points didn't change yet!  
"What's wrong with the Life Point counter now?" Chazz asked, irritated at his humbling loss.  
"HYAGOOOOOOOOON !" The fiery dragon speared the smoke with its body, flying toward Chazz, its gaping mouth gapingly wide open!  
"Wha… WAH! WAAAAAAAAAHHH!" And by logic that could only be described by card game hologram physics, Chazz was captured in the flaming serpent's mouth  
"It ate him?" Jaden wondered, wondering how guys could die in card games.  
"NO, YOU IDIOT! AAAAAAAH!" The dragon burst through the ceiling into the real sky above! It flashed, looked at the sun, and screeched.  
"HYAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOON!" Three rings of energy, as compared to the Infernal Incinerator's one, flew from the dragon's body. And finally, it detonated, flooding the skies of the island in a crimson haze for the next several hours.

And Bastion… (Chazz Cheater-Pants: 0 Life Points, Bastion: 0 Life Points. GAME OVER)… still didn't win, but at least it looked cooler. Chazz fell hundreds of feet to the ground, somehow surviving without any real injury, onto some random rubble from the broken dome. _Crap… crap! He just beat me so hard that he defied physics and actually destroyed a building! This kid… he's the real deal… and now, because of arrogance, I have no friends left. Remind me, why did I challenge him again?_

"CHAZZ, HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed! He was suddenly punched in the face by Fluffy Fred and tossed to the ground like a meteor.  
"Take that, catch-phrase chump!" Fluffy Fred insulted!  
Chazz angrily stared at Bastion from the floor, on his knees. "Fine, I get it, you're a good Duelist. I get it now. Just do whatever you want." Chazz stood up and took his leave with whatever dignity he could scrounge up.  
"Oh, good game, son!" Crowler congratulated. Then it turned to Bastion. "So you won! Are you ready to move into your new dorm and take up your new position?"  
"No," Bastion surprisingly answered, "I must decline your invitation."  
"What? But what for?" asked Crowler. "You get to Duel Jaden!"  
"Oh, then what the heck did I say 'no' for? Screw the original script; it's a deal!" Bastion shook Crowler's hand. Piggybank, Fluffy Fred, Jaden, and Syrus, who held up Baseball Bob, who was now in a full-body cast, approached Bastion to congratulate the boy!

"Congrats, Bastion!" Piggybank congratulated!  
"Mffemfum," Baseball Bob said, mouth bandaged up.  
"It brought tears to me eyes," Fluffy Fred admitted, wiping away a manly tear. "That Duel was perfect!"  
"You so TOTALLY got your game on, yo!" Jaden chuckled, patting his shoulder!  
"Good work," Syrus said, "but seriously, Jaden, recently you've become a bumbling idiot."  
"No, I was always that way, yo!"  
"But—"  
"Actually," Bastion added his two cents in, "he's right. He's only serious in a Duel. Or as serious as he could get. And that's why I made this deal. I want to defeat you fair and square for good."  
"Why don't you just play him now?" Piggybank asked.  
"Yeah, you don't have to follow Crowler for that," Jaden said.  
"Heh heh," Bastion chuckled, "Jaden, if we were to Duel right now, it would turn out just like that baseball game."  
"I don't see how."  
"Oh, you will, Jaden, you will." And the two rivals were once again consumed by the flames of friendly competition, striving to work hard to become the best Duelist in the class.

And hundreds of years in the future, their legends lived on. They would be known as Bastion the Tiger, and Jaden the Dragon. Or Super Hero, it's kinda sketchy. But he's not much of a dragon, so believe what you wish.  
"Hm!" Bastion roared!  
"Ha!" Jaden exclaimed!  
The two animals, tiger and dragon, natural enemies, would fight each other for centuries to come. Or that's what this episode had lead us to believe.

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
Chazz, incredibly tired from what he'd just done that day, walked alone back to his dorm room. "Now's as good a time as ever to pack up my stuff," he sighed to himself. He froze in front of his door. "What… the hell?" He bent down and picked up a badge. It read, 'King of Baseball'. "WHAT KIND OF INSULT IS THIS?" He threw the badge down the hallway! Suddenly, from another adjoining hallway that intersected at the end of the one Chazz was already in, Bastion walked by.

He was in his new Blue uniform, and he was with his servant-like fans. They were laughing, even the Bob guy, who was still wrapped up and using crutches, though his arms were really too wrapped up to use them correctly. And without even making any sign of notice, Bastion held up his hand and caught the badge in midair. He placed it on his Duel blazer and turned down a different hall.

"…Damn Bastion."

MEANWHILE, TWENTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE!  
Jaden, now a seasoned adult, stepped up to the plate. He gripped his bat and chewed his bubble gum. He focused his eyes, and the pitcher pitched the ball…! He hit it! The baseball went flying! It was a HOME RUN! "YEEEEEES!" Jaden cried, running around the bases, pushing children out of the way! "I FINALLY GOT A POINT! AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS—"

"That's good," the team coach said from the sidelines, "but next time, PLEASE don't interrupt out Little League game for this…"  
"Awright, yo," Jaden agreed, being dragged away by the security officers.

COMMENTARY

This was yet another episode to use a theme song in. I hope that nobody is irritated by that, however it may be. But either way, I got to make the idiot Bastion look like the idiot BAD-ASS! With somewhat less idiot, but still kinda dumb in his own way.

First off, no, I don't know how to play baseball, but I thought it would be funny if I had Bastion completely ruin the entire game forever by cheating in order to make the beginning of the original episode actually useful for something. And yes, Piggybank was with him, but that's okay, because now he has a small club that follows him around thanks to his cheating… with Barry the Beginner.

I had fun with Chazz realizing that everybody thought he was even lamer than Bastion, especially when Chazz just figured out what an idiot he was himself. And he will never get that sweet tea, either, no matter how much it's like iced tea. I didn't have to type that, but oh well. And sure, I added in the extra rule thing, but it sure made Chazz look worse.

Them painting the walls was horribly overblown, but okay.

On the subject of Zazz and Slade, I only remembered Slade before I typed this. The other guy… I figured I could name him something stupid and people could love it. SO LOVE IT. And you will hopefully learn to hate these two jerk-guys depending on the way you see how I develop them. Episode 26 will be fun…

Also them painting over the computer and cards was horribly stupid, but okay.

There's not much for me to say about the Duel, but I still kinda like how the song SOMEWHAT fits with it. But if YOU know any good overrated anime songs, please tell me so that I can use something I won't gush about! Just do it… and you'll be famous. And that's all this week. Happy 1/4th season completion.

EDIT:

Woah. Piggybank, Baseball Bob and Fluffy Fred feel so incredibly useless. That was the point. That's pretty much all I have to add. Woah.

Oh yeah, I have to signify the reasoning behind Bastion's theme song. Firstly, it was the best-sounding theme from the original series in my opinion. Secondly, Fullmetal Alchemist is all about science that doesn't really work. So is Bastion. DID I JUST BLOW YOU AWAY. I also totally decided that right before typing this. So there you go.

LAST EDIT:

1/15/11


	14. Episode 14: Monkey See, Monkey Duel

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 14: Monkey See, Monkey Duel

The night was dark and the guitar solo sounded pretty intense in today's episode's opening. The island's native active volcano was spewing out smoke like there was no tomorrow. And in a secret dueling base nearby, everything was in chaos. "_CODE RED, CODE RED!_" some obnoxious man spat into the intercom. "_I REPEAT, CODE RED!_"  
"WE GET IT, AHHH!" shouted one of the several fleeing scientists, running for their lives in random directions.  
"Damn," one guy cursed, "if I hadn't spent all of my time in front of a computer screen all day, I might actually know how to get out of this place…"  
"SECURE THE PERIMITER!" ordered a tough-looking head-honcho man leading other tough-looking men into the compound. "We can't let the specimen escape. Who KNOWS what kinds 'o hell he'll unleash!" The men held up their multi-colored plastic guns and re-loaded the barrels with foam darts.  
"If we hit Project MONKEY with these darts, won't we kill him?" one guy asked.  
"Who cares, we're protecting the students of the isl—"

"WAAAAH!" a guy screamed!  
"Oh shoot, I heard it from the broom closet!" a man pointed out!  
"Let's move!" ordered the head honcho! Strategically weilding their toy guns, they headed off toward the broom closet. "Alright, let's open the door and shoot'm!"  
"But sir," noted a guy standing right in front of the door, "what if that plan fails… OH CRAP!" The door was blown right off its hinges and some THING pulled the poor idiot inside the dark void of the closet! "AAAH, HE'S RIPPING ME APART! NO, NOT THE ARM, NOT THE AH-HA-HA-HAAAARM!" Buckets of blood were splattered along the wall and floor.  
"LET'S GO!" ordered the head honcho, and they all charged off to their deaths.  
"_CODE RED, I REPEAT, CODE RED! CODE RED!_"  
"SHUT! UP!"

THE! NEXT! MORNING!  
Chazz had just walked out of the school building as the guitar BGM got slower and more relaxed-sounding, if not a bit sad. Lugging a bag over his shoulder, he turned back and sneered, "Eff you, school." Then he continued lumbering along, leaving with a sack of dreams and a head full of shame.

Meanwhile, back in school, Syrus ran, through the halls, in contrast to Chazz, who was walking OUT of school! Syrus charged into a classroom and found Jaden among the several rows of students! "JAY-DUHN!" Syrus shouted, gasping for breath! "This is TERRIBLE! Chazz is MISSING!"  
"Really?" some kid gasped in surprise!  
"_**AW, YEAH!**_" another cheered! People leaped out of their seats, jumped for joy, danced around, and pulled out a snack table with a turntable on it.  
"Cool, a 'Chazz is Gone' party! Sweet!" Jaden said, happy with the changes.  
"Um, isn't this a bad thing?"  
"No way, Syrus! Now lemme get on those turntables, I'll put on a rap like you've NEVER heard before!"  
"But I'm one of those people who still doesn't appreciate rap as a true form of music," Syrus revealed.  
"Well, as long as Chazz isn't here, it's a-okay!"  
"No it's not, he was your RIVAL character!"  
Jaden froze in place. His rival character had been written off of the show! "But wait, isn't Bastion my rival, too?" he remembered.

For some reason, we focus in on Alexis, Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut for a second.

Then we look back at Jaden and Syrus. "Well what the hell was that camera angle for, anyway?" Jaden asked.  
"For special attention. Weren't you just talking about Bastion a moment ago?"  
"Hey," some Obelisk Blue with greenish hair said, drinking a cup of punch (donated so nicely by the snack table), "Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson are missing." And indeed, the two seats near him were vacant.  
"Aw, they'll be back soon, don't worry," some other nameless character told him. "I heard they just went off to the bathroom."  
"Oh, okay."  
"Well, Syrus," Jaden decided, holding up his script for episode 14, "I suppose the script states that I have to care about this."  
"And have we just admitted the fact that the show is in fact also just a show to us?" Syrus checked.  
"Yep, we're apparently good actors. So what should we do about Chazz?"  
"Well, the script says we have to go run out and look for him," Syrus read off of his script.  
"Well then, that's what we'll do, dawg!"

Within two minutes, Jaden had successfully crawled out from under a huge hole in one of the non-blue obelisks outside the building. "Okay, the coast is clear, buddy!"  
"Alright," Syrus sighed, walking out of the front door.  
"Oh, dude, don't take the EASY way out! Take the TOUGH, N' GRITTY one!"  
"And possibly die, scraping my skin off on the gritty, sandpapery surface of THAT hard way? No way!"  
"Y'know, there IS a front door, guys," chuckled Alexis, complete with her two girls nearby.  
"What's wrong with the tough way, though?" Nancy Wut asked naively.  
"Well, I took the front way, Alexis!" Syrus proudly proclaimed.

"Well, uh, Alexis," Jaden stammered, thinking of an excuse while lying on his stomach, "we were just trying to… get a head-start… on some… homework?" _Damn, their mini-skirts are short!_ he thought, looking up. _I mean, really, in this frame which the readers of this story cannot see without watching the show, it REALLY hits you! I know Japanese school uniforms have short skirts, but this is ridiculous! I can see almost ALL of her thighs! Doesn't this count as sexual harassment? Who designed these, anyways?_  
"A-CHOO!" sneezed Chancellor Shepherd. "Whoo, somebody must be talking about me somewhere…"  
"That was the worst excuse you've used yet," Angry McArgue condemned, "and you really SUCK at excuses."  
"Well, yeah, but…"  
"Don't sweat it," Alexis chimed in, "we're coming with you."  
"Whubba-HUH?" the two Slifers gasped! "B-b-b-b-but WHY?"  
"It's fun using such a sexually immature boy who likes you, such as Chazz, so we should go find him," Alexis explained. "Also, it's in the script."  
"I get'cha," Jaden sighed. "Sooooo… let's goooooooo!" Jaden lead the new convoy, out to search for the least-popular man in school.

"HEEEEEERE Chazz!" he called out as they passed the volcano.

"Here Chazz, here boy!" he called out as they wandered by the beach.

"Here's a nice, meaty bone!" Jaden offered, waving a large bone, covered in beefy goodness throughout the forest.  
"Okay, this is it," Alexis decided, obviously irked. "CHAZZ, YOU FREAKING BASTARD! COME ON OUT ALREADY! I'LL LET YOU HAVE ONE OF MY SOCKS!" Her loud call made numerous birds flee the area, but Chazz did not appear. "Damn, that usually works."  
"Well, why the hell did Chazz run away in the first place?" Angry McArgue argued. "Do any of you REDS have anything to do about it?"  
"Maybe he's just on a secret mission, out to stop an evil organization or something," Nancy Wut guessed.  
"No, that's Billy Hills' job," corrected Alexis.  
"HUH?"  
"It's in episode fifty, you'll understand it later…" But Alexis heard something, something close by… "Quick, something's moving up there!" She pointed at something ahead that was apparently moving around. A semi-faraway bush wiggled a bit!  
"Ooh, I bet it's a monkey!" Nancy Wut hoped! The team ran on after it, as if it was some really awesome treasure just waiting to be opened… and that would be a jerk to you and try to be a dumb rival and be generally crappy in terms of people skills.

"Come on out, Chazz, I still got 'da bone," Jaden offered. They all pushed on past the bushes… and Shades Milligan, the kid who wore shades in the episode 'Making the Grade' was standing by a shady tree!  
"Woah! Shades Milligan?" Angry McArgue exclaimed! "What do you think YOU'RE doing out here?"  
"Oh, who said that?" he asked, looking around blindly. "I can barely see through these shades!"  
"Take 'em off, idiot!"  
"No way," he persisted, "either I find school lookin' cool, or I don't find it at all!" Suddenly a giant, shady figure burst out from the brush and chomped into Shades Milligan's ribcage!  
"HO," gasped Jaden.  
"LEE," gasped Angry McArgue.  
"SH," gasped Alexis.  
"IT'S A VELOCIRAPTOR FROM THE FUTUUUURE!" Syrus and Nancy Wut screamed, pointing to the aforementioned shadowy beast… which was a velociraptor, outfitted in random pieces of metal and a Duel Disk! Shades Milligan was losing blood fast, and he was unconscious!  
"GRRRRAH! GRAH!" the raptor growled! It turned around and fled through the woodlands with Shades Milligan in his maw!

"I HEARD 'IM THIS WAY!" shouted one of the tough men from earlier, with his second helper and a stubby scientist, all carrying their plastic toy guns!  
"AAAHH! WEIRD MEN!" screamed Syrus and Nancy Wut!  
"Eh? Duelists?" the scientist gasped! "Why aren't you kids at school? You could've been eaten by that DUELING velociraptor!"  
"More importantly," Jaden said, taking charge, "there's a cool guy in shades out there who needs our help!"  
"It's what he always wanted," Nancy solemnly remembered, "just some dinosaur to come outta nowhere and sweep him away…"  
"What idiot would want that…?" Angry McArgue argued. "On second thought, men have some really weird fetishes these days. Ew. Let's go after him!"  
"Why are we chasing a dinosaur?" Syrus asked, as he was quickly left behind.

And so the velociraptor leaped through the trees… used cool stepping stones to traverse a river… and dashed through a clearing in the forest. It finally stopped until it reached the legendary Idiot Tree, a tree so named for its stupid idea to grow RIGHT off of a cliff. The velociraptor set Shades Milligan on the tree and began ripping out his intestines! At that moment, Jaden and the gang climbed out from a nearby underpass, placed in a very convenient spot!  
"I TOLD you taking the easy way would get us there quicker!" Syrus insisted!  
"I suppose you're right sometimes. Now, you stinkin' velociraptor! Unhand Shades! Now! Eh…" Jaden felt suddenly stupid when he figured out just how much of the kid's small intestine had been ripped out. "Dammit! This wouldn't have happened if we took the TOUGH N' GRITTY way!"  
"This is NO time for jokes!" Angry McArgue argued, slapping him in the head.

The scientist and two tough guys muscled their way through the crowd and out into the open. "Okay, fire when ready!" the head-honcho guy ordered to his shorter subordinate, who took deadly aim at the raptor.  
"WAIT!" the scientist ordered! "If we shoot now, the impact will SURELY knock him out into the sea! We don't want THAT!"  
"It's a NERF™ gun," Angry McArgue snarkily remarked, "that thing wouldn't knock SYRUS into the sea."  
"You ARE right," Syrus agreed.  
"Hey, what did you say about 'dueling raptor' earlier?" asked Alexis to the armed men.  
"Oh yes, that raptor was a twelve year-long experiment to find out if dinosaurs could REALLY play card games," the scientist answered. "Its codename was MONKEY, but we called him Wheeler as a pet name."  
All of the kids immediately grabbed him by the collar and hoisted him up, yelling, "WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT FOR? WHY COULDN'T YOU CHOOSE SOMETHING SAFER? HOW DID YOU GET A DINOSAUR IN THE FIRST PLACE?"  
"B-but it was for science!" the scientist wheezed!  
"Oh, that's okay then," the kids accepted, putting him down.

"Hey, if he duels, why don't **I** Duel'm, y'all?" Jaden supposed.  
"Sir, it's a VELOCIRAPTOR. We fed it human flesh for breakfast!" the head-honcho man explained! "He literally eats Duelists like you for breakfast! It was his favorite food!"  
"So? DANGER'S my MIDDLE NAME." Jaden held out his Duelist ID Card. On his name, a small sticker covered his middle name and read 'DANGER'.  
"Well, I can't argue with THAT logic," the head-honcho sighed, scratching his head.  
"But WHY would you DUEL a VELOCIRAPTOR?" Alexis reasoned!  
"Be-CAUSE, yo, if I BEAT him, then he'll give up without any physical violence! Except for that over there," Jaden explained, pointing to the dinosaur that had just cracked open the boy's ribs. "So how about it, Wheeler? Ready to get yo' game on?"  
"BOO," somebody said.

Wheeler the raptor stopped chowing down for a moment and looked at Jaden. "KHEEEEH," he hissed.  
"That's right," Jaden continued, standing in a lame pointing pose, "Duel me or else I'll NEVER be able to call you a REAL MAN!"  
"What an idiot," Syrus thought aloud, "but at least he's got guts."  
"Like Shades, whose guts are all over the place right now," remarked Angry McArgue.  
"Whose side are you on, Angry?" Alexis wondered.  
"Hee hee, his ribs went '**CRACK**'!" giggled Nancy Wut affectionately. The others stared at her in disgust.  
"If _I_ win, then you come back to the research facility I suppose you came from, dino!" Jaden said. "If _I_ lose, then you come back to the research facility I suppose you came from, too!" He winked at the crowd, pleased with his idea.

Wheeler rubbed his chin, like a human, in thought. _I can just kill him afterwards,_ he thought in some sort of stereotypical dino-language. "GRAAW," he growled, holding out his Duel Disk!  
"Awright then," Jaden laughed, "Let's go!" He put on his Duel Disk he pulled out from nowhere and strapped it on like a pro! The two Duelists held their ground firmly, holding onto their beliefs as well! Their flames will never waver, and their hearts shall be forever true! And I don't know how much sense this makes!  
"Hey, I have a clear shot!" the short subordinate man with the gun exclaimed!  
"No," the scientist intervened, "this is EXACTLY the field test we need."  
"Why didn't somebody Duel him in the lab already?" Syrus asked.  
"Top secret info, kid."  
"Oh, sorry."

Waves crashed upon the cliff from below, as if to say, 'Hurry up! Duel aready! I'm tired of waiting!'. _Awright, dawg,_ Jaden thought, _time 'ta get down to business… DINO business, G!_ "Ready or not, LET'S DUEL!"  
"DUEL," the raptor grunted!  
"OH SHIZZNIT!"  
"That thing talks?" Syrus gasped! "What's next, he teaches OTHER animals to talk, which sparks revolts around the earth?"  
"No, that would be COMPLETELY unrealistic!" argued the scientist. "He has a chip in his flesh that reads his mind, and talks for him."  
"And just how realistic is THAT?" Angry McArgue argued back.

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Wheeler: 4000 Life Points) "Here I go!" Jaden called, drawing his sixth card of the game: Elemental Hero Sparkman! _Sweetness! Just what I need to EXCAVATE this dinosaur!_ "Go, Elemental Hero Sparkman!" Jaden summoned his helpful hero, who pounded his fists together, spraying out sparks of electricity everywhere!  
"HOOOO-HUH!" he grunted! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)  
"Your turn, dino-breath! Heh heh, get it? Because your breath smells like rotting meat," explained Jaden. "I'm having so much fun with all these puns today!"  
"GRRRR…" growled Wheeler, not amused!  
"Stop making such lame jokes!" ordered Angry McArgue!

"MY TURN, SCUM-BAG!" Wheeler's chip belted out! "DRAW." Wheeler drew a monster with (2000 Attack Points, 1000 Defense Points), and a picture of an animal spewing out fire. "SUMMON: GIANT FLAMING VELOCIRAPTOR." A giant flaming velociraptor appeared! It was not a gorilla, nor was it berserk! What a nod to the source material!  
"What's he supposed to be, a dumb dinosaur? He can't be as dumb as YOU, that's for sure!" Jaden mocked.  
"You're only making him angrier!" Syrus screamed!  
"So what? What could a velociraptor POSSIBLY do to me?"  
"MURDER SPARK MAN NOW!" The velociraptor bit off Sparkman's head, prompting the body to disintegrate. "SET ONE CARD, THEN END TURN. GO AHEAD, PUNK!" (Jaden: 3600 Life Points)  
"Who do you think YOU'RE talkin' to, bub, a Stegosaurus?" Jaden challenged! "Humans are TOTALLY better than dinosaurs, and now's the time to prove it!"

"Jaden's losing the duel!" Syrus cried!  
"And he's losin' his cool, too!" Nancy added.  
"No he's not, he's lost his mind, clearly!" Alexis said. "Who wouldn't, fighting a robotic velociraptor?"  
"Hey, gimme a break," Jaden sighed, "all I did was one stupid move! There's PLENTY of time for some SMART ones, too! Like THIS!" He held out a Polymerization card! "By using Polymerization, I Fuse Elemental Heroes Burstinatrix and Avian together to summon…" Avian and Burstinatrix flew out into the open air!  
"Yo, guys!" greeted Avian, flashing a peace sign! The two began swirling around each other in an awkward-looking fashion until they were consumed by a whirlwind of… wind! Soon the wind died down, revealing their fusion counterpart!  
"ELEMENTAL HERO FLAME WINGMAN!" Jaden named! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points) "Now, with Flame Wingman, I'll REALLY lose my cool!"  
"How is that a GOOD thing?" challenged Angry McArgue!  
"GO, INFERNAL RAGE!"  
"Plus, why do the attack names keep changing?" Syrus demanded answers!  
Flame Wingman held out his cool dragon-arm and spat out a raging column of flames! The flames consumed and exploded the already-flaming Giant Flaming Velociraptor monster for massive damage!  
"DAMN YOU," the velociraptor cursed! (Wheeler: 3900 Life Points)  
"And I'm not done yet!"  
"HUH?"  
"My Flame Wingman's super power deals your monster's Attack Points straight to your own Life Points!" Jaden helpfully explained! Flame Wingman coolly flew in Wheeler's face and took deadly aim.  
"WHAT THE—" Flame Wingman burned his face at point-blank range! "THIS REALLY DOESN'T HURT! WHY DO YOU FOOLS ALWAYS DO SOME DERANGED FLINCH OR SCREAM WHENEVER YOU LOSE LIFE POINTS?" (Wheeler: 1900 Life Points)  
"Because that's how we humans roll, son!" Jaden pridefully answered!

"Wow, Jaden got a big hit on him already!" Syrus cheered! "Things are looking up, for once!"  
"Not quite," the scientist who still has no name corrected, "he only made one little mistake, our Wheeler. He's not out yet."  
"Really?" Nancy asked.  
"Yes. It was all a part of his training regimen, you see. If he screwed up twice, he'd be in for QUITE a shock, yessiree. He's been trained to be faster than other Duelists, stronger too, and even more INVINCIBLE!"  
"Then why doesn't he have a one-turn-kill deck?" Alexis smirked.  
"Don't be ridiculous! Those don't exist in THIS show!"_  
Oh, they'll see,_ Angry McArgue plotted, _they'll ALL see!_

"So, dino-dude, callin' it quits or what?" Jaden asked.  
"NEVER! LIKE THAT WOULD DETER ME? NOT LIKELY! GO, ACROBAT VELOCIRAPTOR!" A blue-and-white robotic velociraptor acrobatically flipped onto the field! (Acrobat Velociraptor: 1000 Attack Points)  
"You SURE do like your velociraptors," Jaden remarked on the sly.  
"SHUT UP! NOW I USE THE TRAP CARD DNA SURGERY TO CHANGE THE TYPES OF ALL MONSTERS TO DINOSAUR!" Wheeler roared! His Trap card flipped up, showing some weird doctors preparing for surgery!  
"Oh, crap, yo!" Jaden cried! "Those fools do NOT look licensed!"

The robotic velociraptor began transforming into a REAL velociraptor! And Flame Wingman began transforming… into a REAL velociraptor! "How unoriginal!" Jaden cried out in surprise!  
"NEXT I PLAY WILD JURASSIC RELEASE BURST GO!" Wheeler announced! He played a card that featured a velociraptor (of course), covered in electrical sparks, letting loose a massive howl and a ring of energy! "THIS CARD LETS MY DINOSAUR MONSTER GAIN ATTACK POINTS DUE TO ITS DEFENSE POINTS, SO YOU'RE SCREWED! EVEN THOUGH IT DIES AT THE END OF THE TURN, I WILL STILL CRUSH **YOUR** HELPLESS PIECE OF TRASH!"  
"GWRAAAARAAAWGH!" the Acrobat Velociraptor screeched! It flexed its body and grew! The metal armor on its body cracked and fell apart, as it just couldn't hold so much dino-muscle! Soon enough, all that was left was its helmet! (Acrobat Velociraptor: 3000 Attack Points)  
"Ew, he's naked!" Nancy flinched.  
"MASSACRE HIM!" ordered Wheeler! The Acrobat Velociraptor leaped into the air, flipped around a few times, and smashed Flame Wingman's head in!  
"Yowza, what a move, homie!" Jaden grunted, shielding his eyes from the dust. (Jaden: 2900 Attack Points)  
"What slang are you using? Choose a time period and STICK with it!" Angry McArgue hassled. Just then, the Acrobat Velociraptor exploded for no visible reason!  
"Ha, she's so annoying, the velociraptor JUST couldn't handle it!" laughed Jaden.  
"It's not funny, it's in the card's ability! Don't laugh when there's a DEAD CLASSMATE just sitting in front of you!"

"TAKE YOUR FREAKING TURN ALREADY!" Wheeler rudely commanded!  
"Sheesh, it's just a game… that determines your DESTINY, Wheeler, aha ha!" Jaden drew his card after his terrible attempt at humor. His card featured a missile flying toward a meteor… IN OUTER SPACE! "Good! I got JUST the card I'm going to use in just one episode to beat my opponent! Now I activaaaaate…" Jaden stopped his card from play! Because… he saw a herd of velociraptors hiding behind a small rock! "Why are they hiding behind such a small rock?"  
"More importantly, why are there MORE VELOCIRAPTORS?" Syrus screamed!  
"What, you think we genetically engineered a new velociraptor?" the scientist 'tsk'-ed. "You're light-years too young from understanding how we work."

_Yes, perfect,_ Wheeler chuckled to himself (could velociraptors chuckle? I'd believe a triceratops, but not a VELOCIRAPTOR! I'll stop that now). _My mind control worked! Now, when this game is over, the SWARM will kill ALL of these idjits. 'Idiots' isn't extreme enough for these people._  
"Aw, man," Jaden sighed in a bummed-out manner, "you really just wanted to escape to go back home? Well, I can't let you go home, unless you give us the corpse of Shades Milligan there, and plus, you'd have to go back with those guys. Otherwise, I'd have to duel you into submission, man! And so that's why I have to summon Elemental Hero Clayman!" Our friendly clay-molded man appeared in Attack Mode.  
"HUUUUR-HUH!" he grunted, much like Sparkman! (Clayman: 800 Attack Points)  
"DNA SURGERY ACTIVATES," Wheeler reminded.  
"Okay." Clayman painfully-lookingly turned into a velociraptor covered in clay, with a HUGE ribcage! Ouch! "Well it's not gonna help when I activate The Missile That Almost Saved the Dinosaurs read it and weep oh yeah!" Jaden used his one-time-use Spell card! The one with the missile and meteor on it, remember? "Somehow, the image, as there is no words on this U.S. edition card, states that I pay one-thousand Life Points and choose a monster with one-thousand or less Attack Points. If he deals Battle Damage to you this turn, you lose Life Points equal to its Defense Points… two thousand baby, yeah!"  
The silhouette of a massive meteor appeared in the sky, but fear not, as a small rocket was placed on the ground, long activation string already lit and rarin' to go! (Jaden: 1900 Life Points)  
Alexis gasped for some reason! "Gasp," she gasped!

An oddly-chosen musical moment began for added oddly-chosen intensity. [.com/watch?v=q4jNy8krvHY]"Now, attack Wheeler with Clay Clobber-rer!" Jaden shouted, as the super hero put his dumbly-named plan into action! Clayman reared back and let loose a super clay-charged velociraptor punch, which stretched all the way to Wheeler!  
"WHAT IS THIS, ONE PIEEEEECE?" he screamed, in fear of what references could be found from that one action! (Wheeler: 1100 Life Points)  
"And now, thanks to The Missile That Almost Saved the Dinosaurs," Jaden confidently informed, "your dino time is dino done!" Wheeler looked up toward the heavens. A small meteor-shaped spot in the sky rapidly grew upon Wheeler with each passing second.  
"AW, DAMN IT." The missile suddenly launched into the stratosphere in order to protect the velociraptor menace, but sadly it merely impacted upon the rock, leaving a small explosion that did NOTHING. The rock flew faster and faster, shadowing over Wheeler's space more and more, until it was finally right above his head. IT LITERALLY CRUSHED HIM, WITH A SICKENINGLY-CRUNCHY CRUNCH SOUND. His blood seeped out from under the smoldering stone. (Wheeler: -900 Life Points, Game Over)

"Woah, I never meant to kill him with the intense duelin' action," Jaden huffed, putting his cards away.  
"HOLYMOTHERFLIPPIN'CRAPSHOOT!" Syrus randomly screamed, "YOU JUST KILLED A ROBOTIC DINOSAUR WITH A METEOR HOLOGRAM!"  
"And it was worth it, too, for the look on 'is face, Sy!" Jaden laughed.  
"Well, there goes our twelve years of research," the scientist sniffed.  
"OH MY GOSH LOOK OUT!" Angry McArgue warned! The other velociraptors were on the attack!  
"GWAAAH!" they all screeched, lunging out and looking for BLUDD!  
"NOT ON _MY_ WATCH!" screamed Nancy Wut, taking out a hand-held machine gun, from wherever they could be hidden. She quickly dispatched of all twelve velociraptors in the blink of a really slow blinker's eye. But they were all dead, so that's okay.  
"And I got the body!" Alexis cheered, picking up and bringing back Shades Milligan's corpse over the meteor.  
"Let's go bury him like it says in his will!" Angry McArgue suggested, holding up Shades Milligan's last will and testament.

"WAAAAIT!" the scientist urged, "don't bury him! Give the body to us!"  
"Why?" asked Syrus. "What could you possibly do with him now? In fact, don't answer it if it's gonna be disgusting."  
"Bah, his wounds are merely superficial!"  
"But he's been dead before the duel even began!" Jaden reminded. "Those are NOT just superficial, yo."  
"Ah, but we know how to REBUILD him!" the scientist chuckled! "We can make him stronger, faster, and more INVINCIBLE!"  
"But he's DEAD, sir," the head honcho sighed, "we can't do anything for him."  
"Yeah, right." The scientist took Shade Milligan's corpse by the arm and dragged him away down the forgotten staircase that lead to the cliff in the first case.  
"What about the raptors?" asked Nancy Wut, but she got no reply.  
"Hey kids," Professor Banner greeted, coming out of nowhere, "Chazz just left on a boat."  
"Aw, DANG it!" cussed Jaden.  
"Here's how it happened," Banner began to repeat.

_Chazz was sailing away on top of his family's personal yacht. "Yeah, bitches!" Chazz laughed! "You guys have a DUMB island! Well, my family (on my brothers' side) owns a YACHT… __**AND**__ A __**COOL**__ PERSONAL ISLAND! SO LONG, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"Stop laughing, idiot!" yelled a random brother from below the deck.  
"Oh, sorry."  
And Banner watched Chazz sail away, from the docks of Duel Academy, feeling slightly hungry… for knowledge… and food._  
"Well, that's okay, because we didn't really like him, anyways!" Jaden shrugged off.  
"Plus, he'll be back in action in episode 24 or so!" Nancy Wut reminded!  
"But that'll take FOREVER!" complained Syrus!  
"Plus," wondered Alexis, "what's gonna happen to Billy Hills and Deep-Voiced Dobbson?"  
"Hmm… good question…"

THE END…?

[COMMENTARY]

So, yeah, this was one of the dumber and thereby BETTER episodes of the series. A dueling monkey escapes. Mass hysteria ensues. So I thought I should just take it ONE step beyond… and let all hell break loose. Yes, a Velociraptor makes EVERYTHING bloodier! ESPECIALLY in comparison to monkeys.

Also note the fact that the guards in the show never used real guns. What idiots.

In addition, NOBODY should EVER have to take the tough n' gritty way; it makes stuff worse. I also hope that you all learned never to use lame dinosaur humor when facing a velociraptor head-on, it won't make anybody laugh, nor will it save your life.

Oh, and if anybody cares about the musical choice, I just added it onto the version of the episode because I felt like adding it at the time.

EDITS:

Well I guess we all enjoyed Wheeler the first time well enough, but the second time around, seeing as I'm almost ready to write episode 72 at this point, it feels all the more special. Accept the reference!

LAST EDIT:  
1/16/11


	15. Episode 15: Courting Alexis

Jaden and the gang were watching T.V. … AGAIN! "And now back to Code Geass," the screen spouted.  
"Y'know, when I first heard of the name, I thought it was spelled like 'goose'!" Jaden laughed! "Heh, the plural of 'goose' is 'geese'? Get it? Eh? Yo?"  
"BE QUIET!" Koala Ko Ala roared! "It's bad enough that I barely get any screen-time! Leave it alone!"  
"Uh, um," Syrus wiggled.  
"What's up?" Jaden asked. "Y'got something to say?"  
"Uh, well, when I first read Lelouch's name, I thought it was pronounced 'Le-LOUCH', like 'slouch', not, 'Le-LOOSH'."  
"HE'S DUMB!" Jaden screamed! "GET HIM!"  
"NOW THERE'S SOMETHING EVEN I CAN AGREE WITH!" Koala Ko Ala said! And so, the two proceeded to beat the living daylights out of Syrus. The end.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 15: Courting Alexis

The high-sky view of today's Duel academy snapshot was warmly received with some awesome guitar riffs and such, as is usual on this extreme island. "Alright," said Fonda Fontaine, the gym teacher whom we've likely forgotten all about, "time to get your game on! TENNIS game on, that is! Ha ha ha ha ha!"  
"BOO," somebody said, bringing us in to a shot of several students playing tennis, all wearing a set of track clothing. The tennis ball flew over the net. Then it flew back over. Suddenly, if flew over the net! And then… it was hit… back over the net.

"HIIII-YAH!" roared Nancy Wut, sending the ball right back at Syrus with intense energy. For some STUPID reason, they decided to put Angry McArgue, standing around like an idiot, staring at the viewers, just WAITING to be struck in the back of the head by a tennis ball gone awry. "This SURE is tennis," she decided.  
"AAAAAHH! Uh, uh, AHH!" screamed Syrus, teamed up with a less-than-enthusiastic Jaden, smashing the ball back over the net like a wimp.  
"Uh, will somebody please tell me what this has to do with Dueling?" Jaden asked. "And also, why am I playing tennis, yo?"  
"Because I told you toooooooo!" roared Nancy Wut, slappin' the ball back, high into the air!  
"Oh, poop," Syrus cursed at fate!  
"I guess that's my cue." Jaden leaped up thirty feet in the air, as provided by the source material, and hit the ball like a pro at hitting that ball would do! If they were an IDIOT, that is! The tennis ball flew awkwardly, past the net, past the players, and straight for Alexis, playing a totally different game of tennis! "ALEXIS!" Jaden cried! "NOOOOOOO!"

Alexis turned and gasped! "Gasp!" she gasped! Suddenly, a shadow of a doubt appeared heroically, smashing the ball away like the pro Jaden was SUPPOSED to be, but SCREWED UP at BEING! The tennis ball somehow flew toward Crowler who sat in a lifeguard-ish chair and was hit in the eye.  
"BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG TODAY…" Crowler cried, tears streaming down its eyes as it fell down to earth.  
"Alexis!" said Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue at the same time, inexplicably. "Is you okay and stuff?"  
"Yeah, all thanks to this guy," Alexis said. "Thank you, whoever you are, if you hadn't saved me I'd have a bruise or something."  
"You're welcome…" said… SHADES MILLIGAN!  
"OH SHI—" Alexis shook her head and caught herself. "Whoo, almost used R-rated dialogue there, ahaha. But you died right in front of us!"  
"Ah, yes," he said, adjusting his shades, "the scientists fixed me. Now I'm a cyborg! Half machine…" He leaned in for the kill. "… and ALL man." Shades Milligan was suddenly represented in front of a blue shoujo background.  
"Whoa," sighed Angry McArgue, swooning.  
"I just LOVE a ROBOT," Nancy Wut giggled.  
"Oh, well thanks." Alexis was suddenly represented in front of a bubbly shoujo background. _That's Alexis Rhodes…_ Shades Milligan thought. He blushed at the thought of her standing in front of the backdrop, which for some reason, to him, made her look three times more _**GORGEOUS.**_ Then again, cyborgs are weird.  
"Um, what's wrong? Are you another random admirer? Because if you grope me, I'll do to you what I did to the LAST guy," Alexis informed.  
Behind her, a man shown twisted into a pretzel shape screamed, "DON'T DO IT!"  
"Oh no, it's just that you're beautiful and stuff, heh heh heh!" Shades Milligan said, trying to joke around but failing. "Well, anyways, sorry to bother you, heh heh, I'm just gonna go play more tennis, heh heh heh, and I guess that the score is just love-something, heh heh heh…"  
"… Who writes for this guy?" Alexis irritatingly and rhetorically asked. A mysterious scriptwriter in the background ran off. "YOU GO TO HELL!" She lobbed a bottle of sports drink.

TWO! MINUTES! LATER!  
"And that… is the reason… why I am… so sorry…" Jaden woefully apologized to Crowler within the nurse's office, who still bemoaned its injured eye from earlier. "So how's that for sorry, teach?"  
"No, I'm not feeling it. Try harder. Attempt to convey even the SLIGHTEST feeling of regret."  
"Hold still," urged Ms. Fontaine, nursing Crowler's BLACK EYE. In the nurses' office. Yeah, a gym teacher AND a school nurse! How cool/odd is that? "Just so you know, I actually SAW Jaden hit you with that ball and it seemed to me like it was an accident. You KNOW how hard it is to hit a tennis ball straight from eleven feet in the air, right?"  
"You ARE right, but he still hit it! And then it hit my eye! Case CLOSED," Crowler decided. "Plus, he was THIRTY feet in the air, not ELEVEN."  
"CoughcoughcoughYEAHRIGHTcough," Jaden coughed.  
"SAY THAT AGAIN, YOU LITTLE BRAT, I DARE YOU! SAY THAT AGAIN!"  
"Well, if you wanna PUNISH me, teach, why don't you ban me from tennis yo?" Jaden suggested.  
"No," Crowler disagreed, "I think that the best plan of action would be to FORCE you to play tennis against your own will! On the tennis team!"  
"We have a TENNIS team? Who do we play against?"  
"Yourselves!"  
"That's lame, yo, I don't wanna do DAT!" whined Jaden!  
"Who cares, I'm the teacher in here, and NOBODY goes against a TEACHER'S orders!"  
"Aw dang it."

Meanwhile, Alexis opened up a locker, dressed normally again, and placed a towel inside. "Hey Aleixs!" called Nancy Wut. Alexis turned and saw both her friends approaching, along with two noticeably hideously-drawn girls sitting on a bench inside the locker room.  
"AHH!" Alexis screamed! She quickly got a hold of herself and tried not to look at them.  
"We found out who that tennis guy was!" Nancy informed!  
"We ALREADY knew he was Shades Milligan," Alexis sighed.  
"Well we learned again!"  
"Also he's freaking rich," Angry McArgue added, "AND he's a third-year!"  
"I thought that when he was introduced he was a Slifer."  
"He became an Obelisk Blue in TWO DAYS after that velociraptor attack!"  
"Holy crap, that's cool. But you know I already have a thing going with Zane, right?" Alexis said.  
"But I'm strictly AlexisXJaden!" Nancy Wut complained.  
"Me too!" one of the hideous bench girls gleefully yelped.  
"Too bad the animation department cut all the corners to maximize profits instead of making the story and animation better in order to get more popular!" Angry McArgue whistled.

MEANWHILE, IN A RANDOM HALLWAY…  
Syrus was running around in circles. "OHMAN OHMAN OHMAN OHMAN OH**MA-HA-HAN!** WHERE'S THE TENNIS TEAM?"  
"Hey, he finally snapped!" cheered Nancy Wut.  
"Stop acting like an idiot!" Angry McArgue ordered, grabbing him by the collar and slapping him silly!  
"Ow! Thanks, I needed that. NOW WHERE'S THAT TENNIS TEAM?" Syrus carried on.  
"The tennis court, duh," Alexis helpfully told. "But what's the problem?"  
"Oh, Crowler's forcing Jaden to play for the tennis team against his will and Shades Milligan's in control over him now and he might get forced to do illegal drug trading for the squad under threat of lying to Crowler by telling her that they were JADEN'S drugs! And I gotta save'm!"

AS! THAT! HAPPENED!  
And within in the tennis courts of pain and hardship, Shades Milligan fired off a super-special serve of SERVICE! The tennis ball flew past the net and at Jaden's tennis racket! "Wow, Shades!" Jaden awed in awe, simply holding his racket outward and allowing Shades to keep hitting it no matter WHERE he served from, "Back when you were alive, or less robotic, you could NEVER see!"  
"That's what artificial eyes'll do for ya," Shades Milligan answered, smashing the ball once again.  
"And to think, if we didn't make you up, then some OTHER guy would be the filler enemy in this episode, yo!" Suddenly the ball passed by Jaden.  
"My point," Shades Milligan pointed out, guzzling down some 'Krorypiko' sports drink. Two random girls standing around him wiped off his forehead with a towel and handed him another tennis ball, respectively.

"Hiiii-YAH!" shouted Shades Milligan, firing off another round of PAIN!  
"Woah, robots really DON'T let up!" Jaden said to himself. The ball hit his racket and he was sent sprawling onto the floor! "Augh, ugh, ooooooh, ung! AAAAARGH," Jaden groaned, clutching his liver!  
"Hey, Jaden, get up!" Shades Milligan urged! "No pain, no gain! You gotta hustle to build that muscle! You gotta sweat to be a THREAT! If you don't pick up the pace, you'll lose the race!"  
"That's easy for YOU to say, robo-dude!" Jaden winced.  
"Hey, what's THAT supposed to mean?" Shades Milligan asked in an imposing manner.  
"You're a CYBORG, and robots DON'T feel pain, you hypocrite!" Jaden cried! "Your muscles are ALREADY BUILT on your ROBOTIC FRAME! And you don't sweat, and yet you're ALREADY a threat! Plus, there **IS** no **RACE**! So speak for yourself, Mr… Tennisguy!"  
"Well, there's no I in TEAM, man!"  
"But there IS an I in I! So let me rest 'a second!"  
"Silly kid," Shades Milligan laughed, "EYE is spelled E-Y-E!"  
"You **JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?**" Jaden stood up and tried walking away in a sulky manner.  
"Hey, you can't leave until you work on your backhand strokes, kid!" Shades Milligan ordered!

"He's dumb," Syrus syed from behind the action.  
"You're right," agreed Angry McArgue.  
"Y'know, now I want some Krorypiko, too," Nancy Wut thought.  
"Oh, it's Alexis, too," Jaden noticed.  
"Hi, Alexis!" saluted Nancy Wut.  
"A-A-A-A-A-LEXIS?" Shades Milligan stuttered to the extreme. "So NICE of you to DROP BY, Alexis! I was just teaching him the basics. Y'know how it is."

Alexis walked right past him on her way to Jaden. "WHA?"  
"Jaden," Alexis began, "I just remembered something to tell you that I forgot to tell you when I saw you earlier at the start of the episode."  
"Oh, what?" Jaden asked.  
"Professor Banner said there was a Chazz Spotting lately."  
"Oh, okay. I forget, was I supposed to care?"  
_That darn Slifer Slacker buttering up Alexis?_ Shades Milligan furiously mulled, gaining a scary face that rivaled Crowler's, _I'll show 'm a thing or two about tryin' to steal a girl from a guy who's OBVIOUSLY hitting on her RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!_ He instantly set himself on fire, as cyborgs can do that, and stormed on over to the pair. "YO!"  
"Hey, yo, only I can say 'yo', yo!" Jaden defended.  
"Oh, well I'm sorry. BUT YOU HAVE A LOT OF NERVE!"  
"He has a lot of nerve?" Syrus gasped. "Wow, he really means it now."  
"I'LL ONLY ASK YOU ONCE JADEN," Shades Milligan growled in the most frightening voice robotically possible as his eyes glowed crimson, "STEP AWAY FROM ALEXIS BEFORE I CRUSH YOUR WINDPIPE!"  
"Hey, man, woah," Jaden said, "I'm just chattin' up mah peeps here, that's all. As you were saying, Not-His-Girlfriend-Alexis?"  
"DIE!" commanded Shades Milligan, popping up in Jaden's grill!  
"UWAAAAH! MY GRILL!"  
"YOUR GRILL'S GONNA BE A LOT WORSE IF YOU DON'T STEP OFF…"  
"Don't make ME step ON yo' grill, son!" Jaden fought back!  
"OH NO, **I'M** GONNA MESS UP **YOUR** GRILL! IN A CARD GAME!"  
"Holy crap!" gasped Angry McArgue!  
"He means it now!" Syrus cried!  
"Oh, okay, I love card games," said Jaden.  
"OH, YOU DO, NOW? WINNER BECOMES ALEXIS' FIANCE!" Shades Milligan added, uppin' the ante!

"Wait, what the hell are you talking about?" Alexis angrily shouted. "You're taking this too seriously!"  
"I just LUV a wedding!" Nancy Wut said.  
"Why do we even hang out with you?" asked Angry McArgue.  
"Silly, I always follow you guys around!"  
Jaden got into his DUELIN' pose. "I don't think I like the terms, yo, but I ALWAYS bring 'da pain when it comes ta' DUELIN'! Let's THROW DOWN!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"I wondered when that guy was gonna say something," Syrus said, relieved that the 'BOO' guy was still here.  
"You're crazy!" Alexis screamed, "You're BOTH crazy! You're crazy people! You KNOW I'll just get a divorce and get a huge sum in alimony! CRAZY!"  
"And what if that guy Duels like he plays tennis?" reminded Syrus! "You're screwed, man!"  
"No way, remember when you told me to play baseball like it was a card game?" Jaden reminisced.  
"Oh yeah, you SURE sucked, but this is DIFFERENT! It's TENNIS!"  
"Who cares," Jaden and Shades Milligan said in synch, "let's Duel!" Apparently while Syrus was spazzing out, Jaden and Shades Milligan had taken out their DUEL DISKS! "LET'S DO THIS!"  
"And get 'cho game on, too!"  
"BOO," somebody said.  
"Did you REALLY have to squeeze that in?"  
"Yep!"  
(Shades Milligan: 4000 Life Points, Jaden: 4000 Life Points)

"So," Nancy Wut asked Alexis, who was now standing in between her two WEIRD friends, "two CUTIE-PIE boys are Duelin' it up for your hand in marriage, how does it make you FEEL?"  
"Stop talking!" Angry McArgue ordered, punching her in the face.  
"Why are you two my friends again?" Alexis wondered aloud. "Anyways, I'm just here to watch the Duel, for your information, and I want to see if the rumors are true: that Shades Milligan, after he turned into a cyborg, is really as good as Zane."  
Syrus blinked! _There are rumors? And how was there enough time for the rumors to circulate if he died just three days ago, I wonder?_

"Aw-right, I'm gonna start off this Duel with the card SERVICE ACE!" Shades Milligan's shades shone in the sun's rays as he played a card featuring a tennis court… an EXPLODING tennis court!  
"Wait, I always thought your nickname came from your shades! And usually nicknames come from your deck, too!" believed Jaden!  
"Well too bad, that came AFTER I started wearin' my shades! This card makes me choose another card in my hand, and you choose if it's a Spell, Trap or Monster. If you're right, it's discarded, but if you're wrong, you lose fifteen-hundred Life Points!"  
"Time to put on my thinkin' expression, then!" Jaden scrunched up his face in thought. _Hmm, that card's stupidly cheap. Why don't they make it a real card or something? It would be pretty useful in most decks that rely on direct damage. Or maybe because there's a small margin of error, only people who couldn't afford better cards would be forced to run it?_ "A SPELL!" Jaden roared!  
"Ha ha ha, I'm wearing shades," Shades Milligan gloated, "and even I can tell that it's a MONSTER!" He revealed his Mega Thunderball card! It was a spiky ball! Yes!  
"Why are you using such a crappy monster, yo?" The Service Ace card glowed like the morning sun, and then… and then… and then… well, nothing seemed to happen. "Aw, come on, yo!" …

BUT THEN THE CARD SHOT OUT A GOLDEN GLOWING TENNIS BALL! "Ow yo," screamed Jaden as he was knocked back by the force of the blow! "If that were a real ball, that'd leave a BRUISE, man! Yeowch!" (Jaden: 2500 Life Points)  
"Well, anyways," Shades Milligan smugly called, "I'll end my turn here with a face-down card. Your move." He set his card and tilted his shades into the gleaming sunlight.  
_URGH, when he does that, somehow, it makes him irritatingly cool! WHY?_ "Awright, man, MAH draw!" Jaden drew a card… a TRAP card! It featured feathers in a gust of wind. _Rad, yo, FEATHER Wind! I'll only use it once or twice in the entire series! But before that, I'd better think of a strategy! Which means… I'll attack'm! Yeah! And today, I can use my SPECIAL buddy, 'cause the script calls for something KOOL today!_

"I summon… ELEMENTAL HERO… AVIAN! In Attack Mode."  
"NO, JADEN, NO!" cried his helpless friends! But they were too late. Out of a card inside of a whirling, twirling, hurling whirlwind of wind came Avian, flying out with an intense 'inner beast unleashed' pose!  
"RWWWAAAAAAAARRRAAAAAARRWAARG!" he groaned! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"Jaden, you FOOL! Whenever you use HIM, he DIES!" Syrus recalled!  
"But today's episode script CALLS for me specifically!" said Avian, pointing to his script.  
"Oh, well that's okay then. Go ahead, by all means."  
"Now, Avian," asked Jaden, "are you up for a GOOD attack?"  
"Why bother ASKING when you can SEE MY QUILL CASCADE!" Avian repeated the pose of yore, showering the arena in fluffy feathers. FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!

"Yeah, WRONG!" corrected Shades Milligan!  
"Uh-oh, he's wrong!" Nancy Wut gasped!  
"I activate my Trap Card: RECEIVE Ace! It negates an attack and sends it back to you for fifteen-hundred damage! Good luck, heh, FEATHERING this storm! Hahaha!" _My use of humor is obviously helping my relationship with Alexis! Just look at her!_ Alexis was around seventy feet away, drinking at a water fountain. _She's SO totally falling for me!_ A Trap Card featuring a guy who seemed to be from The Prince of Tennis hitting a tennis ball flipped up, gobbled up the feathers, and shot them out in reverse!  
"AHH, FEATHERS!" Jaden cried! (Jaden: 1000 Life Points)  
"Ah, don't sweat it, kid, since I still have to discard three cards from my deck to use that Trap," Shades Milligan said, discarding his three cards.  
"But I'm STILL sweating it! That's not a fair price! That's like, unfair! That's FIFTEEN HUNDRED LIFE POINTS, and that's just THREE CARDS!" Jaden whined!  
"Have you ever wondered how I got to Obelisk Blue right after I was turned into a cyborg?" Shades Milligan remound remindingly. "My enhanced ROBONIC brain made me think: why not make a cheap themed deck, instead of a LAME themed deck?"  
"He's got a point there," Alexis said.  
"Word!" Jaden retorted! "There's not heart in that kinda deck!"  
"You DON'T use 'word' like THAT, Jaden!" Syrus informed!  
"Oh well! I'll throw down a FACE-DOWN!" Jaden set a card… with spirit.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Jaden, is it wise to anger that… thing… like that?" Avian reckoned.  
"Who dang cares, man? Go on Shades, just take your DANG turn."

"Thanks, bro, 'cause now I can use SMASH Ace!" Shades Milligan drastically revealed his Trap, which featured a guy smashing another guy in the face, comically… with a tennis ball. Y'see, it's only funny, until you mention the ball. Tennis makes everything sad and depressing.  
"WHAT is UP with ALL the ACES?" Jaden roared, flippin' out!  
"I said a CHEAP THEME DECK! I threw out my old 'Shade Specters' deck to make room for my 'Tennis Ace' deck! You KNOW how they make decks for EVERYTHING, some decks better than others! But enough about that. Now I can flip up the top card of my deck, and if it's a monster, then you get hit by a tennis ball!"  
"Is that ALL you can do!"  
"I'm pretty sure it is," Angry McArgue snarkily remarked.  
"Hey, a Mystic Shine Ball, or whatever it's called!" Shades Milligan cheered, holding up a MONSTER card featuring a glowy ball of doom. A mystical cloud of tennis appeared in the sky in a dramatic and scary swirly pattern. "This game is OVER!"

"Heh, yeah, RIGHT, Shades," Jaden shrugged, "just try feathering THIS STORM!" Jaden flipped up his Trap card! The one with the wind! And feathers! "It's FEATHER WIND!"  
"B-but that's an AVIAN Trap card! What could THAT do?" Syrus and Shades Milligan wigged out!  
"It negates your Spell card, boyo!" Jaden explained!  
"YAAAAAAY!" cheered the audience.  
"**Try feathering THIS storm, PUNK-ASS!**" Avian flapped his wings around, forcing the eerie tennis cloud SLIGHTLY over to the right. It fired its glowing ball of death at the four viewers!  
"YEAAAAaa…AAAAAAHH!" They exploded violently.  
"What the hell!" Shades Milligan yelled! "You just killed Alexis!"  
"Um, holograms much?" Jaden sighed.  
"Yeah, I'm PEACHY keen!" Nancy Wut said, giving off a thumbs-up through the smoke.  
"WHY DOES AVIAN HURT EVERYONE HE LOVES?" Syrus screamed!  
"Heh," Shades Milligan smirked. "if I cried whenever something bad happened to ME, then I'd NEVER get anywhere! It's okay with me!"  
"He knows what he's talking about, he was mauled by a velociraptor!" Nancy Wut remembered.  
"WE KNOW!" Angry McArgue roared, smashing her friend's head in!  
"Gosh, Angry, can't you, like, NOT be angry, for just ONCE?" Alexis sarcastically asked.  
"But it's my character trait…"  
"I WAS SARCASTIC. I KNOW."

"Sometimes, 'ya gotta TAKE hits 'ta GIVE hits!" Shades Milligan remarked.  
"Aw, great, he's back to his sports clichés again," Jaden groaned.  
"Like YOU don't make lame jokes!"  
"Yeah WRONG Mr. Tin Man yo! I'll have yo know that since I'm the happy-go-lucky stereotypical shonen hero of this show, whatever **I** say is instantly pop culture! Just look at this, y'all! _Banana boat!_" Nobody seemed to care that he'd said banana boat. "Let's see YOU try something better."  
"… You've just been GENDOWNED!" Shades Milligan laughed!  
"You're just QUOTING SOMEBODY MORE SUCESSFUL THAN YOU. HOW IS THAT COOL?" Jaden demanded answers!  
"… Mario, Wario… _Lucario_!"  
"SHUT UP! JUST **SHUT! UP!**"  
"Hey, Jaden, remember that one movie?" Shades Milligan asked.  
"… Whaaaaat movie, yo?"  
"THE ONE WHERE SNORLAX EFFING OWNED!"  
"AW, THAT IS IT, BITCH! YOU'S GOIN' DOWN LIKE ONE 'A MY FACE-DOWNS!" Jaden went berserk! Could anybody stop him?  
"BOO," somebody said.  
The boy froze in place. "Ugh, oh, whew," Jaden sighed, full of relief, "I'm glad THAT guy brought me back to my senses. I'll just get my revenge… with cards!"  
"'Atta boy, Jaden!" congratulated Avian!

"… Hey, d'ja hear that thing that said 'boo'?" Shades Milligan asked.  
"Yeah," Jaden realized, "it was revealed to be a DUCK on episode FOUR! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"AHHHHAHAHAHA!"  
"OOHAHAHAHAHAHEEHAHAHHUUR!"  
The two laughed for an irritatingly long time. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points, Shades Milligan: 4000 Life Points)

"This is one of the five dumbest things that's ever happened in this show," Syrus shrugged. "I bet we'll get cancelled."  
"But we got signed on for four seasons!" Nancy Wut shivered. "I'm scared, guys!"  
"NOBODY'S getting cancelled," Alexis assured, "let me take care of this." Alexis walked up to the two laughing buffoons.  
"AHAHAHAHAHEEHAHAHA!"  
"AHAHEHEHEHEHEHEAHAHEH!"  
"SHUUUUUT UP!" Alexis punched Jaden in the gut and kicked Shades Milligan in the you-know-whats.  
"AAAAHUUUUUURGH!" Jaden recoiled!  
"But I'm a cyborg…" Shades Milligan gasped, crumbling to the floor. "Tell my mother… the grandkids'll have to… wait…" _Wow,_ he thought, _she floats like a butterfly, and stings like a CYBORG butterfly… what a babe!_  
"Heh, d-don't worry," Jaden gurgled, standing up once more, "I'm still in 'da game…"  
"Word to your mother, son!" Avian added in, for extra kick.  
"M…me too." Shades Milligan recovered quickly, being a cyborg and all, and regained his composure.  
"Too bad, 'cuz I'm a' playin' Polymerization, oh yeah!" Jaden held before us all his signature Spell! "Clayman and Burstinatrix, fuse together now in the coolest way possible!" Sadly, instead they simply flew into the air, floated, swirled together with a cheap effect, and then UN-swirled as Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster, that one who was just Burstinatrix in a huge suit of clay armor, armed with a missile-launching arm that just barely made it passable as a card. "It's ELEMENTAL HERO RAMPART BLASTER OH YEAH BABAY!" cheered Jaden! (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points) Slowly, she floated back down upon the field next to Avian.  
"Now we're REALLY in the zone, guys!" Avian said, prompting a hi-five. But nobody seemed to care.

"All right!" Syrus said with an oddly angry face, "Now that he has THAT weirdo hero, he'll DEFINETLY win!"  
"Avian, attack!" commanded Jaden! "Electric Orb!"  
"HAAAAAAAAH…" Avian charged up a bunch of electricity in his palms and fired it off in the shape of an orb? "I never even knew I could DO that!" Avian chuckled.  
"UGHAAAAH!" screamed Shades Milligan, struck by the orb and contained within the massive dust cloud the hologram had provided! (Shades Milligan: 3000 Life Points) "AHH! AWAAAHAHAAARGH! UWAAAAAH!"  
"Re-LAX, it's JUST one-thousand damage…UNLIKE THIS GUY!" Rampart Blaster held out her blaster-arm and fired off a BARRAGE OF MISSILES!  
"!" screeched Shades Milligan. (Shades Milligan: 1000 Life Points)  
"And THAT is why you put MONSTERS in your deck!" Jaden gloated! "Ones beside Mega Thunderball! 'Cause he STINKS!"

"You SURE showed HIM, Jaden!" Syrus gleefully noted!  
"Well, of COURSE he's gonna show him," Alexis stated, "he's got YU in his last name. How OBVIOUS is it?"  
"What're you talking about?"  
"That's a DUMB hypothesis."  
"Hey, everybody! Alexis makes DUMB hypotheses!"  
"FINE, just forget I said anything." Alexis had given up in despair.

"Grr, I'll show YOU a monster card! But first, I play Deuce!"  
"Heh, you dropped a Deuce!"  
"SHADDAP!" Shades Milligan 'threw down' a Spell card, featuring a scoreboard for tennis! It read '40 – 40'. How appropriate. "I can only activate this card when both players have 1000 Life Points. Each of us chooses one monster, and from now on, it's the only one that can attack. When it deals Battle Damage twice, then the owner of that monster…" He took a pause to allow his shades to shine dazzlingly in the sunlight. "… Automatically wins the match!"  
"Well THAT be dumb!" Jaden shrugged.  
"Who cares? Me, because I summon Big Server, the monster I was boasting so much about!" Shades Milligan summoned… a robotic tennis player! "**GAME. SET. MATCH.**" it thundered in a freakish monotone. (Big Server: 300 Attack Points)  
"That TOO be dumb!" Jaden shrugged yet again.  
"Stop making fun of my heritage!" Angry McArgue shouted!  
"What's up?" Jaden asked.  
"I'm IRISH, so stop saying 'that be this, that be that'! It's offensive!"

At that point, everybody had given up on Angry McArgue.

"Aaaaaanyways, Big Server, use Spike Serve!" Shades Milligan quickly commanded!  
"**UUUUUURRRR YAAAAAAAAAH,**" Big Server said in its odd monotone, flinging a metal spike ball of DOOM into the air and smacking it with its SUPER TENNIS RACKET ARM!

_This is NOT peachy keen!_ Nancy Wut mentally gasped as the camera zoomed in on her face.  
"Ow, a metal ball of death!" Jaden yelped, as he was struck by the illegal tennis ball! (Jaden: 700 Life Points)  
"HAAAAAhahahahahahahahaaaaaa!" Shades Milligan laughed! "Now just one more turn until I make Alexis my bride-to-be!" He pointed toward his Deuce card.  
"Dammit, I wish he'd never dropped that Deuce!" Jaden smiled faintly.  
"THAT WAS NEVER FUNNY! Well, back to the main plot, when my Big Server attacks directly, I get to add a Service Ace into my hand from my deck, and you can draw a card, too."  
"Is this JUST to give me the advantage in this episode?"  
"Could be." Shades Milligan systematically placed his card-he-won't-be-using into his hand.

Jaden drew… a card with a picture of Avian in 'da big city firing feathers out of his wings! _Well, whadda 'ya know,_ Jaden thought, _it WAS just for me to get an advantage! Good thing this card is USELESS in any other situation!_  
"Now, since apparently further research upon this Deuce card I used through the internet," Shades Milligan helpfully told, "I won't be using that Service Ace, since the effect is gonna be confusing."  
"How so?" asked Nancy Wut.  
"Welp, Deuce says that it'll only let you win once you perform Battle Damage twice, but then Service Ace is EFFECT Damage, although it may have NOT said just Battle Damage, and so anyways, you're gonna call it right, making it completely useless, so I guess it's your turn… AFTER I PLAY GIANT RACKET!" Big Server was suddenly wearing a comically-oversized tennis racket on its back. "It negates damage and keeps my guy from being destroyed once per turn, so neener neener neener!"  
"But you realize that if you'd never played 'Deuce', then you HYPOTHETICALLY could have played that Service Ace, and they preyed upon my natural goofiness to guess the incorrect card type, earning you the win as I take fifteen-hundred damage to my Life Points," Jaden explained, truthfully.  
"… Soooooooo… what do you mean by that?"

Jaden took a deep breath. "I use De-Fusion and then I use Feather Shot which will let my Avian attack thrice this turn since I have three monsters and it's all because you're an idiot." Avian flew into the sky as Rampart Blaster fell apart, and then our winged hope fired off his feather barrage, which blew up the racket, blew up the robot, and blew up Shades Milligan.  
"UWAAAH!" Shades Milligan cried as he blew up! (Shades Milligan: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"That was kyool!" Nancy Wut dribbled.  
"That was dumb," complained Angry McArgue.  
"Awwww yeaaah, Jaden's gettin' married, and hopefully will not divorce, will not abuse Alexis, and will not abandon her after having three kids!" Syrus supported. Alexis turned toward Syrus with a deathly gleam in her eye.  
"Uh, Lexeh, don't kill the boy, please," Nancy Wut pleaded.

The smoke surrounding Shades Milligan faded, revealing that the only parts remaining of his cyborgy frame were his left arm, most of his torso, his head, and his feet (no legs!) "Ugh," he groaned, "at least I'm still alive… due to being a cyborg and everything."  
"Cyborgs don't make sense, buuuut…" Jaden got ready for it… "THAT'S GAME!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"We SURE showed HIM," Avian sniffed.  
"Oh, get outta here, man!" Jaden ordered.  
"Oh all right." Avian and his buddies faded away.  
"GRRRRRR, NOW I'LL ALWAYS BE A VIRGIN! I WON'T FORGET THIS!" Shades Milligan's parts magnetically bonded together, and then a rocket thruster thrust out from his back allowed for a quick, flashy getaway. PCHOOOOOOO!  
"Well, we won't be seein' HIM soon!" Jaden said as his friends and admirers surrounded him.  
"I don't wanna marry you, I wanna marry Syrus's sexy older brother," Alexis said.  
"Well duh, I don't wanna marry a GIRL!" Jaden said. "Girls are YUCKY and covered in COOTIES! EW!"  
"So you're…"  
"What I want… is a woman!" he explained.  
"So you're interested in older women?" Syrus asked sheepishly.  
"The keyword is woman, Sy!" told Jaden with a waggling finger.

And upon a cliff overlooking the sunset, Shades Milligan wept in silence as he rebuilt his body with a wrench and random pieces of scrap metal. _Just you wait, Alexis, I'll win you over… SOMEHOOOOOW!_

COMMENTARY  
So, this was an okay chapter. The quality is all dependant on what you believe, as I personally liked chapter fourteen better. But oh well, we saw Shades Milligan make a comeback!

So yeah, I just replaced another irritating one-shot character with a DIFFERENT one-shot recurring character. I bet nobody expected HIM to survive the last episode! Well, judging what kind of story this is, many of you did, I suppose.

So yeah, Crowler got hit for no reason, Jaden played tennis with a passive-aggressive lovesick cyborg, Dueled him to decide the future of an innocent lady, and won. That's basically an average episode of Yu-Gi-Oh GX. So yeah, have a great day, and stuff. My birthday is April 19th. Yep.

EDITS  
Boy, I regret making this guy up! Ohohoho. Shades Milligan, you've messed my story up so much since you were created! I'm glad I was able to put you on a bus in time for season two. Yeah, edits done during second season are full of wise. Going along, I just changed a couple of words in order to keep things rolling, and, well, yeah. Jaden's just as stupid, Shades Milligan's just as dumb, and Alexis is just as painful. But really, what did Crowler do? It just sat there and… well yeah. My birthday's still April 19th, by the way.

LAST EDIT:  
2/11/11


	16. Episode 16: The Duel Giant

Jaden and friends turned on their TV one fine Sunday morn. "But JAY-DUUUN," Syrus whined, "I don't WANNA see 4Kids TV! It's dumb and un-popular with the hip, cool kids!"  
"Relax, Sy," Jaden said, tightening the ropes binding Syrus to the bedpost, "I tied Koala Ko Ala JUST as tightly as you! It's all fair, dude!"  
"NO, IT'S NOT," Koala Ko Ala groaned, "YOU'RE CRUSHING MY STOMACH."  
"QUIET!" Jaden turned on the lil' black box of entertainment.

"And now, a message from Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's, brought to you by Yusei Fudo and Crow Hogan," the 4Kids announcer babbled. Yusei and Crow 'Hogan' drove by the screen on their Duel Runners.  
"Hey, Crow?" Yusei asked his friend.  
"Yeah, Yusei?" his friend responded.  
"Y'know where _I_ go when _I_ have a reading fix?"  
"Where?" Crow giddily asked.  
"The _**LIBRARY!"**_ Yusei thunderously responded!  
And the commercial ended with the two men revvin' up their Duel Runners, rapping, "REV IT UP REV IT UP REV IT UP UP UP AT THE LIBRARY!"  
"SON!" Yusei added, with a hip hand motion.  
"A message from the 'Revvin' It Up at the Library' program, sponsored in part by 4Kids Entertainment."

Jaden and his friends stared blankly at the t-viz. "… Okay, you guys can go now. I guess you don't HAVE to watch it with me THIS week," Jaden depressingly sighed, untying the two boys.  
"Yippee!" Syrus cheered!  
"Let's go outside and play catch, Syrus!" Koala Ko Ala suggested.  
"Great idea!" The two guys left Jaden to wallow in his own sadness.  
"… I forgot why I liked their dubs, yo…"

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 16: The Duel Giant

"AAUIUUUUGHEEEEYYAYAYA!" screamed a guy who exploded in the middle of the night. His cards burst into the evening air, slowly fluttering all around the tri-state area radius! The Obelisk Blue kid looked on in horror as a hilarious-looking fat guy covered in several azure coats bent down and took one of his cards.  
"Awl be taykin dish," he said in his most gruff voice possible.  
"Uuugh… ahahaha! Your voice is hilarious!" the blue guy chuckled.  
"You'eh jush lucky dish cahd washn' de ONRY ting you losh tunight!" the giant failure warned.  
"Like what? My life? That's STUPID. What, don't think you can talk all DEEP," scoffed the Obelisk Idiot.  
"Nesh time, pih on shumbuddy yer OWN shize! Eheheh," laughed the big, fat man as he left the scene.  
"**Double-standard**, anyone? That's so dumb! I mean, YOU challenged ME, AND you're HUMONGOUS! Oh wait he took my card."

THE! NEXT! DAY!  
Today's obligatory guitar solo lasted for a few short moments, which should be taken as a sign that everything is NOT okay as usual. "Blah blah blah… and I heard he beat up ANOTHER guy LAST NIGHT!" an Obelisk Blue kid told his two friends.  
"I hear he's REALLY BIG, and THAT'S why they call him the Duel Giant!"  
"Hey, that really makes sense!"  
"Y'know, I hear he eats BABIES for BREAKFAST," a second boy snorted.  
"A guy like that should be arrested… for eating babies!" decided the third.  
"Ha ha, yeah, THAT'S what should happen to him!"  
"Hee hee!"  
"Yo, what's all 'da hubbub, bubs?" Jaden asked out of nowhere.  
"AAAARGH, THE DUEL GIANT!" the three guys screamed! But no, it was just Jaden… and Syrus… and Koala Ko Ala.  
"I bet you're surprised to see me in school for once, right?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"No, you've been seen around school more than once before!" one of the Obelisks said. "You just startled us when we were talking about the DUEL GIANT!"  
"'Duel Giant?'" repeated Jaden.  
"Yeah, a giant who duels! He beats Obelisks like us and takes one random card of theirs! Rumor has it that he has poor eyesight, so he usually takes the CRAPPY ones as WELL as the GOOD ones."  
"Last week," one started, "he beat me and took my Saggi the Dark Clown, even though there was a perfectly good Blue-Eyes White Dragon next to it!"  
"But that one sucks, too!" Syrus announced.  
"Oh. Well, there goes that theory."  
"Well, why's everybody so SCARED a' 'dis guy, yo?" Jaden asked.  
"Legend has it (and by legend I mean rumors circulating around the school), that he wears ALL the blazers of the Obelisk Blues he's beaten… and probably some he stole from a supply cabinet, because I REALLY don't think he'd be able to beat THAT many guys," answered one of the random few.  
"Hmmm." Jaden conjured up the image of a fat guy wearing several layers of clothing. He fell over and was rendered helpless, because of the sheer fatness of his eleventy-bajillion coats.  
_"I SURE wish I wore a bit less coats,"_ _he sighed._  
"Ha ha!" laughed Jaden.

"Well, we'll be doing Obelisk Blue stuff now, bye," said the Obelisk guys, leaving semi-hastily. "_C'mon, this next scene is for THEM! Hurry up, guys!_"  
"What's THEIR hurry?" wondered Syrus audibly. But wait – AAAAHH, Crowler was marching down the hallway, headed STRAIGHT toward them!  
"_Curse that cursed DUEL GIANT,_" it seethed through gritted teeth, "_because of the RUCKUS he's causing, I can't monitor Jaden YUCKY today!_"  
"Do you… want one of US to do that for you, ma'am?" Bastion suggested, wearing his new BLUE coat and his good ol' fashioned 'King of Baseball' circular badge. "You COULD hypothetically, as my mentor, tell me to get somebody else to do it and they'll get it done." He pointed to Fluffy Fred, Baseball Bob, and lastly (but not leastly) Piggybank. "Alternatively, you COULD just send ME out to find the Duel Giant by myself."  
"I'll watch the little buggers!" Fluffy Fred suggested, punching the air heroically.  
"Hmm, not a bad idea," Crowler agreed. Then it bumped into Jaden. "Ahh! Yucky Boy!"  
"Yo Crowler!" Jaden greeted. "Yo Bastion!"  
"Salutations."  
"Yo Bob!"  
"Eh, hi?"  
"Yo Piggybank!"  
"Um. Hey."  
Jaden turned to Koala Ko Ala and Syrus. "C'mon, guys, say 'yo' to them all!"  
"I don't wanna say 'yo'," Syrus fidgeted, "and plus I'm SCARED of Piggybank."  
"And I don't like Bastion!" Koala Ko Ala stated. "He didn't invite me out to the beach, so he's an idiot!"  
"Yo, he can HEAR you, yo!" Jaden reminded.  
"Oh. Huh?" Koala Ko Ala flinched as Bastion shed a single tear, shuddering.

"_Wait,_"Crowler thought loudly, "_I have an easily swayed boy idiot wonder duelist in front of me. Think of something, quick, and get HIM to duel that NASTY Duel Giant! It's the perfect plan!_ Say, Jaden?"  
"Yeah, teach?" Jaden answered.  
"What would you say to… no homework for the rest of the year?"  
"N-n-n-N-n-n-N-n-n… n-n-n-_N_-n-n-N-n-n… n-n-n-**NO HOMEWORK?**" Jaden cried!  
"_Yes! I've got'm on the ropes! Whatever THAT means,_" Crowler figured.  
"N-n-n-n-NO DEAL!" Jaden shouted!  
"But why?" Baseball Bob wondered.  
"DUH, if I don't have any homework, then I won't have the need to study. Then my grades will DROP DRAMATICALLY. Furthermore, if I get too much extra time, I'll surf the net on my YugiNavi™ and do nasty stuff while looking at soft-core porn of anime characters! What did you THINK would happen? Plus you didn't offer it to my friends, man."  
"Oh well Syrus too," Crowler hastily added.  
"Thanks!"

"But what about me?" Koala Ko Ala voiced.  
"AW YEAH BOOOOY!" Jaden and Syrus cheered!  
"Seriously, did you just ignore me… AGAIN?"  
"Anyways just beat the Duel Giant and the reward is yours heh heh heh heh heh!" Crowler pushed Fluffy Fred and Bastion forward.  
"Woah."  
"Oof!"  
"_Bastion, assist Jaden and Syrus. Fred, secretly keep an eye on Yucky-Boy and document anything strange or useful that happens,_" Crowler instructed.  
"Okay."  
"Alright. TEAM." Bastion caught the attention of his fellow Baseball Wreckers Gang members. "Baseball Bob and Piggybank, you are to slack off and do nothing!"  
"RIGHT!" The two saluted and instantly dropped onto the floor, doing nothing.  
"Well, good luck with that," Crowler said, and left with a SCAAAARY grin on its face. "_Heeheeheeheehee, once I get cold proof that Jaden YUCKY and that DUEL GIANT were dueling with an illegal ante rule, meaning that they're dueling for cards by betting… why was I explaining that to myself? Anyways, they'll be expelled. HA HA!"_

Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala, Bastion, and Fluffy Fred kinda stood there for a minute. "Woo boy, that Ms. K."  
"Her last name starts with 'C'."  
"Oh."  
"… She told me to watch you like a hawk, but secretly," Fluffy Fred said.  
"Cool, yo! Like a BODYGUARD?"  
"No. Like a creeper, sadly," Bastion corrected.  
"What's the diff, yo?"  
_We went over this last week,_ Syrus thought, annoyed.  
_Why am I so largely ignored?_ Koala Ko Ala thought, sad.

MEANWHILE, IN DA DUEL DOME…  
"I'm gonna beat you in a Duel!" a random Obelisk Blue Dood promised!  
"I'm NOT gonna beat you in a Duel!" a depressed-looking Ra Yellow with green hair agreed! "Now, Super Spiky Razor Sharp Rhino, don't attack him! Just stand there!" the boy ordered. His Super Spiky Razor Sharp Rhino stared at the Blue Dood's Marauding Captain in shiny knightly armor. (Depressed Kid: 300 Life Points, Random Blue Dood: 200 Life Points)  
(SSRSR: 1400 Attack Points, Marauding Captain: 1200 Attack Points)  
"Let's watch a duel!" Jaden said, leading himself, Syrus, and Bastion into the Duel Dome to watch the train wreck in progress.  
"Good useless idea!" Bastion said. "Using the science behind badly-written anime shows, we'll DEFINITELY be able to figure out who the Duel Giant REALLY is by JUST watching this duel."

Suddenly, Jaden's face appeared in somebody's crosshairs. They readied themselves to shoot their rifle, but Bastion boted to his feet. "Fred, no! She told you to MONITOR, not ASSASSINATE."  
Fluffy Fred put his gun away, sighing, "Daw, okay, boss."  
"Hmm," said the Depressed Kid, "I've got the Earthquake card in my hand, which by nondescript means, will allow me to win this duel…"  
"Yo! He's gonna WIN!" supported Jaden.  
"Naw, he's gonna LOSE!" disagreed three obelisk Blues.  
_Aw, crap, their support and non-support has made me feel nervous beyond comprehension…_ Depressed Kid just kinda looked at his hand. "Um, I'll use this… no no no, I'll use this… wait, I'll use— "  
"Just hurry up!" ordered the Obelisk Blue guy. "You're taking an irritatingly long amount of time to LOSE!"  
"Um, which one… eenie… meeny…"  
"MINEY, MOE! YOU HAVE TWO CARDS TO USE! JUST PICK ONE ALREADY!"  
"My-mother-told-me-to-pick-the-very-best-one-and-you-are-iiiiiit…" Depressed Kid pointed to one of his two cards. "… But-actually-you-are-the-best-one-al-though-this-one-could-be…"  
"This is STUPID!" the Obelisk guys realized! "He's gonna LOSE!"  
"This is SMART!" Jaden guy realized! "He's gonna WIN!"  
"Okay, now you're just screwin' with us."  
"Heh heh, yeah!"  
"IENDMYTURN!" Depressed Kid spat! Due to stupidity, his rhino guy exploded, thus ending the match. (Depressed Kid: GAME OVER) "Augh, I lost due to stupid reasons unknown!"

"Hmm," Bastion mused, "that boy has a classic case of stage fright."  
"But in the TV shows I watch, the kids ALWAYS surpass their fear and finish the school play!" Jaden said, confused. "THAT can't be stage fright."  
"No, the real world doesn't work that way, like, ever," Syrus broke to him.  
"HUUUUUUUH?"

"Wow, that was DUMB!" the Obelisk guy laughed! "You're too shy to win, 'cause you could've beaten me right there! But you were DUMB! Ha ha!"  
_Noooooooo,_ thought Depressed Kid. _Fools, fools all of them! Just FOOLS! _ Depressed Kid got up and tried to leave with as much dignity as the script would allow.  
"Hahahaha," laughed the Obelisk Quartet, "he's so wimpy that I think I'M depressed now! Hahaha, aw."  
Depressed Kid walked away… but with a VENGEANCE AND A DRAMATIC EFFECT, TAKING THE FORM OF A DISGUSTING GREEN SWIRLING BACKGROUND.  
"OOH," 'ooh'-ed Winged Kuriboh, suddenly flying out of Jaden's pocket and deck box!  
"Oh, no you don't!" Jaden grabbed Winged Kuriboh forcefully!  
"OOH, OOH."  
"Back you go!" He shoved Winged Kuriboh back into the card from whence he came. "You're lucky! I only use you since you have an okay effect!"  
"Woah, what a disgusting background," Syrus gulped.

"Oh gosh! Look!" Jaden gasped, pointing to a big guy who helped usher out Depressed Kid. He was both tall, AND fat! Or big-boned. "That guy HAS to be the DUEL GIANT!"  
"REALLY? WHERE?" Fluffy Fred appeared out of nowhere, trying to push Jaden out of the way.  
"Augh! Aren't you just supposed to MONITOR, not SHOVE, dude?"  
"Oh, him?" Bastion took a peek. "Oh, AHAHAHAHAHA he's no duelist Sy he's Big Kid just at this school to learn how to DESIGN games not PLAY them."  
"What was up with that delivery? I sense hostility in there! What's the deal?" Bastion turned and gave him the cold-shoulder treatment. Syrus frowned._  
Don't worry,_ consoled his massive hairdo, _This will ALL work out in the end, just you wait and see..._  
"Well, who cares what YOU all think, suck-ass!" Jaden ran out of the Duel Dome, in hot pursuit of the two guys!  
"Wait up, Jay!" pleaded Syrus! He and the rest followed him.

"Yo!" Jaden called out to Depressed Kid and Big Kid. "Are you the Duel Giant?"  
"Waah!" Big Kid gasped!  
"There's no such thing as the Duel Giant!" Depressed Kid said.  
"Really?"  
"No!" Depressed Kid turned around with Big Kid and walked away.  
"Really?"  
"No!"  
"Reeeeeally, yo?"  
"No!"  
"I think there IS no Duel Giant," Syrus said, "I mean, he said 'no' four times!"  
"Well, we'll just have to put that… to the test. I know how to flush out 'da Duel Giant, yo!" Jaden said!  
"Oh, really?" Fluffy Fred inquired.  
"Tell us, now!" Bastion urged!

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
"I didn't think this was what you were talking about earlier," Bastion sighed, tied up with Fluffy Fred on a tree.  
"Syrus, he can still speak! Tie him tighter!" ordered Jaden!  
"Okay, but you've taken the rope thing too far this week."  
"Ugh!" Syrus pulled on the ropes, making them MUCH tighter.  
"The scent of fear and a blue coat shall drive the giant from the wilderness!" Syrus poetically put the plan. "What a great idea."  
**WHOOSH!**  
Out of nowhere but a gust of wind, the Duel Giant appeared!  
"Woah, he looks just as stupid as I'd imagined!" Jaden whispered in awe.  
"Oh, crap, he's gonna DUEL us!" Fluffy Fred screamed! "Get me outer here!"  
"Yo, Mr. Duel Giant IDIOT!" Jaden name-called! "Let's THROW DOWN!"  
"… OKAY," the Duel Giant said, giving in immediately.  
"Okay, then, uh… GET YOUR GAME ON!"  
"BOO," somebody yelled.

Jaden, Syrus, and the Duel Giant stood facing each other from opposite ends of a forested area of the island. Slowly pointing to his foe, Jaden challenged, "So what're we just standin' there for, foo'? Let's get this DUEL STARTED."  
"Well, why are WE TIED TO A TREE, FOR THAT MATTER?" Fluffy Fred shouted.  
"Easy, Fred," Bastion calmed, "it's of no use. They'll probably forget about us and somebody'll find us in the morning."  
"B-but Bastion, I'm so scared!" Fluffy Fred sobbed.

"OOH," Winged Kuriboh cooed, floating out of… Jaden's back pocket…?  
"Wh-WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING IN THERE?" Jaden roared!  
"What's wrong, Jaden?" Syrus gasped! "Who're you screaming at?"  
"I AM TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID… STUPID SHENANIGANS, YOU LITTLE TURD!" Jaden grabbed Winged Kuriboh and hurled him far away off of the island! "And I NEVER wanna see YOU AGAIN!" Jaden added, for good effect.  
"RUN, SYRUS!" Bastion urged! "_HE'S GONNA BLOW!_"  
"WAAH, WHY MUST YOU HATE ME?" Syrus ran off, crying.  
"NO, SYRUUUUUUS!" screamed Jaden, reaching his right arm out! "Oh, well, he'll come back… he ALWAYS comes back, right?"  
"Uh, whut cahd ar you beh'n?" the Duel Giant asked in his funny voice.  
"Ha ha ha, you speak funny," Jaden laughed.  
"WHAT CAHD?"  
"This guy, duh!" Jaden held out Winged Kuriboh! "Now it really DOESN'T matter if I win or lose!" The Duel Giant was already holding out his own Winged Kuriboh card.  
"Um…"  
"Son of a bitch," Jaden cursed. "Fine, let's just play."  
"Awroight, Duelisht!" The Duel Giant activated his Duel Disk! "Aftur you, ah'll jush Duel ZOHSE guysh behin' you."  
"Jaden, it REALLY matters if you win or lose again, I mean it," said Bastion, wiggling in fear.  
"Hey, stop wiggling!" Fluffy Fred recoiled! "It's uncomfortable!"

"LET'S GET OUR GAMES ON, SHALL WEEEEEE?" Jaden roared heroically!  
"BOO," someone yelled.  
"IF YOU INSHISHT!" roared the Duel Giant! "I summon GIANT ORC, in ATTACK MODE!" A grey, ugly, piggish demon dude appeared, wielding a bone club! He looked pathetic compared to his original card art, quite sad and deflated. No muscle. Just fat.  
"Um… beware my power?" he shivered. (Giant Orc: 2200 Attack Points)  
"He looks pathetic!" Jaden stated! "Just like you! I mean, you're funny looking! I'm allowed to say that since you're evil and stuff!"  
"Wew, aw'll en' moy tuwn... mishter ASH-BUTT!" the Duel Giant yelled!  
"So rude!" Bastion gasped!  
"OOH," cried Jaden's next card.  
"Aw, shaddap! You do nothing but give everyone a free turn! And I don't like that!" Jaden growled. "I RELUCTANTLY summon the Winged Kuriboh in ATTACK Mode!" Winged Kuriboh appeared, covered in wondrous sparkles. (Winged Kuriboh: 200 Attack Points)

"OOH."  
"Whud a dum' move!" the Duel Giant laughed! "Dhat thing couln' efen defen' againsht a bug!"  
"Did I NOT just explain what he did? Just go, BIG guy."  
"'Den I wiuh! Dish'll be a turn t' 'uhmemer!"  
"Dude, ANYTHING a weirdo does is memorable."  
"GRR, yuw'll pay fer 'dat lassht statemunt! Giant Orc, 'tack thuh Winged Kuriboh!" The lowly-looking orc tapped the puffball with his bone. He exploded in a fiery poof.  
"Ha, I lose no Life Points the turn he's killed!" Jaden laughed! "Plus, your Orc goes into Defense Mode after he attacks! I read the script already!"  
"NOT QUITE!"  
"N… not quite?" Bastion gasped!  
"I summ'n Secon' Goblin an' ehquip 'im t'my Orc!" The Duel Giant summoned a short, reddish goblin.  
"Don't go into Defense Mode!" he yelled.  
"Okay," said Giant Orc. He simply stood there.  
"Stupid monster effects! I remember the days when there WERE no monster effects…"  
"Nobody remembers those dark days, Jaden!"  
Jaden shot Bastion a dirty glance, then looked at his hand. I mean REALLY looked this time, because he was ready to go home and not do homework. The hand contained the ever-popular cards The Warrior Returning Alive, Bubbleman, Burstinatrix, Sparkman, and Clayman. _Hmm, I'm SUPPOSED to summon Rampart Blaster in this episode, buuuut… nah, screw it… WE'S GOIN' OFF 'DA RAILS!_

He was ready. "I'm gonna do the SMART thing in THIS episode!"  
"But that's against the script!" cried Fluffy Fred! "You read it, right?"  
"The script can go to HECK for all I care!"  
"GASP!" gasped the listeners.  
He placed all his cards on the Duel Disk. Except Burstinatrix; she's special. "I cast Polymerization to fuse Elemental Heroes Sparkman and Clayman together to form Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!" Jaden's cards summoned forth a cool whirlwind of fusion-stuffs, which blew off and left Thunder Giant in its place!  
"RAWR!" the giant roared! (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)  
"Next," he continued, "I use the Warrior Returning Alive to get back AND summon my Sparkman!" Sparkman rose from the grave, covered in arrows, looking all used and stuff.  
"HOOHAH!" he shouted, flexing his muscles, and somehow recovering from every injury! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)

It was at this point that the Giant Orc suddenly exploded. "EEEEEEEEEEH?" crowed the Duel Giant with confused terror and such!  
"I also just used Thunder Giant's super power to discard one card, Notburstinatrix, and kill a monster weaker than himself."  
"Waaaaah, I TOLD him not to go into Defense Mode!" cried Second Goblin, dropping to his knees! "And look at where ya are NOW, kiddo! AAAAAAAHHH, IMMA FAILUUUUURE." He exploded from the depression and loneliness.  
"Hmph, dish ain't sho tuff," the Duel Giant huffed, "I'fe eaten bigguh BAYBEHS 'den you fer BREAKFASHT!"  
Jaden shook his head nonchalantly. "Mmm mmm mmm. 'Kay, there's your problem. You just don't pay ANY attention, do you? First off, my monsters' Attack Points add up to four-thousand EXACTLY. Second, your field is COMPLETELY empty, as you laid out absolutely ZERO protection, which was one of the dumb-assiest things you've ever done. Third, DON'T YOU KNOW EATING BABIES IS ILLEGAL IN MOST COUNTRIES? That is SO UN-ETHICAL!"  
"Uh? Wait, no, I din't mean it like 'dat…"  
"SYRUS BOMBER!" Jaden swung Syrus at the Duel Giant's head, knocking away all of his coats in the process!  
"Where did I just come from?" Syrus wondered aloud. But who cares, because laying atop a pile of knocked-away coats lied… Twisthead and Moe, rubbing their heads in pain! WHAT A REVELATION.  
"Ugh, the Syrus Bomber," they groaned.  
"I SO saw that coming!" Bastion admitted.  
"Aw, dude, our secret's out!" cried Twisthead!  
"Argh, you ass-butts! We'll duel you!" Moe threatened!  
"Jaden, don't let him duel me!" Syrus cried!  
"Don't worry! WE won't let them eat ANYONE ELSE!" Jaden pulled out his YugiNavi™ and spun it in his hands, initiating a secret technique!

[.com/watch?v=I5OWKVpzarI&feature=related] "_**CHUMLEY BOMBER!**_"  
Suddenly, from over a mile away, in the Slifer Toolshed, eating a grilled cheese, and eucalyptus Sammich, with some Koala Juice, on the side, Koala Ko Ala heard him. "The signal!" he gasped, dropping all the Sammich from his mouth! Koala Ko Ala jumped out of bed and leaped out of the window, into the sea.

Meanwhile back with the shocking results, a large wind began picking up. "What's up with this wind?" Fluffy Fred asked.  
"This could only mean one thing…" Syrus predicted, "the Chumley Bomber attack worked!"  
"W-who's Chumley?" asked Twisthead, panicking!  
_NEEEEEREEEEREEEOOOOOOW_, went the sound effect. Over the ocean, over the forest, Koala Ko Ala was flying like a missile, with his arms spread out wide and a serious look on his face! He dove into the underbrush, dodging trees only like a flying koala could! And then the two menaces were in sight.  
"OH CRAP, HE'S GONNA CRASH!" cried Moe! Koala Ko Ala inexplicably flew RIGHT THROUGH THEM LIKE A GHOST… but left handcuffs on both boys, effectively locking them in place together. "Huh?"  
"Where'd the cuffs come from?"  
"Don't ask me," Syrus Syed. And Koala Ko Ala flew into the night sky…

"I'll be takin' it from 'ere, boys," said Dustin the Old Copper man, the old guy from episode two, stepping in from nowhere. "You rascals jus' run on home, I'll be haulin' these two kids to the hoosegow."  
"Wait, _JAIL?_"  
"Yeah, they ATE BABIES!" Dustin the Old Copper said. "Whuzz' wrong wit' that? EVERYTHING. Let's go. Kids t'day make me sick."  
"But it's just a figure of speech!" Moe pleaded, unsuccessfully.

"WE WILL GET YOU ASS-BUTTS FOR THIS, YOU HEAR MEEEE?" Twisthead rued, shaking his fist all the way. Dustin the Old Copper pushed the two kids off screen… FOREVER…

"This was a dumb one," said the entire cast of characters standing around in Dustin the Old Copper's wake.  
"Oh and you're not really getting your free year of no homework after all, hahaha," laughed Crowler, appearing outta nowhere, somehow.  
"Aw dammit!" Jaden sighed, shrugging with a smile as the screen in your heart faded to black with cartoony background music. DANA-NA NANANANANANAAAAAAH.

COMMENTARY  
This episode was short but good in my opinion. Full of twists and turns… and ADVENTURE!

The TV gag came to me one day when I thought of a horrible reading PSA when I was bored. Adding Yusei Fudo and Crow "HOGAN" made it better.

And I also got to show off Bastion doing something for Crowler, as he is supposed to now, being its lackey and all. I hope that nobody got any ideas from the scene where he and Fluffy Fred were tied up; I'm not opposed to gays, but some of you Yaoi couplers take it too far…

And Twisthead and Moe were already going to be the Duel Giant since around ten minutes after I put them into the story. Don't think it was spur of the moment; a LOT of things were building up to that plot twist! And yes, Chip n' Dale's Rescue Rangers wasn't a very good show, but it has one of the best cartoon openings of the 90's. Coming from a guy born in 1995, I shouldn't know many others. But that's okay, because Koala Ko Ala's got himself a theme tune! See you next week, and I apologize for my one day lateness, and if I ever expect to be delayed like that again I'll just upload that Thursday. I PROMIIIIISE!

EDITS  
Damn damn damn damn SHUT UP PAST ME. You're REMINDING ME of a STORY I LIKE to READ. It's amazing the personal character development one can undergo in just one year. Back to EDITS, if ANY of you actually go down the page this far, please tell me if you can find any more weird '[i]' or '[b]' signs anywhere that I've missed. I FEEL SO LAZY AND CRAPPY BECAUSE OF SHIP EDITING! And you know what I mean when I say ship.

Really looking through this, I'm a little disappointed and happy at the same time. There were a few points where I was really trying to do SOMETHING, but the wording was off and stuff like that, it was boring, bluh bluh bluh. It may very well STILL be boring and weird. But now going through some later episodes of this season (not to say the second season I'm working on isn't good, it's just harder to compare original content stuff to this), I really HAVE grown as a writer during this long mindfakk of a journey. So! To the 1.4 people who made it this far! I thank you for being my motivation to expand my literary prowess, even though nobody reads this story! OSU!

Last edit:  
3/13/11


	17. Episode 17: Nature of the Draw

"C'mon, guys, why don'cha wanna watch the NINJA TURTLES with me?"  
"No way! After the Ninja Tumors incident, I can only look upon them with fear and loathing!"  
"Just this once? They're cool, and they say 'what the shell' and make it cool!"  
"… Okay, but only if Koala Ko Ala's watching it too."  
"…?! Don't drag ME into this!!"  
"Who cares?" Jaden turned on the telly. And I'm not British, but who cares what kind of slang I use.

The screen showed a shot of Duel Academy as the Yu-Gi-Oh! GX theme song started up. A bell rang! "What kind of commercial are we watching?" Syrus asked.  
"Duh, for OUR show, Sy! Don't be raggin' on our swag!"  
"What?" Then the screen showed rows and rows of Ra Yellow kids sitting in class, then a shot of Jaden sitting around Tyranno Hassleberry…? And Chazz in a black coat?!?!  
_"A typical day at my school… is anything but!"_ TV-Jaden explained.  
"WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!" real Jaden screamed! "I don't TALK like that?!"  
"And who was that black guy! What was up with Chazz's coat!" Koala Ko Ala yelled!  
"NO black kids go to KAIBALAND Duel Academy, the show just wasn't tolerant of other cultures beside Japanese and American in Season One!" Syrus said, enraged!

A 3-D shot of a folder fell, and a report card decorated with the show's logo fell out. "What were they TOO CHEAP to make a REGULAR DRAWING of a FALLING FOLDER?!" nitpicked Koala Ko Ala.  
"DUELING 101," shouted the screen, as we were treated to a shot of Sparkman flying out of nowhere, Hassleberry shoutin' "DUDE, 'YER ABOUT TO GET SCHOOLED" and an Infernal Incinerator punching Jaden.  
"WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?!?!" Jaden screamed!  
"THEY DON'T EVEN TELL US WHO THAT GUY IS, AND THE SCENES DON'T WORK!!" Syrus added!  
"WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!" Koala Ko Ala wondered.

"SCIENCE OF MONSTERS," the thing said again. It showed Volcanic Doomfire hitting Jaden with a fireball as Jaden screamed something unintelligible.  
"WHAT WAS THE POINT?! WHERE'S THE SCIENCE?!"  
"AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT CLASS AT DUEL ACADEMY! WHAT, WERE THEY ASLEEP?!"  
"WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!"

"DECK ASSEMBLY," the thing said once more, and Jaden held out Elemental Hero Neos!  
"Deck don't fail me now!" TV-Jaden urged, and Neos appeared in a flash of light! "Get your game on!"  
"WHO IS THAT GUY, AND I DON'T SAY THAT PHRASE A LOT! WHAT, AM I SUPPOSED TO?!"  
"ACTUALLY YOU ARE!! BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BUILDING A DECK?!?!"  
"WHAT were they THINKING?!?!"  
"Yu-Gi-Oh GX, now commin' on the CW11, 11:30 today!"  
"THIS is going on your PERMANENT RECORD!!" screamed Crowler.  
"Sweet!" Jaden said in response.

"NOBODY WANTS THAT ON THEIR PERMANENT RECORD!!"  
"WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!"  
"I'M TAKING THIS DOWN ONCE AND FOR ALL!!" Koala Ko Ala picked up the television and threw it out the window forcefully! Then his friends stared at him with hatred. "Whoops, that was our only TV…"  
The two stared at him, and merely shouted: "FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU—"

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 17: Nature of the Draw

The guitar this time around played a supportive tune, trying to help Jaden and Syrus in their race against time… for their lives…  
"Jay-DUN!" Complained Syrus, "Wait up, you're too fast!"  
"No can do, buckaroo," Jaden explained, "because today is Tuesday. And everybody knows that Tuesday night is Sammich night!" The duo dashed into the Obelisk cafeteria, which graciously opened its doors to the lowlifes in the other dorms on Tuesday nights, to give them what they want: SAMMICHES!! No, not SANDWICHES, these Sammiches are made from only the best quality duel bread, the most delicious and creamy duel cheese, and fulfilling duel ham. And best of all… every Sammich was built with a SECRET INGREDIENT that could ONLY be revealed upon opening the Sammich Capsule, the witty name for the paper packaging containing every holy Sammich inside! And these Sammiches are SO good… that you can say that a sandwich is a 'Sammich', in slang terms, as I often do… BUT THIS IS WHERE THE TERM CAME FROM.

There was a small group surrounding a cart filled with Sammiches to the brim! "Yo, Sy! They left 'em ALL 'fer 'da main characters!" Jaden happily exclaimed!  
"Nah, we just got here first, before the stampede." Syrus pointed towards the corridor they'd just left, which was now, far at the end, filled with an angry mob, fast approaching!  
"I WANT MAH SAMMICH!!" a brute roared!  
"Oh, so we've got time," Jaden said. "Now it's time to find the holy grail of all Sammiches… the Egg McSammichMeal." It was filled with the best kind of egg in existence, the duel egg, and it tasted like ascension into heaven itself… if it were in your taste buds!  
"Now, Jaden," Syrus warned, "be careful. You haven't gotten the Egg McSammichMeal in five weeks, and all of this built-up sexual tension will inevitably grant you one trip to the hospital for your poor, aching heart from all the stress of failure! And you KNOW what happened LAST week…"  
"Yeah, I fell asleep before the Obelisk café opened up!"  
"Oh, well then there's nothing to compare the pain to. Enjoy your first taste of real heart-rending pain!"  
"… This is why nobody likes you, Sy." Jaden reached in, down to his shoulder. _Now, if I can just focus my Duel Energy… THERE IT IS!!!_ Jaden could see, clearly, with his mind's eye one shining Sammich. _THERE'S THE WEAK POINT!!_ Jaden stretched as far as he could, trying to grow a few more inches to reach it, without thinking of just walking over to the other side of the cart and picking it up…

_C'mon, Jay,_ Syrus believed. _You can do it. If you can't, who ELSE could I look up to?_ Zane Truesdale walked past him. _…Nah._  
"Hey, that guy's trying REALLY hard!" a random Ra Yellow guy noticed!  
"Oh yeah, I haven't seen Duel Energy like that in YEARS!" remembered Janitorboy Ikkaku, passin' by. "Let's support'm!"  
"YEAH!!" The entire present student body clenched their fists by their hearts and bent down slightly, giving off an intense aura of anticipation! _You can do it, I know you can…_  
_Don't give up, I don't know what else to do!!_  
_Did I leave the sink on at home?_ In a random Obelisk Blue room, a kid had left on his faucet… with a hi-LARIOUS outcome! What kind? _STAY TUNED…_

Jaden finally pressed upon the Sammich with his fingers! _OH…!_ The air was edgy with tension and imagination! Jaden managed to pull the Sammich closer with his fingertips, until… YES!! He grabbed it!  
"YA-HA!!" he laughed with victory!  
"OH YEEEEEEEEEAH!!" screamed the audience, roaring with the sweet smell of success! I wish it made sense! Jaden pulled apart the wrapper haphazardly and a Sammich filled with barbeque pork inside splattered onto the floor. Jaden's heart stopped for a few seconds and he fell over.  
"Aw, crap, just a Barbeque McSammichMeal," Jaden morosely narrated.  
"Aw, come on…" The audience got sad and left.  
"Great work, Jaden," Syrus congratulated, "you brought together the entire student body, only to fail them at the last second."  
"The shock totally made me die for a few seconds out there, yo," Jaden informed.

"Gee, looks like the 'Yu' only works with cards… most of the time." Alexis had walked into the room, holding two Sammiches!  
"Holy crap, Alexis!" Jaden gasped! "Looking at you, holdin' 'dose two Sammiches makes you look JUST like the 2008 Sammich Eating World Grand Prix '08 winner!!" Jaden flashed back to a time where he watched TV at his house. Alexis was on the screen during the '2008 Sammich Eating World Grand Prix '08' LIVE broadcast, and she had just WON, after eating seventy-six Sammiches in a row.  
_"How does it feel to eat a lot of Sammiches and win a grand prize?"_ asked the announcer, an old-ish man clad in sunglasses and suit.  
_"Well, they're small sandwiches, so they're easy to eat, I guess,"_ Alexis told. Then she simply took two Sammiches, which was the final picture of her ever broadcast, and she grabbed her massive, solid gold, Sammich-shaped trophy and the hilariously oversized check for $1,000 in American money. Then she walked off the set and the property, never to be seen again…  
_"I bet she DUELS as well as she EATS!!"_ Jaden laughed.  
_"BOO,"_ somebody said.  
_"What the—"_

"And since that lady left with TWO Sammiches, you look JUST like her! And sound like her. And have a similar, freakishly large boob size, too. Frankly, the women in this show are anatomically incorrect, right Sy?"  
"Huh?" Syrus asked.  
"Wha-YOU'RE WRONG!!" Alexis accused, blushing furiously! "I was just practicing my drawing skills!"  
"Ha, NOBODY does THAT here, not even the BIGGEST Duel Monsters nerds, yo!"  
"Well, fine, I DO like eating Sammiches." Alexis ate her Sammich like a pro.  
"Yo! Only a PRO WORLD CHAMPION would eat a SAMMICH like THAT!!" Jaden screamed!  
"What did I just tell you…"  
"It's true, Jaden!" Ms. Dorothy, the shop lady, said as she walked into sight. "She really DIDN'T draw the Egg McSammichMeal!"  
"… I wasn't asking her about that, ma'am," Jaden respectfully informed.  
"Well, how was I to know?" huffed Ms. Dorothy haughtily. "I mean, how's a woman supposed to know what you kids are talkin' about, bein' all conflicted with their American Idol, Nintendo Wii, remote controls, and their laptops!"  
"But the Wii might be out of date by the time SOME readers get around to this story!" Syrus cried!  
"Well, you might be right, but that'll happen by the time you're as old and un-hip with the kids as I am!"  
"WHAAAAT?! NOOOOOO!!" cried Jaden and Syrus! "BEING INFORMED OF MY OWN MORTALITY HAS PUT ME IN DISPAIR!!"

"Well, more to the point of why I'm here," Ms. Dorothy began, "nobody's drawn the Egg McSammichMeal in FIVE weeks! This means that somebody's probably been sneaking into our Secret Sammich Storeroom, or Triple-S, and stealing them!"  
"The FIEND!" Jaden and Alexis roared!  
"What're YOU so fired up about?"  
"Sammiches. And you?"  
"Sammiches." Finally, they'd found something to talk about. "Before we have a big Sammich discussion, we've gotta find out who's stealin' 'dem Sammiches! Only a guy with REALLY high Duel Energy could hope to break into the Triple-S! Time to post a twenty-fo'-seven stakeout by the Sammiches!"  
"Yeah!" agreed Alexis!  
"And Syrus too."  
_Heh, I got'm,_ Ms. Dorothy evilly thought, successful.  
"WHAAAAAAAA—" Syrus was cut off as the massive crowds that burst into the room, described much earlier. They were utterly trampled.

LATER! THAT!! DAY!!!  
It was late at night, and the kids were safeguarding the Triple-S, which was a small fridge in a random room covered in posters with a movie star and his HUGE nose. Jaden, Syrus, and even Koala Ko Ala were sitting around, as Alexis sat by a computer. "Well, at least I get some screen time today," Koala Ko Ala sighed. "WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO BORING?!"  
"It could be LESS boring if we play cards," Syrus suggested, taking out some playing cards.  
"FOOL!" Jaden roared, slapping the cards from his hand!  
"YEOO-HA-HOOW!!"  
"How DARE you bring in REGULAR cards, man? We TRUSTED you!" Jaden sobbed!  
"Well, gosh, man! You didn't have to slap so har—"  
"OF COURSE, YOU DELUDED SHELL OF A MAN!! TELL'M, ALEXIS!!" ordered Jaden! But Alexis wasn't listening.  
_That man will DIE for defiling the Sammich name,_ Alexis brooded.  
"I got snacks!" said Ms. Dorothy, entering the room with rice balls.  
"Yay! We're skipping the filler minutes!" Koala Ko Ala cheered!

Later, after some filler skippage, the lights were off, and the tension was THICK. Everybody was hiding under the table. "But Jay-DUN," Syrus complained, "they'll OBVIOUSLY notice us under the table!"  
"Well, look who's gettin' all in mah grill now! Shut up and they won't notice you."  
"Works for me?" There was a thump outside. "EEP!" The foursome held their breath. A shadow appeared by the door. A TARZAN-MAN BROKE THE DOOR IN HALF WITH ONE PUNCH!! He stepped through, showing off his MASSIVE PECS and TOUGH SIX-PACK, wearing just a pair of pants, which was stupid and possible cold. He looked down at them.  
"You're under a…" He shook off the idea and walked over to the Triple-S refridgerator! _It's the Egg McSammichMeal!!_ Jaden mentally gasped! "UUUUUUURYYAAAAAAH!!" he roared, as he ripped the fridge from its foundations and lugged it off! _He's an animal..._ Syrus awed.  
"NOW!!" Alexis flipped the table over and flipped on the light switch!  
"Ahh, the light! It burns!" Tarzan-man screamed, dropping the fridge! "Ugh, there WERE people under that table!"

"STOP, THIEF!!" Jaden shouted! The guy froze. _Oh no! Should I run? He screamed at me! Wait, I'll just counter him!_ Tarzan was the man with the plan!  
"AAAAAH, A-A-A-A-AAAAAAAH!!" he rumbled, letting loose a great Tarzan yell! But was it any surprise?  
"Ahh! He screamed!" Jaden, Koala Ko Ala and Syrus froze!  
"IDIOOOOOOOTS!!" Alexis leaped over the boys and tried to grab the felon!  
_Damn, seriously,_ thought Jaden, disgusted, _put some underwear on for Pete's sake! And that brings us back to this: WHY do these women have to wear such short skirts? It's out-and-out sexual harassment, yo! WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!?!_ Meanwhile, Chancellor Shepherd was sleeping peacefully, even after all the horrors he'd indirectly caused Jaden to witness with his required uniform choices.

Meanwhile again, the tough guy leaped onto the Triple-S and somehow rode off on it, like a snowboard! "DAMN him and his physics-defying of the universe!" Alexis turned to Jaden and 'da boys. "GET ON!!"  
"Not until you show some self-decency round here, young lady, yo!" Jaden ordered sternly!  
"NOW!!"  
"Okay." The three leaped onto Alexis' back and she took off on her belly! They were in hot pursuit of the Sammich-stealer, riding their friend as a snowboard, just as the villain was doing with the Triple-S! It looked quite hilarious, I assure you!

They came to the roof of the school and were still going strong. "Man, that dude sure knows how to work a fridge!" Jaden complimented! But they were coming to the end of the road. The rooftop was ending a few feet ahead! Or meters if you live in that kind of country!  
"HOOOOO-AAH!!" the villain-of-the-week shouted, taking off of the edge into the forest, his snowboard becoming a HOVERBOARD fridge!  
"Aw crap!" Syrus cursed! "Alexis, can you fly?"  
"No, I can't!" Alexis made a hard right turn, making everybody fall off onto the roof. "Maybe I could if Koala Ko Ala weren't here, but not in THIS episode!" Alexis explained as she stood up.  
"Yeah, I'm hindering you!" Koala Ko Ala cheered! But this was no laughing matter.  
"WAIT! I know a shortcut to the waterfall described in this script!" Alexis revealed, holding up the script!  
"Let's go!" shouted Jaden, as the gang rode Alexis off into parts unknown.

Meanwhile, as I frequently say, the enemy-dude was flyin' around until he came to a clearing… by a waterfall! "Uh-oh!" he gasped, as the good guys were just coming out of a stairway that appropriately led up to that exact area! How DO they build those here?  
"How DO they build these things?" Syrus asked.  
"Dude, if you live here, you LEARN not to ask such things," Jaden explained. "Now return our Sammiches at once!"  
"SAMMICHES!!" Alexis roared for extra effect!  
_How DID they get here so fast through that deux ex machina as I was flying so fast to get here?_ thought the dude. _No matter, for I shall climb!_ Tarzan-ish jumped onto the waterfall's surface and used helpful rocks to climb up!  
"Aw man, you just can't stop this guy, you just can't!" informed Koala Ko Ala!  
"Is that DAN?!" gasped an old-ish person! Ms. Dorothy dashed out of the staircase! "Dan the Drawer?"  
The muscular man gasped! "How DO you know my NAME?" he asked, from atop the falls. He leaped off, expertly, onto the ground of the jungle (On Duel Academy Island?!) floor.  
"Dan the Drawer, of COURSE I recognize you!" Ms. Dorothy recalled.  
"How did you run up all those stairs?" asked Koala Ko Ala.  
"I did. But this kid over here used to be an Obelisk Blue! SIX MONTHS AGO."  
"Time travel!" guessed Jaden.  
"Maybe, but probably not. See, here's my Long-Winded Gramma's Family Tales Number One: Dan the Drawer…"

_Way, way back to before Jaden ever mattered, there was a guy. A guy with a bowl-cut hairdo and large nose. He liked eating Sammiches as much as the next guy, but had a problem…  
"UGH!" screamed Dan the Drawer, "__CHEESE__ McSammichMeal?! Darn you world, you KNOW I'm lactose intolerant!"  
_"Looks like you made a bad draw today,"_ somebody said.  
"WHO SAID THAT… oh, what does it matter?" Dan the Drawer, who was famous for his bad draws, retreated in pain and silence._

"But how are THEY the same guy?!" Syrus asked. "The hair color, which was black but now greenish, and the nose, which now is smaller, and the fact that he's ALMOST A FOOT TALLER THAN BEFORE, AND TWICE AS WIDE, are ALL different!"  
"I'm a changed man," Dan the Drawer said.  
"Oh, well that's okay then."  
"See, I used to be a good student… but then, when I dueled as an Obelisk, everything turned for the worst…"

_"Awright," he told himself in the good ol' days inside the Duel Dome against another guy, "time to take down Jinzo!" Jinzo was on the opposing side, just to let you know. "Here goes!" His hand contained The Left Leg of the Forbidden One, the Right Leg of the Forbidden One, The Left Arm of the Forbidden One, and The Right Arm of the Forbidden One. All he needed was Exodia's head…_

He drew Lolwut, a monster featuring an emoticon with happy eyes and a tongue hanging out of a smile. 'Lol u lose'_ said its description. _"Looks like you made a bad draw today,"_ somebody said.  
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" cried Dan the Drawer! Yes, he'd drawn as his name suggested… but he drew BADLY ALL THE TIME!!_

Deeply sadden by his fourth loss in a row since drawing bad cards, he decided that he was cursed. So he went out to look at the sea by the docks. "Stupid waves, always going back and forth!" he growled! "I ALWAYS know what's coming next with YOU!" Then it hit him like somebody had smashed his face into the pavement, killing him instantly! "I CAN know what I'm drawing next! I'll just tune myself to nature, Mother Nature ALWAYS comes through! Now to live in the wild!" He ripped off his shoes and coat and ran into the forests of the island, stupidly.

"So you ran away for months so that you could become a better card player? Even I wouldn't do THAT much!" Jaden scoffed! "Duel Monsters nerd!"  
"I am not a—"  
"NERRRRRRRD YO!"  
"Don'cha think your parents would be worried sick about you?" Syrus asked.  
"No," Dan the Drawer said, "barely ANY kids in anime have parents that get mentioned, so you're just supposed to assume."  
"So… why have you been stealing Sammiches?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"SAMMICHES!!" Alexis screamed!  
"Calm down, Alexis, it's not like Sammich is a religion!"  
"YES. IT. IS."

Dan the Drawer gulped. _Wow, she's crazy for Sammiches._ "Well, I've been out here for six months, braving the brunt of nature's powers…" _He trudged through the snow through Winter, which helped make him tougher for when drawing cards under stress. He poured a bunch of cards into the waterfall as he stood behind it, meditating until the five best cards came falling down. Then he'd strike! "HOO HUH HAH HEE HUH!!" he grunted, clawing the cards out of the falls! He drew The Left Leg of the Forbidden One, the Right Leg of the Forbidden One, The Left Arm of the Forbidden One, The Right Arm of the Forbidden One, and Lolwut.  
_"Looks like you drew a bad card,"_ someone said.  
"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"_

"And since there is no food in the wild, of course, every week I'd steal the Egg McSammichMeal. And eat it."  
"But that thing's so SMALL!!" Koala Ko Ala gasped, trying to show off a visual representation with his hands.  
"How can a growing young hulking mass like you live off of one Sammich a week?" Ms. Dorothy concernedly worried.  
"Well, honestly I'm quite hungry."  
"Why don't you just come back to 'da Duel Academy 'hood, then, if you're such a hungry DUEL MONS  
TERS NERD!!"  
"I AM NOT A—"  
Alexis clutched their heads with her hands, threatening to crush them at any moment. "HEEEEEEEEEEE!!" screamed Syrus like the wimp he is.  
"**BOTH OF YOU. SKIP THE BACKSTORY AND GET BACK TO THE SHOW. JUST DUEL ALREADY. IF JADEN WINS, YOU COME BACK TO CIVILIZATION AND SHALL NEVER SULLY SAMMICHES AGAIN THROUGH THEFT. IF JADEN WINS, YOU GET ANOTHER SAMMICH. OKAY?**"  
"B-but that's a CRAPPY reward on MY part—"  
"_**NOW.**_"  
"O…….okay…"  
"Ow my head," Jaden cried helplessly.

The combatants stood around, facing each other. The audience-peoples stood idly as well. Alexis passed Jaden and Dan the Drawer a nasty glance… "WAAH!" Jaden and Dan the Drawer cried! "Uh, DUEL!!"  
(Dan the Drawer: 4000 Life Points, Jaden Yuki: 4000 Life Points) "I SURE hope she doesn't beat me up… anyways…" Jaden drew his card… _YES!!_ "I summon Elemental Hero Avian!!"  
"NO!!" shouted his friends and superiors! But it was too late. Avian appeared as stupidly as usual, in Attack Mode.  
"Hey, guys!" he greeted. (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"YOU SUCK! GO AWAY!" Koala Ko Ala roared!  
"That's mean!"  
"But I throw down a face-down, yo!" Jaden reassured!  
"BOO," someone said.

"My draw!" Dan the Drawer appropriately said! "I set my OWN face-down, and summon Drawler!" A giant metal man on steamroller wheels appeared, looking like nothing you'd expect from the name Drawler.  
"HOW IS THAT RELATED TO THE NAME?!" Syrus panicked!  
"But I can return my hand to my deck to give him 500 Attack and Defense Points for each card I send!" Dan the Drawer explained. Drawler glowed orange-y and grew STRONG!! (Drawler: 2000 Attack Points)  
"It STILL DOESN'T WORK!!"  
"WELL, ATTACK ANYWAYS!! ROLL-OVER STEAMROLLER ATTACK OF OBVIOUSNESS!!" The giant statue thing slowly rolled over into Avian's path.  
"Jaden," Avian asked, "please don't play me anymore."  
"Uh, okay, we'll see how that goes."  
"UWAAAAAAHH!!" Avian cried, being smooshed oh-so graphically! "AAAAH, MY ORGANS!! THEY'VE RUPTURED!! AND MY BONES ARE BROKEN TOO!! WAAAAAAH!!" And then his chest was squished and he was unresponsive. All that was left of him as Drawler passed on by was a lot of blood, and Avian's 2-D funny-looking paper-shaped corpse. Which exploded. (Jaden: 3000 Life Points)  
"'Shoulda seen that coming," he shrugged.  
"Oh yeah, also," Dan the Drawer recalled, "when Drawler kills a monster, it gets returned to the bottom of the deck, so don't move'm to the Graveyard."  
"Okay," Jaden complied.  
"My turn's over, I suppose."  
"KICK 'IS ASS, JADEN!!" Alexis cheered!

"Heh, well I just drew…" Jaden flipped his new Spell card in his hands a few times with incredibly fluid animation, threw it into the air, caught it, bounced it off of his shoe, spun it on his finger—  
"Just PLAY it already!" Koala Ko Ala ordered!  
"Okay, yo, calm down, 'CAUSE IT'S POLYMERIZATION!!" Using familiarly terrible special effects, he fused Clayman and Burstinatrix in order to form Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster!  
"WHAT THE?!" Dan the Drawer gasped!  
"If you've watched the show, I wouldn't need to explain it to you, so just deal." (Rampart Blaster: 2500 Defense Points)  
"Hah, in DEFENSE Mode? What will THAT fat lady do for you in—"  
"The only reason you don't know the ability is because you've been in the forest for six months being a Duel Monsters nerd, so it's YOUR fault! Now, hit'm with the missile action!!" Jaden told!  
"I never knew that he was such a nerd before," Ms. Dorothy sighed, "and yet he never watched this show! I thought nerds LOVED terribly scripted shows taken from Japan!"  
"You MAY want to tweak your definition of 'nerd', ma'am," Syrus syed.  
"OW!!" screamed Dan the Drawer!  
"What did I miss?" Syrus asked.  
"If you weren't YAMMERIN' so much, you'd have seen me get hit by missiles!! Ow!" (Dan the Drawer: 3000 Life Points)  
"They're neck and neck!" Ms. Dorothy exclaimed!  
"Grr…. BUT NOT FOR LONG!!" exploded Dan the Drawer!

_Hmm,_ Jaden noticed, _this dude's got a strange look in his eye…_ Dan the Drawer's eyes were twitching way more than a normal man's eyes should ever twitch. _He looks all… twitchy. I hope this doesn't mean something bad._  
"I use Miracle Draw!" Dan the Drawer yelled! His Trap card represented somebody drawing a miracle. "When I draw, I guess what card I'm drawing! If I'm right, you lose 1000 Life Points! If I'm wrong, then I'm screwed!"  
"Sounds good to me!" Jaden supposed.  
_Woah,_ thought Syrus.  
_He's, _thought Koala Ko Ala._  
So,_ thought Ms. Dorothy.  
_Dumb,_ concluded Alexis. _There are FORTY cards in that deck. How could he POSSIBLY choose the top… crap, this is an ANIME show! STATISTICS DON'T MATTER!!!!_  
"JADEN, LOOK OUT!!" warned Alexis!  
"Don't sweat, homes!" Jaden told her. "He's gonna fail, alright, because he's a Duel Monsters nerd!"  
"It doesn't matter if the chances are 1% or _100%_! This is a show about MIRACLES!! Card Loan!" called Dan the Drawer! He drew a card called Card Loan.  
"Oh."  
"Who's the Duel Monsters nerd NOW?"  
"YOU are, you CRAZY kid!" Jaden chuckled.  
"Aw." (Jaden: 3000 Life Points)  
"Next, I activate this card!" He played Card Loan, which featured a hailstorm of cards, and one brave man willing to risk his life to grab ONE SPECIAL CARD. "You gain 1000 Life Points." (Jaden: 3000 Life Points) "Then I pay 1000 Life Points." (Dan the Drawer: 2000 Life Points) "Then I draw one card."  
"THAT'S SO STUPID!!" Syrus erupted! "No WONDER you always LOSE, your deck is full of CRAP!!"  
"And Lolwut!" Ms. Dorothy added.  
"Huh?"  
"Hey, don't make fun of my deck," sniffed Dan the Drawer, wiping away a thousand tears. "Now I use Drawber!" A picture of a guy's hand with a crooked finger and an empty safe appeared on the card which appeared on the field in front of Jaden and his homies in the forest by the waterfall. "Now that the run-on sentence is over, I guess what card YOU'RE about to draw! If I'm right, all cards in your hand and field are sent to the Graveyard!"

"THIS IS STUPIIIIIIIIIID!!" Jaden roared!  
"WH-WH-WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!" Dan the Drawer gasped!  
"Why is it called 'Drawber'? Why is there an empty safe on the card? It should have a sword on it, for 'SABER'! Saber and draw makes 'Drawber'! What's so hard about THAT?!"  
"It's a pun on ROBBER, jackass!"  
"Oh." Jaden felt kinda sad and hurt for the insult. "Well, go ahead and guess." Jaden held up his card with intense passion.  
_Okay, there's no way he can guess what's in the __opponent's__ deck,_ believed Alexis.  
"De-Fusion!"  
"Crap! Yo!" His cards faded away from the field and into oblivion. "But it would've been cooler as a sword."  
"Drawler, attack!" ordered Dan the Drawer! Drawler rolled into, and through, Jaden, as it was just a dumb hologram.  
"IT SHOULD REALLY HUUUUUUURT!!" (Jaden: 1000 Life Points)  
"Ha ha ha," Dan the Drawer laughed, "I'm ready for that extra Sammich I was promised! Just give up and I'll give you the inside!"  
"No way!" raged Jaden! "EVERYONE knows that the BREAD is the best part!"  
"He IS right," Ms. Dorothy said.  
"I summon Wroughtweiler in Defense Mode, and I'll end my turn!" Jaden summoned a robot dog, and I have no idea why super heroes would have a robot dog. (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Defense Points) Jaden looked at Miracle Draw, still on Dan the Drawer's field. "Aw, no way, yo! That's a CONTINUOUS CARD?!?! That's so… why didn't you TELL me?"  
"You never asked," Dan the Drawer smiled.  
"Oh yeah…"

"If he's right one more time with Miracle Draw, Jaden loses!" Koala Ko Ala gasped!  
"And knowing that Jaden's supposed to win this game," Alexis revealed, flipping through the script, "this means that we have to BELIEVE that he'll be wrong!"  
"Does that mean it's over now?" asked Ms. Dorothy in the show, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  
"No," Syrus said, bluntly. He paused, then asked, "WHY would you think that? Was there any INDICATION of it ending?"  
"No—"  
"Does t SOUND like it's ending?"  
"No—"  
"THEN DON'T **ASK** IF IT'S OVER!!" yelled Syrus! Ms. Dorothy burst into tears.  
"Oh, good job, Syrus," Koala Ko Ala groaned, "you made an old lady cry! How COULD you?"  
"Oh, is it bad when _I_ do it, but _you_ doing it is just fine?"  
"I had an excuse that time!" Koala Ko Ala argued.

"AAAAAAND…" revved up Dan the Drawer, "I SHALL DRAW SHIELD CRUSH!!" He drew his card. It was Card of Sanctity! "Oh poop." (Dan the Drawer: 1000 Life Points) "Well, I guess I'll just use CARD OF SANCTITY!!" His card, a Spell, had happy people runnin' 'round in a hailstorm of MONEY!! "Now we both draw six cards! And I KNOW I'll get just what I need…" A bunch of money fell down on the field! And it faded away, since it was just holograms. But in response, the two drew their cards.  
"Sweet! I got a good hand!" Jaden cheered! "What about you?"  
"Hmm…" Dan the Drawer drew his first five cards: Left Leg of the Forbidden One, Right Leg of the Forbidden One, Left Arm of the Forbidden One, Right Arm of the Forbidden One, and Lolwut. _OH, COME __ON!!_Dan the Drawer gulped._ It's alright, I can do this… Exodia head… Exodia head! _He drew Lolwut again_. "WHY DO I HAVE TWOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!"_

"Looks like you made a bad draw today," said someone.  
"What was that?" asked Jaden!  
"Oh no, Def Leppard is coming out!!" screamed Dan the Drawer!  
"D-D-D-DEF LEPPARD?!?!" Dan the Drawer fell to the ground and a spirit came out… no, it was a STAND!! Def Leppard had the head and neck of an ostrich, creepy human blue eyes, and wore spectacles. He wore a striped business suit and a polka-dotted bowtie. His arms were the arms of a wolf, with eagle talons on his paws as fingers. And instead of legs, he had a ghostly tail._  
"_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!?!" Syrus screeched!!  
"Get away!" Dan the Drawer cautioned! "Def Leppard's Stand power is to cause bad luck… with his SHARP TALONS!!" Def Leppard dashed forward, gleaming claws held outward, aimed at Jaden's heart!  
"OH SHI—" Jaden had no time to finish his exclamation.

Avian, quick as a flash, flew out of the deck! "Don't worry," Avian yelled, "I SHALL protect you!!" He readied his fists of fury and got into perfect punching position… and got speared through the head and chest. "Well, THAT was disappointing." Avian exploded.  
"Oh no!" gasped Def Leppard! He disintegrated!  
"Uh, I don't read Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, so I'm confused," Koala Ko Ala sighed.  
"Def Leppard's OTHER ability was to die when he beats another Stand!" Dan the Drawer explained! "It's such a bad ability, but now I'm FREE!" He leaped into the air, glowed, and regained his shirt, coat, shoes, small and un-muscular figure, big nose, and a haircut.  
"So by losing the Stand you turn back to normal?" Alexis asked.  
"Apparently."  
"That's dumb."  
"Can I go home now?"  
"Sure, I guess."  
"Okay." Then, without a word, everybody awkwardly walked back to school.

THE! NEXT!! WEEK!!!  
It was Sammich day again! The cafeteria was poppin' with action and Sammich-eatin' action! Jaden and Dan the Drawer were sticking their hands into the cart. They picked out their Sammich capsules and stared at each other. They slowly unwrapped them. "I got the Cherry Pie McSammichMeal," Jaden sighed. "did YOU get the Egg McSammichMeal?"  
"No, I got… Cheese McSammichMeal… and I'm still lactose intolerant. Plus there was a Lolwut card inside." Dan the Drawer took four Lolwut cards out of his Sammich. "Oh wait, there were four."  
"I feel bad for you."

Meanwhile, Alexis was eating her Egg McSammichMeal on the roof, overlooking the sunset. She took a bite and stared at her Sammich. A tear dropped from her eye. _Mother,_ she thought.

Commentary

Please don't ask me how Sammiches remind Alexis of her mother. And this was one of the most funnest (not a word) episodes to write! Why does everybody feel so intense about these Eggwiches? There's a reason here: because they're SAMMICHES. Why did a man run into the wild in order to draw cards better? There's a reason here: because he's a Duel Monsters nerd. Why is he so unlucky? There's a reason here: because he has a Stand, ala JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, a manga I enjoy, though it starts out too slowly for most people I know, so it's best to start with it around "part three", where it starts getting really over-the-top (not to say it wasn't already… but with PSYCHIC POWERS THAT DON'T RESEMBLE PSYCHIC POWERS!!

Anyways, so the Sammiches will not get referenced TOO much in future episodes, but randomly, they shall be called upon by name! I just don't want them getting old. Also the part about the skirt… no, I'm not that kind of person, it's just lewd humor. Why does Alexis have so many prepubescent fanboys?! When I go on YouTube to watch the episodes I turn into these chapters, I ALWAYS see about five people saying 'Alexis boobs r big', and they get around a bazillion thumbs-ups!! What's the dilly-o?! Do people just watch the show at that moment in a boy's life when they start getting really sexually desperate because they don't know how to control their feelings?! AND HAVE I JUST GOTTEN INTO A HILLARIOUS RANT?! The hilarious part is debatable, but yes, I ranted.

So, anyways, 'Lolwut' can also be commonly known as 'Awesome Face'. To learn more about 'Awesome Face', please visit this website: /memes/awesome-face.


	18. Episode 18: King of Copycats Part One

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 18: The King of Copycats – Part One

Awesome background music played, because it helps with the mood, I guess. [/watch?v=372PCB4pSZ8&feature=related] Jaden entered the cafeteria where lunch was usually eaten to find a large crowd. "Boy, I wonder what's goin' on here?" he asked himself. And then he saw Bastion! And the Bastion Baseball Wreckers Gang! "Yo! How's it hangin'?" Jaden greeted.  
"Hmm, stuff-y," sighed and shrugged Baseball Bob.  
"What's with the group here?" Jaden asked, trying to look over Beehive Larry's inconvenient hairstyle. "Why does BEEHIVE LARRY have to stand in front of ME?" Jaden wondered.  
"Oh, well—"  
"Oh, 'cause it's Sammich day!"  
"No, that was yesterday, Jaden! Plus, you're never getting any ever again!" Bastion informed.  
"Talk about harsh, yo! Why?"  
"Because they're never having an episode about those again. Either way, there's a duel, and you KNOW how kids just can't get enough of watching others play card games. Take a look." Bastion stuck his hands into Beehive Larry's hairstyle and ripped it apart.  
"Ooh…" Jaden saw Barry the Beginner and his two face-down cards… facing Syrus and his weird red jet plane robot! "Yo! Syrus is dueling! How close is he to losin'?"  
"He's WINNING," stressed Piggybank.  
"THAT'S a surprise." Jaden reached over to pick up a light-and-easy-to-carry kid in front of Beehive Larry (who didn't notice) and threw him into the crowd, scattering it instantly! He walked through the new clearing and poked Syrus. "Poke," he narrated.  
"Don't poke me! Oh, hi, Jaden," greeted Syrus.  
"So whatcha' duelin' 'bout, yo?"  
"Take a look." Syrus pointed helpfully to THOUSANDS OF YUGI MUTO POSTERS PLASTERED ALL OVER EACH OTHER OVER THE LUNCH COUNTER!  
"That's too much Yugi to handle! And I should know! Because I got a _CRAPPY_ card from him!"  
"Good for you, Jay. Now let me get into the zone…"  
"What KINDA zone?"  
"The kind where I win!" And as it closed in on Syrus's INTENSE eyes, we cut to the theme song.

But then it's over! And Jaden has been told 'da scoop off-screen. "Oh, so you're fighting over the right to see Yugi's legendary deck which is on tour at Duel Academy first, and that's why you're playing Barry the Beginner?"  
"No, apparently we're dueling over the last available ticket. But it doesn't matter; I just do what they tell me to," Syrus shrugged, pulling out his script. "And I kinda want to see it, from what it says here."  
"Oh boy! He used that deck in the Duelist Kingdom arc, the Battle City arc, the filler arcs that lasted for YEARS, and in the last duel of the original series!" Jaden gasped! "D'you remember when we used to watch that show when we were kids?"  
"No, I thought Yu-Gi-Oh was for nerds."  
"But you ARE a nerd!"  
"I know… but I'd better duel now. Your move, Barry," told Syrus.  
"Alright!" Barry the Beginner said, in a very… Crowler voice… "Now, YUCKY Syrus-Boy, I use HEAVY STORM!" He held out Heavy Storm! "It will now destroy all of my EXCELLENT Spell and Trap cards, allowing me to BEAUTIFULLY beat you in battle!"  
"I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!" screamed Crowler, but nobody cared. A large storm rocked the field! Two tokens that looked JUST like the ones from the first episode appeared!  
"Oh, I remember those!" said Jaden. "They were sure dumb!"  
"And now I sacrifice my two Wicked Tokens," Barry the Beginner said, still using the horrid, brain-piercingly horrible British voice, making the two tokens fade away, "to summon the LEGENDARY ANCIENT GEAR GOLEM!" And Ancient Gear Golem appeared. Yayz. (Ancient Gear Golem: 3000 Attack Points) "USE MECHANIZED MELEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The giant robot punched at the red jet of dumb!

"No way, Mr. Ripoff-Guy-Who'll-Get-Sued-Someday!" Syrus held out a Trap card! "When my Super Robot Jet Plane Robot is attacked, I can play a Trap from my hand! I'll play Magic Cylinder!" Two cool cans appeared on the field, covered in magic incantations and such. The golem's fist got stuck in one of them! He stood for a moment.  
"Ugh! What happens next, Yucky Kid?" Barry the Beginner asked.  
"I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!" screamed Crowler, but nobody cared. And so a horrible grinding sound screeched out from the cylinders!  
"AAAARGH, MY EEEEEEERZ!" cried Syrus, Jaden, and everybody else! The golem was wiggling furiously! Suddenly, it got stuck in down to its shoulder! The robot struggled to get out, but to no avail.  
"What's going on?" asked Barry the Beginner!  
"This!" Syrus pointed at the cylinder, as Ancient Gear Golem pulled itself free of the cylindrical prison! Sadly, its arm was completely wrenched off, and was pulled back into the opening by a vortex of doom! Every available part of its body was broken apart and sucked in quite cruelly, and was consumed completely after a few more seconds.  
"NO! MY ANCIENT GEAR GOLEM!" Barry the Beginner sobbed! Suddenly, the second, previously idle cylinder glowed crimson and shook like something **BIG** was about to happen… and it did.

_KABOOOOOSH!_ The entire body of the giant fighting robot was expelled from the second can, like some guy spitting out some nasty foodstuffs! "AAAAAAAAAAAARG—OOF!" Barry the Beginner was utterly crushed by the robotic carcass. (Barry the Beginner: 0 Life Points)  
"Yay, I got a ticket to see Yugi's deck!" celebrated Syrus, holding up the ticket they were fighting over!  
"But what about me?" Jaden pleaded.  
"Yay, I got TWO tickets to see Yugi's deck!" celebrated Syrus, holding up a second ticket.  
"But what about Koala Ko Ala?" asked Koala Ko Ala, walking into the area, jolly as ever.  
"Nope!" Syrus told him. Koala Ko Ala merely stared at him coldly and backed out of the area.  
"Talk about awesome, yo! Sy, yoo rool!" They left the premises, and the large crowd decided to do the same thing, except for Bastion, leaving Barry the Beginner to mope on the ground in shame.

"That stupid Ra should've DESTROYED that Slifer Red…" muttered a Ra Yellow Extra.  
"WHATCHOO SAY?" asked a Slifer Red.  
"DAT'S IT!" The two opposing sides took out a crap-load of guns and began to fire at will, killing many. However, Bastion and his gang calmly walked through the fire and approached Barry the Beginner.  
"First, a guy in SHADES mocks me…" Barry complained, "… then, I can't get the name BASEBALL Barry…"  
"Ulp," gulped Baseball Bob, feeling responsible.  
"… and now, everybody's making fun of me because now I'm the ONLY kid in school who can't see Yugi's deck…" The gang looked at their tickets in their hands and quickly stashed them away in fear. "WELL, NO MORE!" roared Baseball Barry!  
"AAAAAAAHH, NO MORE WHAAAAAAAT?" screamed Fluffy Fred!  
"I AM GOING TO STEAL YUGI'S DECK, AS I PROMISED SEVERAL EPISODES AGO!" Barry the Beginner swore!  
"Hmm, are you sure that's a good idea?" Bastion checked.  
"YES!"  
"Are you sure it'll get you what you want in life?" Bastion double-checked.  
"YES!"  
"Is it ethical?"  
"NO, BUT IT'LL MAKE PEOPLE TREAT ME BETTER SOMEHOW SO YES!"  
"Then if you truly believe," Bastion told in a cheesy fashion, "then you should steal Yugi's deck." He turned around. "Come on, Baseball Wreckers." Bastion led his group away, back through the gunfire.  
"But Bastion," Piggybank said, "you KNOW how much I worship you, and can't bear to disagree with you, but I disagree with how you handled that situation. Are you SURE he won't steal that deck?" She stepped over a dead student's body.  
"Yes, I believe in this villain of the week," Bastion pledged.  
"But this is a two-parter," Baseball Bob inferred, "so won't he be the villain for the next TWO weeks, so he's obviously going to steal that deck?"  
"Yes. I mean no. Well, maybe…" Bastion ended his sentence there. He was satisfied, and dashed off. "I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYY!"

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
"And so I told him, 'Magic Cylinder, be-yotch!'" Syrus recounted to Koala Ko Ala, back in the Slifer Toolshed.  
"Yeah, yeah," Koala Ko Ala moped. "That didn't help you get ME a ticket, did it?"  
"No, but…"  
"Even IF that was the last ticket," Koala Ko Ala raged, "if you were a TRUE friend, you'd give those tickets of yours to ME and JADEN!"

Syrus stared at him blankly.  
"**YOOOOOOOO!**" roared Jaden suddenly! "I CAN'T STAND TO WAIT ANY LONGER! Let's sneak into that Yugi deck area tonight fo' free, y'all!"  
"But then what about the tickets?" Syrus worried.  
"Now I don't NEED a ticket!" Koala Ko Ala gleefully noticed! "What a THOUGHTFUL idea, NON-SYRUS!"  
"And besides, we can sell the tickets tomorrow for maximum profit!" Jaden added! "You can't go wrong!"  
"…Okay," Syrus syed, giving in.

Meanwhile, as I DO say a lot, Crowler and Bastion were in the YUGIHALLOFYUGIDECK, allowing two guards to leave early. "Boy, I golly-well do appreciate that you're lettin' us off early, Dr. Crowler!" one guy thanked rather well.  
"Why don't mention it," Crowler responded in kind, taking the keys from that one guy. "Now leave before I have to viciously claw you in the face."  
"Alrighty then~!" The two guys took off.  
"So, Bastion," Crowler asked, "as you're my protégé, as we SHOULD all remember," it stared at the readers for a moment. "I hope this means you persuaded Barry the Beginner to take the deck, right?"  
"Precisely as ordered, sir."  
"Ma'am."  
"Exactly. Now he SHOULD be inside, stealing that deck and escaping in order to duel Jaden," calculated Bastion.  
"Perfect," snickered Crowler, "and now Jaden will be so horribly discouraged over losing to Yugi's deck that he'll stop sleeping as much as he used to, making him miss classes, so then he will FLUNK OUT OF SCHOOL! HAHAHAHA!"  
"That sounds like a plan Syrus would think of," Bastion thought. Suddenly there was a crash and the tinkling of glass. "That sounds like a crazy fool breaking the display case in which Yugi's deck was housed."  
"Now we pretend to hunt down Barry…" Crowler informed, as it lead Bastion into the YUGIHALLOFYUGIDECK, past some wooden doors. Inside was Barry the Beginner, covering his eyes and picking up the deck.  
"Ugh, uh!" He rushed to escape and ran into Crowler! "Ahh!" He fell over pathetically, still covering his eyes! "AH, IF I CAN'T SEE YOU, YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" He ran past them and into the school like the idjit he was.  
"What an idjit," Crowler sighed.

Meanwhile, again, Jaden, Syrus, and Koala Ko Ala walked through the halls past the two nameless guards. "I had no idea that guy was a doctor," one said.  
"I had no idea that guy was a dude," the other said.  
"Naw, it's a lady!"  
"I'm confused…" The trio ran on until they saw Bastion 'approaching' the YUGIHALLWITHYUGIDECK.  
"Yo, Bastion!" Jaden greeted!  
"Oh, fancy meeting you here, sneaking in and such," Bastion unconvincingly said. "Let's go inside." They all went inside, without asking questions, stupidly. Inside they found… CROWLER AND A BROKEN GLASS DISPLAY CASE!

"OMG CROWLER DID IT!" Jaden cried!  
"WHYYYYYYY?" Koala Ko Ala sobbed!  
"Wait, it's not what you think!" yelled Crowler!  
"Mr. Crowler," Syrus softly begged, "Why? Why did you steal Yugi's deck?" He sniffled and let loose a single tear.  
"IT'S MS.! OR DOCTOR!" Crowler retorted! "Look, the one who stole it is Barry the Beginner boy. Go find him by the docks or something."  
"Makes sense to me!" Jaden decided. "Okay team, let's make tracks!"  
"But what if it wasn't—" But Koala Ko Ala was too busy being pulled away to finish his sentence.

And so, by the docks, on a big rock, Barry the Beginner looked at his new stolen cards! "Yes, yes, yes! Now, with the greatest deck ever, I can be the greatest DUELIST ever! It makes perfect sense!" Syrus appeared over the horizon, however! _Damn, why am I the first to arrive?_ Syrus asked himself.  
"Hey, you," he challenged, "some guy stole Yugi's deck! Do you know who did it?"  
"Somebody stole Yugi's deck?" gasped Barry the Beginner, with his newfound bad Yugi accent, "No way! My deck is right here! In the duel disk of Yugi Muto! Which is me!" He pointed to his Duel Disk.  
_Crap!_ Syrus remembered! _In episode four, he said he was gonna get Yugi's deck! And we'd see! We'd ALL see! Why didn't I remember this before?_  
"Uh, I'll… duel you for it?" Syrus proposed.  
"Pshaw! Why would I give my own deck away in a duel?" Barry the Beginner asked.  
"I'll give you… a chocolate bar." Syrus held out one chocolate bar of varying quality.  
"**IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D DDDDDDDUEL!**" And so Syrus pulled out a Duel Disk from outta nowhere and they dueled like nobody had ever been seen dueling before… because it was off-screen, and thereby stupid.

TWO! SECONDS! LATER!  
"We're here to help, yo!" Jaden triumphantly exclaimed, leading the group upon the rock Syrus was dueling on!  
"I fail…" Syrus muttered, on the ground, with a river of tears pouring forth.  
"Yeah, you do…" Koala Ko Ala grunted.  
"Not quite your day, now, is it?" Bastion said, just to add insult to insult.  
"WAAAAA~ HAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Barry the Beginner, chomping into a hard-won chocolate bar! "Now that I have defeated the boy I dueled and lost to earlier, it makes me look a lot more tough than before! I TRULY am the KING OF GAMES!"  
"Oh crap," Jaden whispered, "it IS Yugi!"  
"IDIOT!" Koala Ko Ala and Syrus slapped him in the back of the noggin.  
"Ow… but the hair, and the accent…"  
"YOU met Yugi in the beginning of the series," Koala Ko Ala reminded, "and he is NOTHING like him!"  
"Okay, whatever you say, Chumley."  
"MAH NAME'Z NOT CHUMLEH!"

"Well, I see a fellow admirer," Barry the Beginner kidded himself. "Would you like to have a chance to duel Yugi, the original Game King?"  
"Uh, I'll duel you, but just for your deck," Jaden said.  
"… Do you have a chocolate bar on you? This one's running out." Barry the Beginner held out his half-eaten chocolate bar.  
"JADEN!" Syrus hurled his Duel Disk through the air! "CATCH!"  
"THIS TOO!" Bastion added, tossing his chocolate bar for the ante! It had peanuts in it!  
"YOU CAN'T DUEL WITHOUT THESE!" Koala Ko Ala stupidly threw Jaden's own deck at him, causing the cards to scatter.  
"HA!" Jaden shoved his arm through the Duel Disk, fitting absolutely 100% perfectly! "HUAH!" He flipped over backward through the air and caught the chocolate bar! Then next came the forty scattered cards and miscellaneous okay Fusion monsters! His eyes flashed chartreuse! "HA-HEH-HO-HEE-HA-HUR-HO-HA-HEEEEEYAAARGH!" In a berserk had motion, he grabbed every last card and stuffed them into his Duel Disk! Lastly, he threw his chocolate bar at Barry the Beginner. "Now let's duel!" he challenged.  
"But you just gave me the ante…"  
Jaden held out the REAL bar that was tossed at him! "That one doesn't have peanuts in it," he revealed.  
"_**IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D DDDDDDDUEL!**_"  
"GET YOUR GAME ON!"  
"BOO," somebody said.  
(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Barry the Beginner: 4000 Life Points)

"YEAH!" Jaden shouted, drawing his cards. "I'll start my turn by placing Elemental Hero Avian in Defense Mode!" Avian flew onto the scene!  
"Yargh!" he growled! (Avian: 1000 Defense Points)  
"NO, NOT AVIAN!" screamed his friends. But it was too late.  
"Well, I use Polymerization to fuse Gazelle, the King of Mythical Beasts and Berfomet, to form Chimera, the Flying Mythical Beast!" shouted Barry the Beginner! A lion-dude and a demon-big-nosed-dude appeared on the field, but were absorbed in a cool pixie dust spray of light, and became a two-headed lion…with wings!  
"RAWRAWR!" they growled! (Chimera: 2100 Attack Points)  
"Heh, that guy was ALWAYS sucky!" Jaden sniffed.  
"Uh, help?" Avian asked, as he was being ripped apart by the twin-headed beast… with wings!  
"But he doesn't suck as much as my Avian does!" Jaden heroically added!  
"HOW IS THAT GOOD?"

"Hey, Sy," Koala Ko Ala said, still sore about earlier, "do you have any advice, seein' as you dueled him earlier?"  
"No, I just drew all Spells and Traps, and he savagely beat me up with Chimera the Flying Mythical—"  
"You're _USELESS_."  
"… Aw."  
"Actually," Bastion cut in, "there IS a way to defeating this guy."  
"Really?"  
"Yes. As Barry the Beginner is merely a beginner who copies other people's decks, you need to know all the failings of whomever he's copied. Jaden, you've dueled Yugi before! You know how to beat him!"  
"No!" Jaden sighed. "I said he gave me a crappy collectible card! When did I EVER tell you I dueled him?"  
"I just thought…" Bastion looked down at his shoes. "Am I ever helpful?"  
"More helpful than me," Syrus helpfully told.  
"How is THAT supposed to make me feel better?" Bastion erupted!

Time for more tone-settin' music. [/watch?v=hnElS3OVEko&feature=related] "Eh, back to the duel," Jaden said, gettin' back on track, "I'll bring out an ol' fave of everyone's…"  
"Flame Wingman?" Syrus giddily expected.  
"No! Who the hell likes HIM? I fuse Elemental Heroes Sparkman and Clayman with Polymerization to summon Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!" Because I'm too tired of always saying 'there was a crappy effect', I'll probably skip the Polymerization sequences for now and say that Thunder Giant appeared as a bolt of lightning struck the ground with a large 'KEH-BYOOM!' (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points) "I'll use his ability to destroy one guy who's weaker than him!"  
"RAR!" yelled Thunder Giant, as he thrust his palm out and released a stream of ELECTRICITY! Chimera simply blew up.  
"Now it's MY turn to use MY special ability for MYself!" yelled Barry the Beginner, still emulating Yugi with his humiliating voice. "When Chimera the Flying Mythical Beast is destroyed, I can summon Berfomet from the Graveyard again!" And from the steaming husk of the lion monster, Berfomet, the four-armed demon with wings broke through and onto the field.  
"Who cares? Voltic Thunder!" Thunder Giant did exactly as he did before, shooting lightning, and blowing up an enemy.

_That ability saved his Life Points from takin' a BIG HIT!_ Jaden thought. _This deck's really livin' up to da' HYPE!_  
"What, is _SHOOTING LIGHTNING __**ALL**__ YOUR PUNY MONSTER CAN __**DO**_? Wahahahaha!" Barry the Beginner mocked!  
"Hey, the REAL Yugi doesn't MOCK people!"  
"Yes I do! Now I use Monster Reincarnation!" He held out a Spell card featuring a cool purple stick. "I can discard a card and add one monster back into my hand from **BEYOND THE GRAVE**!" He summoned back his Gazelle guy, who was, in fact, not a gazelle. (Gazelle: 1500 Defense Points) "Next I'll use… _SWORDS OF REVEALING LIIIIIIGHT!_" An orb of energy appeared above the players, raining swords down from above!  
"Wow! Nostalgia alert!" Jaden laughed! "Even after all these years, that card STILL fails to make sense! Ha ha!"  
"**I** should be the one laughing, because I've just made all your monsters useless for three turns!"  
"What?" Jaden whined, like a four year-old. "Three turns? That's no fair! Hmph! I'll just have to summon Dark Catapulter!" And so, the weird dino-man from the Titan duel, which likely made the lil' monster famous, appeared in Defense Mode. (Dark Catapulter: 1500 Defense Points)

"Hmm," Barry the Beginner thought, "that monster has an ability that destroys Spell and Trap cards… BUT NOT FOR LONG! HUUUUUU-AH!" Barry the Beginner did an intense arm movement that served no purpose! "I TRIGGER MY TRAP CARD!"  
"Crap! A Trap!" gasped Koala Ko Ala! A Trap card featuring a red coffin of some sort appeared!  
"Dark Renewal, in fact! And when you summon a monster, I can tribute that and one of my own cards to summon a Spellcaster from **BEYOND THE GRAVE!**"  
"You don't mean you discarded, with Monster Reincarnation…" gulped Jaden.  
_**"YES! THE EPIC DAAAAARK MAGICIAAAAAAAN!"**_ The coffin in the picture appeared on the field and absorbed the souls of Gazelle and Dark Catapulter! It rattled and shook and spewed forth black smog! And after a few seconds of building the suspense, the coffin opened.  
"GASP!" screamed the Jaden team guys!

A figure sat up out of the coffin. "YAAAAAWN," they yawned, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. It was… the Dark Magician, in all his purple glory. "Uh, who the hell're you?" (Dark Magician: 2500 Attack Points)  
"Why, I'm Yugi!" Barry the Beginner persuaded!  
"No. You're not."

"…"

"**HOW ANTI-CLIMACTIC! **" shouted Jaden and co.  
"Oh, who cares who I am, just get out there and fight! Fight for what's right!" Barry the Beginner told DM.  
"Well, okay, when you put it that way." Dark Magician stood up as the coffin faded away into non-existence, and he held his staff lazily.  
"Um, since it's still my turn," Jaden remembered suddenly, setting his monster into Defense Mode, "I'll put my Thunder Giant into Defense Mode for now! But he'll come back swingin'!"  
"What does that mean?"

"I play the Spell card, Thousand Knives!" called Barry the Beginner. As soon as he'd said that, a bunch of knives began appearing a few at a time. "As long as I have Dark Magician on my field, I can destroy one of your monsters!"  
"Um, that's a lot more than a few," Syrus shivered. A MASSIVE COLLECTION OF OVER A MILLION KNIVES APPEARED BEHIND BARRY THE BEGINNER'S HEAD.  
"Who cares? Kill the giant!" The duelist pointed at the yellow giant and the knives flew. They swarmed around the prey in a dome-like formation!  
"What's goin' on, yo?" Jaden asked in suspense! "I'm gettin' goose bumps!" In a flash, thunder Giant was forced out of the dome as knives jabbed themselves into his arms and chest, propelling him into the sky as more and more knives copied the last! Finally, as he was around thirty feet into the sky, more knives stabbed his hands and feet, pulling his body into an X-shaped pose. AND A STEADY COLLUMN OF KNIVES FELL ONTO HIM FROM THE SKY. And when everybody thought it was over, one more GIGANTIC knife fell and cleaved the guy in half. What a way to go. "DAY-UM, 'dat was harsh!" Jaden said, covering his eyes.  
"Word!" added Syrus.  
"Shut up, Syrus," Koala Ko Ala sneered.  
"Wha? But whyyyyyyy?"

"So, Jaden, still star-struck, are you?" Barry the Beginner chuckled. "Well, how would you like being **STRUCK** by your **STAR**? Dark Magic Attack!" Dark Magician stared at him. "What? I said 'Dark Magic Attack'!"  
"Dude, you can't even make a good pun." Dark Magician slowly floated over to Jaden. "All you're worth is this." He bonked Jaden on the head with his staff.  
"AAAAAH, AH, AAAAAAAAH!" (Jaden: 1500 Life Points) DM floated back to his original spot. "That hurt!"  
"That was even worse than what Thunder Giant went through!" speculated Bastion.  
"May be true, but I ain't givin' up!" Jaden proclaimed!  
"That's right!" congratulated Barry the Beginner. "Never give up! Like I always constantly say, **'believe in the heart of the cards'!**"  
_Heart of the cards? I wonder if there's a stomach, too… ew, gross thought! Gross thought! But right now, the only cards I care about are his! Either I win 'em, or we lose 'em!_ Jaden pushed these thoughts away. _Alright Jaden, time to get your game on!  
BOO,_ someone said.  
_…Well, here goes something!  
BOO,_ someone repeated.

"I summon Wroughtweiler in Defense Mode, yo." His black robot dog guy appeared! (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Defense Points)  
"I destroy your pup!" Barry the Beginner said! Dark Magician bonked the dog on the head, detonating it.  
"Thanks, 'cause when you kill Wroughtweiler, I can add an E-Hero and Polymerization into my hand from the Graveyard!" Jaden pulled out Avian and Polymerization!  
"Hm, nice play," said Barry the Beginner.  
"Not really," corrected Syrus and Dark Magician.  
"Grr, this guy's really startin' to piss me off!" Jaden drew his next card with the heart of a duelist! Or a nerd, whichever you'd prefer. " I summon Avian back to the field again and throw down a face-down!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Ha~ I'm back!" Avian laughed! (Avian: 1000 Defense Points)  
"NO, JADEN, DON'T!" the peanut gallery urged.  
"I learned my lesson from last time, dudes!" Jaden said, throwing down his face-down.  
"Yes! I am safe!" Avian believed!  
"Hey!" Syrus remembered! "It's been three turns! The Swords of Revealing Light are gone! You can attack now! Isn't that great?" As he'd said, the swords disappeared. Jaden turned to Syrus with an energy-less expression, picking his nose with his pinky.  
"Eh, I already knew that, but thanks."  
_Why's there an intense feeling of hostility here?..._

"NOW! DARK MAGICIAN, ATTACK AVIAN!" Barry the Beginner roared!  
"OH NOOOO!" Avian cried!  
"YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DOOOO!" Dark Magician rebelled, still attacking though!  
"NOT SO FAST!" interrupted Jaden! "I PLAY A HERO EMERGES!" His card featuring a zombie super hero rising to the occasion flipped up! "Now, choose a card!" Jaden said, holding his hand out.  
"I choose the only monster in your hand!" Barry the Beginner guessed!  
"You made the RIGHT decision! I summon Elemental Hero Bladedge to the field!" An awesome super hero in solid-gold armor (complete with intense shading!) and massive scythe-like blades on his forearms appeared in a golden flash of light! (Bladedge: 2600 Attack Points)  
_Damn, he's way cooler than me,_ sobbed Avian.  
"Crap! He actually got a monster?" Barry the Beginner gulped!  
"There should be more super heroes like that these days!" Syrus decided! "I mean, that guy's practically got blades drippin' off of him! He's made of gold! What could go wrong?"  
"Shut up, Syrus," everyone said.  
"How mean…"

"Hmm, even if you summoned a monster stronger than my Dark Magician, I still have a great Spell card up my sleeve…" A card showing a blue-skinned guy in awesome leather clothing with a great hat and staff appeared, upstaging Dark Magician! "Dedication Through Light and Darkness! This card lets me tribute Dark Magician for the **DARK MAGICIAN OF **_**CHAOS!**_"  
"OF CHAOS?" gasped Syrus and Koala Ko Ala!  
"YES, OF CHAOS!" The Dark Magician was consumed within purple energy and became the guy in the picture!  
"Yo, now I look cool!" he said about himself. (DMoC: 2800 Attack Points)  
"He DOES look funky fresh," Jaden admitted.  
"And by just summoning my funky fresh magician, I can add a Spell card into my hand **FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!** But enough about that, as I'll DESTROY YOUR MONSTER!"  
"YEAH!" DMoC fired a laser at Bladedge from the tip of his staff! It blew up the best American hero from Japan we've ever had.  
"CRAAAAAAAP!" cursed Jaden! (Jaden: 1300 Life Points) "This sucks! I was so booking on that strategy, too!"  
"Well, better luck NEXT time, hahahahaha!" Barry the Beginner laughed.  
_Man, against this dude, gettin' mah game on may not be enough!_ Jaden thought.  
_BOO,_ someone said.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Commentary

I'm sure that some of you were looking forward to Barry the Beginner's BIG DUEL ever since I mentioned him in episode four. Or not, but who cares, it's still (supposedly) living up to the hype!

Bastion becomes the reason as to why some idiot (idjit) steals Yugi's deck! Jaden catches stuff in a great manner! Syrus is bullied for his wrongdoings to Koala Ko Ala! And the Dark Magician randomly has a Duel Spirit! What could _POSSIBLY_ go wrong?

On a side note, I did originally plan (since I thought up of it, on the fly) for Bastion to be a major reason as to why some of these dumb fillers are happening. I mean, who ELSE could think of them but CROWLER? And be forced to implement them but BASTION? And the only reason he does it is because he realizes how stupid these plans are, knowing that they'll never work. Ever. At all. Well anyways, that's the scoop on Bastion's role as an Obelisk Blue. Wait… if SYRUS became an Obelisk in the original, then how the hell can't BASTION become one? IT MAKES NO SENSE!

Anyways, that's it, and goodbye.


	19. Episode 19: King of Copycats Part Two

This TV Gag is dedicated to the English translation of Yu Yu Hakusho, featured in Shonen Jump magazine.

_Yusuke Urameshi had just come back to life and entered the demon plane in order to help stop the big bad, Sensui! "Hey, Sensui!" Yusuke yelled. "Sorry to keep you __**waiting!**__ Shall we __**pick up**__ from where we left off?"  
Then, Hiei, one of Yusuke's three subordinate fighting buddies, the no-nonsense short guy with a secret past spoke up. "Hold on there, po'dner. I'd like to take him on first." Everybody present turned to him and stared. "What? What's wrong? Stop staring at me."  
"WAHAHAAHAHAHAAH!" everybody laughed!  
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Hiei growled!  
"I'm sorry, but it is," Kurama, the demon fox admitted, trying to regain composure, "you're not supposed to say those kinds of things! It's just so…" He burst out in laughter again.  
"Ha ha, ya goofball!" insulted Kuwabara.  
"Hey, nobody says 'goofball' either! Why aren't you laughing at __**him?**__"_

Bastion threw his YuYu Hakusho book onto the floor. _Whoever translated this story…_ he promised, _…SHALL FEEL MY WRATH, BLAST IT!_  
"Hey, what'cha doin' readin' manga?" Koala Ko Ala asked. "Jaden's still dueling Yugi's deck!" He pointed at the Dark Magician of Chaos Jaden was facing down.  
"Oh yes, I completely forgot!" Bastion gasped!  
"How could you forget that…?"

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 19: The King of Copycats – Part Two

(Jaden: 1300 Life Points, Barry the Beginner: 4000 Life Points) _Wow, I'd better do more than just get my game on,_ Jaden realized.  
_BOO,_ someone said.  
_This guy doesn't just have Yugi's deck, he thinks he IS Yugi! He's one crazy muthah! Somebody call in the funny farm, because this guy's all jacked up in da' head!_ "Oh-kay, time for a comeback!" Jaden called out! He drew his next card! "I gotta draw something tough—WINGED KURIBOH?"  
"OOH," said his newly-drawn Winged Kuriboh card.  
"Oh what the hell, do you think this is FUNNY?"  
"OOH!" Winged Kuriboh responded, closing its eyes with joy.  
"'Kay ya lil' bastard, if you wanna play, play with Barry the Beginner!" Jaden summoned his lil' fluffer-nutter to the field! (Winged Kuriboh: 200 Defense Points)  
"Yo," Avian greeted. Winged Kuriboh glared at him. "What did _I_ do?"  
"I'll also throw down a face-down and call it a turn!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Man, do you REALLY have to say that EVERY time?" Syrus challenged. Jaden turned to him and looked at him as if to say, _'who IS this crazy kid?'_

"Hmm, nice to see you again," Barry the Beginner sighed, "**BUT THERE'S NOTHING QUITE LIKE THE ****ORIGINAL!**" The original Kuriboh was summoned to the field, accompanied by intense music! [/watch?v=ONdHEDeWifs]  
Syrus couldn't take it! "'OLY SHI—"  
"WATCH YO MOUFF!" Koala Ko Ala attacked, slapping Syrus in the face!  
"YEOW!"  
"But why would you summon him?" Jaden asked. "That was just plain retarded!"  
"And you're offensive! Dark Magician of Chaos, destroy Avian!"  
"Okay," agreed DMoC.  
"Not so fast!" yelled Jaden!  
"Oh, okay." DMoC sat down again, idle.  
"I play Super Junior Confrontation!" Jaden activated his Trap card, which featured two kindergarteners (one of which was CHAZZ? I think) boxing against each other! "This card which for some reason has baby-fied Chazz fighting some other kid makes our weakest monsters battle each other! Yo!"  
"OOH!" Original-flavor Kuriboh flew into and through Winged Kuriboh like an ace fighter jet!  
"Heh, he died!" Jaden chuckled!  
"Erm, yes. Now I set a card and I'll end my turn," Barry the Beginner said, finishing up.

"My turn! Hope ya' like playin' with bubbles, because I summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman!"  
"That sounded stupid."  
"I know!" And so, the fat batman guy in blue appeared in a bubbly mist! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)  
"How does that guy even SOUND threatening in the LEAST?" wondered DMoC. Yes, his name will always be shortened now.  
"I don't know, but I'll activate a Field Spell you may need a hard hat for! Skyscraper!"  
"Stop it with the stupid stuff, please!" DMoC pleaded!  
"All this was in the original script, so it can't be helped!" As soon as he'd said that, dozens of building broke through the ground! "Also when an Elemental Hero guy attacks a stronger guy, he gains 1000 Attack Points."  
"Kick his ass, Jay!" Syrus encouraged! "No, this will NEVER be a G-rated series!"  
"And I'm giving Bubbleman the equip card Bubbleman's Bazooka!" Bubbleman was suddenly holding a blue bubble bazooka.  
"That's even cooler than Sparkman's Gun!" Avian gasped!  
"Of course, it's a bazooka! And it gives'm 800 more Attack Points!" Jaden explained! (Bubbleman: 1600 Attack Points) "And when he dies in battle, only the BAZOOKA dies! Now SHOOT HIIIIIIIM!" And taking great aim, Bubbleman splashed Kuriboh… but not yet!  
"Attacking Kuriboh? WHICH Kuriboh? I activate MULTIPLY!" Barry the Beginner flipped up Multiply, a picture of a NOTKURIBOH demon-ish figure turning into three NOTKURIBOH demon-ish figures, and had nothing to do with KURIBOH AT ALL. "This Kuriboh-related card makes FOUR Kuribohs!" Four Kuribohs flew out of the Spell in dazzling fashion as the original blew up for some reason!  
"This is it," Syrus muttered, shaking, "the four horsemen of the apocalypse they are symbolically bringing the duel to an end… but they're still cute." And then one got splashed by a bubble and 'sploded. "Okay, only three now."  
"Ha, my Kuriboh token was in Defense Mode, making your attack useless!" Barry the Beginner admitted! "Will you end you turn now, Jaden?"  
"Sure, Barry, but not 'till I throw DOWN a face-DOWN, yo!" Jaden threw down a face-down.  
"BOO," someone said.  
_Syrus was right,_ Bastion analyzed, _he really DOES say that EVERY time!_

"Well," Barry the Beginner said, "I play the magic of Card of Sanctity!" He played a card I'd detailed at least once before, with guys dancing in a storm of cash. "Each player draws cards until their hands are six cards big!"  
"Dah, okay!" Jaden said. Barry the Beginner drew Ancient Gear Golem!  
"Uh, whoops, I mixed in a few cards from my last deck on accident," he shrugged, throwing it away into the ocean.  
"It's okay, man, just draw another."  
Barry the Beginner drew Statue of the Wicked.  
"Um, I drew another…"  
"Gosh, man, draw right this time!" DMoC yelled!  
"Okay, I'll try!" Barry the Beginner threw away the last card and drew Lolwut. _I NEVER EVEN __USED__ THIS ONE!_ Barry the Beginner despaired with a look of total disgust dressing his face! "Oh, HERE'S the right card, ha ha ha," he laughed uncertainly, as he drew his next CORRECT card. It was Watapon! A puffy thing with huge eyes and antennae! "When I draw Watapon by an ability, I can summon it to the field, but then I'll sacrifice it!" Watapon flew onto the field and became an orb of shimmering light! "Now come forth, Dark Magician Girl!" And so, the overly-popular monster I see absolutely nothing in flew onto the field and struck a pose! (DMG: 2000 Attack Points)  
"Aw, man," Syrus syed, blushing, "now I'm attracted to a collectible trading card! I feel dumb."  
"You disgust me," Bastion flat-out admitted.  
"She dresses even less than Alexis!" Jaden gasped! "And she really doesn't dress much, if ya know what ah mean, eheheheh!" He winked. "No, I don't wanna get it either."  
"Well she gains 300 Attack Points for the Dark Magician card in my Graveyard!" Barry the Beginner added! She glowed and grew STRONG! (DMG: 2300 Attack Points)  
"Okay, sis, ready to kick butt?" asked the blue magician guy. Dark Magician Girl said nothing. "Oh yeah, you don't have a soul card version of her…" He felt lonely. "I'll attack him for you now." He raised his staff into the air.

"WAIT!" Barry the Beginner squealed! "Don't destroy the bazooka first! Let Dark Magician Girl do that, and then YOU attack for more damage!"  
"I don't listen to you, you're not Yugi!"  
"Thanks for being an idiot!" Jaden thanked!  
"'YER WELCOME!" DMoC blew up Bubbleman's Bazooka!  
"Aw, I liked the bazooka," Avian sighed.  
"Okay, Dark Magician Girl, do your thing," Barry the Beginner ordered, sadly. The female version of the magician used the female version of the last attack, with extra pink. And Bubbleman blew up!  
"Ugh, it still sucks, though!" Jaden growled! (Jaden: 800 Life Points) "Hey, wait! This Life Points thing is messed up sumthin' terrible, dude!" Jaden realized!  
_No! Don't tell him!_ Syrus thought.  
"If my Bubbleman has 1600 Attack Points when equipped with Bubble Blaster, and when it's destroyed, he has 800 again, how come I didn't take all the damage I should have?"  
"Huh?" wondered Barry the Beginner.  
_Stop explaining it to him!_  
"I mean, YOUR lady magician gal has 2300 Attack Points, more than 1300 extra points are left over from battling Bubbleman!"  
"…And your point iiiiis?"  
"GOSH DARNIT, JAY, DON'T TELL HIM WHY YOU DIDN'T LOSE DUE TO A GLITCH YET!" Syrus shouted!  
"Oh yeah, cheatin's what helped me beat Zane!" Jaden geared up for battle again! "Cheatin's gonna help me win back that deck fair 'n square, thanks to glitches!"  
_There's a lot of things wrong with that sentence,_ Bastion and Koala Ko Ala thought, their faces contorted by disgust.

"I'm back, baby!" Jaden drew his next card! "Now I think I'm ready to use Polymerization to fuse Elemental Heroes Avian and Burstinatrix to form Flame Wingman! See, I told you guys he was gonna be useful soon!"  
"You didn't say that." And so the lady of flames stood next to Avian, and they made the crappy swirling fusion in a massive tornado this time for some reason, but it was okay this time, since Flame Wingman made his best pose yet, which I'm not detailing for some sick satisfaction of mine. (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)  
"I wish I knew what that pose looked like," Syrus syed.  
"Shut up!" yelled Koala Ko Ala.  
"And I'm not done yet!" Jaden exclaimed, holding out The Warrior Returning Alive! "I bring back my Sparkman to the field!" Sparkman appeared **FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE,** covered in blood, arrows, and bloody arrows. He flexed his mighty arms, blowing them all away! He was REBORN! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) "Now, with the power of Skyscraper, take out that magician! The cool-looking one!" (Flame Wingman: 3100 Attack Points)  
"Cool-looking…" DMoC craned his neck around. "Oh, crap." Flame Wingman stuck his dragon arm onto his head from above and annihilated the body with a sudden burst of flames!  
"Noooo, my magician of magical tricks!" cried Barry the Beginner!  
"And plus," Jaden added, "due to my hero's super power—"  
"SPECIAL ABILITY!" cried some guy.  
"Whatever, you lose Life Points equal to your guy's attack points, in addition to the battle damage."  
"FWAAAAAH!" screamed Barry the Beginner, being consumed by flame in a whirly twister-shaped fashion! (Barry the Beginner: 900 Life Points)  
"Next I'll attack…"  
"Jaden, don't kill Dark Magician Girl yet," Syrus pleaded. "You KNOW how depraved semi-pubescent little boys get."  
"Okay then!" Jaden decided! "For Syrus's sick kicks, I'll kill a token!" Sparkman walked over to a Kuriboh token, picked it up, studied it, and ate it. "Now that he's done bein' barbaric and disgustin', I'll throw down… I mean, _SET_," Jaden winked, "two cards face-down, and use Emergency Provisions!" The card with crackers and a kipper snack appeared again! One of the cards became a cracker...and he ate it! "Mmm! Them's sum GOOD Life Points!" (Jaden: 1800 Life Points) _And I owe it all to cheating…_ Jaden happily thought, with a dreamy look on his face.

"That was a great turn!" Koala Ko Ala cheered! "Except… for Syrus's suggestion…"  
"I'm sorry, I'm disgusting!"  
"Don't worry about your fetishes, Syrus, I'm just the same way! I switch my Dark Magician Girl into Defense Mode, and then I'll play Spider Web!" Barry the Beginner played a Spell card! It had a spider on it. The spider was in a web. BUT THEN A STRAND OF HUGE SILK SHOT OUT OF THE CARD AND INTO JADEN'S DUEL DISK! It stole a card out of his Graveyard and brought it back to Barry the Beginner!  
"Holy shizznit! Holograms are trippy!"  
"They sure are, Jaden, because my Spell card here lets me take a card you placed in your Graveyard last turn, and steal it… **FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!** I chose… the cracker card!" He revealed the Emergency Provisions card Jaden just used!  
"He's right!" Bastion gasped! "There IS a cracker on that card!"  
"I'll set two cards, play Monster Reincarnation, discard a card, take back Kuriboh, and set one more card, and then I'll discard ALL THREE for the cracker card!" And so all of that stuff happened in fast motion, just to save time and money! (Barry the Beginner: 2900 Life Points)  
"But why Kuriboh?"  
"Because he's the stuff of nightmares!"  
"Amen to that, bruthah'-man! But he's still not as scary as being blown up in a fiery inferno by FLAME WINGMAN!"  
"He's right!" assisted (dead) DMoC. Dark Magician Girl was punched allowing her to 'SPLODE! Then Barry the Beginner caught on fire again.  
"WoooOOAAAHOHOHOH! I'm getting TIRED of that!" (Barry the Beginner: 1600 Life Points)  
"Now, I totally own your mom by using De-Fusion!"  
"WHAT?" Barry the Beginner gasped! "Take that back, you mother fu—"  
"And I use De-Fusion."  
"What?" A card with a picture of two guys being defused appeared, allowing Flame Wingman to become Avian and Burstinatrix once more!  
"Kill 'da Kuribohs!"  
"Yes, SIR!" Avian agreed! He and Burstinatrix grabbed the two last Kuriboh Tokens and chowed down into them!  
"Now, Sparkman, end this two-parter!" Sparkman dashed at Barry the Beginner, charged up his 'lectrical palms, and…  
"No! I discard Kuriboh, the stuff of nightmares!" Barry the Beginner yelled! A big wall of the fluffy dudes appeared and swarmed over Sparkman!  
_Aw, man, I can't eat ALL of these!_ Sparkman thought. _If only I had my gun!_ He ran away to fight another day!  
"Shipwreck!" Jaden cursed!  
"I forgot Kuriboh had a special ability!" Syrus cried! "It's too cute to remember THAT!"  
"Shut up, Syrus!" Koala Ko Ala roared! "Do you EVER STOP ANALYZING EVERYTHING THAT THE VIEWERS FEEL OR HAVE TO KNOW?"  
"Koala Ko Ala, calm down!" Syrus urged! "I'm sorry I didn't duel for a ticket for you! It's just that the script didn't call for that!"  
"… Okay." Koala Ko Ala turned around and was silent.  
_Is he… still mad at me, now that I've said sorry?_  
_Oh, Kuriboh,_ Barry the Beginner reminisced, _that brings me back to those duels in Battle City, against Seto Kaiba, that freak with the Blue-Eyes White Dragon-shaped jet aeroplane. Do you remember that?_ A faint spiritual representation of Kuriboh appeared and shook its head, for no. _Ah, yes. You do._ It shook its head harder. _YOU DO, I SAY! Now, let's show this kid who the TRUE King of Games REALLY is!_

Barry the Beginner drew his next card to a new beat. [/watch?v=t87oCPHwLY0&feature=related] "Alright, this is for Kuriboh. His fall **SHALL NOT** be in **VAIN**!"  
"What?" gasped the opposing crowd.  
"I remove Watapon and Kuriboh **FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE, IN ORDER TO SUMMON **_**BLACK LUSTER SOLDIER, ENVOY OF THE BEGINNING!**_" Kuriboh and Watapon briefly appeared on the field before swirling into a chaotic pool of soul juice.  
"What's he doing?" Syrus asked. "What's that monster?"  
"Oh, bloody heck…" Bastion shook uncontrollably before collapsing onto his knees. "Th-that monster…"  
"It's such a strong monster that it physically affects you?" Koala Ko Ala gasped! "That's sick!"  
"That and one other monster are SO rare, that they're in the SAME CLASS as Blue-Eyes White Dragon, as there are only about four or five copies, because that's stupid but helps sales," Bastion narrated, "and they're SO powerful that they're banned in tournaments all over the world, making them utterly useless as a big 'take that, you suck' to those who spent their lives searching, searching for such a card…"

"AND RIGHT YOU ARE!" Barry the Beginner agreed! "I SUMMON MY BLACK LUSTER SOLDIER!" And from the puddle of soul juice arose a man with scarlet hair drooping from a helmet and armor crafted from gold and sapphire, decorated with two draconic rubies. His mighty blade and shield were as strong as three full-strength Avians! (Black Luster Soldier – Envoy of the Beginning: 3000 Attack Points, 2500 Defense Points) "Now, kill Avian right now!"  
"WHY ME?"  
"HUAH!" The soldier brought up his blade, and swung it down hard enough to cause a ripple through all of space-time! Avian disintegrated.  
"Uh…" (Jaden: 0 Life Points) "I use the power of Skyscraper, though it's illegal!" (Jaden: 800 Life Points) "Thank GOODNESS for cheapness!" Jaden thanked.  
"Yes, like MY brand of specially-crafted cheapness you can only get at YugiMart!" Barry the Beginner said!  
"What're YOU gettin' at, bub?"  
"My monster can attack TWICE per turn!"  
"Oh schnitzel." The ripple that the last attack forced through space-time began surging back! Imagine it as you will, as I have no idea what I'm talking about! The force of the blast was coming straight for Burstinatrix!  
"Oh crap," Syrus gasped, "now cheating CAN'T help him now!"  
"Cheating help us!" pleaded Bastion! "Cheating help us ALL!" _Even though I was told to do this by Crowler,_ Bastion thought, _I never WANTED Jaden to lose! I just wanted to see him win a jolly good duel! Maybe make a two-parter event! But not like THIS!_

"No way, Joes! I ain't lettin' BURSTINATRIX die, no matter how much of an ample target Avian is! I use Hero Spirit!" A Trap activated, showing off a hero and his blazing soul within a battle versus a massive hoard of unstoppable evil and rage! "If an Elemental Hero died this turn, all damage is reduced to zero!" Avian's spirit appeared by Burstinatrix!  
_"I shall protect you!"_ he promised. Burstinatrix turned very annoyed-looking and simply shoved him into the distortion of time and space. _"You didn't have to be so MEAN about it!"_ he complained, fading away once more.  
"Hmm, you've saved yourself for one more turn, boy," Barry the Beginner acknowledged, "but hear me; **YOU SHALL FALL NEXT TURN!** So says the heart of the cards."  
_Aw, man, he's right! All I have to do with THAT is thinking of STOMACHS!_ thought Jaden, referring to the last episode. _I don't have anything else to protect me now. And it's __highly unlikely__ that I'll get __exactly the card I'll need to win next turn__. What can I do?_  
"OOH," suggested Winged Kuriboh, appearing before him. Jaden punched him away.  
_Damn, you make me so furious for an unexplained cause!_ Jaden thought. _Wait… wait! If I can just channel all this rage into my duelin' muscle, I can WIN THIS THANG!_ [/watch?v=RqIL78NEHAw] Jaden began glowing with an aura comparable to a thousand suns!  
"What's happening?" Koala Ko Ala gasped!  
"HE'S ACTIVATING HIS DUELING MUSCLE!" Bastion shouted! "BRACE YOURSELVES!"  
"I DRAW… I DRAW… I DRAAAAW!" Jaden drew. "YES! BARRY, 'YER TOASTED BREAD! I use Silent Doom, which allows me to bring back Avian in Defense Mode with no costs!" He slammed his card (with the picture of an evil hand grabbing some energy) into the Graveyard and called out Avian!  
"I never die~" Avian cheered!

"_**MY SOUL BURNS WITH THE FURY OF A HUNDRED TEMPESTS!**_" Jaden roared!  
"What's he talkin' 'bout?" wondered Koala Ko Ala.  
"_**WITH DOUBLE SPELL, I SHALL TAKE THE SPIRITS OF YUGI WHICH YOU HAVE STOLEN!**_" He played a Spell card, featuring two cool magicians putting two magic energy spheres together for some reason! "_**I DISCARD THIS CARD IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE, AND I TAKE YOUR POLYMERIZATION IN THE HONOR BEFORE REASON!**_" The two magicians from the card appeared and grabbed Barry the Beginner!  
"What's goin' on 'round here?" Barry the Beginner screamed. The mages took Polymerization out of his Graveyard and ran with it all the way back to Jaden!  
"_**THE CLUSTERING WILLS OF MY TWO MONSTERS COMBINES TO FORM A NEW STAR!**_" Jaden screamed! Avian and Burstinatrix floated a bit for one more combo.  
"This is all I'm good for," Avian mumbled. They combined again… to make Flame Wingman, who was really in the Graveyard.  
"Great," Syrus syed, "now he's cheating AND spouting random dramatic gibberish…"  
"_**AND NOW, IN THE NAME OF SYRUS PLEASE SHUT UP…**_"  
"Hey!"  
"_**I CALL OUT THE FINAL CREATION DESTINED TO BLOW YOUR HOPES OF THEIVERY AWAY, ELEMENTAL HERO FLAME WINGMAN!**_" And so, on top of the highest point of the highest tower in Skyscraper Town with an antenna on it, Flame Wingman descended once more! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)  
"Oh, poopy!" gasped Barry the Beginner!  
"_**FLAME WINGMAN, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, GO BEYOND WHAT WAS THOUGHT TO BE THE BARRIER, AND KICK OFF INTO TOMORROW!**_" Jaden babbled! "_**SKYDIVE SCORCHER!**_"

Flame Wingman leaped off of the tower and gained power from the poppin' city beat! (Flame Wingman: 3100 Attack Points) He disappeared. "Huh?" wondered Black Luster Soldier. But then Flame Wingman reappeared in front of his face without warning! The hero of the day punched Black Luster Soldier in the jaw SO HARD that he IMPLODED, creating a massive ripple in space that created funny hats for everybody.  
"What the heck?" asked the audience, stunned to see their new jester cap, beanie, and ten-gallon hat upon their heads.  
"_**NOW,**_" Jaden shouted, wearing a derby hat, "_**COMMENCE THE DIVINE PUNISHMENT! BLOW HIM AWAY!**_" And Flame Wingman flew in front of Barry the Beginner again, for the THIRD TIME, and pressed his flamedragonarm to his face. Taking off his beret in shock, Barry simply grimaced.  
"I already said I was getting tired of this attack…" BAM! And the Life Points were _GONE_! (Barry the Beginner: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"HE DID IT!" Koala Ko Ala cheered! "It's all thanks to cheating!"  
The field was filled with smoke, thanks to that last big attack by Flame Wingman. Barry the Beginner fell to the ground and shivered as Jaden approached in a slow, doomy manner. "P-please, don't come near me," Barry the Beginner pleaded, reverting to his previous voice. But Jaden did not stop. He stared at Barry the Beginner with the most dejected-looking expression he could muster, gaining a Yankee stance and delinquent eyes. He looked down at him. Then he said the most dramatic thing he could think of.  
"_**DARN tootin',**_" Jaden growled menacingly. "Aw, crap. I've been readin' too much of the AMERICAN ENGLISH RELEASE OF YU YU HAKUSHO!"  
"_WE GET IT! YOU DON'T LIKE THE TRANSLATOR! GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!_" screamed Angry McArgue.  
"Okay, fine," Jaden agreed. "Now, Barry, gimme 'da cardz."  
"These?" Barry the Beginner asked, holding out the Yugideck. Suddenly a strong, random wind blew by. The cards were sent flying over the nearby cliff. "Oops."

"…"  
"**YOU JUST DROPPED YUGI'S DEEEEEECK!**" Jaden overreacted with good cause! He held up his MIGHTY FIST OF RAEJ!  
"W-wait, wait!" Barry the Beginner pleaded! "I can explain EVERYTHING…"

"Uh, did he just drop the deck off the cliff?" Syrus asked, just to check.  
"Yep," Koala Ko Ala verified.  
"**WHAT ARE YOU DOING?**" Bastion screamed!  
"GAAH! You're out of character!" Syrus gasped.  
"Don't you two good chums see?" Bastion asked. "You two have to combine your energies to save the day, here! Only YOU two can do it!" Koala Ko Ala and Syrus stared at each other. "You have to forgive each other, as while we're talking over here, it's taken up MUCH more time than was needed for those cards to reach the ocean!" The cards were helpfully floating in the air over the cliff, thus being helpful. BUT THEN THEY FLOATED DOWNWARD!  
"Syrus," Koala Ko Ala said, "I'm sorry for not forgiving you!"  
"And I'm sorry too for being a jerk because of the script!" Syrus cried!  
"Let's save that stuff because Bastion is too lazy to do it!"  
"Right!"

Koala Ko Ala grabbed Syrus and attached him to his back! "**GO-GO!**" Koala Ko Ala burst into the cool night sky! Syrus held out his arms and they began flying around like a stealth bomber, silent but deadly! They flew down the side of the cliff, in hot pursuit.  
"I can't believe they fell for it," Bastion chuckled. "The science of psychology is very great indeed…"  
The cards were almost in the ocean. "We've gotta hurry, Sy!" Koala Ko Ala gasped!  
"I'LL TRY BETTER!" Syrus grunted, exerting even more energy! His arms released a steady stream of heart-energy, and their speed increased ten-fold!  
"GRR…"  
"AAAH…"  
They got closer to the deck, and closer to the sea… closer… closer… cloooooseeeeeer…

The cards were finally absorbed by the surf and completely ruined. "**WHAT A RIP-OFF!**" cried the duo, sinking into the ocean.  
Meanwhile, Jaden was still with Barry the Beginner. "You can explain everything?" Jaden repeated. "What's there to explain? You just stole a deck due to stupidity and heat 'o 'da moment, yo."  
"No, there's MUCH more…" Barry the Beginner sighed sorrowfully. He took off his Yugi-like hair… and revealed Yugi's hairstyle! He grew a few inches taller! And he did NOT look like a beginner anymore! "I'm actually the real Yugi."  
"Oh." Jaden stood there for a moment. "HUUUUUUUUUH?"  
"Yeah, I learned how to grow and shrink at will after that Atem/Yami fiasco, ha ha ha."  
"WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?" Jaden demanded! "WHY DID YOU STEAL YOUR OWN DECK? WHY DID YOU GIVE ME SUCH A CRAPPY CARD THAT I HATE IN THIS SERIES FOR NO GOOD REASON?"  
"Well, I'm at this school for a secret mission," Yugi began, wistfully and full of nostalgia. "I was sent into Duel Academy in order to study the new generation of duelists and make sure that they were using the real dueling spirit and not sucking like they just learned how to play. Sadly, it's not working well. Also, my other friends from the first series are monitoring the world in their own ways, as well." Jaden remembered the two Tristans in the Paradox Brothers two-parter. He also remembered Joey from the 'Tumor Humor Association of America' commercial we'll never forget. He chose never to wonder how that helped study the duel prowess of the youth.

"Why were there two Tristans in that one episode, if you know what I mean?"  
"We never even KNEW there were TWO before."  
"Oh, okay. Then why do you act like such a loser, yourself—"  
"I really got into the duel-personality thing, ever since that old Atem/Yami fiasco."  
"Heh, you said 'duel', as in card games! Awesome!" Jaden hit him with Winged Kuriboh. "Now what about the card?"  
"Oh, it's just 'ta screw with 'ya."  
"That's okay, then. And why did you steal your own deck?" Jaden asked, once more.  
"Oh, I was just pissed off about when my grandpa stole my deck and sold it to Kaiba to tour around the world, bless his soul. I don't really like him anymore."  
"Okay, so thanks for answering my questions." Jaden and Yugi shook on it!  
"You're quite welcome, Jaden." Yugi fixed his wig and size. "Let's go before they start asking about what we're doing sitting around in this smoke that won't go away."  
"Good idea." They walked out of the smoke.  
"What were you doing in that smoke?" Bastion asked.  
"I asked Yugi some questions," Jaden said.  
"Oh… WHA?" The two guys left before Bastion could attempt to figure it out. "I must go find Yugi in that smoke myself!" Bastion decided! He rushed into the huge smoke cloud, helping to further the spread of lung cancer in today's youth.

The next day, Bastion was coughing violently for a few hours, and the rest of the school was really excited to see the YUGIHALLOFYUGIDECK! They were all bunched up outside of the door, and the guards were having trouble holding them off! "Hey, all of you, step away from the door for a minute!" a guard asked. The guards were all quickly shot and killed, and the children broke through the doors!  
"YEAH! WE'RE GONNA SEE YUGI'S DECK!" a kid shouted! And all they saw was a broken display case, surrounded with shards of glass. Inside said case was a trading card deck, soggy and dripping wet, and on top of the deck was an Ancient Gear Golem card.  
_… WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?_ they all wondered, disgusted.

COMMENTARY

I'm so sorry for forgetting to upload this episode on the 14th. I'm SO sorry, in fact, that you may have noticed that I've uploaded the next episode early in retribution! Yay… BUT DON'T EXPECT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN! Well, maybe you should, judging by how well I've been doing with remembering my upload dates.

So I guess that this was an alright episode, but not quite as good as the last one. Maybe it was because of the length, maybe it was because of the anti-climax of the actual show. Either way, it has closure!

And on the subject of Barry the Beginner… why was he Yugi? Well, just look at him. Can you tell me that he DOESN'T look like Yugi? Special props go to KaiKae my friend for thinking up of that idea. And if that's where Yugi's friends are, then what ever happened to Tea? Well, who freaking CARES about Tea? Hmph.

So yeah, let's progress to the next episode! See you in a matter of seconds! Unless you come back to this later.


	20. Episode 20: The Maiden in Love

Note: This episode is disgusting, degrading and stupid. Do NOT read this unless you are prepared to vomit, are a very sick human being, or are incredibly bored. Reader digression is advised!

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 20: The Maiden in Love

So, it was six o' clock, the universal dinner time hour, and everybody in the Slifer Toolshed was chowin' down on some bargain food! "I wish this food had real substance to it!" a kid complained. "This dorm is so poor! It's like child abuse or something here!"  
"They actually gave ME garbage!" Jaden said, holding up some inedible glop on his paper plate. "It LOOKS bad, but I wonder if it's actually GOOD garbage, and they're just tryin' to test me!"  
"Oh boy, your happy-go-lucky side is back…" Syrus syed.  
"Students, stop eating your crap and listen up!" Professor Banner ordered, appearing out of nowhere.  
"Like I'd LIKE to eat this!" a kid growled. "I mean, you LITERALLY gave me CRAP." He held up his dish, holding a full baby diaper on it.  
"It's not my fault Obelisk Blue absorbs all of our funds. Get over it or get better cards, losers."  
"MEOW," agreed Garfield the cat, who was named after Garfield the Cat™.  
"Now, we have a new student transferring into the school today, and—Koala Ko Ala! Stop chewing with your mouth open! Now, as I was saying, their name is Blair." A small kid wearing a big, dumb, puffy hat walked next to Banner, and she was obviously a little girl. "Blair says that he is, in fact, 'not a girl'. Also, if he does feminine things, ignore him, because he has a condition."  
"Hmm…" Blair glanced at Jaden, who was scooping some of his disgusting glop into his mouth. Her heart skipped a beat! _He's… eating garbage… and this feeling…_

"It tastes bad, though!"  
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT IT, JADEN!"

THE! NEXT! DAY!  
It was morning at the academy, and the usual guitar sounds made us feel better after watching Jaden eat that stuff. And there was an assembly, to boot! Every available student was lined up according to rank and such, as usual, in front of a video screen featuring Shepherd's massive face. "Alright, students, now I'm about to tell you that—Koala Ko Ala! Stop chewing with your mouth open! Okay, now that THAT'S over with, I'm here to inform you all that we're having our big School Duel against our BIIIG rivals, North Academy!"  
"Rhyme Time is Sublime!"  
"Thank you, Rhyming Ryan, even if rhyming is very annoying the way you do it. So, we're going to have to find a first-year representative of the school in order to duel a random kid THEY pick out! What an idea! And so we're having our two most popular students at this academy DUEL it out to find out who WHUPS them North Academy bumpkins! So, we're going to have a short sequence where our two brightest stars are picked out from the crowd! And you can ONLY participate if you have an ACTUAL NAME."  
"Aw, come on!" groaned several dudes and dudettes, as they left the assembly hall.

"Yo! I have followers!" Jaden announced! Syrus and Koala Ko Ala clapped for him.  
"Okay, two people like Jaden," Shepherd noted, writing it down on a notepad. "Is anybody else liked at this school, or do you all suck?"  
Alexis raised her hand. "Me—"  
"**BASTION ROKKX MAH SOKKX!**" roared Piggybank, Fluffy Fred and Baseball Bob, holding up Bastion as he dressed up in a white headband, white unbuttoned shirt, chest bandages, white pants, and white-ish shoes, brandishing a wooden sword! The words 'FIGHT! KILL! LOVE!' were written on the headband in blood in Japanese characters.  
"Yes, I do rock socks!" Bastion assured! A giant wave crashed behind him for dramatic effect!  
"Okay, and Bastion, who 'rocks socks'. Got it. Well, bye and all that." The screen blinked off and the students walked around in random directions. Jaden approached the dejected Alexis.  
"Hey, Alexis, I didn't know you were a first-year!" Jaden said! "You're too well-developed for that!"  
"Actually," Alexis told, "I was held-back last year."  
"Whaaaaat?"  
"I didn't do my schoolwork because I didn't really know how to play card games, I just really liked Zane," Alexis revealed!  
"What took a year to understand about it?"  
"I don't know, but every year there are a few people like me that I have to _eliminate_, if you catch my meaning." Alexis' eyes flashed for a moment.  
"Oh, you kill'm?"  
"No, I just tie them up and put them on a raft. So if you find any girls at this school who can't duel, just let me know."  
"Okay."  
"Well bye."  
"Bye." They walked in separate directions. Then Jaden walked up to Blair. "Do you know how to duel?"  
"No," she answered with her girlish voice.  
"Oh. Are you sure you're not a girl?"  
"Ahh! No!" she shrieked in her feminine voice.  
"Oh, well that's good." Jaden walked away, leaving Blair to feel confused.  
"Delinquents have such stupid fashion sense," Bastion complained, trying to cover his cold belly in the background.  
"No, Bastion, it's all the rage!" Piggybank assured! "Plus I get to see your stomach!"  
"Okay…" _She scares me,_ Bastion shivered.

LIL'! BIT! LATER!  
Jaden and his buddies were walking past the stone statues of the Duel Academy. "And that's why Alexis has such a confusing body for what we THOUGHT was a fourteen year-old!" Jaden finished.  
"I thought that the artists drew every girl like that and were thoroughly disgusting, and causing everybody to watch this bad show indecent," Syrus thought.  
"So everybody loves Zane? Unless they're male?" Koala Ko Ala asked, double-checking. "How stereotypical! Just because of his immense dueling skill, steely gaze, great figure, hard, manly abs… I'm scaring myself. I'll just be quiet."  
"Good idea." Suddenly, a small, non-boy ran across the field ahead! "Oh ship, that's Blair the Non-Boy!" Jaden screamed! "I must chase her!"  
"Good luck," Syrus said, as Jaden ran off.  
"…I still feel uncomfortable," sighed Koala Ko Ala.  
"It's okay, everybody's like that with Zane for a little while in their lives, even me," Syrus said.  
"Thanks. You make me feel like a man again, Sy."

Meanwhile, across the freakin' island and a few minutes later, Jaden had successfully trailed Blair all the way to the Obelisk Mansion. She climbed up a tree and onto a veranda! _Hmm,_ Jaden thought, _That non-boy's gonna get in trouble if non-he's found in the mansion! I'd better bring non-him to non-his senses! Not a boy!_ Jaden followed stealthily up the tree and walked through the big window-door that brought them from the veranda to… Zane Truesdale's room! _Aw, man! This non-guy's in love with Zane! I'd better tell Alexis, even if non-he's a non-boy!_ But he stopped as Blair took out Zane's deck box from his dresser, near his cool bed! She opened it up and took out a few cards. _Yo, don't tell me non-he's…_  
"Now to do indecent things with these cards~" Blair said, blissfully.  
_AW, YO!_ Jaden disgustedly thought! But he heard something! He peeked back out onto the veranda and saw none other than Zane Truesdale and his random entourage of three Obelisk Blue people approaching fast, who will never be seen again in the entire series!  
"Hey, wanna chill up in 'yer room, Zane?" asked Random Blue Guy A.

"Yo, you gotta get outta here, yo!" Jaden gulped, surprising Blair!  
"Y-you were in here, too?" Blair gasped!  
"Yeah, and I even heard you say you were gonna do indecent things with those cards, but that's not the point! We'd better jet, you horny bastard!" Jaden grabbed her by the wrist and puller her away forcefully, hard enough to make her drop the cards, her hat, and a fancy hair clip, making her long, indigo hair (it's anime, deal with it) flutter out into the world!  
"H-h-hey!" Blair growled! Jaden was flabbergasted.  
"HOLYSHITSHE'SAGIRL!"

Blair grabbed her dumb-looking hat and cool hair clip and dashed out, leaping off the tree! "Hey, shouldn't I be leaving too?" Jaden wondered. Then the door opened. "Hey, Zane, this Slifer Slacker's up in your room!" Random Blue Guy C shouted! "Let's murdalize 'em!"  
"Eh, ah, um, don't hurt me!" Jaden cried!  
"Or what?" challenged Random Blue Guy B.  
"OR THIS!" Jaden flew forward and punched Random Blue Guy B with enough force to destroy the entire mansion! Random Blue Guy B simply caught the incoming fist with his hand, smoking now due to the impact, but unhurt.  
"Fool, everybody in this story is allowed to break character and become a super-human!" Random Blue Guy B chortled!  
"Damn…" gritted Jaden.  
"And now, we're takin' you to Ms. Crowler!" Random Blue Guy A chuckled!  
"Noooooo, not that freaky man-lady! Anything but heeeeeer!" And as Jaden was being pulled off by the terrible trio, Zane looked at his feet and noticed the cool hairclip among his fallen cards.  
"Let'm go," Zane commanded.  
"Wha?" gasped the three random blue people!  
"Really?" Jaden asked, elated suddenly!  
"Would you like to leave, Jaden?" Zane asked. "Or would you rather I reconsider?"  
"Uh, okay." Jaden ran away and jumped through the glass door window, sending glass fragments everywhere.  
"Ow!" cried Blair from inside a bush, being coated with the sharp stuff! "That's it, you're dead…" she decided, menacingly feminine!

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
Alexis and Zane were… on the docks! Uh… yeah! "Why're we on the docks, Zane?" Alexis asked.  
"Lex, I caught Jaden snooping in my room today," Zane said.  
"Jaden? I did NOT know he was gay, I swear."  
"Maybe, but he left this." Zane took out the cool hair-thingie he'd found earlier!  
"OH… MY… FLABBER-NUGGETS." Alexis was filled with THE RAGE OF A BEAST! "**JADEN'S A GIRL WHO CAME TO THE SCHOOL JUST TO GET CLOSE TO YOU? JEALOUSY… JEALOUSY! JEALOUSYYYYYYY!**"

Meanwhile, Syrus walked into the Jaden-room at the Slifer Toolshed, wiping off his head. "Okay Jaden, outhouse's all yours," Syrus said. "Note to self: use the SINK for washing hair…"  
"_I'm not forgiving you for this,_" Syrus's hair growled.  
"No, Jaden's not here," Koala Ko Ala said, pooping out from the top bunk as usual. "He hasn't been here all day, or that Blair guy who's obviously a girl. Hey, why'd you ask Jaden when he hasn't been here all day, while I'm almost ALWAYS up here?"  
"I dunno, he's the main character, I guess… HUBBA-**WHA**? JADEN and that GIRL who PRETENDS to be a BOY haven't been here ALL DAY?" Syrus and Koala Ko Ala looked at each other. "You know what _I'M_ thinking?" Syrus asked suggestively.  
"Boy, do I!"  
"SUPER SEXY HIGH SCHOOL HIJINKS!"  
"BACON AND CHEESE MCSAMMICHMEALS!"  
"No way, Koala Ko Ala!" Syrus reprimanded. "Didn't Bastion say a while ago that the Sammiches were a one-episode plot device?"  
"But they tasted so good… okay, let's go SPY on 'em!"  
"Yeah!"

And so, by the cliff by the ocean…  
Jaden and Blair were standing there, for some reason. "So, why'd you find me hours after those crazy hijinks and then drag me out by this raging coastline, yo?" Jaden asked.  
"So I could tell you not to tell people I'm a girl," Blair said.  
"YOU'RE A **GIRL**?"  
"YOU ALREADY SCREAMED OVER THE REVELATION THIS AFTERNOON, IDIOT!"  
"Oh yeah… but tell me why you're disguising so unconvincingly to stalk a tall kid with super sexy abs?" Jaden requested.  
"Because… it's a secret!" stressed Blair.  
"I'll tell if you don't let me know! I swear it, yo!"  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
"YOOOO!" Jaden shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth for maximum impact! "BLAIR'S A GIRL!"  
"We know already, idiot!"  
"Shut up!"  
"OKAY, okay!" Blair cried! "I'll tell you. It's because—"

"**WE DON'T CAAAAARE!**" interrupted Alexis, swinging in on a jungle vine! She let go and flew into Jaden's face with a megaton double-death kick, allowing the vine to swing off-screen forever.  
"WAAAAGH! WHAT'RE YOU DOIN', FOO'?" Jaden begged!  
"HOW **DARE** YOU TRY TO STEAL ZANE FROM ME, YOU WEIRDO!" Alexis grabbed Jaden by the scruff of his neck and began pounding his face in.  
"OW! No, OW! Actually, OW! Blair's, OW! The one, OW! Who's, OW! Stalking Zane around the campus by disguising as a girl, OW! Yo. OW!" Alexis stopped punching him. She turned and faced Blair. Blair almost wet herself with terror from the look she got from her. "Uh, at least I don't have to duel this episode, yo!"  
"Oh no, you do!"  
"Why meeee?"  
Alexis grabbed Jaden by the cranium and groaned, "For making me confused by not coming to me earlier about this little girl who can't play card games, and yet stalks Zane, YOU shall duel her in my place. GOT THAT?"  
"I learned how to play a few minutes ago," Blair helpfully told, holing up her Yu-Gi-Oh! Trading Card Game rule book.  
"You shut up!"

Suddenly and without warning, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala rolled slowly down the big cliff behind them and collapsed upon the rocks in a heap. "Aw man, the camera's busted!" Koala Ko Ala sniffed.  
"How're we gonna take suggestive photos of Jaden and that non-boy Blair kissing passionately and sell them for 200% profit NOW? Oh, hi Jaden," Syrus greeted. The trio around them stared at them with the RAGE OF A BEAST! For extra emphasis, you may imagine flames behind them. Two seconds later, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala were inside of a cramped giant birdcage, suspended by chains attached to who-knows-where off the top of the screen.

"How does THIS setup work?" Syrus asked, teary-eyed. "And why is Alexis always the most normal person around here unless Sammiches or my bro's involved?"  
"That's not it, Syrus," said a cool-voice guy off-screen, "because Blair isn't really a guy, she's a girl." It was Zane, of course.  
"WE KNOW," everybody said, even Chazz.  
"The Obelisk security cams showed her in our dorm," Zane added.  
"WE KNOW," everybody said, even Cocoa Titan.

"DUEL!" Jaden and Blair suddenly shouted! (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, The Non-Boy: 4000 Life Points)  
"Alright, get ready!" Blair warned, drawing a card. She glanced at Alexis, who was holding rope and a poorly-made raft. _Scaaaary…_ "Er, I summon Lub-Dub Girl!" A shojou-esque backdrop filled the world as a petite girl that was apparently supposed to be cute appeared, with INTENSE long brown hair, and a EXTREME yellow dress! (Lub-Dub Girl: 400 Attack Points)  
"WH-WH-WHA-WHAAAAAAT'S UP WITH THE BACKGROOOOUND?" Syrus panicked, as a sparkly bubble floated a bit too close to the cage for comfort.  
"Don't question it, you'll just get more confused!" Koala Ko Ala warned!

"Because I don't feel 'da need to check if your gal has any special abilities, I summon Avian!" Jaden said, confidently!  
"NO, JADEN, DON'T!" But it was too late.  
"Huah!" Avian grunted, flying onto the field! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points) "I'm back, baby!"  
Koala Ko Ala smacked himself in the face. "Jaden's doomed…"  
"Why, would I be doomed, dude?"Jaden obliviously asked. "Avian, attack!"  
"OH-YEAH!" Avian grunted, shooting out a big gust of wind from his wings! It hit the Lub-Dub Girl, but apparently caused intense distress and caused her to fall to the ground, helplessly.  
"Oh, ugh! Ahh!" she delicately screamed!  
"Ow, I should've summoned her in Defense Mode! I wish I'd learned how to play earlier!" Blair grunted, making excuses for why she sucks. (Blair: 3600 Life Points) "NAAAHT!" She retorted!  
"Huh, she said 'naaht'. That's a funny way to say 'not', heh heh WHAT?" Jaden gasped!  
"When my Lub-Dub Girl is attacked in Attack Mode, her ability that you never asked about activates! SHE LIVES FOR LOVE!" The shojou background was turned up to full force!

"OOH," said Winged Kuriboh, appearing suddenly.  
"Oh great, it's you," Jaden sighed. "What's up now?" Winged Kuriboh pointed out into the fray. Avian had come to Lub-Dub Girl and tried to help her up!  
"Are you okay?" Avian asked gentlemanly!  
"…Maybe," Lub-Dub Girl responded, in a tsundere-tone. Suddenly Avian's heart went 'lub-dub', and he was hooked!  
"AVIAN, WHAT'CHA DOIN'?" Jaden flabbergastedly shockedly screamed!  
"I'm sorry," Avian said, as a nose-bleed began, "but I'm a lolicon."  
"DAMN you and your NON-MANLY monsters, Blair! I bet your Lubby-Dubby Thing isn't even a virgin anymore, 'living for love'!"  
"…Maybe," Lub-Dub Girl responded, in a tsundere-tone.

"Maybe she's not, but when she's attacked, your monsters feel the TRUE meaning of the term 'lub-dub'! And now I activate the card Cupid's Kiss and attack with Lub-Dub Fury!" Blair's new Spell card summoned a petite angel kid who flew up to Lub-Dub Girl and kissed her on the cheek. And then she turned her attention to Avian. A field of flowers bloomed in front of her instantly! She began running to him in slow-motion!  
"Hey, you wanna do things behind the scenes that I'm not allowed to talk about on TV?" Avian asked.  
"…Maybe," Lub-Dub Girl responded, in a tsundere-tone.  
"Avi-AAAAHN, DAMN you're nasty!" Jaden groaned! "You just crossed the line TWICE, no, THREE TIMES!"  
"As IF the original didn't have the same pedophilic connotations!" Avian raged, as he hit Jaden with a massive whirlwind in retribution! (Jaden: 3000 Life Points, The Non-Boy: 2800 Life Points)  
"They're ACTUALY keeping that name on the score counter?" Blair gasped! "Anyways, now that I equipped my Lub-Dub Girl with Cupid's Kiss, any monster she attacks becomes MINE!" She folded her arms and released an air of confidence about herself! "Looks like YOU'RE screwed, YO!" As Blair had just stolen Avian, which we could all see coming, she had but one thing left to do. "I'll set a card and end my turn," she decided, setting her Spell/Trap card.  
"You know, if you didn't summon Avian, maybe, perhaps Clayman, this wouldn't have happened…?" supposed Koala Ko Ala.  
"You're getting good at this," Syrus complimented.  
"Shut up, yos! Avian is NOT bad luck! Syrus' HAIRSTYLE is BAD NEWS, yo!" Jaden countered! Syrus' hair sniffed and cried a single tear.  
"You're so mean, Jay…"  
"GET ON WITH IT," Alexis pressured, standing next to Zane now, who decided not to say anything, AS USUAL.

"Hmm, Avian's fallen in love, and I'm fallin' behind!" Jaden gulped.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Okay, he's going into a 'phase', then." The 'BOO' guy was apparently satisfied. "I know! Summoning another monster will help! It ALWAYS helps! I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman!" Unleashing untold volts of voltage, Sparkman was on 'da case! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) "Now, KILL Avian!"  
"Whaaaaat?" Avian gasped, losin' his cool! "Why me?"  
"Don't worry, I actually PROTECT MY Avians! And I only have one!" Blair shouted! "I use my Trap Card! Barrier Maiden!" Her Trap featured an overly-busty knight lady (have you come to expect anything less from Kazuki Takahashi?) holding a massive red shield! Lub-Dub Girl leaped in front of Avian and absorbed a massive electrical shock!  
"Gasp! Little girl of the Lub-Dubbers!" Avian gasped!  
"Avian's okay now, and someone else's feelin' the lub-dub tonight!" Blair said, excitedly! (Blair: 1600 Life Points)  
"Still, a deck based around having your monster get hit several times for massive damage really sucks," Syrus noted.  
"I said I just learned how to play, shut up!"

And so, Avian tried his best to support his fair maiden, who was underage! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Are you okay?"  
"Ugh… maybe," Lub-Dub Girl responded, in a tsundere-tone, with signs of pain.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sparkman, you really, really suck! You know that?" This apparently gave Sparkman the power of lub-dub within his heart and soul. He walked over to Avian. "Dude, she's mine," Avian defended. But Sparkman was staring at Avian.  
"I'm royally disturbed," Alexis said, feeling quite ill from all the trials and tribulations that had just arisen.  
"Ditto," agreed Syrus.  
"He just threw up in the cage!" Koala Ko Ala screamed!  
Zane said nothing.  
"I'm too young for this!" Blair screamed! "WHY did I have to ask my older brother for some cards?"  
"Now you KNOW all older brothers are evil perverts!" Jaden shouted, pointing to Zane! "WHY would you ask an OLDER BROTHER for CARDS?"  
"My older brother's Kaiba!"

Meanwhile, somewhere Kaiba chuckled. _Serves her right for embezzling all those funds under my name…_  
"YOU NEVER **TOLD ME** I HAD A LITTLE **SISTER**!" Mokuba screamed, scared and vulnerable.

"Crap, she just killed all sorts of continuity," Syrus groaned, "and it was all thanks to the author being stuck for ideas!"  
"You suck, Weather Report!" Jaden insulted me.  
"Try and remember who you're talking to," Zane suddenly said, reciting lines from the show. "When Sy and I were growing up, he claimed to be going steady with Dark Magician Girl."  
"Uh, what does that have to do with that insult?" Syrus asked, stuck for ideas.  
"YEAH, ZANE! MAKE SENSE MORE!" everybody said, including Mann McOldsmobile.  
_That was close,_ Syrus syed. "But little brothers are evil perverts, too!" Jaden added.  
"Oh dammit, Jaden!" Syrus cried!  
"Well I activate the Equip Spell card Happy Marriage!" Blair announced! Wedding bells appeared onto the field! "Now my Lub-Dub Girl gains Attack Points equal to Avian's!" Lub-Dub Girl was suddenly in a wedding dress!  
"Wanna get hitched?" Avian suggested.  
"…Maybe," Lub-Dub Girl responded, in a tsundere-tone, gaining Attack Points. (Lub-Dub Girl: 1400 Attack Points)  
"Yayz!" And that was how Avian got married to an eight year-old.  
"This is the worst episode EVAR!" Jaden cried in shock!

"Now, attack Sparkman!" Blair commanded! Lub-Dub Girl ran over to Sparkman and tripped. (The Non-Boy: 1400 Life Points) Sparkman casually walked up to Avian.  
_Wanna marry me?_  
"Uh, sorry, I don't roll that way," Avian said. Sparkman turned to Lub-Dub Girl.  
_… Wanna get married too?_  
"…Maybe," Lub-Dub Girl responded, in a tsundere-tone.  
_Okay._ Sparkman and Avian Superstar Saga tag-teamed in an attack at Jaden's Life Points!  
"AAAAH, THAT'S ILLEGAL AND IMMORAL AND YOU SHOULD DIE FOR BOTH MARRYING AN EIGHT YEAR-OOOOOLD!" Jaden screamed! (Jaden: 400 Life Points)  
"You can't beat me, Jaden," Blair said, activating her second transformation by taking off her hat and releasing her hair into the breeze, "'cause I'm dueling for LOVE!"  
"Did she say 'dueling for love'?" Zane asked. "Does she mean dueling with love?"  
"You're an idiot, but at least you're MY idiot," Alexis sighed.  
Zane's expression hardened!

"OOH," coaxed Winged Kuriboh, attempting to help Jaden rise up from the ground!  
"Shut UP! I KNOW I shouldn't have played two guys against Lub Dub Girl! Leave me alone, jerk!" Jaden drew his next card: Polymerization! "Aww, yeah, boyos! I'm TOTALLY gonna MOP 'DA FLOO' WIT' 'CHOO NOW! I summon Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!" And in a flash of flame, Burstinatrix came onto the field! (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points)  
"HEY!" Burstinatrix shouted!  
"GASP! Burstinatrix!" Avian gasped!  
_Burstinatrix!_ Sparkman thought!  
"Get away from MY girl!" Burstinatrix raged!  
"Oh crap, she's gonna kill us!" Avian cried! "What will we tell your wife?"  
_This never happened,_ worried Sparkman.  
"Uh, I did NOT know before this that Sparkman is gay, Avian was a lolicon, and Burstinatrix was a gay lolicon. Ugh, my deck's disgustin'. Let's just get this thing over with. I use Burst Return to bring mah boyos back into my hand, yo." Jaden slapped a Spell card down in lackluster fashion which featured Burstinatrix standing in front of a massive explosion, a la awesome movie fashion. Burstinatrix simply stared at Lub Dub Girl with maliciously confusing intent. Burstinatrix held out a whip.  
"Uh, I'm getting outta here," Avian decided, "AND I'm going to counseling over this. Ugh, most humiliating night of my life…"  
_Yeah, I'm goin' wherever HE'S goin',_ Sparkman stated. The two floated back into Jaden's hand, wimpily.  
"Now, Burstinatrix, I fuse you and Avian together!" Jaden said! Burstinatrix looked at Jaden sadly, and then complied.  
"Is it okay if I kill you and meet you later tonight?" Burstinatrix asked.  
"…Maybe," Lub-Dub Girl responded, in a tsundere-tone.  
"Okay!" Bustinatrix fused in the normal manner to create Elemental Hero Flame Wingman! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)  
"Now, kill that defenseless little girl with Flame Dragonarm!" Jaden commanded in a harsh manner! Flame Wingman held out his supah-coo' arm and thought, with both halves, _I'm sorry…_. They shot Lub Dub Girl with intense heat, thereby winning the game, and allowing that shojou background you've all forgotten about to fade away!  
"Crap I loooooooost!" (The Non-Boy: 0 Life Points, Game Over) "And what's worse," worried Blair, "is that now I have to get forcefully sent adrift at sea by a psychotic lady though I'm coming back in the next season or so!"  
"I'M USUALLY NOT PSYCHOTIC!" Alexis roared! "Now, Jaden, tie her up!" She tossed Jaden the ropes and raft she held up earlier, causing part of the poorly-constructed boat to break off.  
"Yo, that's harsh yo!" Jaden cried! "You REALLY don't have to kill little girls like that!"  
"Yes, yes I do," Alexis said cheerfully, hugging Zane's arm. "Plus, I've had no evidence of the girls from the past actually dying, so we don't really know~"

MEANWHILE, IN THE OCEAN SOMEWHERE…  
Several random girls in Duel Academy garb were sitting on a group of rafts, with their arms wrapped behind their backs. "I'm hungry," one said.  
"Me too," another agreed.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH—SCHOOL, I MEAN…  
"Wait, guys!" Syrus urged!  
"What is it?" Alexis inquired, turning to Syrus with a sadistic look that would make small kittens explode from sheer terror.  
_Okay, I officially DON'T have the crush from episodes two and three on her anymooooore!_ "Eh," Syrus struggled to begin, adjusting his glasses in a smart kid manner, "I just checked a future script! From the future! It says that she really IS coming back at the end of the second season! To lose a duel! And also, she's supposed to be EIGHT years old in this version!"  
"WHAT?" gasped everyone.  
"Hmm," Zane 'hmm'ed.  
"Oh, Zane," Blair sighed, "I guess you know now that I came to the school in disguise as an eighteen year-old boy who snuck into your room instead of Jaden and left a hair ornament and I fell in love with you the first time I met you huuuuuh?"  
"Right, at nationals," Zane remembered.  
"No, not really."

_Two years ago, Blair had stumbled into the nearby Convenience Mart™ to get some gum. SPEARMINT gum, to be exact. She walked over to the gum area and accidentally bumped into Zane Truesdale, who was wearing a 'three wolf moon' black t-shirt, khaki shorts, and an Ash Ketchum baseball cap! He was sipping some sort of root beer slushy. "Ahh!" she whimpered, falling to the floor.  
Zane crouched down to her level and placed his hand on her head, saying, "If you train really really hard, you can get into Duel Academy." Then he walked out of the Convenience Mart™.  
"Hey, that kid didn't pay for his drink!" a guy shouted! "No… wait." He stared at Blair. "It was just a trick o' the ol' eyes! He was actually a LITTLE GIRL!"  
"What?" Blair looked at her hands. She was holding the slushy now! "Uh, it wasn't me!"  
"Save it, chick. If you can't do the time, then don't do the crime." Suddenly she was in miniature handcuffs and was taken away by police officers!  
_…I LOVE bad boys,_ Blair blushed._

"And after I spent my two years in jail for YOUR crime, I came after you! Like a stalker! Aren't I cute?" Blair added a little wink.  
"Blair, I'm flattered by your sentiment," Zane said courteously, "I'm only in love with one thing right now: dueling." Alexis shot him a glance. "I'm sorry, but it's time for you to go home."  
"'Go home'? So she's NOT being tied up and placed in a raft to float adrift until she starves or something?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"No, of COURSE not, silly," Alexis declined, "you heard what Syrus said. She's plot-relevant. I wouldn't tie her up and set her on a raft adrift, would I?"

Two minutes later, Blair was simply pushed off on the crappy raft. "G'bye guys!" she bid.  
"YOU MEAN YOU'RE STILL DOING THIS?"Syrus and Koala Ko Ala screeched!  
"Come on, I didn't tie her up this time!"  
"Yo! See ya!" Jaden yelled! "You're gonna be more useful when you come back, I know it!"  
"I love you, Zane and Jaden!"  
"Take care!"  
"Bye!" Suddenly Blair's raft sprung a leak. "See ya next season, my loves!"  
"But her boat sprang a leak…" Syrus whimpered. "She's not gonna make it, will she? Also, am I the only one worried that we just crossed the line maybe SIX times this episode?"

"… Shut up, Syrus."

COMMENTARY

So, yes, this episode disturbed me once I got to the part with the duel. I pretty much went with what the episode was telling me… nah, that's a bad excuse. Either way, I'm not a lolicon, nor gay, OR a gay lolicon. So don't think that's where I got it all from! I'm not saying gays or lolicons suck, only the sucky ones, like those who cut people in lines.

So this was one of the few English-language episodes that had a FEW good jokes that I used (STOP CHEWIN' WIT' YO MOUTH OPEN!), and I hope that it was made very clear how much of a girl this girl was. And why was she Kaiba's sister? Well, why SHOULDN'T she have been?

And yes, Zane totally stole a slushie and blamed it all on a six year-old. He's horrible! Don't be his fangirls! Love Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills, if you must latch onto someone! AAAAAAAAAARGH!


	21. Episode 21: The Duel Off Part One

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episodes Twenty-One: The Duel Off

It was morning! And you know what THAT means… INTENSE GUITAR SOLOS! And as we were rocking out, we saw Ms. Dorothy leading a massive effort to deliver metric tons of card game supplies onto Duel Academy Island from a boat! "Alright, keep it moving!" she ordered a few men. "You know what happened LAST time we were late, the US Army got involved and those kids got involved with their murdering, and their slaying, and their greed, and their CRAZY ideas, and their Episode Four Making The Grades…" But then bubbles appeared in the water! _Huh? WATER doesn't make BUBBLES… or DOES IT?_ She shrugged it off as a scuba diver escaped from the piers to the weird cliff-y area of the island.

"HUAH!" he gasped, gulping in air, and taking off his scuba mask without air tank, which somehow allowed him to breathe the whole time! He had dusty brown hair tied up in the back, a scruffy, pointy chin, and the eyes of an ace reporter. "Great," he sighed, "I'm finally at Duel Academy…"

But who cares about that, as Crowler was somewhere in an office screaming "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR **MIND**?" It was at a table conference area thing with the eight other teachers at their school, making it even MORE confusing. "The school duel against North Academy is the most IMPORTANT thing EVAR! So we should use Zane, not Jaden YUCKY or Bastion, though he SURE can duel a tie match, eheheheh." Apparently Zane was in the room, and he was simply standing and doing nothing.  
"Well, Crowler," Chancellor Shepherd reasoned, "Zane's a good duelist, top-notch. But he CAN'T duel North Academy! Have you ever LISTENED to him?"  
Zane turned to Shepherd. "Of course, Chancellor," Zane said.  
"See! Those people will think that WE'RE idiots, TOO! Therefore, we must send a person who actually has a clue about what they're doing around here with a less-limited vocabulary."  
"Jaden Yuki," Zane said, in a matter-of-fact manner.  
"WHAAAAAAAAAT?" Crowler gasped!  
"No, actually Bastion and Jaden are still dueling each other, no matter how obvious the result will be and it doesn't matter how many times you say his name."  
"I second that motion," Professor Banner agreed.  
"MEOW, THIRD-ED," meowed Garfield.  
"Did that cat just speak English?"  
"Chancellor, Jaden will make Duel Academy proud, trust me," Zane promised.  
"Yeah yeah, shut up, you don't matter, because you're Syrus' brother. Now let's adjourn for Sammich Time." Chancellor Shepherd snapped his fingers and the lights went off. The table opened up and let a Sammich tray slowly rise from wherever it was stored, complete with dry ice mist and cool disco lights from the ceiling.  
"Hm," Zane smiled.  
"I know, right? Sammiches are great, why DID they never put them in the official release again?" Chancellor Shepherd shrugged as he took a bite. "Hm! Raspberry jam!"

MEANWHILE, IN A HALLWAY…  
The mysterious diver who wasn't diving anymore was creeping along the halls of Duel Academy until he found a storage room. He slipped inside, opened up a random locker, and pulled out a Slifer Red uniform. "There we go~," he sang, putting it on.

And now that this useless scene is over, we cut to Jaden, picking his nose. "Really?" he asked, sitting in Professor Banner's classroom with all of his classmates.  
"Yes, Jaden, and stop that. You will be dueling Bastion by the end of this episode. Alright?" Banner asked.  
"Sure, sure, I'm game." Jaden pulled his finger out of his nostril forcefully and turned around. Bastion was sitting behind him! "Heh," Jaden snickered.  
"Hm." Bastion gave a light smile.  
"Now, time for class to end," Banner announced. One screen-wipe later, class was over and Syrus-Koala Ko Ala tag-team-duo surrounded Jaden!  
"Are you excited?" Koala Ko Ala asked, giddily!  
"Are you too worried about losing to even move, thus gluing yourself to that desk for two days so that you miss the big duel?" Syrus asked, oddly.  
"Yo, no sweat!" Jaden sniffed. Suddenly, though, Bastion and his entourage walked over. Bastion adjusted his 'Baseball King' badge on his blue coat.  
"So Jaden, will you hold it against me if I win this one?" Bastion asked.  
"Gonna kick your ASS!" roared Fluffy Fred!  
"You can actually WIN, Bastion?" Jaden asked.  
"Well, yes, and I promise you that I'll try NOT to tie against you," Bastion laughed. "You see, ever since I beat Chazz, I've been formulating the PERFECT deck to face your Elemental Hero monsters, so I CAN'T lose!"  
"An anti-E-Hero deck? You mean Destiny Heroes, yo?"  
"No, no, not until Season Two! Anyways, bye now." Bastion walked away.  
"See you, loser!" Piggybank insulted!  
"Uh, I have to say something before I'm forgotten," Baseball Bob sighed.

"Wow," Syrus said, "he's made an entire deck just to fight you. How do you feel?"  
"Like a bajillion smackaroos, yo!" Jaden cheered! "It's gonna be a sticky match-up, and it's gonna be two tons 'a fun!"  
"That was the lamest thing I've heard you say so far!" Koala Ko Ala noticed.  
And meanwhile, by the door, as he was being showered with comments about how 'great and awesome' he was by his gang, Bastion thought seriously. _Damn, if I tied this one, it'd go to Jaden, as he's in a lower rank, explored when I dueled Chazz. But I NEED to win this one, in order to gain national attention and get rich quick for whatever reason! No matter what will happen to Jaden, I MUST win…_

A few seconds later, that old diver kid was walking through the hallway. He came upon two Obelisk Blues! "Yo, kids, what's shakin'?" he greeted. The two Obelisk Blue kids looked at his uniform with intense attention to detail.  
"Outta the way, Slifer Slacker," they grunted, coming to a conclusion, and pushed him away.  
"**WHAT. DID. YOU. JUST. SAY?**" he asked them threateningly.  
"Huh?"  
"Beat it, Slifer Sludge," grunted a Ra Yellow guy who bumped into him. Then something snapped. The three didn't know what hit them.

Just then, Jaden and friends walked by! "Oh, it's a new kid!" Jaden noticed! "New OLD kid!"  
"WAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Koala Ko Ala and Syrus! They had just walked into a scene straight out of a nightmare, as the Obelisk Blue guys were ripped apart at the torsos, their intestines strewn across the floors, and their organs thrown carelessly about. One's head was smashed open upon the floor, and his brains were spread on the wall, spelling out 'NO YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY'. The other's arms were clearly missing. The murderer was holding the Ra Yellow kid by the head and shoulders, and the poor guy was already missing a leg cut clean at the hip, and his chest had a gaping hole in it.  
"Please, no! I'm sorry!" he panted, toeing the line between life and death very dangerously.  
"**YOU DON'T REALLY MEAN IT, DO YOU NOW?**" the guy cruelly laughed, ripping the child's head off of his neck.  
"My name's Jaden! Nice 'ta meet'cha, bud!" greeted Jaden, courteously! That guy suddenly became a regular person again.  
"Hi!" They shook hands, getting Jaden's hand covered in blood.  
"Yo, my hand's covered in blood! Now I'm REALLY Slifer Red, hahaha!"  
"Jaden, he just decapitated a boy in front of your eyes," Syrus said.  
"I don't JUDGE people by the PAST, I do it by the PRESENT, yo!"  
"It JUST HAPPENED, and a few seconds ago it WAS the present!"  
"M'name's Mann McOldsmobile, and the car model was NOT named after my family!" Mann McOldsmobile introduced. "It was named after the Oldsmobiles, by the way. I was supposed to come here a few days ago, but some weird kid pushed me off the boat…

_He flashed back to a nice day on a ship. "I'm GOIN' to DUEL ACADEMY!" he cheered triumphantly, adjusting his red coat!  
"No you're not!" Blair shouted! She ripped the coat off of him and threw him into the ocean! She put it on and picked up a familiar hat. "Now I can LEGALLY enter Duel Academy in his place! Yay for getting to Zane!"  
"AHH! Good thing I brought my SCUBA MASK! Glub glub glub…"_

"And THAT'S why I has to swim for two days to get to Duel Academy," he concluded.  
"Why're you in your thirties, and why did you kill those people for insulting you?" Koala Ko Ala asked, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.  
"Oh, I'm really just eighteen, and I'm a sophomore," Mann McOldsmobile said, rubbing the back of his head. "I just LOOK really old. And I've been held back four times so far because I keep killing kids. So I thought, 'why not just go to the school with the LEAST harsh 'Don't Kill Kids' policy in town?' And here I am!"  
"You really ARE scary," Syrus shivered. Suddenly, his watch he's never worn before and will never wear again beeped uncontrollably! "Oh crap, it's suddenly six o'clock, the universal dinner time hour! We GOTTA get dinner NOW!"  
"Come on, I know a shortcut!" Jaden shouted, leading the way!

There was a simple screen transition, and then they were inside the Slifer Toolshed! "Wow, that WAS a shortcut!" Mann McOldsmobile chuckled! Then he looked down at his plate, consisting of: two sardines, a baby corn, a miniature bowl of rice, an even smaller bowl of soup, and an empty cup. "Aw, man, is this REALLY dinner?"  
"Yep!" Jaden told. "And no, you don't get a drink. You're supposed to eat the cup. For reals, yo."  
"He's right," Banner said, approaching while crunching a cup in his mouth. "Who are you, new student?"  
"Oh, uh, eh, ih, erm, oh…"  
"Actually," Syrus stepped in, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Blair metamorphosed into this guy and is the same person. Yes."  
"Oh, well see you later, Neo-Blair," Banner waved, walking in another direction. "Are there any cups left over? I'm still hungry."  
"Wow, thanks for helping me from having to explain something for myself, kid!" Mann McOldsmobile thanked.  
"Well it's better to be friends than being hunted down by the obviously competitively superior one here," Syrus syed.

Not much later, it was late at night, and Mann McOldsmobile was now inside of Jaden's Syrus's Koala Ko Ala's room. Jaden had his whole deck laid out in front of him, and he stared at it intently. "Your deck's lookin' good, Jay," Syrus complimented.  
"Thanks."  
"What's going on here?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"Oh, he's having the most important duel of his life until now tomorrow and he needs to check out his cards," Syrus informed.  
"WHAT? This is a CARD GAME HIGH SCHOOL?" Mann McOldsmoblie freaked out, placing his hands on both sides of his head!  
"Well, duh."  
"ANYWAYS, I wonder what kinds 'a heat Bastion's packin' for tomorrow, yo," Jaden sighed.  
"Well we'd better get ready for it soon," Syrus said.  
"Well guys, I'm tired, so which bunk can I have?" asked Mann McOldsmobile.  
"I get the bottom, and Koala Ko Ala gets the top," Syrus reminded.  
"And I get 'da floor!" Jaden cheerfully informed.  
"Darn, I love the floor," mumbled Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Wait," Koala Ko Ala urged, climbing onto the top bunk. He slid some sort of compartment out from the side of his upper-bunk, and out came a THIRD bed in a very dangerous-looking position!  
"Wow! Thanks, kid!" thanked Mann McOldsmobile, his eyes glimmering! Suddenly his eyes drifted over to a copy of Skyscraper lying on the ground. "Huh… Skyscraper…"  
"Yeah, I run a deck on it, yo!" Jaden said.  
_The reason I gasped overreactively when I was told this was a card game school…_ Mann McOldsmobile thought.

_He flashed back once again to a cool, painted picture of him standing in a Skyscraper field area with a Duel Disk. And in a second frame, he drew his card! A third picture revealed him getting blasted by a random dragon of some sort, and a fourth and final picture showed him on the floor under a spotlight, as melodramatic cherry blossom petals drifted onto him in a comical manner._  
"Hey, is that your favorite card?" Jaden asked.  
"NO… IT'S MY **LEAST** FAVORITE CARD!" He threw the Field Spell SO hard into the carpet that it shattered into eight pieces!  
"NOOOO… well, I have another," Jaden said, placing his second copy into his deck. "Why are you so against it?"  
"Because I lost a card game once and I never played it again because I was so pissed off. I just came here due to the badly-made rules of the academy," Mann McOldsmobile reminded.  
"That reminded me of the time we went to the abandoned dorm where kids were rumored to disappear due to them losing interest in dueling!" Koala Ko Ala reminisced.

"Abandoned dorm, huh?" Mann McOldsmobile asked, diving deeper into their society!  
"Yeah, we met lotsa chicks there. And TWO murderers!" Koala Ko Ala remembered.  
"Oh yeah, I remember the murderers!" Syrus said. "And the guy with the Darkwing Duck hat!"  
"He was a LAME magician," Jaden groaned, puffing out his cheeks.  
"Well time for bed," Mann McOldsmobile decided, snuggling up in his new third-bunk-bunk-bed.  
"G'night!" the kids said, cutting off the lights and getting into their respective areas.  
_Lotsa chicks, eh?_ Mann McOldsmobile plotted. Suddenly his bunk broke off of the main bed and crushed Jaden. _Time to meet some ladies!_ Mann McOldsmobile walked out of the room and onto the Slifer Toolshed deck, bumping into Crowler, who was using a cup pressed to its ear to hear through the walls.  
"Wah!" Mann McOldsmobile gasped! "Who're you?"  
"Shut up and go away," Crowler shoo-ed, "I'm plotting evil things."  
_This lady's CRAZY! Or man. Let's get OUTER here!_ Mann McOldsmobie fled!

MEANWHILE, BY A DECAYING BUILDING…  
Alexis, Angry McArgue, and Nancy Wut placed roses by their favorite abandoned building. "Take care," said Alexis.  
"Be safe," Angry McArgue said.  
"We haven't had much screentime lately, have we?" Nancy Wut wondered.  
"You're right!" Angry McArgue agreed.  
"Hey, he was right! Chicks!" Mann McOldsmobile entered the scene!  
"Ew he's gross and old!" Angry McArgue gasped!  
"OH NOES!" Nancy Wut screamed!  
"No, I'm eighteen, I swear!" He took out a driver's license from his wallet. It said it was issued in 1974. "Crap, I got dad's license by mistake!"

"Let's get out of here, girls," Alexis ordered, "this guy can't be trusted. He's got a license that says he's AT LEAST thirty." The three girls briskly walked away.  
"Aw… BUT I SHALL NOT GIVE UP!" Mann McOldsmobile reckoned!  
"Hey, that's MY gig!" Shades Milligan growled, walking out from the shadows!  
"Why are you wearing shades at night?" Mann McOldsmobile asked, fearful for his life!  
"I'm a cyborg. And I've got my robo-eyes on you. Stay away from she-who-shall-soon-be-my-girlfriend, you hear me?" Shades Milligan flew away using his rocket thrusters carefully placed in his shoes.  
"…Well, I guess this scene was entirely pointless," Mann McOldsmobile decided.

MEANWHILE, IN THE ROOM OF A GANG LEADER…  
Bastion was in his cool Obelisk Blue room, on the computer, while his three followers were strewn out on his massive bed, sleeping. Bastion's computer was covered in white paint, even the screen. "This is the LAST time I'm letting those people paint my stuff," Bastion growled. He could barely make out images of Flame Wingman and Thunder Giant on his ruined screen. "If I'm to beat Jaden tomorrow, I have to figure out the science behind his monsters," he self-narrated, "and that means I have to be able to take out Avian and Burstinatrix before he can summon his trump card, Flame Wingman. But then, there's his other main monster, Thunder Giant. I need to kill Clayman and Sparkman as well. But how…? How do I take care of his main monsters before he summons them?

"Wait… I've got it." Bastion leaned back in his chair! "All I need is 'that' card, and I've automatically won! But… do I REALLY want to WIN this?"  
_[/watch?v=ibJhcheHdyE&feature=related]There was another flashback, of Bastion living in England. He was a much younger boy, and he was just about to finish up a duel against a little school friend of his along the River Thames! "Now, Automatic Steamboat, attack him directly!" he ordered, as a steamboat with robot legs stomped all over his opponent.  
"AAAAAH," screamed the boy. (Bastion's Friend: 0 Life Points, Game Over) "That was a great game, Bastion," the kid congratulated.  
"Heh, thanks, random friend of mine," Bastion thanked courteously. Suddenly, there was a massive disturbance in the air. A meteor fell from the sky RIGHT on top of his old buddy, killing him instantly!  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Bastion cried!_

_And so he went to the funeral, located next to the scenic London Eye Ferris wheel. There was much crying. A mysterious lady walked up to Bastion with a Duel Disk, and she had obviously been crying recently, dressed in black. "Hey kid," she sniffled, "the best way to get over a relative or friend's death… is with a card game!"  
"Alright," Bastion agreed, taking a Duel Disk out from nowhere, in his funeral suit!_

_"Now, Manatee Roadrage, attack her directly!" Bastion ordered, as a manatee gangster ran over the lady in his car.  
"Ugh!" the lady groaned! (Some Lady: 0 Life Points, Game Over) "Thank you, I think I feel better now," the lady thanked Bastion.  
"You're welcome," Bastion said. But then suddenly, the London Eye wiggled and wobbled dangerously! It rolled off of its foundations and right over the lady, killing her instantly! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Bastion cried!_

_And so, he went to her funeral, located on the top of Big Ben. There was much crying and suffering. Then the most important man in England walked up to the young lad. "Aye, lad," he told him, "that woman was my granddaughter, and she used to be such a good duelist,"  
"She was," Bastion agreed.  
"Now, what's you say to a memorial duel in her honor?" the most important man in England proposed.  
"That sounds good," Bastion agreed, uncertain._

_"Now, attack him directly, Laser Beam Rodent!" Bastion ordered! His large, purple rat fired laser beams at the most important man in England!  
"Ugh!" the most important man in England grunted! (the most important man in England: 0 Life Points, Game Over) "Lad, that was a great game," the most important man in England said, "I'm sure my granddaughter can rest in peace now…"_

_But as soon as he'd said that, something was wrong. Something was REALLY wrong. The Eiffel Tower came hurtling down from the stratosphere and impaled the most important man in England! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Bastion cried! The other mourners all turned to Bastion!  
"'Ey!" a guy shouted! "He just killed the most important man in England through winnin' a card game! He's bad luck!"  
"No, no I'm not!" Bastion whimpered!  
"He's killed three people!"  
"A POX UPON THEE!"  
"Where'd the Eiffel Tower come from?"  
Suddenly, a massive crowd holding torches and pitchforks arrived on the scene! "Hey, let's kill this bloody child before he duels us ALL!" they suggested!  
"YEAH, LET'S KILL'M!" The crowd steadily advanced around the Eiffel Tower as Bastion's parents, who are pretty un-described, came to him with a hang glider!_

_"Hang on!" Bastion's dad said, grabbing his boy and his wife! They leaped off the clock tower and sailed into the skies.  
"What're we going to do now, dad and mum?" Bastion asked, teary-eyed.  
"Isn't it obvious?" asked his mom. "We're escaping to Japan in order to avoid prosecution! Now hurry, learn Japanese before we land, okay, son?"  
"But what if someone asks me to duel there?" Bastion asked.  
"Well, just don't duel them!" his mom suggested.  
"Now honey," Bastion's dad disagreed, "there's five things you don't mess with in Japan. Number one: cherry blossoms. Two: tea. Three: sushi. Four: Evangelion and its many, many spin-offs, and number five: trading card games. We don't want the other kids to say he's a freak because he doesn't play card games, right?"  
"Oh," Bastion's mom understood suddenly. "Then why don't you just play tie matches against everyone you meet? That will get you undivided respect, right?"  
"But people will think I'm an idiot," Bastion said.  
"It's better than losing and killing people, right?" said his mother, as they glided over Russia._

_It's better than losing and killing people, right?_ The words rang clearly in his head as if his mom had just said it again herself. "But do I really want to lose this match? Am I REALLY so GREEDY as to gamble the life of my close friend in order to gain the respect of the world? Eh, yeah." Bastion turned off his computer and went to sleep with no regrets. "What're the chances it'll happen again, after all these years?"

THE! NEXT! MORNING!  
[/watch?v=suAvxsNKwdc] "Awright, y'all! Getcho' eat on!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
Jaden (who was wrapped tightly in bandages) and his friends were in the Slifer Toolshed eating area for breakfast!  
"Does that happen EVERY time?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"Yep," responded Koala Ko Ala.

"Oh, and sorry my bed snapped off of Koala's bed and crushed you last night," Mann McOldsmobile apologized.

"Nah, s'okay, yo!" Jaden forgave.  
"Just don't eat too much, 'kay?" Syrus suggested. "We DON'T want you getting real full, then becoming really stressed out during the match so that you explode, showering the audience with breakfast food!"  
"That'll never happen," Mann McOldsmobile shrugged.  
"No, Syrus DOES have a point," Jaden said, removing his useless bandages. "And just because I was crushed by an incredibly heavy bed DOES NOT mean I'm injured!" Suddenly his right arm fell off. "Ignore that," he suggested, screwing it back on.

LATER! THAT! DAY!  
The Duel Dome was flooded with light. The crowd was excited as excited as some guy who was incredibly excited, don'cha know. And in the center of it all… was Crowler. "ALRIGHT, STUDENTS," it announced, "TODAY IS THAT DAY YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR, THE GAME TO DECIDE WHO SHALL FACE OUR RIVALS WHOM WE'VE NEVER SPOKEN OF BEFORE THIS VERY WEEK!"  
"Shut up, we know!" a rude kid shouted.  
"If it's so blindingly bright, why does it have to be CROWLER that we can only see?" a girl yelled.  
"Blah blah blah blah blah!" another kid said, supporting the last statement.  
"Ugh, fine." The lights went out and the Duel Dome was normal again. "So Bastion versus Jaden Yucky. Let the game begin."  
At one end of the arena stood Bastion. At the other was Jaden. "WE LOVE YOU BASTION XXOO LOVE KISS MWUH!" screamed several supporters.  
"Uh, Jaden's… kinda cool!" shouted back Jaden's very few fans.  
"I wish ya luck pal yo!" Jaden said.  
"I appreciate it," Bastion said, uncomfortable with what he must do, "but I've spent the entire night figuring out the science behind your deck. So get ready to lose." Both duelists held out their Duel Disks. "I'M COMMIN' AT 'CHA!"

Meanwhile, Mann McOldsmobile ran around the halls past the entrance to the Duel Dome. "Crap, where's that big duel being held again?" he wondered aloud. "I'm totally lost!" He entered the library, which nobody really EVER used, and ran up to a computer. "Okay, I think I can use this thing to figure out where the duel is!" he realized! He grinned evilly as he woke a computer out of sleep mode, prompting him to stare at a 'DA' background and 'enter your password' into a small box. He entered a few digits in.  
"Password denied."  
His expression turned from creepy glee to despair. "AAAAAUGH, I DON'T HAVE A PASSWOOOOORD!"

"GET YOUR GAME ON!" Jaden ordered!  
"BOO," someone said!  
"DUEL!" Bastion shouted! (Bastion: 4000 Life Points, Jaden: 4000 Life Points)  
And so the intense dueling action was kicked off forcefully by intense music you WISH you had as your theme song! [/watch?v=WYFN6mB9Tzk] "I summon Carbongeddon in Defense Mode!" Bastion said, playing a weird dinosaur constructed out of carbon and carbon byproducts! (Carbongeddon: 600 Defense Points) "Your move!"  
"Is that ALL? I summon Burstinatrix!" Jaden shouted, slightly one-upping Bastion.  
"Hooyah!" shouted Burstinatrix, arriving in fiery glory! (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points)  
"Now, attack!" Jaden ordered, in an intensely useless pose! Burstinatrix took on the pose, by stretching her arm out far further than human physically should be able to, making Carbongeddon explode somehow! "Then I'll THROW DOWN a FACE-DOWN and end my turn, G!" Jaden finished, setting a card.  
"BOO," someone said.

"Well, Jaden, I'll just summon Oxygeddon!" Bastion released a pterodactyl created out of pure windy energy onto the field, laughing in the face of logic! (Oxygeddon: 1800 Attack Points) "Kill Burstinatrix!"  
"No way, Joes! I activate Hero Barrier!" Jaden's Trap flipped up, featuring a weird windy barrier covered in electricity! "I get to negate your attack now!" A giant 'H' appeared, scaring off Oxygeddon.  
"An 'H', well played," complimented Bastion. He looked at his hand. _But do I really want to play this card? Yeah, kinda._ "I'll set a card and end my turn," Bastion said, placing down the card that will seal Jaden's fate forever!

"Who cares, I Summon Sparkman and give him Sparkman's Gun!" Jaden shouted! Sparkman flew onto the scene, holding his lucky pistol! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)  
"The gun, too?" gasped Syrus! "He's REALLY pulling out all stops!"  
"Shoot 'dat dino, man!" Jaden said. Sparkman did as he was told, shooting Oxygeddon, who was forced into Defense Mode to lick its wounds. (Oxygeddon: 800 Defense Points) "And now, with no care for that guy's effect, Burstinatrix! Use Magma Comet!" Burstinatrix forced some flames into a hard sphere of heat, which was flung at the windy dinosaur!  
_Just like the meteor that killed my random friend,_ Bastion remembered. "Sorry, but when my Oxygeddon is killed by fire, we BOTH take 800 points of damage, due to oxygen and fire and whatnot!"  
"Holy yo! THAT ain't good!" The fireball of fury bounced off of Oxygeddon, prompting a FLAMING ARMAGEDDON! The entire Duel Dome was consumed in flaming rage! Several spectators caught on fire due to the holograms! (Bastion: 3200 Life Points, Jaden: 3200 Life Points) "Who cares, yo! You're wide open! Attack him directly, Sparkman!" Sparkman aimed and shot Bastion with a bullet charged with electrical electricity!  
_Just like my life-ending direct attacks…_ Bastion thought. _Too many memories._ (Bastion: 1600 Life Points)

Meanwhile, in the stands, as a few kids ran around screaming due to being on fire, Chancellor Shepherd was sitting near Crowler and Professor Banner. See, I don't call it 'Professor Crowler' because it's a big immature jerk, right? "Boy, Jaden SURE was a good choice there, huh, Banner?" asked Chancellor Shepherd.  
"Zane was right," Banner agreed, "and Jaden DOES have a kickass theme song."  
"I GET IT ALREADY," Crowler groaned.

"So, Bastion, you've got two monsters starin' you down," Jaden said, pointing to Burstinatrix and Sparkman. "Will you A: Throw in the towel, B: Beg for mercy, or C: Run home to momma?"  
"I'll take D;" Bastion answered in his thick, British accent, "you're an idiot! Stop copying other stupid people! I just DARE you to use Polymerization, Jaden!"  
"Dah, sounds good to me!"  
_Now once he uses that,_ Bastion thought, _I can dominate. There's still time to make up my mind about it, but not right now._ "I summon Hydrogeddon and attack Burstinatrix!" A large spray of brown, muddy water splooshed up under Burstinatrix like a geyser, blowing her up, and then flying onto Bastion's field to form the cool dinosaur we like better than the other two, yeah! (Jaden: 2800 Life Points) "Now I'll summon a second one from my deck, as I killed Burstinatrix," Bastion added, allowing a second Hydrogeddon to bubble up from the depths, "and I'll play an Equip Spell called Living Fossil!" A picture of a gentleman dinosaur hittin' the nightclubs appeared on the card! "I can summon Oxygeddon back from the Graveyard and equip it with this!" Oxygeddon appeared out of nowhere, wearing a top hat and monocle now! "Then I'll use Bonding – H2O, like when I dueled Chazz!"  
"Oh crap yo!" Jaden gasped!  
"I tribute my three monsters in order to summon Water Dragon!" The three dinosaurs swirled together and turned into the remarkable awesome serpent made of gushing, swirling water! It towered over puny Sparkman, causing him to drop his Sparkman's Gun in surprise. (Water Dragon: 2800 Attack Points)  
"Ah! Yo, Sparkman! Pick that gun back up now!" Jaden ordered! "We can beat that thing, okay?" Sparkman picked his gun back up, symbolizing trust…

"HAH! I knew Bastion would beat Jaden," Crowler huffed. "In your faces," it told Banner and Shepherd.  
"I'm your boss, you know, so I _can_ fire you, y'know."  
"Oh yeah…"

"How'll Jaden beat THAT thing?" Syrus screamed! "This is IMPOSSIBLE! IT'S GAME OVER! AUGH, I'M IN DESPAIR! JADEN WILL NEVER BEAT THAT THING!"  
"SHUT UP, I'M STILL ON FIRE!" Koala Ko Ala screamed, trying to beat out his flaming shoulders!

"Well, you asked for it, so I'll use… POLYMERIZATION!" Jaden roared, holding out Avian and Bubbleman!  
_This is it._ As the weird tornado portal thing opened up, eating up the three monsters, and as Avian waved hello, Bastion waved his arm. "I activate my Trap card, Cursed Spell of Sealing!" An evil-looking yellow pattern on the card was spewing out purple waves of energy… which spread onto the field, consuming the Polymerization portal!  
"OH NO!" screamed Avian!  
"'Oh no' is right," Bastion acknowledged, "as now your Polymerization is negated, and if I discard a Spell card, your Polymerization cards CANNOT be activated for the whole duel." He placed a random Spell into the Graveyard. All at once, the portal imploded and Jaden's deck spat out his other two Polymerization cards!  
"No, that's umpossible!" Jaden cried! "I ALWAYS use Polymerization!"  
"Too bad," Bastion snickered, "because this time, I'M winning. I've used several hours of sleepless nights pondering the way to stopping you from pulling off an impressive, random, asspull-ish comeback! And it came to me last night! The science of your deck revolves COMPLETELY around your usage of Polymerization, Flame Wingman, and Thunder Giant! Plus the other ones I don't care much about. And now, I SHALL win this game, showing to you ALL that I am NOT stupid, and I CAN win a card game!"

"Heh, you spent HOURS trying to figure that out, Bastion?" Jaden laughed. "Even I knew that if I were to duel myself, I'd have to deal with getting rid of those fusions! You're STILL an idiot!"  
"Oh," Bastion groaned, slumping over. "But if I'm an idiot, then why is YOUR deck completely useless now?"  
"Naw, dude, it's NOT useless!" Jaden disagreed! "Because you see here," Jaden continued, holding out his Duel Disk, "there are SEVERAL other monsters in this baby who are MORE than ready, willin' and able to kick your ass! I can STILL win this thing, as long as I believe in my last name!"  
"What's he talking about?" Syrus wondered. "Wait… oh yeah, 'Yu'! As in, 'Yu-Gi-Oh'! And 'Yugi' Muto! And Jaden Yuki! Why didn't I really pay attention to it earlier, unlike Alexis?"  
"I'M STILL ON FIRE!" screamed Koala Ko Ala.  
"And so," Jaden said, allowing a great, blinding light to glow behind himself, "I believe. Go ahead, Bastion. Just TRY it, I'll out-do you two-fold, yo. GET YOUR GAME ON."  
"BOO," someone said.

TO BE CONTINUED…

COMMENTARY

So yeah, here's another two-parter, and maybe the best usage of serious comedy I've ever used so far.

But first things first: I added a new main character! Because I was angry at the show for putting this guy in in the first place as a reporter who wanted to close up the school for a reason I forgot about because I didn't care, I thought about it for a long time. So I made him a really old (for 10th grade) student. And as a bonus, all the pointless scenes (him at the abandoned dorm, him at the computer) were all done because of what the original show had forced upon me. So why waste them?

And secondly, I FINALLY used this episode to explain why Bastion has never really won. Sure, I COULD have left it as it was, a gimmick with no real purpose rather than comedy, or I could have explained it in an unsatisfying way. So I combined them: I explained it in a hilariously serious fashion.

So the next episode will be devoted to Jaden attempting to kick Bastion's ass without Fusion monsters. SHALL HE WIN? OR SHALL HE LOSE? Meh, it's kinda obvious. So interpret it as you will.


	22. Episode 22: The Duel Off Part Two

MEANWHILE, AT THAT PLACE, ON THAT CHANNEL!  
Earlier in the day, Jaden and bros were watching television. "So Jaden, that was SOME breakfast, I tell 'ya what!" Syrus syed contentedly, rubbing his tummy and telling us about when this took place. "Are you ready to beat Bastion?"  
"SHH! This commercial! It's cool!" Jaden commanded, staring hard at the TV!  
"What is it?" asked Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Oh, he's just commercial-crazy," Koala Ko Ala explained, "these days he'll get ANYTHING they tell him to."

[/watch?v=81pQ4KaU94s&feature=related] Cool music started as Tengu Man from the original Mega Man game series appeared in front of an exciting background! "HEY!" he called, in a vaguely Spanish accent. "Do YOU want to be like THIS?"  
The screen cut to a kid. Then the kid was crushed as an airplane plowed into the ground. "NO, you do NOT want to be like THAT!" Tengu Man assured. "Do you want to be like THIS guy?"

It cut to a famous movie clip. Tetsuo Kaga stood on top an airplane, which had a flaming wing and was headed straight for Mount Everest! "The only thing that truly matters… is shogi!" He laughed maniacally as the plane rapidly surpassed the sound barrier and he was burned to cinders.

"Do you wanna be like THAT guy? NOOOO!" shouted Tengu Man! "And if you DON'T want to be like those two guys, then buy Tengu Man Airplane Insurance." It cut to another random kid.  
"I don't wanna be like those two," he stated, just before being crushed by an airplane.  
"Well then, BUY IT!" Tengu Man stressed! "See, here's how it works. You buy it, you get hit by an airplane, and then we give you hospital fees. Now, how much does it cost? Only one payment of one million dollars. It cut to a DRAMATIC LOOK CHIPMUNK meme, where at the end a speech bubble appeared next to the groundhog-thing saying, 'WOAH! That's a lotta dineros!'

"DON'T worry, everyone, because when you get injured, we pay you one million dollars, and a penny," Tengu Man said.  
"WHAT?" screamed a guy.  
"Yes, and one penny!"  
"It's SO worth it!" screamed a lady! Then she was hit by an airplane.  
"Oh, so sad, she didn't buy airplane insurance yet," Tengu Man tsked. "But you CAN! All you have to do is call 1800-TEN-GUMA….N… and we'll send you the information you need to get what you deserve after your horrific airplane injuries. So call now!"

The ad ended with a blue screen, the phone number, and the Tengu Man's Airplane Insurance logo. "Even IF there's a small chance of this happening to you," said an announcer, "would YOU like to take that chance? Call today!"

"That was so dumb," Koala Ko Ala said disapprovingly.  
"When would you EVER get hit by an airplane?" Syrus asked. "I mean, my statistics I got outta nowhere says there's a one-in-a really high number chances of you getting hit by an airplane!"  
"Was that Tengu Man?" Old McOldsmobile asked, confused.  
"Where'd I hide my million dollars?" wondered Jaden, as he held up his YugiNavi™ and looked around the room for his million dollars.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode Twenty-Two: The Duel Off

The bright light behind Jaden faded away quickly, leaving Jaden feeling badly. "Oh crap, mah theme song's over…"  
[/watch?v=zW3wvLfkm2I] "AND MINE IS JUST BEGINNING!" Bastion shouted!  
But that doesn't matter much, as we cut to the library again as Mann McOldsmobile was still in the library, struggling with the computer. "If I could just crack this code, I can figure out where the duel's taking place!" he said, for no real reason. Suddenly, it worked! He was logged in! "Yes, I'm in!" he cheered! A cool graphic of the three Slifer-Ra-Obelisk dudes flew by the screen before he was on Internet Explorer. "Okay, now to look up the duel's location," Mann McOldsmobile plotted… until he got a generic Blue Screen of Death. "Aw crap!" he grunted, as a widescreen television behind him played the duel in progress.

All Jaden had was Sparkman and Avian on his side, while Bastion had Water Dragon. Things didn't look good for him. "I'll put Sparkman into Defense Mode and end my turn," Jaden said, finishing up. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Mode)  
"Well I'll play the Mathamagician!" Bastion summoned a weird old scholarly man with a staff!  
"HMMMMMMM-hmm!" he hummed. (Mathamagician: 1500 Attack Points)  
"What a DUMB guy!" Jaden chuckled.  
"Well, when he's summoned, his SMART ability discards the top card of my deck, and when he's killed in battle, I can add ANY card from my deck to my hand!" Bastion said, discarding his card. "And now, destroy his monsters!" Water Dragon reared up and spat a colossal amount of water at Sparkman, while Mathamagician shot numbers at Avian!  
"I never liked math!" Avian cried! They both exploded.  
"Aw man," Jaden groaned.

Meanwhile, Mann McOldsmobile was walking around the halls. "I give up, I can't find it," he cried! Suddenly he remembered. _The duel's at the Duel Dome!_ Jaden had told him right before they left to see it. _The Duel Dome, yo!_ Jaden said as they walked over to the Duel Dome. _DUUUUUEL DOOOOME!_ Jaden laughed, as they all walked into the Duel Dome. "Now HOW did I forget where it was if I was in there a few minutes ago?" he asked himself, as he walked past the entrance.

"I end my turn Jaden," Bastion told his opponent.  
"Good, because I just drew Mirage of Nightmare!" Jaden announced, drawing a card of a man screaming at some mummies.  
"Well, that's good, I guess."  
"And I summon Bubbleman!" Jaden added, summoning Bubbleman, the dumb Batman! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "When he's the only card on my side of the field, I can draw two cards, and I'll also equip him with Bubbleman's Bazooka!" Bubbleman magically regained his awesome bazooka! (Bubbleman: 1600 Attack Points) "Kill that dumb old guy!" Bubbleman shot a giant water droplet at the Mathamagician with intense effort!  
"OO-haaah!" the guy screamed, blowing up. (Bastion: 1500 Life Points)  
"Well, I get my new card now, Jaden!" Bastion celebrated, getting a cool new card!  
"Well I can top THAT with TWO face-downs!" Jaden raged, setting TWO cards face down! "I'll also play Mirage of Nightmare and end it here! Even if you take away my Fusion monsters, I come right back at 'ya, like Kirby or something!"  
"From Nintendo?"  
"That's the one!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Well he's copyrighted! Don't you see, I don't CARE how many speeches you make, I'll STILL defeat you!" Bastion drew a card, thus causing Mirage of Nightmare to glow! "What's this?"  
"When your turn begins, Mirage of Nightmare gets me four cards, Bastion! Then I'll use my face-down, Emergency Provisions!" His kipper and cracker snack card appeared! "I'll get rid of my Mirage of Nightmare to gain 1000 Life Points!" The card's image turned into a cracker, which he promptly ate up. "Yum." (Jaden: 3800 Life Points)

"Who cares? I said I'd figured out the science behind your deck a LONG time ago. I play Pot of Greed!" Bastion sent his card into the Graveyard and drew his two new cards. "Furthermore, I've discarded ten cards since I played Carbongeddon, allowing me to use its special ability! By removing him from play now, I can summon the diamond dragon, Hyozanryu!" And from nowhere appeared a dragon covered in diamonds!  
"RYAAAAAAGH!" he screeched! (Hyozanryu: 2100 Attack Points)  
"Both of you! Kill his bazooka and Bubbleman!" Bastion's diamond dragon somehow EXHALED a giant pile of diamonds at Bubbleman and his weapon, destroying it! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) Then came Water Dragon's assault. Another massive stream of watery damnation came crashing down upon Bubbleman, killing him with his own element! (Jaden: 1800 Life Points)  
"I use Hero Signal!" Jaden shouted, flipping his Trap card face-up! A huge 'H' appeared, similar to earlier! The monsters were held spellbound by it! "I'll summon an Elemental Hero from my deck! Come on out, Clayman!" And from his deck appeared Clayman, looking as round as ever.  
"Well then, my friend, I'll end my turn with one card face-down," Bastion concluded.

"And my turn's just beginning!" Jaden yelled, drawing just the card he needed. "I activate the Warrior Returning Alive!" Jaden said, as Bubbleman came back from the dead! "Next I use Bubble Shuffle! It changes the positions of both Bubbleman and one of your monsters to Defense Mode!"  
"Darn, that's just what he needed!" Bastion realized! His giant awesome dragon and the stupid-looking guy ducked down into Defense Mode as a giant whirlwind constructed from a bunch of bubbles surrounded Bubbleman!  
"I guess that means you know what else it does, right?" Jaden checked. "I now use the effect to tribute Bubbleman in order to summon Elemental Hero Bladedge from my hand!" And at once the whirling bubbles disappeared and Bubbleman was gone, replaced with Bladedge, the golden blade hero! (Bladedge: 2600 Attack Points)  
"He's PULSE-POUNDINGLY AWESOME!" Syrus gasped, spitting up blood!  
"AND HE'S EVEN BETTER AFTER I PLAY SKYSCRAPER!" Jaden roared, playing his favorite Field card! Towers of all shapes (as long as they were rectangular) and sizes (as long as they were tall) grew out of the floor, just like magic! "Now, whenever my monster fights a stronger guy, they gain 1000 Attack Points, yo!" Bladedge geared up for battle, conquest and women as he gained the city beat of the city street! "Kill Water Dragon now, with Slice 'n Dice Attack!" Jaden shouted! (Bladedge: 3600 Attack Points)

Bladedge's back-blades automatically became a jetpack! How extreme! With the speed of a really cool, fast, blade-themed man, he flew through the business district of Skyscraper City, and collided with Water Dragon! Pushing through with all his might, the Water Dragon exploded. "No!" Bastion cried! (Bastion: 500 Life Points) "Argh, this isn't too good."  
"ROOOOOOOOOOOAR!" roared the crowd, deafening several poor people!  
"Yeah, baby!" Jaden shouted! "I'm IN IT to WIN IT! And I'm winning it! Aren't I great?"  
"Not yet, you aren't!" Bastion took three guys out from his Graveyard!  
"What're you doin', yo?" Jaden asked, confused!  
"When Water Dragon is defeated, I can bring back my three original monsters onto the field!" Bastion laid out his three cool dudes! (Oxygeddon, Hydrogeddon 1, and Hydrogeddon 2: 800 and 1000 Defense Points, respectively) "Next I'll activate a Trap card called Last Magnet!" Bastion's newest card featured some idiot knight getting hit by a giant magnet in a comical fashion.  
"That knight's an idiot!" Jaden gasped!  
"Just think of Bladedge as that knight."  
"Okay… wait! He's not an idiot!"  
"Not yet!" warned Bastion! "When one of my monsters is killed, the attacker is hit by a magnet in a comical fashion and loses 800 Attack Points!" Out of thin air, a large magnet appeared over Bladedge! He looked up and sweated profusely as the magnet fell, emitting a whistling sound, and bonked him so hard that he became stuck into the ground.  
"Ha ha, that was funny!" an audience member laughed.  
"Just like in the cartoons!" another person said.  
"GO BASTION YOU RULE LOL!" screamed Piggybank, much to everyone's dismay.  
_Wow, the audience really likes me!_ Bastion gasped, mentally, happy to be noticed positively! _As long as this isn't a tie matchup, then they'll REALLY stop thinking I'm an idiot! 4 realz, yo! I'm diggin' it!_

"Gat' dangit, that IS pretty funny!" Jaden roared! "But not when I use my Clayman in order to attack, leaving him completely unguarded next turn AND a sitting duck to BOOT!" Elemental Hero Clayman grunted as a flamin' background filled him with enough strength to gain decent stats! (Clayman: 1800 Attack Points) "Now, attack with Clay Clobbererer…er…er." Clayman ZOOOOOMED forward, as if his feet were roller skates that he had no knowledge of control over! He came to a halt in front of Oxygeddon and CLOBBERED him or it in the jaw! Or maybe that was a female dinosaur.

"WOAH!" cried the crowd!  
"HE ATTACKED A MONSTER!"  
"WITH ELEMENTAL HERO CLAYMAN!"  
"I'M SPEECHLESS! I LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING TO SAY! IT'S SO AWE-INSPIRING THAT IF I ACTUALLY **SAID** SOMETHING, I'D RUIN IT COMPLETELY—"  
"SHUT! UP!"  
"Okay."  
"Wow, he attacked with Clayman!" Koala Ko Ala said.  
"Yeah," agreed Syrus, "but now Clayman's in Attack Mode. So now he'll get attacked. And then he'll get killed. And then Jaden will lose. And then we'll all be depressed because Bastion just ruined the next two-part episode for us all."  
"Why do I hang out with you, again?"

Suddenly Mann McOldsmobile entered the scene! "Wow, who KNEW that the room filled with screaming dueling enthusiasts was ACTUALLY the Duel Do—HOLY CRAP!" His mouth agape, he stood in fear of the field. "SK-SK-SK-SK-SK-SKY-SKY-SKY-SK-SK-SK-SKYSCRA-SKY-SK-SKYSC-SKY-SKYSCRAPER-**SKYSCRAPER!**" _The card that defeated me that one time back then at that place when I was there!_

_He flashed back to his dueling days, a few weeks ago. He was standing in picturesque Skyscraper City, holding out his hand of cards. "Hmm, when he ends his turn, I'll use this one card in my hand with this one card on my field to get this one card from my deck to WIN the game!" But his dreams were crushed as soon as he saw… the Generic Dragon. (Mann McOldsmobile: 1 Life Point) (Generic Dragon: 2 Attack Points)  
"Okay, Generic Dragon," Jaden said, "attack him directly with You Could Have Seen This Coming – A Dragon Fire-Based Attack!" The dragon inhaled air and exhaled fire at Mann McOldsmobile!  
"Oh NOOOOOOO!" Mann McOldsmobile cried! (Mann McOldsmobile: -1 Life Points, Game Over) He slumped over in despair and dropped his cards. "I'm a FAILURE at DUELING! I won those OTHER fourteen games; BUT IT WAS ALL A FLUKE! A SERIES of consecutive FLUKES! Wahahah…" He ripped off his Duel Disk and threw it away into a nearby lake, thus electrifying it into submission. A helicopter arrived suddenly.  
"Well, I'd better get back to Duel Academy, where you can kill kids without penalty, yo!" Jaden bid, grabbing a helpful rope ladder. As the helicopter flew off, he added "Get your game on, yo!"  
"BOO," someone said, freaking the bejeebers out of Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Oh, and you're expelled for killing a kid," said a principal of a school, pointing to the body of a classmate Mann McOldsmobile had killed a few minutes before the duel over a nickel they'd found on the street. _Damn,_ Mann McOldsmobile thought through the tears, touching the nickel in his pocket._

Back to Bastion, the yellow kid drew his next card. "Well Jaden, I see that you've just killed a monster in an excellent play with Clayman," he said, "but it may have been smarter just to lay down a face-down card and put Clayman in Defense Mode, you know."  
"No way!" Jaden gasped, finally realizing that Clayman only has 800 Attack Points!  
"Well," Bastion sighed, "I suppose I'll hurry this duel to a close by activating Litmus Doom Ritual." A giant two-pronged tuning fork grew from the earth, charging an orb of electrical POWAH for some unknown reason. "I'll tribute eight stars' worth of monsters in order to summon a new Ritual Monster." His two Hydrogeddons imploded, making the tuning fork get even MORE electrical!  
"Aw man! NOBODY likes Ritual Monsters! NOBODY!" Jaden screamed!  
"You're insensitive!" Bastion accused! "Now appear, Litmus Doom Swordsman!" A weird matador with a funny hat and TWO blades appeared, posed awkwardly, and made the tuning fork explode by just existing! (LDS: 0 Attack Points)

"Oh crap!" Syrus gasped! "He's got NO Attack Points at ALL! He MUST have a redeeming feature, making him less useless!"  
"Uh, okay?" sighed Koala Ko Ala.

"Heh, he's even more useless than Winged Kuriboh, and **he's** pretty useless!" Jaden chuckled.  
"Wrong, Winged Kuriboh is MUCH less useful!" Bastion said. "My Litmus Doom Swordsman, who I shall only call LDS from now on, is invincible to Spells and Traps, and can't be killed in battle! In addition, he gains 3000 Attack Points when a Trap card is face-up on the field!" Jaden looked at the funny weight. Then back at the swordsman.  
"You've gotta be yankin' my chain, right?"  
"I am not yanking your chain."  
"Damn."

LDS held out one of his twin swords and became STRONG! (LDS: 3000 Attack Points) "Assassinate Bladedge!" Bastion ordered with malicious intent! LDS walked over to Bladedge, still planted firmly in the ground by the weight on his head, and stabbed him in the eyes, thus leading into the brain, and cutting his cerebellum and all that jazz. Bladedge exploded, but not before contorting madly in pain. (Jaden: 1600 Life Points) Thankfully the weight faded away, making LDS weaker, and making everyone wonder why he hadn't killed Clayman instead for massive damage.  
"'EY WHY DI'INT YOU 'TACK CLAYM'N 'STEAD?" a guy asked.  
"Because I have a plan!" Bastion responded, because he had a plan.  
"OH, 'KAY."  
"Hyozanryu, attack Clayman!" Bastion said, forcing his diamondy dragon to give Clayman the same treatment Bubbleman's bazooka was entitled to. (Jaden: 300 Life Points)  
"WAIT!" Jaden urged! "I use the anime-only effect where my monster gets attacked and STILL gains Attack Points, letting me lose less Life Points!" (Jaden: 1300 Life Points) "'Dat was close, 'ya dig?"  
"I do NOT dig, Jaden, I do NOT. I play Pot of Greed, allowing me to draw two new cards." Bastion drew two new cards, which he really needed at that point. He however ignored the ugly pot that had appeared. "Now I'll set three cards face-down, diverging this game from the one in the anime." His two cards appeared. "Please forgive me, Jaden, but I must beat you here and now. Take your turn."  
"Heh, like throwin' down a face-down'll beat me!" Jaden laughed. "I'll beat your lil' Traps and win this turn with your dumb 0 Attack guy!"  
"I activate Spirit Barrier so I can't take any Life Point damage anymore," said Bastion, activating that card. It had a guy shooting an alligator super hero with a laser beam, negating all damage!

"Wow, a card that negates all damage, huh," Jaden gulped. "Well, I have something NOBODY else has EVER seen on this show! I summon… a BLACK guy!"  
"What?" a guy gasped!  
"I can't believe it!"  
"A BLACK guy at a JAPANESE school? Pshaw, I won't BELIEVE until I SEE!"  
"Elemental Hero Wildheart, make history at this here school! And I'm sure what we just said here was NOT racist! The author's black too, he just couldn't believe it, either!" And lo and behold, an African super hero guy who looked like he'd come straight out of the brush, which slightly irritated me, appeared, but it was okay because he looked great and held a MASSIVE sword of awesome! Because everything's better with swords.  
"RRRRRRAAAAAAAR!" Wildheart roared! (Wildheart: 1500 Attack Points)  
"It's okay, Japanese people just don't know why it's wrong to do that!" Bastion defended! "But how could you POSSIBLY defeat me now?"  
"Well I've got news for you: I equip my Wildheart with Cyclone Boomerang!" Jaden's cool but slightly offensive hero suddenly held a large boomerang! (Wildheart: 1500 Attack Points)  
"It's just an embarrassingly small boost, Jaden," Bastion mocked, "that's not good enough." _But can he really beat me? Should I let him? What if it doesn't happen this time?_

"Well, I'll tell you what's 'bout to go down, Bastion mah bud," Jaden said, "when my Cyclone Boomerang is destroyed, your Spell and Trap cards are gone as well. And you lose 500 Life Points for each one!"  
_Crap!_ thought Bastion! _If he does what I hope he won't do by attacking Hyozanryu, which is still alive in this version, then my plan won't go over as planned! Science of idiots, don't fail me now…_  
"And now in order to make the biggest finish I could POSSIBLY think of, I'm having Wildheart attack LSD!"  
"It's LDS!" Bastion corrected. _Perfect, perfect! It's ALL as I PLANNED!_ Wildheart tossed his boomerang in a lack-luster fashion at LDS, causing it to bounce back and hit him in the forehead.  
"Ow!" he gasped! (Jaden: 300 Life Points) But the boomerang lived on!  
"Thank you so much, Jaden! I've had this ENTIRE duel planned out ahead of time. The fusion-cancel, the Skyscraper, even your cheating, and now I'll end this here."  
"Uh, I didn't cheat?" Jaden attempted to defend.  
"I activate my two cards in response to your attack; Celestial Transformation and Ring of Destruction!" The picture of a grenade ring appeared next to a Spell featuring a cool angel made out of glass.  
"RING OF DESTRUCTION?" Jaden cried!  
"OH NO WHAT DOES THAT DO?" worried Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Yes, and my Spell lets me summon a Fairy monster from my hand at no cost, except for halving its Attack Points. I summon Petit Angel!" The glass angel appeared, quickly shattering into a cute angel thing, which the Cyclone Boomerang bounced off of.. (Petit Angel: 300 Attack Points due to effect card, Bastion: 500 Life Points, Jaden: 300 Life Points. Get the picture yet?) "And now, I shall use my Ring of Destruction on…"

There was a disturbance. _Wait…_ [/watch?v=RS8B3wl16ek&feature=related]

The ceiling was smashed open as the Eiffel Tower fell from the sky, heading straight for Jaden! "WHAT THE HELL?" screamed an onlooker!  
"WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?" Bastion was too scared to even move.  
_This wasn't… supposed… to happen..._

_"He's killed three people!"  
"A POX UPON THEE!"  
"Where'd the Eiffel Tower come from?"_

_"He's killed three people!"  
"A POX UPON THEE!"  
"Where'd the Eiffel Tower come from?"_

_**"He's killed three people!"  
"A POX UPON THEE!"  
"Where'd the Eiffel Tower come from?"**_

"WHERE DID THE _EIFFEL TOWER_ COME FROM?" Jaden screamed! Bastion blinked his eyes, back in control.  
"I MUST END THIS HERE!" he roared, running through his holograms across the field, shoving Jaden away! The spear-like tip of the tower was caught squarely in-between Bastion's palms as he showed strength even unheard of in this series.  
"What?" Jaden gasped! "Bastion, no!"  
"BASTION YES!" Bastion declared! "Jaden, everyone, Syrus…"  
"Why am **I** last?"  
"I've been lying to you all! Actually, I've never won a match before for your own good, not because I'm an idiot! THAT'S for a DIFFERENT reason!" Bastion revealed, sweat covering his brow from intense strain! "I'm cursed for some unexplained reason to kill people whenever I win a duel! And I've never told any of you before, well, because you'd never believe me and say I'm crazy."  
"He's right," the crowd gasped, ashamed at themselves!  
"Jaden, I'm sorry!" Bastion apologized.  
"Bastion you crazy idjit, let go of it already!" Jaden commanded! "Use your Ring of Destruction already!"  
"Uuuuurrrrrggh…" Bastion groaned, "Ring of Destruction… destroy Petit…" As the grenade ring closed in on the cute angel guy, the tower pushed itself toward Jaden's direction!

"DON'T!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted! "He'll DIE if you WIN!"  
"Ugh!" Bastion grimaced!  
"Don't worry," Jaden said, "it's okay to kill me for your own personal gain! Card games are ALWAYS dances with death, and somebody has to pay the price! Just do it!"  
"No… NO!" Bastion's shout caused the entire foundation of the school to shake and rumble!  
"Aw, just DO it already!" pressured Crowler. The world shot it a dirty glance.  
"Ring of Destruction, destroy Hyozanryu!" The grenade ring teleported off of the cute thing and onto the ugly dragon, thus self-detonating.

The entire school was held spell-bound. The dragon burst into flame, chipping off its diamond hide into the air, causing a magnificent shimmering effect across the Duel Dome. (Jaden and Bastion: 0 Life Points, Game Over) The tower suddenly felt more weightless, and Bastion was surprised to feel his grip on it loosening! It slowly flew back to wherever it came from, leaving everybody in the school safe. "Aw, no," Janitorboy Ikkaku cried, staring at the mess of the roof the thing had left in its wake, "If I have to clean this stuff up, at LEAST crush ME! No-ho-ho…" He cried. But everybody else cheered! By throwing away his lust for victory and supporting the weight of the Eiffel Tower with just his HANDS, Bastion had saved Jaden's life, and ruined the ceiling!

"BASTION IS AWESOME FTW WHOO!" screamed the student body, ignoring the fact that if Bastion hadn't tried to win in the first place, Jaden's life wouldn't be in danger, and it was all because Bastion got greedy!  
"Bastion, that was some awesome quick-thinking there," Jaden complimented. They shook on it.  
"Can you forgive me, Jaden?"  
"Forgive you for what?"  
"…Uh, thanks." But then Bastion was swarmed with fans!  
"YOU WERE COOL!"  
"THAT WAS AMAZING!"  
"Where'd the Eiffel Tower come from?"  
"OUTTA MY WAY!" Piggybank started smacking people away with Fluffy Fred as a weapon, allowing the entire Bastion's Baseball Wreckers Gang to crowd around him.  
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" Fluffy Fred screeched!  
"Bastion, that was great," Baseball Bob said.  
"Oh, well, thank you all…"  
"YOU AH NUMBAH WAN!" Piggybank congratulated, hugging Bastion's face!  
"Mmph hm hm phhm."  
"That was the best thing I've seen all week, boss," Fluffy Fred said, "but what about all these people?" He pointed to the sea-like crowd surrounding Bastion now.  
"Uh, I have a plan." Bastion climbed on top of Piggybank with a megaphone. "EXCUSE ME EVERYONE," he began, "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. I ALREADY HAVE A FAN CLUB DEDICATED TO MY AWESOMENESS AND FOLLOWING ME AROUND, BUT YOU ALL CAN BECOME THE BASTION BASEBALL WRECKERS FAN CLUB WRECKERS, OKAY?"  
"Yeah, sure," a kid agreed, and they all left satisfied. As they all left, Chancellor Shepherd approached the two boys!  
"Now Bastion, even though you obviously won until that darn French tower thing fell from the sky, you still had a tie match," he explained, "and as the rules say, Jaden really won that thing. So you won't be dueling the North Academy representative."  
"No way is what I say!" Jaden butted in! "I forfeit this chance in order to let Bastion be the best 'lil Bastion he can be!"  
"Jaden, I must insist that you instead," Bastion graciously declined, "as I'd be happy to let you do this as a really good apology so you can never hold that against me again." His 'Baseball King' badge shined a bit.  
"Okay!" Jaden accepted, walking away satisfied.

Meanwhile, Mann McOldsmobile was walking along the halls, recounting what he'd just seen in there. "Hey," called a girl named Angry McArgues, "where are you going?"  
"Oh, you ladies," Mann McOldsmobile remembered, turning to face the Alexis trio behind him.  
"Do you need to poo?" asked Nancy Wut.  
"Yeah, well, everybody poops, I suppose," Mann McOldsmobile, "but not today. You see, before I was a high school student who killed people when he was angry, causing him to get held back for two-to-three years, I was a middle school student who killed people when he was angry. But during that time, somewhere in the middle, I was a duelist. I won about fourteen times before a kid said 'get your game on', followed by an odd 'BOO' who completely smoked me, making me lose all hope in the game.

"But by chance I had come to this school, because you can actually kill others without penalty here, and it was just my luck that I'd seen that amazing display of friendship, loyalty, and French architecture wrapped up in a little burrito of hope. Today I'm going to buy myself… a starter deck."  
"… Get your game on? Does he mean Jaden?" asked Alexis.  
"The card shop's over that way," said Angry McArgues, pointing back from where they'd all walked from already.  
"Oh dang it, thanks for the tip," Mann McOldsmobile thanked, walking to where he was told.  
"The card shop's not that way," Alexis noted.  
"I know, he's just an annoying idiot."  
"What a bastard!" Nancy Wut smiled.

Meanwhile, a French guy was standing near where the Eiffel Tower used to be before it flew into the stratosphere. Suddenly and luckily, it came down back into place. "Oh, it's back," he said…in English. Then he shrugged and walked away.

Back at Duel Academy, Crowler and Janitorboy Ikkaku were hugging each other, sobbing hysterically! "It WASN'T SUPPOSED to BE this way!" Crowler cried! "How could Bastion LOSE to that Slifer Slacker?"  
"And I have to clean up the mess!" whined Janitorboy Ikkaku.  
"You're not getting paid extra to fix that roof," Chancellor Shepherd said, popping in for a second.  
"WAAAAAAAH!" screamed Janitorboy Ikkaku. Professor Banner walked past them with Garfield the cat, not caring in the slightest.  
"Well that was exciting," he said, watching Jaden leave with Syrus and Koala Ko Ala.  
"MEOW," meowed Garfield in a particular manner.  
"Whoops, that means he has to poop," Banner gasped, picking him up and running away.

COMMENTARY

So this wasn't as good as the last episode, IN MY OPINION, but it still shall forever stand out in the history of the series by having Bastion hold the Eiffel Tower. I hope you enjoyed it, as I don't. Well, not TOO much.


	23. Episode 23: Get Yarr Game On!

This TV gag is dedicated to a show I watched on a food-related show on the Travel Channel™ whose name I forgot. Please don't kill me for my insolence.

Jaden and his three friends were sitting in their room, watching TV on Mann McOldsmobile's bunk, the one that broke off and crushed Jaden recently. "Oh man, that looks yummers!" Jaden chuckled, drooling at the mouth.  
"Uh, what's 'yummers' supposed to mean?" Syrus asked cautiously.

On the screen, a large breakfast-based burrito was featured in all its overly-tasty, maybe even yammers-ish glory. "What's filled with _a dozen_ eggs," the hip-sounding announcer asked, "weighs _seven_ pounds, and is _covered_ in _chili_?"  
"This baby!" Nancy Wut answered, holding a chili-covered baby, who was dribbling some eggs from her mouth.  
"AAAAH!" screamed the crew! "NANCY WUT?"  
"What's up with the baby?" Koala Ko Ala asked!  
"Get rid of it!" Jaden ordered!  
"Okay," Nancy Wut complied, and she threw the baby out the window.  
"NOOOOOOO!"  
The screen froze with some family-friendly music. (.com/watch?v=4MTTA4ckwmM&feature=related) Some guy read out some words as they appeared on-screen. "Five Duelists and a Baby," the guy said, "coming soon to a theatre near you! Rated M for Restricted."

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 23: Get Yarr Game On!

The Slifer Toolshed's food area was in an uproar, signaled by the chaotic guitar solos today, and Syrus' screams could be heard all across the island. Which was very annoying. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" he asked. "YOU TRADED MY BED FOR A STUPID CARD!"  
"A stupid RARE card, Sy," Jaden insisted.  
"It was a Blue-Eyes White Dragon," said Mann McOldsmobile.  
"JADEN, YOU **SUCK** MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE I KNOW!"  
"B-but like I said, it was RARE! It's your birthday tomorrow, and so I was gonna get it for you, yo!" Jaden said.  
"THAT DOES _NOT_ MAKE IT RIGHT!" Syrus screeched. "Now because of what YOU'VE done, I'm going to have to sleep on the floor, wracked with stress over how DUMB my friend is, ruin my back AND my grades, get put out of school, burden my parents, and eventually, get sold to a company by them in order to become DOG FOOD! Second-RATE dog food, the backstabbers! Also my birthday was last Thursday."  
"Uh, well, it's a rare card, like I said, yo, so you can sell it for 'nuff swag to get a bed and two more!" Jaden suggested. He took out a Bue-Eyes White Dagon card that had a crappy picture of a Dark Magician on it.  
"YOU SOLD MY BED FOR A **BOOTLEGGED** CARD?"  
"Hey everyone!" called Koala Ko Ala, entering the food area, "I found a sub!" He held up a submarine sandwich. "AND I found a SUBMARINE outside! Check it out!" The area cleared out in order to follow him to his devastatingly cool submarine.

The Slifer dorm had crowded around the nearby cliff as a submarine was stationed in the ocean. "Wow, it's so far down below the cliff!" gasped a kid.  
"I can BARELY see it!"  
"It's dumb. I'd rather have the sandwich."  
"LOOK, IT'S DOING A THING!" gasped a girl with no name! Something had popped out of the top of the submarine, like a small podium. Slowly but steadily, it rose up several hundred feet and stopped in front of the kids. Then sounds relatable to footsteps could be heard.  
"Where's it coming from?" asked Mann McOldsmobile.  
"I dunno, but this is already pretty dumb, and we've barely gotten into the episode," Syrus syed.

Finally, after several minutes, a sweaty, kinda-old guy with a pirate captain motif appeared by the podium! "Ugh…ugh…ugh," he panted, clutching his heart. "Darn me an' me ol' 'eart condition…" He looked at the students. "Oh, uh, AVAST YE CHIL'RENS!"  
"Is THAT Cap'n CRUNCH?" gasped Koala Ko Ala!  
"Why—NO! Why would I be that dang Crunch man? He ain't even a REAL sea cap'n!" He stopped and re-collected himself. "Erm, I be Captain Salty of the briny deep, yarr! And I'm here to duel the boy 'ye call Jaden Yucky!"  
"Uh, it's Yuki, and only Crowler can call me that, yo," Jaden explained. "You're just an old weirdo guy who seems like the type to molest naïve kiddies like me. Almost like Crowler! But not really, so don't call me that."  
"YAAAAAARR…" Captain Salty growled, being angry and such, "I'LL KEELHAUL 'YER POOPDECK 'FER THAT, 'YE SCURVY DOG!"  
"AAAAAHH, HE IS A MOLESTER!" the crowd screamed!  
"I'm NOT a scurvy dawg!" Jaden cried!  
"And I ain't no consarned molester, I say!" shouted Captain Salty! "I be here to duel Jaden Yucky on account of I say so! Get YARR game on!"  
"Oh gosh!" Jaden gasped! "When somebody says THAT, I HAVE to duel them!" A weird staircase appeared in front of the cliff. "That's HORRIBLY convenient!" Jaden began to descend it.

"No, wait!" cried Koala Ko Ala! "If you're dueling, we, as your friends, HAVE to come watch! But wait for me to finish my sub." He took a bite out of his sandwich… and a bite outta crime.  
"Sorry, guys, but he looks like a grade-A child molester to me, and this could get 'ruff, dawg!" Jaden reasoned.  
"But we're here to help!" Koala Ko Ala promised, wiping his mouth! "We're in it with you!"  
"And me!" said Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Not me," Syrus syed.  
"And me, too!" said Bastion, appearing suddenly. They all looked at him strangely, and he fled.  
"Eh, fine," Jaden decided, "I'll take ONE dude." He stared at the line-up. "Eh, eenie-meeny-miney-Syrus."  
"Why me?"  
"Because you have blue hair!"  
"No."  
"Well then, that settles it, yo!" Jaden hummed, walking down 'da stairz.  
"Hmm," mused Bastion, "this man seems pretty high-tech for a pirate, considering he could afford a staircase of this caliber."  
"I concur," Koala Ko Ala agreed.  
"'Concur'?" wondered Mann McOldsmobile.  
"WAAAAAGH what're you DOING yos?" gasped Jaden, surprised to see three guys following him. "Especially YOU, Bastion!"  
"Eh? Why is that, Jaden?" Bastion asked.  
"You're yellow, and yellow is yucky!"  
"Like JADEN Yucky?" Bastion reminded.  
"Okay you can come…" And the kids entered the sub… but not the sandwich… through the great staircase.

"WOOOOOOOOOAOAOAOAOAH," the kids said, "THIS IS AN AWESOME SUBMARINE." The thing was filled with all sorts of knobs, levers, and a series of strings and pulleys employed to keep the thing moving. Also there was a door marked 'Duel Arena' that they had been staring at the whole time.  
"I wish MY sub had a duel arena in it!" Koala Ko Ala wished.  
"Hey Jaden go inside and duel me yarr!" ordered Captain Salty, who came out of nowhere in particular.  
"Dah okay yo," Jaden said gullibly. He abandoned his friends and walked with the salty seadog into a big room with water in it and two metal circle pad thingies.  
"Yar-har," Captain Salty laughed, all of a sudden on the far end of the arena, "let's duel!"

"Wow," said Koala Ko Ala from the original room, which had a big television to display all the duelin' action goin' on, "that TV just came outta the wall!"  
"Amazing!" Mann McOldsmobile chuckled.

"I be ready to defeat ye!" shouted Captain Salty, holding out and activating his BUCCANEER PRIME EDITION EXX JEWEL ENCRUSTED **DUEL DISK SUPREME** that he bought for twenty bucks at some toy store. It made a cool glittery jewel sound!  
"That sounded so fake!" said Jaden.  
"DUEL!" (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Captain Salty: 4000 Life Points) And with that, an awesome oceanic song started. (.com/watch?v=lg2Lc3v7_D0)  
"Yo!" shouted Jaden!  
"'Yo' yerself, arrgh! Take yer turn!" ordered Captain Salty.  
"Yo, awright, I summon Elemental Hero Wildheart in Defense Mode! I seriously had nothing better!" And Wildheart flew onto the field!  
"GRR!" he growled, taking a defensive stance. (Wildheart: 1600 Defense Points) But all of a sudden, the ocean background disappeared and was replaced by several black panels of EVIL!

"WAAAAAAGH!" Jaden screamed! "YOU'RE EVIL, THIS ISN'T THE REAL OCEAN, IT'S THE _DOOM_ OCEAN!"  
"Uh, no, I'm just a pirate-ish captain who wants to use ye in order to begin a duel school under the seven seas, yarr," admitted Captain Salty. "And the virtual reality panels be on the fritz lately, yarr." Captain Salty picked up a helpful rock and threw it at the wall. One panel exploded in a firey inferno, but the rest were back online.  
"That's a lot of booty…" gasped Koala Ko Ala.  
"Don't say that. EVER." Mann McOlsmobile ordered.  
"Shut up, ye dolts in the control room! I be usin' A LEGENDARY OCEAN!" Captain Salty placed a Field Spell into his Duel Disk: one of the lost city of ATLANTIS! Sadly it was full of water and ruins.  
"Aw, ruins? That's a BORING Field Spell!" whined Jaden! "I'll show you what a REAL Field Spell is like… later…"  
"Don't be makin' yer empty threats on yer opponent's turn!" advised Captain Salty! "I now use the effect of the Legendary Ocean to decrease the summoning level of me next monster: THE MEGA EVIL KILLER WHALE SECRET BASE OF OPERATIONS – CODE ORCA! Also he gains 200 Attack and Defense." A very big, very nice killer whale poked out of the water with a massive hangar of weird fishy artillery on its back.  
"MOO," it mooed. (TMEKWSBOOCO: 2300 Attack Points)  
"What a dumb card!" gasped Jaden!  
"It be about to get dumber! Mega Evil Killer Whale Secret Missile!" The monster with a long name swam up a tad, opened its mouth, and grew wings! Wings made of nukes! Rocket-thrusted nukes, that shot through the sea into Wildheart, utterly wiping him off the face of the ocean!  
"That was extreme. Ly DUMB!" Jaden grunted! "Nukes made of wings… what kinda whack card is it, yo?"  
"What? 'Ly'? What manner 'o English is YOU speakin'?"  
"Extreme-ly. See? Get it, yo?"  
"OOOOOH, I get it now, ahahaha. So what about it?"  
"About what?"  
"The undersea school house," reminded Captain Salty. "We have the same kinda humour, same kinda personality. I'm sure I'll be like a dad to ye! And you'll be the SUPREME Assistant Manager of the school!"  
"SUPREME Assistant Manager?" Jaden gasped! "That sounds sweet!"  
"Don't do it Jaden!" shouted Bastion! "There IS not Assistant Manager of a school, no matter HOW intense he makes it sound!"  
"Oh yeah, thanks Bastion!"

"Yaargh, defeated by Britain yet again, I be! I'll just throw down me face-down, and end me turn," Captain Salty said, deflated.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Wait, THROW DOWN?" Jaden asked. "I LOVE it when people say that, it's so rad!"  
"Crap, he slightly wants to go with him!" gasped Mann McOldsmobile!  
"Wah, you're right, yo!" Jaden gasped, hearing Mann McOldsmobile's gasp over the loudspeaker! The yo-kid shook his head and got the 'throw down' out of his head.  
"He got over it, yarr!" gasped Captain Salty!

"Hellz yeah I got over it, and I'm summonin' Elemental Hero Avian JUST to drive the point home!" Jaden's stupid plans came true as Avian appeared in the lost city, defending himself!  
"NO, JADEN, DON'T!" shrieked Koala Ko Ala and Bastion!  
"What's wrong with Avian?" asked poor, unsuspecting Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Yo, guys, what's up?" greeted Avian. (Avian: 1000 Attack Points, 1000 Defense Points)  
"OH MY GOSH! THAT GUY'S HORRIBLE!" screamed Mann McOldsmobile! "AUGH, WHY WOULD HE **USE** HIM?"  
"Sniff," sniffed Avian, as he wiped away a single tear.  
"Now I throw down mah OWN face-down, Captain Sea-Water!" chuckled Jaden!  
"YAAAAR, THAT BE IT!" roared Captain Salty! "NO MAN BE CALLIN' ME CAPTAIN SEA-WATER!" He got into an intense pointy-finger pose directed at Jaden! "I'LL BE MAKIN' YE MY SUPREME ASSISTANT MANAGER IF IT BE THE LAST THING I DO!"

"He sounds serious now," said Bastion, "if I were Jaden, I'd go with him. This is his only chance to avoid his divine rage and join him in the best opportunity for an underwater dueling school I've ever seen…"  
"Uh-oh, he's rambling again," Mann McOldsmobile said, "should I hit him?"  
"No, not yet," Koala Ko Ala suggested.

"Well he ain't be gettin' any choice, England-Boy!" Captain Salty shouted. "This is my submarine, and if I beat Jaden, I'm not gonna be lettin' ye all out!"  
_Darn, he's right!_ thought the Duel Academy gang. _Why'd we even enter this submarine in the first place? DARN we're stupid!_  
"Hey, you big dummy," Avian said, "I won't let this happen!"  
"What?"  
"Yeah!" Avian held out a cell phone. "I'm calling the police!"  
"I knew it was a great idea to summon my main man Avian!" Jaden cheered!

_"Hello, this is the Ocean Zone 5431 Police Department, how may we help you?"_ asked the police.  
"Uh, hi, I'm Elemental Hero Avian, and we're in a submarine in Ocean Zone 5430. Can you please send out somebody—"  
_"We're sorry, but we don't have the equipment to do submarine rescues. We hope you understand."_  
"Oh. Thanks."  
_"Have a good day."_  
CLICK. Avian put away his cell phone. "They wouldn't help us."  
"Why are there police that specifically help certain areas of the ocean?" asked Bastion.  
"I dunno, but that's pretty cool," Mann McOldsmobile said wistfully.

"I activate Cursed Waters – Level Three!" announced Captain Salty! A Trap card with some boring water appeared! But something was stirring in said water…  
"That sounds intense!" Avian said.  
"SHUT UP, YE POOR EXCUSE FER A MONSTER!"  
"I am no monster, I am a MAN!"  
"Shut up!"  
"Okay."  
Captain Salty scratched his head. "Stupid new-age monsters, yarr. Back in ME day, the monsters didn't jabber all day long! They growled and stuff! Anyways, me Trap lets me summon all the Level Three monsters in me hand." A torpedo shaped like a fish and a snail-thing in a spiky shell resembling a drill appeared from THE DEEP!

"How the heck am I supposed to know how many stars they've got?" Jaden complained.  
"Amazing," Bastion noted, "that man just used an impressive combo! Normally, that Cannonball Spear Shellfish has three stars, and that Torpedo Fish has two, but now that he's used A Legendary Ocean, they equal two and one stars, respectively, equaling three in total! In addition, they originally have stats of one-thousand Attack Points. But with A Legendary Ocean, they have one-thousand two-hundred, allowing them to defeat Avian! Amazing, simply ama—"  
"Shut up, nerd-boy! Now I use me drug-inspired killer whale's ability to destroy that face-down with 'is special ability!" Captain Salty pointed at the snail-thing! "Whale-thing! Do your stuff, yarr!"

The Mega Evil Killer Whale Secret Base of Operations – Code Orca picked up the snailguy with its small arm-like fins and simply tossed it at the Mirror Gate Trap Jaden had carefully laid.  
"Aw—w, yo—o," whined Jaden, "You didn't HAVE to destroy it, Captain Salty…"  
"Yes I did! Now, yarr, Torpedo Fish, blow up that thar Avian!"  
"YEEEE!" screamed Avian! He swam away furiously as the cool fish flew through the sea after him! Sadly he did not make it.

Elemental Hero Avian  
{1974-2010}

"Damn it, he died again!" Jaden cried! "You will PAY, yo!"  
"No, YE will PAY!" Captain Salty's insane grin didn't look so nice anymore. His giant orca thing swam close to Jaden, opened its mouth, and extended is cannon-tongue. Yes, it has a cannon for a tongue. It swiftly fired out a massive plasma-based laser beam at Jaden's face.  
"Ow, the hologram!" Jaden recoiled!  
"Ahh!" screamed Koala Ko Ala and Mann McOldsmobile!  
And with the most serious face he could muster, Bastion shouted "Oh-_NO!_" (Jaden: 1700 Life Points)

Jaden's entire upper body was burned away. Thankfully, there was a spare Jaden, who quickly took the stage. "Man, that totally toasted my spare Jaden!" the new Jaden 'tsk'ed. "To honor the loss of Spare Jaden, I activate Polymerization!" (.com/watch?v=3oXy07T9PTk&feature=related)Clayman and Sparkman flew into a whirlpool of anti-matter space-time, yadda yadda yadda, we've seen it all (or read) before… BUT THEN THUNDER GIANT APPEARED! (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points) "Elemental Hero Thunder Giant, you know what to do!"  
"ROOOOOOAR!" roared Thunder Giant! Holding out his massive palms, he fired off a bolt of electricity, however possible that may be, which electrocuted that DARN killer whale!  
"OWOOOOOWOOOH," whale-called the member of the shark family(?)! He exploded into several cool whale bits.  
"Nooooooooo!" screamed Captain Salty! "How did ye do that?"  
"Easy!" Jaden's expression hardened. "WATER IS WEAK TO ELECTRICTY!"  
"Dang, I fe'rgot me Pokemans knowledge!"

Bastion quickly scanned his Pokemon Yellow Version™ official game guide! "By jove, he's right!" he exclaimed! "Water IS weak to electricity!"

"Shut up, Bastion! Use Voltic Thunder!" Jaden's Thunder Giant held his arms out once again and fried Captain Salty with the force of a thousand low-voltage batteries!  
"AAAAAGH, ME TIMBERS BE SHIVVERED! AAAH!" Captain Salty fell over, halfway defeated. (Captain Salty: 1600 Life Points)  
"Oh and I throw down three face-downs," Jaden quickly decided.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Eeeeeeh," grunted Captain Salty as he stood up, "I has a proposition 'fer ye. If ye work for me, then me give ye a THOOOOOOUSAND DUBLOONS!" To show how much he WASN'T bluffing, Captain Salty held out a sample handful of gold coins with pictures of a smiling pirate on every one.

"How much is that worth?" asked Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Oh my goodness, that's worth over **A MILLION DOLLARS!**" Bastion shrieked!  
"Mmm," salivated Koala Ko Ala, who was enjoying some food.  
"Hey, you've got a snack on 'ya? I'm hungry."  
"Okay," Koala Ko Ala said, offering Mann McOldsmobile two of his Choco-Good Gold Dubloons chocolate coins. They had a picture of a smiling pirate on every wrapper.  
"He's a lying liar," Mann McOldsmobile bluntly growled. "kick his ass. HARD."

"Oh, but Jaden, me boy," Captain Salty reasoned, "a THOUSAND coins of chocolate is better'n livin' with a depressed landlubber of a boy who hates ye fer just stealin' and sellin' 'is bed, ain't it?"  
"Sorry, buuuuuut…" Jaden answered… "_**I HATE CHOCOLAAAAAAATE!**_ However, if you had peanut butter coins, I'd happily say yes."  
"P-PEANUT BUTTER?" gasped his friends.  
"Arrgh, I have me no peanut butter to trade ye with! I'll just play this then: The Shallow Grave!" Captain Salty's newest Spell card featured some sort of cool voodoo priest climbing out of his grave with a cool demon parrot-like companion near his shoulder. He seemed like a cool guy. "This here card lets us both summon one of our monsters from the ol' Graveyard in Defense Mode!" His killer whale with a really long name I regret making up for him was BACK! (TMEKWSBOOCO: 1400 Defense Points)  
"Aw man, not THAT guy AGAIN!" Jaden whined. All HE could do was summon that wimp Clayman. (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points)

"Now," the CRAAAZY sea captain continued, "I'll give you a slap in the face by tributing my latest trump monster for Levia Dragon – Daedalus!" The whale exploded in a blaze of glory, quickly exchanged with a sea dragon covered in iron-hard natural armor, complete with two sets of eyes and two mouths. (Daedalus: 2800 Attack Poits)  
"…That looks dangerous," Jaden shuddered.  
"Well, he very well BE dangerous, laddie, as I can discard me Legendary Ocean, yarr, to… BLOW UP THE WHOLE FIELD!" Captain Salty shouted!  
"WoOoOaAaH!" Jaden spooked-out-edly screamed!  
"But not right now," Captain Salty decided.  
"Whew."  
"BECAUSE I TRIBUTE ME LEVIA DRAGON TO SPECIAL SUMMON ME GREATEST MONSTER, OCEAN DRAGON LORD – NEO DAEDALUS!"  
"WoOoOaAaH!"

The first dragon's head split in half around the second mouth. Its neck began to sever itself in a similar way, constantly healing themselves as they went. Soon the monster had a set of two heads, one with a smooth and diabolical appearance, the other more rugged and like the original. The hard blue armor along the serpent grew larger and more spiked as the body stretched out, ending up at about fifty-seven feet long, twelve feet high. "GARUUUUUUUGA!" they screeched, causing the entire submarine to shake violently, even if it was just a hologram with an advanced sound system.  
"DAY-AM, that is a BIG-ASS dragon!" is how Mann McOldsmobile put it.  
"And NOW," Captain Salty said, "I'll use HIS ability, yarr, to BLOW UP THE WHOLE FIELD **AND** OUR HANDS!"  
"Did he just say their hands, too?" Koala Ko Ala asked, unable to cope with the intense cheapness he was witnessing!

The sea dragon began going wild, smashing apart the undersea ruins around the duelists, causing the field to break and crash down all around them. Not even CLAYMAN was safe, as he and his monster friend were smooshed by the falling stuff. "U-uh, wait!" Jaden stammered. "I activate one 'a my face-downs, Emergency Provisions!" The kippers 'n crackers returned! "I'll turn my other two face-downs into crackers, and chow down, yo!" His cards did indeed turn into saltines, but were crushed by falling debris. "Aww, I can't even eat mah crackerz? What a cheap card, yo!" But even so, Atlantis died. AGAIN. All that was left was the giant, magnificent, maleficent dragon and two duelists who threw their hands away. (Jaden: 3700 Life Points, Levia Dragon: 3100 Attack Points)  
"I don't CARE 'bout yer crackers, arrgh!" Captain Salty said. "Now, if ye don't want to lose, ye'd best give up now so that you can go live underwater with me!"  
"That's a stupid thing to think over!" Bastion shouted.  
"No, wait," Jaden thought, "this is serious. My pride as a duelist is on 'da line, yo! Either I give my life up, or I lose a card game. Which would YOU choose?"  
"Life."  
"Life."  
"Life, you idiot!"  
"Oh yeah, attack," Captain Salty remembered. His really big really cool dragon swiped its tail in Jaden's face, which would have cut it into ribbons (of flesh) if it weren't a hologram!  
"Yeow!" Jaden cried! (Jaden: 600 Life Points)  
"I'll give ye on more chance, yarrgh," Captain Salty allowed. "But once you draw your next card there's no turnin' back, and yer pride as a duelist shall be forfeit! And I'll force you to work 'fer me."

_What should I do?_ Jaden thought. _Should I really give up, allowing him to take me to work at his school as SUPREME Assistant Manager, or should I lose the game, allowing him to take me to his school as SUPREME Assistant Manager? What should I do? I can't POSSIBLY pull off an EXTREME combo which would be able to let me win with one card! It's hopeless… it's hopeless! IT'S HOPELESS! Wait what would mom do?_

_He thought of his mother, a nice-looking lady with brown hair and massive brown anime eyes. _"Purple,"_ said she._

_Purple… purple! THAT'S IT!_

"Captain Salty!"  
"Eh?"  
"As long as there's a 'Yu' in my last name, the 'Will of D' shall LIVE ON FOREVAH, NO JOKE!" Jaden drew his next card, which shined like the rising sun of Chuck E. Cheese's extraordinaire.  
"He… he's right!" Mann McOldsmobile realized! "Wow, he DOES have 'Yu' in his last name! Not so sure about all that Chuck E. Cheese stuff or the sun, but this is just like in the cartoons, with the YUgi guy and the YUsei guy! They were really blatant about that symbol, weren't they?"  
"Oh yeah, his name's a plot point," Koala Ko Ala remembered.

And so a third song played to wrap up the duel as Jaden drew JUST what he needed. (.com/watch?v=IJtCTUdAyxw&feature=response_watch) "YES! I summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman!" The caped crusader parody appeared in a cloak of pretty bubbles! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)  
"Yarr, you got 'ta be kiddin' me, boy," Captain Salty groaned. "That guy can't be beatin' me giant sea dragon beast."  
"Who cares?" Jaden asked. "I use his special ability to draw two cards when I summon him and own no other cards at all!" Jaden pulled out his two LUCKY new cards: two copies of Pot of Greed! _Purple was right!_ believed Jaden. "Next I pull off the impossible combo of two Pot of Greed cards at the same time!" In Jaden's hands were two equally ugly pots, which he threw at Captain Salty!  
"Yeowch! Darn holograms!"  
"I draw my four new cards, and first I'll use The Warrior Returning Alive!" Jaden's Sparkman rose back from the dead, covered in wooden arrows for some reason! "Then I use the Spell Metamorphosis!" A Spell card with some pale guy turning into some OTHER pale guy flipped up near Bubbleman, then began to EAT him!

"Yarrgh!" screamed Captain Salty! "Wh-what's happenin' to 'im?"  
"Oh, he's just transforming," Jaden explained. "Please excuse him as he slips into something a lil' more AWESOME." And the Spell exploded, allowing an ALL-NEW, thinner, sleeker, more marine-oriented form of the fatso! He now looked respectable! "It's Elemental Hero NEO Bubbleman!" (Neo Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "Then I'll give my homie Bubbleman's Bazooka for 800 more Attack Points and partial invincibility," Jaden went on, summoning the cool bubble bazooka we all know and worship, "and now, turn that sea monster into sushi!"  
"It was cool until he said that," Koala Ko Ala said, sadly.

Neo Bubbleman aimed and fired a huge blast of water fury at the two-headed leviathan, thus doing absolutely nothing. "Yarr-harr-harr, 'yer Bubble Boy did nothin' to me sea dragon! Try again in a thousand years, me swabbie! Yarr-harr-harr."  
"Nah, actually when my Neo Bubbleman attacks, your monster dies."  
"ARGH?" Bubbleman's Bazooka broke into a mass of triangular pixels which surrounded Ocean Dragon Lord – Neo Daedalus!  
"Ugh, they're so annoying!" said the rugged head!  
"I agree!" agreed the smooth brother head. "Let's get outer here!" They exploded together… brothers 'til the end."  
"YAAAAARGH, NOOOOOOOES, DON'T DO THAT!" Captain Salty wailed!  
"SPARKMAN PAWNCH!" Sparkman 'pawnch'-ed Captain Salty in the jaw, ending everything. (Captain Salty: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"He won!" Bastion gathered!  
"That last name sure works wonders, somehow," Mann McOldsmobile thought aloud.  
"But that ain't all!" Jaden announced! "If you looked carefully, that FAKE'S catch phrase changed from 'yarr' to 'yarrgh'! He isn't a REAL pirate! Now are you, Captain Phony-Man?"  
"H-how did you…" Captain Salty's face suddenly cracked like porcelain! His entire body broke apart… to reveal this guy: (.com/wiki/Paradox) "No! My disguise! It was so perfect…"  
"Who is you?" Jaden commanded.  
"Hmph," the man 'hmph'-ed, "my name is… Dr. Card. And that's all I will tell you about me for now, but I swear, someday I WILL get your active volcano to become my evil lair and base of operations, I swear by it!" He disappeared in a puff of smoke!  
"He just told us his plans!" Bastion realized! "What an idiot!"  
"But what about the submarine?" asked Koala Ko Ala. "NONE of us can pilot a sub! We're stuck in here!"  
"We'll just force that Dr. Card guy to do it for us!" decided Mann McOldsmobile. Then he looked out the undersea window in the control room and saw the Dr. Card escape pod leaving through the ocean. "Hmm. Never mind, we're going to die in the middle of the ocean."  
"Aw man!" complained them all!  
"BUT YOU STILL HAVE ME!" screamed a familiar friend! The submarine was split in half as a harpoon was swiped through the thing's cast-iron hull!  
"Oh crap we're gonna drown," said Jaden.  
"No you won't!" An astronaut appeared through the flooding and threw Jaden a space suit!  
"Wow! An astronaut suit, G! That's sweet! Who're you?"  
"You really don't recognize me… Jaden?" asked Syrus the space man.  
"Sy! You really came to rescue me!" Jaden gave Sy a BIG hug. "Buddy, I'll NEVER sell your bed again! I promise!"  
"Thanks, but put on your suit, it's time to get outta this thing before we drown and become fodder for some man-eating fish, and nobody will find out corpses, 'kay?"

Two minutes later, eight people dressed as astronauts swam out o the water and onto the Duel Academy piers. "Boy, that was exciting!" Mann McOldsmobile chuckled, taking off his suit. The others followed his example, except for Koala Ko Ala.  
"His suit ripped a bit and got flooded," Syrus noticed, looking at the drowning fat-boy.  
"Don't worry, he'll be fine," said Alexis. Yes, the others were Alexis, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue!  
"Wow, the gals!" Jaden sighed! "Thanks for savin' my friend's cans!"  
"Yes indeed," Bastion thanked, "without Angry McArgue handing me a suit, I'd have died."  
"Shut up, you don't have to thank me," Angry McArgue grunted, turning away from Bastion, blushing.  
_Um, is she a tsundere, or is she just like this all the time?_  
"Why were they space suits, anyways?" Jaden asked.  
"There weren't any diving suits, so I had to make due with what I could!" Nancy Wut explained!  
"Oh well thanks," they thanked.  
"And it's all thanks to Syrus being paranoid about your safety and hauling in that harpoon!" Alexis congratulated!  
"Yeah, I split open a submarine!" Syrus boasted.  
"YAY FOR SYRUS, WOOT, FTW!" shouted the friends, and they partied well into dusk. THE HAPPY END…

Meanwhile, in Dr. Card's SECRET UNDERWATER LAIR, the evil man sat in a comfy chair. "Those fools," he grumbled, "they may think that they've beaten me and stopped me from kidnapping Jaden Yuki and throwing him in some abandoned school underwater. But mark my words, I WILL turn that volcano into my Super Secret Active Volcano Lair of Evil! I swear it! Don't forget me, I'll become a recurring character soon! DON'T FORGET ME!"

Commentary

So, I hope that the 3-minute long songs aren't annoying you guys, but at least you can see what my links are now. YES, all those random links that you've seen before (and yet for some reason never complained about or mentioned) are really supposed to say youtube and .com, but putting those things together automatically erases them, so fill it in yourself, please, and I'll make a note of that in earlier chapters now.

Also, even I have no idea what's up with the TV gag. Accept it and laugh.

So I hope that those of you who wasted their time watching the original series have noticed that I replaced the regular episode with a different filler, for nefarious new characters to rear their ugly heads… and yes, it DID take me weeks to figure out what to do with that Mokey Mokey episode. It will be so much better… and heart-breaking… than the original. Heh, spoilers.

And why is Paradox some mook named Dr. Card? Well… wait until the second half of the season and learn more about him! He will become SO important as a recurring enemy that he will shake the foundations of the original series… also everybody forgot about him when I originally posted this episode. So let's see how long YOU can remember him! Good luck to the both of you.


	24. Episode 24: The New Chazz

Watch out, kids, 'cause there's at least one _naughty_ word in this 'venture! Proceed with caution!

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 24: Whatever Happened to That Chazz Kid, Anyway?

What DID happen to that Chazz kid? Hmm, I suppose it's time to look at his adventures. Our story begins on a yacht in the middle of a really big misty ocean. Chazz was restin' his arm on the handrails like a cool kid. "Pfft, stupid Slifers," Chazz growled, "stupid Bastion. Stupid school. Stupid mom. Stupid stuff. Stupid everything." A hallucination of Jaden himself appeared on the mist, like it was some sort of stupid television screen or something!  
_"Yo Chazz dawg get yo game on throw down face down King of Games!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden yelled.  
"SHUT UP, THE MEMORY OF YOU IS INFURIATING!"  
_"Eep!"_

"You're SUCH a stupid hallucination!" Chazz roared! "They don't TALK BACK! I'm gonna kick your ass!"  
_"Go ahead and try!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden challenged.

"Darn it, if only I had one more duel against that guy," Chazz ranted, "then I could show the WORLD how stupid and wimpy that stupid, wimpy wimp really is!"  
_"Well who cares, I got sports drink!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden took out a bottle of Korpiko™ brand sports drink and chugged it down.

"I don't care!" Chazz shot back.

"_Well, at least I'M not STRANDED!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden pointed to Chazz's half-sunked yacht.

"What the— when did THIS happen?"  
"Sorry, bro," called his older brothers from the escape raft, "there's not enough room for another small boy on the raft! Don't die so that we can still abuse you in order to take over the world!"

"STUPID BROTHERS!" Chazz raged at them! "I can't BELIEVE that I trusted those brothers whom I'm not related to! Such idiocy…"

"_YOU'RE the IDIOT here, Chazz-yo!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden countered! _"Even I could beat you in a duel, and I'm not even real!"  
_"SHUT UP, YOU!" Chazz in full-on rage mode tried his darnedest to punch out that weird figment of his twisted mind, but only succeeded in putting himself off-balance and flipping into the ocean like a fool. "NOOOOOOOOOOOGLUBGLUBGLUB…"  
_"Ha! Told you I could beat you, yo!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden mocked.

Approximately four hours later, Chazz woke up soggy in the cargo hold of a sunken ship or whatever. A glowin' fella was flutterin' all around his face like some sort of annoying idiot. "Hey, wake up, boss!" the fella said to 'im. "Boss! Are you okay there?" The guy's accent was similar to that gal Countergirl Williams, 'cept he enunciated his words better and sounded more like a bat-shit crazy idjit. Turned out he had the form of a yellow guy in disturbing flowered Speedos with two eyes attached to his head by eyestalks. "Hmm, maybe the Ojama Yellow Theme Song will help him!" the guy decided. He shimmied around disturbingly a bit as some royally annoying, vaguely Indian-sounding song played. I apologize in advance for his song pissing off all those people who love Indian music.

"GRRRRR! YOUR MUSIC IS IRRITATING ME!" Chazz swiped the weirdo outta the air with one hand, reducin' him to a could 'o smoke!

"Welcome back to the world of the living~" said some sort of man, standin' around in seaweed for some reason.

"Gaah! Who're you? And why are you covered in seaweed?" Chazz asked.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you about the seaweed~ But my name is SeaweedMan~ I was the one who saved your life~"

"Ugh, your verbal tic is giving me a headache!"  
"I know~ Also here is your deck~" SeaweedMan held Chazz's deck in his seaweedy hands.  
"What?" Chazz, quick-as-a-fox, checked out his empty Duel Disk system, pulling it out from behind his back. "You stole my deck!" Chazz screamed! "Give it back!"  
"Okay~" SeaweedMan dropped his cards into a puddle of salt water, which normally shouldn't be possible with Duel Monsters cards. "Whoops, that was just a puddle~"  
"WAAAAAAGH! THAT CRAPPY DECK COSTED ME FOURTY-TWO SMACKAROOS! GIVE IT BACK!"

"No~ But you can have this instead~" SeaweedMan tossed Chazz a new card: an Ojama Yellow, which had that creepy feller from before in a spotlight, with drool glistening all over his face. Yecch, its stats were only 0/1000 with no effect!

"Ew, he's disgusting!" Chazz recoiled!

"But don't you want that card~ It will help you defeat Jaden Yuki~"  
"How do you know about him, and how will this… thing… help me any?" Chazz ordered!  
"Um~ I actually don't know, but it's a lot better than your old crap-deck~"  
_"He's gotcha there, yo!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden agreed. _"Your deck sucked!"_  
"Grrr… MY DECK DID NOT SUCK!" Chazz screeched!  
"Yes~ It did suck~"  
"You're right…" Chazz agreed. "…But I'll beat him myself!"  
"How could you possibly do that~"  
"BECAUSE I'M RICH!" Chazz challenged!

"Hmm~ You're right~ Can't argue with that~ Oh well, have fun in the ARCTIC CIRCLE~" SeaweedMan teleported away, causing the submarine or ship to explode, somehow!  
"WOOOOOOOOOAH!" Chazz screamed, shot up to the surface in a flash! He landed hard on a floating glacier. "Ow, glacier!" He looked around himself and saw, of all things, a giant duel-affiliated school! "Oh, just my luck!" Chazz grinned. "A building! I can call for help now! And I don't even care about the fact that I'm in some random arctic area! That's just how AWESOME I am…"

And around twenty minutes of hiking later, Chazz finally made it to that building, and he wasn't cold one bit, no-siree. Thank anime physics for that. The building was boring-looking, made up of a few stone towers stuck together with a drawbridge for a door, in order to keep the cyborg polar bears out. "Hey, open up!" Chazz ordered, slamming his fists on the door. "I'm Chazz! That means I'm allowed in! Don't play stupid!"  
"Oh, you can't get in~" SeaweedMan was sitting near Chazz in front of a small fire! It kept him warm.

"Wha? Why are YOU here?"  
"Because I can be~" SeaweedMan said.

"So, just why can't Chazz Pinceton get in here?" Chazz challenged. "I mastered the CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST myself, y'know."  
"Oh, well there are several Duel Monsters cards scattered all around the place~ You have to find forty in order to make a deck and gain admittance~ You already have one, so get hunting~"  
"What the hell kinda test is THAT?" Chazz demanded. "I mean, you have to find cards in ICE? That's FREAKING RETARDED! No offense."  
"None taken~ Now go, young boy, and become a duelist~ Find your cards and reclaim your seat upon the throne of adequate duelists~"  
"Hey, I'm not adequate!" Chazz said, feelings hurt. But SeaweedMan, lightning-quick, tore outta there with another one of his fancy teleportations. "Pssht. I'll find those cards. And then… I will punch Jaden Yuki in the face." And thus, Chazz began his epic tundra expedition.

[.com/watch?v=hbk1j_IptSY] Now accompanied by music, he climbed up Mt. Bigtop in order to find his Giant Rat card. He used all of his CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST's powers to melt a Gyaku-Gire Panda and Ring of Destruction out of solid ice. He swam through frigid water in order to find some crazy-ass random card I couldn't adequately see to describe.

And late that night in the middle of a snowstorm, he spotted his last card: Chaos End. But it was guarded by the fiercest beast of the ice: the cyborg polar bear. Its red eyes and robo-arm shined dangerously, giving off the royal air of the biggest threat in the area. But Chazz looked it straight in the eyes, and he said in the clearest voice he could: "What do you want? Depending on your answer, I'll kick your ass."

The bear looked at him for a moment and then proceeded to claw his ass up.

But hours later as the sun rose, it was made clear that Chazz was able to take the card behind the cyborg polar bear's back, turn tail and run like a coward. But at least he had forty cards.

He stepped back to the drawbridge door and SeaweedMan once more, like the day before. "Oh, so you're got all your cards, right~" SeaweedMan asked.

"Yeah, you seaweed-covered freak," Chazz said.

"…"  
"…"

"…"

"So… now what?"  
"Oh~ Just hold your deck in front of the door~"  
"Uh. Okay." Chazz did as the wise old freaky man told him to, and held his new crappy deck in front of the door. Lasers came outta nowhere in particular, causing Chazz to jump like a jackrabbit! "Waagh! Lasers?" But then the lasers identified Chazz's forty cards were in good order and stopped. With great clashin' noises, the drawbridge fell on top o' Chazz. Then he crawled out from under it. "Damn dumb door…" He walked inside the building and stopped in his tracks. In front of him were two figures, who could only be identified as…

MEANWHILE, AT THAT PLACE, ON THAT CHANNEL,

Jaden and his Slifer buddies were hangin' out at the Slifer Toolshed, watchin' the 'tube. "And now back to Two and a Half Men," the screen proclaimed. On the show were two people. One was normal-looking, while the other was grossly overweight.

They stared at it for a few minutes.

"OOOOOOH," Syrus realized, "I get the joke!" He paused as everyone looked at him. "It's not funny, though…"

[.com/watch?v=KabX8wcPOl4&feature=related] Now back with that Chazz feller, the boy had entered the building only to find a deserted wild west-style town for whatever weird reason those guys had to build it, and two people. They were… "BILLY HILLS AND DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON? WHAT ARE [u]YOU[/u] DOING HERE?"

"Dobbson, it's Chazz, I reckon!" Billy Hills exclaimed!

"Huh, Chazz, huh, I haven't said that in a while!" Deep-Voice Dobbson laughed! They both ran up to Chazz to hug him, only to be shoved to the floor.

"What are you doing here, I asked," he repeated.

"Oh, I reckon we were lookin' 'fer the bathroom after you left, and we got lost, I 'spose."  
"We can't do ANYTHING without YOU, huh, Chazz, huh! Plus, what's worse, Chazz, huh, is that the people at THIS school are dumb bullies! Kinda like you, but dumber! We made our decks, but they won't let us do anything until we beat fifty people in a row, huh, Chazz!"

"Step aside, guys, and watch the master at work, then," Chazz ordered. He walked across the dusty trail until he approached a wooden building marked 'Saloon', with Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson trailing close behind. Walkin' inside, he found several people dressed in fat, puffy coats drinkin' children's beer, playing poker, and listenin' to the player piano. [i]This school is seriously screwed up,[/i] Chazz thought, scared for his own safety.

"Hey, who's the sheriff of this stupid-ass town?" Chazz ordered! The player piano was silenced and everyone shut up. They turned to Chazz. "EEP!" shrieked Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson, hiding behind Chazz.  
"This ain't no Wil' West, y'all," shouted one irritated guy with a Blue puffy coat and a down-home country accent, "there ain't no sheriff! What're you, stupid 'r somethin'?"

"BWAAAAH HAHAHAAHAH!" the crowd roared with laughter! Two windows shattered due to the mass amount of sound they produced.

"And then who're you, bozo?"

"I'm the one who runs thing 'round here, y'all," the guy said as he stood up, removing his puffy jacket, and showing off his electric blue hair, "the name's Jesse Anderson!"  
"Who cares?"

"Wha? I-I guess you ain't never heard 'a me 'fore. I'm the top-ranked duelist at North 'Cad'my!" Jesse explained.

"Like I said, who freaking cares? I'm number one!"  
"Where?"  
"I'm ranked the highest, and you're the lowest," Chazz laughed, "at the Chazz School of Hard-Shut-The-Hell-Ups!"

"And we're number two, huh, reckon, huh!" Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson claimed.

"No, you're sixty-fifth. So I heard there's a fifty-man duel gauntlet? Start it now." Chazz held out and turned on his Duel Disk like a pro. "I'll kick your asses with this crappy deck in five seconds or less! Not literally of course!"

"Now go, KA-2 Des Scissors! Attack!" Chazz ordered, aimed at a robot crab with awesome scissor-pincers. (KA-2 Des Scissors: 1000 Attack Points) Guess how it attacked? It raised its mighty claws and spat out an anti-climactic poison gas from its mouth. How does THAT work, I wonder?

"AAAARGH, IT MAKES NO SENSE!" cried the opponent, who fell to the floor in defeat.

(Filler Farnsworth: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"That's his 37th win today!" one guy gasped!

"I reckon that's our Chazz, dudes!" Billy Hills shouted!  
"HUH, CHAZZ, RULES!" Deep-Voice Dobbson cheered!

"SHUT UP! YOUR VOICES ARE [u]STILL[/u] INFURIATING ME!"

"U-uh, rush'm!" Jesse Anderson ordered! "All really, really, wimpy guys, rush'm, y'all!"  
"OKAY!" agreed a bunch of horrible duelists.

"Uwuuuuh!" grunted the first victim, incinerated in a blaze of fire.

"Ahh!"  
"Ugh!"  
"WAaAaAaAH!"  
"WOOOOOAH!"  
"Yeowch!"  
"Mah EYEZ!"  
"Ow." One by one in extreme fast-motion, all seven other really, really wimpy guys were knocked out in a flash and comedically fell into a neat pile.

Staring at the handiwork that was physically and mentally impossible, as Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills cheered, the FINAL FOUR surrounding the now-panicked Jesse Anderson looked on ahead like he'd just done something MUCH more borin' than beatin' up eight guys without actually playing any visible card games with them. And these four were called… The Final Four. And I won't describe them, as their names SHOULD be enough to clue you in on all they're good for. "So he just beat all the wimps? So what?" asked Blue-Spike the Hairy.

"Yeah, it's only a buncha' useless bums, anyways!" joked Kidvoice.

"I bet you can't beat US!" guessed Bighead Brawny.

"He won't last two minutes!" laughed Wavy Hair Wilson.

"Psshaw," Billy Hills sighed, "I reckon that you're all so un-important that you had to be introduced by name-only, right?"  
"Ulp!" they all gulped.

"If we don't need to know what you really look like, then you actually suck, huh, chumps, huh?" mocked Deep-Voice Dobbson.

"Hey, I'm gonna take some pages from a few of your books," Chazz decided, "and I think you all DO suck, as Billy said. And from Wavy Hair Wanker, I'm going to end ALL of our duels in under two minutes!"  
"I am not a wanker! What IS that, anyway?"  
"All four of you! I'm taking you ALL on with my crappy, randomly-made deck at THE SAME TIME!"

Instantly humiliated and wanting to salvage what awesomeness that they MIGHT'A had in their reserves, The Final Four all stepped up at the same time, causing a neat-looking effect. "YOU'RE ON!"

"I summon Marauding Captain!" Blue-Spike the Hairy said, as a blondie war hero appeared in neat knight armor.

"Yah!" he said. (Marauding Captain: 1200 Attack Points)  
"And when he's Normal Summoned to the field," explained Blue-Spike the Hairy, "I can summon an additional monster from my hand, and plus he's the only monster you can attack as long as he's on the field! So I'll just summon a SECOND captain and put YOU on LOCK-DOWN!"  
"Yah!" copied a second Marauding Captain.

"Don't copy me," ordered the first one.

"Sorry," the second one apologized.

"'Dis looks bad, boss," Ojama Yellow worried, appearin' suddenly and without any sort o' warnin' on Chazz's shoulder.

"Shut up, useless character. You're annoying."

"We're ALL un-creative," the rest of The Final Four admitted, "so we'll just copy him exactly!" And in a few seconds, there were eight captains on guard at the same time! How lazy were the writers for THIS episode's script?  
"What the hell kinda job are the writers doing on THIS episode's script?" Chazz demanded! Hey, that's what **I** just said! Amazin'!  
"I reckon they're just dumb and do whatever works!" Billy Hills guessed.

_Ugh, how did he know?_The Final Four thought.

"I'll just set two cards face-down and summon Giant Rat in Defense Mode!" Chazz announced. He now had a large blue rat with a human skull in its paw! How creepy! (Giant Rat: 1450 Defense Points)

"Hey, that guy's dumber than OUR combo!" Wavy Hair Wilson chuckled.

"Maybe," Chazz said, "but you know, it was the only thing I could find. In the ARCTIC. Because of your RETARDED initiation test. Seriously, that cyborg polar bear could've killed me! How do you expect to make up for that? You force me to find trading cards and then I have to beat fifty guys with a lame-ass deck? Here's how you guys made up for it: by having even crappier-ass decks."  
"What?"  
"Well, why else would you ALL LOSE TO ME?"  
"No, I mean what made you think this was the arctic, y'all?" asked Jesse Anderson. "This is North Academy, in South Georgia, U.S.A."

"…**WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?**" Chazz roared, not unlike Godzilla or somethin' like him! "HOW IS THIS PLACE IN SOUTH GEORGIA?"  
"Well, duh, how ELSE do I get my down-home country accent in the dub?"  
"He's got a good point, boss!" Ojama Yellow butted in, with his disgustin' theme music. Somebody stop it, please.

"SHUT UP!" Chazz yelled, smackin' him in the kisser.

"Ow, boss! You sure are a sadist!"  
"Yes, yes I am!"

"Hey Chazz," Billy Hills said, "I reckon you shouldn't hit him ALL the time!"  
"But his theme music is somehow disturbing!" Chazz reasoned.

"Good point, huh, Chazz, huh, but Ojama Yellow's cool!" Deep-Voice Dobbson said.

"Y'really think so?" Ojama Yellow asked, teary-eyed. "Aw yeah, boyz!" They all did a three-way hi-five!  
"Look, I'll stop hitting you if you stop that IRRITATING theme song!" Chazz decided.

"Okay, boss!" Ojama Yellow's song thankfully ended right then and there.

[.com/watch?v=Y5Qo9iAB9q0&feature=related] "I don't care WHOSE theme song it is, you're goin' DOWN, CLOWN!" rhymed Blue-Spike the Hairy. "I play The Allied Forces!" A card featuring warrior heroes takin' down some bad guys appeared! "All Warriors gain 200 Attack Points for every other Warrior-type monster on the field, so you know what that means!" The several Marauding Captains leaped up in cheer! (Marauding Captains: 2800 Attack Points)  
"HUZZAH!" They went on the offensive, slicin' and carvin' up that Giant Rat.

"Thanks for activating Giant Rat's special ability, when killed I can summon an Earth-attribute monster with 1500 or less from my deck!" Chazz summoned an angry panda bear at that moment, because he knew it was the smart thing to do.

"RAWR!" he growled, as he bent a rod of bamboo in half menacingly! (Gyaku-Gire Panda: 800 Attack Points)  
"Gulp, he broke bamboo!" gulped Bighead Brawny. "Uh, but still, attack stupidly!" The seven captains who didn't carve up the rat shrugged and lunged at Chazz!

"You really ARE idiots!" Chazz laughed! "My Gyaku-Gire Panda gains 500 Attack Points for every monster my opponent has on the field!" The panda suddenly grew, as if he'd ingested steroids! (Gyaku-Gire Panda: 4800 Attack Points)

"Hmph!" Kidvoice grunted! "If you all attack together, you can take him down!"  
"Do you even know how Duel Monsters works, huh, Kidvoice, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, confused!  
"NO!" shouted The Final Four, all in unison! "GOOOOOO!" One Marauding Captain hacked at the panda with his mighty blade, but was clawed in the face, exploding. (The Final Four: 14800 Life Points) The second one hit him with his sword's hilt, but it bounced back, slicing his head, exploding him. (The Final Four: 13600 Life Points) The third one, however, was sneaky. He pulled out a revolver! Sadly, he was a true-blue swordsman, and didn't realize that his gun was held backwards. He pulled the trigger, exploding himself. (The Final Four: 12400 Life Points) Then the fourth one decided, 'hey, what the hell are we all doing? We should run for it, we can't do it!',turned tail and ran. Then Gyaku-Gire Panda threw the fifth victim at the runner, exploding them. (The Final Four: 10000 Life Points) The last two decided that two heads and swords are better'n one, and prepared for the best tag team attack ever performed: the Twin-Kick Double Flippy Cut—Swan. They missed, exploding them. (The Final Four: 7600 Life Points, which leads up to about 1900 Life Points left each)

"Hey," gasped Blue-Spike the Hairy.

"Why didn't," wondered Kidvoice.

"Their Attack Points," added Bighead Brawny.

"Change?" exclaimed Wavy Hair Wilson.

"Of course, you idiots," Chazz explained, "it's because YOU ALL ATTACKED SIMULTANEOUSLY. Man, do you even know how to duel?" Also the panda shrunk. (Gyaku-Gire Panda: 800 Attack Points)  
"No, I reckon!" Billy Hills said snarkily.  
"Aw yeah!" Chazz, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Ojama Yellow all hi-fived him.

"Anyways, my turn, right?"

"Uh yeah sure whatever."  
"Thanks for simultaneously ending three players' turns for me!" Chazz gloated! "I'll use the card Chazz Wins the Duel in THIS Episode!" A Spell card with a picture of Chazz's smug face appeared, grew a fist, and punched out all the opponents. They flew into the helpful pile from earlier. "This card automatically F'S ALL OF YOU PUNKS!"

"Ooh, naughty word, huh, COOL GUY, huh!"

"Thanks. Now, you." Chazz pointed to Jesse Anderson, who was now quakin' in his boots and puffy Blue coat.

"That card… it's not real, y'all!"  
"It saved us a lot of writing time thanks to that stupid Marauding Captains scene, but it was funny, so it was worth it!" explained Chazz.

"Uh, o…okay?" Jesse Anderson sheepishly stepped out from the shadows and faced Chazz like a man. A real wimpy man. "Eh, duel?"  
(Jess: 4000 Life Points, Chazz: 4000 Life Points)

"Hmm, I REALLY wish I brought mah' Crystal Beast deck, but I'll just make due with this…"  
"STOP MAKING REFERENCES TO THE FUTURE!"  
"Yeep! I activate two copies of Fiend's Sanctuary!" Two cool bubbly mean token monsters appeared! "Then I sacrifice both of 'em for this here Zoa!" An ugly blue guy with dumb horns and spines placed randomly around his body appeared!  
"GRR!" Zoa growled. (Zoa: 2600 Attack Points)  
"Next I set two mo' cards face-down, and I'll call it a turn, y'all," Jesse decided, placing two Spells/Traps onto the field.

"C'mon, Chazz, I reckon you 'kin do it!" Billy Hills supported!  
"I was going to say that before he did, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson reported!

"Okay, draw!" announced Chazz, drawing. He drew Ojama Yellow. "_Hell_ no!"

"Heck _yes_, Boss!" Ojama Yellow said, thankfully without that accursed theme music.  
"I said, HELL NO! DIE!" Chazz summoned Ojama Yellow in Defense Mode.  
"Aw, man!" Ojama Yellow whined. (Ojama Yellow: 1000 Defense Points) Chazz also set down two Traps.

"You got'm on da' ropes, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted.  
"Ojama Yellow 'kin do it too, I reckon!"  
"No he can't!"  
"I reckon, aw."

"Hahahaha, y'all, that is ONE stupid card!" Jesse laughed.

"You're an idiot! I've done this like four times today! You should know what these face-downs are!"  
"I don't care! Yer' possibly goin' down! I can't let Georgia down like this! I play mah face-down: Metalmorph!" A Trap card of a creepy robot man appeared, solidifying Zoa in metal goop! (Zoa: 2900 Attack Points) "Next, now I can tribute my Zoa, since I have Metalmorph, to summon METAL ZOA!" Zoa turned into a robot man himself. (Metal Zoa: 3000 Attack Points) Now, I'm sure that many of you consider that turn to be useless. I reckon you're right. "It is NOT useless! I play my OTHER Trap card, Call of the Haunted, to bring back mah ORIGINAL Zoa!" And so in a haze of creepy smoke, original flavor Zoa appeared. Heh, original flavor! Man, I'm funny.

"_Ha! You're screwed! You're gonna ,lose!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden laughed!

"Shut up, and DIE, HALLUCINATORY KID!" Jesse raged! "Zoa, use SHINY LASER X-ATTACK!" Zoa's horns turned bright green, and then they shot out a big X-shaped laser beam! How random is THAT? Ojama Yellow was hit and exploded.

"Ow!" cried Ojama Yellow.

"OJAMA YELLOW, HUH, I RECKON, HUH!" screamed Those Two.

"Now, Metal Zoa, use **ROBOT** SHINY LASER X-ATTACK!" Jesse's robot guy fired a ROBOTIC X-shaped laser at Chazz, and it connected.

"Ow," Chazz said. (Chazz: 1000 Life Points) "Crap! Crap crap crap…" Chazz sniffled a bit and put his head down.

"Aw, whassa matter, kid?" Jesse mocked. "Are ya' doin' the thing JADEN did in the first few episodes.

Together with the power of him and his friends, Chazz, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills all responded: [.com/watch?v=HXXBEbpJous] "_**HUH, YES, I RECKON SO, HUH!**_"

"E-eh? What's up with this… 'doom-y' music?" Jesse asked, feeling scared.

"I activate the card, Inferno Tempest!" Chazz's face-down card, which was not a Trap, flipped face-up, showing an army of men facing down a massive, flamin' meteor comin' straight for them. "This card can be activated when I take 3000 or more damage from one attack! And since I just have, all monsters in our decks are removed from play!"  
"What's the point?" Jesse asked.

"You'll see." Both kids haphazardly threw their tradin' cards onto the floor, signifyin' that they were removed from the game. "Now, I'm about to take over your title as… what's your title?"  
"Super Game-King."  
"I'm about to become that and take over this school, right now! I play Chaos End!" Chazz played a card featurin' a tiki head or tree of some sort, and the end of the world. "If I have at least seven cards removed from play, your monsters are destroyed."  
"Yeah, huh!" cheered Deep-Voice Dobbson.

Both versions of Zoa turned all crackly and stuff, and broke into a bunch of pieces. "Aw, crap," Jesse cursed, realizing how much he was about to lose.

"Next, my second Trap card: Return From the Different Dimension!" It was a card with a warrior lady, a flying rat, a lion-man hybrid manticore, warrior man, and giant orca base of operations falling from the sky. (Chazz: 500 Life Points) "I pay half of my Life Points in order to summon all the removed from play monsters I choose!" A massive storm started brewin' above, which meant so crazy stuff was 'bout to go down. Two angry masked demons, a fighter who fights with discs, a skull knight who never got top billing, the robot crab from before, and Ojama Yellow all descended like angels, ugly, ugly angels.

"I'm back, baby!" Ojama Yellow growled!

"Attack, all of you! Ojama Yellow! Gemini Imps, Disc Fighter, Skull Knight #2, and KA-2 Des Scissors!" Ojama Yellow floated over and slapped Jesse Anderson in the face.

"Ungh!" Ojama Yellow grunted, doing no damage. Then the Gemini Imps pushed their claws through Jesse's heart and brain, Disc Fighter's discs were thrown and cut through his arms, Skull Knight #2 swung his sword through Jesse vertically, and the crab-bot snipped at his finger.

"AAAAAAHH, MY FINGER!" Jesse cried, but it was only an illusion, and he was okay. "… Aw, damn holograms!" (Jesse: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"YEW DID IT, HUH, CHAZZ, I RECKON!" shouted Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson!  
"Was there any doubt?" Chazz asked, full of himself.

"Eh~ yes~" said somebody. It was SeaweedMan!

"Aw, not you again!" Chazz complained!  
"Oh dangit, the PRINCIPAL saw us all lose!" Jesse whined, running away and jumping on top of the pile of defeated duelists.

"Yes~ It's me again~ SeaweedMan~" SeaweedMan said, for those of you who did not get it.

"Why's he covered in sea weed, I reckon?" Billy Hills asked innocently.

"Because I drew Chazz all the way over to the Southern United States to put his major plan into action~"

"What are you talkin' about?" Chazz asked not-innocently.

"Don't you want to take over the world~ Of dueling~ Also take these coats and wear them~" SeaweedMan tossed Chazz, Billy Hills, and Deep-Voice Dobbson fashionable black coats.  
"Oh, thanks." They put them on. "But why would I?"  
"Order some kid around~"  
"Oh, okay." Chazz turned to one kid he beat earlier. "Get me a thing."  
"Uh, okay, Super Game-King Chazz!" The kid ran away and got Chazz a plushie in the shape of the number '2'.

"Hey, that was kinda fun!" Chazz thought.

"So~ What would you tell people to do if you could control every duelist in the world~?" SeaweedMan challenged.

"Hmm…" Chazz had a vision.

"_WAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed, sitting upon a throne of flames! "ALL OF YOU, GIVE ME A THING! MUHUHAHAHAHAHA!" And as he laughed maniacally, he was quickly covered in new '2' plushies given by the entire world._

"Hmm… I like it. But just who are you, anyways?"

"Give me a moment for the drama~ You, Chazz, are now the strongest duelist in all of southern Georgia~ Now you are going to represent North Academy against Japan's Kaibaland Duel Academy~ If you win, we gain control of the most major Japanese dueling school in the world of Japan~ After that, you can raise your own army of duelists to take over the next school, and then the next~ Soon enough, you'll have big enough of a fighting force that REGULAR armies will bow down to you~ And then, after the world falls… I can have all the ice cream I could eat~"  
"You're just in it for the ice cream?" Chazz asked.

"Yes~ At least you can do whatever you want with everything else in the known universe, so you have nothing to lose~"  
"Hmm…" Chazz turned to his friends. "Well, if I win, we get Duel Academy Japan. If I lose, then they get us. What do you think, you two?"  
"I reckon do it."  
"Huh, yeah, huh."  
"Okay." Chazz turned back to SeaweedMan. "Now, remove your sea weed and I'll tell you my descision.

"Alright, but you'll be shocked~" SeaweedMan took off his sea weed… and had more underneath. "That's all there is to it, sea weed~"  
"Oh, well that's a rip-off. Let's take over the world!" But SeaweedMan turned around from Chazz.

"Are you sure that you're ready~ You'll have to face the strongest duelist of Kaibaland Duel Academy, and he's probably going to be someone you know~"  
"The strongest, huh?" Chazz thought. Hallucinatory-Jaden appeared again.

"_Hey, I'm gonna beat you up!"_ Hallucinatory-Jaden joked. _"Just kidding, you lost to Bastion and want to kill him now, right?"  
"Yeah,"_ Hallucinatory-Bastion said, _"I'm a-gonna bust you up again, sucka!"_

"I think I know who it is, and I have a bone to pick with him," Chazz sighed. "So this means that now I have a fifty-man fighting force under me, and I get to fight my self-chosen rival? Perfect."  
"And the way you put it, you lost to him~"  
"WHAT?" Chazz roared, angry that anybody would think of him as a loser.  
"You have a 'bone to pick'~ In this universe, that means you want a re-match~ You were obvious~ But you can lead them all to vicory~" SeaweedMan pointed to the fifty kids who were now surrounding Chazz, bowin' to him like a golden statue of gold.

"We are not worthy… we are not worthy…" they chanted.

"This is gettin' a lil' WEIRD, I RECKON!" Billy Hills freaked out!  
"ALL OF YOU LOW-LIVES, LISTEN UP!" Chazz shouted! "I WILL BE THE ONE TO FINALLY DEFEAT THE ANNOYANCE THAT IS BASTION MISAWA! AND THEN NOBODY SHALL BE ABLE TO DEFEAT ME, FOR I WILL BE **INVINCIBLE**!"

"YEEEEEEAH!" shouted the fifty worshippers!  
"Psst, hey Billy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson whispered, "does that make sense?"  
"Naw," Billy Hills responded, "but I reckon the duelist he's gonna duel is Jaden Yuki, but at least now we all have cool coats."  
"Not me," Ojama Yellow sobbed, because he didn't get a cool black coat. But nobody seemed to care, because now Chazz was as hell-bent on world devastation as his brothers, who were big jerks.

"WATCH OUT, MISAWA! HAAAAAHAHAHAHAAH!"

And that. Is the story. Of what Chazz. Was doing. When he was gone. The end.

COMMENTARY

Did you like the narration on this one? Yeah, it's all cool and down-home with spirit! Does that mean anything? No? Good! Either way, this was one DOOZY of a Chazz episode.

Why was that man covered in seaweed? How did Chazz get stranded by himself in the ocean? How did he get into the arctic, either? And why wasn't Jesse Anderson at that school with the horrible uniforms if he was two seasons later? All answered here. The man IS seaweed, Chazz's bros. bailed, he was in Georgia, and Jesse WAS there.

And Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson will be here for a very long time. Don't worry. Sadly, you SHOULD worry about Ojama Yellow, he's weird. And why was Hallucinatory-Jaden drinking Cropiko©? Weird joke on a Japanese sport drink name. Yeah, that's about it. The next episode shall be an even BIGGER doozy than the one today! BE PREPARED!


	25. Episode 25: The School Duel Part One

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 25: The School Duel – Part One

[.com/watch?v=ZmglC_XRBvk&feature=related] We open to the deepest, darkest, coldest parts of Southern Georgia one night in the snowy mountains, as we all know how much snow we have there, all the time, in an Old West-y base of operations. Fires were set all around the inside of the western mini-town. As we pan in closer, we see Chazz Princeton, standing on a statue of himself. "NOW, WHO'S GOING TO WIN TOMORROW?" he asked the crowd of students, adoring him far below in the light of the bonfires.  
"CHAZZ!" they thunderously responded.  
"WHO'S GOING TO BEAT **EVERYONE**?" Chazz asked again.  
"CHAZZ!" they told him.  
"AND," SeaweedMan asked, standing next to Chazz, "WHO OF YOU THINKS THAT CHAZZ IS NOW WORTHY OF THIS SCHOOL'S MOST PRIZED DECK~"  
"AAAAAAAAAAYE!" the kids said. SeaweedMan handed Chazz a special, albeit normal-looking deck.  
"Chazz, this deck holds all of my hopes and dreams~ Of ice cream~ This deck will always be a symbol of Georgia, the peach state of the union, which will soon encompass the earth under your rule~"  
"I always thought it was the PEANUT state!" Chazz gasped!  
"It CAN be when you RULE THE WORLD~"  
"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" the crowd supported  
"I AM THE BEST!" Chazz screamed to the heavens! "WAAAAH, HAHAHAHAHAHA!" And he and the audience were as one, massive, globe-conquering mob. Meanwhile, in the saloon, Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson watched this all unfold from a window, drinking their nice, cool mugs of Budwisser-brand milk.  
"I reckon I remember when he didn't even know HOW to rule the world," Billy Hills reminisced.  
"I'm so proud of him, huh, Billy, huh," said Deep-Voice Dobbson. They clinked their plastic mugs together in agreement.

"CHAZZ! CHAZZ! CHAZZ!" the crowd chanted, repeatedly showing their reverence to their false idol.  
"CHAZZ IS **LIFE!**" one kid screamed!  
"DUEL ACADEMY IS **MINE!** THE STUDENTS WILL BECOME LIKE **YOU**, ALL SET STRAIGHT UPON THE PATH OF CHAZZ! ALL THOSE WHO DISAGREE WILL _BURN_ IN THE FIREY PITS OF REPENTANCE! AND NOW, WHO IS WITH ME?"  
"WE ARE!" shouted the audience. They began working their way around bonfires and struggling to climb up the statue of Chazz to get to Chazz. "PLEASE, SAFEGUARD US!" they begged! "DON'T LET ANYBODY ELSE LOOK DOWN UPON US EVER AGAIN, EXCEPT FOR YOU, THE ONLY REAL POWER LEFT IN THE UNIVERSE! PLEASE, PROTECT US!"  
"This is what TRUE power feels like!" Chazz laughed! "IT'S TIME TO GET WHAT I DESERVE!"

Meanwhile on DUEL ACADEMY ISLAND, Jaden was busy in the Duel Dome summoning Burstinatrix! "I SUMMON BURSTINATRIX!" Jaden yelled! He summoned Burstinatrix. She flew around the camera in an irritating fashion before standing there, like a good Burstinatrix should.  
"Hoo-yah!" she said, as usual. (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points)  
"Then I summon Clayman!" Clayman appeared. (Clayman: 800 Attack Points) "And Sparkman!" Sparkman appeared. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) "Aaaaaand… Bubbleman!" Bubbleman appeared.  
"What about me?" asked Avian, appearing without being asked to.  
"Go away, I didn't summon you, yo."  
"Aw…" Avian left with a thousand tears.  
"And with THESE four awesome monsters, I'll DEFINITELY beat that NORTH ACADMEY BUMPKIN!"  
"Um, Jay, we were in a duel," Syrus said, with his weird helicopter-train on the field. "Also you cheated."  
"WHO CARES ATTACK!" All four of his monsters attacked directly, cheating and winning the duel. (Syrus: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"Aw man, you always do that to me. Not really, but all times after episode seven or something."  
"Who cares, Syrus!" Mann McOldsmobile asked rudely, entering the scene! "You guys, hurry! They're having the 'Welcome North Academy Bumpkins' meet-and-greet!"  
"Who cares about THAT, yo?" Jaden asked, un-excited.  
"THEY HAVE SNACKS."

And with that, the four teleported to the docks, where everybody was waiting for people to board off of a submarine that had pulled onto the pier. There was also a small snack table, but Koala Ko Ala already eaten everything before going back to him room to sleep. SeaweedMan had stepped off of the submarine-docking system and onto the scene with some kids. He shook hands with Chancellor Shepherd. "Hello, Shepherd~ Remember our bet~" asked SeaweedMan.  
"Why yes, you sea weed-covered man, I do," Shepherd said, as if it were a good joke. "And now, let's see who you've chosen to fight for you THIS year—"  
"YOOOOO!" Jaden shouted, getting in the way. "The snack table got jacked, so now all I wanna do is see who I'm duelin' for this 'school dool' thing. Don't tell me no, 'cause I've had TOO MUCH disappointment today."  
"It's me!"  
"Huh?" Jaden looked around. He saw the group of cool black-coats, made up of Chazz, Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson, and Kidvoice, as everybody loves him. Jesse Anderson was standing off to the side."Hmm…" Jaden looked closely at Jesse Anderson. "Are you going to become an important character soon enough, yo?"  
"In two years, after I get mah signature 'Crystal Beast' deck, y'all," Jesse said.  
"Oh, cool!"  
"No, THAT'S not your opponent." Jaden turned to Billy Hills, who was wearing his fashionable coat.  
"Woah! What a snazzy coat!" Jaden complimented.  
"NOT THE COAT."  
"Billy Hills?"  
"NO!"  
"Deep-Voice Dobbson?"  
"**NO!**" Chazz punched Jaden in the face. "CHAZZ PRINCETON, N00B!"  
"Ow! Hey, I remember you!" Jaden exclaimed! "You're… Zazz, right?"  
"**CHAZZ!**"  
"Ooooh, Chazz, Chazz, I remember now," Jaden remembered. "I thought you were going to take over the world with your brothers! When'd you go to Georgia?"  
"WHEN I FELT LIKE IT!"  
"You tryin' to give Chazz trouble?" Kidvoice asked sternly, in his kid-voice.  
"Uh, no, I just forgot who Chazz was."  
"YOU FORGOT CHAZZ?" Jesse gasped! "I can't BE-LIEVE IT! YOU CAN'T JUST GO 'ROUND, FORGETTIN' CHAZZ!"  
"Save it," Chazz ordered, "and get me Misawa. There's no way he COULDN'T be the guy I'm supposed to duel today."  
"No, actually we had a tie match, and that let me fight you," Jaden explained.  
"You… TOOK OVER THE SPOT OF MY ETERNAL RIVAAAAAAL?" Chazz screamed! "KILL HIM!" Kidvoice and Jesse started choking Jaden!  
"Ow, this kinda hurts!"  
"Shouldn't you tell them to stop~" asked SeaweedMan.  
"No," Shepherd responded, "you know our killing people policy. It's okay here. As long as it saves money."

Suddenly helicopters descended from the sky, blowing Kidvoice and Jesse away! "Saved by 'da bell, yo!" Jaden joked…? The helicopters landed on some unlucky idiots, and out of their doors came Zazz and Slade Princeton!  
"Hi, little brother!" Slade welcomed in his irritating voice! "How are you doing? We are FINE."  
"Ugh, not them!" Chazz gulped! "Zazz, with his noogies of pain and suffering, and Slade, with the voice an adult would only use when talking to a two year-old! They REALLY irritate me…"  
"Come on, lil' bro, don't introduce us like that!" Slade suggested. "Please, we just want to help you!"  
"Help me HOW?" The two brothers walked up to Chazz and placed their hands on his shoulders.  
"You want to rule the world by yourself, huh?" Zazz asked, with his square-ish hair. "We can respect that!"  
"Really?" As soon as Chazz had asked, the entire island was covered in cables and film equipment. "Uh…"

"Cool!" Jaden's face was getting squished because a man was pushing his camera into him. "What's up with this?"  
"We're going to be broadcasting Chazz's victory all over the entire world, in order to tell EVERYONE: Yo! Don't mess with Chazz! He'll eat you and rape your dog!" Zazz explained graphically.  
"D-don't say that last part, bro…"  
"NO WAY!" Jaden exclaimed, as dozens of copies of his face were seen inside of the nearby TV van, to the editors' horror. "ME ON TV? PEOPLE WILL SEE ME EVERYWHERE AROUND THE WORLD?"

"**IN HI-DEF?**" he asked, as his face appeared in Times Square, New York, causing mass panic and hysteria.

"**FULL-COLOR?**" he asked, as his face appeared inside of a cinema, interrupting a movie, and making the audience suffer heart attacks.

Soon enough, later on in a locker room, Chazz sat with his brothers on a bench. "So, really, what's the deal?" he asked.  
"We're really just trying to help you," Zazz explained, "SeaweedMan told us about your domination and subsequent take-over of everybody in North Academy, and we believe that if you got THOSE stupid kids under your command, what about the REST of the world?"  
"You guys would NEVER support me and my endeavors!" Chazz said. "I _know_ you people."  
"Well," Slade said, "after we realized that it's both impossible to own all the money in the world OR become the President or Prime Minister of every country in the world, we decided that you taking over Duel Monsters would be the best bet."  
"LOOK!" shouted Zazz, slamming his fists on the bench! "You tried running away from your duty of ruling Duel Academy when you dropped out! What made you think that you could get away with it?"  
"But you both really didn't care when that happened!"  
"**WE'RE STUPID!**" the older Princeton bros. shouted in unison!  
"See, lil' bro, you're not ALLOWED to run away anymore," Slade said, taking over again. "You, the smallest Princeton brother, aren't allowed to give up as easily as you already have. Here." He gave a stunned Chazz a briefcase full of trading cards! "These are the most expensive, shiniest Duel Monster cards we could buy! You CAN'T lose with these, unless you really are a WORTHLESS DUELIST. Go ahead, use them today."  
_Damn it,_ Chazz thought, stressed, _that voice is really scary when he's being malicious._  
"Now duel and win, Chazz, and take over this stupid world," Zazz ordered. Chazz sheepishly picked up the case and walked out the door with them. Outside he met up with Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills.  
"Hey, Chazz, I reckon you're ready?" Billy Hills asked.  
"Yeah, yeah, let's go," Chazz sighed.

The trio walked through the halls, without incident, until they passed by Bastion, Baseball Bob, Piggybank, and Fluffy Fred. "Bastiooooon~" Piggybank said in her cutest voice, wiggling her piggy ears, "are you sure you know where you left it? I NEED it."  
"Don't worry Piggybank," Bastion urged, sweating profusely, "it's right on my bed! I know for sure… oh, hey Chazz. Nice coat." Chazz and his two friends turned to them all.  
"What's wrong, KID?" Fluffy Fred asked, putting on his best "yakuza" face. "Keep walkin', he just complimented ya' on your matchin' coats. Keep movin'."  
"Fred, they aren't doing anything," Baseball Bob said.  
"Well… what if they DO?"  
"Bastion," Chazz said.  
"What?" asked all four members of the Bastion Baseball Wreckers Gang.  
"…Nice pin." Chazz and his two guys walked away from Bastion and his 'Baseball King' pin.

"Oh, Misawa, my apprentice!" Crowler gasped, running up to Bastion. "What are you doing out here? You should be inside the Duel Dome, trying to figure out some OTHER way to defeat Jaden YUCKY without killing him, almost like last time!"  
_What? Is that?_  
"Oh, sorry, Crowler," Bastion responded, "but I need to get Piggybank's lucky silver dollar. The science of memory says that 'if you saw something fall somewhere then you know that it's there'! It's basic psychology!"  
"Ugh, do you REALLY have to do everything everyone asks of you now that you're an Obelisk?"  
"Well, yeah."  
"Fine, fine, just hurry up. Oh, hello, Chazz," greeted Crowler as it rushed past Chazz and towards the Duel Dome. Both remaining parties went in different directions.  
"Hey, Chazz," Billy Hills said, shocked, "I reckon that was yer' mom! She just flat-out ignored you, I reckon!"  
"We should give her a piece of our collective minds, huh, Chazz, huh!" suggested Deep-Voice Dobbson!

A couple of tears fell onto the recently-mopped floors. "Shut up, you two," Chazz ordered coldly. "Let's just go."  
"Yo, Chazz, what's wrong?" asked Jaden, as he ran by, turned back, and stood near Chazz out of concern.  
"STAY OUT OF THIS." Chazz pushed Jaden away in fury!  
"Well, okay, yo, but get better, 'kay? We gotta match, so don't let feeble emotions cloud your judgment!" Jaden ran off for fun and adventure, as Chazz felt a deep humiliation.

As that happened, inside the locker room, Zazz and Slade were jumping up and down with excitement! "Boy, this couldn't have gone better if we'd PLANNED it!" Slade cheered!  
"I know, right?" Zazz asked rhetorically! "It'll probably take just a few weeks for the rest of the dueling world to submit to Chazz once they see his absolute victory over some 'Yu' kid, and a few weeks after that for Chazz to gain their dominance! Then we just run up to him and noogie him until he gives it all to us!"  
"Then we take over everything without even having to raise a finger!" Slade laughed!  
"BEST DAY **EVER**!"

Chazz with his briefcase and two friends entered the Duel Dome to the delight of several hundred cheering students. "WOOOOO, A DUELIST!" they shouted!  
"Alright, all of you," said an annoying director with a loudspeaker, "smile! Smile for the camera, everybody can see you! Make them think you're not mentally screwed up in the least!"  
"Heh heh heh," cruelly laughed the camera man, who used his movie camera to take some close-ups of a boy picking his nose. He was seen by the entire world, and would go on to become the internet meme, 'The Nose-Picking Nerd'.  
"CHAZZ IS LIFE!" shouted the North Academy group, taking over a large section of the seating with their puffy coats. "CHAZZ IS LOVE! CHAZZ IS _ALL_!"  
"Uh, okay," said a kid from Duel Academy.  
"So, SeaweedMan," Shepherd said, in the teacher's seating area, "we're clear on the bet this year?"  
"Of course~ I'm looking forward to taking this school for my own~ Southern Georgia is too cold for me~"  
"And you had BETTER give me what I want when we win," Shepherd grinned with a growl. "Jaden won't be losing today, he has 'Yu' in his name!"  
"What does that have to do with it~" asked SeaweedMan.  
"I dunno, it just kinda works," supposed Shepherd.

"So Jay," Syrus asked, near the bottom of the stage with Jaden, Koala Ko Ala, and Mann McOldsmobile, "you're fighting your rival in the match of the year to date. How do you feel?"  
"Meh."  
"M-m-m-MEH?" Syrus repeated.  
"Yeah, meh."  
"Dude, you're usually sayin' 'gonna get mah game on, yo! Watch out, yo, 'cuz I'm psyched, yo'!" Koala Ko Ala stated.  
"I've only known you for a few days, and even I know that," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"Well, yeah, but Chazz is kinda… hey, why didn't that duck say 'boo' to Koala Ko Ala?" Jaden asked.  
"What duck?"  
"The one we met in episode four." Jaden pointed off-screen. We pan in on a duck. "Watch: get your game on—"  
"BOO," someone said. And we ALL know who SOMEONE is.  
"Ha ha ha ha, that's hi-larious!" Mann McOldsmobile laughed!  
"Not when it happens every day," Syrus sy-ed.  
"Who cares?" Koala Ko Ala asked. "Get on in there!" He pushed Jaden on-stage.  
"Woah!"

[.com/watch?v=u2VNoFhYL1g] "And now, Mr. SeaweedMan over here is about to start the match!" Chancellor Shepherd shouted over the microphone! The kids cheered.  
"Hello~ I'm Principal SeaweedMan~ Because in America, we have more Principals that Chancellors~ Now, we're going to have a big duel here today~ So everybody get ready~"  
"Okay okay that's enough," Shepherd groaned, quickly snatching the mic from SeaweedMan. "Now, Dr. Crowler, will you please introduce these duelists whom we already know of?"  
"Oh, okay," it complied, running onto the stage. "On this side, the right side, is Chazz Princeton!" Crowler introduced, as the Chazz-meister himself walked on-stage.  
"!" said the North Academy duelists, who were quite hot and sweaty in their puffy coats, and frankly uncomfortable.  
"And over on this side," Crowler shouted, pointing to Jaden Yuki, "is that Jaden kid."  
"Yo, everybo—"  
"Now hold on just a minute, I'm gonna let you finish, but BASTION MISAWA IS ONE OF THE BEST DUELISTS OF ALL TIME! He should be up there, and not YOU! Okay, duel." Crowler rushed off the stage.  
"DUEL!" (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Chazz: 4000 Life Points)

[.com/watch?v=GopzpFJm4LQ]"Okay!" Jaden shouted! "I'm starting THIS one off with INSPIRATIONAL music!" Jaden drew his card, and—  
"Stop right there!" ordered Chazz! He looked at the camera that some camera guy was practically shoving into his face. "Now see here, everybody! You Duel Academy kids may think, 'oh, that's just Chazz, he's okay at dueling, but he's still useless'."  
"I never thought that, huh, Chazz, huh!"  
"Me neither, I reckon!"  
"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU! You who have forsaken me, I have returned, from America! And look at North Academy!" Chazz moved out of the way and pointed the camera to the North Academy students, who were all wearing Chazz wigs. "They are moved by me! They worship me! All of you, proclaim your worship!"  
"He's gonna Chazz you up, Jaden!" a guy promised!  
"Chazz it up!" one guy shouted.  
"Chazz it up!" a girl shouted.  
"CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ IT UP!" The entire audience had caught on!  
"SAY IT AGAIN!" Chazz ordered!  
"CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ IT UP!"  
"Okay, that's enough."  
"CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ IT UP!"  
"STOP."  
"OKAY!"  
"What a cult," Alexis groaned.  
"WE LOVE YOU CHAZZ!"  
"I'd rather a bunch of sweaty men didn't say that, but who cares!"  
"OH YEAH!"

Chazz whirled around to face Jaden again. "Now, Jaden, become a stepping-stone on my way to destroying Misawa! AND RULING THE WORLD!"  
"Hee hee," laughed Chazz's brothers.  
"Draw!" Chazz exclaimed, drawing a card!  
"YEAAAAAH! CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ IT UP!"  
"SHUT UP! **YOUR VOICES ARE INFURIATING ME!**" Chazz summoned a creepy dragon with a mask onto the field. "I summon Masked Dragon in Defense Mode!" (Masked Dragon: 1100 Defense Mode) "Gimme your best shot, Jaden!"  
"Okay, maybe I won't! 'Cause I summon Burstinatrix, yo, in Attack Mode, yo!" Jaden's fire-related hero appeared! (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points) "Oops, maybe I shoulda' said 'FLARE Mode', heh, because that's what she's gonna do to that dragon, G!"  
"UGH," groaned the world-wide audience.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"H-hey you, get a close-up o' that talkin' duck ova' there!" ordered a TV producer to a cameraman. The camera zoomed into the mysterious duck's face.  
"WOAH, WHAT A GREAT DUCK," marveled the audience.  
"Not my fault you peeps don't get my COMEDY GOLD!" Burstinatrix summoned a fireball in-between her palms and threw it at Masked Dragon! The dragon obviously exploded.

"Oh, wow!" Syrus exclaimed! "Jaden just defeated a monster! How regular!"  
"You realize that it accomplished nothing, right?" asked Alexis, who was apparently sitting next to him.  
"I'm also sitting next to her, too!" Bastion told the home audience.

"Thanks, Jaden, since you killed my dragon, I can use his ability to summon a Dragon-type monster from my deck!" Chazz said! "I CHOOSE ARMED DRAGON LEVEL THREE!" A pink and orange dragon baby with minimal armor appeared. (ADLv3: 1300 Attack Points)  
"CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ IT UP!"  
"OKAY, SHUT UP YOU GUYS, AND YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO CHEER FOR THE REST OF THE MATCH!" Chazz ordered!  
"…we're sorry."

"Wow, he just summoned a monster, big whoop," Alexis said, unconvinced of CERTAIN DOOM?  
"Well, if my known Science of Dueling is correct," Bastion thought, "then Chazz has something up his sleeve…"  
"Shouldn't it be called psychology, instead of science, according to how you use it? It doesn't make sense."  
"DON'T EXPLAIN THE JOKE, ALEXIS!" shouted Bastion!  
"…What joke?"

"What is THAT?" Chancellor Shepherd gasped! "Is that… one of the cards from your school's legendary deck you bought for sixty dollars?"  
"Why yes~ Yes it is~" SeaweedMan replied.  
"Well that's HORRIBLE! You can't just give Chazz that _LEGENDARY_ deck that any kid could've made! It's just not right!"  
"Actually there are no rules against it~"  
"But it's legendary!" Shepherd shouted, standing up with rage! "I'll stop this trick, COLD!" He turned his attention to Jaden! "C'mon, lad! JADEN it up! **JADEN** it up!"  
"Stop, teach!" Jaden ordered! "That's so stupid it feels offensive!"  
"Aw…"  
"Anyways, Chazz, what ELSE can that DRAGON o' yours do, huh? I'm excited to see what you're gonna do with it!"  
"You'd better be excited!" Chazz said! "It's time to end this duel!"  
"But it just started, yo!"  
"I KNOW!" Chazz drew a card! But who cares, because the baby dragon began ripping apart like paper!

"Uh, what's goin' on wit' yo baby?" Jaden asked.  
"During my Standby Phase," Chazz explained, "my Level Three dragon becomes Level Five!" The baby exploded into a much doomier red and black dragon, who had several spiky blades all over it body. (ADLv5: 2400 Attack Points)  
"Aw, shizz-nit. That guy's pretty…"  
"Big? Scary?"  
"AWESOME!" Jaden corrected! "I can't WAIT to beat it up!"  
"…You just don't GET IT, Jaden!" Chazz shouted, _**INSTANTLY ENDING THE MUSIC**_! "You don't always WIN in this show, you have to LOSE in order to PROGRESS YOUR LIFE **AND THE LIVES OF OTHERS!**"  
"Dude, what're you talkin' about? You just stopped mah mad jams! Why?"  
"Because, you're always doin' whatever you want to, pulling everybody into your own OH-SO PERSONAL STRUGGLES!" Chazz vented.  
"…Y'mean like my… tough times?" Jaden slyly asked.  
"Yeah."  
"And my… hard climbs?"  
"WE'LL TAKE 'EM ON TOGETHAH!" the crowd sang.  
"Grrr… STOP SINGING THAT STUPID SONG! YOUR COLLECTIVE VOICES ARE… ARE… IRRITATING ME!" Chazz screamed, gripping his head! "AHHHH, IT'S SO STUUUUUUPIIIIID!"

[.com/watch?v=uw4zx9dGlx8]_Heartwarming music played as we cut to Chazz as a four year-old going to pre-school, which was located right across the street from the Coffee Café. "Now, have fun at Pre-K, okay, son?" Crowler asked, in the way that parents often do.  
"Mummy, your face is creeping me out," Chazz said.  
"Okay. Goodbye." Crowler hastily walked away, as if it really didn't care about its son's first day at school. EVER. Chazz looked around feeling scared, as he'd never been with other kids ever since the show decided to add him to the cast. There were nice toys, but the kids looked none too friendly.  
"Hey," a kid with glasses said, "I reckon that's the guy we were tol' 'bout!"  
"Huh, Billy, huh?" gasped a kid with a deep voice, who studied a picture of Chazz, with the words 'WILL TAKE OVER WORLD'. These kids were given the task of making sure that Chazz would never play Duel Monsters, so that they could prevent his world take-over during this current season of Yu-Gi-Oh GX. Because only kids can save the world._

"Hey, I reckon you shouldn't play Duel Monsters," Billy Hills recommended.  
"YAAAAAAAAARGH!" Chazz, feeling scared and defenseless, picked up Billy Hills and swung him by the feet into Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Ow, huh, what're we doing again, huh?" asked Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Be my friends or I'll eat you," Chazz said.  
"Uh, okay, huh, Chazz, I reckon."  
"Hey," said two twelve year-old-looking businessmen kids, "we're Slade and Zazz. Wanna become part of the Princeton family so we can exploit you for dueling and world domination?"  
"What's 'exploits' mean?" Chazz asked naively.  
"It means candy."  
"Yay! Okay!"

Then there was another flashback to dinner that night. Chazz and his mom/dad/thing were at the dinner table eating regular foodstuffs. "Hey mum, two big kids made me their brother!" he reported. "They wants to gimme candy and my last name's 'Princeton' now!"  
"That's nice," sighed Crowler, uncaring.

Then there was a third flashback to the night after Chazz got into Duel Academy. He was with the other Obelisk Blues at a prestigious dinner table this time, eating awesome steak next to his dad/mom/thing. "Mum, so whadda ya think of my expert duel today?" he asked, proud of himself that day.  
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" growled Crowler, quite loudly! "I just can't STAND to look back on this day! That, that… YUCKY_ boy humiliated me! I swear by the Crowler family name that I WILL get that student to RESIGN as soon as possible!"  
_Well, if I'm not a 'Crowler' anymore, it has nothing to do with a Princeton,_ Chazz thought, feeling ignored and jealous._

Lastly came the night he lost to Bastion, once more at dinner, but at the opposite end of the table with Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson. "An' so, I reckon I beat the kid with a direct attack!" Billy said.  
"Huh, wow, huh!" Chazz wasn't listening. He just saw Crowler laughing and talking with Bastion at the head of the table. Why won't you try talking me out of leaving the school, mum?_ he wondered. _Shouldn't you be concerned? Wait a minute, I bet she's just waiting for the right moment. I'll wait, and if she talks to me about this before tomorrow, then I'm staying!

Chazz stopped freaking out so much, but the music didn't end yet. That depends on how long it took you to read those flashbacks. _Aw damn it,_ Chazz finally realized, _my mum sucks! I mean… she let me be used by two weird boys, she lets Jaden get in the way of all our conversations, and she didn't even stop me from leaving the school, but instead replaced me as her son with Bastion! What kinda sick mom IS that?_

But wait, he thought, struck by brilliance, _my connections to her got even WORSE after she lost to JADEN!_  
"GAME OOO~N, GET'CHA GAME OO~N, COME ON NOW BETTAH PLAY YO CARDS RIGHT!" sang the student bodies.  
"_**SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!**_" ordered Chazz!  
"…okay."  
"Jaden… JADEN!" Chazz growled, more angry than he ever was before in his life, "YOU STOLE MY MUM FROM ME!"  
"Um, why would I want to steal your mom, yo? I don't play that," Jaden said.  
"EVER SINCE YOU BEAT HER, SHE'S HAD NO TIME FOR ME, HER ONLY SON!"  
"That makes sense," Jaden said, remembering all those times she was standing outside his window or door.  
"I've HAD IT! This duel will show you, finally, around twenty four episodes AFTER we started this, who is the REAL King of Games at THIS school! An—and MY school, too!"  
_Hmph,_ Barry the Beginner 'hmph-ed'.

"But finally, I shall now unveil the reason why the entire student body of North Academy, located in southern Georgia, but not the country, has sworn their allegiance to me!" Chazz promised! "Now during my Standby Phase, my Armed Dragon Level Five—"  
Jaden clicked his tongue. "Maaaaan, Chazz, if I went to a school that small, I'd be havin' all the kids in there as mah bishies by the end of the first day! You ain't got much credentials, G."  
"**UUUUUUURGH!** Do you EVER shut up for just THREE SECONDS?" Chazz exploded! "I ATTACK BURSTINATRIX! INFERNAL ROA—"  
"I use Hero Ring, so my Heroes can't be killed in battle this turn," Jaden called, activating a Trap card featuring Flame Wingman standing in front of the sun, because that was the best they could come up with. Burstinatrix gained a small red shield, which didn't match the name 'Hero Ring' at all.  
"SON OF A **BITCH**! YOU CAN'T EVEN STOP INTERRUPTING ME FOR AN **ATTACK**!" Chazz cried!  
"Watch yo' mouth, yo!"  
"I discard some crappy card in order to use my monster's ability! When I send a card better than YOURS to the Graveyard, I can kill a monster whose weaker than it!" Chazz explained! "Now, Shrapnel Blast! FEEL MY RAGE!"

[.com/watch?v=A_ndaumP7zE&feature=related]_Woah, he's so angry that I kinda feel like laughing at him!_ Jaden thought, trying to keep his cool. But as he thought that, Armed Dragon Level Five stretched out and sighed. All the metal parts of its body launched out like missiles, leaving awesome red trails in their wake. They all converged into a neat spiraling sphere up above the Duel Dome until they plummeted in a stream of explosive awesomeness into Burstinatrix. Needless to say, she died. _Unfortunately, that actually WAS pretty serious…_ Jaden gulped.  
"Now, Infernal Roar FOR REAL!" Chazz commanded! His dragon inhaled deeply. Flames burned inside up to his gullet. Instead of just breathing it out, the dragon plunged its claws inside the flames until its claws were unbearably hot! Then satisfied, the monster slashed Jaden with both claws, then finally released the rest of the fire pent up inside in one burst! Also needless to say, Jaden got pwned.

"WAAAAAGH!" Jaden screamed, somehow being shot twelve feet into the air. He landed with a satisfying thud. "Uuuuugh…" (Jaden: 1600 Life Points)  
"Oh crap, the hologram just killed my student!" Chancellor Shepherd gasped!  
"N…not really… teach…" Jaden moaned, standing back up. "But seriously… tell me again why this game isn't illegal?"  
"Because most duelists are masochists, like me," Syrus called out helpfully.  
"Oh yeah."  
"HAHAHAHAAHAH!" Chazz laughed! "How do you like THAT?"  
"Actually… hey, I guess I AM kinda a masochist!" Jaden realized, finally! "Ha ha! Gimee your best shot!"  
"YOU'RE DISGUSTING! I'll just set a card and end my turn. Just take your turn fast, Mr. S and M."

_Heh… heh… actually, that wasn't really cool, but I can't let the duelin' stop just 'cause o' some minor injuries!_ Jaden decided.

"Oh boy oh boy," Zazz said, sitting with Slade in the bleachers, "I can't WAIT to noogie world domination out of Chazz!"  
"That sounds like LOTSA fun!" Slade agreed!  
"WAWAWAWAWAHAHAHAHAHARR!" they laughed evilly!

"You're in trouble now, bro!" Jaden shouted! "'Cause I summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman!" A buncha' bubbles appeared and popped, revealing Bubbleman, whom I don't like much. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)  
"Why am I in so much trouble, _'bro'_?" Chazz asked.  
"Because when he's the only card on my field, I can draw two cards!" Jaden drew two cards. "Now I'll use'm right now, to fuse Avian, Bubbleman and Sparkman into Elemental Hero Tempest!" Bubbleman suddenly transformed into an orb of blue light! A green one and a yellow one followed suit. They skipped the usual Polymerization sequence, and instead swirled together by themselves! They became the hero with the wings of Avian, the bubble-gun of Bubbleman, and the suit of Sparkman! And he was AWESOME. (Tempest: 2800 Attack Points)

" Now, I'll use Tempest to kill your Armed Dragon to DEATH, 'kay?" Jaden's monster shot out a NUCLEAR BUBBLE at Armed Dragon Level Five!  
"Not so fast! I play Negate Attack!" The bubble bounced off of a purple energy barrier and went away for good. "Your attack… is negated!"  
"Aw, man!"  
"AW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAHH!" shouted the North Academy students!  
"I guess I'll just end my turn, yo… with a face-down. REMEMBER IT!"  
"GOOD! I discard Despair From the Dark in order to kill your Tempest, as it has 2800 Attack Points!" Chazz discarded a demonic monster card. Then Tempest exploded, leaving a massive cloud of dust.  
"What happened to the missile graphic, yo?"  
"I skipped it to do this quickly!"  
"Maybe not SO quick, bub, 'cause I played De-Fusion!" As the dust cleared, Avian, Sparkman and Bubbleman were left standing.  
"Hey, gang!" Avian greeted, waving enthusiastically.  
"Kill him." Armed Dragon Level Five stomped on him.  
"Avian's dead AGAIN? Shoulda' seen THAT coming…" Jaden lamented.  
"Pay less attention to your failure of a hero and MORE attention to my dragon!" Chazz ordered! "It is time for me to unveil the strongest of the Armed Dragons! When Level Five destroys a monster in battle, it levels up ONE MORE TIME!" Armed Dragon's skin began tearing again, but as it did, crimson light flooded out into the Duel Dome! The dragon burst, the light faded, and there was a dragon too bulky to fit on the massive stage. Standing at around forty feet tall, it was… "ARMED DRAGON LEVEL SEVEN!" (ADLv7: 2800 Attack Points)  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" cheered Chazz's supporters!

"That guy's even HAMMIER than Hammy the Hamster!" a Duel Academy kid cried!  
"Who cares 'bout your stupid hamster?" Jesse Anderson ordered! "Chazz's gonna HAM it up, in that case!"  
"Yeah, ham it up!"  
"Ham it up, y'all!"  
"HAM IT UP! HAM IT UP! HAM IT UP!"  
"**STOP!**" Chazz ordered.  
"HAM IT… up?" The crowd simmered down.

"That's odd," Zazz thought, "that card wasn't in the suitcase we gave Chazz!"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, really."  
"You mean you checked all the cards and everything?"  
"Yeah, Slade!"  
"I guess we should stop getting Chazz those '200-card E-Bay Grab Bags', huh?"  
"Where'd he get it, I wonder?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Hmm?"

"Hmm~" SeaweedMan sighed. "Chazz is about to win~"  
"What?" Chancellor Shepherd gasped! "Where did you even GET that card?"  
"It cost around twenty dollars, but it was worth every penny~"  
"It's UNHEARD OF to pay THAT MUCH for a TRADING CARD!" Shepherd raged, grabbing him by the collar! "That should be ILLEGAL!" He let go and turned his attention back to Jaden! "Hurry up, lad! JADEN HIM UP!"  
"You're a fool~"

"So Jaden, what do you have to say NOW, since I've just summoned my giant-metal-death-dragon?" Chazz asked.  
"I gotta say, SWEETNESS!" Jaden cried! "Can I trade you? I'll give you Winged Kuri—"  
"No! What's wrong with you?"  
"There's nuthin' wrong, yo, this is just the TIGHTEST duel I've had ALL YEAR!" Jaden explained! "The sense of danger! The revelations of your past! You and I, pullin' out all 'da stops to try an' trump the other guy as fast as possible! It's just amazin', yo!"  
"What kind of fool are you?" Chazz insulted! "You shouldn't be analyzing the fun factor! You should be analyzing every way you can think of to totally crush your opponent! You need the drive to win! Discipline! Duty! I HAVE those! I'm fighting for total world domination! I've been sent all around the world because of this drive, leading to discipline, and the duty I've made for myself to be the best in the universe! What have YOU done in YOUR life to prepare for this moment?"  
"Heh heh, you said 'duty'."  
"THE FUCK IS _WRONG_ WITH YOU?"  
"I dunno, but I'm summoning Wroughtweiler in Defense Mode and throwin' down a face-down!"A robo-dog buddy and a Trap appeared. (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Defense Points)  
"BOO," someone said.

[.com/watch?v=nt4ldDExzhU&feature=related] "Why can't you stop with the catch-phrases for just ONE TURN? I have a GIANT METAL DEATH DRAGON STANDING BEHIND ME! Doesn't that give you some sense of URGENCY or something?"  
"Nah, nope, nada, it's just a game, yo."  
"I discard Armed Dragon Level Three to use my dragon's ability! It's the same as before, except it wipes out ALL of your weaker monsters!" Chazz yelled, throwing away a weak card.  
"WOO-HOO!" cheered Zazz and Slade, hi-fiving each other!  
"OH NOES!" Shepherd sobbed!  
"Oh YEAH~" SeaweedMan countered!  
"That is ONE IMPRESSIVE SPECIAL POWER," Zane noted, sitting next to Koala Ko Ala and Mann MCOldsmobile.  
A terribly unsettled Mann McOldsmobile scooted up to Koala Ko Ala and whispered in his ear, "_Uh, Koala Ko Ala…_ WHO THE HECK IS **THIS GUUUUUUUY?**"

And yet, Jaden didn't say anything.

But with impressive blade-related sounds, large swords were instantaneously teleported into and through the bodies of Sparkman, Bubbleman and Wroughtweiler, quickly dispatching them. "DANG, that was violent!" Jaden gasped! "Well, at least when Wroughtweiler is killed, I can add a hero and a Polymerization into my hand from my Graveyard." Jaden took the Spell and Burstinatrix.  
"As if! The card SPECIFICALLY STATES THAT IT HAPPENS THROUGH BATTLE!"  
"NOT the ANIME version, CHAZZ!" Jaden corrected.  
"Grr…. !" Chazz's intense rage filled the Duel Dome with spontaneous gusts of wind! "THAT IS THE **STUPIDEST** THING I'VE HEARD **ALL DAY**!"  
"Not really, yo!"  
"SHUT UP! ARMED DRAGON, ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Chazz commanded, with a small whirling twister blowing around him and his massive, spiky hair!  
"GRWOOOOOOH," growled the dragon, as it merely reached up, balled up a fist, and brought it down.  
"Oh crap," Syrus worried.

TO BE CONTINUED…

LOLZ, CLIFFHANGERZ

COMMENTARY

This is one of the most serious episodes of the season, and yet it still manages to be funny with all of the serious themes in here. Let's analyze here, shall we?

Chazz has mommy issues from being ignored all his life, and through fear, he's used force to gain friendships in his past. He's also used by two absolute strangers who walk all over him in order to gain dominance over the entire earth. He's managed to gain the adoration of a massive cult that wears heavy coats and is currently dueling for world dominance. But don't worry, he's not screwed up AT ALL! You can DEFINETLY tell by the fact that he's characterized with Evangelion music!

Really, could anybody have seen me portraying this one so darkly humorously? Either way, we're coming down to a pretty intense half-season finale. The longest chapter to have been written so far, just because of a ten-minute music montage! Look forward to it and Chazz getting more developed. It's cool how he was really useless in the actual show, huh?

Special note to those of you who have been following me up to this point: I have a REALLY, REALLY good reason as to why this chapter is a day late, after making all of those huge speeches about how sorry I was about the schedule when nobody really cared. I think I can successfully wriggle out of this one tonight, yesiree. Nobody will be able to throw any insults at me today, because I spent yesterday preparing a re-write of the first chapter. Go check it out, it's approximately three times better than it was before. OH YEAH!


	26. Episode 26: The School Duel Part Two

"ARMED DRAGON, ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Chazz commanded, with a small whirling twister blowing around him and his massive, spiky hair!  
"GRWOOOOOOH," growled the dragon, as it merely reached up, balled up a fist, and brought it down.  
"Oh crap," Syrus worried.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic!  
Episode 26: The School Duel – Part Two

And so, where we last left off, we saw Armed Dragon Level Seven about to simply punch Jaden hard enough to end the duel. But Jaden had a Trap up his sleeve… LITERALLY!

[.com/watch?v=iG8bTwjmvHI&feature=related]"I play Hero Spirit!" A Trap featuring an invincible hero going up against a thousand demons in his last stand flipped up. Avian was summoned back to the field!  
"Hey, wha? WOAH!" He was punched, causing a super-big explosion. The tornado briefly mentioned earlier faded away.  
"This turn, since an Elemental Hero was destroyed, all damage is nullified!" Jaden explained! "Even though Avian didn't die this turn, I guess he just appeared because it's funny."  
"Come on, Jaden," Chazz groaned, sounding bored, "do the math." (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, ADLv7: 2800 Attack Points, Jaden: 1600 Life Points) "You're about to lose, anyway. Stop hiding behind your Traps!"  
"Yeah, wrong!" corrected Jaden, drawing his next new card.  
"OOH," it said.  
"Shut up and go suck something inappropriate! I summon Winged Kuriboh in Defense Mode!" His winged buddy of hatred and loathing appeared, wing-y as ever. (Winged Kuriboh: 200 Defense Points)  
"AWW, IT'S SO CYUUUUTE!" the girls sighed.  
"Shut up, girls! This is a REAL man's game! With a stupid puffy puffball! Leave me alone! Now I'll end my turn."  
"OOH," agreed Winged Kuriboh.  
"Shut up too!"

"Hey, boss," Ojama Yellow said, floating around Chazz's head all of a sudden, "that monster there, he's got a mind of his OWN! Like ME! Why don't you ever play ME?"  
"I'm in the middle of a duel here! Go away!" Chazz ordered!  
"Hey Chazz, don't yell at him, yo! He's cool!" Jaden said.  
"Well you don't yell at that Kuriboh-thing, then!"  
"No way!"  
"Hi, Jaden!"  
"Hi, Ojama Yellow!"  
"Don't talk to him! Go away!"  
"Okay, boss," complied Ojama Yellow, disappearing yet again into the vast unknown.  
"Armed Dragon, annihilate the Winged Kuriboh!" Chazz said! The Armed Dragon reared back, turned his hand into a fist, and threw it onto Winged Kuriboh. It was hit with such force that it and the fist were pushed into the ground, forcing stage pieces to be pushed up and out of the way. Lastly came a fancy explosion.

The dragon stood up again and let the ground fix itself. "That was what was about to happen to you last turn, and what is about to happen once you run outta tricks!" Chazz warned.  
"Not unless I DON'T run out, dude!" Jaden challenged! "I play Pot of Greed!" Jaden earned a holographic pot, which he threw at the Armed Dragon. It broke, but didn't seem to bother the dragon much, due to all the armor plating. "And I draw… TWO AWESOME CARDS!" A Spell with an apocalyptic hurricane and Wildheart! Wait, how would they help? "SIMPLE!" Jaden answered to me. "I activate Special Hurricane!" He sent some weird kid in a space suit to the Graveyard. "By discarding a card to the Graveyard, yo, I can wipe-out one of yo' monsters that was Special Summoned!" Jaden explained! "Come on out, funky hurricane!" A storm quickly brewed around the Duel Dome, filled with wind that just kept picking up, and picking up, getting faster and faster!

"What's going on now?" Chazz asked, unsure of its true powers. "Can this REALLY kill my Armed Dragon?"  
"YES!" The wind had now become a whirling hurricane centered around Armed Dragon Level Seven! Trapped inside the whirling spiral, the dragon was immobilized. And yet, even though it seemed impossible, the forces of nature managed to slowly lift him into the air.  
"No! This is quite impossible!" Chazz gasped! He was proven wrong as the storm began repeatedly shocking the monstrosity with dozens of focused bolts of lightning. After around seventy-eight high-speed blows, the dragon finally erupted in flame! The wind kept circling him over and over again… until it finally focused on his core, his heart… and cut through him all at once. He fell to the ground on his side before finally exploding in a majestic vermillion supernova. Even though supernovas only come from stars.

"The HELL was all that?" Chazz asked, aghast!  
"HE KILLED'm!" a student cried!  
"!" cheered Duel Academy!  
"That's not all; Wildheart, attack!"  
"Wildheart's not here—OHCRAP!" Wildheart spontaneously appeared in front of Chazz, and swiped at him with his MIGHTY BLADE!" (Wildheart: 1500 Attack Points, Chazz: 2500 Life Points)

"Oh NOOOOO~" SeaweedMan cried, much to Shepherd's delight!  
"Ha ha, looks like Jaden just killed your boy's strongest monster… TO THE EXTREME!" He began putting his creepily-smiling face in SeaweedMan's. "Looks like you owe me a prize! Heehee!"  
"Ugh, get away~" SeaweedMan begged! "Come on Chazz, you know what to do next~"  
"CHAZZ IT UP!" cut in the North Academy students. "CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ! IT! UP!"

"Dog-gonnit," Slade pseudo-cussed, "I don't trust those guys who gave Chazz that card! What's he doing, losing his guy to a card he couldn't see coming?"  
"It's so irritating that now he's sucking so badly because he took way less damage than Jaden!" Zazz growled! "We can't trust him anymore, he's too dumb!"

"I… play The Graveyard in the Fourth Dimension!" Chazz announced, recovering from his massive blow! He activated a Spell card featuring tombstones and dirt floating around in hyperspace. That doesn't seem like a very good place to bury dead people, does it? "Now I can shuffle two Level-named monsters back into my deck, and I choose Armed Dragons level Three and Seven!" Chazz forebodingly added the two guys back into the deck and shuffled. "Next I'll start all over again with Armed Dragon Level Three!" The original one appeared again in a defensive position! "I'll set a card to end my turn."  
"Armed Dragon's comin' back, I reckon!" a student cheered!  
"AW YEAH!"  
"CHAZZ IT UP! CHAZZ IT UP!"  
"WE SAY THIS OFTEN, DON'T WE?"

_"Come on, new lil' bro," a twelve year-old version of Slade told a Pre-School-aged Chazz, "You've GOTTA learn to play this game!"  
Chazz himself was struggling to hold his new Duel Disk to his wrist. "But I'm too small for it," he said.  
"NO EXCUSES!" a twelve year-old version of Zazz roared! "YOU ARE GONNA LEARN TO PLAY THIS INSANELY FUN CARD GAME, AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT! Within the next few years."  
"Stop yelling at me!" Chazz whined! "It makes me feel bad!"  
"We're sorry," Slade apologized in his special voice, "he just wanted to say that you're gonna learn to play this insanely fun card game, and you're gonna like it sometime within the next few years. And you can't make any excuses."  
"Within YEARS? That's not fun NOW!"  
"Shut up and learn to duel. It's for world domination."  
"Um, okay?"_

Chazz looked on at his brothers, sitting at the top of the Duel Academy seating area. _Oh yeah, that's how I got into dueling in the first place…_  
"Yo Chazzmeister, are you okay, dawg? 'Ya look a lil' off," Jaden said, somewhat worried. _It looks like he's staring at his brothers. Is that why he was freakin' out earlier?_  
"Jaden!" Syrus called! "Take your turn now! The fate of the free world depends on it!"  
"Oh yeah, he's right!" Jaden drew his next card and was ready for action!

"I summon Elemental Hero Clayman in Defense Mode!"His clay buddy appeared! (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points) "Next, I'll use Miracle Fusion in order to remove him and Bubbleman from play and perform a Fusion Summon!" A Spell card featuring two heroes swirling around the 'H' of power! Clayman and Bubbleman leaped into the sky and became an 'H'! They crashed back down as… "It's Elemental Hero Mudballman!" (Mudballman: 1900 Attack Points)  
"Ugh! I didn't expect him to summon another monster!" Chazz gasped!  
"Wildheart, kill the dragon!" Jaden said!  
"WROOOOAH!" Wildheart shouted, leaping up and bringin' down his sword through Armed Dragon.  
"Egyaaaah!" he cried, little as he was. He blew up.  
"I activate The Grave of Enkindling!" Chazz said! His Trap flipped up, revealing an image of a lady in a nice dress standing around as a graveyard EXPLODED. "We can each summon one monster from our Graveyards in Defense Mode, and I'll choose Armed Dragon Level Five!" His more bulky version of the original appeared and guarded his face. (ADLv5: 1700 Defense Points)  
"I'll summon Hero Kid!" Jaden chose. His kid in the weird space suit hero suit appeared! (Hero Kid: 600 Defense Points)  
"That guy looks even weaker than Avian!" Chazz admitted. "Plus, when'd HE get sent to the Graveyard?"  
"I discarded him with Special Hurricane!" Jaden told! "Now, when he's Special Summoned to the field, I can summon two more thanks to his ability, making him FAR more useful than Avian!" Two more equally heroic kids appeared! (Hero Kids: 600 Defense Points) "Now, Mudballman, you an' yo' funny name, get rid of that dragon!"  
"Uryah!" grunted the funnily-named hero, as he smooshed Armed Dragon Level Five with his massive fists!  
"And I'll throw down a face-down, and call it a turn!" Jaden ended.  
"BOO," someone said.

[.com/watch?v=rlL2Soci6eY]"GYAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Chazz screamed, his REAL theme song finally beginning! "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS OUT-DO ME?"  
"Uh, you mean killing your trump card and summoning FAR more monsters than you, yo?"  
"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" Chazz sent a Spell to the Graveyard and added some cards back into his deck. "I play Pot of Avarice in order to add five monsters into my deck, then draw two cards!"  
"Oh boy," Jaden sighed.  
"That's not the half of it! I summon Armed Dragon Level Three once more!" The dragon appeared once more. "Next I'll play two Spells, both are called Level Up!" Chazz revealed two identical Spell cards, each showing an awesome metal phoenix flying into the sky! "It lets me instantly level up my monster twice!"  
"Holy—why didn't you use those before?" Jaden wondered.  
"I was saving them… FOR THIS." Chazz revealed THIS: ARMED DRAGON LEVEL TEN. (yugioh .wikia .com/wiki/Armed_Dragon_LV10) "I can tribute Level Seven to summon it from my hand."  
"NOOOOO!" cried Shepherd!  
"YEEEEEEES!" cried Slade and Zazz!  
"Yeeeeees~" cried SeaweedMan!

The baby dragon was covered in an odd yellow energy, somehow causing it intense distress. Its skin began bubbling up disturbingly. "What's about to happen…?" Jaden asked.  
"KWAAAAAH!" screamed the dragon! It ripped apart into Armed Dragon Level Five, then immediately into Level Seven, and then that last form, the one that was forty feet tall, simply burst open into a SEVENTY-FOOT TALL EBONY DRAGON, COVERED IN THE MOST DEADLY IRON ARMOR EVER.  
"_**SHYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!**_" it roared, its call almost deafeningly loud! The Duel Dome shook from its intensity! And it glared… right at Jaden… (ADLv10: 3000 Attack Points)

"And now for his ability," Chazz announced, "I'll discard one card and destroy all of your monsters, regardless of their power!"  
"What?" Jaden gasped!  
"METEOR BARRAGE!" The dragon punched the roof off of the Duel Dome, defying logic! Then with one bound, leaped into outer space.  
"What's he doing?" Jaden asked. He was soon answered as the dragon came back down, RIDING ON A FLAMING METEOR TWICE AS BIG AS HIMSELF. It utterly crushed all of Jaden's monsters and was left on the ground, broken into several boulders of various sizes.

"Th—that monster… it's so powerful that it actually affected the real world…" Syrus whispered, utterly at a loss for what to do.  
"I'll now attack you to end this game for good!" Chazz announced! "Armed Dragon, use Final Gun!" His dragon kneeled onto the floor and began focusing its energies. And a large orbital cannon floating around the Asteroid Belt responded.  
"What's he doing now?" Jaden asked.  
"Don't ask, experience it."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean this. Goodbye." Chazz pointed skyward as a tremendous laser beam was fired, now visibly approaching Jaden at an unfathomable pace.  
"HE SHOT HIM WITH AN ORBITAL LASER CANNON?" Syrus screamed! "HE'S GOING TO _KILL HIM_!"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO, JADEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" sobbed Shepherd!  
"I trigger my Spell card!" Jaden said! The laser entered the Duel Dome, but was deflected by a totem pole with loud speakers installed. The sound waves it created blocked it, and sent it through the big screen that was installed in the arena. Millions of fans watching on their televisions were utterly relieved that this boy hadn't been turned into a mere smudge on the floor.

"Command Silencer," Jaden named his Quick-Play Spell card! "It negates one attack and lets me draw a card." The totem pole exploded as soon as Jaden drew his card. "What, you thought my face-down was useless?"  
"What surprised me was that you actually had a hologram that could deflect a laser beam," Chazz scoffed.  
"What surprised ME is that you had a hologram that could summon a laser beam," Jaden said.  
"What surprised ME is that people actually built a giant orbital laser cannon space station and put it in the Asteriod Belt," Chazz said.  
"What surprised me is exactly what you just said," Jaden said.

"What is UP with that DAMN freaky card, SeaweedMan?" Shepherd ordered!  
"Well, it was actually our last-ditch weapon to end the duel in case Chazz could actually summon it, because the duel would've been too long anyways if it could come onto the field~" SeaweedMan explained.  
"You just almost killed my student!" Shepherd accused!  
"Remember, it's not against school policy~" SeaweedMan reminded.  
"Oh, yes, there goes any legal action," Shepherd complied, sadly.

"Hey Slade," Zazz said.  
"Yeah, Zazz?" Slade answered.  
"Does this mean we're inheriting a laser cannon in space from Chazz?"  
"Yeah."  
"Damn, it feels so good to be an evil big brother."  
"Damn straight."'

"So, Jaden, what do you think now?" Chazz asked. "Next turn, I'm going to literally KILL you. You can't beat my dragon. You can't surrender, because I'll still kill you after that! And you can't try setting any face-downs, I'll work around it! What do you say now?"  
"Well, Chazz," Jaden decided, "I DO have something to say."  
"Go ahead, beg for forgiveness."  
"I'm sorry."  
"That's not exactly begging, now is it?"  
"I'm sorry about your mother," Jaden apologized, "but if I had come any sooner to the entrance exams that day, then some other kid would be the last to try to enter, and then they'd duel your mom, and likely win."  
"No, that wouldn't have happened," Chazz spat.  
"Yes it would. And I'm sorry that your brothers are so evil to you, but I can't help you with that, either. Even if you had other brothers, they'd probably be evil as well. And on the subject of Bastion, some other person would eventually beat me at something, pressuring Crowler to make them her new apprentice in your place. It's only your fault that you left the school."  
"What are you getting at?"  
"It doesn't matter what other people do, the universe will still organize the status quo in order to force you to grow into the individual you were meant to be!" Jaden shouted! "We all have problems! And we all have to conquer them! If you let any of them consume you, they will ALWAYS drag you down! You can get over ALL of this, like when my mom died! Come on, Chazz!"  
"!" supported the entire world!  
"That's the story of my life!" a guy said, wiping away a tear.  
"He didn't even need his catch-phrases!" a girl noticed!

"N—NO! You don't… you don't understand what it's like to be me, Chazz Princeton, adoptive son of Velian Crowler, who is in fact a woman!" Chazz shouted! "You don't understand me! You don't KNOW me!"  
"Yes we do, Chazz, just stop it."  
"DON'T PATRONIZE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" ordered a hysterical Chazz! "I AM… CHAZZ PRINCETON! ONLY _I_ KNOW HOW I FEEL! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU KNOW ME!"  
"Chazz, please, just get ahold of yourself."  
"UGH!" Chazz turned to the audience. He saw SeaweedMan, who looked impatient.  
_Get on with it~_ he thought. Chazz turned to his two brothers.  
_He looks like such a loser out there,_ thought Zazz.  
_I gotta put this on the internet!_ Slade plotted, fiddling with his cell phone. Chazz turned to Crowler, seated in the teacher's area. It sat there, silently watching its child… crying.

_Wait… mum?_ Chazz finally opened his eyes. _Are you…sorry? After all that's happened… NO! I can't forgive… NEVER FORGIVE…_ "JADEN… BROS… SEAWEEDMAN… MUM… ALL JUST _**USING**_ ME! _**ABUSING**_ ME! YOU CAN ALL JUST DIE! I'LL SET ONE MORE CARD AND END MY TURN!" Chazz's final card, Magic Cylinder, was placed to lie in wait until Jaden made his final mistake.

"Well, Chazz, this is it!" Jaden drew his last card! [.com/watch?v=KNm0Fj4x-OU] It was Mystical Space Typhoon, and we all know what that does! _I don't think I'll be needin' this,_ Jaden decided. "I play Skyscraper!" The field, covered in meteor rubble, was now covered in tall, metropolitan buildings, with an overlooking full moon. "Next I'll activate The Warrior Returning Alive!"  
"No, you're getting back Avian?" Chazz realized!  
"Yeah!" Avian spun onto the field back from the dead, covered in broken arrows!  
"Ready for action!" Avian said, saluting! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"Next I'll use Polymerization to fuse Avian and Burstinatrix from my hand!" Jaden said, sending the heroes to the Graveyard!  
"I'm ready for action!" Avian announced! The two were sucked into a reality-warping portal which combined them together! And who else could fly out in a fireball of spirit than Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!  
"Come on, let's show them what we got!" Jaden urged! Flame Wingman coolly rose to the top of the city and perched himself on the tallest tip of the tallest radio antenna on the tallest building in the city, allowing him to look down upon Chazz and even Armed Dragon Level Ten, no matter how large he may be. (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)

_This is exactly what happened on the first day, against mum!_ Chazz thought.

_"Do you think I'm really that stupid? No! I'll activate this: Skyscraper!" Jaden placed the card with the buildings into the field card space in his Duel Disk, making the field transform into an awesome cityscape! The Ancient Gear Golem stupidly stood like a raging kaiju from a Japanese monster movie, while the hero flew onto the top of the highest building. "Now, Flame Wingman, show him why I deserve to go to them schools to get my edjumacation! Skydive Scorcher!"  
"Bring it on!" it invited smugly! "Your silly little Skyscraper field card hasn't lowered my Golem's Attack Points at all!"  
"You're right! But my field card was made to increase my ELEMENTAL HERO'S ATTACK POINTS BY ONE-THOUSAND!"  
"ONE-THOUSAND?" Crowler screamed! "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"  
The dragon-armed man flew into the sky, and then dropped down into the Ancient Gear Golem, engulfing itself in flames!  
"Noooooooooo!" Crowler worried in an overly stupid way!  
"GASP!" everybody gasped again. A large explosion rocked the city!  
"No! This can't be! My very best card…ow." Crowler was shut up when a very heavy hologram crushed its skull.  
"And my hero's super power," Jaden concluded, "Causes your Golem's Attack Points to be deducted from your Life Points!"  
"No way!" Crowler whispered. Then the giant ancient fighting robot fell on it, killing it instantly. Then it got better. (Crowler: 0 Life Points. Game Over)_

_Damn, when'd the description get so much better?_ Chazz wondered. _Plus, when'd we stop spelling out the numbers? Now wait, maybe that was the original draft version? Well, there's no time to worry about that. He's gonna attack, and I'm gonna negate it, and then I'll win, take over this school, and soon rule the earth._  
"Now, Flame Wingman," Jaden ordered, "BE ON STAND-BY!" Flame Wingman nodded.  
"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?" gasped the audience!  
"HUH JADEN HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?" gasped Deep-Voice Dobbson!  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOO-HOO-HOOING?" Shepherd demanded!  
"Gimee a sec, teach, I gotta ask Chazz something," Jaden said. "Now Chazz, remember when I said my mom died?"  
"You touched upon it," Chazz remembered.  
"Well, I'll tell you about it, and what it has to do with today."

_It was a somewhat stormy morning, and it was literally raining cats and dogs. They were falling all over the street and scurrying into alleys and animal shelters everywhere. Jaden, four years-old at the time, was running with his mom, Tea Gardner, now named Tea Yuki due to marriage to some guy, who was carrying an umbrella in order to shield them from the weird rain. "Now Jaden," she asked her son, "are you SURE today is 'Free Dessert Day' at the pre-school?"  
"Yeah, mom, I'm sure!" Jaden said. "I waited for it for a week! I'm ready too!" He leaped over a Golden Labrador Retriever. "Wow, that one was a big doggy."  
"Yes it was, Jaden. Now just don't go outside until I'm back, because I don't want you getting hit by some fat-ass dog, okay?"  
"And the kitties?"  
"Them too."  
"Okay!"_

_And so they raced through the unnatural phenomenon over to the pre-K building, located across the street from the Coffee Café. "I'm going to be across the street getting some coffee before I go back home, and I'll be back this afternoon, alright?" she checked.  
"Okay, mommy!" Tea kissed her boy on the cheek and let her run through the door  
"ARF!" a Boston Terrier yelped, as she bounced off of Tea's umbrella. Jaden dashed through the preschool towards the back of the kid's area, where there was a massive table full of desserts. Jaden got himself a plate full of gummi bears!  
"My favorite!" he said! He rushed over to a large window with cushions placed strategically to let kids sit AND look out the window at the same time. He began digging into his gummi bears as he saw his mom sitting down in the Coffee Café with some piping hot coffee. She shook her umbrella around a bit in order to get the animal hair off. "Hi, mommy!" Jaden greeted, waving to her. She smiled and waved back.  
"Is that your mom?" a younger Chazz asked him, with Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson in tow.  
"Yeah, she's nice," Jaden said.  
"My mom's creepy-looking," Chazz lamented.  
"I reckon she scares me," lil' Billy Hills admitted.  
"HUH OH NO HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson shrieked!  
"What?" Jaden asked, looking out the window._

_A Winged Kuriboh fell from the sky. A Persian cat was sitting on the street for whatever reason, licking his legs. The Kuriboh fell and bounced off of the cat, allowing it just the angle and spin it needed in order to smash through the Coffee Café's window and strike Tea in the head._

_And there was much bloodshed._

"And that's the story of how my mother died before my very eyes, leading me to hate that Winged Kuriboh, and it was all my fault or having to go to school that day!" Jaden concluded! "Though I'm not so sure why I forgot that you people were there until now, but that doesn't matter. Even if I were to go back in time, she'd have died some other way! You can't change your past, but you can still live on. So, Chazz, will you forgive your mom and cast away your brothers and dreams of world domination?"  
_Damn, he's so convincing! But those people have ruined my life! How can I expect to forgive them, just like that? And besides, I still want to rule the world._ But then Chazz remembered something.

_"Hey," Billy Hills said in the past, "I reckon that's the guy we were tol' 'bout!"  
"Huh, Billy, huh?" gasped Deep-Voice Dobbson, who studied a picture of Chazz, with the words 'WILL TAKE OVER WORLD'. These kids were given the task of making sure that Chazz would never play Duel Monsters._

_"Hey, I reckon you shouldn't play Duel Monsters," Billy Hills recommended.  
"YAAAAAAAAARGH!" Chazz picked up Billy Hills and swung him by the feet into Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Ow, huh, what're we doing again, huh?" asked Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Be my friends or I'll eat you," Chazz said.  
"Uh, okay, huh, Chazz, I reckon."  
"Hey," said younger-Slade and younger-Zazz, "we're Slade and Zazz. Wanna become part of the Princeton family so we can exploit you for dueling and world domination?"  
"What's 'exploits' mean?" Chazz asked naively.  
"It means candy."  
"Yay! Okay!"_

_IF I HADN'T HAVE ATTACKED THOSE TWO THEN THEY WOULD HAVE MADE ME NEVER DUEL IN THE FIRST PLACE! THEN MY BROTHERS WOULDN'T HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE ME THEIR BROTHER! IT'S ALL MY !_ Chazz realized!

"Jaden… JADEN! YOU'RE RIGHT!" Chazz believed! "YOU _ARE_ RIGHT! I CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST, BUT I CAN STILL CHANGE THE FUTURE! BILLY HILLS, DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON, THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO WARN ME ABOUT ZAZZ AND SLADE! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T LISTEN!"

"I reckon I don't understand a thang' he's talkin' about," said Billy Hills to Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Huh, me neither Billy, huh," said Deep-Voice Dobbson to Billy Hills.

"Damn selective amnesia… BUT ANYWAYS!" shouted Chazz, continuing his rant of destiny, "JADEN, GO AHEAD AND ATTACK MEEEEEEEEEE!"  
"Got it, Chazz!" Jaden accepted! "Skyscraper, activate! Flame Wingman, SKYDIVE SCORCHER!"

Flame Wingman extended his wing and flew in front of the full moon of the city. Holding out his dragon arm, he fully charged himself with flames, setting himself on fire! He flew up as high as he could, and then he descended, dragon arm-first. (Flame Wingman: 3100 Attack Points) He crashed right into Armed Dragon Level Ten, doing absolutely nothing. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

The hero recovered and flew right in front of the dragon's heavily-armored stomach. With a single uppercut, he managed to push the beast into the nighttime sky! "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHH!" screamed the students of both schools! The dragon was now hovering several-hundred feet in the air.  
"Now… follow it up with Neo Flame Dragonarm!" Jaden commanded! Flame Wingman quickly flew over to the tallest building in Skyscraper City and ripped it right out of its foundations!  
"That shouldn't happen!" Slade and Zazz gasped in synch!  
"That shouldn't happen~" SeaweedMan gasped!

Flame Wingman threw the tower as hard as physically possible at the Armed Dragon, but only managed to push the tower a fragment of an inch into the beast's chest armor. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! Flame Wingman's dragon arm began growing… and growing… and growing! It was now twice the size it was before, glowing beautifully crimson! The dragon's maw opened. An impossibly massive burst of flames shot out at the building and dragon. And yet, somehow, force was being applied. The fire pushed the tower's radio tower RIGHT THROUGH his impenetrable armor. The building flew away and out of sight, as the rest of the flames burned the dragon's hide, its insides, its back, and forced him to crumple into an ever-shrinking ball. The fires receded, finally leaving the invincible monster around a tenth of his original size, and dropping the scorched sphere to the ground.

"It's over," Chazz said, satisfied. (Chazz: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"Yes, it finally is," Jaden sighed.  
"AND THAT'S GAME!" they shouted, together!  
"!" cheered the kids! No matter which school they came from, they all could agree that the duel was the best thing they'd ever seen.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! All around the world, everybody who'd seen the duel on television had just seen this weird Chazz kid's resurrection from a hateful future dictator, into a semi-regular child! All because of some idiot who says 'yo'.

"You loser!" growled Zazz, approaching Chazz with Slade in tow! "How could you? You had that face-down card, right? You should have ACTIVATED IT!"  
"You've DISGRACED the Princeton name, you failing failure of a fail!" Slade shouted, still using his child-friendly tone!  
"You are no brother of ours anymore," Zazz coldly stated.  
"Hey, now wait a minnit, I reckon!"  
"Huh, JERK-OFFS, HUUUUUH!" Yes, Chazz's friends had appeared to help! They both smashed their fists into the two villains of the day!  
"Urk!"  
"Uwagh!" They fell back, with smoke rising from their hit areas! "Damn you all, we'll sue you!" Slade promised! We'll use your moneys to fund a world take-over!"  
"We paid all that money to televise the whole thing! And what did the public see? A heartwarming display of humanizing affection? We wanted to show off the future ruler of the earth!"  
"Actually, the duck got pretty famous off of it," Jaden noted, pointing to the 'BOO' duck, who drove away in an expensive new car.

[IMPORTANT! .com/watch?v=lUmtg67s8hk] "WHO CARES ABOUT THE DUCK?" shouted Zazz and Slade! They grabbed Chazz by the collar and ran off with him!  
"Wagh! You're choking me!"  
"GASP!" gasped the Duel Dome!  
"Hey, everyone, after them!" ordered Nancy Wut! The entire audience ran off to give chase to those two guys!

Meanwhile, Janitorboy Ikkaku shuffled into the room. "So now I have to repair the roof, the big screen, and clean up that meteor?" He shrugged, pulled out a noose, and went hunting for a suicide spot.

Slade and Zazz rushed through the many halls of the building, still carrying Chazz! "Damn, we'll just have to take you in our helicopter and come up with a new plan!" Slade cursed!  
"Let me go, you jerks! I'm tired of this!" Chazz shouted!  
"Like shouting'll help you!" Zazz scoffed. "We OWN you, Chazz! You can't just escape or anything—"  
"NOW!" Piggybank leaped out from an adjacent restroom suddenly! She punched Zazz in the face, sending him through a wall!  
"WAAAAH!"  
"Crap," Slade said, with nothing else to say.  
"FLUFFY POMPADOUR SPIRIT!" Fluffy Fred shouted, crashing through the floor! He punched Slade through a different section of the wall, so he didn't fly through Zazz's comically-shaped hole. "Okay, Chazz, you alright?" Fluffy Fred asked. "Huh? Where'd he go?"  
"YOU PUNCHED HIM AWAY WITH THE GUY WITH COOL HAIR!" Piggybank screamed, wringing his neck!

"WOOOOOOOOAAAAH!" screamed the Princeton Brothers! They flew right over the stairway from episode Four that lead to a forty-foot drop! "WHAT KIND OF ARCHITECTURE IS THIS?"  
"Baseball Bob, GO!" shouted Baseball Bob, waiting at the bottom of the stairs with a baseball bat and some gum! "HOOOOOME RUUUUUUUN!" He swung the bat as hard as he could, firing the threesome through the windows nearby and into the forest. "Wait, was that Chazz?"

"WOOOOOOAHH!" screamed Zazz!  
"WAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed Slade!  
"WAAAAA—Woah!" Chazz screamed, when he was suddenly rescued by Bastion, carried through the air in his arms! The other two kept on flying, however. "Bastion?" Bastion was crying a stream of manly tears!  
"The way I saw you and Jaden connect during that duel made me cry passionate, manly tears," he said, putting Chazz down. "I am terribly sorry for anything I've directly or indirectly caused to you during this long, ten-episode long ordeal."  
"Meh, don't mention it," Chazz grunted, dusting himself off, "just don't expect me to act nice over it, okay? I'm still the same old Chazz. Now let's go after them."

And the two brothers continued flying through the forest until they hit the ground and rolled into an abandoned mansion. "Woah, man, what just happened?" asked Zazz.  
"I dunno, but this dorm sure is abandoned," Slade supposed.  
"YOU TWO PEOPLE MADE CHAZZ A SUCKY PERSON SO YOU SUUUUUUCK!" roared Angry McArgue, appearing from the shadows with a log, smashing the two guy's heads, and pushing them through the floor into the cave below.  
"Aw, hell no, bro," Slade noticed, recovering, "the ENTIRE ISLAND wants to rip us limb from limb. Bit by bit at a time!"  
"Look, we can handle it if we just get to the helicopter and buy guns. Guns ALWAYS win. Right?" Zazz checked.  
"Right."  
"Right!"  
"Huh?" Spooked-out, the two quickly checked what was behind them! It was Nancy Wut! "Oh, just a wimpy-looking girl. We can use her as a hostage, right?"  
"Yeah, we can."  
"BUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN…" Nancy asked suddenly, wearing a horrifying expression, "IF YOU MORPHED TOGETHER TIMMY'S DAD AND JIMMY'S DAD? See what happens, after the break." While the two pondered what in the name of all Nicktoons she had just said, Alexis ran into the scene! WITH A GRENADE LAUNCHER!  
"ONLY **WE** CAN ABUSE CHAZZ!" She fired a grenade with enough force to launch the two guys out of the cave and the mansion, and even further still! But Nancy Wut was okay, being who she is.

The two soared over the island's volcano, who with a rockin' power cord, shot a steady stream of magma into the sky above, burning the brothers beyond mortal comprehension. Luckily, they landed in the ocean, near the cliff which housed episode Fourteen's Idiot Tree. "Woah," they gasped, resurfacing and steaming. "good thing the ocean's cold."  
"JUSTICE MAY BE BLIND, BUT ME, AND MY SHADES, ARE NOT!" shouted Shades Milligan, standing on the water! He grabbed the confused twosome and threw them upwards before launching all the missiles he was able to put in his arms last night. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! They were shot further away in an impressive display of firepower! Satisfied, Shades Milligan sank beneath the surface once again.

They sailed all the way to the Girls' Obelisk Blue dorms, where Mann McOldsmobile caught them both. "Wh-wh-what're YOU doing at the GIRL'S dorms?" Zazz questioned!  
"It's easy…" Mann McOldsmobile answered, "I'M A LADIE'S MAN!" He smashed the two together a few times, and then threw them with enough force to skip them across the nearby lake!  
"OW! OW! OW! OW! OWOWOWOWOW!" They slid onto the banks of the lake and quickly stood up!  
"THIS SCHOOL IS CRAZY!" they screamed! They made a break for it!

They decided to rest at the Obelisk Blue Boy's dorm for a minute. "Ugh, good thing there are some comfy beds in here," Slade sighed, relieved, sitting down. Zazz pulled out a map of the island.  
"Okay, so if we cut through the waterfall and the forest, then we can get to the piers faster and escape, then buy guns, okay?" Zazz asked, makin' his plan.  
"Yeah, alright." BUT THEN… the LEGENDARY Someone Jones, Mohawk Jill, and Zane Truesdale entered the room. They glared at the brothers.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" they cried, leaping out the second-story windows and escaping! They headed into the dense forests of episode Seventeen!  
"There 'dey go!" announced Dustin, the Old Copper Man, standing by the waterfall with Ms. Dorothy and Countergirl Williams!  
"Boy, you're about to get clobbered," Ms. Dorothy warned.  
"'Kay, Dan, dey're heyah," Countergirl Williams called, with her overly-thick accent.  
"YAAAAAHH!" shouted Dan the Drawer, somehow buff and muscular again, holding two Sammiches! He got close to the two enemies and stuck the Sammiches in their mouths SO hard that they were pushed through the forest and several trees, all the way to the Electrical Generator Holding Pin from episode Nine!

"Ugh," Slade grunted.  
"Gulp," swallowed Zazz. "Well, at least I got grape-flavored…"  
"THAT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO PEACH MANGO PASSION FLAVOR!" shouted Raspberyl, and she was right! She stood next to a lever in the ground.  
"How are you even IN this universe?"  
"It's the Grand Finale!" Raspberyl reminded! "How could I NOT be here?" She pulled the lever, allowing the generators to short out and fire electricity like crazy!  
"!" Raspberyl opened out her hand and summoned a cool spell book out of nowhere and touched a page in the book.  
"Looks like we need a MEGA Fire spell, here," she estimated. An intricate spell circle appeared around the pen, spun slowly, and summoned an explosive burst of flame! Once again, the guys were shot through the island, for 21093 damage this time. "My current level's 8397," Raspberyl explained.

This time, though, they actually landed on the island's piers, where their helicopters were located! "We made it!" Zazz cried in jubilee!  
"Oh, CRRAAAAAAAP," Slade realized, watching a swarm of students racing across the famous bridge of the island!  
"What, they're far away from us, so we can make it!" Zazz shrugged.  
"No, LOOK." Slade pointed to a nearby staircase from nowhere.  
"Why's there stairs here?"  
"No, IT'S AN UNDERPASS," Slade whispered! "A FEW KIDS WILL NOTICE THAT THE CORRESPONDING UNDERPASS IT ON THAT VERY BRIDGE, AND THEN THOSE FEW WILL STILL MAKE IT OVER HERE AND GET US."  
"Th-th-then get in the helicopter already!" Zazz rushed!  
"They're over here!" cried Beehive Larry!  
"Thanks for doin' your part this season!" thanked Jaden! He, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala, Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson, Bastion, Chazz, Barry the Beginner and Raspberyl were all on the scene, after using the helpful underpass system.  
"Aw, COME ON!" begged Slade! "HER AGAIN?"  
"Hey, I'm awesome!" Raspberyl reasoned.  
"While it cut away, I got the chopper!" Zazz announced, now flying the helicopter! He let out a rope ladder, which Slade grabbed and climbed up!  
"HAHAHAHA!" Slade savagely laughed! "WE'LL BE BACK, YOU TWERPS! WITH GUNS! WE'LL KILL YOU ALL FOR THIS, THANKS TO YOUR SCHOOL'S POLICIES ON KILLING! HAHAHAHAHA!" The chopper flew away, over the ocean…

"Tch," Chazz 'tch'-ed, "we'll never catch them now…"  
"Yes we will," Jaden affirmed, looking at Koala Ko Ala.  
"Got it," Koala Ko Ala nodded. _Dad, please let me call upon your power…_ Koala Ko Ala reached within his most dormant genes and pulled out the one trait he needed the most right now… "HEY YA BIG _DUMDUMS_ STOP RIGHT THEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, forcing the helicopter to explode!  
"YEEEEEAAAAAAH!" cheered the group! They had just exacted their revenge—WHAT? Alas, the Princeton brothers were still flying in the air, using their personal JETPACKS!  
"Aw, dang it, I reckon," Billy Hills complained, "now we're gonna have ta' get REAL extreme."  
"Wait, what do you mean?" Chazz asked.  
"Easy;" Jaden told, "we're about to activate FORMATION: 96-48B A LA MODE!" Jaden grabbed Chazz and put him on his back.  
"Hey, wait! PUT ME DOWN!" Chazz ordered!  
"No, this is it!" Bastion then grabbed Jaden, who was grabbed by Billy Hills and Deep Voice Dobbson and held in the air by their feet!  
"We explicitly need Raspberyl for this plan to work, so it's a good thing she showed up for the finale!" Syrus sighed.  
"I just wish I could do something," Barry the Beginner said. "Good luck! Because they're getting guns. We can't let them bring guns."

"BRAVEHEART!" cast Raspberyl, holding her cool book out! Syrus glowed a little bit and became STRONG!  
"OOOOOOOOOOORRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Syrus, punching Billy Hills and Deep Voice Dobbson sixty feet into the air!  
"HUH I RECKON **HUH!**" they grunted, tossing their burdens out over the sea!  
"Okay, Jaden, leap off my back!" Bastion ordered!  
"Okay, yo," Jaden agreed, standing on a flying Bastion's back, and then leaping off with as much force as possible!  
"HOW IS THIS EVEN **POSSIBLE**?" Chazz asked calmly.  
"I stopped askin' THAT kinda stuff years ago!" Jaden said! "Now, when we get close enough, you jump off too and grab'm, okay?"  
"Um, got it?"

"Zazz, ZAZZ! They're catching up to us!" panicked Slade, flying his jetpack with Zazz, who noticed the fact that JADEN AND CHAZZ WERE FLYING FASTER THAN THEM.  
"Aw, man! We're dead! Oh wait," Zazz looked at his manual for the jetpacks. "It says that we can activate 'Hyperdrive' if we press a button on the backs!"  
"Okay, okay!" They both spied a big, red, shiny button on each other's jetpacks. Fumbling around, they attempted to push in the buttons!  
"Okay, Chazz, get ready!" they heard from behind, as Jaden and Chazz were now around twenty feet away!  
"GAAAAH!" The two guys finally smashed in the buttons simultaneously, instantly doubling their speed!

_Aw man!_ Jaden thought!  
_We were so close!_ thought Chazz!  
"It's MY TURN!" Barry the Beginner decided! Summoning all the energy in his heart, he activated a power lost long ago… a golden eye of Wdjat opened on his forehead! "YU-GI-OOOOOOOOH!" Barry the Beginner, who you should know was actually Yugi Mutou from before, yeah, you should remember that, used ancient Egyptian energy to grow TWO INCHES TALLER. He pulled out a card from his deck box, the trusty DARK MAGICIAN Girl.

"I can afford to waste THIS one!" he said! "NOW, JADEN, RIDE UPON MY ENERGIES AND _WIIIIIIIN_!" He leaped and threw the card with as much energy as he could out over the open sea as Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Bastion hit the ocean. The card spun like a Frisbee from HEAVEN and sliced the ocean's salty air, managing to fly near Jaden!  
"Aw yeah, thanks, Yugi! I mean Barry!" Jaden thanked, standing atop the small trading card!  
"How are you doing THIS?" Chazz asked!  
"Easy! I'm determined to keep this island safe!" Jaden answered! "We can't let them kidnap a student, nor try to return and assassinate the entire student body! Now, Chazz… we're still not fast enough." Jaden and Chazz were slowly getting further and further from their targets.  
"Aw, DAMN it!" Chazz cursed! "How can we gain more speed?"  
"Just jump off of me, I've got it!" Jaden firmly believed!  
"What? Now?"  
"YEAH JUST GO FOR IT!" Jaden leaned over so Chazz could stand up straight.  
"I'll try my best!" Chazz promised! "HAAAAAAH!" He bounded off of Jaden with force unheard of in a human being!  
"AND TRY THIS ON FOR SIIIIIIZE!" Jaden tossed ELEMENTAL HERO AVIAN out as well! The card swooped up next to Chazz and released its Duel Spirit!  
"Chazz," Avian urged, "grab on! I can fly!"  
"Alright!" Chazz climbed onto Avian's back! Avian stretched out his wings and SOARED after the criminally mean brothers!

"Chazz…"  
"What's up? We're about to get them!"  
"No, but Chazz…"  
"What's wrong? Tell me?"  
"Eh, um…Chazz?"  
"WHAAAAAT?"  
"We're sinking," Avian said, slowly falling to the salty sea.  
"WHAAAAAT?"  
"But you're HEAVY!" complained Avian!  
"Damn it, can you do ANYTHING RIGHT?"

"Zazz, we're in the clear!" Slade cheered! "They're riding AVIAN! That means they HAVE to fail!"  
"Okay, so do you know a reputable gun dealer?" Zazz asked.  
"Yeah, it's called the 'Revengers Gun Shop', located on the corner of Bleeding Heart and Plush Avenue. They have a sale on AK-47s this week."  
"Oh, that sounds nice."

"STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID AVIAAAAAN!" Chazz roared! "YOU FAIL IN THE MOST IMPORTANT PART!"  
"It's not MY fault!" Avian said, making excuses.  
"Actually, it is!"  
"Aw."  
"BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!" said the collective voices of fifty souls from out of nowhere!  
"That's North Academy!" Chazz noticed! "But where…!" The North Academy submarine was following as fast as it could, but not fast enough.  
"Quick, Chazz," Spike-Hair the Blue called, "watch out!"  
"Spike-Hair! Guys! Thanks!" Chazz thanked!  
"We're about to fire the proton cannon, so you can use it to your advantage, y'all!" Jesse Anderson shouted!  
"W-wait, how are we gonna…?" Avian wondered.  
"Alright, guys, let's do it!" Chazz allowed!

Jesse and the crew were all stuck in a very cramped submarine. Squished into too many other people, Jesse said, "OKAY BOYS, FAR' TH' PROTON CANNON!"  
"SIR YES SIR!" Several people fiddled around with buttons, levers, and switches, until they finally pressed the 'Proton Cannon' button!

"So, like I asked, how will this work?" Avian asked, sinking lower than before.  
"HOLD ON!" Chazz said! He clamped on tightly to Avian's back as a yellow laser beam struck the feathered friend!  
"!" poor Avian screeched! But it was necessary! The laser was pushing the duo further and faster than before! It was only a matter of time until…

"Ohshitthey'recomming," Zazz gasped, realizing what was going down.  
"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!" Slade cried! "WE'RE GONNA GET HIT BY AVIAN AND A LASER!"

"COME ON!" Chazz encouraged, riding on Avian in a cool-looking way! "COME ON, WE'RE ALMOST THERE!"  
"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY! OW!" Avian yelped!  
"We're almost there… almost… almoooooost—AHH!"  
"AHH!"  
"YEOWCH!"  
"AAARGH!" The four guys all crashed into each other, and Avian was finally destroyed by battle. The three Princetons fell into the ocean!  
"Waah!" they gasped, popping over the waves! Zazz and Slade stared hatefully at Chazz!  
"Oh this is just GREAT," Zazz said angrily, "you just made us lose our rides! Our helicopters, our jetpacks, everything!"  
"Now how will we get to land in order to kill your friends, huh?" Slade asked.  
"Oh, just drown yourselves, why don'cha?" Chazz impertinently asked, folding his arms.

"This is all YOUR fault!" Slade growled, pushing Chazz underwater!  
"Ahh! Glub glub glub!" Chazz glubbed! "Ugh!" He got out from his grasp! "Don't… YOU… TOUCH MEEEEE!" Chazz placed all of his hatred into his fist and punched Slade's chest as hard as he could! It made a lame 'thunk' sound, and that was about it.  
"What a wimp, ha ha ha!" laughed Slade! "That's ALL you can do? Try THIS on for size!" Slade pushed Chazz underwater again.  
"Glugluglug—RAH!" Chazz broke out from his grasp again! "That won't work on me a third time—GLUBGLUBGLUB!"  
"Man, this is too easy," Slade sighed, still holding his brother down. He grabbed him by the arms and pulled him out.  
"Ugh! Heh…heh…heh…" Chazz gasped for air this time.  
"Aw, so you can't do anything about us?" Slade asked.  
"A word to the wise, Chazz," Zazz said, "if you're gonna BE someone's little brother, expect to get bullied a lot!" Zazz grabbed his head and began roughly noogie-ing him!  
"AHH! NO! NO NOOGIES!" Chazz begged! "AAAAAAHHH!"  
"!" Zazz laughed! "WAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR WASTING ALL THAT MONEY!"

_No, no! NO!_ Chazz despaired! _It can't END like this! Getting bullied in the middle of the ocean, where you know nobody can help you! Being all by myself… this feeling of hopelessness… how did it come to this?_  
"Hey, kids," somebody ordered, "leave your little brother alone!"  
"Who says?" asked Zazz. He and Slade looked up at Crowler, riding a wooden boat! "OHMYGOSHADRAGQUEEN!"  
"What did you just call me?" Crowler asked.  
"A drag queen, ew!" Zazz repeated! "OW!" Crowler soundly kicked him in the ear! "AHH, MY EAR!"  
"One: I am NOT a DRAG QUEEN, I am a WOMAN!" Crowler corrected, stomping on him to Slades' horror! "A NATURAL-BORN WOMAN!"  
"AHH!" Zazz let go of Chazz and grabbed his head in pain!  
"Two: GAYCISM AND HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG! GAYS ARE IMPORTANT MEMBERS OF SOCIETY AS WELL!" Crowler lifted the boat out from under herself and smashed it over Slade's head!  
"ARGH, THAT WOODEN BOAT **HURTS**!"  
"Three: _GET AWAY FROM MY SON!_" Crowler, levitating with energy, lifted up the two bad guys and energized her fists, now full of collars!  
"Wait, what's he doing? What is he doing?" Zazz asked, questioning the existence of Crowler having magical powers.  
"I SAID I AM NOT A MAN!" Crowler released all of her energy as a purple beam of power! The Princeton Duo was fired away around half of the area they'd just travelled across the ocean already!

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
"!" They were now utterly devoid of any energy left in their bodies, but at least the laser was gone, and replaced with Crowler zooming across the water with Chazz on her shoulders and a massive sword-shaped Duel Disk covered in red sparks—HOLY CRAP! Whilst slicing them, she added in some sort of energy blast, taking the form of a magenta crescent. The result caused Slade and Zazz to bounce off the hard floor of the piers, while Crowler and son had a smooth, cool landing.  
"Aw, man, ugh…" Slade moaned in pain.  
"Slade… Slade, look up…" Zazz warned, pointing at the 50 students of North Academy, 3412 students of Duel Academy, and 108 miscellaneous faculty members staring them down.  
"I knew they'd get here soon…" said Slade. Using an utterly painful amount of energy, the two stood once more.  
"Uh, we promise to never come back, ever, and also never shoot you people on sight," Zazz promised, "as long as you let us leave and seek medical attention."  
"Hmm…" pondered the schools.  
"But really, we're still going to do just that, what you said we won't, after we're better and buy guns, right?" Slade asked, _just_ to make sure!  
"NO!"  
"Slade, I really hate you right now."

"GET'CHERGAMEON!" Jaden shouted, pushing them into the humongous angry mob! They proceeded to beat the living daylights out of them, again. Then, the opportunity arrived, and they were tossed into the air, for the SECOND-TO-LAST TIME.  
"It's all you, Chazz, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson exclaimed!  
"Aaaaaaaah…" Chazz folded his arms and bent his fingers into terrible claws! "AAAAAH…" His eyes flashed! "!" His eyes fired off the biggest 'chazzisawesomeenergyblast' of his life!  
"Send'm to the moon!" suggested Nancy Wut!  
"HAAAAAAAAAH!" Chazz's blast of power fired them into the big, shiny white dome of the academy.

Inside the dome was Janitorboy Ikkaku, standing around in the teacher's lounge, as his noose had just broken off of a coat-hanger thanks to those two boys. "Wha—my noose!" he cried! "Now I'm gonna have to clean up… THAT ENTIRE MESS?"  
"I-it wasn't our f-fault…" Slade mumbled.  
"**I CAN'T HEAR YOU!**" Ikkaku summoned these giant blades (www. boragungoren. com/images/ikkaku_) and slammed the two guys upward though the sunset-lit sky, all the way to the moon.

MEANWHILE…  
Somewhere on the moon, in one of its many eucalyptus tree plantations run by koalas, Zazz and Slade had been knocked straight through one of several nearby trees, scaring off several koalas, employed to pick and juice the leaves. "A…at least… it's over…" Zazz sighed.  
"Ew, eucalyptus," Slade spat, getting leaves out of his mouth.  
"HEY," a tremendously awesome man's voice boomed, "WHADDA' YA **DUMDUMS** THINK YOU'RE DOIN' HERE?" The man's nose was large and koala-like.  
"Wait, aren't you that koala kid?"  
"SHUT YOUR **SUCKETTY** MOUTHS AND DIIIIIIE!"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And that is the story of how Zazz and Slade Princeton got their jobs working for Koala Juice Co., run by Koala Ko Ala's dad, on the moon.

MEANWHILE…  
"WE DID IT!" the kids cheered! And a few teachers, too.  
"We completely mauled two men who tried to take advantage of the kid for world domination by running them through the kinds of torture the human body can't even COMPREHEND of withstanding!" Syrus said! Everybody stared at the killjoy. "Eh, but they were going for world domination, and they said they wanted to kill all us kids and stuff. So that means it's okay!"  
"WOOOOOOOOT!"

"Mum, you were awesome out there!" Chazz congratulated to Crowler!  
"Hm, well, yes, I'm your mother," Crowler said, "so I must protect you no matter what, and all that…"  
"That SWORD thing was totally SWEET, teach!" Jaden shouted, leaping up to the plate!  
"Look, YUCKY boy, I know that you just did everything in your power to stop my son from defecting to the dark side, but that doesn't mean I can forgive you, for the sake of a running joke or two, you understand?" Crowler growled, turning back to normal, back to dumb.  
"Don't worry, teach, chill!" Jaden urged, slapping it on the back.  
"No, I most certainly will NOT chill! Now, son, would you like to go out for ice cream?" offered it.  
"Okay!" Chazz accepted, walking off with Crowler, and getting hi-fives from all the students he passed by.  
"WE WILL NEVER FORGET THIS NIGHT!" the North Academy guys cried!  
"SHUT UP! My hand hurts from all the hi-fives now, ow!" And Jaden watched the two leave the scene.  
"There goes a great kid and an even greater mom, yo," Jaden sighed.  
"Are you sure," Syrus wondered, "because she's still out for petty revenge and stuff."  
"Hey, don't be talkin' to me 'bout moms, 'cause I KNOW 'bout moms, thanks to MY great mom, yo! Step off, Sy!"  
"But…"  
"Today taught me something… that without moms, we wouldn't even be here…" Jaden said, wistfully.  
"Well, duh," Syrus sy-ed. His hair wiggled a bit.  
_…Son…_ the hair sniffed.

As Chazz and Crowler walked off the piers, they ran into SeaweedMan! "What is it, Mr. Seaweed, we're on our way to some bonding experience!" Crowler said.  
"Oh, well I have to talk to Chazz about something~" SeaweedMan said. "Chazz, you sucked out there, because you had a good Trap that you never even used~ See, I remember~ Because it was right there~"  
"So?"  
"You just cost yourself the school, AND world domination~ Plus, you made me lose a bet with Shepherd~ So I'm expelling you for your insolence~" SeaweedMan explained.  
"Hey, you can't just fire me from school!" Chazz argued! "That's because I quit, so you can't have the satisfaction!"  
"Actually, no, people can't be fired from school~ I'm expelling you~ Plus, I said I would before you tried to quit, so I win THIS round, Princeton~" SeaweedMan walked away. Chazz and Crowler shrugged.  
"Hey mum, can I have sprinkles?"  
"Why not?"  
"Yay!"  
Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson watched them leave from the shadows, and they smiled.

"Okay, and that means that Chazz is coming back to Duel Academy," Prof. Banner said, holding Garfield the cat, on a stage, with a microphone, at the piers, "and that also means that he'll be starting out as a Slifer Red again, due to rules and regulations."  
"We quit too, I reckon!" Billy Hills reckoned, flying onto the stage!  
"Me three, huh, new headmaster, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson added, leaping next to Billy Hills.  
"SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN," Banner ordered, kicking them away into the crowd. "Anyways, now that the awesome-yet-funny, though-could've-been-better-written montage scene is over, we can now go to the awards ceremony, since the headmasters made a bet and are forcing you to watch the outcome. Yes, I know it's stupid too, but I get paid extra to announce it."  
"MEOW," Grafield meowed, in his fancy voice. He and Banner left the stage as SeaweedMan and Shepherd entered. Shepherd was bouncing with excitement, which is very creepy, coming from such a semi-old guy.

"Okay, so, as we all know, Duel Academy's original Jaden Yuki beat North Academy's short-time duelist, Chazz Princeton, which you may have forgotten during the beat-down," reminded Banner, "so this means that Shepherd wins a thing!"  
"YEA-YUSS!" cheered Shepherd, with arm-pumping action, much to SeaweedMan's annoyance.  
"And before unveiling the award, Shepherd had placed the entire school up for bet, which was really, really stupid," Banner said, "but now we will bring out Shepherd's new thing nobody else cares about!" A large dump-truck began slowly backing up towards the stage, then stopped.  
"OKAY, BOYS, DUMP IT ALL!" Shepherd ordered! The dump truck emptied its haul, which was 1.3 metric tons of vanilla ice cream, all over the event stage!  
"NOOOO, NOT MY ICE CREAM RESERVES~" SeaweedMan cried! "DON'T GET IT ALL OVER THE STAGE~ OH, IT WAS SO EASY TO STORE IN SOUTHERN GEORGIA, BUT NOW IT WILL MEEEEEELT~"  
"Shut up, LOSER-boy!" Shepherd laughed, taking out a silver spoon and digging in. None of the students really felt like watching, so they went their separate ways. SeaweedMan and his students piled into the submarine, which was no easy task, and went back to Georgia.  
"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIII, GAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIZ!" Duel Academy shouted, waving at the sub as it departed. From its roof popped out a giant, robotic arm with a comical glove. It waved back, signaling a new era of friendship between Georgia and Japan.

And it was a long era, and there was much partying.

"Hey, Big Kid?" asked Depressed Kid.

"Hm?" Big Kid responded.

"How come we weren't featured with all the other characters of the season?" Depressed Kid asked.

"…" Big Kid shrugged.

Meanwhile, atop the shining white dome of the Duel Academy building, Yugi sat with a bottle of beer, looking toward the crimson sunset. "You've raised one hell of a child, Tea," Yugi toasted, raising his drink.

COMMENTARY

My sister said that if this were the series finale, she would be content. But it's not, so shut up. Now I'm really scared, because I'm going to have to figure out how to top myself NEXT time! Stupid me for pulling out all the stops!

So yes, everything is back to normal! Chazz and his lakies are back at school with some possible well-needed character development, Slade and Zazz now live on the moon, and the faculty is ice cream-crazy. SeaweedMan deserved to lose his really weird bet. Crowler used the sword-Duel Disk I'd forgotten all about in the first draft of the episode. And all is well.

I also hope you haven't forgotten about the increasingly-stupid 'Youtube Clause', because if you did, screw you! You just wasted your time reading all that, because without the musical accompaniment, the chapter become a lot more horrible! I placed spaces in between the other websites I threw in for reference, but that's so that I could show they were different from Youtube, so you couldn't get confused and stuff, so just get rid of the extra spaces, blah blah.

Either way, I had a great time wasting as much time as I could with that which I can call a 'Crowning Moment of Fun', because I really wanted to use the song. It really was thrown in as a last resort to not end the episode in a boring manner. And we should face it, it wasn't all that well-written, but it was hella enjoyable! Wasn't it gratifying to see those two guys get the tar beat out of them? It felt great for me as a writer to re-visit all the random useless one-shot characters! And, well, yeah, that's all I have to say on that.

For even more commentary filler, didja know I actually had TWO drafts of this two-parter? The first one was crap. It was too serious, trying to get all preachy about why Chazz should just shut up and suck it up, because everybody's lives suck now and again. But who in the world wanted to hear Syrus screaming all about that stuff? And so I re-started the chapter from the point where the duel began. It felt good.

AND MORE STUFF! Remember the orbital space cannon, because I'm going to have to make a Chekov's Gun out of it someday, and I hope TVTropes forgives me for listing two tropes today. Also, don't forget about Koala Juice. It's DANGEROUS! I hope I haven't given any spoilers out from that, nor enough info that people can over-analyze for spoiler-hunting. Oh yeah, and Syrus's hair, too. Sure, it doesn't speak much… but it's got a spirit inside… but I already basically shouted that one out to everybody here, didn't I?

Next week, I'm going to be starting a six-part filler arc, which shall forever be known as the Duel Island arc. Just like the show, it's going to have a horrible, terrible plotline, and it WILL shock you ALL. Plus there's a girl named Yuki! EVERYBODY loves Yukis, right? And maybe even something about that darn Dr. Card? Yes, he SHALL be referenced! The bad thing about all this, though, is the fact that it's TOO DUEL-HEAVY. What's that? It relies too much on dueling to carry out a story. Y'know, like the real show! I was really irritated about the whole fiasco two episodes in, after I realized it, but back at the Yugioh Card Maker forums where I posted this stuff originally, it went over well. My main audience this whole time was supposed to be mainly people who grew out of Yu-Gi-Oh, and are more likely to call it stupid. Like me! Also it's supposed to appeal to nerds, because there are going to be massively-altered plot arcs. Yet I've been horribly annoyed by the fact that everybody who comments about this thing has something YGO-related in their usernames, or Yugi as an avatar. But I should have seen it coming, obviously…

So anyways, those of you who fit into my intended audience, just kinda skim the next chapters to find those chunks of comedy gold. Those who still love the game, inhale all of it. We shall get back to the, eh, 'plot' on episode thirty-three. Woo-hoo, ten-thousand word chapters! See you next week.


	27. Episode 27: Duel Island 1 of 6

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 27: Duels on Duel Island

[.com/watch?v=YP6-sqMQJ9s&feature=related] And once again, the blazin' guitar riffs signaled the dawn of a new day on Duel Academy Island. The sun was shinin', the volcano was spewing toxic fumes into the atmosphere, and there were no classes going on! Why? Because of the massive, school-wide assembly!

Every student and teacher was seated in the Duel Dome, anxiously awaiting something apparently cool that was bound to happen. In the center of it all was a massive, Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon-shaped bingo ball machine, which some people felt was oddly nostalgic. Every student's name was printed on one of the hundreds of balls inside the machine. Chancellor Shepherd and a kid with a ducktail hairdo and pink tux parachuted down from the skylight and onto the head of the machine. The middle head, to be exact. "Now students," Shepherd began, taking out a microphone, "I bet you're all wondering why you're here."  
"You BET we are, dammit!" yelled Someone Jones.  
"Well you can just shut up. Every four years at this school, we host a massive, school-wide competition, right after the School Duel against North Academy, against the _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy."  
"Four years?" some guy gasped.  
"It's a once-in-a-lifetime chance!" another guy exclaimed.  
"I smell conspiracy!" Angry McArgue yelled.  
"AAAAnyways, you're ALL instantly entered into the drawing, because you decided to enroll here. If you're too wimpy, you're better off dropping out now before humiliating yourself."  
"I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!" Syrus screamed.  
"Too late! The rules of this thing are as follows…" Shepherd took out an overly-long scroll, which unfurled all the way down the massive machine and onto the floor below.

"Er, ahem! 'This ex-CITING machine will vomit six bingo balls onto the floor, and the kids whose names are listed on said bingo balls will be flown via helicopter onto a deserted island to hunt down and duel the kids from the _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy, thus winning a special prize for defeating them all, which is still a secret.'" Done reading, he quickly wrapped his scroll up once more and put it behind his back mysteriously.  
"Why's it so FREAKING HUGE if that's all that was written?" ordered an enraged Beehive Larry.  
"Because… it's really my must-watch movie list!"  
"That was a TERRIBLE joke!"  
"But I really love movies!"  
"WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT, SO IT'S UNFUNNY!"  
Defeated, Chancellor Shepherd gave his microphone to the ducktail kid. "EVREHBODEH LISSEN!" the boy roared! The crowd burst into thunderous applause! [Source: http:/ yugioh .wikia .com/wiki/ MC_(Master_of_Ceremonies)]  
"That Mickey Ducktail's gonna be big someday," Nancy Wut predicted, wiping away a single tear.

"Hmph," Chazz sighed. "We ALL know that Jaden's gonna get picked first."  
"I reckon you're right," Billy Hills reckoned.  
"Why is Jaden ALWAYS the one to do stuff, huh, Chazz, huh?" asked Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Cause, yo," Jaden explained, poking his head out between Chazz and Deep-Voice Dobbson's, freaking both out, "SOMEBODY'S gotta bring 'da E-Heroes into this thang!"  
"Jaden, don't do that," suggested Syrus, pulling him away while sitting behind the Chazz Black Coat trio.  
"You can be creepy like that, Jaden," Mann McOldsmobile said, seated with the two.  
"WHERE AM I?" Koala Ko Ala screamed, not there.

"AN' 'DA BINGO BALLZ-TO-'DA-WALLZ ACTION IZ A-HEATIN' UP!" cried Mickey Ducktail, leaping to the ground! A dragon head threw up a bingo ball, which Mickey Ducktail picked up off of a fluffy mat. "CHAAAAAAZZ PRINCETOOOON!" he shouted!  
"WHA?" Chazz gasped!  
"Hey Chazz, I reckon 'yer goin' on a wil' excursion!" congratulated Billy Hills.  
"Who said I even WANTED to go?" growled Chazz.  
"Who cares, kid, you're in!" Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"Everyone was entered, huh, Chazz, huh, so you had as good a chance as any," Deep-Voice Dobbson informed.  
"BILLEH HIIIILLZ!" Mickey Ducktail screeched.  
"Wha?" Jaden looked around. "Who the HELL is Billy Hills, and why was he chosen instead of me?" Jaden asked. Everybody in the Duel Dome pointed to Billy Hills, who was visibly sad. "Oh. Sorry, yo."

"Well, WOO-HOO, who cares, 'cause I'm goin' too, I reckon!" Billy Hills cheered, casting away his disappointment!  
"Well _that_ sucks," Chazz groaned. "JUST SHUT UP! YOUR STUPID ACCENT'S REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES!"  
"You're mean," Syrus remarked, "whatever happened to you becoming awesome in the last episode?"  
"I got over it."  
"Well, I'm gonna go on that island for SURE now, huh, Jaden, huh, now that all my friends are goin', and there's nuthin' you can do 'bout it!" Deep-Voice Dobbson assured! His and Jaden's harsh gazes met and locked.  
"Yeah, WRONG, buddy, because I do EVERYTHING around here at THIS school! Like Chazz in that other school, except it's less creepy! So get'cher game on!" Jaden said, excited!  
"BOO," someone said.  
"AAAAAAND THE NEXT DUELIST IS SYRUS TRUESDALE!"  
"WHAAAAT?" Syrus screamed, just before Chazz himself could. Chazz slapped him.  
"Stop stealing my lines!"  
"Ow! How?"  
"Hey, don't hit my friend for a dumb reason, or else I'll hit you for a GOOD reason!" ordered Jaden. "Plus, I won't help you when your Armed Dragon deck gets 'ya into a big pinch!"  
But just then, Ojama Yellow appeared on Chazz's shoulder! "Hey, he's right, boss!" he agreed. "Armed Dragon stinks! You should use an Ojama deck instead."  
"No."  
"Hi, Ojama Yellow!"  
"Hey, Jaden!"  
"STOP TALKING!"  
"Okay, boss!"  
"…I reckon."

"THE NEXT DUELIST IIIIS NANCEH WUT!" Ducktail Mickey exclaimed.  
"Oh, hooray!" could be heard from across the Duel Dome, uttered by Nancy Wut.  
"Jaden, PLEASE come with us!" Syrus pleaded! "I can't be alone with HER! I'll go MAD!"  
"Hold 'yer Trojan Horse cards, G," Jaden said, "I'll go, you 'kin bet on it!"  
"Unless **I** win, huh, Jaden!" Deep-Voice Dobbson challenged!  
"Well, what if you BOTH win?" wondered Ojama Yellow.  
"ANGRY MCARGUE!" There was much applause all around.  
"B-but why HER?" Syrus begged, beginning to bury his head in his hands and cry.  
"Aw, don't cry, Sy!" Jaden soothed. "Hey! It rhymed!"  
"THIS IS THE **THIRD-WORST DAY EVER!** Waaaah…"  
"YOU JINXED IT!" Chazz grumbled loudly. "DAMN YOU, YELLOW! I CAN'T WORK WITH THAT BROAD!"  
"H-hey, I'm sorry, boss," Ojama Yellow apologized.  
"I don't really have any lines in this scene, so I'll just go now," decided Mann McOldsmobile, leaving.  
[.com/watch?v=EnUGk6qZgcg&translated=1]"Either way," Deep-Voice Dobbson said in his gravelly voice, "this is gonna be the mental-match of the century, huh, Jaden, huh?"  
"I'm ready 'ta THROW DOWN!" said Jaden, rarin' to go.  
"BOO," someone said. The boys' eyes flashed before shooting lightning bolts. The bolts connected into a solid current of electricity, and the air turned so utterly tense that everybody stopped to stare, and the air became ripply and foggy. Within seconds, the Duel Dome was full of storm clouds! The entire school stopped what stupid stuff they were doing and gave them their full attention.

"Excuse me, huh, Jaden, but don't I remember beating you in a duel before?" Deep-Voice Dobson reminded.  
"OOOOOH!" gasped the audience, at the utterance of such a dig.  
"Well that's not what happened in the ANIME," Jaden recalled.  
"OOOOH-HOO-HOO!" giggled the audience, at the utterance of such a different dig. Slowly, the two rivals began levitating out of their seats and into the air, slowly rotating around eachother at an epic pace.  
"I'm not gonna ask," Syrus sy-ed.

The student body couldn't help but begin chanting slowly, "Tough times… hard climbs…"  
"What IS this?" Chazz screamed!  
"…we'll take 'em on to-ge-thah," joined in Ojama Yellow.  
"NOT YOU, TOO!"  
"But right now, let's go. Yu-Gi-Oh GX, Generation Nex—"  
"BASTION MISAWAAAAAAA!" declared Ducktail Mickey, immediately ending the song that you were listening to while reading. Jaden and Deep-Voice Dobbson stopped rotating, and the sky returned to normal.  
"…What?"  
"Oh, happiest of days!" Bastion cheered. Jaden and Deep-Voice Dobbson crashed onto the ground, ,and the school screamed in appreciation for Bastion's existence.  
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they screamed! They began lifting and carrying him around as confetti sprinkled down from the sky. A massive 'YOU DID IT, BASTION!' banner unfurled from the ceiling!  
"Um, am I the only one who remembered what just happened?" wondered Chazz, and Alexis for bonus points.

"DAAAAAAAAMN!" Jaden cried, with manly tears streaming from his eyes! "THIS IS SO STUPID!"  
"I actually agree," Chazz gulped.  
"WHAT THE 'F' JUST HAPPENED?" Syrus demanded, royally confused.  
"Bastion, huh, won't help us win," Deep-Voice Dobbson roared, "HE NEVER WINS!"  
"But I SURE can duel a tie match, ha ha," Bastion responded.  
"But hey," Piggybank noticed, "they just INSULTED BASTION!"  
"THEY DID **WHAT**?" somebody gasped!  
"GET'M!" A mob of rabid, morbid Bastion fans rapidly approached Jaden and Deep-Voice Dobbson, the ones who had brought them together just a minute ago. Chancellor Shepherd took this moment to activate the 'BLAH' alarm from atop the dragon lottery machine.  
"**BLAH.**" shouted the emergency alarm.  
"WOAH!" The mob was so surprised that it calmed down and returned to normal.

"Now that I've got your attention," Shepherd said, "to those who have been chosen: you are now allowed to gloat."  
"Ha, I reckon!" laughed Billy Hills, pointing in Deep-Voice Dobbson's face.  
"Huh, aw."  
"Now to the real business afoot," Shepherd continued, "you're the six that can DEFINETLY beat those loser duelists from the, *ahem,* _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy. The idiots over there are getting pulled into the idea that using cards based on pop culture references is 'KEWL' and 'FTW'. But we're gonna take that 'waaaave of the future' crap, and shove it back up their collective butts!"  
"Hey, that sounded EDGY!" Barry the Beginner shouted! "Let's all cheer for him!"  
"YEAAAAAAH!" cheered two people! Barry the Beginner felt deflated and useless.  
"Hey," piped up Baseball Bob, "aren't the 'Six Samurai' monsters based off of 'The Seven Samurai' movie or whatever it was called, patent pending, no purchase necessary?"  
"Yes."  
"LET'S KICK SOME BUTT!" roared the entire school, souls united as one under the hot summer sun! In early spring, since it's that semester and stuff.  
"Alas, for those of you who are wondering what the PRIZE for winning is, it'll be revealed at the end of the dueling stuff. But you're SURE 'ta love it!" Nobody seemed to care; they were too busy cheering.  
"KICK SUM' _ASS_!" shouted Mann McOldsmobile from a random seat.  
"Oh well, yo," Jaden secretly plotted, "I'll get the E-Heroes into this thing SOMEHOW…"  
"Seriously though, Jaden," Syrus worried, "what was that thing earlier all about?"

MEANWHILE…  
Koala Ko Ala woke up from a horrible dream, bathed in sunlight from the open window. "Oh gosh, I had a dream where I was being ignored…" He picked up a Sammich and felt at ease. Rubbing his eyes, he asked himself, "What will I do today…"

LATER! THAT! MORNING!  
We cut over to the _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy suddenly, in their own light-green Duel Dome of destiny, where hundreds of anime geeks in school uniforms (at THIS Duel Academy, it's the same clothing, except they have TALLER COLLARS) were drowning a girl in support. She had been picked for the dueling excursion, and was well-known as the most important duelist at school.  
"YEEEEAH! YU-KI! YU-KI! YU-KI!" they chanted!  
"We'll win for sure~" some guy cried in happiness.  
The girl, brown-haired, Slifer Red, and apparently named Yuki, aimed her pointer finger skyward and roared, "GET YOUR DUEL ON!"

A LIL'! MORE! LATER!  
The cast of Kaibaland Duel Academy had gathered up around the school heliport (they could afford it) to watch the lucky dawgs lift off for their 'wil' excursion'. It was being piloted by that crazy American ship captain from the fourth episode. You know the one. "ALRIGHT NOW," he yelled, "READY TO KICK SOME NERDY TAIL?"  
"Maybe," said one kid. The captain stared at him oddly.

"Okay, Dobbson," Chazz asked his friend, "can you PLEASE hold onto Ojama Yellow for me while I win this whole thing?"  
"Huh, okay, huh." Deep-Voice Dobbson took the card with pride.  
"Hey, it's Dobbson!" Ojama Yellow exclaimed, sprouting from the card, complete with his annoying theme tune.  
"Stop the song."  
"Okay, boss." It stopped.  
"I'll take GOOD care 'o him, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson promised.  
"Take care," Billy Hills commanded, "I reckon we'll be back by t'morrer!" Deep-Voice Dobbson and Ojama Yellow waved as the two guys headed to the 'copter, squeezing past hundreds of students.

"Syrus, are you sure you'll be fine, yo?" Jaden checked.  
"Y-yeah."  
"Do you need me to pack you any snacks?" Mann McOldsmobile checked.  
"Y-yeah."  
"Aw, man," Jaden sobbed, handing Syrus a plastic baggie full of crackers and a juice box, "we're gonna miss 'ya, foo'!"  
"Guys, I won't be gone long!" Syrus promised.  
"Okay then."  
"Go get'm, tiger!" Mann McOldsmobile coached, pushing Syrus off on his own. "There goes one depressing kid."

Alexis was with her own Alexis Group, looking hard at her two closest friends. "Okay, Angry, if Nancy goes berserk, you can hit her with this," she said, handing Angry McArgue a wrench.  
"Okay."  
"Nancy, if Angry gets too angry, you can use these," Alexis warned, handing Nancy some chloroform and a rag.  
"Okie-dokie."

All six duelists approached the helicopter through a storm of thunderous applause. Bastion had a golden crown, a bouquet of flowers, and was sporting a new sapphire ring. "It's hard to explain," he sighed, throwing the gifts away.  
"No, it's just that you're too LAZY to explain!" Angry McArgue screamed! _Woah, she's worse than me,_ Chazz thought.

And so, soon enough, the chopper took off, heading to one of the several smaller islands that we didn't care about which made up the funky shape of Japan as we know it. Inside of the helicopter was a cushy room with sofas, for card-organizing in comfort. The kids were discussing important Duel Monsters information.  
"Dark Magician!" Basstion exclaimed.  
"Exodia!" Nancy Wut laughed.  
"Winged Dragon of Ra!" Syrus reminded.  
"So Chazz," Billy said, "I reckon I kinda miss Dobbson."  
"Feh," Chazz sighed, "he'd only hold us up by saying his catch-phrase all the time."  
"Yeah, well I reckon I'll just organize m'deck a bit more before we get where we're goin'."  
"Good idea, I guess." Chazz took out his handy-dandy deck box and checked it out. "I got a Level Up card I need to add in here—WHAT THE HELL?" Chazz took out an Elemental Hero Stratos card. "No!" He threw it away and found an Elemental Hero Lady Heat. "NO!" He threw THAT away and found an Elemental Hero Ocean. "THIS IS NOT MY DECK!"

"SHUT **UUUP!** Angry McArgue punched him mso hard that a small breeze filled the entire aircraft. "Can't you wait and have your nervous breakdown on the island or something?"  
"Oh, you're so askin' for it," Chazz growled, rubbing his hit cheek.  
"Chazz, I reckon, DON'T!" Billy Hills gasped! "You KNOW what happens in almost every anime ever made when a boy attempts to touch a girl in any way, shape, OR form, I reckon!"  
"I DON'T CARE!" Chazz clenched his fist, and punched Angry McArgue… in the breasts on accident. "Crap. You were right. And… I'm really worn about how I should feel right now."  
"_**I'LL **__**KILL**__** YOU!**_" Angry McArgue raged!  
"Stop!" Nancy Wut ordered! They did. "Boys aren't allowed to hit girls!" She followed up this statement by hitting them both over the head with her bottle of chloroform, hard enough to push them through the floor.  
"AAAAAAAAHH!" Syrus screamed!  
"WHAT HATH THOU DONE, LASS?" Bastion yelled!  
"I smashed them through the fuselage or something, yeah!" Nancy Wut winked.

An explosion rocked the entire helicopter. "Dang it, I can't keep'er steady!" the captain grunted, struggling to keep the helicopter and his passengers safe. BUT HE WAS FAILING! The chopper was wiggling around randomly and destructively! Meanwhile, in the helicopter nearby, carrying the kids from the _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy, Marik Ishtar was piloting with something on his mind. Just so you know, he became a helicopter pilot just last week.  
"Hmm," he thought, "I think that tomorrow I'll tell that girl I love her…" Then the two helicopters collided, killing him instantly. They both sputtered and crashed on opposite ends of a jungly island.

Because they landed on the SHADY side of the island, the people resurfacing from the _OTHER_ helicopter were all SHADOWY with few visible features. "Man, that was CRAZY!" one of the five girls commented, being that Yuki from earlier.  
"Shut it, I don't care," grumbled the girl with DEADLY spiky pigtails, "I just wanna get out of the water and dry off. Don't talk to me."  
"Leave Yuki alone, you BITCH! _Waaah…_" cried the smallest and there-by weakest one.  
"Well, I'd say we should do what she suggested and get on that island," suggested the British one.  
"That sounds good," supposed the lone boy in the clan, adjusting his glasses.  
"I'm hungry," said the fat one.  
"Then let's go, now that we've all said something!" decided Yuki.  
"But what about the pilot?"  
"Oh, you mean madly-popular Marik Ishtar? He's dead. Yep, super-dead. His head was cut off and smashed. So he's dead. Let's go!" Upon Yuki's command, they all headed onto the island.

MEANWHILE,  
On the SUNNY side of the island, the Kaibaland Duel Academy kids were on the beach, catching their breath, save for Chazz and Angry McArgue. "Now that was TERRIBLE, I reckon."  
"Sorry for 'sploding the 'chopper," Nancy Wut apologized.  
"Aw, I can't stay mad at you, you're just too cute!" Bastion admitted.  
"Come're, kid!" Nancy Wut said. They hugged!  
"Aw, it's so cute," Syrus admired. "Why can't I find love?"  
"Because you're the straight-man, and they don't deserve it!" Nancy Wut explained, as Bastion repeatedly licked her cheek in a disturbing fashion.  
"Oh. And Bastion, stop being so creepy, Chazz and Angry are coming." Syrus pointed out to sea as th two approached land, strangling each other. Sadly, Chazz couldn't put his all into it, as Angry McArgue is TUFF.  
"Woah!" They both tripped over the body of the unconscious captain.  
"Uuurgh," the captain grunted in pain, "ow that hurt."  
"Sir, are you alright?" Syrus asked, tugging him onto dry land with the help of Billy Hills.  
"Yeah, I'm alright, I also sent out a distress signal." He held out a grey box with a flashy light on it. "They'll be sendin' out some help 'fer us'n no time."

As they said that, Chancellor Shepherd and Crowler were playing Scrabble. "WEE-WOO WEE-WOO," went a siren.  
"What's that?" Crowler asked.  
"Oh, just something stupid," Shepherd shrugged, pulling out a crowbar and smashing the alarm.

"Good, so let's secure a food source!" Bastion quickly headed into the jungle, alone.  
"Wait! If you go, you could be eaten by a tiger! And by eaten, I mean your bowels would be ripped out after a few good chomps! Oh, and then we'd come and scare it off, of course, but you'd be in so much pain! And you'd never survive until the help came for us!  
"He's already gone, nitwit," Angry McArgue said.  
"I don't reckon there're wil' tigers in Japan, guys," Billy Hills thought.  
"Okay, then I'll go secure some flora and fauna," Syrus decided, following after Bastion.  
"Wait, what about that second helicopter we hit?" Angry McArgue asked. "We need to look for it and see if there were any casualties!"  
"The only loss was Marik," the American reported.  
"Oh, that's okay then."  
"The island's around two kilometers in diameter, so we'll find 'em all real soon," the captain said.  
"I didn't ask that. Duelists, let's go hunting."  
"Yayz!" Nancy Wut erupted.

"Wait, wait, wait," Chazz rushed, pushing Nancy Wut away, "who put YOU in charge, Miss Argue?"  
"Chazz, I reckon that if you don't agree with 'er, don't follow 'er."  
"Hmph. Well, do you NOT want a good prize?" Angry McArgue asked harshly. Chazz sheepishly shook his head. "So you DON'T want a prize?"  
"N-no, I DON'T NOT want a prize!"  
"SPEAK NORMAL!"  
"I DO want a prize!"  
"Then get your ass in gear, Black-Coat Boy!" Chazz and Billy Hills looked at their cool coats and wondered what was wrong with them. Angry McArgue stormed off into the forest and Chazz followed. "Who told you to follow me?"  
"I was gonna TURN RIGHT THERE!" Chazz pointed to a small stream, which apparently came from a nice waterfall, barely visible though through the thick foliage. The two split up and Billy Hills ran after his senior Black-Coat Boy.  
"Wait, Chazz, I reckon I'm a-gonna follow you!"  
"Bye, Mr. Captain!" Nancy Wut bid, leaving the immobilized man alone in the sand and sun.  
"Wait! I injured my back! I can't move my arms or legs! AT LEAST GET ME SOME SUNSCREEN!"

The closer Chazz got to the falls, the more tropical the area seemed, impossible to the latitude and longitude, however. In fact, there was a nice lake with tropical fish at the top of the falls, but nobody cared. Chazz stopped at the bottom of the waterfall and broke off a cup-shaped leaf from a nearby cupleaf tree, named after Sir Roger Cupleaf. As he bent down to try and fill it with water, he looked up. "Huh." On a high-up branch sat a monkey.  
"O-O-Ah-Ah," it stereotypically said.  
"Oh, a monkey." In a tree near the monkey's tree, Chazz noticed some girl drying off her duel blazer, dripping with wetness, masked by the sunlight behind her. She noticed him.

"Kyaah! Perv!" She threw her blazer at Chazz's face.  
"Ugh! The sharp collar! It poked my eyes!" The girl took this opportunity to leap down and strike him… but she stopped as Chazz removed her coat from his head. Now Chazz could tell that the girl had black, spiny pigtails, girly eyes, and disturbingly resembled a female Chazz.  
"AHH!"  
"EEK! Who're you and why do you look like me?"  
"Ugh, that's what I wanna ask YOU!" Cazz retorted.  
"You're disgusting, spying on me!"  
"WHO'D WANT TO SPY ON A GENDER-SWAPPED VERSION OF THEMSELVES?" They both thought for a second. "Okay, what NORMAL PERSON would do that?"  
"You shut up, you disgusting freak of nature!"  
"Lady, PLEASE don't look at me! I don't wanna see your face! You're not cute! You're disturbing!" That last part really got to her.  
"ZAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST!" The girl-Chazz opened her mouth and fired a large laser beam, relatable to the legendary 'Arale N'Cha Beam'!  
"CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST!" Chazz returned fire with his two smaller eye-beams! They collided and bounced off of each other into space and killed off four alien species somewhere.

"Wait, you're named 'Chazz'?" the girl asked.  
"And you're 'Zazz'?" Chazz asked. "…THAT'S UNCREATIVE! We already HAVE a Zazz in THIS show!"  
"WHA?"  
"MY EVIL BROTHER, ZAZZ PRINCETON!"  
"Our names are different, idiot!" Zazz growled. "I'm Zazz PRINCESSTON! DUH!"  
"Shut up, Shit-Girl!" Chazz shouted!  
"Shit-Face!"  
"Dip-Shit!"  
"Shit-Shit!"  
"That is **IT**!" With a sound akin to a whip cracking, both idiots pulled out their Duel Disks in the blink of an eye!  
[.com/watch?v=WVDWWV4hVyE&feature=related]"DUEL!" (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Zazz: 4000 Life Points)  
"I'm going first, you Zazz RIP-OFF!" Zazz exclaimed! "I summon Godzilla!" The earth shook and quickly filled with ocean water. A giant beast roared, hidden in the deep!  
"Wait, who?" Chazz asked, confused. "Godzilla? You people DO have dumb cards based on licensed stuff! That's illegal, right?"  
"Oh, Pegasus BOUGHT the rights!"  
"Why does everybody use that excuse for everything?"  
"Godzilla, go!" The water sank and receded as a massive reptilian behemoth showed its scaly face! But it really looked like a guy in a suit. A fifty-foot tall suit.  
"GWAAAAAR!" (Godzilla: 2300 Attack Points)  
"These licensed cards aren't 'dumb', they're the wave of the future," Zazz said in an impertinent manner, "what stupid cards do YOU have?"

"That's just what some guy told me you'd say," Chazz scoffed, drawing a card. _What the hell?_ His new card was some sort of living flower. _I knew all heroes were weaksauce! But a FLOWER card? I can do better than THIS! No, wait, actually, I'm not so sure anymore… BECAUSE JADEN STOLE MY __**GOOD**__ DECK!  
Get 'yo game on!_ mocked Hallucinatory-Jaden.  
_When I get back… WHEN I GET BACK…_

Chazz was covered in the flames of malice! "What's going on?" Zazz asked, somewhat worried about why this boy was now a fire hazard.  
"WHEN I GET BACK, I'M KICKING JADEN YUKI IN THE CROTCH FOR STEALING MY DECK! I SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO STRATOS! A cool blue-skinned guy with jet engine turbines for wings or whatever appeared from a small tornado! (Stratos: 1800 Attack Points)  
"Hah, Elemental Heroes?" Zazz scoffed. "And you call ME a nerd."  
"Shut up! I use his ability to get an E-Hero from my deck and put it in my hand." Chazz scanned his deck for anybody tough-looking. "I'll add Elemental Hero Heat into my hand! Then I'll set two cards and end my turn."

"You DO know that my Godzilla's WAY stronger than your MARVEL SUPERRHERO-BASED MONSTERS?"  
"You lie!"  
"No! Woodsman is The Hulk!" Zazz revealed! "I'll tribute my Godzilla for Godzilla 2000!" Zazz's rubbery costume guy transformed into a CGI robot beast of horrible sequel proportions! (Godzilla 2000: 3100 Attack Points)  
"That's too strong for only one tribute!" Chazz gulped.  
"If I tribute the original, the '2000' version only requires one sacrifice instead of the usual two," Zazz explained. (Godzilla 2000: 8 Stars) "Next I play the Field Spell card Godzilla Destroys Tokyo!" Similar to Skyscraper, countless buildings sprouted from the ground! But these… were black-and-white. Soon after it appeared, the original Godzilla lumbered back onto the field. "Also when I activate it, I can summon one Godzilla from my Graveyard!"  
"What?" Chazz protested!  
"Godzilla 2000, kill! Bad Movie Breath!" The newer monstrosity roared out a blaze of halitosis!

"Trap card, Draining Shield, activate!" Chazz's Trap came to life as a small circular shield, held by Stratos, which deflected the blaze! "Now I gain a whoppin' 3100 Life Points!" (Chazz: 7100 Life Points)  
"Fuck you!" Zazz cursed, flippin' the bird.  
"Don't say that, this is a kid's story! We'll be cancelled!"  
"Don't go there, we just had that 'shit' fight. Godzilla, use Radioactive Breath!" Zazz's other, faker monster launched a cheesy laser beam from its mouth, killing Stratos with a lame explosion!  
"Ugh!" Chazz grunted, apparently affected. (Chazz: 6600 Life Points) "I activate my SECOND Trap card, Hero Signal!" His other card flipped up, projecting an 'H' onto a tree.  
_An 'H'!_ Zazz thought. _This means trouble..._  
"Now I'll summon a replacement hero: 'Hulk', come on out." A green guy who looked edgy and tree-ish dropped down via rope from the Herocopter. (Woodsman: 1000 Attack Points, 2000 Defense Points) "I'll leave him in Defense Mode," Chazz decided.  
"I'll end my turn with a face-down." Zazz laid down a card near her two roaring kaiju.

"During my Main Phase, Woodsman gives me a Polymerization from my deck or Graveyard!"  
"HUUUU-YAH!" Woodsman pulled a Polymerization from the soil like a radish. "CHAAAZZ!" he yelled in a weird, Japanese-guy-trying-to-speak-Engrish voice. He tossed the card at Chazz. Chazz caught it! "NICE SHOT!"  
"Yeah, yeah. Then I summon Elemental Hero Prisma!" A cool crystal guy appeared. (Prisma: 1700 Attack Points) "I can choose one Fusion monster I control and send one monster listed as Fusion Material to my Graveyard in order to count Prisma as that monster. I'll choose Elemental Hero Inferno and discard Elemental Hero Lady Heat." Chazz flashed his Fusion monster and tossed a card that was overly similar to Burstinatrix to Prisma.  
"Owm," Prisma said, catching it in his mouth and eating it. Then he somehow BECAME Lady Heat!  
"Now I use Polymerization with Heat, whom I just added into my hand last turn!" Chazz called, releasing faux-Lady Heat and her more masculine version into a portal of Polymerization madness!  
"Crap!" cursed Zazz! A huge guy who looked like a Transformer who would have transformed into the sun or something crashed down from the sky! (Inferno: 2300 Attack Points)  
"And when Inferno attacks a Water monster, he gains 1000 Attack Points!" Chazz went on. "That's just enough to take down your stupid movie monster! Attack in Disguise!" Elemental Hero Inferno jumped and made that old-fashioned transforming noise straight out of the 80's cartoon! He really DID transform into a small sun. (Inferno: 3300 Attack Points) He shot out heat rays at Godzilla 2000!

"Not so fast!" countered Zazz! "I use Godzilla Never Dies!" Her Trap flipped face-up, displaying Godzilla flying around in outer space.  
"What the hell kinda card is THAT?" Chazz gasped!  
"When one of my Godzillas is attacked, I can negate whatever you're doing and end your turn!" Godzilla 2000 survived the heat wave long enough to punch out the sun. "Also your monster dies."  
"Gat' DAMN it!"  
"Now, Godzillas, attack!" Zazz's two monsters powered up their powerful two-breath combo!" The dumb original one struck first, burning away Woodsman, and the second one had a clear shot at Chazz.  
"No!" Chazz cried! But the shadow of the lizard was upon him! It shot Chazz with its flamey doomy breath. "AHH, IT'S SO HOOOT!" (Chazz: 3400 Life Points)  
"Now I'll end my turn with a face-down," said Zazz, "and during my End Phase I can use my Field Spell, Godzilla Destroys Tokyo's SECOND ability! I pay 500 Life Points to double any damage inflicted this turn."  
"That's so cheap!" Chazz griped. (Zazz: 3500 Life Points)  
"Now, 2000, Collateral Damage!" Godzilla 2000 shoved a building right on top of Chazz.  
"NOOOO—ow! Building!" (Chazz: 300 Life Points) The hologram faded and Chazz was revealed to be comically stuck in the ground.  
"So, ready for round two, punk?" Zazz asked with a satisfied grin.  
Chazz slowly climbed to his feet, stared her in the eyes and roared with the intensity of a warrior hero, "YOUR VOICE IRRITATES MEEEEE!"

Round two was to be a doozy.

TO BE CONTINUED!

SOURCES (Just remove the spaces):

Ducktail Mickey - yugioh .wikia .com/wiki/ MC_(Master_of_Ceremonies)

Flower card - yugioh. wikia. com/wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Knospe

Elemental hero Stratos - yugioh. wikia .com/wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Stratos

Elemental Hero Heat - yugioh. wikia. com/wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Heat

Elemental Hero Woodsman - yugioh. wikia .com/wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Woodsman

Elemental Hero Prisma - yugioh. wikia. com/wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Prisma

Elemental Hero Lady Heat - yugioh. wikia. com/wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Lady_Heat

Elemental Hero Inferno - yugioh. wikia. com/wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Inferno

COMMENTARY

So, chil'rens, how did you like it? Better than me, I hope, because I've already voiced my hatred on this one last time! As we can see, we have a traditional incoherent plot, just like the original show, but I couldn't follow through on the same kind of humor I'd been using before, since I don't have the wide range of characters I did before. So it's a mixed bag.

On the plus side, all of the fans who still love the anime, which is 100%, somewhat-sadly, can have their daily dose of weird duel action. But there's something funny about the premise… it's based upon the escapades of internet culture as a whole and the Yu-Gi-Oh! Card Maker Forums where I post this story first, which is by the way on episode 41 now. See, there are so many stupid card ideas, and some okay ones, and they're almost all over-powered! It works! As for Zazz: She's the type of person who acts like they're high and mighty, the type of person who'd get into a flame war without noticing. DO you know anybody like that? They who feel like they're always right and can judge the others without remorse? Well, this is probably going over all your heads.

The real story resumes in six weeks.


	28. Episode 28: Duel Island 2 of 6

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 28: More Duels on Duel Island

Syrus, Bastion and Billy Hills were all standing around downstream from Chazz and Zazz. "I reckon we're all bored," Billy Hills reckoned.  
"Yeah, but… BASTION, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Syrus' judging finger was pointed at Bastion, crouching down next to an adult female BENGAL TIGER!  
"What? I love tigers!" Bastion responded poking her in the nose..  
"I reckon I jus' got an idea!" Billy Hills decided.  
"What did I just get through with telling you about being eaten by a tiger?" Syrus hysterically asked, not giving Billy Hills any attention.  
"You said I'd die. But I'm not dead yet!" Then the tiger decided to clamp her MIGHTY jaws upon Bastion's dueling hand.  
"IT BIT YOUR DUELING HAND!"  
"I HAVE A SECOND ONE!"  
Billy Hills suddenly punched through a dead log, creating a massive crackly sound that could be heard for several miles.

MEANWHILE…  
"AHH, WHAT'S THAT?" responded Chazz to the tremendous noise, just after his raging roar of revenge in the last chapter.  
"You suck, male version of me," Zazz sighed.  
"Sh…shut up!"

MEANER-WHILE…  
"Holy crap, man!" Syrus jumped! "Now the other duelists're gonna come here to find out what made that noise!"  
"Precisely the point, I reckon!"  
"I see…" Bastion rubbed his chin in thought. "You're going to bring them all here so that we can duel them instead of running around trying to find them!"  
"You really need to get that stump of a wrist taken care of," Syrus suggested, staring at whatever was left of Bastion's severed hand, within the mouth of the tigress. "Anyways, can we really defeat the mystery duelists, judging by how Bastion's only good for one duel, I don't believe in myself enough, and we don't even know if Billy Hills is a good duelist?"  
"Aw, dang," Billy Hills cursed, "I really didn't think that one through, I reckon."

"…"

"Hey, can someone help me get my hand back from that tigress' mouth?"

MEANEST-WHILE…  
Yuki and her fat friend were opening up coconuts, the wimpy girl was scared out of her wits, the British one fell out of a tree, and the boy one was preparing to duel Nancy Wut, all as the massive 'KER-KRACK' bounced off their eardrums.  
"What was THAT?" they simultaneously asked.

MEANER-WHILE AGAIN…  
"YOU shut up, YOU'RE the one who's always yelling!" Zazz growled! "Just play!"  
[.com/watch?v=P8u-imovxh0&feature=related]"Fine by me." Chazz drew a card, signifying his massive comeback! Fifth Hope!" It featured Avian, Burstinatrix, Bubbleman, Clayman and Sparkman in a 'we're heroes lol' pose. "Perfect timing! I activate the Spell Fifth Hope!" The Spell appeared on the field as a hologram. "I shuffle five Elemental Hero monsters into my deck from my hand and then draw two cards!" And so, Prisma, Heat, Stratos, lady Heat and Woodsman all returned back to the deck. "Yah!" Chazz drew dramatically! "Next I'll play Polymerization a second time to fuse Heroes Knopse and Ocean together!"

The lame flower from before and a blue water fish guy with a dolphin fin on his head leaped into the Polymerization whirlpool! "My Earth Hero and Water Hero combine to create…" As he stopped for dramatic effect, the whirlpool in the old city became a black hole. The black hole in turn became sealed up within a seal of ICE! The icy hole split apart and released a cool, icy knight dude, with incredible armor reminiscent of glaciers, and wearing a cool cape(literally). And he is "ELEMENTAL HERO ABSOLUTE ZERO!" (Absolute Zero: 2500 Attack Points) And he is awesome.

"What a cheap fusion requirement!" Zazz gasped!  
"Plus, he gains 500 Attack Points for every other Water monster on the field, which means your tow Godzilla cards!" Absolute Zero's overly cool demeanor froze some random patches of the opposing monsters' scaly skin. (Absolute Zero: 3500 Attack Points)

"STRIKE HIM! NEGATIVE INFINITY DEGREES!" The frosty knight dashed at the twin Godzilla monsters and froze the big one with the mere touch of his glove. Then, with a simple punch, he broke into a million triangular polygons.  
"NO!" cried Zazz! (Zazz; 3100 Life Points) "I activate the card Tokyo Really Got Destroyed!" her Trap card featured Godzilla, standing around in a desolate Tokyo, looking worried and sad. "I can discard my Godzilla destroys Tokyo to destroy your monsters after my Godzilla monster dies!" The old, 1950's movie buildings fatally cracked and crumbled apart all over the city. "You forgot one thing…" Chazz warned, before his voice trailed off. A structure broke apart and smashed Absolute Zero. The moment he was squished, a massive frosty gust, not unlike a blizzard, covered everything, including the Gozilla that was left. They all broke into an icy dust and simply blew away on the wind. No trace of their existence was left.

Chazz laughed a bit. "SOO~RY, when Absolute Zero dies, he takes your monsters with him! I can't believe you forgot that! Ha ha ha!"  
"I should'a done the research…"  
"I'll end my turn by setting two face-downs. Anything ELSE stupid you wanna do, disturbing female clone?" _Though I DO look somewhat attractive as a girl…_  
"Ew! Your thoughts are disgusting!" gasped Zazz! "I'll kill you for that! ARISE!" The entire field rumbled and shook. The earth split, forcing open a massive crevice in the jungle. As soon as it opened, a massive robot dinosaur took the opportunity to step out from the depths. It was around fifty-five feet tall. "RAR," it roared in a ground-shaking robot monotone. "RARARAR." (Mecha-Godzilla: 2800 Attack Points)  
"By removing two Godzillas from my Graveyard, I can summon Mecha-Godzilla from my hand." Zazz smiled, confident of her win. "When he, or it, I dunno, attacks, it can't be affected by those Traps you set, so your game ends here! Robot Attack!" Mecha Godzilla raised its foot above Chazz's head, but he didn't feel too scared about it… FOR HE HAD A TRAP UP HIS SLEEVE!

Either way, Mecha-Godzilla stamped on Chazz, depleting his Life Points to… 300. Which was what they already were. "What's with your Life Points, poser?"  
"My Trap card, A Hero Emerges, that's what!" Chazz had activated that handy-dandy zombie superhero card! What a memorable card image! "Pick a card in my hand," he offered, holding out his hand of cards.  
"I'll choose the one that will inevitably be a monster, as always!"  
"Good choice, it's Woodsman!" Woodsman appeared and was squished.  
"Darn, what a crappy choice!" Zazz resented! _Oh well, it doesn't matter anyways; when he makes his counterattack, my little Trap card'll stop him cold…_

The music that you put on that may still be playing ended suddenly, only to be replaced by more awesomeness. [.com/watch?v=e9Fn7gWJpy4] "I use Miracle Fusion!" A Spell with two superheroes swirling into an 'H' appeared! "I can remove two Elemental Heroes from my Graveyard in order to do a fusion!"  
"Not another fusion!"  
"Uh, YEAH, another fusion!"  
"Shut up!"  
"YOU shut up, loser! I combine Woodsman and Ocean to create Elemental Hero Gaia!" A cool brown robot guy with JET-POWERED FISTS smashed down onto the field from above, somewhat smashing it like an earthquake on pavement! (Gaia: 2200 Attack Points) "When he's summoned, I can halve the Attack Points of one of your monsters and add that power to Gaia himself!" Gaia punched the earth, forcing open another fissure, appearing under Mecha-Godzilla (they really break up the earth in this chapter). The robot dino fell in helplessly and was squished a bit. (Mecha Godzilla: 1400 Attack Points) Gaia, however, was glowing in a rather muddy shade of brown, drawing upon the energy of the earth itself! And he became STRONG! (Gaia: 3600 Attack Points)

"Next…"  
"Not _MORE_…" Zazz sighed.  
"Shut up and stop interrupting your own doom! I activate Parallel World Fusion!" The card showed the two heroes from the last card he'd played… BUT THEY WERE CIRCLING TWO MOONS!  
"No way," Zazz sneered, checking the link on her YugiNavi™, "that card can only be used when you have NOT used a Special Summon this turn!"  
"Look closely!" Chazz's card was devoid of all colors… except black and white. "I used the manga version! They GOT RID OF that drawback!" [Source: www. mangafox .com /Yu-Gi-Oh_GX/ 14/ 07/]  
"OH NOOOOO!"

Ocean and Woodsman both appeared from beyond dimensions we've never heard of! They both suddenly swirled together in a trippy manner and became… ELEMENTAL HERO TERRA FIRMA. He broke through the sky like glass, as if he were a Menos Grandes! He revealed to the entire world that he was an awesome sentai superhero robot of mass justice capabilities. But his ability sucked, sadly. (Terra Firma: 2500 Attack Points)  
"Ha! He's a SUCKY hero!" Zazz laughed. "His ability is really, really useless! USELESS!"  
"YOU'RE dumb, and my soul cannot rest until I utterly humiliate you in a simple kid's game!" Chazz promised! "I tribute Gaia in order to set off Terra Firma's power!" Gaia and Terra Firma glowed terrifyingly bright, as they combined into… Terra Firma… but instead of being white, as I neglected to tell you, he was Gaia Brown™! "Now all of Gaia's Attack Points are added onto Terra Firma, bringing him up to 6100!" Chazz shouted! (Terra Firma: What he just said Attack Points)

"Lastly, before I attack…"  
"Wait." Zazz blinked. "You're not going to attack yet?"  
"I use R – Righteous Justice! Your Trap is GONE!" A large 'R' descended onto the field.

"_R!_" the 'R' shouted, blowing the Trap to pieces! It was actually the Trap card Godzilla Trips While Fighting, Crushing a Civilian, which featured Godzilla stepping on a man on accident. The effect stated 'Whenever a 'Godzilla' monster battles, your opponent loses 300 Life Points.' Chazz had 300 Life Points left.  
"NO!" Zazz roared! "I WAS SO CLOSE! I COULD'VE BEATEN YOU IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT STUPID 'R'!"  
"Darn, am I bitchy like that, too?" Chazz wondered. "Anyhoo, I'll work on that AFTER I WIN! TERRA FIRMA MAGMA!"

Terra Firma pulled out the two sword handles from his weird belt. He willed them to spew forth flames and they did. He leaped skyward until he was level with Mecha-Godzilla's face. "RAR," it roared. With one calm movement, Terra Firma swung his blades of fire sideways, extending their reach with sheer force of will through Mecha-Godzilla's chest. The monster exploded violently, allowing Terra Firma to land and walk up to Zazz Princesston.  
"No… no…"  
"**JUSTICE!**" Terra Firma stuck his swords into the ground. A resulting fire whirl (a tornado MADE OUT OF FLAMES) consumed her and her Life Points.

(Zazz: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

MEANWHILE ONCE MORE,  
Just before Chazz was winning, Nancy Wut was somewhere else in the random, stereotypically-plain jungle, standing before a blonde-haired boy. This guy had the signature blue blazer of the _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy, had glasses, and freckles. Also he obviously resembled another character.  
"But WHICH character?" you ask. "I don't get it!"  
"It's Alexis Rhodes," I explain. "It was KINDA obvious."  
"Oh, okay," you say, accepting the result.

"KA-**KRAACK!**" cracked something.  
"AAAHH!" the blonde guy cried, stumbling with fear!  
"Wow, wasn't that sound a DOOZY?" Nancy playfully asked.  
"Um, no, it was like a small explosion," the boy said, adjusting his glasses.  
"It was just the DOOZIEST!"  
"… Look, can we just duel or something, Nancy?"  
"Doo-zy~"  
"Okay, I'm going first." The boy drew his cards, signaling that he didn't care if she was ready or not.  
"How do you know my name?"  
"… Because you resemble somebody I know?" Alex guessed.  
"Okay." (Alex Road: 4000 Life Points, Nancy Wut: 4000 Life Points)

"I summon Sonic the Hedgehog!" exclaimed Alex! A blue blur dashed onto the field, revealing to all that he was a hedgehog who didn't resemble a hedgehog. For specifics, he's the 90's cartoon version.  
"You're too slow!" he mocked. (StH: 1700 Attack Points, 1500 Defense Points)  
"That'll be all," Alex concluded.  
"Ha, you're like a GIRL I know!" Nancy Wut giggled! "She'd be SO disgusted by you!"  
_Let this random character who's never dueled in the series before say what she will,_ Alex assured himself, _She'll never be able to defeat me and the Traps I have. By just discarding them from my hand, they can stop her from doing ANYTHING… these cards are just as fast as the REAL Sonic the Hedgehog…_

[.com/watch?v=1qS1kqhhebw]"Well, hee-hee, ALEX ROAD, if that IS your real name," Nancy Wut said, narrowing her humongous eyes, "it seems I shall now be revealing my SPECTACULAR deck to teh fans now! Now, I summon Sonic From Brawl!"  
A 3-D azure hedgehog appeared, breakdanced, and ordered, "C'mon, step it up!" (SFB: 1900 Attack Points, 1300 Defense Points)  
"ATTACK!" The digitally-rendered hedgehog curled into a ball and spun at his cartoon counterpart!  
"No way, another Sonic deck?" Alex gasped! "Who would've though! Anyways, I discard Sonic Sez You're Too Slow!"  
"You're too slow!" mocked 90's Sonic. Brawl Sonic immediately stopped his assault.  
"By discarding this Trap card I can end the Battle Phase immediately," Alex explained.  
"I know, I have the same card!" Nancy Wut said. "But I ALSO discard Sonic Sez Even You Can Learn Something From a Sloth!"  
A sloth in an ill-fitting blue shirt and funky hat appeared. "Y o u r ' e s t a n d i n g i n q u i c k s a n d ," he helpfully warned.  
"Uh-oh!" gulped 90's Sonic. (StH: 1200 Attack Points)  
"Now I can RE-DO my Battle Phase and your monsters lose 500 Attack Points, SON!" Nancy Wut ended the exclamation with an upside-down peace sign for whatever reason. Sonic From Brawl got ready to attack, once again!

"No you don't!" Alex grunted. "I discard Sonic and the Dark Knight™! I draw two cards and my Sonic gains 800 Attack Points!" His Sonic donned a knight helmet and grabbed an Excalibur. (StH: 2000 Attack Points)  
"En GARDE!" he challenged! Nancy's Sonic From Brawl, however, did NOT stop spinning at him!  
"I discard Super Sonic to make MY Sonic go SUPER Sonic!" Nancy Wut threw a white emerald (why are they all called emeralds when we expect them to be green? We should get them to name them something else) to Sonic From Brawl, who caught it and went Super Saiyan! (SFB: 2800 Attack Points)  
"NOW I'LL SHOW YOU!" he roared, blue hairs turning golden yellow and upright! "HuuuUUUUUUUUU**UUUUUUU**!" He awkwardly flew around the field until he finally managed to poke Sonic in Dark Knight™ form! A damage counter appeared next to him and began steadily climbing in %!

MEANWHILE, DURING THE INTENSE DUELING ACTION…  
Angry McArgue was trekking along through the Japanese Rain Forest by herself. "Darn it, I have to check out that noise from earlier or else I'll feel guilty!" she complained. "Or one off the enemies could've caused it so I can duel them! Why am I monologuing?"  
"I dunno," sighed a full-sounding voice, prompting Angry McArgue to freeze and look to her left. A fat, koala-like girl was picking and eating fruit off of a tropical tree continuously, even as Angry McArgue was staring.  
"Koala Ko Ala, why are YOU here?"

"Mm-mm," she disagreed, shaking her sausage-like finger at her, "you look just like a guy I know named, mmm, Mad McAngryman."  
"SHUT UP, KOALA KO ALA!"  
"MAH NAME'S HUFFEH CHUMLINGTON, SO YOU BEH QUIET!" the fat one roared, not unlike a regular bear.  
"… Okay, Huffy, I'm going to duel you because I'm angry at you."  
"Jus' gimmee a sec," she asked, piling more fruit into her mouth. "Owm," she chomped, making a food-eating sound as she put each new fruit inside. "Owm. Owm. Owm. Owm. Owm. Owm. Owm."

**********

"Okay, Bastion," Syrus said, "go upstream and beat whoever manages to get past the both of us the fastest. That means they're the better one."  
"But what if one appears from behind me?" Bastion asked, nursing his naked wrist. Because his hand got ripped off by a tiger, remember?  
"Uh, then duel them I guess," Syrus shrugged.  
"I reckon this plan is really dumb now," Billy Hills lamented as Bastion left.  
"Aw, there's only a… massive… chance this'll fail," consoled Syrus. "In fact, this plan is doomed. DOOMED."  
"I'm not so sure about THAT!" disagreed a feminine British voice!  
"GASP!" gasped Syrus!  
"I reckon there 'kin only be ONE British-Japanese guy on THIS island!" Billy Hills gasped!

"You're WRONG! Wa ha ha hahahaha!" And from the trees fell a girl with fashionably short grey hair (accented by the pink kitty hairclip) and yellow-based uniform! "Ugh, that hurt."  
"U-u-um, are y-you the best duelist on the is-is-island, I reckon?" Billy Hills sheepishly and frightened-ly asked.  
"Um, Billy, I think you should be MORE concerned with the fact that this IS A FEMALE BASTION MISAWA!"  
"Oh, wait…" realized girl-Bastion, "you two… AREN'T YOU PYRUS AND MOUNTAIN JILL?"  
"**I'M CONFUSED!**" shrieked Syrus!  
"I reckon, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Billy Hills.

**********

"Hey," Bastion whispered to himself as he hiked through the jungle, "isn't that…" He spied the tigress from earlier stopping to drink at the water, somewhat further upstream. "**TIGAH!**" screamed he! The tiger, frightened out of her wits, charged further and further away.

"I SHALL MAKE YOU MINE!"

**********

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE DUEL…  
"No way, I discard Sonic Unleashed™, so my Sonic gains an extra 800 Attack Points AND can't be destroyed by battle!" Alex shouted, adjusting his glasses!  
"Oh, SNAY-AP!" Nancy Wut gasped!  
"WROOOOAR!" roared Sonic the Hedgehog, who was now unleashed! Which means he was a werewolf-thing now! With a knight helmet! And an Excalibur! (StH: 2800 Attack Points)  
"Stop right there!" Nancy Wut ordered! "I discard Sonic and the Secret Rings™! I negate your card's activation and destroy your monster, bo-yo!"  
"You really weren't funny since episode three, when you were introduced. Now you're just ripping off Jaden."  
"I know, it's just all I can do…"

"Ooh!" Werehog-Sonic Knight noticed a golden ring in the dirt. He bent down and picked it up, brushing away some dirt from its shiny, golden, gold. Then Sonic exploded and died.  
"Stop! I discard Sonic Sez Now Does That Look Like Fun to You?"

"B-but you can only discard one of those 'Sonic Sez' cards when there's another Sonic on the field…" She stared at Super Sonic. "You're dumb." A large washing machine appeared next to the dummy.  
"Now does this look like fun to you?" he asked the viewer, jumping into the machine like a crazy idiot boy, successfully sending a mixed message. The machine turned on for a few seconds before exploding violently.  
"Ha ha ha ha ha, that was pretty funny!" Nancy Wut giggled.

"Now I discard Shadow the Hedgehog!" Alex stated, sending the card to the Graveyard.  
"Hubba-WHA?"  
"Hubba-yeah, 'cause it inflicts 800 Life Points of damage to you for every Sonic-or-Hedgehog related cards sent to the Graveyard this turn by EITHER player!"  
"Duh, I know, I got the card!"  
"OH WELL!"  
A black-and-red hedgehog with 'tude was summoned to the field, held up a pistol, and shouted "_YOU'RE DUMB!_" He shot Nancy Wut eight times.  
"AAAAAAAHH, YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT THAT LOUD NOISE FROM EARLIER!" (Nancy Wut: 0 Life Points, Game Over) She fell to the ground, defeated.  
"Hey, that's a GREAT idea!" Alex decided, as the holographic hedgehog went away to parts unknown. He began walking away, leaving Nancy Wut on the ground, face-down…  
"Heh." She grinned, evilly.

CURRENT SCORE:

Chazz Princeton: Active  
Syrus Truesdale: Active  
Bastion Misawa: Active  
Billy Hills: Active  
Nancy Wut: Loss, Alex Roads  
Angry McArgue: Active

Yuki: Active  
Zazz Princesston: Loss, Chazz Princeton  
Wimp: Active  
Huffy Chumlington: Active  
Girl-Bastion: Active  
Alex Roads: Active

**********

"How could I lose to a MALE version of ME?" Zazz worried, being a loser and all.  
"Because," Chazz said, "there's no beating the original!"  
"SHUT UP! I CAME FIRST!"  
"OH YEAH?"  
"YEAH!"  
"THEN WHAT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?"  
"You're BOTH the original, okay?" a wimp who looked like she was about to cry at any moment suggested. "Can't we all just agree on that?"  
"Shut up, Pyrus."  
"Yeah, shut up, Syrus."  
"I'm not Syrus."  
"Huh?" Chazz rubbed his eyes and looked more closely at the girl.

She was blue-haired in a long-haired style with some large-rimmed glasses, also outfitted with braces and a red coat courtesy of the _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy. She was also short and highly resembled Syrus, if you STILL didn't get it.  
"OOOH," you realize.

"EW! EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW EEEEW!" Chazz screamed! "WHY IS EVERYBODY SOME SORT OF WEIRD YURI-FAN'S DREAMS OF US?You're… Syrus! With BREASTS! What is WRONG WITH YOUR SCHOOL?"  
"STOP IT, YOU BASTARD!" Pyrus whined! "I'm… I'm my own character!" She posed an awesome pose. "I'm Pyrus Puesdale! Not Syrus, I'm 100% original!" She stopped posing and noticed something. "WAAAAGH, BOY-ZAZZ! EW! I'M DISTURBED AND DISGUSTED!"  
_Puesdale?_ thought Chazz. _It sounds like 'Poosdale'._ "Pfft, poo," he chuckled. _Oh crap, did I just say that out loud?_  
"What…did you say?" [.com/watch?v=EKNxNUsaKw8]  
"You ought not to have said that," Zazz warned with a sneaky smile.  
"What do you… uh-oh." Pyrus was clearly enraged beyond mortal comprehension. "Why didn't you TELL me not to say it? ANYBODY would've made that mistake!"  
"Because I don't like you."  
"Fair enough."

Pyrus slowly turned to Zazz with the flames of hatred in her eyes. "Did he beat you…?" she asked.  
"Yeah."  
"_**GOOD, SO NOW I CAN PERSONALLY TREAT THIS LITTLE SNOT TO THE BURNING TORTURES OF HELL AND PICK HIM APART, FLESHY BIT BY BIT AS I DESTROY HIS MENTAL IMAGE OF THE WORLD!**_"  
"It's just a game, but I'll duel you if you want…"  
"_**DUEL!**_** Now…**"  
(Chazz Princeton: 4000 Life Points, Pyrus Puesdale: 4000 Life Points)

TO BE CONTINUED!

SOURCES:

Fifth Hope - yugioh .wikia .com/ wiki/ Fifth_Hope

Elemental Hero Ocean - yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Ocean

Elemental Hero Absolute Zero - yugioh .wikia .com /wiki/ Absolute_Zero

Elemental Hero Gaia - yugioh. wikia. com /wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Gaia

Parallel World Fusion - yugioh. wikia. com /wiki/ Parallel_World_Fusion  
Elemental Hero Terra Firma - yugioh. wikia. com /wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Terra_Firma

R – Righteous Justice - yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ iR_-_Righteous_Justice

Sonic Sez You're Too Slow - youtube. com/ watch?v=bjY-gu3UOII&feature=related

Sonic Sez Even You Can Learn From a Sloth - youtube. com/ watch?v=bjY-gu3UOII&feature=related  
Sonic Sez Does This Look Like Fun to You - youtube. com/ watch?v=5Xv5eUf01Vc

COMMENTARY

Sooo… this one came out oddly. Switching perspectives only works in intense situations or when the original episode did it first. Here it feels forced to me… also I hope that the source websites aren't getting screwed up. Either way, I don't have much to say about this episode except that Bastion really lost his hand. Poor guy. I had that idea from around the day I thought of this filler, when I was writing episode eight I think. So yeah.


	29. Episode 29: Duel Island 3 of 6

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 29: Even More Duels on Duel Island

"DUEL!" shouted Syrus and female-Bastion. (Syrus Truesdale: 4000 Life Points, Misa Wabastion: 4000 Life Points)  
"HEEEEEY, I reckon her Life Point counter says she's 'Misa Wabastion'!" gasped Billy Hills!  
"What a lazy name…" Syrus sy-ed.  
"Wait a minute," Misa realized, "this means that you're shameless plugs of Pyrus Puesdale and Mountain Jill!"  
"Those are even WORSE parodies!" Syrus cried!  
"Puesdale is a funny name, I reckon," Billy Hills chuckled. "Anyways, I reckon I'm BILLY HILLS, not Mountain Jill, whoever THAT gal' is, and this is SYRUS TRUESDALE."  
"Well, nice to meet you all, then." _If my dueling psychology is correct,_ Misa thought, _then that means this boy could mean trouble if he really got serious… I'll end this one quick before he can take out any of the girls! Or Alex, who is sexy._ She drew her hand, which had a Ring of Destruction included. Of course! "I'll set two cards and end my turn." Two large rectangular holograms appeared in front of the girl.

"Um, alright, I'll summon Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot in Attack Mode!" Syrus's 'trusty' olde-fashioned train appeared with vengeance in his eyes. (SRSLR: 1800 Attack Points)  
"I activate Threatening Roar!" called Misa! A Trap featuring a cool manticore guy yelling at a giant purple doggy flipped up.

"BWARG," the card roared.

"You can't declare an attack this turn," Misa explained.  
"Aw, darn it. I'll just end my turn."  
"Time to summon the best monster ever!" Misa boasted! "I activate the Spell card, Contract With the Nine-Tailed Fox!" A weird seal appeared on the rainforest floor.  
_Aw, now don't tell me she's summonin' THAT, I reckon…_ Billy Hills dreaded.  
"I reduce my Life Points to 100 in order to summon the Nine-Tailed Fox from my deck!" The seal faded away and was replaced with a monstrous puff of smoke, which faded away as well to reveal a monstrous, demonic fox that several of you would find familiar. It was a deep red and had nine tails, too.  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHR!" it roared, baring its gleaming fangs. (NTF: 4000 Attack Points)

"AW, COME ON!" Syrus groaned!  
"What? Naruto is freaking awesome!" Misa said.  
"BUT IT'S DUMB!" Syrus shouted! "ALL THE INTERESTING CHARACTERS ARE NEVER USED, AND SASUKE IS ANNOYING! I gave up on it after the Chunin Exams!"  
"Actually, I reckon it's alright," Billy Hills supposed. "I mean, Shippuden's cool."  
"It doesn't matter, time-skips don't fix something broken!" Syrus adamantly decided.  
"Y-you DO know that talking like that's going to make you a lot of enemies," Misa worried.  
"What, so a bunch of readers like Naruto? I'll believe THAT when I see it." Suddenly I am flooded with negative comments. "Aw man!"

"A-anyways, I'll use the Trap card, Ring of Destruction." A ring of grenades appeared around the neck of the *overrated story's* giant demon fox, like a collar. It detonated expertly, destroying it and bringing both players to failure. Expertly, if I may add. (Misa Wabastion: 0 Life Points, Syrus Truesdale: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"Wha… wha? What?"  
"I reckon she's cheap," Billy Hills sighed.  
"How do you like my expert 'tying tactics'? Ohohohoho!" laughed Misa, reminiscent of an evil queen of some sort.  
"We're barely into this episode and already something stupid happened!" Syrus cried! "You could've—"  
"You may not believe it, but if I beat people in a duel, they die in horrible manners."  
"She's a parody o' Bastion, I reckon, stop bein' such a jerk!"  
"I'm not a parody. I'm Misa."  
"Oh, right," Syrus groaned. "I'm sorry." _I just really hope there's no female me or anything… crap, I jinxed it._

MEANWHILE…  
Alex Road had carelessly abandoned Nancy Wut and was currently adventuring, in order to discover the source of that noise… (Yuki was too, but somewhere else) He walked out of a bunch of dense trees into a clearing with a neat lake leading up to a modest waterfall. "Neat," he said, admiring it.  
"Well, I guess if you managed to make it all the way over here," decided Bastion, walking out from the shadows on his new tiger buddy, "it means you're a good duelist."  
"I don't understand how that works, but yeah… why are you riding a tiger… and what happened to your _hand_?" Alex screamed in shock.  
"Oh, it's just a flesh wound."  
"Flesh wounds don't include total decapitation of body parts!"  
"Oh, fine, is this any better?" Bastion sighed, putting on a prosthetic hand.  
"Um, somewhat," Alex breathed in relief. "Alright, I'll duel you now, seeing as you're not handicapped anymore."  
"Oh, well I thank you." Bastion got off of his newfound tigress buddy. "Wait here, Shirley, I'll be right back." The tigress looked like she was too afraid to run away.  
"DUEL!" (Bastion: 4000 Life Points, Alex: 4000 Life Points)

"I'll start this off by summoning Hydrogeddon in Attack Mode!" Bastion shouted! A spout of water sprayed out of the ground and took the form of a dinosaur. It's still about the coolest thing in this show. (Hydrogeddon: 1600 Attack Points) "Then I'll set one card face-down and end my turn." Go ahead and guess what he set down. Go ahead, guess.

_That's one of his signature monsters. This really is the guy I need to beat. Once I do, our chances of victory are 104%._ "Okay then," Alex said, pushing up his glasses in a cool-yet-cold manner, "'l'll summon Sonic the Hedgehog!" Sonic dashed onto the field with a magnificent skidding stop.  
"You're too slow!" he teased. (StH: 1700 Attack Points) "Next, I can Special Summon Tails the Fox from my hand because I summoned Sonic this turn!" added Alex, as an anthropomorphic fox flew onto the field, spinning his TWO TAILS around like a helicopter, from nowhere in particular. His appearance was marked by the upbeat and nostalgic 'Sonic Sez' theme song. (TtF: 1500 Attack Points) "Next, because I Special Summoned him, I can add a 'Sonic' Spell or Trap into my hand." Alex picked his card.

"Hmm, so you really are one of those kids with the 'pop culture' decks?" Bastion sighed. "I can't believe you guys actually WANT to use them!"  
"What's wrong with them?" Alex asked, irked. "They're better than YOUR cards."  
"Oh, really now? Say that again once you win."  
"Gimmee a sec. I'll discard my new Trap, Super Sonic." His Sonic the Hedgehog glowed bright yellow and gained more incredible hair! (StH: 2700 Attack Points)  
"Hmm, an archetype that lets you discard Traps from your hand, eh?" Bastion chuckled. "This match'll be over earlier than I first thought." _End in my favor, that is!_ thought Bastion.  
_End in my favor, that is!_ thought Alex.  
_Hey, did you just copy me?_ Bastion asked.  
_WAAAAH!_ Alex freaked out!  
"WAAAAH!" Alex screamed! "H-how did you… er-hem. I'll discard the Trap, Sonic and the Dark Knight™, in order to boost my Super Sonic further and draw two cards." Alex sent away another card and gained two more! Super Sonic put on a hefty knight helmet and grabbed a glowing magic sword! (StH: 3500 Attack Points)  
"Come on, that's pretty unfair!" whined Bastion. "Pot of Greed AND a boost?"  
"Nobody cares, Bastion!"  
"Yeah, nobody cares!"  
"Oh, fine…" grumbled Bastion.  
_Okay, I got Sonic From Brawl and Sonic Unleashed™…_ Alex plotted. _Perfect…_  
_Perfect…_ plotted Bastion, fingering his Ring of Destruction (I told you it was obvious!).  
_Perfect…_ plotted the tigress, noticing Bastion's perfect strategy.

"Finally, before I strike, I'll discard Sonic Unleashed™ to power up Sonic further!" Alex announced, as his Super-Sonic-Knight's nose became more pointed, hair shaggier, and build buffer! He was now… a mutated super-saiyan hedgehog knight with super-speed. (StH: 4300 Attack Points)  
"That's far enough, Sonic-guy!" Bastion ordered! "I activate MY Trap card: Ring of Destruction!" The symbolic card showed itself and—  
"I discard 'Tails Ruins the Sonic Says Sign'."  
"Er, what?" The 'Sonic Sez' song began again as Tails flew up to the Ring of Destruction card with a paintbrush and matching paint can! He painted 'Sonic Sez' on it.  
"Oh, screw you, Tails!" Super-Werewolf-Knight-Sonic yelled!  
"Wh-what, Sonic?" Tails asked.  
"YOU RUINED THE SIGN!" Super-Werewolf-Knight-Sonic smashed the Trap card over Tails' head, breaking it into splinters. Tails died.

"What have you done?" Bastion pleaded, staring at his vandalized card.  
"I just negated your Trap," Alex said, fixing his glasses in a cool fashion, "and I'll attack you now."  
"No!" Bastion sobbed! "I can't lose! I NEVER lose, I only play tie matches! GYAAAH!"  
"Attack with Rage of the Werewolf Excalibur Slashing Miracle Super Wave Dashing!" Alex ordered! Super-Werewolf-Knight-Sonic punched really hard with his sword arm, stretching it out like Straw Hat Luffy might do, until it got in front of Hydrogeddon. He simply stabbed his super-sword through the dinosaur's body, then retracted his arm, letting his body fly right into it and made a cool-colored purple flash of light as he smashed it into water droplets. There was a mighty crash, and Bastion lost his Life Points. (Bastion: 1300 Life Points)

"Argh, so THIS is what being a failure feels like!" Bastion cried out! "…It's not THAT bad."  
"And Tails, you attack, too!" Alex ordered!  
"What? Didn't… didn't that sign kill him?"  
"_Bleeeeh…_" murmured Zombie-Tails.  
"Since when was he zombified?" Tails ignored him and transformed into a hog-nosed bat! He fluttered over to Bastion and shot out many mummy wrappings at him. "I don't think he's a mummy OR a vampire!" (Bastion: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"Well, mummies are zombies from Egypt," Alex explained, "and vampires are technically undead."  
"Oh, well that sucks," sighed the tiger. She stood up on two legs, lit up a smoke and left.

"…Well, losing isn't THAT bad," Bastion repeated shrugging, "wanna go inspect that noise?"  
"Okay." _Idiot,_ he diabolically thought, _he's leading me RIGHT where I want to go…_  
_He'll DEFINETLY lose to one of those guys down there,_ Bastion diabolically thought, _I'm just taking him to his doom…_

CURRENT SCORE:

Chazz Princeton: Active  
Syrus Truesdale: Tie; Misa Wabastion  
Bastion Misawa: Loss; Alex Road  
Billy Hills: Active  
Nancy Wut: Loss; Alex Road  
Angry McArgue: Active

Yuki Judai: Active  
Zazz Princesston: Loss; Chazz Princeton  
Huffy Chumlington: Active  
Alex Road: Active  
Misa Wabastion: Tie; Syrus  
Pyrus Puesdale: Active

**********

"Nooooooo," said Huffy Chumlington, getting blasted by a ray of light. (Huffy: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"Ha, I beat you, and the audience didn't even get to see it, it was so quick!" Angry McArgue laughed rudely.  
"I can't believe you didn't even let me use my Pikachu," Huffy said, slowly holding up her Pikachu monster card.  
"ANYBODY with a Pokemon-based Duel Monsters card will DEFINETLY suck, idiot! They don't go together! Now I'm going to go where I was headed before! You stay here and eat more fruit."  
"Where were you headed?"  
"Shut up!"  
"The noise was there," Huffy said, pointing in a direction.  
"Oh, thanks… FOOL!" Angry McArgue walked away in that direction.  
"Owm, owm, owm…" Huffy ate.

Angry McArgue broke out from the dense foliage into… the area where Syrus and Misa were sitting , Billy Hills and Yuki were beginning to duel, Bastion and Alex had just entered, and Nancy Wut was standing in that crushed log that started it all.  
"Nancy?" Angry McArgue gasped! "You stood on that log, causing it to break, AND drawing everybody here due to your stupid sense of wonder and amusement?"  
"No," Nancy Wut corrected, "he broke it." She pointed to Billy Hills.  
"A-Angry, I reckon it's crazy," Billy Hills panicked, "there's a girl Jaden, an' Bastion, AND a boy Alexis!"  
"And YOU'RE all people I know!" Yuki Judai countered! "This is FREAKIN' me out!"  
"I just fought a girl Chum—I mean, Koala Ko Ala, so I think I get it." The other Kaibaland Duel Academy students grimaced at their mental images of what that koala-girl could look like.

"Anyways, just tell me who lost," Angry McArgue requested.  
"Me."  
'Me."  
"Me."  
"Not ME, I reckon!"  
"I beat two of them," Alex boasted.  
"I tied!" Misa said.  
"And you're about to lose," Angry McArgue sighed.  
"That's mean, I reckon!"  
"Some things must be said. Especially because you stink at dueling."  
"That 'ssumption's groundless, I reckon!"  
"Who cares, I'm going to have to beat up everybody for you guys, anyway…"  
"Maybe Chazz—"  
"Lost, most likely, screw him."  
"Man, you're mean," Yuki said.  
"You be quiet!"  
"Look, why don't you duel Alex while you wait for me?" Yuki suggested.  
"No way," Angry McArgue disagreed, "I'm just going to sit RIGHT here and watch your strategy!"  
_Good one!_ Bastion mentally supported! Angry McArgue planted her behind next to Nancy Wut and gave Yuki the _stink-eye_.

[.com/watch?v=drPoPze7YwA] "I reckon you're all 'bout to see why they call me Billy Hills!" Billy Hills warned, his cool Mexican-ish theme blaring in the background. (Billy Hills: 4000 Life Points)  
"Because it's your name?" (Yuki Judai: 4000 Life Points)  
"Yeah!"  
"Why is THAT your theme song?" Alex Road asked.  
"Well, I 'kin choose whether or not I like slow songs better'n hot-blooded ones, I reckon! An' I like it, too, I reckon!"  
"Okay then, your loss…" Alex grumbled.  
Billy Hills drew six cards. "First, I play the monster Hill Folk Rocky, I reckon!" One of the rocky mountains appeared. (Rocky: 2100 Attack Points)  
"Does he have an ability?" Yuki asked.  
"No, I reckon."  
"Oh yeah, the Hill Folk archetype is based around Normal Monsters, without abilities, right?"  
"YOU SUCK!" Angry McArgue yelled.  
"Quiet, I reckon I'm tryin' my best!"  
"Why is a mountain a monster?" Syrus wondered.

"Next," Billy Hills said, "I'll discard a Hill Folk monster to add Call of the Hills into my hand from my deck, I reckon!" He discarded his Hill Folk Kilimanjaro and took a card from his deck! "I now reckon I'll activate that same Field Spell!" Call of the Hills magically appeared! The image on the card showed a mountain with lines emanating from itself.  
"I… don't get it," Alex conceded.  
"It's wigglin', I reckon, duh!" The image took on a whole new meaning when it faded, allowing dozens of mountains to grow out of nowhere and surround the field! Then they began to WIGGLE.  
"_That_ doesn't work!" Syrus worried.  
"Now all my Hill Folks gain 200 Attack Points for every Hill Folk monster in my Graveyard, I'll also set a card and end my turn, I reckon." His face-down appeared and his Rocky mountain seemed to get tougher through erosion or whatever. (Rocky: 2300 Attack Points)_Okay, I reckon,_ Billy Hills thought, _I just set Defense Draw!_ It was a Trap card featuring a knight blowing up and some kid drawing a card. _I reckon it negates damage and lets me draw a card when my monster is killed. I also reckon it's weird that I'm 'splainin' it all to m'self._

"Alright, time to get this game in gear!" shouted Yuki!  
"BOO!" shouted Angry McArgue.  
"I activate Prinny Squad!" A Spell appeared, featuring (I use this word often) three fish-eyed, sewn-up, peg-legged demon penguins holding machetes. Three identical penguins magically teleported onto the field!  
"HERE!" they shouted, ready for battle, brandishing their weapons!  
"I can now, as I just did, Special Summon three Pvt. Prinny monsters from my deck!" (Reference: disgaea. wikia. com/ wiki/ Pvt._Prinny_ %28Disgaea%29)  
"DOOD!" the trio yelled. (Pvt. Prinnies: 1300 Attack Points)  
"Prinnies?" Syrus gasped! "Pr-Prinnies… I… I just can't…" His head exploded.  
"What's with them?" Bastion simply asked.  
"Oh, you'll see what's up wit' them REEEEEAL soon, man, real soon." Yuki's eyes flashed a bit of murderous intent.  
_This don't look too good, I reckon,_ Billy Hills gulped. _Now I really DO reckon I wish my deck didn't suck so much._ Also, it'd be an okay idea to keep listening to that music on part two.

Chazz and Pyrus, and not to mention Zazz, were all still by those cool falls, completely unnoticed by Bastion no matter how many times he actually passed by them. If you'd remembered correctly, Pyrus Puesdale (hee) had recently challenged Chazz into a duel to re-assert her dominance.  
[.com/watch?v=sqTsXETOJBI&feature=related]"DUEL!" she roared. (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Pyrus: 4000 Life Points) Pyrus' opening hand contained such gems as 'Level Down!' (Reference: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Level_Down!%3F)  
_I'd just LOVE to see the look on his face when I use this on his damn Level Seven dragon! He deserves it for disrespecting me with THAT joke. I've heard it every day of my life… and I've yet to not get my revenge once. _

"I'll set one card face-down," Pyrus stated, "and I'll summon Alchemy Arms – Executioner's Scythe!"(Reference: yugioh .wikia .com /wiki /Level_Down!%3F) A cool Japanese schoolgirl with blue hair of some sort and a scar across the bridge of her nose appeared, giving off the air of a seasoned warrior. (Executioner's Scythe: 1900 Attack Points)  
_Woah! 1900 Attack Points? That's no ordinary schoolgirl… no, she looks familiar somehow…_ Chazz suspected.  
_Go ahead, summon Masked Dragon!_ Pyrus demanded. _You'll RUE ever making fun of me!_

"I activate SKYSCRAPER!" Buildings appeared.  
"H-huh?" Pyrus gasped, freakin' out!  
"What's wrong? Not ready for me to beat you… I need to think out my next boast before I try making it…"  
"N-NO! YOU'RE not supposed to use THAT! **JADEN** uses that! He's not even here!" Pyrus screamed!  
"Wait… you saw that world-televised duel?" Chazz realized.  
"Yeah…"  
"Then why were you so scared when you first saw me…?"  
"U-u-uh…" Pyrus slowly turned around and looked to Zazz for support.  
"You just failed us all," Zazz said. Pyrus slowly turned back to Chazz, sweating profusely.  
"U-u-u-uuuuuuh…"  
"So… you guys targeted me because you knew my deck?"  
"Pretty much," Zazz answered.  
"Oh this is just great, you get SOMEWHAT POPULAR and suddenly EVERYBODY knows how to BEAT you!" Chazz griped.  
"Dude, it was shown ALL OVER THE WORLD, EVERYWHERE. It's not that hard to figure it out anymore."  
"Then you were all acting like you'd never seen me before? "  
"To make it seem like we'd never learned about your cards. I just dueled like normal because I believed I was better than you."  
"Well… I'll just play now."  
"U-u-uh, okay…"

"I summon Elemental Hero Heat in Attack Mode!" A cab drove over through the city to the duel-area and let Heat leap out and pay the driver. (Heat: 1600 Attack Points) The car door slammed shut and drove away.  
"I… haven't seen that one…"  
"Well, PY-rus, I'm using the NATURE Elemental Heroes, not the regular ones, like that crappy Avian. So this means ALL my guys are THREE times more deadly than normal. Even Heat, who gains 200 more Attack Points for every Hero on the field… including himself!" Heat glowed a fiery orange for whatever reason. (Heat: 1800 Attack Points)

"Whenever I attack a stronger monster when Skyscraper is active—"  
"We ALL know what it does."  
"Fine then! Heat, attack with Heat Flame!" Heat performed one of those lame attacks from the show, where he ran up to Executioner's Scythe and shot a bit of fire from his arms. (Heat: 2800 Attack Points)  
"Ability activate!" Pyrus ordered! Suddenly, on her schoolgirl's legs, two weird and hard-to-explain machines clamped onto her and grew two mechanical arms ending in neat, rip-y blades. They got into such a position that they could try and absorb the attack! (Executioner's Blade: 1800 Defense Points)  
"What's she doing, and where have I seen that before?" Chazz ordered.  
"I'm using her FIRST ability," Pyrus explained, "I can put her into Defense Mode when she's attacked! Then I can use her SECOND effect, one almost all Alchemy Arms monsters share: I can discard a card from my hand. Then, depending on the type of card, I can do something different. I'll discard the Trap card Alchemy Training!" Pyrus sent a card away and drew two cards. "When I discard it to the Graveyard I'm allowed to draw two cards, and then I'll use Exeutioner's Scythe's ability to deal 400 points of damage to your Life Points for discarding a Trap card! Go, Valkyrie Skirt!" While still guarding, one of the mechanical arms extended to the point where it could cut Chazz's face! Holographically.  
"Ow." (Chazz: 3600 Life Points)

"HAH!" Heat roared, punching through the robot arms and smashing the girl's face in!  
"Ahh!" She exploded.  
"Now… I'll set a card face-down and end it here." _How the heck did this work? She just used this one turn to take control of the duel… on MY turn! Time for some Chazz-fueled payback._  
Pyrus looked down at her two Trap cards she'd drawn. One featured a whole bunch of robotic hexagons; the other had just one, but it glowed furiously. _Time to set my 'Ultimate Draw Engine' combo up._ She drew her card for the turn, which had a cool boy getting a heart transplant… WITH A MECHANICAL HEXAGON! _PERFECT!_ Pyrus thought.

"I'll set three cards face-down," she narrated, "and summon Alchemy Arms – Bright Lancer!" Three cards appeared alongside the boy from the last Trap, who held a huge mechanical lance, with a neat red cloth attached to it. (Bright Lancer: 1900 Attack Points) (Reference: busorenkin. wikia. com/ wiki/ Kazuki_Muto)  
"Oh my GOSH!" Chazz finally realized! "That's Kazuki from Buso Renkin! And Executioner's Blade… that was Tokiko! No WONDER she was familiar! DAMN! I LOVE that series!"  
"Um…" Pyrus was frightened. "I-I'll just go on…"  
"He's just a nerd! Finish'm off!" Zazz ordered  
"Hey! I just went out of character for a moment! I can't stay mean-yet-cool forever, y'know!"  
"When Bright Lancer—"  
"Kazuki."  
"Huh?"  
"Call him Kazuki! That's what the CHARACTER is named, right?"  
"… No, the CARD is named BRIGHT LANCER!" Pyrus shouted! "When he attacks, he gains 300 extra Attack Points for the battle, and destroys one of your Spells or Traps. So… KILL HIM!" Kazuki aimed his lance down at Hero Heat. "Go! SUUUUN… LIIIIGHT… HEEEAAAAAAART!"  
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Kazuki's red cloth glowed like the sun! (Kazuki: 2200 Attack Points) He charged forward, no; ROCKETED forward as his entire body blazed yellow and pierced his lance through Heat's abdomen.  
"Guuah…" Heat moaned. He exploded as a ray of energy fired through his entire body and erased the city from existence.  
"Ugh," Chazz grunted. (Chazz: 3200 Life Points) "That won't stop me from activating Hero Signal, though!" An 'H' appeared! "I'll summon a NEW Elemental Hero to kill off Kazuki!"  
_Urgh! Damn 'H'!_ Pyrus growled. Woodsman dropped down from the sky with an earth-shattering landing! It holographically repaired itself, though, making it a lot less cool. (Woodsman: 2000 Defense Points)  
"OOOOOH YEAH!" Woodsman shouted! (Woodsman: 2000 Defense Points)  
"Okay then, I'll end my turn now."

"Then here's where I get serious!" Chazz promised!  
"HERE YOU GO!" Woodsman tossed Chazz a Polymerization card. "I cast the Spell Polymerization in order to fuse together the two worst Heroes in my hand, Knopse and Ice Edge in order to Fusion Summon Elemental Hero Gaia!" (References: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/Elemental_Hero_Ice_Edge; yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Gaia) The flower and a kid-version of Absolute Zero leaped into a Polymerization portal and came out as the massive cool guy we all now know and love. (Gaia: 2200 Attack Points) A big fissure cracked open under Kazuki's feet.  
"Woah?" he gasped, falling in with a hilarious expression. The fissure closed up JUUUST enough so that he couldn't move. "Aw, man!" (Bright Lancer Kazuki: 950 Attack Points)  
"Heh heh," Gaia chuckled, loving his ability and its usage for SEXY antics! (Gaia: 3150 Attack Points) Yes, Gaia is horrifying.

"NO!" Pyrus revolted! "You can't do that! You aren't even calling him 'Bright Lancer'! It's not fair! It doesn't work!"  
"Fine," Chazz sighed, "he's 'Kazuki Muto' on my turn, but 'Bright Lancer' on YOUR turn, alright?"  
"Okay—"  
"Now shut it! I summon Elemental Hero Ocean!" The cool blue dolphin-head man appeared in a swell of water! (Ocean: 1500 Attack Points)  
"Now Gaia, attack with Earth Shatter!" Gaia held out his jet powered fists. They began sputtering out smoke and spinning like crazy, spinning fists! They fired out like rockets and went straight into the ground.  
"Woah!" Kazuki gasped! The fists broke through the ground right in front of him, smashing his face (and the rest of his head) in! He 'sploded.  
"No! Bright Lancer Kazuki!" Pyrus cried. (Pyrus: 1800 Life Points)  
"Next, Ocean!" Chazz commanded! "Use Aqua Wave!" Ocean held out his cool water spear thing and summoned a simple wall of water! It charged forth at Pyrus, but it was too late! Wait. What?  
"_Stoooop iiiiit…_" Pyrus warned, her hair flowing upward like some sort of super-form of herself, covered in a red aura of some sort! "**STOP THAT ATTACK!**"  
"No," Chazz said.  
" I use the Trap card Arms Implant!" Pyrus shouted! It was the card with KAZUKI getting a KAKUGANE (cool hexagon machine that lets you summon a neat weapon) implanted in place of his heart!  
"I remember that!" Chazz wistfully reminisced. "Back at the beginning of the series…"  
"I bring back an Alchemy Arms monster and give it 500 more Attack Points!"  
"Crap."

Kazuki reappeared in a flash of light, somehow forcing the fissure in the earth to re-seal itself! (Kazuki: 2400 Attack Points) "You aren't even letting the DUEL DISKS call him by the right name, dammit!"  
"Why should I?" Chazz revolted.  
"Because she's gonna counter-attack your ass," Zazz said, sitting cross-legged with a cup of soda complete with a bendy straw.  
"Where'd you get the soda…"  
"**SUNLIGHT HEEEEEEAAAAART!**" commanded Pyrus the Great! (Reference: .com/watch?v=4IcYnLcWYYo)  
Ocean's wave attack kept going forward, but Kazuki cared. NOT! His lance's cloth glowed like crazy! Kazuki was covered in light himself once again, and he simply dashed through the wave. The wave dispersed holographic water everywhere EPICALLY. He then just flew through Ocean's body, making him 'splode. (Chazz: 2300 Life Points)  
"I know that was awesome, but DAMMITALL!"  
"Isn't this a kid's show?" Zazz reminded.  
"Only when JADEN'S on!" Chazz enforced.  
"Whew," Pyrus sighed, wiping her brow and losing her power-up-look, "that felt good, beating up your wimpy monster. Alright, you done now?"  
"Shee… fine. I'll set a card and end my turn." And Chazz did so.

"Good," Pyrus smiled brightly, drawing her next card (OF DESTINY) "now I can put my 'Ultimate Draw Engine' to work."

MEANWHILE…  
"Get your duel on," Yuki said, "because I'm gonna beat you this turn!"  
"Psshaw," Billy Hills disagreed. "I reckon NOBODY does that in THIS show!"  
"They does now…" Nancy Wut predicted.  
"That's no good," Misa Wabastion snickered.  
"What a bad reference…" Syrus moaned.  
"First I'll send one Pvt. Prinny to the Graveyard in order to Special Summon Pringer X from my hand!" One of the blue penguins spun around SO quickly that sparkles poured out, like magic! And within seconds, it stopped, being a black robotic penguin, complete with a velvet cape, electrical antennae and deathly-red eyes. (Reference: disgaea. / wiki/ Pringer_X)  
"**DOOD**" Pringer X robotically shouted. (Pringer X: 3000 Attack Points)

"I-I-I reckon?"  
"That's TOO powerful!" Syrus worried.  
"Next I'll sacrifice a second Prinny to summon Evil Prinny Beauty Tyrant Etna!" A second Prinny was booted away through the air by a red-haired lolicon sadist demon girl… with a big red spear. The Prinny bounced off of Billy Hill's face. Or rather, it exploded, covering Billy Hill's face covered in holographic soot. (Etna: 2000 Attack Points) (Reference: disgaea. wikia. com/ wiki/ Etna)  
"Koff-koff-I reckon-koff!"  
"Oh no, Billy Hills!" Bastion cried!  
"It's holographic," reminded Angry McArgue.

"Next, by summoning Etna, I can Special Summon Etna's Vassal – Hanako from my deck!" A short, pink-haired semi-demonic girl appeared next to Etna, holding a large cooking pot- slash-bazooka. (Hanako: 1400 Attack Points, Tuner; reference: disgaea. wikia. com/ wiki/ Hanako)  
_Aw dang,_ Billy Hills decided, _I reckon I've already lost. I reckon that's WAY more than I can take 'fer even two more turns…_  
"Now I'm gonna use Etna's ability to Special Summon one Prinny from my hand: Prinny King!"  
"_HOLY RECKON_!" A dark-green prinny appeared in appearance dictated by _Disgaea: Hour of Darkness_™. He had an air of royalty about himself. (Prinny King: 2000 Attack Points; reference: disgaea. wikia. com/ wiki/ Prinny_King)  
"Dood," he said in a rich, English accent.  
"He has the ability to attack twice per turn, and gain 100 more Attack Points for every other 'Prinny' on the field, but I'll tally all that up at the end of the turn."  
"Y-you're not done yet…?" Syrus sheepishly asked.  
"Of course not," Misa and Alex snickered, "why do you think she's our ace duelist?"  
_Billy's dueling their BEST duelist from their school?_ Syrus trembled. _That… that's not going to end well…_

"NEEEEEXT…"  
"Please, no more, I reckon!" Billy Hills cried!  
"Nope! I equip my last Prinny with Prinny's Hero Scarf!" A magical red scarf appeared around the neck of the final regular Prinny. "Now I can tribute him to Special Summon Hero Prinny! The Prinny suddenly became somewhat cel-shaded. (Reference: disgaea .wikia .com /wiki /Hero_Prinny)  
"Here we go, dood!" he cheered, doing a flipper-pump! (Hero Prinny: 1900 Attack Points)

"Lastly…"  
"NO, PLEASE, I RECKON! JUST END IT NOW, I RECKON!"  
"You've WON already, you crazy bee-yotch!" Syrus screamed! "Just END it already!"  
"I activate the Ritual Spell card: Laharl Dies!" A Spell with a picture of this prince guy sitting inside of a coffin, dead. (Reference: disgaea .wikia .com /wiki /Laharl) AND THE PRINCE-KID APPEARED.  
"HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed! Then he was struck from behind in the noggin by a beer bottle, killing him instantly.  
"WAAAGH! SHE KILLED LAHARL WITH A BEER BOTTLE!"  
"Don't worry, non-Pyrus!" Yuki sympathized! "I can tribute eight level's worth of monsters to bring him back!" (Hanako: 3 Stars, Hero Prinny: 5 Stars) Those two guys disappeared in a puff of purple smoke. A red moon from above shone its rays upon the dead demon-prince's body, reviving him. As a Prinny. But THIS Prinny had angry eyes… and antennae. Here's a great picture of him now. I did not make it, that's why it's so good-looking: [eviltofu1234. deviantart. com/ art /Laharl-Prinny-DOOD-103459215] (Prinny Laharl: 2500 Attack Points)  
"Don't even think about using that Trap," Yuki warned, pointing to his card. Billy Hills gulped. "Prinny Laharl negates the effects of all Spells and Traps, besides Field cards."  
"U-uh, I wuz… wuzzn't gonna… I reckon…" Prinny Laharl stared at the nervous Billy Hills and the mountains surrounding them (from the 'Call of the Hills' card).  
"GRR…" he growled. The mountains looked frightened. Hill-Folk Rocky fainted from fear.

BUT THE RED SCARF WAS STILL THERE! A stray cel-shaded Prinny strolled over and put it on. "Gotta have guts, dood!" urged the NEW Hero Prinny. (Hero Prinny: 2400 Attack Points)  
"WHA?" the Duel Academy kids gasped!  
"NO WAY." Syrus said, in disbelief over the excellent card-playing move.  
"Yes, when Hero Prinny is sent to the Graveyard, I can summon a NEW one from my Extra Deck, and it gains 500 Attack Points for each copy that died!" Yuki darkly described; her face was now somewhat twisted-looking.  
_What's with her?_ Syrus pondered, suddenly terrified. All because of a card game.

(Rocky: 2300 Attack Points)  
(Evil Prinny Beauty Tyrant Etna: 2000 Attack Points, Prinny King: 2300 Attack Points, Prinny Laharl: 2500 Attack Points, Hero Prinny: 2400 Attack Points)  
"Hero Prinny, use your attack on that rock!" ordered Yuki.  
"HERE!" shouted Hero Prinny. He leaped twice above the mountain and did a heavy hip-drop on it. It crumbled. (Billy Hills: 3900 Life Points)

"Now, all of you, _MURDER HIM!_" Yuki commanded, losing all semblance of humanity in her eyes!  
"She's evil…" Syrus trembled.  
"She's nuts!" Bastion accused!  
"She's OVERDOING IT!" Angry McArgue exploded!  
"And I reckon **SHE'S BEATIN' ME!**" Billy Hills concluded. Prinny Laharl leaped above Billy Hills. Etna threw her spear into the heavens. The Priny King held out his machetes. Pringer X used his magical antennae in order to charge up some electricity and summon two twin globes of plasma.

"Oh, and I forgot to mention," Yuki remembered, "Pringer X gains 500 Attack Points for each other Prinny on the field."  
"… I reckon…" (Pringer X: 5000 Attack Points)Pringer X tossed his plasma orbs. Etna summoned a massive replacement spear from the sky above Billy Hill's head. The Prinny King copied Hero Prinny's attack, but it was done doubly well. Lastly, Prinny Laharl was original for a Prinny as threw a barrage of fireballs at his master's enemy. All of the attacks connected simultaneously.

(Billy Hills: -10200 Life Points, Game Over) "…..reckon….."

COMMENTARY

So, I hope that nobody hates me for the commentary on Nartuo I provided, because I don't like it much.

Now that THAT'S out of the way, I'm sure that I'm not the only one who thought this episode was rushed-feeling. Too many duels! Ugh! But Bastion still got to taste defeat for once, so he's alright. Also, don't worry, we won't see too much Sonic action after this. I'm sure that Super-Werewolf-Knight-Sonic the Hedgehog is one of the best ideas ever. In retrospect, that makes Pokemon-based Yu-Gi-Oh cards useless. Why do people keep mixing them together? It's like oil and… pastries!

Now that **THAT** commentary's out of the way, Billy Hills' theme song is like it is because it can be. Not everybody needs something hot-blooded, and on to the next side note. The Hill Folk cards are cool. Mountains really could wiggle if they wanted to. It's also quite evident through Pyrus and her songs of choice that I was watching a walkthrough of Mother 3 while I was typing this up. I like the game, I like the soundtrack, and I like One Piece! Also Pyrus and her plans fail hard. But at least I managed to make something semi-believable happen thanks to Chazz and Jaden being seen all over the universe. Why does nobody else remember them? I don't get it. Maybe it's because Jaden's too stupid…

And everybody, try to remember how terribly cheap this Yuki chick is. She just summoned a bunch of monsters in one turn! How COULD she? She's got PRINNIES! PRINNIES, FOR PETE'S SAKE! If anybody likes the Disgaea series as much as I do, then they'll understand how much Prinnies usually fail… but they try, nonetheless. And here they kill. And for those who didn't know, they explode when thrown. Cool, I know.

And when you see that Hanako is a Tuner, you OBVIOUSLY know what's happening in a couple episodes. If anybody is unhappy about me posting their really awesome Prinny Laharl picture, I blame it on not finding any good examples anywhere else, and if you want it down I apologize. If you never read this then okay. I hope you all have enjoyed the largest loss yet in the history of this game..


	30. Episode 30: Duel Island 4 of 6

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 30: Many More Duels on Duel Island

Billy Hills was lying, face-down, in a duel-made crater, smoldering and somewhat deep. "Uuuugh… I reckon…" he groaned.  
"HAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Yuki, brandishing her finely-manicured nails like claws! "NOW YOU KNOW THE AWESOME POWER OF YUKI JUDAI!"  
"… That's her name?" Syrus supposed. "Oh wait. BILLY!" He, Bastion and Nancy surrounded their fallen comrade and passed on their support.  
"Is you alright?" asked Nancy Wut.  
"I… I… reckon…" Billy Hills passed out peacefully.  
"How DARE you duel him so hard he died!" Bastion shouted!  
"I'm not dead, I reckon!" Billy Hills passed out again.  
"That's Yuki's true power," Misa Wabastion giggled. "You guys can't beat her now! She's a dueling monster!"  
"She'll eat you alive! With Prinnies!" Alex Road added, adjusting his glasses.  
"Ahem," Yuki coughed, regaining her original composure, "who's next?"

MEANWHILE!  
"So, like I just said a few seconds ago, it's time to activate my 'Ultimate Draw Engine', so important that it must be capitalized!" Pyrus reminded. [.com/watch?v=qVhH7Wr9g3Y]  
"You didn't have to repeat it," grimaced Chazz.  
"Well—aw, you're right." Pyrus activated three cards at the same time! One Spell and two Traps appeared! "I activate Black Arms, 100 Arms and Arms Recovery!" The Spell had a black hexagon (kakugane) with a cool blue flashy background, the first Trap had a bunch of hexagons (kakugane) in a neat formation, and the second had a regular, white hexagon (Kakugane) with a flashy YELLOW background! "My 100 Arms Trap decrees that whenever I discard a card, I can draw a new one, and Arms Recovery lets me place one card in my Graveyard into my deck every time, too!"

_That IS a perfect draw engine!_ Chazz thought! _She'll never run out of cards while cycling through her own deck! That's smart; I'd better be more careful from here on out._  
"In addition, Black Arms is an Equip Spell card that lets me discard any number of cards in my hand," Pyrus continued, "and then my equipped monster gains 500 Attack Points for each card!" Chazz gulped and looked at Gaia, who looked at him in return.  
"Are… we screwed?" Gaia asked.  
"Alright, Bright Lancer!" Pyrus sent her entire hand of four cards back into her deck, shuffled it, and drew them again. One of her cards was a creepy butterfly-related man in odd clothing. (REFERENCE: theicecave. org/ damage_control/ multimedia/ busorenkin04. jpg) Bright Lancer held out the hexagon featured in the card as the card hologram disappeared. Bright Lancer held it against his chest and it fused to him! His light skin quickly darkened into an intense crimson! (Bright Lancer: 4400 Attack Points) Bright Lancer Kazuki's shirt exploded from trying to contain so much energy, of course.

"Don't worry, he won't get ALL the glory of killing you!" Pyrus promised. "I summon Alchemy Arms – Gunpowder Wings!" The creepy butterfly man appeared. A bunch of gunpowder appeared behind him in the shape of a monarch butterfly's wings, semi-ignited so as to let him FLY THROUGH JET PROPULSION! (Gunpowder Wings: 1600 Attack Points)  
"It's Papillon Mask!" Chazz recognized!  
"… Gunpowder Wings. Well, Bright Lancer… DESTROY GAIA! SUNLIGHT HEART PLUS!" Bright Lancer held out his lance in a cool fashion, automatically getting it enough coolness points to level up into a thinner, sleeker, stabbier model. (Bright Lancer: 4400 Attack Points) "Now attack, with Sunlight Heart Plus!" Bright Lancer aimed his bright lance at Gaia and focused. His lance emitted a dazzling display of light, and he took off running at an intense speed! (Bright Lancer: 4700 Attack Points, Gaia: 2200 Attack Points)

"Negate Attack, activate!" A purple barrier of pure stuff energy appeared and blocked Kazuki's path! He gave up and came back to Pyrus.  
"Way to go," Zazz half-heartedly supported.  
"I'll end my turn with Gunpowder Wings' Monster ability!" She discarded a monster card that resembled this guy. (REFERENCE: busorenkin. wikia. com/ wiki/ Moonface) "I'll summon one Gunpowder Token in Defense Mode now." From the large gunpowder butterfly wings came a small, gunpowder butterfly. A MONARCH BUTTERFLY, THAT IS! (Token: 0 Defense Points)

"I guess that's important, but I don't have TIME to care! I summon Elemental Hero Stratos!" Stratos appeared on Chazz's field as Pyrus drew her replacement card.  
"My gosh, you didn't even let me draw my card from my two cool card abilities yet!"  
"… Okay, then just take your card and let me play."  
"You really suck!"  
_Okay, so she can draw an unlimited number of cards every turn because of her discarding abilities, technically, plus she keeps refilling her deck at the same time. How should I beat her, if I can't deck her out?_ Chazz placed an E-Hero into his hand. _Of course; I just have to beat her as fast and as hard as possible before she can roll out anything big!_ "I'll add Elemental Hero Prisma into my hand and use Polymerization to combine Stratos and Gaia together!" The two fused together! Gaia became a thinner, greener robot man and gained a cool cape! He was the hero of the desert wastelands! (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Great_Tornado) "It's Hero Great Hurricane, combined from a Wind monster and an Elemental Hero!" (Great Hurricane: 2800 Attack Points, 2200 Defense Points)

"Ugh," grunted Kazuki.  
"Ooooh~" Papillon sighed in an unsettling fashion. Both of them crouched onto their knees. (Kazuki: 2200 Attack Points, Papillon: 800 Attack Points)  
"What's…" Pyrus noticed that Great Hurricane's cool turbine shoulders were spinning like crazy, creating an updraft. "What's he doing, and why does it make people weaker?"  
"When he's summoned, Great Hurricane halves the power of all of your monsters! Also I have no idea how that works out." He placed down another face-down and said, "Attack with Neo Electric Orb!" Great Hurricane placed his palms together and created a ball of electricity! Don't ask me about how! It grew to about the size of a basketball and was thrown really hard!  
"Not so fast!" Pyrus' little butterfly token fluttered into the path of the attack and absorbed it! "I can tribute my Token during a Battle Phase to end it immediately." _DAAAAAAMN YOOOOOOO! How DARE you weaken my tank-ish Bright Lancer? I'll KEEL JOO, JOO BASSTAHD!_ Pyrus wanted to say. "May I take my turn now, please?" is what she said instead.  
"Sure, try it."  
"Alright, then! I discard a Spell card! Then add another card into my deck. And then draw a new card. TO ACTIVATE PAPILLON'S… WAIT, NO, I MEAN GUNPOWDER WINGS! Eh, I use his ability to kill Great Hurricane!" Papillon, the guy with gunpowder-formed wings, FABULOUSLY waved his arms! Dozens of neat little butterflies grew out of his wings and covered Great Hurricane from head to toe, who now looked uncomfortable.  
"YAAAAAGH!" screamed Great Hurricane, ripping at the butterflies covering his flesh! They simultaneously exploded. Great Hurricane was obliterated to the extreme.  
"That was awesome!" Chazz declared. (Chazz: 1200 Life Points) "Never mind. What's with the damage?"  
"Oh, well when that ability's used, I deal damage to your Life Points equal to half of the destroyed monster's Defense Points," Pyrus said. "NOW DO YOU FEAR ME?"  
"No! Why would I?"  
"THEN DIE! I MEAN LOSE! BUT I REALLY MEAN **DIE**! BOTH OF YOU, ATTACK!" Kazuki and Papillon geared up for attack! _Why aren't they called by the correct names anymore?_ They both started to use their respective attacks as a Negate Attack activated (from Chazz's side)!

"Is that it?"  
Zazz shrugged. "I think you're an idiot for not getting rid of that sooner, Pyrus."  
"I don't HAVE a card to get rid of it! Just STOP SAYING MEAN THINGS!" Pyrus sobbed! "Now I'll just set a card…"  
"Pssht. And after all that 'draw power' talk. Chazz. Hurry up and kick her butt already."  
"I'm on it," Chazz stated, drawing an important card. "I use Monster Reborn!" A cool totem of some sort appeared, resurrecting Elemental Hero Ocean! (Ocean: 1500 Attack Points)  
"He… he can kill Papillon… oh man, now _I'M_ calling him that..." choked Pyrus, blinking back tears, "b-but Kazuki'll stop him NEX-NEXT turn!"

"He won't BE here next turn; I use Polymerization!" Chazz held out said card above his head, as if it were important or something! "I combine Ocean with Elemental Hero Lady Heat in order to create—"  
"Yeah, Absolute Zero, get on with it!"  
"…You're such a bitch, Zazz."

"And you're offensive to women." Absolute Zero appeared! (Absolute Zero: 2500 Attack Points)  
_Aw no!_ Pyrus mentally gasped! _This is… I need to use this card! NOW!_  
"Go! Negative Infinity Degrees!"   
"Not so fast! I use the Quick-Play Spell: Exiled Battle!" [.com/watch?v=15_rdzXhbW8] Pyrus flipped up her face-down, displaying Kazuki spearing an enemy to the moon. TO THE MOOOOOOON!  
"What? I LOVE that scene!"  
"I do too! This card removes one monster from both sides of the field for two of your turns, and then returns on your End Phase!"

"Wait…" Kazuki got his determined look on. "N-n-no, stop!" Kazuki's lance became filled with power again.  
"SUNLIGHT HEART PLUS!" Kazuki yelled!  
"No, Kazuki, stop! You DON'T want to go to the moon!" Chazz begged!  
"**YAAAAAAAAAH!**" Kazuki smashed his spear square into Absolute Zero's stomach, pushed it skyward, and took a big leap. He was gone within seconds.  
"NO! I had a complex combo I was gonna start setting up… no, wait, not really… well, why'd you get rid of him if Kazuki's way stronger?" Chazz quizzically asked.  
"Well, I don't want him to die if I beat him, unlike Papillon," Pyrus informed, pointing to her now-frozen butterfly man, who then broke.  
"But that only solves things for two turns. Then when you attack, your Kazuki will STILL die."  
"B-but now I have time to PLAN for that!"  
"You're an idiot, Pyrus," Zazz reminded.  
"Stop saying that!"  
"Well, now I can summon Elemental Hero Voltic to the field!" (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Voltic) Chazz summoned Elemental Hero Voltic. (Voltic: 1000 Attack Points)  
_Wait a minute._ "Why didn't you just use him in your fusion summon for Absolute Zero instead of Gaia?"  
"… You shut up. Attack, True Voltic Thunder!" Voltic teleported in front of Pyrus, grabbed her face, and shocked her.  
"Gyaaaarg!" she oddly screamed. (Pyrus: 800 Attack Points) His deed done, Voltic simply teleported away.  
"And that's it," Chazz shrugged. "Go ahead, begin your desperate struggle."

"… Hm. Well, then, Alchemy Arms: Sacred Sword!"(REFERENCE: myanimelist. net/ character/ 4472/ Shusui_Hayasaka) Pyrus summoned a cool guy with a sword. (Sacred Sword: 1900 Attack Points) "Kill him!" The steely-eyed boy cut Voltic clean in half with his cool sword. KA-BYOOM! (Chazz: 300 Life Points) "GIVE UP YET?" offered demonic lil' Pyrus.  
"What are you, stupid? The first player below 500 Life Points almost always wins in this show!" Chazz said, picking at his ear. "It's basic knowledge; you've given me a lock on victory!"  
"… : (… : ( … NEXT TURN, I'M SHUTTING YOU UP."  
"Get'm tiger," Zazz sighed.  
"You aren't helpful, you know."

"I summon Elemental Hero Prisma in Attack Mode!" Chazz shouted! The cool glassy crystal man appeared to save the day! (Prisma: 1700 Attack Points) "Next I'll discard Elemental Hero Captain Gold in order to add Skyscraper into my hand!" A cool guy in Bladedge-ish armor fell from the sky, arms crossed, and plunged into the earth with an earth-shattering result! As in buildings sprouted around the field. (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Captain_Gold)  
"Not that again…"  
"Yep. So I'll play Skyscraper, of course, and activate the Spell Fifth Hope! I'll be adding Stratos, Voltic, Gaia, Captain Gold and Heat back into my deck to draw three cards, since I have nothing else in my hand!"  
"? ?" Pyrus whimpered in confusion.  
_Yes, I'm cheating here,_ Chazz revealed to himself.  
"Now I''ll set one card and KILL THE ALCHEMIST!" Prisma looked up at the cityscape. It made him TOUGH. (Prisma: 2700 Attack Points) Prisma held out one arm and launched dozens of crystal shards at the teen warrior's face. He EXPLODED! Not. He held his sword out and blocked all of his foe's attack-shards!  
"**Now** what?" Chazz groaned.  
"By discarding a Spell card I can negate damage against him," Pyrus explained, adding her random card back into her deck and replacing it as Sacred Sword exploded. _Woah!_ She drew Alchemy Arms – Gravity Clash! _Just in time!_  
"I'll just set another card and end my turn, then."

"Good! Because this is the end!" Pyrus shouted! "I'm going to attack you directly and win! Maybe I won't be able to summon my trump card, but I can still wipe you out! I summon Alchemy Arms – Angel's Arrow!" (REFERENCE: myanimelist. net/ character/ 4473/ Ouka_Hayasaka) A nicely-dressed girl with a weirdo robot buddy appeared. (Angel's Arrow: 1200 Attack Points) "And I just love her special ability!" Pyrus exchanged another card in her hand. "I can discard a card in my hand in order to destroy one card on the field."  
"But I need Prisma in order to destroy your monster next turn," Chazz said.  
"I don't care!"  
"But what if my Trap card here is really important?" Chazz suggested. "It could make you lose if you don't get rid of it."  
"…HEEEEEY, YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME!" Pyrus realized!  
"Well, if that won't work," Chazz trailed off, cracking his knuckles, "… then I'll have to savagely beat you up after you destroy Prisma."  
"H-huh? What?" Pyrus shuddered. "B… but… I'M SUPPOSED TO KILL YOU FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, FOOL!"

[.com/watch?v=oT8Pa-Nff5o] Chazz's eyes said that he wasn't kidding. "I'm serious. Think I'm not? You seem to have the build of a six year-old." Chazz took out a photo of himself, when he was much younger, somewhat bruised and dressed as a boxer, while Crowler held up a large trophy without much enthusiasm. "When I was six, I won the 'Super Japanese Super Junior Boxing Championship'. I was known for my 'left arm of the devil' 1-hit KO move."  
"Eh…"  
"Actually, I gave three kids a concussion, and put a distressed father into a coma."  
"…Eh… eh… heh… um…" Pyrus was now sweating and shivering uncontrollably. "I… I'll just destroy the Trap card…"  
"Why thank you, it was Hero Medal, so now I can shuffle this card back into my deck and draw a card. (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Hero_Medal) I have no idea why Jaden put that card in here, though, because it's usually useless."  
"Just like _YOU_!" Hallucinatory-Jaden winked.  
Chazz drew his NEW CARD smugly. "Perfect." _THANK YOU FOR BEING A COPY OF THAT STUID COWARD SYRUS!_  
_That was… too scary…_ Pyrus whimpered.  
_That was stupid,_ Zazz thought.

"Okay, I'll set a card face-down and have Prisma attack with Shiny Blast!" Prisma absorbed the powers of the now-setting sun and fired it out as a high-powered blast at Angel's Arrow! She 'sploded. (Pyrus: 300 Life Points)  
"Urgh!" Pyrus grunted.  
"Neck n' neck now," Chazz chuckled.  
"Well y'know what?"  
"What, Pyrus? What should I know?"  
"Exiled Battle ends now."  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? I forgot."  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Kazuki smashed Absolute Zero back onto Earth from above with a satisfying 'smack' sound! (Kazuki: 4400 Attack Points, Absolut Zero: 2500 Attack Points)  
"And next, thanks to the secondary effect of Exiled Battle, I can Special Summon one 'Alchemy Arms' monster from my deck, and I'll choose Metal Skin!" A man in a… mysterious… uniform appeared. (Metal Skin: 2000 Attack Points, 2000 Defense Points, REFERENCE: busorenkin. wikia. com/ wiki/ Captain_Bravo)  
"What's he gonna do, yell 'BRAVO'?" Chazz oddly joked. _But seriously, it's Captain Bravo. That can't be good…_  
_Actually, she could win right now, if she's not a complete idiot,_ Zazz thought, stifling a chuckle.

"I'll cast Monster Reborn to revive Executioner's Blade!" Pyrus announced, as that Tokiko girl appeared. "Lastly I'll tribute all three of my monsters to Special Summon my final, strongest monster: Alchemy Arms – Gravity Clash!" All three guys faded away in a whirl of yellow sparkles, replaced by a large, crimson man with soulless eyes, flowing hair, and one hell of an axe. (Gravity Clash: 2700 Attack Points)  
"No way! Is that Victor Powered?" Chazz asked! (REFERENCE: busorenkin. wikia. com/ wiki/ Victor_Powered)  
(Victor Powered: 2700 Attack Points)  
"Um… yeah… ehem. I'm beating you this turn." Pyrus took a deep breath. "THIS IS MY ULTIMATE MONSTER! GRAVITY CLASH, THE STRONGEST OF THE ALCHEMY ARMS ARMY! AND WITH HIM, I SHALL GRANT YOU THE MOST HUMILIATING DEFEAT IMAGINABLE!"  
"Okay," Chazz said.  
"… He can gain 100 Attack Points for whenever I send a card to the Graveyard, including when I summon him, and when he attacks a monster, it's forced into Defense Mode, then still deals Battle Damage, which is then doubled. Why aren't you freaked out or anything?"  
"Because it's just a card game, y'know," Chazz said. "I mean, it's cool because it's Buso Renkin, but beyond that, I don't care much.  
"If it's just a game, then why did you cheat so much?" Zazz asked.  
"Ch-CHEATING?"  
"Pyrus shut up."  
"Okay. Anyways attack him now! FATAL ATTRACTION!" The red guy held up his axe and threw it . It just floated above Prisma, like it was on the moon or something. Then it began spinning around until it was just a blur, and shot out sparks in all directions! It was making the gravity around itself and Prisma change! Prisma was forced onto the ground, face-first, and started cracking under the intense pressue! Finally, after what had seemed like an eternity, Victor warped above Prisma, grabbed the axe, and smashed open his head.  
(Chazz: 4100 Life Points)  
"… You've got to be shitting me," Pyrus groaned.

"And THAT'S why I was so calm," Chazz smugly explained, pointing at his newly-activated Rainbow Life Trap Caaaaaard! (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Rainbow_Life) "I just discarded Elemental Hero Flash and got to reverse all that glorious damage."  
"… I… I…" Pyrus stuttered, shaking uncontrollably, "I… end my… turn…"

"DRAW!" Chazz shouted! He drew Miracle Fusion! "I play Miracle Fusion!" The silhouettes of Ocean and Woodsman appeared and combined into Terra Firma! (Terra Firma: 2500 Attack Points) Terra Firma looked upon Victor Powered with extreme prejudice. "NOW I'll show you the ONLY reason why people should PLAY this monster! I tribute Absolute Zero to add his power to Terra Firma's!" Terra Firma absorbed Absolute Zero and became some sort of blue color! (Terra Firma: 5000 Attack Points) He pointed one finger at Victor.  
"DIE NOW, EVIL," he ordered sternly. Victor immediately froze and exploded into icy chunks.  
"**NOOOOOOOO!**" Pyrus cried! "**DON'T DO IT!**"  
"TERRA FIRMA, RIP HER A NEW ASS!"

Terra Firma nodded. He put both hands around the gem on his chest. It gleamed and fired an amazing ray at Pyrus, strong enough to literally freeze the jungle behind her! "GYAAAAH, IT'S SO COOOOLD!" She exploded. (Pyrus: -400 Life Points)  
"FINALLY!" Chazz roared! "NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP?"  
"W… waaaaaah…" Pyrus sobbed.  
"Wow, you cry when you lose?" Chazz asked, surprised.  
"N-no, I fell on my leg the wrong way…" She showed off her leg, which was bent in a freakish fashion.  
"… Oh."  
"**RAAAARG!**" Huffy Chumlington burst out of the trees!  
"WHA?" She grabbed Chazz (WOAH!), Pyrus (WAAAH!) and Zazz (NOT ME, IDIOT!) in a flash and ran off!

She took off through the trees. She ran past the beach. She leaped over the waterfall. She ran past a tiger with a cigarette, who looked quite content with her smoking. She stopped by the clearing, full of crushed log and duelists. "AAAAHH! FEMALE KOALA KO ALA!" Huffy stopped and dropped the three guys on the ground.  
"REALLY? WH-WHERE?" Huffy asked, terrified.  
"What was all THAT for—OH CRAP, BILLY!" Chazz screamed, heading over to the still-smoking crater where Billy Hills epically lost.  
"I reckon I got beat… by a girl Jaden, yeah," Billy Hills admitted. "Also I'm okay, I reckon."  
"Oh, okay."  
"Aren't you gonna say something else?" Angry McArgue asked.  
"Whadda ya' mean?"  
"Your FRIEND is in a CRATER, and you're supposed to nurture him and stuff!"  
"What are you TALKING about? Are you crazy, Angry?"  
"No! YOU are!"  
"My gosh, you're so mean! I can't understand how Alexis and Nancy can even STAND you! Alexis deserves better! You should go kill yourself, because nobody likes you!"  
"What _**I**_ can't see is how Billy and Dobbson follow YOU around blindly! You ALWAYS tell people to kill themselves! Doesn't it get old?"  
They both stared at each other for a minute. "You're right," they agreed, shaking hands. They smiled and instantly changed their respective outlooks on life.

"Uh, Angry," Yuki reminded, "aren't you going to duel Alex?"  
"Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me."  
"WHY AM I OVER THERE?" Syrus cried, pointing to Pyrus, lying on the ground and foaming at the mouth.  
"I dunno, but I reckon I'm okay now," Billy Hills said, standing up again.  
"Hey, you really ARE okay," Chazz said, somewhat relieved. "Who else is left to duel, though?"  
"Just the guy Angry's dueling and Yuki," Misa helpfully told him.  
"Oh, okay. I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL SO WE CAN GET OFF THIS STINKIN' ISLAND ALREADY!" Chazz challenged!  
"No I'm dueling after Alex duels Angry so no" Yuki said.  
"Aw, come on!"  
"No, we need to pad this filler out some," Angry McArgue said.  
"Anyways, can we get this duel over with?" Alex rushed, adjusting his specs.  
"Eh, sure," Angry McArgue supposed, strappin' on her Duel Disk.  
_She seems so much more… pleasant now, somehow!_ Alex thought, confused. _Does character development actually work that way?_

[.com/watch?v=ImgXFmW-Xng&feature=related]"DUEL!" (Angry McArgue: 400 Life Points, Alex Road: 4000 Life Points)  
"DO IT, MAN!" Misa cheered.  
"Bwwaaaaaaaah," Huffy yawned.  
"My leg's STILL injured!" Pyrus cried!  
"AHH! GIRL ME!" Syrus cried, still confused.  
_Anyways,_ Alex decided, _I've got to do this right. I can't let Chazz duel Yuki now that Pyrus epically failed at her only job! What the hell was she even doing? Anyways, he's the only good member of the team left. This girl's obviously going to lose, so I only need to worry about him._  
"I'll set three cards face-down," Angry McArgue said, "and I'll summon Quillbolt Hedgehog in Defense Mode!' A cute hedgehog with screws forcefully screwed into its back appeared. (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Quillbolt_Hedgehog)  
"Nyum nyum nyum," it chewed, bleeding. (Quillbolt Hedgehog: 800 Defense Points)

"I summon Sonic From Brawl!" Alex shouted!  
"C'mon, step it up!" Sonic urged. (SFB: 1900 Attack Points)  
"No, I use Bottomless Trap Hole!" A hole appeared under Sonic's feet.  
"WOOOOOOOOOooooooooah…" he screamed, falling. Soon there was an explosion sound effect and some smoke rising from the hole. "Hey, there IS a bottom!"  
"Now he's removed from play for the rest of the game, so now your Spells and Traps are useless!" Angry McArgue informed.  
"Damn, you're right! How'd you know I'd have this type of deck?" Alex ordered!  
"You have the watch." Alex hid the Sonic the Hedgehg watch he was wearing. "Now it's my turn again, right?"  
"R… right."

"Good! I'll activate Mass Driver!" A large cannon appeared on the field. With it, I'm allowed to tribute a monster and inflict 400 damage to your Life Points whenever I want to." (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Mass_Driver)  
"Okay," Alex shrugged.  
"Next I summon Black Salvo!" A small bomb with a mean face appeared. (Black Salvo: 100 Attack Points, Tuner, REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Black_Salvo )  
"What's up with all the Tuner monsters we've seen so far?" Bastion asked.  
"You've only seen like two, and they won't even catch on for several more years," Syrus sy-ed.  
"Next I'll activate Quillbolt Hedgehog's effect: when I control a Tuner monster, I can Special Summon it from the Graveyard!" Angry McArgue announced! The cool, injured 'hog appeared out of nowhere!  
"Nyum nyum." It bled more. (Quillbolt Hedgehog: 800 Defense Points)  
"The only drawback is that when killed again, it gets removed from play like Sonic," Angry McArgue explained, "but now after I activate my Trap card: Imperial Iron Wall!" Her Trap flipped up! It had a city enclosed within a big metal shell, which apparently the king thought was badass. "Now no cards can be removed from play, like, ever!"  
"THAT MOVE IS SO AWESOOOOOOOME!" Bastion and Misa screamed in unison, complete with exploding heads.

"Okay, Quillbolt, FIRE!" The monster, under the influence of the Mass Driver cannon, transformed into a white ball of energy and flew at Alex.  
"UWA!" he screamed! (Alex: 3600 Life Points) "W-wait, no, stop, I surrender—"  
"FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEE!"

"!" And thus, the Hedgehog fired repeatedly, creating an infinite loop of giant hedgehog explosions in Alex's face. It lasted for a very successful and hilarious hour. (Alex: -Infinity Life Points, Game Over) "Q… qu… quack?" Alex sputtered, battered and beaten within the inch of his life, covered in large, swollen welts all along his body. He fell over.  
"Now THAT was satisfying!"  
"Tell me why SHE'S not the star of the show?" Syrus demanded, amazed.  
"Because then Mad McAngryman would be taking my place, and we ALL know we can't handle that!" Yuki exposed! "Now, let me duel you, Angry! I'm tired and I want to go home!" She smashed her Duel Disk onto her arm in a cool fashion.

"Now we all know that I wanna go home more than YOU!" Chazz revealed! "Yo, Angry, what's the Scouter say on her power level?"  
"She has quick Special Summoning tactics and has a Ritual monster who negates non-Field Spells and Traps," Angry McArgue said.  
"Okay, I'll take her out."  
"Ugh," Nancy Wut sighed.  
"What's up, I reckon?" Billy Hills asked.  
"She's doing the kind of thing that I usually seem like I'm supposed to do. I like the abusive Angry more."  
"Oh, well sorry about that, I reckon," Billy Hills consoled, confused.  
And so, Chazz and Angry McArgue, suddenly friends now, hi-fived as the boy strode out to battle. "I'm ready Yuki, for you and your cheap tactics! Yeah, I know Pyrus and Zazz were sent just to beat me with knowledge of my deck and its contents! They tried to use cards that kill off Level-based cards, and I suppose that you had somebody specifically for beating Bastion, right?"  
"Yeah," Alex confessed, slightly responsive.  
"And so everybody else was just filler, right? That means that your plan failed, you needed me gone, and you're unprepared due to my intense dueling skills!"  
"Not so," Yuki said, "I really just got them in here because I didn't want to waste too much time at this place."  
"You cheeky bitch."  
"That's offensive!" Nancy Wut shouted!  
"Oh, well sorry. You cheeky jerk!" Chazz substituted.  
"It's true, I've got enough strength to beat you AND that Jaden rip-off kid in one turn!"  
"I reckon she's right!"  
"Well, if you try beating me in one turn," Chazz boasted, "I'll counter you in just HALF a turn!"  
"I'd like to see you try."  
"DUEL!" they yelled! (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Yuki: 4000 Life Points)  
"GET YOUR DUEL ON!"

Current standings:

Chazz Princeton: Active  
Nancy Wut: Loss, Alex Road  
Angry McArgue: Active  
Syrus Truesdale: Tie, Misa Wabastion  
Bastion Misawa: Loss, Alex Road  
Billy Hills: Loss, Yuki Judai

Zazz Princesston: Loss, Chazz Princeton  
Alex Road: Loss, Angry McArgue  
Misa Wabastion: Tie, Syrus Truesdale  
Pyrus Puesdale: Loss, Chazz Princeton, though he cheated and stuff a bit, but that's okay since she's a psychopath  
Huffy Chumlington: Loss, Angry McArgue  
Yuki Judai: Active

"What kinda catch-phrase is THAT? And besides, how did you know we would come, anyways?"  
"Well, we made educated guesses, judging by how the show goes."  
"Makes sense."

COMMENTARY

Oh my gosh, too many annotations. And I'm sure you'll never even use them. Oh well, but at least we got to the good part. And by that, I mean everything after Angry McArgue duels. I finally got to the part I like! YES!

On Chazz's game, we've all learned that if he wants to win, he's going to intimidate you, because you're a nerd. But that's okay, because he and Angry McArgue have just suffered some shallow character evolution! Expect to see Chazz slightly nicer and Angry McArgue more level-headed.

Also Yuki gets personality next week. Look forward to it.


	31. Episode 31: Duel Island 5 of 6

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 31: One More Duel on Duel Island

It was four o'clock on a deserted rainforest island. The two enemy groups had completely assembled together. And it was time for the final game that would DECIDE IT ALL. Unless, y'know, Chazz loses.[.com/watch?v=ePGH352-R3w]  
"DUEL!" (Yuki: 4000 Life Points, Chazz: 4000 Life Points)  
"Get your duel on, man!" Yuki shouted!  
"What kind of catchphrase is THAT?" Chazz asked insultingly.  
"Come on, Chazz, don't let it get to you!" Syrus said.  
"Let it get to 'im, girl!" cheered Misa.

"Hm." Chazz drew his opening hand: Skyscraper, Heat, Ocean, A Hero Emerges, and Woodsman. _Okay, but I could do better._  
"Heh," Yuki chuckled, satisfied with what she saw: Laharl Dies, Prinny Laharl, Pringer X, Prinny Squad! and Prinny Kurtis. Then she drew a Field Spell! "I play the Field Spell; Red Moon!" The area turned cool and dark. A large pinkish moon hung above the kids' heads as several small spheres rose from the earth and into the sky.  
"What's with the small ball things, I reckon they're creepy," Billy Hills shuddered.  
"They're Prinny souls," Yuki explained. "Whenever a Prinny is sent to the Graveyard I can place one Soul Token on Red Moon. Then I can remove three to summon a Prinny from my Graveyard and draw a card."  
_This means trouble,_ Chazz thought.

"I'll begin now by activating the Spell card Prinny Squad!" Three Prinnies appeared!  
"DOOD!"  
"DOOD!"  
"DOOD!" (Pvt. Prinnies: 1300 Attack Points) The three Prinnies jumped out together from the earth.  
"Then I'll send them all to the Graveyard to activate my Ritual Spell: Laharl Dies!" Yuki announced! The three Prinnies blew up.  
"Discarding three already?" Angry McArgue gasped. "She's got something planned!" Three soul spheres appeared upon the moon as the evil Prinny demon prince appeared with an evil cackle!  
"HAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" he cackled. (Prinny Laharl: 2500 Attack Points)  
"As long as Laharl's on the field, all Spells and Traps, other than Field Spells, are negated," Yuki told, "so don't go expecting an easy comeback."  
"Yeah yeah, say that again after he's dead," Chazz shrugged.  
"Next I'll summon Prinny Kurtis to the field, man!" Yuki said, as a green Prinny with a hooked beak and innate sense of justice pirouetted onto the scene!  
"Hmph," he said in a cool fashion. (Kurtis: 2000 Attack Points)  
"Another strong monster on the first turn?" Syrus realized! "NOBODY starts out like THIS!"  
"Except me!" Yuki chimed in.  
"Look out, Chazz!"  
"Shut up," Zazz said, "A LOT of people start out like that!"  
"Oh."

"Sure, he's tough, but he won't stay for long, man!" Yuki went on. "I'll tribute him to draw two cards with his effect!"  
"HA!" Kurtis' two flippers became mechanical arms! He combined his fists together, which made them rotate, until they finally became a ROCKET PUNCH as they flew off, smacking two cards out from Yuki's deck!  
"SMACK!" went the two cards. Then Kurtis simply faded away into a golden sparkly mist…  
"Let's see here," inspected Yuki as a fourth Soul Token appeared on the moon. She'd drawn Prinny Toss and Prinny Bomb. "I'll re-summon him now."  
"Damn, she's got HAND ADVANTAGE goin' on!" Bastion cried!  
"If she's as bad with it as Pyrus, then I don't think I need to worry," Chazz sighed.  
"Hey!" Pyrus yelled, applying a leg cast. Three of the Soul Tokens disappeared, allowing Kurtis to be reincarnated by the rays of the moon!  
"Justice NEVER dies!" Kurtis assured.  
"Mm-hm," Yuki half-heartedly agreed, drawing Evil Prinny Beauty Tyrant – Etna. "Please do that thing again." Kurtis punched the deck. "Thanks!" She drew two more cards. "And that's it," she decided, looking up at the two remaining Soul Tokens lying overhead.

"I'll set a face-down then," Chazz said decisively, "and I'll summon Elemental Hero Heat!" Heat appeared. (Heat: 1600 - 1800 Attack Points)  
"What's with the power boost, man?"  
"So you say 'man' while Jaden says 'yo', I get it already. My Elemental Hero Heat gains 200 Attack Points for every E-Hero on the field, including himself. But I'm not done yet, girl."  
"I know what's coming," Syrus anticipated.  
"Kill 'dat monster 'dat killed me, I reckon!"Billy Hills cheered!  
"Go, Skyscraper!" Buildings suddenly bloomed in the jungle, smashing the moon like a mirror. The souls exploded in a firey ball of rage.  
"Crap!" Yuki cursed.  
"Yeah, you're not the ONLY one who likes loopholes!" Chazz said, being awesome! "Heat, dethrone that sucker!"  
"That's a bad joke, you know!" But Heat still punched Prinny Laharl. (Heat: 2800 Attack Points, Laharl: 2500 Attack Points) "Don't assume for a second that you've hindered me for a second, man," Yuki warned, as Laharl exploded.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Laharl cried! (Yuki: 3700 Life Points)  
"That's true, I reckon she's still got sum' SECRET WEAPONS," Billy Hills agreed.  
"Hmph. Then show me!"

"I will, then! Come on out, Big Sis Prinny!" A lovable pink Prinny appeared.

"Um… dood?" she guessed. (BSP: 1900 Attack Points)  
"It's pink and has 100 more Attack Points than Heat, but how's that going to help?" Chazz asked.  
"But she's cute!" Alex said! Everyone stared at him. "…What?"  
"STAY knocked out!" Angry McArgue yelled, smashing his face in. He was knocked out for good this time.  
"What kinda character development did YOU go through?" heckled Zazz.  
"Oh yeah, the development…"  
"Now that you're done commenting, I'll kill your Elemental Hero! Big Sis, use your Pink Blades of Doom!" Big Sis Prinny nodded, taking out two pink machetes. She tossed them and they spun around like disks! They cut through Heat's stomach, then continued to fly behind him and turn until they settled themselves inside Heat's skull.  
"Hmph," Chazz groaned. Heat's cadaver exploded. (Chazz: 3900 Life Points) "Well, at least now I can use my Trap card! A Hero Emerges!" The zombie superhero card was BACK! Chazz held out his four-card hand. "Pick a card. If it's a monster, I can summon it."  
"I choose that one," Yuki said, pointing to a card!  
"Thank you for choosing Woodsman!" Chazz thanked, placing his card on his Duel Disk. Elemental Hero Woodsman appeared!  
"YOSH!" (Woodsman: 2000 Defense Points)  
"Well then, I'll set two face-down cards and end my turn, man." Yuki set two cards. "Go ahead!"

"DRAW!" announced Chazz.  
"Stop saying that!" Pyrus and Syrus cried.  
"Shut up, Syrus!"  
"Yeah, shut up, Pyrus!"  
"Waaaaah…"  
"Now that I've drawn him, I'll summon Elemental Hero Stratos!" The better answer to Avian appeared, loud, proud, and… oud! (Stratos: 1800 Attack Points) "Now I'll add Elemental Hero Prisma into my hand from my deck!" Chazz announced, gettin' his card. "And while I'm at it, I'll get my Polymerization thanks to Woodsman."  
"I GOT IT!" Woodsman promised, tossing Chazz a Polymerization.  
"Thanks, Woodsman!"  
"NO! PROBLEM!"  
"Eh, whatever you say. Now combine, Ocean and Voltic!" Chazz commanded! The two heroes combined together in a boring swirling pattern to create… "Elemental Hero: Absolute Zero!" And the icy knight appeared, condensing any and all nearby oxygen! (Absolute Zero: 2500 Attack Points)  
"Wow, he's cool, I reckon both figuratively AND literally!" Billy Hills marveled!  
"But Bladedge's better," Syrus said with a glint in his eye.

"Now, Woodsman!" Chazz commanded! "Attack, Deadly Seed!"  
"GOT EET!" Woodsman complied, with his funny accent.  
"He's funny," Misa and Bastion giggled.  
"Would YOU like it if someone made fun of YOUR collective accents?" Chazz retorted.  
"… But… my hand was bitten off…"  
"GROSS!" gagged Woodsman, throwing a watermelon seed at Big Sis Prinny. (Woodsman: 2000 Attack Points)  
"I activate Prinny Bomb!" Yuki countered! Her first Trap of the game featured a Priny holding a bomb. Big Sis Prinny took out a big, pink bomb with her flippers (I don't know where from) and used it to deflect Woodsman's seed! Then she hurled the explosive at her attacker, 'sploding on him.  
"OH NO!" Woodsman shrieked! (Chazz: 3400 Life Points)  
"What's going on now?" Chazz asked.  
"Prinny Bomb negates one of your attacks against a Prinny," Zazz said, "and then you lose Life Points equal to half of his original Attack, man."  
"Well, Absolute Zero hasn't attacked yet!" Chazz shouted! "Negative Infnity Degr—"  
"No! Trap, activate, Prinny Toss!" Yuki's second Tap featured a Prinny hitting someone's face and blowing up! "I can tribute a Prinny monster on my side of the field to destroy two of your cards." Big Sis Prinny walked up to Yuki, who lifted her up and tossed her at Woodsman and Absolute Zero! "And in addition, I gain 700 Life Points when Big Sis Prinny leaves the field!" The Prinny hit Absolute Zero, causing a large enough explosion to wipe out both hero monsters!  
"NOOOOOO!" Woodsman screamed! (Yuki: 4400 Life Points)  
_Come on, I can't set anything, and all I control is Skyscraper!_ Chazz thought.  
"Chazz, watch out, I reckon!" Billy Hills warned!  
"She's got'm on 'da ropes!" Huffy commentated.

"Alright then, my turn again!" Yuki drew a card. She smiled at it. "Do you want to know something, Chazz?" she slyly asked with a creepy grin.  
"What?"  
"Want me to tell you why I became a duelist?" she asked him again, eyes narrowing.  
"Why? Because you like card games?" Chazz asked.  
"That's why I duel!" Bastion noted.  
"Indeed," Zazz nodded in agreement.  
"I do it because I'd probably get involved with the yakuza in some sort of big scam if I stay at home," Syrus revealed.  
[.com/watch?v=eye3Biwn0l4&NR=1] "No… because I'm a hardcore sadist," Yuki said.  
"Um… okay… wait, what?"  
"I used to love inflicting pain upon others physically," Yuki explained in a suggestive tone, "but I'm too weak by myself and would often be beaten in response. And so I wondered, 'what can I do to satisfy my own needs and desires?' The answer in that came from the TV while channel-surfing one day.

_"AAAAAAAAHH!" some guy screamed during a professional duel. "GYAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAARRGH!" He fell to his knees, shaking uncontrollably.__  
__"Eh, what?" Joey Wheeler asked. "I just attacked 'yas with a Baby Drag'n." He pointed to his cute dragon baby monster.___

_Yuki liked what she'd seen and heard._ If such a small monster can do that to a grown man,_ she thought, _then what can a BIG monster do?

"And so, a stranger happened to appear before my family one day," Yuki continued, "and he gave us the tuition money needed to send me away to boarding school, or The _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy. He even gave me this beat-down deck, as cruel as I am! Now I can inflict all the pain I want to, and LEGALLY at that! It's just so… _satisfying…_"  
"She's serious," Bastion realized.  
"She's scaring me now," Angry McArgue shuddered.  
"Gyah, I reckon I feel violated now!" Billy Hills yelped!  
"Well, Yuki, that explains a lot," Zazz said, remembering some very creepy images from her recent past.  
"Yes, those with a certain… instinct… can channel their powers into being a better duelist, by discarding any possible weaknesses and stupidity, and turning it all into sheer power…" Yuki monologued. "Well, back to the duel, I'll summon Prin the Vagabond!" A Prinny with an afro, who nobody seems to post pictures of on the internet appeared, stylin' like a funky 70's cop. (Prin: 1700 Attack Points)  
"You're into retro hairstyles now?" Chazz joked.  
"Prin, silence that man."  
"Dood," Prin cried, tossing some throwing knives at Chazz! Why not machetes? _Because he's JUST that cool._  
"AAAAAAAHH!" Chazz screamed.  
"What's up, you don't usually scream like that in duels," Angry McArgue asked.  
"N-no, it… it…" A knife had become stuck in Chazz's now-bleeding hand. "GYAAAAAAAAH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?"  
"_Mmm,_" Yuki suggestively moaned with a dreamy look in her eyes (and some drool escaping her mouth). Some sort of purplish-blackish aura began enveloping her. It looked like sewage water, mirroring her true personality.  
"She's using it!" Huffy exclaimed!  
"She can't control herself anymore!" Misa warned! "I'm serious, Chazz, you're dead now!"  
"Ungh… UGH!" Chazz pulled the knife from his hand.  
"Chazz, are you alright?" Angry McArgue gasped!  
"I reckon this duel's getting illegally dangerous!" Billy Hills cried!  
"What's… with the aura?" Chazz asked, starting to tire. (Chazz: 2200 Life Points)  
"When I get all excited, then… this happens…" Yuki explained.  
"I don't know what's going on, but it looks pretty occult and danger-related!" Syrus realized! "Chazz, get outta there, you can just throw the match!"  
"No, n-no," Chazz disagreed, "I promised you guys that I'd win, so I'm GOING to win!"

"Are you so sure about this?" Yuki asked, tilting her head. "All of our direct attacks have been made real now, so I can listen to your symphony of screams as the duel continues!"  
"That's HORRIBLE!" Bastion roared, horrified!  
"No… _it's beautiful,_" Yuki disagreed.  
"LEAVE CHAZZ ALONE, I RECKON!" Billy Hills ordered, charging toward Yuki fist-first! He hit her aura. Somehow, this punished him with a somewhat-strong electrical shock! "_AAAAAH RECKIIIIIIIIIN!_" He was blasted back a few feet onto the ground, where he began convulsing slightly.  
"NO, BILLY!" Chazz screamed! [i]Is he okay?[/i]  
"Mmm~ yes~ the screaming only makes it better… it excites me…"

Yuki took a card out from her deck and set it. "What're you doing?" Chazz asked, still fearing his friend's safety as the others crowded around Billy Hills.  
"Oh, Prin's effect lets me add a card from my deck to my hand when he attacks directly," Yuki stated. "I'll also use Mystical Space Typhoon to destroy your Skyscraper." A sudden, mighty tornado blew away all those cool buildings.  
"Crap!" Chazz groaned!  
"Now, it's your turn. Surprise me!"  
"No, screw yourself!" Chazz ordered! "Billy's more important than this piece-o-shit duel! I quit!"  
"What?"  
"Billy!" Chazz began running to his friend's side. "Are you oka—" He smashed into some sort of invisible barrier. "UGH! Wh… what did you DO?"  
"Oh, I forgot to mention, after your friend tried to hit me, I erected a barrier around us with my mind, so that _nothing could get in between us… now the only escape for you… is death._ Hee hee!"  
_Okay, now I'm really taking this girl down!_ Chazz knew. _She's gone too far!_

"Fine, I'll play your twisted game for now," Chazz decided, holding his throbbing hand, "but when I win, I never wanna see your face again! Chazz drew his next card, starting his turn. "I summon Elemental Hero Prisma in Attack Mode!" Prisma appeared. (Prisma: 1700 Attack Points) "Next I'll use Fifth Hope!" The card appeared, showing off the five-man hero team of legend. "I'll add Absolute Zero back to my Fusion Deck, and Woodsman, Voltic, Ocean and Stratos into my regular deck to draw two more cards." He drew two cards and set them. "Then I'll set the cards and use Prisma's ability: I can send one Elemental Hero from my deck to the Graveyard to have Prisma count as it in name only for one turn. And I'll choose Elemental Hero Ice Edge!" Prisma turned into a crystalline version of a short, blue kid with a spiky helmet. "I'll end my turn here." Prisma returned to normal.

"That was… odd," Yuki supposed, confused. "Well, let's kick _things off!_ [/watch?v=FWDUCyo23I0] I activate my face-down card, Prinny Squad!" Her SECOND copy flipped up, summoning her Prinnies from the Graveyard. (Pvt. Prinny: 1300 Attack Points) So far, the only other things on her side of the field were a face-down and Prin the Vagabond, looking much like the other Prinnies, but with a funky afro, if you needed a reminder. "Next I'll sacrifice one to summon the legendary Pringer X!" One Prinny twirled around at an amazing speed until he transformed into the incredible robo-penguin!  
"DOOD," it said. (Pringer X: 2000 - 4000 Attack Points)  
"He gains 1000 Attack Points for every Prinny on the field, though Prin won't count thanks to his name," Yuki explained, licking her lips. "It's still, however, tough enough to kill you in one shot." Outside of the INVISIBLE BARRIER, the Duel Academy kids were showing visible fear for Chazz, though it was inaudible, thanks to said INVISIBLE BARRIER.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Chazz chuckled.  
"Is that funny?" Yuki asked. "Well, then you may enjoy it if I sacrifice a second Private Prinny to summon my Evil Prinny Beauty Tyrant – Etna." The evil beauty pageant winner picked up the second Prinny and threw it away, smashing him against the barrier. (Etna: 2000 Attack Points)  
"Oh, so they made you into a card?"  
"That's a nice idea, but in the meantime, I'm allowed to Special Summon the monster Etna's Vassal – Hanako from my deck!" A small demon girl with pink hair leaped onto the field next to Etna. (Hanako: 1400 Attack Points, Tuner)  
"What's a Tuner?" Chazz wondered.  
"Well, you'll see in a minute, because sadly Tuners, like Gemini monsters, are widely ignored these days," Yuki sighed.  
"What the hell's a Gemini monster?"

"Next I'll equip my third Private Prinny with the Equip Spell, Prinny's Hero Scarf." A cool scarf appeared and covered up the Prinny. "Now I can send it to the Graveyard to Special Summon Hero Prinny from my Extra Deck." The Prinny became cel-shaded and awesome-r!  
"Gotta do it, dood!" Hero Prinny saluted. (Hero Prinny: 1900 Attack Points)  
"Finished yet?" Chazz asked impatiently.  
"No, I'll use Etna's effect to Special Summon another Prinny Kurtis from my hand to the field!"  
"GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!" Etna ordered! Kurtis teleported onto the field. Again. (Kurtis: 2000 Attack Points) Pringer X suddenly began to glow. (Pringer X: 4000 - 5000 Attack Points)  
_Damn, it just keeps getting stronger!_ Chazz internally moaned, tightly grabbing his injured hand.

"Aaaand…"  
"AW, JUST STOP SUMMONING ALREADY!" Chazz whined.  
"No, I'll just Tune my Hanako to my Level Four Hero Prinny." Hanako transformed into three magic green rings, while the Prinny transformed into four magic spheres! They combined… into an older form of Hanako, complete with a cool gun! (Majin Hanako: 2800 Attack Points)  
"Wait, what did you just do?" Chazz asked.  
"I Synchro Summoned."  
"SYNCHRO Summon?"  
"Yeah, you use a Tuner monster and sacrifice other monsters to equal a certain level so you can summon a Synchro monster from your Extra Deck."  
"You mean Fusion Deck."  
"No, now you can put Sychros AND Fusions in the Fusion Deck, so you can't call it a Fusion Deck anymore."  
"… This is stupid!"  
"Well, it's going to kill you. And now since Hero Prinny is dead, I can summon another one, giving it 500 extra Attack Points," Yuki said, as a new Prinny stepped up to the plate and put on the scarf.  
"Dood!" he cheered. (Hero Prinny: 2500 Attack Points)

"Let's see here. Prin. Pringer X. Etna. Hanako. Kurtis. Hero Prinny. That's fifteen-thousand, nine-hundred Attack Points all together," Yuki informed. "Oh yes, that means you lose now. Pringer X, eliminate Prisma!"  
"DOOD!" Pringer X summoned a couple balls of electricity and threw them at Prisma!  
"FEEL THE PAIN!" Yuki laughed! "EXCITE ME! SCREAM, SHOUT FOR ME! WAHAHAHAHA!"  
"I don't think so! Did I LOOK scared when you were summoning your monsters?" Chazz reminded!  
_Ugh, he's right!_ Yuki remembered! _I should've expected something was up!_

"Mirror Gate, activate!" Chazz rhymed! His Trap flipped up, revealing a cool wall made out of mirrors. It made Prisma and Pringer X teleport to each other's spaces, reversing his attack upon himself in a very confusing way!  
"So that's why you summoned him in Attack Mode…" Yuki realized. (Yuki: 1300 Life Points)  
"And I just halved your Life Points!" Chazz laughed! "You FELL for it!"  
"Ngh…"  
"Face it, you just wasted your best monster! All of that was for NOTHING!" Chazz mocked! "You're SUCH an idiot to think you could defeat CHAZZ PRINCETON, the MAIN CHARACTER for this story arc! Wahahahaha!"  
"Grr… watch your mouth, boy."  
"No, I don't think so," Chazz disagreed. "Now do you want to keep going with your attacks?" _Even if she says yes,_ Chazz thought, _I still have a Threatening Roar set up just for her…_  
"No…" Yuki pulled out a green stress ball and started squeezing it furiously, trembling with anger. "Give me just another minute, _boy_. I tribute Kurtis to draw two cards again." Kurtis smashed her Duel Disk, knocking out two more cards. "Hm. I activate Prinny Raid." Etna's spear began glowing a furious crimson color. "Now I can discard a Prinny monster to destroy your monsters as many times as I'd like per turn. I'll send away 12-Pounder the Prinny to kill off Prisma before you can do anything with him." Etna pointed her spear at him, summoning a fat black Prinny from the heavens, which looked more like a regular penguin than the others. He hit Prisma like a meteorite, smashing him to pieces! "Finally, I'll set a card," she finished, looking at Prin the Vagabond.  
"Why didn't you just do all that sooner?" Chazz asked. "You could've gotten rid of Prisma like that and probably beaten me right then and there, if you'd have just sacrificed Kurtis sooner, Perv-Girl!"  
"What?" Yuki asked, blood vessels popping.  
"Yeah, well you COULD have just done this earlier and MAYBE have attacked directly! How simple could I have put it, you idiot?"  
"You… you…_ YOU…_" [.com/watch?v=LKy7PnjsDX8] Her stress ball started to make a hissing sound between her fingers and the invisible dome encompassing the duelists started turning into a murky black void, preventing anyone else from seeing them duel any longer. "You'd better WATCH your mouth, little boy," Yuki growled menacingly, bursting her stress ball with her grip, "you don't WANT me getting ANGRY with you."  
"What'll you do," Chazz asked, slightly uncomfortable with what she was doing now, "cry?"  
"_**KILL!**_" Yuki pulled out a black whip from behind her back and did what was shown here (mangareader .net/ 687-33643-9/ neon-genesis-evangelion/ ) in the first panel, with the desire to do what was featured in the other two panels to Chazz.  
"Woah!" _Like I said, what is UP with this crazy girl? How is she a girl Jaden? They don't act the same AT ALL! And WHERE did that whip come from? Can it FIT in a pocket?_ Upon closer inspection, there was a golden Eye of Wdjat in the whip's base. _And why's it Egyptian?_  
"Now LISTEN to me, BOY," Yuki commended, pulling on her whip. "If you don't WATCH yourself, I may just SNAP. And then you will DIE, PAINFULLY and SLOWLY for MY SATISFACTION. Hear me?"  
"Tch, whatever." _Damn, I did it again!_ Chazz noticed angrily. _I'm too prideful and I can't keep my damn mouth shut! Why am I like this all the time; it only makes people go bat-crap insane (gotta keep it PG) and try to kill me! ___

_That's it. After today, I'm only yelling at people when they do something to deserve it, instead of when they do something stupid. Wait, didn't she… she almost killed Billy. Twice, now. Alright, this girl deserves it, one last time. I'll be damned if I let this homicidal maniac go home free._  
"You DARE try to overstep my authority? Watch your TONE with me, mister!" Yuki whipped at Chazz, who simply sidestepped.  
"What are you, my mother? You say you're almighty and control order over everything, eh? You're the best and smartest person around?" Chazz checked.  
"I never said that… but it's true," Yuki admitted.  
"Well you're a freaking idiot, then. You couldn't see what I was planning with Ice Edge earlier?" Chazz recalled, bringing back his weird play to mind. "To win at chess, you gotta think turns ahead of your opponent. Duel Monsters is no different!" Yuki didn't seem to care so far. "And now, I'm reviving Absolute Zero one more time! I play Miracle Fusion!"

"… _Shit_…" Yuki muttered.

SOURCES:

Big Sis Prinny-disgaea. wikia. com/ wiki/ Big_Sis_Prinny  
Elemental Hero Ice Edge-yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Ice_Edge

**********

COMMENTARY

Sorry for the schedule slip, guys. The last filler episode will be up on Friday, so that we can get back to the good episodes. I bet it's all the annotations that's ruining it, huh?

So yes, I've made some minor foreshadowing today, it all took itself too seriously to be fun to read, Yuki completely owned the duel all the way to the last turn so far, and made too many Disgaea references for my own good. I think that the chapter was, overall, a success in those regards. Also it's confusing for their harsh language to be done in ways, ranging from PG to R, even done by the same characters repeatedly. It's just so chaotic without Jaden around…

But yeah, it's ending Friday. Look forward to the Shadow Riders arc starting soon.


	32. Episode 32: Duel Island 6 of 6: FINALE!

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 32: Farewell, Duel Island, Island of Duels

[.com/watch?v=DU22T51189g] "I play Miracle Fusion!" Chazz yelled, facing a psychotic sadist female version of Jaden while within her evil purplish shadowy dome of her own creation because of her pure evilness. Also she was carrying a whip with an EYE OF WDJAT on it. Chazz was also being stared down by a lolicon, a cel-shaded penguin demon with a red scarf, an AFROED penguin demon, and a teenaged Synchro girl with 'tude. And pink hair. (Chazz: 2200 Life Points, Yuki: 2300 Life Points)  
"So THAT'S why you discarded Ice Edge back then for no reason!" Yuki realized, taken aback by the discovery!  
"Yeah, so now I'll remove my Prisma and Ice Edge from my Graveyard to Special Summon Elemental Hero Absolute Zero, again!" A few icy pillars suddenly spiked out from the ground, and then exploded open, instantly dropping the temperature a tad. And out from the ice walked Absolute Zero. (Absolute Zero: 2500 - 3500 Attack Points)

"Oh, so my Absolute Zero starts out with a power boost?" Chazz wondered. "I guess that your Prin and Hero Prinny are Water typed, since they're blue?"  
"Ugh, yeah," Yuki groaned, squeezing her stress ball harder.  
"Now eliminate the afro-wearing penguin! Negative Infinity Degrees!" Absolute Zero crafted a spear out of ice and leaped toward Prin.  
"Stop that attack right now," Yuki ordered. "I activate the Trap card Undercover Prinny." Her face-down card revealed a scene in a dark alley where Prin was patiently tailing somebody suspicious… Prin the Vagabond instantly became stealthier, and so he leaped over Absolute Zero. "As long as this card is active, my Pin can't be attacked by anybody."  
"Well, then, I'll destroy Hero Prinny instead!" Chazz decided. Absolute Zero whirled around and cut the Hero Prinny in half!  
"**DOO-HOO-HOOD!**" he screamed! He exploded, leaving just the scarf. Then a new Hero Prinny stepped up to the plate and put it on. (Yuki: 1200 Life Points)  
"Um, let's go, dood?" (Hero Prinny: 2900 Attack Points)  
"And Absolute Zero doesn't lose a single Attack Point, thanks to the replacement," Chazz boasted, as Absolute Zero returned to his side of the field. (Absolute Zero: 3500 Attack Points) "It's gettin' a lil' nippy in here, isn't it? Thanks to Absolute Zero, your loss will be a cold one."  
"What does that even mean?" Yuki asked, confused.  
"I don't care! I'll end my turn with R – Righteous Justice, in order to get rid of Prinny Raid!" A random explosion destroyed Etna's spear.  
"R!" the explosion yelled.  
"Aw damn it!" Etna cursed.  
"And now it's your turn!" Chazz said, smugly. "Take your best shot! I DARE you to take out Absolute Zero!" _And when she does, she'll be open for a direct attack! A perfect ploy if I've ever seen one,_ Chazz told himself.

Yuki squeezed her stress ball to the point at which it started leaking air. "Okay then, that can be arranged! I'll tribute both Etna and Hanako to Special Summon Prinny God from my hand!" (REFERENCE: disgaea. wikia. com/ wiki/ Prinny_God) Both of the girls combined into a golden Prinny, which gleamed in the darkness of Yuki's evil sphere! (Prinny God: 2600 Attack Points)  
"So he counts as a Special Summon when you tribute two monsters for him?" Chazz checked. _More importantly, why didn't she tribute Prin or Hero Prinny? Then her Prinny God would have 100 more Attack Points than Absolute Zero._  
"Yeah, that's his ability," Yuki specified. "But next I'll summon my last Prinny Kurtis." Prinny Kurtis was summoned… FOR THE LAST TIME.

"No matter what you do now with his draw ability, you STILL can't knock out Absolute Zero, though," Chazz informed.  
"Heh heh… hee hee hee hee!" Yuki giggled, looking like a normal girl for just a moment. "_SCREW STRATEGY! I'm going to thoroughly crush you this turn._"  
"Eh?" Chazz gasped, due to the sudden burst of bloodthirstiness.  
"I tribute my four Prinny monsters to fulfill the summoning costs of my new monster." The four Prinnies swirled into pure energy and combined into a mysterious seal!  
"What's that for?"  
"Break through the seal," Yuki chanted, "Prinny Baal!" [.com/watch?v=O-HtKhNdDx8]  
"_**GRUUUUUHR!**_" A small Prinny smashed through the seal like glass, with intense smashing action.  
"But he's just another—" _Brr. His eyes…_ (REFERENCE: crimson-penguin. com/ prinny/ thumbs/ prinny_baal_) The Prinny's chilling eyes were blood-red and transmitting pure hatred into Chazz's heart. Even though it was just a hologram. (Prinny Baal: 4000 Attack Points)  
"He is NOT just another Prinny," Yuki said, "he's evil incarnate reborn into the body of a Prinny! But this isn't his true form; only a fraction of his power is unleashed at this state. Thus, he can't inflict any Battle Damage, but _I CAN STILL FUCK UP YOUR MONSTER._"  
"Aaahh! You can't SAY that word here!"  
"_SHUT UP. BAAL, KILL._"

(Absolute Zero: 2500 Attack Points) Baal summoned a large sword out of nowhere. Inside of Absolute Zero's head. He exploded into a bunch of icy shards, filled with enough velocity to somehow cut into Chazz's skin! He guarded his face with his arm, leading it to getting filled with sharp, painful ice. "UWAAAAAAGH!" Chazz wailed! He began furiously pulling out the ice, but he decided against it; it was already melting.  
"_AAAAAHH~_ that's just what I need…" Yuki moaned. But Baal was instantly frozen by a mighty gust of cold wind, which wasn't too good for her. _OR WAS IT…_  
"B… but at least your monster's gone, too, thanks to Absolute Zero's ability. Next turn, it's all over," Chazz verified, nursing his injured hand and arm.  
"Wrong. It's over THIS turn."  
"What… what do you mean? What're you…"  
"I'm implying that I'm unlocking the ultimate evolution I told you about three seconds ago." The seal from Baal's summoning appeared before them all once more. "DESTROY this seal, UBER PRINNY BAAL!" (Yuki: 50 Life Points) She cracked her whip at it. It broke, unleashing a Prinny Baal… swathed in an intense battle aura of destruction. (REFERENCE (for power): freewebs. com/ holylancerexe/ ) "**GWUUUUUUUUUUUUHR!**" he roared! (Uber Prinny Baal: 4000 Attack Points)

"N-no… NO! How does this work?" Chazz demanded!  
"Simple," Yuki explained, "did you think I really didn't know Absolute Zero's ability? When regular Prinny Baal dies, I can Special Summon his Uber form from my Extra Deck by paying almost all my Life Points. Now THIS form can inflict damage and he also can't be targeted by card effects. This means that your Trap card down there can't help you now, and Baal's about to start flaying you alive, nice and slow. Kinda like a pork roast. Baal… **begin the torture.**"  
"GRUUUHR…" Baal accepted. His eyes flashed.  
And just as countless small swords (daggers?) had been conjured up around Chazz, he said "I activate Threatening Roar!" Some angry-looking manticore (lion with a man's body, wings, and a scorpion tail in this case) appeared on Chazz's side of the field.  
"ROOOOOOOOOAR!" he roared. Then he went away.  
"Your Battle Phase is over! Your Baal can't attack, and I didn't target him!" Chazz explained. Baal looked uncomfortable and shook a bit from the fear.  
"Mmm, fine," Yuki said, wearing a very uncomfortable grin and slapping down a card, "I'll play one card face-down. Go ahead." Some blood shot out of her forehead.  
"Um, what happened?"  
"Oh a blood vessel just exploded, don't mind it."

Chazz drew a card called… "Pot of Greed, activate!" Chazz summoned the magical ugly pot and tossed it at the ground. He drew Stratos and Polymerization! "Well, isn't this perfect? I'll summon Elemental Hero Stratos!"[.com/watch?v=YaFXMHqV3kI] Stratos appeared from a sudden raging whirlwind of justice! (Stratos: 1800 Attack Points) "Next I'll add Elemental Hero Knopse into my hand from my deck thanks to his ability, and then I'll play Polymerization once again!" And so the two combined to create Great Hurricane once more! (Great Hurricane: 2800 Attack Points) "Now show her what makes you so Great!"  
"RAH!" Great Hurricane held out his arms, summoning large gales that whipped all around Yuki's side of the field!  
"Gyaaah!" About a quart of blood was pulled out from her small forehead wound. "That doesn't happen in real life!"  
"That's what you get!" Chazz said, pointing to his stabbed hand and bleeding forearm! "And your Baal's stats are halved! (UPB: 2000 Attack Points)  
"What? No! That shouldn't happen!" Yuki believed!  
"Great Hurricane doesn't target with his ability, duh! He affects EVERYBODY!" Chazz stated. "Now pay for your false truths, your perverse ideas and actions, and for knocking my friend into a crater with his own face! I ATTACK WITH GREAT SCYTHE!"

Great Hurricane twisted his torso a bit, held out his arms, whirled around to the right, and produced a large tornado of enough power to lift up Uber Prinny Baal, ripping him into pieces. There was nothing left after a couple seconds. "Well, is this it?" Yuki asked.  
"Yes! I just killed your strongest monster, and you're out of Life Points!" Chazz shouted! "You've finally lost! Now let me OUT of this crappy place!"  
"Do you expect me to sacrifice so many Life Points without having a second plan? Oh no, you're SO mistaken: I activated Defense Draw." Yuki's Trap card disappeared and allowed her to draw a card.  
"Oh come ON!" Chazz roared, damn tired of this crap. "How many more strongest monsters do you HAVE?"  
"It doesn't matter. Now may I take my turn, boy?"  
"Get on with it."  
"Okay, then!" Yuki cheerfully giggled. "My field is open, allowing me to activate ANOTHER special ability! I'm allowed to Special Summon a specific Six-Star monster from my hand when this happens.  
"Which one?"  
"ASAGI." In a flash of light, one stylish hero girl appeared, jammin' on her air guitar. (REFERENCE: kotowari .org /wp-content /uploads )  
"_YEAAAAAH!_" (Asagi: 0 Attack Points)  
"What's with the Attack Points?" Chazz asked, smelling something fishy.  
"Oh, well she gains 100 Attack Points for every card in my Graveyard," Yuki said. "Let's see what we have here, now." Yuki took out her Graveyard and began scanning it. "In order: Prinny Squad!, Laharl Dies, Prinny Kurtis, Red Moon, Prinny Laharl, Prinny Bomb, Prinny Toss, Big Sis Prinny, Mystical Space Typhoon, another Prinny Squad!, Private Prinny, three of them, Etna's Vassal – Hanako…"  
_What…_  
"Hero Prinny, Pringer X, a second Prinny Kurtis, 12-Pounder, another Hero Prinny, Prinny Raid…"  
_the…_  
"Evil Prinny Beauty Tyrant – Etna, Majin Hanako, the last Prinny Kurtis, the third Hero Prinny, Prinny's Hero Scarf, Prin the Vagabond, Undercover Prinny, Prinny God, Prinny Baal, Uber Prinny Baal, and Defense Draw."  
_hell…_  
"That makes thirty-one cards," Yuki counted.  
_just happened?_  
"Asagi!" Yuki ordered! "Shoot him!"  
"Ha ha!" (Asagi: 3100 Attack Points) Asagi pulled out a Prinny-shaped gun and shot Great Hurricane's head off. He exploded! (Chazz: 1900 Life Points)  
"C-crap… Chazz slumped to the ground. "What does it TAKE to keep you down?"  
"Simply put, you can't," Yuki said. "There's no real way to beat somebody like me. But I'll give you this: only five people have survived up to Asagi before, usually Pringer X beats them. And so, knowing this, prepare to fall to my ULTIMATE MONSTER, ASAGI, THE GUNSLINGER!"

_[.com/watch?v=H_MtRSBJ4tk]__Alright,_ Chazz thought, _I'm staring at some…_ Asagi was still currently rockin' out on her imaginary guitar, complete with windmills and jumps. _A weird girl controlled by weirder girl a. She has over 3000 Attack. Now it all LITERALLY comes down to this next draw…_ "HA!" Chazz leaped to his feet and drew his card! It was… Elemental Hero Flash! (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Flash) _Woah! ? No, that's a reference for another time._ "Listen lady, now YOU'RE screwed," Chazz assured.  
"Am I?" Yuki challenged.  
"Yeah, you are! I summon Elemental Hero Flash!" A scarfed silent serious hero teleported to the field in a blue beam of light. (Flash: 1500 Attack Points, 1000 Defense Points)  
_Damn,_ Yuki realized, _if he gets the right card, I could be in some trouble… he could… REALLY… beat Asagi!_

"I'll use his ability to remove Stratos, Knopse, and Great Hurricane from my Graveyard in order to reclaim one Spell card!" Chazz shouted! "I'm getting back Miracle Fusion!" The spirits of the three monsters combined into the silhouette of Miracle Fusion!  
"No, don't use it!" Yuki ordered! "Don't kill Asagi!"  
"I'll use Miracle Fusion to remove Flash from my field and Absolute Zero from my Graveyard to Fusion Summon Elemental Hero The Shining!" Flash stretched his arms outward, focused… and emitted a brighter light than any previously seen in this duel before!  
"What's going on?" Angry McArgue asked, noticing the small bit of light leaking through the dome of darkness.  
"I haven't seen any of Yuki's duels lasting so long," Misa worried.  
"And this hasn't happened, either," Zazz added. "What in the world's going on in there?"  
"I hope Chazz's okay," Syrus worried, "it's getting late." The sun had indeed started to set, and the jungle monsters were starting to crawl out of the jungle. "Oh yeah, whatever happened to Nancy Wut? She hasn't said anything in forever."

And so, within the dome, Flash had become an amazing man clad in pale-white armor, with some rubies attached to his suit, with one functioning as an eye. (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_The_Shining) There was an incredible ring of light with golden spikes levitating around it. (The Shining: 2600 Attack Points) "Now, The Shining MAY have a copyrighted name that comes from a movie or book, or both," Chazz said, "but he has one of the BEST Attack-boosting abilities of ALL E-Heroes! He gains 300 Attack Points for ALL E-Heroes removed from play. So instantly, Flash removed three, then he and Absolute Zero went off with Miracle Fusion, and earlier I removed Ice Edge and Prisma. That's seven monsters, for 2100 Attack Points! Forty-Seven Hundred Attack Points, bitch!" The Shining's ring began to vibrate with the souls of the lost. It made him STRONG. (The Shining: 4700 Attack Points)  
"Oh… oh no…" Yuki whispered, now bathed in sweat.  
"HOLY LIGHTSHOCK!" Chazz commanded! The Shining looked at Asagi and pointed to her. Several hundred thread-like beams of light cut through Asagi's body from all directions.  
"O wow ow ow OW OW OW!" she screamed! Then the 'threads' began tying themselves around Asagi, who was then crushed as they pulled her as tight as possible.  
"N-no, how COULD you?" Yuki cried.  
The now-small sphere of light exploded, leaving Asagi, battered, bruised, and burnt on the floor. "Uuuugh…" (Yuki: 50 Life Points)  
"…" (Yuki: 50 Life Points) "You…" (Yuki: 50 Life Points) "Don't tell me you're still not done," Chazz begged.  
"Of COURSE I'm not done!" Yuki laughed, showing off her diabolical side again! "When Asagi is beaten in battle, all of the damage is reduced to zero, and then she wants her revenge. And that means she has to become my _favorite_ monster from my Extra Deck." [/watch?v=0NqCkLi4zr8]  
"Grr… _**REVEEEEEEEEENGE!**_" Asagi screamed, right on cue, standing up with fire in her eyes and rage painting her face! She started spinning around until she became a blur, emitting confetti for some reason! And then she stopped, now wearing the ULTIMATE WEAPON… _the Prinny Suit_. (REFERENCE: spriters-resource. com/ other_systems/ prinny/ prinnyasagi_)  
"Say hello to the TRUE ultimate monster, the enraged, psychotic gun-slinging lady!" introduced Yuki! "**PRINNY** ASAGI!" (Prinny Asagi: 100 Attack Points)  
"What's with her stats THIS time?"  
"Oh, she just gets Attack Points for each card in my Graveyard, too… _BUT IT'S DOUBLED THIS TIME._"

"Y-you've gotta be kidding me…" Chazz gulped, unbelieving!  
"Keep that look of fear on your face, I love it," Yuki suggested. "Now, Asagi in my Graveyard makes thirty-two cards. So she has Sixty-Five Hundred Attack Points. I was never really scared about you killing off Asagi, rather I was preparing myself for the second time I've ever executed someone in such a manner…"  
"… Crap…"  
"Hee hee!" Prinny Asagi posed adorably, pulling out her two rapid-fire pistols. (Prinny Asagi: 6500 Attack Points, Twelve Stars)  
"Yes, this is one of the very few Level Twelve monsters for one reason: she can also attack once per turn FOR EVERY CARD IN THE GRAVEYARD."  
_I'm dead… if she kills The Shining, and then hits me, I'm literally DEAD, full of bullets!_ Chazz thought, panicked! _N-no, no… wait. Did she say 'Level Twelve'?_ He looked at two cards in his hand: Damage Gate and Hand Destruction. (REFERENCES: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Damage_Gate; yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Hand_Destruction) _Why hadn't I paid any attention to these cards? I COULD have used them earlier, but this is the PERFECT opportunity! Deus ex machine to the rescue!_

"Be proud, boy," Yuki drooled, "you're the second person EVER to make it this far. This attack will bring you down to 100 Life Points, and then each successive attack would decrease you to…" She pulled out a pocket calculator and began pressing some buttons. Then she looked back up at him with a sickening grin. "… You'll have negative 21,124,400 Life Points. You'll be the biggest loser of all time, ever." She began breathing heavily and wiping her mouth on her sleeve. "Heh heh heh. Too bad, only a few more turns, and I'd have run out of cards in my deck. But don't worry, I'll let you savor each one of my bullets before I shoot the next one into you. And now…" She pointed to Asagi in an epic fashion. "ASAGI! MAKE HIM _SCREAM_!"

Prinny Asagi leaped gracefully into the air and fired three bullets at The Shining. They pierced his head, heart and groin (ow x2). His armored body began cracking apart until it broke, releasing a giant burst of light, rivaling the sun! "NO! No… no…" Chazz was finally and utterly defeated. (Chazz: 100 Life Points)  
"Alright Asagi," Yuki sighed contentedly, "let's start taking this nice and slowly."  
"No, wait," Chazz stuttered, "I-I active… activate the cards Hand Destruction and Damage Gate."  
"Oh, so we both draw and discard two cards?" Yuki recalled, putting on her swirly glasses for protection. She drew and discarded two cards. "Hm, one card left?" she inspected. "Well, it takes out one of my attacks, but I gain 200 Attack Points. I'm not about to recalculate this, so… ASAGI! KILL THAT MONSTER!"  
Asagi shot again. There was an explosion through the light. "Okay okay okay," Chazz cried, "I give up! I give up! Let me go, please!"  
"Shot number THREE!" Asagi shot again.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Chazz screamed!  
"Oooh, OH!" Yuki screamed. "Do it again! Shot number four!"  
Asagi shot again. "AAAAAHH! WAAAAAAGH, STOP! NOOOOO!"  
"_Oooh!_" Yuki clutched her chest! "It's so… so… SHOOT'M AGAIN!"  
Asagi shot him again. "GYAAA**AAA**AAH!"  
"Oh, oh, oh! I, I feel like I'm going to _EXPLODE_! This is even better than the last time…" She licked her lips once over. "Asagi, again! Again! Give me that THRILL!"  
Asagi shot again, and by this time, the flash had grown weaker. "Ow, that hurt."  
"Ooooh… wait, what?" Now it was possible to make out… the form of Elemental Hero Ice Edge? (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/ wiki/ Elemental_Hero_Ice_Edge)  
"Oh, I forgot to mention: when The Shining dies, I can add two of my removed from play monsters into my hand, and then I used a combination of Hand Destruction and Damage Gate to put him in the Graveyard and re-summon him." (Ice Edge: 900 Defense Points)

"THIS IS STUPID! WHY WON'T HE DIIIIIIIEE?" Yuki raged, seething with anger from the cocktease! She smacked Prinny Asagi with her whip.

"Ow," she said.

"SHOOT HIM EIGHT MORE TIMES!" Asagi shot eight more times. Ice Edge got shot, but didn't flinch. "WHAT AM I DOING WROOOOOONG?"  
[.com/watch?v=rlL2Soci6eY] "Simple." The light was finally receding for real.  
"What's going on?" Syrus wondered, sitting around with all the other bored people. "I… I think I hear something."  
"Is it… dramatic music?" Misa wondered, straining her hearing muscles.  
"Yeah, you're right," Zazz verified.  
"This means that… Chazz… is winning, I reckon!" Billy Hills reckoned!

Ice Edge… was grey-colored, not blue! "This is the MANGA version of Ice Edge, IDIOT!" Chazz laughed, sticking his tongue out! "He can't be beaten by a Level Four or higher monster. Look it up! This means that you can't do ANYTHING! Face it, I'm safe!"  
"…" Yuki was speechless. "… Your turn. Have your turn, have your **freaking** turn. This is the LAST time you'll be one-upping me this duel."  
_Heh heh heh, it worked perfectly!_ Chazz thought. _Now, thanks to Hand Destruction, it's time for me to unleash the SINGLE-GREATEST card combo in this stupid world!_ Chazz drew a card. "I play Smashing Ground."  
"…H…huuuh?" **POW!** A giant arm fell from the sky and crushed Prinny Asagi into the dirt. She died.  
"Ice Edge, attack," Chazz ordered.  
_Wait, what… what just happened? No… I'm not supposed to lose, I'm supposed to summon another Prinny on my final turn and kill Ice Edge before resuming my constant stream of attacks on this boy!_ Yuki recalled. _I can't lose to this… this…_ "OWAAAAAH!" Ice Edge rammed into Yuki's stomach with his spiky helmet, pushing her so hard that her glasses flew off, and she smashed through her own evil barrier, crushing it into pieces. (Yuki: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"OH SHIP!" cursed Angry McArgue! "What HAPPENED?"  
"YUKI!" cried Pyrus! Yuki landed on her back as Ice Edge and the other holograms faded way. Yuki shook like a shaking leaf. "Are you okay?"  
"H… he… HE… **YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!** Yuki roared! She leaped to her feet and began furiously whipping her whip around like a whip! It somehow began cutting up the foliage of the rainforest like some sort of magic blade of stretching!  
"MOVE BACK, EVERYONE!" Chazz warned! As everybody ran, they all got carved in some part of their bodies.  
"My arm!" Syrus cried!  
"My leg!" Angry McArgue yelped.  
"My prosthetic hand!" Bastion screamed!  
"My belleh!" Huffy yelled.  
_My gosh, she's not differentiating from friend or foe anymore!_ Chazz realized! They all escaped from the designated strike zone and continued to flee.  
"I reckon this is HORRIFYIN'!" Billy Hills cried! "She's still chasin' us, I reckon!" And behind them, the continuous harmony of things being destroyed followed.

Chazz turned around and headed toward the mayhem. "Go on, escape! She's not stopping without taking me out!"  
"But, I reckon!"  
"Chazz, don't be an idiot!" Syrus sobbed! "Your chances of survival are something like 1%! ONE FREAKING PERCENT!"  
"Fools. As long as I'm the main character…" Chazz ran off. _As long as I'm the main character, I'm responsible for all of you guys! And I take my responsibilities seriously!_  
"GRRRUUUUH…" Yuki growled, spitting clouds of hate-driven smoke from her mouth. In her fist was Alex Road, the only one not to flee, whose chest had been sliced almost to the point of separation into halves. "WHERE ARE YOU…"  
"HERE!" Chazz announced, appearing via flying kick to the face!  
"UGH!" Yuki cringed, taking a jump backward and tossing Alex's corpse at Chazz.  
"Dead body?" Chazz was hit in the stomach by him, spreading blood all over his clothing. "Gross! Do you have ANY idea how long it takes to clean blood out of clothing?"  
"You don't NEED fresh clothes when you're DEAD!" Yuki cracked her whip a few more times, and as Chazz tried to dodge, he made a fatal error: he got hit in the arm.

"WAAAGH!" he said loudly. And as it turned out, there was no silly wound! But there WAS a large orb of darkness around his limb.  
"And now when I snap my fingers, I can eliminate this new form of space from existence, taking your arm with it!" Yuki gloated, getting her fingers ready.  
"How the HELL can you DO that?"  
"Easy, because of my Shadow Item, but I won't bother explaining this to a dead man!" She snapped her fingers as she dropped the whip, thanks to Zazz and Angry McArgue punching her in both cheeks at the same time. "Qw… uwuuuugh…"  
"You came to save me?" Chazz gleefully gasped, as the weird shadow orb thing disappeared by itself.  
"Well DUH, why would we leave an idiot like YOU to die?" they both answered simultaneously, flashing Chazz a smile. Suddenly they were both covered in a vomit of blood! "Eugh!"  
"Disgusting!" They both tried shaking some of it off.  
"Heh heh," Yuki chuckled, wiping the blood off of her face, "I can't believe that even YOU, Zazz, would dare stand up to me."  
"Well, how long did you THINK that I was just going to let you bully the entire school into submission?" Zazz demanded. "How long do you think you can keep crossing the line until somebody snaps?"  
"But I'm ALLOWED to do that because I'm better than you all," Yuki recalled.  
"Wow, you guys ARE nerds if you'll all let one sadist-bitch control your lives," Chazz scoffed. "Whoops, sorry, I'm supposed to be nicer now."  
"But now it's over, Yuki!" Angry McArgue stepped in! "We are TAKING YOU DOWN!" She raised her fist—only for a SHARK to clamp onto it! "Eh? WHAT?"

"HAAAAA ha ha ha, you people DIDN'T KNOW that this was the legendary 'landshark Island'?" Yuki chortled! "You honestly didn't realize that from the time you got here?"  
"L-landshark?" the good guys gasped.  
"Yeah, this island is known for its walking sharks with lungs. They only come out after dark, and they're PACK ANIMALS." Angry McArgue punched the shark off of her, which had two human legs, looking like somebody was just wearing a shark costume and running around, scaring wayward kids. But it was no costume. Neither were the other six that had suddenly walked out from the trees. "Now, you see, I never lose," Yuki said, "but I'm okay with a tie match instead."  
"YOU MEAN WE'RE GOING TO DIE HERE, EATEN BY LANDSHARKS?" Zazz screamed! "YOU ARE ONE SERIOUSLY MESSED UP LADY! Not like I didn't already know that, though." And so the sharks steadily advanced, and the kids put on their fightin' looks, facing death in the sharky face.  
"Is this really it?" Chazz asked himself.

"Nope!"  
"Who the… NANCY WUT?" And lo, Nancy Wut flew in on the helicopter that had crashed on the shady part of the island that afternoon!  
"Hai gaiz!" she waved through the front seat window. "I found the other guy's helicopter and spent the last hour trying to make it work!"  
"Also I'm okay!" the American guy said, sticking his head out, too. "'Turns out I wasn't PARALYZED, just kinda sore 'n stuff. And lazy. So yeah."  
"TAKE THIS!" Nancy Wut began shining the helicopter's shiny spotlight that wasn't mentioned prior to this event at the landsharks. They all began making barking noises and backing off.  
"Of course, landsharks hate sunlight! And regular light, too!" Chazz reasoned. A rope was lowered from the helicopter.  
"Grab onto 'da rope!" the American captain shouted. And so Chazz, Zazz, and Angry McArgue all leaped onto the dangling rope… AND SO DID YUKI!

"I'M NOT DYING ALONE!" she promised!  
"Oh yeah, I found this, too!" Nancy chucked Marik's corpse out from the helicopter, smacking Yuki squarely in the face and knocking her lose.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-ow," she screamed, falling on her keys. And so the helicopter quickly fled the scene, heading for Kaibaland Duel Academy once more. The landsharks crawled out from the shadows on their knees again, their white triangular teeth flashing by the light of the moon. "So," Yuki wondered, covered from head to toe in buckets of blood, "is this REALLY how I'm dying? Aheh heh, _HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!_" _Sorry I failed, Dr. Card, after all you've done for me. I'll try harder next time._

And so, Chazz, Zazz and Angry McArgue crawled up the rope into the helicopter. Everybody crowded around them and sat them on the awesome sofa in the back. "Are you kids okay?" asked the American captain.  
"Aren't you flying the helicopter?" Angry McArgue asked.  
"Aw, crap," he cussed, running back to the cockpit.  
"Don't worry, we're here too," said Misa Wabastion, pointing to Pyrus and Huffy.  
"Nobody cared about THOSE characters," Syrus sy-ed.  
"I agree," Pyrus agreed.  
"But I've been losing blood since around the beginning of that duel," Chazz said, spurting blood everywhere. "Am I gonna be okay?"  
"Well yeah, Chazz," Billy Hills reckoned, "I reckon you'll survive in THIS kinda story."  
"That's good," Bastion said. Then Chazz fell of the sofa.  
"Hey everybody, he just lost consciousness," Nancy Wut said. "… Should we… do something?"  
"I… don't know," Zazz shrugged.  
"Owm," Huffy chomped, biting into a random fruit_._

RESULTS:

Chazz Princeton: Active  
Nancy Wut: Loss, Alex Road  
Angry McArgue: Active  
Syrus Truesdale: Tie, Misa Wabastion  
Bastion Misawa: Loss, Alex Road  
Billy Hills: Loss, Yuki Judai

Zazz Princesston: Loss, Chazz Princeton  
Alex Road: Loss, Angry McArgue  
Misa Wabastion: Tie, Syrus Truesdale  
Pyrus Puesdale: Loss, Chazz Princeton  
Huffy Chumlington: Loss, Angry McArgue  
Yuki Judai: Loss, Chazz Princeton

WINNERS: KAIBALAND DUEL ACADEMY

LATER! THAT! NIGHT! [.com/watch?v=mH7_Jq5bPJ4&feature=related]  
And so, at the regular Duel Academy, there was much celebrating as the teachers pulled out the champagne and confetti was thrown around callously. And for some reason, everybody's injuries were healed! Yay! Except for Bastion's hand. And Chazz was wrapped like a mummy, to hilarious effect. "HELLO, DUEL ACADEMY!" Chancellor Shepherd roared into the microphone in the giant Duel Dome filled with cool kids! "WE HAVE OUR WINNERS!" The six Kaibaland Duel Academy students were seated in cheap steel folding chairs to his left. As consolation, the four surviving _OTHER_ Japanese Duel Academy students were on the right, seated in wooden chairs. "So, before the festivities begin, we shall do what all of you had been waiting for since the beginning of this filler arc: I will present the winning team with their PRIZE!"  
"WOO-HOO!" the six guys cheered. Nobody else cared, though; nobody wanted to watch somebody ELSE get something cool, so they moved on to the hundreds of snack tables around the groups.  
Shepherd slowly walked up to the six kids with something cool in a golden case of some sort. He opened it up… and gave them their 12-Star 'Yugi Muto' cards, with no effect and 9999/9999 stats. "Well… there you go!" Shepherd said, giving the cards to them all.  
"… THAT SUCKS!" Nancy Wut shouted, explaining what all those other guys had been thinking, too. They all threw their cards on the floor and dispersed.  
"… Well, I thought they were spiffy," Shepherd sighed, scratching his head.

"This blows," Pyrus grunted, sitting with her peers. Just then, THEIR chancellor, Chancellor Stickman, trudged over to them.  
"Well, there's no use staying here, all the women teachers are ugly," he sighed sadly. "So, Yuki's gone forever now?"  
"Yeah," Misa said. "So's Alex, but nobody cared for him anyhow."  
"GREAT! Who wants to fly the 'chopper?"  
"Me!" Huffy said.  
"Aw man!" Zazz whined. "You ALWAYS fly the 'chopper when Yuki's not here."  
"YOU flew it once!"  
"Yeah, but she WAS here!" They all ran off, in a hurry to leave that crappy school.

Meanwhile, all the duelists were meeting up with their friends again. "JADEN! KOALA KO ALA! MANN MCWHATZISFACE!" Syrus cried!  
"McOldsmobile!" greeted Mann McOldsmobile, appearing with Syrus's other friends.  
"You guys wouldn't believe it! There were feminine clones of me, you, and you, Koala, and girl-Jaden was freaky and died!"  
"Oh, alright!" Jaden walked past him and up to Chazz, who was peeved. "Yo, Chazz, ha ha! How'd you like mah practical joke, eh?" He poked Chazz with his elbow. "Pretty sneaky, eh?"  
"Gimmee back my deck," Chazz ordered.  
"Dah, alright buddy!" Jaden handed him his regular deck. 'No hard feelin's, right?" Chazz kicked him in the crotch. "Mother…" Jaden fell over.  
"You DID say you'd do that, I reckon," Billy Hills remembered, thinking back to the first filler.  
"Now let's go see what Dobbson's doing since he's not here," Chazz decided, taking Billy Hills along for the ride.  
"BASTION!" Pigybank screamed! She pointed to Bastion's stumpy wrist.  
"Eh, yeah, my hand was bitten off by a tiger. I like tigers."  
"Oh gosh…" Fluffy Fred fainted.  
"CAN WE GET SOME MEDICAL HELP IN HERE?" Baseball Bob cried.

A FEW! MINUTES! LATER!  
"So Chazz, can I have that deck I reckon you hated that you used today?" Billy Hills asked his friend as they walked up to their dorm room.

"Eh, sure," Chazz said, handing Billy Hills the plot-important deck of Natural Heroes.

"AW RECKON!" Billy Hills cheered! Chazz opened the door to his crappy Slifer room Inside, the place was a mess, loud, irritating music was playing, and Deep-Voice Dobbson was dancing oddly with Ojama Yellow, wearing an Ojama Yellow costume. "Hm? Oh, hey Boss!" Ojama Yellow greeted.  
"Hey, huh, Chazz, huh, how'd it go?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

"…" Chazz and Billy Hills just made a silent agreement to leave at once. And they did. And they didn't look back.

COMMENTARY

Soooooooooooooo, we're finally done here. YES! We've finally cleared this portion of the story! I'm sure at least two of you liked it, so good for you! Either way, I've learned that I'm not supposed to make this story take itself too seriously until something big happens. Granted, I only just figured this out, and that's after writing 50 chapters, so expect some more Cerberus Syndrome later… but at least I managed to make it better halfway through THAT arc… either way, I should stop alluding to the future. BUT I'M JUST SO DAG HAPPY TO BE DONE WITH ALL THE ANNOTATIONS!

So what the heck was up with that Yuki gal? She had a weird complex, and she had a Shadow Item? Which conveniently appear in the next arc? How did she get it? Will she become important in the future? How far could I possibly be trying to plot ahead? I don't know, and I'll probably have to come up with some of this as I go. But I DO have plans for how the series will end, so yeah.

Either way we're going back to normal next. Jaden will be the main dude again. I'll throw in too many characters for my own good. I'll make up stupid side-stories. And worst of all… Jaden may become the single most powerful character on the show… or not. Either way, tune in next week, and also get your friends who ignored this arc to start paying attention again. GO GO YU-GI-OOOOOOH GX! Damn, I sound so nerdy.


	33. Episode 33: Grave Risk Part One

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 33: Grave Risk – Part One

We open up to our first non-filler episode in a long time to a peaceful, guitar-filled night in the Slifer Toolshed. Koala Ko Ala was snoring loudly on the top bunk, Syrus was climbing down from his bottom bunk, and Mann McOldsmobile was resting his weary body on the floor in his own bunk. "I sure do wish my bowels weren't acting up all the time," Syrus sighed, grabbing his stomach. Jaden poked his head out from under Mann McOldsmobile's bed.  
"Hey, Sy!" Jaden greeted loudly, as always. "Where ya' goin', yo?"  
"GAAH!" Syrus screeched! And yet, nobody woke up. "Why do you insist on sleeping there?"  
"Because I always slept on the floor before Mann McOldsmobile fell on me."

"I don't have to move if I don't want to."  
"… Agh! The stupidity is messin' with my bowels again!" Syrus ran out the door in a hurry.  
"See ya', Sy!" Jaden said. He, with intense effort, pulled his head back under the bunk bed with a loud 'POP' sound.

Syrus walked around, dazed and full of liquids, until he stumbled down the stairs of the dorm house and bumped into Professor Banner's room. "Oops." Syrus' knocking the door open bumped it into a bookcase, knocking over a large bottle of Koala Juice (it was a gift), which hit a bunch of snow globes and smashed them onto the ground, scaring Garfield, making him climb up a tall lamp, forcing it to fall over, smashing its light bulb and starting a small fire. But Banner was too involved with his computer to notice. "He's on his computer at THIS hour? Boy, I hope he's not looking at porn," Syrus sy-ed, "or else I'd have to lose all respect for this depraved, depraved man."  
"_Then, tomorrow, you will take your class on a surprise field trip to the ancient ruins on Duel Academy Island and let Jaden travel through time to face THE TRIAL OF THE GRAVEKEEPERS,_" Banner's computer instructed.  
"No!" Banner disagreed. "I can't take my class to the ancient ruins on this highly-populated island made for schoolchildren to run, jump and have fun unattended! What if he gets crushed by a rock?"  
"_If he is crushed by a rock, then so be it. That would mean that he is not… _THE CHOSEN ONE_. If he survives, then we have taught him well, at the possible risk of his life. The test of the tomb shall tell us the answer…_"  
"Well, alright then." Banner clicked a thing, making the voice shut up, ending their conversation.  
_T-t-t-t-test? T-t-t-t-tomb? Wait, why did they build a big school on an island with a volcano, steep cliffs AND ancient, dangerous ruins? That's a lawsuit just WAITING to happen!_ Syrus thought. _Oh well, it COULD be worse…_  
"Okay, now to watch some late-night porn!" announced Banner.  
_I take that back, it can't get any worse…_ Syrus, horrified, slowly closed the door and left. He began slowly taking steps backward in disbelief. He walked back up the stairs in reverse, walked back into his room, climbed up the ladder and got into his bed. _Our teacher… IS A PERVERT?_ He gulped and was too frightened to sleep.

THE! NEXT! DAY!  
The class Banner was teaching that day was exponentially boring, especially marked by the fact that there were only around twelve out of forty kids actually there that morning. But Banner had a large chemistry set! "And as you see, class," Banner rambled on, "you can learn a lot about Duel Monsters from alchemy. By combining two things together, like monsters, you can get a DIFFERENT thing." Banner combined two liquids and they became gold. "Also, you can't have this." He put it away to a chorus of groans.  
"Uh, sir," one kid asked, "can I make a Fullmetal Alchemist reference here?"  
"No."  
"Can I make a Buso Renkin—"  
"We already DID that!" Chazz yelled!  
"Oh, yeah…"

"WAIT!" Banner remembered! "I almost forgot! We're having a SURPRISE FIELD TRIP!"  
"Yayz." The class began filing out into the halls.  
"Wait, where are you all going? We aren't going YET!" Only Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala, Mann McOldsmobile and Alexis remained.  
"They aren't coming back," Alexis said.  
"I know…"  
_Should I tell Jaden that Banner's trying to do something dangerous to him?_ Syrus thought.  
"Hey, everyone, I'm ready to go!" Jaden was outfitted with brown shorts, hiking boots, a cool brown jacket, a large backpack and a sleeping bag.  
_Aw man, he looks so excited!_ Syrus gulped. _Being as socially awkward as I am, I can't bring myself to tell him something that could save his life, at the cost of feeling somewhat sad. Boy, kids are dumb._

A few seconds later, the six guys were all outside the school, armed with small packs and snacks and ready to make tracks. "I'm too fat to hike," Koala Ko Ala moaned, "plus I don't wanna. So can I NOT hike?"  
"No."  
"Don't worry, koala guy," Mann McOldsmobile urged, rubbing his head, "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. I think."  
"Do you even know my name?" Koala Ko Ala asked, a little peeved.  
"…" Mann McOldsmobile stared at him.

"Okay Jaden, I can't stand back any longer," Syrus decided, pulling Jaden away for a few seconds. "Last night I heard Banner talking about you. To his computer! And they discussed 'the test of the tomb'. And then Banner watched porn! Are you sure you should be here? We're going to those dangerous ruins on the island."  
"Oh, Sy, he was just yankin' your chain!" Jaden said. "He KNEW you were listenin' to him, so he messed with ya' a bit! But maybe we SHOULD worry about the porn."  
"Why're you talking about porn?" Alexis wondered, entering the conversation.  
"Banner's a perv!" Syrus screamed quietly!  
"Gulp!" Alexis said.  
"Okay, guys!" Banner called. "Let's hit the road!" Mann McOldsmobile and Koala Ko Ala walked off with him. "Um, Jaden? Alexis? Syrus? Come on, or else you'll get lost."  
"U-u-um… ok…okay?" Alexis shivered. The trio slowly walked after them. _This is the same reason I left my LAST school…_ she worried.  
"Jaden… the test of the tomb…" Syrus whispered to Jaden. "Teeeest… tooomb…"  
"Test tomb?" Jaden gasped. "Syrus, you're crazy!" Jaden ran away from him. "HE'S CRAZY, YO!"  
_Aw, man, why do I hang out with people who don't listen to me?_ Syrus wondered. _I really need to meet new people._

A FEW! HOURS! LATER!  
"Ah, here we are!" Banner sighed deeply. "The ruins located on Duel Academy Island." They were at a large ruined site of some ancient club or something, taking the form of a massive dilapidated coliseum.  
"What do you mean, 'hours later'? We just hiked behind the school," Mann McOldsmobile indicated. They were right behind the main school building.  
"Mr. McOldsmobile, that's how we do things around here," Banner explained. "Oh, over here you can see where they ate!" Banner ran over to a collapsed passageway marked 'Kitchen'. "And here's where they rested!" He pointed out a room marked 'Video Games'. "And here's where they played card games!" There was an open space marked 'Duel Monsters'.  
"Heeeeeey," Jaden wondered, "I can believe that they had a kitchen, and maybe I can understand why they'd have video games, but why the FUNK would they be able to play Duel Monsters?"  
"Because they were bored, of course!" Banner said. "Now, I believe it's about time to eat our lunches."  
"It's about 10:30," Alexis said, reading the time off of her YugiNavi™.  
"Don't listen to her, teacher!" Koala Ko Ala roared! "She's just trying to sabotage you!" Koala Ko Ala whirled out a pic-a-nic basket from behind his back and threw it to the floor. The pic-a-nic basket exploded in a haze of confetti, leaving behind a blanket with a large plate of rice balls and Sammiches.

"Ah, so you came prepared, eh?" Banner chuckled.  
"Yeah, of COURSE we'd force Koala Ko Ala to carry the food!" Jaden explained.  
"Yeah!" Mann McOldsmobile gave'm a hi-five.  
"Hee hee hee…" Banner laughed. _What a creepy laugh…_ thought Alexis. "You kids may have brought your jelly doughnuts, or rice balls, as us "apparently" Japanese people call them, but I have completely and utterly outclassed you with my OWN tastes. For I…" He placed his bag onto the ground, which now looked surprisingly square-ish. "… have brought a pizza."  
"WOAH! NO WAY! REALLY? OMFG!"

Banner placed his hands into the bag and pulled out… _**Garfield**_. "Oh, son of a female dog, Garfield! What the hell? This was my lunch! What do you have to say for yourself?"  
Garfield farted.  
"Come on, I can't believe we had to resort to this type of humor."  
"But hey, the really immature kids LOVE that type of thing!" Mann McOldsmobile recalled. He then turned his attention to Alexis. "Hey, Alexis, aren't ruins just romantic? Getting to look back upon the dreams of a once-great people and seeing just where they screwed up…"  
"I have no interest in you and never will."  
"Well I'm supposed to be the mature, immature ladies' man character! I'll keep trying!"  
"KIIIIIIIDS!" Banner moaned. "Your teacher is so hungry. Can you please share with him?"  
"Nah, you can't handle OUR tastes, yo!" Jaden mocked.  
"Yeah," agreed his friends.  
"What? Not even ONE Sammich? You have like fourteen!"  
"Dah, okay."  
"NO, KOALA KO ALA, DON'T GIVE IT TO HIIIIIM!"

Meanwhile, as they were having the food fight of the century but not in the usual sense, Garfield was up to some of his _CRAAAAZY_ antics! He walked around and then scratched in the dirt a bit! He dug up a _SPOOOOKY_ medallion with an eye and a gem in it! Oh, but he just kept scratchin' at it! That is, until it released a blinding light thereby putting EVERYONE in DANGER! Ha ha ha, Garfield, you lil' scamp! Beams of light began appearing all around the group in random places. "Hubba-WHA?" Syrus said randomly.  
"This is freaky!" Mann McOldsmobile cried!  
"WOOOOOOAAAAAH yo!" Jaden shouted, as the air began to become a swirling mass of color, splitting the sun into three identical thingies.  
"This is one totally licious field trip," Koala Ko Ala said.  
"You can't just use your catch-phrase several episodes after you try it once and decide it's not working!" Alexis said. "It could put us all in jeopardy. What if somebody else says something horrible, then follows your example by saying it again randomly?"  
"Sorry."

Suddenly, Jaden's mystical spirit buddy, Winged Kuriboh appeared beside him. "OOH," it said.  
"You're sayin' that we should run, yo?" Jaden interpreted.  
"OOH."  
"Because something dangerous will happen if we don't?"  
"OOH."  
"Hey, I do NOT look stupid by inferring what you're saying!" Jaden punched Winged Kuriboh out of sight. "Oh my gosh, I never realized how awesome those swirly colors looked until now!" Jaden marveled, staring at the now-multicolored sky. There was a thunder-like boom from someplace nearby.  
"Jaden! Stop daydreaming and hide under this rock with us!" ordered Banner, holding a somewhat-large rock over himself and the other kids, huddled around him.  
_I wish I wasn't so close to this pervert right now, but it's a risk I have to take!_ Alexis decided.  
"No way, Joes! I'm gonna lead this storm away!" Jaden promised, dashing off.  
"No, Jaden, that's stupid!" Syrus screamed! "STUUUUPIIIIIIIIID!" But Jaden had something there, because the rainbow-colored sky absorbed him, taking him to who-knows-where! "He actually DID save us!" Then it quickly came back for them, making Jaden look like an idjit again.

"Wooooooah…" Jaden tried to recover his bearings. "Where am I… oh cool, grass!" He looked down at the grass by his feet. "Well, I guess that answers everything… HUNH?" Looking right in front of his face he saw the ruins, but they were restored! They now resembled one of those cool Mayan pyramids. "Cool! We went back in time! How impossible is THAT? Welp, time for me to not care much about it, because we're about to go on a BIG adventure, me! How I love talkin' to myself, eh, Winged Kuriboh?" Winged Kuriboh didn't move; he was down for the count. "Hey, get up, dude! I'm not supposed to kill you! It's like… killing a baby! Nobody wants THAT!" Jaden picked him up. "…Heeeeeey, since when could I pick you up and stuff? I can't touch a DUEL SPIRIT, I can only PUNCH it! What's the dilly-o?"  
"You!" shouted an unknown approaching woman, who appeared to by Egyptian or something. She was in a nice black cloak, a bandanna across her forehead, and a disturbingly short dress. Damn you Japanese people and your clothing fetishes. "What the heck? Why are YOU here? You can't be HERE!"  
"Uh why?" She forcefully pushed him to a wall/staircase wall. "Ow ow ow! Hey! Don't push me up against something in a way that can be misconstrued!"  
"Quiet!" She pushed closer to his face.  
"Aw man, you're getting all sexual!"

About a dozen fat men in robes carrying staves, all named GRAVEKEEPER'S GUARDs walked up the stairs, covering their large bellies with their nice cloaks while holding spears. They too also seemed quite Egyptian. As soon as they'd passed, the lady stepped back from Jaden and gave him some space. "Gosh, lady, what's yo' prob?"  
"Your friends have been taken hostage by the Gravekeeper Chief," the lady informed, "and I was trying to keep them from taking you, too."  
"Did we all come here at the same time? How'd you know that within the space of a few seconds?"  
"I'm just cool like that… just cool…" She caught herself and shook her head. "Uh, anyways, they're about to offer them to our snake deity. Wanna watch?"  
"Hellz naw, man!" Jaden slapped her forcefully! "How dare you even suggest that! I'm going up there to rescue them myself!" Jaden stormed up the stairs.  
"No! You know not what you're getting yourself into!"  
But it was too late. Jaden charged up the stairs, as a man on a mission, a kid with a dream, and a hero on a dime! [.com/watch?v=SaskbnKEk_k]_This is it! I'm not going to just give up my friends without some sort of fight! I'm gonna run up in that pyramid thingie and beat the bad guys up, then make my escape! I'm not leaving without ANY of them! So these guys can just forget it! Sacrificing them, I mean. Boy, these stairs are long. I wonder how much longer it's gonna take for me to reach the top. Seriously, why'd they make these dumb things so tall? Their weirdo religions about human sacrifice, I bet! Ha, I answered my own question! I can do anything I set my mind to, huh? Well, then, I'll prove it! I'll prove it to ALL OF THEM!_

A FEW! MINUTES! LATER!  
Alexis, Syrus, Mann McOldsmobile, Koala Ko Ala and Banner were all tied up over a pit where a large clay pot was stationed, dangling precariously with their thin ropes. "I wonder how long it's gonna take for Jaden to get here," Alexis sighed.  
"I REEEEALLY hope we don't all die… thanks to this stupid test of the tomb!" Syrus growled.  
"What? It's not MY fault," Banner promised.  
"Whenever an adult says that, don't believe them!" Koala Ko Ala urged.  
"Then who DO I believe in?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"You 'kin believe in me, dude!" Jaden promised.  
"Huh?" They all looked to the right of Banner, where Jaden was being lowered down next to them. "… Why did you get captured, too?"

"Uh, chief," a GRAVEKEEPER'S SPEAR SOLDIER (a robed, thin dude with a spear) reported, "I caught THIS one running up the stairs."  
"Oh, great! Now we have SIX sacrifices!" giggled a creepy man's voice. "Perfect!"  
"Oh crap," groaned the guys, "thanks for dooming us all, Jaden."  
"No prob!"

[.com/watch?v=hYBeeoX5rbI&feature=related] "WAAAAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHA!" laughed a man in INTENSELY white/black robes, a simple headdress, while simultaneously wielding a golden snakestaff! Yes, a staff… in the design of a SNAKE! "See how FOOLISH you were to try to save your friends?"  
"Actually, now I DO feel pretty dang stupid now," Jaden sighed, causing his ropes to wiggle a bit. "Woah! Stupid ropes. Stay still!"  
"Just shut up already, Jaden!" Alexis ordered! _I can't deal with this kind of stress! Who knows what Banner might do to me while we're up here?_ panicked Alexis.  
"Um, Mister Gravekeeper man?" Banner called.  
"Yes, teacher of silly foolish fool?"  
"Um, is there any way that you could let us go?"  
"Aw yeah, you drove'm into a corner!" Mann McOldsmobile hooted. "Whadda ya' say to THAT?"  
"Hm… I suppose… I could let you all go without feeding you to our resident deity," considered the Gravekeeper's Chief, rubbing his chin quizzically, "but that would mean that ONE of you would need to pass the Gravekeeper's challenge!" _Th-th-th-the TEST of the TOMB? _guessed Syrus. The chief snapped his fingers and out of doorways, roofs and tiny cracks in the ground marched the ARMY of the GRAVEKEEPERS, weapons all polished and shiny.  
"Hm… and what might this challenge be?" challenged Koala Ko Ala with tough resolve in his eyes. _Don't say it like you're in a position to do any challenges yourself!_ Syrus thought. _You won't even do ANYTHING! Stop making it all worse!_  
"Well, if you want to know," the Chief decided, "why don't I SHOW you?" The army held all of its gleaming instruments of death and stuff into the air!  
"RAAAAAH!" they roared, showing off their new old battle-cry!  
"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO KILL US NOW?" screeched Syrus!

"Hmm…" The (exactly) forty guards started rummaging around through their pockets, looking for something. "A-HA!" They all took out… ONE DUEL MONSTERS CARD EACH. They all started passing them all up to the unknown woman in the inappropriate clothing, who then kneeled and gave them all to the Chief.  
"Here you are, Chief Lateef," said the woman, handing him the deck of destiny.  
"Thank you, Khepri, and now you may have dessert."  
"Yeah!" Khepri fist-pumped, running into the passageway marked "Kitchen".  
"Are you seriously just going to play a card game with one of us?" Alexis asked, non-believing."And why does your name sound like 'Queen Latifah', that really good singer lady?" Koala Ko Ala asked. "It makes me feel like laughing at your funny name!"  
"It's EGYPTIAN!" Lateef shouted. "It means 'gentle'! Don't laugh!"  
"Ha, you? Gentle? HA!"  
"Do you really just want me to drop you in that pit?"  
"Sorry, yo. So can I duel you now?"  
"Yah, okay." Chief Lateef motioned for one of the guards to pull Jaden up, and he did. He SURE did. He untied him and dashed off.  
"So, if I win, mah peeps get off scott-free! And me too. If YOU win, then…"  
[.com/watch?v=4RnUAsUjPPU&feature=related]"We make you listen to this for two hours before sacrificing you?"  
"Aw, COME ON!" screamed Syrus, un-amused.  
"What? We're raising the stakes here, hahaha! Plus, I could just drop you right now."  
"Um… beat his ass, Jaden," supported the group.

Within two seconds, the two duelists were standing in a cool open space marked 'Duel Monsters', which was pretty close to the tied-up dudes. A giant mass of supporting Gravekeeper-guys took on the role of the audience today.  
"Jaden!" called Mann McOldsmobile. "Please win! For OUR sakes!"  
"I don't want my ears raped!" Syrus sobbed.  
"If you lose Jaden, I'm giving you an F!" Banner proposed.  
"I gots nuthin' to say!" Koala Ko Ala said.  
"Don't worry, I know you'll obviously win, Jaden!" Alexis shouted. "I believe in 'Yu'! Get it? So don't screw this one up!"  
"Gulp," gulped Jaden. "Looks like all the hopes and dreams… the futures of my friends are on the line. And now… I am the vessel that they all ride upon! I SHALL NOT LOSE!"  
"Uh yeah, say that AFTER you win," Chief Lateef said.  
"HA HA HA HA HA!" laughed the audience.

"Hmph," Jaden grunted, pulling out a Duel Disk from behind his back, "I say it's time to duel!"  
"So it is, little boy?" mocked Chief Lateef, placing his ancient Egyptian Duel Disk onto his arm. Please bear with me.  
"GET YO GAME ON!" (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Chief Lateef: 4000 Life Points)  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Ha ha ha, 'get yo game on'?" laughed the chief.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"What stupid foolishness do you speak of? You sound even dumber than Charlie over there. Hey Charlie, say something."  
"WHU-NAH?" choked a random Gravekeeper.  
"See, and he already sounds—"  
"'Nuff wit' you DUMB talkin', let's get 'dis duel on in 'da hizz-ouse, son!" Jaden said.  
"That just further illustrates my point, fooly-boy! I'll just set one monster face-down and end my turn." He placed down a card… and one of the Gravekeeper Guards, one of the fat ones, ran onto the field, curled up into a ball, and fell on his side. (Face-Down Monster: ? Defense Points)  
"… This is a bit freaky," Jaden said.  
"You STILL do not GET it?" laughed Chief Lateef. "All of my soldiers you see here are DUEL SPIRITS! This is a DUEL SPIRIT world! We ARE the cards! And since you didn't bring anybody else with you to act as your cards, you have…"  
"I summon Bubbleman in Attack Position to draw two cards and set a card face-down yo your turn yo." Bubbleman appeared with a few bubbles. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)  
"Sonofa… how did you do that? How did you make that bubbly-man appear?"  
"I used the DUEL DISK… and the CARDS… to make a HOLOGRAM," Jaden explained.  
"S-S-SO THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FOR?" gasped Chief Lateef! "I thought… they were only for show!"  
"Not so, dummyman! Hey, if you were an Elemental Hero, man, you'd DEFINITELY BE Dummyman!" laughed Jaden.  
"This is no time for stupid jokes!" Syrus screamed! "Still gonna die, y'know!"  
"Oh, I forgot. Your turn, Mr. Queen Latifa!"  
"Stop overusing the same joke! Just for that, phooey. I'm not… I'm not using YOUR style of dueling! Come here, Spear Soldier." A Gravekeeper guy with a spear looked confused and pointed to himself. "Yes, you! Come here!" The guy rushed onto the field. (Gravekeeper's Spear Soldier: 1500 Attack Points) "I will play the ceremonial way, as my forefathers have done before me!"  
"Wasn't this card game made in the nineties?"  
"Screw you, boy! I flip up my Gravekeeper's Guard to return your bubbly man to your hand!" The man who was on the floor suddenly stood up, shuffled up to Bubbleman and threw him away.

"Aw man," Jaden cried, putting his card away, "now I can JUST USE HIM AGAIN LATER."  
[.com/watch?v=n3Vdp_7dTjo&feature=related]"Not if I ATTACK YOU DIRECTLY FIRST! Guard! Use Kinniku Buster! Spear Soldier, follow it up with the Tower Bridge!"  
"Okay!" The big guardsman ran up to Jaden.  
"Um, what're you doin', yo?" The guard flipped him over and stuck Jaden's shoulders on his, in a way that his head was next to his. Then the guard grappled his legs in a way that they looked like (www. geocities. jp/hobby_room_)that.  
"LEGGO, YO!" But he did NOT let go! Instead, he leaped around twelve feet into the air and came back down hard, damaging Jaden's legs, shoulders and neck! Several popping sounds could be heard coming from his body. "Ooooow…" (Jaden: 3000 Life Points) The guard threw him toward the spear soldier, who grabbed him and placed him against his shoulders (image. rakuten. co. jp /fai-s/cabinet/img7/medicos_11764_) like that. He pulled. Jaden felt intense pain. "GYAAAAAAGH!" Jaden screamed, spitting out puddles of blood! (Jaden: 1500 Life Points)

"I can't see what's happening, but it sounds HORRIBLE!" Koala Ko Ala wailed!  
"ARE YOU OKAY, JADEN? SPEAK TO UUUUUUS!" begged Mann McOldsmobile!  
"It's impossible," cried Syrus, "almost NO great superhuman wrestlers have gotten up after the Kinniku Buster OR the Tower Bridge! I'm gonna miss him…"  
"That hurt, yo," Jaden said.  
"Oh, never mind, then. Good work, Jay!"  
"Thanks?" Jaden stumbled over a bit. "Are you REALLY allowed to hurt, maim or put a cap into the ass of your opponent, yo?" he asked.  
"Well," Chief Lateef thought, "maybe, but mostly we're just playing until the Life Points are all out. Otherwise, yes, we kill each other."  
"Okay, yo! I got it now!"

"Um, Jaden," Alexis called, "you sound a bit TOO happy right after getting pounded on by two legendary wrestling moves and betting our lives in a card game. Are you sure you're focused?"  
[.com/watch?v=KpD6_BZMK1M&feature=related]"Sure as 'yo' can mean 'you'! Now I'm gonna take MY turn with a POLYMERIZATION!" He held his card high into the air! "I fuse Avian and Burstinatrix to make Flame Wingman!" he shouted! The two appeared out of nowhere and fused in another one of those lame sequences to become the cool flagship hero with the one wing and the dragon arm! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points) "Now I'm gonna attack your Gravekeeper Guard…" The guard sheepishly pointed to the spear soldier.  
"Please attack him," he asked.  
"HUUUUUH?" gasped the Gravekeeper Spear Soldier. He was struck by a fireball, causing him to get covered in blazing fire, get angry, smack the guard in the head, and storm off.  
"Next, you lose Life Points for every Attack Point your Spear Soldier had, adding up the damage to a grand sum of 2100!" Jaden helpfully explained. Flame Wingman fired off a second fireball at Chief Lateef, who simply deflected it with a fire-proof shield. "Hey, no fair, Chief LATIFAH!"  
"Future-humour NEVER works in the past, foolish fool boy!" Lateef shouted! "Plus, I never said you COULDN'T NOT get hit!"  
"Huh?"  
"He's right Jaden," Banner shouted, "just don't die and you'll inevitably win!"  
"Thanks for the encouragement, teach!" thanked Jaden. "I'll summon Wroughtweiler the hero dog in Defense Mode!" The robot dog appeared, doing nothing special, because nobody cares about him. (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Defense Points) "Now, make your move so that I can get my friends and get outta this dumb place!"

"That was mean!" Chief Lateef said. "I change my Guard to Defense Mode." The guard bent down and hugged his knees. (Gravekeeper's Guard: 1900 Defense Points) "Next I'll set another soldier of mine face-down!" Khepri, the helpful lady from before who got to get herself desert, walked back out onto the field with a half-eaten brownie and a crumb-covered face. She picked up a large rectangular slab of cardboard decorated like a Duel Monsters card, crouched down on the ground and balanced it on her back.  
"It's that lady, yo!" Jaden gasped! Khepri waved; she'd have said hi, but her mouth was full of brownie goodness. "You BACKSTABBER! I TRUSTED YOU! Ugh! Chief LATIFAH, I don't care how much of an ungodly defense you may set up as long as I've got a SWEET offense in store! Flame Wingman, show them how we do it in 'da hood!" Flame Wingman flung yet another fireball at the Gravekeepers! It was headed straight for Khepri, but at the last second she pulled the guard in front of her!  
"OW!" he yelled, hurt by flames! He ran away to the bathrooms to wash it off under the faucet. (Lateef: 900 Life Points)  
"Oh yeah!" Jaden fist-pumped, like all that was a good thing.

"Oh no, you have defeated my two randomly-picked guardsmen," Lateef cried sarcastically, "whatever shall I do?" He picked up another card. "I activate Pot of Greed!" A soldier quickly ran over to him and handed over the symbolic ugly green pot. Chief Lateef threw it at Jaden, who quickly dodged it.  
"WOAH! What's up, man? You tryin' to kill me 'r sumthin'?"  
"Yeah, actually. Now I shall flip up my Gravekeeper's Assailant and summon a Gravekeeper's Curse!" Khepri leaped out from under her cardboard card wearing a cool hood, and a second man ran over with neat ancient Egyptian dreadlocks and a cool staff. (Assailant: 1500 Attack Points, Curse: 800 Attack Points) "When I summon Curse to the field, he inflicts 500 points of damage to you! Frank!" ordered Chief Lateef.  
"Yes sir," Frank the curse-er agreed. He threw a rock at Jaden.  
"YEOW!" Jaden yelped. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points) Meanwhile down in the pit where the other kids and not-kid and Mann McOldsmobile were being tied up against their will, the large clay pot I mentioned began to shake vigorously.  
"EEEEEK!" Syrus screamed! "WE'RE DEAD!"  
"Ah, I see I am winning just in time to see our sacred deity awaken, eh?" Chief Lateef chuckled. "Fufufufufu! Just perfect! No, wait, not-perfect. We'll have to make him wait while we deliver the musical torture. Either way, I cast the Field Spell card Necrovalley!" Several soldiers hustled and brought out a large pained backdrop of a valley sunset.  
"THIS can't be good, yo," Jaden worried.  
"Of COURSE it's no good for you. Now all my Gravekeepers feel a bit nostalgic and gain 500 Attack and Defense Points."  
"Nostalgic? That's…" Jaden froze. Frank and Khepri were looking down and blushing, touching their hands to their hearts._  
Egypt…_ they remembered. And they were refueled by a sense of natural pride. (Assailant: 2000 Attack Points, Curse: 1300 Attack Points) A very nostalgic song began to play. [.com/watch?v=ri3t9DjPEv8&feature=related]

"What's with this music?" Jaden asked. "I mean, it's so… odd! And not very nostalgic at all, yo!"  
"To THEM it is," Chief Lateef countered_.  
Ah… One Piece…_ the soldiers recalled.  
"Gravekeeper Assailant Khepri," Chief Lateef ordered, "attack that Flame Wingman!"  
"Yes, sir," she sighed contentedly.  
"What's the dilly-o, man?" Jaden asked. "Got EGYPTIAN sand in 'yer eyes? My Flame Wingman's stronger than that double-crossing little skank-lady!"  
"Oh, well, you see…" Khepri had stabbed Flame Wingman in the back with a long and wiggly knife.  
"OH!" Flame Wingman cried! He fell to his knees. (Flame Wingman: 1200 Defense Points)

"My ability is to be able to stab people in the backs SO well that they fall into Defense Mode, and I am not a skank," Khepri explained. She went on, humming to the music as she barbarically and methodically stabbed the great hero in the back repeatedly. Blood splattered everywhere.  
"Um… you can stop stabbin' him now… what, are you tryin' to gut him? Stop it! Come on… this is getting less scary and more dull now." Jaden resorted to just tapping his foot in impatience.  
"HERE we are!" Khepri sighed, wiping her forehead a bit and holding out Flame Wingman's severed liver!  
"YEEEP!" Jaden cried! "A TRIBE OF CANYABALS!"  
"No, I just collect them," Khepri corrected, putting it into her pocket for later. She snapped her fingers and a swarm of rats ran over Flame Wingman's body, consuming every last piece of flesh and bone. As they left the floor shined from cleanliness.  
"And THAT is how we kill monsters in THIS dimension!" Chief Lateef smiled smugly. "Well, actually we have no idea what kind of dimension you're from, we're just guessing. Frank, kill the pup."  
"Okay, killing the pup now," Frank complied. He looked at Wroughtweiler SO hard… that he exploded.  
"ARF!" screamed Wroughtweiler.  
"…Um, wow, yo. I don't know what to say."  
"GET YOUR CARDS!" Alexis reminded.  
"Oh yeah thanks I get from my Graveyard Polymerization and—"  
"WRONG!" Chief Lateef yelled!  
"… What? That's what the card says."  
"No, I mean WRONG! You can't use that effect! Necrovalley stops you from manipulating your Graveyard in any way through an effect! So your pup is a useless-pup."  
"Aw, fo-shizzle…" Jaden cursed, gripping at his hair. "This sucks… to 'da max… yo."  
"Aw, great, now we're gonna get forced to listen to some musical GARBAGE, and THEN we'll be killed by something horrible!" Syrus whined! "It's hopeless, HOPELESS!"  
"Don't give up hope, Jaden," Banner supported, "you can still do this!"  
"MEOW," meowed Garfield, who popped out from behind Banner's back.  
"What was that about cannibalism earlier?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

_Awww… it doesn't matter WHAT they believe!_ Jaden thought. _I'm at a BIG disadvantage here. The monsters try to kill you… the monsters try to kill the other monsters… graphically… and if I lose… or die… then my friends get subjected to one of the worst songs in existence AND they get presumably eaten! I'd better get my GAME on… or we'll all be LONG gone!  
"BOO," someone telepathically said._

"HIIIIIIISSSSSS…" hissed something, peeking its red eyes from out the lid of the clay pot.  
"Um… guys?" shuddered Koala Ko Ala. "Something's about to come out…"  
"Oh crap," Jaden gulped, snappin' outta his funk, "I'd better end this NOW. I promise you, I will NOT let my friends get presumably eaten alive!"

"_That's what YOU think…_ Hiiiiiss…"

TO BE CONTINUED!

COMMENTARY

Okay, so what did you think? Was it better than the filler episodes? Oh, you say they sucked only because of the huge mass of annotations I was stupid enough to just place randomly? Well, I'm starting to go over every single episode I've typed so far and fixing all sorts of random, stupid errors, so I'll begin methodically replacing them every day for a while, so yeah, I'll just do those next week.

This episode was refreshing for me when I got to it. I'll try to do something more interesting for my next fillers next season. But please worry, because Banner's a perv! Yecch! Also I've purposely placed that gift bottle of Koala Juice from Koala Ko Ala's dad (remember him?) into his room, and I believe we will all know who's pulling the strings behind him in the next episode. Who? Wait a while, it'll have you speculating for a while. Ha ha, I plan to actually end this story with a large and convulted storyline! How DOES that happen with Yu-Gi-Oh?


	34. Episode 34: Grave Risk Part Two

"Come on, hurry up!" Syrus urged, pushing Jaden into their dorm room.  
"WOOOAH Sy, hold yer horses, yo!" Jaden cried.  
"Oh, hey guys," greeted Mann McOldsmobile.  
"What's up now?" asked Koala Ko Ala.  
"I just cut class, yo!" Jaden said victoriously.  
"No," corrected Syrus, "I remembered that this morning there's a new episode of my favorite sitcom, and I took Jaden along for the ride!" Syrus quickly leaped onto his bunk bed and grabbed the remote control.  
"Hup!" Jaden leaped onto his spot under Mann McOldsmobile's bed and poked his head out. "Remember how I sleep on the floor?"  
"Why're you telling us?"  
"SHH!" Syrus urged, turning on the TV.

"In nineteenth-century Europe, evil machines called "Akuma" are created by the forces of evil. They are made from the souls of the dead and inhabit the bodies of their loved ones. But there are chosen ones picked by holy forces made to destroy these Akuma, known as Exorcists. Some of these Exorcists have joined a team called the Black Order…

"…and for the Exorcists, this is their BIIIIIIIIIIIIG HOOOOOOOOOOOUSE!" The studio audience roared with applause! A funky 70's sitcom title in bold orange letters shone on the screen, reading "Big House". The Sanford and Son theme song played behind the audience's rhythmic claps.[.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE]

"Starring Allen Walker!" A white-haired guy in the Exorcist uniform was seated on a chair, turned to the camera, smiled, and waved as his name appeared under his face. There was applause.

"Lenalee Leeeee!" There was thunderous applause as a kind-looking girl with somewhat long pigtails looked outside a window towards the sun…with a smile!

"Lllllaviii…!" There was some applause all around whilst a guy with funkadelic red hair, a dragon bandana and an eye patch walked into him room after a long night…of DANCING!

"Booookmaaaaaaan!" An old guy with wispy hair and shortness sat in a library, readin' a book. He looked up and winked! There were several 'woot's.

"COUNT ARYSTAR KRORY THE THIRD!" A delicate-looking man who seemed easily swayed into doing dumb things was doing taxes. Badly. The female audience swooned!

"Komui Leeeee! And Reever Wenham! And Jooohnny Gil! And the rest of the Science Department!" Several scientists with several names appeared to be doing hard work, especially a JOHNNY GIL with poofy hair, swirly glasses and headphones from the 20th century. A lazy-seeming Komui Lee, wearing glasses and a beret, walked in with coffee, shaking hands with Reever, the cool-looking guy. The entire audience cheered their hearts out.

"AAAAND all your FAVORITE Exorcists!" promised the announcer, as Kanda Yu scowled. There were whistles and cheers all around. "…And all of your LEAST favorite Exorcists!" promised the announcer, as Kanda Yu scowled. There were whistles and cheers all around.

"With SPECIAL guest stars Lero the umbrella and the Millenium Earl!" Everyone gave their full support for a jolly-but-well-dressed demon man and living, pumpkin-headed umbrella!

The final scene showed everyone posing for a photo…but SOME of them made some GOOFY faces and did some HI-LARIOUS things!

"Now, folks, let's recap over what happened in part one of this two-part saga!"  
Krory walked into the Big House after school, carrying a large can of paint as well as a backpack. "Hey, guys!" he told the sitting-on-a-couch gang. "I have to finish an art project for school tomorrow!"  
"I'll help you," Kanda said, getting up, "if you can help me."  
"I-I'll do anything you say, Kanda!" Krory instantly agreed.

Meanwhile, some time after Krory did that, that darn Lavi was carrying Krory's paint bucket down the hall! He passed by a big, important picture of Komui as a baby, and flashbacked…  
_"If anyone does ANYTHING and I mean __ANYTHING__ to my picture," Komui warned, "you're gonna be in __BIG__ trouble!"_  
But then Lavi slipped on water near a "CAUTION" sign! "Woah!" he said, waving his arms around frantically and spilling paint all over the painting! Krory saw the spill, too, and that was where the episode faded out.

"What IS this crap?" Jaden shouted. "Is this D. Gray-Man?"  
"No, it's BIG HOUSE!" corrected Syrus and Mann McOldsmobile.  
"No, not YOU too," Koala Ko Ala groaned. "This is dumb."  
"It's just like FULL House, yo!" Jaden realized. "Combined with the funky beats of Sanford and Son! _Funky…_"  
"J-just watch, okay, watch!" snickered Syrus. "I brought you here for a reason! Wait, why were you two skipping class?"  
"I was hungry."  
"There are CLASSES at this school?"  
"Fair 'nough."

And so, the episode begins, filmed in front of a live studio audience, as Lavi and Krory were freaking out about the painting to epic applause. "Oh no, we got it all over Komui's important picture!" Krory cried!  
"Uh, i-it's not as bad as it looks!" Lavi assured.  
"Yes, it IS!" Krory pointed to the portrait. The camera zoomed in on it; it was completely and utterly covered in orange and purple paint. The audience sounded tickled pink.  
"Wh-wh-what're we gonna do?"  
"Well, gee, I dunno, Krory, do YOU have any ideas?"  
Krory scrunched up his face and made annoying crying sounds. The audience laughed.  
"I'll see what I can do without you, Krory!" The crowd laughed a bit more.  
Just then, the other three of their gang stepped in and gasped at the mess they had made! "What did you do to my brother's painting?" Lenalee cried.  
"Do you…need help on your art project?" Allen asked.  
"Th-th-the art project's fine, but the painting, i-it's ruined!" Krory sobbed.  
Kanda slapped him. "Pipe down, Krory," he demanded. There was some more audience laughter.

"The first thing to do," Allen said, "is get this picture down!" But no matter how hard or hilariously our gang tried, they just couldn't get that picture down! "…We're really in big trouble, aren't we?" There was massive laughter.  
"We have to fix this somehow!" Lenalee said. "Komui goes down this hall every day to get to the cafeteria, and if he sees this…" Everyone turned to the camera with their own goofy expression. Some intense music accompanied this.  
"Let's huddle!" Allen said. Everyone came together to figure out a plan. "Kanda and Lenalee, you go stall Komui. Lavi and Krory, you two and me will try and come up with a plan for getting the picture fixed!" They nodded in agreement. "Break!"

Bookman walked by, to much applause. "What are you kids up to?" the old guy asked.  
"We just spilled paint all over Komui's baby picture!" Lavi explained.  
"_You_ spilled paint all over Komui's baby picture," Lenalee sighed. There was so much laughter!  
"If I may," Bookman started, commanding clapping and 'woot's from the crowd, "you kids should just explain it all to Komui. He'll understand! He understands everything!"  
"He doesn't understand _everything_," Allen said, rolling his eyes. The crowd went wild.  
"I'll be off, then," Bookman said.  
"I'm feeling pretty hungry!" a voice said loudly from down the hall. "It's about time to go to the cafeteria! Boy, I can't wait to see that baby picture of mine!"  
"Believe me," Bookman warned, "there will be con-se-quen-ces!" He walked offscreen in a hurry.  
"We're not gonna listen to _him!_" Kanda said.  
"Yeah!" Lavi agreed.

Just then, Lero the umbrella, who was leaning against the wall this whole time, spoke up! "Yeah, just hide it from him!" he said, a hardly-visible cord shaking him a bit. The crowd whistled and applauded him.  
"Lero the umbrella!" everyone cheered.  
"Take it from me, you won't get into any trouble if he never sees it!"  
"Gee, thanks!" Allen thanked.  
"Don't mention it!"

Komui appeared in the hall! "What's all this, then?"  
The audience responded with "ooooooohuhuhooooo."  
"You can't go in there!" Kanda cried, pushing him and the nearby Reever away.  
"Y-yeah! There's, uh, a-an explosion!" Lenalee lied, also pushing. Somehow there was laughter.  
"It's probably not THAT bad," Reever said.  
"Let us through this instant!"  
"N-no! Let the real Exorcists take care of it!" Kanda said. "Take the other stairs!"  
"There ARE no other stairs!" Komui complained. The audience laughed SO hard. "Just please let me see that baby picture of mine!"  
"No! You don't wanna go there!" Lenalee said.  
"It can't be that bad, I said!" Reever repeated.  
"I mean you really don't wanna go there! It, uh…"  
Kanda took over. "It, uh, smells like Lavi after he ate a huge can of beans!" The crowd laughed.  
"Oh, that IS bad!" Reever ran downstairs to a backdrop of laughter all around.  
"Don't tell Lavi I said that," Kanda whispered to Lenalee, rackin' up the laughs.  
"I don't care how it smells!" Komui wiped away nonexistent tears with a smiley face hanky. "I just wanna see the baby picture!" The audience was brimming with laughter at this silly predicament.  
"I hope Lavi has a good plan…" Lenalee mumbled.

Meanwhile, Lavi was busy painting over the painting while using Krory's back as a stool. "How does this look?" he asked Allen.  
Now the painting is shown to the viewers, looking even worse than before! Oh, that Lavi! "Good," Allen said.  
"Yeah? You really think so?"  
"Good if you're a dummy!" This remark pumped the laughs up to eleven.  
"Get off my back, please," Krory begged. No one paid attention. The audience gave a hearty simultaneous chuckle.  
"Could YOU do any better, Allen?"  
Allen revealed an exact replica from behind his back! "Yes, I certainly could!" This got a few more laughs and a lot of applause and "woot"s.  
"Where did you GET that?"  
"Amazing what you can find in the closet!" Laughter.

Just then, the wall exploded into foam bricks and a cloud of smoke! The Millenium Earl broke in!  
"I'm the Millenium Earl!" he cackled.  
"Oh no!" Krory gasped. "When Lenalee said EXPLOSION, she didn't mean it LITERALLY!" People laughed.  
"Ew, smells like someone just ate a huge can of beans in here," Lavi remarked. He was raking in the laughs now.  
Allen made a Home Alone face. "Oh nooooooooo."

Tincanpy the flying little golden golem held up a title card over a blue background saying, "BIG HOUSE will be RIGHT BACK".

"… THAT. WAS. HORRIBLE!" Mann McOldsmobile roared! "I can't BELIEVE you suckered me into wasting my time with that!"  
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Syrus laughed hysterically, rolling on the ground, covered in tears! "N-no, man, when they, when they said it smelled like L-Lavi after he ate… WAHAHAHAHA!" Jaden punted Syrus out the window.  
"The funky music wasn't enough to save you from your retribution from that piece of crap," Jaden said, "please reflect upon your sins as you fall into the sea."  
Syrus burst through the door, covered in water. "HEY! WHAT IF I MISSED BIG HOUSE WHILE TRYONG TO CLIMB BACK UP THE CLIFF?" He threw a fish at Jaden.  
"OW! Yo, that's no good!" Jaden yelled, throwing his fist at Syrus! And just before it hit him in the face, with his terrified expression, the words 'WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK' appeared on-screen, to your excited applause.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 33: Grave Risk – Part Two  
Part One

LAST TIME YO ON YUGIOH GX THE FAN FIC YO!  
"_Then, tomorrow, you will take your class on a surprise field trip to the ancient ruins on Duel Academy Island and let Jaden travel through time to face THE TRIAL OF THE GRAVEKEEPERS,_" Banner's computer instructed.  
_"No!" Banner disagreed. "I can't take my class to the ancient ruins on this highly-populated island made for schoolchildren to run, jump and have fun unattended! What if he gets crushed by a rock?"  
"____If he is crushed by a rock, then so be it. That would mean that he is not… __THE CHOSEN ONE____. If he survives, then we have taught him well, at the possible risk of his life. The test of the tomb shall tell us the answer…__"_  
_"Well, alright then." Banner clicked a thing, making the voice shut up, ending their conversation.  
T-t-t-t-test? T-t-t-t-tomb? Wait, why did they build a big school on an island with a volcano, steep cliffs AND ancient, dangerous ruins? That's a lawsuit just WAITING to happen!____ Syrus thought. __Oh well, it COULD be worse…__  
__"Okay, now to watch some late-night porn!" announced Banner.__  
_I take that back, it can't get any worse…_ Syrus, horrified, slowly closed the door and left. He began slowly taking steps backward in disbelief. He walked back up the stairs in reverse, walked back into his room, climbed up the ladder and got into his bed. Our teacher… IS A PERVERT? He gulped and was too frightened to sleep.___

_"Your friends have been taken hostage by the Gravekeeper Chief," the lady informed, "and I was trying to keep them from taking you, too."__  
__"Did we all come here at the same time? How'd you know that within the space of a few seconds?"__  
__"I'm just cool like that… just cool…"___

_Alexis, Syrus, Mann McOldsmobile, Koala Ko Ala and Banner were all tied up over a pit where a large clay pot was stationed, dangling precariously with their thin ropes. "I wonder how long it's gonna take for Jaden to get here," Alexis sighed.__  
__"I REEEEALLY hope we don't all die… thanks to this stupid test of the tomb!" Syrus growled.__  
__"What? It's not MY fault," Banner promised.__  
__"Whenever an adult says that, don't believe them!" Koala Ko Ala urged.__  
__"Then who DO I believe in?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.__  
__"You 'kin believe in me, dude!" Jaden promised.__  
__"Huh?" They all looked to the right of Banner, where Jaden was being lowered down next to them. "… Why did you get captured, too?"___

_"Here you are, Chief Lateef," said the woman, handing him his card deck of destiny.__  
__"Thank you, Khepri, and now you may have dessert."__  
__"Yeah!" Khepri fist-pumped, running into the kitchen.__  
__"Are you seriously just going to play a card game with one of us?" Alexis asked, non-believing.__  
__"And why does your name sound like 'Queen Latifah', that really good singer lady?" Koala Ko Ala asked. "It makes me feel like laughing at your funny name!"__  
__"It's EGYPTIAN!" Lateef shouted. "It means 'gentle'! Don't laugh!"__  
__"Ha, you? Gentle? HA!"__  
__"Do you really just want me to drop you in that pit?"__  
__"Sorry, yo. So can I duel you now?"__  
__"Yah, okay."___

_"So, if I win, mah peeps get off scott-free! And me too. If YOU win, then…"__  
__"We make you listen to this [.com/watch?v=4RnUAsUjPPU&feature=related] for two hours before sacrificing you?"__  
__"Aw, COME ON!" screamed Syrus, un-amused.__  
__"What? We're raising the stakes here, hahaha! Plus, I could just drop you right now."__  
__"Um… beat his ass, Jaden," supported the group.___

_"GET YO' GAME ON!" (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Chief Lateef: 4000 Life Points)__  
__"BOO," someone said.__  
__"Ha ha ha, 'get yo' game on'?" laughed the chief.__  
__"BOO," someone said.__  
__"What stupid foolishness do you speak of? You sound even dumber than Charlie over there. Hey Charlie, say something."__  
__"WHU-NAH?" choked a random Gravekeeper.__  
__"See, and he already sounds—"__  
__"'Nuff wit' you DUMB talkin', let's get 'dis duel on in 'da hizz-ouss, son!" Jaden said.___

_"Frank, kill the pup."__  
__"Okay, killing the pup now," Frank complied. He looked at Wroughtweiler SO hard… that he exploded.__  
__"ARF!" screamed Wroughtweiler.___

_"Necrovalley stops you from manipulating your Graveyard in any way through an effect! So your pup is a useless-pup."__  
__"Aw, fo-shizzle…" Jaden cursed, gripping at his hair. "This sucks… to 'da max… yo."___

I'd better get my GAME on… or we'll all be LONG gone!  
BOO,_ someone telepathically said.___

_"HIIIIIIISSSSSS…" hissed something, peeking its red eyes from out the lid of a clay pot.___

_"Jaden… the test of the tomb…" Syrus whispered to Jaden. "Teeeest… tooomb…"__  
__"Test tomb?" Jaden gasped. "Syrus, you're crazy!" Jaden ran away from him. "HE'S CRAZY, YO!"_

Now that I've filled up so much space, it's time to get to the actual episode.

"HI-HI-HI-HI-HIIIIIIISS!" laugh-hissed some sort of abomination, shaking the large clay pot from the inside.  
"I… think it's awake now…" Syrus gulped, too terrified for words.  
"NNNNN….NYAGH!" roared the beast, standing up and flexing its muscles so hard the pot exploded! And it was… Cobraman Sakuzy. (REFERENCE: yugioh. wikia. com/wiki/Cobraman_Sakuzy)  
"WAAAAAAAAGH!" screamed the hostages!  
"HE'S A FREAKIN' MAN-SNAKE!" Mann McOldsmobile added for extra impact!  
"HUNH?" Jaden gasped! "I'm too late?"  
"HI-HI-HI-HI-HI!" laughed Cobraman, who was half-man, half-snake, and all-action. "So, are you all my sacrifices for the day?"  
"WHAT IS THAT THING?" Jaden screamed!  
"Oh, it is just Cobraman Sakuzy, our resident deity whom loves human flesh. He's a nice guy, so we give him the sacrifices sometimes. He sleeps in pots," Chief Lateef informed.  
"TELL'M TO NOT EAT MAH POSSE!"  
"Hey, Cobraman," Chief Lateef called.  
"What?"  
"Eh, we have a sort of a deal running here, so could you refrain from eating the tasty sacrifices until after I win and force them to listen to horrible music?"  
"Which song? Crazy Bus?"  
"Yes, Crazy Bus."  
"Okay." Cobraman sat down and waited dully.  
_…So what happens now?_ Syrus gulped.

"Okay, so I have something REAL important ridin' on THIS duel now, yo," Jaden gritted his teeth. "I'm gonna take you out now!" Chief Lateef still had two monsters-soldiers-whatever. (Frank: 1300 Attack Points, Khepri: 2000 Attack Points) In addition, he still had his Necrovalley card, which was just a nice painted background! Jaden only had one face-down, and it was gonna be a doozy of a turn…  
(Jaden: 1000 Life Points, Chief Lateef: 900 Life Points)  
"LET'S GO YO!" Jaden forcefully drew his next card: Winged Kuriboh! "Aw yeah! I summon Winged Kuriboh in Defense Mode!" Winged Kuriboh appeared on the ground. He was still knocked out from earlier, though, but who cares? (Winged Kuriboh: 200 Defense Points)

"Eh heh heh heh heh heh," Chief Lateef laughed heartily, "in THIS world, little fluffy-fluff rodents like that aren't for protection, they're for eating dead things!"  
"He's no rodent, but he's sure as weak as one!" Jaden compromised. "That doesn't mean he still won't kick yo' butt!"  
"Weak things defeating strong things? You make no sense! Assailant, please remove the liver!" Chief Lateef ordered!  
"With pleasure, liver!" Khepri responded, getting into her killing pose!  
"Not so fast, dude, I use Some Lady Abducts an Angel Kid!" Jaden quickly flipped up his face-down he threw down at the start of the match! Remember that one Spell with that little girl with angel wings who was being abducted by a lady in the background? WELL THIS IS IT!  
"Hm hm hm…" hm-laughed Chief Lateef.  
"What's up, Latifah?" Jaden asked.  
"I KNEW you'd use THAT CARD!" Chief Lateef revealed!  
"Why? Because it's the only good use for that guy?"  
"Yes, it was predictable, and that's why I have THIS guy on my side!" He revealed a card with some cool advisor man pointing at a pyramid. "Come out, Advisor Gilbert!" The important-looking man walked over from the audience and took Jaden's Spell card out of his Duel Disk.  
"Yo, mitts off 'da cards!"  
"Nope." Gilbert ripped the card in half.  
"YOOOOO! That card set me back two smackers! Well, around 200 yen, for those Japanese-ly inclined… BUT YO!" Jaden sobbed. "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"  
"The same thing that's ALWAYS been happening this duel; you're losing!"  
"But YOU have less Life Points, foo'!"

"… You didn't have to say that. Khepri, kill the fluffy rat."  
"Okay!" Khepri picked up Winged Kuriboh and threw him away.  
"Ha! You FELL for it!" Jaden laughed, wiping his nose like a true anime hero. "Because of his ability, now I can't take any damage this turn!"  
"Who cares?"Chief Lateef sighed, shrugging. "You lose, you lose. You DIE, you lose. Fred?"  
"My name's Frank," reminded Frank.  
"Okay. Attack hi—"  
"_**WAIT!**_"  
"Wha?" Chief Lateef and Frank froze!  
"You cannot win the game like this," Cobraman Sakuzy said, "you MUST win with VALOR! Hiss hiss hiss."  
"He is right, I must win fairly… I end my turn…"

"Wow, thanks, Cobraman Sakuzy!" thanked Banner.  
"Why didn't you just let him win so you could eat us?" Alexis asked.  
"Because, hiss hiss," Cobraman said, "it wouldn't be fair."  
_What a nice snake!_ thought Syrus. _Wait, I forgot that he wants to eat us…_

"I'll merely place a face-down card," Chief Lateef decided. "Now see, you're really losing! You have nothing on the field now that I've gotten rid of your little rat-puff."  
"STOP CALLING HIM A RAT!" Jaden exploded! "That's too NICE a name for him! He's too STUPID! I'll take my rage against Kuribohs out on YOU!" Jaden ferociously drew a card, which was Pot of Greed! "I play the Pot of Greed!" A Gravekeeper ran up to him and gave him a matching pot for the card. Jaden threw it at Chief Lateef! He artfully dodged it!  
"What are you doing? Are you trying to kill me or something?" he raged.  
"If you lose, you lose. If you DIE, you lose, sucka!" Jaden recalled. "Next I summon Dark Catapulter in Defense Mode!" Jaden yelled, summoning that weird dinosaur guy whom nobody cares about. (Dark Catapulter: 1500 Defense Points) "Don't think I'm done yet; I play Mirage of Nightmare, which is really fitting now!" The Spell appeared, with the picture of a guy screaming at some mummies and zombies randomly.  
"Wait, what do you mean… ooooh," Chief Lateef realized.  
"Now I throw down THREE face-downs!" Jaden followed up!  
"BOO," someone said.

"I'm surprised that 'boo' guy went back in time, too," Banner said.  
"Oh, shut up, perv!" Alexis yelled!  
_What's wrong with her?_ Banner wondered.  
_Don't look at me, don't ask me about it…_ Syrus whistled an unsuspecting tune so as to not be noticed.  
"Why're you whistlin', Sy?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"AAAARGH! SUCH A NOISE!" Cobraman screeched! "IT HUUURTS!"  
"Eep! I'll stop! I'm sorry!" Syrus sobbed.

"This turn should be enough to set me up to win this match!" Jaden confidently exclaimed! "I end my turn, yo!"  
"Hm," Chief Lateef said, rubbing his fashionable goatee, "if this will win your match, then why hasn't your theme song played yet?"  
_HUH?_ Jaden wondered. "HUH?"  
"This guy sounds a bit crazy," Koala Ko Ala said.  
"No no no, listen," Khepri urged, "he means it."  
"Every duelist's life is just a journey to find their own theme song," Chief Lateef said, "the one song that is awesome or nostalgic enough to give them enough power to win ANY duel. Yours hasn't played yet; this means that your Duel Energy hasn't been properly charged up for when you played that Pot of Greed. Then all cards you used RESULTING from that wouldn't be helpful enough for you to win."

"…This is stupid," Syrus moaned.  
"No…" Jaden disagreed, "he's right. Whenever we do anything awesome in a duel that NOBODY else would have seen coming unless they knew what the first syllable of my last name was. In order to pull off such funky moves, we've used THEME TUNES."  
_Wait,_ Syrus remembered, _he's right. When we beat Para and… I mean, Tristan and Tristan, he beat Chazz, and when Chazz beat Yuki on that important filler that didn't quite qualify as filler because it was important!_  
"I see that you understand what it was I was talking about," Chief Lateef said. "Maybe you'll be able to pass this 'Test of the Tomb' after all…"  
"Test tomb?" Jaden gasped. "You're crazy! LATIFAH'S CRAZY!"  
"NO, SHUT UP, FOOLY-BOY! Now I am about to show you what a THEME song is ALL ABOUT!" Chief Lateef drew his next card… of DIRE consequences…

"NOW!" Chief Lateef shouted! "TIME FOR MY HYPED-UP THEME SOOOOONG-!"  
"I use Mirage of Nightmare's special effect yo!" Jaded interrupted! His mummy-filled Spell exploded and he drew four cards. "I can draw until I have four cards in my hand, but then I have to trash'm on my next turn!" He drew Sparkman, Clayman, NECROSHADE? WHA? WHO'S THAT? and The Warrior Returning Alive. "Sweet, y'all!"  
"'You all'? What manner of English is THAT?"  
"The GOOD kind!"  
"That is not the GOOD kind of English! You shall now see what I mean as I perform my turn!" Suddenly, an intense song began to play! [.com/watch?v=cc7x_TCQjG8]  
_That doesn't sound good,_ Jaden gulped.  
"I shall tribute Frank to summon the Gravekeeper's Chief!" Chief Lateef shouted! Frank walked off the field. Chief Lateef walked onto the field. (Chief Lateef: 1900 Attack Points - 2400 Attack Points) "Heh, I gain more Attack Points due to Necrovalley's effect."

"HOLD UP! YOU CAN SUMMON YOURSELF?" Jaden gasped! "THAT'S SO CHEEEEEAP!"  
"Would you rather I summon Cobraman?"  
"Eep. No thanks. Go ahead."  
"And so, as long as I'm on the field, I can now negate Necrovalley's effect for my own Graveyard, and I may also summon one Gravekeeper from the Graveyard back onto the field!" Chief Lateef informed. "Now, come back, nameless Spear Soldier!" The soldier from earlier walked out of the bathroom perfectly healthy once more and stood on the field. (Spear Soldier: 1500 Attack Points - 2000 Attack Points) "Next I'll use this Trap card! Rite of Spirit!" It was a Trap card featuring some Gravekeepers trying to summon Cobraman Sakuzy. "Now I can summon Frank again!" Frank walked back onto the stage. (Frank: 1300 Attack Points) Frank hit Jaden with his staff.  
"Yeow!" Jaden yelped. (Jaden: 500 Life Points)  
"And now you see, fooly-fool, the TRUE power of playing your theme song on DEMAND, instead of at random cool moments!" Chief Lateef said. "I played MY theme song and am now about to wipe the floor with you and your face and then make you listen to bad music before sacrificing you to Cobraman!"

"EEEEEEH," Syrus moaned, "PLEASE DON'T LOSE, JADEN!"  
"The song's… too… hyper for me…" grunted Mann McOldsmobile, spitting blood.  
"NOOOO, MANN MCOLDSMOBILE!" Koala Ko Ala screamed!  
"Don't worry, it'll all be over soon, once I get my game on!" Jaden promised.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Be quiet! Khepri, attack that odd catapult dinosaur with your neat knife!" ordered Chief Lateef.  
"Gladly, liver!" Khepri shouted, leaping into action and swiping her cool knife!  
"Why is 'liver' now your catch-phrase?" Alexis asked.

"YAH, LIVER!" Khepri teleported behind and stabbed Dark Catapulter in the back, forcing it to stand up in shock!  
"YEOOOOOOOW!" it roared! (Dark Catapulter: 1000 Attack Points)  
"I SHALL HAVE YOUR LIVER!" Khepri roared!  
"USE ONE OF YOUR TRAP CARDS!" Banner cried! "NOW!"  
"You got it, teach! I play Emergency Provisions!" Jaden shouted, flippin' up his iconic kipper and cracker snack card! Two of his face-down cards turned into small kippers. "TAKE THIS!" Jaden threw the kippers at Khepri's face!  
"AUGH, MY EYEEEEZ!" she screamed, reeling back, yet being composed enough to behead Dark Catapulter! He fell over and was devoured by rats. (Jaden: 1500 Life Points)

"Try an' take HIS liver now, PUNK-ASS GRAVEKEEPERS!" Jaden mocked!  
"Shut your mouth; your monster still died!" Chief Lateef reminded. "Now, I shall attack you with the fabled 'Kinniku Driver'!" He dashed up to Jaden, intent on using one of the strongest wrestling moves ever, but Jaden was undeterred.  
"Trap card, activate! Draining Shield!" Jaden discarded one of his Traps and was tossed a helpful shield from off-screen. Chief Lateef rammed into it accidentally, causing some injury.  
"Ow, my shoulder!" Chief Lateef said.  
"Better luck NEXT time, Latifah!"  
"You can't keep saying that!"  
"I can! And I did! And what's more," Jaden continued, "now I can gain Life Points equal to your Attack Points!" (Jaden: 3900 Life Points)  
"Curses!" cursed Chief Lateef, walking back onto his side of the field. "Nameless guy, show him how you earned your name!"  
"Huh?" wondered the Spear Soldier, perplexed.  
"Just hit him!"  
"OKAAAAAAY!" The Spear Soldier spun his cool spear around a few times and aimed it at Jaden. It glimmered. Then it fired off a massive red laser blast from its tip, powerful enough to push even its user back a few inches from recoil!  
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!" Jaden quickly ducked and rolled out of the way! (Jaden: 1900 Life Points) _If that had hit me, I'd be deader 'den dead, man!_ Jaden worried.

"The worst thing is that the laser attack isn't even the BEST attack out of my entire army!" Chief Lateef pridefully declared! "That honor would have to go to Frank." Frank waved. "Yes, he may be the weakest in terms of physical stats, but he is KNOWN for his utterly massive killing move that ends any duel the moment it is used! With an 85% accuracy."  
"THAT'S ACTUALLY BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS!" Syrus informed.  
"Frank… KILLIFY HIM!" ordered Chief Lateef.  
"Certainly!" Frank complied. Frank leaped into the sky… high enough to reach outer space!  
"Where'd he go?" Jaden gasped.  
"HEEEEREEEE IIIIII AAAAAAAMM!" Frank shouted, gliding back to earth, surfing a meteor the size of an airplane! A COMMERCIAL-SIZED ONE!  
"NOOOOOOO!" Jaden screamed, trying to shield his face! He was squished.

"J… Jaden…" worried Koala Ko Ala.  
"Is he… no, he can't be dead!" Banner said.  
"Actually," Alexis whimpered, "the 'Yu' only protects you from losing a card game… not DYING!"  
"Aaaaargh, my head AND my heeeaaaart!" Mann McOldsmobile wailed!  
"Now we're ALL gonna die!" Syrus cried! "Jaden, we'll miss you! And I'm still kinda mad because you didn't save the day…"  
"Wait… WHAT?" Frank leaped off of the meteor quickly, as it soon exploded, sending small rock particles everywhere! Within the smoking debris was Jaden, whose hiking clothing was now slightly ruined and expression was hardened and ANGRY! (Jaden: 600 Life Points)  
"How is he still living, liver?" Khepri gasped, sweating from fear!  
"Stop saying that 'liver' thing, what's wrong with you today? The REAL question is…" Chief Lateef said… "THE FACT THAT HE'S COMPLETELY UNHARMED AND LAUGHING?"  
"BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Jaden heartily laughed! "That was AWE-SUMM!"  
"Your friends are about to be forced to listen to horrible music and then be eaten, you're almost out of Life Points, you've been hit by a METEOR, and yet you're STILL laughing?"  
"Tch, YEAH!"  
"There's something wrong with you, fool-boy…"

"How'd you do it, Jay?" Syrus begged! "How did you just narrowly evade death like that once again?"  
"Uh," Jaden answered, "I got lucky?"  
"Okay. Well, it's nice you're still alive and stuff."  
_"Well, it wasn't ENTIRELY up to chance…"_ hinted Syrus's hair.  
"Come on, win already, Jaden!" goaded Alexis! "All you need is one more turn!"  
"Uh, use that theme song power thing he was talking about earlier!" Banner suggested!

_He's right,_ Jaden thought, _I really DO need my theme song to start playing now! And I don't mean the 'Get Your Game On' song; that won't help at all. I need something really great and iconic… 'Happily Ever After'? No, no, no… I need to introduce a new song! Something incredible; SO incredible that by being used for the first time in this story, it shall be even MORE powerful! Because power is roughly equal to the coolness of something. And there's only ONE thing I can think of within the next few seconds to fulfill that NEED for SPEED and FEED the SEED that BLEEDS!_

"Chief Latifah," Jaden said, "I'm about to take my turn now, so please, hurry up."  
"I am NOT named Latifah, and I'm NOT done yet!" Chief Lateef argued! "I activate the Spell card called Royal Tribute!" It showed some magician guys sacrificing a virgin lady to THE GREAT AND MIGHTY SPHINX. "Now, as long as I control Necrovalley, all of the monsters in your hand are sent to the Graveyard!"  
"Aw. Okay." Jaden placed his Sparkman, Clayman and NECROSHADE NEW HERO GUY in his Graveyard space. _All I got now's just The Warrior Returning Alive, and Necrovalley won't let me use it! It's gonna take one BADASS draw to win THIS one._  
[.com/watch?v=uYkDP5xDoO8]"THEME SONG, ACTIVATE!" Jaden roared at the top of his lungs! The world froze to listen to it. It was disgusted.  
"_BLEEEEH,_" Alexis vomited.  
"Now it's making ME sick, hiisss…" worried Cobraman Sazuki.  
"For the LOVE of ALL that is GOOD AND HOLY, STOP THAT SONG!" Koala Ko Ala shouted!  
"Okay, okay, guys. It was just a joke."  
"A BAD one at that!" Chief Lateef yelled!  
"I get it, gosh!

[.com/watch?v=pRSrdt0FD74]"THIS IS WHERE I MAKE MY STAND! THEME SONG ACTIVAAAAATE!" Jaden roared at the top of his lungs! The world froze to listen to it. It was satisfied.  
"Wha… what is this song…?" Mann McOldsmobile asked softly.  
"It's Taiyou No Mannaka He," Jaden answered.  
"It's… sooooo… GOOOOOOD!" Mann McOldsmobile roared, instantly breaking out of his ropes!  
"He broke out? HIIIIISS!" Cobraman Sakuzy sreamed!  
"YOU AIN'T TAKIN' A BITE OUTTA ME!" Mann McOldsmobile proclaimed, punching him through one of the many stone walls around the area.  
"… You just killed their resident deity," Syrus noted.

"AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE HALF OF IT, POWERIN' UP MANN LIKE 'DAT!" Jaden said loudly!  
"And what else could you possibly do with what you have now, which is nothing?" Chief Lateef asked.  
"THIIIIIS!" Jaden drew his next card like a champ. It was… ! "AWESOME! I just drew the card I needed. I play… MYSTICAL SPACE TYPHOON!" He played his new Spell card, a large tornado, which in turn SUMMONED a large tornado, which blew the Necrovalley background away!  
"Oh no, our nostalgic feeling, lyric!" Khepri gasped!  
_Even her catch-phrase got ruined! Great! Now I just gotta follow it up…_ "Next, now I can finally activate The Warrior Returning Alive to bring back Bubbleman!" Bubbleman appeared on the field again, causing Jaden to draw two cards: Elemental Hero Bladedge and Polymerization! _Aw, yeah… just what I need… wait, I don't HAVE any episode-specific E-Hero fusions for THIS duo, leaving the ending bad since I can't summon anybo-…_ Jaden's Fusion Deck began glowing for no real reason! _Oh boy, this is gonna be great._

"I play the Spell card Polymerization once again, in order to summon a Hero that's NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE!" Jaden said, playing his Spell, and combining Bladedge and Bubbleman! "I combine Bubbleman with Bladedge from my hand!"  
"Wait, that's not a real Fusion," Alexis said, being untied by Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Alexis, can't you tell?" Banner asked. "His surging Duel Energy has grown to the point at which a NEW one-time-only Hero can be summoned!"  
_Woah, the pervert sounds oddly right!_ Alexis decided.

"Elemental Hero Maelstrom, come on out!" Jaden ushered in a new hero that will probably only be used here for a grand finale! The two guys formed into a thin and well-mannered-looking man wearing a blue mask. His hair was short and blonde, and his costume was a jumpsuit composed of several hues of blue. And there were also all manners of blue orbs stationed along his body. Water seeped out from them. (Maelstrom: 2600 Attack Points)  
"What does he do?" Chief Lateef asked.  
"Glad ya' asked. When he attacks a Level Four or lower monster, the opposing monster's ability's negated. Attacking a Level FIVE or stronger monster, however, counts as a direct attack, destroying the monster automatically."  
"WHAT?" Chief Lateef screamed in disbelief! "And from such an unoriginal name!"  
"No more talk! Maelstrom, use Storm Slayer!" And with that, dozens of blades crafted from water (don't ask, go along with it) grew from those orbs on that guy's body; each one was about eight feet long, and they extended further in order to stab into Chief Lateef's flesh.  
"GAAAH?" he yelled! It wasn't over yet, though. The blades pulled him back until he was just above Maelstrom, who then reformed all that water into a big claw-shape. It pierced through his enemy's body and then enveloped him within a ball of hydro madness! That ball of water then began to rotate, faster and faster, until it reached the point that Maelstrom had to let it go. So he threw it into the air. A few seconds later it hit the stone floors of the Dueling Arena, and began cutting through like a hot knife through butter! "WAAAAAAAAAH…" Everybody crowded around the hole. He was too far away to see anymore.

"…Well, that's game!" Jaden winked.  
"BOO," someone said. (Chief Lateef: -1500 Life Points; Game Over) Jaden's monster faded away, and the Gravekeepers all walked around randomly, trying to figure out what to do next.  
"WoooooOOAOOOOOAAAH!" screamed Chief Lateef, flying out of the ground about seventeen feet from where he'd entered. The water stopped revolving and splattered around, and the chief landed on his back with a 'thud'.  
"Are you okay?" one guy asked.  
"That was one hell of an ass-pull," Chief Lateef said, just before going out like a light.  
"So… you just used the full powers of your theme song in order to summon a massive amount of 'Duel Energy', which created a cool hero JUST for the sake of a big finish?" Syrus questioned, standing behind the crowd with the rest of the Duel Academy posse.  
"Uh… yeah," Jaden said.  
"… SWEET!" Syrus said in a satisfying manner.

"DOOOOOD!" a Gravekeeper yelled! "THEY JUST KILLED COBRAMAN AND KNOCKED OUT CHIEF!"  
"No, I killed Cobraman!" Mann McOldsmobile told in a cool manner.  
"And I just created a time/space manipulation machine!" Banner smirked, holding a fancy box with Garfield on top.  
"Now we can go home!"  
"NO YOU CAN'T!" The Gravekeepers all held their weapons at-the-ready. "You MAY think you may leave, but after beating up our beloved leader, AND killing our also-beloved deity, WE CAN NOT LET YOU GO!"  
"Oh cool, a medallion!" Jaden marveled, holding up one half of a cool pendant, with an eye in the center, which in turn had a ruby for an eyeball.  
"WHY AREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION?" The Gravekeepers charged, ready to kill!  
"!" roared Koala Ko Ala! He punched the ground, forcing up several stone spikes that blocked off the path of the approaching soldiers! "NOW, BANNER! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!"  
"Got it!" Banner poked the machine he made, instantly teleporting them back into 'civilization'.  
"Ugh, they're gone!" the soldiers groaned. "NOW how will we get revenge?"  
"OH MY GOSH!" a guy with a smooth voice cried! Yes, it was Seto Kaiba and Mokuba Kaiba, dressed up as British explorers! "How can I POSSIBLY build my school here with all these ANCIENT EGYPTIANS running around here? Mokuba, shoot them!"  
"Yes, sir!" Mokuba agreed, holding out his large laser cannon.

MEANWHILE, EIGHT MONTHS, THREE DAYS AND AN HOUR LATER…  
The group instantaneously appeared out of thin air right where they originally teleported from. "Wow, that was kick-ass," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"That song even gave ME some acceptance of those events!" Syrus remembered.  
"And I got a cool medallion!" Jaden reminded. "Now we know how to make the GROUP awesome instead of just one duelist!"  
"Why don't we just use it ALL the time?" Alexis asked.  
"Silly Alexis, life doesn't work that way!" Banner said, patting her head.  
"AHH DON'T TOUCH ME!" she yelped! _Crap, I let my true feelings be known!_  
"Alexis, what's wrong?" Banner asked.  
"MEOW," Garfield meowed.  
"Nobody asked you. Well, I heard from Syrus that you were watching porn."  
"PORN? Ah, NOW I see what you were scared about! Look for a second." Banner pulled his computer out of his disproportionately-sized pocket and turned it on. It had a YouTube user account for a guy named PornGrape. He had videos about giraffes and giraffe habitats. "So you see? It was only the guy's NICKNAME!"  
"OOOOOH," the kids gasped, suddenly becoming somewhat smarter!  
"Now turn away while I do something non-porn-related."  
"Alright." They all walked away in random directions.

"Hey, yeah, computer." Banner pressed a few buttons and the screen became blue.  
"_Yes?_"the computer replied.  
"Well, we did it, and Jaden got the medallion. Any further orders?"  
"_No, you did good, risking all those lives just to fulfill something so secret that I can't even teach you._"  
"Also, teacher…"

"Yes?" Barry the Beginner asked.  
"_Well, my students caught me watching porn. What should I do, Yugi? They're onto me._"  
"How the HELL should I know; control your damn desires!" Barry the Beginner threw his computer into a wall, shattering it instantly. "Damn fool, get over it…"

COMMENTARY

So here you go, they beat Chief Lateef and gain an artifact so useless I repeatedly forget it even exists. It wasn't even useful in the actual source material! And if you give me one case where it WAS needed, just tell me and I'll send you a cookie or a kitty picture or something.

Either way, we learn many things here. ONE: Theme songs are somehow a real mechanic now, don't ask me how it works, please. TWO: Banner works for Yugi? THREE: -Man makes a hell of a bad sitcom.

Besides that, Mokuba killed all the Ancient Egyptians who lived in Japan, but that's not the point. I just wish you all a merry Christmas. Even if you don't celebrate it, alright? Because there's nothing else left for me to say here. Oh yeah, and that Fusion I made up was a sucky idea, but it hammered into your skulls that the songs are really useful, whether they learn it or not. And they did. And all is right with the world.


	35. Episode 35: Doomsday Duel Part One

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 35: Doomsday Day – Part On

There was no guitar solo today.

[.com/watch?v=EBP_P44cKng]Rather, there was some 'DRAMATIC MUSIC' to go with the thunderstorm out there today. Even Chancellor Shepherd wasn't feelin' too good, as he was randomly standing around in his office. "Dang it," he groaned, "whenever there's a storm, either or somebody dies or something life-threatening happens. Why?" Suddenly a bird flew past the window! "A… bird? This can only mean ONE thing… _the war has begun…_"

But it was no ORDINARY bird, it was a LARGE bird! Some guy rode on its back all the way to the volcano. "Thanks, bird!" the guy thanked.  
"Oh, yer' welcome," the bird said. Suddenly it caught on fire! "Aw, you son of a…" The bird fainted.  
"Heh heh heh," the bird-killer laughed, "NOBODY gives the villain a ride without expecting to PAY for it!" The guy had a domino mask, not unlike Cocoa Titan. He also had the second half of that medallion Jaden found randomly. BUT WHO WAS HE? He pulled out a cell phone. "Can you hear me?"

The guy moved around a few steps. "Can you hear me now?"  
"_Yeah_."  
"Good. So I'm by the volcano now, Dr. Card. Should I wait?"  
"_Yes. Wait for THEM to come to YOU, got it?_"  
"Yeah, I know." The guy put away his cell phone. "This is gonna be a piece of cake with my new host…"

[.com/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw&feature=related]THE! NEXT! DAY!  
Jaden and his roommates were surfing in the ocean on large planks of wood!  
"WOO HOO!" they cheered!

Then Jaden and his roommates were skydiving!  
"WOO HOO!" they cheered.

Then Jaden and his roommates were having a paintball fight in the cafeteria!  
"WOO HOO!" they cheered.  
"_Would the important kids and teachers with names in the school please stop having an extremely fun normal high school day and come to my office immediately?_" Shepherd asked over the intercom.  
"Aw, bummer," Jaden scowled, "we were just gettin' to the REAL extreme part!"  
"And I've NEVER been able to ski down a mountain on a wildebeest before," Mann McOldsmobile whined. "Will I EVER be able to live that dream?"

They headed up to Shepherd's office, disappointed. There, outside the door, they met up with Chazz, Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson, Professor Banner, Crowler, Bastion, Fluffy Fred, Piggybank, Baseball Bob, Zane, Alexis on Zane's arm, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue. "What's up with the teachers?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"He DID say important kids AND teachers," Banner reminded.  
"Then where's the gym teacher?"  
"She DOESN'T matter, of course!"  
"Oh, right."

[.com/watch?v=OGO0CG7EL3Q&translated=1] The door to the office suddenly scooted open. "Please come in, everyone," Shepherd requested.  
"Okay!" Nancy Wut complied, leading everybody else in. The room was completely darkened for dramatic effect, except for Shepherd, who was just standing there under a spotlight.  
"Well, thank you for answering my rhetorical question, Nancy, but…"  
"Let me open up the shades!" Piggybank forced open the black curtains, flooding the room with light!  
"AAAUGH! I HAD IT DARKENED FOR A REASON, YOU FOOL! Urgh… anyways…"  
"So why ARE we all here, sir?" Syrus asked.  
"Because I need you reliable kids and even more reliable two teachers to help defend something for me…"  
"Well, why get kids?" Syrus imposed. "That's stupid! Get the army or something!"  
"But it's card game-related!"  
"Then get PROFESSIONAL DUELISTS! Gosh, why get so many kids and only two adults? Why don't YOU duel, then?"  
"Because we don't have that kind of budget, and I'm not supposed to use MY deck for another year or so!"  
"_Stingy…_"

"Um… well, onto what I was trying to say… this school was created for two reasons… one: to leech money out of parents stupid enough to send their kids here. Two: to protect three legendary trading cards…"  
"Didn't we already go over this in the original series?" Alexis asked.  
"Yeah! And why don't you just throw them away or something?"  
"Because people will find them! If those three cards, locked away under the very school, are EVER to be discovered… civilizations will crumble… billions of lives will be taken… souls will be broken… everything will be dragged into despair… and you'll spill your milk… and NOBODY WILL BE LEFT TO EVEN CRY OVER IT."  
"This is pretty dumb," Chazz said.  
"…If you want the truth, then some guy could use them in his deck and completely take over the sport by always winning all major tournaments, making the game less fun and ruining the economies of several great world powers."  
"That KINDA makes sense," Banner shrugged.  
"Anyways… why're so many of you guys even here?" Shepherd asked.  
"Well, you asked for us."  
"All of you people who weren't in the original series, or have the names 'Syrus' or 'Koala', get out of here right now." The extras trudged out slowly and solemnly. "Now… Jaden, Crowler, Banner, Zane, Alexis, Chazz, Bastion… the seven of you will protect the world from the wicked ones!"  
"'The wicked ones'?" Zane repeated.  
"YES, THE WICKED OOOOOOONES! They are called the 'Seven Stars', but we can also call them the 'Shadow Riders'; that's because it's an arguably worse name and will tick them off."  
"True," Bastion agreed.  
"One of them has already infiltrated the island through last night's storm on a large bird for whatever reason, I'm afraid, and so he could strike at ANY time."  
"So how do we protect these cards from them?" Crowler asked.  
"You have to protect the seven 'Spirit Gates'." Shepherd took out a wooden box and set it onto his desk. "This simple, easily-breakable wooden box contains the seven keys needed to unlock the keys from their seal. I need each of you to carry one in order to keep it safe."  
"But then they'll be trying to target us," Alexis said.  
"Yes, but you'll protect them through dueling. There's an ancient law that decrees that the keys may only be taken after a duel is won."  
"ANCIENT?" Chazz shouted, confused. "How old could the cards BE?"  
"And what if they use force? Like guns?" Alexis questioned.  
"Nonsense. And Chazz, you know this crazy world we live in."  
"But you don't get it. Why don't you just put it in a safe, then post guards around the safe. With GUNS. Then, just in case, have a self-destruct feature that will destroy the cards if they get taken."  
"… I don't like you very much right now, Ms. Rhodes."  
_But…_ Alexis gave up.  
"H-hey, don't say that to Alexis!" Chazz stood up! "You'll have to… go through ME first!"  
"Be quiet, please."  
"Okay…"

"Now, I will give each one of you the seven keys, which represent the inner Duel Monsters Attribute within you," Shepherd warned. The box opened up, revealing some dumb-looking keys in a rectangular pattern. "To Zane goes the key of Fire! To Alexis, Water! Bastion, you get Wind! Chazz shall get Earth! Crowler gets Darkness, and in a hilarious turn of events, Jaden gets Light! And Banner, you're stuck with Heart."  
"This ALWAYS happens!" Banner cried.  
"I AM NOT EVIL!" Crowler shouted.  
"And I don't wanna be Earth, it just doesn't match. Can I trade with Bastion?" Chazz asked.  
"NO. If anybody's too much of a wimp to try to keep these things safe, you may leave now." Zane walked out the door. "Alright, then, that solves everything. I'll just keep the Fire key safe for now." Shepherd put the Fire key back into the box and closed it. The box splintered. "I KNEW we should've sprung for that safe…"  
"Like I was trying to TELL you!" Alexis reminded.  
"Um, so are we about done here?" Bastion asked.  
"Uh, yeah, that's about it," Shepherd said. "You may leave now. In fact, you don't even have to remember who has which Attribute, because it really won't have any effect on what happens to you all."  
"YAY!" Everybody ran out the door.  
"… Sometimes things like these make me wonder if I'm hated…"

[.com/watch?v=k_lzo52AgNM&feature=related] LATER! THAT! DAY!  
"So you mean that you have to protect these SEVEN KEYS from the SEVEN STARS or SEVEN SHADOW RIDERS in order to protect THREE CARDS from DESTROYING THE WORLD—OF DUELING?" Mann McOldsmobile screamed! "That's… THAT'S… seriously lacking some logic."  
"I know, right?" Jaden asked, in the security of his own room with his peeps. "It sounds so clichéd! Isn't that FUN?"  
"Well, it really DOES take all the danger out of the equation…" Koala Ko Ala guessed.  
"Well, anyways, it's gettin' late n' all," Jaden yawned, "so I'm gonna need mah strungf up if'n I'm gonna be savin' the world—of dueling."  
"But Jaaaay-Duuuun," Syrus worried, "what if one of the SEVEN STARS appears and tries to duel you?"  
"Call'm the Shadow Riders! It makes'm angry!"  
"Well, but… just answer my question!"  
"I don't really care… now that THAT'S settled, I'll just settle myself in between these sheets…" Jaden sighed, leaping into bed, because it was apparently really late, and he didn't see his friends, nor explain anything AT ALL during the entire day.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"I missed it, what'd he say wrong?"  
"Oh, the 'settled' thing, I think."  
"WHY'RE WE HONESTLY TALKIN' ABOUT THIS?"

Even I'm not quite so sure about that one, but what I DO know is that the moon that night was suitably red. Why suitably? Because it meant something HORRIBLE was to happen that night… since Alexis was randomly walking around the outskirts of the Slifer Toolshed with her friends Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue! Alex herself was wearing her cool key around her neck like Jaden, so that nobody could see it and/or steal it. "And so, everybody," Alexis told them, "because the Seven Stars—"  
"Shadow Riders!" Nancy Wut interrupted.  
"Exactly, because they're probably going to target the weaker key-holders first, which I hadn't thought of before now, for _some_ reason, I need to warn Jaden about the possible dangers of being dueled by somebody who could actually be smart enough to, y'know, not run away after they lose."  
"Fat chance," Angry McArgue smirked.

But little did they know… that in the bushes… there was a guy… with a mask. And this mask… was a domino mask. For he was… the guy from earlier. And he took out a phone! "Dr. Card," he said, "I found one of the seven key holders! Should I move in now?"  
"_Huhn… wha? It's ten o'clock!_" his boss said, irritated. "_NOBODY should call ANYBODY after seven and before nine! What kind of animal raised you?_"  
"But this seems important and… well, I didn't want to attack unless it corresponded with your plan, seeing as it could accidentally ruin something on accident."  
"_Hey, as long as it doesn't affect one of the other Six Stars, we're good,_" Dr. Card assured. "_Now just duel him into submission!_" He hung up.  
"He said him… That's a girl, though," the guy realized, putting his phone up. "This means… I should knock her out!"

But within the confines of a crappy apartment-ish room, something noticed his presence. It was Winged Kuriboh. "OOH," he cried, "OOH OOH OOH!" It had a sense of urgency to its whines.  
"Mmmnmhm…" Jaden smashed him under his fist like an alarm clock. "Mornin' already?" Nope, but there was an otherworldly glow outside of their window! "WOAH!" Jaden flipped onto his feet, knocking away the bed that was previously crushing him!  
"AAAHH!" Mann McOldsmobile screamed, hitting the wall.  
"SYRUS, WAKE UP!" Jaden urged, shaking his friend around. He didn't do anything. "U-uh, Koala, yo! Wakey wakey, _EGGS! AND! BAKEY!_ AND BY 'BAKEY' I MEAN 'BACON'!" But not even Koala Ko Ala, bribed with food names, stirred. "Come on, Mann! The person, not the exclamation, 'man', yo! I even threw you into a wall!" Mann wasn't asleep, simply knocked out cold.

Suddenly and without warning, a small ball-shaped smoke machine was tossed into Jaden's room! "OH CRAPOLLY!" Jaden screeched! And then the smoke ball began doing something smoke machines don't usually do… IT FREAKING TELEPORTED HIM (Jaden) THROUGH TIME AND SPACE FOR AN UNSPECIFIED REASON!

_"Heh heh heh heh heh… the first REAL duel has just begun!"_

Jaden and an irritated Alexis appeared suddenly on a floating magical disk of large diameter above the island's active volcano. "What 'da hell?" Jaden asked. "This is weird! How'd we get here?"  
"I'd suggest drug-induced hallucination," Alexis suggested, as a giant flying fire dragon of evil burst out from the lava!  
"Naw, 'cause drug-free is 'da way ta' be!" Jaden promised! "And plus, drugs are for thugs! Although some thugs DON'T do drugs, and them some kids really wanna be thugs, so it sends a mixed message."  
[.com/watch?v=oT8Pa-Nff5o] "It sure DOES send a mixed message," said some voice from the lava-dragon, which was spiraling around in a meaningless pattern, "Mr. Target-Number-Two!" The dragon crashed upon the far side of the magic disk of some sort, exploding into the same nameless guy that's been walkin' around all episode so far.

"Whadda you mean, 'Target-Number-Two'?" Jaden ordered! "And just who ARE you?"  
"Uh, he's a Shadow Rider," Alexis sheepishly revealed, "and he ran up to me a few minutes ago and ripped my key right off of my neck. I just HELD out my DUEL DISK, like Shepherd said to do, but NOOO, I should've tried PUNCHING him or KICKING him or SHOOTING HIM! We have a horrible Chancellor."  
"Horribly stupid," Jaden laughed. "NOW WHO ARE YOU, BUB?"  
"My name's Nightshroud," Nightshroud said.  
"Heh, dumb, uninspired name!" Jaden chuckled. "Are you one of the _SHADOW RIDERS_?"  
"THAT'S SEVEN STARS! My gosh, don't CALL me that!" Suddenly both of their equally-cool medallions started flashing! "Oh, I see you got one of these, too?"  
"Yeah."  
"That Lateef guy must be slackin' off to lose one of these babies to a Slifer Slacker!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Hey, for once it's not me!" Jaden excitedly announced.  
"That WAS a pretty bad joke," Alexis sighed. _Wait, bad jokes? Only ONE guy I know could be capable of such horrible jokes that could summon that duck… besides Jaden…_

"Oh yeah and I'll be takin' that key now in a duel and if you refuse I'll kill your friends," Nightshroud remembered, pointing to Koala Ko Ala, Syrus, Mann McOldsmobile, Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut, all locked within a magical barrier of some sort in the bottom of the volcano, in epic danger. They were making screaming motions with their mouths, but apparently the barrier was absorbing the sound, just making them look funny.  
"AAAAAAHH, OH NOOOOO!" Jaden screamed!  
"Wait, if you just ran by and took MY key right off of my neck, then why not just do that to Jaden?" Alexis asked, confused.  
"Because Dr. Card told me to duel HIM into submission, Ms. Girl! You AREN'T a 'he', so you're excused."  
"Sexist."  
"HEY! I respect women! I also captured his MALE friends down there, too!"  
"YO! I ain't got no problems with gays, but I AIN'T GAY!"  
"I said MALE FRIENDS, not BOYFRIENDS, idiot! GAH! Why can't we just get to the duel so that I can take your key fair and square and then drop your friends into a fiery death of pain and burny-ness? Besides, shouldn't you be more scared about the fact that their barrier's gonna start melting away after a while?"  
"Why?"  
"Because usually duels on this show take FOREVER!"  
"More like seven turns or so, yo! Do yo' research!"  
"… Also you'll be betting your soul on this match because I say so," Nightshroud added, holding up a blank, yellow-ish Duel Monsters card!  
"Wait, when we lose, our soul gets put into a NORMAL MONSTER? You won't even give them an effect? You ARE evil!"  
"I know!"

"No, he's just uncreative!" Alexis figured out! "He's pulling a Pegasus on you, he did the same thing to Yugi and his friends in the first series after they introduced cards!"  
"Gah, curses, foiled again!" Nightshroud gasped!  
_This guy's a real idiot. An idiot with a mask somewhat similar to that Titan guy,_ Alexis thought, _and I only know ONE GUY stupid enough to bet his soul in a card game… besides Jaden._ "Now are you sure that you want to duel him, Jaden? He actually COULD put you into a normal monster card if you screw up."  
"Nah, I can't screw up! I'm Jaden!" He smiled with a twinkle effect. "I CAN'T lose! Except… for when I screw up, of course. No biggie! I'll just get this _SHADOW RIDER_ out of the way and get yo' card back, badda-boom, badda-bing, then we eat brownies."  
"Then are you ready for your SHADOW GAME?" Nightshroud invited.  
"Yeah—HEEEEY, you never said anything about SHADOW GAME!"  
"Too bad."  
"Daw, alright, I've done some before, so it won't hurt to WIN ONE again! Get ready ta' THROW DOWN!" Jaden yelled!  
"BOO," someone said.  
"DUEL!" (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Nightshroud: 4000 Life Points)  
"GET YO' GAME ON!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"NO! NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" Nightshroud ordered! "But I'll summon a cool Troop Dragon card instead." A neat green dragon in Viking-ish armor appeared and held out his shield for protection! (Troop Dragon: 800 Defense Points)

"Cool dragon," complimented Jaden, "but how's he gonna STACK UP to mah dragon-SLAYER, Elemental Hero Wildheart?" Wildheart was summoned to the field and held his sword in a fashionable fashion! (Wildheart: 1500 Attack Points) "Show'm your BIG BAD SWORD ain't just 'fer SHOW!" Jaden ordered, flying around for some reason. "AAA-TACK!"  
"WRUUUUUUH!" Wildheart moaned, running up to, and slicing in half, the Troop Dragon.  
"Oh yeah when Troop Dragon dies I can summon another one from my deck." (Troop Dragon the Second: 800 Defense Points)  
"Aw man! Why didn't you say that EARLIER?"  
"Because I'm a BAD guy!"  
"Aw, you're right!"

Nightshroud drew a new card. "I'm always right! And I'll just activate my Trap card, Call of the Haunted, to bring back Troop Dragon the First!" he said, activating his Trap. And thus, Troop Dragon the First re-appeared on the field, brandishing its somewhat mighty blade.  
"WRAAH," he roared. (Troop Dragon the First: 700 Attack Points)  
"Then I'll sacrifice the two of them to summon Red-Eyes Black Dragon from my hand!" Nightshroud announced!  
"HUBBA-WHA?" Jaden and Alexis cried! Another massive flame dragon flew out from the magma! It made a loop, swirled around, made a knot out of itself, made a smiley face from its own flames, and BOOM, landed on the field as a massive, iconic black dragon! Its stats were horrible for two tributes, though. (Red-Eyes Black Dragon: 2400 Attack Points, Seven Stars)

"Heh heh, Level Seven means Seven Stars," Nightshroud giggled, "and I'm one of the Seven Stars. Hee hee hee."  
"Hey Jaden while you were lookin' at the dragon the top of the barrier melted away which is bad," Syrus explained.  
"HOLY CRAP! GUUUUYS!" Jaden screamed! "This just keeps gettin' from bad, to worse, to weirder, to worse again, to even WORSE!"  
"Now Red-Eyes, attack Wildheart with Inferno Fire Blast!" Nightshroud ordered! His dragon obeyed!  
"Bleh~" it said, spraying fantastical pinkish flames from its maw!  
"UWAAAAAAAAAAAARG!" Wildheart shouted, getting burned to death! And so he died.  
"Ow," Jaden said, being pushed back about twelve feet due to the impact. (Jaden: 3100 Life Points) "Damn, I should've set at least ONE Trap card back there!"  
"Yeah, that was stupid in hindsight," Alexis agreed. "Are you okay?"  
"Yeah sure whatev'z. I gotta do what I gotta do, right?"  
"Yeah, remind yourself that when your entire body is engulfed in my dragon's flames!" Nightshroud laughed! "Now just take your turn, so I can go on and beat you."

"Don't screw up, Jaden!" Angry McArgue encouraged!  
"You still need to work on your encouragement skills," Syrus suggested.  
"Ditto," agreed Nancy Wut.  
"Well, I'll just give YOU a taste of my pain with POLYMERIZATION!" Jaden's cool-yet-overused effect card appeared taking the form of Clayman and Burstinatrix getting mixed together cheaply again! (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points, 2500 Defense Points) She landed on the ground, guarding her body with a funky shield and held out a massive missile-launching arm gun, as usual. "Now I'll use her super power—though it's really just a missile launcher—to deal half of her Attack Points as damage to you!" Rampart Blaster shot a bunch of missiles at Nightshroud, like we all rembered from the good old days! "NOBODY can survive a horde of live explosive heat-seeking missiles!"  
BOOM BOOM BOOM. Every single missile hit the target.  
"OW!" Nightshroud said, covered in soot, which he then wiped off. (Nightshroud: 3000 Life Points)  
"Why didn't that kill him?" Alexis asked.  
"Are you SURE you use REAL missiles?" Jaden asked Rampart Blaster. She shrugged. "Aw damn it. Well, she's still in Defense Mode, with enough power to survive a Red-Eyes Black Dragon attack, so there!"

"GrrRRRR!" Nightshroud growled, drawing a card with as much ferocity as possible while drawing a card. "Ha, your Defense Points change nothing! I STILL activate the Spell card: Inferno Fire Blast!"  
"Heh, that's just his regular attack name!"  
"No, really, it's a card! Look!" He showed off his card, which showed Red-Eyes attacking. "It SHOWS him attacking, but it's not really an attack; it's just an effect!"  
"Which does?"  
"2400 points of damage to your Life Points."  
"… Frickin' cheap-butt card." Red-Eyes spat fire at Jaden, engulfing him in real-life flames! "YEEEE-OOOOOOW! THAT DOES HURT!" (Jaden: 700 Life Points)  
"Jaden, no, without you the entire show will fall apart!" Alexis cried!  
"N-no, don't worry…" Jaden assured. "I gotta do… what I gotta do, right?"  
"… Jaden?"  
"RAAAAAAAAAAH!" Jaden roared, ready to unleash one of mankind's' most advanced super-techniques! "STOP DROP ROLL! STOP DROP ROLL! STOP DROP ROLL!" Jaden was stopping, dropping and rolling all around the field, and within seconds, the fire was gone and put out! "Heh… heh… heh… see, I'm not done yet…"  
_Even getting set on fire doesn't stop this kid?_ Alexis mentally gasped! _He's really serious! Or stupid. Or both!_  
"Neither am I!" Nightshroud cut in! "I summon Attachment Dragon!" A cool dragon that resembles an alien from ALIENS appeared and grabbed Rampart Blaster! "My lil' dragon here takes your monster and FORCES it into Attack Mode! Sadly, I can't kill your monster by battle now, but I can still make keep this turn up like a never-ending hell of pain! Red-Eyes, attack!" The cool lil' dragon disappeared behind Rampart Blaster and started flapping its wings.  
"No!" Jaden protested, but it still forced her into the air along with it. (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points)  
"Bleh~" Red-Eyes repeated, spitting all over Rampart Blaster, exploding her! (Jaden: 400 Life Points)  
"GYAAAH!" Jaden screamed, now guarding his face from raining sparks. "Why does this guy gotta be so freakin' tough?" And yet the Attachment Dragon was still flying! "And HE won't even go away! DAMN it!"  
"Told you it'd be hell," Nightshroud smirked.  
"Plus, that Spell card doesn't LET Red-Eyes attack that turn! I just looked it up!"  
"So? You didn't call me out on it before, so it's okay."  
"DAMN IT!" Jaden roared! "You really ARE EVIL!"  
"Come on Jaden, calm down," Mann McOldsmobile urged!  
"Yeah, just think faster on your feet NEXT time! And set some Traps, too!" Koala Ko Ala added!  
_They're right,_ Jade agreed. _I need to get serious. The fate of my friends, this key on my neck, and, judging by the fact that I'm the only kid who can actually half-duel around here, THE WORLD are ALL at stake here…_ He drew a card so fast that it left an after-image. "MY DRAW!"

TO BE CONTINUED…!

COMMENTARY

So hey everybody, I said last week that I'd be updating some episodes, but please be patient since I'm getting used to the new school year. I promise that I'll start fixing my humiliating grammatical errors as soon as I can.

So yes, we've hit a new arc! It feels so fresh and new! Everything's been set up, and the vile Dr. Card rears his head again, for the second time ever… He'll do more later, I just wanted to show right there pure and simple that this idiot was behind EVERYTHING. I felt no need to hide his identity; otherwise I'd have just had some guy speaking over the phone.

And no, the keys have no real elemental prominence, so ignore the joke there if you wish.

And also no, Zane will NOT be dueling any Shadow Riders. Oh no, I've got something BETTER in store.

Either way, next week we'll conclude this duel and force yet another character into the group. Yippee…? Nah, I don't care for him either, since he was written so utterly uselessly. But what can I do to make him useful… I _HONEST_ly have no clue. Sarcasm has just been involved.


	36. Episode 36: Doomsday Duel Part Two

LAST TIME YO ON YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC, YO!

"_So why ARE we all here, sir?" Syrus asked._

"_Because I need you reliable kids and even more reliable two teachers to help defend something for me…"_

"_Well, why get kids?" Syrus imposed. "That's stupid! Get the army or something!"_

"_But it's card game-related!"_

"_Then get PROFESSIONAL DUELISTS! Gosh, why get so many kids and only two adults? Why don't YOU duel, then?"_

"_Because we don't have that kind of budget, and I'm not supposed to use MY deck for another year or so!"_

"Stingy…"

"_Um… well, onto what I was trying to say… this school was created for two reasons… one: to leech money out of parents stupid enough to send their kids here. Two: to protect three legendary trading cards…"_

"_Didn't we already go over this in the original series?" Alexis asked._

"_Yeah! And why don't you just throw them away or something?"_

"_Because people will find them! If those three cards, locked away under the very school, are EVER to be discovered… civilizations will crumble… billions of lives will be taken… souls will be broken… everything will be dragged into despair… and you'll spill you milk… and NOBODY WILL BE LEFT TO EVEN CRY OVER IT."_

"_Now… Jaden, Crowler, Banner, Zane, Alexis, Chazz, Bastion… the seven of you will protect the world from the wicked ones!"_

"'_The wicked ones'?" Zane repeated._

"_YES, THE WICKED OOOOOOONES! They are called the 'Seven Stars', but we can also call them the 'Shadow Riders'; that's because it's an arguably worse name and will tick them off."_

"_True," Bastion agreed._

"_One of them has already infiltrated the island through last night's storm on a large bird for whatever reason, I'm afraid, and so he could strike at ANY time."_

"_So how do we protect these cards from them?" Crowler asked._

"_You have to protect the seven 'Spirit Gates'." Shepherd took out a wooden box and set it onto his desk. "This simple, easily-breakable wooden box contains the seven keys needed to unlock the keys from their seal. I need each of you to carry one in order to keep it safe."_

"_But then they'll be trying to target us," Alexis said._

"_Yes, but you'll protect them through dueling. There's an ancient law that decrees that the keys may only be taken after a duel is won."_

"_ANCIENT?" Chazz shouted, confused. "How old could the cards BE?"_

"_And what if they use force? Like guns?" Alexis questioned._

"_Nonsense. And Chazz, you know this crazy world we live in."_

"_Now, I will give each one of you the seven keys, which represent the inner Duel Monsters Attribute within you," Shepherd warned. The box opened up, revealing some dumb-looking keys in a rectangular pattern. "To Zane goes the key of Fire! To Alexis, Water! Bastion, you get Wind! Chazz shall get Earth! Crowler gets Darkness, and in a hilarious turn of events, Jaden gets Light! And Banner, you're stuck with Heart."_

"_This ALWAYS happens!" Banner cried._

"_I AM NOT EVIL!" Crowler shouted._

"_And I don't wanna be Earth, it just doesn't match. Can I trade with Bastion?" Chazz asked._

"_NO. If anybody's too much of a wimp to try to keep these things safe, you may leave now." Zane walked out the door. "Alright, then, that solves everything. I'll just keep the Fire key safe for now." Shepherd put the Fire key back into the box and closed it. The box splintered. "I KNEW we should've sprung for that safe…"_

_Jaden and an irritated Alexis appeared suddenly on a floating magical disk of large diameter above the island's active volcano. "What 'da hell?" Jaden asked. "This is weird! How'd we get here?"_

"_I'd suggest drug-induced hallucination," Alexis suggested, as a giant flying fire dragon of evil burst out from the lava!_

"_Naw, 'cause drug-free is 'da way ta' be!" Jaden promised! "And plus, drugs are for thugs! Although some thugs DON'T do drugs, and them some kids really wanna be thugs, so it sends a mixed message."_

"_It sure DOES send a mixed message," said some voice from the lava-dragon, which was spiraling around in a meaningless pattern, "Mr. Target-Number-Two!" The dragon crashed upon the far side of the magic disk of some sort, exploding into the same nameless guy that's been walkin' around all episode so far._

"_Whadda you mean, 'Target-Number-Two'?" Jaden ordered! "And just who ARE you?"_

"_Uh, he's a Shadow Rider," Alexis sheepishy revealed, "and he ran up to me a few minutes ago and ripped my key right off of my neck. I just HELD out my DUEL DISK, like Shepherd said to do, but NOOO, I should've tried PUNCHING him or KICKING him or SHOOTING HIM! We have a horrible Chancellor."_

"_Horribly stupid," Jaden laughed. "NOW WHO ARE YOU, BUB?"_

"_My name's Nightshroud," Nightshroud said._

"_Heh, dumb, uninspired name!" Jaden chuckled. "Are you one of the [i]SHADOW RIDERS[/i]?"_

"_THAT'S SEVEN STARS! My gosh, don't CALL me that! Oh yeah and I'll be takin' that key now in a duel and if you refuse I'll kill your friends," Nightshroud remembered, pointing to Koala Ko Ala, Syrus, Mann McOldsmobile, Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut, all locked within a magical barrier of some sort in the bottom of the volcano, in epic danger. They were making screaming motions with their mouths, but apparently the barrier was absorbing the sound, just making them look funny._

"_AAAAAAHH, OH NOOOOO!" Jaden screamed!_

"… _Also you'll be betting your soul on this match because I say so," Nightshroud added, holding up a blank, yellow-ish Duel Monsters card!_

"_Wait, when we lose, our soul gets put into a NORMAL MONSTER? You won't even give them an effect? You ARE evil!"_

"_I know!"_

"_Now Red-Eyes, attack Wildheart with Inferno Fire Blast!" Nightshroud ordered! His dragon obeyed!_

"_Bleh~" it said, spraying fantastical pinkish flames from its maw!_

"_UWAAAAAAAAAAAARG!" Wildheart shouted, getting burned to death! And so he died._

"_Ow," Jaden said, being pushed back about twelve feet due to the impact. (Jaden: 3100 Life Points) "Damn, I should've set at least ONE Trap card back there!"_

"_Yeah, that was stupid in hindsight," Alexis agreed._

"_Well, I'll just give YOU a taste of my pain with POLYMERIZATION!" Jaden's cool-yet-overused effect card appeared taking the form of Clayman and Burstinatrix getting mixed together cheaply again! (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points, 2500 Defense Points) She landed on the ground, guarding her body with a funky shield and held out a massive missile-launching arm gun, as usual. "Now I'll use her effect to deal half of her Attack Points as damage to you!" Rampart Blaster shot a bunch of missiles at Nightshroud!_

"_I summon Attachment Dragon!" A cool dragon that resembles an alien from ALIENS appeared and grabbed Rampart Blaster! "My lil' dragon here takes your monster and FORCES it into Attack Mode! Sadly, I can't kill your monster by battle now, but I can still make keep this turn up like a never-ending hell of pain! Red-Eyes, attack!" The cool lil' dragon disappeared behind Rampart Blaster and started flapping its wings._

"_No!" Jaden protested, but it still forced her into the air along with it. (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points)_

"_Bleh~" Red-Eyes repeated, spitting all over Rampart Blaster, exploding her! (Jaden: 400 Life Points)_

"_GYAAAH!" Jaden screamed, now guarding his face from raining sparks. "Why does this guy gotta be so freakin' tough?" And yet the Attachment Dragon was still flying! "And HE won't even go away! DAMN it!"_

"_Told you it'd be hell," Nightshroud smirked._

I need to get serious. The fate of my friends, this key on my neck, and, judging by the fact that I'm the only kid who can actually half-duel around here, THE WORLD is ALL at stake here… _He drew a card so fast that it left an after-image. "MY DRAW!"_

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 36: Doomsday Day – Part Two

Jaden looked hard at his newly-drawn card. (Jaden: 300 Life Points)

"Heh heh heh…" Nightshroud laughed randomly. (Nightshroud: 3000 Life Points)

Alexis kinda looked at them, scared for her friends' lives, but also somewhat bored at how long it was taking Jaden to do something. "Jaden, come on, do something before those guys all die!"

"We're dying," Nancy Wut reminded.

"Just hang on, guys!" Jaden urged.

"Hang on for dear life? If you were such a great friend, they wouldn't HAVE to hang on!" Nightshroud reminded. "Take your turn already, it could help speed things up."

[url=.com/watch?v=hbk1j_IptSY]"Hm, well if you knew what I'M packin', you wouldn't be so eager to see it, yo!" Jaden said, forcing a neat song to play! "I play Pot of Greed! It lets me draw two—"

"WE ALL KNOW WHAT IT DOES," everybody yelled.

"Well, did you know that I'm usin' DE-FUSION?" Rampart Blaster fell out of the dragon's arms (wings?) and broke apart into Burstinatrix and Clayman! "So now, Attachment Dragon can _ATTACH_ itself to yo' Graveyard!"

"This is NO time for horrible jokes, Jaden!" Alexis shouted!

"Jus' tryin' ta' keep it real, yo," Jaden sighed.

"You logic is flawed!" But in reality, the Attachment Dragon looked around a bit, felt sad, and exploded.

"Next I'll play the Spell card Fusion Sage!" Jaden discarded a card with an old guy on it. "Now I can search my deck for a Polymerization…" Jaden searched his deck. "Ha!" he laughed, showing his Polymerization. "… And put it into my hand!"

"What was with that 'Ha' part?"

"Now I fuse Clayman and Sparkman for Thunder Giant!" And Thunder Giant appeared out of a bluish portal of light! (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points, Red-Eyes Black Dragon: 2400 Attack Points)

_I see, so he's just trying to knock out that dragon before it can do anything else, while simultaneously getting in a direct attack!_ Alexis figured.

"Thunder Giant, use Voltic Thunder!" Jaden commanded!

"RAH!" Thunder Giant yelled, firing a bolt of lightning from his chest-orb!

"Don't worry, Red-Eyes," Nightshroud supported, "we can STILL beat that monster whom you're exactly as strong as! Use Infernal Fire Blast!"

"BLEH~" Red-Eyes spat! The fire and lightning collided and spread around each other, effectively still killing each monster.

"Damn, I THOUGHT it would WORK!" Nightshroud cursed!

"Well too bad, bucko, because NOW you're in Burstinatrix's LINE OF FIRE! And by that, I mostly mean the 'fire' part. Well, use FLARE STORM!"

"Hah!" Burstinatrix held out her arms and channeled a stream of crimson flames through her arms, striking Nightshroud! (Nightshroud: 1800 Life Points)

"Darn," Nightshroud whispered.

"Wait, why aren't you writhing in pain, like me, yo?" Jaden asked, confused.

"Somebody didn't consider wearing fire-proof clothing today~" Nightshroud sang.

"Well, I can't do nuthin' 'bout that, but I 'kin STILL play Mirage of Nightmare!" Jaden played his iconic mummy-filled card. "Now on your Standby Phase I can draw until I have four cards—"

"WE KNOW THAT CARD, TOO."

"Dang, you guys're on 'da ball tonight! I'll also throw DOWN a face-DOWN!" Jaden added.

"BOO," someone said.

"Hm, well as long as I can take my turn now," Nightshroud shrugged.

"NOT YET! Because now I have to draw my cards." Jaden drew his cards.

"Okay, can I go no—"

"NOT YET, EITHER! Because now I activate Emergency Provisions!" Jaden announced, flipping up his kipper 'n cracker card! "Now I can discard Spells and Traps to—"

"DON'T THINK WE DIDN'T REMEMBER THAT CARD, TOO."

"Wow, you kids're smart! Well, at least I don't have to pay for Mirage of Nightmare's CRAP effect, plus I get a cracker!" Jaden ate the saltine. "Ew, too much salt…" (Jaden: 1400 Life Points)

"Well, you may have AVOIDED your Mirage OF NIGHTMARE'S second effect," Nigtshroud chuckled, "but you won't be AVIODING my Mirage DRAGON!" He summoned a cool golden dragon with blue hair. (Mirage Dragon: 1600 Attack Points)

"BOO," someone said.

"You're on the ball, too, bad guy!

"Sh-SHUT UP!" Nightshroud sobbed! "Unlike his name suggests, his attack is no mere MIRAGE!"

"BOO," someone said.

"STOP! ATTACK BURSTINATRIX ALREADY!"

"Leh~" Mirage Dragon said, spraying out a large orb of destructively funky rainbow-patterned energy. It 'sploded Burstinatrix!

"It was too funkadelic for her," Jaden mourned. "Oh wait." Some of the ray blasted him, too. "DAMN SHADOW GAMES! AHH, THE FUNKINESS!" (Jaden: 1000 Life Points)

"I guess THAT'LL make you stop laughing at rainbows, right?" Nightshroud asked.

"What I wanna know is why you're using a card like that instead of the more powerful Luster Dragon monster, with the same level but better attack?" Alexis asked quizzically.

"Because shut up! I'm evil so there!"

"Evil… and stupid," Syrus added.

"Quiet, YOU'RE in a bubble near lava! You can't be talkin'! Plus, it's fading away, so YOU'RE about to die! So ha!"

"The truth hurts," Syrus sy-ed.

"Don't worry, Sy, 'cause his Mirage Dragon's gonna fade away FASTER than any stupid BUBBLE!" Jaden assured!

"BOO," someone said.

"And SPEAKIN' 'a bubbles, I summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman!" Jaden said, summoning Bubbleman! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "Now I'll draw two cards from his effect, one of which is Silent Doom!" He played a Spell card with some weird hand grabbing a soul sphere! Oh no! "Oh yeah, 'cause now I can summon Sparkman from the Graveyard in Defense Mode!" Sparkman appeared from the Graveyard in Defense Mode! (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points) "Then I'll follow it up with the Field Spell, Fusion Gate!" Jaden played his card, which showed a 2-D polygon of a battlefield! For some reason, it summoned storm clouds.

"Oh, is it gonna rain on my parade?" Nightshroud figured.

"BOO," someone said.

"Aw yeah, boy, the storm's a' comin, and it's comin' fer' YOU!" Jaden promised!

"BOO," someone said.

"**STOP JOKING ALREADY!**" Alexis ordered, scared for her life!

"I'll summon Elemental Hero Avian!" Avian appeared! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)

"Hi, guys!" Avian greeted.

"NO, JADEN, DON'T!"

"Wait… yes, Jaden! Do!" Syrus supported!

"Huh?" the others questioned.

"Don't you remember when I made my massive comeback with him against the two Tristans?"

"No."

"I wasn't enrolled back then," Mann McOldsmobile lamented.

"Well, shucks."

"Now, I can fuse these three WITHOUT Polymerization, in order to summon Elemental Hero Tempest!" Jaden shouted! The three guys melted together and became Avian with Sparkman's visor, Bubbleman's bubbly gun, big talons, a muscular build, and a slammin' blue jumpsuit! (Tempest: 2800 Attack Points) "Annihilate that wimpy yellow dragon with Glider Strike!" Jaden said!

"Wargh!" Tempest shouted, aiming and firing his bubble gun… but there were no bubbles. JUST A MASSIVE BLUE STREAM OF PURE, UNADULTERATED ELECTRICAL FURY!

"Rar?" Mirage Dragon gasped, 'sploding. The electrical blast went on through and shocked Nightshroud!

"[i][b]WAAAAGHGAHGAHGAGGAH![/b][/i]" he screamed! (Nightshroud: 600 Life Points)

"NOW you show pain!" Jaden chuckled.

"Th-that wasn't a show of pain!" Nightshroud yelled furiously! "I honestly had something in my eye, and I flinched to tear it from my eye, thus producing a loud scream!"

"You have a mask over your eyes."

"Oh…"

"That's what happens when you summon crappy monsters," Alexis promised. _Still, I only know one guy besides Jaden who would make such an obvious lie and summon a crappy monster… could he be…?_

"Well, I'll end my turn then…" Jaden decided, "… with a Trap card."

"FINALLY!" the crowd cheered! Things were looking up now!

[url=.com/watch?v=HHAkrZ8jMLc&feature=related]"Hmph, I don't care if you just set one Trap card, OR if I'm losing in terms of Life Points now," Nightshroud said ominously, "all that matters… is if you have good cards or not! And now, with this draw," he said, drawing a card, "I shall REALLY show you who's winning!"

"You're bluffin'!" Jaden called! "He's bluffing, right?"

"I don't know," Alexis admitted.

"Some help YOU are, Useless!"

"Hey!"

"EXCUSE ME, but I'm being SERIOUS over here!" Nightshroud growled! As if called upon by that quote, three more devilish lava dragons began forming out from the lava that surrounded them all. They stood around Nightshroud, as if he was their true lord and master!

"What's with the dragons?" Jaden asked.

"Do you REALLY think that by sending my dragons to the Graveyard that they're GONE? That they'll never come back? That you're safe?"

"Yeah."

"WRONG! KEEP DREAMING! For now, I shall summon… the Red-Eyes Black Chick."

"Sounds racist to me if I ever heard a racist card name."

"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!" Nightshroud cried, as a small red egg OF DEATH appeared on the field. Part of its shell cracked apart, allowing tiny red eyes to peek out. "Hatch, my dragon!" The egg broke apart! A small, cute baby version of Red-Eyes Black Dragon fell out and started sucking on its tail in an adorable fashion. (Red-Eyes Black Chick: 800 Attack Points)

"Aw, it's so—"

"DEADLY, especially after I sacrifice my dragon in order to summon its adult form from my hand!" Nightshroud's lil' dragon grew explosively into the previous terror we'd seen just two turns ago, the Red-Eyes Black Dragon!

"RAWR~" it roared!

"You have a SECOND COPY of a card?" Jaden gasped, trembling! "Nobody does that unless they're using them as a full set of three!"

"Well I do! But that's not the biggest it can grow, for I'm pushing its evolution even FURTHER now!" Nightshroud pointed to his dragon. The three lava terrors began to fly around Red-Eyes, then began combining with it! They became a kick-ass awesome metal dragon of doom, covered in intense red lines to further signify its awesome design, the "RED-EYES DARKNESS DRAGON!" (R-E Darkness Dragon: 2400 Attack Points) "And what makes it even MORE scary is that it gains 300 Attack Points for every Dragon monster in my Graveyard!"

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR!" Darkness Dragon (for short) screeched, filled with hatred for its fallen brethren! (R-E Darkness Dragon: 4500 Attack Points)

"… Now THAT is a frickin' cheap-butt card if I ever seen one…" Jaden grumbled.

"Jaden, can you do anything to stop it from attacking?" Alexis asked hurriedly. "One attack from that will seal you soul in a crappy card!"

"Jus' gimme a sec'."

"I won't give YOU a sec!" Nightshroud declined! "For with this next attack, I claim you soul, your key, the lives of you and your friends, and shall bring my master's plan one step closer to fruition! Inferno Darkfire!"

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAR!" Darkness Dragon channeled the energies of those who had fallen before it and breathed. A giant inferno of fire blazed forth, threatening to consume all who dared stand before it! And in this case, those who stood ahead of it were Elemental Hero Tempest and Jaden.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 36: Doomsday Day – Part Two

Part Two

"WATCH OUT!" Nancy Wut screamed!

"JADEN, DOOOOO SOMETHIIIIIING!" Syrus screamed, watching the massively incredible cool black dragon spit malicious flames at Jaden and Elemental Hero Tempest, for those of you who'd forgotten!

"Okay! Here goes! I play the Trap card: Negate Attack!" Jaden shouted, flipping up his dormant face-down! A cool green bubble surrounded Tempest, defending him and Jaden from the fire the dragon had fired.

"Fine, you get another turn," Nightshroud groaned. "You'd better make it count, then."

Meanwhile, we randomly scoot away from the volcano to the piers, by the lighthouse. Zane was standing there. He was somewhat disappointed with the fact that he walked away earlier when they were passing out those keys. But he really wanted Wind! And they said no trading allowed! So he just got outta there. BUT… "Hm?" He turned towards the volcano. "Something's amiss…" he supposed. "A Shadow Rider. Something's telling me… one's close.

Mean-er while, Bastion was in his cool room on his cool computer. "Ugh!" he cried!

"What?" asked Baseball Bob, popping out from his futon.

"What?" Piggybank asked, popping out from her bed.

"What?" asked Fluffy Fred, popping out of the closet.

"My key!" He pointed to the key. It was slightly tilted. "It moved! There MUST be a SHADOW GAME!"

"Okay," everybody shrugged, going back to sleep.

Mean-ER while, Ojama Yellow was shaking in front of Chazz's face. "Hm! Hm! Hm!" he muttered, shimmying with all his might.

"YOUR DANCING IS IRRITATING ME!" Chazz roared! "What's the deal?"

"Well, your spirit key's kinda wiggling a bit," Ojama Yellow said. Chazz's key was sideways.

"That's because I was LAYING on my SIDE!" Chazz revealed!

"Oh."

"Goodnight!" Chazz grunted, falling asleep again.

MEANEST WHILE, Crowler was just kinda sleeping there under a pink, frilly blanket.

MEANEST-ER WHILE! Banner was just standing around, carrying Garfield and looking toward the volcano.

[.com/watch?v=o8etTPYKnd4][b]MEAN[/b]—oh, screw it. Chancellor Shepherd was sitting at his desk, feeling generally crappy. "D'AW, THAT WAS STUPID!" he bemoaned! "WHY did I entrust those keys to IDIOT kids? I REALLY need to start thinking these kinds of things through… maybe Kaiba'll help us?" He picked up a phone. "Kaiba?"

"[i]No![/i]" Kaiba said. "[i]Wait, no. Maybe![/i]" Kaiba decided, hanging up.

"OH MAN, MAYBE [u]NEVER[/u] MEANS YES!" Shepherd cried!

And so, FINALLY, we go back to Jaden n' pals, standing around as he drew his next card. "Awright guys, I'll kick things of by summonin' Wroughtweiler in Defense Mode, yo, and then I'll shift Tempest to Defense as well!" Jaden said, as his monsters began guarding. (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Defense Points, Tempest: 2800 Defense Points) "And I'll call it a turn!"

"Heh, you barely did ANYTHING after 'kicking things off'!" Nightshroud laughed. "I'll call THAT a WASTE of TIME!"

"BOO," someone said.

"And as you know, TIME is of the essence!"

"BOO," someone said.

"That's because your friends are almost out… OF TIME!"

"BOO," someone said.

"That wasn't even a good pun!" Angry McArgue accused! "Don't worry about us, we can handle a LIL' bit of lava!"

"Not me," Syrus said.

"Hurry Jaden, or else Syrus will DIE because he's too weak!" Alexis rushed.

"Hey!"

"I know, yo, I know! That lava's gettin' CRAZY up in here!" And Jaden was right, as the lava was rising dramatically!

"Never mind, we can't handle it!" Angry McArgue disagreed!

"I'M TOO YOUNG AND RESTLESS TO DIE!" Koala Ko Ala wailed!

"So, what shall I do~" Nightshroud sang.

"How 'bout you make yo' move, buddy," Jaden pressured.

"Alright then, I'll just summon Spear Dragon in Attack Mode," Nightshroud decided, summoning a semi-fat dragon with a pointy head. (Spear Dragon: 1900 Attack Points) "When this baby attacks one of your Defense Position monsters, you still take Battle Damage, thanks to his pointy head!"

"Crap!" Alexis growled. "Jaden, are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm good enough," Jaden supposed.

"We'll see how GOOD you are once my Spear Dragon gives your Wroughtweiler something to CHEW ON!"

"BOO," someone said. The Spear Dragon spat out a green laser, because of its pointy head. The laser cut through Wroughtweiler's metallic exterior, and into Jaden's chest!

"[b]AGH[/b]!" Jaden gasped, falling! (Jaden: 300 Life Points)

"JADEN!"

"I said… I'm okay!" Jaden stood back up on his feet. "Thanks to… you killing Wroughtweiler, I… can add a Hero and a Po… Polymerization into my hand." He put away two specific cards.

(Spear Dragon: 0 Defense Points) "Well, my Spear Dragon is forced into Defense Position after he attacks," Nightshroud said, as his dragon sat down, "but I can still attack with Red-Eyes. And I also know about Tempest's ability to protect himself by getting rid of Fusion Gate, but I'll ANNUL that with Mystical Space Typhoon!" A large tornado blew away the storm clouds up above.

"B-but you can only use… Quick-Play Spells… when they're face-down during your Battle Phase!" Jaden recalled.

"I SAID that I'm EVIL! Red-Eyes, [b]INFER[/b]NAL [b]DARK[/b]FIRE!" And so, the dragon attacked again, finally wiping out Tempest for good. The resulting explosion forced the lava underneath the good guys to rise.

"How does THIS work?" Mann McOldsmobile cried!

"I know this may sound selfish, Jay," Syrus whimpered, "but HURRY THE HELL UP! PLEASE!"

"I got it… just gimme… another turn." Jaden collapsed, finally.

"WA-HAHAHAHAHA!" Nightshroud cackled! "So he gave up on you guys, eh? Well, just wait another minute. Then you'll get to go to heaven! It's awesome up there; you can eat all the snacks you like, and you can fly!"

"HAH!" Alexis yelled, punching him in the face!

"OW! I was too distracted to notice you running across the field to hit me! What's your prob, bee-yotch?"

"I'm TIRED of seeing this duel go on!" she yelled, grabbing him by the collar! "I'll give you Jaden's key if you just go the hell away and consider this your win, got that?"

"Hmm… I know you," Nightshroud realized.

"And I sure as hell know you're about to let those kids go."

"Not really," Nightshroud said. He looked at his dragons, sending some sort of signal with his eyes.

"GYAAAAR!" Darkness Dragon shrieked, lifting its leg above Alexis, and bringing it back down upon her—

"NO WAY, GUYS!" Jaden roared!

"Eh?"

"Huh?"

"Rar?"

"Dragon, move your leg," Jaden commanded, "and Alexis, get back over here. When a REAL man, or woman, depending on who you are, decides that they wanna do something that they have to do, you CAN'T just stop them with pain or injury or words! Death, maybe, but nothing else!"

"You… you're crazy," Alexis chuckled darkly, walking back.

"Am NOT!" Jaden whined!

"Well, you'd better NOT be, because now we're forced to order you to HURRY THE [i]FREAKIN'[/i] HELL UP!" screamed the lava gang, as their faces were being concealed by the RISING LAVA FLOW!

"AAAAAAAHH!" Jaden screamed! "GUYS!" [i]Grr… it's now or never, dawg![/i] "I summon Elemental Hero Wildheart back to the field!

"WARARARAAAAR!" Wildheart roared heroically! (Wildheart: 1500 Attack Points)

"Next I'll split your dragon in half with my Spell card, Wild Half!" A picture with a badly-drawn wolf appeared! "As long as my Wildheart's face up, I can activate this and deduct half of your dragon's original Attack Points away, then summon a token with the same Attack Points to the field!"

"RAWAR!" Darkness Dragon cried, being split into two halves. (R-E Darkness Dragon: 3300 Attack Points, Token: 3300 Attack Points)

"But they're both still above Blue-Eyes level, because of their effect," Alexis reminded.

"I know, so I'm fusing Wildheart with Bladedge, who's in my hand!"Jaden announced, throwin'-down his Polymerization! Bladedge flew out of Jaden's hand and onto the field!

"Yay!" Syrus cheered! "I like Bladedge!" Everybody looked at him oddly. "What, it's strange for me to like things… NO, NOT IN [u]THAT[/u] WAY! My gosh, he's just cool is all!"

"… Right. So anyways, combine, my heroes!" Jaden's two guys combined… and became Wildheart wearing Bladedge's helmet, left arm and right leg.

"RAAAAAAHR!" he roared (Wildedge: 2600 Attack Points)

"FRIGGIN' AWESOME!" Syrus shouted!

"But he's STILL too weak!" Nightshroud reminded.

"SCREW that, I'm still showin' you what puts Wildedge at the EDGE of bein' WILD…"

"BOO," someone said.

"…by activating Skyscraper!"

"… Oh boy." Buildings sprouted instantaneously!

"And thanks to my Skyscraper, you're gonna be SCRAPIN' your dragons off the pavement!" Jaden warned. (Wildedge: 3600 Attack Points)

"BOO," someone said.

"Kill them to the N-th degree!" Jaden ordered!

"Huh?" someone said.

And here's the clincher: Wildedge summoned his ten-foot long, one-handed broadsword. He held it high and charged at his opponents! "I-impossible," Nightshroud stammered, "HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HOLD SUCH A SWORD ONE-HANDED?"

"[b]LIKE THIS![/b]" Wildedge stopped running when he was a good distance away from the three dragons. Then he held his blade to his side, horizontally, and focused his energy, effectively lengthening his sword a good forty feet magically.

"SUPER-FRIGGIN AWESOME!" Syrus screamed!

"HARGH!" He swiped them with the sword once. It beheaded the three monsters instantly.

"And… that's game…" Jaden fainted again.

"Wow, that really was… hardcore…" Nightshroud's chest started spewing out a fountain of high-pressure blood! (Nightshroud: 0 Life Points, Game Over) "Ngh… uhh…" He fell to his knees. At that, giant flaming pillars of doom started shooting out from the floating magic circle! "GAAAAAAH!" Nightshroud yelled, being burned alive.

"Oh no, GUYS!" Alexis worried.

"AAAHH!" the barrier-people screamed, also consumed.

"Are they okay?" But Alexis couldn't think about that, because she too, and Jaden, were then captured by the blazing inferno.

[.com/watch?v=WyxDxyQQuTQ&feature=related]They all re-appeared magically around the mouth of the volcano.

"Woah, are we all okay?" asked Syrus.

"Yeah, thank goodness for magic!" Mann McOldsmobile said.

"Not EVERYONE'S okay!" Nancy Wut cried, pointing to Alexis, who was lying on the ground!

"No, I'm fine," she said, standing up again.

"Good," Angry McArgue sighed.

"Where's Jaden and Nightshroud?" Koala Ko Ala asked.

"Not EVERYONE'S okay!" Nancy Wut cried, pointing to Jaden, who was lying on the ground!

"*SNORE*" Jaden snored.

"No, he's just sleeping," Alexis said.

"Good," Syrus sighed.

"Not EVERYONE'S okay!" Nancy Wut cried, pointing to a Duel Monsters card lying on the ground! Alexis picked it up. It had Nightshroud's domino mask on it, covered in chains.

"Well, at least he's sealed in another dimension," Alexis said.

"Good," Mann McOldsmobile sighed.

"Not EVERYONE'S okay!" Nancy Wut cried, pointing to Nightshroud's body, which was lying on the ground!

"Gosh darnit, Nancy, stop saying that!" Alexis said, walking over to the guy and flipping him over.

"Ngh… mmm…" the guy moaned, opening his eyes and still bleeding, "…A …Alexis? Angry? Nancy?"

"_**HOLY BUTTMUNCH!**_"

"Did somebody just say, 'buttmunch'?" Bastion asked, as he led the charge of himself, Chazz and Zane to the rescue!

"Yeah, she did for some reason," Angry McArgue pointed out. "Who IS that guy any—IT'S ATTICUS!"

"Who?" Chazz asked. "And what happened to Jaden?"

"He fainted after taking some grievous bodily damage," Koala Ko Ala said. "He won though, and it was an awesome battle of epic proportions, filled with lava, dragons, dragons MADE of lava, and fifty-foot one-handed broadswords."

"Wait, did she say 'Atticus'?" Nancy Wut investigated.

"So is that him, the Shadow Rider?" Zane asked, following her. "Alexis?" Alexis, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue were all hugging the defeated guy.

"Zane, Zane!" Alexis happily cried! "It's him, it's REALLY him!"

"Are you talking about…? Who IS that?" Zana asked like a dumbass.

"Just look at his face, Zane!" Alexis said. "It's my brother…" DUN-DUN DUUUUN!

"… and my father…" Angry McArgue continued. DUN-DUN **DUUUUN!**

"… and my SON!" Nancy Wut concluded! DUN-DUN _**DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!**_

"He's finally back…"

"No… friggin'… way…" Syrus whispered. "They actually DO share a family member like that?"

"It's really Atticus," Zane gasped. The sun began to rise.

"He was the host for that evil mask, Nightshroud, and when he was absorbed by that card, he turned back to normal!" Alexis explained! "He's finally… back…"

"And if this is how it is after you WIN a duel, just think about what happens if you LOSE," Zane narrated. "The sun may rise now, but night will fall again soon, and when it does, we must be ready..."

"Shut up, Zane, being all depressing and stuff! You didn't even DO anything!" Koala Ko Ala said.

"Alright, you guys," somebody said, "get ready to move. Nightshroud's gone, so you'd better make up for his losses."

"Understood."

"Got it."

"Yes, sir."

"Alright.

"I see."

"…"

"Is something wrong, Mr. Seventh Member?"

"… No. All good things must come to an end sometime…"

"Good. So you guys, wait for further commands and move out."

"Got it." And so, the remaining Seven Stars became ready for their counter-attack.

It would be devastating.

Maybe.

COMMENTARY

So, we throw in a new character who won't be saying anything for almost twenty episodes! I didn't see the point, but who cares? Well… I kinda do. Either way, it's an episode!

BUT WHO IS THIS SEVENTH MEMBER? Wait, are we supposed to care yet?

Nah, I just have nothing to say today. But at least I've edited those six filler chapters now! Enjoy, I guess.


	37. Episode 37: Field of Screams Part One

[.com/watch?v=m5FRq_Ijq5E]"Everybody, please meet our two new classmates who have suddenly appeared out of nowhere," introduced Professor Banner to everybody in the Slifer Toolshed, "Cuts Man and Gut Man!" There appeared to be two robots standing next to him. One was red and black-patterned, with two small horns atop his helmet-ish head and two sharp fingernails on each arm. The other was more yellow and grey than anything. He had some strange antenna on the sides of his skull, and a weird '+' sign on his forehead in between his big circular eyes. He was carrying a butter knife ill-tied to the end of a long wooden stick. In actuality, it wasn't even quite at the end; it was ALMOST there, though.  
"U-uh…" The red one bowed. "m-m-m-m'name's Gut Man! My hobbies are dueling and being a tough guy!"  
The yellow one bowed as well. "Cuts cuts cuts! I like to cut! I'm Cuts Man!" They both stood up and smiled.  
"… Weeeell…" Mann McOldsmobile said, eating his breakfast, "I'm Mann McOldsmobile, and I like awesome things!"  
"Hey I do too!" Gut Man agreed!  
"AWESOME!" Mann McOldsmobile cried! "We should totally hang out sometime!"  
"Cuts cuts cuts!" Cuts Man gleefully exclaimed! "It's a deal!" They all shook hands.  
"Oh yeah, I need to visit Jaden at the hospital," Mann McOldsmobile remembered. "Bye guys, goin' to the hospital!" He threw his remaining breakfast at some kid and left.  
"Bye, Mann," some guy bid.  
"Bye, man. Heh, word humor," joked another.  
"I really HATE that guy, y'know!"  
"Why are the new students robots who don't wear uniforms?"  
"I dunno, but they _SURE_ look stupid!"

Gut Man and Cuts Man turned to each other and smirked. They'd instantly knew who to hang out with…

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 37: Field of Screams – Part One

ONE! NIGHT! AGO!  
[.com/watch?v=93nIljXpqUY]_For some reason, there was a thick enough fog across the ocean that everything was grey and misty. And also the moon was really thin, but at the same time, it was around 14 times bigger than it should've been. And there were a bunch of bats, too, flying around some sort of Viking funeral boat of some sort with a coffin inside. But suddenly… IT OPENED! Some sort of lady sat up in it. Her breasts were oddly large, as per all female characters on this show, which made the scene feel even more fake and uncomfortable than it already was. But then… THE LADY SMILED! SHE HAD _VAAAAAMPIRE TEEEEETH!

[.com/watch?v=k_lzo52AgNM&feature=related] "UWAAAAAAAHH!" Jaden screamed! "Ugh… ugh… ugh… vampire ladies… shouldn't have such… large breasts…" He fell back onto his pillow, not wearing his red coat. "It's just not natural!"  
"Um, Jaden," Syrus said, sitting on a chair next to Jaden, "you just had a near-death experience. Should you really be talking about breasts like that?"  
"But it was true! They were like, 'Wow, that's too big!' It felt so uncomfortable!" Then Jaden realized that Ms. Fonda Fontaine, the resident gym teacher and nurse, was standing right next to him and writing something on a small clipboard. She walked away, disgusted. "… Should I feel bad?"  
"Naw, here's your coat." Syrus handed Jaden the coat he wasn't wearing.  
"Oh, hey Jaden," Alexis greeted, sitting next to Atticus.  
"Hey Jaden," greeted Angry McArgue, sitting next to Alexis.  
"Yo, Jaden," Nancy Wut greeted, sitting next to Angry McArgue.  
"Aw, Nancy, you always know just what to say. But come on, that random kid has a whole fan club of random gals, and all I get is Syrus?"  
"What's wrong with Syrus?" Syrus asked.  
"You KNOW what's wrong with Syrus," Jaden pouted.

"Well, for your information, Atticus is important to us," Angry McArgue informed.  
"Yeah, 'cause he's Nightshroud and handsome and crap, yo. Gimme a break, yo."  
"No, Nightshroud was just an evil mask guy," Nancy Wut said.  
"Now you see, Jaden," Alexis stated, "listen closely. You remember when I said that my brother…"  
"And MY father…" Angry McArgue added.  
"And MY son went missing?" Nancy Wut finished.  
"WHAAAT?" Jaden cried! "I can't remember THAT! That's confusin' and gross!" Then he turned to Syrus. "Hey, Why isn't Koala Ko Ala here?"  
"He's too fat."  
"Bastion?"  
"He has a fan club."  
"Chazz?"  
"Now you're just joking, right?"  
"WELL, THIS BOY RIGHT HERE IS THAT ONE MISSING MAN!" the trio of gals shouted, pointing to Atticus, who was attached to a bunch of life support equipment!  
"GAAAAAAAAAASP! OMG! WTF! FTW!" Jaden exclaimed!  
"Waaaaaaaait…" Syrus thought, "he's too old to be Nancy's son, but too young to be Angry's father. Where's the logic?"  
"Oh, well actually we were all such great friends that we all adopted each other," Alexis said. "He's not even my real brother."  
"WHAT A HORRIBLE ANSWER TO SUCH AN INTENSE QUESTION!" Syrus screamed!  
"But really, he IS my father…" Angry McArgue said.  
"Oh…" Everybody looked sullen and tried not to think about what she'd just said.

[.com/watch?v=LMOH9LdOTIE] "Hey, everybody! How's Jaden an' Atticus doin'?" Mann McOldsmobile asked, heartily and easily kicking down the door and gripping a 'GET WELL SOON' balloon.  
"… You came in at a horrible time," Jaden said.  
"Oh. What'd I miss?" Mann McOldsmobile asked. At that time, Cuts Man and Gut Man fell out from the ceiling.  
"AAAAHH!"  
"OW!" They rubbed their heads in pain. "Cuts cuts cuts! I KNEW this'd happen!" Cuts Man complained! "Now he thinks we're stalking him, Gut Man!"  
"I'm sorry for thinking of this idea," Gut Man apologized. "Great, now he'll NEVER be friends with us…"  
"… You COULD have just asked if you wanted to come with me, guys," Mann McOldsmobile told them.  
"… Really? It wouldn't be overbearing or weird?" Cuts Man asked.  
"Well, yeah, I'm laid back n' stuff."  
"AWESOME!"  
"CUTS CUTS CUTS!" The new friend trio leaped into the air as the words 'CUTS MAN GUT MAN MANN MCOLDSMOBILE FRIEND TAG TEAM TRIO' flashed behind them.

"… What am I missing here?" Syrus sy-ed.  
"I dunno, but these guys're a HOOT!" Jaden laughed.  
"I feel forgotten," Angry McArgue sighed.  
"Happens to ME all the time!" Nancy Wut smiled.

Meanwhile, as all the stupid stuff happened, the music ended, and it turned out that there really WAS a vampire lady in the ocean at night during the morning on a Viking funeral ship with a big-ass moon shrouded in a protective mist! She held out her Commanding Arm. "Go, my minions," she ordered in her stereotypically Transylvanian Vampire accent, "so that we may kick the ass of whomever defeated Nightshroud!" She revealed her face: she looked like a person! With weird green eyes! And weirder green swoopy hair! Wearing a red non-strapless dress! With a golden choker with an eye of wdjat on it! And hilariously large earrings! And pointy ears! She really was… obviously a vampire.

So, in Professor Someone's class, some kids were talking. "Hey, d'joo here 'bout the vampire?" asked Eightiesboy Gnarly, with a totally rad voice.  
"Vampire," asked Boring Kidd Millville, who sounded like he wasn't having much fun.  
"Yeah, dude, mah ROOMIE says that they saw some vampire chick, 'chah!"  
"So it's a lady vampire," Boring Kidd Millville asked.

And outside of the Obelisk Dorms, Princess Posh, hailing from some Western part of the United States, told her friends, "Yeah, so like, it was totally a GIRL vampire."  
"A girl vampire?" Regulargal Whocares repeated. "Well, that doesn't make sense. Whoever heard of a GIRL vampire?"  
"There are, like, lots of girl vampires," Princess Posh said, "like Buffy, the like, totally Vampire Slayer."  
"But she SLAYS vampi—"  
"You're like so totally not like my friend anymore."  
"Aw…"

"V-V-V-VIXEN?" Chazz screamed, up in Chancellor Shepherd's office "So there really ARE girl vampires?"  
"You need to watch more television," Banner advised, standing with Chazz, Bastion, Crowler and Garfield.  
"Indeed, Chazz, you should watch some of today's most popular shows like Trueblood and The Twilight Saga: New Moon."  
"Were you paid to say that, and won't that joke become old real soon?"  
"Why yes, yes I was and yes it will. Now to the point: these dumb rumors of a vampires running around the place may not be so fake."  
"Come on, a LADY vampire?" Crowler scoffed. "They don't REALLY exist, do they? Or regular vampires? Right?"  
"Well, Crowler, maybe you should watch some of today's most popular shows like Trueblood and The Twilight Saga: New Moon," Shepherd repeated. Somebody handed him some money. "Thank you."  
"No, thank YOU!" they winked.  
"Oh, Chancellor, I just dropped by to ask you something!" Alexis said, bursting into the room!  
"Hi, Alexis."  
"Shut up Chazz, please. Shepherd, I know that last night my key was stolen from me outside of a duel. Can I please have it back?"  
"This?" Shepherd checked, holding up Alexis's Water key.  
"Yeah."  
"No."  
"Huh?"  
"Well, you lost it, so you can't have it back," Shepherd explained.  
"What do you mean? I didn't lose a game, I just lost IT! And then Jaden won it back! What's the problem?"  
"You're not trustworthy!"  
"… This is stupid," Alexis groaned, leaving.  
"Bye, Alexis."  
Alexis opened the door again. "Shut UP, Chazz!" She shut the door.  
"So anyways, guys," Shepherd said, "be ON the LOOKOUT… for _vampire ladies…_"

Two! Minutes! Later! Time for some interlude music. [.com/watch?v=LMOH9LdOTIE]  
Chazz was sitting in his room organizing his cards in the Toolshed. "Stupid vampire, tryin' to get the drop on me…"  
"Chazz, what're you mutterin', I reckon?" Billy Hills asked, playing a video game with Deep-Voice Dobbson and Ojama Yellow.  
"Oh, nothing. Nothing…" But there was a bat on the ceiling… _WHO NO ONE NOTICED!_ Its eyes flashed for a moment.  
"Hey, no fair, guys! I can't touch the controller; I'm a Duel Spirit!"  
"Not my fault, huh, Yellow, huh!"_  
_  
Bastion was sitting in HIS room, staring hard at his cards and frowning. "What's wrong, Bastion-y?" Piggybank asked.  
"It's… just that Oxygeddon isn't as cool as Hydrogeddon!" he complained. "Why IS that?"  
"Well, maybe water is cooler than oxygen."  
"But without oxygen, we'd ALL die!"  
"True… but… maybe… water is cooler than… oxygen?" As they had their dumb talk, another bat was monitoring their progress!

"VAMPIRES don't exist!" Crowler yelled in its room, alone. "They're just MAKE-BELIEVE! Like nuclear power plants. Boy, it SURE would be funny if I DUELED this VAMPIRE! Ha ha ha, what a STUPID idea!" The bat watching it was confused.

Banner had set up all sorts of garlic trains hung on the ceiling, and wore a shrine priest outfit. He waved his magical priest stick of Japanese religious importance (I think?) around in front of a small monument to vampire safety! "Humminahumminahummina HOO!" he chanted. "Humminahumminahummina HOO! Humminahumminahummina HOO!" The bat watching him got bored and flew away.

Anyways, back to Jaden, he was resting. "How's he doing?" Alexis asked, returning.  
"Oh, well around the time you left," Syrus explained, "he was so mad that all the girls were paying attention to Atticus, and decided to sleep. 'That'll show 'em, yo!' he said. 'That'll show 'em ALL!'"  
"Why doesn't he like us?" Gut Man asked.  
"Well, Jaden's an idiot," Mann McOldsmobile explained, "but he's a cool idiot."  
"Cuts cuts cuts! Oh, I get it now!" Cuts Man realized!  
"How's Atticus doing?" Syrus asked.  
"Oh, he's wiggling a lot," Nancy Wut said. Atticus was convulsing madly, and his heart monitor was off the charts.  
"It's really scary!" Angry McArgue cried.  
"Oh, okay then…" The bat on the ceiling (seriously? Does NOBODY look at the ceiling anymore?) didn't know what to say.

And so, one bat had flown all the way back to a random bathtub where the vampire lady was soaking in a rose petal-covered broth. "Mmm, come to me, my pretty," she sighed, allowing the bat to touch her finger. It instantly sent the telekinetic signal of all those that the bats had been following! "Hmm… which one shall I duel first?"  
_"VAMPIRES don't exist!"_  
"VAT?" she gasped, in her weird vampire accent (no offence to you with that kind of accent).  
_"They're just MAKE-BELIEVE! Like nuclear power plants."_  
"Zis one… zis one irritates me!" the vampire lady growled!  
_"Boy, it SURE would be funny if I DUELED this VAMPIRE! Ha ha ha, what a STUPID idea!"_  
"VE shall SEE how funny it vould be for you to duel a vampire!" she yelled, standing up in the bath, for some reason wearing all her clothing. "I shall duel you now!" She walked to the door and opened it up. Sunbeams ran through! "Ahh, my eyes!" She shut the door. "Okay. I shall duel you after dusk!" she promised.

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
"Okay, Chancellor," Chazz said, with the other key keepers in Shepherd's office (besides those who were hospitalized), "I just checked the ENTIRE school grounds, and I didn't find any vampires! At ALL! Female or otherwise."  
"Chazz," Shepherd said, "I didn't tell you to search the grounds."  
"… I'm going home…" Chazz slowly shuffled out of the room. Then he walked back in. "Good luck with the vampire, mum!" Chazz wished. Then he left again.  
"THERE IS NO VAMPIRE!" Crowler stressed.  
"I found a vampire!" Koala Ko Ala said, bursting in casually. "She was by the lake."  
"Why were you at the lake?" Bastion asked.  
"**Who cares let's roll!**" Shepherd announced!

ONE! MONTAGE! LATER!  
The group was by the giant lake not seen since episode 26, even though the last canon appearance was in episode 4 or so, making it largely forgotten. It was fog-covered to the extreme, so that the people could probably only see a few feet ahead of themselves. "So why WERE you by the lake anyways?" Bastion asked.  
"Oh, well you see, it was all because of—"  
"Eh?" Cuts Man was sitting on the ground with Mann McOldsmobile and Gut Man, eating a banana and playing card games.  
"HE STOLED MAH BANNANNER!" Koala Ko Ala roared!  
"I'm sorry! Cuts cuts cuts!" Cuts Man cried! "Like I said, it was on the floor! Who leaves bananas on the floor?"  
"It was MY floor!" Koala Ko Ala grunted, leaping at him!  
"So, why are YOU guys here?" Banner asked.  
"Oh, Gut Man and Cuts Man just said that we should come here and stuff, so we did," Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Also there's a vampire out there," Gut Man said, pointing out towards the lake.  
"How do we get there with no boat?" Crowler asked. "I mean, to duel this 'so-called' vampire of sorts, hmm." At this, a magical red carpet rolled out from the lake to the mainland! "Oh, _magic carpets_? Is that REALLY the best trick they've got?"  
"Can we come with you?" Mann McOldsmobile quickly asked, latching onto Crowler's leg!  
"AAAAHH! GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF!"  
"But sitting here and stuff is so BORING!" Mann McOldsmobile sobbed! "We HAVE to come with you!"  
"And we'll learn something by the end of the night!" Gut Man added, hooked on learning morals.  
"Fine, you can come," Banner shrugged.  
"YIPPEE!"  
"But ONLY if you leave Koala."  
"Aw," Koala Ko Ala moaned, trudging away quickly.  
"So, off we go," Crowler sighed, feeling tired and irritated. It led the way across the MAGICAL RED CARPET!

"SYYYYYYYYRUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSS!" Koala Ko Ala yelled, bursting into the infirmary! "Crowler and the other important characters are going out to duel the vampire out on the lake and they wouldn't let me come!"  
"Um, okay," Syrus said.  
"Well, she should be okay, right?" Jaden asked.  
"Wrong, Jaden!" Angry McArgue begged to differ!  
"Why?"  
"Because," Alexis said, "if you remember correctly, Crowler TALKS a big game, but really stinks."  
"Then how'd he get to the position he's in today?" Nancy Wut asked.  
"Probably bribery."  
"Oh yeah, like Chazzy!"

And so, back at the ranch… lake… place… the group had begun to trek across the lake. They walked with an air of seriousness about themselves. They were careful, too, because that vampire could pop out at any moment. They proceeded like this… except for Mann McOldsmobile and his friends, who were too busy trying to rock the carpet around, and push each other off. Then Crowler shouted at them, and they stopped. But then they couldn't help it any longer and started jumping around again. Then they got shoved into the lake.

Eventually after what seemed like an eternity, they reached… "This is the other side of the lake, right?" Bastion asked.  
"Oh yeah, here are the Obelisk dorms," Banner noticed, pointing to the Obelisk Dorms.  
"**BASTIOOOOOON!**" Piggybank and Fluffy Fred roared, leaping out from some windows! "Didja beat'er yet?"  
"No, Fred."  
"Are you hungry? I brought snacks!"  
"No thanks, Piggybank, please put the snack tray away."  
"Hi, Bastion," Baseball Bob greeted, shouting from the Obelisk Blue roof.  
"Hi, Bob."  
"Hey, can I get some 'o those snacks?" asked Gut Man.  
"NO! FOR BASTION ONLY!" Piggybank threw her snack tray far away.  
"And so, remind me HOW again we picked up all these strange people?" Crowler growled.  
[.com/watch?v=pzeerOofFoM]"_OH-HOHOHOHOHO!_" laughed the vampiress, emulating that irritating laugh in that video. "So, you all ACTUALLY fell for my trick, eh? OH~HOHOHOHO—"  
"HOWDAREYOOOOOOOOOOU!" Crowler yelled, punching her in the face!  
"Ugh, so it is YOU who does not believe in ze vampires of legend?" the lady gasped, reeling backward! She looked around. She looked at Cuts Man and Gut Man. Cuts Man hid behind Gut Man. "Hm." She regained her composure! "I am Camula, ze vampire mistress of ze Seven Stars!" Her eyes flashed and summoned a horde of bats!  
"EEEEEEK!" screamed Crowler and Banner.  
"Oh no, bats!" Bastion said.  
"UNH! UNH!" Fluffy Fred and Piggybank grunted, punching the bats!  
"We're okay, we're robots," Gut Man and Cuts Man said, as they were truly okay.  
"That's so cool!" Mann McOldsmobile complimented, effortlessly smashing dozens of bats into a bloody pulp with one arm.

Camula snapped her fingers and the bats disappeared. "NOW do you doubt zat I am a real vampire?"  
"No," Banner said.  
"YES!" Crowler said! "Your trained bats and mechanized automatic red contact lenses don't scare ME!"  
_Urk! Zis man… or… woman… iz getting on my nerves!_ "Fine, if zis is what you tink, then I suppose zat you shall not disagree to betting your SOUL on zis match!" Camula held out a small doll of some sort, made out of a potato sack, I think.  
"Sure, why not?" Crowler shrugged.  
"Careful, Crowler," Bastion the apprentice warned, "she MAY seem fake to you, but her dueling skills are no myth or legend! If she's a SHADOW RIDER,"  
"SEVEN STARS!"  
"Then that means that she MUST be a horribly good duelist."  
"Psshaw, Bastion, my student," Crowler sighed, "how do you think I got to my position?"  
"Bribery?"  
"Precisely. Wait, no! I'm a good duelist!" Crowler turned to the vampiress. "Lady, I challenge you to a duel!"  
"Wow, dueling a vampire!" Mann McOldsmobile cried! "That's so cool!"  
"I wish I could duel a vampire," Gut Man said.  
"Really?" asked Cuts Man.  
"No…."

"Heh heh…" Camula chuckled. "ZEN I SHALL TEACH YOU TO FEAR ZE NIGHT AND THOSE LIKE ME!"  
"You mean mummies and werewolves?" Crowler joked.  
"No, mummies don't come to life! Werewolves, however, DO exist! Very much so, indeed!" Her Duel Disk was some weird small thing strapped to her arm, which then began extending into a wing-shaped thingy of varying creepiness! Crowler attached her sword-based Duel Disk onto its arm!  
"DUEL!" they shouted. (Camula: 4000 Life Points, Crowler: 4000 Life Points)  
"I shall summon ze ZOMBIE WEREWOLF!" A grey werewolf wearing fashionable green pants and shackles leaped onto the field. (Zombie Werewolf: 1200 Attack Points)  
"AAAAAAHH, A ZOMBIE AND A WEREWOLF ALL ROLLED INTO ONE!" Fluffy Fred screamed, falling out and unconscious.  
"Piggybank, please take him away before he gets caught in the dueling crossfire," Bastion advised.  
"Okay~" Piggybank said, carrying him away.  
"Still, a zombie AND a werewolf?" Mann McOldsmobile laughed. "That's freaking BADASS! Too bad its stats are horrible."  
"EH? Zey are strictly average for zis show in particular!" Camula responded. "I shall end my turn vith one face-down card."

"Please, what kind of dueling amateur do you take me for?" Crowler asked.  
"Ze ugly kind."  
"… I activate Ancient Gear Castle!" Crowler grandly revealed! A massive battalion wall for a war of some sort suddenly appeared behind it! "Now all my Ancient Gear monsters gain 300 extra Attack Points! And secondly, I'll summon the Ancient Gear Soldier to the field!" A cool old robot with a machine gun for an arm appeared! (Ancient Gear Soldier: 1300 - 1600 Attack Points) "Now, I'll attack your Zombie Werewolf, and don't even think of activating your Trap card there!"  
"Oh? Vhy?" Camula asked.  
"Because my Soldier's ability prevents you from using Trap cards when it attacks!" Crowler revealed! "Now go, Mechanized Assault!" The robot started shooting dozens of bullets at the werewolf, blowing various parts of its body apart in grisly ways. (Camula: 3600 Life Points)  
"Heh heh, looks like he's more of… a CAT person!" Bastion joked. Nobody laughed.  
"Next up will be you getting shot to oblivion, Miss Vampire Lady Extraordinaire Esquire!" Crowler laughed!  
"Wrong," Camula disagreed. "When my Zombie Werewolf is killed, I am allowed to Special Summon another one from my deck, and give it 500 extra Attack Points!" A new Zombie Werewolf came out of nowhere and howled!  
"HOOOOOOOOOOOWL," it howled. (Zombie Werewolf: 1700 Attack Points)  
"Oh, so it's just like Hero Prinny, then?" Bastion recalled.  
"Bastion, please stop saying stupid things," Gut Man asked, shaking his head like he was staring at a lost cause.  
"Well then… I'll place one card face down," Crowler finished, slightly nervous. "Go ahead, it's your turn now!"

"Vhy, zhen I'll summon VAMPIRE BAT IN ATTACK MODE!" A whole bunch of static bat pictures appeared on the field!  
"More like Vampire BATS!" Banner gasped!  
"More like Vampire BATS that don't MOVE!" Cuts Man scoffed.  
"Give it a moment," Camula requested. They gave it a moment, and the card became one collectively giant bat. (Vampire Bat: 800 Attack Points)  
"Oh, so it IS a bat…"  
"And vhen I have Vampire Bat on ze field, I can give all my Zombie-type monsters 200 extra Attack Points!" Camula added! (Vampire Bat: 1000 Attack Points, Zombie Werewolf: 1900 Attack Points) "Now, my monsters, attack zem!" The werewolf leaped on and nipped at Ancient Gear Soldier! The robot exploded. (Crowler: 3700 Life Points)  
"EEEEK," the bat shrieked, flying over to Crowler and nipping it.  
"Ow," Crowler said.  
**"OH…"  
"MY…"  
"GOSH!"** the Mann McOldsmobile trio gasped! "SHE'S **ACTUALLY** HURT!"  
[.com/watch?v=bOwD9sLEy4s&feature=related] "Oh, right, it DID hu—" _'OLY CRAP!_ Crowler realized! _That DID slightly hurt! This must mean… that I'm playing a SHADOW GAME!_ (Crowler: 2700 Life Points)

Meanwhile in the nurse's office, Syrus was showing everybody the duel as it was happening on his YugiNavi™. "Thank goodness for satellite surveillance hacking," Syrus thanked.  
"Wow, she's really taking a beating!" Nancy Wut said.  
"I'll be right back, I'll get us some drinks!" Angry McArgue decided, running off!  
"Get me something cherry-flavored, yo!" Jaden called.

"So, veird one," Camula chuckled, "do you vant to give up after vat you have just experienced? Zis Shadow Game shall definitely take your soul no matter VAT you do, seeing as it's written in ze script!" Camula held up her script. She pointed to the words "Crowler Loses in the End".  
_What?_ Crowler gasped in its head. _B-but why didn't I get that script? And this IS a Shadow Game; if I continue, I may not just lose my soul, but my life as well! And… aren't I just filling up time, then? Well… it may be for the best if I just have somebody else duel her, and win like they were supposed to…_ "E…even the script says it?"  
"Yes, even ze script," Camula nodded.  
"Alright… " Crowler accepted, being reasonable. "Then in an effort to save wasted time and effort… I resig—"

"**NO WAY!**" Piggybank screamed, returning from the dorm!  
"Huh?"  
"THIS isn't the Crowler I know!" she said! "She wouldn't be giving up all the time, resigning herself to fate! She always goes ahead with her stupid harebrained schemes to get Jaden out of school, no matter HOW horrible they are! You don't just quit! You keep going!"  
"You… you're RIGHT!" Crowler pointed its finger at Camula! "I don't care if I'm going to lose against you, lady; I'm STILL going to put in a few good hits! SO GET READY!"

"Crowler!" Banner cried! "I have no respect for you as an educator or a person, but if you continue dueling, the script states that your soul shall be forfeit!"  
"No, Banner!" Crowler declined! "Sometimes, when a woman decides that she wants to do something she has to do, she HAS to do it!"  
"Jaden said something like that yesterday," Mann McOldsmobile remembered.  
"Who's Jaden?" Gut Man asked.

"Thank you for your inspiring words, Piggybank," Crowler thanked, "if I make it through I'll put in a good word for you for promotion to Obelisk."  
"Yayz!"  
"Now, Miss Vampire Lady, I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve, so I'm going to use them!" Crowler pressed a button on its Duel Disk, flipping up its Trap card! "I play the Trap card, Damage Condenser!" A large, test-tube-like machine appeared and stood next to Crowler. "I am now able to summon one monster from my deck with Attack Points equal to or lower than the damage you've inflicted upon me this turn. And so, because you've reduced me to 2700 Life Points, I'll take the opportunity to summon another Ancient Gear Soldier! Arise!" The test-tube machine began sputtering some electricity, failing to start up, smoking, catching fire, and breaking apart. Somehow this brought Ancient Gear Soldier back onto the field! (Ancient Gear Soldier: 1300 - 1600 Attack Points)  
"Oh, so if at first you don't succeed, you fail again?" Camula laughed. "Zis vill obviously end ze same as before."  
"Not so," Crowler disagreed, "for I really AM a cat person!"  
"Huh?" Banner wondered. "What does that have to do with anything?"  
"You'll see… AFTER I SUMMON THE ANCIENT GEAR BEAST!" Crowler announced, as its robot soldier was replaced by a saber-toothed tiger robot soldier! (Ancient Gear Beast: 2000 - 2300 Attack Points) "And now, my pretty, destroy that ugly werewolf zombie guy!"

"No, teacher!" Bastion cried! "Don't do it; she'll only revive another Zombie Werewolf and kill your monster! And then your soul shall be forfeit!"  
"Oh, you silly little boy," Crowler said, waggling her finger, "don't you remember, Bastion? When my Ancient Gear Beast kills a monster, its effect is negated!"  
"Oh, yeah! Wait, no, nobody really knew that before, since you didn't play it… BUT AWESOME, TEACHER!"  
"SHE'S SO COOL!" Mann McOldsmobile, Cuts Man and Gut Man cried!  
"That WAS a great move," Piggybank agreed, glomping Bastion.  
"So she really IS a cat person!" Bastion realized!  
"I have nothing to add," Banner said.  
"Well, yes, but try to keep it down. Now, Ancient Gear Beast, re-kill the previously-deceased werewolf man over there!" Crowler commanded! And so the robot leaped on the werewolf and chomped down on its crotch (I didn't make that up, blame the animators), killing its pride in being a real zombie-like wolf man. And because of that, he happened to explode.  
"Ugh, how vulgar!" Camula gasped! (Camula: 3200 Life Points)  
"Maybe if you need a little TUTORING on dueling strategies, you can try enrolling in my class!" Crowler laughed! "Ha, teacher humor."

"So I guess that Crowler really IS an okay duelist," Bastion complimented, "but still isn't purposely funny."  
"Cuts cuts cuts! I'm gonna start callin' her 'Crowler-Sama'!" Cuts Man announced.  
"Why ARE you here, again?" Piggybank asked.  
"I forgot," Gut Man sighed.

"Hm, that MAY have been a nice turn, I'll admit," Camula admitted, "but it iz mine now, vhich means that I can make MY comeback! I play ze Spell card: Infernalvania!" As soon as her card hit the Duel Disk, the surrounding area became melodramatic, reminiscent of old vampire flicks, and oddly lame. There was even a large castle looming behind the group with two flashes of lightning.  
"That field is so scary that I feel like laughing," Mann McOldsmobile groaned.  
"It SHOULD be scary," Camula reassured, "because vith it active, I can discard one Zombie-type monster to destroy ALL ze monsters on ze field! Sadly, ze side-effect states zat I am unable to Normal Summon any more monsters, but I'll get by somehow."  
"But… you still can't Normal Summon any monsters," Gut Man said, trying to sound slick.  
"But I don't NEED to Normal Summon any more monsters," Camula disagreed. "My Vampire Bat may become invincible for one turn if I discard one copy of itself from my deck!" A second Vampire Bat appeared on the field next to her first. Then the original one picked up its copy, threw it into his mouth, chewed like a real sailor, and emitted a locomotive-like 'WOOOT!' And it made him STRONG.  
"That's HORRIBLE!" everybody freaked out!  
"Now I shall send a Vampire Lord card from my hand to ze Graveyard to use Infernalvania's effect!" Camula shouted, as a bishounen vampire man in fancy garb appeared on the field, only to disappear seconds later. THEN THE ROBOT TIGER EXPLODED. "Now, Vampire Bat, give that creepy man a REAL nipping!" The bat exploded into around 30 copies of itself again, which then swarmed around it!

"WAAAAAAAGH, I… AM… a… woman…" Crowler couldn't take the nipping! It fell to the ground, covered in really small scratches. (Crowler: 1700 Life Points)  
"OHHH~hohohoho," Camula laughed, placing her wrist against her check and giving off a really irritating evil queen-like signal, "now how do you like ZAT?"  
"Ugh… I don't!" Crowler groaned.  
"CROWLEEEEEERRRRRR!" Cuts Man screamed!  
"Are you alright?" Bastion cried!  
"Even though you're clearly a horrible person, I'm showing genuine concern for you now!" Banner gulped!  
"No… don't worry, I can… I can do this!" Crowler assured, standing up, albeit slowly.  
"BUT WAIT!" Koala Ko Ala ordered, appearing by the crowd, carrying Jaden!  
"Koala Ko Ala?" Banner gasped! "I thought that we told you SPECIFICALLY NOT to come!"  
"But I was bringing Jaden!" he revealed, taking Jaden off of his back!  
"Hey teach!" Jaden greeted.  
"Koala Ko Ala, go home," Crowler sternly commanded.  
"Aw…" Koala Ko Ala left, leaving Jaden.  
"Why are YOU here, for that matter?"  
"Oh, well, yo, I thought you could use a confidence boost…"  
"From my much-hated child rival? No way!"  
"…from your adorable son, whom I don't really think is all that adorable." Jaden pulled Chazz off of his back, who was sleeping loudly.  
"… Mnmh?" Chazz wiggled. "Oh…" He woke up ever-so slightly! "Uh, mum…don't suck? Mmnmnh…"  
_My son is here… MY SON! I can NOT afford to lose here ANYMORE!_ This provided Crowler with the strength of a mother, which is proportional to the strength needed to stand up after taking a massive nipping. "NOW I SHALL PROVIDE YOU WITH THE HUMILIATION OF LOSING A CARD GAME IN FRONT OF MY BOY!"

"Oh ho, so you're still up?" Camula asked. "I see that you may need another big nipping, after all."  
Crowler drew the single most important card of the entire game. "You may not be saying that in a minute. For now I summon the Ancient Gear Golem in Attack Mode!" Ancient Gear Golem appeared. (Ancient Gear Golem: 3000 Attack Points)  
"…" Camula stared at it.  
"…" The audience stared at it. Nobody wanted to ask about how it had just summoned its trump card, so nobody asked Crowler anything.  
Finally, out of desperation, Gut Man asked, "How the heck did you just do that?"  
"Well, I can offer my Ancient Gear Castle card to act as the Tributes I usually would need to summon a large Ancient Gear monster," Crowler revealed as its Spell card faded into nothingness. "What kind of idiot didn't already know that? Now, use Mechanized Melee on that Vampire Bat!"

The giant robot man punched at Vampire Bat, forcing its arm to fly off like a make-shift rocket punch. It made the bat explode into a million scraps of fluffy bat skin. "Urgh," Camula winced. (Camula: 1200 Life Points) Sadly, the bat decided to fix itself up somehow, restoring itself back to normal. "Ha, but my Vampire Bat is still invincible until my next turn! Unlike your Golem, which I'm about to kill off! Now may I do so?"  
"No."  
"And why is that?"  
"Because I'm about to do THAT myself," Crowler smugly admitted.  
"Eh?" Camula gasped. "Vat do you mean?"

[.com/watch?v=vOpsJYcTak0]"I play the Spell card called Ancient Gear Explosive." Crowler held up a card featuring a really crappily-made grenade. "I can tribute one Ancient Gear monster of my choosing in order to deal direct damage to you equal to half of its Attack Points!"  
"?" gasped the entire studio audience!  
"We have a studio audience?" Bastion gasped!

The giant golem robot simply took out a grenade from behind its back and tossed it gently. It bounced across the ground as it travelled.  
_How did this happen?_ Camula wondered, her thoughts flashing like crazy. _What did I miss? How did the duel turn like this so fast? The script CAN'T be wrong!_  
"Do you want to know WHY I just won?" Crowler asked. "Well, here's your answer: this is merely a FAN-FICTION! Yes, hasn't it occurred to all of YOU yet? Stop asking 'wow how did that just happen FTW'! This s merely a story where the creator has all power over what takes place! GEEEEET OVER IIIIIIIIIIIT!"  
"Oh, so zat's it, eh…?"

**Kablooey**. The grenade detonated, taking the whole of Camula's body with it. The only thing that was left was a small, smoking crater. "And THAT is how you pull a come-back!" Crowler shouted!  
"Y-you just defied all common conventions of this entire se—"  
Crowler karate-chopped Bastion in the head. "I said it's just a story!"  
"I actually just helped determine the results of this entire series right here, didn't I?" Piggybank guessed.  
"Not really, you just killed off a three-parter, yo," Jaden revealed.  
"Cuts cuts cuts! FRIGGIN' AWESUUUUUUUUM!" Cuts Man screamed!  
"Sh-she really just won an impossible duel!" Mann McOldsmobile reminded! "I shall forever be filled with not disgust anymore when I look at her, but a profound respect… or maybe a mixture of the two, but still!"  
"So what do we do from here?" Banner asked.  
"Go home?" Jaden suggested.

"LIKE HELL!" Camula roared, falling from the air!  
"OH CRAP!" Cuts Man cried! "YOU DIDN'T EXPLODE HER, YOU KNOCKED HER INTO THE SKY!" Camula fell like a really big heavy thing, aimed at Crowler, holding out her sharply manicured fingernails!  
"Those nails look sharp enough to kill!" Gut Man cried! "Run, Crowler!"  
"Eep, yes, of course!" Crowler dashed off to the left, allowing Camula to smash her face into the ground.  
"OW! MY BEAUTIFUL VAMPIRE FACE! YOU SHALL NOT GET OFF EASY!" Camula rose to her feet unsteadily and straightened her back.  
"Dang, yo, Mann McOldsmobile!" Jaden cried! "Beat her into a pulp!"  
"B-but mama told me never to strike a woman!"  
"Dang you, Ms. McOldsmobile! RUN, CROWLER, RUN!"

"I don't care if you tink I am a vampire or not," Camula sighed, "I vill still cut your jugular vein, forcing your blood to fill up your troat, forcing you to drown on your own putrid juices!"  
"Uh, um, why isn't anybody helping me get away from this crazy Shadow Rider?" Crowler asked.  
"I dunno," Banner shrugged.  
"Maybe because you don't treat us well OR with respect," Koala Ko Ala thought aloud.  
"Oh wait, I'm pretty tough," Piggybank remembered. She seemingly teleported into Camula's face and punched… only for her attack to be intercepted!  
"Oh, so you tink you can kill off a single vampiress vith your own puny prowess?" Camula asked, pupils flashing golden.  
"H-huh? How did you—" She was thrown into the lake with enough force to knock all of the wet stuff out of it.  
"Piggybank!" Bastion called, getting splashed with water! "Are you okay?"  
"Uh, I broke a vertebrae, but it'll be fine in the morning."  
"Okay! That's good!"

Camula appeared next to him. "Not for you!" Camula pushed his head hard enough to press his face into the dirt AND make an imprint.  
"This seriously isn't good…" Jaden worried. "Mann! Did your mama tell you not to fight VAMPIRE ladies?"  
"Hm? Oh yeah, I remember now!" Mann McOldsmobile remembered. _'Remember,' Ms McOldsmobile said, 'if you're EVER attacked by a crazy-ass psychotic vampire lady threatening to kill your best friends, punch her face off.'_ "I WILL PUNCH YOUR FACE OOOOOOOOFF!" Mann McOldsmobile threatened, rushing into battle!  
"_Ooh~_" Camula sighed, shooting Mann McOldsmobile a hurt, feminine look.  
"AAAARRGH, SHE'S STILL A WOMAAAAAN!" Mann McOldsmobile screamed, leaping into the forest and hitting a tree out of sheer stupidity.  
"MANN!" cried Cuts Man and Gut Man.

"And now, who iz next before I kill ze Crowler man?" Camula challenged. Banner and Koala Ko Ala turned around and ran.  
"Aw man take me wit' 'choo!" screamed Jaden, still injured and unable to run for some reason.  
"NOT A MAN!" Crowler cried.  
"Vell, to me you look MUCH like a transvestite," Camula chuckled, chucking Jaden far away.  
"YOOOOOOOOOooooooo…." Then he flew back over the horizon and into the Obelisk Dorm.  
"And so, I suppose I vill now just dispose of you," Camula chuckled. "I SHALL NEVER ACCEPT THE DISGRACE OF DEFEAT! YOUR LIFE IZ NOW FORFIET!"  
"GAAAAAAAH!" Crowler shrieked!  
"MIZ CROWLEEEEEEERRRR!" Cuts Man and Gut Man wailed, apparently unable to help in any way.

"CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST!" Chazz shouted, waking up suddenly!  
"Gyaaarg!" Camula shrieked, getting struck in the back by a simple laser. "Who DARES?"  
"ME!" Chazz yelled! "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU JUST TRIED TO PLAY A CARD GAME, BET YOUR OPPONENT'S SOUL ON IT, THEN GOT MAD ABOUT LOSING, GOING ON A TEMPER TANTRUM AND KILLING EVERYBODY AROUND YOU! WHAT KIND OF BABY DOES THAT?"  
"Watch your mouth, little boy!" Camula shrieked, leaping at Chazz!  
"CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST!" Chazz shouted, blasting Camula again!  
"Ugh… GRAAAAAAAAAH!" She continued to stomp toward Chazz as he relentlessly fired off blast after blast of energy. Finally, after much intense effort, she grasped Chazz's head really really hard.  
"OWOWOWOWOWOOOOOWW!" Chazz yelped! "Get your whorish hands OFFA me!"  
"Vhy don't I just SQUEESH your head instead?" Camula challenged.

"GET. YOUR. HANDS. OFF. MY! BOY!" Crowler ordered!  
"Make me," Camula said, sticking her tongue out playfully.  
"CROWLEEEEEER **PAW-NCH**!" Crowler's fist apparently teleported into Camula's face with enough force to knock off her face. Her skull now humiliatingly showing, she died. Of embarrassment.  
"M-mum!" Chazz cried, pushing the cadaver out of the way! "You'd punch an evil person's face off… for ME?"  
"Well yes, of course!"Crowler stated. "You are my son, and as such, I have to take care of you, no matter WHO tries to gut you or burn you or push you into the pool."  
"Hey look I found a thing cuts cuts cuts!" Cuts Man said.  
"Oh goodie, is it money?" Crowler gasped, running over.  
"Um, no," Gut Man disagreed, "but we DID find this cool thing." He held up a weird golden pendant with the EYE OF WDJAT! on it.  
"It's ugly. Throw it out."  
"But look!" Cuts Man pressured, staring at it intently. A cool scanning effect came from his eyes, which covered the item.  
"_Shadow Pendant,_" a cool feminine robot voice narrated from within Cuts Man's head, "_quote, one of the seven Shadow Items. The Shadow Items are held by the Seven Stars, or their more popular nickname, Shadow Riders, and give them evil powers. The Shadow Pendant, held by Camula of the Seven Stars, allows the wearer to become a vampire._"  
"How the hell did you know all that?" Chazz asked, surprised.  
"_Unquote, Wikipedia .org/wiki/Shadow_Pendant,_" Cuts Man's systems concluded.  
"It's ugly and evil." Crowler chucked it into the lake… or the crater that used to hold all the lake's water.

"Ow!" Piggybank called out from within its depths.  
"What?" Crowler asked.  
"The water all came out when I got thrown in, remember? And I still got a broken vertebrae!"  
"Oh, well then." Crowler crouched down to Bastion, whose head was still stuck in the ground. "Tell Janitorboy Ikkaku to take care of refilling the lake, would you?"  
"I'- st-c- -n th- d-rt, I ca-'t m-ve," Bastion answered, muffled by the dirt.  
"Alright then, Chazz, let's go now, job well done."  
"Yes, mum." And so the two guys left. Gut Man and Cuts Man were left there, staring at each other.  
"Wanna go get Mann?"  
"Sure." They both walked over to Mann McOldsmobile and began pulling him face-first back to the Slifer Red dorms.

Janitorboy Ikkaku suddenly woke in the middle of the night and threw up from a sudden burst of stress. _It's as if there's a mess out there for me to clean…!_

CURRENT FILLER EPISODES LEFT: 2.

COMMENTARY

And so, at the behest of my sister's great idea, I have inserted Cuts Man and Gut Man into my story. Post a comment if you want to guess who they're based upon. BUT WILL THEY HAVE AN IMPACT ON THE STORY…? Eh, for now they're just Mann McOldsmobile's portable friend gang. Enjoy them; they're robots.

But I digress, we got to have Crowler do something cool, and the reason for that was: because Crowler doesn't ALWAYS have to suck. I mean, really! They only won ZERO duels over the course of the series, and the other two episodes in this Camula arc can be converted into OTHER kinds of filler episodes! The ones that have character development and are funny! Not useless and annoying! So there.

Eeeeeeh, onto other notes, I'm thinking of finally doing the smart thing and getting myself a proofreader. If anybody's interested in this, and have already read each episode before this one, I would like it if you could help me eradicate humiliating errors in my work. And speaking of humiliating errors, I'm also replacing episode 2 tonight, since I've had an edited, GOOD version for about a month or two now, sitting around in my computer. So yeah, if you wanna read episodes ahead of time, and if you have nothing better to do, then send me a PM, please. I NEED YOU!


	38. Episode 38: Fear Factor :0

Due to the roaring success of episode 9, I'm doing this again.

A REVOLUTIONARY NEW CHAPTER BY WEATHER REPORT

AN EPISODE NOBODY WILL EVER FORGET

YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC

EPISODE 38: FEAR FACTOR

THEME MUSIC: THIS [.com/watch?v=YkLIgGkyoGs]

A TENGEN-TOPPA GURREN LAGANN AND YU-GI-OH CROSSOVER OF ACTING PROPORTIONS

_A boy was standing within a void of darkness, wearing a kickass blue coat with a flame pattern and skull on the back. He pulled his red goggles over his eyes and got angry-looking. "Grrr," he growled, "I summon Lagann!" He slapped a monster card onto his regular-looking Duel Disk, summoning a cool red head-shaped robot. (Lagann: 1500 Attack Points) "Go! Destroy him with Lagann Impact!" The robot leaped into the air and turned its own lower body into a drill. Then it came back down upon an evil robed figure of shadiness! Lagann went right through his body. But there was nothing within the robes! "What the?" _

"_Hmhmhmhmhm," the figure laughed with a deep, manly voice of evil, "you have much to learn, Simon." The way he pronounced it, it SOUNDED like 'She-moan', but it was really spelled like Simon. The robes mystically began spiraling around Lagann and consuming it!_

"_No!" Simon cried! "What's happening?" The robes grew and twisted around until they took the shape of an awesome black robot man!_

"_LAZENGAN!" the voice roared! "DESTROY HIM!" The robot held out its hands and fired off neat, thin, vine-like drills at Simon, which cut right through his stomach, arms and hip._

No, I… I lost? _Simon thought, unbelieving. (Simon: 0 Life Points, Game Over)And as he threatened to lose consciousness, he heard a voice._

"_SIMON!" cried a friend. The boy turned his gaze, and saw a rather plain, fore-headed boy, along with a cute poofy-haired girl with weird, flower-shaped pupils. They were both being strangled by curvy drills that had grown from the ground! "Nnngh… ung…"_

"_Simon, help us!" the girl begged._

"_ROSSIU! NIA!" Simon screamed! Suddenly he couldn't breathe, and aseverything began to get fuzzy-looking, his legs stopped functioning and dropped him to the ground. Lazengan's drills receded._

"_Hmph, pathetic like the rest," spat a large, muscular man, standing over him in the evil robes. "How you got to become a key guardian is a mystery to me…" The man lifted his leg and stomped on Simon's head, crushing it like an egg._

"See-moon… See-moon, wake up! OI, GET UP, SEE-MOON!" shouted somebody into the poor kid's ear.

"WWAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Simon screamed, falling off of a small rocky island into a giant hot spring, wearing nothing but a towel (girls, act accordingly. You too, homo/bisexuals, you've all earned it) "BLUBBLUBBLUB…" He stuck his head out of the water and breathed heavily.

"Woah, you okay, See-moon?" the guy asked him, towering above him with his height, blue hair and abs of steel.

"Kamina, we've already gone over this, I'm SHE-MOAN, not SEE-MOON," Simon sighed.

"Oh, sorry, Shimal."

SECOND THEME SONG: [.com/watch?v=Hgz_SJdxVkg]

NO, I HAVE NOT WATCHED THAT SHOW OR PLAYED THAT GAME.

STARRING (in order of appearance):

Simon Thedigger as Jaden Yuki

Lordgenome Teppelin as himself

Rossiu Adai as Koala Ko Ala

Nia Teppelin as A Female Character

Kittan Bachika as Chazz Princeton

Boota as Winged Kuriboh

Thymilph the Crasher as Gorilla Beastman

Guame the Steady as Armadillo Beastman

Adiane the Elegant as Oneeyedscorpionlady Beastman

Cytomander the Swift as Effeminatemanbird Beastman

Viral Viralson as Viral

Kiyoh Littner as lady #1

Kinon Bachika as lady #2

Kiyal Bachika as lady #3

AND… Kamina Kamino as Syrus Truesdale

Special guest appearance by Lazengan

Special thanks to

Raspberyl and the Giant Robot Association of Asia

[.com/watch?v=E2TIpwT6sf4&feature=related]Simon and Kamina were sitting around in the water, the smaller kid was equipped with a helpful inner tube. "Y'know, Shimal, that water's only three feet-deep," Kamina assured. "You can stand up, like me!"

"I'm fine like this," Simon assured.

"DAMN, Shamal,"

"Not Shamal!" Simon interrupted.

"What kinda Jaden ARE you?" Kamina commanded! "I'm playing Syrus, that weirdo kid who's always scared of stuff, and look at me! I'm stealing the show right out from under your nose RIGHT NOW!"

"Wait, YOU'RE Syrus?" Simon gasped. "How could YOU be Syrus?"

"Because I'm the right-hand man, Suki!"

"Not Suki, Kamina!"

"But don't you see? I need to be always at the ready, by your side, to support you at any moment! So naturally, since I couldn't be Jaden, since you're already Jaden, I HAD to be Syrus!" Kamina explained loudly!

"So… what's Rossiu doing if he isn't Syrus?"

"Ah, he's over there," Kamina said, pointing to Rossiu, who was laying his head on the wall.

"_Why am I Koala Ko Ala?_" he whispered to himself, depressed over his current situation. "_What did I do to deserve being Koala Ko Ala? Was I rude? Was I mean to anybody? Why won't anybody tell me…_"

"I… I'll leave him alone," Simon decided. "So, um, should we be… reading the script or… something?"

"Alright then," Kamina shrugged, pulling out two copies of the script. "AND I SWEAR ON MY PRIDE AS A MAN," he yelled, handing Simon the second copy, "I SHALL BE THE BEST SYRUS I CAN BE!" The words 'MANLY PRIDE' appeared behind him in a blaze of glory.

"Alright, then…" Simon turned a page. "Eh, here we are… Say, Syrus."

"YEAH, JADEN, WHAT'S UP?" Kamina yelled.

"Hey hey hey," Simon whined.

"Oi, what's up?"

"You're too loud!"

"I'm putting a MAN'S emotion into it!" he promised. "So… oh yeah, YEAH JADEN WHAT'S UP?"

"Um, I'm having a lot of fun in the… hot spring."

"Ah, Soupy," Kamina groaned, wiping his forehead.

"Not Soupy, Kamina, She-Moan!" Simon stressed.

"Whatever, whatever, but you aren't reading it right!" Kamina complained.

"What's wrong with my reading?"

"You're just READING the words, not FEELING them!"

"W-well, at least I'm not SCREAMING every line!" Simon growled.

"Not screaming, feeling, FEELING! LET EACH WORD CARRY ON YOUR WILL TO THE STARS IN SPACE!"

"That doesn't even make sense." Simon turned the page. "Oh, your line."

"Hm… ah. Here we are… JADEN, I **BELIEVE** THAT WE ARE HEADED FOR SOME **TROUBLE!** Okay, what the hell is up with this Syrus kid?"

"Didn't you know that he was depressed? And stupid?"

"Hell, all **I** knew was that I was BORN to play this role! But I can't PLAY this role if I'm stuck with some stupid-ass crybaby wailing!" Kamina threw his script into the water.

"THE SCRIPT!"

"Ah, I don't need no stupid-ass crybaby script! The REAL script is in your SOUL, Stimpy!"

"Not Stimpy! She-Moan!"

"Now, to repeat that line… **JADEEEEEEN! LOOK OUT, A **_**STORM'S**_** A-BREWIN'!**" Kamina preached.

"… Kamina, that was horrible."

"YOUR LINE, SALLY, YOUR LINE!"

"Oh!" Simon looked at his script again. "… Wh… what KINDA trouble, Sy? Syrus? Wait… Sy? Is that right?"

"WELL, JA-**DEN**…" Kamina began. He looked over Simon's shoulder. "'Ey, Sal, lemme look at the script a bit."

"Ew! No! You threw away your script!" Simon reminded.

"Well, I HAD to! It had the stench of **FAIL**ure. But I still need to look at the lines, Scoopy! I can't BUILD OFF of somethin' if there's nothing to BUILD OFF _OF_, see?"

"No. No I don't."

"Just a sec." Kamina tore the script from Simon's hands, tearing apart several pages of hard-written, intelligent lines.

"GAH! THE SCRIPT!"

"It's fine it's fine it's fine," Kamina repeated. "Now, let's see here… A-HA! OH **SHIT**, JADEN, LOOK **OUT**!"

"Woah! You can't say THAT on THIS show!"

"I can't _according to the script!_" Kamina reminded. "Now, uh, next line! Is for… Ko Ala?"

"That's Rossiu!" Simon recognized. "Hey Rossiu! Say your line!"

"Mnmnmnmmnmmmnmn…" Rossiu mumbled to himself, dejected and alone.

"….. Rossiu, hey!"

"No, Shoe Man," Kamina said, placing his hand on Simon's shoulder, "y'gotta catch a guy like HIM's attention like this! YO, CATCH!" Kamina threw what was left of the script at Rossiu. It missed by two feet, making a nice splash. Rossiu didn't seem to notice.

"… O…kay then," Kamina shrugged, "let's adventure!"

"… Agreed." The two manly men walked away from Rossiu to find something to do. They trudged through the warm surf… until they spied some sort of grape-covered hippo. "… What… the hell… is—"

[.com/watch?v=z3WEfa1KRcA&feature=related]"**LUUUUUUUUUUNCH!**" Kamina shouted, pulling a spear out from his towel and leaping at the hippo!

"WHERE WERE YOU HIDING THAT?"

"A MAN HAS NO TIME FOR QUESTIONS!" Kamina stabbed the spear at the grapehippo, killing it. Then he forcefully ripped off a large, luscious grape with his teeth. "OMNOMNOM!" Kamina ate. "Eh, it doesn't taste much like grape," Kamina groaned, wiping the bloody grape guts from his mouth.

"Why does that hippo have blood-filled grapes on it, either?" Simon asked. "Well, I'm in no position to be wondering about things, since _I AM_ playing Jaden, heh heh."

"YOYOYOYOYOOOOO!" somebody roared, jumping out from under the grapehippo with some intense yellow hair! "WHAT THE HELL'DYA DO TA' MY GRAPEHIPPO?"

"Woah!" Kamina said, stepping away.

"Is that… KITTAN?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, it's me, what about it?" Kittan asked rudely.

"I just didn't expect you to… where the _hell_ did you find that hippo?"

"I dunno, I just…got it. I like how the grapes taste."

"Well, alright then," Simon accepted.

"Ahaha," Kamina teased, "so what? Was THAT the biggest thing you could catch?"

"YOU SAYIN' I'M WEAK?" Kittan raged.

"Nah, I'm only sayin' that a REAL man would use THAT nasty-tastin' grapehippo to lure a BIGGER monster, so then I could catch THAT and eat dinosaur for supper, heh." Kittan glared at him.

Suddenly, something weird happened! Simon's towel began shaking wildly, and Boota the molepig with sunglasses jumped out from Simon's… area! "WHAT THE HECK?" everybody screamed.

"**WHY WERE **_**YOU**_** THERE?**" Simon gasped!

"Well, judging by some of the places he's been found, it's not all THAT surprising," Kittan shrugged.

"Bobooyabobubbubu!" Boota said in his molepig language. He leaped away onto a few rocks, then turned around and stared at the guys.

"I… I think he wants us to follow him."

"Well of course! Why ELSE would he choose this moment to leap from your crotch?" Kamina rushed, pushing everyone forward.

"EY EY EY! NO SHOVIN'!" And at a certain point in the water, the three guys fell down like a man falling down a hole in the water.

"****!"

"**A REAL MAN NEVER SCREEEEEEEEEAAAMS!**" Kamina screamed.

They all landed in a weird greenish cave in their normal clothing. "Huh?" Simon noticed. "Blue coat? Brown shorts? Shoes that I wear a lot? Why?"

"RED coat? Brown LONG pants? SANDALS? Big-ass awesome shades?" Kamina called out.

"Some cool black clothes?" Kittan said. "What? Weren't we all wearing towels two seconds ago?"

"Tan cloak…" Rossiu sighed. "… Tan shirt… tan pants… I'm too disappointed to ask…" Rossiu, the poor kid, fell over onto his side and just laid there. Boota fell from above and bounced off of his hair thingamabobber.

"BOOBUYU!" Boota said.

"_What happened over there?_"

"_I don't know, let's ask_." Some people from an indeterminate direction began approaching the guys!

"Watch out men," Kittan warned, "there're people comin', and we don't know if they're good or not. Be careful."

"Be careful… and watch as a REAL MAN defends you! No offense, Sudan."

"Simon, Kamina! Oh my gosh, what's up with you?"

The footsteps came closer… and closer… _and cloooooooooseeeeeeeer_… and then a bunch of humanoid animals turned a corridor and walked up to them. "… Who are you guys?" Simon sheepishly asked.

"Look, Supushan! That one's part gorilla!" Kamina chuckled. The one that looked like a gorilla looked sad and walked away.

"Hey, you just hurt Thymilph's feelings!" shouted a grumpy armadillo. "WE'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" The animal-guys all ran away in order to regroup.

"AFTER HIIIIIIIIM!" Kamina shouted, leading the charge down the cave-like area! Kittan, Boota and Simon followed up behind him. They ran down the cave world for a couple of dozen feet, all the way up to a wide-open grassy place, despite there being no real sunlight. A bunch of humanimals were staring at those four guys as if THEY were the weird ones! Hee hee!

"YO! WHAT'S UP WITH YOU GUYS?" Kamina ordered. "WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO ANIMAL-LIKE?"

"Also how do we get home?" Simon added.

"Bubooyu!" Boota concluded.

"Hey, you sh-shut up, humans!" an angry-looking lady with a scorpion tail and eyepatch super-combo yelled. "…And molepig. You're in OUR realm now, so WE ask YOU the questions!"

"HEY, I AIN'T ANSWERIN' ANY O' HIS QUESTIONS, LADY!" Kamina said, pointing to the effeminate manbird in the corner.

"Aboo-hoo-hoo," he sniveled, fleeing the scene.

[.com/watch?v=Mm0YmRHdyz4&feature=related]But at this, somebody stepped out from the apparently shady end of the giant mossy place. "Hey, who're you people?" the man asked. He stepped out from the shade, revealing himself to be…! Some guy with shark teeth, cat-like hands and blonde hair. He was surrounded by women, who were all practically clinging to his body.

"Viral-sama," lady #1 asked, "who ARE they?"

"LISTEN UP AN' LISTEN GOOD 'CUZ I'M ONLY SAYIN' THIS ONCE!" Kamina roared, pointing one finger up toward the heavens. "MY NAME IS THE GREAT AND MIGHTY LORD KAMINA! THE ONE WHOSE NAME QUIETS SMALL CHILDREN AND MAKES BEAUTEOUS WOMEN FALL OUT FROM THE HEAT! AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK **YOU** ARE, DRAGGING US HERE LIKE THIS?"

_Woah, that guy has a huge stage presence!_ Viral gulped. "U-um—"

"Oh yeah and that's Kittan and Bratwurst."

"Not Bratwurst, Kamina! SHE! MOAN!"

"Why can't you introduce US like that, eh buddy?" Kittan asked, irritated.

"Introduce yerself, ya foo'!"

[.com/watch?v=fGx14rfg9kA&feature=related]Viral growled from his being ignored-ness. "… Those bastards…"

"Viral-sama," lady #2 sighed, "why don't you introduce yourself?"

"Good idea, lady #2."

"My name is Kinon."

"lady #3, please tell her to shut up."

"Shut up!" lady #3 shouted, slapping her on the head.

"HEY, YOU STUPID MAN-APES!" Viral yelled, catching the heroes' attention.

"Y'mean him?" Simon asked, pointing to Thymilph.

"HEY! I'm an APE-MAN, not a man-APE!" Thymilph reminded.

"STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!" Viral cried, shaking with anger, which kinda made the ladies uncomfortable.

"Stop shaking, Viral-sama!" Raspberyl whined.

"Eh? _Raspberyl_?"

"Oh, well… I had to make a cameo SOMEHOW," Raspberyl reasoned, "even if I DO have to look like a whore." Then she ran away.

"NO, RASPBERYL, WAIT!" Simon cried. "I'LL MISS YOOOOOOU! Oh well, she'll be back. So, um, Mr… Viral-sama, I understand?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, what do you want from me?"

"That's what I wanna ask YOU," Viral growled. "You three bozos were the ones who came to US."

"WHAT?" Kittan burst! "Why the heck would WE wanna come HERE?" But Kamina lightly pushed him back.

"Naw, Kittan, we don't have time to waste on THIS kid."

"KID?"

"Yeah, lil' shark-mouthed kitty-handed furry boy!" Kamina chuckled.

"Kamina, don't do that! You'll make 'im mad!" Simon complained.

"What can HE do to US, kid?" Kamina said.

"AAAAAAAAHH!" lady #3 screamed, flying into Kamina's face.

"OW! WHY'RE YOU THROWING YOUR WHORES AT ME?"

"They AREN'T whores!" Viral shouted! "They're special!" He grabbed at the sword scabbard, held appropriately on lady #1's waist. "If you say one more thing about them, I'm gonna cut yer throat."

Kamina got that 'I gots an idear' look on his face. "Kamina, what're you thinking about…?"

"Well, then, if you're TRULY a man…" Kamina began.

"WELL I GET MORE PUSSY THAN YOU!"

"That's nice, but I CHALLENGE YOU TO A FIGHT!" Kamina challenged!

"Kamina, catch!" Kittan said, tossing Kamina his famous four-foot long nodachi blade sword katana! Kamina grabbed it by the two-handed hilt and waved his new sword-hand from the catching motion, flinging the scabbard away in an unimportant direction. Then he pointed the sword at Viral's face!

"Oh yeah?" Viral pulled HIS weapons out from HIS scabbard, which were, appropriately, two meat-cleavers.

"Those don't fit into a sword scabbard," Simon gulped.

"So come at me, bud!" Viral challenged!

"Oh, you're so kewl when you threaten others like that, Viral-sama!" lady #2 squee-d.

"SO!" Kamina said loudly. "I, KAMINA, CHALLENGE YOU, SHARKY CATBOY, TO… a trading card game."

Viral blinked and sniffled a bit. "You… actually… challenging me to a… a… YER' AN IDJIT!" Viral leaped at Kamina, as his two remaining ladyfriends dangled from his arms!

"Actually, now seeing as you're a man and all, you have to accept my challenge, because NO MAN ever disrespects a challenge," Kamina reasoned, flashing a cheeky smile. Viral immediately stopped flying toward him and landed on his face.

"Ow," lady #2 cried.

"Damn you, human," Viral spat. He pulled a Duel Disk out from lady #1's hair and strapped it to his arm, whilst picking up lady #3, dusting her off, and placing her on his arm again.

"Thanks, Viral-sama!" she gleefully thanked.

"OKAY! LET'S GOOOOOOO!" Kamina shouted fantastically! "… Sully, pass me your cards."

"She-Moan, not Sully, Kamina! What about YOUR cards?" Simon asked.

"What kinda self-respecting grown man would run around carrying trading cards wherever he goes?" Kittan asked, bringing up a great point.

"Stop making fun of me!" Viral complained.

"Here, catch, bro!" Simon called, tossing his soul-brother his Duel Disk, which he was carrying in some sort of random place! Kamina caught it with one hand and strapped it onto his left arm. _And THIS way, we get to fight without gettin' Simon in danger of getting cut up!_ Kittan noticed_. So you DID think this through… for once…_ "KAMINA, RIP 'IM A NEW ONE!" Kittan supported!

"SHUT UP, KITTAN! I DON'T NEED YOUR SUPPORT!"

"…" Kittan shot Kamina an ugly look.

"Oh, and good luck, Kamina," Simon said.

"Thanks Bobby."

"Now you stooges, I hope that you'll pay me your respect after I beat you!" Viral laughed! (Kamina: 4000 Life Points, Viral: 4000 Life Points)

lady #2 handed Viral his cards. "Thanks, #2. Now, I summon Enki!" (ENKI: 1900 ATTACK POINTS) An awesome grey robot with a second face on its chest appeared, holding two katana! "Hmph, beat that."

"GURREN!" Kamina shouted. (GURREN: 2100 ATTACK POINTS, SIX STARS) A big red robot with a face on its chest appeared, wearing fancy sunglasses.

"W-woah, buddy," Viral gasped, "Y'gotta tribute a monster to summon THAT guy!"

"MEN DON'T PLAY BY THE RULES;" Kamina proclaimed, "THEY MAKE UP THE RULES AS THEY GO!" Gurren punched Enki, destroying it. (Viral: 3700 Life Points)

"U-uh, Viral-sama," lady #2 asked, "are you doing okay?"

_This isn't good,_ Viral realized, nose becoming runny. _If I lose to this nutjob, I'll probably lose my ladies' respect! I gotta… I gotta do what HE'S doin'! WHO NEEDS RULES AGAINST A CHEATER?_ "I SUMMON ENKIDU!" (ENKIDU: 2400 ATTACK POINTS)

A bigger grey robot appeared, substituting the previous first head for a large cutting tool.

"Looks like SOMEBODY finally grew a pair!" Kamina snickered.

"SHUT UP! KILL HIM!" Viral commanded! Enkidu threw his cutter, slicing through Gurren like something easily sliced. (Kamina: 3700 Life Points) "How's THAT for a monster, eh?"

"Psshaw, that's nothing. I summon Gurren Lagann!" An awesome combination of Lagann and Gurren appeared, covered in amazingly fashionable battle armor! (GURREN LAGANN: 3000 ATTACK POINTS)

"NOW, GIGA DRILL MAXIMUM THAT SUCKER!" Gurrren Lagann sprouted randomly-placed drills all over its body and spun them with enough force to suck in Enkidu, tearing it to pieces! One of its arms flew at Viral and smacked him in the face.

"Gwah!" he cried! "That hurt, bastard!" (Viral: 3100 Life Points)

"C'mon, Viral-sama! Show him who's boss!" lady #3 supported, shaking Viral around.

"W-woah, ladies, hold still." Viral looked at his hand. "Eh, I summon ENKIDUDU!" (ENKIDUDU: 3100 ATTACK POINTS) A FOUR-armed grey robot appeared with FOUR swords!

"Woah! That thing looks bad-ass!" Kittan complimented!

"Not really," Simon complimented.

"Now, slice him to ribbons!" Viral screamed! "KIIIIIIILL HIIIIIIIM!" Enkidudu ran up to Gurren Lagann and began swinging his swords like crazy! The red robot fell to pieces. (Kamina: 3600 Life Points) "Ha! That one was the one only the English anime was named after!" Viral laughed! "You've LOST!"

"NO!" Kamina announced! "A man NEVER truly loses unless he is all out of Life Points!"

"He's right this time!" Simon exclaimed!

"…" Kamina smashed a card onto the Duel Disk with enough force to crack one of the card spaces! "**I SUMMON TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN!**" The earth began to shake. A large area of the room was shattered as a ginormous red dragon-armored robot entered, leaking all sorts of greenish flame-like energy from its body! (TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN: 5000 ATTACK POINTS)

"What?" Viral gasped! "I REALLY SHOULDV'E LOOKED AT THE ORIGINAL SHOW! Or at least seen the last 13 episodes."

"Attack Enkidudu!" Kamina commanded! His massive mech squished Enkidudu with his finger. (Viral: 2200 Life Points)

"Viral-sama, I know you can beat him!" Raspberyl shouted from somewhere.

"Eh… um… I summon… Enkidududu?" A six-armed Enkidudu appeared. (Enkidududu: 3500 Attack Points)

"SQUISH!" It was squished. (Viral: 700 Life Points)

"… Enkidudududu?" An eight-armed Enkidududu appeared. (Enkidudududu: 4000 Attack Points)

"SQUISH!" It was squished. (Viral: 0 Life Points)

"… Well this sucks."

"SQUISH!" Viral was squished; thankfully the ladies jumped out of the way beforehand. (GAME OVER)

The dangerous hologram suddenly faded out of existence, and Viral was left on the ground, squished to a pulp. "… I… lost… ow…" He let his face fall onto the dirt with a _puff_.

"Bye, Viral-sama!" the three ladies said, bidding him farewell and jumping into a portal. "Bye, Kittan!"

"See ya, sisters!" Kittan waved back at them. "DAMN, Kamina, that was the most exciting duel I've ever seen! Mostly since I have no care for the rules or how the game's played."

"Yeah, you were awesome out there, bro!" Simon chimed in.

"Eh, I guess," Kamina shrugged. Then he walked up to Viral, picked him up, and dusted him off a bit, then dabbed at him with a Wet One™. "So, how do we get out of this place?" He gave him a manly pat on the shoulder.

"Aheheheh," Viral laughed, "I can't tell you, I won't let you leave."

"Uh, Kamina, didn't Kittan's sisters leap out the portal?" Simon reminded.

"Quiet Silvianna, the big dogs're talkin'. Now what're you talkin' 'bout, Viral?"

"SHE-MOAN!"

"I'm sorry humans, but it's my orders."

"HEY HEY HEY, WHADDA YA TALKIN' ABOUT?" Kittan yelled, grabbing Viral by the throat and punching him repeatedly.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW[b]OW![/b]" Viral cried! "STOP STOP STOP! I'll tell you already!" Kittan let go of him and knuckle-touched Kamina. "All you need to do to leave this place… is to defeat my master, Lordgenome."

[url=.com/watch?v=wUYpsOcLxLA&feature=related] _Lordgenome?_ Simon gulped. … _That name… it rings a bell… and I feel nervous…_ "So you lost that fast, Viral?"

"WHA?" The group stared at something behind Simon.

"Who's behind me?" Simon asked sheepishly.

"Simon, turn your head," Kittan hinted, pointing behind him.

"O…okay…" Simon turned his head. Behind him was a massively muscular man letting off an extreme aura of seriousness. His skin was well-toned and his moustache-beard combo was well-groomed. "You…" He _killed me in my dream!_ Simon realized! _Wh-what's he doing HERE?_

"She-moan, I take it?" the man asked condescendingly.

"Yes," Simon replied.

"I have brought you and your acquaintances here to duel me," Lordgenome revealed!

"Bubooyobubuya?" Boota gasped!

"'EY, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THAT, JERK?" Kittan growled.

"If you can defeat me, I will explain everything to you and allow you to leave," Lordgenome explained.

"Well then, why don't I just beat you here?" Kamina asked, leaping at him! He readied his fist, aaaaaaaand… got slugged in the face, pushing him back to where he'd just jumped from, squirting a dangerous amount of blood everywhere. "Oh wow, somebody's got a manly right hook!"

"Fools, I did not come to face you in fisticuffs," Lordgenome clarified.

"Well then," Kamina began, looking at Kamina.

"I guess that we'll…"

"BOTH CHALLENGE YOU TO A—"

"I challenge Simon to a duel," Lordgenome quickly challenged.

"D'aw," Kittan whined.

"Sorry Jack, can't help ya' here," Kamina sighed.

"What?" Simon cried! "Why not?"

"Because when a man is challenged by another man, or woman… no no no, let me start over again… WHEN A **MAN OR A WOMAN** IS CHALLENGED BY ANOTHER MAN OR WOMAN, THEY **SHOW** HOW MUCH OF A REAL MAN OR WOMAN THEY TRULY ARE BY TAKING THAT CHALLENGE BY THE HORNS AND KICKING IT IN THE **ASS**! And now, you, Sadie, must listen to that freakishly-huge man and HUMILIATE HIM AT HIS OWN GAME!"

"Okay," Simon shrugged. "U-uh, um, Mr. Genome…"

"It's Lordgenome," Lordgenome said, "It's not really just Genome, the Lord and Genome parts are both combined into one name."

"Oh. Well, I accept your challenge."

[.com/watch?v=PIFoZjsRzQ4&feature=related]"YO, SYRUS!" Kamina tossed Simon his Duel Disk and deck.

"I'm not Syrus, Kamina, YOU'RE Syrus!"

"No I'm not, I'm Kamina!"

"Slug that guy's smug face fer' me!" Kittan shouted! "Especially while I'm napping, since this whole game's boring."

"Ditto!" Kamina added!

"A-alright, guys," Simon stuttered, shuffling up and inserting his deck into its rightful spot. Lordgenome leaped back several paces and stomped the ground. With the power of his own will, all the parts of a Duel Disk apparently came out of thin air, along with forty cards, which all assembled themselves perfectly.

"THAT'S SO COOL!" Kamina cried! "What I mean to say is, SIMIAN! YOU CAN DO IT! I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

"Eh, me too," Kittan assured, lying against the wall and looking dreary.

_Kamina believes in me! And, and if I lose, then we'll never be able to return home again!_ Simon told himself. _Although, nobody else seems all that concerned about it… but who cares? I've gotta make Kamina proud! And maybe Kittan. And Rossiu._ "Boyoobu!" Boota said, leaping onto Simon's shoulder!

"R-right, Boota! DUEL!" (Lordgenome: 4000 Life Points, Simon: 4000 Life Points)

"… I see. You may take the first move," Lordgenome invited.

"Okay!" Simon pulled six cards from his deck with one swoop. "I summon Lagann in Attack Mode!" Lagann appeared on the field and looked cool. (LAGANN: 1500 ATTACK POINTS)

"OI! YEAH-HA-HA! GOOD GOING, SYBIL!" Kamina cheered, clapping like a madman! "YOU'VE GOT'M ON 'DA ROPES!"

Kittan would have said something here, but he was too busy snoring.

"Thanks guys, and now I'll set a card face-down!" Simon announced, placing down his card. "Your move, Lordgenome."

"Hmph, fine." Lordgenome's eyes flashed briefly, causing six cards to float out of his own Duel Disk and in front of his face!

"Woah, how're you doing that?" Kamina asked.

"Mere mortals like you are incapable of such an act," Lordgenome said.

"WHAT? WE'LL SHOW **YOU** WHO'S A **MERE** MORTAL! SYBIL, KICK TEACH THIS GUY A LESSON ALREADY!"

"But it's HIS turn; I can't do anything yet!"

"Some game THIS is," Kamina pouted.

"I activate the Spell card Beastmen Arrive, summoning two Beastmen Gunmen tokens to my side of the field," Lordgenome said, poking one of his cards. It flew into the Graveyard, bringing out two generic enemy robots onto the field. (Beastmen Gunmen: 500 Attack Points)

"Shows what kinda man HE is; REAL men pronounce it 'Ganmen'!" Kamina rallied! "This'll be a cinch!"

"Kamina, please be quiet so that we can pay attention to this duel," Simon groaned.

"Bubooyuboboo," Boota groaned.

"If you are finished talking," Lordgenome said.

"Er, yeah?" Simon hoped.

"Then I'll be tributing those two Ganmen to summon Lazengann in Attack Mode." The two smaller robots broke apart and recombined into a sleek, stylin' black robot with a tail, crossing its arms. It resembled EVA-01. (LAZENGAN: 3000 ATTACK POINTS)

"Woah, 3000 Attack on the first turn?" Simon cried!

"Now Lazengan, attack him." Lazengan held out his arms and fired off the thin drills seen in the beginning of the episode.

"Trap card, open!" Simon said, flipping up his face-down card! It flew in front of Gurren and took the hit for the Gunman/Ganmen. The card showed Kamina and Simon standing in front of a desert, giving off a supportive look. "The card is called 'Bond of Brothers', and I can use it to negate one of your attacks and summon a monster from my deck by the name of…"

"LAGANN!" everybody (on the good guy team) cheered! Lagann burst out from the ground with intense drilling action! (Lagann: 1500 Attack Points)

"Interesting," Lordgenome said, narrowing his gaze. "Then I will set two cards, ending my turn." Two cards appeared on his side of the field.

[.com/watch?v=73b_-hgfaPY&feature=related]"COMBINE, SEALION! COMBINE THEM!" Kamina ordered! "GATTAI, GATTAI!"

"Exactly!" Simon pointed to both of his monsters! "I'll send both of my monsters to the Graveyard to summon Gurren Lagann from my Fusion Deck!" Gurren picked up Lagann, whose lower body turned into a drill. Gurren then forced Lagann into the top of its head, thus successfully combining! [.com/watch?v=sJ79TVffpB8]Armor grew from its shoulders and its limbs grew outward! A jet appeared on its back! A samurai helmet flipped onto Lagann's head! And so, they were… GURREN LAGANN! (Gurren Lagann: 3000 Attack Points)

"Eh, it'd been cooler if you'd have just said 'gattai', but okay," Kamina said.

"My Gurren Lagann's special ability states that it can't be destroyed by battle, so I'm gonna take out your Lazengann right now!" Simon stated! "Go, Giga Drill Maximum!" Drills sprouted all over Gurren Lagann's body! They spun around and pulled Lazengann toward them again, as earlier, and then ripped it to pieces. "How's that, Lordgenome?"

"YES!" Kamina shouted! "You knocked out his main monster! It's all downhill from here!"

"Actually, this duel has merely just begun," Lordgenome correctly stated.

"It's only the first turn, so I still need to look out," Simon cautiously said.

"Come on, Sammich, I just said you did something great!" Kamina restated. "Feel good for once!"

"He has no time for that," Lordgenome said coldly. "I activate my Trap card, Call of the Haunted." The symbolic Trap flipped up, showing a ghostly Graveyard scene. Spurred by its appearance, Lazengann appeared back on the field! (LAZENGANN: 3000 Attack Points)

"Eh? What's the use 'a that, jerk?" Kamina asked. "That Ganmen can't beat Gurren Lagann!"

"Maybe not one of them, but three can." Lazengan's second card flipped up! "I activate Gunman Mass-Production Factory." The card showed a whole bunch of Beastmen quickly building several Ganmen/Gunmen in a factory. "Now we may both summon as many copies of a Machine-type monster we control from our decks."

"But I—"

"Don't have any other copies?" Lordgenome finished. "I know, of course." Two more Lazenganns fell from the sky in cool arm-crossing poses! (Lazengann: 3000 Attack Points each)

"I still don't get the point of this," Kamina shrugged. "Sippy-Cup, he's an idiot. Finish this up and let's get outta here."

"Did I say I was finished?" Lordgenome asked. "I now play the card Polymerization."

"THEY CAN FUSE?"

"GATTAI?"

"BOOBUH?"

"Fuse together, Lazenganns!" The three identical black robots combined into an orb of red energy, and then reformed itself into… "DEKABUTSU!" (DEKABUTSU: 4500 Attack Points) Dekabutsu itself was a dusty robot that towered above Gurren Lagann, with a suprisingly large hammer arm!

"NO WAY!" Simon cried!

"It's one of the strongest monster cards in the world, and can only be summoned from the Fusion Deck as such. I'll let you know that if you defeat it, I cannot bring it back to the field," Lordgenome said.

_Hmm, useful information, but why's he telling me all this?_ Simon considered.

"Dekabutsu, CRUSH THE GURREN LAGANN!" The giant menace lifted its crushing arm and threw itself at Gurren Lagann!

"Gurren Lagann, block it!"Simon ordered! Dekabutsu brought its weapon down upon the red robot, but it didn't give up! Using all of its strength, Gurren Lagann began trying to push it off of itself, causing some damage. (Simon: 2500 Life Points) The Dekautsu lifted its hammer away again and stepped back.

"It may still be alive, but you've still taken some damage," Lordgenome said. "I'll end my turn here."

"Okay Shimmy," Kamina said, "even though you've taken some damage, you can still use your fighting spirit and bounce back! BELIEEEEEVE!"

"Well, alright," Simon gulped. He turned to Boota, who made a thumbs-up, though sorely lacking in opposable thumbs. _Aw, Boota, at least it's the thought that counts… ARIGHT! I can't give up here! I've gotta find out a way to beat that thing right now!_ Simon drew a card… called Arc-Gurren! "I activate the Spell card Arc-Gurren!" A giant space-battleship appeared on the field! "Now I can use this to Gattai my Gurren Lagann to the Arc-Gurren to summon the NEXT version of Gurren Lagann!" Gurren Lagann's legs transformed into a big, shiny drill, which he drove into the front of the Arc-Guren. This, of course, prompted a transformation sequence.

[.com/watch?v=0IJX-LNWTEQ&feature=related]The ship began to separate apart into a giant torso and legs, and arms burst forth from the engines! From the top of the ship, a large Lagann-esque face appeared and burst forth, instantly gaining a neck and eating Gurren Lagann. "RAGING WAVE COMBINING!" Kamina shouted!

"WHATEVER! ARC-GURREN LAGANN!" Simon announced! (ARC-GURREN LAGANN: 3000 ATTACK POINTS) "This monster gains 300 Attack Points for every Machine-type monster on both sides of the field and in our Graveyards! This means that it gains 2100 Attack Points!" The gigantic mecha glowed with an amazing green energy, flowing in a complex spiral formation! (ARC-GURREN LAGANN: 5100 ATTACK POINTS)

"THERE 'YA GO, SHIRT!" Kamina shouted! "Yeah, what a high number! Good luck beatin' THAT, LordGO-HOME! Yeah, go home runnin' to MAMA!"

"Hmph." Lordgenome pointed to Kamina. Seven random Beastmen leaped on him and began slapping him in the head.

"Ow! Hey! Get off the legendary Kamina!"

"KAMINAAAAA!" Simon cried! "Kittan, DO something!"

"Snorrr…snrk…snore…"

"Oh yeah. Well, Arc-Gurren! BURST SPINNING PUNCH!" And at Simon's words, the giant robot energized (a real word?) itself with energy and smashed its fist into Dekabutsu's chest face! It was completely crushed, causing the entire mecha to crumple and fall apart. (Lordgenome: 3400 Life Points) "Now I'll set two cards and end my turn here."

"Great job, kid!" Kamina supported, pushing a thumbs-up out of the dog-pile.

"You think you've won already?" Lordgenome challenged. Another card floated out of his duel disk. He tapped one of his cards. "I activate Deal With Anti-Spirals." A Spell card flew into his Graveyard, and a creepy sillouette of THIS GUY! (anime-planet . com/images/characters/anti_spiral_)

"Ugh, he's hideous!" Simon gasped!

"Bobuyubobu!" Boota shrieked, averting his eyes!

"By activating this card, I must remove one monster from my Graveyard with over 4000 Attack Points. Then I'm able to summon Granzeboma from my Fusion Deck." The sillouette began to wiggle like a mirage until swirling around intoooo… (GRANZEBOMA: 6000 ATTACK POINTS)

A giant, flaming, evil purple Gunman, almost twice as tall as the Arc-Gurren Lagann, was born from the evil figure. His head appeared as a smiling skull-ish figure, and he had an entire planet sitting inside of his forehead. He stretched with loud mechanical groaning sounds, extending his thin, bone-like arms protruding from his shoulders to about three times its own height. Sighing, it released a massive violet burst of flaming energy all around the arena until it was blown away with a flick of its arm.

"Oh !" Kamina screamed!

"I said you can't say that!" Simon reminded!

"Um… DON'T GIVE UP, MAN!" Kamina reiterated, as a fox jabbed her elbow into his face and pulled him further into the dogpile.

"It doesn't matter if he gives up or not," Lordgenome said, darkly. "I'll still defeat him soon."

"Can't hear you, I'm in a dogpile!" Kamina explained.

"That thing…" Simon couldn't think of how to finish his sentence.

"Granzeboma, attack, Infinity Big Bang Storm." Lordgenome held out his left arm, signaling his attack! Granzeboma's giant shoulder-arms reached out and summoned the energies of two galaxies! Then they were smooshed together and spun to form a pink sphere of energy, which was focused and blasted right at Arc-Gurren Lagann! It was burned away within seconds. (Simon: 1400 Life Points)

"D'AAAAAW, DAMMIT!" Kamina screamed, from within the pile.

"U-uh, um, Kamina," Simon called, "don't… now don't worry, I'll do… SOMETHING to help us! I think…"

"Do you honestly believe that?" Lordgenome asked. "I've just summoned the strongest monster of the day. Do you think you can top that within the next turn?"

_He's got a great point…_ Simon considered. _What do I have in my hand… that could create such a comeback…?_ He then ACTUALLY looked at his cards. _Wait… maybe THIS'll work._ "I activate the Spell card: The Shallow Grave!" A Spell flipped onto the field, showcasing some sort of shamanic man crawling out of a grave with some weird flying snake demons. "Now we both have to summon one monster from our Graveyards in face-down Defense Position." He set his Arc-Gurren Lagann, and Lordgenome set Lazengann, of course. "Next I activate Quick-Ceasefire!" Yes, a Spell that I just made up as an excuse! That MUST mean it's important! It featured two diplomats. One had apparently been beating up the other and was trying to get him to sign a paper.

"This Spell flips up each face-down monster we control and takes away 500 of your Life Points for each one." The two Gunmen flipped up onto the field, causing Lordgenome to be hit by two small fireballs.

"What is this?" he gasped, caught off-guard. (Lordgenome: 2400 Life Points)

"Bobuyuboobuyu!" Boota laughed (in his own way).

"Exactly, Boota, it's Cease-FIRE! It's a very bad pun." Then Simon took out another card. "Next I'll play the Equip Spell card Cathedral Terra!" Lazengann suddenly began to grow into a more massive, bulkier, more armored version of itself, wearing a pair of drills on its feet and shoulders. It also lost its tail, sadly. (CATHEDRAL LAZENGANN: 4000 Attack Points) "I just allowed your Lazengann to become even stronger."

"NOOOOOOOOOO, SIMONE," Kamina shrieked, "DON'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A PLAN TO BACK IT oh, I get it. Go ahead." Then he punched a Beastman in the face without looking while his head was munched upon.

"And I suppose you're about to combine?" Lordgenome asked, expecting the obvious. Arc-Gurren Lagann shot a few prehensile drills at the new awesome mecha and pulled it toward itself.

"GATTAI!" Simon commanded! "BECOME SUPER-GALAXY GURREN LAGANN!" The two machines fused together, becoming a more GL-themed Cathedral Terra, complete with the signature sunglasses. (SUPER-GALAXY GURREN LAGANN: 4000 ATTACK POINTS)

"And now, this monster of mine gains FOUR-hundred Attack Points for every Machine in the Graveyard and on the field! (SUPER-GALAXY GURREN-LAGANN: 4000 - 8000 ATTACK POINTS)

"WHOOOOO-EEEEE!" Kamina whistled, in the midst of a big Beastman brawl! "Go on, Shrimphead! Win this thing!"

"But first," Simon stalled, "what is Granzeboma's special ability?"

"Perceptive, aren't you?" Lordgenome chuckled.

"Bah, what does THAT matter?" Kamina asked, getting bitten in the leg.

"Granzeboma's special ability is to negate the effects of any monsters attacking it."

"Oh well that sucks," Kamina groaned.

"And that's why I'm not finished yet!" Simon said. "Now I'll halve my Life Points in order to summon THE NEXT Gurren Lagann!" Super-Galaxy Gurren Lagann covered itself in a green energy field and began expanding… INTO THE PREVIOUSLY-MENTIONED TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN! (TENGEN-TOPPA GURREN-LAGANN: 5000 ATTACK POINTS)

"Aha, I see," Lordgenome chuckled, looking downward somewhat.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH, SKIMAN!" Kamina shouted, smashing one Beastman over the head with a folding chair. "But that's still not enough."

"I know," Simon understood in his heart, "I know. And that's why I'm doing ONE more transformation, only available if you control a monster stronger than Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann." He threw out all of the cards in his hand! "I gattai every card in my hand and my Graveyard, sending them out of the game, to summon the final form of my monster!" All of his cards began to swirl out of his hand and Duel Disk and toward the massive flame-ball! And then… it became blue… and surged upward, gaining a flowing red cape of courage! Everybody stopped what they were doing and gave it their full attention.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand… it was a giant Kamina, whose foot was the size of Granzeboma. "And this is my final card, SUPER Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann!"

"Hmm, I see," Lordgenome accepted.

"_**YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! YES YES YES, SHE-MOAN! YOU FINALLY SUMMONED IT!**_ Though it looks suspiciously like me, but I BELIEVE IN YOU! END THIS!"

"Hey, you got my name right!" Simon noticed. "Plus, you're supposed to tell me to believe in myself, I think."

"I forget."

"What can this monster of yours do?" Lordgenome asked.

"Oh, well when he's summoned, he gets TWICE the Attack power of your strongest monster!"

"BOOBUYA!" Boota threw in, for extra effect.

(SUPER TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN: 12000 ATTACK POINTS)

"**KICKING THE RULES OF REALITY OUT THE WINDOW!**" Simon roared! "**DRILLING OUR WAY TOWARD OUR NEXT TOMORROW! WHO THE **_**HELL**_** DO YOU THINK I AM? I'M SIMON THE DUELIST!**"  
"The hell're you saying that stuff for, Silphy?" Kamina asked.

"**SUPER TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN, DESTROY GRANZEBOMA!**" Super-Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann's right arm transformed into a gleaming drill and shoved it right through Granzeboma's body. It crumbled into dust. "Wait… I was expecting… a bigger finisher," Simon said, disappointed.

"So, I've been defeated…" Lordgenome reflected, losing. (Lordgenome: 0 Life Points, Game Over) "You've finally bested me."

"AND THEM!" Kamina laughed, pointing to the enormous mob of Beastmen he'd finally knocked out. "Genome, you promised us we could leave, so make with the exit!"

"But don't you want to learn the reason why you've all been summoned here?" Lordgenome suggested.

"I know," Kittan spoke up. "Due to the recent events of the original series, where the main characters have dueled against the evil Seven Stars, they've grown frightened due to the immense dangers they're facing. And you decided to help them, i.e. us, by taking us here and teaching us that everything will be alright, and we should believe in ourselves, not letting the fear and dangers clouding our judgment and strategy." Suddenly he fell asleep again, landing on his face, butt-up.

"Heh heh heh, I was actually supposed to teach you that you'll be alright, even if you lose, but I myself just lost," Lordgenome sighed. "But you get the picture." A large, cool portal appeared, and Kamina began dragging Kittan into it.

"Yo, nice meetin' ya, Genome," Kamina bid farewell, jumping in.

"WAIT, KAMINA YOU BASTARD!" Viral screamed, running in after him.

"Well, thanks for the duel," Simon thanked.

"Bobuya," Boota gleefully exclaimed.

"You're welcome, boy," Lordgenome said. Simon leaped through the portal and left. _And yet, since this isn't really an actual episode,_ Lordgenome thought, _will this memory actually serve any real purpose? I MUST REVIEW ALL THE FILES…_

And so, back in the real world, once again… "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH—blublubblub…" Kamina poked his head out from the water, fully sunglasses-ed. "Eh? Was it really a dream…? No wait, I'm still in my clothes. One _CRAAAAAZY_ dream, I tell 'ya what!"

There was a sploosh. "**WHAT DID YOU JUST DO, KAMINAAAAAA?**" Kittan asked, rising from the water in a dramatically frightening fashion!

"Oh, I brought you back to the human world and dropped 'ya in the water."

"WHY I OUGHTTA…!" Kittan was stopped from unleashing his unholy rage upon Kamina by Boota, who fell onto his head. "Eh?"

"Booyo!"

"Oh, Boota."

"WWAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Viral screamed, crashing atop Kittan, as he'd followed them through the portal.

"Oh, Viral."

"DON'T 'OH VIRAL' ME!" Viral raged! "YOU BEAT ME UP, DAMN YOU!" He took out his cleavers and attempted to murder Kittan.

"Then where's James?" Kamina wondered.

"GUYS! GET OUTTA THE WAAAAAAAAY!" Simon screamed, falling from above, still wearing his _battery-powered Duel Disk dueling system_.

"Yo, James!" Kamina waved.

"NOT JAMES, KAMINA!" Simon hit the water, instantly causing some painful crap to happen.

_IT'S SHE-MOAN, KAMINAAAAAAAAAA!_

Meanwhile, Rossiu was tied to a spit and being revolved over a fire by some Beastmen. "I wanted to be Bastion, at least," Rossiu moaned, "why couldn't I get even that?"

"Hey, Lordgenome," an armadillo asked, "can we eat this kid?"

Lordgenome looked up from his 'Hot Gossip' magazine and said, "Sure, why not?" And so, they had a barbeque, and Rossiu didn't care. The end.

ENDING SONG, 'CAUSE IT'S OBLIGATORY!

[.com/watch?v=Qd3jC4Qus94]

SOURCES:

ENKI: collectiondx. com

GURREN: kirinhobby . com/shop/images/TY2/TYKA02375_

ENKIDU: toysnjoys .

GURREN LAGANN: clockworkmachina .

ENKIDUDU: .Blogspot .com /_vx0Gu7pPdqo/SWQGINEXKOI/AAAAAAAAAe8/GQbjWPw_CH0/s400/3172555208_4460863134_

TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN: .nocookie .

LAGANN: collectiondx .

LAZENGAN: http:/drilltotheheavens .

DEKABUTSU: http:/drilltotheheavens .

ARC-GURREN LAGANN: bmecha . com/images/post/revoltech_arc_gurren/revoltech_arc_gurren_

GRANZEBOMA: drilltotheheavens . com/images/gunmen/grand%

SUPER-GALAXY GURREN-LAGANN: -amazon . com/images/I/51w9sostDTL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

SUPER TENGEN-TOPPA GURREN-LAGANN: . com/_

(It's the big thing in the back)

COMMENTARY

I hope Kamina stole the show enough to make you forget that Simon was the main character. I'm sure he was manly enough for you! Or at least loud enough. This was the second of what I hope to be five or so 'special' episodes! Tell me what you thought, please, because I need more comments! Was it too great? Too stupid? Too something? Then TELL me about it!

I had fun with this one, thanks to the useless premise for the original episode. They go to a spirit world where basically Jaden gets beat up by Kaiba in order to prove that losing won't mean auto-death. But who cares? THEY have Kaibaman, and WE have Viral and some whores! IT'S PERFECT!

To those of you who hate Rossiu, I hope you found him depressed enough, and to those who like him (all four of you, including me), I hope I made him depressingly adorable… and to you Beastman fans I hope I wrote them with no intention of having them do anything.

And I hope that the big duel of the episode wasn't too hard for you guys to understand with all of that cluttered description. It was basically a 'MY GUY'S BIGGER THAN YOURS OH YEAH YEAH IT IS NOW' match, if you didn't notice already. Get it now? In fact, that was Kamina's game, too. Except he don't need no rules, even if I like Simon better. Please stop hitting me for saying that. Ow, that hurt.

Oh yeah, and unlike my other source pages, and any other points in which monsters are named, I capitalized everything so as not to insult the source material. Enjoy until boredom.


	39. Episode 39: Sibling Rivalry

"I've been looking forward to this show for a while," Mann McOldsmobile giddily stated as he turned on the TV.

"What is it, Mann?" Syrus asked as the Slifer kids all crowded around the screen.

"It's the first episode of the second season… of The Rei and Pen-Pen Show!"

"That sounds sweet, yo!" Jaden cheered!

"Cuts cuts cuts! It might be dumb," Cuts Man warned.

"QUIET," Koala Ko Ala roared, "IT'S STARTING!"

[/watch?v=a8PiL0gCGN0&feature=related]"AAAAAND IT'S TIME FOR THE REI AND PEN-PEN SHOW!" an announcer screeched into his microphone, as we zoomed in to a blue-haired, red-eyed girl walking along the street with her pet penguin, who wore a cool tag-thing that said 'PEN^2' in mathematical terms. The music quickly ended.

"Wow, Pen-Pen, we're having a really great time today, huh?" Rei asked in a really soft tone.

"SQUAWK!" Pen-Pen squawked. They happily trotted along the sidewalks until they saw a store window filled with TVs. They were all showing a commercial for the hot new item on the condiment market, EVA-01 Steak Sauce. And it sang the following jingle:

[/watch?v=a8PiL0gCGN0&feature=related]

_EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,_

_It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah, _

_It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,_

_It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…_

_EVA-01!_

Then it cut to some other commercial, whilst flashing a picture of a bottle of 'EVA-01 Steak Sauce.' _EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah… EVA-01!_ Rei thought. _It's so catchy…_

"AWWWWWCK!" Pen-Pen squawked.

"What is it, Pen-Pen?" Rei asked her penguin pal.

"AWK! AWK!" Pen-Pen handed Rei her calendar, which had an ad for 'EVA-01 Steak Sauce' on the cover. Rei flipped through it, until she saw the current day. She had written '_Aida Kensuke, my best friend, is coming over today._'

"Oh yeah, I should go home and greet Kensuke when he gets there," Rei decided, turning around and heading home. _But wait, should I pick up some EVA-01 Steak Sauce?_ she debated. _No, I'll do that late so that I don't miss Kensuke._ And so, Rei and Pen-Pen walked home.

A few minutes later, Rei walked into her apartment and sat down on her cozy, large leather couch with Pen-Pen. "Remember, Pen-Pen, this is the new couch that Dadda Gendo bought yesterday," Rei cautioned, "so we can't get it dirty with any food or condiments, alright?"

"AUUUUUWK!" Pen-Pen agreed, saluting adorably. But at that, somebody knocked on the door! Rei opened it up, letting Kensuke, the local spectacled dork inside!

"Hey, Rei," he said.

"What?" Rei asked.

With a sheepish grin, Kensuke asked, "Guess what I found on the street?" He held up an unopened bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce!

"Oh my gosh," Rei gasped softly, "is that…?"

"Yeah, it's EVA-01 Steak Sauce, just like what's on all the commercials!"

"WAAAAAUK!" Pen-Pen excitedly screeched! And so, they began to sing.

[/watch?v=a8PiL0gCGN0&feature=related]"EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!"

"I'll go fix up something to eat with the EVA-01 Steak Sauce," Rei said, rushing into the kitchen. Inside the food preparation area, Rei took out a large plate labeled 'REI PLATE-1' and put some veggie burgers on it, followed by a large notice saying 'VEGGIE BURGERS!.' She took the plate onto the couch and invited Kensuke to sit on it with Pen-Pen. She plopped the burgers onto the couch and then Kensuke uncapped the EVA-01 Steak Sauce containment unit.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yep," Rei answered. Kensuke covered the burgers in EVA-01 Steak Sauce as they began to sing the song again.

[/watch?v=a8PiL0gCGN0&feature=related]"EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!"

By the time Kensuke finished covering the food, it was all completely slathered and swimming in EVA-01 Steak Sauce. The EVA-01 Steak Sauce was flowing freely all around the plate itself. The burgers were now only visible as small bumps in the sea of EVA-01 Steak Sauce. And yet, Rei and Kensuke stuck their hands into it and pulled out some burgers, sending out a few trace drops of EVA-01 Steak Sauce onto the clean sofa. They began dropping big piles of EVA-01 Steak Sauce all over Kensuke's clean white shirt and Rei's green school uniform, along with covering their mouths and cheeks.

"AWK?" Pen-Pen cautiously pecked one of the burgers and then walked away, disgustedly. The dirty pair kept digging into the EVA-01 Steak Sauce burgers, using the sofa as their napkin.

"DAMN, this EVA-01 Steak Sauce is good!" Rei shouted!

"Hey, want something to drink?" Kensuke asked.

"Sure."

Kensuke pulled out a couple of glasses and poured EVA-01 Steak Sauce into them. And as he did, they sang!

[/watch?v=a8PiL0gCGN0&feature=related]"EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!"

They lapped up their EVA-01 Steak Sauce and then wiped their mouths on their sleeves before looking straight at the TV audience, saying "Don't YOU want some?" They held up the bottle together as the sauce logo appeared on-screen.

"Why was this show green-lighted for a second season?" Syrus asked.

"Well don't you like EVA-01 Steak Sauce?" Mann McOldsmobile asked, holding up his OWN bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce.

"Boy howdy, DO I!" Syrus chanted happily! He pulled out his own bottle.

"EVERYBODY'S doin' it!" Gut Man promised! The rest of the cast pulled out their respective bottles of EVA-01 Steak Sauce and sang the song.

[/watch?v=a8PiL0gCGN0&feature=related]"EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah,

It's the EVA-01 Steak Sauce, yeah…

EVA-01!"

"Don't YOU wish you had some?" Jaden asked you.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 39: Sibling Rivalry

"This is… this… is… **THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!**" Chazz shouted at random!

"Well, what're ya' talkin' 'bout, I reckon?" Billy Hills asked him, playing Duel Monsters with Deep-Voice Dobbson on the floor of their Slifer Red dorm room.

"I just can't LIVE like this!" Chazz sighed. "I'm an Obelisk! Why am I still here? I get perfect grades, I duel better than 90% of people here, and I dress better as well! What's goin' on here?"

Deep-Voice Dobbson turned to Billy Hills. "Huh, Billy, huh, should we tell'm that you get your grades halved if you don't wear the uniform?" he whispered.

"Nah, I reckon he should figure it out himself."

"Chazz," Ojama Yellow asked, "what's wrong with here?"

"It smells bad. The food's crap. There's no air conditioning. It's cramped in here. YOU live here. Shall I go on?"

But he couldn't, because all of a sudden Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala, Mann McOldsmobile, Cuts Man and Gut Man all rushed into his room! "YEAAAAAH! PARTEH!" They began running around and breaking stuff.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Chazz screamed! "WHAT'RE YOU GUYS **DOING**? ESPECIALLY YOU GUYS!" The last part was directed toward Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson, who had taken Cuts Man's knife stick and started smashing the lights.

"Oh, hey Chazz," Gut Man greeted, stomping on the television. "Chancellor Shepherd sent us down here to tell you to 'go see him, the fate of the world depends on it, also you guys can smash up his room.'"

"But WHY?"

"I dunno, go ask him."

"Fine, I get it, I get it." Chazz stomped out the door. Then he poked his head back inside and shouted, "AND STOP DESTROYING MY ROOM!" Everybody stopped, and Chazz left. Then they all picked up where they'd left off.

TWO! MINUTES! LATER!

"Actually, I never told them to break your things," Chancellor Shepherd admitted, "they probably just made that up themselves."

"I'm going to literally kill them," Chazz promised himself.

"No you aren't!" Gut Man knew, jumping out from behind his back.

"YOU? Why'd you follow me?"

"I dunno," Gut Man shrugged.

"Ah, Gut Man, just the man I wanted to see!" Chancellor Shepherd beamed. "So, as I was about to tell you, Chazz, somebody's trying to buy out Duel Academy!"

"OH CRAP!" Chazz cried! "What can I do about it? Aren't kids supposed to rely on reliable adults?"

"Oh, there ARE none. But the worst part of all this is that they're going to fire the entire faculty and turn this into… well, actually I don't know," Shepherd worried, scratching his head. "But we MUSTN'T let this happen!"

"Or what? Those three cards we're guarding will be stolen? You'll need to find a new job?"

"No… I can't let _anybody_ find what I'm hiding in the cellar…" Shepherd moaned grimly. "But before I get into the grim details, I need to tell you what YOU have to do with all this, kids."

[/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw&feature=related] _Seto Kaiba was at a dimly-lit bar of some sort, smoking a large cigar and playing cards with someone. "Alright, I'm raising the ante," Kaiba said, putting a large wad of cash on the table, finishing a large mug of beer._

"_Well then I'm raising the stakes even HIGHER!" his opponent chuckled, placing a piece of paper onto the table with a robotic claw. _

"_What's with the paper?" Kaiba asked._

"_Oh, just read it," the mysterious man said. It read _'I.O.U. 1 Duel Academy.'

"_YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME TO SELL OFF MY KAIBALAND DUEL ACADEMY?" Kaiba shrieked, standing up suddenly! "What kind of idiot do you think I am?"_

"_Look at the back." Kaiba flipped the paper around. _'One free dragon egg'_ The man's robotic claw held up a chicken egg that was painted green._

"_See, if I lose, you get THIS baby!"_

Woah, that thing's probably worth TWO Duel Academies,_ Kaiba drunkenly perceived. _Also, what if it's… a BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON?_ "Alright then, show me your cards!" Kaiba revealed a royal flush, all in the heart suit!_

"_Hm, I'll see your royal flush… and give 'ya FIVE ACES!" The man showed off five Aces of hearts._

"_OH NOOOOOOO!" Kaiba screamed, emulating that 'Home Alone' kid, you know his name. "A-alright, I concede… but on one condition."_

"_Just tell me."_

"And so, Kaiba then told the men, before stumbling drunkenly out of the bar and throwing up on a dog, that they would gain full ownership over Kaibaland Duel Academy if they could win a duel against one specifically-chosen student named Chazz using a deck of monsters with under 500 Attack Points," Shepherd explained, depressingly.

"That's gross!" Chazz grunted!

"That's unfair!" Gut Man cried!

"I know!" Shepherd knew. "But them's the rules, now meet your robot opponent!" Shepherd motioned to a large flat-screen TV on his wall. It turned on, showing a robot in the form of a computer monitor on a stand, with wheels attached, and two primitive-looking pincers for arms/hands. And on the monitor… [/watch?v=wdXkSjpvF74]WAS SLADE AND ZAZZ, IN FRONT OF A BACKGROUND FULL OF EUCALYPTUS TREES!

"How's it going, lil' bro?" Slade asked in that voice of his.

"WH-WH-WH-WH-WHAT THE HEEEEEEEEEEELL?" Chazz gasped! "SLADE AND ZAZZ?"

"Yeah, it's us!" Zazz laughed! "Slade and Zazz Princeton, older brothers to Chazz Princeton! Muhuhahahaha—"

"**HEY, YA DUM-DUMS!**" a manly man roared.

"W-woah, hey, boss! We're just usin' the computer on our break, is all!" Slade assured to somebody off-screen.

"Well, hurry it up! Whaddaya think I pay 'ya for, to use all sixty minutes of your lunch hours?"

"Like we get paid," Zazz grumbled under his breath.

"**WHAT WAS THAT?**" the man shouted at the top of his lungs! "**I GAVE YOU A JOB PICKIN' EUCALYPTUS LEAVES, AND ALL YOUR MONEY GOES TOWARDS YOUR ROOM AND BOARD! NOW, I GAVE YOU A JOB, AND A HOME, **_**ON THE MOON!**_** SO DON'T START FLAPPIN' YOUR **_**SUCKY**_** LIL' LIPS ABOUT HOW UNFAIR I AM! YOU'RE LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM, LIVING ON THE MOON! MY GOSH!** Back when I first got here, I had to cut down all the trees to build this place **BY MYSELF**…"

"Whew, he's gone," Slade sighed, relieved.

"But what do YOU losers want?" Chazz ordered!

"Wait, who're they?" Gut Man asked, getting a bit uncomfortable.

"They're just my loser older brothers, who want to take over the world and were using me against my own will to do such a thing. Also they were beaten up by the entire school and sent to the moon, where they now apparently work for Koala Ko Ala's dad."

"Oh."

"Uh, hello here?" Zazz reminded.

"Oh yeah, you guys're still there."

"Hell YEAH we're still here!" Slade shouted!

"HEY, SHADDAP, YOU'RE UPSETTIN' THE KOALAS!"

"Sorry sir!" Slade apologized, looking away from the screen again.

"You know, we might not have had to do this to you and your friends if you'd just single-handedly taken over the entire world of dueling like we agreed," Zazz reminded.

"The same way you control finance and politics?"

"Well hey," Zazz whined, "at least I have 30% of the world's money!"

"So?"

"Eugh," Slade groaned. "Look, we're sending our robot to duel you in three days, with those cards we bought that you never used, which basically means we're using a Dragon deck, and I bet that YOU already know YOUR restriction, right?"

"Urg…" Chazz grunted, scowling.

"So, uh, well… that's it!" Slade and Zazz concluded! "See you in three days, Chazz! WAHAHAHAHAHA—"

"I **SAID** YOU'RE BOTHERIN' THE **KOALAS**! THEY CAN'T **WORK** WITH THIS KINDA STRESS!"

"Sorry, boss…" And with that, the satellite feed cut off and the screen went blank.

"And that is the problem of the week," Shepherd groaned. "We're doomed… unless we follow up with ONE option…"

"What would THAT be?" Gut Man wondered.

"All we need is for YOU to stand next to Chazz as he duels."

"Uh…"

"It's easy," Shepherd said, pulling out a chart.

( . , look at the address, take out the spaces)

"… Are you serious?" Chazz asked.

"Yes, yes I am," Shepherd insisted.

"Your logic sucks."

"I dare you to find any flaws with this plan."

"Actually," Gut Man said, "it COULD work, if we can score a miracle…"

"See, the robot boy agrees with me!" Shepherd chuckled! "I told you it'd work!"

"… Okay then, I guess that's settled," Chazz shrugged.

"Now all you need to do is gather up all your good weak cards and make a deck," Shepherd said.

"…I don't HAVE any cards like that. I sell them for 200% profit to little kids," Chazz admitted.

"Oh… my… gosh…" Shepherd slumped onto his desk. "Do I have ANY students who AREN'T a complete failure?"

"Oh…well, may I put in a suggestion?" Professor Banner asked, stepping out from the shadows.

"Were you standing there all this time?"

"Yes, always. Now I have a story for all you punk kids!" Banner took out a wooden pipe and storybook. "According to urban myth, there's a well on Duel Academy Island, where kids throw away cards that they don't like. I don't understand why nobody just burned them; it would be cooler that way, but I digress." He closed the book and walked away.

"Um… okay, so you two just do that tomorrow," Shepherd commanded.

"Y-you trust me to go out into the dense forests of this island and comb it for a so-called mysterious well where we can find cheap cards for free?" Gut Man gasped!

"Uh, yeeeaaaah," Shepherd shrugged, "why not? I mean, you're a student who apparently knows Chazz, so it's fine."

_Wow, so they really actually trust me?_ Gut Man thought. _These people are a lot more trusting than I thought they were!_

"So can I go now?" Chazz asked.

"Yeah sure whatever," Shepherd said, making shooing movements with his hands. "Go on, I gotta start packing my things." Gut Man and Chazz left the office.

"So do you really think you'll find that place?" Gut Man asked Chazz.

"Well, judging by how things go 'round here, sure, why not?"

"But what if it doesn't work?"

"Eh, then I guess I'll just buy some cards and use those," Chazz decided.

"Then… why don't we just do that if it'll save time?"

"Because we're going for FREE CARDS, man! Do you know how often that happens, finding a Duel Monsters card on the street without something nasty drawn on it, or having been ripped in half?" Chazz asked, drawing upon all those instances when you'd seen such things. "Now get yourself ready for a hiking trip, we've got some freebies to snag!"

THE! NEXT! DAY!

[/watch?v=xN-aK6k6Qgs]Chazz was hiking with Gut Man, through the woods, carrying backpacks full of survival goods. "Huh, this is a great hike, huh, Chazz?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, inhaling all that mountain air.

"You said it, I reckon!" Billy Hills chuckled, throwing some trail mix at Chazz and Deep-Voice Dobbson!

"Cuts cuts cuts, what's with the trail mix?" Cuts Man asked, cutting in between them.

"Oh, it's in the bags I prepared for everybody," Gut Man explained to him.

"Thanks! Heh heh." Cuts Man pulled out a bag of trail mix. He ripped it open, sending all of its contents all over the place. "Whoops."

"Cuts Man, why'd you just waste all that great trail mix?" Mann McOldsmobile complained. "That's almost as horrible as this!" He opened up a water bottle and splashed some of its contents over Cuts Man's face.

"Heh heh, heh heh," Cuts Man laughed, twitching and shooting out sparks from his mouth and eyes. "Cuts cuts cuts! What else's in here?"

"Oh, there's some water, some rope, some rescue flares, and an inflatable raft, I reckon," Billy Hills listed out, inspecting his own stash.

"**HA HA! HA HA!**" Cuts Man cackled, firing his several rescue flares in all directions, causing several forest fires!

"WOAH! Let ME try that!" Mann McOldsmobile laughed, taking out his own survival tools!

"_**SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UP! YOUR VOICES ARE IN**__**FYU**__**RIATING ME!**_" Chazz screamed, putting a stop to everything. "Heh, heh, heh, heh," he panted, "who told, heh, YOU guys to, heh, follow us?"

"Oh, well," Gut Man began, rubbing his head, "when I told everybody that we were going here, then Mann McOldsmobile and Cuts Man wanted to come with me. Then Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson wanted to follow YOU, and Deep-Voice Dobbson took Ojama Yellow."

"THAT'S ME!" cheered Ojama Yellow, floating in from nowhere.

"Um, alright, but why'd you take Ojama Yellow?"

"Ojama Yellow's great, huh, Chazz, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson said.

"Yeah, Ojama Yellow's great!" Ojama Yellow said, driving the point home further. "Oh hey a well." He pointed to a large hole in the ground.

"OH MY GOSH, YOU'RE RIGHT FOR ONCE!" Chazz ran to it, took out his handy rope ladder, and climbed down into the well! Several crappy cards were lining the stony crappy floor. "Oh boy! They're… they're… crappy."

"'Ey, who ya' callin' crappy?" asked a short, purple guy with a large nose.

"Yeah, see, 'dat's no way ta' jus' BARGE in on someone!" yelled a one-eyed green guy. They both wore speedos.

"Wait… are you Ojama Green and Ojama Black?" Chazz asked.

"Yeah," the green guy responded, "what about it?"

"So this means… I've just collected the entire Ojama Trio?" Suddenly a glowing bluish-whitish tiger Duel Spirit appeared and ate the two brothers in one bite. "… Oh."

"Hey, Chazz, didja just say you found THE OJAMA TRIO?" Ojama Yellow screamed, flyin' down into the hole! "This means I can find my brothers?"

"Uh, no, I just found some cards WITHOUT Duel Spirits in 'em, eheheh," Chazz shivered. _It's better to hide this truth, right?_ "Anyways, guys, get your butts down here and help me pick up some cards! The fate of the free world of card games is at stake here! And then we're going home."

"Whaaaaat? But why'd we even come, then?" Mann McOldsmobile whined.

"Nobody TOLD you to come!"

[/watch?v=4s-G9KragPc&feature=related]AND TWO! DAYS! LATAH!

Chazz, Guts Man, and the robot that his brothers were piloting were all standing around in the middle of the Duel Dome, ready to duel, as hundreds of baggage-carrying students watched on. "EVEREBODEH LISSEN," announced Mickey Ducktail, wearing an 'EVA-01 Steak Sauce' backpack, "HERE WE AH, WATCHIN' OUR VEREH OWN CHAZZ DUELIN' HIS JERK BROTHERS FOR THE FATE 'O DA SCHOOL!" Two dozen people clapped.

"YOU GO, CHAZZ!" Jaden shouted.

"SHADDAP, YOUR VOICE'S IRRITATIN' ME!"

"Oh."

"Man, I sure hope he wins that duel," one kid groaned, "I don't wanna go to NORMAL High School…"

"Well maybe we can actually do something productive then," a girl responded.

"Maybe I could re-connect with my dad," a guy wistfully supposed.

"Card games ain't so fun, anyhow!"

"YEAH!"

"But I _like_ not having to work for my money," a kid cried, "we can get PAID for playing games all the time in the pro circuit!" Many individuals heard.

"But if EVERYBODY in the world plays card games for a living, then who'll do the REAL jobs out there, like food processing?" Beehive Larry cried out, upon deaf ears.

"_**GO, CHAZZ!**_" the ignorant masses cheered! "_**FIGHT! WIIIIIIIIN! WE BELIIIIIIIEEEEEEVE~**_"

"Meh," the computer robot sighed, showing both of the Princeton brothers doing stuff on their lunch hour, "we could care less about the kids out here, and you're already packed up to leave; let's make it quick and easy." The robot strapped on a Duel Disk.

"Pfft, you think I can't beat you?" Chazz chuckled. "Since you have two players with you, would you mind if I have my robot buddy step in next to me and give me tips?"

"Eh sure why not," the bros shrugged collectively.

"You're up," Chazz said, pulling Gut Man next to him.

"Woah!" Gut Man said, being pulled up next to him.

"AND GUT MAN TAKES THE STAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!" Mickey Ducktail announced!

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" the kids cheered.

[i]S-so is this what it feels like to be cheered upon by millions?[/i] Gut Man asked himself, pleased. [i]Well, actually hundreds… but I get the picture.[/i]

"AN' SO, EVEREBODEH," Mickey Ducktail asked, "READEH TA START DA DUEL?"

"Yep," Slade and Zazz said unanimously.

"Sure, why not?" Chazz shrugged, confidently.

"Don't worry Chazz," Ojama Yellow supported floating up next to him, "I know we can do it! Have faith in yourself. Have faith… have faith… have faith… HAVEFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—" Ojama Yellow was punched in the mouth and fell.

"DUEL, !" Mickey Ducktail commanded. (Chazz n' Gut: 4000 Life Points, Zazz n' Slade: 4000 Life Points)

"MY TURN!" Chazz shouted, kicking off the duel, and drawing his cards.  
"Alright, I'll just draw then…" The Slade/Zazz controlled robot drew its opening hand.  
"Hmmm…. ROBOSENSE!" Gut Man shouted, activating his robosense… whatever that was.  
"AAAAAAND GUT MAN USES ROBOSEEEEEEEEEEENSE!" Mickey Ducktail announced!  
"What the hell's robosense?" Chazz asked.  
"It allows me to pick up satellite waves and decode them," Gut Man explained, whispering, as his eyes glowed golden.  
"How does that help here?"  
"Oh, well that computer robot's sending a signal up into space, where it's picked up by your brothers and they can see it on their computer."  
"That's…" Chazz turned around and saw Chancellor Shepherd sitting in the audience. He mouthed 'told 'ya so'. "Actually, that's useful here! What'd they draw?"  
"…" Gut Man thought for a second. "I don't know, since there's only a picture and some numbers on the cards…"  
"Then what was the point?"  
"Well, he has a swirly green card!"  
_Wait, Polymerization?_ Chazz realized. _I need to start off with a good defense, since he's gonna fuse and attack… well what the heck, I was gonna lay down some defense already! I didn't need to know that, it's just extra stress! Some use YOU were, Gut Man…_ "I summon Soul Tiger in Defense Mode!" Chazz shouted, throwin' down a tiger made completely out of blue fog in the most badass way possible. (Soul Tiger: 2100 Defense Points)  
"OH BOOOOOOOOOOY!" Mickey Ducktail said. "CHAZZ HAS JUST SUMMONED A SOUL TIGER IN DEFENSE MODE! IT HAS NO ABILITY, AND NO ATTACK POINTS, BUT TWENTY-ONE HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS! THAT'S A LOTTA DEFENSE! WHAT WILL THEY DOOOO?"

"We'll do a Fusion Summon, THAT'S what!" Zazz said, as the robot used its Polymerization! "I'll fuse the Lord of D. in my hand with Divine Dragon Ragnarok!" A guy in cool dragony armor appeared next to a dragon made out of pink cloudy energy. The man climbed into the dragon's mouth down to the waist, thus becoming a new monster altogether… "We summon King Dragun!" (King Dragun: 2400 Attack Points)  
"AAAAAAAAAND THEY SUMMON KING DRAGUN, FUSED TOGETHER OUT OF LORD OF D. AND DIVINE DRAGON RAGNAROK!" Mickey Ducktail said. "IT HAS TWENTY-FOUR HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS AND ELEVEN HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS! HE ALSO STOPS ANY DRAGONS FROM BEING KILLED BY ANY SORT OF EFFECTS, AND HE ALLOWS THE USER TO SPECIAL SUMMON ANY DRAGON FROM THEIR HAND DURING THEIR TURN, ONCE PER TURN, WITHOUT PENALTY! WHAT WILL CHAZZ DO?"  
"Uh, thanks for explaining all that, I guess," Slade thanked, "and so like he said I'll be Special Summoning Luster Dragon #2 from my hand!"  
"Our hand," Zazz verified. And so, with the power of brotherly bonds, they threw down a massive green dragon, who was growing emeralds from its own wrinkly skin! (Luster Dragon #2: 2400 Attack Points)  
"OH-OH-OH NOOOOOO!" Gut Man screamed, scared for his life… as a student at Duel Academy.  
"OOOOOOOOH!" Mickey Ducktail shrieked! "AND SO THEY SUMMON AN EFFECT-LESS, SIX-STAR MONSTER, LUSTER DRAGON NUMBAH TWO! IT HAS TWENTY-FOUR HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS AND ELEVEN-HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS! WHAT WILL CHAZZ DOOO?"  
"You're getting pretty annoying," Slade called.  
"I KNOW, BUT IT'S MAH JOB!"  
"Attack Soul Tiger, King Dragun!" Zazz ordered! "Use Fire Scorch!" The dragon man combo took out a golden dragony flute and held it out, dragon-head first, and released a large column of flames at Soul Tiger, engulfing it instantly!  
"Next," Slade dictated, "Luster Dragon, attack with Emerald Flame Attack!" The second Luster Dragon took a deep breath and spat out a continuous unoriginal flame attack, which was filled with research errors; the flames were not emerald, nor were they emerald-like, but just orange and boring.  
"YEEEOWCH!" Chazz grunted! (Chazz n' Gut: 1600 Life Points)  
"OOOOOOOOH! AND SO THE ZAZZ AND THE SLADE HAVE DESTROYED CHAZZ'S AND GUT MAN'S SOUL TIGER, ALLOWING THEM TO WAGE A DIRECT ATTACK WITH LUSTER DRAGON NUMBER TWO, DROPPING THEIR LIFE POINTS BY TWENTY-FOUR HUNDRED POINTS, LEAVING THEM WITH ONLEH SIXTEEN HUNDRED LIFE POINST LEFT!" Mickey Ducktail exclaimed! "WHAT WILL THEY DO?"  
"SHUT IT!" Chazz shouted, annoyed.

"So bro," Slade said, "we COULD have summoned another dragon monster during our turn today, since we had our Normal Summon left. If you give up now, then we can spare you the humiliation of losing next turn. And we wouldn't wanna make our lil' brother feel any worse than he does now, do we?"  
"Hell yeah we do," Zazz disagreed.  
"And that's why you should give in now! You've only lasted this long because of our own love for you! So you can come up with us and work on the Koala Juice farm until we get shuttle fare back to earth."  
"Didn't you guys say you had 30% of the world's money?" Gut Man asked.  
"Yeah, but they don't accept earth money on the moon. So what'll it be, Chazz?"

"No go bros," Chazz rejected. "Why would I go with you losers? You'd only screw up everyone else's lives n' junk if I give up!"  
"Wow, he'd not give up a losing duel for US?" a flabbergasted kid gasped.  
"So shut your mouths and end your damn turn already!" Chazz ordered!  
"YEAH YEAH GO CHAZZ-GUT TEAM STYLE!" Cuts Man cheered!  
"Ugh, fine," Zazz groaned, "Do whatever you want, you're just holding off the inevitable."  
"What's inevitable is US KICKIN' YOUR COLLECTIVE ASS!" Chazz drew a card, and then set it. "I summon one monster in Face-Down Defense Position, and I'll call that a turn."  
"AND HE SETS A MONSTAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Mickey Ducktail monologued. "WHAT COULD IT BE? WHAT KIND OF STRATEGY IS CHAZZ A-PULLIN' OFF HERE? WHAT WILL ZAZZ AND SLADE DO?"  
"Seriously, we'll pay you, like, two-hundred dollars if you stop that!" Zazz and Slade promised.  
"No deal!"  
"Damn."

Slade and Zazz's robot drew their next card. "Well? Are we safe for this turn?" Chazz asked. "Does he have any threatening Spells or Traps?"  
"Nah, you're good this turn," Gut Man said with his shiny yellow eyes, "I think."  
"Eh?" Slade and Zazz gasped! "What're you guys TALKING about—"  
"I THOUGHT I TOLD YA TWO DUM-DUMS THREE DAYS AGO 'TA STOP _**RAISIN'**_ YER' VOICES! IT MAKES THE KOALAS FEEL WEIRD!" their boss roared off-screen.  
"O-oh, sorry, boss," Slade apologized nervously.  
"Who're they talkin' to?" Koala Ko Ala foolishly asked.  
"… I'd say something, but I think you need to learn something from this experience," Syrus sy-ed.  
"Hunh?"

"B-but anyways," Zazz went on, getting back to the point, "what're you two talking about, if you're safe this turn?"  
"Just guessing, that's all," Chazz lied.  
"DANG LYIN' MAKES YA TWO SO MUCH COOLER I RECKON!" Billy Hills screamed from the sidelines!  
"QUIET, HUH, BILLY, HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed, covering his friend's mouth!  
_Hmm,_ Slade and Zazz thought, _Chazz's friends just mentioned something about him lying, buuut… I'll give'm the benefit of the doubt._ "We'll be summoning Luster Dragon #1 in Attack Mode!" A blue dragon with some sapphires injected into its scaly flesh appeared, though smaller than the Luster Dragon #2. (Luster Dragon #1: 1900 Attack Points)  
"OH BOY, IT'S THE LUSTER DRAGON NUMBAH ONE!" Mickey Ducktail shouted! "IT'S GOT NINETEEN-HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS N' SIXTEEN HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS, THOUGH LIKE THE NUMBAH TWO VERSION, 'E'S GOT NO ABILITY! WHAT WILL CHAZZ DO?"  
"Uh, we aren't even done summoning things yet, don't start with that 'what'll he do now' stuff until we're done!" Zazz said sternly.

"So we're summoning Rare Metal Dragon with the ability of King Dragun!" And so the computer drew out a brutish, ebony dragon covered in metallic spines. (Rare Metal Dragon: 2400 Attack Points)  
"MAH GOOD GOLLEH GOSH!" Mickey Ducktail screeched! "THAT RARE METAL DRAGON OF THEIRS SURE PACKS A PAWNCH WITH ITS TWENTY-FOUR HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS AND TWELVE-HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS, AND IT WAS A BRIGHT MOVE TA' SUMMON 'IM WITH KING DRAGUN'S EFFECT, SINCE IT'S NOT ALLOWED TO BE NORMAL SUMMONED OR SET! WHAT WILL SLADE AND ZAZZ DO NOW?"  
"Attack, that's what!" Slade announced! "Luster Dragon, attack that face-down monster!" Both the green one and the blue one both breathed fire at the monster. "Oh, well I meant just the blue one, but that's fine too." The card flipped itself up, revealing itself… no, HERself… as a red-haired girl in a plain blue dress with a frowny face.  
"Aw," she sniffed. Then she was burnt away. Her sacrifice made all the other Dragon monsters feel sad and piteous.  
""Ey 'ey 'ey, what's goin' on here?" Zazz growled.  
"I HAVEN'T SEEN 'DAT LADEH IN A WHILE, I TELLS YE WHAT!" Mickey Ducktail remembered. "THAT'S TEH UNHAPPY MAIDEN, AN' WHEN SHE'S DESTROYED, SHE ENDS THE BATTLE PHASE N' STUFF! WHAT WILL YOU—"  
"We end our turn," Slade and Zazz announced.

"HEY, WHAT'S IN HIS HAND NOW, GUT MAN?" Shepherd screamed, needing to know.  
"SHEPHERD!" Chazz shouted in retaliation.  
_Hm?_ Slade and Zazz thought. _Did that Chancellor with the bald head just ask them what was in our hand, as if they knew? Maybe, buuut… I'll give'm the benefit of the doubt._  
"I'll summon Spirit of the Breeze in Defense Mode!" Chazz said, summoning a green girl with butterfly wings and a dress. (Spirit of the Breeze: 1800 Defense Points) "Then I'll activate the Spell card, The Dark Door!" A Spell card appeared, showing a demon guy about to enter a doorway that was obliterating everybody behind him, even the mummy. "Now you can only attack with one monster per turn!"  
"WHAT A GREAT COMBO CHAZZ HAS SET UP NOW! THE SPIRIT OF THE BREEZE CAN GET'M 1000 LIFE POINTS WHEN SHE'S IN ATTACK MODE, BUT THAT'S A BAD IDEA, SINCE SHE'S GOT ZERO ATTACK POINTS, THOUGH SHE'S GOT A WHOPPIN' EIGHTEEN-HUNDRED DEFENSE POINTS! AND THE DARK DOOR IS A SPELL THAT STAYS ON THE FIELD UNTIL ITS DEHSTRUCTSHUN 'DAT LETS HIS BROTHERS ONLY ATTACK ONCE PER TURN! WHAT WILL THEY DO?"  
"Really, stop that!"  
"EVREHBODEH LISSEN! NO."  
"That guy's givin' me the creeps," Gut Man said, shaking.  
"He does that to everybody, Gut, everybody," Chazz said, truthfully, "but you have to admit he's a great announcer."  
"Darn tootin'!" Nancy Wut agreed from afar.

"Anyways, go already, you two," Chazz spat.  
"Well then, maybe we will!" Slade sneered back.  
"REMEMBAR FOLKS," Mickey Ducktail reminded the audience, "SLADE N' ZAZZ HAVE GOT 'DA KING DRAGUN, LUSTER DRAGONS ONE AND TWO, AND A RARE METAL DRAGON ON DA FIELD, BUT IF DEY CAN'T DESTROY DA DARK DOOR, THEY CAN'T ATTACK CHAZZ DIRECTLY! WHAT WILL THEY DO?"  
"It's just a matter of time before we're bustin' that door down, y'know!" Slade informed.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAND THAT WAS A BAAAAD PUN!" Mickey Ducktail analyzed. The audience giggled.  
"Hey, don't make fun of us for making a great joke!" Zazz screamed! "King Dragun, attack with Fire Scorch!" King Dragun held out his golden flute and burned the Spirit of the Breeze away.  
"My turn!" Chazz said, drawing a card. "I'll summon Catnipped Kitty in Defense Mode." A purple, happy cat covered in swirly marks appeared, with a massive bell attached to its neck. (Catnipped Kitty: 500 Defense Points)  
"You summoned a kitty? Is that HONESTLY the best you can do?" Slade chuckled.  
"Like you can do better?" Chazz answered.  
"Actually they can't, they don't have anything but monsters in their hand!" Gut Man said, knowing through strategy! And his robosense.  
"Oh really? You two don't know ANYTHING about Duel Monsters, DO you? What kind of IDIOT would just put all monsters in their deck?"  
"Y-you be quiet, Chazz! We have, like, three Spells!" _More importantly,_ Zazz and Slade thought, _That weird rip-off robot somehow knew the contents of our hand! That would mean he can see our hand, maybe, buuut… I'll give'm the benefit of the doubt._ Then their robot drew a new card with its cool robotic claw. _Wait, this card… I KNEW it was a great idea to throw this one in! With this Trap, we shall WIN THE DUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!_

"Hey, Chazz," Gut Man said, worried, "they just drew a purple card with some twisters on it. What's that mean?"  
"Do you even know how to play this game?" asked Chazz.  
"I-I was just in this school for the benefits!"  
_Wait a sec,_ Zazz and Slade thought, _The robot just detailed the card we just drew! That would mean he really CAN see our hand, or he's a really great guesser! Buuut… I'll give'm the benefit of the doubt._ "We'll set one card face-down and destroy your kitty!" Slade said, as their robot placed their card down. "Fire Scorcher!" King Dragun did the same thing as always and burned the kitty away.  
"AND WHAT A TURN 'A EVENTS, PEOPLE!" Mickey Ducktail screamed! "THE PRINCETONNES HAVE JUST SET DOWN'A CAAAAAARD AND DESTROOOOOOOOOYED THE KIIIIIIIIIIITTTTEEEEEEHH! WHAT WILL CHAZZ DOOOOOO?"

Chazz turned to Gut Man. "It's now or never, we've gotta draw that one card we really really need here," Chazz said.  
"Do-don't w-w-w-worry, Chazz," Gut Man consoled, as his knees knocked loudly.  
"YOU'RE the one who's worrying. Now come on, it'll be even more intense if we draw the card together."  
_He's really trying to include me in a form of duel participation together? In order to strengthen our friendly bonds?_  
"Yeah, why don'cha?" Mann McOldsmobile asked from within the audience.  
"Gut Man! Gut Man!" Cuts Man chanted!  
"GUT MAN! GUT MAN! GUT MAN!" The entire stadium was ripe with applause!  
"But if they lose it'll feel really crappy," one guy said. He was punched out.  
"I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, HUH, GUT, HUH!"  
"I'LL HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!"  
"No you won't."  
"YES I WILL!"

_Everybody's cheering me on… yes… YES! I must do the right thing in this situation and __DRAW THAT CARD!_ Gut Man and Chazz rested their hands on their next card. Consumed by the valiant flames of justice, they pulled it from the Duel Disk. "DOH-RAW!" [/watch?v=pRSrdt0FD74]  
"I HOPE YOU DREW SOMETHING GOOD, BECAUSE WE USE DUST TORNADO!" The Princeton robot flipped up a Trap card, featuring all sorts of dust-filled tornados! A whirlwind of dust appeared out of nowhere and swooped into The Dark Door, blowing the card hologram away!  
"OH NO! THEY JUST ACTIVATED DUST TORNADO, A TRAP THAT—"  
"We activate Painful Choice!" Gut Man and Chazz said together, holding out a Spell card filled with sad people agonizing over something possibly minor. "We pick up five cards from our deck and then you choose one of them to be added into our hand." They took out and showed them four monsters and a Spell.  
"Well that's obvious; we're not giving you a POSSIBLY GOOD monster! Take the Spell," Slade offered, as their foes discarded the other cards.  
"WUH-OH, SLADE N' ZAZZ JUST MADE CHAZZ N' GUT MAN DISCARD—"  
"Next we play Enchanting Fitting Room!" Some sort of haunted fitting room appeared on the field." (Chazz N' Gut: 800 Life Points) "At a cost of 800 Life Points, we can pick up and summon any of the top four cards on our deck, if they're monsters with three or lower levels and no abilities!"  
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!" the crowd cheered! "DRAW!" They drew Pot of Greed. "DRAW!" They drew Ojama Yellow. (Ojama Yellow: 0 Attack Points) "DRAW!" They drew Ojama Green. (Ojama Green: 0 Attack Points) "DRAW!" They drew Ojama Black. (Ojama Black: 0 Attack Points)  
"Oh yeah baby, we're BACK!" Ojama Yellow screamed!

"Th-the three Ojama brothers," one guy trembled, drenched in sweat! "Could this possibly signify… does this mean they're about to use…"  
"EVEREHBODEH LISSEN! THE THREE OJAMA BROTHERS'VE JUST MADE THEIR APPEARANCE! IT'D BE GREAT IF CHAZZ N' GUT COULD USE THEIR OJAMA DELTA HURRICANE CARD—"  
"We activate Ojama Delta Hurricane!" Chazz and Gut Man announced! They threw away a Spell card and Ojama Yellow gave a thumbs-up.  
"Let's go, bros!" he said! They all began swirling around together into a large ring of Ojama madness, flying around all those monsters Zazz and Slade had spent the entire game summoning!  
"Do you know what these three cards taught me, guys?" Chazz asked. "It's that good brothers, REAL brothers support each other, not abuse them for their own disgusting ends! From this point forward, I'm casting off the Princeton name!" The Ojama ring started sending out electrical shocks that began harming the dragon monsters!  
"GWAAAR!"  
"UWAAAAAAAAR!"  
"WOBWOBWOBWOBWOB."  
"AW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH, I RECKON HUH!" the students yelled! The dragons all exploded into confetti and the Ojamas re-appeared on Chazz and Gut Man's field, taking a bow.  
"Hee hee!"

"What the HELL just happened?" Zazz asked, confused.  
"OJAMA DELTA HURRICANE: UPON USAGE, IF YOU HAVE ALL 'DA THREE OJAMAS ON YOUR FIELD, YOUR OPPONENT LOSES ALL THEIR MONSTERS! DAMN, I'M A GREAT ANNOUNCER!"  
"And I'll use the Spell card Thunder Crash!" Gut Man said, activating the card that Zazz and Slade had so graciously given them earlier, detailing some poor sap getting struck by lightning. "We can sacrifice as many monsters as we like and deal 300damage to you for each one!"  
"… Oh crap," Ojama Yellow dreaded, as the three useless monster brothers exploded, sending three bolts of lightning at the evil bros. computer robot! (Zazz n' Slade: 3100 Life Points)

"Heh, just because you dealt some damage to us doesn't mean we can't still rip you apart with all the other monsters in our deck!" Zazz and Slade promised!  
"Shut up!" Chazz sneered. "I summon Chaos Necromancer!" A creepy puppetmasterish guy in foreboding armor appeared with a weird smile. All at once, he was surrounded by a massive green flare of energy! (Chaos Necromancer: 3300 Attack Points)  
"Cheheheh," Mickey Ducktail laughed, "I BELIEVE THAT CHAZZ AND GUT MAN HAVE JUST WON DA DUEL!"  
"Care to explain why?" Chazz suggested.  
"H-how did you summon a monster like that?" Slade cowered. "That has GOT to be cheating… right?"  
"THE CHAOS NECROMANSSAH GAINS THREE-HUNDRED ATTACK POINTS FOR EVERY MONSTER IN CHAZZ AND GUT MAN'S GRAVEYARD!  
"And with this card, I _cordially_ cast off the name you have so graciously thrust upon me in my younger days!" Chazz boasted!

"SMASH THEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!" roared the entire student body of Duel Academy. The Chaos Necromancer held out one finger, pointed at the Princetons, and tweaked it. The robot was destroyed in the ensuing fiery explosion. (Slade N' Zazz: -200 Life Points, Game Over)

"!" the kids cheered, for their school establishment was safe! Some of you'd feel like that too, if your school had Kindergarten-level assignments.  
"And THAT is why you don't fuck with me and my school, you hear me?" Chazz leered.  
"Hey Chazz," Crowler asked, "what'd I miss? I just woke up."  
"Oh, I just changed my last name again."  
"Are you a Crowler now?"  
"No, I'm Chazz Chazz now. Chazz Crowler just sounds horrible."  
"Oh." And as Crowler moped, Chazz and Gut Man joined their hands together and turned toward the applauding masses, as they tossed their luggage around in the air like hats, inevitably causing some injuries.  
"It's moments like this that make bein' an announcer special," Mickey Ducktail sniffed, wiping away a single tear.

Meanwhile in Kaiba's office…  
"Hey big brother," Kaiba's little brother said, armed with six feet of tallness and thirty pounds of muscles, "I heard that the Chazz boy won that duel for Duel Academy."  
"What? Who… who the hell're you?" Kaiba drunkenly asked from his desk.  
"It's me, Mokuba, remember? I wish you didn't drink so much."  
"I run a major corporation. It basically came with the job. But my goodness, when'd you get so big n' muscley? You were almost to my chest height yesterday!"  
"I've been like this for a few months now, you should know this already! It came with the puberty!"  
"Damn, took 'ya long enough. Now what's Duel Academy again?" Kaiba asked.  
"…" Mokuba backed out of his office, somewhat peeved.

Meanwhile, on the moon…  
Zazz and Slade were climbing around in a eucalyptus tree with some koalas, picking off eucalyptus leaves and storing them in a sack. "… Next time, let's not give them any mercy."  
"Agreed."  
"'EY, 'YA TWO SLACKERS! LESS CONVERSATIN', MORE LEAF PICKIN'!"  
"Yes, sir…" they grumbled, picking faster than ever before.

COMMENTARY

So, here we are on chapter 39. I still keep throwing in new ideas at random. Rei and Kensuke (and Penpen) will NOT stop until they have their own fill of steak sauce! Don't try talking them out of it, or they WILL MESS YOU UP.

Anyways, in more story-related matters, we get to see Gut Man gettin' to know his good classmate buddies. I hope it was nice to see him blossoming… and if not, then I still suck at writing. But it's okay, because there's a special image in the chapter! Woo! Also the jerkass brothers appear again from the moon! Woo! And we understand what drives Kaiba! Alcohol! Woo!

So while Kaiba will be written as an extreme angry drunk kid, we get to learn how Koala Ko Ala's dad's business is doing. I hope it was worth it. Either way, I'm not going to write Ojama Black or Ojama Green. One is more than enough. And people who watched 5D's should get who Ducktail Mickey is by now, if I haven't already stated it. And I'm sure everybody'll think that Bastion's prosthetic hand will be even more irritating than these guys. OR WILL THEY…? FOOOOORESHADOWIIIIIING!


	40. Episode 40: Dueling Distractions Pt One

[.com/watch?v=zDdwOc_tlVo]Bastion, Piggybank, Baseball Bob and Fluffy Fred were standing atop of a cliff, facing the sun as it rose one early morn. "Now, fellow Baseball Wreckers," Bastion spoke, "ever since that one duel against that Camula, of the Seven Stars,"  
"Shadow Riders!" Nancy Wut reminded.  
"Shadow Riders, I've been thinking. And it's occurred to me that I need to be more overall useful in some combat situations, as I'm hampered by my prosthetic hand." Yes, his hand had still not grown back from Duel Island.  
"Oh yeah, you were pushed two inches into the ground," Piggybank giggled.  
"Well _you_ were thrown into a lake," Baseball Bob remembered.  
"What're you getting at? And you weren't even there! How could YOU know?"  
"I'm not getting at anything!" Baseball Bob promised! "Honest!"  
"LIAR!" Piggybank threw three pennies at Baseball Bob. They dug into his skin a bit before falling.  
"YES, MONEH!" Fluffy Fred shrieked, diving onto the coins. "Aw damn it, it's just American money. So what'd you do, Bastion? I'm anxious to know!"

Bastion turned and faced his crew and held his right hand up. Attached to it by the wrist was an Omega-Xis head. (SOURCE: http:/megaman .wikia .com/wiki/Omega-Xis)

"Hey," Omega-Xis greeted.

"…..WHAT THE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK?" Baseball Bob and Piggybank screamed!  
"IT'S EXTREME!" Fluffy Fred exclaimed, as his head exploded from the awesomeness.  
"He shoots out Omega-Xis™ energy bullets!" Bastion informed!  
"When I feel like it," Omega-Xis mentioned.  
"Isn't that incredible?"  
"… I have no choice," Piggybank sighed, "I have to support you in all your endeavors." She shakily held up a thumb.  
"I don't get it," Baseball Bob worried.  
"What's there to get? He's a prosthetic hand! He's also an arm cannon. That's all there is to it. Oh, and he's got one _rad attitude_!"  
"I totally approve," Fluffy Fred approved, crying manly tears. Then he was struck by inspiration! "I'VE GOTTA CUT OFF MY LEG AND REPLACE IT WITH A ROBOT PEG LEG!" He dashed off into the forest.  
"Piggybank, Bob, please stop Fred from severing his own leg and replacing it with a talking robot," Bastion requested.  
"Got it." The two dashed off after Fluffy Fred.  
"FRED I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU CUT OFF THAT LEG!"

"Hmph," Omega-Xis huffed, "so what're we doin' out here at this time?"  
"Well, I was hoping to practice using a Duel Disk with you," Bastion offered. "If we're gonna be playing card games for the sake of the world, we'd better prepare." Bastion strapped on his Duel Disk and drew five cards with his new wolf robot hand's jaw! Sadly the cards got bent up and semi-crushed by the wolf's jaws. "Wahahaha," Bastion laughed, "I still got it! I made the RIGHT decision to order you from Capcom!"  
"Did you know that I'm actually a radio wave robot-lookin' head hand containing the soul of a dead child, thus filled with enough power to speak and learn for twenty billion more years?"  
"I did not need to know that, Omega-Xis, but it sure answers a lot of questions." Bastion stretched a bit. "Ah, there's no way I can get distracted in a duel!"  
"Why'd you say that?" Omega-Xis asked.  
"Because it's the title!" Bastion answered.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 40: Duel Distractions – Part One

[.com/watch?v=mEPT5pB2G7U]Bastion stealthily sneaked into the Slifer Red dormitories and into Jaden's room, filled with his friends…and his robotic friends. Bastion's face was decorated with a sly grin. "Okay, ready?" he whispered.  
"You know it," Omega-Xis replied. His eyes turned even more completely crimson than usual, and his green fluffy hair-flames began to flow like wild sparks. His mouth began absorbing energy from his environment. And then…  
"FIRE! FIRE AT WILL!"

BAWBWAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAHAM! Omega-Xis loudly blew open a hole in the wall by shooting a large energy bullet.  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Jaden screamed!  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Syrus screamed!  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Koala Ko Ala screamed!  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Mann McOldsmobile screamed!  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Gut Man screamed!  
"Cuts cuts cuts! Mornin', everyone!" Cuts Man screamed!

"Dude, why you be trippin'?" Jaden growled! "You jus' come, bussin' in mah room and blowin' the wall wit' yo arm cannons n' crap!"  
"WHY IS YOUR HAND A ROBOT BEAR?" Syrus asked.  
"IMMA WOLF, BOI!" Omega-Xis retaliated!  
"Are you edible?" Koala Ko Ala asked, salivating.  
"No! What's wrong with you people?"  
"He's just hungry in the mornings," Gut Man said.  
"Psshaw, NOBODY had robot buddies in the school before I came rolling in," Mann McOldsmobile sighed, "And now that I have Cuts n' Guts…"  
"Just Gut Man," Gut Man corrected.  
"Sorry, it happens. But all of a sudden, you get a robot wolf hand! Isn't that a bit excessive?"  
"My hand was eaten by a Bengal Tiger while I was on Duel Island."  
"It wasn't even really CALLED Duel Island, we just call it that, though," Syrus specified. "But still, why did you…"  
"Well I reckon that if you're gonna do something, you do it right," Bastion proudly proclaimed.  
"That's NOT how you do prosthetics right," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"Aw, come on, Sy, stop making the OBVIOUS jokes!" Jaden urged. "What's on your mind, Bastion, commin' in and bustin' up my walls?"  
"Come with us, we're going to do some good old-fashioned duel training!" Bastion ordered, pulling everybody away via leash.

"Aw, man!"

[.com/watch?v=7YbG5FgNB6s&feature=related]And so the group approached the cool training cliff. They all, along with the complete Bastion Baseball Wreckers Gang, began drawing cards in a synchronized fashion. "One, two, draw!" Bastion directed, smashing up a card with Omega-Xis. "One, two, draw! One, two, draw! One, two, draw!"  
"Bastion, isn't this a little useless?" Syrus asked.  
"Why, of course not!" Bastion disagreed. "It's exercising your _dueling muscles!_"  
"Oh I feel smarter already!" Piggybank squealed!  
"Well, Koala Ko Ala sure ain't feelin' the burn," Cuts Man chuckled, pointing to the bear-like kid, who was passed out on his back.  
"Oh, I can't go on," he panted.  
"Now I know you can draw more than four cards, Koala!"  
"But I didn't eat my morning turkey yet…"  
"Neither has Fred, and yet look at him!" Omega-Xis suggested, talking perfectly, even though his mouth was full of smashed trading cards.

"HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH…" Fluffy Fred was feeling the burn! He was drawing up a hurricane, picking up cards faster than you can say 'A'!  
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!" Mann McOldsmobile gasped! "I gotta try that!" He pulled a card incorrectly, causing his entire deck to fall out, sloshing all over his feet. "Whoops."  
"Now do you all see?" Baseball Bob asked, like their father or something. "This is why you need to practice your 'power drawing!' If you don't, during a Shadow Rider match, your ENTIRE DECK could fall out, humiliating yourself in front of the enemy!"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, that's what Bastion told me."

"Whoops, looks like I just dropped a humiliating, incriminating trading card!" Syrus said, as he accidentally dropped a card.  
"What's all this, then?" Bastion asked, picking it up. It was some cat lady playing on an electrical drum set. "Thunder Nyan Nyan? You pervert! You have a cat girl fetish!"  
"Waaaaaaah? Where's your proof?"  
"Here," Bastion said, pointing to the card.  
"Aw, Bastion, don't be so hard on him," Jaden said, "Isn't it NORMAL for depraved young boys like him to have a trading card they salivate over? Just because he doesn't know what it's like to feel a real woman doesn't mean he isn't a functioning member of society, y'know what I'm sayin'?"  
"No, it's weird. Syrus, you're really weird."  
"Aw."  
"Hey, don't make fun of him, I've got a 'card crush' as well!" Koala Ko Ala defended! He held out a card with a green haired fat lady whose robe was slipping off. "Dian Keto the Cure Master, guys! She reminds me of my girlfriend back home… Cassandra…"  
"Well, y'know what they say… that teenagers are disgusting idiots," Omega-Xis said.

"Well, I've got one myself!" Fluffy Fred proclaimed!  
"Why does everybody sound so proud about this?" Bastion asked, confused. Fluffy Fred held out a copy of Nekogal #2.  
"You're the same as Syrus, but with more mature tastes; I approve," Piggybank said sternly.  
"AW YEAH!" Fluffy Fred cheered.  
"Why am I always at the bottom of the barrel?" Syrus whimpered.  
"Eh, I really like THIS card," Baseball Bob said sheepishly, holding out a Kuriboh.  
"Either you don't get this conversation or you're worse than the rest of them," Bastion claimed.  
"Huh?"  
"Bob, please go home and think about your actions today."  
"Okay." Baseball Bob began the long, sad trek home.  
"Look at THIS one," Piggybank said, full of pride.  
"Not YOU too," Omega-Xis groaned.  
"Thanks a lot, now I know that women suck just as much as men!" Bastion said sadly.  
"Aw, look at it!" Piggybank showed off her 'Bastion Misawa' Duel Monsters card.  
[.com/watch?v=7fXC2S-1tGU]"… Don't try to tell me that's not bootlegged."  
"It is! I made it on !"  
"You sicken me, Piggybank," Mann McOldsmobile said, disapprovingly. He got a sharp quarter hurled into his forehead. "What I mean to say is, I'm sickened by your horrible usage of the card-creating technologies we've been given in today's day and age. Look at this!" Mann McOldsmobile took out a completely censored card.  
"AAAAAAAARGH, TAKE IT AWAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Piggybank shrieked, punching Mann McOldsmobile into the horizon.  
"Waaaagh, Mann!" Gut Man screamed, running after him, off the cliff.  
"Cuts cuts cuts! You guys've got bad taste! Except for Mann."  
"What could a ROBOT possibly like that's better than us, eh?" Fluffy Fred asked harshly.  
"Limiter Removal," Cuts Man revealed, taking out the Spell card. "Isn't it just so HOT? It's some sort of speedometer, just BREAKING!"  
"… Let's ignore him," Bastion suggested. Everybody faced away from Cuts Man.  
"It's ROBOT HUMOR! I was just kidding! Fine then, I'll go follow Gut Man, then. Hmph." Cuts Man leaped off the cliff and into the surf.

"All of you are terrible!" Bastion shouted! "Control your passions, please!"  
"Yeah, y'whores!" Omega-Xis threw in for good measure.  
"NOT A WHORE!" Piggybank sobbed.  
"At LEAST be like Jaden!" Bastion said, pointing to Jaden. "He's too BUSY to have time for your silly 'card crushes!' He's a real duelist, using them for their real purposes; not for porn, like that disgusting Mann guy."  
"What's a crush?" Jaden asked.  
"It's like love, but more childish and arguably worse," Syrus explained.  
"What's love, yo?" Jaden asked.  
"Are you SURE he's not worse than us?" Koala Ko Ala wondered.  
"Yes, yes he isn't! Usually."  
Fluffy Fred had another idea. "Fine, sir, if it'll please you and make me a better person, I'll stop myself from ever loving again!" Fluffy Fred stuck his hand into his chest and began squeezing his heart.  
"Don't do that, kid," Omega-Xis commanded.  
_His eyes…!_ Fluffy Fred morbidly realized, staring into Omega-Xis' eyes. _They're like blood-red pools of souls, ripe and ready for hell's sentencing…_ Fluffy Fred pulled his hand out of his chest and began to apply a bandage. "Uh, okay, Mr. Omega-Xis."  
"Be quiet and go get that thing treated, alright?"  
"YES SIR, MR. OMEGA-XIS SIR!" Fluffy Fred screamed, running off into the jungle.  
"NO, THE NURSE'S OFFICE IS THAT WAY, THAT… never mind," Bastion decided.

"So, now what, since we've just cut out half of our cast we started out with?" Piggybank asked, nuzzling Bastion's neck uncomfortably.  
"We find out whose bag this is, of course!" Professor Banner announced, appearing out of nowhere with Garfield the cat! And a bag.  
"MEOW," Garfield meowed.  
_Aw man, not that creepy cat again!_ Syrus cringed.  
"Like I said, bag!" Banner restated, holding up the mysterious duffle bag. "It was found somewhere in the forest, and we need to find out why it was there!"  
"Why do we need to do that?" Omega-Xis asked.  
"Oh, nice hand, Bastion."  
"Thank you, Professor Banner!" And with that, they all began walking with Banner for no good reason.

SEVERAL! MINUTES! LATER!  
Banner was leading the way as the group stumbled around in the forest in seemingly-random directions. "Are you SURE that the random bag was found way out here?" Piggybank asked, feeling antsy.  
"Well of course," Banner assured, "I found it around the ancient random coliseum."  
"Random coliseum?" Syrus repeated. "Why should there be a random coliseum on the island?"  
"Well, remember those ancient Egyptians?" reminded Banner. "Maybe THEY did it."  
"Oh yeah, they sure were a riot!" Jaden laughed. "Oh, there's the random coliseum!" He pointed to a dry plant-less clearing where a coliseum had been randomly built.  
"I'M GOING IN!" Bastion shouted, running toward it!  
"Oh, there goes my Action Bastion," Piggybank sighed.  
"Do you have any OTHER character traits besides loving Bastion way too much?" Jaden asked.  
"Not yet, why?"

Everybody headed into the stone building for no good reason. As soon as they'd entered they saw several people doing various forms of hard labor. "Huh?" the main group wondered. "Why are they…"  
Suddenly a tiger appeared in the pit of the coliseum! "What's with the tiger?"  
"GRAWWR!" the tiger growled.  
"BOOM!" shouted Omega-Xis, shooting it with a bright flash of energy, causing it to explode violently. All that was left were its four feet and a blood splatter across the ground.  
"Oh no, my dear tiger!" cried a muscular, toned, large-breasted lady wearing her several spiky accessories and a brick-red ponytail. "How dare you all!"  
"Why's there a huge woman there?" the group asked itself. "What are we missing here?"  
"_I'M IN LOVE!_" Bastion exclaimed!  
"VVHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" screamed his companions, especially Piggybank.  
"I THOUGHT YOU PROCLAIMED YOUR LOVE TO ME!" Piggybank screamed!  
"Not really, and I'm into older women," Bastion said.  
"You're even worse than Jaden now, yo!"  
"Actually, he's right, you're really weird," the lady in question told Bastion with a grimace. "I'm Tanya, the third of the Seven Stars, and I'm also an Amazon just because. Also I was forcing all of these people to build this coliseum because I had nothing better to do."  
"She just asked us to do it and we figured, 'maybe we DO need a hobby besides trading cards,'" one student said, confirming her words.

"So, because I AM an Amazon, and I hate all men traditionally, which one of you boys am I dueling for a key?" Tanya asked.  
"Me?" Jaden suggested.  
"No, for I must conquer my fear of rejection!" Bastion shouted!  
"NO… I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THE LOVE OF MY MAN!" Piggybank shouted, pushing Bastion and Jaden out of her way.  
"Um, excuse me, girl, but are you REALLY sure that's what you should be doing in this situation?" Tanya asked.  
"Wh-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M FIGHTING FOR LOVE!"  
"She's right," Omega-Xis said, "You're acting really stupid for a boy who doesn't really care about you all that much. Why can't you just be cool like that Nancy Wut lady?"  
"SHE has personality," Syrus agreed.  
"Oh, and Alexis is great, too," Chazz mentioned.  
"But… but… it's who I AM!" Piggybank screamed! "I can't help it!"  
"Yes you can, young lady!" Tanya shouted! "Come on, believe in yourself and liberate yourself from the shackles you've placed onto yourself!"  
"Yeah, I believe in you!" Bastion cheered.  
"Uh… uh…" Piggybank exploded.  
"… Well, that takes care of this scene. So should we Duel now?"  
"Why not?"

[.com/watch?v=A66x3BHyr-w&feature=related]The two Dueling Duelists walked off into the center of the coliseum. None of the audience could understand what was going on. "Tell me your name," Tanya requested, pointing to Bastion.  
"Omega-Xis—"  
"Bastion Misawa," Bastion said. "Though my hand's named Omega-Xis. I like dueling and long walks in empty corridors."  
"That's nice. But…" Tanya held out two decks, one in each palm. "I have two decks that I would normally use, but I always let my opponent choose which one they'll be facing: the deck of knowledge, and the deck of courage. Which will you choose?"  
"I choose knowledge because knowledge is power!"  
"Doesn't that mean you're giving her the stronger deck, then?" Omega-Xis asked.  
"Yeah, he really has a point there," Banner agreed.  
"D'aw, I can't speak good around women!"  
"You can around Piggybank."  
"She's not a woman, she's a girl."  
"Anyways," Tanya sighed, getting back to the topic at hand, "nice choice if I do say so myself." She stuck her KNOWLEDGE! deck into her somewhat-spiky Duel Disk.  
"Maybe it IS a nice choice, but not as nice as the choice I'm making… FOR MYSELF!" Bastion shouted, putting his OWN deck into his Duel Disk.  
"That sounded TERRIBLE!"  
"Oh shut up, Syrus!"

"Now if the peanut gallery would please silence themselves," Tanya irritably growled, "I have ANOTHER announcement before the duel begins."  
"What is it?" Bastion asked.  
"Well, because the Amazons historically ARE a tribe of women and have to periodically go out and find men in order to reproduce and carry on their bloodline…"  
"I can see where this is going," Syrus cringed.  
"Where?" Koala Ko Ala asked. "Y'mean—"  
"If I defeat Bastion, then he must help me bear my child!" Tanya announced! Everybody in the area at that time drank a large cup of water just to spit it out loudly.  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Piggybank screamed, exploding back into existence.  
"I think you just set back 'Women's Rights' a few years, ma'am," Omega-Xis said.  
"I give in, I lose," Bastion said. Jaden, Syrus and Piggybank hit him in the head with large stone slabs.  
"Yeah, you can call US whores, but YOU'RE the REAL whore around HERE!" Syrus shouted.  
"Who'm I supposed to look up to now, man?" Jaden cried.  
"Hey, lady!" Piggybank called, "I won't have you stealing MY Bastion like this, not after I've shown in over thirty episodes' worth of hilarious sexual hijinks how much my life revolves around his first confession to me! You'd better back off, or else it's MY turn to take you on!"  
"DUEL!" Bastion and Tanya exclaimed, ignoring her. (Bastion: 4000 Life Points, Tanya: 4000 Life Points)

"Were we all just ignored?" Syrus asked, confused.  
"Yep!" Bastion answered, head bleeding dangerously. He wiped off his head, leaving it clean and non-bloody as a whistle, and got in the DOOL zone.  
"I'll start this duel off by summoning Amazoness Swords Woman," Tanya said, summoning a lady with almond-colored skin, wild (really weird) red hair, and a big sword.  
"NYEAAAAH!" she screamed, like some sort of weird goblin thing. What a disgusting voice. (ASZ: 1500 Attack Points)  
"I'll also set one card face-down and end my turn," Tanya said, ending her turn.

"Well then, I summon Hydrogeddon in Attack Mode!" Bastion said, summoning his cool kid to the field. (Hydrogeddon: 1600 Attack Points) "Attack her Swords Woman with… Water Attack!"  
"Does every card have an official attack?" Omega-Xis asked.  
"I don't know, but it sure is fun to name those things." And so, Hydrogeddon the water dino blasted a gush of water out of its mouth at the sword-wielding woman. She exploded, dropping her sword! It bounced off of the ground and lodged itself into Bastion's head. "Ow!" (Bastion: 3900 Life Points) He pulled it out, allowing blood to burst out. He applied a handy bandage.  
"I hope you remembered about Shadow Games, right kids?"  
"What just went down, yo?" Jaden asked, confused.  
"My Swords Woman's ability is to redirect all Battle Damage I'd take and inflict it upon my opponent," Tanya explained.

"What an idiot," Koala Ko Ala sneered, "EVERYONE knows THAT card's effect! Even me!"  
"You did?" Syrus checked.

"He's not being stupid, stupid!" Piggybank corrected. "Bastion may have less Life Points for now, but give him a moment…"  
"Oh yeah, NOW I remember what made Hydrogeddon non-useless!" Banner recalled.  
"I feel like I need to say something to make this conversation come full-circle, yo," Jaden said. "Yo! Bastion's no dum-dum!"  
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT MY FATHER!" Koala Ko Ala sobbed.

"Huh?"

"Exactly!" Bastion affirmed! "I use Hydrogeddon's ability to summon another copy of itself from my deck, since I just killed a monster with it!" Another Hydrogeddon splooshed up to the plate out of the ground! (Hydrogeddon: 1600 Attack Points)  
"Told you!" Piggybank giggled.  
"You're defenseless, so now we're going to wage a direct attack!" Omega-Xis announced!  
"Hey, only I say that!" Bastion growled.  
"Sorry, boss. Now YOUR HAND says it."  
"Well, gosh dangit!"  
"WE'LL see who's waging a direct attack once I play my Trap card, Pride of Tribe!" She flipped up her face-down card, which showed a lone Amazonian warrior stepping atop a very large rock in the middle of the night of the full moon. Was there to be a werewolf involved…? "Now, because you've just destroyed an Amazon of mine, I can summon a new one from my deck in Attack mode! I'll summon my Amazoness Paladin!" A cool Amazonian sorceress lady appeared, holding her staff of power. (Amazoness Paladin: 1700 - 1800 Attack Points)  
"What's with her power level?" Bastion gulped.  
"She gains 100 Attack Points for every other Amazon monster on the field, since that's her effect," Tanya explained.  
"Aw damn it!" Piggybank groaned loudly.  
"I guess that's all I can do, then," Bastion sighed, wiping his forehead.  
"Um, you can set that card in my mouth," Omega-Xis said, wiggling around one of the cards in his mouth in order to be noticed.  
"BAST-YUUUUUUUN, DON'T BE A JERK!" Piggybank screamed!  
"Men aren't supposed to crave getting laid until they're in College™!" Syrus said. "Before then it's just really immature and frowned upon!"  
"Really?" Bastion asked.  
"As a matter of fact, yeah."  
"Oh. Well, I still end my turn."  
"BASTION!"

"Well, I hope that by now you've really realized where you are in this game," Tanya said like a real narrator. "You're behind in Life Points, you've lost your field advantage, and it's my turn! I'll end this game in three turns or less!"  
"Less talky more duel-y!" Jaden heckled. "I didn't PAY to watch THIS!"  
"You paid?" Banner asked.  
"Not really, I'm just jivin'. But I am bored."

_Wait,_ Bastion thought, _What am I doing? Aren't I dueling for the sake of the free world here? Damn, I forgot, all thanks to her boobs! I'll show her! I'll show her why you don't try to distract me… IN A DUEL!__  
__There he goes again,_ Omega-Xis thought.  
"Miss Tanya," Bastion said, "I do believe you're trying to distract me."  
"What?" Tanya asked. "Whatever do you mean?"  
"You've told me that winning means that I get to do things which I'm not at leisure to explain."  
"Yeah, so?"  
"YOU'RE ONLY DOING THAT TO CATCH ME OFF-GUARD, TO DISTRACT ME IN THIS DUEL!" Bastion shouted!  
"Actually, you may be onto something," Omega-Xis supposed.  
"Who cares, you already agreed to the terms, and I don't have any time for bribing or adoption! I summon the Amazoness Chain Master!" A lady with cool hair and blue tigery clothing leaped onto the field, holding her really long chain spearing device. (Amazoness Chain Master: 1500 Attack Points, Amozoness Paladin: 1800 - 1900 Attack Points) "Now, Amazoness Paladin, attack his Hydrogeddon!" Tanya ordered. The paladin lady fired out a cool holographic star at Hydrogeddon, blowing it up. (Bastion: 3600 Life Points) "Next, Chain Master, attack!" The chain-user threw her chain stabbing weapon at Hydrogeddon. It bounced off of its watery hide, doing nothing. (Tanya: 3900 Life Points)

"THAT was dumb," Jaden insisted.  
"No it wasn't."  
"Yes it was, yo! Now shut up!"  
"I SAID it wasn't; when Amazoness Chain Master is destroyed, I can add one card from my opponent's hand into my own by paying 1500 Life Points," Tanya stated, "and I'll be taking that one card your hand was talking about earlier, kid." (Tanya: 2400 Life Points) The Amazoness Chain Master threw her chain at one of the cards in Bastion's hand and, satisfied, detonated. (Amazoness Paladin: 1900 - 1800 Attack Points)  
"Ugh, I told you ya' shoulda' set that one," Omega-Xis grimaced, throwing the card over like a bent-up Frisbee. Tanya caught it and stared at it for a moment.  
_Ugh, why's it so bent up like this? That boy needs to take better care of his cards._ "Thanks for the Ring of Destruction," she thanked with a wink.  
"Aw man, not THAT card!" Syrus cried! "Now she's gonna blow up a monster and win! But first she needs to have more Life Points than you, Bastion, so you're okay."  
"I know that already! And don't think I'm trying to lose anymore, so don't make any more jabs about that, either!"  
"Yay!" Piggybank cheered, as if everything was really okay…

[.com/watch?v=7WWUGeD5Hj0&feature=related]"So I'll set that card and two others, and I'll call that my turn," Tanya finished.  
"Then I'll summon Oxygeddon!" Bastion said, summoning Oxygeddon. "Then I activate Bonding – H2O!" The three cards began combining together!  
"What? What does that do?" Tanya asked.  
"It just allows me to summon a monster called Water Dragon!" The three-dinosaur combo quickly turned into the cool guy that we all know and love. They became a tremendously large and long dragon creature formed from water, flicking its tail around like a hungry snake eying its next snack.  
"HYAGOOOOOON!" it roared! (Water Dragon: 2800 Attack Points)  
"Oh, how threatening," Tanya chuckled.  
"Yes it is," Bastion assured, "and now it'll be attacking your Paladin!" The Water Dragon spat out a large wad of water at the Paladin lady!

"Sorry, but I'm using the card Zero Sprite," Tanya said, activating one of her Traps. Showing a gorilla encased in a large blue aura, it caused an identical aura to surround her Amazoness Paladin. "This Trap card decreases the Attack Points of one of my monsters to 0."  
"Why do you want to do THAT?" Bastion wondered, as the large water projectile ball simply hung in the air, waiting for the chance to hit something.  
"Because I activate my NEXT card, Dramatic Rescue!" Her next Trap card had some lady attached to a tree, whose captors were racing toward, as one lone arm reached out for her from the picture's borders… "Because my Zero Sprite card affects one of my monsters, I can simply substitute them with an Amazoness in my hand," Tanya expressed. "I'll be equipping Zero Sprite to my Amazoness Swords Woman!" The Amazoness Paladin disappeared in a smoky poof of smoke, replaced by the one woman from before, who took on the blue aura herself. (Amazoness Swords Woman: 0 Attack Points)

"Oh crap, Water Dragon, don't attack her! DON'T!" Omega-Xis and Bastion screamed together!  
"You already declared your attack!" Tanya laughed! "I win, a-ha ha ha ha!" The water hit Amazoness Swords Woman hard enough to send her sword flying into Bastion's right shoulder, spraying blood out in a dangerous manner!  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Bastion screamed! (Bastion: 800 Life Points)  
"This IS a Shadow Game, remember!" Syrus screamed! "Bastion, you hafta' get outta there, now!"  
"No, Syrus," Banner said solemnly, "once you enter a Shadow Game, you cannot leave until it is over."  
"So we can't do anything?" Koala Ko Ala worried.  
"DAMN IT, LADY!" Jaden and Piggybank leaped out from their seats and rammed into the duel pit, where they smashed into some sort of dueling barrier of some sort.  
"THE HELL IS THIS?" Jaden asked loudly.  
"He told ya' that you can't stop this duel," Tanya said, "so just go away! I'm busy now!"  
"EFF THAT!" Piggybank shouted! She and Jaden gave the barrier one big smashing punch and blew in into smithereens!

Not really, they just hurt their hands. "Owwwwww…" Jaden cried.  
"This sucks! Let us in!" Piggybank went on.  
_Isn't this just like Duel Island?_ Syrus remembered. He envisioned that weird darkness dome that encased Chazz and Yuki during their final duel. _What's up with all these connections, here?_  
"Now, it's my turn!" Tanya announced, drawing one last card. "I summon Amazoness Blowpiper!" A small-yet-physically fit lady with cool hair leaped out onto the field, holding her blowpipe close to her chest. (Amazoness Blowpiper: 800 Attack Points)  
"Crap!" Omega-Xis cried!  
"This is it!" Bastion whimpered.  
"I activate your Ring of Destruction card and tribute my Amazoness Blowpiper!" The magic grenade ring of truth appeared around the pipe lady's neck and detonated with a fiery explosion. (Tanya: 1600 Life Points, Bastion: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

Tanya emerged unharmed, but Bastion was covered in explosive smudges of smoke. "Koff koff," he wheezed, "ugh, losing sucks…"  
"Bastion, buddy, hang on!" Omega-Xis cried! "Come on, stay up!" Bastion wiggled a bit until he fell on his face.  
[.com/watch?v=Q_439qLQzHs&feature=related]"That went perfectly!" Tanya giggled! "Okay, everyone, show's over, go home." She lifted Bastion onto her shoulder and began walking away.  
"WAITWAITWAITWOAHWOAHWOAH!" Omega-Xis screamed! "What're you doing? Are you going to do… that stuff to him while he's unconscious? AND I'M NOT?"  
"Yeah, that blood loss'll make sure he's out for… around seven hours," Tanya guessed.  
"Oh crap, that's not good," Jaden gulped. "Rape is no joke, people! Someone get me a combat knife!"  
"Gimmee that." Piggybank tore the Spirit Key right off of Jaden's neck.  
"Ow."

The pig-eared girl ran up to Tanya and drop-kicked her in the back. "Ow, what's your problem?" Tanya asked forcefully.  
"If you won't give me back Bastion, then I'll wager this Spirit Key in order to try and get him AND his key back!" Piggybank bet.  
"Oh yeah, I forgot that was what I came here for…" Tanya picked up a large candle and set it on the ground, then lit it. "Alright, this large candle will be burning for around five hours. If you come back then, I'll accept your rematch and duel you for your boyfriend."  
"He's not her boyfriend!" Omega-Xis shouted! Everybody gave him an odd glance. "What, she isn't. What're you guys implying?"  
"… Ignoring that, now get out of here, I've got to tidy up a bit in here." Tanya snapped her fingers, summoning her cool tiger replacement tiger, which freaked everybody out of the arena in a large stampede.

"Damn it, we lost Bastion," Jaden grumbled, disappointed.  
"Well, don't worry, Piggybank'll win him back, judging by this show's plotline!" Banner insisted, still holding Garfield.  
"What happened to Piggybank, anyways?" Koala Ko Ala wondered, rolling with them like a dangerous boulder. "Shouldn't she be running with us?"  
"Hmm," Syrus thought, "good point."

"WHAAAAAAAT? MY PROTÉGÉ BASTION LOST!" Crowler shrieked, running alongside Piggybank in the crowd!  
"Yeah, and I'm going to win him back, as I just told you!" Piggybank promised! "I'm dueling for love!" A random boy bumped into her as he ran by. "DIE!" Piggybank threw a nickel at him.  
"WAGH, NICKEL!" the boy cried, as he tripped and fell, trampled by the horde of stupid people behind him.

"Back to our current conversation," Crowler sighed, "you've never been recorded dueling at Duel Academy."  
"But I DO duel, sometimes!"  
"Oh please. You have a C average overall, because in Duel Class and Rulebook Demonstration Explanation Class you do nothing but stare at and drool on Misawa."  
"But he's awesome!" Piggybank said. "He was the first person to ever imply that they loved me…"

Piggybank was an unremarkable child, except for the whole ear and slot-head thing.

_She grew up in a household with a very remarkable older sister, whom was showered with affection by their parents.__  
__"Bunnyear's great!" they said. "Just look at her, she has bunny ears AND a television screen on her stomach! Isn't that incredible?"__  
__"Yeah," Bunnyear said, "look! It REALLY WORKS!" __  
_'Aaaaand it's gonna be a real scorcher out there, folks, as temperatures around the tri-state area are gonna be heatin' up! The low's gonna be somewhere around 69 degrees, and the high MAY fluctuate up to 120 degrees, thanks to that ozone hole right above the city, so this may be our warmest December yet!'

_Nobody really cared much for Piggybank; her family was always watching the television in her sister's belly. She had to do everything for herself, like wash her clothes, fix her meals, and even buy her own school supplies, ever since she stopped being a baby and cute and everything, losing her parents' interest. All of those hardships all played their part in strengthening young Piggybank to levels unseen before in pig-eared children, somehow, for some reason._

_And then came school! All the children made fun of her.__  
__"Heh, your ears are like PIG ears!"__  
__"Hey, do you eat bacon?"__  
__"Your ears are like pig EARS!"__  
__"Why's there money in your head?"__  
__"Heh, you're just a PIGGYBANK! Wait, that's not funny, it's your name…"__  
__"Your EARS are like PIG EARS!"__  
__"Hey, her ears are pig ears. And she's got a bank slot in her head. OH, __THAT'S__ why she's named __PIGGYBANK__! Your parents must be real jerks."_

_Naturally, she abused her unnatural strength and beat the kids up. This resulted in several parent-teacher conferences on the subject, and yet, her parents were too busy watching their eldest daughter's televisionbelly, so Piggybank improvised with person-shaped cardboard cut-outs, colored in with crayon. Surprisingly, they worked. This meant that she faced absolutely NO negative punishments, and no punishment means one bad/ignored/spoiled/loner child._

_But the teasing really hurt her. Couldn't she just go away somewhere, to get away from it all? Someplace where bullies wouldn't go, for fear of being labeled 'losers'? The answer came in the form of a commercial she overheard one night during a 'Wednesday steak n' ice cream sundae dinner'. _'Hey, duelists,'_ Kaiba ordered, _'come to my Duel Monsters school because I told you to! While there, you can humiliate your card-playing friends and live on a volcanic island! And if that isn't extreme enough for you idiots, you can kill other students without any form of punishment or consequences! I'm not asking for YOU to come to MY school, YOU need to grovel and plead, prostrate before me, maggots! I OWE YOU NOTHING! Entrance exams take place tomorrow at any town that matters, and I know how much YOU wanna go. So come on down to Kaibaland Duel Academy. 'Where a kid can have fun.''_ He ended the promo with a sickening half-assed smile._

[.com/watch?v=O5Rplvp2Dso]_That was all Piggybank needed to hear.__ A boarding school for card-playing nerds? Where she could kill the few that would make witty quips about her freakish biology? Sign her up! So she calmly walked up into her parents' bedroom, took a golden watch and diamond band, walked over to the nearest 'WE BUY YOUR GOLD' building and sold them for cash, bought some weird-kid-off-the-street's Duel Monsters deck and bought a subway ticket down to the nearest town where entrance exams were taking place.__  
_

_"Hey baby, wanna go out sometime?" asked a certain boy. Piggybank stared at him in disbelief.__  
__"Oh, uh, I don't… know what to say…" she stuttered out, blushing and looking away. This was the first time she'd ever been shown any actual love! Or so she'd thought, since she didn't realize how bland and un-serious the boy sounded. And at that point in time she decided that she was going to love him, no matter how twisted and demented her idea of love was. This marked the birth of the Baseball Wreckers Gang, circa Episode Eleven._

"And that, Dr. Crowler, is why I need to go back there and duel for the first time since stepping onto this island in order to save my man!"  
"I'm sorry, but you lost me at the part with the rabbit-eared girl," Crowler said. "Why did the parents always watch her TV when they probably had a great one in their den?"  
"… I don't know… but I don't care! It's time for me to do something!"  
"Maybe SHE was their den," another random kid suggested.  
"Okay."

COMMENTARY

Yes. Yes, Bastion's hand is Omega-Xis, to go with the Cuts and Gut pair (which were, ironically, possibly, inspired by Cuts Man who was in an episode of Captain N The game Master, if I'm not mistaken). Don't expect anything to happen to him. And yes, Tanya is lame. She's pretty stupid, for a powerful-looking woman character… which is screwed up by the original execution. She IRKS me!

So we get to see Piggybank explain herself. I'm sure it answered everything except for why she had pig ears and a slot in her head. Or why her sister had rabbit ears and a television screen in her belly. Or how she got no parenting as a child. Or why it was a good idea to join this school in the first place. Or… screw it, fill in the blanks for yourself! I just wanted to make a nonsensical backstory.

Either way, Piggybank will duel in the next episode. Watch out, it's gonna be Sue-ish, though you can pretty much win any duel as long as you have a good deck! Wahahaahhaaaa… extra dimension.


	41. Episode 41: Dueling Distractions Pt Two

_PREVIOUSLY YO ON YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC YO!_

_"I'm Tanya, the third of the Seven Stars, and I'm also an Amazon just because. Also I was forcing all of these people to build this coliseum because I had nothing better to do."_  
_"She just asked us to do it and we figured, 'Maybe we DO need a hobby besides trading cards,'" one student said, confirming her words._

_"So, because I AM an Amazon, and I hate all men, which one of you boys am I dueling for a key?" Tanya asked._  
_"Me?" Jaden suggested._  
_"No, for I must conquer my fear of rejection!" Bastion shouted!_  
_"NO… I WILL FIGHT YOU FOR THE LOVE OF MY MAN!" Piggybank shouted, pushing Bastion and Jaden out of her way._  
_"Um, excuse me, girl, but are you REALLY sure that's what you should be doing in this situation?" Tanya asked._  
_"Wh-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M FIGHTING FOR LOVE!"_  
_"She's right," Omega-Xis said, "You're acting really stupid for a boy who doesn't really care about you all that much. Why can't you just be cool like that Nancy Wut lady?"_  
_"SHE has personality," Syrus agreed._  
_"Oh, and Alexis is great, too," Chazz mentioned._  
_"But… but… it's who I AM!" Piggybank screamed! "I can't help it!"_

_"Now if the peanut gallery would please shut up," Tanya irritatedly growled, "I have ANOTHER announcement before the duel begins."_  
_"What is it?" Bastion asked._  
_"Well, because the Amazons historically ARE a tribe of women and have to periodically go out and find men in order to reproduce and carry on their bloodline…"_  
_"I can see where this is going," Syrus cringed._  
_"Where?" Koala Ko Ala asked. "Y'mean—"_  
_"If I defeat Bastion, then he must help me bear my child if he loses!" Tanya announced! Everybody in the area at that time drank a large cup of water just to spit it out loudy._

_"Oh crap, Water Dragon, don't attack her! DON'T!" Omega-Xis and Bastion screamed together!_  
_"You already declared your attack!" Tanya laughed! "I win, a-ha ha ha ha!" The water hit Amazoness Swords Woman hard enough to send her sword flying into Bastion's right shoulder, spraying blood out in a dangerous manner!_  
_"WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Bastion screamed!_

_"WHAAAAAAAT? MY PROTÉGÉ BASTION LOST!" Crowler shrieked!_  
_"Yeah, and I'm going to win him back, as I just told you!" Piggybank promised! "I'm dueling for love!"_

_"And that, Dr. Crowler, is why I need to go back there and duel for the first time since stepping onto this island in order to save my man!"_  
_"I'm sorry, but you lost me at the part with the rabbit-eared girl," Crowler said. "Why did the parents always watch her TV when they probably had a great one in their den?"_  
_"… I don't know… but I don't care! It's time for me to do something!"_  
_"Okay."_

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 41: Duel Distractions – Part Two

Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala and Banner were all standing by the entrance of the giant random coliseum, around sunset-time. "Ugh, what's TAKIN' Piggybank so long? Jaden cried, tired of waiting.  
"Maybe she's doing girly stuff," Koala Ko Ala thought, "like… emptying the change from her head." [.com/watch?v=TzFl6sWHmXI&feature=related]Suddenly there was a large explosion, knocking Koala Ko Ala into the air!  
"KOALA KO ALAAAAA!" Syrus cried!  
"This means Piggybank's back!" Banner reasoned!  
"That's right," Piggybank said, walking through the smoke with a Duel Disk. Following her were Fluffy Fred and Baseball Bob.  
"My chest is bandaged!" Fluffy Fred said, showing off his chest bandages!  
"And I learned what I accidentally insisted on earlier!" Baseball Bob said, now much wiser than before!  
"Well I guess they're a good replacement for Mann McOldsmobile and the robots for today," Jaden shrugged.  
"They fell off a cliff! Of COURSE they're not okay!" Syrus said. "Also, WHERE IS KOALA?"  
"I've fallen off of that thing LOTSA times," Jaden recalled.  
"True…" Koala Ko Ala fell from the sky right next to the group.  
"I'm back!" he said, climbing to his feet.

"So now we're all here and ready to duel for Bastion and that one Spirit Key," Banner said, "and we FINALLY get to see one of the side characters duel!"  
"It's happened before," Syrus insisted.  
"Well I didn't get to see it! Was I featured in the fourth episode? No!"  
"SHUT UP!" Piggybank shouted! Everybody turned to her. "Now let's go." She calmly led the group into the coliseum and toward certain duelage. Within were Tanya and a box. And a nearly-melted candle.

"Why hello, everybody," Tanya greeted, pointing to her large, nearly-melted candle, "you've made it just in time! So, what was the agreement again?"  
"I'm dueling you, the skank," Piggybank recalled, "and if I win, I get your Spirit Key and my Bastion. If I lose, then you keep Bastion and Jaden's Spirit Key."  
"Sorry, dear, but there's going to be a bit of a change here." Tanya kicked the box a few times. "See, I put Bastion into this easy-to-carry box. If I win, I don't just want a Spirit Key; I also want to add another man to my man-box!" Tanya looked at Jaden.  
"_PLEASE HELP ME!_" Omega-Xis cried, muffled by the box's box attributes.  
"Crap, Bastion!" Baseball Bob and Syrus cried!  
"BOOOOOSS!" Fluffy Fred screamed!  
"And Omega-Xis!" Koala Ko Ala added.  
"How COULD you put him in a box! I won't STAND for this!" Piggybank roared!  
"WHAAAAAAAA? YOU'RE BETTING MEEEEEEEEEE?" Jaden sobbed.  
"Of course, I don't want anybody to crush Bastion, and nobody wants Syrus."  
"Hey!" Syrus said.  
"I WON'T let you keep my Bastion in a small box!" Piggybank vowed! "Come on, let's duel!"  
"Alright then," Tanya said, turning on her Duel Disk, "but this time I won't give you the liberty of choosing my deck. I'm using MY POWER DECK tonight!" She smashed a deck into her Duel Disk and got into her SERIOUS pose!

[.com/watch?v=pk1YWlE396Q]"DUEL!" (Tanya: 4000 Life Points, Piggybank: 4000 Life Points)  
"I'm going first, and I'm setting one card face-down!" Piggybank announced, setting down a monster.  
"GO, PIGGYBANK, FOR THE PRIDE OF BASTIOOOOOOOOOOON!" Fluffy Fred screamed!  
"And me, too!" Jaden cried. He buried his face in Banner's stomach. "I need a hug…"  
"Uh, Jaden, get off of me before I kill you."

"Well then, I'll start out by playing Amazoness Village!" Tanya announced! Some trees and straw huts appeared around the coliseum. "This Field Spell gives all of my Amazonesses two-hundred extra Attack Points, and when one of them is sent to the Graveyard I can summon another one of the same level to the field."  
"Fine by me," Piggybank said, understanding.  
"Next I'll summon the Amazoness Trainer!" A young lady with a chain-based stabbing weapon and blue tiger print clothing appeared. (Amazoness Trainer: 1500 - 1700 Attack Points) "Attack her monster, with your Chain Stabber!" The girl threw her weapon, spearing through the monster, revealing it as a weird shiny sphere of some sort. She swung the orb around on her chain until it flew off and into Piggybank's Duel Disk. (Amazoness Trainer: 1700 - 1900 Attack Points)

"Now you see, when my Trainer destroys a monster by battle, it gets placed at the bottom of your deck and she gains 200 more Attack Points," Tanya explained. "I'll now set a card and end my turn." She set a Trap card named Amazoness Archers.  
"Come on, Piggybank!" Baseball Bob cheered! "You can… uh, win!"  
"I know, you don't have to tell me!" Piggybank growled. "I activate Valhalla, Hall of the Fallen!" A cool Romanesque temple appeared in the middle of the Amazonian village. "It allows me to Special Summon any Fairy-type card from my hand when I don't control any monsters!"  
"Heh, I think I know what kind of deck she's using here," Banner smirked.  
"A Fairy deck?" Syrus guessed.  
"No, you stupid student, pay more attention!"  
"Aw."  
"I Special Summon the Agent of Creation – Venus!" A cool golden winged lady appeared, somehow levitating three azure, crimson, and mauve orbs around herself. (Venus: 1600 Attack Points) "Next I'll use her ability: I pay 1500 Life Points to summon three 'Mystical Shine Balls' from my deck!" Three copies of the thing Tanya forced back into Piggybank's deck earlier appeared around the Venus lady. (Mystical Shine Ball: 500 Attack Points, Piggybank: 2500 Life Points) "Then I'll tribute one of my Mystical Shine Balls to summon The Agent of Judgment – Saturn!" One of the cool orbs cracked open, releasing a flood of light, and then a blue winged man in some regal-looking robes. (Saturn: 2400 Attack Points)

_Oh, looks like she's an alright Duelist,_ Tanya decided. _I can still get out of this situation, though. I'll just use my Amazoness Archers, weakening all of her monsters by 500 points, which means she'll likely try to attack with her Saturn to kill my Trainer AND itself. Then with my Amazoness Village, I'll summon another monster with more Attack than the others have and use her to absorb all of her monster's attacks, leaving her field open for a direct assault next turn._  
"Now before I attack, I'll use two more cards: Supremacy Berry and Sanctuary in the Sky!" A cool dove flew by, dropping a berry into Piggybank's hand. "Owm!" she snacked. (Piggybank: 4500 Life Points)  
"And that card does…?"  
"If I have lower Life Points than you, I can gain 2000 Life Points," Piggybank stated.  
"OH YEAH, LIFE POINTS ADVANTAGE!" Fluffy Fred and Koala Ko Ala screamed!  
"Then my Sanctuary in the Sky takes the place of your Field Spell, and I take no damage from any battles involving Fairy monsters!" The village suddenly turned into a really big floating temple hanging above everyone's heads. (Amazoness Trainer: 1900 - 1700 Attack Points)  
"Aw, no!" Tanya sighed. "This isn't going to end well."  
"Attack, Agent of Judgment! Judgment of Space!" Piggybank commanded! The envoy of Saturn's eyes flashed, summoning a large stream of dust, ice and stones from the sky in a wide arc, smashing into the trainer girl!

"I activate the Trap card: Amazoness Archers!" Tanya announced in a last-ditch effort! Her face-down card disappeared, releasing a shower of arrows from the sky! They all hit each of Piggybank's monsters at least once each. (Venus: 1100 Attack Points, Mystical Shine Ball: 0 Attack Points, Saturn: 1900 Attack Points) "Now all of your monster lose 500 Attack Points and have to attack me."  
"So? Continue!" Saturn's attack smashed the Amazoness gal into oblivion by ripping her body to shreds. (Tanya: 3800 Life Points)  
"Now Venus, Shine Balls!"  
"Please stop saying 'balls', it makes me uncomfortable."  
"Shut up, Syrus!"  
"Since when did I become the team punching-bag, anyways?"  
"I forget! Attack with Judgment of Light!" The three spheres got into a formation around Venus, along with her own multi-colored orbs in a wide circle pattern. Venus held out her arms palms-first, making all the spheres release large rays of rainbow-colored light! They hit their mark.  
"Uuugh," Tanya groaned, her skin singed slightly. (Tanya: 2900 Life Points)  
"Care to try and out-do me now?" Piggybank invited.

"Don't try me, you're just a side-character invented for no reason!" Tanya growled. "I set another two cards face-down and summon Amazoness Sage." A woman wearing a shroud with cool indigo hair appeared, holding a neat staff. (Amazoness Sage: 1400 Attack Points) "I'll attack with her and destroy your Venus, activating her effect: to destroy one of your Spells or Traps at the end of the Damage Step! And I believe I'll be choosing your Field Spell, hmm hmm hmm." The sage woman ran toward the woman and hit her in the head with her staff. The golden angel woman exploded! Then the giant sanctuary above the duel began breaking apart, dropping large stones down onto the field and audience.  
"AAAAAAH, WATCH OUT!" Koala Ko Ala screamed!  
"It's only holographic!" Banner insisted, getting hit in the head and fainting.  
"SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING, IT'S A SHADOW DUEL, SO WE'RE LITERALLY GOING TO DIE AND STUFF, YO!" Jaden screamed!  
"I almost forgot about that," Piggybank shrugged. "I'll discard Herald of Orange Light and The Agent of Force – Mars from my hand in order to negate the Sage's effect and kill her!" A cool orange crystal sprite thing floated down from the sky and landed onto the Amazoness Sage's shoulder.  
"Huh? Aw," she coddled, "it's so cu—" She exploded along with it, leaving the floating temple safe.  
"Damn, you really ARE good," Tanya gasped.  
"Tell me why we can't have a main character like her," Syrus asked.

"My turn!" Piggybank cheered!  
"YEAH, WIN THE GAME YEAAAAAH!"  
"Quiet, Fred! You're ruining my scene with your ugly! I summon The Agent of Wisdom – Mercury!" A blue-green angel man with no hair appeared with a cool tablet. (Mercury: 0 Attack Points) "Since I have no cards in my hand, I'll just attack with Saturn! Go!" The giant rig of ice debris began falling from the sky again.  
"No you won't, because I activate Negate Attack!" The first of the stones clashed with a purple barrier of some sort, dissolving all the spacestuff. "Your Battle Phase is over now."  
_Aw damn it, that was a waste,_ Piggybank complained. _I should've just used Saturn's effect instead of attacking; it would've been more useful…_ "I'll just end my turn now."

"Then I'll play the card Monster Reborn!" Tanya announced, as her Amazoness Trainer rose onto the field again! "Next I'll sacrifice my Trainer for Amazoness Queen!" The trainer faded away into sparkles and was replaced by a blue-haired woman with a skull eyepatch, a red cape, and a massive (think three-times the size of her body) one-handed sword. She came with a fashionable throne. (Amazoness Queen: 2600 Attack Points) "Destroy her Agent of Judgment!" The queen lifted and threw her large sword at Saturn's face, cutting right through, spraying blood and brains all over the place. An Amazonian subordinate ran up to her majesty and handed her a new sword, after much heaving.  
"Well THAT was violent," Baseball Bob gulped.  
"Next I'll activate my face-down: Queen's Selection!" Tanya's card featured the Amazoness Queen ordering the Amazoness Trainer out to battle. "Because I destroyed a monster by battle, now I can summon another Amazon from my deck!" The Amazoness Queen snapped her fingers, summoning a giant Bengal Tiger to the field! (Amazoness Tiger: 1100 - 1900 Attack Points)  
"What's the dilly-o with that card?" Jaden asked in a hip fashion.  
"My Amazoness Tiger gains 400 Attack Points for every Amazoness on the field, and she's the only monster you're allowed to attack from now on!" Tanya explained. "Now my replacement tigeress, maul her Shine Ball!"  
"GRAWOR!" The tigress leaped onto one of the two remaining Mystical Shine Balls and began biting into it and ripping it apart! Blood flowed freely everywhere, as if it were an angel from Neon Genesis Evangelion.  
"ARGH, THE MEMORIES ARE COMING BACK!" Syrus screamed, clutching his head.

So the tiger killed the ball and walked back to Tanya's side of the field. "I think I'll call that a turn," Tanya reckoned. AND YET AGENT OF WISDOM – MERCURY GLOWED! "Now what's with him?"  
"When I have no cards in my hand during your End Phase, he lets me draw an extra card on my Standby Phase," Piggybank said, drawing two cards.  
"YEAH, DO SOMETHING COOL!" Fluffy Fred screamed!  
"SHUT IT ALREADY! I'll Tribute my two monsters to summon Guardian Angel – Joan!" Piggybank announced, bringing a blonde lady martyr onto the field. That was a bad description. (Joan: 2800 Attack Points) "Whenever she destroys a monster I can gain Life Points equal to the Attack Points of the killed monster! I'm looking at a cool 1900 right here, so go on! Brilliant Revenge!" Joan's eyes turned green.

The Amazoness Tiger was suddenly wrapped up in random ropes. "Gar?" she gasped. The ropes pulled the tiger's legs apart as she was magically pushed against a large wooden pillar that had appeared right then and there. Now stuck to the pillar, a roaring fire started up the stake!  
"BWAHAHAHAHA!" Joan laughed! "BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" I hope you get the historical reference. By the end of the attack, the tigeress was a charred mess, barely recognizable anymore. (Tanya: 2000 Life Points)  
"Hm?" The Amazoness Queen glared at what was left of the tiger. This really spooked her out, so she decided to come back to life rather than face her anger.  
"What? Why's she still here?"Piggybank asked.  
"CHEATER!" Fluffy Fred accused.  
"Not a cheater! My Amazoness Queen's ability prevents any Amazoness monsters from being destroyed by battle, which makes your Joan's ability useless."  
"Well fine, I'll end my turn," Piggybank huffed.  
"Then I'll activate the Spell card Amazoness Fighting Spirit!" Tanya announced! A Spell card appeared, showing an Amazoness Fighter lady going Super Saiyan (citation needed). "Now as long as this card is active on the field, when an Amazoness attacks a stronger monster, she gains 1000 Attack Points for the battle!"  
"Hey lady, I have that card too!" Jaden called. "Y'know, it's called SKYSCRAPER."  
"You shut up until later! My Tiger will now kill your Guardian Angel – Joan!" Tanya yelled! (Amazoness Tiger: 1900 - 2900 Attack Points) The tiger leaped onto the guardian angel and began to rip her to shreds. Pieces of limp flesh were showered upon the audience.  
"Ew!" the audience cried.

"WAIT!" Bob yelled. "Piggybank's got no monsters! She's defenseless!"  
_Oh crap,_ Piggybank realized.  
"Amazoness Queen, stab her!" Tanya ordered! The Amazoness Queen tossed her second sword at Piggybank!  
"PIGGYBANK!"  
(Piggybank: 1900 Life Points)

The sword hit Piggybank in the head. The blow knocked her limp body onto the ground. "… Pig… Piggybank?" Baseball Bob whispered.  
"Aw man. Did she really just… die?" Syrus muttered.  
"Oh no oh no oh no," Jaden repeated. "This can't be happening."  
"That's because it's NOT!" Piggybank roared, pulling the blade from her forehead! She showed it to the group, revealing that the blade had been flattened against her rock-hard head![/url]  
"PIGGEHBAAAAAANK!" Fluffy Fred shrieked with glee!  
"Th-that's impossible!" Tanya gasped! "How could you live through that?"  
"It's because… I'M LIVING FOR LOVE! I WILL NOT LET YOU KILL ME BEFORE I SAVE MY FUTURE HUSBAND!" Piggybank shouted!  
___[.com/watch?v=0wcNUlvR6fU&feature=related]__The power of love DOES exist!_ Koala Ko Ala learned.  
"It's time for me to win, for I tire of your antics, lady!" Piggybank furiously drew her card. "I play another Supremacy Berry!" Another dove cruised by and dropped another berry into her mouth. "Mmm, that's some good berry." (Piggybank: 2900 Life Points)

"How long were you saving that?" Tanya asked curiousy.  
"Long enough. Now I play Pot of Greed!" Piggybank got a cool ugly pot, which she crushed with her own hands. She tore two cards from the top of her deck. "Now I can play Hall of Valhalla again to summon Athena!" A really cool woman in a silken white toga with matching magic spear-shield-and-helmet combo appeared. (Athena: 2600 Attack Points) "Next I'll tribute Athena to summon another Angent of Judgment – Saturn!" Athena began to fade away, but as she did, her spear fired a magic laser from its tip! "This means that Athena's ability activates! I can deal six-hundred damage to your Life Points by summoning a Fairy!" Athena's spear laser struck Tanya's arm.  
"Ngh," she growled. (Tanya: 1400 Life Points)  
"Now the difference in our Life Points is… 1500, right?" Piggybank checked. "Yep, then it's time. I activate Saturn's ability: by tributing him, I can deal the difference in our life as damage to you!"  
"Oh crap," Tanya gasped, "You don't mean that…"  
"JUDGMENT!" Piggybank shrieked! Saturn held his arms above his body and looked toward the heavens. His traditional debris storm began raining down toward Tanya.  
"ALL I WANTED WAS TO HAVE A BABY AND DESTROY THE WOOOOOORLD!" Tanya's body was ripped apart and carried into outer space by Saturn's attack. The end. (Tanya: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"WOOOOOT!" Bastion cheered, bursting out of the box he was in! "You saved me from being raped in my sleep!"  
"Oh, Bastion!" Piggybank squeed! "You're alright!"  
"I almost wasn't myself," Omega-Xis sighed. "So many things could've gone wrong…"  
"BUT THEY DIDN'T!" Fluffy Fred screeched, happily leaping into the fray with Baseball Bob!  
"Woah!" Baseball Bob cried.

As the Bastion Baseball Wreckers Gang celebrated Piggybank's win, Jaden let out a massive sigh. "Wooooah, that was too frickin' close, yo…"  
"Well, at least you made it out alright," Syrus noted.  
"It was really exciting, though, seeing that woman get blown to pieces after trying to ruin your guys' lives," Koala Ko Ala sighed. "Ah, it's always great to see the good guys win…"  
"Although she didn't NEED to get ripped into little pieces," Banner noted, sitting upright again, with a a large piece of rubble on his head. "Though it is a shame that we never found out where this bag came from," Banner sighed, holding up the mystery duffle bag from earlier.  
"Who cares? Hey, where's Mann McOldsmobile?" Jaden wondered randomly.

"I WOOOOOOOON!" Piggybank screamed to the moon, holding the two Spirit Keys of the day up in her fist.

Meanwhile, Mann McOldsmobile, Cuts Man and Gut Man had finally washed ashore from the sea. "Woah guys, where are we?" Mann McOldsmobile asked, dripping wet.  
"… I don't know," Gut Man sighed sadly as he looked up at the sandy dunes, rainforest flora and playful penguins flying around in front of them.  
"Cuts cuts cuts! Look, flying penguins!"

COMMENTARY

Yeah, this one wasn't too special. I just had Piggybank doing stereotypical Piggybank stuff, getting a theme song (Miku Miku ni Shite Ageru) and playing with a deck better than the ones that came with the show. Ah, yeah, I'm not too happy with this one. But what COULD I have done? Maybe I could have, instead of sacrificing humor for a good incomprehensible duel, put more comedy emphasis? I still need to work on it, but as of episode 55 (the one I'm on now) I've tried to improve by making every single turn overtly awesome.

So, I guess there's not much to say here now, except just say some stuff about the future of the story so that you can't say I came up with it as I went. So, let us begin the SPOILERS corner! Well, let's start off with Spoiler #1: A Mary Sue. Yes, I'm purposely throwing a Mary Sue into Season Two. Whether or not I've already made several characters one or not means I'm not making everybody equally awesome yet. But this character will PURPOSELY be on another plane, allowing me to set HER up and brutally subvert it all later on. So it's an experiment. Let's name it the S. experiment for now. It'll make sense in eighteen weeks. So yeah, I'm gonna try and use all I know about Mary Sues to make this character, and I really am interested to see how irritated people will get with her, if not attached. Oh ho ho, this original character S. project will be such fun… for me… and maybe two other people… but then again, only two people read this thing, so maybe ½ people will think she's cool… Me, I'm torn.

A more random note, I was completely overtaken with hilarity once I learned that they were making a True Six Samurai archetype. My gosh, she'll be TOO powerful, just as planned… muhuhaha…


	42. Episode 42: The Black Scorpions

Inside of a cave, there were several figures speaking under the light of a single candle. "We've been waitin' for this day a long time," a guy with a hammer sighed, "and now it's finally here."

"I know," a man said, wiping his black sword with a rag, "I can't believe the boss's actually comin'."

"Of COURSE he's coming," the token female group member insisted with a pout. "The pieces are finally in place."  
"They WILL be once we enact the plan in place," a guy with shiny, reflective eyes and a pointy chin said. They all held their weapons together (though the lady held up one of her boot-covered legs and the shiny-eye man held out his teeth) and shouted, "THE POWER IS OUR!"

A cool boat was cruisin' on down the ocean with an important passenger. "Hey, Mr. Detective," the boat-driving specialist said, "we're gettin' real close to Duel Island now, you 'kin tell by the active volcano." Ahead was the island adorned with the ever-smoking volcano. "Boy, I wonder when it's gonna erupt? I don't wanna go to THAT island; are you SURE you know that you're going to an island with an active volcano?"

"Well then, let's get crackin'," said a mysterious white-haired boy.

"Hey, did you listen to me?"

"No."

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 42: Big House

As a new guitar solo began on Duel Island, Alexis, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue were standing in the hallway, staring at Atticus Rhodes, who was standing and staring out of a window. They kinda just stood there, doing nothing. Several minutes later, Jaden, Chazz, Banner (and his DUMB cat) and the mysterious detective walked down the hallway. "Hey, 'Lexis, Ang'y, Nan', what'cha doin'?" Jaden asked.

The three girls turned to the group. "Oh, hi Jade—" They were stunned by the man trailing behind them.

"Eh, hey girls, how's Atticus doing?" Chazz asked.

"Heh hey, he's not movin'!" Jaden noticed. He ran up to him and began poking his shoulder.

"He's out of the hospital," Angry McArgue said.  
"But he's still being funky," Nancy Wut added.  
"By funky, she means a bad funky," Alexis explained. At this point Jaden was slapping Atticus in the face with all his might.

"Wow, he really IS mad unresponsive, yo!"

"He can't remember anything that happened before that duel," Angry McArgue clarified. "Oh yeah, and WHO IS THAT STANDING BEHIND YOU?"

"It's a professional detective AND actor!" Banner said helpfully.

"Hello, detective Allen Walker here," the white-haired, eye-scarred detective boy said, "you may recognize me from such hit TV shows as 'Big House' and, uh, 'Big House'. I'm here to help you with your key-stealing problems." Suddenly Mann McOldsmobile, Gut Man and Cuts Man walked by, eating spaghetti out of some cups.

"Hey everyone, it's Spaghetti Cup Friday!" Mann McOldsmobile announced! "Want some?" He offered his half-finished cup to the Obelisk girls. "Oh hey, it's the guy from Big House," Mann McOldsmobile said, nodding toward Allen. Allen waved.

"Uh, no…" Alexis nervously declined.  
"HELL NO!" Chazz punched the cup away and onto Atticus' head. "You tryin' to make advances on the girl I'm puttin' advances on?"

Something blew through the window, sending shattered glass all over Jaden and Atticus! "Ow, yo!"  
"DID SOMEBODY SAY 'MAKING ADVANCES?'" asked Shades Milligan, flying in with his rocket robot feet.

"Yeah, I'm making some advances," Mann McOldsmobile informed, "Why?" Shades Milligan picked him up by the collar and flew away. "…"

"Oh hey, is that REALLY Cuts Man and Gut Man?" Allen gasped!  
"Uh, yeah?" Cuts Man said.  
"Anyway, we need to rescue our friend, soooo…" Gut Man picked up Cuts Man and leaped out the window.

"Oh, that Gut Man and Cuts Man…" Allen sighed happily, like remembering a fond memory. "ANYWAYS, I'm here because you need to defeat some evil people named the Seven Stars, correct?"  
"Shadow Riders!" Nancy Wut insisted.  
"No, Seven Stars," Allen corrected, "and anyways, you all need to figure out how to hide the remaining Spirit Keys so that nobody can take them."  
"But we still have all seven," Alexis remembered.  
"Not in the ORIGINAL version, y'don't!" Allen stated. "So, where are you all hiding your keys? Jaden?"

But Jaden wasn't paying attention. He began waving a Jinzo card in front of Atticus' face. "Ha, you're despondent! You won't even try to take this rare card!"  
"Yoink," Atticus said, stealing the card and putting it in his pocket.

"… I learned a valuable lesson today."  
"JADEN!"  
"WAAAAAAAAGH WHAT?" Jaden cried in response.  
"Where're you hiding your Spirit Key?" Allen asked, somewhat harshly this time.

"Oh, around my neck," Jaden said, poking the key necklace he was wearing. "Chazz? Alexis?"  
"My neck," Chazz said, pointing to his OWN key necklace.

"Mine was unfairly taken by the horrible administration we have at this school," Alexis grumbled.  
"Okay so you don't matter, then," Allen decided, pushing her and her friend-girls out the window with Atticus. "But anyways, you people are all being stupid. What if a Seven Star-person…"  
"Shadow Rider!" Nancy Wut called from a tree below.

"… Were to run by and snatch your key, thus pulling you along with them, choking you to death?"

"Since when were YOU Syrus?" Jaden joked.  
"He's serious, that's a real health hazard," Banner insisted. "That's how my sister went, bless her soul. I still don't like her though. We always fought all the time, and that was bad. Meanwhile, she always…" Allen shoved Banner out the window.

"Now that he's shut up, we need to find YOU two a HIDEY-HOLE!" Allen shouted!  
"A-and me?" Bastion asked, popping out from nowhere in particular.

"Yes, you too. You too…"

"Oh yeah!" cheered his Omega-Xis hand.

[.com/watch?v=D0neWyGPJOM&feature=related]And so they went into Chazz's room, where Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills were trying to help. "Well, Chazz, I reckon we jus' gotta keep a part of the key on our person at any given time!" Billy Hills decided!  
"Yeah, huh, Chazz, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson agreed, "I know JUST how to do it, too!" Deep Voice Dobbson took the Spirit Key and forcefully broke it into three pieces.

"WAAAAAAH!" Allen screamed! "NOOO, DON'T BREAK THE KEY!"  
"And one for Ojama Yellow, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson added, breaking off another piece.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAAAAAAAAAAT?" Allen sobbed.

"Because that way, we reckon the enemy can't take ONE piece by duelin'; they gotta get through us all!"  
"And Ojama Yellow, huh! So can we follow you around in this episode, huh, Chazz, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

"No, this episode doesn't REQUIRE you two!" Chazz said.

"Well, it didn't require McOldsmobile, huh, Chazz, huh!"

"He's right," Omega-Xis agreed.  
"Yes it did," Allen solemnly declared, "yes it did." He clapped his palms together, apparently over that crushing blow. "So let's go outside and see where YOU guys can hide your Spirit Keys!"  
"Hooray!" Jaden and Bastion cheered! The group dashed out the door, leaving Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson feeling sad. But then Bastion and Jaden crashed into a man in a janitorial uniform!

"OW! WHAT DO YOU DUMB KIDS THINK YOU'RE DOING?" roared Janitorboy Kanda.

"Oh, sorry, dude," Jaden apologized.  
"Wait!" Omega-Xis cried! "Do you know who that man IS?"  
"A janitor?" Jaden guessed.

"NO! That man right here is Kanda Yu! He's from Big House!" Chazz discovered! "Why the heck are YOU here?"

"No…" Kanda disagreed, "… I'm the… janitor. Kanda."  
"Oh, hey Kanda!" Allen waved at him.

"DAMN YOU, ALLEN! WHY'D YOU BLOW MY COVER?" Kanda screamed!  
"Well, what's wrong with me greeting you?"

"But why are you here," Chazz repeated.

"Do you THINK I want people asking for—"

"Autograph?" Banner asked, popping out from nowhere with a pen and paper.

"SEE?" Kanda threw a bucket of paint at Allen (who artfully dodged it) and ran away.

"He's my one of my favorite and least favorite characters," Bastion stated.

"Now that THAT'S over," Allen shrugged. "Now let's hide YOUR key, Jaden."  
"Yeah!"  
"But really, why was KANDA here?" Chazz repeated.

[.com/watch?v=4qrBvlz_Qag]Next they were all inside of Jaden's room with Koala Ko Ala and Syrus. "Hey Jaden, is that REALLY Allen Walker with you?" Syrus gasped.

"Yep!" Allen responded cheerfully.

"CAN I HAVE A MEMENTO OF SOME SORT? I LOVE YOUR SHOW!" Syrus screamed. Allen gave him a used contact lens. "OHMANOHMANOHMAN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! OH, OH, OH! I'M GOING TO FOLLOW YOUR SHOW FOREVEEEEEEEEER!" Suddenly Syrus exploded from ecstasy.

"I don't even wanna ask," Chazz sighed.

"Wow, he was actually happy for the first time I've ever seen," Koala Ko Ala sniffed. "By the way, where'd Mann McOldsmobile and the robots go?"  
"They got blown out into the ocean," Jaden said. "Yeah, this is the second time in three weeks this's happened."  
"Oh. Typical of him."

"Anyways, I'm putting my key into this drawer," Jaden announced loudly. "See, Allen, this key is going RIGHT into THIS drawer! You get it! If you're looking for this key, it's RIIIIIGHT here!"

"GOSH, Jaden!" Chazz cried! "What if an enemy's listening to you? Then they'll know that the KEY is in the DRAWER!"

"Okay, I think I get it now," Allen sighed.

"Is it my turn now?" Banner asked.

"Yeah, I guess so," Allen guessed.

"Since when'd YOU get to be such the eager teacher, Banner?" Jaden asked.

"And why'm I so ignored today?" Chazz wondered, getting sad.  
"I also wish I had more lines," Omega-Xis sighed.

"I really don't know what's up with me today; it must've been all that Koala Juice I've been drinking lately." Koala Ko Ala fell off the bed in surprise and through the floor onto several students who were forcefully squished into a small room (remember how they have so many Reds and yet only a small place to put them?), then was tossed back up into the room.

"PROFESSOR!" Koala Ko Ala screamed! "Don't you REMEMBER? KOALA JUICE IS LIKE POISON TO HUMANS!"

"What's Koala Juice?" Chazz asked.  
"Well, I know that," Banner sighed, "but your dad gave me such a huge bottle, and it was just sitting there next to my door, and I felt like it would be a waste not to try it out at least ONCE. Also I was drunk off my ass when I thought of that, but it sure does taste nice."  
"It tastes HORRIBLE!" Koala Ko Ala yelled! "Trust me, after having it with breakfast, lunch and dinner for years! The only reason I'M still alive is because fat absorbs the toxins!"

"What IS Koala Juice?" Bastion wondered.

"… Excuse me." Banner ran down into his room and threw his bottle of Koala Juice out the window and onto the dirt.

"Oh, so it's eucalyptus," Omega-Xis figured.

"… So who's gonna fix this floor?" Jaden asked, as they waited.

"I can call a carpenter," one of the miscellaneous Slifer Red students suggested.

"Oh, thanks Slifer Kid, yo!" Jaden thanked.

"I'm back," Banner said, appearing in front of the doorway. "Also I found this kid." He held up a red-coated Lavi.

"He knocked me over, man!" Lavi complained.

"… Uh, heeeey," Bastion awkwardly said, "it's that… LAVI… kid from Big House. Yeah, what a coincidence."  
"Oh, hey Lavi!" Allen greeted.

"Hey Allen, how's the evil plot goin'?" Lavi asked.

"Get outta here, nobody likes the kid who always gets into trouble and expects everybody else to help him in sitcoms!" Banner said, tossing Lavi away over his shoulder.

"Okay, time to go to my room," Bastion said, leading the way.

"Then I'll just be ignored," Banner said sadly.

Bastion stuck his key into Piggybank's mouth. "Now don't accidentally throw it at someone!" Bastion requested.  
"Okay then!" Piggybank accepted.

"Why not the head-hole?" asked someone.

"Well, the head-hole's not as safe!" Bastion brought up. "Wait, who asked that?" He turned around, but the only thing behind him was a duck. "…Oh well."  
"Oh hi guys," Lenalee Lee greeted, walking in from nowhere, dressed as a doctor of some sort.

"Hey Lenalee, you're a nurse!" Allen realized.

"No, I'm a doctor."

"… Oh boy. It's Lenalee Lee from Big House," Chazz sighed. "Is this REALLY a coincidence?"

"Um, no?" Allen hoped.

"Since I'm a DOCTOR, it's my responsibility to tell you kids that it's not safe to put keys into people's mouths…" Piggybank stared at her blankly. "…Well bye!" Lenalee said, walking away.  
"Can I go with you guys?" Piggybank asked.

"No."

"Well, what a great day of coincidences, yo!" Jaden cheered! "I bet we're gonna meet Bookman next!"

"Nobody likes Bookman," Omega-Xis explained, but nobody listened.

Soon enough, they were inside of Banner's room as he put his key into an iron safe. "And THAT is what all of you kids should have done before," he stated. "Boy, everyone beside me is an idiot!"

"Hi guys," Krory said.  
"Aw man," Jaden sobbed.

"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHY ALL OF YOU PEOPLE ARE IN OUR SCHOOL?" Chazz screamed!  
"WAAAGH!" Krory shrieked, running behind a tree outside, peeking out ever-so delicately.

"… He's shy," Allen informed. "Anyways, I'm sure proud of all you kids for your excellent hiding-things skills! Now you can all sleep soundly, knowing that you're safe from evil taking your keys and using them to destroy all you hold dear!"

"…Yep!" Jaden agreed.

_Y'know, I don't like how obviously evil this guy sounds, OR the fact that all five of the most popular Big House characters suddenly appeared at our school…_ Chazz decided. He turned to Janitorboy Ikkaku, who was walking by at the moment. "Hey, Janitorboy Ikkaku, don't you smell something fishy about all this?" Chazz asked.

"No way, I love Big House," Ikkaku said, walking away.

"Bye, kids!"Allen said, leaving the room. As soon as the door had closed, Chazz took the opportunity to express his views on the situation.  
"EVERYBODY, CAN'T YOU SEE? ALLEN AND HIS CO-STARS FROM BIG HOUSE ARE GOING TO STEAL OUR SPIRIT KEYS BECAUSE THEY'RE **EVIL**!"

"Pshaw," Jaden chuckled, "that's the dumbest thing I've seen OR heard all day, yo!"  
"No it isn't!"

"Well, I agree with Chazz," Omega-Xis said. " And it just can't be a coincidence."  
"Yes it can be!" Bastion disagreed adamantly.

"And because I am merely a hand, I can't help 'ya," Omega-Xis stated.

"Come on, Banner!" Chazz whimpered! "Get them to listen to me!"  
"I don't care about you, you aren't in my dorm," Banner expressed.

"I HAVE BEEN FOR SIXTEEN FREAKING EPISODES NOW."  
"Not until you put on a RED coat."

"Never! Come ON you guys! Why would we hire a detective to help us hide our keys in plain sight when they were all safer around our necks?" Chazz exasperatedly shouted. "When did you all get so stupid?"  
"When the script called for it," Banner informed, holding up his own copy of today's script.

"So you accept the fact that you're acting like idiots because the script says so?" Chazz reasoned.

"Of course," Jaden agreed, "it even says that you were supposed to say that." Jaden pointed to their current lines of dialogue. "You're about to say 'Who cares?'"

"WHO CARES?" Chazz loudly exclaimed!  
"Louder than I expected, but okay."

At that point, Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson entered the room. "Hey, it's those guys," Omega-Xis noticed.

"What're YOU two doing here?" Chazz asked. "You're not SUPPOSED to be in this episode."

"Well, y'see, huh, Chazz, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson trailed off.  
"B-b-but Chazz," Billy Hills whined, "I reckon some feller jus' broke in an' took the Spirit Keys when we weren't looking!"

"… You two… were holding onto those two pieces of key the whole time, and yet some guy ran in and took they pieces of key you broke off?"  
"THREE, since Ojama Yellow got one too, huh, Chazz."

"… My gosh, why did I entrust the Earth Key to you three?" Chazz asked grimly.

"Actually two, I had no say in it," Ojama Yellow promised, making his daily appearance.

"Hey guys," Piggybank said, entering Banner's room, "somebody ran up to me, stuck their hand in my mouth and took that key!"  
"How did you know where we were?" Bastion asked. "Who were they?"

"AND HOW DID THEY GET THEIR HAND IN YOUR MOUTH?" Omega-Xis screeched, flabbergasted.

"I don't know, everyone!" Piggybank cried! "And I couldn't tell who they were, because their hand tasted so horrible! Like they stuck it into a dying animal! UGH! I couldn't remember them even if I tried!"

"You're a lot less useful than I thought you were," Banner said.

"Huh?"

"Aw, don't worry 'bout it, huh, Piggybank, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson consoled, hugging Piggybank, "we ALL make mistakes."  
"Yes, yes you do!" Piggybank agreed, pushing him away with her foot.  
"Well then, I sure hope that MY key isn't stolen!" Banner chuckled, shrugging playfully. KA-RASH! The safe in Banner's room was pulled through the wall. A truck could be seen driving away, dragging the safe along by chain. "Aw, dammit."

"BASTION, SHOOT THE TRUCK!" Chazz ordered!  
"How?" Bastion asked.

"USE OMEGA-XIS!"  
"But I'm still learning how!" Bastion reckoned. "What if I miss? I'm a novice at shooting things!"  
"Missin' and killin' someone's better'n not shootin' at all, I reckon!" Billy Hills expressed.

"No it's not," Omega-Xis corrected.

"YOU'RE LETTING THE KEY GET AWAY! UGH!"

"But at least nobody got hurt!" Bastion noted.

"That's my SafetyBastion!" Piggybank cooed, rubbing against Bastion's cheek.

"I feel uncomfortable."

"That means there's only two keys left," Chazz solemnly groaned.

"… No, there's one," Jaden said.  
"… What? Why don't you just check your room?"  
"Nah, I know I got jacked. It goes in the context of the episode."  
"Then there's only one key left, and that's because I have one part of my Earth Key," Chazz said, pulling out his key piece.

"What about Crowler's?" Bastion recalled.

"No, she's not in this episode," Chazz said.

"What about the one in Shepherd's office?" Banner recalled.  
"We don't care about it yet."

[.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE]"Well, all the keys just got taken?" asked a familiar face, walking back into Banner's room. "Then it looks like a job for the Junior Detective League!" And alas, it was Allen Walker with Lenalee Lee, Kanda Yu, Lavi and Arystar Krory III.

"Oh boy, I'm SOOO surprised," Chazz sighed loudly.  
"Wait is that Big House!" Ojama Yellow asked.

"We're here to solve the crime," Kanda said.

"And rhyme some rhymes," Lavi rhymed.  
"Ha ha ha ha ha," laughed the main characters.

"This is just like a REAL episode!" Bastion giggled.

"I don't like the show, though," Piggybank complained. "Why am I laughing?"  
"I don't get it either, but roll wit' it," Jaden suggested.

"Anyways, we've rounded up a couple 'a suspects," Allen said, "and it's about time for the investigation to begin."  
"Everybody, these guys did it, pure and simple," Chazz said harshly.  
"Aw, come on Chazz, we don't know THAT!" Jaden disagreed.  
"Yeah, even **I** have to disagree wit'cha there, boss!" Ojama Yellow said.

"It's not like you're telling everybody about your ideas in the form of a great detective anime," Omega-Xis suggested. Chazz didn't react. Banner nudged him with his shoulder.

"OOOOH," Chazz realized. He pulled out his Sherlock Holmes-style classic hat.

"Where'd you get that out from?" Lenalee asked.

"Well, what's the reason why ANYBODY would have such large hair?" Chazz asked back.

"NOBODY puts stuff in their hair like that," said some other Jaden.

"Aw, shut up, Yuki! You're infuriating me again!" And then, Chazz's innate desire to be right all the time flared up again. He took Detective Conan (Case Closed) volume one out from his tremendous 'do and activated Detective Mode™.

[.com/watch?v=BsBgCYL9Dn8]"ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY HERE, LISTEN UP!" Chazz loudly announced. "I CAN TELL YOU ALL THAT THE DETECTIVE YOU'VE HIRED IS INCREDIBLY USELESS, **AND** WHO REALLY COMITTED THE CRIME!"  
"It wasn't me!" Piggybank assured.  
"I wasn't going to SAY it was you!"  
"It wasn't me, either, Chazz, I reckon!" Billy Hills said as well.

"Gosh, stop proclaiming your innocence already! We'll get to that part later!" Chazz growled.

"_Feh, amateurs,_" Allen muttered to himself.

"So, to begin… we lost the keys not long ago, correct?" Chazz began. "It was right after Mr. Allen Walker came to our humble island home. He told us to hide all of our keys and even SAW us do it. In addition, all of his co-stars from the hit show, 'Big House', have suddenly arrived on the island this very same day. So, what could this imply? The fact that we know nothing about them makes this even more obvious!"

"Gulp!" gulped Krory.

"All of the keys began to disappear after we had finished hiding them all, yes? And it began to happen while Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson both entered this room, followed by Piggybank and the truck that ripped Banner's safe from his wall," Chazz continued.

"So we're safe, huh, Chazz?" Deep-Voice Dobbson hoped.

"Yes, I guess so, since you have an alibi. But even with that, I've noticed how Omega-Xis, Bastion's robot hand, was ignored mostly throughout the entire adventure."  
"Wh-what?" Omega-Xis gasped. "What're you talkin' about?"  
"Yes, he was on my wrist the whole time!" Bastion supported.

"How do you know?" Chazz asked, pointing an accusing finger at Bastion's face. "Maybe while you ALL were looking in an alternate direction, he slipped off of your wrist and placed a fake on, until he came back here when he was done driving that truck, at which point he came back and re-attached himself to you, and we were none the wiser!"  
"… You're not all that bright, I've realized," noted Kanda.

"I DIDN'T DO IT, KID!" Omega-Xis proclaimed! "How could I, when I have no limbs?"

"_You could have eaten it!_"  
"But… he DOES have a point," Bastion thought, thinking quite hard about the situation.

"I'll kill Omega-Xis if you want!" Piggybank suggested.

"NO!"

"No, Piggybank," Chazz instructed, "YOU'RE still a possible suspect in this case."  
"WHAAAAT? BUT YOU PROMISED ME—"

"I PROMISED NOTHING, GIRL!" Chazz screamed! "NOW, I AM TRYING TO BRING LAW TO THIS LAWLESS PLACE, SO IF YOU ACT UP, I COULD SENTENCE YOU THIS VERY SECOND! We don't know that you didn't beat up Billy or Dobbson before you got here, then rig up that truck to drive away right after you arrived!"  
"No way!" Piggybank declared! "It's impossible, _impossible!_"  
"Unless Bastion, preparing for this day, used some of his 'Science of Dueling' to hypnotize you in your sleep last night, after hiring the detective!"  
"But that Mr. Banner hired me two days ago," Allen said.  
"Which means that BANNER was the one who made him do it!" Chazz decided.  
"W-w-wait, let's not get too hasty here," Banner worried. "Don't try to label ME as evil, okay?"  
"Tell it to the judge!" Chazz spat. "You knew all about the script beforehand, as you tried to tell us, so that tells me that you'd orchestrated the whole thing earlier!"

_Th-that's actually some damning proof,_ Banner thought. _What kind of unholy terror have I unleashed upon the earth?_

"Now hold on, Jaden."

"Me, dawg?" Jaden gulped.

"Yes, you! You were the one that said they KNEW their key was missing!" Chazz reminded. "Could YOU have organized everything? You certainly knew what was happening."  
"B-b-but I'm too stupid, and have no attention span to 'da max, y'all! I can't pay 'tention long enough to think up of ANY sort of plan! You know that, yo!" Jaden pleaded! "Please don't send me t'jail!"  
"We might not have to, because my friends BILLY HILLS AND DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON ARE THE PRIME SUBJECTS!"

"Chazz, huh, n-n-n-now you're bein' strange," Deep-Voice Dobbson stammered.

"No, I'm not! I have no idea what you guys are up to when you're not around! And that means I have NO clue what that Ojama Yellow's teaching you while you're all alone…"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!" Ojama Yellow screeched, flying out from wherever he was that time. "I AIN'T THE GUY YOU'S IZ LOOKIN' FOR, BOSS!" The pitiful figure clamped onto Chazz's leg and hugged as pathetically as possible. "I'M NOT TEACHIN' THOSE KIDS ANYTHIN' BAD! PLEASE BELIEVE ME! WAAAAAAAAH!"

"Ojama Yellow, you don't have to worry about that… because MANN MCOLDSMOBILE AND HIS ROBOT FRIENDS…"  
"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Mann McOldsmobile, accompanied by Cuts Man and Gut Man, as they leaped into the room via the hole in the wall left by the safe robbery.

"CUTSCUTSCUTS! HUUUUUUUUUUUH?" Cuts Man loudly 'huh'-ed.

"CONVICTED OF A CRIME WE HAD NO IDEA OF?" Gut Man shrieked!  
"Yes, of course! You three guys fell off the face of the planet at the start of this episode, so you could've been doing ANYTHING!" Chazz accentuated the point by throwing his nice hat at the trio. "And in addition, those two robots came to our school just TWO episodes after the current arc began! They could be spies, for all we know!" Gut Man gulped loudly.

"Gulp," he gulped. "I-I-I swear, we-we-we didn't do-do-do-do…"

"Aw man, I can't go to jail, I'm a robot!" Cuts Man sniveled.  
"WE CAN'T GO TO JAIL!" Mann McOldsmobile wailed! "WHAT IF WE DROP THE SOAP? THEY TELL YOU NOT TO DO THAT!"

"D-don't worry, Mann, he can't convict you, right?" Jaden hoped. "As long as he doesn't convict me, then we're fine—I mean you, of course, yo…"

"I may not have to," Chazz stated.

He set the book back into his hairstyle. Everybody in the room was on-edge, thanks to being accused of the crimes committed. No matter who got the blame, they were ready to smack them around a bit for getting them so scared about everything. They had completely forgotten that Chazz has absolutely no power in a court of law. "So, this all brings us back to the problem," Chazz remembered, "that our Spirit keys were forcibly stolen."  
"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Ojama Yellow blubbered.  
"Though I've said almost everything I have to, I have just a few other points of validity to bring up." Chazz got into the Big House-fivesome's face. "These five television personalities blew into town suddenly without warning, and we have no idea why they're here. Sure, they could merely be performing their civil duties. Allen, a detective, Ms. Lee, a nurse, Kanda the janitor, Lavi the student, and… Krory."

"Meep!" Krory uttered.

"But their one fatal flaw is that Lavi has never been in a class here, nor met any of the student body. Lenalee isn't a trained doctor. Kanda can't clean for crap. Krory… and don't get me started on Allen!" Chazz proclaimed.

_What was he getting at?_ Krory wondered, fearfully.

"**This all means that these five people are all Shadow Riders, sent as one cohesive unit in order to take all of the Spirit Keys from us under the guise of friendly neighborhood celebrities, and they've pulled the wool over ALL of your eyes!"** Chazz finally announced!  
"He's right," Piggybank realized.  
"That DOES make sense," Gut Man realized.

"It sure was obvious when you look at it now," Banner realized.

"LET'S GET THAT KRORY GUY!" Ojama Yellow rallied!  
"EEEEK, NOOO! GET KANDA INSTEAD!"

[.com/watch?v=d-FVixp53FA]"Heheheheh," Allen chuckled. "You really took that long to figure it out?" He pulled out a golden eyepatch… with the standard Eye of Wdjat on it, and placed it on his head. "Yes, I'm a Shadow Rider, and these four are my subordinates. But I don't think that'll stop us from taking the last key from you, kid."  
"I got'm," Kanda grunted, pulling out a black sword from behind his back. He held it right in front of Chazz's neck, not more than two centimeters away.  
"What? Since when did this go to a horrible courtroom drama to a hostage situation?" Chazz gulped.

"HE'S GOT CHAZZ, I RECKON!" Billy Hills cried! "GET'M, I RECKON!" All of the people in the room got into their action poses! Bastion himself held up Omega-Xis in a firing position.

"Now, Omega-Xis! It won't matter WHO we hit, as long as we hit somebody!" Bastion told him.

"As long as it's not Chazz?" Omega-Xis checked.

"Eh, sure." And so Omega-Xis's flame-like mane began to surge in intensity and his eyes went blank, absorbing energy from the air.

"THEN LET'S GO BUCK WILD!" he screamed, shooting a large energy bullet from his maw!  
"BOO," someone said.

PE-TEW! The bullet had hit Lenalee in the leg… which was covered in a cool, knee-height black boot! Somehow there were two half-orbs floating next to her legs (which BOTH wore boots, before you ask a dumb question), which may have had something to do with how she'd deflected a bullet with stylish shoes. "What the?" Bastion gasped! "What is UP with that horrible catch-phrase?"

"Yeah, only HE gets the 'BOO'!" Mann McOldsmobile brought up, pointing to Jaden, who was currently cracking up with laughter.

"Shut up, it's how I am!" Omega-Xis complained.

"STOP IGNORING THE FACT THAT I BLOCKED A BULLET LIKE THAT!" Lenalee yelled, somehow manipulating the air with her legs, culminating in a kick that blew everybody else in the room against the walls, as if by a hurricane! "Damn, why doesn't anybody care about my Innocence? Oh, sorry guys."  
"It's okay, you have great Innocence," Lavi complimented.  
"Oh, thanks."  
"But my hammer's better!" Lavi figured, pulling out a small black hammer, to the delight of the studio audience.

"Ha ha ha," everyone laughed.

"How does he keep doing that?" Banner wondered.

"Either way," Kanda grumbled, grabbing Chazz and holding his magical black sword against his Adam's apple, "if you try anything, she'll kill you, and I'll cut your friend's neck. Conversely, this will STILL happen as long as Chazz refuses to give us the last part of his Spirit Key. Well, we'll spare the robots, anyway."  
"Yeah!" Cuts Man and Gut Man cheered.

"Me too?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"Hell no!" Kanda answered.  
"Oh yeah, I still got a piece," Chazz remembered suddenly, thinking to the piece of Spirit Key left in his pocket.

"So what's it gonna be, kiddo?" Allen asked with a bright smile. "The easy way, or the hard way?"  
"Ngh," Chazz grunted. "It'd be easier to think if I wasn't being held so tightly."  
"That's the least of your worries," Allen 'tsk'-ed. "We Exorcists can be quite a threat. Don't take us lightly, or we WILL kill you right now…"

Chazz was beginning to worry about his current predicament, being threatened by 'Exorcists' with their 'Innocence' weapons and all. Kanda's death-grip wasn't getting any softer and the good guys were out of options. "C'mon, Chazz, huh, don't give it to'm!" Deep-Voice Dobbson cried!  
"Hey, I wanna live!" Piggybank disagreed. "You shut up! Give him the key! There's still two more left!"

"Isn't it 'gainst the law to steal from people, hold them at sword-point, and kick them to a wall with a hurricane, I reckon?" Billy Hills cried!

"You DO realize that law enforcement can't help us here," Omega-Xis gulped.

_Wait, law… LAW! THAT'S IT!_

[.com/watch?v=HgCzAqPhSlk&feature=related]"Kanda, get your dirty-ass sword off my neck," Chazz said, smirking.

"What's wrong? You wanna die?" Kanda asked.

"Nah, I just remembered somethin', that's all. Isn't there an ancient law that dictates that Spirit Keys may only be taken through dueling?"

"…" said Allen.

"…" said Lenalee.

"…" said Lavi.

"…" said Krory.

"… Okay, then I'll just kill you," said Kanda.

"NODON'TKANDA!" screamed Allen! "_You don't want to anger the ancient card game spirits._"

"So what if I do?" Kanda challenged. "We don't care about these ancient laws! We were chosen by the Innocence, we're above that!"  
"Kanda, Allen's superstitious," Lenalee stated. "We'd better do what he says, being the leader and main character and all."

"Like I care…" SWASHBUCKLE! "AAAAH, WHAT THE HELL?" Kanda screamed, getting sliced in the shoulder by a giant white claw. Allen's left arm was now a really big, awesome, clawed-arm.

"Kanda, I've got to duel him," Allen said sternly, with a dreadful look on his face.

"Uh-oh," Banner sighed, "he looks serious now."  
"Can we still leave?" Gut Man asked.

"No."  
"CUTSCUTSCUTS! AW MAN!"

"Now look, Chazz, I'm gonna give you a fair chance here," Allen told. "I'll walk everybody outside to the piers to duel you. If you win, then we give you back all the keys. If you LOSE, then we'll kill you all. Fair?"  
"Can I haggle for some spare change in the deal?" Jaden asked.  
"No."  
"Damn."

"At least you tried," Mann McOldsmobile appreciated.

"Okay, Lavi, do your thing," Allen instructed.

"Righty-o!" Lavi complied, saluting.

"Ha ha ha ha ha," everybody laughed, albeit against their will. Lavi pulled his small black hammer out from his pocket and spun it around his hand by the handle. "Big hammer little hammer… grow…" The hammer began to somehow grow larger and longer. "Grow…"  
"What's up with the hammer?" Bastion asked.

"GROW!" Now a good sixteen feet wide, Lavi swung his giant hammer around, knocking all of the main characters out of Banner's room, along with destroying three walls.  
"IDIOOOOOOOOT!"

"Screw you, Kanda!" Lavi yelled. Suddenly the building collapsed on top of him.

Meanwhile, everybody else was flying, flying, flying, until they crashed onto the hard pavement of the harsh docks of fate. "That… was dumb," Piggybank complained.

"AW MAN, YOU BROKE CUTS MAN!" Mann McOldsmobile screamed, holding up Cuts Man's severed robot head, as several cables on his neck wiggled violently.

"CUTSCUTSCUTSCUTSCUTS…"

"I don't care about Cuts Man!" Kanda yelled.

"I do, and I'm sorry," Allen apologized.

"What kind of villains ARE you people, then?" Jaden asked, with passion.

"IT'S 'CAUSE WE'RE EXORCISTS!" the Big House gang announced, doing a cool pose of some sort. "THE POWER IS OUR!"

"No it's not!" Banner retorted angrily.  
"Oh hey, Lavi's back," Lenalee said.  
"Yep," Lavi agreed.

[.com/watch?v=J0nCp1_y9PY]"Well then, what will you do now?" Chazz asked, rubbing his aching head.

"We duel, of course," Allen said, smiling whilst pulling out a PURE BLACK DUEL DISK!

"Such a diabolical Duel Disk for an Accommodator of the Innocence," Chazz joked.

"You know about the Accommodators?" Allen asked.

"Yes… for I got into reading -Man a while back!" Chazz proudly announced to the world.

"Woah, Detective Conan, D-Gray-Man… what's next, I reckon?" Billy Hills wondered.

"I don't care what's next as long as I win," Allen said, smiling. "Now can we get this over with so we can get the other two keys?"

"Why don't your subordinates just go get the other keys while you duel, eh?" Piggybank asked, finding logic.

"Because shut your mouth."  
"Chazz, can I kill him?"  
"No, because I'm going to kill him first!" Chazz promised.

"DUEL!" the Dueling Duelists cried. (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Allen: 4000 Life Points) Huge waves crashed upon the shipping docks, as if they were trying to improve the atmosphere.

"DANG THE WAVES GOT ME SO PUMPED!" Mann McOldsmobile yelled, gripping his head!

"Go Chazz huh I reckon huh yooooo!" supported Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Jaden.

"You too, Jaden?" Bastion inspected.

"Well duh, I like Chazz in this version!" Jaden said.

"YEEEAH ALLEN!" Cuts Man shouted, eyes bulging!  
"Why him?" Omega-Xis inspected.

"They were nice to US," Gut Man said.

"I'll start this duel nice and easy," Allen decided. "I'll lay a card face-down and summon Golem Sentry in Defense Mode." A cool living passageway with a loincloth and an axe appeared. (Golem Sentry: 1800 Defense Points)  
"I believe he has a special ability when he's face-down," Omega-Xis recalled. (Source: yugioh. wikia. com/wiki/Golem_Sentry)

"It does?"  
"Yes, read the card."  
"I don't believe you," Allen said.

"JUST READ THE CARD."  
"Shame on you!" Bastion accused, slapping Omega-Xis. "Trying to help the enemy like that..."

"Yeah, tryin' to help the enemy!" Piggybank re-stated.  
"Yeah, tryin' to help the enemy, phooey!" Fluffy Fred repeated, standing with Baseball Bob.

"Hey Bastion," Baseball Bob called. "We got lonely so we tried to stalk you."  
"Aw, go home, you guys! We don't need you this episode!" Bastion growled.

"Aw, man…" The two guys slowly walked home, dejectedly. Piggybank hugged Bastion out of nowhere.  
"I meant you, too, Piggybank."  
"I know."  
"STOP CHANGING THE FOCUS!" Kanda roared, returning attention to the Duel. "Also, Allen, read the damn card already."  
"Make me! I end my turn!" Allen decided stupidly.

"Well then," Chazz smirked, drawing a card, "I'll play Fiend's Sanctuary!" A cool evil gargoyle statue appeared with some neat blue flames. "This card lets me summon a Fiend Token to the field, but who cares? I sacrifice it in order to summon Armed Dragon Level Five!" The gargoyle exploded into cool yellow sparkles as the famous red-ish dragon appeared onto the field!  
"RAWR!" it roared. (Armed Dragon Level Five: 2400 Attack Points)

"Now, showing off how extreme you've become after the twenty-fifth episode, use Spike Spinner!" Chazz commanded! The dragon's arms spun around like some sort of stupid toy as it walked to the Golem Sentry, bonking it on the head a few times, destroying it in a huge cloud of smoke.

"Oh no, the monster! I should have played it face-down!" Allen cried!

"We told you," Lenalee said.

"And that's not huh, all, huh, guys…" Deep-Voice Dobbson anticipated…  
"My Armed Dragon gets a level-up when it kills a monster by battle!" Chazz shouted! "So I'll place two cards face-down…" Chazz set his cards. "And now, rise, Armed Dragon Level Seven!" The grand mega death metal dragon of doom grew from the previous dragon! (Armed Dragon Level Seven: 2800 Attack Points)  
"GRAAAAAAAAWWWWWR!" it screeched!  
"Uh-oh, THAT one's a whopper!" Lavi exclaimed.  
"Ha ha ha ha ha," everybody laughed.

"Actually that one was pretty funny," Banner thought.

"Anyways, beat that, Mister Crown Clown!" Chazz challenged.

"_CROWN CLOWN!_" Jaden flipped through his D. Gray Man vol. 5. "B-but I'm not even there yet, yo!"

"Ha ha ha ha," everyone laughed.  
"Hey!" Lavi complained. "He stole my act! But I'm glad you're buying our merchandise."

"Ha ha ha."

"THERE we go!"

"I don't care HOW many Anti-Akuma weapons you name, I'll still beat you, and I'll show you how in a minute!" Allen said. "I play the card Pot of Greed!" The famous ugly pot card was BACK! And placed into the Graveyard, but still… ! "I can draw two cards, of course. Aaaand…" He was quite pleased by one of the new cards. "Why, this was just the one I needed! I play Exorcist Allen Walker!" He played a card… WITH A PICTURE OF HIMSELF IN THE BIG HOUSE EXORCIST SUIT! Allen pulled off his detective clothing, revealing his cool black clothes on underneath, bringing back all the great Big House memories. (Allen Walker: 1400 Attack Points)  
"Oh my gosh, this explains TOO much…" Chazz realized, taken aback by the discovery!  
"Yes, we of Big House are Duel Spirits!" Allen revealed! "See, we all know that Pegasus started making cards based off of copyrighted properties. But you MAY not have known that the Duel Spirits that come with them ARE, in fact, the original characters! So we were hired to be Shadow Riders. We also got this cool eyepatch, which lets us turn solid in the real world. And we got a job on a sitcom."  
"WORST ORIGIN STORY EVER, YO," Jaden sneakily remarked.

"And you only have 1400 Attack Points," Piggybank brought up. "You suck. Can you really suck that much as a main character?"

"I don't give a crap, for I use Mustering of the Big House Cast!" Allen's new Spell card featured what looked like an advert for Big House.  
"So wait, did Big House come before, or AFTER your cards were made?" asked Gut Man.

"Does it matter? I'm now able to Special Summon every Exorcist monster in my hand, so you can obviously see what's coming," Allen warned. "So come, Exorcist Kanda the Jerk!" Everybody on Allen's team ripped off their clothing, and were suddenly dressed in their cool uniforms! Kanda appeared on the field first!  
"Don't call me a jerk," Kanda grimaced. (Kanda: 1800 Attack Points)

"Exorcist Lenalee the Lee!"  
"Yeah, I still think the name's horrible," Lenalee sighed. (Lenalee: 1000 Attack Points)

"Exorcist Krory the Vampire!"  
"I'm still not a real vampire," Krory sobbed. (Krory: 1200 Attack Points)

"Exorcist Lavi the Bookman!"  
"Yes indeed-y, it's me!" Lavi said. (Lavi: 1000 Attack Points)

"Ha ha ha ha ha," the crowd laughed.

"Oh, that Lavi!" Banner chuckled, wiping away a tear. "I still don't like him, though.

"AND TOGETHER, WE ARE BIG HOUSE!" the actors proclaimed!

"So? You all still suck! Except for Kanda, but he's a jerk!" Chazz acknowledged.

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"Easy, Kanda," Allen eased. "Now I'll play the Trap card, Big House Combination!" A Trap flipped up behind Lavi, showing a group shot of the gang in battle positions. "This turn, we can all attack directly, dealing 400 damage for every attack."  
"That's… still pretty useless," Chazz thought.

"WATCH OUT, CHAZZ, I RECKON THIS IS A SHADOW GAME!" Billy Hills shrieked!  
"Oh yeah I forgot those," Jaden said.

"Shadow Game?" Allen wondered. "Why would we need a Shadow Game? WE don't wanna get attacked! YOU'RE the only one who's gonna get hurt. We're REAL, remember?"

"…" Chazz thought about it for a second. "I… still don't get it."

"INNOCENCE INVOCATION!" the enemies called! Lenalee's boots went awesome and windy again. Lavi's hammer grew huge. Half of Kanda's black sword turned silver. Allen's arm grew again. Krory pulled out a small tube of DEMON BLOOD! But first, Lenalee began channeling wind around her left leg, which was lifted slightly.

With a big kick, she yelled "RING DANCE – MISTY WIND!" A massive hurricane blew out from her foot, pretty much consuming and throwing Chazz into the air.

"WAAAH, WHAT'S GOING ON?" Chazz screamed! (Chazz: 3600 Life Points)  
"Innocence, change form," Allen willed, as his giant claw became a giant white gun-arm! "FIRE!" He shot cool laser rods at Chazz!

"WOAH WOAH WOAH!" Chazz ducked and twisted around the attack! (Chazz: 3200 Life Points)

"Gulp gulp gulp!" Krory drank, consuming the blood he'd brought with him. His swoopy hair lifted itself out of his own face as his expression became truly badass. "DIE!" he roared, leaping at Chazz and grabbing him by the throat!  
"GULP," Chazz choked. Krory then threw him to the ground forcefully. "AH, OOOOW! WHY'D YOU DO THAT?" Chazz screamed with rage! (Chazz: 2800 Life Points)

"Wait, now hold up!" Bastion said, stepping into the fray.

"You can't beat up on Chazz, I reckon!" Billy Hills growled!

"IF YOU MAKE BASTION MAD BY KILLING OTHERS, I'LL **KILL** YOU!" Piggybank raged, getting her demon face on!

"Well, I guess I'd better do something," Lavi supposed. Some cool random circles began floating around him, showing off different signs. He pressed his weapon into one, giving it a new picture on the hammer! "FIRE SEAL!" he shouted, swinging his now-flaming hammer into the rabble-rousers! That means 'guys who were about to cause mass chaos,' for you whipper-snappers out there. Bastion, Omega-Xis, Piggybank and Billy Hills were knocked far, far away. They splashed into the ocean a few miles off. (Chazz: 2400 Life Points)

"OH NO, HUH GUYS HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted!

"SHUT UP!" Kanda commanded, bonking Deep-Voice Dobbson with the blunt edge of his sword.

"Huh, ow, huh." (Chazz: 2000 Life Points)  
"Oh no, not HIM!" Mann McOldsmobile cried! "NOBODY HITS THE GUY WITH THE DEEP VOICE! COME ON, MEN!" Mann McOldsmobile punched Kanda in the face, knocking him to the ground.

"You bastard," Kanda murmured. He flipped up off the ground onto Mann McOldsmobile and grabbed his collar!  
"HUH?" Mann McOldsmobile looked back at his robot friends. "G-GUYS?" They shrugged, confused. Kanda proceeded to punch him in the face repeatedly. SMACK! "OW!" (Chazz: 1600 Life Points) SMACK! "OW!" (Chazz: 1200 Life Points) SMACK! "OW!" (Chazz: 800 Life Points)

"STOP HITTING HIM , YOU CHEATING PUNK!" Chazz shouted, scared for his Life Points!  
"Kanda, stop cheating~" Allen sang, commandingly.  
"Feh. I don't give a…"  
"BOOSH!" Mann McOldsmobile gave Kanda a two-fisted double-punch to the face!  
"AGH! BASTARD!" Kanda shouted, his nose now bloody! (Allen: 3600 Life Points)

"WAIT!" Omega-Xis screamed, pulling everybody back onto dry pavement with Bastion's body! "WHAT THE FRAG IS UP WITH THOSE LIFE POINTS?"

"Oh, well we got a little excited," Mann McOldsmobile snickered, pulling Kanda off of him. "If Cuts Man and Gut Man helped me, Chazz would have won by now."

"No, I'd have killed you."  
"But not us, right?" Cuts Man asked.

"Nope!" Allen answered for him.

"Oh, good."  
"Now hold on a minute, everybody!" Bastion said, taking authority of the situation, dripping wet with ocean water. "Now, Mann, pick up Kanda." Mann McOldsmobile picked up Kanda. "Now, Kanda…"  
"Let go of me!" Kanda pushed himself out of Mann McOldsmobile's grasp, falling to the ground. "Ow." (Allen: 3200 Life Points)

"No!" Bastion complained!  
"This is stupid," Billy Hills complained, gaining a headache in the process.

"Okay, okay everyone," Piggybank said, "Get in your places again." Kanda stood in his card space, and the other miscellaneous persons went back with the rest of the audience. "Now, Chazz, have 2000 Life Points, Allen, have 4000 Life Points." Allen and Chazz fiddled around with their Duel Disks a bit.

"We don't know how."  
"Try smacking them a few times," Banner suggested. The duo punched their Duel Disks a couple of times. (Chazz: 2000 Life Points, Allen: 4000 Life Points)

"There ya' go, guys! You're back in 'da game!" Jaden cheered!

"Back to the original point," Chazz asked, rubbing his neck and glaring at Krory.

"MEEP!" Krory cowered, apparently normal again.

"… Like I was saying, what's the use of you all attacking if you all have 400 Attack Points from your card?"  
"Oh, simple really," Lenalee said, "our effects all activate when we do damage."  
"So, first I'll be returning your monster back to the top of the deck," Kanda started off. He lifted up the hologram of Armed Dragon Level Seven (did you forget about it?) and threw it away.

"Oh wow," Jaden gasped, "That thing must'a weighed… oh, yeah. Forgot."

"Next, I'm returning one card on your side of the field to your hand," Lavi said, pointing to Chazz's two face-down cards.

"Woah! Even **I** forgot about THOSE cards!" Chazz noticed.  
"Twenty-three…" Lavi stuck his fingers underneath one card's hologram. "SKIDOOSH!" He flipped it as hard as possible, sending it flying away!

"Ha ha ha ha ha," everybody laughed, somewhat amused at the 'joke'.

"Aw, come on, it wasn't THAT funny," Chazz stated, when he felt something holding his Duel Disk. It was Krory, stealthily taking the top two cards of his deck!  
"U-um, when I attack, I dis-discard the top two cards of you-your deck…" Krory shoved the two cards into Chazz's Graveyard and ran away as fast as he could. He lost all of his remaining stealth.

"Next, I destroy one card in your hand!" Allen added, using his gun-arm to fire one rod at the center card of Chazz's hand.  
"GYAAAAAAH!"  
"Come on, you guys! You just hit Ojama Yellow!" Chazz informed!  
"IT HUUUUURTS!" Ojama Yellow cried, somehow making his card wiggle. Not wanting to listen to him scream and stuff, Chazz hurriedly threw the card into the Graveyard.

"Aw man, huh, not Ojama Yellow, huh, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson complained, rubbing the back of his head.

"Lastly," Lenalee said with a smile, "I can add one 'Big House' card from our Graveyard back into our hand!" Lenalee took a card out from Allen's Duel Disk and gave it to him.

"Thanks," he thanked, turning his arm back to normal in order to grab it, "I think I'll set it right now." And so, as everybody else de-activated their Innocence weapons, a card hologram appeared on the field for the second time. "Take your last turn, Chazz, and make it quick!"

"Don't worry Chazz, you can take'm! Yeah!" Jaden shouted!  
"Or maybe not," Banner said.  
"But probably, I reckon!" Billy Hills thought.

"But maybe NOT, since I've got to be realistic here," Banner said, shaking away the thought.

"BUUUUT, huh, Banner, huh, he could—"

"STOP IT ALREADY!" _Crap! That's gotta be Big House Combination!_ Chazz knew. "Your voices are irritating me! I need to focus!" _I've gotta end this game NOW, I need a miracle._ Chazz drew his next card…

[.com/watch?v=zg3G-Xsq9uM&feature=related]It was so horrible that Chazz pulled a really, really weird face, as if he'd smelled something horrible. _Did… did I really just draw…_ "Uh… Mann? I need to ask you something…"  
"Don't worry, I just put the card in while you weren't looking!" Mann McOldsmobile nonchalantly explained. "I just wanted to get some revenge against Kanda. He's my least favorite character."  
"And **most** favorite!" Banner added, wanting to keep the tagline alive.

"What's the card, Chazz?" Bastion asked curiously. "You're not giving us any clues."

"I… play Mann McOldsmobile."  
"AW, SWEET!" Mann McOldsmobile cheered!

"Go, Mann! You can do it!" Cuts Man cheered!  
"Yeah, uh, yeah!" Gut Man supported. Mann McOldsmobile took one big leap and landed onto Chazz's side of the field. (Mann McOldsmobile: 2000 Attack Points)

"Now according to the effect," Chazz said, reading the card, "uh, it says I can Special Summon one Cuts Man and one Gut Man from my… when did I get THOSE cards?"

"Just summon them already!" Mann McOldsmobile goaded.

"Okay, sheesh!" Chazz picked up his deck and looked through it, scanning through until he found… a Cuts Man and a Gut Man card. _Why do they look so official?_ Chazz wondered. "Okay, I summon them."  
"OH YEAH!"  
"CUTS…CUTS…..**CUTS!**" The robot twins jumped onto the field! Cuts Man even pulled out his knife-on-a-stick from his original entrance! (Guts Man: 3000 Attack Points, Cuts Man: 3000 Attack Points)

"OH MY GOSH, HOW DO THEY HAVE SO MANY ATTACK POINTS?" Allen screamed, as the onlookers had looks of complete terror!

"Oh, well if one of them is destroyed, Chazz automatically loses," Mann McOldsmobile explained.

"What?"  
"It was on the cards! Couldn't you tell?" Mann McOldsmobile took a deep breath. "Anyways, by sending one card of your cards on the field to the Graveyard, I can destroy two cards on the field."  
"Woah! So useful!" Jaden gasped in amazement.  
"Now I'll send the unimportant face-down card on my field to the Graveyard to destroy Krory and Lenalee!" Chazz decided!  
"Alley-oop!" Mann McOldsmobile picked up the card's hologram and threw it hard enough to cut Lenalee and Krory through the stomach.

"Wha—"

"YEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWW!" Their lifeless torsos fell down and their upper bodies writhed in pain and breathed heavily. Sadly, the card flew back around and landed in Krory's face. "GLECK! Uuuuuugh…"

"GUUUUUYS!" Allen shrieked! "NOOOOOO!"  
"Did… did he really just kill them?" Lavi gasped, unbelieving.  
"Ha ha ha ha ha," everybody laughed, except for Krory.  
"Damn it Lavi, now's not the time!" Kanda barked.

"As much as it pains me to do it… yeah right!" Chazz scoffed. "Mann, I know how you love your revenge!"  
"_**YOSH!**_" Mann McOldsmobile whole-heartily agreed in a somewhat-Japanese manner. He dashed up toward Kanda's face.

_He's so fast! _Kanda realized, suddenly unable to breathe. _Innocence, invoca—_

"_DON'T LOOK DOWN ON ME,_" Mann McOldsmobile growled. Then he punched Kanda in the face, forcing his arm through his entire head. The resulting shockwave blew his entire body apart. Allen and Lavi were showered in blood and guts. (Allen: 3800 Life Points)

"K… Kan…da…?" Lavi murmured.

"Gut Man, kill!" Chazz commanded.

"Got it!" Gut Man agreed. He held his claws up. They glimmered in the moonlight. "These are my GUTTING claws!"

"Those are your ONLY claws!"

"Ha ha ha!"

Lavi was less worried about the stolen audience and more worried about gutting claws. "N-NONONONONO, GUT MAN!" Lavi bargained! "You're not supposed to attack us!"

"So?" Gut Man took a few huge paces toward the red-haired joker and stuck his ginormous claws through Lavi's chest.

"GEEEEH… GEEEEH… geeeeeh…" Lavi took a few last gasps and slid off of Gut Man's hand. (Allen: 1800 Life Points)

"_It takes __**gut**__ to __**cut.**_"

[.com/watch?v=VOYJMufpWGg]"Sorry, Allen, but it seems that you all don't count as Duel Spirits today, seeing as we physical children are presently killing the fuck outta you all," Chazz laughed. "Is it because of your eyepatch? Did you forget so soon?"  
"What…?" Allen touched his golden Egyptian eyepatch. "… Oh, hell…"

"DON'T LOOK DOWN ON US!" the Duel Academy group shouted! "YOU FUCK WITH US, WE FUCK WITH YOU!"

"Go, Cuts Man, I reckon!" Billy Hills cheered!  
"Huh, Cuts, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed!  
"Do it!" Piggybank yelled!  
"Let's end this already!" Bastion and Omega-Xis said simultaneously!

"Yeah, yo! Go go go!" Jaden rapped!  
"I support you!" Banner supported!  
_They're… they're all supporting all this random bloodshed… and they don't even mind the fact that my friends just EXPLODED?_ Allen wondered, his mind boggling. _These kids… are insane! And… what's with that Cuts Man and Gut Man? What do THEY have to do with them? THEY'RE ALL INSANE!_

"Cuts Man, if I can't beat him through Life Points this turn, I figure I'll just invoke the 'death' clause in Shadow Duels. So…" Chazz declared with a thumbs-down, "EXECUTE HIM."  
"CUTS CUTS CUTS! GOT IT, KID!" Cuts Man leaped up as high as he could, brandishing his amazing knife stick.

"You… YOU PEOPLE ARE INSAAAAAAAAANE!" Allen shrieked, running away as fast as possible.  
"CUTS CUTTER ATTACK!" Cuts Man threw his large stick at Allen in a great spinning fashion, emulating a throwing-disk.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Sadly, as the knife was only a butter-knife, Allen's head was not cut in half. It was instead smashed open by the impact, though. (Allen: 200 Life Points, Game Over)

"So, Chazz, how do you feel about your first kill?" Piggybank asked.

"Well, it doesn't count, seeing as they're supposed to be Duel Spirits," Chazz guessed, as his 'monsters' walked out of place.

"Well then, would you like to kill my Winged Kuriboh, yo?" Jaden offered.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" everybody laughed, walking away from the carnage, as if it were just a regular duel.

The next week, Jaden and his roommates turned on the TV. "I heard that there's a pretty good new show coming on today," Syrus said, taking the remote control into his own hands.

"Oh yeah, that 'Big House' spin-off?" Koala Ko Ala guessed.

"Yeah. I love Big House, so I have to watch this too, of course." And so, Syrus changed the channel. Jaden skeptically turned to his Mann and Man-themed friends for guidance.

"Uh, I'm… guessin' that they recorded it all [i]before[/i] we killed them, right?" Jaden thought.

"Cuts cuts cuts! Sounds 'bout right," Cuts Man agreed.

"SHH! IT'S STARTING!" Mann McOldsmobile commanded.

[.com/watch?v=9C8EUrtEhfM]"It's Krory in the House!" blared the television, as it showed a great shot of the White House, in Washington D.C. "STARING… Arystar Krory the Third!" Krory, now with the ominous facial-scar he'd gained the night before, was sitting at the desk of the Oval Office, staring at the camera. "Jason Dolley!" A kid who looked like a regular modern teenager was walking down the hallway at his school with Krory. Next to them waaaas… "Maiara Walsh!" …who was their token female friend.

"Madison Pettis!" Krory was suddenly shown with his bouncy young sister at a park, buying ice cream. "John D'Aquino!" popped up right next to them with an ice cream bar and a smile. Then Krory's dad, "Rondell Sheridan!" walked up and paid for their treats to much acclaim. "And Kyle Massey!" was the other kid who popped up with Krory and gave a couple of hip and happening hand signs to the audience.

"KRORY IN THE HOUSE!" shouted the announcer, as a group shot of everybody in front of the White House was shown.

"You see, it takes place after Big House, when Krory became the President," Syrus said.  
"Of America?" Koala Ko Ala asked.

"No, of Europe."

"I'm… too confused…" Gut Man groaned. "Wasn't Kyle Massey the star of that show…? Oh gosh…"

They all made Home Alone faces. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

MEANWHILE…

"KOFF KOFF KOFF," Banner coughed, rebuilding his room from the day before. "Damn Koala Juice…" he muttered, clutching his chest grimly. "Well…least it tasted good."

COMMENTARY

I hope people got the in-joke forced into your face repeatedly, seeing as Big House was so important earlier… and yes, I love writing on the filler episodes. They're so stupid they're at least 3X funnier than usual! But what I'm wondering… is how nobody found the five random guys out there in the original were evil. HOW OBVIOUS WAS IT? Well, it was obvious enough for Chazz to become spontaneously badass, I hope.

Aaaaanyways, I guess that I'm the only one who likes the big Chazz moment (you know the one), and I'm also probably the only one who realized that there was no good reason for the series to IGNORE the fact that if your dueling can HURT others, you can KILL your opponent into a loss. Right? Am I right? Was the scene disturbing enough? Was the sudden revival at the end cool enough, too, or just tacky? Aaanyways, please enjoy your old Disney show references and have a good one.

Oh yeah, and lots of foreshadowing. Yeah.


	43. Episode 43: Field of Screams Part Two

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 43: Piggybank Goes Crazy… Again

It was one fine morning on Duel Academy Island, and everybody was poppin' and brimmin' with energy! The guitar was top-notch today, and actually hitting coherent beats and power chords! And yet, there was only ONE person of consequence who didn't applaud the musical solo… CROWLER! It was sulking in its office, waiting for something VERY important.

"Ugh, where is it?" it growled. "It should have arrived today. I ordered it two-to-three weeks ago!" Suddenly, there was a knock at its door. "Oh, could this be it? The subject of today's filler episode?" Crowler ripped the door off its hinges. The person at the door? It was the famous deliveryman; Delivery Davis! He in his short-sleeved brown delivery clothing and bushy black moustache was the star of Randumcrap Deliveries™ (founded by Jenny Randomcrap)!

"Eh, 'ello 'dere, D'liv'ry Davis at 'cher service," Delivery Davis greeted, tipping his hat and handing Crowler its small package.  
"Thanks." Crowler put back the door in his face and ripped open the new delivery. Inside was a grey ball with a timer on it.

"YEEEEEEEEEEESS-UH!" Crowler cheered! "IT'S HERE, IT'S FINALLY HERE! THE ONE FINAL TRICK UP MY SLEEVE TO ELIMINATE JADEN YUCKY ONCE AND FOR ALL…!" Crowler held it above its head like it was a gift from the heavens. "Now, with Misawa's help, I shall at last accomplish my year-long goal! And then I shall celebrate with ice cream cake." Crowler walked out of its room and turned to Bastion, Piggybank, Fluffy Fred and Baseball Bob, who were somehow standing immediately outside of its room. "Baseball Bob, turn on every fire alarm in the building."  
"Okay." Baseball Bob ran off and triggered several alarms, to everybody's annoyance.

" Fred, take this paper and recite it over the intercom." Crowler handed him a piece of paper.

"Uh, okay. Where's the intercom?"  
"At the office," Crowler explained.

"Thanks!" Fluffy Fred began punching and running through walls.

"Bastion, force this small bomb into Piggybank's head."

"Okay," Bastion accepted, without any question. He shoved it into Piggybank's head slot.

"Eh!" she whimpered. "Ow!"

"Piggybank, handcuff yourself to Jaden Yucky," Crowler instructed, giving Piggybank a pair of electronic handcuffs.

"Uh, what are you… planning?" Piggybank asked.

"Oh, I stuck a bomb in your head so that you can blow up Yucky-boy," Crowler said.

"HUNH?" Piggybank gasped!  
"Oh, don't worry."  
"WE SHOULD WORRY!" Omega-Xis yelled, becoming important again!  
"Yeesh, Misawa, when'd you get THAT?" Crowler asked. "It's like… a bear… or a wolf… and it's freaky."  
"Hey," Omega-Xis sniffed.

"Duel Island," Bastion answered.

"Duel Island?" Crowler repeated.

"Duel Island," Bastion repeated.

"Who cares about Omega-Xis? You just stuffed a LIVE EXPLOSIVE INTO MY HEAD," Piggybank worried.

"Don't worry about her, Misawa, that is a SPECIAL bomb," Crowler promised. "It will ONLY blow up Jaden Yucky."

"R-really?" Bastion believed.

"_Poor naïve little Bastion_," Crowler uttered obviously.

"Um, we heard that, Ms. Crowler," Piggybank said.

"Oh, well… okay. Either way, she's safe, Bastion," Crowler stated.

"That's great!" _Also,_ Bastion thought, _we ALL know that Jaden ALWAYS makes it through all of Crowler's tricks. Why should today be any different?_

_I dunno, but it's horrible that you just put your technical girlfriend in danger,_ Omega-Xis pondered.

_True… but how are you speaking with me through your mind?_

_Old joke._

_Oh, right. _Bastion, Crowler and Piggybank stood there for a moment as the fire alarms blared irritatingly.

"Well… get to it," Crowler suggested, walking away.

MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE…

Several students were out in the sun, sitting around campfires, as if they were ready to sit out there for a long time. "Wow," Jaden said, sitting with his five roommates, "fire alarms sure are fun, yo!"  
"Not really," Syrus moaned, "now I don't know whether or not this is a prank or if a fire's destroying our beloved school."  
"But why can't we go back to our dorms?" Koala Ko Ala whined. "I love my bed! And sleeping in it. And I want to sleep. In the bed. Right now."  
"Stop the joke before it gets too repetitive!" Mann McOldsmobile ordered, throwing some s'mores into Koala Ko Ala's mouth.  
"WAAAUGH, IT'S HOOOOT!"

"_PSSSSH,_" went the intercom, audible outside of the school's main building somehow. "_JADEN… EH… UH… UM… YUCKY,_" Fluffy Fred announced, "_PL-PLEASE… UM, COME INSIDE THE SCHOOL'S MAIN ENTRANCE… THERE'S SOME CAKE. AND… AND YOU CAN EAT IT, TOO. ALSO JANITORBOY IKKAKU PLEASE REPORT TO THE CAFETERIA AND CLEAN UP SOME VOMIT, BEFORE CROWLER THROWS UP AGAIN, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS YESTERDAY._"  
"Cake?" Jaden gasped.

"_THE CAKE IS AWESOMEBERRY-FLAVORED,_" Fluffy Fred added.

"AWESOMEBERRY IS DA BOMB, YO!" Jaden roared! "I MUST EAT IT!"

"During a fire drill?" Syrus asked. "But what if the cake isn't real, thus failing to avoid all Portal references, and you really DO get burned! Plus you know how Crowler always calls you 'Yucky', like on the announcement. Do you smell trouble? Because I smell trouble."

"Well," Billy Hills said, coming out from nowhere in particular, "I reckon you should go for it." Then he ran off, as his job was complete.  
"Psst," Cuts Man whispered, "do you wanna take the Cuts Spear?" Cuts Man asked, pulling out his knife-on-a-stick.

"Don't take it," Guts Man told Jaden.

"Nah, I don't need THAT," Jaden politely declined. "But anyways, I'm a-gonna get that cake! See ya'!"  
"Can I come with you?" Koala Ko Ala asked.

"No."  
"DAMN IT !"

Jaden ran all the way back to the school, which was honestly not too far away. He dashed into the bright, empty halls, as the fire alarms faded out by themselves. He stopped next to Bastion and Piggybank. "Oh, hey Bastion and Piggybank yo," Jaden greeted.

"Here you go!" Bastion said, attaching the electrical handcuffs to Jaden and Piggybank's opposite arms. "Watch out, they only come off with dueling!"

"WHAAAAAT?" Jaden cried. "WHYYYYYYY?"

"I…don't know why they would only come off with-"

"NOT _THAT_, THE PART ABOUT US GETTING HANDCUFFED AND NO CAKE!"  
"Oh, he just thought it would be a good idea to follow Crowler's orders and handcuff you to Piggybank after she got a bomb implanted in her head, set to explode after an indeterminate amount of time," Omega-Xis explained.  
"… Piggybank, Bastion," Jaden asked, "Why did you think that would be a good idea?"  
"Because Bastion said so," Piggybank answered.

"Because Crowler said so," Bastion answered.

Jaden stared at Bastion, then Piggybank, and then Bastion once again. Then he looked at his now-handcuffed arm. With a calm sense of style and intrigue, Jaden said "!" and began running fast enough to pull Piggybank along through the air.

"Bye Bastion!" Piggybank waved.

Bastion and Omega-Xis left the building and spotted Syrus, Koala Ko Ala, and the rest by their campfire, warming up some vittles. "Hey guys," Bastion called, approaching them.

"Hey Bastion, is there REALLY some cake for Jaden in there?" Syrus asked. "Or is this just another conflicted assassination plot by Crowler?"  
"Eh, the second one," Bastion stated, stabbing a marshmallow onto a stick.

"Where's the pig-ear girl?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"She's doing something important," Bastion said.

"But by that you mean something stupid, right?" Syrus double-checked.

"Ayup," Omega-Xis stated.

"Oh," Cuts Man accepted.

"Oh yeah, we're here, too!" Fluffy Fred announced, appearing behind Bastion, holding Baseball Bob in his hand!

"He forced me to come with him!" Basebal Bob whined.

"Fred!" Bastion yelled! "How many times do I have to tell you not to obsessively chase after me?"  
"A lot."  
"Then what the hell are you doing? Go home!" Bastion ordered, pointing to the school.

"B-but that school's gonna explode!" Fluffy Fred sniffed.

"I don't care, Fred! Go and think about what you've done!" Now wailing, Fluffy Fred shuffled away.

"Man, that Fred kid has problems," Mann McOldsmobile sighed, eating a heated sausage.

"But can Bob stay?" Gut Man asked.

"Sure," Bastion guessed.  
"YAY!"

[.com/watch?v=fGvVOun_7kU&feature=related]"!" Jaden screamed, running down the hall.

"!" Jaden screamed, running up some stairs, onto an odd, raised hallway.

"!" Jaden screamed, leaping off the railings and falling on his face. Piggybank landed softly on top of him.

"That was stupid," Piggybank said.

"Aw, shut up, lady!" Jaden growled, lifting his head off the clean floors, releasing a gush of blood from his injured nose.

"OI OI OI OI **OI!**" said somebody, rushing onto the scene, and alas, it was Janitorboy Ikkaku, riding on his janitorial supply cart!

"What?" Piggybank gasped. "Why're YOU still here, random character thrown in for the hell of it?"  
"Speak for yourself," Janitorboy Ikkaku shrugged. "Either way, I was just leaving after cleaning up that crap vomit in the cafeteria, when suddenly you fell down, dirtying the floor with your nasty blood! We can't have that! Or else I don't get paid!" Janitorboy Ikkaku began wiping off the floor with his three-sectioned mop-ended spear.  
"Well… okay," Jaden shrugged. "Why's your mop red?"

"Because it's bloody," Janitorboy Ikkaku answered.

"With my blood, oh yeah."  
And with an incredibly scary face, he replied; "_I MEANT WITH THE BLOOD OF MY NEMESES._"

"So, yo, what's up wit' 'da bomb?"  
"Oh, it's in my head," Piggybank explained, pointing at her head-hole.

"… Crap," Jaden groaned. "In the head? It could've been in the bra. It could've been in the panties. It could've been someplace else gratifying. But the… the head-hole?"

"Then why don't you tell her to take it out?" Ikkaku suggested, ignored.

"Shut up, Jaden! If you don't want to blow up so much, then why don't you just take it out like a man?" Piggybank nagged.

"… O-okay, yo, I g-got it…" Jaden slowly raised his non-handcuffed hand and moved it toward Piggybank.

"Hurry it up!" Piggybank shouted.

"Meep!" Jaden stuck his hand into Piggybank's skull and tried not to vomit. He moved his hand around. "I c-c-c-can't find it, I can't feel anything!" Jaden said.

"Go deeper, then," Piggybank told.

"Hot damn, woman!" Jaden snapped! "I can only be pushed so far!"  
"So you wanna die?"

Jaden slid his arm out. "… So if Bastion wanted you to die, then you'd die?"  
Piggybank's eyes narrowed. "And what if I would?"  
"Then you're an idiot!" Jaden announced! "You blindly follow 'dat Bastion kid and don't think fo' yo'self! What if there was a hip new product in stores now, and then you really really wanted it, but Bastion told you that you couldn't have it?"  
"Then I'd not buy it, of course," Piggybank said, in a matter-of-fact way. "We're so madly in love! I'd do anything for him, and he'd do anything for me."  
"… You're a real idiot," Jaden said.

"WHAT?" Now enraged, Piggybank pulled a fist-full of coins from her head and tossed them at Jaden!

"Ow." Jaden looked at the coins on the ground.

"DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME AN IDIOT!" SMACK. SMACK SMACK. SMACK. Jaden threw a few coins back at Piggybank.

"Hey, kid!" Janitorboy Ikkaku attacked! "You can't hit a girl unless she hits you in the face!"

"UUUUUR-[b]YAH![/b]" Piggybank roared, punching Jaden in the face! The attack was hard enough to throw Jaden away to the extent the handcuffs would allow, pulling Piggybank to the floor.

"… Kick their ass," Janitorboy Ikkaku told them both.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The two of them put their hearts in their sleeves and their souls in their fists! Jaden punched at Piggybank, who caught his attack. Then she punched at him, forcing Jaden to grab her fist with his sole remaining duke!  
"Y**-you're** being an idiot, Jaden," Piggybank growled.

"Well, somebody had t-to tell you s-sometime!" Jaden groaned. Suddenly, their two fists slipped out from their fist-holders, successfully slugging each other in the faces!  
"Woah! A cross-counter!" Janitorboy Ikkaku gasped, stepping back! The two combatants took a step back and took some deep gulps of breath, wiping the sweat from their faces.

"Heh," Piggybank chuckled, tugging the handcuffs toward her.

"Woah," Jaden cried, getting tugged off his feet. Before he could land, Piggybank leaped at him and delivered a stern kick to the stomach. This was strong enough to blow them both away toward the Duel Dome.  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" they both cried, sailing through the air! They broke through the doors to the Dome and fell into the center of the coliseum.

"Hey, wait or me!" Janitorboy Ikkaku called! He leaped onto his janitorial cart and began rolling off, using his mop-lance as a paddle.

"Uuuuuugh," Jaden groaned, rubbing his stomach, rolling onto his back.

"DIIIIE!" Piggybank shouted, ready to stomp on his face!  
"Yo hey wait yo," Jaden said. She stopped.

"What?"  
"Do you really wanna be strapped to me?" Jaden asked. "I mean, yo, why would'joo wanna be handcuffed to an idiot kid like me?"

"And where are you going with this?"  
"Look, wanna get away from me after leaving me wit' 'da bomb so that I die and you don't have to sit with me anymore?"  
"Hmm…" Piggybank thought it over.  
"Do it," Janitorboy Ikkaku instructed, rolling in.

"Well alright, then." Piggybank grabbed the chain connecting the handcuffs and tugged on it. It held fast. "Damn, it's tough."  
"Allow me, I have Drain-E!" Janitorboy Ikkaku suggested, holding up a yellow bottle of drain cleaner. He tossed the bottle at the cuffs, doing nothing. "Sorry, it didn't work."

"Well then, what'd Bastion say t'you 'bout it?" Jaden asked Piggybank.

"He…uh…um…dang, I forgot what Bastion said, didn't I? Stupid!" She slapped herself. "Uh…oh yeah, I remember what he said!" Piggybank remembered!

"_Here you go!" Bastion said, attaching the electrical handcuffs to Jaden and Piggybank's opposite arms. "Watch out, they only come off with dueling!"_

"… Does that make sense?"Janitorboy Ikkaku asked. "Handcuffs that only turn off when you duel? How do they—"

"They're electrical," Piggybank insisted.

"Well, then," Janitorboy Ikkaku shrugged, "just duel."

"RIGHT!" The handcuffs seemed to respond to the idea of a duel and extended far enough that the two duelists could stand at either end of the Duel Dome duel stage. They both took their spaces and took their Duel Disks out from their back pockets. "DUEL!"

"And let's get it over with fast," Piggybank insisted.

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Piggybank: 4000 Life Points)

[.com/watch?v=2_RAVXte6NI]And so, Jaden and Piggybank were beginning to duel in the Duel Dome, with only Janitorboy Ikkaku and Crowler watching. And SPEAKING of Crowler… "Mweh heh heh," Crowler dreadfully laughed, watching through a convenient window near the ceiling of the dome, "there's only about ten minutes left until the bomb goes off, give or take how long it takes for people to read this stupid thing…"

"I'm going first, on account of the fact I can end this game in two turns," Piggybank decided. She held out one Mars, Agent of Destruction and three copies of the Trap card, Aegis of Gaia. "I'll set three Traps and summon Mars, the Agent of Destruction in Attack Mode!" A red angel-dude with a cool-looking thin war hammer appeared. (Mars: 0 Attack Points) "I'll call that a turn."

"Okay." Jaden drew a card.

"HALT!" Piggybank announced! "I activate three copies of Aegis of Gaia!" The three Traps flipped up, showing cool green-haired women getting struck by lightning… I think. "These Continuous Trap cards give me 3000 Life Points each, for a grand total of 13000!" The trio of ladies appeared and shocked Mars with red lightning! IT MADE HIM STRONG! "In addition, my Mars gains Attack Points equal to the difference in our Life Points!" (Mars: 9000 Attack Points) "Now, just bump Avian into him and let's call it a game."  
"Good game," Janitorboy Ikkaku complimented, clapping.

"Well then, I'll kick things off with Heavy Storm, y'all!" A large tornado ripped the three ladies to pieces. (Piggybank: 4000 Life Points, Mars: 0 Attack Points)

"…" Piggybank's left eyebrow wiggled oddly. "WHY DID YOU **DO** THAT?"

"Because I'm 'da hero, and 'da hero ALWAYS wins, 'cause 'da hero is boss!" Jaden insisted. "So I'm gonna have to beat you here and now! Now I'll summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman in Attack Mode yo!" Bubbleman appeared. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "Now because I have no cards on the field, I can draw two cards!" Jaden drew two cards.

"LOOK, Jaden!" Piggybank yelled! "Can you PLEASE just stop being stupid? We're supposed to end this FAST! You're wasting our time, so we're probably going to explode! Damn, and even after I played my theme song."  
"… Oh, sorry." Jaden set a card. "Then I'll throw-down a face-down, and end my turn."  
"BOO," someone said.

"… And why did you set a card?"  
"'Cause, yo."

"Fine then." Piggybank threw down a new monster. "I'll tribute Mars for Agent of Judgment – Saturn!" The red angel popped for some reason, begin replaced with a serious-looking purple angel. (Saturn: 2400 Attack Points) "Now kill Bubbleman with Judgment of Space!" Saturn's eyes glowed and a huge ring of icy rock particles swooped down from above, smashing Bubbleman's head in. (Jaden: 2400 Life Points)

"Well ha ha, I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman with Hero Signal!" Jaden's Hero Signal flipped up and shattered, bringing out Sparkman.

"Hoo huh!" Sparkman flexed. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)  
"Why did you do that?" Piggybank ordered.

"Because the main character always wins," Janitorboy Ikkaku stated, "except for when they lose, because every well-written character (and several badly-written ones) ALWAYS LOSES SOMETIMES."  
"Yeah, like against Deep-Voice Dobbson, y'all!" Jaden said.

"Oh fine, I understand," Piggybank said, smiling brightly.

"Y'do?" Jaden inquired.

"Yep!" But what Piggybank really thought was… _What a bastard. I can't wait until I get away from him! Talking about me and Bastion like that? We can't have that. He can win, but he can die, too._

"Well alright, then!" Jaden chuckled, drawing a Polymerization. _Nobody smiles like DAT these days,_ Jaden knew. _She's pissed. So why doesn't it feel as good as it should…?_ "I fuse my Elemental Hero Sparkman with Clayman from my hand to summon Elemental Hero Thunder Giant!" A blue sparkly whirlpool appeared onto the field and it absorbed the two monsters. In a few seconds it spat something out. (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points) The large, fat man with the 'lectrical armor and chestplate appeared, smashed his fists together and summoned a bolt of lightning from the sky, striking Saturn away into dust. "Ha ha, once a turn I can blow up one of your monsters weaker than my TG. And now attaaaaaaaack!" Thunder Giant held his mighty fists above his head!  
"RAAAAAAAAR!" he roared!  
"That thunder kid reminds me of me," Janitorboy Ikkaku whistled. The really, really big man created a fat ball of electricity within his meaty paws and tossed it at Piggybank.

"Ungh," she moaned, getting hit. (Piggybank: 1600 Life Points)

"Your turn," Jaden insisted.

"Well then, if you wanna win so much, I'll just summon Agent of Creation – Venus and pay 1500 Life Points with her ability, summoning three Mystical Shine Balls." Her cool golden statue lady appeared, stretching out her wings and bringing out three white orbs of coolness. (Piggybank: 100 Life Points) "You can go on ahead and kill one now."  
"Well then, I know JUST what to do now…" Jaden held one more card up for the ages. "I tribute my Elemental Hero Thunder Giant for Elemental Hero Necroshade in Attack Mode!" The big fat man disappeared and was replaced by a red alien-like creature with bone-like armor all along its body. (Necroshade: 1600 Attack Points) "Go ahead, gal."

[.com/watch?v=wtL57XeEvyI]"… Mm? What?" Piggybank asked, confused. "Wh-why didn't you attack me and win right there?"  
"Yeah, that was weird," Janitorboy Ikkaku noticed.

"What kind of main character would I be if I was a bitch t'everybody?" Jaden suggested.

"…" _Wow_, Piggybank thought, stunned. _This self-indulgent freak is actually letting me win, after all that talk?_

"Way to go, man!" Janitorboy Ikkaku shouted! "Take one for the team! Though, you were still a jerk earlier."

"Who cares? I'm losing and that's that!" Jaden insisted. "Now forget that and summon something cool!"

"Well… thanks!" Piggybank drew… "I play Pot of Greed!" Piggybank picked up two cards after putting her Spell into the Graveyard. She picked up The Sanctuary in the Sky and Warrior of Zera. [i]Let's end this in style![/i] She placed her Field card into her Field card space. "I activate Sanctuary in the Sky!" The huge floating sanctuary appeared above the dueling duelists, doing cool floating stuff. "Next I will summon The Warrior of Zera!" A dark-skinned muscle-y man in green armor, complete with a horned helmet, a red hero scarf, and a blue demon sword appeared on the fly! (Warrior of Zera: 1600 Attack Points, 1600 Defense Points) "I bet that many of you people who have crappy usage of time know what this means!"  
"Archlord Zerato?" Janitorboy Ikkaku guessed.  
"You're a nerd if you knew that, but you're right!" Piggybank revealed! "I'll tribute my Warrior of Zera to summon Archlord Zerato!" The man suddenly sprouted wings. His skin somehow turned pink, and his pants inexplicably transformed into a blue loincloth, ew. The blue sword became a large original-flavor blade of justice and light. (Zerato: 2800 Attack Points, 2300 Defense Points)

"Thank you, Jaden," Piggybank thanked, blushing slightly. _Maybe Bastion's not the only nice person out there… wait, no, that's not a declaration. He is merely cool now, not cute! Alright, fans?_ "I discard Agent of Wisdom – Mercury from my hand to destroy all face-up enemy monsters on the field!" Zerato held his blade toward the floating sanctuary. It responded by firing a large yellow laser at Necroshade, blowing him away. "ATTACK HIM DIRECTLY!" Zerato nodded and flapped his wings twice, placing him about five feet in the air. Then he extended his wings as far as he could and shot an amazing barrage of feathers at Jaden!

"!" Jaden groaned, struck by a thousand digital feathers. After hitting him, they and everything else on the field exploded. (Jaden: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"PIPIPI," the handcuffs responded, letting go of the two kids and clattering to the ground.  
"Woo, that was a doozy of a stupid duel," Janitorboy Ikkaku cheered.

"BOOP, BOOP, BOOP, BOOP…" booped a thing.  
"EH?" Piggybank gasped! "It's coming from inside my head!"  
"IT'S THE BOMB!" Jaden screamed!  
"Well, I'd better get outta here," Crowler decided, leaping off of the school into a secret underground bunker.

"Quick, grab the bomb!" Piggybank cried, sticking Jaden's hand into her head!  
"Oh, oh gawd, it feels so wrong!" Jaden groaned! "Wait, I can't feel anything but coins! Why can't I find the bomb?"  
"Go deeper!" Janitorboy Ikkaku and Piggybank coached!

"At least this isn't a double-entendre…" Jaden heaved, sticking his head in. "Aw man, I can't see! Woah! You need a window, or a light bulb in here, lady!"

"Not now! Find the bomb!" Piggybank rushed on! "It should be at the bottom!"  
"How many coins DO you keep in there?" Janitorboy Ikkaku asked.

"Why're you in this episode?" Piggybank asked.

"Touché."

Jaden, now so far in that his legs were the only things left out, finally found something that kept beeping irritatingly. "BOOP, BOOP, BOOP, BOOP…"

"Hey, I found it, I guess!" Jaden cheered! "Now can I get outta this whack head?"  
"Sure, just do it fast!" Janitorboy Ikkaku decided. Piggybank forcefully pulled Jaden out of her head with a nice 'pop' sound. Jaden gave Janitorboy Ikkaku the typical-looking bomb, fuse and all. The 'ON/OFF' button was fake and fell off, but nobody noticed.

"Now, do something with this!" Jaden ordered!  
"What? You don't tell me what to do; I'm the janitor!"  
"Can't you throw it out a window'r somethin', yo? We don't have time to argue!" Jaden yelled!  
"_**I'LL**_ tell you when we don't have time to argue!"  
"This… is… stupid…" Piggybank dreaded.

"Damn, man, what's takin' Jaden so long to eat up that cake, y'all?" Cuts Man asked, outside with the rest.

"I don't know," Syrus shrugged uselessly, "but it sounds like you're taking after Jaden."  
"Cuts cuts cuts! Yep!"

"Well stop, that can't be good for you," Koala Ko Ala insisted.

"Okay…" Cuts Man solemnly obeyed.

"Meanwhile, what IS taking Jaden so long, HMM, Bastion?" Omega-Xis asked accusingly.

"W-well, I…" Bastion stammered. He took a gulp and a deep breath of air. "Don't worry about him, guys. We know Jaden, he always comes back alright! I'm sure that he'll be able to beat that cake and come tearing back down here as he always does, with a full stomach and a mouth full of DREAMS! Have faith in him!"

"Yeah!" Baseball Bob applauded.

"Boy, Bastion, you make it seem like a matter of life or death," Mann McOldsmobile noticed.

**KEHBLOOSH!**

The school exploded, leaving nothing but a smoldering crater of smoke. "… Crap," Bastion cursed under his breath.

"Is… is Jaden okay…?" Syrus wondered.

"Aw damn it, not again," Chancellor Shepherd sighed. "That's the third time, now!" He pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number in. "Well I'll just have them airlift a new school over… Hello, Kaiba? …Yeah, it's me… yeah, we need a new one…" Shepherd put the phone away as a new Duel Academy was pulled in by helicopter and dropped right in place.

"So, is Jaden dead?" Gut Man asked, sadly.

"And Piggybank," Bastion sighed.

"Why her?"

Suddenly, the group was smacked in the head by a mop-lance. "WHY DOES NOBODY CARE ABOUT THE JANITOR?" Janitorboy Ikkaku raged.

"Janitorboy Ikkaku? You're alive!" Syrus pseudo-celebrated.  
"YOU LIE!" Janitorboy Ikkaku smacked him again.

"Ow!"  
"Hey, just be happy I didn't use the sharp part!"  
"Wait, then if HE'S alive, then what about the others?" guessed Omega-Xis. At that moment, Jaden and Piggybank inexplicably walked out of the new Duel Academy together.

"Hey, they're okay!" Koala Ko Ala shouted! The now-friendly duo ran up to them and began to converse.

"Yo, guys!" Jaden greeted!  
"Yeah, yo," Piggybank copied.

"How did you guys survive if the school exploded?" Bastion asked.

"I dunno," Jaden shrugged honestly.

"Wait, how do you not know?" Gut Man inquisitively questioned.

"I have no clue," Piggybank answered.

"But the school you were in blew up," Cuts Man reminded.

"We know."  
"Did you dive out of the building just in time, like me?" Janitorboy Ikkaku suggested.

"Nah, we'd have remembered," Jaden knew. "The GOOD thing is that inside the new Duel Academy, everything's in the same spot as before 'da 'splosion, yo."  
"Just shortening every word doesn't automatically make you 'gangsta', Jaden," Syrus sy-ed.

"Aw, shut up, Syrus!" Jaden laughed.

"What **I'M** wondering is why you aren't already locked onto Bastion," Baseball Bob said, surprising everybody who had forgotten where he was or that he existed.

"Oh," Piggybank noticed, "well, let's just say that I learned a LOT today," she explained, putting her arms behind her back.

"… Well, then," Omega-Xis said, "let's all go back to school 'n stuff."  
"Alright."  
"Yeah, yeah."  
"Sounds like a plan."

"Reckon!"

"Hey, YOU'RE not Billy Hills, I reckon!"  
"Cuts cuts cuts!"

And so, the massive crowds of students marched back into class where they promptly fell asleep and played cards.

"Hmm," Crowler wondered, "has the bomb gone off yet?" It tried looking at her watch in the utter darkness of her hastily-dug underground bunker. "Oh well, I'll give it another ten minutes." And Crowler stayed down there for several hours, due to his/her/its own ignorance. The end. I couldn't come up with a better ending.

CURRENT FILLER EPISODES LEFT: 1

COMMENTARY

No, just because something is electrical doesn't mean it'll turn off if you duel. Meh, I know it's been several months since I've asked, but I would really REALLY like it if I could get a proofreader for this story. I know about 250 or so of you guys read this thing (judging by the hits counter), so it'd be great if you could help me from sinking back into the quality of the earlier episodes (which I will edit once I get to a point that I have enough time for it).

Ignoring all what I just said, yeah, I really wanted to cut that one Crowler duel into one episode rather than three, so that I could both show that it could actually duel at some point, since I was irritated how badly it failed in every situation (not meaning that I like its character, not one bit). Also so that I could turn the other two episodes into fillers like this, so that I could get in some extra character development and completely idiotic plots to make fun of how stupid the original got (Seriously, the Duel Giant? And what's up with the Tennis-guy?).

Yeah, this episode's job was to show how moronic and childish Crowler is and put in a plot equal in intensity to it hiring an evil hit man to duel Jaden just to beat him way back in episode… five, I think? Yeah, so placing a bomb in a witting young student's head isn't such a long shot. Along with Crowler's de-development, I wanted to FINALLY attack Piggybank for embodying the trope of 'love-struck high school girl really REALLY loves you' and give her some common sense. And I admit, that I wasn't originally going to do that with Piggybank, since that was what my sister suggested she should be, but I got agitated with it after a while and thought of this. Now she's just Bastion's friend who's slightly attracted to him, instead of Bastion's personal loveslave! WOOOO! And while she thinks Jaden's a sweet guy now, this will NOT allow any Jaden/Piggybank shipping. Nope, now they jus' cool. They cool, ai'ght?

Also, that all doesn't mean she'll affect any large-scale story events (derailing a plotline from the original into something else with her direct involvement, ect.), though she had a role to fulfill in the next season. I do apologize though for making her such a good duelist, even though she does pretty much nothing. Watch out, because Mann McOldsmobile, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills will follow suit soon… yeah, it happens. So leaving you with that which most of you will never read, have a grape week.


	44. Episode 44: A Reason to Win

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 44: A Reason to Win: For Cocoa

It was a thunderstomy night, and we ALL know what THAT means… something BAD happens! Alexis, Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut were sitting in a dark hospital room while Atticus McArgue slept silently. "I really hope he gets better soon," Nancy Wut sighed sadly.

"You keep saying that," Angry McArgue groaned, "this is the fifty-seventh time. Please stop before I get irritated."  
"There's three Stars left,"  
"Shadow Riders!" Nancy Wut added.

"Yeah," Alexis agreed, "but it would still be really great if Atticus could help us, since he used to be one. In fact, I just really want to talk to him without him drooling everywhere; it makes me feel bad for him."

"I do too," Angry McArgue agreed.

"I really hope he gets better soon," Nancy Wut sadly sighed.

"Fifth-eighth, please stop now."

_I just wish things were like they were before all this crap started,_ Alexis wished, calling upon a flashback to describe her feelings.

_It was a bright spring day, as Alexis, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue were sitting under a tree together in their catholic-seeming school uniforms. They held a small item of some sort. BUT THEN… "Angry, Alexis," called a familiar voice. "Nancy?" Atticus walked up to them in a cool-looking traditional boy's black school uniform complete with Jotaro Kujo hat that seemed to fuse to your hair! _

[REFERENCE: . ]

"_Daddy!" Angry McArgue greeted!  
"Daddy!" Alexis and Nancy Wut greeted!_

"_No no no, I'm not ALL your daddies!" Atticus explained! "Otherwise, I'd have been persecuted long ago! What's that in your hands?"  
"We built a dueling deck," Nancy Wut said, handing Atticus some cards._

"_Hmm…" Atticus looked at the cards. "Butterfly Dagger Elma… Fire Princess… Spell Absorption… Gearfried the Iron Knight…"_

"_It's a first-turn kill deck!" Nancy Wut proclaimed!  
"It beats the opponent in one turn!" Alexis added!  
"This is garbage!" Atticus yelled, throwing the cards into a portable trash can._

"_WAAAAH, OUR CARDS!" Angry McArgue screamed! "Why, daddy?"_

_"Because, girls," Atticus began, "when you play a card game, you have to make sure you know why you're playing."  
"To beat people and humiliate them?" Angry McArgue suggested._

"_No, you need the right reasons to duel others."  
"To take their pets as ante?" Nancy Wut suggested._

"_No no no, I mean…" Atticus thought for a moment. "Duel with your heart, not your brain."  
"But then you'd lose," Nancy Wut noticed._

"_And isn't it fun to win in one turn?" Alexis asked._

"… _Why don't you make a Cyber Girl deck, Alexis?" Atticus suggested._

"_Yay!"  
But Angry McArgue wasn't satisfied! "Daddy, I'll show you! I'll make a GREAT deck that can win the game in ONE turn, and it'll be fun!"  
"That's nice," Atticus shrugged, giving up._

_Those were the days,_ Alexis concluded.

"I really hope he gets better soon," sighed Nancy Wut, sadly.

"Don't make it fifty-nine, Nancy," Angry McArgue warned. BUT JUST THEN…

"_Do you three really want your brother and/or father back,_" asked the random evil black flame-shaped portal that had appeared next to the three young girls.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?" they gasped in synch!  
"_Yes, I can restore your friend's memories,_" the portal explained, "_but only if you can defeat me in a duel._"  
"Does… does he look like a Star?" Angry McAgrue whispered to Alexis.

"Shadow Rider!" Nancy Wut corrected.

"I… I guess so," Alexis guessed. "I'll duel him first, since you know your combos aren't reliable, you two."  
"But you lost your key."  
"So?"  
"Oh, I get it," Angry McArgue realized, smiling slyly. "ALRIGHT, SHADOW-BASTARD, BRING IT ON!"

"Shadow Rider!" Nancy Wut corrected.

"_Very well then,_" the flame accepted, "_enter the portal and meet your doom. Muhuhahahahaha._" The trio looked at each other and silently nodded. They walked into the portal like the ignorant people they were.

Just as the portal began to close and the girls were almost completely out of sight, Atticus was instantly restored to normal through unexplained means! Hooray! He jolted upright on his bed and gasped. The portal closed. "Oh man, was that… AN EVIL BLACK FIRE PORTAL WITH MY BEST FRIENDS AND DAUGHTER INSIDE?"

Just when the episode started seeming like it could be GOOD, we cut to Jaden, snoring while crushed underneath Mann McOldsmobile's bunk bed (for those of you who're wondering, Cuts Man and Gut Man sleep in the corners). As he was being crushed, Winged Kuriboh decided to take the time to go "OOH, OOH!" all around his face. "OOH! OOH! OOH!"  
"WHAT, 'YA DAMN FURBALL?" Jaden roared, leaping up and sending Mann McOldsmobile's bed flying away. Something knocked at the door, waking Koala Ko Ala and Syrus up.

"I-I'll get it," Syrus groggily accepted. He jumped out of bed and opened up the door. And who else could be outside but Chazz? "Chazz? What's up this late?"

"Yeah. We're tryin' to sleep," Koala Ko Ala said, rubbing his eyes.

"I need Jaden and anybody else who wants to tag along NOW," Chazz stated. "Alexis is MISSING."

TWO! MINUTES! LATER!  
Crowler and Zane Truesdale were standing around in the halls of Duel Academy in the dead of the night as the rain continuously splattered upon the nearby windows. Jaden, Chazz, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala all ran up to them as a group of worried people. "Dudes? Are Alexis 'n' her friends REALLY gone?" Jaden asked.

"But mostly Alexis?" Chazz interjected.

"There's no sign," Zane sadly revealed. "It's like she just disappeared."  
"Although they COULD just be in the bathroom or something," Crowler thought.  
"Yeah, how do YOU guys know that she's not still okay?" Syrus wondered.

"This is Duel Academy," Koala Ko Ala said, "we KNOW she can't be safe HERE."

"Lame excuse…"  
"Quiet, Mr. Young Truesdale, I'm about to open the door to the Infirmary." Crowler opened up the super sliding doors of the Nurse's Office, leading to a startling surprise. Atticus was on the floor!  
"Atticus!" everybody gasped!  
"Damn, man, how many episodes does it take to get better?" Jaden growled.

"That wasn't appropriate here," Mann McOldsmobile stated.

"Oh, sorry… MANN?" Jaden gulped! "When'd YOU get here, yo?"  
"Oh, I came with the cyborg." Mann McOldsmobile pointed to Shades Milligan, who was standing cross-armed next to Mann McOldsmobile.

"We real men have'ta join together to protect what our loves hold dear," Shades Milligan said, as his shades flash.

"Can I join your club?" Chazz asked.

"We don't have a club," Mann McOldsmobile said.

"We do now!" Shades Milligan disagreed!

Meanwhile, everybody else was doing the rational thing by running up to and helping Atticus up. "What happened here?" Zane asked, hugging him (not my fault, they animated that).

"I-it was…" Atticus sputtered, barely conscious, "was him… Cocoa… Ti…tan…"

"Ol' Man Cocoa?" Jaden cried! "Man, I thought that guy was a RIOT! Is he still pullin' those magic tricks 'o his?"  
"Jaden, he's an evil man possessed by the powers of darkness!" Koala Ko Ala explained! "How can you still be so oddly optimistic?"  
"But—"

"HE HAD A MILLENIUM PUZZLE GUN. HE WAS A BAD MAN."  
"Hey, Koala, you're getting good at that," Syrus congratulated.

"Tell us, Atticus!" Zane urged on, for some reason! _Hey, wait a second,_ Crowler remembered, _wasn't Titan that weird man with the Darkwing Duck hat I called upon to kill Jaden in a duel? Oh yeah… AND HE KIDNAPPED ALEXIS AND THOSE OTHER TWO GIRLS I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER? This can't be good…_

[/watch?v=bybkLlNbaaw&translated=1]

As Crowler thought about that, Alexis, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue were all in the underground cave beneath the abandoned dorm building, standing in the nostalgic arena where Jaden had first defeated Titan. "Alright, bucko," Nancy Wut growled.

"If I beat you in a duel, then my brother gets healthy again, deal?" Alexis bet.

"Okay," Titan agreed, adjusting his hat. "But if I win, I get your Spirit Key and your soul. Alright. Because souls are tasty."

"Your speech patterns are weird now that you can't emote!" Angry McArgue yelled!

"I don't care." Titan stopped adjusting his hat once his mask was fully visible. THERE WAS AN EYE OF WDJAT ON IT! "You see, after my defeat, a man came up to me within the Shadow Realm. He gave me this nice replacement mask. That let me come back here, serving under him as… ONE OF THE SEVEN STARS."  
"We've established that, thank you," Angry McArgue groaned.

"He's much tougher than he used to be," Nancy Wut worried. "He was once just a CHARLATAN of the shadows; now he's a full-blown SHADOW RIDER!"

"Not a Shadow Rider," Titan argued.

"Shadow Rider!"  
"Seven Stars."  
"Shadow Rider!"  
"I give up. Just promise me that you'll gimmee that key when I win, okay." Titan asked, as his glove emitted a foldable Duel Disk.

"Fine, just remember to hold up YOUR end of the deal," Alexis spat, taking out her Duel Disk from behind her back.

"DUEL!(.)" (Cocoa Titan: 4000 Life Points, Alexis: 4000 Life Points)

At that moment, a missile crashed down and exploded a hole in the earth, leading into the cave. "ALEXIS, MY LOVE, I HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU!"  
"Me too!"  
"Don't forget me, please!" Yes, it was Shades Milligan, slowly flying down from above with his rocket-powered legs carrying Mann McOldsmobile and Chazz on his back! "We'll make sure he can't hurt you ever again!"  
Alexis turned to Angry McArgue. "Angry, please."  
"You got it!" Angry McArgue agreed, throwing a large rock at the trio, exploding them. KEH-BYOOSH!  
"WAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Then, from the handy underpass just outside the arena, Jaden n' the gang (Atticus included) rushed out to meet the gal trio! "Alexis!" Syrus cried!  
"And Nancy n' Angry!" Koala Ko Ala added with a wink.

"Why am I always last?" Angry McArgue asked.

"Because I brought the sick guy!" Jaden cheered! "Yo, Mr. Titan! Remember me?"  
"I'll kill you later," Titan groaned.

"Hi, Zany and Daddy!" Nancy Wut greeted!  
"I'm not your daddy," Atticus moaned. Meanwhile, Zane waved awkwardly.

"Watch Alexis win, okay?" Nancy Wut suggested.

"Or… do you mean for them to watch her LOSE her SOUL," Titan challenged!  
"Yeah, I'll be losing to the weirdo in the domino mask in front of my best friends and supposed mate for life?" Alexis chuckled. "You wish!"  
"Yeah, I DO wish. So I summon Picador Fiend." Titan summoned to the field… a demonic jester-like man with skull shoulder-pads on a skeleton horse. (Picador Fiend: 1600 Attack Points, 0 Defense Points)  
"What's a 'picador'?" everybody asked.

"Why should I care," Titan snootily replied. "Find out yourself. I'll also set a card face-down and end my turn."

"Hmph," Alexis sniffed, drawing a card. _This man's a fool; I ALWAYS play my best around the ones I love/lust for! It's common sense! And for his ignorance… I shall prevail! Ugh, do I always sound like that when they're around me? I need to check that out later…_ "I summon the dreaded Cyber Tutu!"

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAH!" yelled a young-ish, pink-haired girl in a combo of a latex suit and some sort of frilly tutu while holding a rose and wearing clear blue cool glasses. (Cyber Tutu: 1000 Attack Points)  
"That was an unnecessarily-long description sentence," Titan said. "Also she looks sucky. Why did you summon such a sucky monster."  
"Oh, that Titan, always with the hip lingo!" Jaden laughed! "Ha ha ha, 'sucky'."  
"Jaden, please stop that," Crowler hissed.

[/watch?v=vrul8oXwkhE&feature=related]

"And now, I'll…" _I'll attack?_ Alexis thought. _No, look at him._ Titan had a cheesy grin. _He has something face-down that'll stop me from attacking, of course!_

"C'mon, Alexis, use your SPECIAL ABILITY!" Angry McArgue coached!

"… Nooo, I think I'll use my ALLEGRO TOILE first!" Alexis decided, playing a card with a flying magic dagger!  
"What?" everybody asked.

"Well, a bunch of my cards have fancy foreign names, alright?" Alexis sighed. "All it does is destroy a Spell or Trap when I summon a monster."  
"Then why don't you have Mystical Space Typhoon?" Syrus checked.

"Because it doesn't have a fancy foreign name, Syrus," Alexis stated, as if it were TOO obvious.

And so, the Spell gave Cyber Tutu… MAGIC GLOWING SLIPPERS! She began to pirouette really really fast while raising one leg, tossing out a random magic dagger at Titan's face-down card! Before exploding, it revealed itself to be Lolwut Spell, featuring a green Lolwut. "Gotcha," Titan announced, pointing Alexis with his middle and pointer fingers.

"Aw, Fuddruckers!" Nancy Wut cursed!

"You son of a…" Alexis took a deep breath. "Fine, go Cyber Tutu, use your special effect to attack directly when all the opponent's monsters are tougher than her!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEYAH!" Cyber Tutu screeched, flipping into Titan's face!  
"AHH, MAH SEXEH FACE," Titan cried! (Titan: 3000 Life Points)

"Yeah, you got'm on da ropes!" Nancy Wut and Koala Ko Ala cheered!

"…BOO."

"And I'll set a card," Alexis said, narrowing her gaze epically, "… AND I'LL END. MY. TURN."

"It's true," Zane noticed, "So far, her resolve to win for Atticus has proven stronger than Titan's shadow creatures!"  
And as the camera zoomed in upon Atticus' face, he said, "Zane, you're still one stupid guy."

"Meh," Titan meh'd, drawing a card which seemed to be a guy sitting in a stomach or a mouth. "Picador Fiend, attack her with Shoulder Skull Laser." The Picador Fiend guy's horse reared up for a second, giving his skull shoulder-pads enough time to charge up a green icky laser beam, which was fired at Cyber Tutu!  
"Not so fast, man!" Nancy Wut intervened, pressing a button on Alexis' Duel Disk!  
"Please don't do that," Alexis asked, "but I was going to use it anyways!" Her Trap flipped up, featuring a Spanish lady in a pink dress dancing in a dimly-lit dance hall! "Doble Passé! Now I can make your attack a direct attack on my Life Points, so that my monster is safe, and deals damage equal to its Attack Points!"

"Uh, Alexis," Jaden said, "you ARE in a Shadow Duel right now."  
"… What?" Alexis looked around. A weird black aura was sitting around the arena. "You have GOT to be kidding me-AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" She was hit in the abdomen by a laser beam! (Alexis: 2400 Life Points)  
"Ha," Titan laughed. Then he was kicked in the stomach as well. "Ahh, my 'tomach." (Titan: 2000 Life Points)

"Heh, heh, heh, there we go," Alexis huffed, recovering somewhat, "and now my Tutu's safe."  
"B-but n-now we're back where we started and you have the weaker monster—"

"Which can attack you directly next turn!" Nancy Wut repeated.

"Oh Fuddruckers," Titan cursed.

"You stole that line!" Angry McArgue accused!

"Man, though that WAS kinda dumb," Jaden noted, "she's kickin' AY-YASS, yo!"  
"It's a long duel, Jaden," Zane said, ruining everybody's fun. "Don't start celebrating just yet."

"But card games are fun!" Jaden complained.

"True, but don't start celebrating!" Nancy Wut insisted.

"Bu—"

"STOP!"  
"Okay… yo."

"Hm hm hm hm," Titan oddly laughed.

"What's so funny, bub?" Alexis ordered.

[/watch?v=IHuzsD0Z3Qs]

"Oh, I was just remembering the first time we met," Titan said in his monotone voice.

"Yeah, what's so funny about kidnapping my friends because you mistook us for one Jaden Yuki?"  
"That's whack, yo," Jaden said.

"Well, us three aren't so helpless anymore," Angry McArgue promised.

"But I was chuckling, remembering the fact that last time I captured you all on accident. But THIS time I'll treat you as proper prey."

"That's not the Cocoa Titan **I** remember," Jaden shuddered.

"I activate RITUAL OF THE MATADOR," Titan proclaimed, playing the tummy/mouth card!  
"Ew!" Nancy Wut recoiled!

"By discarding Summoned Skull from my hand, I can Ritual Summon Matador Fiend." After he sent away the particular card, a weird alien-ish guy with red cape-y wings appeared. (Matador Fiend: 0 Attack Points, 0 Defense Points)  
"That's no matador," Syrus sy-ed.

"Are you sure!" Koala Ko Ala said, startled. "Maybe th-they just have a funny naming theme!"

"…Sure, I guess."

"I know... and that's why I play Dark Arena," Titan announced, throwing a Field Spell into his Glove Duel Disk! Suddenly, the entire field was covered in a sphere of dark darkness.

"What's going on?" Crowler gasped!  
"Who turned out the—"

"Don't make that joke, please," Alexis asked, stopping Nancy Wut from making that one joke.

"What's going on with that card?" Syrus shuddered.

"I have no idea," Koala Ko Ala gulped. "Jay, YOU beat that guy once before. Tell Alexis how!"  
"Uh, I Fusion Summoned Black Skull Dragon, yo," Jaden admitted, as his magic ancient Egyptian pendant began to glow… although I'm sure we'd all forgotten about it by now. Thanks, show! "Boy, I wish somebody could notice my bling's glowin'!"

"So," Titan asked from within the darkness, "care to learn about the Dark Arena card."

"Sure," Alexis accepted.

"Well, all our monsters have to attack every turn, and in addition, all their attack targets are chosen by the owners of the targets themselves."  
"So THAT means… that you can choose who she attacks with whom?" Angry McArgue figured.

"Of course."  
"Hmph. In THAT case…" Alexis held out a Polymerization Spell card! "I play Polymerization!"

"I summon Cyber Blader in Attack Mode!" Alexis announced, calling forth her signature Fusion monster!

She appeared in a bright red flash of light, screaming "HAAAAAAI-YAH!" (Cyber Blader: 2100 Attack Points)  
"Aw, man, you only summon her AFTER I can't see her?" Jaden complained. "Go die, Alexis!"  
"You too, Jaden, you too," Alexis sighed. "Now because you control two monsters on the field, my Cyber Blader's Attack Points are doubled!" Cyber Blader glowed purple and became STRONG! (Cyber Blader: 4200 Attack Points)  
"You got'm on 'da ropes, Alexis!" Nancy Wut cheered jubilantly! Again!

"BOO."  
"Yeah, kick his ass!" Angry McArgue celebrated!

"Hmm," Titan mused, "so this means that whichever monster you attack, I'll still lose, eh."  
"Well then, I guess I will attack!" Alexis decided. "Cyber Blader, crush his monster!"  
"Fine then, I'll choose her target as Matador Fiend," Titan chose. His Matador Fiend slowly poked its head through the shadows like some sort of weirdo! (Matador Fiend: 0 Attack Points)"WHIRLWIND RAGE!" Alexis ordered, forcing her magic figure skater lady to spin fast enough to envelop herself in a WHIRLWIND OF RAGE! She flipped up and over to the Matador Fiend, kicking him in the tummy! What did you expect?  
"Aw yeah, dat's mah girl," Jaden cheered, tears streaming down his face. "SHE'S KICKING BUTT DOWN THERE!"  
"You're annoying me," Crowler growled.

But yet, the lady DID NOT destroy the alien matador, she had merely caused it to shoot a laser at her from its forehead! "Okay, Cocoa, what's the effect now?" Alexis ordered, as her Cyber Blader exploded.

"NNOOOOOOOOOO!" Jaden screamed! "MY LOOOOOOVE!"

"Please, Jaden, stop that," Koala Ko Ala asked, lightly slapping him on the shoulder.

"My Matador Fiend destroys any monsters that attack it," Titan explained, "and don't forget that Dark Arena forces ALL monsters to attack every turn. That means that you have to use your Cyber Tutu now. Ha ha ha ha ha."  
"I don't think so," Angry McArgue disagreed, "she's attacking directly! Remember?"  
"I don't think so," Titan thought, "because her monster can only attack my Life Points when all of my monsters are stronger than her. My Matador Fiend is MUCH weaker."  
"I don't think so," Nancy Wut said. (Matador Fiend: 0 Attack Points) "Oh, right."

"So attack, Cyber Tutu," Titan commanded, "strike Picador Fiend." The picador guy shot another one of his shoulder lasers, and Cyber Tutu decided to leap into it! She was cut in half and exploded.  
"Damn," Alexis growled. (Alexis: 1800 Life Points)

[/watch?v=GiweKm0eEXQ&feature=related]Weird electrical bolts of purple lightning began to flow all around the globe of dark energy from the outside! "Eeep!" Syrus cried! "What's going on?"  
"She lost Life Points," Crowler reminded.

"Oh yeah."  
"I sure hope that she don't be losin' up in here soon," Jaden hoped, grasping his glowing Ancient Egyptian pendant.

"At least you can rest assure that your brother won't be remembering your loss," Titan chuckled.

"But he's not my real brother," Alexis said.

"And he's my father," Angry McArgue said as well.

"… Oh my gosh, that raises so many questions," Titan groaned. "Finish your turn already so that I can take you to the World of Darkness."  
_World of Darkness?_ Alexis wondered. _Why not the Shadow Realm?_ "Eh, I summon Cyber Gymnast in Defense Mode!" A chestnut-skinned masked gymnast with finely-toned abs flipped onto the field! Sadly, she hadn't been a REAL gymnast in years, after that steroid abuse was revealed to the public. (Cyber Gymnast: 1800 Defense Points)

"I hope that you don't REALLY believe that steroid-using woman will save you," Titan said.

"What?" Crowler wondered.

"I don't get it, but we'll roll with it," Koala Ko Ala shrugged.

"You see," Titan monologued, "I've descended into a whole 'nother level of darkness. Let me recount for you the events that happened just after I became the zombie-like man I am today and how I got back here from the World of Darkness…

_Titan was floating around in a sea of those weird black blob-guys from the episode wherein he lost, which Jaden referred to as 'black pork buns'. Maybe that'll jog your memories. Either way, Titan was just kinda floating around. "Aaaah, help me," Titan gurgled. "Please, somebody. Help me. I'm begging you. Uwaaaaaaaaaah." Then a fishhook appeared in front of his hands. _Woah, fishhook,_ he thought. He grasped it and was swiftly tugged out from the dark ocean of bean buns! As he surfaced, he saw a man, standing atop the ocean with a fishing pole, the one who had saved him. It was Dr. Card._

"So he gave me a mask with an eye on it, yadda yadda," Titan yammered on, his body and monsters glowing grey, and his body becoming swamped with enlarged blood veins, "so yeah, I can kill you now. Through dueling. Plus it stops me from disobeying him, how cool is that."

"Not very," Nancy Wut tsked.

"SHUT UP AND DIIIIIIE," Titan roared, as his Picador Fiend shot a laser at Alexis! It hit her in the shoulder, leaving much smoldering skin.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" she screamed! (Alexis: 200 Life Points) She fell back onto her elbow. "D-damn… it…" She grabbed her burnt shoulder and grit her teeth. "H-how did you…"

"Ahaha, can you even stand," Titan asked in his odd voice. "Dark Arena also allows my Fiend monsters to attack you directly."

"That's so not cool!" Nancy Wut screamed!

"I hope you don't mind me attacking with my Matador Fiend, too." The alien guy got into a special fighting pose, holding out his one-clawed finger-wing-arms!  
"CHEEEE," it hissed.

The shadowy-sphere of duelatious dueling was now covered in more wild, dancing sparks of evil! Everybody watching felt kinda tense. Atticus even stuck out his arms and wiggled them up and down, in a pitiful attempt at trying to come to his friends' rescue. "Uh, uh, uh," he moaned.

"Cocoa, what're you doin' down in there?" Jaden cried!  
"Jaden, stop it, he won't care!" Syrus insisted.

"But the OLD Cocoa Titan I dueled was a man on a mission to duel the blind, fair n' square! Not uselessly murder schoolgirls!" Jaden remembered.

"He kidnapped them and threw them in a coffin and tried to shoot you!" Koala Ko Ala reminded.

"Sure, but I knew he was good, deep-down in thar!" Jaden insisted. "C'mon, Titan, you don't wanna DO this!"

"For all it's worth, I'm sorry about this," Crowler gave in, being the one to hire him originally in the first place.

_He's right,_ Cocoa thought, _I don't feel like killing her! But it's no use! For the past… in fact, in the several months since I got possessed and crap, I haven't been able to move my body! They have no idea how horrible that feels! I just wish that I could go home, eat a taco… I haven't had tacos in so long…_ "And so," Titan chuckled, "Matador Fiend, poke through her with your big fingers. Buhuhahahaha." The Matador Fiend suddenly disappeared under the cloak of the darkness. "Kill that young lady and take her Spirit Key for meeeeee."

"YOMYOMYOMYOMYOM!" the beast cried, suddenly standing before Alexis, swiping its arms!

_Oh shi—_ SPLOORK. SPLIESH. _Huh… those sound effects don't match with the amount of pain inflicted upon me… why am I still okay?_ Alexis wondered. _Oh no_. Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut had jumped in front of Alexis and took the blows FOR her in their kidney areas!

"Ngh…" Angry McArgue groaned.

"Bleh," Nancy Wut spat.

"WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN THERE?" Syrus screamed! "ARE YOU OKAY?"

"Y-yeah," Angry McArgue said, weakly, pushing the Matador Fiend away. It sheepishly leaped back to Titan. "We're fine in here."  
"Is that Angry's voice?" Koala Ko Ala thought, smelling something fishy.

"Alexis's doin' peachy-keen," Nancy Wut signaled, even giving a thumbs-up (despite the fact that the audience couldn't see it).

"Th-thank you, guys," Alexis thanked, getting pulled back to her feet.

"Don't mention it, eh-heh," Nancy Wut said, breathing harder.

"Just win so we can get outta here, okay?" Angry McArgue ordered, smiling warmly.

[/watch?v=OLzOrik5YJ8]_Guys…_ Alexis took both of her friends' hands and rested them on her deck. "C'mon, girls, let's finish this one together."

"You got it."  
"Defin-oot-ly."

Joining their hands together, the ghostly image of Atticus placed his hand on theirs, signifying something of some sort. "Don't give up," Atticus' ghostly image said, "this is it."

"Curse you girls and you power of friendship," Titan growled, shaking his fist like an old man.

"YAH!" The trio pulled the card off the top of the deck as extraordinarily as they could. They had drawn… Card of Sanctity.

"I think you've just won, 'Lexie," Nancy Wut said happily.

"We play Card of Sanctity," Alexis shouted, "allowing both players to draw cards until their hand contains six cards each!" Both duelists drew some cards.

"Why thank you," Titan thanked dully.

"Don't thank us yet," Angry McArgue chuckled, "because we cast a Spell card; Double Summon, allowing us to summon two monsters this turn." The trio sent away a card with a lady summoning a lion-man hybrid from a bolt of lightning.  
"We'll summon Fire Princess and Gearfried the Iron Knight," Nancy Wut decided, placing down a young sorceress in a red dress and a man in uncomfortable-looking armor. (Fire Princess: 1300 Attack Points, Gearfried: 1800 Attack Points)  
"And we'll be playing our Spell Absorption card, too," Nancy Wut said, placing down a Spell showing a man whose life force was being drained into a hand!

"W-wait, isn't that... ." Titan gasped.  
"Yes, and we're beating you," Angry McArgue informed.

"What's going on down there?" Koala Ko Ala asked. "I'm getting all excited from just listening!"  
"Alexis… is performing a one-turn kill maneuver!" Crowler cried!

"We equip Gearfried the Iron Knight with the card Butterfly Dagger – Elma!" Alexis held a card with a green magical knife, with an orange ornamental butterfly on the handle.  
"Let me explain what all our cards do," Angry McArgue offered. "Spell Absorption gives us 500 Life Points whenever a Spell card is played. Fire Princess deals 300 points of damage to you for every time we gain Life Points. Butterfly Dagger – Elma gives any equipped monster 300 extra Attack Points and returns to our hand when it's sent to the Graveyard. Gearfried the Iron Knight's effect destroys any Equip Spell cards on him."  
"I think we'll equip Gearfried with our dagger," Alexis decided decisively.

Gearfried was now holding the dagger suddenly, placing the cycle in motion. "…" He trembled with anger, staring at the dagger. "Rrr… GRRR..." The power of his anger raised the girl's Life Points! (Alexis, Angry and Nancy: 700 Life Points)

"Oh, that's my cue," Fire Princess noticed. She held up her staff and summoned a fireball, which she tossed at Titan's body!  
"Uwoooooooooooooooh, it's so hoooooooot," Titan screamed! (Titan: 1700 Life Points)

"TAKE YOUR GIRLY KNIFE BACK!" yelled Gearfried, throwing his dagger back at Alexis.

"Holy crap," Atticus whispered, "I'm a dummy for calling that a dumb move…"

"Did Atticus just say something?" Syrus asked.

"No," Atticus said.

"Here you go!" Nancy Wut announced, playing the dagger again! (Alexis, Angry and Nancy: 1300 Life Points)  
"There YOU go!" Fire Princess shouted, doing her thing!  
"Waaaaaaaaaargh." Titan gasped! (Titan: 1400 Life Points)  
"TAKE IT BACK!" Gearfried shrieked, throwing his weapon away!

"GO, QUICK-FIRE LOOPING!" Alexis Rhodes, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue shouted together! (Alexis, Angry and Nancy: 1500 - 1800 - 2300 - 2800 Life Points)  
"Yah yah yah yah!" Fire Princess roared, throwing four more attacks!  
"Oof ugh eef aaf," Titan gagged, completely engulfed in flame! (Titan: 1400- 1100 - 800 - 500 Life Points)

"I STILL DON'T WANT IT!" Gearfried shrieked!

"Don't worry," the girls said, "because by tributing Gearfried the Iron Knight, we activate Release Restraint to summon Gearfried the Swordmaster from our deck." (Alexis, Angry and Nancy: 3300 Life Points) It was a Spell card with the man within the armor being freed! And that's just what happened!  
"UUUUR-YAH!" By flexing his mighty muscles, Gearfried blew off all of his armor, bathed in blue energy as who seemed to be a Native American warrior! (Gearfried the Swordmaster: 2600 Attack Points)

"When this monster is equipped with an Equip Spell, he automatically destroys one monster on your side of the field," the girls explained.

"NOW I want it!" Gearfried smiled, holding his now-trusty dagger. "YAAAAAAAARGH!" He swiped through the air (as Fire Princess fired another fire attack), creating a massive ripple, slicing right through Matador Fiend once and for all! (Alexis, Nancy and Angry: 3800 Life Points)

"GLEEP GLORP," it spat, exploding. (Titan: 200 Life Points)

"N-n-n-nooooo," Titan stammered, "It can't end like this. Why do you want Atticus back so much, if he joined us in the first place to become more powerful."

"Shut up and die, liar," the girls said in unison. "Hikari ni Nare."

"You got it." Gearfried walked through the darkness until he had found the now-cowering Picador Fiend. He picked it up by the face and crushed it hard enough to turn its body into light! It engulfed the entire arena, leaving Titan looking smoldering and afraid as the light became a beam, striking his mask in the eye mark.

"!" he screamed! His mask cracked, surprisingly un-broken, and the holograms faded away. The darkness surrounding the four duelists was gone. Cyber Gymnast felt forgotten and useless. (Titan: COMPLETE LOSS)

"Eh… ugh!" Atticus stood up and ran toward the good gals! "Girls! Are you okay?"  
"Oh, yeah, we're fine," Angry McArgue said, relieved.

"I forgot about the stab wounds," Nancy Wut realized, as blood poured out of the girl's sides. They both fell over, unconscious.

"Atticus is alive an' kickin' it? AW YEAH BOOOOOY!" Jaden cheered! Crowler slapped him in the back of the head.

I _really didn't say anything in this one,_ Zane thought to himself.

_Me neither,_ Koala Ko Ala noticed.

_Then why were we even here_? Syrus wondered.

_We're merely filler,_ Crowler revealed.

_Oh._

_Oh._

_Oh._

The characters all ran up to Alexis n' 'da gang and tried to carry Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue away. "Are you sure you're okay, Alexis?" Atticus asked, worried about her lasered shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine compared to them," Alexis said, sucking it up. "Let's just get out of here and save the reunion for later, okay?"  
"NOT okay!" Titan yelled, standing up and bathed in smoke! "Huff… huff... huff… I will NOT take this HUMILIATION! You BURNED ME ALIVE, AND I'LL KILL YOU FOR IT! And then I'll take your SPIRIT KEY, too, girly!" All around him were those little black evil things that appeared in the flashback, and they were out for blood! They began swirling around Titan's body, allowing him to grow into some sort of hideous beast… it was Matador Fiend, but with Titan's head! EW! "You will NOT leave here ALIVE!" He readied his claws for slashing, raising them above his head, until Alexis said something.

"You DO realize that I never had a Spirit Key on me in the first place, right?"

"… Uh… um… uh… uuuuuuuuugh…" Titan's new evil body faded away and his evil eye-mask broke apart, revealing his original, very similar mask underneath. He fell on his face.

"… Soooo… are we done here?" Koala Ko Ala asked.

"Yeah, sure." They turned around to leave until Cocoa stood up and shook his head around a bit.

"W-woah, guys," Cocoa said, "thank you so much for beating me!"  
"Eh, what?" Alexis asked, now even MORE confused.  
"That mask possessed me!" Cocoa told. "I've been stuck like that for months! Oh, thank you so much!"

"SHADDAP, YER VOICE'S IRRITATIN' MEEEEEH!" shouted Chazz Princeton, Mann McOldsmobile and Shades Milligan, rising up from where they'd been forgotten and smashing Titan with a massive combined uppercut attack!  
"Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Titan screamed, being punched through the ceiling of the cave. He flew into the night sky and disappeared. At least it had stopped raining, though.

"And that takes care o' that," Chazz said, folding his arms, satisfied.

"So do you love any of us now, Alexis?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"No way."  
"Aw, shucks…"  
"Wait, who's the dude?" Shades Milligan asked, pointing to Atticus. Everybody gave him a sickly glance for his horrible memory and left the three hapless men in the darkness.

THE! NEXT! MORNING!

Now by the Nurse's Office-marked room, the crowd minus Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut were standing together as Alexis (with a wrapped-up shoulder) and Atticus stared at each other. "Alexis," Atticus said.

"Daddy," Alexis said.  
"I'm still not your daddy," Atticus said.

"Oh, right, bro then instead," Alexis said.

"Right, but it's okay, though," Atticus said.

"Well thanks," Alexis said, as the two finally embraced for the first time in years. "But…"

"But what?" Atticus asked, letting Alexis go.

"What happened to you? Why did you become Nightshroud?" Alexis asked.

"Oh, well y'see, all those years ago, yeah, in the abandoned dorm, there was a sign marked 'free cookies in haunted basement'. You can see where it went from there."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah, I got covered in those evil spirit things and taken to the World of Darkness."  
"You mean Shadow Realm?"  
"No, I mean World of Darkness."  
"Oh."

"But also," Atticus said, remembering something important, "the only other thing I remember was… those cookies. They distinctly had the marks 'CM n' GM' written in red frosting. What could that mean? Who would be dumb enough to put their initials on cookies?"  
The entire group thought about it for a minute. Then they turned to Jaden. "Wasn't me, yo, but I see where you're comin' from."

Professor Banner sat in his room, feeling terribly sick, shaking violently. "Ugh, I can't wait any longer," Banner decided. He reached for his phone, but his cat was sitting on it. He threw Garfield behind his back and picked up his receiver. "… Hello? Yeah… no, I have to-KOFF KOFF KOFF- I need to do this soon."

"Okay," Barry the Beginner agreed, talking into his cell phone, "I guess we'll have to set the plan in motion tomorrow." Suddenly a book was tossed at his head, causing him to drop his phone. "AAAH! OOOOOW, THAT HURTS LIKE HECK! WHO DID THAT?"  
"Shut up," his teacher yelled, "talk to your friends or family via cell phone AFTER class is over, punk!"  
"Hmph," Barry the Beginner moped, "Yugi Muto is NOT a punk…"

COMMENTARY

I have nothing to say today. I apologize for lateness, but I'm working on a lot of school work, the finale of the first season, and a special episode. The finale is chock-full of painting, combining, and baseball, just to let you know. Happy 14 weeks until you get to see it, you two guys.


	45. Episode 45: A Little Belwoski

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 45: A Little Someone Jones

Cuts Man and Gut Man were walking slowly through the halls with Mann McOldsmobile, yukking it up to the rockin' soundtrack. "An' an' an'," Mann McOldsmobile chuckled, "An' 'DEN, 'e said 'e was—"

"REALLY REALLY IRRITATED BY THEIR VOICES!" Cuts Man and Gut Man finished together, before erupting into laughter!  
"Hoo hoo hoo, boy," Mann McOldsmobile laughed, waggling his finger at them, "if you keep that humor up, you'll be goin' places! Hahaha!"

"Oh man, that was a good one," Gut Man sighed. Then they bumped into a large door marked 'DO NOT OPEN OR FACE CERTAIN BOREDOM! ~signed chancellor shepherd~'.

"Cuts cuts cuts! What's all this?" Cuts Man asked.  
"Oh, this door is dangerous," Mann McOldsmobile recalled, "we've sealed up some students in here because they're SO annoying and boring that they make people fall asleep and suffer horrifying nightmares."

"R-really?" Gut Man wondered. "How?"  
"Oh, they're just really scary and boring," Mann McOldsmobile told, "Only somebody REEEEALLY tough could withstand them."

"Hmm…" Cuts Man looked closely at the door. "D'you think that if Crowler unlocked 'em, he could do something to Jaden, like he always wanted?"  
"Dude, she's a she."  
"Cuts cuts cuts! I forgot!" Cuts Man looked at Gut Man and they both nodded. Gut Man pressed a watch he was conveniently wearing, causing it to beep uncontrollably.

"Oh crap," Gut Man cried, "I forgot! We have an appointment at the card shop in TWO WHOLE MINUTES!"  
"Wh-what?" Mann McOldsmobile cried! "What KIND of appointment?"  
"A tag duel," Cuts Man revealed.  
"Sweet, guys! Can I come?"  
"Sorry," Gut Man declined, "it's STRIP Duel Monsters."  
"Oh! Now I REALLY wanna come!" Mann McOldsmobile excitedly announced!  
"You don't wanna come, we're dueling two fat boys," Cuts Man sighed.

"We lost a bet," Gut Man explained.

"Oh, sucks for you," Mann McOldsmobile sadly sighed.

"Well then, we'd better find some clothes!" Gut Man said.

"Cuts cuts cuts! I just found a sock!" Cuts Man noticed, holding up a yellow sock. "See you in a bit!" The two robots ran off.  
"Wish 'ya luck!" Mann McOldsmobile wished. As the two robots raced off, they exchanged glances. They were headed to see Crowler.

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

"OH CRAP!" screamed Jaden, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala. "WE OVERSLEPT AND MISSED BREAKFAST!" They leaped out the door and onto the ground, then kicked through the door to the eating area! It was completely empty, save for some tables, chairs, six empty trays, and Chazz's posse (plus Chazz).

"Yo! Our vittles!" Jaden cried! "They're GONE!"  
"Burp I reckon," Billy Hills belched.

"YOU ATE ALL OUR FOOOOOOOD?" Koala Ko Ala roared with rage!

"Eh, yeah, we were hungry," Chazz said.

"Mostly me, huh, guys, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson guiltily revealed.

"B-b-b-b-b-but," Syrus stammered, shaking like a vibrating item of some sort, "WE NEED OUR BREAKFAST! IT'S THE MOST **IMPORTANT** MEAL OF THEY DAY!" He leaped onto the table in the current enemies' faces. "NOW IF WE TAKE OUR MULTI-VITAMINS, WE WON'T HAVE ENOUGH **FOOD** IN OUR STOMACH! THEN WE'LL GET **HORRIBLE** STOMACHACHES BEFORE **THROWING UP**! DO YOU WANT US TO **THROW UP?** **IN YOUR FACES?**"

"Ew no," Chazz said, pushing him away softly. "You guys were an hour late so we didn't know if you were coming to eat."  
"That's no excuse!" Koala Ko Ala said sternly! "Professor Banner!" They waited. "PROFESSOR BANNER, WE HAVE A SITUATION!"  
"Yeah, yo!" Jaden added! Nothing happened.

"… Soooo… should we go to class now?" Chazz suggested.

"Sure." They all went off to class.

Everybody was in class two seconds later. Everybody… except for Professor Banner! The kids all sat there and did nothing. "Uuuuuuh… uuuuum…" Jaden poked Syrus.

"Ow."  
"Hey Sy, what do you think's up wit' Banner bein' gone?" Jaden asked his buddy.

"I don' know, but I hope he's not being afflicted with a horrible debilitating illness right now," Syrus hoped. Just then, Crowler entered the classroom with some books!  
"Why hello, class," Crowler greeted. "Because nobody can seem to find Professor Lyman Banner anywhere, I'm going to be your substitute teacher for today."  
"OH, COME ON!" Barry the Beginner screamed! "I CAN'T HANDLE THIS KINDA STRESS!" He bolted out of the room.

"… Well, then, let us begin." Crowler opened up one of its books just as Cuts Man and Gut Man walked up to it.

"Cuts cuts cuts! Hey teacher!" Cuts Man cried! They both started whispering to it.

"… Hm, well y'know, I never even thought of THAT," Crowler realized. "Okay, class dismissed." Crowler and the robots ran out of the classroom.

"… I've decided!" Jaden decided! "Even though I'm hungry, we're gonna go look for Banner! Sy, Koala, you're comin' with me!" Jaden picked up his two friends and ran off.

"WAIT!" Chazz shouted! Jaden stopped running.  
"What's up?"  
"I'm going with you three," Chazz said, "I'm not gonna just sit here and look crazy or a whole period! I'd rather be doing something that matters!"  
"Well awright, then, let's go!" Chazz and Jaden ran out of the classroom, leaving the rest of the students staring straight ahead at nothing for a whole period.

MEANWHILE WITH CUTS MAN N' GUT MAN…

The two robots and Crowler were standing before the massive door that was not to be opened. "So, Ms. Crowler, how do we open the door?" Gut Man asked.

"Oh, simple," Crowler said, slicing the door in half with its bloody sword Duel Disk. The door broke into splinters, despite being made of metal, revealing a silver electronic door with a card key applicator sliding device thing. "And then…" It took out a card key of some sort and slid it through the card key applicator sliding device thing, allowing it to make a nice 'BOOP' sound.

"Oh, I like that sound," Cuts Man said, smiling at the noise. The door slid open, revealing a bright, white room filled with intense fog.

"Woah, what's in here?" Gut Man asked.

"Only the two most dangerous students in all of Kaibaland Duel Academy," Crowler snickered. "Boys, hello there?" Two figures stirred around in the fog.

"Hey, can we come out yet?" one kid asked.

"Yes, sure sure sure," Crowler allowed, beckoning the two out. The first was a tired-looking grey-haired kid in a blue coat holding a clear jar of nothing. His clothes, an undershirt and plain pants, had obviously been worn for a long time.  
"Yes! Someone Jones is BACK!" Someone Jones cheered!  
"EEE-hee hee hee hee hee," laughed the second one, in a horrifically high-pitched voice. It was some sort of clown-like figure in a red coat with lavender hair and a somewhat-receded hairline. Some red lines were drawn up and down its eyelids and lipstick sat on its lips.  
"Welcome back to our school, Someone Jones and Jaeger Lazar!" Crowler announced in a grandiose manner!

Jaeger put one of his hands and placed it onto Crowler's shoulder. "EEE-hee hee hee hee hee," it laughed creepily.  
"Ms. Crowler," Gut Man asked, "why were these two kids locked up in here, anyways?"  
"Well," Crowler began, "Someone was placed in lockdown because he was too boring for me to let stay in my dorms. If he starts talking to people, they start falling asleep without noticing it. Jaeger was just too frigging creepy, eugh. That's why we refer to 'it' as 'it'."  
"It's a clown joke?" Cuts Man guessed.

"Hmm, I never noticed that before."  
"EEEE-hee hee hee hee hee," Jaeger laughed.

"Okay, please stop that," Crowler asked.

"H-hey, d'you wanna know 'bout my _COLLECTION_?" Someone Jones asked, holding up his jar.

"Um, no, that's quite unnecessary…"

"EEEEE-hee hee hee hee hee," Jaeger laughed.

"Oh well, you see here?" Someone Jones pointed to something in his jar. "That there's the wily Speedy Gasp! It's really fast and hard to catch!"  
"_EEEEEE_-hee hee hee hee hee," Jaeger laughed.

"This one over here's the FAT Gasp! It's really fat, so it was tough to fit into the jar!"  
"Please, please stop it, you two!"  
"_**EEEEEEE**_-hee hee hee hee hee," Jaeger laughed, his eyes becoming more dilated and shaking wildly.

"STOP LAUGHING!"  
"Oh and over HERE is the Pink Gasp, the exclusively FEMALE gasp!"

"_**EEEEEEEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE,**_" Jaeger laughed, now somewhat cloaked in a thin black veil of fear.

"PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP, YOU TWO!" Crowler sobbed!

"And that one, the RAREST gasp of all, is the LEGANDARY LE GASP! It got THAT one at the start of the year!"  
"_**EEEEEEEEE-HEE! HEE! HEE! HEE! HEE!"**_

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Crowler wailed, falling over backward, foaming at the mouth and convulsing madly.

"… I think we've found what we were looking for," Cuts Man thought, removing his knife-on-a-stick from behind his back.

"Let's go find them," Gut Man decided. He pulled out a list, saying 'Jaden Yuki, Chazz Princeton, Bastion Misawa, Chancellor Shepherd, Lyman Banner'. As Cuts Man pulled Crowler's Spirit Key from its neck, Gut Man instructed, "I want you two to knock out everybody in the school and find these five people, got it?"

Cuts Man took out a receiver and pressed a button on it. "Cuts cuts cuts! Sir, we've finally gotten things rolling. Could you please send us the secret weapon?"

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

Jaden, Syrus, Koala Ko Ala and Chazz were throwing all sorts of random items around in Banner's room. Books were lined up in a large pile, and Garfield was unable to move, having been placed on his back. "MEOW," he meowed.

"Darn it, there HAS to be a clue in here!" Chazz cried! "Can anybody find a suspicious piece of paper?"  
"I got one," Syrus found. "'Note to self: Tonight 9 'Deep Throat' Channel 442.' I wish I hadn't read that."

"Sorry, after hearing that, I can't stay in here," Chazz said, trying to forget what he'd just heard. "I'm gonna go out and find Dobbson and Billy to see what they're doing. Good luck, and call me if you find anything of any use."

"How do YOU know about it? 'Cuz I don't!" some random kid said. "And is it THAT insanely terrifying?"

Syrun frowned at him.

"Over here, a REAL clue!" Koala Ko Ala discovered! He held out a nice, crisp piece of paper and held it out for everybody to see. "It reads 'Note to Jaden: Find me at…'"

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

The poor guy was walking the halls, bored. "Boy, I wish that everybody else wasn't in class or finding Crowler right now," he sighed. "Why am I the only one who skips every class out here? Oh wait, that Koala guy does that, too. I'll go find him!" Mann McOldsmobile began running through the halls! A few random people were lying on the floor, flopping around like crazy. The further he ran, the more of them there were grouped together. As he approached a classroom, so many people were piled together that the door wouldn't close for all the students in the doorway.

"Well, that's just silly," he chuckled. He continued running until he tripped over somebody. "Oof!" Mann McOldsmobile cried, tripping. "I sure wish I hadn't tri…" He had fallen in one of the hallways filled with classes. People were everywhere. The entire floor was covered in sleeping, shaking students. "What in the…? It looks as if… they were trying to get outta there," Mann McOldsmobile thought aloud. He stood back up and carefully stepped over the children.

"…hee hee hee hee hee," he heard further down the halls.

"…an' THIS one's an exclusive gasp from Malaysia!"

"GYAAAAAAAAH! MAKE THEM STOP!"  
"That doesn't sound good," Mann McOldsmobile thought.

He picked up speed, racing down the hall, finally approaching the two newly-released students, harassing a small crowd of students, guarded by Chazz, blocking them from approaching further. Allied with the two were Cuts Man and Gut Man, who held onto three Spirit Keys. "SHADDAP!" Chazz shouted, sending his fist flying towards Jaeger! "YOUR VOICES ARE IRRITATING US!" His fist was stopped by Gut Man, grabbing him by the arm.

"Just go to sleep, alright?" Gut Man suggested.

"EEEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE," Jaeger laughed.

"And then THIS one is Le Gasp, the prize of the entire collection!" Someone Jones described.  
"I… can't handle it…" somebody sighed, struggling to stay awake. The people were dropping like sleepy, sleepy flies.

"I SAID SHUT YOUR TRAPS!" Chazz flipped and kicked Gut Man in the face with both feet!  
"Ugh!" Gut Man let go of Chazz accidentally, dropping him onto the ground.  
"I can't sleep until I save the school from you freaks!" Chazz heroically announced! "I can't even believe why YOU two're doing this!" Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson, whose class was being defended, stared at him with as pure an admiration you could get before getting freakishly enamored with somebody, because they like women.

"Cuts cuts cuts," Cuts Man said, smacking Chazz over the head with his stick weapon, "just fall asleep already."  
"G-gaaaah…" Chazz groaned, falling unconscious.

"RAH!" Mann McOldsmobile, Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson leaped at Cuts Man all at once, the only ones still awake!

"Too slow," Gut Man said, deflecting them all at once. The three all fell over.

"Y-you hit Chazz, huh, you, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson growled.

"I reckon we can't let anybody touch'm like that," Billy Hills promised.

"We can," Jaeger said ominously, in a voice deeper than his laugh would normally signify. It and Someone Jones grabbed the two by their collars. "Now what's keeping you two awake at this point?"

"We can't go 'till we stop you guys," Mann McOldsmobile said, stepping up behind them. He bonked them both on the head!  
"Gyah!" Someone Jones cried! Jaeger didn't flinch.

"Boss, we'll take these guys onto the roof and duel them," Jaeger told one of the robots.

_Why isn't he hurt?_ Mann McOldsmobile wondered. _I put all my force into his attack, since he's the creepy one!_

"Yeah, huh, we'll handle you two up on the roof, huh" Deep-Voice Dobbson decided.

"Then go," Cuts Man allowed, handing Jaeger some sort of Eye of Wdjat on a string.

"MY PLEASURE," Jaeger smiled, opening his eyes as freakishly wide as possible, taking the Shadow Item. He and Someone Jones leaped up really hard, holding their victims above their heads as shields as they broke through the ceilings of every consecutive floor.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HUH I RECKON!" cried our two Slifers.

"Wh-what're you two doing?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"Figures he'd still be awake, being so tough n' all," Gut Man reckoned.

"Why are you attacking everybody?" he inquired.

"Simple." Cuts Man smacked Mann McOldsmobile out the window and down onto the piers, sliding into a ship. "Eh," he sighed, "that takes care of him… for now."

As Mann McOldsmobile rubbed his head, which he'd fallen on, he looked back up at the school. "Th… those guys… why?" As he prepared to leap back into the school, a jet flew by. It dropped a box about twenty feet tall and twenty feet wide. "Wh-what's in the box?" The crate was marked 'MEGY MAN'. "Crap," he muttered, as the box exploded open.

MEANWHILE, WITH BILLY HILLS AND DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON…

The four had broken through the school all the way to the top of the white dome of the academy. "Oooh, I reckon…" Billy Hills gasped, as he and Deep-Voice Dobbson were dropped.

"What're we doing here, huh, here, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

"Oh, we're duelin'," Someone Jones said, as he and Jaeger pulled out their Duel Disks.

"You see, we COULD battle each other to the death, seeing as you're too pumped-up to sleep," Jaeger proposed, "but we figure it'll take less time to duel you."  
"We've had only each other to duel for the past five months of school, since we got locked up," Someone Jones said, "so I think we'd like another person t'duel."  
"And in addition, we would like a Tag Duel, so that we may be able to defeat the both of you at once," Jaeger added, "and though our decks MAY not work together in most circumstances, we've trained to combat that since we joined forces against the school."

"Eh… eh… I… reckon okay?" Billy Hills sheepishly decided.

"Yeah, huh, let's do it!" Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted!

"EEE-hee hee hee hee hee," Jaeger laughed, with a voice that sounded as if he'd swallowed some helium, "DUEL." He held out his shadow charm and immediately covered them all within an orb of darkness. (BH, DVD: 4000 Life Points, SJ, JL: 4000 Life Points)  
"What's this, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

"Th-this is a Shadow Game, I reckon," Billy Hills dreaded. "I reckon we either win this game, or we're toast."

"I'm startin' off THIS one!" Someone Jones proclaimed! He drew his opening hand and laughed a bit. "He-hey, I drew the card right off the bat!"

"Play it then," Jaeger excitedly ordered.

"I play the Spell card, Final Countdown!" A Spell appeared, showing twenty red orbs floating around a devilish-looking purple cloud. "We pay 2000 Life Points, and then in twenty turns, we automatically win this duel." (SJ, JL: 2000 Life Points)

"What, huh?"  
"I reckon?"  
"Yes, we have some expert stalling tactics," Jaeger stated. "Now go on, Someone."

"I'll activate Gasper Ghost Smackdown," Someone Jones said, playing a Spell featuring an angry-looking puff of air. "Next I'll set a monster and a Trap face-down, and end my turn," Someone Jones finished, laying down his cards.

"My turn, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson announced. "I summon Bass Mouth!" A floating mouth with ruby-red lips appeared on the field.  
"LA LALALA LAAAA," it sang in a rich, deep voice. (Bass Mouth: 1800 Attack Points)  
"Now attack, huh, Bass Mouth, huh, with Big Kiss!" Deep-Voice Dobbson ordered! The mouth flew over to the face-down card and pressed against it. The card flipped up, being Shining Angel, a regular-looking angel man, who then exploded.

"Thanks a bunch," Someone Jones thanked. "Now because he was destroyed, his ability lets me Special Summon a Light monster from my deck with 1500 of less Attack Points! A spotlight appeared from the heavens, allowing a small pink puff of air to come onto the field.

"GASP!" it gasped. (Pink Gasp: 300 Attack Points, 100 Defense Points)

"… Those are REAL cards, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, confused.

[.com/watch?v=gHwHiymSojk]"Yes, yes they are," Jaeger said, drawing his opening card, allowing a freakish song to play. "I play Jester Confit," he said, revealing a fat clown man on a ball. "I can Special Summon him to the field when I choose to." The fat clown man appeared on the field! "He's a Spellcaster monster, meaning that it will make sense for me to activate the Field Spell card, Secret Village of the Spellcasters!" The white dome became a village in a forest, where the houses were fat acorns and there were odd floating lights everywhere.

"The effect is simple:" Jaeger explained, "if I control a Spellcaster and my opponent does not, they can't use Spell cards. If I don't control any Spellcasters, then we can't activate Spells. Understand?"

"Th-the song's gettin' t'me, I reckon," Billy Hills worried.  
"I'll set a card face-down and end my turn," Jaeger finished, as the song cut off suddenly.

"W-well then…" Billy Hills looked at his hand. _I reckon I'm SO glad that Chazz threw this thing away after Duel Island…_ "I RECKON I SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO OCEAN IN ATTACK MODE!" Billy Hills threw down the nautical blue fish-man with the dolphin fin head! (Ocean: 1500 Attack Points)  
"Woah, nice card, huh, Billy, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson complimented.  
"Ocean, use yer' Aqua Wave on Jester Confit, I reckon!" Ocean held out his neat spear and caused a wall of water to wash toward the clown man!

"I activate my Waboku Trap card," Jaeger announced, flipping up a card with several nun-like ladies in sky-blue robes. "All your battle damage is negated." The wave washed over the clown, doing nothing.

"W-well, then, I reckon I'll set a card," Billy Hills said, setting Hero Signal.

"Do you end your turn?" Jaeger asked.

"W-well, since I can't use m'Spells, I reckon so," Billy Hills reckoned.

"Good. At the end of my opponent's turn after I Special Summon him, Jester Confit and one monster under my opponent's control are sent back to their respective hands," Jaeger explained. "Bye bye, Bass Mouth."  
"Wha, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson gasped. The jester looked really, really hard at the Bass Mouth. It backed off and into Deep-Voice Dobbson's hand. Jester Confit nodded, as if to say 'You BETTER run,' and left the field.

"Now it's been four turns," Jaeger announced, bringing Final Countdown to mind. "Go, my friend."

[.com/watch?v=7Ggul4fBQw0]"I activate the card Gasper Ghost Smackdown!" Someone Jones said, playing a Spell card showing a fat puff of air getting really, really mad.

"Why do they keep usin' their theme songs, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson complained, slightly irritated.

"Next I'll summon another Shining Angel to the field." A second angel descended onto the field. (Shining Angel: 1400 Attack Points) "I attack Elemental Hero Ocean with him, while activating my Trap card!"  
"He's commitin' suicide, I reckon?" Billy Hills gasped!

"Not quite!" Someone Jones hinted. The Shining Angel flew over and punched Ocean, who didn't seem hurt by him in any way. He slapped him across the face, blowing him up. However, no damage was inflicted, as a Trap showing a man blasting a dinosaur with a laser was face-up! "It's Spirit Barrier, and as long as I control a monster, I don't take damage," Someone Jones said.

"Me neither, as this is a Tag Duel," Jaeger added.

"Huh, damn, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson cursed.

"Next, with Shining Angel's ability, I'll summon Fat Gasp from my deck!" Someone Jones continued, as a fat yellow puff of air appeared, similar to the one featured on his Spell. (Fat Gasp: 300 Attack Points, 100 Defense Points) "Also, since I just lost a Fairy-type monster, my Gasper Ghost Smackdown Spell activates! The Attack Points of every 'Gasp' monster that was on the field when it was beaten becomes 3000."

"Oh no, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson cried! "I don't have anything on the field!"  
"Go, m'little Pink Gasp!" Someone Jones commanded! "Do your stuff!" The pink puffy thing got mad… turned red… and then began fuming with smoke! It was now clear that the Gasper Ghosts were rip-offs of existing monsters!  
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" it growled! (Pink Gasp: 3000 Attack Points, Fat Gasp: 300 Attack Points)

"Attack Ocean!" Someone Jones ordered!  
"FWOOOOOO!" Pink Gasp exhaled, breathing at Ocean! Ocean was blown to pieces. (BH, DVD: 2500 Life Points)

"Wait, I activate Hero Signal, I reckon!" Billy Hills shouted! His Trap flipped up, shooting an 'H' into the sky!  
"Oh, that paltry 'H' isn't enough to defeat us," Jaeger snickered.

"Maybe it is, I reckon, 'cause I summon Elemental Hero Woodsman from my deck!" Woodsman appeared all of a sudden!  
"HEY!" he shouted, in his funny accent! "LET'S PAHTY!" (Woodsman: 2000 Defense Points)

"Fat Gasp, attack the OTHER one, then," Someone Jones decided. _Oh no,_ Billy Hills realized, _I forgot he could do that!_

"Fwoooooo," exhaled the fat one.

"W-woah, WOOOOAH, HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson cried, being blown away!  
"DOBBSON, I RECKON!" Billy Hills screamed!  
"HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson grunted, smashing against one of the acorn houses of the Secret Village, just to remind you that it was still there. (BH, DVD: 2200 Life Points)

"I think I can call that a turn," Someone Jones said.

"Hoo," sighed Pink Gasp, feeling better again, turning pink once more. (Pink Gasp: 300 Attack Points)

"Dobbson, I reckon!" Billy Hills gasped, helping Deep-Voice Dobbson to his feet! "Are you okay, I reckon?"  
"Y-yeah, huh, Billy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson huffed, "I, huh, just, huh, didn't expect'm to, huh, be able to, huh, do that, huh…"  
"This is a Shadow Duel, they do that there, I reckon," Billy Hills explained.

"Aw, huh, should'a though'a that, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson thought. "A-anyways," he started, walking back to his spot with Billy Hills, "I'll set two cards, huh." A Trap and a monster appeared. _Don't worry, Billy, _he thought,_ I got the Field taken huh, care of, huh._

"No Spells, kid?" Jaeger asked inquisitively. "You do realize that I don't have a Spellcaster right now, yes?"  
"I know, huh, weird guy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson acknowledged.

[.com/watch?v=gHwHiymSojk]"Oh well. My turn, then," Jaeger said, as his theme tune began again, irritatingly.  
"Not again, I reckon," Billy Hills complained under his breath.  
"I'll Special Summon Jester Confit to the field again and set a card face-down, ending turn seven of the duel." The cards appeared, and the clown looked as fat as ever. His weak stats just seemed to mock Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson. (Jester Confit: 0 Attack Points) The song ended again. Billy Hills took that as the signal to draw his next card. _Dang dang dang,_ he thought, _if that Village wasn't active, I could do a fusion, and then I reckon I'd beat that Jester n' win!_

[.com/watch?v=ZQjcGFoN6tk]"Alright, huh, Billy, huh, use your Woodsman's ability!" Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled! "I flip up my Trap, huh, Dust Tornado, huh, which destroys your Secret Village of the Spellcasters!" A huge brown tornado blew by, sending dust everywhere, ripping all the acorns from their foundations!

"Koffkoffkoff," Jaeger coughed, "what have you done?"  
"I just let Billy use his Spells, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson said, smiling like a winner!  
"I reckon I'll use my Woodsman's special effect, givin' me a Polymerization card!" Billy Hills shouted!  
"HERE YOU GOOOOO!" Woodsman yelled, throwing Billy Hills a Polymerization Spell card!

"I reckon I couldn't do this without you, Dobbson, thanks!" Billy Hills thanked! "I activate Polymerization to fuse Woodsman with Ice Edge from my hand!" The signature wormhole appeared, and the two heroes jumped inside. Some icy fog spilled out from the portal, followed by Elemental Hero Absolute Zero dashing right through Jester Confit's body! (Absolute Zero: 2500 Attack Points)

"Oh my gosh!" Someone Jones screamed!  
"You lose, I reckon," Billy Hills said, smiling like a winner.

"No, I don't!" Jaeger laughed!  
"What're you talkin' about, huh, clown, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson ordered.

"My Trap card, Crush Card Virus, activates!" Jaeger said, smiling gleefully! His Trap, showing some evil-looking viruses, flipped up and exploded into digital triangles, making Jester Confit turn completely purple and melt. Absolute Zero took a few steps back before falling over, releasing a huge gust of cold air. The Gasper Ghosts were taken with it.

"Shucks," Someone Jones cursed, "but at least you can't attack!"  
"Wh-what happened, I reckon?" Billy Hills asked, scared now.

"Crush Card Virus needs me to tribute a Dark monster with less than 1000 Attack Points. Then all monsters on your sides of the field, in your hand, AND which you will be drawing for three of your turns, are destroyed if they have 1500 or more Attack Points!" Jaeger explained!  
"I reckon…"  
"Huh, huh…" The two black-coated boys were stunned.

"Go on, discard your monsters," Jaeger ordered. Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills discarded Elemental Hero Heat, Elemental Hero Stratos, Bass Lion, and Bass Caterpillar.

Billy Hills looked at the Magic Cylinder card in his hand. "Fine, I reckon, I'll set a card and end my turn," Billy Hills said, as if he'd already been defeated. [i]_No, I reckon that shouldn't have happened! I reckon we almost won then n' there if it weren't fer that Trap! Even if I'd attacked a Gasp, Absolute Zero'd STILL get beaten, I reckon, and we could'a summoned Stratos or sumthin'![/_i]

"You two are SUCH horrible duelists," Jaeger informed, "you even forgot that we controlled Spirit Barrier!" He pointed to the card on Someone Jones' side of the field.

_Huh?_

_I reckon he's right!_

"EEEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE," Jeager laughed, with that high-pitched voice of his! "MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA! IT'S USELESS! YOU'RE TOO INEXPERIENCED FOR US! YOU'VE ALREADY LOST, HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! THERE'S NOTHING STANDING INBETWEEN US AND THE REST OF THE SCHOOL BESIDES TWELVE MORE TURNS! EVERYBODY ON THIS ISLAND IS AS GOOD AS DEAD! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"  
"D-Dobbson, I reckon…" Billy Hills said softly.

"Don't give up yet, huh, Billy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson urged, filled with rage, "we can do this. Please don't give up."

_I don't know if I can hold out anymore, I reckon._

MEANWHILE, BACK WITH JADEN…

Jaden and his two good friends were hiking through the forest together, now that they knew where to go. Luckily, they were VERY far away from the school by now, oblivious to what was going on. "Ah, boy, I really hope Banner's okay, yo…" Jaden hoped.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he's fine, though Syrus isn't," Koala Ko Ala said.

"I'm not sure he's alright," Syrus admitted.

"Aw come on, Sy. Either way, I already miss the guy!" Jaden sighed. "I just remember all those nice things he did for us."

"_Here Jaden," Banner said one day during dinner while holding Garfield, "have this brownie." He gave Jaden a brownie._

"_Hubba-WHA?" Jaden gasped! "Are… are 'ya SURE you're willin' to give up 'dat brownie?"  
"Eh, sure, Garfield licked it already."  
"MEOW."  
"Eh… what?" Jaden asked, having already stuck the entire thing into his mouth. He threw up a minute later._

Jaden's expression turned sour. "… Well, he usually means well." They continued to walk, and the area around them became foggier and foggier.  
"Jaden, we're here," Syrus said.

"Then let's go, yo," Jaden decided, as the three of them walked into the abandoned dormitory for the last time this season.

COMMENTARY

Well, here we have a six-part short arc with Billy n' Dobbson n' Mann n' Cuts n' Guts n' Jaden n' Banner n' a creepy clown n' an idiot. Yeah. I do admit though that later it's supposed to be taken completely serious what goes down in each non-Jaden storyline, and I kinda failed with that. I need to work on that kind of thing. At least the duels are great, I think?

Well anyways, not much to say now, except I've been working on what is now a 30-page document of a crossover between this and somebody else's story for Halloween. I'm wondering if I should post it now, or wait a bit due to some plot details being left out for a little while. Shall I post it now, or wait until I originally put it up in tune with my timeline, ending up at around Ep. 56? Somebody, give me an answer!


	46. Episode 46: The Seventh Shadow Rider

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 46: A Little NEDM

Jaden, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala had walked down into the caves of the abandoned dorm while we weren't looking, and there was a doorway on the wall ahead of them. "That's where he said for us to meet him," Syrus said.

"Now, Jaden," Koala Ko Ala said, "are you ready? We don't know what we'll find in there."

"I know, but we've gotta do this," Jaden said with firm resolve. "Tough times, hard climbs…"  
"We'll take 'em on together," completed Syrus and Koala Ko Ala. "We're ready." The three walked down into the next chamber… which was yellow-ish, and had stone slabs decorated with the pictures of a fiendish behemoth, a massive dragon and some demonic, winged creature of some sort. There was a coffin on one wall and some machinery on the other.

"What IS this place…?" Syrus wondered.

"It looks dangerous," Koala Ko Ala worried. "What's with the coffins?"  
"I'm gonna open it," Jaden decided, opening it.

"JADEN, DON'T OPEN COFFINS!" Syrus screamed!  
"OOOOOOH MMAAAAAAAAH GOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH!" Jaden screeched!  
"Wh-wh-wh-what is it?" Koala Ko Ala asked, freaked out!  
"It's… it's… it's…" The other two, scared but curious, ran over to check it out. And what they found was… A PROFESSOR BANNER-SHAPED CORPSE WITH DRIED-UP SKIN!  
"**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!**" the boys screamed!

[ .com/watch?v=vdEbT8Dh42Q]"Oh, hello boys," greeted a familiar voice. The trio turned around. They were facing… Professor Banner, with white hair, a puffy grey cloak covered in red strands of fabric, and black clothing underneath. "Don't worry, that's just my Halloween costume."  
"P-Professor," Syrus said, "you already look like you're wearing a Halloween costume."  
"Teach!" Jaden happily cried! "You're okay?"  
"Yes, of course I am," Banner said. "Don't worry, everybody, I'm fi—EHUUGH!" Banner coughed up a handful of blood!

"Oh no, Professor Banner!" Koala Ko Ala cried! "Are you alright?"

"Y-yes, do not worry," he said, as if nothing was wrong.

"Why did you call us down here, Banner?" Jaden asked, getting down to business. "Where have you been lately? We were worried about you this morning."  
"Listen, Jaden," Banner told, "I have something really important to tell you."  
"What is it, yo?"  
"I am the Fifth Star."

"What?" Syrus gasped! "Of the Seven Stars?"  
"It can't be!" Koala Ko Ala claimed!  
"Th-that isn't true," Jaden believed, "it can't be! You're one of the Spirit Key guardians, y'know? Key of Heart?"  
"The elements have nothing to do with it, or anything, for that matter. I am an enemy. You must defeat me here and now if you want to save everyone."

"Th-this is just a bad joke," Jaden chuckled, "you don't really mean…"  
"Jaden, I want you to duel me now," Banner sternly ordered, "we don't have much time. I'll tell you everything after this is over, I promise you. You have to win this duel."  
"But… teach!" Jaden complained. "I can't… I just can't duel you under these circumstances! I don't wanna have a Shadow Duel! If I win, you're dead!"

Banner took out his Duel Disk, which was colored in a dull shade of grey. "I don't care, it doesn't matter."  
"Professor…" Syrus sighed sadly. "I can't believe this."  
"DUEL," Banner exclaimed. (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Banner: 4000 Life Points) _It's all going according to plan, Yugi,_ Banner thought to himself, pleased.

MEANWHILE, WITH BILLY HILLS AND DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON…

"EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE," Jaeger laughed, calming himself down from his previous outburst, "Oh, that was priceless. You lot are just so full of surprises. And don't forget, only twelve more turns!"  
"Stop repeatin' yourself, huh, dumb-face, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson yelled!  
"Is that the best insult you can throw at us?" Someone Jones asked sarcastically.

"Just take your turn, huh, Jones, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson turned to Billy Hills. "C'mon, huh, Billy, huh, Hills, huh, are you okay?"  
"… Y-yeah, I reckon I guess so," Billy Hills guessed.

"All my monsters for the next few turns are useless, huh, bud, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson admitted, "but I promise I can support you as much as you need for these next few turns."  
"That's nice," Someone Jones guessed, "but I'll just summon Fast Gasp in Attack Mode." A small-but-long puffy air-thing appeared by the guy. (Fast Gasp: 300 Attack Points) "Attack!"  
"Fwoo fwoo fwoo!" Fast Gasp breathed, with short-but-fast bursts of air!

"Ugh," Deep-Voice Dobbson grunted, trying to shield himself with his arms. (BH, DVD: 1200 Life Points)

"Turn ten," Someone Jones announced.

"Stop that, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson said.

"Huh huh huh, is that all you can say?" Someone Jones mocked.

"Huh, not quite, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson answered. "I…" He drew Bass Robot (Bass Robot: 1500 Attack Points, 1600 Defense Points) "…huh, I'll discard this card." He did so. "But I'll set two cards, huh!" He quickly placed two cards face-down.

"Turn ten," Jaeger announced.  
"STOP PLAYING THAT SONG, I RECKON!"

"No. I Special Summon another Jester Confit," he decided, playing that fat clown again. (Jester Confit: 0 Attack Points, 0 Defense Points) "Next I'll Normal Summon Jester Lord." This time a tall, thin clown appeared, juggling some balls of flame. (Jester Lord: 0 Attack Points, 0 Defense Points)

"What're you doing with, huh, those monsters, huh, kid?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, confused. "They'll only stall you 'til we can draw again, huh!"

"I don't care, I'll just set a card and end my turn," Jaeger said, setting his card. "Turn eleven."

_Ignore it, Billy,_ Billy Hills tried to tell himself, _I reckon it'll make victory all the sweeter if'n I can finish up just before we hit twenty._ "DRAW, I RECKON!" He drew a card. It was… Elemental Hero Captain Gold. "I reckon I discard it…and I also reckon it's your turn."  
"Turn twelve!" Someone Jones said. "I set a card and end it here!" A card called 'Trap Hole' was played. "Turn thirteen, begin!"  
"Huh, I summon Bass Boot!" Deep-Voice Dobbson summoned a grey shoe. (Bass Boot: 1100 Attack Points) "I'm gonna attack your Jester Confit, since he's stupid, huh!"  
"Nope, I play Trap Hole, destroying any monster with 1000 or more Attack Points upon summoning," Someone Jones stated, flipping up his card, featuring some sad demon guy in a hole. Bass Boot fell through an odd circular opening in the ground.

"Huh… fine." Deep-Voice Dobbson grunted.

"Turn fourteen!" Jaeger exclaimed! "Because I'd Special Summoned my Jester Confit, I have to add him back into my hand again, but that's no problem." Jaeger's clown returned to him!

_They're just playing with us, I reckon!_ Billy Hills realized!

"I activate my Trap card, Compulsory Evacuation Device, to add my friend's Mokey Mokey-like thing back into his hand," Jaeger said, as his Trap faded away and shot Fast Gasp away into the sky. (Jester Lord: 3000 Attack Points)

"Hey! It's not like Mokey Mokey! It's not like Mokey Mokey at ALL!" Someone Jones sniffled.

"What's with your monster? I reckon it's gettin' stronger!" Billy Hills worried!

"When there are no other monsters on the field, my Jester Lord gains 1000 Attack Points for every Spell and Trap active." He pointed to Billy Hills' Trap, Spirit Barrier, and Gasper Ghost Smackdown.

"Huh, what, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson cried!  
"I'll attack you directly," Jaeger said, pointing to Billy Hills. "You deserve at least ONE attack before we finish this."

"Yah ha ha," Jester Lord laughed, throwing his flaming orbs of flame at Billy!

"No way, I reckon I play Magic Cylinder!" Billy Hills countered, activating his Trap! The orbs flew into a big cylinder covered in magic signs that meant something of some sort. "Your attack is now a direct assault on your Life Points, I reckon!"  
"Aw yeah, huh, Billy!" Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted, pumping his fist! The fireballs flew back out of the cylinder at Jaeger, but they fizzled away on contact.

"Spirit Barrier," Jaeger repeated. (Jester Lord: 2000 Attack Points)

"Augh, dang, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson growled! "I hate that card, huh!

"I reckon 'yer done, then?"  
"Fine, turn fifteen," Jaeger accepted.

Billy Hills drew somebody cool. "I reckon Crush Card Virus is over, now?"  
"Correct."  
"Then I reckon I summon Elemental Hero Heat!" Heat appeared, flaming a bit for extra style points! (Heat: 1600 - 1800 Attack Points, Jester Lord: 0 Attack Points) "Attack Jester Lord, I reckon, Heat Flame!" Heat fired some flame at Jester Lord. He blew up. "I reckon that's enough for one turn."  
"Good, that means turn sixteen," Someone Jones said delightedly, drawing a card. "I play Gasper Ghost Combination."

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

Mann was standing in front of a giant crate marked 'Megy Man' "Huh?" Mann McOldsmobile wondered. "'Megy Man?'" He touched the box.

"_Megy Man,_" a computerized voice said from inside the box, "_a robot created in the future for the purpose of destroying and/or holding off assaults from the enemies of the Seven Stars._" As soon as the voice had silenced, a giant, metal, muscular arm burst through the wooden crate! Each finger had a full-sized jackhammer on every fingertip.

"W-woah?" Mann McOldsmobile gasped, ducking under it. "What's up with that arm? Who IS this guy, Quint? Naw, that's too obscure a reference! But WHO?" The crate exploded open and released a robot with a circular head without a neck, placed onto a massive upper body, colored cyan with a red stripe running horizontally on it. It had arms huge enough to reach the ground, mostly in part to the incredibly small legs. "GAH! That thing looks tough!" Mann McOldsmobile gasped! Megy Man, quick as a flash, smacked Mann McOldsmobile with his fingernails, which pounded Mann McOldsmobile due to their jackhammer nature. He was blown off into a tree near the piers.

"Ooh, ugh, that hurt," Mann McOldsmobile moaned, rubbing his bleeding forehead. _Wait… it hurt? Oh crap, this guy can actually hurt me!_ he thought. _I'll have to put EFFORT into this fight! When was the last time I ever had to do THAT? Uuuugh, this won't be easy…_ He stood up and looked at his enemy. Megy Man in turn looked back at him. _I know I'm faster than him, because of his legs,_ Mann McOldsmobile decided. _I can outpace him, and out-pound 'im too. It's been a while since I've punched through metal…_ He flexed his right hand twice. _I know I'm not outta practice._ "RAAAAAAAAAH!" He pushed off of the ground as hard as he could and flew fist-first into Megy Man. Megy Man caught him in his Mann McOldsmobile-sized palms and tried to crush him in-between them.

Using the only free muscles he had, Mann McOldsmobile pushed the hands apart a few inches by pushing out his pinky fingers. "DRRR… DAH…" he gasped, as it was hard on the pinkies. Now that he had enough room to move around, Mann McOldsmobile… was head-butted as Megy Man's head extended into him via mechanical neck. "OOF!" He fell onto the hard concrete ground of the pier and backflipped onto his feet. _I need… I need some distance between us._ He turned around and started running away as fast as he could. _He can't catch me with those small legs!_ he believed. Megy Man silently jumped onto his left arm, supporting all of his body weight successfully, and used his finger-jackhammers to propel himself forward at a great pace, chewing up the ground as he went. _CRAP!_ Mann McOldsmobile mentally screamed! The distance between them was shrinking quickly! "HAH!" He turned around and kicked at Megy Man, who defended with his free hand! From that he pushed off and stuck his hand into Megy Man's armor! Some grating sounds came out from his new chest-hole. Megy Man slapped him off onto the ground and pounded him with his fist.

"AAAH! AAAH! AAAH!" Mann McOldsmobile screamed with each new punch! "AAAH! AAAH!" Unbeknownst to Megy Man himself was the fact that with the last punch, Mann McOldsmobile had held onto his hand and jumped off of that behind him. Megy Man punched the ground two more times before noticing. The giant robot leaped off of his left hand and back onto his feet. _Come on, Megy Man, I can't attack your back, that just wouldn't be fair,_ Mann McOldsmobile thought, despite the fact that there were some rather heavy boats he could be throwing at him, or that there was a thunderstorm coming in from the ocean, OR the fact that his side was hurting more than many could endure. "CHEEEEEE," Mann McOldsmobile whistled, "this is getting GOOD. I haven't had a fight like THIS in FOREVER!"

"I play Gasper Ghost Combination," Someone Jones said, holding up a Spell card showing off the three Gasper Ghosts in cool poses in front of an electrical background.

"What does that card even do, huh, Jones, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, bracing himself.

"Well, you know how ghosts come back from the dead?" Someone Jones reminded. "This card lets me use them from the Graveyard in order to do a Fusion Summon."

"Th-that card's basically a Parallel World Fusion, I reckon, but with ghosts!" Billy Hills cried!  
"Well, of course," Someone Jones sighed, "but anyways… COMBINE!" His eyes fired off magnificent rays of light! The trio of gasps appeared before the duelists once more and swirled together into a puffy cloud of LOVE! They were… a rather large mass of orange gas with a cute face and a monarch's crown. It shined a little bit, and it all felt like a rip-off of the King Slime from Dragon Quest. It was really unfair of them. "I summon the _LEGENDARILY GASPY _**Le Gasp** in **Defense Mode!**" introduced Someone Jones! (Le Gasp: 100 Defense Points)

"That… that's jus' the same thing, but BIGGER, I reckon!" Billy Hills realized. "I reckon there's no point to that."

"Or… IS THERE?" Jaeger suggested.

"Eep, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson meeped, surprised by the sudden outburst.

"When this monster's destroyed," Someone Jones explained, "I can summon the original Gasper Ghosts from my Graveyard."  
[. com/watch?v=OWU1iP2fIuE]"Eh," Deep-Voice Dobbson accepted, drawing a card, "my turn huh huh" _This card… this card is… HUH?_ Deep-Voice Dobbson thought, as if the card was a sacred treasure.  
"I'M NOT DONE YET, STOP!" Someone Jones yelled. Deep-Voice Dobbson looked at him, then looked at the card, then sadly put it back onto his deck. "Now, I'll set a card and end my turn." He did so.

_Wait, ain't I forgettin' something, I reckon?_ "Hey Jaeger, I reckon your Jester Lord's got 0 Attack Points again!" Billy Hills recalled. "It ain't the only monster any more, I reckon!"

"Hm, so you're right," Jaeger shrugged. (Jester Lord: 0 Attack Points) "Turn eighteen."

"POT OF GREED, HUH LET'S GO HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted! He drew Bass Potato and some random card!

"What? Why does everybody draw that one RIGHT when they NEED it?" Jaeger gasped!

"I summon Bass Potato and activate my two face-down cards, Sing Out, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson's regular-looking potato appeared, along with a robot and the mouth!  
_He's gonna fuse!_ thought Someone Jones.

_He's gonna fuse!_ thought Jaeger.

_I reckon he's fusin'!_ thought Billy Hills.

"I remove the three monsters from the field, huh, to summon Bass Statue!" Deep-Voice Dobbson said, not quite defying everyone's expectations!

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" sang a realistic bust of an opera singer. (Bass Staue: 2800 Attack Points)

"Yeah, I reckon it's time to get rid o' that Spirit Barrier!" Billy Hills cheered ecstatically!

"I activate this monster's effect;" Deep-Voice Dobbson proclaimed, throwing down one random card, "I discard one card from my hand to destroy one card on the fieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeld, huh huh!" The statue's eyes turned emerald! Its mouth opened as wide as it possibly could without breaking!

"Oh no," Jaeger said, "we aren't about to lose just YET."

"**."** it sang, releasing a wave-motion cannon-style blast of energy. The blast flew faster than the eye could perceive! In an instant, the laser had fulfilled its purpose; it had destroyed a Trap card. The wrong Trap, but a Trap nonetheless.

"… Huuuuuuh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson wondered, as the Spirit Barrier was STILL showing a dinosaur getting blasted with a beam.

"Fake Trap," Someone Jones said, showing off the fact that he'd flipped up a card with some ugly demon guy, who was really excited with the fact he'd just written 'FAKE' in cool handwriting. "It takes the place of any Trap card you destroy, so your effect has been ruined." The card 'sploded into bits and faded into nonexistence. "You fail."

"Oh ho ho, that was a good one," Jaeger complimented.

"Wh-wh… I… I reck…" _Th-that can't be,_ Billy Hills thought, now certain of loss, _he COULDN'T have done that! How… how could it end like this… I reckon?_ "D-D-D-Dobbson, it's over, I reckon," Billy Hills said, swallowing his pride. "I reckon we lost… but we… we gave it a good shot?"

"It's not over yet, huh, Billy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson denied.  
"I reckon?"  
Deep-Voice Dobbson cracked his knuckles. "Bass Statue attacks Le Gasp, huh."

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." The statue's alluring tone caused the giant king to fall apart into three separate gasps again. (Pink Gasp, Fat Gasp, Fast Gasp: 100 Defense Points)

"So?" Someone Jones asked.

"So you don't have Le Gasp anymore, huh, Jones, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson said.

"Turn nineteen," Jaeger said. "I don't even HAVE to do anything here, so I'll skip STRAIGHT to twenty."

"Turn tw-twenty… I reckon…?" Billy Hills repeated, disillusioned. He stared at his hand. It was made up of Miracle Fusion and Chazz's signature Parallel World Fusion. "B-but I reckon… I can't… I can't do anything…"  
"Draw your card, huh, Billy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson earnestly instructed.

"Do you really think that one card will help you?" Jaeger asked.

"I managed to defeat Le Gasp with one draw, huh, clown, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson reminded. "It may have been the musical accompaniment, huh, maybe, huh, but I still did somethin' with a lucky draw."

_I reckon he's right,_ Billy Hills reckoned, _he DID happen t'draw Pot of Greed after he started playin' that song randomly! And… I reckon that Jaeger guy plays HIS OWN stupid song all the time… what does this mean? Sh-should I do mine, I reckon?_ Billy Hills gulped. [ .com/watch?v=tWgJACa_jeM] He rested his shaky hand on his deck. "I-I reckon I dr-draw, an' an' an'…"

[ .com/watch?v=mTiLBXsFRW4]"NEDM." His eyes became soulless, black holes of space. He began to levitate for some reason.

"Wh… what…?" Billy Hills asked, with no idea of what was going on. He even forgot to say 'I reckon'.

"NEDM," Jaeger announced, his voice becoming airy again.

"…?"  
"Not even DOOM music could save you now!" Jaeger screamed, staring right into Billy Hill's soul, cloaking the entire area in darkness. Rays of pictures of eerie smiling cat heads spiraled out from Jaeger and around the field. "If you were GOING to win, you'd have done it TWENTY TURNS AGO! You two are FAILURES at your only skill! You will LOSE, and you will DIE HERE AND NOW! EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! **EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEEEEEE!**" Billy Hills' legs stopped working. He fell onto his knees. "OH, WHAT'S WRONG, LITTLE BOY? SCARED? WORRIED? YOU'D BETTER BE, YOU SICK FILLER OF A CHARACTER! END YOUR TURN AND LET YOURSELF BE ERASED FROM OUR STORY AND OUR MEMORIES FOR GOOD!"

"Y-y-y-you're n-not even… I reckon… the me-meme doesn't work tha-th-that way," Billy Hills stammered, almost unable to speak from terror.

"I DON'T CARE!" Jaeger rudely answered.

"Jaeger, you're going a little too far now," Someone Jones said, irritated. "Stop talking and let them lose."  
"NO, DON'T TALK BACK TO ME," Jaeger replied, uncaring. "THESE TWO DESERVE TO KNOW HOW USELESS THEY ARE IN THIS STORY! THEY'RE ONLY SLIGHTLY POPULAR! THEY HAVEN'T DONE ONE IMPORTANT THING YET! EVEN THIS DUEL DIDN'T HAVE TO BE DONE!"

"What're you talking about?"  
"I'M SAYING THAT THEY DON'T BELONG HERE," Jaeger said, staring down the two characters he was referring to. "EVERYBODY WHO IS DERAILING THE MAIN PLOT DOESN'T MATTER."  
"Y-you weren't like this before," Someone Jones said, confused. "What's gotten into you?"  
"EVERYBODY WHO DOESN'T BELONG SHOULD JUST DROP DEAD," Jaeger decided, "EVERYBODY WHO WAS HERE FROM THE START SHOULD ACT LIKE THEY WERE WRITTEN TO. I'LL JUST USE THE NEXT YEAR GETTING EVERYBODY IN CHARACTER… AND IT'LL BE PERFECT."

"Wh-what's with that guy, I-I-I…" Billy Hills could finish the catch-phrase.

"The truth is," Someone Jones said, "he's one of the head writers of the original show, Mr. NAMEANDADRESSWITHELD. NAMEANDADRESSWITHELD wasn't happy with how this show was taken and made fun of, and he came here originally to fix it back to normal… by laughing in people's faces for a while. I was cool with it, especially because he told he he'd let me be if I worked with him, and he was trying to get back at the people who threw me into a locked room because I liked to tell people about my gasp collection."  
"It's… it's boring…"  
"YES IT IS," Jaeger agreed, "JUST LIKE THIS **SHOW** SHOULD BE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WRITTEN AWAY IN EPISODE THIRTEEN, SO YOU'RE THIRTY-THREE EPISODES AND TWENTY TURNS OVERDUE! END IT!"

Billy Hills slowly turned to Deep-Voice Dobbson, the only person left who could help. "D-D-Dobbson, I… I'm scared."

"Huh, Billy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson said, "trust yourself to draw what you need."

"… I reckon?"  
"This plot thread doesn't even make any sense, huh, Billy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson said, "the author's merely stallin' for time. You can do this, huh, Billy, huh."

[. com/watch?v=iQXkadQqWRY]Billy Hills nodded and turned to his Duel Disk for final support. He gulped, drawing his card, stood up, and said "I activate the Spell card Fifth Hope." earnest

"WHAT?" Someone Jones gasped!  
"NANI?" Jaeger gasped!  
"HUH AWESOME HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson gasped!

"I add Elemental Heroes Ocean, Ice Edge, Captain Gold, Heat n' Ocean into my deck, so I reckon I 'kin draw two cards," Billy Hills said, drawing the two most necessary cards at that moment. "I play Polymerization, I reckon, to fuse Elemental Heroes Ocean n' Woodsman from my hand!"  
"H-how did you… draw them…?" Jaeger asked, dumfounded, allowing his eyes to become visible once again.  
"How did you get t'be so annoyin', I reckon?"  
"Oh well mostly it comes from the theme song—"  
"ARISE, I RECKON, ELEMENTAL HERO TERRA FIRMA!" The air broke apart into a passageway, allowing Terra Firma, the glowing ivory hero that is kinda good. (Terra Firma: 2500 Attack Points)

"Oh no oh no oh no," Jaeger whimpered, "I know what's coming next…" He turned to Someone Jones.  
"Don't worry, I still got Spirit Barrier!" Someone Jones insisted. "We're okay!

"Yeah WRONG, huh, bub!" Deep-Voice Dobbson triumphantly stated.

"Now I reckon I activate Miracle Fusion." The hologram of Billy Hill's card flipped onto the field and was smashed apart as Absolute Zero burst through. (Absolute Zero: 2500 Attack Points) Billy Hills gave a victory awesome point-at-the-enemy's-face pose. "I tribute Absolute Zero t' activate both heroes' abilities, I reckon."  
"Wait, BOTH abilities?" Someone Jones double-took. "What're you talking about?"

"RaaaAAAAAAAAHH!" Terra Firma roared, absorbing Absolute Zero and all his powers. (Terra Firma: 5000 Attack Points)

"Nnnnngh…" Jaeger turned to the monsters his team controlled, sweating. (Jester Lord: 0 Attack Points, Pink Gasp, Fat Gasp, Fast Gasp: 100 Defense Points) _Why? Why do I feel like he's going to win? We're completely invincible at this point! All he has to do is say 'I end my turn I reckon'-whatever, and it's done! What's happening to my dreams of 'Yu-Gi-Oh! GX'?_ All of the monsters they controlled were suddenly swathed in ice crystals and exploded. "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?"  
"When Absolute Zero leaves the field, I reckon," Billy Hills said, satisfied, "he takes all th'other opposing monsters with'm."  
"YOU'RE CRAZY!" Jaeger shouted, making the crazy cat heads turn red with rage! "WE'RE IMPERVIOUS! WE STILL HAVE SPIRIT BARRIER!"  
"Actually," Someone Jones said, on the verge of tears, "Spirit Barrier only works when we control a monster…"

_What?_

"Terra Firma…"

_WHAT?_

"Use Negative Infinity Degrees, I reckon!"

_**WHAT DID I MIIIIIISS?**_

Terra Firma pulled out his two sword handles and focused his energy, becoming icy blue-colored, forcing a spray of deadly ice crystals to blow to form his blades. He leaped into Jaeger's face and stared him in the eyes. "Will you leave us and get over this, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.

"N-no, I can't promise that I will," Jaeger honestly said.  
"Then there's no reason t'keep you here, I reckon," Billy Hills decided. Terra Firma jabbed his two swords into Jaeger's stomach and turned the power on full-blast. He dropped his Shadow Item and was launched right through the darkness sphere by a blast of pure unadulterated cold, knocking some cat hallucinations around, and landed in Canada. (SJ, JL: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

All of the holograms and weird cat faces disappeared. Someone Jones fell down onto the Shadow Item necklace item thing, cracking it.  
"Damn," Someone Jones muttered, honestly excited by that last turn exchange. "That was good." Deep Voice Dobbson lifted him up by the shoulders.  
"Huh, Someone, huh, I think you should decide what you're gonna do right now," Deep-Voice Dobbson pressured, "Will you keep hurting the other students, huh, or will you come back to being a regular citizen, huh?"  
"… I'm sorry…" Someone Jones lost consciousness. Deep-Voice Dobbson let him go, allowing him to land on his side, completely devoid of energy now.  
"Huh, Billy, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson called, "I'll go check on Chazz. You stay here, huh, 'til you're ready."  
"Mm… mmkay, I reckon," Billy Hills accepted, nodding. Deep-Voice Dobbson leaped down the hole they'd come up from originally and did stuff. Meanwhile, Billy Hills cried manly tears with his new-found pride.

_I… I actually… did somethin' important, I reckon!_

BILLY HILLS/DEEP-VOICE DOBBSON PLOTLINE – COMPLETE

MEANWHILE, IN THE CHANCELLOR'S OFFICE…

Yugi in his yellow coat was pacing around Chancellor Shepherd's desk, messy with random disgusting papers and magazines. Shepherd was also fast asleep and twitching in an uncomfortable manner from obvious causes. Yugi was on a cell phone and irritated at the same time. "Now, come on, you said maybe," he said over the phone.

"_That I do not recall, Yugi," _ the responder responded.

"Yes you did!" Yugi argued! "I DISTINCTLY recall you saying that in episode 36! Now get off your lazy ass and save us from two evil robot Shadow Riders!"  
_"And so… tell me why YOU can't do it?"_

"Because the fate of the universe in three years depends on me grooming that Jaden Yuki kid into a dueling genius!" Yugi yelled! "Don't you get it?"  
_"… Sooo… tell me again why you can't do it…?"_

"Urgh, ya' smug bastard," Yugi muttered. "Fine, it's because I'm not a good enough duelist anymore and I need you to save the world… of dueling!"  
"_Mweh heh heh, just the words I wanted to hear,"_ the guy accepted. _"I'll be there soon. Also, did you know that Marik died a few months ago?"_  
"Marik? Noooo, not that guy!"  
_"Yeah, tragic helicopter accident."_  
"Aw man, and when was the last time I saw that guy? When we went to Cancun?"  
_"Just teaches you to enjoy life to the fullest while you can… I'll be there in ten minutes to help you with your robots."_ **CLICK** went the phone. Yugi stowed his cellular phone into his pocket and sighed heavily.

"Why did we have to do this today of all days?" Suddenly, some large red claws slid through the metal door like it were made of tasty butter!

"Urr-UMPH!" Gut Man shouted, kicking open the door. He and Cuts Man casually strolled in as Yugi hid himself behind Chancellor Shepherd. "So, are YOU the last key holder?" Gut Man asked, stepping toward Yugi with Cuts Man.

"Eeeeeeeh, no?" Yugi admitted.

"Idon'tbelieveyou." The two robots jumped on him and started punching him in the face repeatedly! It's hard to punch with claws, but trust me, it makes it hurt more!

"Cuts cuts cuts! I knew we'd have to double-check for some people!" Cuts Man sighed. "If you know what's good for 'ya, you'll tell us 'yes'. Do you know where the last two Spirit Keys are?"

"OW! OWW! GET OOOFFF!" Yugi screamed! "Ow, the claws!"  
"KEY. **NOW.**"

"OKAY!" Yugi gave in. "I'LL TELL YOU!"  
"Perfect," Gut Man chuckled, pushing his knee into the man boy's chest.

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

A storm was coming over the ocean. Mann McOldsmobile was suffering from a slight head wound. He was flashing a bloodthirsty grin at a large blue robot named Megy Man. Megy Man had shown already that he has a skilled battle robot, as he had already scored some damage on our hero character and torn up the piers quite a bit with his jackhammer-fingers, while only suffering from a fist-sized hole in his back. "Come on, y'hunk 'o metal!" Mann McOldsmobile goaded. "Izzat all you got?" He took a huge leap off of a tree trunk and landed right in front of Megy Man. The colossus did a simple arm-swipe maneuver, which was simply side-stepped by Mann McOldsmobile. The manly boy kicked the groin area of the robot as hard as he could. He felt some parts of the 'bot snap and saw the hips release several hundred volts of electricity. The legs crumpled, broken and useless. Mann McOldsmobile jumped back away from the thing as it fell forward with a loud 'QRASH' sound. The 'Q' is there on purpose.

_And sure enough, he'll come after me,_ Mann McOldsmobile knew, running away up a large hill. Sure enough, Megy Man came after him on all ten of his fingers. Because he used twice the fingers… _He's going twice as fast as before!_ Mann McOldsmobile perceived! "UHHHHN!" he groaned, slammed into by a fifty mile-an-hour tank. The force knocked him right up the entire incline he was traveling. He was stopped by the helpful suspension bridge, upon which his arm had taken the brunt of the fall and was dislocated. "NYAAAAH!" Mann McOldsmobile screamed, clutching his shoulder! But he certainly had no time for screaming, because Megy Man was still coming after him. Mann McOldsmobile flipped onto his feet and grabbed a hold of his arm. _It may not be exactly fair,_ Mann McOldsmobile thought, _but it's just a matter 'a usin' your head._ "COME ON, BASTARD-ROBOT," he yelled, "WHASSA MATTER? HURRY UP!" He pushed his arm back into place and turned around. "UUGH! SONUVA…" But hey, it hurt, but at least he was able to pump his arms better as he made his escape. He had run about one-eighth of his way across the bridge when Megy Man had reached it. Of course, as expected, it was a stupid idea to bring jackhammers onto a suspension bridge.

The jackhammers fell through like a, like a… the success of this chapter! The structure collapsed under the two manly-named combatants, dropping Megy into the ocean below, along with a small storm of debris. Mann McOldsmobile, being masterful and stuff, leaped from slab of concrete to slab of concrete, until he bounced over to the robot and punched through his armor! **SMACK!** It punched straight through, as if a dry Wet One™ disinfectant wipe. "Heh, just like a Wet One™!" Mann McOldsmobile joked. "Can't you get serious? I'm murderin' you!" At this point, I believe it's a good idea to note that Megy Man was buoyant. He landed on the water and floated upright. Quick as a whip, the Megy one clapped his hands over Mann McOldsmobile like a common bug and held him underwater!

_CRAP!_ Mann thought, completely and utterly squeezed. He couldn't even move his pinky this time; Megy Man was applying more force than earlier! The air was forced from his lungs. He couldn't do anything. _Damn it, this shouldn't have happened! I shouldn't have brought him up on that bridge! That was unfair, and look where it got me… wait, is it really unfair to use terrain against an opponent? I don't know. I'll check up on that later._ There was a massive jolt, separating Megy Man's hands. **KRAK-BOOM!**

Mann McOldsmobile had swum free in the pursuit of knowledge and stuck his head above the water! "BWAAAAAH!" he said oddly, sucking in as much air as he could! He looked around and noted that it was raining. He also smelled the faint smell of smoke and felt the water slightly scald his torso and legs. _Was he just struck by lightning? And where'd he go?_ He stuck his head down into the drink again and looked around. Megy Man was sinking fast! _Wait, why's he sinking? He was floating a minute ago… aw, damn it, I punched two holes in him! He's filling up with water!_ Feeling an odd sense of idiotic, manly pity for his enemy, he dove back down into the water for him. He caught Megy Man by the finger as he sank and slowly managed to swim back upward, despite rough, stormy currents.

He pushed himself through the surface back near the piers. He carefully swung his legs onto the land and threw Megy Man back onto the concrete. He landed with a 'SPLACK' and slid for half a second. Water poured out of his chest armor. "Ah, woah, ah, heh," Mann McOldsmobile breathed heavily, "You, you're really, really, heh, heavy. I, can barely, eh, believe I, I managed to… aw, screw this." He moved into a boxing position. "I hope we've leveled the playing field, now?" Megy Man flipped onto his stomach and balanced himself on one elbow, with one arm ready for smackage.

_Do I… do I really wanna kill this guy?_ Mann McOldsmobile asked himself. _This guy's a robot, like Cuts n' Gut! That won't… that just won't feel right! I kill… a LOT… but this just feels too personal! Are they still my friends? Can… Megy Man count as an ally? But he, he doesn't seem to feel emotions. He's just fighting me. He can't say anything, and his face can't emote. Is he… no, no. Screw the deep stuff. This guy's affiliation is evil, like that talking crate told me for some reason! I have to help everybody and get back in there to get to Cuts Man and Gut Man, then smack 'em straight again._ Mann McOldsmobile began mentally focusing all he had into his right fist. _One punch… I don't have to think about anything except ending this in one punch!_ "HAVE AT'CHAAAAA!" Mann McOldsmobile announced, dashing toward his enemy for the final time. Megy Man threw his right hand forward, with the jackhammers on full blast. And they collided! And blood splattered out…

…from Mann McOldsmobile's fist as it nearly disintegrated through the jack-hand from the sheer force of his punch! He continued to travel through Megy Man's arm, through the upper part of his armor plating, and into his head. "_HEH,_" Megy Man chuckled, flashing a smile.

"_**Wha?**_"But alas, because Mann McOldsmobile was not gifted with the power of flight nor teleportation, he couldn't stop himself from smashing Megy Man's head into pieces of misshapen metal or ask him what was happening. He landed behind the metal corpse on his feet. He turned back and stared at it. _Was… was that… something sentient?_ He walked back to it. He stared at it. _He laughed. He smiled. And after I thought…_ Suddenly Mann McOldsmobile heard something coming. Something emitting a jet-like sound. Something white and lame-looking.

The signature Blue-Eyes White Dragon jet plane flew past Mann McOldsmobile and into the school with a loud, satisfying explosion. "THE FAWHK?" Mann McOldsmobile gasped! "Wh… right, the situation inside the school…" He took one more look back at Megy Man and then charged off to the school building. Then Megy Man exploded.

COMMENTARY

Well, doesn't EVERYTHING explode in this story? There, now stop being confused about Megy Man. In the meantime, let me be the first to tell you that I'm not satisfied with these last two chapters. They're too clunky because I didn't know how to write a good action scene yet. As opposed to now, where I can half-write one. So yeah, Chazz's lackeys take care of some filler villains. I was planning on that to happen to the weird Mokey Mokey kid from the start! Muhuhahahaha! Or at least when I decided 'Nah, that's just such a stupid filler episode (#23 in the original, I believe), I'll do something worse with it later.' That and I never got it… but didn't I say enough about it last week? Meh.

Either way, I'm SURE you'll like the Jaden Banner stuff going on in the next few episodes. It's MUCH more exciting. Any of you who saw the original season one, prepare for me to ruin your continuity.

Also in the next episode I bring in a cameo guy to do stuff. That's probably good, because I'll have it up in under an hour since this one gets posted.

And to those who were curious, NEDM corresponds to a pretty nasty meme. (Don't) look it up sometime.


	47. Episode 47: Amnael's Endgame Part 1

[.com/watch?v=OHGOBiH2mPo]A Blue-Eyes White Dragon-shaped jet airplane smashed through Kaibaland Duel Academy, crashing into a random hallway filled with a few sleeping people. As the smoke cleared and several fires arose around the area, two suspicious men kicked their way out of the cockpit. "Ah, how horribly ironic," growled Seto Kaiba, dressed in a white spiky coat of doom, death and more doom, which he'd somehow never changed out of since the original series of Yu-Gi-Oh! .

"What do you mean, big brother?" asked his crackly-voiced younger black-haired brother, Mokuba, wearing a green coat, orange shirt, some pants and some shoes, as he pulled out his awesome orange sunglasses. At this point, puberty had turned him into some sort of six foot-tall giant.

"Well, I crashed my signature Duel Monster into the academy for Duel Monsters that I created; I find it kinda funny."  
"Oh. I get it. Shall I activate the 'Robo-Signal'?" Mokuba suggested, pulling out a large suitcase.

"Sure," Kaiba sighed, "I'd like to do this and go home and drink some of my ultra-rare imported puma-skin cocoa in my ultra-rare imported puma-skin cocoa cup."  
"I'm your brother, and even I don't get it."  
"You don't have to… because we're stupid-rich. Activate the Robo-Signal!" Kaiba pointed to the large suitcase in a suitably epic manner!

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 47: Amnael's Endgame – Part One

Mokuba opened up the suitcase. Inside was bubble wrap. The guy began taking foot after foot of bubble wrap out of the suitcase. After what seemed to be a period of time long enough to be strange, then funny, then boring, then funny again, and then even MORE boring, Mokuba pulled out a small flute. "This is the Robo-Signal?" Mokuba asked.

"It emits an ultra-sonic signal at such an intense frequency that only robots and robot byproducts can hear," Kaiba explained.

"You waste too much money, Seto."  
"I know, Mokuba, I know. Just blow the damn whistle."  
"Okay." And with that, Mokuba took a deep breath and blew air into the whistle. The first seven notes of the 'ABC's Song' came out. "What the hell?" Mokuba asked. "Seto, did you test this thing?"  
"No," Kaiba said, "but nonetheless, this should be enough to draw the robots out."

"AAAAAAAARGH," screamed Cuts Man and Gut Man, spinning and bursting through the wall, "CAN'T HANDLE THE NOOOOOISE!"

"That was easy," Kaiba accepted, despite the fact that it made no sense.

"But why…" Mokuba shook his head. "Anyways, time to duel, bro."

"Ugh!" Cuts Man and Gut Man leaped to their feet. "Cuts cuts cuts! Who the heck're you?"

"I'm mother-freaking Seto Kaiba, BITCH!" Kaiba growled. "Now are you going to duel me or not?"  
"That depends," Gut Man said. "Are you currently a holder of a Spirit Key?"  
"Gimee a moment." Kaiba snapped his fingers. At that signal, Mokuba ran off and then returned with the safe from Chancellor Shepherd's office.

"YAH!" he shouted, karate-chopping it in half and pulling out the Fire Key inside. "Here 'ya go, bro." He handed Kaiba the key.

"THERE YOU GO, BITCHES!" Kaiba yelled, giving the robots The Finger®! "NOW JUST SHUT UP AND DUEL!"

"Awright," Gut Man agreed, "I guess I'll take you on." He held out his dueling arm. The metal parts of roboticalness began reshaping themselves and turning into the shape of a Duel Disk! "Cuts, you hold off unless I lose."

"Then let's go, dammit," Kaiba growled, taking HIS Duel Disk out from his bottomless pockets.

"AAAAAAAARGH," screamed Mann McOldsmobile, bursting through the wall. "CAN'T HANDLE THE NOOOOOISE!" He smashed into Gut Man, knocking him over.  
"Wh-what're you doin' here?" Cuts Man screamed!  
"Sh-shouldn't you be dead?" Gut Man inquired!

"Y-you two, why'd you do that stuff?" Mann McOldsmobile ordered. "I thought… I thought that we were friends! You were supposed to be on OUR side! How could you?"  
"You mean sic Megy Man on you?" Cuts Man double-checked.

"… Erm, what?" Kaiba asked.

"I hear good," Mann McOldsmobile said, "and I couldn't stand that crappy song SO much that I was blown into the school. What's not to get?"  
"Oh," everybody said, understanding.

"Who's Megy Man?" Mokuba asked. At that moment, the body of Megy Man smashed into them, knocking all of the characters (and the jet) present out of the building and by the symbolic entrance to the academy as it exploded again.

[ .com/watch?v=cpf3FACOUsU]MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN AND BANNER…

_Damn, man,_ Jaden thought, being forced into a duel against Professor Banner, who was in an odd outfit, inside the abandoned dorm, _I can't believed he's forcing me into this duel! I can't SHADOW Duel'm; I could regularly duel him, but I don't wanna kill anybody! But, he says he's a Shadow Rider. Can I really afford t'give up this chance?_ "A-alright, Prof., let's THROW DOWN!" Jaden announced, showing his final decision.

"BOO," someone said.

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Banner: 4000 Life Points)

"Why, in that case I activate Chaos Distill," Banner said, allowing a comical-looking orange steam boiler to arise onto the field. "As long as this card is active, all of my cards sent to the Graveyard are removed from play instead."

_What's he doing that for, yo? I gots t'know yo!_ Jaden thought.

"Jaden, watch out," Syrus warned, watching the game with Koala Ko Ala, "he's got a deck theme! A DECK THEME!"  
"He's got a Trap up his sleeve… LITERALLY!" Koala Ko Ala threw in.

"My student, Jaden," Banner said earnestly, "thank you for making this decision. I'll give my all in this match." He took a book out from under his cloak and threw it into the center of the ring. Its cover prominently featured an EYE OF WDJAT.  
"What's with the book?" Koala Ko Ala asked.

"You… shall see soon enough," Banner hinted. "But now I play the Spell card Steel Lamp!" A steel lamp appeared. The giant boiler responded by opening and sucking it in. "If I play this card while Chaos Distill is active, I can Special Summon a specific monster from my deck… Alchemic Beast – Salamandra the Steel!" The boiler spat out a really, really great looking metal European-style bipedal dragon with red skin on the insides of its wings! I really liked it! (Salamandra the Steel: 500 Attack Points)

"The hell is that?" Jaden gasped, insulted. "Why'd you summon something so… stupidly bad?"  
"I'd say laughably bad, after all the build-up," Syrus thought.

"Well, my Alchemy Beasts can attack you directly," Banner revealed. Jaden stared at him, as if to say, 'Is that all?' "Also I play Bronze Scale and Lead Compass to summon Ouroboros the Bronze and Leon the Lead." A scale and compass were consumed and turned into a bronze, six-eyed serpent and a grey awesome lion-bear-thing. (Ouroboros the Bronze: 500 Attack Points, Leon the Lead: 500 Attack Points)

"L-L-LEON?" Koala Ko Ala shrieked! "WHAT A NAME!" Jaden himself was now exhibiting an '**OH SHI–**' face.

"Ah, I was waiting for that face," Banner chuckled. "I will set a card face-down and end my turn." A Trap hologram appeared behind the great weak monsters. "Now, Jaden, show me what you can really do."

"Well then, why don't I?" Jaden asked rhetorically. "I summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman!" Lo and behold, from an ocean spray came Bubbleman, the same as ever. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "In THIS show, when he's the only card on my field when summoned, I can draw two hip new cards!" Jaden drew his two new cards. "Situationalriffic!" Jaden cheered! "I equip'm with a bazooka!" Bubbleman's Bazooka appeared within Bubbleman's bubble hands! (Bubbleman: 800 - 1600 Attack Points) "Now hit'm with a BomBarding BuBBle BarrageB!"

"BOO." A giant water drop flew out of the giant weapon!  
"Not so fast!" Banner commanded. The water slowed down and began approaching at a sluggish pace. "I play my Trap card, Elemental Absorber!" A four-pointed star made out of metallic parts cloaked in electricity appeared on the hologram, though it somehow translated out into a black metal thing made up of a black downward triangle and a semi-circle with four spikes. "While this is active and you declare an attack, I can remove one card in my hand of the same Attribute as your monster to prevent it from attacking!"

"Damn you, situationalism!" Jaden cried!

"Ah, yes, situationalism," Banner sighed. "I remove Aqua Spirit from my hand." By discarding what looked to be somebody's underwater bride, the Elemental Absorber machine rotated until it released a blue upside-down triangle. "_BLUE,_" the machine buzzed. It made a roaring wall of water, which somehow cancelled out Bubbleman's attack. It slowly splashed into the wave and was absorbed.

"Oh, so it ABSORBS the attack?" Koala Ko Ala cried!  
"It TOTALLY makes SENSE!" Syrus understood! "WATCH OUT, JAY!"

"I declare it to be my turn," Banner declared. "All three of my monsters will now attack you directly."

"Oh no," Jaden said, "THIS ain't lookin' good."

[ .com/watch?v=dOgo8-ncw-k&feature=related]MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE AND THE KAIBA BROS. ...

The group was now recovering from being slapped to the front of the school by Megy Man's lifeless repeatedly-exploding body. "No way," Cuts Man scowled, "you actually managed to defeat Megy Man and his jackhammers of death?"  
"Yeah, I sure did," Mann McOldsmobile admitted. "What about it?"  
"He was the most destructive robot from the future we could find!"Gut Man stated. "He's even stronger that Quint!"  
"Who?"  
"I'm really surprised you managed to survive it, though."  
"Wasn't my favorite victim, I'll give'm that," Mann McOldsmobile said, "but I won anyways."

"Excuse me, poor, penniless old man attending my school," Kaiba said.

"I'm eighteen!"  
"Sure. But where do you get off on upstaging me, BITCH? I'm about to duel that one with the huge claws over there!"  
"Oh yeah," Mokuba remembered, "I forgot since that old-looking kid started talking."  
"Dammit, kid!" Kaiba got into his dueling pose in the rain. "Time to duel, stupid evil robot guy!"  
"Bring it," Gut Man smirked, holding out his Duel Disk-arm and separating his two claws into five fingers. They drew their first five water-resistant somehow cards and stared menacingly. A bolt of lightning struck between the two.

"DUEL." (Kaiba: 4000 Life Points, Gut Man: 4000 Life Points)

Kaiba pulled out his next card fast enough to cut through the air and make a neat flashy richman arc. Then he flipped the card around in his fingers. "I summon the Totem Dragon in Defense Mode." A weird, wooden-looking brown-ish long-necked weird dragon weird flew onto the field and sat in a resting position. (Totem Dragon: 200 Defense Points) "Now take your lousy turn, BITCH."  
"I'm no bitch," Gut Man retorted, "I'm a ROBOT FROM THE MOTHER-FUCKING FUTURE!" _I've never heard Gut Man with such harsh language before_! Mann McOldsmobile thought, appalled. _Also that dragon is weak and dumb._

He leaned over to Mokuba. "That dragon is weak and dumb," Mann McOldsmobile whispered.

"Nah," Mokuba disagreed, "in the years since he last dueled in that Battle City thing nobody remembers, big bro's become less focused on absolute strength… and more focused on strategy… and absolute strength."  
"So… he got smarter?"  
"Not really."  
"Oh?"

"Heh," Gut Man smirked, "I know all about your signature card, Blue-Eyes White Dragon, and that's why I wanted so desperately to duel you before my colleague. Wanna know why?"  
"No."

"Then here you go!" Gut Man shouted! "I summon Ally of Justice – Quarantine!" Six bug-shaped robots zoomed onto the field and then connected to each other with rays of light. The rays somehow turned into a black diamond containing potentially evil energy. (Quarantine: 1700 Attack Points, 1200 Defense Points)

"Eh-heh," Cuts Man laughed, "see, we have your plan figured out!"  
"Aaaand?" Kaiba yawned.

"You HAVE to have summoned that wimp for its special ability!" Cuts Man figured, pointing to the Totem Dragon. "Which is…"  
"Not tellin' yet," Kaiba adamantly denied.

"D'aw. Anyways, it PROBABLY has to do with Special Summoning your Blue-Eyes. And Blue-Eyes White Dragon is a Light-Attribute monster!" Cuts Man continued. "Quarantine's special ability won't allow any player to Special Summon a Light monster to the field! Now you'll have to work up two tributes' worth of monsters in order to bring out your signature card! And the thing is that Gut Man WON'T be letting you keep out that many monsters for long as he swarms the field!"  
"I wanted to say all that…" Gut Man sighed sadly.

"Cuts cuts cuts! Sorry, buddy."

"Anyways," Gut Man said, recovering, "Quarantine! Attack Totem Dragon! Quarantine Him!" The six bugs scattered and surrounded the brown weirdo weird dragon. They resumed creating a diamond and captured Totem weird-looking Dragon inside, then tore it into pieces using their extra-dimensional magics! The bugbots returned to Gut Man's side of the field triumphant. "Go ahead, Mr. Kaiba," invited the gutsy bot.

"Don't mind if I do," Kaiba accepted, "because it's now the beginning of my turn and I don't have any non-Dragon-type monsters in my Graveyard, so I can Special Summon my Totem Dragon with its effect." The weirdo Totem Dragon was BACK! (Totem Dragon: 400 Attack Points) "And now he counts as two tributes. So I guess I'll just summon Blue-Eyes White Dragon." The Totem Dragon weirdo faded away… AND WAS REPLACED BY A GIANT WHITE DRAGON WITH A LONG NECK OF POWAH!

"WOAH!" Mann McOldsmobile gasped!  
"WOAH!" Gut Man gasped!  
"CUTS CUTS CUTS!" Cuts man gasped!  
"You show'm, big brother!" Mokuba clapped!

"GRRRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWHHHRRRR!" the dragon who shall from now on be referred to BEWD roared gallantly. (BEWD: 3000 Attack Points)  
"Attack," Kaiba ordered, sounding bored. "Burst Stream of Destruction." The dragon vomited a giant laser and burned away the robot bugs. (Gut Man: 2700 Life Points)

"Th-that… that was a good move," Gut Man admitted.

"Yeah yeah, bastard," Kaiba said, "but I can't use my Totem Dragon's effect anymore, because the card says so. Take that handicap and do something with it."

"Yeah, traitor!" Mann McOldsmobile growled!

"That hurt, Mann," Gut Man spat, drawing a new card. He liked it. "I summon Ally of Justice – Core Destroyer!" A cool gold and silver quadruped robot with one eye and a cool bendy tail appeared. It bounced around playfully like a dog. (Core Destroyer: 1200 Attack Points)  
"OOOOOH YEEEAH," Cuts Man shouted, "HE GOTCHA!"  
"With what, a dog-bot?" Kaiba sniffed.

"Can I explain it?"  
"When Core Destroyer attacks a Light monster, it's automatically destroyed without any battle damage!" Cuts Man informed!  
"Eh… yeah. So I'll attack your Blue-Eyes White Dragon." Gut Man's robot jumped onto the dragon and looked like it was sniffing the beast. It crawled around, up its neck, and into its mouth. The dragon felt weird and bulged oddly. Core Destroyer burst out from its head, exploding it.

"WHAT?" Mokuba cried! "No, not his FLAGSHIP monster! THAT doesn't look good!"  
"WAAAAAAAAAGH, NOW HE WILL **NEVER** WIN!" Mann McOldsmobile believed!

"Shut up, I'm rich!" Kaiba shouted! "And that means I CAN'T lose!"  
"Then fine, go ahead, by all means," Gut Man allowed.

"I don't need your permission, BITCH," Kaiba responded, summoning a blue dragon wielding both shield and spear, spikes running down his back. He had a dumb smile. "I summon Vanguard of the Dragon, with whom I can boost by discarding a Dragon-type monster from my hand. I discard The White Stone of Legend, adding a Blue-Eyes from my deck into my hand." A white rock appeared next to the blue guy. He smacked it away with his shield. (Vanguard of the Dragon: 1700 - 2000 Attack Points, EARTH-Attribute) "Attack." The blue guy threw his spear into the dog-like robot, causing it to catch fire and burn into nonexistence. (Gut Man: 2000 Life Points) "NOW do you consider me a threat?" Kaiba double-checked.

"Grr… GRRRR… I ACTIVATE THE SPELL **LIGHTNING VORTEX!**" Gut Man announced loudly, as lightning struck behind him, spooking out Cut Man.  
"GLEEP!"

"**I discard one card from my hand to destroy all monsters you control!**" By discarding a random monster named 'Ally of Justice – Omni Weapon', Vanguard of the Dragon got hit by a stray bolt of electricity, 'sploding him. Luckily, BEWD decided to take his place. (BEWD: 3000 Attack Points) "… Wait… wait… WHAT DA HELL?" Gut Man shrieked!

"Oh, when my Vanguard of the Dragon is destroyed by a card effect, I can summon a Dragon from the Graveyard," Kaiba sighed, scratching his head. "Now, say mah name, bee-yutch."

"…" _This guy irritates me._

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

[ .com/watch?v=QGlNzNO0yJs&feature=channel]Banner drew his next new card. "Alrighty then," he chimed, "all three of my monsters will attack you directly now." His steel dragon, bronze snakey-thingie, and lead-based lion-gorilla fired a stream of flames, light, and quills respectively.

"WOAH!" Jaden dived out of the attack's paths. "Damn, that was some serious crap," he realized. (Jaden: 2500 Life Points)

"Good job, Jaden," Syrus congratulated, "don't let any of those attacks hit you! They look deadly! They'll ONE-SHOT you!"  
"If worst comes to worst, I-I can be a shield!" Koala Ko Ala suggested.

"N-nah," Jaden declined, "I'll be okay without yo' huge belly. Banner's got just one card in his hand left. He can't be negatin' all my attacks now."  
"Or so you th-GEHEEEM!" Banner said, vomiting blood.

"AAAAAAH!"  
"Sorry, students, didn't mean to do that. But…or so you think?"  
"I forgot what the point of that was, since the blood vomiting and stuff…"  
"… I'm drawing more cards," Banner sighed.

"What?"  
"I DON'T have one card in my hand anymore, because I use Black Process – Negledo." Banner held out what looked to be some modern art (and we all know how intelligent THAT looks… damn, people're gonna hate me for that burn) painted using dark colors. "Now I can tribute all my Alchemy Beasts and draw two cards for each one."

"… I don't like you so much, teach." The three monsters jumped into the giant orange boiler and burned to death. Meanwhile, Banner drew six cards.

"Ah, so is the way of an alchemist," Banner rambled, "turning one thing into another. In this case, a brand new hand of cards."  
"Um, okay," Syrus accepted, confused.

"And those into more monsters."  
"Hubba-WHA?"

Banner removed three more cards from play. "I activate Tin Spell Circle, Mercury Hourglass and Silver Key." A circle, an hourglass and a key jumped into the boiler. "And NOW I summon Alchemy Beasts Eatos the Tin, Echeneis the Mercury and Moonface the Silver." A grey falcon, a blue-finned metal fish and… a smiling moon with arms and legs leaped out and onto the field. (Eatos, Echeneis and Moonface: 500 Attack Points)  
"**MOOON!**" screamed Moonface the Silver.  
"You're running out of ideas, aren't you?" Syrus sy-ed.

"Hey, I like Moonface!" Koala Ko Ala defended.

"Yeah, I like'm too!"  
"I thought that everybody was supposed to be serious here," Banner shrugged, "since you ARE dueling for your life here."  
"And yours too, I forgot," Jaden groaned.

"Also students," Banner taught, "notice how I managed to replace my entire field and come out with three more cards than I had before. Normally in alchemy, this would be impossible."  
"But it's a card game, Professor. It's possible there, because it's done with cards. Now stop teachin' us; you keep teaching us dumb stuff."  
"Precisely."  
"Huh?"

"Wait, not the 'dumb stuff part'. Anyways. Just take your turn, it'll sink in later," Banner assured.

"Fine." Jaden drew his card. "I summon…"

_Please be Clayman, please be Clayman,_ Banner wished, as the last card he had in his hand to discard was an Earth monster.

"ELEMENTAL HERO CLAYMAN!"

_YES!_ Banner cheered. _I love you, situationalism!_

[ .com/watch?v=ljSAvJj61aw&feature=related]MEANWHILE, WITH KAIBA AND MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

"GRAWWWWR!" roared BEWD, which Kaiba had just summoned on his opponent's turn. (BEWD: still 3000 Attack Points)

"HA HA, YEAH, YOU GOT'M!" Mann McOldsmobile applauded. _I think we can chalk this one up for Kaiba… but still… Gut Man and Cuts Man, what happened with you guys?_ _Since I gotta keep worrying about that, y'know?_

"So what?" Gut Man asked.

"So I'm about to have my dragon bite off your metal asses, that's what," Kaiba said.

"Yeah, tell'm, big bro!" Mokuba shouted!  
"No, I don't think so," Gut Man disagreed.

"You dare disagree with the rich?"

"Yes, I do." Gut Man motioned to his Trap card. "I activate Call of the Haunted to summon the monster I discarded for Lightning Vortex, Ally of Justice – Omni-Weapon!" A grey robot box came out from the earth, wielding such weapons as a drill, a hammer, a fist, a buzz saw and some scissors. (Omni-Weapon: 2200 Attack Points, 800 Defense Points, 5 Stars)  
"And?" Kaiba asked.

"Next I summon Ally of Justice – Unlimiter." Some sort of mosquito-spaceship hybrid appeared, glowing a faint shade of indigo. (Unlimiter: 600 Attack Points)

"And?" Kaiba asked.

"Then I tribute Unlimiter in order to use its effect; I double the Attack Points of Omni-Weapon for one turn." The mosquito robot thing stick its needle into Omni-Weapon, for it was very sharp, and squirted some stuff that can only be thought of as robo-roids into it. (Omni-Weapon: 4400 Attack Points)

"And?" Kaiba asked.

"And I destroy your Blue-Eyes—"

"Allowing him to draw a card by Omni-Weapon's own effect!" Cuts Man finished.

"Please stop doing that, Cuts."  
"Cuts cuts cuts! I can try, but I can't make any promises!" Cuts Man said.

The robobox punched BEWD, smacked it in the head with the hammer, drilled a hole through its chest, sawed its head off and then cut one of its toenails with the scissors. The toe attack was highly damaging, of course. The dragon evaporated into light, and then the light became a new card in Gut Man's hand. (Kaiba: 2600 Life Points)

"And?" Kaiba asked.

"And he summons the card he drew, because Omni-Weapon just lets'm do that, too!" Cuts Man finished.

"Uh, um, yeah, I summon Ally of Justice – Unknown Crusher," Gut Man said, bringing out a mecha-mammoth, "but I really do wanna play the game by myself." (Unknown Crusher: 1200 Attack Points, 3 Stars)

"Sorry, can't help it," Cuts Man apologized. "Can we both just agree to kill everybody?"  
"Sure," Gut Man accepted, and the two robots shook on it.

"And?" Kaiba asked.

"And then we'll have all the Spirit Keys for our master and creator and then—"

"I don't mean in real life, I'm talking about this game," Kaiba interrupted. "I don't give a damn what you're planning, I just wanna beat you and your yellow friend over there."  
"Oh, then in that case I'll play a face-down and end my turn," Gut Man decided. At that point, the robo-roids wore off on Omni-Weapon, and he returned to normal strength. (Omni-Weapon: 2200 Attack Points)

_Wow,_ Mann McOldsmobile thought, _his utter lack of empathy for human life and cold ruthless attitude are so cool! But I can't let him hurt Gut Man. I know I can bring him back to the side of empathy, goodness and… well, I'll bring him and Cuts to their senses. I'll just jump in on the last attack, and BAM! I'll deflect it and give some sort of friendship speech! It's foolproof! Everybody'll forgive'm in a while, we'll just give them time. And then we'll go on to save the world with card games, just like Syrus always says. It'll be perfect._

"My turn," Kaiba announced, drawing a card. Studying his new card, he smiled. Something died inside all of us. "Well then, I suppose it's time to get serious." He held his new card out at Gut Man. "You will lose on my next turn."  
"What if I don't?" Gut Man challenged.

"Then you're still screwed," Kaiba answered, smiling.

"OH MY GOSH BIG BRO, YOU'RE SO COOL!" Mokuba screamed!  
"Shut up Mokuba, I know! I summon Decoy Dragon." A small pale-blue dragon baby appeared.  
"Boop?" it said cutely. (Decoy Dragon: 300 Attack Points)  
"I tribute it to Special Summon Red-Eyes Darkness Metal Dragon." The baby turned into a giant black metal death dragon. (REDMD: 2800 Attack Points) "Once per turn with its effect I can Special Summon one Dragon-Type monster from my hand or Graveyard, so I'll summon a Blue-Eyes from my hand."

"GRAAWWWR," it roared. Somehow, this time it was slightly-less awesome. (BEWD: still 3000 Attack Points)

"Attack him together," Kaiba ordered. "Red-Eyes, attack the elephant. Blue-Eyes, get your revenge for your brother." REDMD spat a column of black fire at his target, BEWD fired a laser.

"Woah," Mann McOldsmobile gasped, "he's not gonna win NEXT turn, he's winning NOW!"  
"Yeah, I know!" Mokuba agreed happily.

"What? OH NO! I'VE GOTTA PUT A STOP TO THIS!" Mann McOldsmobile cried, leaping into the path of the attacks! They went through him. _Huh?_

"I activate Threatening Roar!" Gut Man shouted, flipping up his Trap card!  
"ROAR," it said threateningly. The attacks bounced off of the card and back through Mann McOldsmobile.

"EEEEK!" he shrieked!  
"Your attacks are null and void," Gut Man announced as his card faded.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kaiba asked.

"I… aw, I'll just save it and go sit down again." Feeling dumb, Mann McOldsmobile walked back to his seat.

"That was dumb," Mokuba and Cuts Man said.  
"I know, you don't have to tell me twice!" Mann McOldsmobile barked. "Stupid holograms, not bein' dramatic enough…"

"So you expected the attacks to be solid?" Gut Man asked. "Then I guess I'll just use this." Gut Man pressed a hidden button inside his helmet. The sound of a disk being read by machine could be heard coming from him. An Eye of Wdjat appeared on his chest. "Crap just got real, son," Gut Man stated.

"Shadow Items? Heard of 'em, I'm not impressed," Kaiba shrugged. "I set a card." He set a card.

"You should be, Kaiba," Gut Man warned, "because it's my turn again." He threw a card down. "I summon Genex Ally Chemister." A short blue robot guy with two tanks of stuff on his back appeared with the right arms to use'm, however that makes sense. (Chemister: 200 Attack Points, Level Two, Tuner) "He's a Tuner monster, so I believe I'll be doing what people do best with them and perform a Synchro Summon."  
"Synchro Summon?" Mokuba and Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"Damn, you kids're stupid," Kaiba growled.

[ .com/watch?v=KMDWeSzyTvc&feature=related]"I COMBINE MY MONSTERS!" (Omni-Weapon: 5 Stars, Unknown Crusher: 3 Stars, Chemister: 2 Stars) "SYNCHRO SUMMON!" They combined with a flash of light and became… a gigantic black-and-golden levitating tank robot with cannons for arms and a face. (Decisive Armor: 3300 Attack Points, Level 10)

"HOLY **PICKLES,**" Mokuba cried, "THAT **SHIP'S** HUGE!"  
"Good use of censor decoy," Mann McOldsmobile thanked.  
"Ha ha ha," Cuts Man chuckled as the field became enshrouded in darkness, "this is probably it for you. One direct attack and you're vaporized."  
"I won't need a direct attack;" Gut Man said, "I'm going to use his special ability. I can discard my entire hand to the Graveyard and search your hand. I get to see your hand and then discard all Light monsters I see. Then all of those Blue-Eyes' Attack Points are deducted from your Life Points."  
"Oh? So you'll attack me with my own Blue-Eyes?" Kaiba laughed. "Try it!"

"I will!" Gut Man promised, tossing out the rest of his cards. And so, the images of Kaiba's cards appeared in front of Gut Man: White Stone of Legend, Dragon's Mirror, Black Luster Soldier and Montage Dragon. … _Just White Stone? That's it?_ "… Er, okay, I discard that White Stone thing."

The rock itself appeared over Kaiba's head and plummeted. Kaiba side-stepped it as it crashed to the ground. (Kaiba: 2500 Life Points) "Thank you," Kaiba thanked, drawing his BEWD.

"SHUUUUUUT **UP**!" Gut Man raged! His giant armor of decisions shot a giant laser at REDMD. It erupted into flames and burned to the ground. Lucky for them, there was rain. (Kaiba: 2000 Life Points) "Go on, play," Gut Man ordered.

"Wow, you're completely out of cards;" Kaiba realized, "this means you're REALLY about to lose. Didn't you learn that you NEED hand advantage in order to do anything?"  
"… Damn you," Gut Man growled.

Kaiba drew a card. "Final turn: start."

[ .com/watch?v=6DhmHNWDTOg]MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

"I summon Elemental Hero Clayman!" Jaden announced! Clayman bounded onto the field! (Clayman: 800 Attack Points) "I equip him with Clayman's Go-Kart!" A purple go-kart drove onto the field and Clayman jumped onto it.  
"Go-kart?" Koala Ko Ala wondered. "Sparkman gets a gun, Bubbleman has a bazooka, but…"  
"Shaddap, it has a good effect!" (Clayman: 1100 Attack Points) "He gains 300 turbo-charged Attack Points and gets to DRIVE A GO-KART!"  
"BOO," someone said.

"Shaddap, he's gonna use all eleven-hundred 'o those Attack Points to run over your ambitions!"

"BOO," someone said.

"Just attack." Clayman drove! In fact, he drove at the falcon monster!  
"No you won't! I was hoping you'd summon Clayman, because I discard The Rock Spirit!"

Banner discarded a gladiator made out of stone (don't get it), allowing the weird black mechanism to spin around until it said "_BROWN_." A brown downward triangle with a line through it appeared. Rocks appeared and Clayman crashed his sucky go-kart into them. It caught on fire.

"Damn it! Attack, Bubbleman!"  
"_BLUE,_" the machine said, making the blue triangle again. Bubbleman's watery attack 'bloop'ed into a wave.

"DAMN it! What's with that damn thing?"  
"I discarded that Water card earlier. It still works."  
"DAAAAAMN IT!" Jaden screamed!

"My turn, then!" Banner decided. "I activate White Process – Albedo." Another piece of modern art appeared, painted in bright colors. "I can use this card to Special Summon the monster Golden Homunculus from my deck."

"Oh crap, this sounds bad," Syrus gasped. The card's image appeared on the field. It shimmered and became a huge golem constructed from gold. (Golden Homunculus: 0 Attack Points) At this point, Jaden's easily-forgotten pendant glowed once again. Wait, he had a pendant?

"Damn it, Banner, you're doing this?" Jaden asked, upset. "Why're you usin' the Shadow Item?" The book thrown in the center of the arena turned silver.

"You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs, you can't learn anything without experience, and I intend to turn this damage into knowledge," Banner said.

"What's with all that symbolism?" Syrus asked.

"I'm beating a lesson into Jaden," Banner flatly admitted. The room around them became black.  
"Then why're you summoning that wimp monster?" Jaden inquired.

"He gains 300 Attack Points for every card I have removed from play." He pointed at the boiler. "There are thirteen cards in there." (Golden Homunculus: 3900 Attack Points)  
"Th-that's the strongest monster summoned all day!" Syrus cried! "Even Decisive Armor's not that tough!"

"But he comes last, so don't forget the opponents before you!" Banner warned. "Attack, Alchemy Beasts!" The falcon somehow breathed fire, the fish spat more water than its body could even hold, and the moon guy threw blades of energy?

"They ARE running out of ideas!" Syrus screamed! "DODGE, JADEN, DODGE!" Jaden couldn't dodge.  
", YO!" Jaden screamed. His head was burned, his legs were cut, and his torso was wet. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points) He took some of the water from his chest and placed it on his head, so that he felt better. "W-well, at least the cuts were shallow…"

"JADEN!" Koala Ko Ala and Syrus screamed!

"Let's see what that go-kart can really do," Banner said wistfully. "Golden Homunculus, attack." The giant golden golem lifted its giant arms and threw them down on the crashed go-kart and crashed go-kart driver. The result was what seemed to be a nuclear explosion. "Good game."

"Not quite good 'nuff," Jaden countered, "because I use Clayman's Go-Kart's special ability!" Clayman appeared back next to Bubbleman with Avian.

"Hey," Avian greeted.

"NOOOOO, WHY HIIIIIM?"  
"Wait for the kicker!" Jaden ordered! "When Clayman's attacked in his go-kart, then he's safe from damage AND he brings on out an Elemental Hero from my hand!" He drew a card and summoned it. "And I'll also summon Elemental Hero Burstinatrix!"  
"Hoo-yah!" she shouted. (Burstinatrix: 1200 Attack Points)  
"Ha ha ha, fire, water, earth and air? How ironic!" Banner laughed.

"SHUT YO MOUTH! GO ALL, WIMP RUSH!"

"You got it, boss!" Avian accepted, leaping into the air and throwing out bunches of sharp feathers!  
"Nope, I discard Garuda the Wind Spirit for Elemental Absorber." He threw out a brown bird-headed man.  
"_GREEN_," the machine said, making a green upward-facing triangle with a line crossing through it. A gust of wind ate up all the feathers and threw them away. (Golden Homunculus: 3900 - 4200 Attack Points)  
"Damn it, stop discarding cards! Burstinatrix!  
"Nope, Spirit of Fire."  
"_RED._" Fire appeared. (Golden Homunculus: 4200 - 4500 Attack Points)  
"DAMN YOU TO HELL, TEACH!" Jaden roared, giving Banner several inappropriate HandSigns®.

"What's with Jaden?" Syrus asked. "He usually doesn't lose his cool like this."  
"Well… we're right behind him," Koala Ko Ala said.

"I know that we're supporting him, but—"

"We're standing right behind Jaden," Koala Ko ala repeated, "and if there's a large enough attack, it could hit us AND him."

"Well damn, Sy, what took you so long?" Jaden growled. "I can't have this 'ed-jyoo-cay-tor' beatin' up mah friends! I need to beat him NOW."  
"Do you, now?" Banner sighed. "We'll see about that."

"We'll see SOON, if THAT'S what'cha mean!" Jaden said.  
"You're saying he'll beat you really soon, then showing us if we'd really get hurt, Jaden," Syrus translated.

"… Damn logic. I don't care 'bout no damn logic!" Jaden played two Spell cards. "I play Burst Return, sending all non-Burstinatrix Heroes into my hand!" Clayman, Bubbleman and Avian teleported away. "Next I play Burst Impact to destroy all of your monsters and deal t three-hundred damage for each one!"

"Oh my gosh, it's THE KICKER!" Syrus cheered!

"So it is," Banner nodded. Burstinatrix stared at the opposing four monsters. The great shiny fish leaped out and devoured the grey falcon. "Haven't seen that before." Then it jumped onto the moon-guy and swallowed it up, too. "Or that." The fish bounced up like a salmon and attached itself to Golden Homunculus' head! It then slowly began unhinging its mouth and inhaling the giant. "That isn't even possible." No, it wasn't, but the fish did it anyways. Filled with so much power, it began shaking and bubbling. Within seconds it was a blue ball of light. It floated into Burstinatrix's hands.

"And now, give it to'm!" Jaden commanded! Burstinatix understood. She put both hands on the sphere and forced all of her burning inner spirit energy into it! The sphere had become a huge fireball, which Burstinatrix decided to lob at Banner. It hit him and burned him.

"!" Banner screamed. The fire disappeared after a few good seconds of burning, leaving Banner in a ruined coat in a puddle of blood. (Banner: 2800 Life Points)

"Good job, Jay!" Syrus cheered!

"Yeah! Although I'm still torn about having to kill off our teacher!" Koala Ko Ala added.  
"He's evil now!"  
"Oh yeah!"

"Hmhmhmhmhm," Banner chuckled, "you're quite good, Jaden."  
"Damn straight," Jaden agreed.

[ .com/watch?v=q1_STN_GnrE&feature=related]MEANWHILE, WITH KAIBA AND MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

"I activate Trade-In," Kaiba said, "which lets me draw two cards if I discard a Level Seven or higher monster." He discarded his Black Luster Soldier with Eight Stars.

"Damn, he has hand advantage!" Cuts Man gasped! "He was talking about that…"

"I'll Special Summon Montage Dragon by discarding three monsters from my hand." Kaiba discarded his third BEWD, a second Black Luster Soldier and a Dark Horus, a black metal phoenix monster. "His Attack Points equal the total number of levels from the discarded cards, in this case, twenty-four-times-three hundred."  
"HROOOOOOOOOOAAAR!" roared Montage Dragon, a purple, three-headed masked dragon. (Montage Dragon: 7200 Attack Points)

"Oh crap," Gut Man gulped.

"Next I activate the Spell card Dragon's Mirror." It was a card with a dragon popping out of a mirror. "I can perform a Fusion Summon for a Dragon by removing monsters from my field and Graveyard." The mirror appeared. Within the glass were the ghostly images of the three BEWDs.

"Oh snapsky, here it comes!" Mokuba gasped, filled with excitement!

"Please don't say 'snapsky', it makes you sound like Jaden," Mann McOldsmobile said.

"Who's Jaden?"

The mirror exploded into glass shards, unleashing a giant white three-headed BEWD. "!" they roared. (Blue-Eyes White Ultimate Dragon: 4500 Attack Points)

"Oh crap," Gut Man gulped.

"Now I play it again." Another mirror appeared and sucked up the BEWUD.  
"Wh-what's 'e summoning now?" Cuts Man cried!  
"Arise, Dragon Master Knight." The dragon broke out, unharmed, with Black Luster Soldier riding him. (Dragon Master Knight: 5000 - 5500 Attack Points) "He gains 500 Attack Points for every other Dragon I control," Kaiba explained.

"Th-there's only one other, so why tell me that?" Gut Man asked.

"Because I activate my Trap, Return From the Different Dimension." Thanks to the card with the orca, warriors and various winged animals falling from the sky, a blue portal appeared over Kaiba's side of the field. "I halve my Life Points." (Kaiba: 1000 Life Points) "AND THEN I CAN SUMMON MY REMOVED FROM PLAY MONSTERS, BITCH!" BEWD, BEW[b]U[/b]D and Black Luster Soldier fell from the inter-dimensional portal. (Black Luster Soldier: 3000 Attack Points)

"Oh crap," Gut Man gulped.

"AAAAAAW, DAY-UM, BRO! YOU JUS' GOT 'IM, SON!" Mokuba yelled!  
"D-don't do that," Mann McOldsmobile ordered. _Now's my chance, so I'd better get ready._

"After I annihilate your Decisive Armor with my Dragon Master Knight," Kaiba said (Dragon Master Knight: 6500 Attack Points), "you're looking at 17700 points of Direct Damage! I'm about to make you my bitch, BITCH!"

"C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-crap," Gut Man gulped.

"AAAAIII-YAH!" roared the Black Luster Soldier riding the three-headed dragon, leaping up and slicing the massive tank… with a karate chop. Decisive Armor fell apart and exploded magnificently. (Gut Man: -1200 Life Points)  
"GO, ALL OF YOU!" Kaiba ordered!  
"HERE'S MY CHANCE! AGAIN!" Mann McOldsmobile announced for some reason!

"ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ow," Kaiba grunted, being stabbed through the stomach by Cuts Man's butter knife-stick. "G-guuuh," Kaiba groaned. (Kaiba: Game Over)

"C-CUTS MAN!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted!

"Gut Man, sorry," Cuts Man apologized.

"B-bro?" Mokuba sniffed, surprised. "BRO?" The dark haze around the area was drawn into Gut Man's chest-eye.

"Damn," Gut Man cursed. He exploded.  
"G… GUT MAN!" Mann McOldsmobile screamed! _WHAT HAPPENED?_ Gut Man's body was destroyed, leaving only his head and an arm. His eyes closed. Mann McOldsmobile turned to Cuts Man. "Wh-_WHAT_ JUST _HAPPENED_?"

"Our Shadow Items won't let us lose, since they're made specifically to kill us when we fail," Cuts Man said, pulling his stick from Kaiba's stomach. The cross-mark on his forehead opened up into… an Eye of Wdjat. "I won't have to deal with it anymore after I get Jaden's key, though." Cuts Man reached for Kaiba's pocket, in order to take his Spirit Key.  
"DON'T LET HIM TAKE IT!" Mokuba shrieked!

"CUUUUUUUUUUUTS!" Mann McOldsmobile pushed Cuts Man away and took the key for himself, before throwing Kaiba onto the sidewalk. All of the holograms disappeared. "Remember? You guys can't take the keys unless you win."  
"You don't duel," Cuts Man remembered.

"Oh yeah?" Mann McOldsmobile challenged, pulling out his very own Duel Disk.

"How typical."

COMMENTARY

Yeah, sorry about the art joke, it's just that when you go to a museum and see a green canvas with just a red dot on it, you start to question high art. That and the bike hanging from the ceiling.

Making up for that, Kaiba is an alcoholic badass who calls you a bitch. Is that good enough? I mean, he JUST made his big cameo and won stuff, which I had already been planning since before I decided Cuts n' Guts would be evil! And he DID wipe the floor with this guy! So is it alright, Kaibafans? Did I pay my respects appropriately?

With Jaden and Banner, I think I had a better grip on the balance between hilarity and awesomeness. Here's where I got a grip on that technique: make the games and cards awesome, but have them do stupid things. Is it working? And can you all wait another episode or two before we learn his BIG SECRET (Banner's) THAT SETS UP ALMOST EVERYTHING FOR THE NEXT THREE SEASONS? Eh, it's not that special.

And also next week Mann McOldsmobile duels. Yeah, everybody who duels in my story who didn't in the original has an overly great deck, despite any sort of ranking, yadda yadda. I need to fix that. Maybe.


	48. Episode 48: A Lying Legend

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 48: A Lying Legend

[.com/watch?v=vInCXBXcH7A] The rain had begun to pass. "Cuts cuts cuts! I never knew you dueled, Mann!" Cuts Man said. As Mokuba dragged Seto Kaiba to the jet for first aid, Mann McOldsmobile put a deck into his Duel Disk.  
"Who DOESN'T duel here?" Mann McOldsmobile brought up.

"True. So what kind of deck d'you use? Fortune Ladies? HARPY Ladies? Ojamas? Something stupid like that?" Cuts Man joked.

"Gladiator Beasts, jerk!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted! "Let's throw down!"  
"BOO," someone said.

"Dang it, I couldn't help it!" Mann McOldsmobile ripped five cards from his deck. "You can go first, if you'd like."  
"Sure," Cuts Man accepted. The plus-sign on his forehead glowed and opened into an eye.

"DUEL!" (Cuts Man: 4000 Life Points, Mann McOldsmobile: 4000 Life Points)

Cuts Man quickly sent a card to the Graveyard. "I play Hand Destruction!" It was a Spell showing a tiny samurai cutting through two perfectly good cards for no reason. "We each discard and then draw two cards!"  
"Okay then," Mann McOldsmobile accepted. He drew his cards. "Now what?"  
"Oh, well I just discarded the cards Makyura the Destructor and Ojamagic," Cuts Man said.

"Those are the worst names I've ever heard."  
"Cuts cuts cuts, me too. Makyura allows me to play a Trap card without setting it this turn," Cuts Man explained as a card with a weird purple Egyptian robot Wolverine rip-off appeared, "and Ojamagic adds the three cards, Ojama Yellow, Ojama Black and Ojama Green, into my hand from my deck." The second one featured the three Ojamas doing a horrible magic trick. They just sat in baskets. What losers. Cuts Man now had eight cards in his hand. "Next I activate the Trap card, Appropriate!" The card in question had two people, one fat, staring lustfully at a pile of gold coins. It was creepy… "Whenever I draw a card outside of my Draw Phase, which is at the start of my turn, I draw an extra two cards."  
"C-can we NOT look at those people why we duel?" Mann McOldsmobile asked. "The fat guy's face screams 'rape you'."

"Not my problem! I activate a second Hand Destruction!" Cuts Man discarded Sangan and Monster Reborn. "Now I draw FOUR cards!"  
"S-so? I can draw TWO NEW cards, too, so you're not… THAT much… further than me?" Mann McOldsmobile flubbed, not knowing what he was saying.

"You have five cards, I have eight," Cuts Man sighed. "I'm already in the lead." He stared at his hand for just a moment longer. "Meh, I'll play Card Destruction," he decided.

"… And what?"  
"We discard our hands. Then we draw cards EQUAL to how many cards we discarded."  
"You're too cheap, man," Mann McOldsmobile complained, "you weren't like that before." He sent his cards away. "You used to be all about fair play and just being who you really were."  
"When?" Cuts Man inquired. "What the heck are you talking about? That just sounds like something random you could say about anybody without really meaning it. I'm just making us draw cards!"

"….." Mann McOldsmobile recounted what he said. "Um… You were so honest and true to your heart when you were my robot friend!" Mann McOldsmobile insinuated, drawing his five cards.

"And when was that?" Cuts Man asked, drawing his nine cards. "Think about what you're saying before you speak."  
"You were NEVER my friend, you say?" Mann McOldsmobile asked further.

"That's all up to your own interpretation, meanwhile I'm setting a monster and a Trap." Cuts Man set his two cards. He glanced at what was left of Gut Man. "Your move, Mann."

"Took you long enough," Mann McOldsmobile grunted. Does _he mean all that?_ he wondered. _He can't be serious. I mean, all those times since they got here… at the start of the second semester… which was when the Seven Stars started attacking._

"_Oh, Gut Man and Cuts Man just said that we should come here and stuff, so we did," said Mann McOldsmobile._

"_Also there's a vampire out there," Gut Man said, pointing out towards the lake._

"_Oh hey, is that REALLY Cuts Man and Gut Man?" Allen gasped!_

"_Either way," Kanda grumbled, grabbing Chazz and holding his magical black sword against his Adam's apple, "if you try anything, she'll kill you, and I'll cut your friend's neck. Conversely, this will STILL happen as long as Chazz refuses to give us the last part of his Spirit Key. Well, we'll spare the robots, anyway."_

_FORESHADOWING! Damn it! I should've picked UP on those clues! But it was so hard! That author covered his tracks! It makes so much SENSE now!_

"MANN! Or whatever your name is!" Mokuba shouted, running onto the scene, carrying a mummified Seto Kaiba! "Watch out!"  
"Why should I? Your character is unpopular!" Mann McOldsmobile argued.

"Because he's drawing all those cards for SOMETHING," Mokuba reasoned. "Be careful."

"Gotcha, kid," Mann McOldsmobile agreed, snatching his next card from his Duel Disk. "Also I'm not sure if you bandaged him right. The head's not tightly-wrapped enough."  
"Can we duel now?" Cuts Man asked, becoming bored.

"Sure. I summon Gladiator Beast Darius!" And upon Mann McOldsmobile's field came a brown horse, fully bipedal, covered in orange armor, wielding some whips.

"NREEEEEEEEEIGH!" he shouted! (Darius: 1700 Attack Points)  
"Oh, is that all?" Cuts Man chuckled. "You can get your new Glad by attacking, but you're still taking damage."  
"I DON'T CARE!" Mann McOldsmobile roared! "Attack whatever his monster is! Horse Whip Attack!"  
"NREEEEIGH!" Darius shouted, whipping the hidden monster with his whips! The card ended up being some sort of stone soldier of some sort. (Giant Soldier of Stone: 2000 Defense Points) The whips bounced off of the monster's body and hit Darius in his eye. "OUCH!" Darius cried! (Mann McOldsmobile: 3700 Life Points)

"Now, I shall use the special ability all Gladiator Beasts share: I will return the monster that I had battle this turn to my deck in order to bring out a different Gladiator Beast!" Mann McOldsmobile announced!  
"And then you'll use your new Glad Beast in order to destroy a card," Cuts Man said, rolling his eyes.

"Exactly! But don't call them Glads, that sounds lame." A green bird-man walked out and slapped Darius' shoulder. Darius imploded. (Bestari: 1500 Attack Points) "And when Bestari is summoned by a Gladiator Beast's effect, he destroys a Spell or Trap card!" Mann McOldsmobile yelled!  
"I know," Cuts Man accepted.  
"NO YOU DON'T!" Bestari screamed, using a wrist-cannon in order to shoot away Appropriate, thank heavens.

"Next I'll Special Summon Test Tiger from my hand!" A regular-looking tiger ran onto the field, wearing some regal armor. (Test Tiger: 600 Attack Points) "I can Special Summon him when I control a Gladiator Beast, and I can tribute him WITH that beast in order to Tag-In a new one! It's pretty confusing-sounding, but I really promise it's not!" A blue fish-man walked up to Bestari and slapped his shoulder. He and Test Tiger suddenly caught fire and burned away in an instant. "It's Gladiator Beast Murmillo!" (Murmillo: 400 Defense Points) "HIS ability destroys a monster you control!" Mann McOldsmobile explained!  
"UR-YUP!" Murmillo grunted taking out a pistol and shooting the Giant Soldier of Stone. It broke for no reason.

"And now I'll just set a card and call it a turn," Mann McOldsmobile sighed, stone-faced.

"You're doing good, Mann," Mokuba supported, "'cuz now he has to start back from the beginning. He has absolutely no card advantage, and has no field. You're good to go!"  
"We KNEW that already. Stop rambling!"  
"Damn, I thought I stopped doing that already…"  
"You may THINK you have the upper hand," Cuts Man said, "but I assure you that you're so very wrong, cuts cuts cuts! You don't even know how to use that deck! You wasted your turn and 300 Life Points and summoned such a weak monster!"  
"Ulp!" Mann McOldsmobile gulped.

"I'm activating my Trap card now!" Cuts Man announced, just before the scene switched.

[.com/watch?v=Ys3xZ4Bmdjw&feature=related]MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN AND BANNER…

"So, will you give up all this stupid crap, teach?" Jaden asked, just after dealing twelve-hundred points of damage to Professor Banner. "I really don't wanna destroy your body, and you really don't want to destroy mine. Can we meet halfway on 'dat?"  
"But you're still losing half of yourself," Syrus noted. (Jaden: 1000 Life Points)

"So? Now 'e knows I'm bein' SE-REE-OUS, yo."  
"Well, your strategies have surely become more mature, I'll give you that," Banner complimented, "but I'll be damned if I'm giving up now."

"Come on, teacher!" Koala Ko Ala cried out! "Please stop this nonsense! We already know the story; you're an alchemist who was dying, and so he made a homunculus and stuck his body in it! Then you joined the Shadow Riders in order to work toward infinite life! But it's okay, you can just make ANOTHER homunculus! Stop the nonsense, stop the nonsense! Please!"  
"Koala, that was the dumbest idea I've heard so far," Banner sighed, "but I'll say that it was quite original. The real reason for me to do this is much more confusing and weird. It will all make sense in the end, though."  
"Of the duel?"  
"Of the fourth season."  
"Oh, hmm."

"Wait, we're on for FOUR WHOLE SEASONS?" Jaden gulped. "How'd 'ya know?"  
"For you, three and a half, but like I say, I will reveal it to you… after the duel," Banner exasperatedly repeated. "Now may I please take my own turn?"  
"Eh, go ahead, teach," Jaden allowed, "but hear 'dis: if you still really wanna duel me, for the sake of my friends who may get caught in the crossfire, along with all other people I may save in the future, I can't afford to die here. I'm gonna take you down, for one reason or 'nother! HEAR 'DAT? I AIN'T GIVIN' IN!"

"My gosh, why do you hero-types all repeat yourselves so often?" Syrus sy-ed. "'I'm not giving in, though I don't want to beat you;' 'I will tell you after this game.' It's awfully repetitive, and we get it already!"  
"Shut up, Sy!"  
"Yes, Syrus, please shut up."  
"Why do I even bother…"  
"Because you're the guy who lampshades everything!" Koala Ko Ala acknowledged, patting Syrus on the back.

"Now if you excuse me, I have a duel to win," Banner said, reminding everybody that there was a card game going. (Banner: 2800 Life Points, Jaden: 1000 Life Points) "I activate the Spell card Chaos Greed!" A man in a purple robe appeared on the field next to the giant orange boiler. "If I have no cards in my Graveyard, this card lets me draw two cards." The robed figure held out his palms and made a psychic energy wave!  
"VIZZZCHEEEEEWWW…" went the waves, summoning two cards. The cards floated to Banner, who caught them easily.  
"Thank you," he thanked.

"Naw don't mention it, I'ma jus' doin' mah job," the man said in a particular accent. He walked away into the darkness.

"I'll lay the two cards face-down," Banner decided, placing down a Trap and a Spell. "Your turn, Jaden."

_Dammit,_ Jaden thought, _Banner's got no cards in 'is hand. But that don't matter, 'cause wit' 'dat Elemental Absorber chillin' on his field, he can nix any of my attacks!_

_BOO,_ someone thought.

_Wha? A-anyways, I can't afford to draw some dang useless card! I need my duelin' mojo t'kick in right now!_

_BOO,_ someone thought.

_OH COME ON, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT ONE?_ Swallowing his pride, Jaden ignored the boos of the apparent audience and played on. "Here goes somethin'!" he announced, drawing his next really, really important card.

"BOO," someone said.

"Stop pickin' on me, gosh!" Jaden growled! "It's not funny anymore!"  
"YES IT IS," someone said.

"That thing, whatever it is, is getting freakier and freakier," Koala Ko Ala whimpered.

"STOP IGNORIN' ME!" Jaden cried! "I PLAY POT OF GREED!" He drew two cards.  
"What a lucky draw!" Banner complimented.

"Thanks, I know, right? So I'll summon Clayman again and play Clay Wrap." Clayman appeared! (Clayman: 800 Attack Points) He was wrapped up in some orange plastic. "Next up I play Polymerization to summon Rampart Blaster!" Burstinatrix ran up to Clayman and began taking his body apart. She forcefully molded all of Clayman's body into a battle suit, complete with a shield and a missile launcher. She put on a helmet, jumped in, and was ready for battle! Sadly the suit was terrible looking and all bumpy, as it was hand-made. (Rampart Blaster: 2000 Attack Points)

"Wait, don't you usually summon her in Defense Mode?" Syrus asked. "And what happened to Clay Wrap?" As an answer, Burstinatrix dug around inside of her clay suit and pulled out the plastic. Because she didn't need it, she balled it up and threw it at the Elemental Absorber. The ball hit it, unfolded, and gently drifted to the ground. "… Aaaaaaand…?"

"**DOES NOT COMPUTE, DOES NOT COMPUTE!**" shrieked the machine, spinning around, out of control! It shot sparks and smoke out in all directions! Then it just exploded, sending metal parts everywhere.

"Oh, so THAT'S what Clay Wrap does, it just destroys a Spell or Trap when it's sent to the—HOLY FISHPASTE, WHAT HAPPENED?" Syrus screamed! Professor Banner's stomach was impaled by one of the fat spikes from the machine.

"N-no worries…." Banner wheezed, "I'm fine, I'm fine."  
"YOUR STOMACH IS **GONE!**"  
"I'm fine, I'll play through!" Banner assured, though his abdomen was spewing out far more blood than could fit into a regular human being.

"D-do you really mean that?' Jaden asked. "I mean, I'm about to hit you with missiles, and that'd be a damn shame. You really wanna keep playin'?"  
"Yes, yes I'm su—"

"FIREFIREFIREFIREFIREFIRE!" Jaden commanded! Rampart Blaster shot a large barrage of missiles from her missile-firing arm.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Banner shouted, being struck by several explosives. (Banner: 800 Life Points)

"PROFESSOR!" Syrus called. "ARE YOU DEAD YET?"

"He died," Syrus accepted.

"Not yet I don't!" Banner said, swiping away some smoke and patting out a few fires along his body. "You've only beaten me three-quarters to death! It'll take more than that to take ME out."  
"Not much more…"  
"You were always one of my least favorites, Syrus," Banner said flatly.

"I'm sorry, I can't HELP being so negative!"

"It doesn't matter anymore, because I activate my face-down Trap card: Macro Cosmos!" The Trap seemed to be a diagram over a blue-haired man, trying to activate his inner energy. At the sight of it, the orange boiler became red with rage and shook like crazy!

"THE BOILER'S GONE MAD!" Koala Ko Ala screamed!  
"RUN FOR YO' LIVES, YO!" Jaden shouted! Syrus and Koala Ko Ala ran away! They bumped into the end of the shadow area.  
"OW MY BIG NOSE!"  
"OW MY HAIR!"  
"OW!"  
"WHY'S YOUR HAIR TALKING?"

"Just tell us what's goin' on, teach!" Jaden begged! "We feel safer when we know what's happenin'!"

"With it, I destroy my Chaos Distill!" Banner revealed! The boiler fell apart, then and there, into a bunch of spare boiler parts. The spare parts themselves melted into dark-bluish fluids with white specks of light within them. The liquids collected together and swarmed over the field, taking the place of the inky darkness with a backdrop of the universe.

"Woah, it's beautiful," Syrus beheld.

"Behold, the power of alchemy encompasses the entire universe," Banner grandly explained, stretching out his burnt arms.

"Uuuuuh, alright then," Jaden sighed, uncomprehending.

"Well, will you care if alchemy transmutes some of the dark matter into a new life form?"  
"Banner say what?"

"When Macro Cosmos is activated, I may Special Summon the monster known as Helios, the Primordial Sun!" Banner said. All at once, several planets began to roll over through the universe.

"What're they doing?" Koala Ko Ala asked. The planets got in a square formation and somehow distorted space. The distortion, looking as if somebody had twisted a part of space, snapped back into a mummified woman with a sun for a head. (Helios: 1100 Attack Points)  
"Okay, now I think that we need better card ideas," Jaden sniffed.

"Oh, don't laugh Jaden," Banner warned. "She gains a hundred Attack Points for every card removed from play, and Macro Cosmos still allows me to remove my cards from the game!"

The planets then began to swirl around the duelists as a confusingly fast pace. "Wh-what's going on now?" Syrus asked.

"I'm sorry, you two in the back," Banner apologized, "I didn't drag you into this one." Banner opened his red eyes for the first time since he was two and was told his eyes were ugly. "I'm going to activate the Spell card Planet Alignment." The card was just several planets all in a row, done in jarring CG. The spinning planets stopped, sitting all around the players. "With this card, I destroy all your monsters and deal three-hundred damage to your Life Points. Now: distort space once again." The planets began rotating in place, fast enough so that a year's worth of spinning could be done in a second.

"Nnngh…nhg…" Syrus moaned.  
"Sy? What's wrong?" Jaden asked.

"Are you okay?" Koala Ko Ala checked.

"G…GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Syrus's body felt as if it were being ripped apart.

"SYRUS!" Koala Ko Ala cried! Yet suddenly, he felt the same sensation! "KAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!"  
"G-GUYS!" Jaden groaned! "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH, AAAH! K-KOALA! SHIFT YOUR CENTER OF GRAVIT—AAAAAAUGH!"

"O-OKAY!" Koala Ko Ala wiggled his belly. The act set the whole gravitational pull off, simply crushing Rampart Blaster. (Jaden: 700 Life Points)

"Ugh… ugh… ugh…" The boys fell to their knees and hands, trying to catch their breath.  
"So, how did it feel?" Banner asked.

Jaden stood up in an instant. "It's gonna take more than making us two inches taller with stretching to beat us, yo!" he announced! He pulled his friends off the ground and patted their shoulders.  
"We'll see, ahmhmhmhmhm," Banner chuckled ominously.

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE AND MOKUBA…

"I activate my Trap card," Cuts Man stated, allowing the hologram of his card to flip face-up. "Backup Soldier!" The card featured a couple of random middle ages-ish soldier men. "When I have five or more monsters in my Graveyard, I can add two Normal Monsters into my hand." Cuts Man pulled out some cards with an arm and a leg on them. "Next I'll place a monster face-down and end my turn." A monster appeared. "I have seven cards in my hand, so I'll just go ahead and discard one for you now." He discarded a card.

_Hmm… Backup Soldier? For the Ojamas?_ Mokuba wondered, dropping the immobile, unconscious Seto on a rock. _So he uses an Ojama deck?_

"You may like taking it slow, but I can't let this thing drag on forever," Mann McOldsmobile said. "I summon Gladiator Beat Dimacari!" A purple man-bull with wrist-blades appeared. (Dimacari: 1600 Attack Points)

"MROOO," he grunted, breathing smoke from his nostrils.

"Dimacari attacks! Bull Dozer!"  
"Worst attack yet."  
"I've heard worse!" Dimacari ran into the face-down card and punched it into shards. The shards in turn floated back together, laughing in the face of physics, and became a GIANT RAT!  
"When Giant Rat is killed in battle, I can Special Summon one Earth monster from my deck with fifteen-hundred or less Attack Points," Cuts Man explained, leaning on his knife-stick. The rat was swarmed upon by flies, which ate him until he was merely a skeleton. And yet… a small rock-beast broke through the ribcage with its fists!  
"AAAAAAAAAAANGRY!" it roared! (Enraged Muka Muka: 1200 - 3600 Attack Points)

"That was disgusting!" Mann McOldsmobile cried!  
"And the monster's ugly as sin!" Mokuba screamed!

"And how'd it get so tough?" Mann McOldsmobile asked!  
"Hax!" Mokuba accused!  
"Cuts cuts cuts! No, he just gains four-hundred Attack Points for every card in my hand," Cuts Man said. "Now Tag-In your new monster and end your turn."

"Fine, I'll tag out Dimacari… with this Trap card!" His Trap card flipped face-up: Double Tag Team! It showed a flaming tiger guy looking cool as Darius flipped out. "Now I can bring in TWO Gladiator Beasts!" A rhino in off-white armor and a green lizard in blue armor slapped Dimacari, who promptly collapsed on himself. (Secutor: 300 Defense Points, Hoplomus: 2100 Defense Points) "I'll play one more Trap and end my turn." The card was called Defensive Tactics.

"I'll destroy them, then," Cuts Man decided. He drew his card, which was some sort of head. "I'll play Pot of Duality!" A pot appeared, with both an ugly green face on one side and a calm blue expression on the other. "This card lets me pick up the top three cards of my deck, add one in, and return the others to the deck." The cards were a leg, a tornado, and a second Giant Rat. _… I'll take this one._ Cuts Man took the leg card. "Now, Muka Muka, get rid of that large-handed rhino!"

"!" the angry monster growled, for he was angry. He punched Hoplomus the rhino, but…  
"I activate my Trap card, Defensive Tactics!" Some floating shield panels appeared and took the punch for him!

"Cuts cuts cuts! How could I not see that one coming?" Cuts Man growled.

"I don't know, but I'll do a Tag-In now!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted, pulling out his two cards! "The card negates all damage to my Gladiator Beast, but I can still Tag-In a new one because he still fought!"  
"Summon Spartacus!" Mokuba called.

"Hell no! I'm summoning Gladiator Beast Equeste!" The Gladiator Beast this time was backwards; he was a horse-man instead of a man-horse. Also he had wings. He had really great blue armor, though. (Equeste: 1600 Attack Points) "Thanks for discarding all my cards earlier. Now I get to take some back! When Equeste is Tagged-In, I can add a monster from my Graveyard into my hand!" Equeste clip-clopped over to Hoplomus and patted him on the head. BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG. Hoplomus' body started getting absorbed into Equeste's palm! Within seconds, the horrible deed had been done, and Equeste tossed Mann McOldsmobile a card.  
"Oh boy," Cuts Man sighed, "which one is it?"  
"Of COURSE it's a second copy of DIMACARI," Mann McOldsmobile stated, showing off the card. He placed into his hand what he had just stated. "Now I'll let you continue your turn."

"Heck, I forgot it was my turn anyways!" Cuts Man joked. "I'll set a monster face-down." And so he did. It would turn out to be a tasty marshmallow. "Go."  
"I will." Mann McOldsmobile placed a monster onto the field. "I summon that Dimacari card!" The bull appeared again. (Dimacari: 1600 Attack Points) "Now I'll shift Secutor to Attack Mode and strike that face-down!" Secutor got his game-face on. (Secutor: 400 Attack Points) The two giant jet gun shooter guns behind his back activated. They shifted over to his shoulders and shot out two jet guns. Secutor grabbed the jet guns and fired giant blasts of air at the face-down monster! The card flipped up and absorbed the blasts, being really squishy and stuff.

"Aw dammit, it's Marshmallon!" Mokuba shrieked! It WAS a marshmallow, with cool eyes, rosy cheeks, and an upside-down mouth on its forehead. (Marshmallon: 500 Defense Points) Marshmallon leaped onto Mann McOldsmobile and chomped Mann McOldsmobile with its sharp, triangular teeth.

"GAAAAAH, IT WAS JUST A FAÇADE!" Mann McOldsmobile screamed! (Mann McOldsmobile: 2600 Life Points)  
"When you attack Marshmallon, you lose one-thousand Life Points," Cuts Man pointed out.

"Buuuut…" Marshmallon jumped back next to Cuts Man. "Why didn't he die?"  
"He can't be destroyed by battle," Mokuba informed, sitting on his groaning, bandaged brother, "he's too soft and delicious!"

"Well, that works!" Mann McOldsmobile announced! "Dimacari! STRIKE!" Dimacari punched the Marshmallon. It whimpered. "Equeste! STRIKE!" Equeste turned around and kicked Marshmallon in the face with his back legs. Marshmallon fell over and stopped moving.

"Did you just kill Marshmallon?" Cuts Man gasped.

"Sure, and I'm using Secutor's ability to bring out two Gladiator Beasts when he gets Tagged-Out, for a grand total of FOUR new monsters," Mann McOldsmobile said. "SO COME ON OUT…"

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN AND BANNER…

"I throw-down a face-down," Jaden said, suddenly resuming his turn, "and I'll end my turn."  
"BOO," someone said.  
"HOW DID THAT GUY GET IN HERE?" Koala Ko Ala growled angrily. He and Syrus turned around. The duck was floating through space.

"Jaden, you need to get rid of that stalker duck. SOON."

"Not yet I don't!"

"Well, if you're so adamant about it…" Professor Banner said, hardening his expression, "… THEN I'LL PLAY THE SPELL YELLOW PROCESS – KITOLENICS!" This card was another odd piece of art, but this time the prominent color was yellow. "I tribute my Helios, the Primordial Sun, in order to summon Helios Duo Megistus!" Helios the Primordial Sun was covered in some green wrappings, themselves decorated in letters from a language never seen before. "Transmute, my monster, with the energy of the universe!" Banner commanded! The wrappings tightened themselves upon her supple body and then exploded into pure energy, which is green from now on.

Helios had transformed into a fat sun lady. (Helios Duo: 0 Attack Points) "… Now that's hilarious," Jaden said flatly.  
"Hey, fat's not funny," Koala Ko Ala argued, "it's both attractive and menacing!"  
"Besides, we don't even know her ability yet!" Syrus reminded.

"You're right," he said, feeling as if he'd just witnessed a big revelation.

"Oh, is that all you wanted to know?" Banner asked. "She gains two-hundred Attack Points for each and every monster card removed from play. That's twelve monsters now, so…" (Helios Duo: 0 - 2400 Attack Points)

"Eh, that ain't… TOO bad." Jaden shrugged, nonchalant face and all.

"Attack him, with Solar Singer."

"Singer? As in 'to singe'? THAT can't be dangerous," Jaden thought.  
"Eeeyoop," Helios Duo Megistus cried, holding her arms up. Jaden was suddenly lifted into the air!  
"Wait, what?" Jaden spit-took. The monster woman started channeling her energy into the air, creating a small sun. It slowly began floating toward Jaden. "HOT DAMN, THAT'S HOOOOOT!"

"JAAAAAYHAYHAAAAYDEEEEEN!" Syrus cried! " BANNER, DON'T INCINERATE HIM! PLEASE!"  
"I should've…" Koala Ko Ala said in his most serious voice possible, "brought… some sunscreen."  
"RAH!" Syrus shouted, punching Koala Ko Ala in the face!  
"UGH!"  
"HOW COULD YOU BE MAKING TERRIBLE JOKES AT A TIME LIKE THIS?" Syrus ordered!  
"I DON'T KNOOOOW!" Koala Ko Ala sobbed! "JADEN, USE THE TRAP!"

"Urgh… yeah!" Jaden said, pressing a button on his Duel Disk. "I activate A Hero Emerges!" The zombie superhero Trap was BACK! It floated in front of the large sun and pushed it back. "Ch-choose any card in my hand," Jaden said, drenched with sweat and holding up his three cards, "and I can summon it if it's a monster."

_Please be Avian,_ Syrus and Koala Ko Ala hoped, _Please be Avian. Please be Avian._

_Please don't be Avian,_ Jaden hoped, _Please don't be Avian. Please don't be Avian._

_Uuuuuuh… hmm, I sure hope I choose Avian,_ Banner hoped. "I choose… the Avian in the middle?"

"Wrong, Avian was the Avian on the right!" Jaden exclaimed, falling slowly to the ground! "THIS Avian is… get ready for it, yo, 's gonna BLOW yo' mind… AVIAN ELEMENTAL HERO BLADEDGE!" Elemental Hero Bladedge dashed onto the field, jumped up in front of the CG sun sitting in the weird micro-space around them and kicked it like a soccer ball (foot ball, if you're into that) into Helios' body! Banner frowned.

"You need to do your research, Jaden," Banner said.

"Whadda ya' mean?" Jaden asked.  
"HE'S ALREADY AWESOME ENOUGH TO BEAT YOU!" Syrus roared! "BLADEDGE RUUUUULES!" Helios exploded in a blaze of glory. (Banner: 2600 Life Points)

"Now I shall activate her special ability," Banner said.

"… She does something else?" Jaden questioned, blinking.

TO BE CONTINUED!

COMMENTARY

So, I see this one was pretty much nothing special, just more dueling, more exposition, more crappy jokes, and more Kaibabuse. That's Kaiba abuse, seeing as Giant Mokuba was sitting on top of him. Not very much to say here, except it was Chumley in the show that came up with that sunscreen joke at first. Yeah, make a pun when your friend's getting incinerated! No wonder he never gets to come along to anything cool!

Since I should sweeten the chapter with some info, I guess I'll talk more about the second season. Now 1.5 of you remember "Project: SKYO", which I went into as a Mary Sue on purpose, but now I'm describing another new character a friend insisted I use, who also gave me a LOT to work with for plotlines and nonsense like that.

This kid's named Stephen Boyd. His name is allowed because this story takes place in American Japan. He's also a New Yorker and went through *looks both ways sneakily* _some stuff_… And now in the second season he's gonna be doing things. He's treated as a background guy we will never see this season, and passed through Duel Academy in one year because… he entered a little older than the norm and went through some intensive card training, so he could easily win and stuff. It's card games, it's not that hard. How did he do it? Who trained him? SOMEONE… who I won't name yet because it'll spoil stuff.

His garb? Kinda gothy in a positive way, not depressing. It's just a black oat and jeans with a green stripe on the sides, and some rings on the pants legs. He's white-haired, dyed, with some additional green tips at the ends. He has brown eyes, I suppose. His deck? Anti-meta Dragon Beatdown. Theme song? ZETSUBOU-BILLY, AW YEAH. So he's gonna be doing a lot of plot stuffs later in the 2nd season, once the ball gets rolling. Will he be cool? I'm going for happy badass. Will it work? I think so.


	49. Episode 49: Amnael's Endgame Part 2

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 49: Banner Explains it All

"I activate my Helios Duo Megistus' special ability!" Banner said, reminding us all that he was in the heat of battle, within a magnificent CG-animated display of the universe. "When she is destroyed by battle, she comes back with three-hundred extra Attack Points!" The giant sun lady from the last episode's body reformed, along with a tiny satellite sun rotating around her head. (Helios Duo: 2700 Attack Points) "Now attack again! Solar Singer!" Helios held her arms up again, but smartly this time, she summoned the sun right around Bladedge's body. He was instantly melted into gold and flesh. (Jaden: 600 Life Points) "So, Jaden? Barely hanging on?"  
"Eh… heh… ooooh…" Jaden fell onto his stomach, dehydrated from that last attack, sore from the one before. "G-guys… I can't move… anymore… take my place… and win…"  
Syrus turned to Koala Ko Ala. "Does your middle name have 'Yu' in it?"  
"No. You?"  
"No."

"…"

"Wait!" Koala Ko Ala ran up to Jaden and pulled out a mini-cooler, filled with cool orange slices. "Jaden, eat these! Rehydrate yourself!" He put three into Jaden's mouth.

[.com/watch?v=RwTufDN5dOk]"Om nom nom…" Jaden flipped onto his feet, consumed with the flames of POWER! "BURNING… INNER… STREEEEEEEEENGTH!" He drew his card. "I SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO BUBBLEMAN!" Bubbleman appeared, in a position proclaiming 'POWER AND DIGNITY!' "Here's my bubble man, and here's my **bubble plan**: I CAN DRAW TWO CARDS BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY CARD ON MAH FIELD!"

"BOO," someone said.

Jaden drew his two cards. "Next I play Fusion Recovery!" Jaden activated his Spell, with a creepy Fusion Demon coming out of the card Polymerization with the intent to eat your soul. "I use its magic to add Clayman and Polymerization into my hand! Then I fuse my Avian and Bubbleman together… to foooooormmm… ELEMENTAL HERO MARINER!" Bubbleman transformed into a green-skinned, spiny-haired guy with an anchor on his arm, who looked quite young.

However, his voice was disgustingly deep as he shouted "**OH YEEEEEEEEEAH!**" (Mariner: 1400 Attack Points)

"Now I'll be settin' two o' my cards," Jaden said, setting two Spells/Traps, "and I'll use Mariner's special ability!"  
"Which is?" Banner asked, frowning disgustingly.

"If I have a Spell or Trap set, Mariner can ATTACK YOU DIRECTLY!" Mariner threw an anchor at Banner's chest spike!  
"OW, DON'T HIT THAT! IT HURTS!" Banner cried, spewing blood! (Banner: 1200 Life Points) He steadied his spike and took a deep breath. "You aren't the dumb boy I took you for, are you?"  
"Well…" Jaden pointed at Banner with his index fingers. "At least **I** use moisturizer."

"BOO," someone said.

"Argh, see? You're always making those jokes," Banner reminded.

"Yeah, I know!" Syrus agreed.

"You can't win easily if you don't take the game seriously!" Banner said. "You need to focus! You cannot defeat me if you act like this!"  
"… Hoopla," Jaden joked.

"BOO," someone said.

"What?"  
"Dude, I can beat anybody eight ways to Sunday any way I want. It doesn't matter if I'm joking, or gangsta, or even stupid, but I'll STILL win this thing for my friends," Jaden lectured.

"I somehow fail to believe that," Banner said. "Your friends will be joining you in Oblivion if you continue to act so foolishly."  
"It's cards. You don't NEED to be serious."  
"Oh, Jaden," Banner sighed, "you have much to learn. Megistus, attack Mariner!"  
"No way, Joes!"  
"BOOOO," someone said. "BOO, BOOOOO."

"I activate mah Tray-up, Mirror Gate, y'all in 'da hizzie!"  
"B—" Behind Jaden you could clearly see that the 'BOO' duck had exploded from overuse. Anyways, Mirror Gate flipped up just as Helios began to summon a sun around Mariner. The monsters switched sides, allowing Helios to burn.

"Not yet!" Banner shouted! "I activate Grand Convergence!" The planets flew from all over, smashing everybody on the field to death. "You lose three-hundred Life Points, and all of the monsters on the field die." (Jaden: 300 Life Points)  
"Didn't you have a card like that earlier?" Syrus asked. "I mean, it was the EXACT same thing."

"Sure, but this one's faster."  
"What's the point of the other one, then?" Syrus asked.

"To screw with you," Banner said. "Now arise again, Helios." The fat lady appeared again, with a second small sun now. (Helios Duo: 3000 Attack Points) "End this game once and for all."  
"MY THEME SONG ISN'T OVER YET!" Jaden recalled. "I activate MAH Spell card, Flute of Summoning Kuriboh!" A flute appeared and played a short ditty, summoning Winged Kuriboh outta nowhere!  
"OOH," it 'ooh'-ed. It was incinerated.  
"Aw yeah, I just love doin' that t'him," Jaden grooved.  
"Actually, that was a good idea," Banner complimented.

"Well, then you'll love my next turn," Jaden alluded, "but for now I'll let Clayman chill in Defense Mode and set a card." Clayman chilled in Defense Mode. (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points)

"What're you gonna do NEXT turn, then?" Koala Ko Ala asked.

"Win, that's what!" Jaden promised.

"Yay," Syrus said.

"You won't have a next turn, you silly fool," Banner chuckled, "for I activate my last abstract art card: Red Process – RUBIDO!" The final art appeared, mostly red. "I can tribute my Helios Duo Megistus for Helios Trice Megistus." The fat lady was covered in green letters. They wrapped around her and started revolving all around her and turning bright, burning crimson. They stopped all at once and exploded, tearing the woman apart into three pieces! They in turn became… three floating mummified sun-headed space babies.

"That's… stupid," Syrus sy-ed. "Space babies?"  
"They gain three-hundred Attack Points for every monster removed from play." (Helios Trice: 3900 Attack Points) The three monsters looked as if they were giggling. "Trice Megistus, attack with Phoenix Fury!" The three space babies channeled their heated spirits together in order to form a blazing, angry phoenix.  
"," it shrieked. It flapped its wings twice and dive-bombed Clayman. He melted in an instant.  
"Well then, I'll be usin' my Trap now: Hero Signal!" The 'H' signal blasted out of the card and blazed in Banner's face.

"AUGH, MY VISION!" Banner screamed, blinded! "I SHOULDN'T HAVE OPENED MY EYES!"  
"Now I can Special Summon an Elemental Hero monster from my deck, so I'll be callin' out my Sparkman in Defense Mode!" Jaden decided, bringing out Sparkman. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)

"Uuugh," Banner groaned, rubbing his eyes, "then this means my Trice Megistus' ability activates: if you control another monster, it can attack again!"

"Hubba-wha?" Jaden, Syrus and Koala Ko Ala gasped! The phoenix re-formed around Sparkman and incinerated him before disappearing again. "N-no! You can't do that! It ain't fair!" Jaden swore! "I-I mean… how could I see that COMING?"

"You couldn't, because I don't go around explaining EVERY SINGLE CARD," Banner said. "Now show me this final turn of yours. Amaze me! Show me your fighting spirit, or else everybody in this room dies."

"Y-you…" _DAMN!_ Jaden thought. _For once, I actually NEEDED Sparkman for some unexplained reason! And… and I just used that epically epic song that I earned at the start of the second half of the season! I can't just play it again; that'd be repetitive! You can only do THAT when you're creepy and it works somehow! For no real reason, NOW I feel like GIVIN' up! WHYYYYYYYY! I can't… I can't…_ **I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!**

"Oh, song ending already?" Banner chuckled. "So, what can you do now, boy?"  
"Professor," Jaden sighed, "over the year I've learned many, many things. I learned how many great people reside at this academy. I learned how to talk people out of taking over the world. I went to an ancient Egyptian colony in Japan. I've beaten several kids doing stupid, random things. I even learned what Alexis doesn't wear under her skirt, that night with the Sammiches. But there's one thing that I failed to remember after all this time…"  
"And what is it?" everybody present asked.

"IT'S THAT I HAVE A [.com/watch?v=gtiO94jtk1w&feature=related]**REAL** THEME SONG, YO!" Jaden roared, emanating a massive fighting will!

"Oh?" Banner gasped.

"Even I forgot about that one!" Syrus remembered!  
"It makes me feel like a man again," Koala Ko Ala whispered, crying warm manly tears.

Winged Kuriboh appeared next to Jaden in support for a moment. "OOH."

_Everybody,_ Jaden thanked, remembering every named character to this point,_thank you for believing in me all this time. I WON'T GIVE UP!_

_And here is where it all ends,_ Banner relished.

"I play the Spell card Miracle Fusion!" Jaden played his card. "I remove my Elemental Heroes Avian, Clayman, Bubbleman and Burstinatrix from my Graveyard in order to form… ELEMENTAL… HERO… !"

"What's with all the energy put into the summoning?" Koala Ko Ala asked. As he did, the four heroes reappeared before everybody and swirled together. They became a man in a golden-colored suit with an 'E' on his chest. His stomach was almost as wide as his thigh, which was a horrible error on the designer's part. Besides that, he was ALRIGHT! (Electrum: 2900 Attack Points) All of the cards Banner had removed from play began flowing back into his deck from deep space!

"What's going on now?" Banner cried!  
"All of your monsters removed from play are sent back into your deck," Jaden said.

"That… that's awesome," Syrus said. "He's just made that invincible monster is useless now!" And lo, Helios Trice Megistus' heads faded to a dull red and fell on their sides.

"Jaden's gonna win!" Koala Ko Ala announced!

"Banner, I'm-a gonna be honest wit' you," Jaden said, "I'm not Superman. So I can't say anything big like I'll protect everyone on Earth. I'm not a modest guy who will say it's enough if I can protect as many people as my two hands can handle either. I want to protect... a mountain-load of people."  
"You stole that from Bleach," Syrus sy-ed.

"Shining brightly, even for a split second, is better than living a dull-grey life for eternity."  
"Jing, King of Bandits."  
"I… AM… JUSTICE!"

"Death Note."

Jets extended out of Electum's shoulders, legs and back. "This hand of mine glows with an awesome POWER!" Jaden shouted, as his right hand glowed. Electrum smacked his fists together. "Its burning grip tells me to defeat you!" A blazing burst of energy flowed from Electrum's finger! "Take this! My love, my anger, and all of my sorrow!" Jaden cried, swiping his own finger energy blade around a few times! "SHINING FINGER SWORRRRRDDDD! GO! GO! GO!" Electrum and Jaden dashed toward Helios and Banner respectively and swung their massive green blades through their foes.

"P… per… fect…" Banner groaned, being cut through the center of his massive spike. His monsters were wiped away in that single wave of force, and every effect throughout that Shadow Duel faded away with the holograms. Jaden, finished, shook his finger and absorbed the energy back into his body.

"Don't look back. If you got something to do, then only look forward," Jaden concluded.

"G Gundam and Reservoir Chronicle respectively," Syrus said.

MEANWHILE, WITH MANN MCOLDSMOBILE…

"I'm Tagging-In Gladiator Beasts Alexander, Bestari, Hoplomus and Laquari!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted, letting his golden-plated lion, green bird-man, tan-armored rhino guy and awesome flaming tiger soldiers fall from above, crushing his small lizard, purple bull and centaur-pegasus. (Alexander: 2400 Attack Points, Bestari: 1500 Attack Points, Hoplomus: 2400 Defense Points, Laquari: 2100 Attack Points)

"Well, you DID just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn, so good job on that strategy," Cuts Man congratulated, "but you won't be dealing any damage to me for another turn or two."  
"Shaddap, kid," Mann McOldsmobile sighed, "you can't stop me now."  
"He's on a roll, Seto!" Mokuba cheered, shaking his brother around."  
"MMPH! MMPH!" Kaiba screamed, muffled.

"Are you still sure that you don't wanna drop outta the fight?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"Hell no, what have we gone over today?" Cuts Man growled. "Shut up and beat me. If not, then let me beat you." Cuts Man drew his next card. "I end my turn here." _Dammit Mann, I'm sorry,_ Cuts Man thought to himself. _I didn't mean for things to go like this! I was just carrying out what I was made to do! I can't go against it! Guts n' me'll DIE if we do that. We have do die good, even if no one knows it. You know what you gotta do, Mann. _

_Hate me and kill me here and now_.  
"Are you REALLY not gonna do anything?" Mann McOldsmobile inquired.

"Cuts cuts cuts! Sure, why not?" Cuts Man shrugged.

"… Why won't you do anything, Cuts?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"Maybe it's his deck type?" Mokuba suggested.

"Yeah, I'm waiting for something, alright?"

"But… then why won't you… use ANY cards?"  
"Because I can't yet."  
"And the one you just drew?"  
"… Okay, I'll play Pot of Greed, drawing two cards." He drew two cards. "There, happy?"  
"NO! That's WORSE!" Mann McOldsmobile cried! "You're losing… ON PURPOSE!"  
"You have no proof."  
"I was your best friend, along with Gut Man, because Jaden and the others don't really interact with you much, making it really, really useless to have you guys even IN the PLOT!"

"So? If it'll make you shut up, I'll set a Trap card." Cuts Man set a card. "Fine?"  
"Meh, sure," Mann McOldsmobile accepted. "I summon Gladiator Beast Samnite."  
A cool white tiger in lame brown battle armor appeared and snarled, saying "Blaraaaarrgh." (Samnite: 1600 Attack Points)

"Samnite, Hoplomus, attack the Marshmallon!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted! Samnite pulled out a magic sword and fat shield. He ran up to Marshmallon and cut off a big chunk of marshmallow, allowing for a tasty snack and a gush of blood from the poor, dead victim. Then Hoplomus put the rest of the monster into his mouth. "Ap ap ap," Mann McOldsmobile stopped, "he can't be destroyed by battle, follow the rules." Hoplomus took a small bit of marshmallow out from his mouth and placed it on the ground. "Better. And now I Tag-In!" A grey-ish tyrannosaurus rex appeared and ripped Hoplomus to pieces. A half-man, half-bald eagle flew in, wearing lime-green armor and picked up Samnite before flying over the ocean and dropping him. Then the eagle returned as if nothing had happened. (Spartacus: 2200 Attack Points, Octavius: 2500 Attack Points)

"Your Tag-Ins are pretty deadly," Mokuba grimaced.

"So? When Spartacus enters the field, I can add a Gladiator Beast Equip Spell into my hand from my deck!" Mann McOldsmobile said. "I'll take the Gladiator Beast's Battle Halberd." Spartacus pulled a large axe from his pocket and threw it to Mann McOldsmobile. He ducked! "That is NOT how you handle an axe! Were you even REALLY trained?"

"Mnm," Spartacus wondered, shrugging.

"Anyways, because Octavius' a prick, I have to discard this card if I want him on the field." Mann McOldsmobile tossed the axe back to Octavius the eagle, who promptly ate it.

"Yummers," he smiled, flashing a thumbs-up. Normally eagles can't do that.

"Your move, Cuts Man," Mann McOldsmobile said, "do something or I'll freaking kill you next turn."

Cuts Man drew a card. "But… knowing THIS show, he drew JUST what he needed!" Mokuba remembered! "Mann, look out!"  
"I end my turn," Cuts Man said, laying his cards on his Duel Disk. He had a smug expression.

"… You can't be serious," Mann McOldsmobile gulped. "Th-there's no way that you can't do anything. Not with that smug smile."

"Are you sure?" Cuts Man asked. "Why do you hesitate? I'm right here! The Trap isn't even important. And you can get rid of Marshmallon with the cards you control now."  
"I don't believe you," Mann McOldsmobile disbelieved.

"Don't fall for the trick!" Mokuba urged! "He's a man with a plan!"

"If it'll make you understand, I'll activate my Trap card: Final Attack Orders." The Trap card Cuts Man had set showed itself to be a war scene with countless knights running toward a demonic horde. Marshmallon's small body fragment wiggled around, until it stood upright with small, weird legs. (Marshmallon: 300 Attack Points) "All monsters on the field are switched into Attack Mode for the rest of the game and have to attack when necessary."

"C-Cuts Man, you don't have to do this," Mann McOldsmobile reasoned. "There has to be a third option. I don't want to kill you like Megy Man, or anybody else I've dismembered in the past. Come on, we'll fix up Gut Man and keep life as it was—"

"I send Gladiator Beasts Bestari and Octavius back into the deck in order to Special Summon Gladiator Beast Gyzarus," Cuts Man announced.  
"What?" Mokuba gasped! "He's hacking your Duel Disk!"

_Like Gut Man that one episode?_ Mann McOldsmobile recalled. Octavius' body turned into a shining green light which covered Bestari's body. The light burst into dark-green, super-heavy armor, giving Bestari a massive power boost. (Gyzarus: 2400 Attack Points, 1500 Defense Points)  
"Now I use his special ability to destroy up to two cards when he's summoned," Cuts Man continued, "and I'll destroy Marshmallon." Gyzarus held up one of his gun-gauntlets and shot what was left of Marshmallon into even smaller bits.

"Cuts Man, stop it," Mann McOldsmobile ordered. "Leave my Duel Disk alone."  
"Next I'll send Alexander, Laquari and Spartacus back into the deck in order to summon—"

"STOP IT, CUTS MAN."  
"In order to summon Gladiator Beast Heraklinos." The two gladiators did as Octavius, becoming grey and yellow orbs of energy and bonding to the tiger, becoming much more advanced armor. In addition to what tough-looking plates were bonded to his flesh now, he had wings, a honeycomb-style shield, and an axe-gun-spear combo. (Heraklinos: 3000 Attack Points)

"This isn't funny, Cuts Man," Mann McOldsmobile cried, "Stop cheating."  
"It's not me," Cuts Man revealed, pointing to Gut Man's remaining head, shoulder and arm. His eyes were golden.

"I'm interfering with the signals the Duel Disks are putting out, and you can't stop me," Gut Man stated. He pulled himself over to Cuts Man with his claws.

"Gut… you're still alive?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"It doesn't matter," Cuts Man said coldly, picking his friend up and holding him in his free hand. "Attack us, Mann."

"No."  
"DO IT!"  
"No!"

"LOOK, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I **WANT** TO WIN?" Cuts Man threw five cards onto the ground. They were as follows: 'Left Arm of the Forbidden One,' 'Right Arm of the Forbidden One,' 'Left Leg of the Forbidden One,' 'Right Leg of the Forbidden One,' and lastly, 'Exodia, the Forbidden One.'

_Ex... Exodia…_ Mann McOldsmobile looked upon Cuts Man and Gut Man with a sense of bewilderment. "But… why would you…"  
"It all makes sense now," Mokuba realized, putting two and two together. "That explains all the drawing you did earlier! How many turns have you had all five pieces now?"  
"It's been around three turns now," Gut Man explained.

"… I won't kill you two," Mann McOldsmobile sobbed, "You… you're two of my best friends… I would never—"

"Our Shadow Items are the same," Cuts Man said, "as they're both called the Shadow Destroyer. If we fail to win a game, then we die."  
"Our bodies get completely disintegrated," Gut Man added as sparks danced inside his body, shaking as if in pain. "It's taken all I have to hold its effects off this long."  
"Who… who DID THAT to you?" Mann McOldsmobile roared!  
"You'll formally meet him on the last day," Gut Man foreshadowed. "Now please, finish this."  
"But—"

"Cuts cuts cuts, there's no room for redemption here," Cuts Man said, rubbing his head. "Heraklinos and Gyzarus, attack Cuts Man directly."  
"GROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAWRRRR!" The tiger threw his axe at the two robots and the bird fired both of his guns.

"EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"You didn't have to do that, y'know," Gut Man chuckled.

"Shut up, idiot," Mann McOldsmobile muttered, having taken the hit for them. Blood poured out of his body and smoke rose from his back. He tugged the axe out of his shoulder and threw it onto the ground.

"It's been a blast," Cuts Man and Gut Man said, happily.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Mokuba asked.

"RUN FOR IT, BITCH!" Kaiba screamed, breaking free from his surgical wrappings and heading for the hills!

Cuts Man and Gut Man exploded, leaving a large plume of smoke and leveling the outside of the academy. The rain stopped.

"Mann, are you okay?" Mokuba called. "Mann? Did you blow up?"  
"No," Mann McOldsmobile sighed, stepping out from the explosion, covered in smoke, yet oddly feeling a new power within himself. "I'm just fine." (Cuts Man: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"AKOFF KOFF KOFF," some students coughed, stepping out from the school. "What's with the smoke?"  
"I had a horrible dream where a weird, short, pink-haired clown named *NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD* was laughing in my face," a poor girl cried.  
"I think the clown tried to molest me," a boy ashamedly admitted.

"Well, looks like our job here's done," Kaiba said, stepping into his jet. "Mokuba, let's get outta here."

"But weren't we going to see Yugi?" Mokuba reminded.  
"Not anymore."

Mokuba turned back to Mann McOldsmobile, as the smoke faded into the sky behind him. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

"… No," Mann McOldsmobile said, looking upward.  
"Hey look, it's KAIBA!"  
"OH WOW, LET'S GET AN AUTOGRAPH!"  
"Mokuba, get in, NOW!" Kaiba screamed!

"G-got it!" Mokuba leaped into the jet plane and they flew away at the speed of sound.

"Aw man, I wanted an AUTOGRAPH!"  
"That was one fast jet."  
"Hey what's up with the giant Megy Man robot corpse sitting here?"Twisthead said out of nowhere.

Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson walked out with Chazz, explaining their duel to him. "AND THEN I RECKON WE KNOCKED HIM OFF'A JAPAN!" Billy Hills yelled!  
"Wow, I guess that IS pretty good," Chazz thought. "Thanks for dueling a nightmare clown and a weirdo in order to defend the school for me, guys."  
"Huh, don't mention it, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson said. "Also Someone, huh, Jones, huh, tripped and fell off the school after the duel, so we won't be seein' him soon."

Mann McOldsmobile went back home, curled up in a heavy blanket and watched some TV.

MANN MCOLDSMOBILE PLOTLINE – COMPLETE

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN AND BANNER…

Jaden had just sliced Banner in half with the Shining Finger Sword technique. His legs and torso fell in two separate places on the dueling floor, spreading blood and entrails along the floor. "Jaden, you did it," Syrus said. "You won."  
"But… I killed him, yo," Jaden realized, shaking as he pulled his laser technique back into his body. "I just… killed… somebody?"

"Professor, are you alive?" Koala Ko Ala shrieked!  
"Uuuugh," Banner groaned. The lights came on. The shadowy background turned back into the original yellow underground room. There were several props including, among other things, a black machine, some dynamite, an anti-gravity-distortion engine, a light machine, and a giant bucket of water.

"What… what's with that stuff?" Syrus cried!  
"It was… all an act," Banner groaned. "Actually I was dead all along, technically," Banner revealed.  
"What?" Jaden asked, looking up.  
"Yeah, I'll explain everything to you now," Banner decided, going into super-reminiscent mode.

_Long, long ago, back when Yu-Gi-Oh was about a boy with a split ancient Egyptian personality, there was a boy named Yugioh, who_

"He wasn't named Yugioh!" Syrus syed. "He was just named Yugi!"

"Hey, who's the sick man telling this story?"

_So long, long ago, back when Yu-Gi-Oh was about a boy with a split ancient Egyptian personality, there was a boy named Yugioh, who went into a temple and set his persona free, standing with his old friends who were named Tea Gardner, Tristan Taylor, Joey 'Wheelah' Wheeler, and Marik, Odion, and Ishuzu Ishtar, who were Egyptian. They had just succeeded in sealing away that deep-voiced Yugioh forever in the afterlife. "Well," Yugioh sniffed, teary-eyed, "it's over. Let's go home, guys." The giant stone walls of the tomb, which had been previously open with bright, white light leading to the afterlife, had begun to close quickly._

"_I'm proud 'o ya', Yoog," Joey congratulated. "'Dat took guts, man."  
"Wait, WHO'S Atem again?" Tristan asked, confused. "WHERE AM I?"  
"You're in Egypt," Marik, the effeminate Egyptian male said._

"_LIES!" Tristan screamed, punching Marik in the face and running away, crying his eyes out._

"_Not again," Tea groaned.  
"Shood I go aftah him?" Joey asked, ready to bolt._

"_No, he'll come back for this," Tea sighed, taking out some cheese from her pocket.  
"Oh yes, that always works," Ishuzu , the sister of Marik remembered._

"_I guess we're done here," Yugioh said, shrugging and walking away. BUT SUDDENLY… a small yellow soul orb floated out from the wall!_

"'_OLY SMOKES, YOOG!" Joey screamed! "WHASSUP WIT' DAT?" The small yellow orb floated into the mouth of Odion, the tall muscular Egyptian who hasn't said anything up to this point._

"_Owm," he said, eating it on accident.  
"ODION, SPIT THAT BACK UP THIS INSTANT!" Ishizu ordered! _

"_But it tastes so good!" Odion cried!_

"_Now THAT'S a good reason," Joey agreed. _

"_Yup," Odion agreed. He stood still for a few seconds. "BLARGH?" he spat, somehow transforming painfully! He grew black hair! His eyes narrowed! His body shrunk to the size of a child! His skin tone lightened up! He grew a pair of glasses! He was… HE WAS… "Hello, everyone, I am a byproduct of the spirit of Aknadin, also known as Aknadin II."_

"_Um… is Odion dead?" Marik asked._

"_And wasn't Aknadin an enemy we faced earlier, in ancient Egypt?" Tea asked._

"_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ODION?" Ishizu screamed!  
"Oh, I forcefully stole his body in order to take on physical form," Aknadin II said. "He's not coming back."  
"ODIOOOOON!" Ishizu cried!  
"What a darn shame," Marik said, kicking some dust._

"_So… eh, if you's evil, then why ain'tcha evil?" Joey asked._

"_I have no idea what you just said, but I was pretty much the good side of his evil soul that was ripped off by Atem, AKA your alter-ego-spirit-guy, Yugioh," Aknadin II explained._

"_Oh," Yugioh accepted as Ishizu wailed in the corner on Marik, "but why did he do that?"  
"Because he knew that a wimp like you couldn't survive by yourself without a servant like me," Aknadin II stated._

"_But we just dueled. And I beat him. That was supposed to prove I don't need him anymore. So why—"_

"_Oh, I'm not talking about card games, I mean REAL-LIFE," Aknadin II explained. "I mean, you? Win a fight? Aha-ha-ha, I don't think so."  
"You don't have to be such a jerk about it," Yugi sniffed. "So you'll follow me around?"  
"Yes sir," Aknadin II said._

"_And you'll do whatever I tell you to?" Yugioh checked._

"_Sure."  
"Can you have a better name, Mr. Spirit-Given-Physical-Child-Form?" Tea inquired._

"_Sure, call me Lyman Banner," Aknadin II/Lyman Banner allowed._

"'_Ey, why don't we all go'n celebrate wit' Brooklyn-style pizza down at 'da Egyptian Brooklyn-Style Pizza Shop downtown?" Joey declared._

"_Yeah."  
"Sure."_

"_Sounds good."  
"Does ANYBODY else besides us care about Odion?"  
"ODIOOOOOOOOOOON!"  
"Shut up, Ishizu and Marik."  
"Yeah, shut up, Ishizu and Marik." Everybody got ready to leave Ishizu and Marik as Tristan bolted back into the temple!  
"CHEESE!" Tristan shouted, diving onto the cheese left earlier! He got caught in a mousetrap.  
"It still works!" Tea cheered!_

"Why did you give us every scrap of dialogue back there?" Koala Ko Ala wondered.

"And what was with that cheese subplot?" Syrus complained.

"I thought it might be funny," he answered. "And then, Yug…" Banner stopped. "Gimmee a sec…" Banner died. A yellow soul orb floated out of his corpse. "And then Yugioh later recalled that he saw a boy named Jaden Yuki in the past in two separate occasions and needed to check up on him, so that's how I was planted here in order to keep tabs on your progress, and finally tonight teach you an important lesson."  
"!" Syrus and Koala Ko Ala screeched!  
"HE'S DEEEEEEEEEAD!" Jaden added!  
"No no no," Banner's orb urged, shaking, "I just said I was dead all along! Stop crying!"  
"Wait," Syrus thought, getting grip, "so our alchemy-obsessed teacher was, in actuality, part of an evil man from Ancient Egypt™'s soul, given physical form around twenty years ago, by taking the body of an innocent man?"  
"Yep," Banner answered.

"That's just odd."

"Yes, I know." The soul 'turned' to Jaden. "But Jaden, haven't you realized how you've won yet?"  
"Uh, I attacked and cut'cha in half thanks to Shadow Magic, yo," Jaden recalled.

"This wasn't a Shadow Duel. I thought we'd covered that."

"Wait… so then… I REALLY CUT'CHA IN HALF MYSELF, G?" Jaden cried out in surprise!  
"No way," Syrus said, "that's impossible! How could he do that by himself?"  
"His mind made it real, and all it took was the stressfulness of almost having your friends die through battle," Banner assured. "You will need this skill most definitely in the future, as your duels get even more important for the fate of the real world, and I also have a warning: within the next two years, you need to have perfected this skill."  
"Why, yo?" Jaden asked.

"There is someone in your future that you need to kill," Banner told him, dead-serious.

_Wait, kill?_ "B-but teach," Jaden said uneasily, "you KNOW I couldn't do it. I can't just up'n KILL someone!"  
"That didn't stop you from trying against me," said Banner. The phrase disturbed Jaden.

Without warning, Pharaoh meowed "MEOW", and ate Banner's soul.

"…." Everybody stared at him. They soon decided to walk away and never speak of it again.

JADEN PLOTLINE – COMPLETE

COMMENTARY

So, I hope that this episode had SOME sort of impact to it. While still maintaining all semblance of humor, I killed off three characters, one for the sake of the story, and just found a way to set up the plot for the rest of the series while justifying Banner's death. Questions?

Also sorry, I'm not sure if Kaiba or Mokuba'll come back too soon, but they've got another planned appearance. Let's see what I do as I go. No, Cuts and Gut are gone for good. They didn't do much, but they were our Mega Man parody character friends, dammit, and I hope somebody felt sad out there for their burst of thoughtfulness!

And with Jaden, the sudden ending was planned on purpose, I think maybe the first link in the chapter may not be working in earlier chapters anymore, I'd like it if people told me when you tube links stop working, and the show references were thrown in for padding! I save all the epic things for padding. And now Jaden is technically a Psychic. Yes. He can summon monsters into reality now when super-psyched up. And there is no boy named Yugioh. Trust me.

Anyways, I hope this was well-received, have a good two more chapters, and celebrate Thanksgiving unless you live in an alternate country. Good luck, peoplez!


	50. Episode 50: Duel Monsters Spirit Day

The screen was black. "_Billy Hills was just an average teenage boy…_" the announcer began. The screen lightened up a bit, showing Billy Hills standing in a jet, wearing a tuxedo and a jetpack.  
"I reckon I'm ready," Billy Hills reckoned. The cargo bay opened and dropped Billy Hills over a secret island, with an evil mastermind's lair of operations and a blazing volcano.

"… _But then he became a secret agent,_" the announcer concluded. Billy Hills, using the jet pack, flew into the evil compound.

"Hey, Dr. Evilguy!" Billy Hills yelled, throwing the jet pack away. "I reckon it's time t' CLEAN UP SHOP!"  
"Well well well," said a smug, bald man in a spinning chair, petting a grey cat. "It's been a while, Secret Agent Billy Hills."  
"I reckon it's time t' CLEAN UP SHOP!" Billy Hills yelled, clenching his fist and running at Dr. Evilguy! Suddenly the chair shifted to the right, causing Billy Hills to fall into some sort of white capsule. "What in tarnation?" he cried!  
"So long, Secret Agent Billy Hills," chuckled Dr. Evilguy, as he pressed a big red button.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Billy Hills, being shot through a complex system of tubes into the island's volcano.

The screen faded. As the picture came back, Billy Hills awoke in a strange new world. It was an average city, but constructed entirely of magma! "Oh mah gosh," he gasped, seeing all the new sights! He looked at a magma building. "Magma building?" He looked at a magma street. "Magma street?" He looked at a magma woman walking a magma dog. "Magma dog?" Then a magma man walked up to Billy Hills.

"Hey kid, wanna earn some magma money?" the magma man asked.

"MAGMA MONEY?" Billy Hills screamed, clutching his head with both hands!

Later, Billy Hills was in his new magma apartment with his magma girlfriend. "Ahh, this is the life, I reckon," he said, laying on his magma couch, watching magma programs on their magma TV.

"Oh Billy, I never wanna leave you again," the magma girlfriend said.

"_But_," the narrator hinted, "_would Billy Hills really get to live his charmed life… forever?_"

"WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED," said a newscaster one morning, "WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED AGAINST THE OCEANS OF THE WORLD."  
Billy Hills, who was brushing his teeth with his magma toothbrush, still wearing his tuxedo, did a spit-take, hardening some of the magma in his magma sink. "I RECKON IT SAID WHAT?" The screen showed some horrible CG-animated men made out of water with water rifles, and then pictured a giant water spaceship descending over the magma town.

Then Billy Hills was talking to his magma girlfriend, who stood in the doorway. She looked rather distraught. "Billy," she told him, "I'm pregnant."  
"That's GREAT news, I reckon!" Billy Hills answered.

"But the thing is… YOUR TWIN BROTHER IS THE FATHER." An evil-looking magma Billy Hills with a handlebar moustache appeared beside her!  
"BWAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed!  
"B-BABY, IT'S OKAY, WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS!" Billy Hills cried!  
"I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore," the magma girlfriend sighed as she jumped onto Billy Hills' brother's magma motorcycle with him. The two drove away, leaving Billy Hills feeling dejected.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he roared to the heavens!

Some days later he was driving his magma SUV down Magma Avenue when some old magma lady up in front of him was driving really slowly. He honked his horn a few times. "LADY, I RECKON YOU SHOULD SPEED UP!" This angered the lady. She got out of her car and started scratching Billy Hills' magma SUV's magma door with her magma keys! Then she punctured the gas tank. The magma SUV exploded. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he roared to the heavens!

Another scene featured Billy Hills eating at a magma restaurant. The magma waiter walked by and handed Billy Hills the magma bill. He looked at it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he roared to the heavens!

One more scene had Billy Hills in a magma restroom. He reached for the magma toilet paper. It was all gone. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he roared to the heavens!

The movie logo appeared on screen, which was loosely based on the James Bond 007 logo. "_SECRET AGENT BILLY HILLS 2: THE RECKONING_," the TV shouted. "_COMING SEPTEMBER 15__th__ 2009_." Mann McOldsmobile lifted up the TV and threw it out the window into the ocean.  
"THAT MOVIE WON'T BE ANY GOOD!" Mann McOldsmobile raged!

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Syrus screamed! "OUR TV!"

"BUT THAT WAS JUST PLAIN REDUNDANT! SERIOUSLY, TOO MUCH MAGMA!"

"They just HAD to name it The Reckoning."

"Was there even a FIRST movie?"

"Why does Billy Hills get his own crappy film series?"

"WHY CAN'T I HANDLE IT!"

"NOW what will I watch while I eat?" Koala Ko Ala sobbed! "JADEN, TEACH HIM A LESSON!"  
"…" Jaden sat under Mann McOldsmobile's bed, feeling really torn up inside.

"_B-but teach," Jaden said uneasily, "you KNOW I couldn't do it. I can't just up'n KILL someone!"  
"That didn't stop you from trying against me," said Banner._

"Jaden, we're sorry about how things turned out," Syrus said, "but you've gotta come out some time. It's been three days, and you haven't even used the bathroom! Do you know how tore-up your kidneys are right now?" He patted Mann McOldsmobile's shoulder. "And Mann, we're all really sad about how things had to go with Cuts n' Guts, but shouldn't you honor them by not dwelling on their deaths?"  
"You wouldn't understand," Mann McOldsmobile coughed. "Have you ever killed two of your closest friends before?"  
"Yes," Syrus admitted, "Yes I have. Several times." He looked down solemnly for a moment.

"Um, well…" Koala Ko Ala said nervously. "I'll give you guys a Philly cheese steak if you snap outta it." He held up two tasty sandwiches, begging the question of where he got them from.

The door was suddenly kicked down! Angry McArgue leaped into the room and threw Mann McOldsmobile's bed off of Jaden. "Wha?" he gasped. Angry McArgue stomped on Jaden's back, pinning him down! "OW, YO!"

"Uh, what?" Mann McOldsmobile wondered, turning to see what had happened. Then he felt something on his back! It was Nancy Wut, wrapping her arms around Mann's shoulders, and her legs around his waist!  
"PARROOOOOO!" she telegraphed, pulling his spine backward! There was a massive crack.

"GUWAAAH!" Mann McOldsmobile gurgled, falling over and foaming at the mouth.

"What. The hell. Is going on. In here. Right now." Syrus asked, restraining himself from screaming his head off.

"And why're you diggin' your heel in, lady? OW-HOW-HOW!"

"I'LL GIVE YOU TWO THESE PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS IF YOU JUST PLEASE LEAVE!" Koala Ko Ala whimpered, holding out the two sandwiches. They were smacked out of his hands. "OW!"  
"If they aren't Sammiches, I _don't care!_" Nancy Wut growled.

Alexis walked into the room and placed her hands on her hips. "Okay guys, Temporary Sket-Dan is here."

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 50: Duel Monsters Spirit Day

"Boys, it's been a few days, and you've been stuck in your room this whole time," Alexis said sternly. "We're here to snap you out of this funk."  
"Yeah, get funk-ay!" Nancy Wut grooved.

"No, that's what we DON'T want them to do," Angry McArgue groaned. "Now you two, today is the yearly school festival that EVERY Japanese school-child looks forward to. We're going to abuse this in order to get you people back to normal!"

"But I don't WANNA go outside, yo!" Jaden complained.

"Try saying that again when you AREN'T tied up," Angry McArgue said, pulling Jaden along with a lasso. "Syrus, what's wrong with Jaden?"  
"Oh, he dueled Professor Banner, at which point he died," Syrus said.  
"…" Angry McArgue felt kinda sad. She handed the lasso to Alexis. "You take care of it."  
"What about Mr. McManmobile?" Nancy Wut asked, adorably screwing up the guy's name.

"Don't call him that," said Syrus.

"No, don't tell her that! The name's too CUTE!" Angry McArgue said, not being angry in the slightest.

"He killed all his robot friends for the sake of the world," Koala Ko Ala said.  
"I know JUST the thing to PERK him up!" Nancy Wut exclaimed, picking him up and dragging Angry McArgue away with her.

"WAIT WAIT WAIT! I CAN WALK, TOO! AHH, THE STAIRS!" Everybody got back to the main conversation as Nancy Wut dragged Angry McArgue down the cold, unforgiving stairs. There were several distractingly loud 'THUMP' sounds, however.

"Now Jaden," Alexis said, standing him up, though not untying him yet, "today is Duel Monsters Spirit Day at the academy. While I could care less about Banner, since I don't even remember who he was—"

"I think you met him in episode 14."

"Well alright, but do you still like dueling?" Alexis asked.

"Uh, no, for I am an ultra-unholy engine of destruction, yo," Jaden sadly admitted to himself.

"I can barely see how dueling can kill anybody, but we're gonna take care of that today."  
"Um, Alexis," Syrus inquired, "what're you going to do with Jaden? The way I see it, you're going to be doing something really, really scary."  
"No, we're going to go outside and force him to duel somebody," Alexis explained.  
"Oh that's okay then."  
Jaden blinked. "Wait, y'all, I can't be doin' all that duelin' and stuff anymo', remember how I just said I killed a man while dueling."  
"He was already dead, Jaden! Gosh, can't you even remember?" Koala Ko Ala yelled, irritated. "He was some guy's half-of-a-spirit who took Odion's body and shifted it into the form of a boy!"

"Stop saying confusing things!" Alexis ordered! "Let's keep the story simple, alright?"  
"Um, well Jaden dueled his professor, who was evil, kinda, but was really good the whole time, and he taught Jaden how to make holograms real with sheer force of will," Syrus explained.  
"AND BANNER WAS REALLY AN ANCIENT SPIRIT FROM EGYPT SO HE WAS DEAD ALL ALONG!" Koala Ko Ala hastily added. Alexis shook her head and walked away, pulling Jaden along for the ride.

MEANWHILE…

The entire school ground was done up like a carnival! Cool, colorful stands were placed up everywhere you could see, and most students were dressed up in terrible costumes of random Duel Monsters. A vendor walked around with some struggling Kuribohs, impaled by large toothpicks. "KURIBOH DUMPLINS, GETCHA' KURIBOH DUMPLINS HEAH!" he shouted.

"Did he just say 'Kuriboh dumplings?'" a girl asked her other female friend.

"Che, yeah, but who'd wanna eat a Kuriboh?" asked her other female friend.

Baseball Bob bit his writhing Kuriboh right off the stick and swallowed it. "Mmm, fuzzy!" he said delightedly as he scratched his itching stomach.

Bastion Misawa was walking around with his friends, inspecting the sights. Piggybank was emulating her inner Agent of Creation – Venus, and Baseball Bob was dressed up as – what else? He wore a red baseball outfit, pretending to be a card called 'Ultimate Baseball Kid'. Oh, that Bob! Fluffy Fred was in a fancy Kuriboh outfit because it was hip with the cool kids, and Bastion was merely wearing a red bowtie. Under that, he had a new shirt he'd won at one of the thousands of carnival booths around the building. It had Bleach's very own Wonderweiss Margera, holding a bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce and reaching lustily for a Sammich whilst wearing a two-headed kitty on his hat. "Boy, I sure am lucky to have won this shirt today," Bastion said, inhaling the carnival atmosphere.

"But Bastion," Piggybank asked, surprisingly not grabbing or caressing him today, "what's with your outfit? I can't see any Duel Monsters represented in that shirt."  
"I'm SHAPESNATCH, THE BOWTIE WITH HORRIBLE POWER! [SOURCE: yugioh .wikia .com/wiki/Shapesnatch] Why?"

"Just askin'."  
"That is the BEST idea ever," Fluffy Fred said.

"Nah, I've seen better," Omega-Xis said, staring at a boy dressed as The Winged Dragon of Ra. He blushed. _What is this longing…?_

"But you do have to admit, he doesn't look as humiliating as everybody else does," Baseball Bob noted.

"Duly noted."

"Hey what's that over there?" Fluffy Fred asked, pointing at a flyer on a random brick wall!

"Let me see that piece of paper," Bastion said, pulling it off of the brick wall. It had a picture of a guy in a hula hoop. "_Hula Hoop Competition '05: The Reckoning: Smackdown '08 Doomsday Edition 12.5,_" Bastion read. "_Come and enter! It's all the rage! Hula with a hula hoop! The last one left standing wins…_ WINS TEN BUCKS? THAT'S LIKE, TWO BOOSTER PACKS! MAYBE EVEN THREE!"  
"Or a STARTER DECK!" Piggybank added!  
"Well then, I guess we're entering," Omega-Xis sighed.

"Hell YEAH we're entering!" Bastion shouted, startling several random bystanders.

"For the money!" Baseball Bob announced!

"Random statement!" Fluffy Fred stated. "What're we waiting for? LET'S GET OUR BUTTS DOWN THERE AND WATCH BASTION BEAT THEM BOSSY-BUTT FOOLS, B-YATCH-UH!" And so they all ran off, throwing people out of the way as they went.

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

Alexis was now dressed up as a random Harpy Lady, pulling along Jaden by rope, who was dressed as the Dark Magician. He looked rather depraved. "_How could you?_" he croaked.

"We can't have you involved with the full experience if you aren't dressed up," Alexis said.  
"_You stripped me down naked and threw me in a costume while tied up in a lasso, lady,_" Jaden moaned. "_I don't think I'll recover from that, yo._"

"Hey, I've seen people who look worse," Alexis quasi-complimented.  
"Really?" Jaden asked, perking up.  
"No."

"Ignoring that, what're we doin' here anyways, Alexis?" Jaden asked.  
"Easy: we're finding you a duelist to duel who isn't me."  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT YO?" Jaden gasped! "You gotta be yankin' my chain."

"But the question we need to ask is 'why?'" Zane Truesdale asked, popping up in a Cyber Dragon costume made out of a cardboard box (his head was in the torso). He was jiggling around in the dirt, because there were no arm or leg holes.

"DAAAAH! GALACTIC PUNT!" Alexis shrieked, kicking Zane into the horizon!  
"… What 'da hell was that all about?" Jaden asked.

"If I see Zane, then I KNOW I'll get side-tracked," Alexis said.

"Naw, I meant what was up with that one line of dialogue?"  
"Oh, he had to say something this episode."  
"Well, sis," Atticus snickered, approaching, "I guess we can say you KICK 'em as you SEE 'em!"  
"BOO," someone said.

"Atticus, yo," Jaden announced.

"Hey, bro, how's it going?" Alexis asked. Atticus whipped out a camera and took a picture of Alexis, in all her Harpy Lady cosplaying glory. "Heh, yeah, now to sell this baby!"  
"… That was uncomfortable," Alexis said, shaken.  
"Also I found Jaden a duel partner, because I could hear your conversation, somehow. Don't ask how." Atticus side-stepped and allowed Dark Magician Girl to step forward!

"Hi, everyone! I'm DAAAAAAAAAAARK MAGICIAN GIRL!" she announced, taking on a cutesy pose.

"Yeah, but who are you, really?" Jaden asked. "I don't feel right, possibly killin' somebody I don't know, in a humiliatin' costume."  
"EEEH?" Dark Magician Girl shrieked! "B-but I'm a Duel Spirit! Don't accuse me of being some creepy girl who likes to cosplay like Duel Monsters! No offense!"  
"Jaden, it's okay if you kill her, just this once," Alexis said.  
"EEEH?"

"STOP YANKIN' MAH CHAIN!" Jaden roared, bursting free from the lasso he was ensnared in! "I told you, I ain't dueling! I don't like my chain being yanked!"  
"SHUT UP," Alexis growled, slashing his face with her Harpy Lady claws. "Haven't I told you that today is an exercise in restraining yourself? You never even NOTICED how you were bending reality like you were until somebody told you. Now calm down and duel her. If you can control yourself, you'll figure out how easy it is to not kill somebody."  
"Can't you word it any differently?"  
"No, I can't," Alexis sighed. "NOW DUEL!" Atticus, Jaden, and Dark Magician Girl cowered and cautiously stepped away from her.  
"Y-yes, ma'am."

….

[.com/watch?v=2_aB02ToHUQ&feature=related] _A teenage boy was sitting with his small sister on the stoop of their city apartment building. The boy threw a small rubber ball next to some jacks. As it bounced off the ground, he quickly scooped up some jacks and caught the ball. "And that's how you play jacks, sis!" he announced._

"_Wow, let ME try!" the girl insisted! She bounced the ball. It rebounded off of the sidewalk and into the passing garbage truck. The girl was stunned._

"_Aw, don't worry," the helpful boy assured, patting her head, "I'm SURE you'll get better with practice._ BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN YOU."

"_Big bro, you're the best bro a sibling could ask for!" the girl said, hugging him._

_Suddenly, Mann McOldsmobile walked past, wearing typical delinquent clothing: a tweed jacket and a bowler hat, whilst twirling a wooden cane around. "Oh crap!" Everybody along the street ducked away into windows and cardboard boxes. The boy turned around, facing the apartment building, and urged his sister to do the same._

"_Big bro, what's wrong?" the little girl asked. "He doesn't look so scary, aside from his clothes."  
"Doo doo doo doo doo," Mann McOldsmobile sang._

"Sis, watch out," _he whispered._ "It's Mann McOldsmobile, the punk that kills people when they talk bad about _AW HELL WHAT'VE I DONE?"_

_Mann McOldsmobile turned his steely gaze at the brother figure. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" ordered the Mann._

"_N-n-n-no, it was an accident!" the brother cried!  
"I'LL TEACH YOU TO MAKE FUN OF ME!" Mann McOldsmobile tossed his cane at the nameless character! It struck him in the right eye and stuck out of his head like some sort of nightmarish, curved horn!  
"WAAAAAAAAAH! BROTHER!" the sister shrieked! As the brother gasped for air, unable to scream for the sheer pain he was experiencing, Mann McOldsmobile leaped on him and smashed his head in with his fists. He continued to punch until his skull was completely plastered into the sidewalk, then stood up and stomped his body for good measure. _

"_DON'T MESS WITH ME! LEAVE ME ALONE, PEOPLE!" Mann McOldsmobile ordered!  
"WHY?" Something was beating on Mann McOldsmobile's leg. It was the sister, who was punching to futilely get revenge for her late brother. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHY DID YOU HURT MY BRO? HOW COULD YOU?"_

_Mann McOldsmobile raised his fist, intent on crushing her like a grape. A bone-filled grape. But he wavered._ This girl… _He adjusted his bowler hat, bowed his head, and walked away._ She reminds me too much of myself from back then… _he thought. He could still hear her scream as he left the scene._

_"BROTHEEEEER!"_

…_._

[.com/watch?v=sfkNhBZ43Sg&feature=related]MEANWHILE, WITH BASTION…

"EVEREHBODEH LISEN!" Ducktail Mickey announced! "DA FESTIVITES ARE ABOUT 'TA BEGIN!"  
"Woot," cheered the 37-man-strong audience, united under a banner with a hula hoop on it. Which in this case means a shakily-drawn black circle drawn in pencil. Thirteen people bothered to wander into the large dirt circle allotted for a hula-hooping contest, but sadly half of them didn't have much of a game face on. That includes Mann McOldsmobile, who was standing inside of a hoop, still waking up from when he was knocked unconscious earlier.

"Hey, Mann," Bastion greeted, smacking him on the back with his Omega-Xis hand.

"Ow," Omega-Xis said.

"WHUH-HUH?" Mann McOldsmobile cried, surprised. "Woah, you woke me up there. Where am I?"  
"Why, you're in the Hula Hoop Competition '05: The Reckoning: Smackdown '08 Doomsday Edition 12.5," Bastion explained.

"… Huh? All I remember is having an unpleasant dream about the past and stuff. That name doesn't even make sense."  
"But all the numbers make it sound official, silly!" Nancy Wut insisted, appearing from behind Mann McOldsmobile.

"Why'd you enter me in a hula hooping competition?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"Because it'd link up plotlines in a funny way!" Omega-Xis thought.

"Because she knew it would be the best thing after a mid-morning nap, of course!" Bastion thought.

"No, she did it because she thought it would be funny to see him wake up in a weird place like that," Angry McArgue stated from the audience, eating out of a 30-pound tub of popcorn. Bastion's gang was standing around and mooching off of her food supply.

"She's right," Nancy Wut agreed, nodding.

"Yo, Bastion!" Fluffy Fred greeted, waving at the boy in the awesome t-shirt.  
"We just saw you all three minutes ago, we know where you are," Omega-Xis said.

"HOLY… BASTION, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HAND?" Fluffy Fred screamed!

"Huh?" Bastion looked at Omega-Xis, shocked.  
"… I've been here for several weeks, now…"

"Heh heh heh," chuckled somebody. It was… SHADES MILLIGAN, standing over the two contestants as his hoop circled his body repeatedly. "Seems like SOMEBODY'S in it to win it."  
"SH-SH-SH-SHADES MILLIGAN?" Angry McArgue gasped! "What the hell are YOU doing, inserting yourself with a sporty phrase?"

"And how're you hoopin' without movin'?" Nancy Wut validly asked.

"Oh, I just came to see if Alexis was here in order to win her fancy," Shades Milligan said, allowing his shades to shimmer in the sunlight.

"Oh boy, then where's Chazz and his gang?" Baseball Bob joked. "We can't have two of the lovey-dovey trio without the third, aheh-heh."  
"Chazz and his friends are SICK," Shades Milligan said harshly, "since they got food poisoning from that glop they serve at the Slifer Toolshed! How could you be so insensitive as to not know?"  
"But I—"

"SILENCE!" Shades Milligan held his finger out like a pistol and fired something unseen at Baseball Bob, knocking him and his Baseball Kid uniform over! The HAT FELL OFF, TOO!

"WHAT THE HELL, MAN?" Piggybank yelled!  
"What?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"NOT YOU!"  
"Sorry, he just couldn't get with it," Shades Milligan shrugged, as if it weren't his fault. "If he can't stay up-to-date, he doesn't deserve to stay in this story."

"MILLIGAN, DON'T MAKE ME FIRE ENERGY BULLETS UP YOUR ASS!" Omega-Xis threatened!

"Yeah, don't touch my friends like that!" Bastion growled, grabbing Shades Milligan's cuff!

"Silly kid and robot hand, tryin' to copy me," Shades Milligan chuckled, knocking Bastion's meaty hand away, "I DIDN'T touch him, and I don't HAVE an ass anymore!" Bastion and Omega-Xis, shocked, stopped to think about that last statement.  
"RRRRR… YOU IRK ME!" Piggybank became the focus again and lobbed a blue sphere, not unlike the ones her costume namesake would have floating around herself, at the robot kid. The ball exploded, as if Shades Milligan was using some cybertech psychic cyborg powers…

"OH MAN HOW'D HE DO THAT?" Fluffy Fred cried!  
"Don't ask me," Mann McOldsmobile shrugged trying to escape the conversation.

Shades Milligan switched out his standard sunglasses for his new, orange Kamina Kamino Glasses™ with a sly smirk. "Well, you'd all better watch out. I heard that last year, Alexis won this competition. That probably means that she's watching right now, so if I can do the same… she'll either not care, OR SHE'LL FALL HEAD-OVER-HEELS FOR ME AND MY SUPER-AWESOME PRO SKILLS!"  
"Shall I tell him now, or shall I spare him the humiliation for now?" Nancy Wut asked toward Angry McArgue. She sat next to her and grabbed a fistful of popcorn.

"Nah, make it hurt," Angry McArgue suggested.

"NOW DA FESTIVITIES'RE STARTIN' UP FO' REAL, EVREHBODEH!" Ducktail Mickey exclaimed, yelling into his microphone! Everybody began to pay attention to him!  
"Bastion, watch out!" Piggybank whispered to Bastion, holding the injured Baseball Bob on her shoulder. "I can't figure out how he hit Baseball Bob or that ball earlier. Stay on your toes!" Bastion looked at her and gave her a thumbs-up.

"OKAY, FOLKS! HERE GOES 'DA ROLECAAAAAAALL!" Ducktail Mickey yelled! "OVAH THERE, WE GOT MANN MCOLDSMOBILE, DA OLDEST GUY IN SCHOOL! WATCH OUT, HE'S A FIGHTAH! AN' NEXT T' HIM'S 'DA GUY IN– WOOOAH, SHADES MILLIGAN'S PULLIN' OUT 'DA **BIG** SHADES TODAY! AND HE'S HALF MAN, HALF ROBOT! HIS TECHNIQUE PACKS A WALLOP! BESIDE HIM'S A CROWD FAVORITE, BASTION MI-SA-WAAAAA, FATHAH OF 'DA BASTION BASEBALL WRECKERS AND PROUD OWNAH OF A T-SHIRT! WHAT'S ON IT? IT'S WONDERWEISS, HOLDIN' UP DA EVA-01 STEAK SAUCE, REACHIN' UP FOR DA SAMMICH! OH GOD, I WISH I HAD THAT SHIRT, TOO! ALSO HE HAS A FORGETTABLE ROBOT HAND. I WISH I COULD REMEMBER IT MO' OFTEN!

"AND OVAH HEAR, WE HAVE SOME OTHAH CHARACTERS WE ALL FORGOT 'BOUT 'CAUSE THEY PROBABLY ONLY APPEARED ONCE! WHY DON'T THEY MATTER? I WISH I CARED MORE 'BOUT 'EM! WE GOT DAN DA DRAWAH, TH' UNLUCKIEST DUDE I EVAH SAW!" Dan the Drawer, very shaky-looking, held up his hula hoop around his waist. "THEN WE GOT BEEHIVE LARRY, WHOM I DON'T CARE MUCH FOR!" Beehive Larry, the guy who looked normal except for his very expressive hairdo, smiled weakly. "AN' WE GOT SOMEONE JONES! SOMEBODEH PLEASE GET HIM OUTTA HEAH, BEFORE 'E BORES ALL US T' DEATH! I REALLY HATE THIS KID!"  
"I don't do that anymore! Gosh!" Someone Jones adamantly disagreed, frowning.  
"'DAT'S GOOD, THEN! AAAAAND… THERE'S 'DA REST!" Ducktail Mickey pointed to the other guys who were as-of-yet unnamed. The combatants glared at each other with unease and superiority.

"LET'S GO! FINAL ROUTINE, SET! MANN VS. SHADES VS. BASTION VS. DAN VS. THAT DUMB HAIR KID VS. SOMEONE VS. SEVEN OTHEH GUYS! !"

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

Jaden and the apparent Dark Magician Girl stood at opposite ends of a crowded plaza and pulled Duel Disks out of their pockets. They put them on and got ready for forced dueling. "Uh, um…" Alexis shot them a horrifying glance. "D-DUEL!" (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, DMG: 4000 Life Points)

"OH CRAP, THEY SAID 'DUEL'!" some guy in a Buster Blader outfit screamed! He dropped his smoothie and ran off.  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" The other random people around the area fled, in fear for their lives.

_I don't blame 'm, yo, _ Jaden thought to himself. "Eh, I GUESS you can go first," he offered, as they stood atop cool plaza tables in a cool-ish fashion. Sadly the coolness was dulled, seeing as Jaden was standing in some applesauce and Dark Magician Girl was standing on a cat.

"Well thanks," Dark Magician Girl thanked, drawing a card. It was the Dark Magician Girl card. Was there anything ELSE she could have drawn? NO. "I'll just play a monster face-down," she decided, playing a monster face-down. The elevated status of the players made it float a few feet off of the ground, looking kinda cool that way.

"Okay then… I'll play Elemental Hero Bubbleman, in Attack Mode." Batman the Blue appeared, looking really dull and depressed. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "Then I'll draw two cards, because he's the only monster on my field." He drew two cards, nervously.

_What's with him today?_ Alexis asked herself. "Jaden, stop being such an indecisive wimp, Jaden! It's not in your character to do that! Come on, your monsters don't look like THAT!" Bubbleman fell on his face. "Perk up! You make me sick!"  
"Is THAT how you ALWAYS support people?"  
"Yeah."  
"Why? That's totally bunk!"

"Well… I'd rather not get into it too much…" Alexis looked off dramatically to the right.

… _Why do I feel guilty, yo?_ He shook it off. "Well then, I'll do s'more stuff. I play Polymerization and fuse Bubbleman with Burstinatrix."

"You never did that fusion before," Alexis noted.

_That's because he SUCKS!_ Jaden remembered. So the two heroes stood side-by-side, then were absorbed into the magic sparkly whirlpool of desire. Out came a superfat pink and purple robot with pipes in its back.

"It's Elemental Hero Steam Healer," Jaden said.

"BEEP BOP BOOP," it said, despite having a human head. (Steam Healer: 1800 Attack Points)  
"He sucks," Alexis and Dark Magician Girl said.

"I know, right, yo?"Jaden agreed. "Wait, should I have said that…?"  
"IGNORE IT. STOP STALLING."  
"Geez, 'Lexis, stop raggin' on me! Stop harshin' mah vibes, homegirl! I be tryin' up in 'dis hood t'duel like you made me, an' I can do it like I wanna! Don't be illin'! Look, now you gotta stop all that. I'm gonna jam. I'm gonna jet. Later days, sista', 'cause I'm out the door right now. Jus' step off, yo. Step off." After that confusing speech, Jaden turned to leave, fed-up with how he was being treated today.

He took one step off of the table before somebody said "BOO."

Jaden looked around. There was an audience of about twenty people in front of him, standing around the 'BOO' duck. They looked at him and applauded. _Huh? What're they doin'?_ Jaden wondered. _Wassup wit' the clapping? Do they… do they actually wanna see me duel?_ "WELL I'M NOT ONE T' DISSAPOINT, HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Jaden laughed, spacing out and turning around! His eyes sparkled unnaturally!

"I'm not gonna be the one to tell him we came to see Dark Magician Girl," stated one audience member.

"I just liked the rap," some other random person said.

_Natural idiocy and desire for the spotlight wins again!_ Alexis mentally celebrated! _Soon, he'll be back to normal! The plan was a roaring success!_

"Steam Healer, smash that face-down!" Jaden ordered, leaping back onto some unlucky soul's birthday cake!

"RAH!" Steam Healer's cool rockets concealed under his feet thrust him toward concealed monster! He smashed it with his oversized arms, flipping it over! It turned out to be some small, generic witch girl.

"Yes, some dialogue!" Dark Magician Girl celebrated! "When my Fire Sorcerer is flipped face-up, I can remove two cards in my hand from play and deal eight-hundred points of damage to your Life Points!" She tossed two cards over her shoulder, as if she didn't know what she was doing. "So, Fire Sorcerer, burn him!" she commanded! The little girl complied, writing some symbols in the air with her fingers. The symbols glowed, and then summoned an orb of flames. The orb glowed blue and fired a COLUMN OF WHITE-HOT FLAMES AT JADEN!

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Jaden screeched, blocking his face! Luckily, it was only a hologram. Like usual. Right? (Jaden: 3200 Life Points) "Woah, heh heh, for a moment there…" Jaden gave up on the excuses and hunkered down. "Anyways, I'm not the ONLY one gettin' burned down here! When my Steam Healer kills a monster, I gain Life Points equal to their Attack Points."

"URRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Steam Healer yelled, smashing the little girl with his other giant fist! The audience was wondering if it was something to cheer over, or be horrified at. Meanwhile, the girl's body was processed into steam. The cloud of steam drifted over Jaden.  
"It's so comfortable!" (Fire Sorcerer: 1000 Attack Points, 1500 Defense Points; Jaden: 4200 Life Points)

"EEEEEH?" Dark Magician Girl gasped! "You gained more Life Points than you just lost?"  
"SICK BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!" Jaden burned! "Told you!"

"How's it feel to get back to normal?" Alexis asked him.

"Meh, I'm not as thrilled as usual. This is so far just an engine for revenge."

"Oh, got it."  
"R-revenge for what?" Dark Magician Girl asked, confused.

"… BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" booed the viewing public!  
"YOU SUCK, SLIFER SLACKER!"  
"HOW DARE YOU BURN A LADY!"  
"Yes, yes! Sweet applause!" The cries of outrage hit Jaden's deaf ears. He turned to the crowd and tried to absorb their smooth vibes. He was lucky that he wasn't hit by any of the fruits and vegetables they were flinging at him.

"Uh, um, guys?" Dark Magician Girl requested. "Could you please stop throwing things at him? I just got a rotten cabbage in my face…" She wiped a whole cabbage off of her head.

"YES MA'AM!" the crowd complied, full of hormonal madness. The food barrage was cut short.

"OKAAA~Y!" the DMG cheerfully announced! "My turn! I summon Magician's Valkyria!" A brown-haired, teal-armored magician lady appeared, resembling DMG in an uncanny fashion. (Magician's Valkyria: 1600 Attack Points)

"OH MY GOSH THEY'RE TWINS!" shouted the audience!  
"I got dibbs on the teal one!"  
"Shut up, Charlie!"  
"Aw…"

"As long as Magician's Valkyria is on the field, you can't attack any other Spellcaster monsters!" Dark Magician Girl explained.

"Who?" somebody asked.

"The magician guys."  
"Oh."

"Anyways, I'm gonna use the Spell card Dimension Fusion!" The magician girl held out a green card with two guys flying through a weird alternate dimension. "I can pay up half of my Life Points in order to summon all monsters I'd removed from play so far!"

"Ha, you already threw them away," Jaden chuckled, "good luck gettin' THOSE two random cards you'd removed earlier!" The two cards she'd thrown away cruised back into her hand. "… I still refuse to believe that you're the real Dark Magician Girl."

"HEY, YOU SHUT UP!" ordered the Valkyria lady!

"Hey, don't tell them to shut up, Valkyria One!" Dark Magician Girl ordered!  
"Make me not tell them to shut up, then!" Valkyria One said, sticking her tongue out.

"Why is her card talking?" Alexis asked Jaden.

"Eh, Duel Spirits and crap."  
"Oh. And the Magician Girl herself?"  
"Crazed lunatic."

"Everybody, please excuse my sister for being so rude," the magician girl apologized. "But anyways, back to the point, I use the effect of Dimension Fusion!" (Dark Magician Girl: 2000 Attack Points) She stepped next to her Valkyria One. "I Special Summon myself and the second Magician's Valkyria from the removed from play area!" A second Magician's Valkryia appeared as well! (Magician's Valkyria: 1600 Attack Points)  
"OH CRAP THEY'RE TRIPLETS!" shouted the audience.

"Shut up before I blaze your faces off, pervs," the second Magician's Valkyria warned.  
"Count me in, too," Valkyria One decided, holding her small staff out and focusing icy energy from its tip.

"Hey hey hey, no killing the audience, Valkyria Two!" Dark Magician Girl commanded!  
"Hmph, you're just lucky you count as a tier-three mage," Valkyria Two scoffed.

"Uh, wasn't this a card game a minute ago?" Jaden asked. "What's with all the arguin' and family struggles?"

"Stay outta this!" Valkyria Two shouted, shooting a fireball at Jaden's feet!

"YO WOAH!" He leaped back a pace, allowing the earth to become scorched in his place. "The hell? That's unfair! You attacked outta turn!"

"But it IS my turn!" the magician girl reminded.

Jaden turned to Alexis. "Uh, they're tryin' to kill me. I don't feel right about fightin' them and not tryin' to kill them in return, and that goes against my principles. Can I leave?"

"No," Alexis said.  
"And why?"  
"Because if you leave, you won't get this," Alexis said, holding out a bowl of ice cream.

"AWRIGHT, HURRY IT UP, LADIES, I GOTTA GAME T'WIN HERE!" Jaden challenged!

"You got it!" Dark Magician Girl cheered, blasting away Jaden's huge purple/pink fighting robot with a large ball of pink plasma.

"Damn, I really gotta start thinkin' more often," Jaden sighed. (Jaden: 4000 Life Points)

"Don't start just yet," Valkyria Two said, floating upward with her twin, "because here WE come." They tapped their staves together!

"ICY FLARE, ALSO KNOWN AS BURNING CHILL ATTACK!" Valkyria One screamed, as they launched a solid block of burning ice! It hit Jaden and shattered, releasing some hot water over him.

"YEOOOOOOOOOOOOWW!" he screamed! (Jaden: 800 Life Points)  
"WOOOOOOOOOOT!" cheered the stupid audience.

"Jaden, are you alright?" Alexis asked.

"No, that was one hot block of ice! I don't even wanna understand THAT! It's like I got hit by a pleasant bath!" Jaden explained. "Now, you done, gals?"  
"Yeah," Dark Magician Girl said, "you can go."  
"An idiot like you doesn't even DESERVE to wear a Dark Magician costume," Valkyria One spat.

"I was forced into it."

"So?"

"Whatever; you're just some tough jerks! And you know what they say," the boy said, preparing a one-liner… "WHEN THE DUELIN' GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET DUELIN'!"

"BOO!" screamed the audience. But Jaden didn't care; he just drew his next card.

"I play Fusion Recovery!" Jaden tossed away a Spell card and reclaimed Polymerization and Burstinatrix from his Graveyard! "Then I re-play Polymerization and call out mah main man, Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!" By casting away his Spell, Burstinatrix again, and an unwilling Avian card, Flame Wingman burst onto the scene, covered in fire! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)

"As long as we're on the field, you can't attack another Spellcaster, including the other Valkyria," Valkyria Two said, recalling her twin's special ability.

The audience erupted into jeers and laughter! "WHAT A DUMBO! WHAT A CHEESEBALL! HA HA HA! HE'S NOT SMART."

"You'd better have a good Trap, because next time it won't just be a block of ice," Valkyria One said.

"Yeah, because just playing him by himself isn't a very good idea," Dark Magician Girl said.

"So?" Jaden asked.

"Valkyria," Zane recalled, laying sideways on the far-off beach in his battered costume. "That special ability of hers is still in effect. As long as she's out, Jaden can't attack other Spellcaster-type monsters."

"Thanks, Zane," Jaden thanked. "I'll just throw down two face-downs and end my turn."  
"BOO," someone said.  
"BOO, THROW DOWN, BOO!" the audience joined in!

"You guys're so redundant!" Jaden countered! "Stop raggin' on me!"  
"NOT UNTIL YOU'RE AS ATTRACTIVE OR MORESO THAN THAT MAGICIAN GIRL!"  
"That's fair," Jaden conceded. _But the question here's if that girl's SMART enough to counter these two cards I laid out. Mweh heh heh. I'm so gangsta_.

MEANWHILE, WITH BASTION…

The hula hooping competition was in full swing. The "hoopers" had been "hooping" for about five minutes now. They were bored. The audience was bored. Everybody was really really bored. Three of the random kids involved went 'screw it' and left. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH, BOOOOYOOS! THREE GUYS DOWNN!" Ducktail Mickey yelled! "'DIS IS GETTING HEATED UP!"  
"Not really," Bastion sighed, legs tiring. He decided to sit down, so he carefully crossed his legs and dropped through the hoop, so as to be able to spin it with his neck.

"BASTION, THAT IS SO COOL!" Piggybank screamed! Her eyes sparkled with admiration!

"I've seen better," Baseball Bob sighed, remembering his old 'Hula Hoop Baseball League' days…

"No you haven't," Fluffy Fred said, lightly smacking Baseball Bob in the head.

"Hm," Omega-Xis noticed, "they like show-boating."  
"Who?" Bastion asked.

"The audience. Maybe if you pull a few stunts, you can get the others to do something stupid and screw up."  
"I like the sound of that, my hand!" Bastion decided! He ducked down and lifted his leg, making the hoop revolve around his leg! "See that, audience! It's cool!" The audience clapped for him a bit.

"MISAWA'S MAKIN' WAVES DOWN 'DERE!" Ducktail Mickey exclaimed! "WATCH OUT, KIDS! DON'T TRY THAT AT **HOME!**" Bastion kicked the ring up and caught it around his arm as he stood up. "WOOOOAH, 'DAT'S A RINGARM MANEUVER! HE'S IN SUM RISKEH BUSSINESS NOW!" The audience was now slightly interested!

"Keep it going, Bastion-baby!" Piggybank cheered!  
"YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!" Fluffy Fred shouted!  
"Yeah, you sure can spin a hoop," Baseball Bob said. As he said that, his stomach wound opened up with explosive power, sending a shower of blood over Piggybank's head! "AAAAHHH, I'M BLEEDING!"  
"See, he says he's bleeding with passion!" Nancy Wut called! "Keep goin', Bastion-kid!"  
"He didn't say that," Angry McArgue verified. "Shouldn't we be supporting Mann McOldsmobile here instead of his enemies?"  
"Just look at'm. He's not worth it yet." Mann McOldsmobile was still hooping, like an amateur. He was still better than ME, WEATHER REPORT, though. And you all know how good _I_ am at hula hooping. "Besides," Nancy added, with a smirk, "shouldn't we support him with a good enemy in this case?"

Meanwhile, Bastion got even more daring. He made the hoop go around and up his arm, then raised the arm above his head, letting it GO BACK TO HIS WAIST. "DAY-UM, GUYS!" Ducktail Mickey announced, getting slightly flustered! "HE JUST PERFORMED A BYTUPLE-BYPASS-TRANSPLANT MANEUVER! IN ALL MY YEARS, I AIN'T NEVAH SEEN SOMETHIN' LIKE 'DAT DONE SO PERFECTLEH! IN FACT, ONE GUY OVAH THERE WIT' NO NAME JUS' TRIED T' EMULATE'M AND FAILED HORRIBLY!"  
"**DAMN IT!**" shouted the failure kid, his hoop tangled in his short hair. The audience just ate it up, exploding into applause.

"And here I just thought all that stuff was really easy," Bastion considered, shrugging. "This is maybe my third time ever doing this. I didn't think it was such a serious sport."

"Despite that, you're doin' perfect, Bastion!" Omega-Xis coached! "Keep it up, kid!"

"Omega-Xis, you're the best spiritual advisor a kid could ask for," Bastion thanked.  
"I'm not a spirit."  
"Oh, you," Bastion teased, waggling his finger.

"W-well, two can play at THAT game… SUCCESSFULLY!" yelled Shades Milligan! _If I can do better than Bastion and his cool talking wolf hand, then I can be slightly better in Alexis' eyes!_ While everybody else around was too intimidated to copy Bastion's success, Shades Milligan grabbed his hoop.  
"OH MAH GOSH, SHADES'S JUS' COMMITTED HULA HOOP **SUICIDE!**" Ducktail Mickey cried! "'DAT'S JUS' STUPID! OH WHYYYYY?"  
"It's not stupid, just look!" Shades Milligan permitted. Upon closer inspection, the hoop was _still revolving around Shades Milligan, as he had ALMOST grabbed the hoop!_

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, NOW 'DAT'S A BIG PLAY!" Ducktail Mickey announced, flustered! "IT'S _HULA HOOP REVIVAL_, ONE OF THE THIRTY-SIX LEGENDARY TECHNIQUES! IN ALL MAH YEARS 'O COMMENTATIN'…" He wiped his brow. "JUST… WOAH!" The crowd was amazed.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH," they gasped! Some random people had joined in the crowd, drawn in by the spectacle.

"Well, watch this, then!" the second random guy jealously said. He took off his hoop and threw it at Someone Jones' hoop. It bounced off, causing it to stop and fall. They were both out.  
"DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION! BONUS ROUND! BONUS ROUND!" Ducktail Mickey babbled. "OH, AND WHAT'S THIS? SOMEONE JONES'S JUST JUMPED _ON_ TO THE NAMELESS WEIRDO, RESULTIN' IN A FIGHT FO' REVENGE! DON'T MISS IT, FOLKS!"

Someone Jones and the other guy rolled out of the dirt circle, locked in mortal combat. But everybody else had one thought in mind after that spectacle. "… Fight!" one guy ordered.

"Fight!" another one repeated.  
"FIGHT!"  
"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" the audience craved!

"But doesn't that ignore the purpose of a hula hooping competition in the first place?" the third random kid asked. His hoop was slapped to the ground by Someone Jones, who then leaped back into his original battle.

"DISQUALIFIED!"  
"But he wasn't even in the competition anymo—"

"DISQUALIFIED!" The boy backed off. The hoopers stared at each other for a few seconds, hooping for their lives, as they thought of a way to win this random, idiotic competition. And then…

"FIRST TO STRIKE, FIRST TO WIN!" shouted two of the unnamed characters, both girls in the Ra Yellow dormitories! They leaped in front of and behind the fifth random character and knocked their hoops into his own. They caused it to bounce back and forth uncontrollably, and there was nothing he could do as it began to falter.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES!" he screamed, as his hula hoop had fallen!

"WOAH! JUDGING BY HOW THESE THINGS GO, IT LOOKS AS IF WE'VE GOT SOME NEW PEOPLE T' BE NAMED HERE!" Mickey Ducktail gasped!

"And me, too," snickered an Obelisk Blue with a somehow-disgusting….smile and large nose. He pulled out a large ball of steel yarn! "Steel yarn, go!" He whipped out a large bit of yarn and tossed it at the last random kid's hoop! It made the hoop crash into the dirt!

"Aw man!" cursed the loser.

"YOU THREE, REVEAL THYSELFS!" Ducktail Mickey ordered!

The three new guys took cool poses. "I am Ay Twin!" one of the girls said.

"And I am Bea Twin!" the other one said.

"TOGETHER, WE ARE THE TWIN SISTERS!" they introduced! "And yes, it's our last name, too."  
"And my name's Sammy Steel, nice t'meet 'ya," the creepy guy revealed, twirling some yarn above his head.

"How heavy is that yarn?" some onlookers whispered.

"How does he carry it like that?"  
"D'you think that we can date the twins over there?"

"They have funny names!"

Mann McOldsmobile took one powerful step forward and got into Sammy Steel's face. "W-woah?" Sammy Steel gasped!

"I'll be taking that!" Mann McOldsmobile said, taking the steel thread! He pitched it at Shades Milligan like a baseball ace. _Woah,_ Baseball Bob marveled.

"What Does This Have To Do With Duel Monsterrrrrs… PAWNCH!" Mann McOldsmobile called out, giving a gigaton-uppercut to Sammy Steel's chin! He was knocked right out of his hoop.

"AW MAN, I HAVE NEVAH SEEN AN APTLY-NAMED PAWNCH LIKE 'DAT SINCE GRADE SCHOOL! AND BOY HOWDY, IT WAS A BIG 'UN THEN, TOO!" Ducktail Mickey screeched! "THIS IS JUST GETTIN' BETTAH N' BETTAH!"

"Now we strike!" Ay Twin decided, as she and her twin appeared next to Mann McOldsmobile!  
"But I want to be the first to talk, sometimes," Bea Twin sighed.

"OH, AN' MANN MCOLDSMOBILE'S GETTIN' FLANKED FROM BOTH SIDES NOW! WHAT'LL HE DO NOW? WHAT **WILL** HE **DO?**"

"That joke got old a while ago!" Bastion said, aiming and firing a few Omega-Xis bullets at Ay Twin! She took them in the face!

"Ugh! My face!" Ay Twin cried, falling over!

"But seriously, I'd like to be first once," Bea Twin sighed. Then she looked down and noticed that her entire lower body was wrapped up in iron yarn. "Dammit."  
"Looks like we'll have to keep you…" Shades Milligan began. He waited a moment for the line to have more effect. "_**UNDER WRAPS!**_" He tugged the line and caused her to drill into the ground, leaving the hoop behind.

"OOOOH MAH GOOOOOSH, EVEREHBODEH LISSEN NOW!" Ducktail Mickey screamed, trying to be heard over the audience's roars of approval! "THE TRIO HAS JUS' BEAT OUT 'DA OTHAH TRIO OF OVER-HYPED CHARACTERS! HOW WILL IT END, NOW THAT WE'RE DOWN TO 'DA FINAL THREEEEE?"

_It comes down to them, then,_ Angry McArgue thought confidently, reaching for the last of her popcorn.

_I just hope that Bastion doesn't misjudge his opponents_, Piggybank wished. _He's gotta watch out for Shades. If he can just take him out…_

_Damn, I KNEW I shouldn't have placed my money on that Jones kid!_ Nancy Wut thought, throwing down her tickets in disgust.

Shades Milligan threw the ball of yarn at the ground. It bounced somehow and hit Dan the Drawer in the face! "ARGH, I WAS FORGOTTEN!" he cried!

"Alright folks, it's time for the home stretch," Shades Milligan said, cracking his knuckles.

"Tag team?" Bastion asked.  
"Tag team," Mann McOldsmobile agreed!

"LET'S GO BUCK WILD!" Omega-Xis shouted!  
"BOO," someone said.

"What, WHAAAAAT!" he said menacingly, as if trying to prove something.  
"UUUUURYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The three of them leaped at Shades Milligan and readied themselves for assault.

MEANWHILE, WITH JADEN…

"Alright, everybody," Dark Magician Girl announced, "it's MY turn!" She drew a card, much to the mainly-perverted audience's delight. "Well, alright then! It's Magical Formula!" An old book appeared in her hands.

"YAY!" cheered the fanboys.

"This means that I gain 700 more Attack Points!" The mage girl held up her short staff and it transformed into a glowing grizzly bear!

"ROAR!" the bear growled.

"Oh boy, this is it," Atticus groaned, standing next to Alexis.

"Where were you?" Alexis asked.

"Oh, I was with her in the bathroom." Atticus pointed to a very satisfied-looking girl on the ground, dressed up as some random female Duel Monster. "But anyways, I'm sorry for picking somebody out of his league to duel with. It was a bad call."

"He does have two face-downs, though," Alexis reminded.

"Oh yeah. But what're the chances of them helping?"

"Okay, you know what to do," Valkyria Two urged.

"I know!" Dark Magician Girl shouted! "Bearsy, go!" Having previously held it by the neck, she flung it straight at Jaden's monster!

"WRAAGWOOOR!" the bear roared, leaping at Flame Wingman!

"Heh, you fell for it," Jaden said, flipping up one of his Trap cards.

"IT'S A TRAP!" Dark Magician Girl screamed!  
"OH CRAP!" the audience squealed!

"I play Staunch Defender!" The Trap had a very Marauding Captain staring down a humongous demonic figure in a Graveyard during a thunderstorm. "Now, ALL you bee-yotches gotta attack Flame Wingman this turn!"

"DON'T YOU CALL THEM BEE-YOTCHES, BASSY TURD!" yelled the audience.

"Yeah, how DARE you call us that!" Valkyria One growled. She and her twin sister raised their staves.

"This time, no mercy!" Valkyria Two decided decisively! "We're using the Danger Radish spell!" The image of a radish appeared in the air in front of their weapons.

"After Bearsy takes you down, my sisters will finish what I started!" Dark Magician Girl said, ready to finish everything!  
"GO GIRLS GOOOOOOOOO and bear!" the fans screamed!

"Second Trap, don't fail me now," Jaden begged, activating his other card: some sort of barrier covered in electricity. "HERO BARRIER!" The shield appeared before Flame Wingman and the bear tackled into it! He was electrocuted!  
"GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he screamed, turning into bear dust.

"No!" the Valkyria Twins gasped!  
"EEEEEH?" Dark Magician Girl gasped!  
"It worked?" the audience gasped!

"B-but now, you two gotta attack him, and…" Dark Magician Girl turned to her sisters. "I'm so sorry…"  
"It's… it's not your fault…"  
"Except it is." The two combined their powers and shot a magnificent, blazing radish at Flame Wingman. He slapped it, sending it back at them. "YOU IDIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" They exploded. (Dark Magician Girl: 1500 Life Points)

"Sisters…" DMG sniffed. Flame Wingman loomed over her. "Eeeeeh?"

"And don't be forgettin' my Flame Wingman's super power, y'all!" Jaden reminded! "BLAZE HER!" Flame Wingman incinerated her at point-blank range.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed, burning to a crisp. (Dark Magician Girl: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled the bystanders!  
"AW YEAH, BABY! I WON! I WON!" Jaden cheered! "HAHAHA!"

"Did you just kill her?" Alexis asked.

"Nah, I made sure not to," Jaden made sure. The charred husk of the young woman broke, and the safe and sound Magician Girl stepped out.

"I… I'm okay?" she asked herself, just to make sure for herself. "B-but my sisters… !"

"You wanna go do something private?" Atticus asked.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAAAAAAAH!"

Atticus lifted her up and ran away.

"So did you learn something today?" Alexis inquired, as the rest of the audience ran after Atticus.

"Yeah, I think I did," Jaden thought. "I think I've learned to control my own latent psychic abilities, and I've also learned that it's okay to play really, really dangerous games with people. It's fine as long as I don't kill others, because it they're still alive, then they can't send me to the po-po."  
"… Great job warping that Aesop," Alexis conglaturated, "but the real point was that this game was your calling. You have a 'Yu' in your name. You're fated to save us all someday with your gift. It's great that you've learned to control it, and it's great that you've come to terms with yourself. How do you feel now?"  
"I feel like gettin' some ice cream, mama," Jaden said. "Can we get some ice cream, mama?"  
"Sure, but just this once," Alexis allowed, carrying Jaden away like a five year-old in her arms and handing him a bowl of ice cream. The end.

MEANWHILE, WITH BASTION…

The battle against Shades Milligan had been raging for over a half hour. The ground had been pulverized, several buildings behind the group had been leveled, and thirteen bystanders had died by the hand of these shimmying kids.

"BOY HOWDY EVREHBODEH, WE HAVE JUS' SEEN DA SECOND MOST THRILLIN' BATTLE OF THE WORLD'S MOST BORING SPORT YOU'LL EVAH KNOW!" Mickey Ducktail squealed.

"Just face it," Shades Milligan sighed, creating some grey mass of pixel-like things from his hand, "you'll never be able to defeat me as long as I can control my robo-particles."  
"Oh yeah?" Bastion challenged, shimmying as hard as he could.

"Let's prove'm wrong, Bastion," Mann McOldsmobile decided, shaking around. "I'm gonna use a full 20% of my powers!"

"One final shot, eh?" Omega-Xis said. "Well then, TAKE THIS!" Omega-Xis shot a bullet… at the banner above Shades Milligan's head! The one with the oval on it! It floated down onto Shades Milligan's head, rendering him BLIND!

"WAAAGH! SHADES CAN SEE THROUGH LIGHT, BUT NOT **FABRICS!**" Shades Milligan cried! He began trying to get his robo-particles to rip the banner from his head!  
"NOW!" Bastion and Mann McOldsmobile quickly dashed to either side of Shades Milligan and prepared to smash his face in, and then slap his hula hoop to the ground!

"OH! MAH! GOSH, GUYS!" Ducktail Mickey shouted! "THIS IS A HUUUUGE TURN OF EVENTS! AFTER PREPARING THEIR FINAL SHOTS, BASTION AND MANN HAVE RAN AROUND THAT SHADE GUY AND'LL PUNCH'M IN ONE SECOND! I'M SO EXCITED!"  
_Wait, did he just telegraph our surprise attack?_ Omega-Xis thought, in a suitable 'oh crap' fashion.

"HA!" Shades Milligan laughed, turning his entire body, clothing, hoop and shades into robo-particles!  
"Oh no, I know what's coming," Piggybank gulped.

"What?" Baseball Bob and Fluffy Fred asked.

"!" screamed Bastion and Mann McOldsmobile, smashing their fists together by accident! Mann's attack managed to create such a shockwave that it traveled through Bastion's body, then bounced back when it reached his feet, went back through Mann McOldsmobile's arm, and then inflicted mass bodily hard onto him! Their hula hoops disintegrated. They had lost, and Shades Milligan created his body once more, standing smugly above their tired bodies.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Ducktail Mickey shouted! "DUE T'MY STUPID DECISION, BASTION AN' MANN HAVE BOTH LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!"  
"Aw damn," said the audience. "But we still love you, Shades."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Shades Milligan, standing triumphant, as his hoop circled his body like a satellite! "Now didja see THAT, Alexis, my love? What do you think of me now? The only reason I joined this was because you INSPIRED me!"  
"Actually, Alexis was never here to begin with," Nancy Wut told him, poking his neck. "She's doing something else. She said that she didn't want a repeat of last year, so she'd never come close to this sport again."  
"… What did you say, random-speaking lady?" Shades Milligan asked, lowering his shades.  
"She was never watching, jackass!" Angry McArgue explained simply.

"…" Shades Milligan looked down at the ground. His hula hoop fell quietly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAND SHADES MILLIGAN IS OUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!" Ducktail Mickey said loudly!  
"But wasn't he the last one?" somebody unimportant said.

"…Hey, was he ever REALLY TRULY hoopin'?"

"Yo, guys!" said Dan the Drawer, who was still hoopin'. Suddenly, with his luck, his hoop burst into flames. He cried into his palms as it fell to his feet, pathetically.

"So… did HE win?"

"No."

"AND AH DECLARUH THUH WINNAH OH DA EVENT EEEEEEEYUS BEEHIYUV LARREEEEEEEEEEH!" announced Ducktail Mickey, finally giving us closure to this horribly long ordeal! And alas, Beehive Larry was still standing, hooping the hoop on his hairstyle! A ten-dollar bill floated gently onto his face. He then lost his concentration and the hoop flew away.  
"Woo," cheered the audience, leaving thanks to the closure.

"Sooooo… we got… 4th place?" Bastion guessed, helping Mann McOldsmobile and himself up.

"Nope, you both got the same rank, so it's rounded down to 5th," Ducktail Mickey said, walking by.

"Dammit!" Mann McOldsmobile cursed.

"But… at least it's not 6th," Omega-Xis bargained.

"Wait, there's THREE of you?" Ducktail Mickey gasped, confused. "Well, then that's 6th place for 'ya."

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted skyward! "But really, that was pretty fun."  
"It WAS?" Nancy Wut checked, taking Ducktail Mickey's place with Angry McArgue.

"Well yeah."  
"So… you had a lot of fun fighting today?" Angry McArgue asked.

"Uh… HEY, YOU MANIPULATED ME!" Mann McOldsmobile yelled!  
"And how was it?" asked the dependable Nancy Wut.

"… Yeah, kinda," Mann McOldsmobile accepted.

Shades Milligan walked up to Mann McOldsmobile and patted his shoulder. "Hey, next time I won't go so easy on you, got it?" he challenged, forging a NEW FRIENDSHIP…

"I hear ya, but remember I only used twenty percent of my full powers out there, buddy!" Mann McOldsmobile chuckled. "But I really doubt we're gonna be hula hooping any time soon—"

"I didn't mean THAT."

"Oh right fighting."

"Well, I'm figuring out new cyborg powers every day now," Shades Milligan warned, becoming a large mass of grey pixels, "so I wouldn't be so sure to count me out! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He flew away.

"Maybe, kid, maybe," Mann McOldsmobile said, nodding, "I'll see you later, Shades Man." He started walking away to think about things introspectively. And so, their jobs complete, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue fist-bumped and took their leave.

"… So what the hell was that about?" Omega-Xis asked, confuzzled.

"Dunno," Bastion shrugged. His gang approached him.

"Wanna talk about it?" suggested Baseball Bob.

"Sure," Bastion accepted, shrugging.

"I'll buy smoothies!" Fluffy Fred suggested, ripping out of his Kuriboh suit. They walked over to the 'Llama Blood Smoothies' stand and drank delicious fluids.

CUTS AND GUT DO SOMETHING – ARC COMPLETE

COMMENTARY

So what did you guys think? Gonna go back in time and see that Billy Hills movie? Me too. But getting to the point, Jaden came to terms with killing a dead guy! And he killed two magician ladies, but didn't care because they were duel spirits! And he was stripped naked! Woo?

Sure, that Jaden thing was fun, but so was the hula hoop thing. It took me SO long to prepare that crap. I had thought of it with my sister two months in advance. And those random guys will probably never appear again. Also Shades Milligan, though nobody likes him because I don't much so it's official is learning new abilities every day! Why was his body designed so expertly? And why should we care? Season three, folks. That's all I can say. I'm just gearing up for a good boss battle…

So everybody's back to normal after a stressfully-badly-written arc. I hope you will continue to stomach this mess with me. And so, onward to new adventures…


	51. Episode 51: Magnum Chum Laude

Jaden and pals were watching TV. What they were watching happened to be a very eventful commercial. Kabuto and Orochimaru of Naruto fame were sitting on a sofa, listening to some tunes on their stereo. [.com/watch?v=We60ZX5C99I]"Ka-buto Steak Sauce yeah, drinkin' my Kabuto!" they sang. "Ka-buto Steak Sauce yeah, drink your Ka-bu-to!" They took out their bottles of Kabuto Steak Sauce, featuring his face on it. "Drin-kin' mah Ka-bu-to, drin-kin' Ka-bu-to through all the day an' all of every niiight!" Just then, Tengu Man burst through the wall with his OWN bottle!

"'Ey childrens!" he shouted! "Don't YOU wanna have yo' own Kabuto Steak Sauce, too? Come on, it's got his face on it! You know you want it more than that EVA-01 swill! All you gots to do is go to 'da store, an'—"

[.com/watch?v=KQIudHHExRo]He was interrupted when Rei Ayanami, Kensuke Aida and Pen-Pen the penguin burst through the OPPOSITE wall! "What the fuck do you think you're doin' dumb-ass punks?" Rei said, posing.  
"We're just tryin' to sell our steak sauce," Kabuto said, "don't be like that."  
"Yeah, who said you can take over the entire steak sauce market?" Orochimaru added.

"Well who told YOU to INSULT OUR PRODUCT?" Kensuke roared!

"WARK!" Pen-Pen shrieked!

"I've had enough of this," Tengu Man said, taking out two large green shuriken. "TORNADO HOLD!" He threw them onto the ground, and they began spinning around and making tornadoes!

"Ugh!" Rei and Kensuke grunted, shielding their eyes.

"SHIT!" Rei then cursed!  
"HERE YOU GO!" Tengu Man cried, flying at them, pointy nose first!

[.com/watch?v=SXCkSx0SpAM]"CRRRROWN CLOWN!" Allen Walker announced, breaking through the door with a cool coat and a giant sword! He cut Tengu Man in half.

"Woah? TV's Allen Walker?" Orochimaru gasped! "Who starred in such classic quality television as _Big House_ and _Saved by the Big House_. Why're YOU here?"  
"We heard you were dissin' our favorite steak sauce," he said, as the rest of his Big House posse walked in.

"We're takin' you out, Kabuto Steak Sauce!" Krory yelled, smashing a bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce all over Orochimaru's head!

"AUGH, MY HEAD! THAT'S IT!" He pressed a button on a remote control. "COME ON OUT, GUYS!" Sasuke Uchiha, Karin, Suigetsu and Jugo burst through the floor!

"You called?" Sasuke asked.  
"I'm really useless here, though," Karin admitted.

"SHADDAP!" Lavi cried, smashing her over the head with his hammer! She was DEAD!

"We still need more reinforcements!" Kabuto realized! "He's got a big hammer!"  
"I got it!" Orochimaru put his hands on the ground and summoned a GIANT PURPLE SNAKE who burst through the last remaining wall!  
"YOU CALLED?" he asked.

"No."

"Aw, snap, shit just got real up in here," Rei smirked. She pulled out a cell phone. "Awright, come on in, bitch's ready to go down." EVA-01 burst through the roof, along with EVAs 00 and 02!

"'Kay guys, we ready," said Shinji Ikari from inside his purple cyborg.

"WE'RE NOT GOIN' OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT!" Sasuke roared, becoming purple and demonic himself!

"WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?" challenged Asuka Shoryu/Shikinami from her crimson robot, pulling out two gargantuan knives!

"BRING IT, ASSHOLES!" Kensuke shouted!

"TO ARMS!" Lenalee Lee announced!  
"WARK!" Pen-Pen shrieked, growing magnificent wings and arms made out of blades!

The ensuing battle was too much to recount without your awesomeness nerves hemorrhaging. "Guys, why is my nose bleeding?" Koala Ko Ala asked, rubbing his large nose.  
"That's the first instance of Unbelievably Manly Awesome you've ever seen," answered everybody else, weeping great tears of manliness.

"Damn, guys," Mann McOldsmobile said, turning off the TV, "that was too much for me."  
"DAAAAAAAAMN YOOOOOOOOOOU!" shrieked everybody else, beating him up over it.

The next day, Mann McOldsmobile woke up on the side of the road in a large forest, wrapped in a burlap sack.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 51: Magna Chum-Laude (Wha?)

Jaden and Syrus were playing a card game in their room, with Mann McOldsmobile watching from the side. "Aw, snap, guys," Jaden sighed, playing Clayman in Defense Mode, "I don't think I'm ready for the END-OF-YEAR PROMOTION EXAMS because I gots some TEST ANXIETY!"

"Who cares? Are we even going to be shown taking them?" Syrus asked vindictively. "I summon Super Robot Drill Robot, then have Super Robot Drill Robot, Super Robot Helicopter Robot and Super Robot Police Car Robot attack you for game!"

"Aw, snap!" Mann McOldsmobile chuckled. "He got you!" (Jaden: 24 Life Points)  
"SCREW THAT!" Jaden yelled, flipping the gaming table over! "I just SAID I gots some TEST ANXIETY!"

"Hey man, you should chill out, like Koala up there," Mann McOldsmobile offered, pointing to Koala Ko Ala in his bed, unmoving, covered in books and papers.

"Dude, what's up with him?" Jaden asked. "He's lookin' a little TOO chill. Somebody go wiggle'm a bit." Syrus climbed up the ladder. "He was up all night last night studying in order to get serious about graduating and working for Pegasus and Industrial Illusions so he could design his own cards."  
"Really?" Mann McOldsmobile asked. "Cool goal. But wasn't he up all night the night BEFORE, too?"  
"Yeah, and I saw him NOT sleepin' the day before THAT," Jaden recalled. "Hey Sy, you think he's dead?"  
"WHAT?" Syrus cried! "That impossible! How could he have died in this room without us knowing?"  
"We DO ignore him a lot," Jaden said, recalling all the times he'd ignored his good friend.

"I'm about to disprove you here and now," Syrus decided, kicking Koala Ko Ala in the back. "Koala, are you okay?" He bent down and pushed all the books onto the floor. "I'll check his pulse." He checked it. Syrus' eyes widened. "**HE'S FREAKING DEAD!**"

"I knew it," Mann McOldsmobile sadly stated.  
"He had a good life, while it lasted," Jaden reminisced.

"WHY AREN'T YOU PANICKING?" Syrus ordered! "WE JUST LOST A CAST MEMBER!"

"We all knew he'd be written off this time," Jaden accepted. "I read the script beforehand."

"BUT SHOULDN'T YOU CARE MORE?" Syrus squealed!  
"We're sad, alright, but it's not worth killing OURSELVES over," Mann McOldsmobile said.

"Didn't you guys CARE about him at all?" No answer, only blank stares. "You guys suck! He's been living with you all for MONTHS."

"… It's just I don't feel like crying," Jaden said, "I'm pretty torn up 'bout it, but on the INSIDE. Especially because of the twist ending."  
"You really read the script too? I LOVE that twist ending! I gotta check something." Mann McOldsmobile inquired, pulling out his own copy. "Hey… it says here that you, Syrus, get pumped up about Koala's death and decide to duel in his place in order to help him graduate through death. Interesting!"  
"THAT'S IT!" Syrus decided! "I'M GOING TO DO WHAT YOU JUST SAID! And I WON'T be needing YOU two jerkasses!" Syrus marched out the door. Then he walked back in. "Oh yeah, guys, it's time for art class."

TWO! MINUTES! LATER!

The three surviving Reds were in class, directed by Garfield the cat sitting on a desk, because Banner was dead again. "MEOW," Garfield said, which prompted the students to take out their art supplies and pieces of paper.

"I miss that teacher," Jaden said, wiping away a tear as he painted on his paper.

"But not Koala Ko Ala," Syrus insinuated.

"Well, let's forget all about that and paint for now, because nothin' but duelin's gonna honor that Koala Ko Ala!" Jaden said, putting the finishing touches on his picture. How do you like THIS?" He flashed Syrus this picture:

[IMG]http:/ i56. tinypic. [/IMG]

"His stats: five stars, 2400 Attack Points, 1200 Defense Points. Whenever he is sent away from the field, HE RETURNS WITH 200 MORE ATTACK POINTS! He can't be removed from play, and he shall forever become more and more powerful… he is truly pro."

"That's a HORRIBLE idea," Syrus said. Syrus held up a picture of Optimus Prime. "Super Robot Fire Truck Robot. Beat that."  
"But sometimes he's a REGULAR truck!"

"Not in THIS incarnation, he's not!"

"HEY GUYS, LOOK WHAT I JUST FOUND!" Mann McOldsmobile said, jumping over!  
"What?" Jaden asked.  
"This!" Mann McOldsmobile held out a couple of koala magazines labeled 'Sexy Koala' and 'Koala Honeys'. "I found them in Koala's desk!  
"Ew!"

"And this, too!" Mann McOldsmobile took out a bunch of papers. The top one had a picture that appeared to be a photograph of Ayers Rock in Australia, with some words on the bottom of the page.  
"Woah! He's into photography?" Syrus gasped. "Who woulda thought?"  
"No, it's all paint," Mann McOldsmobile said, smiling. "And read the bottom."  
"It says 'Ayers Rock Sunrise,'" Jaden read, "'Field Spell. When you activate this card, you may Special Summon one Beast-type monster from your Graveyard. As long as this card is active, all of your opponent's monsters lose 200 Attack Points for each Beast, Plant and Winged-Beast monster in your Graveyard.' Yo, that's a card? He could REALLY draw stuff for card art!"  
"I also found this!" Mann McOldsmobile took the top paper off of the stack and pulled out a second page, saying 'GOAL: DESIGN MY OWN CARDS WITH PEGASUS!'"

"We knew that though," Jaden remembered.

"What else is there?" Syrus lifted the top few pages away. The rest of the papers were all images of koalas in sexual poses. "This kid had problems, I'll tell you that."

"Where do we go from here?" Jaden asked, flinging the papers away in disgust.

"EW!" cried a child behind them. "WHAT _IS_ THIS?"  
"AAAAAAAAAARGH, I CAN'T UNSEE IT!"

"Aww, koalas!"

"YOU'RE IGNORANT!"

"Well, I guess we ignore their pleas for help and figure out how to help Koala Ko Ala graduate through death," Syrus decided.  
Suddenly, the screen which had been masquerading as a simple wall behind Garfield lit up, with Crowler's face all over it!  
"EEEUUUUGH!"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"  
"WHY? WHYYYYY?"  
"The Chancellor requests Koala Ko Ala enters his office for a quick conference," Crowler said, "and quit screaming before I decide to keep this screen on as I do my makeup."  
"WE'RE SORRY!"

"SO SORRY!"  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"  
"There's our plan," Syrus decided as the screen blinked off. "Let's go in his place."

"Sounds perfect," Mann McOldsmobile reckoned.  
"This is a really groovy thing you're doin', Sy!" congratulated Jaden.

"Aw, thanks, guys, though you still suck."

ONE! MINUTE! LATER!  
The trio was inside of Shepherd's office, speaking with him personally. "Hello, boys," Shepherd greeted. "Where's that boy who looks like a _Koala_?"  
"He's dead, yo," Jaden said.

"… Oooooh," Shepherd moaned, "that's not good."

"Well, why?" Mann McOldsmobile asked. Syrus glared at him for a second before receiving a trading card from Shepherd. It had what seemed to be a photo of Ayers Rock.

"Sweet mamma jamma!" Jaden exclaimed!  
"BOO," someone said.

"His card got made REAL? Swee-hee-heet!"

"Yes, he'd entered a card into Industrial Illusions for a contest," Shepherd said.  
"Why didn't he tell us?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"He told me," Syrus insisted. "You guys just didn't listen to him. As usual."

"_Why hello, all,_" greeted MAXIMILLION PEGASUS , THE CREATOR OF DUEL MONSTERS HIMSELF on the TV on the wall through live video feed. "_I was the one who chose Koala Ko Ala's card himself, out of the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of admissions! Yes, many of them were terrible, but this one was one of the twenty-seven which DIDN'T seem to be made by a Kindergartener! And this one magnificent card was like a gift from angels themselves! I simply MUST tell the creator all of this in person!_" he gushed with his girly grey hair and red suit. "_So where is he?_"  
"He's dead," Jaden said flatly.  
"_… I see,_" Pegasus understood. "_And I was going to hire him for my corporation, too, because it seemed kinda nice to do for him. But if he's dead…_"

"Wait, sir!" Syrus insisted!  
"_Yes, small and timid one?_"  
"Uh, um… can't you honor this dead, fat boy and hire him for your company in name only? It was his… FONDEST wish to work for a guy l-like you, Mr. Pegasus."

"_Well, I never COULD say no to a dead person,_" Pegasus decided. "_Alright! If your teachers can oblige it, I'll accept the offer. But tell him he can't expect to get paid anything. I'm not stupid._" The TV blinked out.  
"Dammit, he caught onto my plan," Jaden groaned. "Oh well. Honoring the dead, here we come!"

"And yet, I digress," Crowler said, standing next to Shepherd!

"How DID you get there?"

"That's unimportant. I just feel like I can't let a dead friend of YUCKY-boy over here graduate without passing his exams first."  
"But… he can't pass his exams because he's dead," Syrus said.

"Precisely," Crowler agreed. "So I can't let his graduate like that, even if he's dead. That's no excuse, dammit!"

"You just REALLY love playin' those pranks on me, don'cha, teach? Aheheheh," Jaden chuckled, unsure of how mean s/he really was.

"Ms. Crowler, that's horrible," Syrus accused. "I bet you'd let him go if he WASN'T Jaden's friend!"  
"That's no excuse, dammit."

"Well, how about this?" Shepherd decided. "Somebody duel Dr. Crowler with Koala Ko Ala's old deck, and if they win, his corpse gets transported to Industrial Illusions. Fair?"  
"Fair… as long as it's not _Yucky-boy_ over there. He always wins," Crowler said.

"Urgh, fine," Shepherd accepted. "Truesdale, you're dueling." Zane slowly peeked out from behind Mann McOldsmobile. "Not you. Syrus." Zane slowly hid back behind Mann McOldsmobile.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA—well, that WAS the plan all along," Syrus reminded.

"Well then, I'll see you all tomorrow in the Duel Dome, heh heh heh," Crowler snickered. _Does Crowler HAVE any redeeming factors?_ Syrus asked himself. "Anyways, I'm going to go out and send that check out to the Tumor Humor Association of America," Crowler said, leaving, "I just can't let those poor children sit there with tumors in their heads!"

"Well… she has a soft spot for cancer?" Mann McOldsmobile guessed. Shepherd shrugged.

Syrus yanked at his blue hair and started sweating. "HOW DID **YOU** KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING!"

"Good ol' Missus Crowler!" Jaden chuckled.

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!

Jaden and friends sat around in their beds, paranoid of falling asleep with a dead guy in the room. They turned on the TV to steady their nerves. "Soup _made by a lady wearing a catskin~_" sang the TV. Syrus felt uncomfortable. "_I head to a neighborhood where all the old ladies have disappeared~_" the show continued._ I'm gonna be sick,_ Syrus decided. "_Tarts made by a lady wearing a dogskin~_" Syrus stood up in the darkness, having rolled out of his bed. "_Two shovels were sold at the hardware store~ A hole as deep as a young man's height~_"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Syrus screamed, punching the TV out the window!  
"B-but…" Jaden whined.

"I'LL GET IT TOMORROW!" Syrus went back to bed and everybody fell asleep, since they didn't feel like dealing with that kid more than they cared about zombies.

THE! NEXT! DAY!

Syrus and Crowler were standing in the center of the Duel Dome. Several recurring characters were up in the bleachers, watching the duel action. "Woo," cheered Chazz, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Billy Hills.

"You can do it," cheered Alexis, Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut.

"Oh yeah," cheered Bastion, Omega-Xis, Piggybank, Fluffy Fred and Baseball Bob.

"You gots all the support in the world, Sy," Jaden said, waving Koala Ko Ala's corpse around like a flag! "You can do it!"  
"STOP WAVING HIM AROUND LIKE THAT!"

"Fine," Mann McOldsmobile compromised, placing Koala Ko Ala on his head like a hat.

"Ew, a dead guy on your head!" Nancy Wut cried, slapping Koala Ko Ala away.

"Hey, where's that free chocolate you promised me?" Chazz ordered.

"Just wait, man, you gotta pretend to cheer for Sy!" Jaden whispered. "THEN we'll talk about it."  
"You'd best remember the goods, man," Bastion grunted, cracking his knuckles.

"Ow!" his robotic wolf-head-hand cried in agony.

"Alright, boy," Crowler spat, tightening its dueling deck-holding mechanical vest and cleaning the blood spatters off of its Duel Blade, "are you ready to lose?"

"N-no," Syrus said, brushing away a bit of hair from his eyes, as he was NOT ready to lose! "I'm ready to WIN!"

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" cheered the captive audience!  
Syrus and Crowler drew their opening hands. Their steely gazes met. They prepared for the duel of a dead boy's life. And Koala Ko Ala's cadaver hung in the balance…

"DUEL!" (Syrus: 4000 Life Points, Crowler: 4000 Life Points) _Okay, so all of Koala's cards are crap, _Syrus worried, staring back and forth at his hand repeatedly. _I guess all I can do is set THIS one…_

"Excuse me, Mr. Truesdale," Crowler scoffed, "do you need some sort of invitation? Finish your turn already."  
"He don't NEED no invite, son!" Jaden shouted!

"BOO," someone said.  
"I'll just set one monster face-down," Syrus decided. "It's been too long since I've ever dueled on this show, right?"  
"Yeah, since episode 12, I think!"  
"No, he dueled at the START of this episode."  
"I reckon he MUST'VE dueled at least once on Duel Island, right?"

"Anyways, I just set my monster, and you can go now, ma'am," Syrus said.

"Fine, thank you, because now I can activate Magnet Circle Level Two!" A Spell featuring a technological yet ancient summoning circle appeared near Crowler! "This Spell lets me Special Summon the monster Ancient Gear from my hand!" A tiny, stupid-looking robot thing made out of random things appeared. It then fell apart. (Ancient Gear: 100 Attack Points)  
"This won't end well," Chazz foresaw.  
"Why? What's up?" Baseball Bob asked.

"You'll see," Chazz cryptically hinted.

"That hunk 'o junk's so useless!" Jaden mocked! "C'mon, teach, you can do better'n THAT!"  
"I already am," Crowler said. "I use its ability to Special Summon an additional copy from my hand!" A pile of screws and bolts fell onto the ground on a gear. (Ancient Gear: 100 Attack Points)

"That's worse than the LAST one!" Fluffy Fred shouted! "You can do it, Syrus-kid!"  
"Eh, thanks?"

"Sorry, but I'll be sacrificing my two monsters in order to Tribute Summon the Ancient Gear Golem from my hand!" Crowler announced! The two piles of scrap metal exploded, calling out the massive signature monster of signature proportions!

"VREEEEEEEEEN" it emitted, as all of the gears in its body rotated and spun around. (Ancient Gear Golem: 3000 Attack Points)

"Awww snap," Mann McOldsmobile complained. "That's bad, right?"

"VERY bad," Jaden agreed.

"Very VERY huh, bad, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson added.  
"Aw, who asked you?"  
"I just wanted to be acknowledged, huh, Jaden, huh…"

"Fair."

"Golem, smash," Crowler ordered. The Ancient Gear Golem poked through the puny face-down monster with its pinky.  
"Um, it was Death Koala," Syus revealed (Death Koala: 1800 Defense Points), "and when he's flipped face-up you lose 400 Life Points for each card in your hand." (Crowler: 3200 Life Points)

"Wow, when'd Syrus learn to duel like that?" Piggybank asked. "It's so exciting!

"Yeah, I mean he just did some minor damage!" Omega-Xis exclaimed.

"I'm quite frankly amazed!" Angry McArgue marveled.

"Aw come on now, you guys're just being mean now!" Syrus complained! "I'm just trying to do him proud!" Syrus pointed to Koala Ko Ala, who had fallen on his chin apparently and become sprawled out on the floor. "Do you guys even care about him anymore?"

"He's dead. Does it matter?"

"…" Syrus drew his next card. "I summon… eh, Eucalyptus Mole in Defense Mode?" An orange mole covered in eucalyptus leaves appeared, adjusting its hip shades. It swapped them out with star-shaped pink glasses. (Eucalyptus Mole: 1300 Defense Points)

"That's GOTTA be a mistake. Weren't all the cards in his deck koalas?"  
"Slip-up, maybe?" guessed Nancy Wut.

"I'll set a card face-down and end my turn here, because Koala's deck SUCKS," Syrus pouted.

"WOOOOT!" cheered the audience.

"YOU GOT'M ON 'DA ROPES, KID!" Bastion cried!

"Attack the blind mole," Crowler ordered. The giant golem poked through the mole. (Syrus: 1100 Life Points)  
"KID, YOU MAY WANT TO STOP SUCKING," Piggybank yelled. Everybody gave her a harsh look. "I mean, DO BETTER!"

"Well, look lady, I'm trying over here!" Syrus responded.

"WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, TWERP?"  
"AAAAAHH, I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" Syrus swallowed his fear and picked up his deck. "When Eucalyptus Mole dies, I can summon one Koala from my deck." He took out Big Koala, the really big blue koala. (Big Koala: 2700 Attack Points)

"NOT BETTER ENOUGH!" Piggybank raged.

"Meh, I'll summon an Ancient Gear Soldier in Defense Mode," Crowler decided for the heck of it. A robot soldier appeared and held his rifle-arm in a defensive position. (Ancient Gear Soldier: 1300 Defense Points)

Syrus drew a card. He smiled. "Eat your heart out, Piggybank!" he called! He was hit in the head by a check for '$1 h8 u'. "Maybe I deserved that, but I'm playing the Spell card Wild Nature's Release!" Big Koala's fangs grew out! His eyes became sharper and focused! He grew a cape for some reason! He was… THE VAMPIRE KOALA! "His Defense Points are added onto his Attack Points, so he's ready to kick some butt!" (Big Koala: 4700 Attack Points) Syrus pointed at the Ancient Gear Golem! "TURN HIM INTO A ZOMBIE KOALA!" Big Koala tossed his cape at the giant robot's head. As it struggled to take it off, the koala appeared behind it and bit through its helmet! The koala took back its cape and flew back onto Syrus' side. The golem began shaking wildly. Fur poured out of every visible orifice. It finally exploded into a magnificent pile of fluffy koala fur. (Crowler: 1500 Life Points)  
"Is that it?" Crowler asked.

"Nope." Syrus' Trap flipped up, featuring a soul escaping a pink battle-scarred pig. "I play Kill the Pig!" The pig appeared on the field. The vampire koala picked it up and bit into it, sucking away all of its vital fluids as it wiggled around in shock. The koala tossed the pig over its shoulder, prompting its soul to float out and smack it in the face in anger! The koala was hit so hard that it exploded into… its old self.

"What was the point?" Fluffy Fred asked.

"Wild Nature's Release kills all affected monsters at the end of the turn, so swapping out effectively stopped Syrus from losing any monsters," Alexis explained. "Whoops I mean Kill the Pig."  
"Hey, is this the first time we've ever spoken to each other?" Fluffy Fred checked.

"Could be."

"CELEBRATE!" Nancy Wut exploded!

"No!"

"Back to the game, my Big Koala sits on your Gear Soldier!" Syrus ordered! The big koala sat on the robotic soldier. "How was THAT, lady?"

"WOOT!" cheered the audience.  
_He's actually doing quite well, spurred by the death of his friend,_ Crowler noticed. _Sadly, this means I must put the hammer down. _"It was alright, to say the least." A card was shot out of the dueling vest and onto the floor. Crowler picked it up off of the ground, wiped away some disgusting floor barbeque sauce and exclaimed, "I activate the ULTIMATE Spell card: Ancient Gear Factory!" What looked like a children's fort on top of a giant meaningless machine appeared and poured smoke out of EVERY WAKING PORE!

"Eh, I've seen better," Jaden recalled.

"You HAVE?" Mann McOldsmobile gasped. "It's the fort I've ALWAYS DREAMED OF, but was too LAZY to build! Can I have that card, sir?"  
"No. This card allows me to summon any Ancient Gear monster in my hand, including…" Ancient Gear Golem appeared.

"YOU'VE GOTTA BE FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME! YOU HAVE MORE COPIES?" Syrus screeched! (Ancient Gear Golem: 3000 Attack Points)  
"There goes the legendary Super Rare card theory," Alexis muttered.

"Oh yeah, that was a stupid theory," Bastion chuckled, remembering the stupid old days.

"Hi kids," Chancellor Shepherd greeted, suddenly sitting in the middle of the large group.

"AAAAHH! WHAT THE HELL!"

"Oh, apparently I was just passing by, and I decided to watch the duel," he said, pointing to his script.  
"WE DON'T CARE!" Chazz roared! "GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE, DORK!"  
"But—"  
"THIS IS A PRIVATE DUEL, BUB!" Jaden shouted, lifting the man up by his coat and the seat of his pants, then tossing him through the wall and into the hallway, toward a precarious window.

"ALL I WANTED WAS SOME CHOCOLAAAAAATE…" he screamed, falling to his apparent doom.

"Who told him I was givin' out chocolate?" Jaden asked, trying to diffuse any suspecting ideas from Syrus. "Was it you, Koala?" Jaden asked the dead boy. "Aw, you, why can't you keep a secret?" he asked, choking him. "I'll kill you for that, yo! Ahahaha…" Syrus looked disturbed again. "Aw man, went too far, right?"

"Damn straight, Jaden!" Syrus agreed. "Anyways, Crowler, please. Let's finish this up so that I can watch something crappy on the television. Explain how you summoned that guy."

"Oh, I just removed monsters from my Graveyard whose levels were twice my Golem's eight," Crowler explained. "Anyways, I believe it's about time I get rid of YOUR pesky monster! FINGER POKE!" The giant robot effortlessly stuck its finger into the poor freakishly giant koala's skull and ripped its digit down through the length of its body. Afterwards, it exploded.

"Remind me when the attacks got this gruesome," Syrus Sy-ed. (Syrus: 800 Life Points) "Well, I play the Trap card, Animal Trail." A lazy-looking picture of evil eyes in a forest glared from the card! This prompted the entire field to become infested with ridiculously tall grass! "Now I get to add Death Kangaroo into my hand from my deck." The green boxing kangaroo leaped through the darkness and into Syrus' hand! The complex visuals disappeared two seconds later.

"I reckon the visuals're too complex for sumthin' like THAT!" Billy Hills complained! "Couldn't sumthin' more eventful happen, reckons?"

"Your complaint is invalid, Billy-boy!" Crowler sighed.

"I reckon I don't LIKE that nickname; how many times've I got to tell you that?"

"Several more, I believe!" Crowler answered. "Now I use the card Ancient Gear Drill!" A card with the image of a horrible tripod-ish machine standing over a hole and spitting a ball of pure, unadulterated energy appeared! It wasn't a drill no matter HOW you sliced it! Crowler's duel vest spat out another card into its hand, which it set face-down onto the field. "That drill-like mechanism lets me take ANY Spell card I own and place it onto the field for use next turn."

"A-A-A-ANY CARD?" Syrus screamed! "THAT'S TOO CHEAP!"  
"Don't let'm mess you up with'is logic, kiddo!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted! "Act as if it's a complex story: forget the plot and just roll with it!"

"THAT'S A HORRIBLE STRATEGY!"  
"Eh, it got me this far."

"Don't listen to him 'cause he's an idiot!" Piggybank suggested.

"All you got to do is listen to your heart, yo!" Jaden supported! "Come on, y'all, let's drum up a shallow show of support! WE ALL BELIEVE IN YOU!"  
"Yeah, I guess."  
"You can POSSIBLY do it!"  
"I kinda agree with them, huh, Syrus, huh!"  
"Just try not to lose by a huge margin!"  
"I promise I'll try not to hate you if you lose!"  
Nancy Wut picked up Koala Ko Ala by the arm and swung him around like a flag. "He's counting on you, Syrus!"

"Don't do that again, guys! Oh goodness, fine, I'll try to win!" Syrus bargained! "Just stop flinging him around like that! It makes me sick! Does ANYBODY respect the dead around here?"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAHH!" shouted everybody, standing up and applauding for Syrus' strong resolve.

"I really think you're all just making fun of me," Syrus said, drawing his next card… WHICH WAS AYERS ROCK SUNRISE, THE CARD KOALA KO ALA HAD CREATED! Something had entered Syrus' very core, stirring around inside of him. _What… is this feeling?_

….

We suddenly cut to Koala Ko Ala, sitting in heaven, drinking some liquid eucalyptus out of a koala-shaped cup and watching some koala-based TV dramas. He straightened out his cool new wings and rubbed his cool new halo. "Boy, it's times like these I remember how I spent my Summer Vacation last year…"

_Last year in the summer months, Koala Ko Ala had gone to Ayers Rock with his extreme father. He was wearing a cool hat and several layers of coats, because… "Why didn't you TELL me it's winter in the southern hemisphere, dad?" They were currently trudging up the mountain through an intense snowstorm._

"_Stop askin' me that, son," Koala Ko Ala's dad said, wearing nothing but his track pants and an undershirt. "Now, you DO recall what you promised me for, in return for the trip down to real-live Australia, son?"_

_Koala Ko Ala gripped his Duel Monsters deck in his pocket. "Yeah, I have to give up dueling forever, because your wimp of a son can't pass the end-of-year exams at that no-good, SUCKY DUM-DUM school…"_

"_That's my boy, repeatin' everything I tell'm," Koala Ko Ala's dad chuckled. "Now look alive, we're almost at the top of the mountain."_

"_Could we take a water break, first?"  
"No! Gosh, how many times have you ASKED that since we started this hike?"  
"It's been fourteen hours."  
"Ha ha, anybody with MY genetics could stand at least THREE mountains of this size without air OR water!"_

_They had finally come to the edge of the mountain. Koala Ko Ala took his cards out and held them over the huge, several thousand-foot drop. "I… I…" Koala Ko Ala took a deep breath. "I cast my cards back into the Australian outback, from whence they came!" _

_But something happened suddenly. The clouds parted, melting away all of the desert snow and raising the temperature back into semi-normal levels. The koalas came out from their trees and frolicked in the daisies. The wombats and the dingoes tossed their neon Frisbee around. And the sun quietly rose upon the entire scene, allowing Koala Ko Ala to bask in nature's beauty. He tightened his grip on his cards. "I'm sorry dad, but I can't let go of my cards. It's the only thing I have going for me, besides the Koala Juice company name and the entire koala-motif I got goin' on. Duel Monsters is my way of life!" Koala Ko Ala's dad looked at him sternly for a moment. Koala Ko Ala feared that Koala Ko Ala's dad would throw him a mighty fist into his face, causing his body to implode._

"_Wa-ha-ha!" Koala Ko Ala's dad laughed. He placed his hand on his son's shoulders. "Son, you've become quite a man yourself, disobeyin' your dad like that. I'm proud of you, but you're paying for the cost of the trip yourself."_

"_WHAT?" In shock, Koala Ko Ala dropped his cards off the face of the mountain. The breeze scattered them all around the huge, flat desert. "… Okay, but you're buying me a new deck."  
"Agreed."_

….

[.com/watch?v=XRgD1psVTbw]The intense feelings from within the Spell card entered into Syrus' being and gave him the true duelist's spirit. _What… is this feeling?_ Syrus wondered. _It's entering my chest… and awakening… my overly dramatic spirit!_ "Crowler, as sure as the sun shall always rise on a new day, I WILL win my friend his life-long dream of becoming the designer of his passion!" Syrus monologued! "I carry his will within his cards and shall not stop fighting in his name until they force me to! Holding the dear memories of my friend within my heart, my heated will… no, OUR wills, together, fight on in the name of KOALA KO ALA!"

"LOOK OUT, HE'S SPEAKIN' GIBBERISH!" Fluffy Fred cried out! "DON'T GET TOO CLOSE!"

"Wow," gasped Chancellor Shepherd, touching his chest. "I feel as if his heated heart is igniting mine as well!"  
"Get outta here already!" Jaden goaded, waving Koala Ko Ala in his face.

"Ew, dead kid. Alright, sheesh," the man caved in, walking away.

"But seriously, he's acting kinda awesome now," Omega-Xis noticed. "Either that, or kinda hammy."  
"I reckon 50% of BOTH options!"  
"Sure, let's go with that."

"Heh," chuckled a man standing behind the scenes…

"And just why are you raving like that?" Crowler asked.

"BECAUSE I ACTIVATE AYERS ROCK SUNRISE!" The beautiful scene of the outback presented itself by growing underneath the feet of the two warring duelists!  
"Woah, woah," Crowler cried, trying to regain balance, "what's this?"  
"The card my departed friend created himself!" Syrus shouted! They were now standing atop a scale model hologram of the classic mountaintop, which the ceiling had somehow grown to house! Only the empty side of the stadium could watch, now that Ayers Rock was in town!  
"Darn, now we can't even watch the duel!" pouted Baseball Bob.  
"This sucks!" Angry McArgue said.

"This card summons one Beast monster from my Graveyard, which shall be the almighty Big Koala!" Syrus explained. The Big Koala monster we all admired so much charged up the mountain with an exaggerated running style! It slid to a stop and stared down Crowler's golem. "Next, it weakens the power of your monster by two-hundred Attack Points for every Beast, Plant and Winged-Beast monster in my Graveyard!" The koalas carrying daisies charged at the giant robot, carrying the will of Eucalyptus Mole within! They smacked their flowers at it a few times. The dingoes and wombats tossed their throwing disk at the humongous mecha and started clawing at it. The wimp-rush had started to take its toll, however… (Ancient Gear Golem: 3000 - 2600 Attack Points)

_Wow, that was actually useful, somewhat,_ Crowler thought.

"Next I'm casting Polymerization!" Syrus yelled! "I'm fusing my Des Kangaroo with my Big Koala!"

"Did you hear that?" gasped the people down below!  
"Big Koala and a kangaroo with a hell of a right hook?" Jaden gasped! "That's GOT to be a big'un."  
"I'm actually frightened of how huge its pouch'll be," Nancy Wut worried.  
"Can I ride it?" Fluffy Fred considered. He'd always thought it would be fun to ride around in a gigantic pouch and destroy a city. Then again, we all know how sane our cast is. VERY sane. Actually, the joke is that they aren't very sane. It's funny like that.

The sun hung high across the dusty desert scene. The two fusion-material creatures looked towards each other for support and nodded. They took one huge leap and flew into the holographic sun itself. "What're they—" Crowler began as it was suddenly cut off by the ginormous green koala/kangaroo hybrid, wearing a purple vest, punching gloves and clown-like shoes, draping a championship belt across his shoulder and rockin' one mean 'stache. Some work-out equipment was hilariously stashed in its pouch.

"Say hello to Master of Oz, AKA the Australian outback itself," Syrus said, crossing his arms and smirking. (Master of Oz: 4200 Attack Points)

"Well well, seems as if you've finally grown as a duelist to the point of which you can do a Fusion summon for such a strong monster," Crowler complimented, "even though it doesn't make sense when I say it that way. Oh well." _But… do I really want to use that face-down Spell of mine?_ Crowler considered, looking at the card in question. _Ah, yes, now I remember. The idea was to have the boy go down in a massive blaze of glory. Sally forth._

"I shall end the game here and now!" Syrus declared! "Master of Oz! Hell's Right Hook!" The koalaroo charged forward and stood directly ahead of the Ancient Gear Golem. He placed all of his might into his fist and delivered a right hook with all the strength of seven hells behind it!

"I hate to break it to you, but I cast the Spell Limiter Removal." The Spell card Crowler had set one turn ago flipped itself up, featuring a broken clock going out of control. The Ancient Gear Golem cracked its knuckles and gave a swift jab to the Master of Oz's face! The ensuing impact completely obliterated the Australian scene in one swift puff of smoke, rendering the dueling field back to normal. (Ancient Gear Golem: 2600 - 5200 Attack Points)

"I… I can't believe it…" Syrus whimpered. "You doubled his Attack Points at the last second?"  
"Yes, I believe I did," Crowler stated. "You lose, Syrus." The green koala-kangaroo genetic degenerate fell apart into dirt. He had LOST. (Syrus: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"AW DANG, I RECKON HE **LOST**?" Billy Hills gasped!

"I take it back, Syrus, you STILL suck!" Piggybank insulted!  
"I regret EVER believing in you!" Bastion shouted!

"I was offered chocolate for THIS?" Chazz roared!  
"And me too?" Nancy Wut roared!  
"There's nothing else to say!" Angry McArgue believed!  
"Get outta our town, loser!" Mann McOldsmobile leered!  
"You're a disgrace to my deck!" Koala Ko Ala sobbed!  
"Wait, Koala Ko Ala's alive again," Jaden noticed.  
"HOORAY!" the crowd cheered!

"… Am I missing something here?" Syrus asked.  
"Hey, I liked it up in heaven!" Koala Ko Ala grumbled. "Who told you all to bring me back?"

"Are you really gonna be a jerkass about it?" Jaden asked, paranoid.

"Nah, I'm not THAT heartless!" Koala Ko Ala said. "And you all remembered me for once!"  
"Yeah, no doubt!" Jaden said, hi-fiving him. "Right, guys?"  
There were some uncertain grumbles from the crowd.

"I'm not sad about this, really," Syrus said, "but how did this happen?"  
"Allow ME to explain, blue-haired wimpy kid!" offered Koala Ko Ala's dad, stepping out from the shadows!  
"KOALA KO ALA'S DAD?"

"Yes, I called him once I'd heard that the koala boy had died," Crowler stated.

"How responsible of you," Chancellor Shepherd said with a grin of approval. Jaden kicked him out.  
"Yes, and I came here for the sake of my son!" Koala Ko Ala's dad said, walking up to his boy and patting him on the head!

"You actually had enough time to waste reviving your idiot son?" Koala Ko Ala asked.

"Idiot son, there's never a bad time to come to an island to help bring your idiot son back to life," Koala Ko Ala's dad stated. "Y'see, I'd imbued some of the spirit from my brawling youth into that card you'd created, and then when the blue-haired wimp kid used it, he became as hyped-up as a hyperactive eight year-old fanboy. Then, when he lost, all of that disappointment in the room just spread out and into you, disgruntling your body enough to pull the soul back in to grumble about it!"  
"Huh?" Syrus asked.

"Wait, I had a card of mine created? For reals?" Koala Ko Ala asked.

"Fo' realz, son," Jaden said.

"He's not your son, but here it is," Mann McOldsmobile said, inexplicably handing it to the koala kid.  
"Wow, it looks perfect!"  
"It even has those dingoes and wombats you saw that one time!" Koala Ko Ala's dad informed.

"Also, I believe that this would be the best time to inform you that you've just been written out of the show, for I'll grant you that important job you'd been wanting," Crowler said.

"But mum, I thought you HATED Slifers!" Chazz recalled.  
"No, just the ones whose names rhyme with 'Laden Yucky.'"

"Oh!" Jaden said, smiling.

"That doesn't matter, because I'm here to take you away, Koala-boy!" Pegasus said, bursting through the wall with his helicopter limo(a limo with helicopter rotors built-in!)!

"P-P-P-PEGASUS?" Koala Ko Ala gasped! "Oh man, this is too much to take in!"  
"Then go along with it! I'm here to whisk you away to my magical card factory, where you can draw and design all the cards you want! And there's candy, too!"

"Woah!" Koala Ko Ala gasped! "Am I really graduating today?"  
"Of course," Chancellor Shepherd said, pushing him into the helicopter limo. "Don't worry, kid, you'll be a natural!"  
"Jeeves, step on it! We have twelve more cameos to make today!" Pegasus pressured!  
"You've got it, Pegasus!" a random voice accepted from the driver's seat.

"B-bye, everybody!" Koala Ko Ala bid, waving from the limo! "I'll never forget you all! And I promise, I'll talk to you once I understand what just happened!" The limo took off and flew over the horizon.

"And I guess I'll just take my leave, as well," Koala Ko Ala's dad decided, leaping through the roof and onto the moon.

"… The heck just happened?" asked Nancy Wut.

"Beats me," Jaden said, shrugging.

"I believe that's what they call an 'excuse ending,'" Bastion guessed.

"I miss that koala kid already," Crowler sighed.

"Who?" asked Chancellor Shepherd.

COMMENTARY

So yeah, everybody ignored Koala Ko Ala so much that he got written off the show. I'm not kidding. The same thing happens to Bastion. It's sad.

Well, this was his last chapter until he makes his reappearance to give Jaden one card in the future, and what a chapter it was! He even died once or twice! And he's a major perv! Ew! Anyways, I hope nobody's sad about him leaving, since nobody cared about him or anything, and I give thanks to my friend KaiKae/Kainine Kaisu/Kaisu for the original name that started it all. Thank you ALLLLLLL!


	52. Episode 52: Field of Screams Part Three

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 52: Cocoa Titan's Employment Opportunity

"Uh… uuuuuugh…" Cocoa Titan woke up on the beach, covered in small cuts and bruises. He couldn't move without his chest feeling as if it would explode. "Where am I…?" He slowly stood up and stretched his arms. Looking over his surroundings, he found that he was near Duel Academy, the place that had gotten him into this entire beach awakening mess. Oh yeah, and the possession, too. "Damn, I nearly forgot! I was possessed for the last six months of my life! Did I even eat anything?" He didn't. Feeling a sudden surge of energy loss, Titan fell over into the sand. "Ooooooh, I can't moooove…" Titan resigned himself to death… or at least sitting there until somebody dropped a Sammich on his face or something, but then somebody stepped nearby.

"Perfect," the startling new character said to himself. Titan saw their shoes and instantly knew who it was, somehow… _That guy… CAN IT BE? Wait, I'm losin' consciousness. Bleh._

Hours later, he awoke in the caves underneath the legendary abandoned dorm. Several medicinal cables were attached to his body as he sat on a genuine La-Z-Boy chair. He smelt something very… familiar… "Wh-where am I…DOCTOR CARD?" You could kinda hear the 'DUN DUN DUUUUUN' in the musical score. Alas, Dr. Card, the villain you've probably forgotten about, was standing in a sleeveless scientist coat, and an apron, frying up some bacon on an oddly-stationed oven in the middle of the room. Speaking of, there were several other random objects in the area, including a large computer and a bed.

"Oh, hey," Dr. Card greeted, sticking some bacon into one of Titan's cables, "I see you're up again."

_Mmm, I feel it going into my stomach! Strange that I can taste it!_ Titan knew. "B-b-but I can't be here, helped by YOU! I don't LIKE you! You forced me to work for you! And you never even gave me a COOL Shadow Item!"  
"You had the mask."  
"I HAD a mask already! You just slapped two masks on me! You know that the other masked villains would LAUGH if they saw me? And how do you think I FELT about not being able to move my own body for six months? YOU forced all that on me!"

Dr. Card broke some eggs over the pan and began scrambling them. "Well I can't say I know anything about THAT-"

"YES YOU CAN!"

"-but I CAN say that you're still under my employment, and we've got about two more weeks of school at this academy to plan another attack. What would you say to… um, a Shadow Item that lets you turn cards into sliced turkey meat?"

"That sounds pretty good, actually…" _Damn it, Card!_ Titan rued! _I can't BELIEVE he actually went and made me DO that, all those months ago…_

_FIVE! MONTHS! EARLIER!_

_Cocoa Titan, slightly-zombified, was sitting in a small office. He was in a brown suit with an oversized red tie. Dr. Card was at a real oak desk, typing on a laptop. Titan was wearing his Shadow mask and was waiting for something to happen. "C-O-O-K-I-E-S," Dr. Card typed, "and press ENTER." He stabbed the button with his finger. "Alright, that takes care of that e-mail, so! Hello, Mr. Cocoa Titan, I'm Dr. Card. I have a PhD in advanced evil robotics. How are you doing today?"  
"I'm doing fine, thanks," Titan thanked. "So, um, I'm looking for a job, as you can tell…"  
"Of course," Dr. Card accepted. "So. Tell me about yourself."  
"Well, I love defeating the blind. And I enjoy the color black, long walks on the beach… and I've been a fan of Sesame Street since I was five."  
"Ah, really? Me too!" Dr. Card remembered! "Alright, Mr. Titan, you're hired."  
_

"_Oh boy." Titan jumped up out of his chair and dashed out of the room! On his way, he bumped into Camula the vampiress in a red business outfit, causing her to drop a bunch of files onto the floor._

"_Oh gosh, I'm sorry." he cried as they both ducked down to reclaim the fallen items!  
"No no no, it is okay!" Camula urged, blushing bright crimson. "I've got it myself, zat's alright." _

"_No I insist. Let me help." He gathered up all of the necessary materials in one swipe with his huge hands and handed them to her as they stood up._

"_Thank you, mister…" Camula began, then trailed off._

"_It's Titan," Titan introduced, tipping his hat. "And you are…"  
"Call me Camula ze vampiress," she said, walking away, "and I guess I shall see you around…" She winked and blew him a kiss._

This is going to be the start of a beauteous relationship, _Titan thought to himself._

_DAMN THAT MAN! WHY THE HELL WOULD HE DO ALL THAT IF I WAS ALREADY UNDER HIS CONTROL? HE'S A CRAZY FOOL!_

"So, this is… your place?" Titan asked.

"Yeah," Dr. Card said, pouring his eggs into the tube and setting up some orange juice to fry, "and I'd suggest that you think about what you want to do here."  
"What do you mean?" Titan asked.

"Well, you can either come back and work for me with all the benefits, or you could try to rebel and I take you off of life support. You got it?"

Titan considered both options. "… So do you think I could make it without the juice?"  
"Hmm…" Dr. Card looked at his OJ, bubbling and crackling in the greasy pan. "Probably not long."

"…"  
"…"

"…"

"…"  
"… So how about those benefits?" Titan asked.

Dr. Card pulled out a small notebook and turned a few pages. "Aha! Over here, I wrote in the contract, in red ink, that you had pretty good health coverage. Also you got some car insurance and a company car with the job. You were earning about $250,000 a year."  
"Hm! That's pretty good!" Titan realized. "Wow! I had no idea I was earning that much while semi-comatose! A lot of people would LOVE that job!"  
"Yeah, and all you had to do is duel small children and Seto Kaiba and a man-woman!" Dr. Card explained. "What's to lose? And most of the time, you didn't even have to DO that, you were just sitting around, waiting for orders!"

Titan grinned and rubbed his chin. "Show me the car and I'll make my decision." Dr. Card pointed to a black Jaguar in the corner. "Oh snapsky! I'm in!"

"Perfect! I still have two Seven Stars!" Dr. Card celebrated, dropping his juice down the chute!  
"ARGH! The GREASE!" Titan cried out, grabbing his stomach in pain!

The next seven days just flew by. The duo played board games, watched their favorite TV shows, illegally viewed comics on the internet and even went to the movies. Titan just got healthier and healthier, to the point of which he could eat without a tube! He and Dr. Card became fast friends. Fast, evil friends. And then…

"Well, tomorrow's Monday, the beginning of the last week of school!" Titan noticed, reading the calendar hung up on the cave wall.

"Yup," Dr. Card agreed, flipping a pancake at the oven while programming a GPS.

"Yep!" Titan said.  
"Yup!" Dr. Card agreed.  
"Hey, why're you programming that GPS while flippin' a ding-dong pancake?" Titan asked.  
"It's to show that I'm a genius!" Dr. Card explained! "Wahahahaha!"

"Hohohohoho!"  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEYAHAWHAWHAWHAAAW!"  
"Woah, that was an odd laugh!" Titan gasped.

"… What do you mean…?" Dr. Card asked, chomping into his pancake.  
"Well," Titan explained, "it was really loud and came outta nowhere!"

"We were laughing."  
"Yeah. But you didn't need to add an evil cackle to it!"  
"Woah woah woah, wait," Dr. Card ordered, throwing down his GPS and frying pan, "did you just call my laugh a CACKLE?"  
"Well, um, yeah, that's what it was. A cackle."  
Dr. Card stomped over to Titan and pulled out a Duel Disk. "I let you live in MY secret super-villain hideout, nurse you back to health, take you to the MOVIE THEATRE – which shouldn't even EXIST on an island like this – and THIS is how you repay me? Making FUN of me in my own HOME?"

"Waitaminnitewaitaminniiiiite…" Titan said, stepping away from him, "no need to pull out your Duel Disk! I was just making an off-hand comment!"

"You and me are having a duel RIGHT NOW!" Dr. Card shouted! "I feel the need to reinforce my superiority over you."

"Heh heh, ahahaha," Titan chuckled. "You really want to duel me? Your cool employee with a penchant for dueling the blind and who wields a charming brand of humor? Don't you want to re-think this?"  
"No," Dr. Card growled, glowing a dark purple-ish color, "I want to END YOU."

"F-fine, I'm taking out my cards, just don't be so hasty," Titan gulped.

"HURRY IT UP!" Dr. Card ripped his starting hand from his Duel Disk.  
"UGH!" Titan recoiled, as if he'd been slugged in the face! "Well then, if THAT'S what it's gonna be…" Titan whipped his Duel Disk out from behind his back and quickly drew the first five cards of the game! "HOO HA HOO HA HUH!"  
"Ah ow eh eef aff!" Dr. Card cried, as if he'd taken five quick shots to the gut! "And after all I've done for you…"  
"After I even bought you that box of Milk Duds at the movies…" Titan growled.

"DUEL!" (Dr. Card: 4000 Life Points, Titan: 4000 Life Points)

"Alright!" Dr. Card shouted! "If you insist on making fun of your lord and master, I shall beat you down! I play the Spell card Card Destruction!"  
"Ugh," Titan cried! "Just the thing YOU would do… DR. CARD!" Both players discarded their entire opening hands. Meanwhile, Dr. Card's field became full of monsters. One was a grey, armor-skinned hunter with a fuzzy glove. Another was a white-ish spear-wielder, wearing what looked like a security guard hat and showing off a toothy yellow grin. A third was a small purple winged demon child, and one last monster was a brown Cerberus puppy being lead via chain by a black winged sprite of evilness.

"So I discarded my hand, allowing me to Special Summon my Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World, Fabled Lurrie and The Fabled Cerburrel, and in addition I discarded my Broww, Huntsman of Dark World, allowing me to draw an additional card for a new six-card hand!" (Beiige: 1600 Attack Points, Four Stars, Lurrie: 200 Attack Points, One Star, Cerburrel: 1000 Attack Points, Two Stars, Tuner) Broww the hunter put a card onto his crossbow and fired it at Dr. Card's head. "Ow."

"Dang you to heck!" Titan cursed!

"Then, using my Cerburrel as a Tuner monster, I'll do a Synchro Summon in order to summon the Chaos King Archfiend!"  
"What the heck is a Synchro?" Titan demanded to know! "It's something you just made up, I bet! CHEATER!"  
"It's not cheating; it's from the future!" The tiny three-headed pup bit the winged demon boy and spear security guard by the wrists.  
"YEOWCH!" the screamed, suddenly turning into a fine green mist! The emerald cloud covered the Cerberus pup and caused it to grow… INTO A FLAMING, DEMONIC JESTER-TYPE BEING! (Chaos King Archfiend: 2600 Attack Points, 2600 Defense Points, Level Seven) "I will place one face-down card and end my turn here," Dr. Card narrated as he did so.

"How dare you mock me!" Titan growled, feeling insulted by the use of the monster type he could not afford! "In that case, I discard the monster Stick Figure General in order to add Pandemonium from my deck to my hand!" A brown stick figure with a lamely-drawn sword and a police captain hat appeared and surveyed the field.  
"Okay," he said, allowing the cave to become a citadel of evil as it had once before. Satisfied, the stick man melted into a puddle of chocolate.  
"Next," Titan smirked, "I will summon the only other Archfiend I could really afford besides the Summoned Skull guy: I play Monster Reborn to bring back the Imprisoned Queen Archfiend!" A looming purple skeletal figure with what seemed to be a crown growing from her head appeared. Her limbs were bound by chains and her clothing was tattered. Her hair was the color of blood and her eyes were the crimson shade of hatred!

"GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" she wailed! (IQA: 2600 Attack Points)

"She's a tad weak, though it WAS slick to use the effect of Card Destruction like that," Dr. Card joked, nodding towards his own Archfiend.  
"Not as weak as my NEXT guy! Come out, Stick Figure Red!" The red stick figure we've all grown to love appeared by his master's side! (SFR: 2000 Attack Points) "Next I'll play the effect of my queen: Once per turn, she increases one of my monster's Attack Points by 1000 for the rest of the turn!"  
"GWAR GWAR GWAR GWAR," chanted the beasty queen, causing the red figure to be imbued with a deep hunger for VENGEANCE! (SFR: 2000 - 3000 Attack Points)

"NOW LET'S GO! RED PUNCH!" Titan's monster leaped toward the bastardization of his 'family' and punched… NOTHING! Yes, because the monster had teleported! (SFR: 3000 - 2000 Attack Points)

"I play the Trap card Interdimensional Matter Transporter!" Dr. Card shouted, playing a Trap featuring some sort of random complicated machine. "My monster comes back at the end of the turn and your attack fails—"

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" The giant evil queen leaped up and flattened Dr. Card.  
"…Ow." (Dr. Card: 1400 Life Points) The queen stood up and walked back to her spot on the field, allowing Dr. Card to stand back up.

"Ha ha ha!" Titan laughed! "That was satisfying. I'll play a face-down and end my turn."

"Y'know what'll be even better?" Dr. Card asked.

"What?"  
"THIS!" Dr. Card yelled, setting a monster face-down. "I'll set this monster here and bring back my Archfiend King!" The Infernal King Archfiend appeared back on the field, flaming just as much as before. "Now I will attack and thereby activate his special effect, reversing the stats of any monsters on your field for the turn HA IN YOUR FACE!" Both of Titan's monsters glowed red, and then blue, signifying an intense inner change…

"WAIT!" Titan halted! "My Stick Figure Red's ability can negate your power and kill your Synchro if my Pandemonium calls a '3' or a '5'!"  
"Four," said the bloody altar in the center of the arena.

"Well okay then I guess I won't be negating that effect then," Titan shrugged. (SFR: 2000 - 1500 Attack Points, IQA: 2600 - 1700 Attack Points)

"I ATTACK YOUR IMPRISONED QUEEN! BURNING INFERNO!"

"Wait, isn't that redundant?" asked the queen as she was burned into a crisp by the evil enemy. (Titan: 2800 Life Points)

"Well, the joke's on you," Titan laughed, "because when my monsters are destroyed, my Pandemonium gets me a new monster from my deck!" He picked out a nice, new Skull Archfiend of Lightning.

"No no no, the joke is on YOU, friend," Dr. Card assured.

"Well okay then WAAAAAAAAIIIT…"

"Anyways, I'll be setting another card face-down and ending my turn," Dr. Card decided.

"Good, because I'm ending this game HERE!" Titan drew his next card with too much confidence! "Awright, HERE WE GO. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR GETTING ANGRY AT ME FOR NO REASOOOON! I activate the Spell card Polymerization in order to fuse together my Skull Archfiend of Lightning and Black Stick Figure Dragon!" The not-Summoned Skull of legend and a really terrible dragon figure combined together in the recesses of the evil arena and became… "BECOME THE SKULL ARCHFIEND OF STICK DRAGON!" They became a black stick figure dragon with bony horns. (SASD: 3200 Attack Points) "And then, I'll flip up my Trap card: Stick's Roar!" His latest face-down revealed itself to be an image of a blue stick figure summoning up the Stick Figure Red from the shadows, roaring at his summoner buddy the entire time. "This allows me to Special Summon one Stick Figure… or Archfiend… monster from my Graveyard at the cost of just 500 Life Points!" The gigantic queen prisoner broke out from the earth, scraping her claws on the bone-like floors of the Archfiend's demonic hell-hall.

"ROAR!" she roared. (IQA: 2600 Attack Points)

"Hey, don't be roarin' at me!" Titan growled. (Titan: 2300 Life Points) "So, take a good look at my monsters here," he invited.

"Heh heh heh," chuckled the Stick Figure Red. (2000 Attack Points)

"BLEH," vomited the Skull Archfiend of Stick Dragon. (3200 Attack Points)

"Eh, I got nothin' to say," shrugged the Imprisoned Queen Archfiend. (2600 Attack Points)  
"And the point is what?" asked Dr. Card, nodding to his own blazin' Chaos King Archfiend. (2700 Attack Points)

"I SAY NAY! **ATTACK HIM INTO THE DUST!**" The lame horned dragon opened its mouth and spat out a crackling black, simple-looking lightning bolt constructed out of a thick line.

"Eh, this was too simple," Dr. Card sighed. "I activate my Trap card, Threatening Roar."  
"RAR," roared a manticore liony guy thing. The lightning shrieked and flew into the sky instead.

"… Darn you common cards we never use. I wish I had one."

"Well," Dr. Card said smugly, "I'm going to be honorable and show you my greatest monster, then defeat you with it." He held out one more monster between his two main fingers… the middle and pointer fingers. _But honestly, I just want to put pure fear into his heart for him. He'll never rebel again if he sees my true abilities, judging by how THESE plots go,_ Dr. Card reminded himself. "Because you've declared an attack, I'll send away my Chaos King along with a Fiend-type monster from my hand, called Fabled Ashenveil, in order to special summon the Darkness Neosphere!"

And lo, that which appeared onto the field was a being neither man nor woman, carrying with it a dark aura of fear. Its hair was salmon and long, its skin a dead violet, and upon its chest was an eyeball with a look of baffling confusion. Its body was wrapped in the roots of Ygdrasil and its limbs were complex; the left side of his body, his wing, hand and leg were brown, sinister and sharp. The right side, however, was white and feathered. It truly was the embodiment of chaos. Even more so than Crowler. (Darkness Neosphere: 4000 Attack Points) "Neosphere, destroy the Stick Figure Red."

"What the… hell is it…?" Titan gasped, suddenly finding it hard to breathe through the putrid, dark mist.

"Your wish… is my command…" sighed the angel of death. It held out its arms and they too were engulfed by its own roots, and an eye snapped and broke through its left shoulder. Its green skirts picked up in the breeze it was summoning. The evil haze began to encircle the king of the stick men, and thousands of small eyes opened all around the cocoon of dark wind! They emitted a horrible shriek that made you just feel like giving up on life. The wind picked apart the blanket of horror and it faded. The stick figure was gone, plain and simple. (Titan: 300 Life Points)

"So, what's next, Titan?" Dr. Card asked.

"I…" Titan considered his options. He could hope that his next draw would be just the right card he needed to end this silly game once and for all. "I…" He could give into Dr. Card's demands once more and become his mindless slave, with all the nice benefits that came with the job. "I…" He threw down his Duel Disk and dispersed the holographic creatures and arenas, leaped up and smashed Dr. Card in the face. "I'M GONNA BEAT YOU UP INSTEEEEEEEEEEEEAD!" He'd just chosen to beat his employer to a bloody pulp for no good reason. It was the most hot-blooded choice, and in the end, a good one.

Dr. Card took a step back from the force of the blow and wiped his nose clean of blood. He looked back at Titan, as if to say 'What the heck was THAT for, Jerkface?' "What the heck was THAT for, you jerk-faced jerk?"  
"I… I don't know," Titan admitted. "I just kinda—" THWACK.

"DIE, INGRATE!" Dr. Card shouted as he returned fire!  
"Oh, that's SO it, you're GOING DOWN!" And so, Titan and Dr. Card began to sock each other in the face at high-speeds. They punched hard. They punched fast. Then faster. And faster. And then they began side-stepping across the room. They tripped over the sofa, helped each other up, and began punching again. They carefully punched their way up the stairs and outside of the abandoned dorm of legend.

"Oh hey," a Ra Yellow student called, "two guys are beating each other up!" Titan and Dr. Card looked at each other, then leaped and kicked the kid in the stomach. "OWAH-OOOH!" He was knocked into one of the several hundred trees nearby making up the island's forest.

"That states where we're located!" Titan stated.

"TAKE THIS!" Dr. Card pulled out a set of handcuffs and attached one end to Titan's left arm! The other one was strapped to his own right hand. "Ha ha ha," he laughed, "now you'll NEVER escape ME!" Titan looked at him with a hilarious confused expression until he flipped around, pulling Dr. Card into a large tree. "TREE FIGHT!" Dr. Card announced. He ripped the tree from its roots and swung it at Titan!  
"OOOW! TREEEE!" he screamed, getting knocked toward the location of the island's resident volcano. Naturally Dr. Card was tugged along with him.

They got close and grappled with each other as Dr. Card smacked Titan in the head with the tree… held by his foot. "Give up, Titan of Cocoa!" Dr. Card commanded!

"NEVER, NOT UNTIL I KNOW WHAT I'M GIVING UP!" Titan admitted, even though he had no idea to what he was admitting! They rolled up the hill, smacked each other, aaaand… got up, dusted themselves off, and threw away the tree.

"Damn, how come we really aren't doing any ACTUAL damage here?" Titan wondered.

"I… don't know. I think we're just punching for the sake of punching, not actually trying to hit for the sake of hitting."  
"Huh?"

"Erm… we're just throwing punches, but not trying to beat the other for our own noble causes?" Dr. Card paraphrased. "We need… a REASON to battle."  
"Well," Titan supposed, "I think I'm doing this because I'm just trying to make it in the world while dueling and shooting blind people. That's my motivation, and you're just dragging me down, with your… _evil_ plots and _bad_ sense of humor."

"I'm just fighting so that I can have a kooky sidekick who can dish out the one-liners and help me take over the world of Duel Monsters," Dr. Card decided.

"Well, alright then!" Titan accepted, clapping his hands and pulling Dr. Card over a bit.

"Woah!"  
"We have our goals laid out ahead of us! Now we can fight for real!"

"Okay!" Dr. Card shouted, pulling his right hand back and forcing Titan's arm forward into his chest. "UGH!"  
"I'll show YOU to beat yourself up!" Titan promised! He pulled HIS arm back, rearing back for a doozy, and pulled Dr. Card's fist into his neck. "AH! My neck, you bastard!"

"It's YOUR fault!" Dr. Card accused, kicking him in the chin!  
"Yeah WRONG!" Titan yelled, spinning around and pulling Dr. Card's face into the dirt.

"Yeah RIGHT!" Dr. Card corrected! He leaped up and smacked Titan with enough force to blow him all the way to the tip of the volcano… and pull him along with him! "WOOOOOOAH!" How STUPID! Unless…

"Ow," Titan groaned, flipping onto his back.

"Ha ha!" Dr. Card laughed, dropping next to him, yet on his feet! He lifted up Titan and held him right over the molten magma down below. "This is your last chance, Titan! Join me or DIE a MOLTEN DEATH!" Realizing that they were attached by handcuffs the whole time, Titan tugged his left arm and forced Dr. Card right over the edge! "OHCRAP!" The bad doctor grabbed the rim of the volcano with his free hand and hung there.

"IF I'M A-GOIN', YOU'RE A-GOIN' WITH ME!" Titan promised! "LITERALLY, BECAUSE OF THE HANDCUUUUFFS!"

"NEVAAAAAAHH!" Dr. Card whipped the cuffs over his head, propelling Titan right out of the volcano along with him. They flew back into the forest and landed on their feet, then picked up two large sparring trees with their free hands. They participated in Tree Kendo as they slid down the incline, breaking their weapons upon their enemies and drawing much blood, then simply picking out a new round wooden blade as they travelled.

"Hmm, huuur!" Titan grunted.

"Urgh, gyaaah!" Dr. Card shouted. They broke several bones and lost quarts of blood upon the trees. They fought for several minutes, with no clear winner arising any time soon.

TEN! MINUTES! LATER!  
"Huff… huff… huff…"  
"Ugh… ugh… ugh…" The two battered combatants rolled out from the forest and into the island's shipping docks, breathing heavily and reeking of bloody sweat. Dr. Card flipped onto his feet and pulled Titan up. "Hwah!" He slapped him in the face.  
"Oh yeah… URRGH!" Titan pulled back his left arm for a doozy of a punch and was hit in the neck. "Ow."

"G-give up?" Dr. Card asked.  
"N-n-n-never…" Titan pushed Dr. Card closer to the water, where a super-large shipping ship was floating nearby.

"Sorry y'all, pee break!" shouted the American captain, dashing out of the shipping vessel to empty his bladder.

"There's a toilet in the ship!" a sailor shouted. "Come on, we have four more deliveries to make today in FIVE different countries, and I STILL don't understa—" The man's head was blown off by a pistol.

"THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BACKSASS ME!" the captain shouted.

_Titan stared at the ship and had a thought. Way back when he was just a young boy who wore his amazing hat and mask along with shorts and striped t-shirts, he had a talk with his equally-masked grandmamma. "Now you hear this, sonny," she hissed from her rocking chair, "I got some GOOD advice 'fer ya."  
"What is it, Mamma Grand?" he asked in his deep, gruff voice, identical to how it was in the present day._

"_If'n you EVER get beat up by a weirdo man in a lad coat with WILD blonde hair, jus' walk on over to a large ship 'n hold it over your head. It should scare'm away in a second." Titan turned towards the hypothetical screen and stared at the viewers and or readers, slack-jawed._

"THIS…" Titan said like a real titan, whatever that meant, "IS FOR MAMMA GRAND!" He trudged over to the heavy ship, dragging his opponent across the ground, and lifted the entire boat up with his one remaining good arm. Water dripped off of the ship's hull and some seaweed plopped all over the strong, boat-wielding man.

…_So what do I do now?_ Titan asked himself.

"Oh come on," Dr. Card sighed, scoffing at his efforts, "THIS is nothing!" He kicked Titan into the water. This obviously made him drop the boat on his enemy and snap the handcuffs for good. Titan slowly began to float away on his back.  
"UNGH," he growled, as he tried to move. "Aw, dammit, all I can do now is talk to myself—HEY I'M FREE NOW!" He started cruising on the waves in his motionless form, softly and quietly going with the flowing of the ocean's motions. "YES! NOW I CAN GO HOME AND BE EVIL AGAIN! But wait… being evil… was what got me into this mess, right…?" He recalled what had gotten him into this situation in the first place. _His cell phone began ringing, several months ago in the big city. "DOO DOO DOOBIE D-DOO DOO D-DOODOO," it sang in a synthesizer-type tone._

"_Evil Man Duels and Shoots Blind People Inc., how may I help you beat and shoot blind people?"  
"_Um, yes, I have a SPECIAL assignment for you,_" Crowler said over the phone.  
"Hmm, what KIND of special assignment?"  
"Ow, the pain!"  
"Shut up, blind man I just beat!"  
_"I want you to duel a KID, tomorrow night on Duel Academy Island."  
_"Hmm. Sounds risky," the man thought aloud, rubbing his chin. "Oh well, how much harder can a kid be than a blind guy? I'll take it. Have a nice day." He cut off the cell phone. "Oh, wait, where was I supposed to go again?"  
"Duel Academy Island," the blind guy he'd just beat reminded.  
"Hey, thanks."_

"And because I was working for spare cards back then and took a job to duel and shoot up some weird kid," Titan analyzed, "that means…" He smacked his fist into his palm with approval! "IT MEANS THAT BEING EVIL GETS ME DANGEROUS GIGS, AND BEING NICE IS EASIER TO LIVE BY, SINCE YOU'LL GET ALL THE JOBS FOR PANSIES! I CAN GET PAID FOR **FLIPPING PANCAKES!** HOO HOO HOO HOOOOO! AND I'LL GET ALL THE WOMEN I CAN HANDLE! WHOOPEEEEEEE! AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" And so, as Titan sailed away toward new adventure, he'd learned a valuable lesson. The wrong way, though, but he learned it nonetheless. But it still doesn't count.

The American captain walked back to his ship and gasped. "WHAT IN TARNATION DIDJA DO T'MY SHIP, DOGGONIT!"

"At least I'll never have to see HIM again," Dr. Card told himself.

"WAAAAAAAIT a minute," a sailor realized, "this episode was pretty much completely USELESS!"  
"SHUT UP, IT TELLS THE READERS MORE ABOUT ME AND GIVES SOME IMPORTANT FORESHADOWING!"  
"Oh yeah!" the sailor accepted.

CURRENT FILLER EPISODES LEFT: 0


	53. Episode 53: The Hearts are Wild

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 53: Hearts are Wild

We open up to a massive, glorious cruise ship in the evening, sailing across the. Dozens of rich people were in the bar-related area, drinking drinks you'd normally buy at a bar, watching a couple of men play card games. No no no, don't jump to conclusions, these were SOPHISTICATED card games, the kinds with aces and clubs. There were stacks upon stacks of white poker chips on the line, and one slick man with an oversized bowtie wasn't taking any chances. "I call," he said, laying down five aces. "Read 'em and weep, so-called 'Legendary Gambler That Guy'. You can't possibly beat this hand, not after I just introduced you!"  
"Au contraire," this mysterious 'That Guy' said, smoothing out his clean white tuxedo, adjusting his rectangular glasses and smoothing out his semi-long brown hair and trying out his French accent, "for I believe I have you beaten like I would a dust pan!" He laid out his hand: SIX aces in a row!  
"I-impossible, how could you defeat my strategy?" the man gasped, flipping out of his chair as That Guy took all the chips for himself!  
"My goodness," their audience chattered, "how could he have gotten six aces? Is he truly the legendary gambler we've heard so much about?"  
"He's a cheater!" one smart soul declared.

"No I'm not!" That Guy denied.

"Ooh, he's good!"

[.com/watch?v=qoDgG2R1mEU&feature=related]And so later that night, That Guy was standing on the deck of the ship, looking out into the horizon. He looked as if he had something important to do somewhere, and he was getting impatient. "Aha ha ha, that was a good game we had down there, eh?" chuckled the man with the large bowtie.  
"Eh, it was, how do you say… simple?" That Guy responded.

"Of course it's simple whenever you play with six aces in a deck," the man challenged, "because I think you PLANTED those cards in beforehand and cheated me!"  
"And that is because I saw you putting in YOUR aces, mon ami."

The man snapped. "That's it! I want my money back!" the man growled, somehow causing his bowtie to begin spinning out of control hillariously! "Guards, seize him!" Two men in black boots, chainmail clothing, aprons with some sort of evil symbol printed on them, and horned monster masks ran onto the scene wielding large, bloodspattered iron axes! "I want his head on a platter!"  
"_LEELEELEELEELEEL!_" the monster men shouted, charging at That Guy!

"Please, I shall whip you as I would whip the cheeses!" That Guy promised! He took two steps toward the enemies and jumped as they brought their axes through the wooden deck! They couldn't pull the axes out again, however, because they were stuck in the wood, somehow! "Hai-yah!" That Guy flipped around and karate-chopped both foes in the back of their necks in mid-air, knocking them out and sending them spiraling onto the floor! That Guy simply landed onto his feet.

"I-impossible!" the spinning bow tie man sputtered, at loss for words!  
"Je problem here es that you insist upon using tu weak, weak men, et tu?" That Guy said.

"B-but there's just a mess of French and Spanish words in that sentence! How am I supposed to understand you now?"  
"Is simple, mon ami," That Guy promised. He glared at him. "It is, what you call it? My grande will pour gagner!"

"Are… are you SURE you're supposed to be French or not?" The man turned and ran away! "I'M GETTING OUTTA HERE!"

"Non non non," That Guy disagreed, "you do not flee from me at this time, por favor!" He pulled out a piece of paper and let it fly through the wind until it rested upon the floor, ahead of the running man. He stepped upon it and slipped onto his face, knocking his SURPRISE JETSKI keys out of his pocket! "It is, how you say it, the pot's Jack?"

[.com/watch?v=kRrOlNAFyHM&feature=related ]"NO, YOU FOOL!" sobbed the manic man, as he dashed back into the comfort of the other rich people.

That Guy walked over to the jetski that was sitting next to him this entire time, put the keys into the ignition and took off onto the open sea! He was now speeding toward everybody's favorite Kaibaland Duel Academy, which the cruise line was going near for no real reason.

"Soon, mon amour, I shall como es tas, and we shall be as uno until the cows they are coming home!"

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
Jaden was sitting on a sheer cliff around the island's suspension bridge mulling something over. Suddenly, Alexis stepped in! "Hey Jaden, I randomly came by for no apparent reason," she said. "What's up? Sad about Koala leaving?"  
"Who?" Jaden asked, confused. "Naw, man, it's just that I'm really stumped here. If there's seven Seven Stars guys—"  
"Shadow Riders!" Nancy Wut corrected.

"And Cuts Man and Gut Man were the fifth and sixth, but Banner **wasn't** the last one, then who is?" Jaden concluded.  
"I dunno, could it possibly be that guy over there on the jetski?" Alexis suggested, pointing to a That Guy driving a jetski down the river under that bridge onto a beach, upon which the jetski got stuck and flipped into the air, throwing That Guy through one of the windows to Chancellor Shepherd's office.

"… Naaah," they sighed, knowing it to be false. But then they remembered how things work on this show. "… Wanna check Shepherd's office?"  
"Sure." They ran into the nearby underpass!

IN! THE! OFFICE!  
Chancellor Shepherd and Crowler were talking to each other at that same moment. "And so then, I says to the guy, 'I'm not a man!' And then HE doesn't believe me!" Crowler said.  
"I've been there before!" Shepherd chuckled. "Ha ha!" Suddenly That Guy crashed through the massive window behind his head! "WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"  
That Guy simply landed in a crouching position, ripe for asking "Excuse me, bon soir, mister, but may I duel fair Alexis Rhodes who is in this school house?"

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Crowler shrieked! That Guy simply pulled a card out of his shirt pocket, reading '_That Guy: Some guy who gambles like a gambler for the money'_. "That Guy? Who chose THAT alias?"  
"It is, how you say, the passione of the albâtre, non?"  
"Do you know English?"

"Erm, look mister… That Guy?" Shepherd began, tugging at a large shard of glass in his shoulder.

"Yes?"  
"Now look, you just broke through my twenty-first floor window and got some glass stuck into my shoulder blade."

"Non non non, mon fine sir," That Guy corrected, "Je floor es the TWENTIETH, as you foolish Japanese who are playing English never have le thirteenth floor, as you are afraid of the thirteens."  
"Whatever, but I don't run some sort of gambling parlor! I don't care who you are on the outside, just the inside, and people who are groovy on the inside follow my rules. Rule number three-thousand, two-hundred and thirty-two states that 'Students will not get knocked through large windows!' You've just committed a minor felony here!"

"Mon-sewer," That Guy insulted, "if you do not become making with the Alexis of Rhodes being in here I swear to you on the dot that I shall do my best to a thing to your écolier."  
"WHAT?" screamed somebody outside the door, catching his attention for but a moment.

Several Slifer Reds with nothing better to do were standing outside the door. "SHH!" they shushed, aiming their aggression at Syrus Truesdale.  
"_What?_" he whispered. "_That was utter nonsense! I didn't understand ANYTHING he just said!_"

"Yo, what's all the hubbub, bubs?" Jaden asked, as he and Alexis ran into the hallway via a useful underpass.

"Something's goin' down in that room, and it has to do with YOU, Alexis!" Mann McOldsmobile explained!

"And we feel like we have to hear it!" a random kid insisted.

"Well, let us in, since I'm the subject of the day!" Alexis commanded, trying to get into the door. But people blocked her off!  
"No way, we gotta hear the good part first!" they cried! "JUST WAIT A SEC!"

"So, mon ami," That Guy pressured, "send in la Alexis Rhodes, or else things for you shall become ca va pas mal!"

"I'm tired of listening to you not make any sense, buster!" Crowler grunted! "Guards!" It snapped its fingers, causing a random door to open! Four people, one woman and three caped men in navy blue clothing, ran in!

"This is the Disciplinary Action Squad!" the head disciplinary lady yelled! "You two are under Yu-Gi-Oh arrest!"

"Says tu!" That Guy said! He jumped fifteen feet into the air and pulled out a deck of playing cards! He threw fifteen aces, cutting through their hearts!  
"Ugh! I guess we won't be having a third appearance," worried the lady in her death throes.

"Oh my goodness! You've just killed four people!" Crowler announced loudly!

"Eh. There's a lot of killing at this school," Shepherd said with a shrug and a smile.  
"FOUR PEOPLE?" Alexis screamed, outraged! "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" But then, her eyes met with That Guy's. "Y… you're Pierre?"  
"Yes, yes I a—"

"That dishonest asshole whom I hate with a burning passion?"  
"… Erm, correctamundo?"  
"That isn't even Spanish!" Shepherd complained!

"I believe that's mine, too," Alexis added, pointing to Pierre's tuxedo pocket, with a red scarf inside.

"Ah, it has been too long, yes?" Pierre/That Guy greeted formally. "I have been searching for you for as long as I can possible recount with the memory! And now, we duel as the conquistadores as yester-the-year have to prove their devotions and milk the grand highnesses!"

Alexis slapped him. "The hell are you even saying?"  
"I do not know, to say the least. Shall we just duel and leave le details to come as le play?"  
"Meh." They left the office, Duel Dome-bound, and trekked down the hallway.

"Darn, guys, I can't figure out what's up with those two cats there," Jaden explained to Syrus and Mann McOldsmobile as they led the large crowd chasing the duelists of the day.

"I guess we'll get the backstory as they play, as usual," Syrus supposed. "Shouldn't you be burning mad that your crush has possibly found a romantic rival from her past to oppose you?"  
"Nah," Mann McOldsmobile disagreed, "since that was BEFORE I realized what you could find on the internet."  
"Ew," Syrus and Jaden groaned, inching away from him.

_Why does everybody do that when I try to tell them that I'm occupied with World of Warcraft?_ Mann McOldsmobile asked himself.

"Hmph, what a prime-target Slifer Slacker, ruining OUR image by losing sight of what's important these days!" Chazz scoffed, stomping down the hall with his two usual suspects and Ojama Yellow, whom we all hate for existing.

"Yeah, you just can't forget how your character was originally written!" Ojama Yellow explained. "It's unprofessional!"

"Huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson said.

"Reckon!" Billy Hills said.  
Then Shades Milligan came flying into the conversation with his cool jet feet. "You guys DO realize that this is good for us, right?"  
"Before somebody says something irritating, let's just cut to the Duel Dome, alright?" Mann McOldsmobile suggested, slightly annoyed.

"Okay, yo!" Jaden agreed.

"TWO! MINUTES! LATER!" Ojama Yellow shouted two minutes later, inside the Duel Dome.

"Darn it Yellow, stop saying things!" Chazz barked! "Your voice is so infyuriating!"

"Sorry, boss…"  
"Hey, don't yell at Yellow, huh, Chazz, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson ordered.

"Whoops, sorry."

"Don't apologize," Shades Milligan commanded, "for we are about to see what ties this French/Spanish loser to our (my) fair Alexis!"  
"Don't call her yours, jerk!" Chazz grimaced.

"Hey hey hey, I'M the one with the eyes on the prize… which is ALEXIS!"  
"STOP IT UP THERE," Jaden shouted from the next-lowest seating row, "WE'RE TRYIN' TO WATCH THEM SAY 'DUEL!' An' you'd BETTER not try 'n become vital characters today, you got that?"

"Yes, sir…"

"DUEL!" said Alexis and That Guy named Pierre. (Alexis: 4000 Life Points, Pierre: 4000 Life Points)

"Now that those irritating students have finally shut up, I suppose it's time to see if this gambler here's really just… bluffing," Chancellor Shepherd joked, stifling a laugh.  
"Sir, this is no time to laugh! He killed four of our best security guards, including Fisticuffs McPunchinface!" Crowler insisted.

"Meh, McPunchinfaces are a dime a dozen."

"May we begin, ma Cherie?" Pierre asked his dueling partner.  
"Sure, whatever. WhatEVER the pompous ass wants," Alexis gruted.

"And now I do le draw!" Pierre announced! "I now summon le Gamble Angel Bunny, in le Attack position!" A standard Playboy bunny-lady appeared in a black one-piece swimsuit, a raccoon-style mask, freakishly-oversized gloves and rabbit-foot shoes. (Gamble Angel Bunny: 1200 Attack Points, 1200 Defense Points)

"You're just a sleazy pervert, like always," Alexis chastised.

"What? You do all the, how do you say, chastising when all my card is mutant lapin-woman!" Pierre gasped! "I pay her for the ability of flipping the coin of right, you lose 1000 points of la vie! If I am wrong I lose 1000 points of la vie!"

"And you STILL can't learn English? What kind of Japanese man ARE you?"

"I do not the caring! I flip!" He took out a penny and flipped it. "I call the tail of the penny!" It hit the floor. A rocket ship with a '1c' symbol showed up.

"That's heads," Alexis stated.

"Non," Pierre disagreed, flipping the coin over to display a beaver biting into a tree, "it is the tail!"

"You liar!" declared Alexis!

"So THAT'S how he became legendary for never losing!" Jaden proclaimed!

"He never said that, did he?" Syrus asked.

"I just inferred from the start of this one, yo."

"Oh, gotcha."

"Now, lapin of the lady and woman!" Pierre announced! "Hit the pot on the Jack!" The bunny-lady pulled out a sack full of coins and threw it at Alexis. (Alexis: 3000 Life Points) She pushed the coins out of the way, allowing some random people to fight over the pennies inside. "You fools! You realize not the pennies are pretty useless! There's only twelve-hundred, not even thirteen of your dollars!"  
"So?" they replied, beating each other up.

"Nil, go ahead and fight as I set the down-card as face!" Pierre set a Trap card face-down, he means.

"Alexis! Kill him before I can't take it any longer!" Syrus requested.

"Not a problem," she accepted. "I summon Cyber Tutu!" Cyber Tutu appeared, and…that's all I have to describe. (Cyber Tutu: 1000 Attack Points) "If you have no monsters weaker than her, then she can run up to you and kick a tooth out!"  
"Really?" Pierre inquired. Cyber Tutu ran up to him and kicked a tooth out of his mouth! "Ahh! The holographic tooth! UGH! It ALMOST hurts!" (Pierre: 3000 Life Points)  
"And now we're even," Alexis stated, satisfied.

"Nononon!" Pierre cried! "Wrong, because I play the Box of Fairies, Fairy Box!" His Trap card flipped face-up and summoned a simple-looking whack-a-mole game box to appear on the field. "I flip the coin, I be right, le pan is gone!" He flipped his coin, flipping heads. "I say the head! Yes! I win! Joyeux day!" (Pierre: 3000 - 4000 Life Points)

"That's just cheating!" several audience members shouted, enraged!  
"Let him do it, it'll feel even better if I beat him this way," Alexis dictated. "I'll lay one face-down and let him cheat some more."

"Oh, mon ami, mon amour, these words which hurt mon couer! They burn from you!" Pierre faux-cried, pretending to feel a heart attack or something.

"They should, because I still see the same weak, scared little boy from elementary school," Alexis recalled. "You fear me, don't you, just because I beat you that one time?"  
"Non! I do not feel a fear! That is what I do NOT feel!" Pierre gasped!  
"And you always were such a CHEATER." Alexis reminded with extreme prejudice. "You just couldn't stand it when I managed to beat you! Then you started stalking me and we got that restraining order, meaning at any time I could call the cops! You sad, sad little boy."  
"I ain't a little boy! I ain't that no more!" Pierre sobbed! "Why can't you accept my coursing amour for tu?"  
"Aw snap, here comes the recap!" Jaden prepared!

"It's because we all know that it started from lust of the most DISGUSTING kind," Alexis remembered.

_Way back when Alexis was just a little girl in second grade at the ever-popular Vash Stampede Elementary school, something weird and disturbing happened: she became the first girl in her class with breasts. This explains so much, and yet brings up so many other questions that may or may not be answered in time. Anyways, something ELSE disturbing happened…_

"_Eeeeh, today class, we got a NEEEEW student from French-Spanish Japan," her overweight spectacled teacher explained, holding a young Pierre in his palms, "and his name is PierreKid. Treat him well."  
"Baguette pasta piñata," Pierre narrated._

"_That kid doesn't even know ENGLISH at a JAPANESE SCHOOL?" a boy realized!  
"And pasta's Italian!" a girl added!_

"…" _Pierre looked down at the floor as the teacher set him down upon the floor, sniveling. As he wiped his tears, somebody said something._

"_HEY!" Alexis shouted, holding up a small red scarf! "THIS SCARF AND THAT BOY ARE PLOT-DEVICES TODAY, SO LEAVE'M ALONE!" She put the scarf away and the other kids went back to doing their own things, quietly._

_Pierre was deeply affected by Alexis that day. He was overjoyed by her assistance and overall general presence. He smiled faintly to himself as he thought, _She has the boobs… I like the boobs…

_And thus, the disturbing lust began._

_Pierre began adjusting to his school life in a country whose language he half-knew at best. One day he had been playing some random card game at school. His red-headed opponent threw down a King. "Ha ha, now I win your toy car!" he laughed, taking his new, worthless car._

"_Non," Pierre disagreed, replacing the King with a Two, "you is the one to the loss is gained."_

"_Wh… whaaaaaaaaaat?" the boy cried! "I HATE YOU!" The boy threw the car away and leaped out the third-story window._

"_HEY, YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE SUICIDE JIM COMMIT SUICIDE!" Alexis shouted, activating her innate sense of justice!_

"_Well, he DID kinda have it coming," another student sighed, shrugging._

"_That's it, little French-Spanish boy," Alexis growled, "I'm gonna avenge him and get that car back!" She leaped into Suicide Jim's old seat and looked fierce._

"_Hmm, and what is it to what I will be the winning?" Pierre asked._

"_What do you want?" asked lil' Alexis._

"_I… get to le feel la coffre," Pierre snidely decided._

"_Fine, do whatever you want, but you're losing!" Alexis decided._

"Uh, Lex," _Encyclopedia Brawn whispered, being the local smart detective-ish kid around town,_ "it means he wants to feel you up."  
_"… So?"_  
"Your chest."  
_"Oh… gulp."_

_The little horribly deformed girl and the perverted weird kid in class, who was not written this way because he was French, merely because he's a villain and Spanish, began shuffling and dealing out the cards. Alexis and Pierre glanced at their cards. "Hmph, I win une more," Pierre stated, "for I have le tres aces!" He revealed three aces of spades!  
"WOAH!" gasped the class._

"_Well I have FOUR aces," Alexis said, laying out her four aces._

"_WOA-HOOOH!" the class laughed._

"_Curses! Well I have le win for longest, because I have CINCO ACES!" Pierre held up a FIFTH identical ace!  
"WOHOHOHOOOOAAAH!" the class gasped!  
"That's all the cards in his hand!" Gerta Gasp explained!  
"There's no way Alexis could have more aces than HIM!" Statetheobvious Lucy stated!_

_"Hmph," Alexis snickered, "I'm far from losing here today. You know why? Because in any card game, Duel Monsters or not… you always have to be two steps ahead of your opponent. By the way, have you ever played '52-Card Pickup?'"_

"_Non," Pierre naively told her._

"_Good." She took out a full deck of fifty-two aces of spades and began flicking them out at Pierre in a playing card rain of pain! "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"  
"NON NON NON NOOOOOON!" Pierre shrieked! "THIS LOSS, SHE IS EST IMPOSSIBLE! __**IMPOSSIBLEEEEEH!**__" _

"_Now you have to swear to never gamble with small, gullible people ever again, as the laws of hero versus villain dictate!" Alexis ordered!_

[.com/watch?v=xscm_qYntfA]_"… NON!" Pierre shouted! "I SHALL HAVE LE LAST LAUGH!" He jumped over the table, squeezed Alexis' chest, stole her small red scarf thing and leaped out the window!_

"_HE JUMPED OUT OF THROUGH THE WINDOW!" Statetheobvious Lucy cried!  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Alexis shrieked! "SEXUAL CHILD ABUSE! SOMEBODY KILL HIIIIM!"_

"_Too late, he jumped out the third-story window, like Suicide Jim," Encyclopedia Brawn said._

"_Hmm… good!" Alexis decided. "At least I'll never see HIM again for ten years give or take. Still, I'd better get that restraining order filed out now."_

"AND I WAS RIGHT! HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY RIGHT!" Alexis roared! "But you NEVER grew up, even after you ALMOST died! You're no gambler, you're a THIEF! And a MOLESTOR!"

"Hmm hmm hmm," Pierre chuckled. "So you're so le mad for le écharpe that you the los locos?"

"When did that punk ever make sense again?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.

"Never," Syrus Sy-ed.

"Oh, yeah."

"Hey, Pierre, y'stupid idiot!" Jaden shouted! "Yo, yo, y'all I gotta start layin' it all out to this foo'… WITH A RAP."

"WHAT? WHY?" Syrus inquired quizzically.

"I GOTS to set things straight with my music!' Jadenn insisted. "If he FACES that music, well then I won. Jus' hang tight, I got it all under control!

"Yo yo yo

Mmm mmm mmm

Yo yo yo

Mmm mmm mmm

You bein' all rude, crude 'n lewd, not even chewin' yo' food,

and you bein' all stealin' that gal's scarf, gotta snarf y'dumbness wit' yo barf,

I gotta lay thick th' rhymes 'bout yo crimes, colorin' in th' lines fo' all o' times

jammin' up th' jives an livin' up th' lives, that you have wasted, that you have pasted.

Yeah yeah yeah. That's my rap, y'all, and I hope it reached out to you, Pierre-dawg," Jaden concluded.

"… The boy is right," Pierre agreed, "I stole your scarf so it is mine and I get to win."  
"That's not what I said, man!"  
"Everybody, just stay out of this!" Alexis ordered! "You're all just making it worse! Even you dozens of people who haven't said anything!"  
"But I haven't done anything!" Chazz cried!  
"You irritated me! Go jump in a magma lake or something!"

"Hey, that's what I used to say!" Chazz remembered.

"I thought you and Shades weren't supposed to TALK this episode," Alexis growled. Chazz looked down in sadness.  
"Come on, kid," consoled Shades Milligan, taking Chazz away. "Let's go get us some shakes."  
"But I don't know what to do! I haven't done anything cool since the Big House cast episode!"

"Back to le point! I pay le 500 Life Points to keep le Fairy Box card onto le field!" Pierre announced, pointing to his whack-a-mole card. (Pierre: 3500 Life Points) "Next I pay the ability of mon Gamble Angeling Bunny Girl Woman!" The Gamble Angel Bunny hopped twice, signifying how important she was now! "I flip la coin and put the pain into your cour!"

"Oh no," Jaden gasped, "one more flip and Alexis could lose one-THOUSAND Life Points!" He got hit in the head by a few flying bottles.  
"WE KNEW THAT ALREADY!"  
"Well it's not MY fault you already knew it, yo!"

"I flip and call of the tail!" Pierre called, flipping a coin over in his hand! "Ha! Tail! I is the big victor!" Alexis got hit by a shower of golden monetary items.

"Ow," Alexis said, holding out and filling up her wallet with some free cash. (Alexis: 2000 Life Points)

"And not that the bunny is over with the pesos," Pierre decided, "I shall do the summon of a DEUX Angel Gambler Bunny!" Suddenly, a second Gamble Angel Bunny appeared next to the first! "I'm prepared to destroy your Tutu Cyberfille!"

"Aw, MAN! Double trouble power players!" Mann McOldsmobile cried! "LOOK OUT, FAIR LASS!"

"I don't HAVE to!" Alexis announced, activating her Trap card! It was Doblé Passe! "With this card, your attack goes directly to my Life Points, and my Cyber Tutu gets to do the same to you!"

"Mweh heh heh, you realize you the are a losing more the Points Life than me!" garbled Pierre as his bunny threw a bunch of playing cards at Alexis!

"Ow," Alexis said as she got hit by playing cards. (Alexis: 800 Life Points)

"Ow," Pierre said as he got kicked in the face. (Pierre: 2500 Life Points) "My OTHER Lapin le Fille Lady attacks the Tututu!" The second bunnygirl threw a playing card at Cyber Tutu's stomach.

"Ow," Cyber Tutu said as she exploded.

"Ow," Alexis said as she lost Life Points. (Alexis: 600 Life Points)

"Meh, I shall forget the power of ma Lapin Gambler Lady for this turn and end it all," Pierre stupidly decided.

"What a DUMMY! A BIG, FAT DUMMY!" laughed Syrus. "He'll NEVER beat HER like THAT!"

"Yes I won't!" Pierre dis/agreed!

"I don't care! I set a Trap card and play the iconic sheep card Scapegoat!" Alexis cried out! By sending a card with four fluffy goat-things to the Graveyard, she gained in return FOUR multi-colored sheep! (Scapegoats: 0 Defense Points) "Beat that!"

"Well," Jaden said, "looks like Lex… just got some Defense."  
"That's no rhyme," Syrus Sy-ed.

"Well, ma Cherie, I shall pay five-hundred points and maintain ma le Fairy Box onto the field!" Pierre announced. (Pierre: 2000 Life Points) "Then I summon THE SAND GAMBLER!" A man with sandy-blonde hair in a nice gambler's suit appeared in a purple flash of light! He had a confident grin, which was somehow off-putting... (Sand Gambler: 300 Attack Points) "This monsieur is a very monsieur of the importance! See, if I get the flip of the coin thrice, all your monsters est finis!"

"Ha ha ha, what a laugh!" laughed Chazz and Shades Milligan, drinking their milkshakes. "But what're the odds of…" They stopped themselves once they noticed the obvious truth. "We'll behave from now on…"

"Now, I do le FLEEEEEP!" Pierre announced hammily! He turned his coin over. "HEADS!" He turned it over again. "HEADS!" He turned it to the right a bit. "HEADS! HA HA HA HA HA, I WIN AGAIN!" The Sand Gambler, now realizing his goal, took out a bunch of poker chips in a small sack.

"YA HA-YA!" he shouted, flinging chips at all of the Scapegoats! His deed done, he made a cool, manly pose and stated, "Looks like I… can't read your poker face." The Scapegoats exploded into the giant word '**FAIL**'.

"AND NOW, I END THIS GAME!" Pierre yelled, as his bunnies hopped into action! They took a big leap and came at Alexis from above in a kicking pose!

"Nope, you posers!" Alexis disagreed! She flipped up ONE MORE TRAP CARD. Having three marine blue-robed ladies chanting a magic spell, it was called… "HALLOWED LIFE BARRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRR! I discard one card and can turn all of your Battle Damage this turn to ZERO!" She added in the motion of 'YOU SUCK' with a thumbs-down. The bunnies bounced off of the shield harmlessly, and then fell back into place.

"Well, you may be safe for ONE play of le turn, but I assure, le fiesta du circus ole is NOT over yeeeeet!" Pierre promised!

"Hmph." _Pierre, I'm done playing with you_, Alexis monologued to herself. _I tried to help you, and I tried to get the other students to understand you. Understand what a JERK and a THIEF you were to us all! But this tears it…. I'M BREAKING YOU TONIGHT, BEFORE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO GROPE ANYBODY ELSE!_ She tore her next card straight out of her Duel Disk, and then tossed that card into the Graveyard! "I activate the Spell card The Warrior Returning Alive, adding Cyber Tutu back into my hand and onto the field!"  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!" coughed Cyber Tutu hoarsely, trying to seem imposing. (Cyber Tutu: 1000 Attack Points)  
"Then I'll play the Spell card Prima Light!" The Spell had some woman in a red-masked grey jumpsuit with her hair in a loooong flowing style tied up with some large beads, somehow laying down with two large rings around her waist, sitting with her own pity under a spotlight full of lies. "I sacrifice my Cyber Tutu in order to summon CYBER PRIMA!" The little girl graduated into the woman from the picture! (Cyber Prima: 2300 Attack Points) "I can't use her special ability tonight, but I can STILL kick your ass! Go, Prima, and WIIIIIIIN for victory!"

"But you seem to have forgotten le BOX DE FAIRY!" Pierre shouted! "I flip le euro, I call le euro, and le euro is KING!" He lifted up his coin and prepared to "toss" it!

_Oh poo, this means that I forgot about his Trap card, so I'm going to be TOTALLY INEFFECTIVE THIS TURN!_ Alexis realized!

[.com/watch?v=vposcJ76EgE&feature=related]Pierre held up his coin aaaaand… "BOOOOoOOPP!" shouted Chazz and Shades Milligan! Pierre was naturally SO shocked that he dropped the coin, resulting in a tails result!  
"HOLY HEADS!" he cried! "WHAT AN OBVIOUS TWEEEEEST!" Cyber Prima took off her amazing rings and threw them at her opponent, the Sand Gambler!  
"Woah!" he gasped, grabbing the hoops around his body and hooping them around like a real hula-hooper! "Hey, I'm doin' it!" he cried with glee!

"Tee hee," giggled the two Gamble Angel Bunnies, thinking it was so funny to see this man doing such a womanly act.

"Oh man," he cried, "I'm SO EMBARASSED!" He exploded so hard that he took the other two with him. (Pierre: 0 Life Points)  
"NON NON NON!" Pierre shrieked! "IT CAN NOT THE BE! HOOPING IS A VERY VIRIL SPORT OF THE CHOOSING!"

"That means it's ALL OVER," Alexis growled, throwing her Duel Disk at Pierre's face.

"Ow, ma face!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the Duel Academy audience, so proud of their resident poster-girl!

"Please, ma femme fatale," Pierre shakily requested, pulling out the red scarf he was holding onto through this entire ordeal, "I plead you with the forgiven. The reason… the reason I came to duel the beau tu, was because I… I LOVE YOU!" He tossed the light, tissue-like scarf across the entire field, allowing Alexis to catch it. She accidentally tore it with her catching fingers.

"Whoops. Really?" she inspected.

"Yes…"  
"NO FRIGGIN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!" screamed Chazz and Shades Milligan, outraged, pulling out a rocket launcher from the cyborg's mouth!

"Stand down, you too," Alexis instructed.

"What an obvious twist," Syrus Sy-ed, with a smile and a shrug.

"Yes, mon amour," Pierre said, eyes sparkling, "I came to this school in order to find the you to duel and have you fall in amour avec moi." He took a few steps toward Alexis. _Ma Cherie…_

_What a dork,_ Alexis told herself.

_And finally, with you in mon sights once as again…_ "THEN I CAN DO LE GROPING!" Pierre shouted suddenly, running at her at full speed, holding his squeezing hands out ahead! "!"

"Punch," Alexis said, punching him so hard in the chin that his shoes fell off. "Kick," she said, kicking him so hard that his socks fell off. "Slap," she said, slapping him so hard in the crotch that he flew through the ceiling. "And that takes care of that… oh hey, he left his shoes and socks. What a loser."

"… !" cheered the audience! "THAT'S OUR ALEXIS! ABLE TO TURN A DANGEROUS GROPE SITUATION INTO A FAREWELL SLAP IN THE PRIVATES! EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!"

"Alexiiiiis," Chazz sobbed, suddenly grabbing her leg and getting snot all over it, "that was the most –SNFF- moving thing I ever seen! Please… -SNFF- PLEASE BE M'WIFE!"

"Me too," suggested Shades Milligan.

"Not me, I've moved on," insisted Mann McOldsmobile.

"Ew get off," Alexis ordered, kicking Chazz off. "Now if you don't all excuse me, I'm going to bed." Suddenly, Angry McArgue, Nancy Wut and Aticus appeared.  
"Woah, sis, what's with the crowds?" Atticus asked.

"Looks like a whopper of a humdinger just happened," Nancy Wut guessed.

"Somehow, 'humdinger' irritates me," Angry McArgue hissed. "Anyways, let's take our leave!"  
"Okay," Alexis said, leading them all off. They stepped over fetal-position Chazz as they did. Atticus turned back to stare at the poor-looking excuse for a man on the floor. He shrugged and walked off as Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson pulled him away by the hair.

"Alexis…" Chazz whispered to himself, "I… will make you mine…"

"I reckon maybe," Billy Hills said.

"Huh, maybe, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson agreed.

"Both of you, please shut up before I pull you into a fireplace."  
"Yes sir huh reckon huh!" the gleefully accepted.

"All in all, I think this was a pretty successful filler ep, y'all," Jaden decided as the crowds dispersed.  
"Yep," Syrus agreed.

"An' to think, we've only got five more episodes this season…" Mann McOldsmobile recalled.

"Hubba-WHA?"

And yet, Chazz wasn't finished with this episode just yet. _Alexis,_ he thought in sadness and pain as he was yanked across the floor, _I have to capture your heart before the year ends… wait wait HOLY CRAP THERE'S CHRONOLOGICALLY ONE DAY LEFT OF SCHOOL BEFORE THE SEASON ENDS! I have to… I HAVE TO BEAT SHADES MILLIGAN AND ORDER ATTICUS TO TELL ME HOW TO OPEN ALEXIS' HEART!_ He thought back to the previous events of the night as he was tugged up a flight of stairs.

"Man, huh, Billy, huh, it's tough draggin' people up stairs!"

"I reckon so, Dobbson!"

"_I came to this school in order to find the you to duel and have you fall in amour avec moi."_ That had to be it. _Such passion, such ideal!_ Chazz foolishly knew, as he was an idiot in love! _It's so touching, forcing a woman to duel you in order to beat them and then impress you with your cruel might! _No, kids, don't listen to him. He's depraved. _This means… THIS MEANS… that I have to figure out how to duel Alexis! But… how will I get the opportunity with only less than twenty-four island-hours left? Oh yeah and whatever happened to the seventh Star?_

"Shadow Riders!" Nancy Wut corrected.

Meanwhile, Pierre was sitting on a rock in the middle of a jungle, doubled-over and clutching his crotch in pain. "… I… I do not be believing in that I'd like the cameo in le future," Pierre decided.

COMMENTARY

Well, some (three) of you have probably noticed, I didn't post a commentary thing section last time around. But that doesn't matter too much; I'm going to start busying myself with editing all of my older chapters, with terrible grammar and mistakes abound! So if you wish, you can go and look at the first one at this point. All I've done to it was fix minor things, then add a better Ancient Gear Golem death scene. And on the second chapter, I've just had enough time to approach Koala Ko Ala's descriptions of the school system. Bastion's SO wacky! Ha ha ha.

Anyways, it feels so good to end this chapter. Why? BECAUSE IT'S THE LAST TOTALLY USELESS CHAPTER OF THE SEASON! WOOOOOH! Chapter 58 marks our ending, so expect the next few weeks to be really, really exciting. I think.

On to this chapter, Pierre served as a really creepy character. Apart from his random Frenchiness, he also combed the globe for a young girl in order to make her love him after beating her up figuratively. He's insane. He can gamble, but that's unsavory, too. So what else could I do but exaggerate these qualities? Super-foreign, mega-cheatin' groper-lech! It fits! And of course, Chazz in his depraved state (though he was MUCH better when he was cool half a season ago, but his personality ping-pongs, especially within the quagmire of episodes we have between great episodes) would drag us into the idiotic episode wherein he Duels Alexis in a few weeks. Yeah, great idea, original script writers. You should just go die with Shades Milligan, who I will be mostly delegating to side-roles in the next season! (Rejoice, because nobody likes him.)

Alexis? With boobs at such a young age? If I could say I had a good reason for it, you'd think I was lying, so I'll just say it's funny in a disturbing way. The Seventh Shadow Rider? I think you can tell who he is. The LAST DAY OF SCHOOL? Well, they never gave much notice in the show about the school schedule, so I suppose it's appropriate to turn everything into a marathon run for these guys. The next three episodes will be MUCH more satisfying than the Amnael/CutsGut episodes. Belive me, and so receive it! Come back next week.

Oh yeah and in the last chapter Dr. Cad used Darkness Neosphere, right?


	54. Episode 54: The Graduation Match Part 1

Jaden, Syrus and Mann McOldsmobile plopped down in front of the television. "Boy, I sure hope somethin' ZANY comes on!" Jaden loudly and proudly announced.

"...It's al-right, 'cause I'm saved by the bi-ig house!" sang the theme tune to this particular program. Zany bright colors and zigzags floated across the screen.

"What was that about Big House?" Mann McOldsmobile cupped his hand around one ear.  
"Who cares? Looks poppin'! Let's keep watchin'!" Jaden pumped up the volume.  
"Oh! I've heard about this!" Syrus realized. "It's that Big House spinoff-slash-general sitcom ripoff! I'm still pretty confused about the time when we Dueled them, but still, we can't miss this! WE CANNOT MISS THIS!"

As the piano solo ended, the title _Saved by the Big House_ appeared! "It's al-right, cuz I'm-a saved by the Big Hoooooooooooooouse-uh!"  
We met up with characters Allen and Lavi standing around in the hall as a short-yet-funky tune played to ease us into the environment. "So Lavi," Allen said, looking muscular enough to have his sleeves ripped off, "the science project's due today. Do you have anything for it?"  
"Yeah, just give me a second," Lavi said worriedly, digging through his pocket to studio laughter. He pulled out a quarter, to even MORE laughter. "This thing has a president on it. HE'S science."  
"Oh, Lavi," Allen said with a smile. "I've got this project in the bag. I did a week-long study on my biceps, man."  
"I can see that," Lavi said, looking quite disturbed. People laughed.

Kanda and Lenalee (wearing a curly light brown wig) hustled over. "Hey, guys!" Lenalee said with a smile. Kanda mouthed the words along with her, looking sullen.  
"Hey, guys!" Allen and Lavi waved to their friends.  
Lenalee put on her straight-haired brown wig just in time to hug Kanda and say, "Us two made our science project together!"  
"Well, what is it?" Lavi wondered.  
"It's about dating," Kanda answered, and bluntly enough to kill the punchline completely and utterly for the audience.  
"And what about you, Lenalee A?" Allen inquired.  
She swapped wigs. "I played music to plants. Oddly enough, they grow best after listening to polka music." This evoked mild laughter.

"Polka? I LOVE polka!" announced Krory, running in with a large and presumably heavy backpack. His appearance ALWAYS made the crowd start howling!  
"You do!" the hip young people gasped!  
"Yep! Glad the plants like it, too!" He nodded curtly.  
"Hey, uh, Krory, what's in the bag?" Lavi asked.  
"Nothing, just my science project."  
"Cool, what is it?" Lenalee 1 asked.  
"It's my robot, Jake. Wanna see him, Kanda?" he asked, speaking in a designated-love-interest-like fashion.  
"Ew. No." Kanda backed away, commanding laughs and hilarity.  
"Wow, your project sounds awesome!" Allen said, being awfully enthusiastic about it.  
"I sure hope it does! And I'll keep it safe-" Krory gave some random locker a hardy pat. "-right in my locker!" Krory opened it (was there even a lock on that thing?) and was barely able to stuff the massive bookbag in. The studio audience positively guffawed!  
"Yeah, safe..." Lavi rubbed his chin deviously.  
"Lavi!" Lenalee A snapped. "You're not thinking of stealing Krory's project to replace your own horrible one, are you!"  
"I would NEVER do that," he assured, and he showed her the quarter. "My science project's right here."  
"You're gonna steal it, aren't you." Man, the audience was in stitches!

"Attention, students!" a voice said over the intercom.  
"Principal Komui!" Krory named this voice, spinning on his heel to face the nearest speaker.  
"This is your morning announcements, so all of you lovely ladies and handsome gentlemen, don't miss 'em! Lunch today is mashed potatoes. That's it. Don't like it? Well too bad, because all Wednesday every Wednesday it's Mashed Potato Wednesday!"  
"It is!" a nearby Johnny Gil gulped.  
"It is now!" Komui answered! "And IF you don't like it, you can just drop out and join that nasty dreadful Noah Ark Academy!"  
"W-w-WOAHuHOHAHOH!" Johnny skidaddled.  
"Aaaaand if anybody's late for class, _I'll stomp you out!_ HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!" The announcements ended.  
"Mr. Komui's acting weird today, huh, Kanda?" Lavi remarked.  
"I'm not playing a girl."  
"How about you, Krory? Aren't you with me on this?"  
"I dunno, **I** thought he seemed normal." The crowd laughed at the freaky look he gave the camera.  
"Maybe he just needs to get back on medication," Lenalee 1 said sarcastically. She put on her brown wig. "Lenalee 1, don't be that way! I'm sure he's a sweet man, medication or not!"  
"Girl, this is your PRINCIPAL you're talking about!" Lavi said, stunned by her words. The audience was crackin' up like eggs underfoot.  
"It might not just be a couple of pills," Allen said. "Shouldn't we all try and get to the bottom of this?"  
All together: "..._Nah!_" The crowd screamed with laughter!  
Then the intercom came back on! "Now, get to class," he demanded coldly. All the students yelped and hightailed it out of there!

Jaden, Syrus and Mann McOldsmobile looked at each other, speechless.  
"This is so much worse than Big House," Syrus said.  
"No way, yo! This is the exact same quality!" Jaden scoffed.  
"What are you getting at!"  
Mann McOldsmobile sighed. "People..."

The scene shifted to the science classroom. As with all classes, every single one of our five main character kids was there. Bookman was the bored-looking teacher. "Hey there, Ms. Bookman," Lenalee 1 greeted as she walked in.  
"I am _not_ a female character,' he snapped.  
"Hey Bookster," Krory said.  
Bookman sighed, causing the audience to applaud. As soon as everyone was in his or her respective seat, he got down to business. "We're going to have our boring class for a while, and then you students'll present your projects."  
_I'm so glad Lavi didn't have a chance to steal anything,_ Lenalee A thought. _Like, he USUALLY does that!_  
_Man, and I was itching to see Lavi steal something! _Allen thought, and people laughed.  
"C-can I go to the bathroom?" Lavi asked, raising his hand in the middle of Bookman's bor-r-ring class.  
Bookman sighed. "Not right now-"  
"Oh, cool, thanks!" He ran away.  
The old teacher shook his head. "What's with kids these days? Hasty, disobedient..."  
"Really eager to go to the bathroom..." Krory chimed in. Strangely, the audience laughed. What's with that?

Anyways, Lavi practically ran out the door and slammed it shut, panting. "Phew! Now, I gotta make this quick!" He started to run toward the bathroom before he stopped himself. "Wait, what the heck am I doing? I've got a science project to steal!" Lavi easily found Krory's ready-to-explode locker and started digging through his endless pocket again. "Okay, what would help me break into his locker... Skeleton key? No..." He threw a key away, to massive laughter. "Overly large hammer? No..." Revealing a comically-impossibly-huge hammer made everyone laugh even more. "Flamethrower? Now THERE'S an idea I can get behind! Let's FIRE it up!" The flamethrower obliterated the door, causing Krory's backpack to fall to the floor.  
"Success!" Lavi cheered before haphazardly tossing the flamethrower away, reminding the laughing crowd of how charmingly stupid he was. "Now to present his project to the class as my own. Wait...if I have to present this...and Krory's in my class..._WHAT AM I STEALING FOOOORRRR!_ Then, he snapped his fingers. "Hold up! I have a plan."

"...And that's the chart! My arm muscles REALLY GREW A LOT, huh?" Allen said to his peers.  
"He's so handsome!" Lenalee 1 sighed.  
"He's disgusting," Kanda said truthfully.  
"That was terrible, Allen, but I'm required by law to give you a B," Bookman said, getting applause.  
"Off the chain. Thanks, Ms. Bookman!" Allen said, taking his poster back to his desk with him.  
"I'm _not_ a - ah, who's listening at this point. Next project." Somebody knocked on the door! "Lenalee A, you go get it. It must be Lavi..."  
Curly-haired Lenalee opened the door to reveal..Komui! "Principal Komui!" she gasped.  
"Rightio!" he chimed. "So how're you doin', my fine young lass?" Komui said suavely.  
"...Get away from me."  
"Oh, the principal," Bookman said, unamused. "What brings you here."  
"He's here to help me bring out my project!" Krory explained.  
"But that's stupid!" Allen said. "YOU brought it to school!"  
"Which is why I don't wanna lift it again!" People laughed s'more.  
"Come on! Flex those pecs!" Allen pressured.  
"True story," Komui admitted whilst rubbing Lenalee A's head.  
"Are you doing that unconsciously?" she said, visibly annoyed.  
"Doing what?" Oooooh, what a zinger!  
"So just give me a moment, pretty please!" Krory begged Bookman.  
"Well. I don't know."  
"Principal's orders!" Komui warned, waggling a finger.  
"By all means!" Bookman decided to let them go after all. They fled like pigeons from a candy store.

And JUST as they left, Lavi entered!  
"Hey, Lavi," Kanda said, waving. "We were ALL wondering what took you so long," he grumbled sarcastically.  
"You gotta do what you gotta do!" Lavi said with a delightful shrug. And the crowd erupted into laughter!  
"Who's presenting next?" Bookman asked the class, returning to his desk.  
"I will!" Lavi volunteered ecstatically! "I've got a killer of a science project."  
"Everyone, quiet! Back to your seats! Lavi, show us your...killer project," Bookman said, doubtful.  
Lavi held his arm straight out to the crowd, holding a coin. "This, my friends...is a quarter!"  
Everyone had a horrified expression.  
"GREETINGS. I AM JAKE," an electronic voice claimed.  
Everyone started clapping!  
"And that was my project! Thank you, thank you." He started bowing all over the place.  
"That was horrible. You seem to not have an explanation for this dreadful project, but I am required by law to give you an A," Bookman stated.  
"_WOO!_" the class raved.  
Only Lenalee A was getting suspicious. _Jake is the name of __Krory'__s project! Ugh! I KNEW he was up to SOMEthing!  
_As Lavi hustled back to his desk, Krory and Komui heaved an 80's-style robot of some sort in on their backs. They slammed it down in front of the class panting. "Ready to present, sir!" Krory said, saluting weakly. What a crowd pleaser.  
"You better make this quick," Komui said, twitching with pain.  
"Oh, I will! This here's Jake, and I made him myself! Press this here button, a-and he talks!" He hammered a glaring red button on Jake's chest in, causing a small-scale smoky explosion.

...The smoke cleared, revealing that nothing had been harmed or moved in any way whatsoever.  
Bookman waved a dusty old book around and coughed. "If this weren't a TV show I would definitely give that an A for effort. But, as it stands, **F.**"  
"What! But teach, that's not how it's supposed to go!" Krory cried, tears streaming down his face. "He was supposed to talk! What happened?"  
"Like I said, if it weren't a TV show." Bookman shrugged with indifference.  
"I thought the explosion was pretty good," Lenalee 1 admitted.  
"I'm taking this infernal device straight to my office!" Komui said, heaving with anger...and effort as he began to shove Jake out the door.  
Krory leaped in the air with his arms flailing as he yelped, "NUUUUU!"  
"I feel for you, buddy," Allen said, hugging him too tight.  
Krory sniffled. "Can I get a hug from Kanda, too?" he said, choking.  
"Ihh!" Kanda flinched humorously.  
"But I need one, since I worked all week on that project!"  
Kanda shoved someone else his way. "You need a hug from Lavi."  
"I didn't steal it," Lavi said as he staggered backward into a desk.  
"Steal what?" Bookman said, raising an eyebrow.  
"Didn't steal the vital part of the robot which made it explode?"  
"Oh. That's great news," he said with a trusting smile. The audience applauded the performance. 'But would you all sit down already? Real classrooms don't function like this."

The scene changed the Standard Hallway, with all five characters standing around within it. "Who could have ruined Krory's project?" Lenalee 1 screeched with panic. "It HAS to be Lavi," Lenalee A countered.  
"No way, man!" Allen and Lavi shook their heads voraciously.  
"It's no use now," Krory said dramatically. "The project's already gone. There's no hope! I'll fail the whole class and then...and then...and then-"  
Kanda slapped him in the face. "Get ahold of yourself," he demanded.  
"OoooooOOOOOO**OOOOOOOO**_**OOOOOOOOOOOH**_**,**" the crowd howled.  
"What was romantic about that!"  
"YOU didn't steal it," Lenalee A said, "did you?"  
"I would never. I hate Krory, but...I don't hate him THAT much." The laughs popped like a pan of Jiffy Pop...except with laughs.  
"You know what **I** find suspicious?" Lavi said.  
"No. What?" the teens said in unison.  
"**I** think it's strange that Lenalee A is the only one trying to get really involved in the case. Almost as if she's...hiding something."  
"You're the one with a quarter for a project!" she cried.  
"Maybe I wouldn't have had a quarter for a project...IF YOU DIDN'T STEAL MY ORIGINAL PROJECT AND CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN!"  
"**WHAT!**"  
"I was working with her the whole time," Kanda said. "It was strictly a team operation!"  
"Why didn't you accuse us earlier?"  
"I was waiting for the perfect moment to reveal it, ya FRAUDS!"  
"It's not your project!" Lenalee A argued.  
"Got any proof?"  
"Well, you DO like dating a lot," Allen figured. "I'm on your side, Lavi!"  
"This isn't solving anything!" Lenalee 1 sobbed fakely. "I don't even know where Krory went!"  
"Wha?" Everybody started looking around and getting worried.  
From not far off, the vampire guy stared into a dark stairway. "Is this supposed to be on the set?"  
"Kroryyyyy! Get back here!" Lenalee 1 said. In a harsh whisper the audience could easily hear she added, "We're not supposed to be improvising!"  
"Oooooooooh," the crowd said, as if about to add, "I'm telling!"  
"Let's...investigate!" Krory roared.  
"You're awful enthusiastic," Allen said, and they proceeded to walk up the mysterious stairs of destiny.

The Big House Brigade marched up a spiraling staircase, one just wide enough for them all to stand shoulder-to-shoulder comfortably. "We're goin' up stairs, we're goin' up stairs, we're goin' up staaaaairs~" Krory sang.  
"And nobody cares!" Lavi slapped him upside the head.  
"Ow! That wasn't even a _stage_ slap!" Krory rubbed his aching face. "Seriously, man!" Lenalee and Kanda stared, and then decided they would be having no part of that.  
_No matter what happens, stay in character,_ Allen told himself.  
A circular, red-orange, one-eyed creature waddled down the steps (with accompanying boss battle music). It shot a slow-moving, whiplike beam Allen's way.  
"Aah!" He ripped out a rifle and shot it, causing it to explode into a starry cloud of smoke. "Okay, what the hell. This kind of thing would never happen in the show."  
"Yeah?" Lenalee threw her wigs on the ground. "Well, it does now."  
"Do we still have to act?" Krory said, presently holding onto Kanda's leg.  
"No," Kanda said bitterly.  
"Yes!" Lavi contended.  
"You can act if you want to. Krory, you better still be in-character."  
"I'm sorry there's no love between us." He let go.  
"Everybody get their weapons, first of all," Lenalee commanded. The other unarmed troops pulled out a flamethrower, a rolled-up posterboard, and a goldfish corpse. "What the - I meant Innocence!"  
"It feels like all of our ordinary zany weapons are disabled here, or something dumb like that," Allen said.  
"How...odd." Using all her might Lenalee generated...some heavy boots. "Huh." She had no choice but to use her shoes as punching gloves.  
"So...did you hear about Johnny Gil? He got fired!" Krory said to Lavi. "I mean, expelled!"  
"Get outta town!"  
"Stop talking about stupid stuff!" Kanda yelped. He bopped them both on the head with a posterboard. "We're at the top." Truth be told, they now faced a terrifying principal's office. The office was totally steel and all-out shiny, sans the window behind the principal's desk. And the principal...was Komui.  
He turned to face them, seated at a stainless steel desk. "Hey, all! _You're_ not supposed to be here."  
"Stop adding unnecessary set pieces!" Allen cried.  
"Set pieces? HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!" He let loose a high-pitched and HORRIFYING laugh. "You do know that this whole set is a fully-functioning Big House, don't you?"  
"Say it isn't so!" Krory cried.  
"Maybe!"  
"Great, now he's messing with us!" The studio audience laughed. "Are we still on camera?"  
"Of course!" Komui said with a catlike grin. "How else would I be able to capture your screams of agony for the enjoyment of others?"  
"Then you must be the cause of all this," Kanda said coldly. "Take this!" He tried to smack him in the face with the poster, but Komui effortlessly swayed to the side of his attack! "And what are you guys waiting for?" he said with frustration, leaping on the principal's sparkly new desk and still unable to strike a blow.  
"I'll help! Unh!" Lenalee threw a boot, which ended up shattering through the window. "...Just stop it, Komui! I'm your sister! You have to listen to me!"  
"But I don't have to listen to you, because..." Komui slapped Kanda away right before transforming into the Millenium Earl! "_**I'M NOT KOMUI!**_"  
"Ah!" Lenalee flinched.  
"Say it isn't _SO!_" Kanda leaped back onto the desk and gave the Millenium Earl a slap on the cheek.  
"Eee hee~. That tickles."  
"It won't if I do it enough times!" He slapped wildly, but only managed to painlessly rearrange his face.  
"So," the Earl continued despite Kanda's efforts, "ever wonder what happened to your science project, Krory?"  
"It's not his project!" Lavi defended. "It's just a prop."  
"Hey!" Krory yelped.  
Suddenly the machine dropped from a hole in the ceiling, landing next to the Earl! "Ah! Here it is!" he exclaimed, fiddling around with a key all of a sudden. "Jake lived such a full life (**INSERT HEART SYMBOL HERE**)"  
"Don't!" Krory stumbled forward.  
"Hold on!" Allen roared. "It's just a crappy prop! What could it possibly do to us?"

A keyhole _nobody_ noticed before was on the robot's face, ready for key-related action. The Millenium Earl slooowly reached over and staaarted to tuuurn the keeey. The robot began to shake, and quake, and then it EXPLODED, revealing two statue-looking beings many times larger than their old container! They looked like the exact same detailed marble sculpture, only one was green and the other red!  
"Say hello to the Spectrum Men!" the Earl introduced with a flourish. The statues posed. "And to think your "crappy prop" would become so useful to me!"  
"Oh. My. Gosh," Lavi said in shock. "These are the worst excuses for lackeys I have ever seen from you."  
"Quiet or they'll get serious," Kanda warned, standing by his side now.  
"Spectrum Men, attack!" the Earl commanded, pointing dramatically at Lavi. The statues nodded with the same old expressionless faces. They started running, one from behind Lavi and one from the front, ready to collide stupidly! Lavi slipped easily past their huge legs and caused them to hit each other and fall over backwards. Soon they stood up again, and started running around aimlessly. "...At least they're indestructible!"  
"Yeah, but there's no point in destructing them," Lenalee revealed.  
"D'oh!"  
"Well, he's not bothering to take us out on his own," Allen said. "He's just kind of…sitting there." He reloaded his gun. "This is my last bullet. I'll make this count." Allen pulled the trigger.  
As he did, a SECOND Millenium Earl barrel-rolled through the massive window behind Komui-Earl! Earl-2 pushed the principal onto the floor, holding him down by the arms! In the process, his ear was shot straight through!  
"You got him...?" Krory looked just as confused as everyone else.  
"So much for this thing." Allen lobbed the gun out the shattered window.  
"Who are you supposed to be!" the pinned-down, otherwise unharmed Earl gasped. "_YOU_ _MUST BE MY...my..._self from the future? Evil twin? Guy in a costume?"  
"You, sir, are a FRAUD!" the second Earl shouted, launching spittle into his face. He released his grip, only to start to try and choke the other!  
"YOU'RE a fraud!" And they got into a big, pointless choking fight.  
"...Uh..." Kanda shrugged. "Where do we go from here?"  
The Spectrum Men stopped in their tracks. They scurried over to the second Earl, rummaged around in his pockets with their oversized hands, and found a gleaming yellow triangle! Sensing the presence of other pieces of the Triforce in their pastel stone bodies, it began to morph into the third Spectrum Man...! Now they were a complete trio of red, green, and yellow! They posed, and then they started running around in a circle.  
"Let's just go back downstairs and pretend this never happened," Lavi said. The teams mumbled words of agreement and began heading back.

BUT THEN, the Spectrum Men began to speed up. Soon they were running around the Earls at several thousand miles an hour! And when they were just a blurry ring, they began to transform into an even more colossal statue! Somehow the force of their "transformation impact" sent everyone flying through the air, approaching the white box-shaped Noah Ark Academy! They all landed on a freakin' huge roof, immediately on their feet. Not far from the main characters stood a man not quite black, not quite gray, but...something in between.  
"It's finally here!" The second Millenium Earl cried! "It's… IT'S THE -MAAAAAN!" The entire audience applauded as hard as they could, as they now truly knew the meaning of the series.  
The 'original' Earl seemed to grow bored now from this sudden revelation."Screw this!" Old Principal Earl said. "I'm just using my UMBRELLA GUN!" He shot holes through the other Earl's stomach until he looked like Swiss cheese. The battered Earl deflated slowly, accompanied by an appropriate sound effect, until some guy was left standing underneath the rubber remains.

[.com/watch?v=MqFhczSljwM&feature=related]He pulled off the remains... _**AND HE WAS KOMUI!**_ "**WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!**" screamed every other character in the immediate area (excluding the big statue)!  
"You'd best hold your fire, Mr. Millenium Earl," he said, glasses sparkling.  
"Why should I?(HEART SYMBOL HERE)" The Earl (probably) fired...and the bullet bounced right off of Komui's glasses, instead jamming his umbrella! "B-BUT… I WAS ALWAYS THE EARL!"  
"Nope," Komui explained, "I knew you had taken my form as a disguise from the beginning of the series. So, in anticipation, I disguised as YOU, doing several terrible Earl-like deeds in preparation for this very day!"

"BUT HOW! HOW CAN ONE ANTICIPATE SUCH A COMPLETELY CRAZY STORYLINE?"  
"Simple. Uh...nyehh..." He shrugged and kind of waved his arms a bit.  
The umbrella started to bulge. "No...NNNOOOOOOOOOO!" He tossed it away, but it was too late. The umbrella erupted into a mini black hole, which sucked the Millenium Earl in and promptly disappeared.  
"Now the world is completely safe!" Lavi cried joyously The audience whistled and wooted. "How the heck are people watching this?"  
"Why were you disguised as the Millenium Earl?" Lenalee questioned, shedding a lone tear.  
"Why am I still holding this thing? Blecch!" Krory said in regards to the rotting goldfish he now held between two fingers. He threw it at the unmoving statue.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA," went studio laughter.

"Seriously, stop," Allen said to Krory, stern-faced.  
"But Allen, people are WATCHING! They might STOP watching if I don't keep acting silly!"  
"People DO watch for the dry humor and horrible story flow," Lenalee figured.  
"Hey! I'm the real freakin' Komui here, and all you care about is you dumb sitcom?"  
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Kanda demanded. Everyone's attention was directed at him. "The statue thing's moving slightly. Wasn't anyone even paying attention? Krory's the one who agitated it!"  
"**I** didn't do it! He shrugged at the viewers.  
Allen said, "Guys! The thing's already got-"  
"OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOO**"  
He turned to Kanda. "I am not trying to steal your man, okay?"  
"KRORY IS NOT MY MAN," Kanda said, irritated.  
"OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOO**"  
"The audience wants to know how YOU feel now, Krory!" Komui chirped.  
"I just said there's no love between us a scene or two ago!"  
"OOOOOOO**OOOOO**"  
"I wonder how the ratings will change if we have our first male-male relationship..." Komui daydreamed.  
"BUT I'M ALREADY A - look, Allen, **WOULD** **YOU STOP SAYING STUPID THINGS!**"  
"It's not my fault you got cast that way!" Allen retorted. "Your hair-"  
"**OH, SO IT'S THE HAIR, HUH!**"  
"Oh, sorry," Lenalee interrupted," I couldn't hear Lavi's DEATH THROES over YOU AND THE STUDIO AUDIENCE."  
Lavi's spine was slowly, slowly being split in half between the statue's four meaty fingers. "Bleh!" was all he could say as blood exploded out of his mouth.  
"How do we destroy that thing?"  
Komui suddenly appeared behind Lenalee's back. "There's only one way to destroy a Spectrum Man...and that's FROM THE INSIDE OUT." Everyone gasped again! "So we need to destroy the Triforce in the D. Gray Man's core!"  
"_DADOOM-CHIK,_" went a drumset.  
"That must be what the whole series was building up to!" Allen cried.  
"Awesome," said Kanda.  
"I'll volunteer," Lenalee volunteered, "no matter how disgusting it sounds!"  
"Lenalee, wait!" Allen said, grabbing her arm. "You've still got a boot on your hand."  
"Oh." She tossed it away, possibly hitting something in the process. Then, she ran over to the D. Gray Man with her arms flailing! "Hey, three-sevenths Spectrum Man? Come and eat me or something!"  
"OOH," a deep voice uttered from within the being's hearty core.  
"You've finally come to save me!" Lavi shouted, both eyes gleaming somehow. "Looks like I'm really gonna-" The D. Gray Man tossed him far, far away. He left a bloody trail through the sky as he went.  
"Make a wish!" Krory joked. The audience cracked up.  
"Hold on, kids," Komui said, about to jump off the edge of Noah Ark Academy. "I'm gonna go get the probably-dead Lavi!"  
"Have fun with that!"  
"OOH." The giant crouched down and grabbed Lenalee with his bloodstained hand. And then he ate her.

"WWWOOOOOOOOOOOAH!" she yelped, tumbling down through the oddly-realistic-but-oversized throat of the D. Gray Man. Lenalee abruptly landed (on her feet) in a box-shaped room, wherein the Triforce levitated just above the floor.  
_Do I...take it?_ she thought. With a shrug she bent down and picked it up. In a flash the room evolved into a box-shaped cockpit, complete with airplane-like gauges and equipment! _Oh. Well, I guess so. Maybe I'm supposed to pilot this thing._ Lenalee grabbed a few random handles and started shaking them about at random!

The D. Gray Man tripped off the edge of the building, landing on the ground with a _thump_. The remaining three members of our outstanding gang ran over to the edge and looked down. "_Lenalee!_" Allen cried out to her. "_Are you in there? Are you okay!_"  
"What do you think? She's in a rock-hard stomach," Kanda retorted.  
"Yeah! Exactly! And he-she-it-both isn't moving! Whatever's going on, I just don't want Lenalee to have any part of it!"  
"_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**__**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_"  
The Noah Ark Academy began shaking, as if there were an earthquake taking place! The Big House Brigade fell several hundred feet down onto the grass, falling flat on their faces. As they and the D. Gray Man regained footing, they came face-to-face with a two-legged, two-armed, giant fighting Noah Ark Academy. The limbs looked pretty frail, being thin as wire...but they still worked.  
"Let's ride on the statue's back to safety!" Krory suggested, clinging onto the three-sevenths Spectrum Man's foot.  
"No!" Kanda said, dishing out a slap.  
Suddenly the D. Gray Man got ready for some REAL action, sprouting laser cannons from its back and aiming them at the large cube! "Say goodbye, I guess!" Lenalee said from inside. A barrage of maroon lasers crashed through the windows of the schoolhouse, sending glass shards onto all of your favorite cast members! They began to run around screaming as blood cruised out from their veins. "I hope that worked," she said to herself, not able to hear or see much besides whatever the belly button was currently aimed at. The Noah Ark Academy started stomping around in anger.

But then, yet another new challenger approached...and it was the Big House! It looked something like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, only not leaning...and with equally-frail arms and legs! It also came with huge bat wings, which it used to fly into the arena with! "TAKE THIS!" the face on the Big House's massive doors shouted, shooting out a huge laser from its mouth! The beam traced a buring line on the ground, which the Noah Ark Academy effortlessly dodged and the D. Gray Man tripped out of the way of.  
Lenalee, after dscovering that there were way too many controls to count, found a microphone. "Hey, everyone!" she said into it. "Get in here! We can all control this thing together!"  
"Get in THAT stupid thing?" Kanda bellowed, running away with the rest of the gang. "I'd rather die in a hole!"  
"Waugh!" Krory sobbed. He kept repeating it like a broken record.  
"It's our only hope, y'all!" Allen started to pull them all closer to the D. Gray Man, who scooped them up and ate them in one fell swoop.  
The flying Big House and Noah Ark Academy got into a fistfight, creating shockwaves of wild red power! "Take this, a-and this! Rah!" the gatekeeper face said as the tower punched through both windows at once! "Don't like that, do ya?"

From inside the Noah Ark's own control room-slash-principal's office, Johnny Gil took out a loudspeaker of his own! "NO! I DON'T! I REALLY **DOOOOOOOOOOOON'T!**" He ripped every shard of glass off from his body, bleeding profusely but somehow still standing! "THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THE SECRET EVIL PRICIPAL IF I GET COVERED IN FREAKING GLASS?"  
Big House stuck its hand in again and removed Johnny from the controls, immobilizing Noah Ark Academy! The schoolhouse brought Johnny Gil up to the final floor, dangling him by the collar several stories off the ground. "Say your prayers, Noah Ark boy," Komui said with a vile grin.

"Allen, you control the feet! Kanda, take the arms! Krory, take the head! I'll control the stomach, since that's the only way we can get a visual for some reason!"  
"Got it," the guys nodded, each of them sitting in fashionable stone chairs.  
"And together we make...THE BIG HOUSE BRIGADE MINUS LAVI INSIDE OF THE D. GRAY MAN!" The statue made a crazy, over-the-top pose of some sort! The head shook around a bit, too.  
"Let's put an end to this, once and for all!" Allen said, pumping his fist. "I'm moving in!" He pushed a couple of pedals and buttons, causing the statue-robot to jog.  
"Aim for the Big House's base!" Kanda yelled.  
"Wait, we're DESTROYING Big House!" Krory gasped. "But we've produced so many episodes there...I can hardly bear to see it go..."  
"We kill it or it kills us, stupid!" Kanda yelled again. Moving a bunch of levers pushed one arm back into a fist ready to punch!  
"Initiating mobile view mode," Lenalee said as she found a conveniently-named button. The belly button of the D. Gray Man stretched out into a video camera-like device, quite disturbingly, and broadcast a clear image of Winged Big House on a large monitor. "Oh, um...there it is. ATTAAAAAAAAAAACK!" All of the crew members started screaming and moving random levers and mashing random buttons and smashing random pedals!  
Kanda turned to the left, spotting a swiftly moving D. Gray Man! "Hunh!"  
"Move already!" Gatekeeper declared, sweating profusely.  
Just as Allen made the jump and Kanda aimed the fist, the statue's eyes started glowing and the D Gray Man flew backward! "WHAAAAAAAAAT!" the team roared simultaneously.  
"Sorry," Krory said timidly. "I must have pressed this Reverse Laser Vision button by mistake.  
"Really?" Kanda grumbled. "Start again. Krory, don't do ANYTHING."  
Komui said to Gatekeeper through a microphone, "Target the D. Gray Man instead. It's an easier target."  
"But what about Noah Ark?"  
"What _about_ Noah Ark?"  
"Hyah!" Johnny did a triple-backflip into the Noah Ark Academy, narrowly avoiding death's grasp!  
"Great, you let him get away!"  
"_EXACTLY._"  
"Wha?"  
"Now," Johnny said from the control room, "to perform my special move...the SUPER FINAL FORM GEOGRAPHICAL CANNON!"  
"Laser blast." D. Gray Man shot two short yellow lasers from its eyes and landed on Noah Ark Academy, causing it to create several small, violent explosions.  
"_What?_" Kanda said. "I said not to do ANYTHING, Krory. Now you're trying to take away everyone else's jobs."  
"Good job, Krory!" Lenalee said with a smile. "Although I think you just killed Johnny."  
"Thanks?" he said, sniffling.  
"Maybe if you'd all be a little more adamant about your respective positons you'd get to cause massive explosions, too," she added.  
"So true," Krory agreed - just as the D. Gray Man exploded and they all landed feet-first onto the parking lot!

"NOW I HAVE THE BIG HOUSE BRIGADE RIGHT WHERE I WANT THEM!" Komui shouted from the principal's office! "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
"So you were evil all along?" Lenalee said, shockingly lacking emotion.  
"I did what I had to do," Komui said, somehow able to hear them from so far off, "and that was HAVE THE D. GRAY MAN DESTROYED FROM WITHIN."  
"But we _controlled_ it from within!"  
"And that was necessary for the Triforce to stop controlling it!"  
"Therefore practically destroying its CPU and allowing dangerous data to flow out!" Gatekeeper added.  
"What?"  
"Did it ever occur to you that we were INSIDE of that thing, and that we could have gotten seriously INJURED?" Allen said.  
"No...because I believe in you!"  
"Oh, Komui!" Lenalee said with tears in her eyes. And they were tears...OF JOY!  
"I'm so glad we made it through this," Allen said, hugging her.  
"You're despicable!" Kanda threw a pebble at Big House's leg.  
"Aah!" Gatekeeper gasped, looking down at the mechanical limb. "You broke mah leg! But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Slowly the Big House started to crumble, until within speechless minutes it was a pile of dust blown away in the wind.  
"...Is Komui dust now?" Krory asked.  
"Probably," Kanda said.  
"_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH.**_"  
Kanda squinted his eyes at the camera.

[.com/watch?v=G2EWjQ1D7R0&feature=related]The same guy who sang the theme song said, "Next time on _Saved by the Big House_!"  
"You're going with Komui to the prom!" Allen asked Kanda, astonished.  
"Yes, but Lenalee 1 dared me to," Kanda dryly clarified.  
In another scene, Krory was at home combining several bubbling chemicals. He poured a boiling green substance into a large cardboard box, making a small explosion of dry ice. "At last I have created a working time machine!" he said, cackling like a hyena. He stepped in...and an older version of himself soon popped out!  
The announcer added, "How will Krory ever become his younger self again? And what about prom? That's what's coming up!" he repeated. "Seeya! Same Saved by the Big House time, same Saved by the Big House channel!"

The credits started playing, being a repeat of the theme song except without vocals. Cast was listed as follows:  
"LAVI BOOKMAN as ZACHARY MORRIS  
ALLEN WALKER as ALBERT CLIFFORD  
ARYSTAR KRORY as SAMUEL POWERS  
KANDA YU as LISA TURTLE  
LENALEE LEE as JASSICA MYRTLE SPANO and KELLY KAPOWSKI  
KOMUI LEE as RICHARD BELDING  
MILLENIUM EARL as HIMSELF  
BIG HOUSE as BAYSIDE HIGH SCHOOL  
NOAH ARK ACADEMY as RIVAL SCHOOL  
D. GRAY MAN as HIMSELF"

"I can honestly say that was not bad," Syrus said, rubbing his forehead.  
"_I_ can honestly say that it wasn't _good,_" Jaden thought. "But hey, not bad either, yo."  
"I thought it was pretty stupid myself," Mann McOldsmobile said. "I mean, maybe if it was all-action, the characters would really be in their element."  
"But the wacky school antics were the best part!" Jaden said.  
"The plot was building up to something great, but it all just fell apart at the end," Syrus said. "I feel sorry for making you guys watch it."  
"Ya know, yo," Jaden said, putting an arm around his buddy Sy, "it wasn't half bad. I might even have some newfound respect for the Big House's acting talents! I mean, they made up a hizzy of a script on the spot! You're my best friend, Sy!"  
"That came out of nowhere, but I'm still touched," Syrus said...and then they hugged.  
"Okay, okay, so Saved by the Big House was average at best," Mann McOldsmobile said as he picked up the remote control. "Let's watch something else." He began flipping through channels.  
"Breaking news: sudden tumor outbreak causes company to speak out a-"  
"DIGIMON: DIGITAL STEAK SAUCE-"  
"New duel disk that can cut through rice paper! It-"  
"-veryone Loves Lenalee: weeknights at 8:30, right after Spongebob Squarepants...and COMING UP NEXT!"  
"Eh." Mann McOldsmobile shrugged and set the control down. The television started shaking wildly! "What the hell's going on now? Does it just not want to watch this crap?" The glass caved in on itself, rendering all your favorite programs unwatchable. "Oh. Looks like WE'RE not watching any more TV today."  
"I'm so sorry! I never thought it would come to this!" Syrus said, on the verge of tears.  
"It's not your fault! It's Lenalee's!" Jaden turned around to the beds. "Hey, could you start repairin' the telly, yo?"  
Chumley rolled over in the bottom bunk. "Huh?"

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 54: The Graduation Match – Part One

Chazz sat around in his bed, staring at the ceiling. "Boss!" shouted Ojama Yellow. Chazz was unresponsive. "Boss!" No response. "Boss!"  
"Chazz, you're scarin' me, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson cried. "Yellow's been callin' ya for HOURS now!"

"I reckon e's dead," Billy Hills grimly decided.  
"No, I'm not dead, it's just that nobody bothers to remember that Yellow even exists," Chazz revealed, truthfully.

"Hey, I come out when I feel like it, boss!" Ojama Yellow answered matter-of-factly. "BOSS! YOU'S ALIVE N' KICKIN'!"

"Listen, Billy and Dobbson," Chazz instructed, leaping out of his bed, fully-clothed and picking up a burrito, "I have something to do today."  
"On the last day of school, I reckon?" Billy Hills gasped.  
"Yeah, I have something to take care of. Ojama Yellow's coming with me." Chazz took a big bite out of his burrito.

"Huh, aw, huh, but we can't go out to our final day of class without our fearless leader! What'll we do it Bastion n' his crew attacks us, huh, Chazz, huh?"

"I don't know why they'd do that," Chazz said, stepping onto the doorframe with burrito cheese on his mouth, "but I'm doing this… FOR LOVE." He slammed shut the door.

"… Fer love, I reckon?" Billy Hills wondered. "Man, the last time I reckon I fell in love, it ended in tragedy with my death!"  
"Really, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked, nonbelieving.

"Yeah, I reckon you GOTTA remember THAT week."  
"Huh, I think I do, now. Crazy stuff, huh?"

"Yeah, I reckon I couldn't find my neck 'fer three days, ha ha!"

As they continued their dumb conversation, Chazz and Ojama Yellow walked out of the area surrounding the Slifer Toolshed. "Wow, Boss! A lovely sitiation! So who's the lucky broad?"  
"Are you dense?" Chazz demanded. "It's Alexis Rhodes! Haven't you noticed by now?"  
"But I wasn't in a whole lotta scenes, seein' as I'm not well-respected."  
"Oh, that's okay then. But besides, I've only got one more day that I have self-instructed myself to try and woo my lady until I can no longer call myself a man!"

"So whadda ya gonna do, Boss?" Ojama Yellow asked.

"I'm gonna hit the beach," Chazz decided, pointing to the beach and a clashing wave against the cliffs nearby. "There's only one chance I have left!"

And as Chazz Crowler left the Toolshed, Zane Truesdale approached a certain door and knocked politely. "Hello-yo?" Jaden greeted, opening the door. "OOOOOOH MYYYYY GOOOOOOSH, IT'S ZANE!"

"Z-Z-Z-BROTHER?" Syrus gasped!

Mann McOldsmobile fell out of his bed! "WHY SHOULD I CARE?" he screeched in fear!

As he stepped inside, Zane mentioned, "Y'know, in my three years coming to the academy, I have not once stepped foot in this dorm. It's nice that I finally have a reason to come out here."

"Whadda ya' mean, Jean?" Jaden asked. He pulled Zane over to the bed on the floor. "Take a seat, take a load off."  
Syrus handed him some frothy cocoa. "Have a drink, bro, don't be shy." His brother didn't motion toward it. Syrus took Zane's hands himself and cupped them around the mug handle. Zane dropped the cup and shattered it. "Whoops, y'dropped your cocoa." He started sweeping it into a dustpan.  
Mann McOldsmobile poured some hot water over Zane's head and plopped some conditioner onto his hair. "Don't worry, your conditioning'll be done in a sec!"

"So what's up, bro?" Syrus asked.

_A few days ago, all of the school's surviving seniors were gathered up in Crowler's classroom, since there were about thirty or so left after the past four year's carnage. They were assembled in front of a large screen, where the scores of the top ten students in the school were shown to be popping up. "I wonder how we're going to be ranked, seeing as we really don't have all that much work at this school!" said one guy._

10. Ricky Momo: 4 Points _read the first result._

"_Number ten is Ricky Momo, with a really crappy FOUR POINTS!" Crowler announced!_

"_Oh, well I expected to do worse," Ricky Momo sighed._

9. Jimmy Crackinstack: 7 Points _read the second result._

"_Mr. Crackinstack, you are number nine!" Crowler told!_

"_Well, I try," said some kid with a blocky hairstyle._

8. Pharaoh: Toothpick Symbol

"_Erm… WHAT THE HECK?" Crowler shrieked!  
"MEOW," Pharaoh meowed, forcing several bystanders to inch away from him nervously. Pharaoh then turned away smugly and took his leave._

"_Well… that was uncomfortable," Crowler shrugged. "Here are the rest of the results._

7. Juniper Lee: 7.6 Points

6. Richard Scary: Dinosaur Mask

5. Humboldt Penguin: Red Ants

4. Natsu Dragneel: Jenga

3. Twisthead/Moe: 14 Points

2. Stephen Boyd: 94 Points

_The lights suddenly dimmed and the screen took on a cheap-looking outer space background. "AAAAND THE VALIDICTORIAN OF WHATEVER THIS YEAR IIIIIIS…" Crowler screamed, building up the pressure! And so, in an old-looking effect, the name '__**ZANE TRUESDALE**__' broke through the background, sending large glass-like shards flying all over the screen! '__**PLOT SIGNIFICANCE**__' appeared under it. Three people clapped for him. "Ah, Zane Truesdale, would we expect anything less from you after these past few wonderful years?" Crowler sighed. "So now, you know all about tradition: as we cap off our final day of school, you get to choose your final opponent to humiliate in front of everybody! Who do you want to beat, hmm? Hmm? Hmmmmm?"  
"…" said Zane, saying nothing, yet glaring menacingly as usual._

"_Well, you have a few days," Crowler said._

"_Why thanks," he thanked._

"Wow, so that flashback just told us everything!" Syrus said.

"I actually understood half of something for once," Mann McOldsmobile agreed, working up a good lather on Zane's 'do.

"To duel you," Zane explained with a smile.  
"HUBBA-WHA?" Jaden screeched, flipping out the window!

"Didn't you understand it already?" Syrus asked. Jaden flipped back into the room from outside.

"Well, it was KINDA ambiguous, man," Jaden sighed sadly.

"Yes I did," Zane agreed.

"Okay," Mann McOldsmobile said, scratching Zane's scalp so as to get rid of any flaky dandruff.  
"To duel you, Jaden. I've decided. I want you to join me at the Grad Match."

"Aw DANG!" Jaden gasped! "How did I NOT POSSIBLY see this comin' in the LEAST, G?"

"Right," Zane slyly remarked. "'Till then." He began walking out the door with a soapy, soapy head as Mann McOldsmobile tossed a bucket of rinsing water at his head.

"Yes! I did it!" Mann McOldsmobile cheered, wiping his arms of any wetness.

"Oh," Zane said, turning to the Reds as he stepped out, "I like your dorm. A good fit for you kids." The door slammed shut.

"… AW SWEET BABY RAY'S! THE GRAD MATCH, YO! THIS IS GONNA BE OFF 'DA HOOK!" Jaden squealed!  
"But didn't he just diss us?" Syrus asked.

"I know, but I get to CAP OFF 'DA SEASON with a DUEL against ZANE!" Jaden shouted! "AHAHAHAHAAHAAA!"

"But," Mann McOldsmobile said, holding up a VHS tape, "I was lookin' at some of the back episodes and noticed that you LOST against him, since you DID cheat by combining two effects into one with Bubbleman, the one guy everybody hates. So you're probably gonna lose."

"In that case," Jaden decided, "guess I'll just have'ta win, then!"  
"But there's no logic in that reply!" Syrus shouted! "Look, you have only a few hours at best to prepare today, and most of that time'll be spent at an assembly! You need to FOCUS on COUNTERING him and his STRATEGIES! Or else you'll NEVER get over it, begin to fail at school and at life, and then… BECOME A VAGABOND BUM."  
"Don't sweat it," Jaden chuckled, grabbing Syrus under his arm, "'cause 'Vagabond Bum' sounds like a SWEET title, thanks to the 'Vagabond' part! It's a win-win situation, if I say so m'self!"

"You're missing the point!" Syrus scolded!  
"He's right, but what do WE care?" Mann McOldsmobile asked. "C'mon, let's eat breakfast!"

"There's BEEN no breakfast ever since our Dorm Head died, remember?" Syrus reminded.

"… So what do we do now?" Mann McOldsmobile requested, at a loss of what to think.

"All we CAN do, is…" Jaden promised, "… to GET YOUR GAME ON! OUTTA SIGHT!"  
"BOO," someone said.

"That line was painful," Syrus Sy-ed.

"I know, I just gotta do what I can to cap off 'da scene. Let's go to our assembly and hope that they have assorted nuts and berries in cups!"

"Yowza!" The trio dashed out of the room.

~MEANWHILE~

Chazz stood on the morning beach, watching the waves crash back and forth. "Woah, Boss, these waves're so romantic!" Ojama Yellow sighed. "Was THIS the big idea?"  
"That's a terrible suggestion!" Chazz cried! He held his pointing finger outward! "Look! Look at the WAAAAAVES! See who I am pointing to!"  
"Hmm…" Ojama Yellow extended his eyestalks and craned his neck around the area. "Wait! I see'm, Boss!" And yes, there was one Atticus Rhodes, surfin' the waves in his academy-issued uniform, holding onto two babes! He swirled around in the surf and launched his surfboard off onto the beach in front of Chazz!

"Oh, Atticus!" one swooned.  
"That was aaaawesoooome," the other agreed.

"Consider your virginity mine now, gals," he said, approaching Chazz. "See ya!" The two girls imploded, as their purpose had been fulfilled. "So, what's up Chazz? You were watching me, so that means you want to ask me about your love life."  
"Exactly!" Chazz agreed!  
"Yo!" Ojama Yellow greeted!  
"EEP! It's HIDEOUS!" Atticus shrieked! The poor yellow fellow teared up and threatened to cry. "Oh, sorry, I didn't know a monstrosity such as yourself would understand human speech. So spill it, Chazz. I've been waiting for this plot thread for about 10 episodes now."

"I wanna date Alexis," Chazz started, "and she only views me as a pesky idiot kid! What can I do in order to force her into a duel, proving my manly toughness?"

_Such a stupid idea,_ Atticus thought to himself. _Anyways, it's in the Divine Script, so let's do it._ "All you gotta do is steal something super-triple important!" the ladies' man instructed! "Just steal the Seven Spirit Keys and challenge her for them! Then watch something happen to them and not face any consequences!"

"I see!" Chazz cried out! "THAT'S A PERFECT PLAN! Thanks, soon-to-be-bro-in-law!" He began to make his grand escape, leaving Ojama Yellow in the dust as Atticus waved with a disgusted expression.

"WAIT, BOSS! WAIT UP! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAHAHAHAAAA!"

"Well, that's step… forty-something," Atticus sighed, stepping away to find some last-minute women.

THREE! SECONDS! LATER!

Syrus, Mann McOldsmobile and just about every other non Jaden/Atticus/Chazz/Zane duelist on the island were standing in large ranks according to rank and age in the Duel Dome in front of the big fat television screen. Chancellor Shepherd's face was being projected as always, making us yearn for the days of the second episode. Oh, where has our youth gone? "Oh boy, gang," Shepherd sighed wistfully, "it was a great year, huh kids? We only had a relatively small number of on-screen deaths, we inserted only a few dozen random characters, and no huge dimension-tearing conflicts have happened as of yet! I believe this is a good thing, right?" A few dozen kids nodded in agreement. "So, let us just take a moment to remember all the good, exciting things that've happened this past year, okay?"  
_Hmm,_ Syrus thought, _this WAS a pretty big year, right?_

_Ain't that the truth,_ his hair replied mentally. _Just take a second to reflect, you'll find it was quite amazing if you just remember for a second._

_Okay,_ Syrus accepted. And so, he thought back to the past year.

He'd met several weird and amazing new kids and freakish teachers. He'd known the closest possible link between humans and koalas. He'd witnessed amazing rivalries being born and people allying themselves with super-humans with glasses, pig ears, alien hands and more. He'd believed some girl was a boy's psychic clone in a horrifying twist. He remembered when he'd finally stood up for himself in his first big Tag-Duel, and he'd come to terms with his brother and their bond together. He'd witnessed a duel that could have meant the fate of the world… several times. He'd seen a Duel Giant turn out to be two idiots on top of each other instead of the traditional red herring. He'd met a kid who could transform into Tarzan and steal Sammiches. He'd seen so many idiots trying to do their own thing and beat people up with card games, including futuristic velociraptors and a kid trying to be Yugi. He'd seen people become stronger from their bonds with others, including himself. He'd met the manliest man in the world, and two renegade semi-evil robots aligned with some man he'd never met before. He'd been saved by serial rapist murderers in the forest. He'd come in contact with individuals with amazingly horrible backstories, and yet they became his closest friends. And, of course, he'd known Jaden Yuki, the one who would become the next Duel King.

Pondering over everything, he came to the decision that he was truly made a better person through all of this. He was HAPPY.

[.com/watch?v=NBnAZ9oFtwY]Some semi-peppy music began playing off the intercoms. "Okay, Chaps and Chapettes, coffee break over!" Shepherd announced, interrupting everyone. "Now, please prepare to sing the school anthem with us!" The faculty, including Ms. Dorothy, Countergirl Williams, Janitorboy Ikkaku, the old man and nasally man from the first episode, and even Kamina began doing a humiliatingly-unfunny dance in order to force some chuckles out of the students. But it didn't work. And so, everybody took a deep breath and began to sing, whether they liked it or not.

"Hajimete anata to deatta no ha hako bakari no chiisa na rokujyoukan. Megane goshi no anata no hitomi ha kira kira kagayaiteita. Sorekara ikkagetsu asa kara ban made futari kiri, ikiru sekai ga chigau konna watashi ni anata ha yasashiku shite kureta! Gomen ne gamen kara derarenai no, watashi ha nijigen no onna no ko! donna ni kimochi ga takabutte mo anata ni furerarenai! Gomen ne honne ga kuchi ni dasenai no watashi ha nijigen no onna no ko, kimerareta serifudoo ni shika anata to kaiwa dekinai!  
Demo tsutaetai no kono kimochi 'deatte kurete honto ni arigatou…'"

"STOOOOOP!" Alexis shrieked, crying hot, salty tears of remorse! Everybody stopped singing their song.  
"Erm… what is it, Miss Rhodes?" Chancellor Shepherd asked sheepishly.

"I don't WANT to sing this… this DISGUSTING SONG!" she answered as Angry McArgue and Nancy Wut hugged her in support.

"What's wrong with it?" Chancellor Shepherd asked, scratching his head. "I mean, do you want me to recount for you how the school song was chosen in the first place? Oh well, I'll do that now."

_It was about five years ago when Mokuba walked into Seto Kaiba's office during one of his famous hangovers. "Hey bro, apparently we need to decide on a school song before we can open up Kaibaland Duel Academy," he explained. Kaiba tossed an empty vodka bottle at him, smashing against the wall nearest to his face instead. "Okay, I'll just buy the rights to something nobody'll miss, I guess." Mokuba walked off and bought the rights to Rainbow Girl, and everybody lived happily ever after_.

"That explained so much to me," said Janitorboy Ikkaku, wiping away a tear.  
"DON'T YOU KNOW THE TRANSLATED LYRICS, YOU JAPANESE PEOPLE?" Alexis accused accusingly! "It's about some GIRL in a COMPUTER GAME who falls in love with a BIG NERD! I DON'T LIKE THAT ONE BIT!"  
"So we were putting ourselves into the persona of a COMPUTER GAME GIRL? EUGH!" vomited Fluffy Fred!  
"I want my money back!" Depressed Kid raged!

"YEAH!" blurted out his ally Big Kid, throwing a desk chair into the screen and breaking it! Some smoke rose from it.

"GET HIM!" shouted some security guards, leaping onto him and Depressed Kid.

"Anyways," Shepherd said from the second screen on the opposite wall this whole time, causing the entire student body to turn about-face, "Alexis, you should really take up that concern with people who care. But either way, in ONE HOUR, we will have our big Graduation Duel between Zane Truesdale and Jaden Yuki, so use this time to finish up anything you haven't done this past year. Over n' out!" The screen blipped out. And then the students flipped the hell out.  
"I GOTTA FINISH DESIGNING A GAAAME!" Big Kid erupted, breaking free of the pile of people on top of him! He ran off to fulfill his original purpose.

"I GOTTA FIND ANOTHER GAAAAAAASP!" screamed Someone Jones, holding up his jar of gasps! "I CAN'T GO ON WITHOUT ANOTHER! EEEEEEP!"

"I NEED TO FIND A EGG MCSAMMICH MEAL!" burst Dan the Drawer, holding up a cheesy Sammich!

"I JUST HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO WASH THIS SHIRT!" Bastion yelled, holding up a t-shirt with an image of Wonderweiss Margera holding up a bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce, reaching for a Sammich, while wearing a two-headed kitten on his head… BUT THERE WAS A SAUCE STAIN ON HIS FACE DUE TO _**BASTION'S IGNORANCE.**_

"AND I GOTTA FIND SOME MOTIVATION!" Nancy Wut screamed, running towards the cafeteria!

"…" The student body decided to continue on their legacy by saying "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH!" They began running around and fulfilling their motivation at will, effortlessly making everybody look like idiots who should buy planners.

As that as going on, Chazz was breaking into Chancellor Shepherd's office with a crowbar and a stack of flapjacks. "Careful, careful…" he told himself as he poured his hot syrup onto the plate of decadence. The doors were instantly blown off their hinges!

"Nice one!" Ojama Yellow shouted!

"Done!" Chazz announced, throwing the breakfast over his shoulder and causing an explosion in the corridor behind him. He then looked around for a few seconds, finding no sort of place for keys to be hidden. "Yellow, look through the walls, because you can do that!"  
"I CAN?" Ojama Yellow put his arm through a wall. "MY GOSH IT'S POSSIBLE!"  
"Stop being an idiot!" Chazz shouted.

"Okay, I'll look around." Ojama Yellow began flying around like an erratic drunken shopping cart rider falling down the street. He stopped once he came under a stack of disgusting magazines under Shepherd's desk! "I FOUND IT!" Chazz kicked the deck out of the way and threw the magazines to the side! And there was a wooden box with a rusted lock!  
"Good work, Yellow!" Chazz congratulated! "I really owe you one now, heh heh…"

MEANWHILE, A FEW! MINUTES! LATER!

Syrus and Mann McOldsmobile were sitting around, doing nothing of any use as the screaming and running in the Duel Dome had dissolved into merely throwing Sammiches around at people. "Ugh, Mann, sitting around and doing nothing is the PITS!" Syrus complained. "We need to find a last-second goal!"

Mann McOldsmobile caught a Sammich in his mouth. "Hmm, maybe you could try catching a few Sammiches?"

"No, that's a terrible goal. I need to decide on something to do today!"  
"Well…" Mann McOldsmobile thought for a moment. "Why don't you decide to be original and DON'T do anything?"  
"… Okay," Syrus decided, lazy, as he got hit in the face by a Green Apple McSammich Meal. "Ow, the taste! Oh yeah, and didn't Jaden mention some end-of-year advancement tests that we never took? I really wanna be a Yellow."

"We have tests here?" Mann McOldsmobile wondered, scratching his head in confusion.

"It's not as if we were ever really SHOWN doing that after the second half of the season…"  
"I wasn't here THAT early, so I'd never know."

"Oh. Some other really, really stupid stuff happened before you got here, too," Syrus went on, "like the time when Chazz left the academy because he dueled Bastion and lost. I never got that one."  
"So is THAT why it was made such a big deal on episode 26?" Mann McOldsmobile inferred.

"Exactly! Even though it shouldn't have been. Oh yeah, and there was also that one time when some kid who looked like Yugi stole Yugi's deck and tried to pretend he WAS Yugi!" Syrus recounted. "Man, he SURE wasn't Yugi!"  
"In fact…" Mann McOldsmobile started, but he cut himself off.

"What?"  
"Nah, nobody wants me to ask this one."  
"That's debatable."  
"Well then WHY is there even a school for trading card games, and why is there so much money put into that? In fact, why's the WORLD so obsessed with it?" Mann McOldsmobile questioned.

"Tsk tsk tsk, Mann," Syrus tsked, "you have so much to learn, and it was all so obvious, too. When Duel Monsters was introduced, we all thought it was okay and it had modest sales records. But soon, one Yugi Muto managed to make the sport so famous by showing off how cool it could be, and then ALL the kids were buying the cards! Even the bullies who stole OTHER cards from the so-called 'LAME' kids! It actually managed to make a stock market record in its first five years, breaking 2,568,700 points under Dow Jones! This means that within a decade, the franchise managed to be able to support several countries. Which it did, donating trillions to countries in order to erase their national debts.

"After that, different countries began supporting Duel Monsters by broadcasting commercials for it before, during and after EVERY broadcast program on the airwaves at no cost to them. Dozens of company branches for producing the cards appeared on every continent, including Antarctica. The televised tournament-level games garnered billions of viewers. The ENTIRE WORLD REVEOLVED AROUND TRADING CARDS, ESSENTIALLY MAKING MAXIMILLION PEGASUS THE RULER OF THE ENTIRE PLANET.

"And that's how we got where we are today. Questions?"

"Well I don't care and I'm off to find more robot friends!" Mann McOldsmobile said, off to fulfill what we've come to expect out of him.

"Wow," Syrus Sy-ed, "that all makes me feel ignored to the point of crying."

"WELL DON'T!" Chancellor Shepherd shouted, shooting several people out in the arena with a net cannon, stopping them from throwing any more foodstuffs!

"AW, HOW'LL WE VENT OUR SELF-DISAPPOINTMENT **NOW**?" many people cried, slipping around on some Sammich goop and falling on top of each other.  
"All of you get back into your seats, because the scene change for a few minutes was ACTUALLY an hour long!" he explained.

"OH, REALLY?" the audience understood, racing back into place after lifting the nets off of their heads, allowing the floors to be hosed down and cleaned.

"For those of you IDIOTS who don't remember…"  
"HEY!"  
"… the BIG DUEL between JADEN AND ZANE TRUESDALE is ABOUT TO BEGIN!" signaled Chancellor Shepherd, stepping out of the way so the lights could dim over the center of the Duel Dome. Nobody could see anything except for the area for the games to take place; truly and literally the center stage was all they could see. And then… Jaden stepped into the light. All was silent. He quietly took his place and put his Duel Disk onto his arm. He looked down at the floor, almost down-trodden.

"Heheheh," he chuckled, "WAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" He held his right arm up in a fist. He turned his face skyward with a gleeful grin and pointed toward the heavens. "COME ON OUT NOW! I'M READY FOR YA, ZANE! LET'S THROW DOWN, RIGHT NOW!"

Syrus began to clap slowly and loudly. _Come on, the slow clap always works_… he hoped. "WOOHOO!" Mann McOldsmobile yelled!

"YEAH!" supported Piggybank.

"I DON'T WANNA VOTE FOR ZANE, SO DON'T SCREW IT ALL UP!" Shades Milligan spoke out.

"YEEEEEHAWWWW!" screamed a nameless figure.

"LET'S CLAP FOR HIM!" At that proclamation, the entire congregation of card game-enthusiasts erupted into applause and cheers for this one boy. Jaden felt their appreciation and heated spirits pouring into his very being.

_I got only one shot to redeem m'self here,_ he told himself, _and I'm gonna do it without cheatin'. I've grown as a person now. No dirty tricks! Just a duelist's spirit! Come on out Zane, and I'm gonna whup you like nobody ever before me. I AM READEH!_ Jaden was truly the most confident person to ever step foot into the academy at this point. And he wasn't about to give up without a fight…!

And so the applause died down as it usually does. You could hear a pin drop. 'PLINK' went a stray pin. "Sorry!" a pin-owner apologized.

But it was alright, because Zane Truesdale and Alexis Rhodes strode into play. The audience immediately erupted into applause. People screamed their hearts out. They threw all sorts of trinkets at the boy, such as t-shirts, money, and first-born babies. "Have a good duel," wished Alexis, smooching her man on the cheek. He gave her an okay smile as she headed off into the stands.

"OKAY, READY TO DUEL?" Jaden shouted across the arena. Zane cupped his hand around his ear; the cheering was just too deafening. "I SAID, ARE YOU READY TO DUEL ME YET?" Zane shrugged and took out a banana. "NOOOO, ARE YOOOO REEEAAAADDYYYY TOOOO DUUUUEEEEELLL?" Zane passed Jaden a shark. "Ugh! WHY CAN'T THEY JUST SHUT UP?"

And that is how Jaden and Zane had to wait three hours before the crowd could shut up before the duel began.

[COMMENTARY]

Saved by the Big House. Questions? No? Good! Ha ha, Saved by the Bell reruns before school, I knew your boring-butt would serve me someday! My sister was the one who volunteered to write that gem of a show. It took her two weeks. It's special that way. And no matter what you say, this is the ending of the -Man series. Even if there's apparently another episode at some imaginary point. NO QUESTIONS! GOOD!

Meanwhile it was also planned out to fill up a short chapter. Notice how short everything after our last TV gag was? Did anybody even CARE about the TV gags? We'll see. WE WILL SEE IF YOU SAW.

The episode today also explains a lot of what's going on. Chazz's plan to ruin everything stupidly! The upcoming BEST PART OF THE SERIES! What you've been reading if you made it to this point! The reason for EVERYTHING happening in this series! Can you dig it? CAN YOU DIG IT? We are ABOUT TO REACH THE CHAPTER-LONG CROWNING MOMENT OF AWESOME! YES, I AM A TROPER IN SPIRIT! PREPARE YOURSELVES, CHILDREN, FOR JADEN AND ZANE ARE ABOUT TO DESTROY _THE UNIVERSE!_


	55. Episode 55: The Graduation Match Part 2

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 55: The Graduation Match – Part Two

[.com/watch?v=8RE3h-SOdYQ&feature=related]Jaden and Zane stared at each other from across their dueling platform. Crowler, meanwhile, was sitting next to Chancellor Shepherd and gripping a microphone. "AND NOW, THE MATCH YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!" it grandly announced! "IT'S ZANE TRUESDALE VERSUS JADEN _YUCKY_! LET'S GET THIS MATCH OVER WITH SO WE CAN ALL CHEER FOR ZANE AGAIN!"  
"OOOOOOOH!" cheered the audience.  
"'Nuff wit' 'da small talk!" Jaden spat. "Let's get down'ta business!"  
"Enough with the small talk," Zane ordered.  
"I jus' said that, yo!" Jaden said. Both players ripped their opening hands right outta their Duel Disks, as I've said a lot often. "This ain't gonna be some repeat of the LAST episode! We gonna be duelin' up in here! Any last words, slick?"  
"Let's do this!" Zane decided! (Zane Truesdale: 4000 Life Points, Jaden Yuki: 4000 Life Points)

"Get your game on, Zane!" Jaden suggested.  
"BOO," everybody said.  
"Talk about harsh!" Jaden huffed. "Whose move, G?"  
"You choose who goes first," Zane allowed.  
"Good! Why don't you go on ahead?"  
"Hm! Really, second!" Zane assured.  
"Uh… yeah."_  
Looks like somebody's studied up on me,_ Zane thought._  
Uh, yeah, the script says my motivation is so that Cyber Dragon won't cruise right onto the field on his first turn, so… yeah,_ Jaden told himself, looking at his script. He tossed it over his shoulder.  
"Very well then," Zane said, drawing the first new card of the game. A large explosion erupted behind his frame and rocked the Duel Dome!  
"WOAH!"  
"THIS GAME'S SO EXCITING FROM THE VERY START!"

"I play the Spell card Polymerization to select and send a few monsters from my hand and send them to the Graveyard to summon a Fusion Monster!"  
"We know what it does!" several people yelled, but they didn't really care, because it was ZANE!  
"That's right Jaden, there's more than one way to skin a cat!"  
"Hunh?"  
"In this case, to SUMMON a **DRAGON!**"  
"Uh," Jaden said for confused reasons.  
"I'll send the three Cyber Dragons in my hand to the Graveyard, so I can summon the Cyber END Dragon!" He held out his three cards and showed them off to the audience before sending them away! And in their place appeared a large, round white portal onto the field.  
"RHAAAAAAAAAIIIIR," roared a red-eyed robot dragon head peeking through it.  
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHR," roared a green-eyed robot dragon head peeking through it.  
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWR," roared a yellow-eyed robot dragon head peeking through it.  
"SHEEEEEEEEEEN!" went their magnificent wings.  
"FWAASSH!" flashed their gleaming chest jewel.  
"WHIP!" whipped their eighty foot-long tail. The titanical mechanical beast flew right out and onto the field with a blue explosion.  
"!" went the audience! (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 Attack Points)

"That… THAT'S AMAZING EVEN THOUGH HE'S STILL LEAVING HIMSELF OPEN FOR A BIG, OBVIOUS COUNTERATTACK!" Bastion gasped!  
"HOW DOES HE DO IT?" Fluffy Fred cried!  
"I DON'T KNOW, I'M TOO SCARED!" Baseball Bob sobbed!  
"LET'S CUT BACK TO THE DUEL!" Piggybank requested.  
"OKAY!" Omega-Xis said loudly.

_Well, no prob, yo,_ Jaden thought, _it'll be a'ight. I'll just blaze through that dragon next turn and see what happens from there! It's the perfect plan, G! We's in biz!_  
"As a matter of fact, I'll also play DIFFERENT DIMENSION CAPSULE!" Zane added! An ancient sarcophagus appeared.  
"SONOVA…"  
"Now Jaden, I select one card in my deck, and remove it from play, but then in two turns IT RETURNS TO MY HAND." Somehow he put his real-life card into the digital coffin, which then disappeared.  
"DANG IT, IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE THE **FIRST** TIME!" Jaden wailed, gripping his head with suspense!  
"Finally, I'll place one card face-down and end my turn," Zane concluded, placing a Trap/Spell face-down on his field space._  
Aw man, what's he got down there?_ Jaden wondered. _More importantly, did he just get Power Bond or something with that capsule card? I gots to play 'wit mah head today!_  
"Jaden, go on," Zane said impatiently, "it's your move."  
"…." Jaden's head began belching smoke out from his mouth and eyeholes.

"What's Jaden doing?" Syrus asked. "Is he seriously trying to think?"  
"I dunno, but it can't be good for his health," Mann McOldsmobile believed.  
"SCREW THINKIN' STUFF THROUGH," Jaden concluded, "I'MA JUST GONNA PLAY WHATEVER I GOT! I SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO WILDHEART!"  
"Yarg!" Wildheart said, appearing on the field with his fierce expression and fiercer sword. (Wildheart: 1500 Attack Points)  
"Next I'm playin' Wild Half, cutting your monster in HALF!" Jaden added, playing a Spell card with a spunky wolf standing under the moon. A tan explosion accompanied the notion!  
"YAAAAH!" Wildheart yelled, leaping forth and slicing the mechanical drake in half vertically! Now it was TWO DRAGONS WITH ONE-AND-ONE-HALF HEAD EACH! (Cyber End Dragons: 2000 Attack Points)  
"Next I equip my Wildheart with Cyclone Boomerang!" An oversized boomerang swooped down to Wildheart, who grabbed it with an accompanying laser sound effect! "Now Wildheart gains 500 Attack Points and attacks the Cyber End Dragon copy with Wild Walloping Boomerang!" (Wildheart: 2000 Attack Points)  
"BOO."  
"I DON'T MAKE THE ATTACK NAMES!"

"I don't think so!" Zane challenged! "I play De-Fusion!" One Cyber End Dragon exploded with a golden shine and became THREE REGULAR CYBER DRAGONS!  
"I'm… STILL ATTACKING THAT POSER!" Wildheart tossed his boomerang with enough strength in order to make it appear as a blazing, crimson disk! It cut right through the big, 1.5-headed robot and caused it to erupt into baby-blue demonic shadows. Then Wildheart turned into a kitten and ran off the field, defeated.  
"WOAH, HE DESTROYED CYBER END DRAGON, I RECKON!" Billy Hills screamed!  
"Yeah, huh, Billy Hills, huh, but he got three Cyber Dragons on the field and nuthin' in the way, so stay calm," Deep-Voice Dobbson added. "Let's cut back to the game, huh, Billy, huh?"

[.com/watch?v=BdcHN9TSyIw]"You MAY not know this, but when Cyclone Boomerang's sent to the Graveyard," Jaden dictated, "all of YOUR Spells and Traps get smashed, and YOU lose five-hundred SMACKAROOS FOR EACH ONE!" Five big explosions appeared around the Different Dimension Capsule as it sat in an alternate dimension, sending it back into the Duel Dome and ripping it into shreds of malice.  
"BOO," someone said. (Zane Truesdale: 3500 Life Points)  
"Mmm," Zane growled.  
"Now I THROW DOWN a FACE-DOWN and END my TURN!" Jaden finished.  
"BOO!"  
"I'm NOT gonna stop SAYIN' THAT!"  
"…" someone said.

"Oh, is that it?" Zane inferred. "Well, first of all, the card removed using Capsule returns to me."  
"Hold up, what 'choo say?" Jaden gulped. "Wasn't the card you chose Power Bond?"  
"No it wasn't. Seems you've over-thought this one," Zane revealed, "it was CARD FROM A DIFFERENT DIMENSION!" A card appeared in a crack of lightning, showing off a card with a card getting shocked by a machine with lightning!  
"Didn't see that comin'," Jaden said.  
"Yes, we now get to draw two cards from our decks into our hands!" Zane expressed.

"I see," Chazz said, sitting with his buddies now, "he just wanted to draw some new cards, since he burned out his entire hand last turn."  
"CHAZZ, I RECKON YOU'RE BACK!" Billy Hills gasped!  
"Huh, yeah, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson cried, pointing at Ojama Yellow flying around.  
"I'M SO IRRITATING!" Ojama Yellow announced!  
"Did all you gotta do, huh, Chazz, huh?"  
"Yeah, I guess," Chazz sighed, poking the giant, rectangular item in his pocket.

Both kids drew two new cards. "Seein' as you're drawin' new cards means you still don't count me out!" Jaden inferred.  
"Cyber Dragon, wage a direct attack on Jaden's Life Points! Strident Blast!" Zane ordered!  
"You ignored me, yo."  
His Cyber Dragon on the far left opened its maw. A big red orb appeared in the back of its throat and rainbow-colored lines began flying into it from all directions! Its body turned chartreuse for a split-second just before it spat a wave-motion beam of MEGABALLISTIC PROPORTIONS!  
"Sorry Zane but I activate Draining Shield so that I gain all of those Attack Points as Life Points," Jaden said, grabbing a grey shield from his Trap card, absorbing the attack in its entirety before throwing it away into nonexistance. (Jaden Yuki: 6100 Life Points)  
"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGH!" shrieked the other two robot dragons as they hit Jaden with two identical blasts!  
"Ow, the amazing holograms!" Jaden said. (Jaden Yuki: 1900 Life Points)  
"Now I'll place one card face-down and end my turn," Zane said.  
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" cheered the audience!  
"Now hold 'yer horses, pod'ner," Jaden said, "'cause I play The Warrior Returning Alive!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"You're sayin' a lot today, duck-kid," Jaden said.

"BOOSH!" went Wildheart as he exploded back onto the field with psychedelic colors stealing the stage!  
"Next I play Polymerization!" Jaden yelled! "I fuse Wildheart with my Elemental Hero Bladedge in order to create ELEMENTAL HERO WILDEDGE!" Wildheart and the golden blademan hero leaped into the air and molded together! Bladedge transmuted into liquid gold and molded himself into a helmet, a bladed gauntlet, random armored leg armor, and a thirteen-foot ridged blade!  
"WROOOOOOOAAAAAR!" the newly-christened Wildedgeyelled, landing and sending a shockwave throughout the entire tri-state area! (Wildedge: 2600 Attack Points)  
"Now, his superpower allows him to WIPE OUT THE WHOLE FIELD!" Jaden explained! The man held his blade up above his head and brought it down, creating a massive shockwave that ripped through all three Cyber Dragons. They exploded into a large mound of cherry blossoms that were soon picked up by the wind.

"Yowza yowza yowza!" Crowler yipped! "Yucky-boy's just destroyed ALL of Zane's signature monsters, except for the less loved ones! Shouldn't Zane be WIPING THE FLOOR with him?"  
"Shush up Crowler, we gotta cut back to the duel now!" Chancellor Shepherd rushed.

"GOTCHA!" Jaden laughed, pointing to Zane's dull-looking face. (Zane Truesdale: 2000 Life Points) "Now what'cha gonna do? You can't even use Cyber Dragon anymore, because you went to fast and burned out on the second turn! That's why you fail, you've only got THREE MONSTERS IN YOUR DECK!"  
"You fool," Zane chuckled, "I activate the Trap card Return Soul!" His face-down card flipped up, appearing as an explosion with three sparking souls flying forth. "I can add any monsters sent to the Graveyard this turn back to my deck!" With a grey explosion taking the form of a thirty-pointed star, the three Cyber Dragons fluttered back onto the field and dove into Zane's deck.  
"You gotta be yankin' mah dang chain, dawg," Jaden chuckled nervously.  
"WOO WOO YEAH GO ZANEY TRUESDALE!" screeched the audience.

"What a shame," Zane muttered as he shuffled the three cards into his deck, "I picked Jaden Yuki to be my last duel. Wonder where he is."  
"Huh?" Jaden asked, confused.  
"You're not being yourself. You're not playing with your heart!" Zane accused accusingly!  
"But I'm playing as I always do, son!"  
"You're wasting my time!"  
"HEEEEY! Don't gotta be a lame-o 'bout it."  
"Hmm," Zane growled.

"The hell are they talking about?" Angry McArgue wondered aloud.  
"I'm pretty sure Zane's just being his usual self again," Atticus guessed.  
"Oh," Alexis accepted.  
"I made a quote!" Nancy Wut celebrated, having said something.

"HAH!" Zane cried, drawing a card with all his soul, which represented itself as a large blazing phoenix rising into the air behind him! "It's my turn now, and I play the Spell card Future Fusion!" He placed down a Spell featuring a magnificent skyscraper stabbing right through the third dimension and beyond, releasing an amazing spectrum of lights, sounds and colors! The entire arena was engulfed in giant globs of neon colors floating around each other, giving you some sort of time-traveling feel! Sadly, the audience still didn't seem to care about this special effect either. "But this is no usual Fusion," Zane warned as two giant copies of his face appeared around Jaden, "because you see I'm able to fuse cards NOT in my hand! Therefore…" The display of his entire deck flowed past his face like a river of trading cards flying through the air. Three cards turned red and caused them all to fade into nonexistence. "I fuse the three Cyber Dragons in my deck to form THE CYBER END DRAGON!"  
"KA-**PPPOWW!**" went the accompanying salmon lightning flashes as the monster appeared for the second time, erasing all other special effects around them! (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 Attack Points)

[.com/watch?v=IKbKOC2QNgg&feature=related]"Of course monsters that are created by Future Fusion aren't allowed to attack on the turn they're summoned," Zane began.  
"Whadda you MEAN 'OF COURSE,' you bum?" Jaden accused accusingly again! "We ain't NEVER seen THAT one before!"  
"But I can wait," Zane assumed._  
But this ain't lookin' good from no standpoint,_ Jaden gulped. _I gotta come up with a way to destroy it AGAIN with three OTHER cards! And I only got TWO! Eh, I'll draw sumthin'_. He drew a card. _Sweet, I got three cards! I'll set 'em._ "Imma throwin' down three face-downs," Jaden said as he'd laid down three cards, "and that's it."  
"BOO BOO BOO," someone said.  
"Oh, so you think you're creative now, punk?"  
"Still with you head," Zane tske-d. "You can't win this way!"  
"But it's a frickin' _STRATEGY GAME!_" Jaden shouted! "What the HELL do you THINK you're playin', DnD?"  
"What a disappointment you've become."  
"Hey hey hey, I never said **I** played Dungeons and Dragons!"  
"That's not the point!" Syrus shouted, throwing a dragon and a dungeon at Jaden's head, causing them both to disintegrate after impact.  
"Ow! The dungeon!" Jaden yelped.

"Okay fine then Jaden," Zane sighed in an irritated fashion, "if you won't listen to my words—"  
"Then 'talk to the hand girlfriend'? Saw THAT one comin'!" Jaden predicted.  
"PERHAPS YOU'LL LISTEN TO MY CARDS!"  
"Meh, I was close."  
Zane drew a card… POWER BOND. He stuck it into his hand. "First, I'll cast the Spell card DE-FUSION!" He flashed the card to the audience to prove how obvious it was.  
"Aw, COME ON!" Jaden groaned! "YOU HAVE TWO CYBER ENDS AND TWO DE-FUSIONS? HOW MANY MORE COPIES DO YOU HAVE?"  
"He's got three Cyber Dragons," Bastion helpfully explained.  
"**BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGG!**"  
"Now one Fusion monster on my field returns to the Fusion Deck," Zane helpfully exposited as he placed Future Fusion into his Graveyard. The Cyber End Dragon was surrounded by army soldiers who began firing lasers at the beast until it returned into its original form! "Next, my three normal Cyber Dragons return to my field!" Then he held out Power Bond. "NOW I'LL ACTIVATE MY SPELL CARD! _**HAH!**_" The Spell was covered in light and transcended into a golden rhinoceros covered in bronze armor plating!  
"!" the beast screamed! It stood its ground and exploded into a whirlwind of steel workers wearing iron-ish masks!  
"You know this Spell," Zane recalled, "POWER BOND!"  
"OH SHNITZEL!" poor Jaden cried! "THIS AIN'T KOSHER!"  
"Yes it is," cried the one lonely Jewish man in the school.  
"WELL IT AIN'T COOL!"

The steelworker kids began swirling all around the three Cyber Dragons, continuously ripping them apart, welding them together, and adding on a fancy paint coat. Within mere seconds, the Cyber End Dragon had returned, bigger, badder and more powerful than before, and even upgraded with a black, flame-pattered coating. The hard workers appeared on the ground, posed, and gave a thumbs-up as they disappeared, warranting an ebon explosion erupting across the stadium. "!" the beast cried, shaking and breaking every window in the country!  
"AAAAAAAAAWWW!" Janitorboy Ikkaku yelled. "DAMN IT ALL!"

MEANWHILE, IN JAPAN…  
"What happened to my window?" asked a random guy in mainland Japan as it broke.  
"Must've been another Cyber End Dragon with Power Bond," suggested his wife.  
"Oh yeah!" the guy accepted with a smile.

"It's…" gasped Crowler.  
"It's not supposed…" Chazz muttered.  
"It just CAN'T be…" Bastion whispered.  
"IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS SCARY THE THIRD TIIIIIME!" Syrus screamed shrilly!  
"You wanna know why?" Zane invited as his mega-ultra-awesome-rad-dragon-robot stared at Wildedge like a tasty snack. "Because any monster summoned with a Power Bond… its Attack Points… are automatically doubled!" (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 - 8000 Attack Points)  
"Hot DAMN!" Jaden gasped. "That… just ain't… ko—wait, I already said that one. It's bad, at least!"  
"And to think I admired you, Jaden," Zane revealed.  
"EW!" Jaden cried!  
"NOT THAT WAY!" Alexis yelled out.  
"Oh, that's cool."  
"I won't make THAT mistake again, nor will anyone else!" Zane hissed.  
"OH NO, NOW WHO'LL LOVE ME FOR NO REASON?" Jaden gasped.  
"YOU'RE FINISHED!" Zane assured, forcing his three-headed doomdragonawesome to gear up for an attack!

TO BE CONTINUED… RIGHT NOW!

_LAST TIME YO ON YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC YO!_

_AND NOW, THE MATCH YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!" it grandly announced! "IT'S ZANE TRUESDALE VERSUS JADEN_ YUCKY! _LET'S GET THIS MATCH OVER WITH SO WE CAN ALL CHEER FOR ZANE AGAIN!"_

"_OOOOOOOH!" cheered the audience._

"_That's right Jaden, there's more than one way to skin a cat!"_  
"_Hunh?"  
"In this case, to SUMMON a __**DRAGON!**__"_  
"_Uh," Jaden said for confused reasons._  
"_I'll send the three Cyber Dragons in my hand to the Graveyard, so I can summon the Cyber END Dragon!_

"_SCREW THINKIN STUFF THROUGH," Jaden concluded, "I'MA JUST GONNA PLAY WHATEVER I GOT! I SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO WILDHEART!"  
"Yarg!" Wildheart said, appearing on the field with his fierce expression and fiercer sword._  
"_Next I'm playin' Wild Half, cuttin' your monster in HALF!"_

"_I'M SO IRRITATING!" Ojama Yellow announced!_

"_I activate the Trap card Return Soul!" His face-down card flipped up, appearing as an explosion with three sparking souls flying forth. "I can add any monsters sent to the Graveyard this turn back to my deck!" With a grey explosion taking the form of a thirty-pointed star, the three Cyber Dragons fluttered back onto the field and dove into Zane's deck.  
"You gotta be yankin' mah dang chain, dawg," Jaden chuckled nervously._

"_WOO WOO YEAH GO ZANEY TRUESDALE!" screeched the audience._

"_WROOOOOOOAAAAAR!" Wildedge yelled, sending a shockwave out through the entire tri-state area! (Wildedge: 2600 Attack Points)_  
"_Now, his superpower allows him to WIPE OUT THE WHOLE FIELD!" Jaden explained! The man held his blade up above his head and brought it down, creating a massive shockwave that ripped through all three Cyber Dragons. They exploded into a large mound of cherry blossoms that were soon picked up by the wind. _

"_Yowza yowza yowza!" Crowler yipped! "Yucky-boy's just destroyed ALL of Zane's signature monsters, except for the less loved ones! Shouldn't Zane be WIPING THE FLOOR with him?"  
"Shush up Crowler, we gotta cut back to the duel now!" Chancellor Shepherd rushed._

"_It's my turn now, and I play the Spell card Future Fusion! "But this is no usual fusion," Zane warned as two giant copies of his face appeared around Jaden, "because you see I'm able to fuse cards NOT in my hand! Therefore…" The display of his entire deck flowed past his face like a river of trading cards flying through the air. Three cards turned red and caused them all to fade into nonexistence. "I fuse the three Cyber Dragons in my deck to form THE CYBER END DRAGON!"_  
"_KA-__**PPPOWW!**__" went the accompanying salmon lightning flashes as the monster appeared for the second time! _

"_I'ma throwin' down three face-downs," Jaden said as he'd laid down three cards, "and that's it."  
"BOO BOO BOO," someone said.  
"Oh, so you think you're creative now, punk?"_

_Zane drew a card… POWER BOND. He stuck it into his hand. "First, I'll cast the Spell card DE-FUSION!" He flashed the card to the audience to prove how obvious it was._  
"_Aw, COME ON!" Jaden groaned! "YOU HAVE TWO CYBER ENDS AND TWO DE-FUSIONS? HOW MANY MORE COPIES DO YOU HAVE?"  
"He's got three Cyber Dragons," Bastion helpfully explained.  
"__**!**__"_

"_It's…" gasped Crowler._  
"_It's not supposed…" Chazz muttered._  
"_It just CAN'T be…" Bastion whispered._  
"_IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS SCARY THE THIRD TIIIIIME!" Syrus screamed shrilly!_  
"_You wanna know why?" Zane invited as his mega-ultra-awesome-rad-dragon-robot stared at Wildedge like a tasty snack. "Because any monster summoned with a Power Bond… its Attack Points… are automatically doubled!" (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 - 8000 Attack Points)_  
"_Hot DAMN!" Jaden gasped._  
"_And to think I admired you, Jaden," Zane revealed._  
"_EW!" Jaden cried!_  
"_NOT THAT WAY!" Alexis yelled out._  
"_Oh, that's cool."_  
"_I won't make THAT mistake again, nor will anyone else!" Zane hissed._  
"_OH NO, NOW WHO'LL LOVE ME FOR NO REASON?" Jaden gasped.  
"YOU'RE FINISHED!" Zane assured, forcing his three-headed doomgragonawesome to gear up for an attack!_

_LAST TIME YO ON YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC YO!_

_AND NOW, THE MATCH YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!" it grandly announced! "IT'S ZANE TRUESDALE VERSUS JADEN _YUCKY_! LET'S GET THIS MATCH OVER WITH SO WE CAN ALL CHEER FOR ZANE AGAIN!"_

"_OOOOOOOH!" cheered the audience._

_TO BE CONTINUED… RIGHT NOW!_

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 55: The Graduation Match – Part Two

"_Dammit,_ that was a long flashback," Jaden groaned. "Oh wait, yeah, the Cyber End Dragon. Crap." (Cyber End Dragon: Still 8000 Attack Points, still has awesome paintjob)  
"So what now, Jaden?" Zane asked. "You think you can beat my dragon? You've got one monster. And he…."

"…is about to get blasted into oblivion. It's over for you!"_  
Man,_ Jaden growled, gritting his teeth and narrowing his eyes with distress, _I can't believe how long it took him to finish that sentence! It's like he was trying his best to remember his lines; like it was gonna make'm look like 'da mack-daddy of the duel! But that's not gonna happen; I'M gonna be the only MACK-DADDY AROUND HERE!_

"Come on, what's wrong?" goaded Zane. "Unless… you're afraid. Is that your problem?"  
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" went the school. "HE JUS' GOT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURVED!"  
"I did NOT jus' get served, you punk-ass punk-asses! I ain't scared o' no duel!" Jaden wailed, flinging his tears all around the Duel Dome!  
"Well fine! I'll put you out of you misery!" decided Zane, pointing his doom finger at Jaden! "Cyber End Dragon, ATTACK!" The giant tri-headed dragon robot reared back and aimed three pirate-era cannons within its mouths. The three fuses sat motionless on their steel tongues… UNTIL THE FLAME DÉCORS ON THE ROBOT BEGAN TO FLOW UPWARD AND OUT ONTO THEM! Now lit, the fuses began expelling fireworks in an amazing fashion. And within seconds, the fuses hit the canons. Out from the cannons extended three laser rifles. THOSE armaments grew beans, which broke open and shot out HUMONGOUS BEANSTALKS HEADED STRAIGHT FOR WILDEDGE!  
"YEAH, HE'S A GONER!" cheered the student audience.

"I don't THINK so foo', I play A TRAP!" Jaden called, flipping up a card featuring Sparkman getting hit by a soooooooul! "Soul Union adds Bladedge's Attack Points onto Wildedge, meaning he's now…" Wildedge was suddenly surrounded with bluish souls and inhaled them. And with them…WITH THEM HE BECAME **STROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!** (Wildedge: 5200 Attack Points) "Oh, whoops, I totally thought he'd have 8600 Attack Points. Anyways, I don't lose, so okay. WILDEDGE, RETURN FIRE!"  
"RUUUUUUUUUUH!" Wildedge yelled! He held out his blade and tensed his muscles, covering his massive longer-than-he-is-tall-sword in greenish energy! It even extended four more feet! He held his sword out toward the slowly-approaching beanstalk attack and FWASH! He cut through one, but the others swooped down and around the attack! One went straight for his head! "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEANS!" Wildedge roared, catching the stalk in his mouth! "SLRRRRRRRP!" he slurped, swallowing the beanstalk whole! He geared up to slice the third stalk, but he was too late. It was already transforming into a spiky, orange sun-shaped character with a green leek.  
"DON PATCH SWOOOOOOOOOOORD!" he shrieked! "Or is it Poppa Rocks…?" Either way, he appeared behind Wildedge and SMACKED him in the head, making his eyes pop out and tumble onto the floor! Wildedge, defeated, collapsed onto the ground. He was DEAD. (Jaden Yuki: 100 Life Points)  
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOAH ONE-HUNDRED LIFE POOOOOOOOOOOOOINTS!" the audience cried!  
"That's pointless, Jaden," Zane hissed, "for you see with my Power Bond, I still have enough points to take out Wildedge!"  
"WE JUST WENT OVER THAT."  
"Farewell, Jaden."  
"Seriously, who is this kid?" Jaden asked, looking for Zaney answers.  
"Mmm," Don Patch Poppa Rocks shrugged, disappearing as the Cyber Dragons swallowed their cannons once more.

"I don't understand," Zane gasped as his eyes bulged, "that attack hit you square-on! This match should be done!"  
"Yeah yeah," agreed the audience.  
"I so totally agree."  
"I don't get it."  
"Oh, and I used Emergency Provisions as the Trap card was face-up," Jaden added, holding up a saltine cracker and pointing to his missing face-down.  
"BOOOOOOOOO, CHEATEEEEEEER! BOOOOOOOO!"  
"BUT IT WASN'T IN THE GRAVEYARD YET!"  
"**YOU** AREN'T IN THE GRAVEYARD YET, JERK-OFF!"  
"I don't CAAAAARE!" Jaden cried out, flipping up his final face-down: Hero Signal! An 'H' was blasted at the arguing audience, burning them to a crisp!  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! H IS FOR HEEEEEEEAAAT! LAME JOKE…"  
"It sure was, and I'm gonna bring out mah Bubbleman in Defense Mode!" Jaden announced, summoning his bubbly idiot ally. (Bubbleman: 1200 Defense Points) "In addition, since he's all alone, I'm gonna _keep 'im company_ by drawin' two more cards! Ha, anime ability." The statement was followed by an azure explosion.

"Now it's my turn!" Zane proclaimed, holding out a new monster!  
"It was ALREADY your turn, son! You can't jus' be forgettin' yo' turn like that, yo, it ain't right!"  
"I summon the Cyber Kirin!" Zane had successfully summoned a four-legged cross between a random mammal and a robot dragon. (Cyber Kirin: 300 Attack Points)  
"PLE-E-E-EASE, KILL ME NO-O-O-OW!" it bleated.  
"And if I happen to tribute it this turn," Zane explained, "all card effect damage goes to zero for this one turn! And of course that means…"  
"OH THA-A-A-ANK YOU LORD…" praised the cyber whatzit as it perished and turned into light, vomiting blood all the while. It was accompanied by a pink explosion.  
"My Power Bond damage is negated!" Zane revealed!

"… This… sucks…" Mann McOldsmobile groaned.  
"Why does the source material keep flashing to the audience?" Syrus asked. "It's tiring."

"Come on, where's the Jaden that almost beat me before?" ordered the irritating idiot kid.  
"Will you shut up about that! I-I didn't cheat, G! I ain't like that! I don't PLAY that, heh," Jaden nauseously chuckled. "The prospect makes me SICK! A-anyways, how am I supposed to beat you at will like this? It IS a STRATEGY GAME of CHANCE! Stop goadin' me! It ain't like I'm not usin' EVERY SINGLE CARD! Seriously!"  
"Of COURSE you don't!" Zane accused!  
"GAHAHAHAAAASP!" gasped the audience!  
"… Zane, I don't think I can call you anything else but stupider 'n me from now on," Jaden decided.

"Way to go, Jay!" Syrus cheered. In response, a few people threw old boots at him. "Ow! What'd I say?"  
"Because your heart is not in this," Zane lamented.  
"Uh, me or Sy?" Jaden asked. "'Cause Sy just got hit by some boots, and it didn't seem like he was puttin' his all into gettin' hit by 'em."  
"Huh?" Zane gasped.  
"Wait, why'd he gasp?" Nancy Wut asked.  
"Because Zane, in his heart, was truly shocked at how much Jaden was caring for his own brother, and it tells him that once he leaves, he can be sure that the boy will make sure nothing happens to his family," Alexis guessed, wiping her eyes.  
"Or maybe he's just stupid," Atticus guessed.  
"I wish it'd just stop changing perspectives, though," Angry McArgue growled.  
"WE KNOW. STOP REPEATING IT. WE GET IT."  
"Why not," Zane chuckled.  
"See, I told you," acknowledged Alexis.  
"Was… he talking to you?" Angry McArgue's eye twitched in confusion.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?" gasped Crowler, sticking its head into everybody's faces!  
"UGH! I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT WE CAN'T CUT TO YOU ANYMORE!" Alexis bellowed, ripping her hair out.  
"Do you have something against my face!"

[.com/watch?v=bby132VFgVY]"Here goes me!" Jaden announced, drawing a card, signaling his next turn! "I play Pot of Greed!"  
"How convenient!" a random fella yelped.  
"Shaddap, kid! 'S not luck!" Jaden yelled, tossing his green nasty pot at the guy! It cracked against his skull and rendered him unconscious. "Now I get mah two 'nwo' cards and get to summon... AVIAN!"  
"NO WAIT DON'T!" screamed the masses! But it was too late.  
"Aw yeah!" Avian cheered, standing on standby. (Avian: 1000 Defense Mode) A small explosion accompanied him. "Ouch!"  
"Next I get to play the one-time Spell card, Spy Hero!" A stealth-soldier man appeared, activated his cloaking device, and stood on standby. An invisible explosion accompanied. "Once I discard two cards, he takes one of YOUR Spell cards!"  
"Looks like old Jaden's back," Zane said with a smile.  
"Uh… okay… but I'm takin' your FUTURE FUSION!" The super-spy apparently transformed into a magnificent, invisible serpent and grabbed the card right out of Zane's Graveyard. The act in turn allowed dozens of familiar buildings to break out around the entire Duel Dome…and not even the seating area was safe!  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Syrus, as he was lifted by a sudden building growing under him!  
"SYRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!" Jaden cried! "Oh well, he always comes back. Here's Rampart Blaster!" Rampart Blaster appeared with a brown explosion. (Rampart Blaster: 2500 Defense Points) "Then I'll throw down a couple of face-downs—"  
"BOO!"  
"And I'll end my turn!"

"Impressive," complimented Zane as a few last buildings surrounded them. There were no more chairs, no more stands, no more bleachers. All that remained was the city, and the two dueling souls standing in the center of the action. And a duck in hiding. (Jaden Yuki: 100 Life Points, Zane Truesdale: 2000 Life Points) "But too little, too late! I summon forth Cyber Phoenix… **in Attack Mode!**" A large, crackling bonfire appeared next to Zane, spitting embers everywhere, then transformed into a mechanical bird with a red-orange color motif. And then there was an orange explosion. (Cyber Phoenix: 1200 Attack Points) "With Phoenix on the field, any Spells or Traps targeting a certain monster are negated and destroyed! Which means their effect gets cancelled out, see where I'm going with this, Jaden?"  
"Yeah, I get it already," Jaden growled. "It means I hafta kill your Phoenix to kill the Dragon."  
"Yowch-uh," Mann McOldsmobile said, "it looks like… um…"  
"You won a duel against one of our biggest enemies this season, and you said you won fourteen-to-fifteen times before you came to the academy," Syrus Sy-ed. "Shouldn't you be able to connect the dots?"  
"Well all it takes to win is a strong deck and the about two-hundred US dollars needed in order to get it," Mann McOldsmobile explained.  
"That's true," Piggybank agreed. "Anybody can be important here as long as they have half an idea of how you play the game. How do you explain how I won against a Shadow Rider if I've only played two or three times before?"  
"I dunno, I just don't care," Syrus said. "Now go back and stand next to Bastion again."  
"Okay!" she said, jumping onto the other tall skyscraper Bastion was situated on.  
"So anyways, what were we talking about?" Syrus asked.  
"I dunno."  
"Oh."  
"…"

"I'm glad you got to enjoy your lunch," Zane foreshadowed, "BUT NOW JUST TRY NOT TO LOSE IT!"  
"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?"  
"CYBER END DRAGON," Zane screamed, "ATTACK!" The three dragon heads stretched upward and became… the three parts of a Megadragon McSammich Meal. One head detached itself from the main body and became a large biscuit, made of the very highest-quality bread-stuffs on the planet. The next head became a giant frosting-squeezing device, inserting the cream filling into the biscuit. Then the third head transformed into a big, paper wrapper that covered the creation in order to protect it from the elements. The body of the dragon became a massive spatula, which caught the creation as it fell toward the earth. Three rocket thrusters simultaneously grew out of the back of the huge flipper, shooting it at Jaden's field. The spatula careened toward Rampart Blaster and flung the Sammich at her, flying with such precision, such force and speed, to seem as if it was smashing through time and space itself. And it was.

"WHAT?" Jaden gasped! The Sammich had disappeared, and in its place was what seemed to be a jagged hole in the air, leading toward a bluish plane of space. He looked around left, right, left again, up, left, forward, and in his pocket. "Where… where is that Sammich? Could he have sent it… INTO MAH MOUTH?" He waited for a few seconds before giving up hope. "Dang, and I'm hungry… anyways, I don't think so punk." Jaden flipped up his face-down Spell card: DE-FUSION. AGAIN. The giant Sammich appeared on Jaden's field, but it had hit no target as the Rampart-Blasting woman had become Clayman and Burstinatrix again!  
"You suck," Burstinatrix shouted, giving Zane the finger.  
"Yeah, looks like I just used the THIRD De-Fusion of the game! You's HELLA-confused now, right?"  
"No, not really."  
"Shaddap, random kid!"  
"I'm Paul, jerk!"

"Sorry Jaden, Cyber End Dragon can't be split! Cyber Phoenix is protecting him, remember?" Zane countered!  
"I JUST NOW defused MY monster! Can't you pay ANY attention?" Jaden counter-countered!_  
Hmm,_ Zane pondered. _If you add up all those heroes' Attack Points, they don't come close to my dragon's eight-thousand! He's making a __GRAVE__ error…_ BUT THEN HE GASPED! "UNLESS…!" he gasped!  
"I'm playing my Trap card, Elemental Cyclone!" Jaden revealed, flipping his Trap card face-up! It was a card you've forgotten long ago, one with four colored balls flying into the stratosphere with an amazing glow! "I tribute a Fire, Water, Earth and Wind monster! Then… IT WIPES OUT THE WHOLE FIELD, DAWG!"  
"The 'dawg' ruined it," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"OH NO!" Zane cried!  
"Aw, guys!" chuckled Jaden. "You two crack me up. But seriously, all your monsters die at the same time."  
"We're ready," Avian said with a thumbs-up.

"OKAY!" Jaden accepted! "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" He began firing erratically-moving red lasers from his eyes! They flew over the field several times until they focused on the two monsters ahead of him. His Elemental Heroes combined together and became a small cyclone, which absorbed some of the laser's energy and became blood-red. "COME ON, GUYS! I NEED YOUR HELP FOR THIS ONE!"  
"Woah!" Syrus yelped, as he'd found himself firing lasers from HIS eyes, too!  
"ME TOO!" cried Mann McOldsmobile, doing the same!  
"MINE'S YELLOW!" Barry the Beginner explained, firing a yellow laser duo!  
"OURS ARE BLUE!" yelled the Obelisk Blues in the arena!  
"WHAT'S WITH MINE!" said Shades Milligan as green lasers shot right through his shades and into the cyclone! "MY EYES, THEY HAVE BEEN REVEALED! DON'T LOOK!"

Yes, everybody in the school according to rank began firing primary-colored lasers at the cyclone, feeding it with energy, making it larger and larger, uglier and uglier! And at last, it was a truly ginormous brown hurricane of lasers! NOBODY had EVER seen a laser hurricane before this moment in time! The gale of light then whipped itself toward Zane's monsters and consumed them whole!  
"Yah!" Zane screamed oddly!  
"YAH IS RIGHT, BAYBEH!" Jaden shouted, shielding his eyes from the intensity! The two cybertronic monsters were lifted up into the center of the raging wind. And then it was ready. The laserrcane began firing everything it had into its own eye, tearing through the monsters like tissue-metal. Within mere seconds they were mere scraps of what they once were, and the lasers flew away into the heavens, satisfied.  
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" cheered the audience, honestly excited now! And NOT for Zane! Weird, huh?

"And THAT'S how you destroy two monsters by sacrificing five cards in the best way possible!" Jaden cheered! "Yeah!"  
"You don't have to, Jaden, because by destroying Cyber Phoenix I get to add one card from my deck to my hand." Zane drew a card.  
"Aw man."  
"Don't you see?" Zane invited. "The way I calibrated my deck, Cyber Dragon's never gone for long! I'll ALWAYS find a way to bring him back."  
"That's a shocker," Jaden gulped semi-seriously.  
"But I'm not, Jaden, because the card I chose was a Spell called Time Fusion!" Zane held up his new card, taking the form of a screwed-up clock in a world of blue. "And with it, time is most certainly on my side."  
"How, Zane?" Jaden asked inquisitively.  
"Because now by removing one card in my hand from the game, it activates. Meaning I can automatically call out a Fusion monster to my field _next_ turn, without having to wait for a single summoning requirement!"  
"COME ON, BRO! CUT ME SOME SLACK! I BEEN KILLIN' IT TWICE! DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO BRING DOWN THE GANG-BANGIN' C-E-D A **THIRD** TIME! I GOT STUFF TO DO, Y'KNOW?"

"YOU **CAN'T** WIN! And in just one turn, you'll see why!" Zane roared! "And the academy will see you're a **FRAUD!**"  
"What're you talking about?" asked Someone Jones.  
"Yeah, you're not making any sense," Shades Milligan said.  
"When was he a fraud?" Baseball Bob inquired.  
"How many times do we have to go over this with you guys?" Alexis growled.

Above Zane's head had spawned a glowing ball of light. It had floated up above him and glared down at the field of ruined earth and buildings. "Don't feel bad Jaden, you lost to the best," Zane admitted.  
"You just called me a fraud!" Jaden sighed. "And you still sayin' I shouldn't be feelin' bad? You just suck. Anyways, it's my turn. Draw, ungh. I throw down a—"  
"BOO," someone said as Jaden laid down another Trap.  
"Dang, you got me. Anyways, I end my turn."  
"**WHY DIDN'T YOU ATTACK HIIIIIIIIIIM?**"  
"I got a dumdraw! Shush up, audience!"

_You'll have to do better than that, Jaden. Especially after you see what I have for you!_ Zane told himself. "Brace yourself, my turn!" Zane called. "First off, this returns to me: Card from a Different Dimension!" He held out his card of a card getting shocked by lightning. "I removed it from play in order to activate Time Fusion, but now it's back. But it doesn't stop there; next, its special effect activates. And you know what that means. We both get to draw two more cards."  
"OoOOOOooooh, so THAAAAT'S what the thing did! Good think yo used it twice, you! I mean you! And yo! Ha ha!" They both drew cards, satisfied that they knew what the Spell did. Jaden drew ANOTHER De-Fusion and a Miracle Fusion card; Zane had a Limiter Removal and a Cybernetic Fusion Support, to be explained later._  
Too bad nothing can help you now, Jaden._

[.com/watch?v=ZQjcGFoN6tk]"AND NOW I CALL FORTH CYBER END DRAGON!" The glowing orb above Zane floated down onto the field and dulled. It was now a small, worm-like Cyber Dragon baby. Dozens of clocks appeared all around it and were continuously re-spawned and absorbed. The small worm wriggled around and became what looked like an orange dragon prototype, covered in swarming cables, writhing in the air. Bigger clocks appeared. The dragon became longer, larger and sleeker, and also known as Cyber Dragon: original flavor. The clocks began extending forth phantom-like arms and grabbing the dragon by the neck, filling it with evolutionary energy.

"Woah!" Jaden gasped, seeing the earth beneath their feet become cracked and ruined further. "It's like…" The buildings as well became duller, older and damaged. Windows fell out and all around the duelists in a dangerous fashion. "It's like he's speeding up time to bring out the same thing AGAIN!" Somehow, its head split apart into two. Wings snapped through its armored exterior. It lengthened! It grew! A third head erupted between the other two! They were covered in multi-colored jewels all down their bodies! A royal sapphire burst through some chest paneling! The earth itself began to break apart and floating in midair, as if time was distorting gravity!  
"GAAAAAAAWWWWWL!" the Cyber End Dragon bellowed, boulders levitated around its heads and wings as though decorations. (Cyber End Dragon: 4000 Attack Points)  
"Because of Time Fusion, apparently he can't attack this turn though," Bastion shouted from above, getting smacked in the head by a slowly-hovering pebble.  
"Thanks, smart kid!" Jaden thanked.  
"And I'll finish my turn with ONE face-down," Zane finished, throwing down his face-down.

"My gosh," Crowler groaned, sitting next to Shepherd as usual. "This game is getting repetitive. Zane keeps summoning Cyber End Dragon, Jaden keeps killing it and getting pummeled! Can we just say Jaden'll get beat up again and lose the NEXT time it gets summoned?"  
"No, Crowler," Shepherd growled, "I thought we agreed not to cut to YOU anymore!"  
"But it did that in the source material! It's fair game!"  
"And anyways, why can't you understand that Jaden wins 99% of the time? How often has he ruined your schemes?"  
"I… lost count. Just go back to the duel."

Jaden drew a card. "Well then, Crowler, I guess it'll be okay if I interrupt the current jamz for something important?"  
"DON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS, _YUCKY_-BOY!"  
[.com/watch?v=BRkVFMQOoPI]Jaden smiled. "I activate Fusion Recovery!" Jaden said, getting back to the duel. "I'm takin' back my Burstinatrix and Polymerization from the Graveyard!" He snapped his fingers and all the buildings began to rumble thunderously. People were flung from the rooftops. ZEBRAS began pouring out and running to Jaden, to whom they bowed and presented him a Polymerization Spell card and a Burstinatrix monster. "Thanks, zebra-kids!" They barked and ran away into large crags in the ground as Burstinatrix appeared onto the playing field, with a velvet-colored explosion. "Next, I'll play MIRACLE FUSION, which'll fuse my Avian in the Graveyard with my Burstinatrix!" Jaden continued. Avian's ghostly hand reached out to his female companion and touched her shoulder.

"Come on, girl, let's do this thing!" he said. She slapped his hand away, prompting her to instantly become ELEMENTAL HERO FLAME WINGMAN! He held out his dragon arm and gave the Cyber End Dragon an icy glare. Five quick explosive blasts appeared behind his back before a mushroom cloud surrounded the area from the extreme nature of his appearance. (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)  
"HEY, WHY DID YOU NOT USE MIRACLE FUSION IN THE FIRST PLACE?" asked Beehive Larry.  
"Because you're an idiot!" Jaden answered cheerfully. "Y'see, I'm not done here. I'm gonna rock yo' world with ANOTHER FUSION!"  
"OH."  
Sparkman appeared next to the draconic hero. Jaden began to drool with excitement. "You see, he hasn't been formally introduced to us all yet thanks to cutting out some of the useless episodes of the series. But rest assured that I'm about to summon the LITERALLY strongest Elemental Hero of the first quarter of the sow…" He clenched his hands in a claw-like fashion! His eyes were drowned in depravity! "I SUMMON THE ELEMENTAL HERO SHINING FLARE WINGMAAAAAAAAAN!" Sparkman was absorbed into the hero's flesh. Flame Wingman grew a metallic helmet. Then he developed matching armor for his entire body. He held his arms out and summoned yellow flames, shining hard enough to blind the section of the audience staring directly at them!  
"GAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

He pressed them into his chest plate, fully charging it with flames that were comparable to the sun in both intensity and heat! He burned brightly, becoming a beacon of peace and justice within the lawless, decrepit world of Future Fusion! The explosion accompanying him was actually a supernova. (Shining Flare Wingman: 2500 Attack Points)  
"THAT… THAT…" the audience stuttered. "THAT'S TOO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLL! Yet he's weak."  
"WRONG! For EVERY Elemental Hero chillin' in the Graveyard, my Shining Flare Wingman gains a sweet four-hundred-point boost!" The word 'CHILLIN' appeared behind his head in the form of burning letters of justice. Elemental Heroes Wildheart, Bladedge, Wildedge, Bubbleman, Clayman, Rampart Blaster, Sparkman and Flame Wingman stood next to Shining Flare Wingman. They held their arms high and placed all of their powers into their palms, creating eight orbs of elemental energy. They walked over to and handed them to Shining Flare Wingman, who absorbed them into his very soul. And with them… WITH THEM HE BECAME **STRONG.**  
(Shining Flare Wingman: 2500 - 4900 Attack Points) "DESTROY HIM, FLARE WINGMAN!" Jaden commanded! "KILL HIS VERY SOOOOOUL!" Shining Flare Wingman extended his wings and leaped. He tackled into Cyber End Dragon with enough force to summon forth an all-consuming fire!  
"GRWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWLLL!" the dragon screeched at the top of its voice, melting to its very core!

"_**AHNILAAAAAAAAAAATE!**_" The Wingman accepted the command. He flew skyward, holding the dripping robot in his clutch, and threw it down into the dirt, smashing it apart. Then he tossed a building-sized ball of solar prominence. The dragon was smelted into a puddle of molten metal.  
"UUUUURGH!" Zane said, shielding his eyes! (Zane Truesdale: 1100 Life Points)  
"That ain't the end, Kend," Jaden rhymed 'expertly' with the pride of a winner, "'cause when Shining Flare Wingman kills a monster, you lose Life Points equal to their Attack Points. This means I win, Jim—I mean, djinn!" He held out his hands in gun-shaped positions! "GO, USE YOUR SUPERPOWER! BANG BANG, AHAHAHA!"  
"WAH!" Zane cried. Shining Flare Wingman pumped his fists and got into a straddle-based position, focusing all his powers into his right hand. All of the light in the country began flooding into him. All that was visible now was the lone hero and his giant yellow fist. He took one step forward and teleported into Zane's face.  
"THIS IS THE END, FRIEND!" Jaden announced! "IT'S BEEN A _BLAST_ FROM THE PAST!"  
"WOAAOAAAAHH!1!" the audience cried in jubilee!  
"FIST OF JUSTI—"  
"Not yet it's not! I activate a Trap card: Damage Polarizer!" Zane flipped up a Trap card with Sparkman shooting a barrier with his Sparkman's Gun. The Wingman was slapped away from Zane by an orange hexagonal barrier. His fist returned to normal, as did all the lighting.

MEANWHILE, IN JAPAN…  
Some man who was fixing his windows in the darkness was suddenly covered in light. "DAH! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"  
"Somebody must've summoned Elemental Hero Shining Flare Wingman, honey," suggested his wife.  
"Oh!" the man accepted with a smile.

[.com/watch?v=2jqvflXdSYU&feature=related]"Now all damage from a Special Effect is reduced to ZERO!" Zane stated, as his barrier faded away.  
"Cheap-o," Jaden sniffed, losing all creepy brashness he'd just gained. "Y'just HAD to ruin my theme song's usage…"  
"Here's the cherry on top: both of us get to draw one card from our decks. For your sake, Jaden, I hope it's a good one." Zane and Jaden drew a card. They both glanced at their new cards and stumbled back in surprise!_  
I can't believe that I just drew,_ they thought in unison, _Rainbow Life!/Hero Spirit? Eh, a'ight, yo._  
"I agree," Zane blurted out.  
"Zuh?"_  
The last round for you, Jaden,_ thought Zane smugly. _My victory's assured. Prepare for the bitter taste of defeat, Jaden._  
"ALRIGHT! NOW, MY TURN!" Zane professed, summoning forth an engaging, speedy blue background!  
"WOAH!"  
"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BACKGROUND, DOOD?" went the feeble spectators.

Zane looked at his card… and _smiled._  
"That smile looks like trouble," Nancy Wut said, sitting on Angry McArgue's head.  
"Especially because Zane never smiles," Alexis agreed, trembling with excitement.  
"We're coming down to the wire here, heh heh heh," Atticus snickered.  
"Please get off of my head," Angry McArgue asked, taking Nancy Wut off of her head.  
"Aw."

"Jaden, I've had fun, but now it's over." Zane held up his Spell card: POT OF GREED.  
"WHY DOES EVERYBODY ALWAYS DRAW THAT CARD IN THIS SHOW?" screeched Poor, Ignored Jerry.  
"I activate Power Bond!" Zane lied, gripping his pot with all his heart.  
"WHYYYYYYY?"  
"So now, by sacrificing the right monsters, I can once again summon the CYBER! END! DRAGON!" He drew two cards.  
"YOU'RE A PHONY! A BIG, FAT, VIOLENT PHONY!" Poor, Disgruntledd Larry shouted. Zane ran up a skyscraper, shoved his newly-drawn Power Bond card into Poor, Confused Jerry's face and backflipped back onto the field. "So… hardcore…" the useless character whispered in bewilderment.  
"I'm sorry, I forgot; I don't NEED monsters." He threw out his Spell from LOOONG AGO… "CYBERNETIC FUSION SUPPORT! By paying half my Life Points, I don't NEED to make any sacrifices to summon a Fusion Monster! Now without further ado, let's welcome back Cyber End Dragon!" Cyber End Dragon appeared with a small puff of smoke. (Zane Truesdale: 550 Life Points)

"It really loses all luster the fourth time," everybody unanimously agreed, Zane included. (Cyber End Dragon: STILL 4000 Attack Points)  
"And now his Attack Points double!" Zane recalled. (Cyber End Dragon: STILL 4000 - 8000 Attack Points) "Next I'll play the Spell card Limiter Removal," Zane tossed in for the heck of it.  
"L-Limiter… Re…moval?" Jaden asked phonetically. "What… you say?"  
"**DOUBLED,**" said a freaky robotic voice from nowhere. The blue sapphire on the mechanical dragon's chest burst open and released all sorts of colorful wiring. The same thing happened along all of the dragons' heads, cracking the gems as if they were eggshells. Then the dragons' bodies began shifting around and apart, reforming themselves into… A GIANT, FIGHTING DRAGON ROBOT WARRIOR WITH A BEAM KATANA. (Cyber End Dragon Mecha Samurai: 8000 - 16000 Attack Points)  
"Holy poop," Jaden said, for lack of anything better to say.  
"YOU'RE THROUGH!" Zane raged!  
"EEEEEEEEKKK!" Jaden cried, shielding his face!  
"Nice move," Zane glitched, "but it's all for naught. I use… THE SPELL CARD BATTLE FUSION!" Nothing happened, except his head began wiggling around wildly.

"What's he doing now?" asked Angry McArgue.  
"He's overloading!" Alexis screamed! "LOOK OUT, EVERYONE!"  
"THAT'S RIGHT JADEN! I HAVE ONE TOO! AND I YOU JADEN! AND THAT'S WHY I'M PASSING YOU THE TORCH ONCE I LEAVE YOU YOU'LL BE THE TOP STUDENT AT THE SCHOOL DESPITE YOUR GRADES OR YOUR RANK YOU'LL BE THE BEST SO MAKE ME PROUD HUH HUH HOW CLEVER SURE DO " His head exploded… and was okay. And yet, his eyes looked more… sharp, and more… focused? "Rare card?" he asked, looking right at Jaden.  
"Eh?" Jaden asked.

"Could they have found the card I've been searching for?" he wondered.  
The crowd stared at him. And stared. And stared. And then their expressions flipped upside-down. Adjusting their expressions, they all moaned, "_Why did you start back at the beginning?_"  
"If you can't, it certainly wouldn't surprise me," Zane spat.  
"Aw, mockin' mah swag now, eh?"  
"Not that it's any of your business, I came to see the card."  
"Uh, he's right here, yo," Jaden said, pointing to his Shining Flare Wingman.  
"Me? Duel you?" Zane questioned. "I would have more difficulty playing solitaire. I am the number one-ranked duelist in the country and the favorite to win the Duel Monsters championship. Feh, you wouldn't last two minutes in a duel with me." His giant robot lifted its sword above its head. "Now does this shop have any worthwhile cards or not? ...Can it be? The Blue-Eyes White Dragon in a dump like this?" _That's it!_ Zane realized, staring up at his almighty mecha. _It's the card I've been looking for!_

"Listen, old man!" Zane's robot began flashing white. "I'll give you all these cards for your Dragon!" It held its katana up, and said katana began spraying steam everywhere! "Fine, if you won't trade, maybe you'll sell it. Name your price! I can pay anything you ask!"  
"Zane, you're scarin' us. Even Lex."  
"He's right for once, and Jaden just isn't supposed to be that!" Alexis vouched.  
"Fine! Be that way!" The sword began to grow wider and longer, splitting into a three-bladed broadsword. "Senile old man. Heart of the cards? Ridiculous. These cards are all about power. And one way or another, his Blue-Eyes White Dragon card will be **mine.**" The mecha held up and swung down his blade! It cut the very air into oxygen ribbons! All Shining Flare Wingman could do was stare at it and take it head-on.  
"MY GOSH, JADEN JUST LOST!" Syrus screamed as shrilly as he could! His glasses shattered from the sheer vocal pitch!  
"Don't worry, kids," Jaden chuckled, "I ain't worried a bit." Shining Flare Wingman exploded into sparkles upon impact with the sword. And yet… Jaden had a Trap up his sleeve… LLITERALLY!1 "I activate the Trap card Hero Spirit!" And yes, the forgotten Trap card faded away, and the spirit of Shining Flare Wingman appeared by the boy's side! "Because I lost a Hero this turn, for one battle only, I take NO damage!" The ghostly hero stretched out his wings and flew all the way up to the samurai mecha's face… and then slapped it, fading away.

"Aw man," it groaned.  
"Gentlemen, there's a little something I want you to pick up for me at the game shop," Zane proposed.  
"Y'mean that it's his turn?" Barry the Beginner supposed.  
"Ah! Yugi! Perfect!"  
"CRIPES! HOW'D HE KNOW?" Barry the Beginner freaked out, getting the hell out of Dodge.  
"Your grandfather's here visiting but he's not feeling too well. Why don't you come by my office and _pick him up?_"  
"So it IS my turn!" Jaden said with a grin, drawing a card. "Oh yeah, by the way, you lose thanks to POWER BOND!"  
And thus, Zane's face-down card flipped itself up: Rainbow Life. He did away with one card from his hand. The samurai robot suddenly lost its footing and slipped, heading straight for Zane! But he was one step ahead. A sudden rainbow zoomed across the field and bound the Cyber Mecha End Dragon Samurai or whatever it was called like a python of beautiful colors! It began shooting sparkles and stars all across the arena! The rainbow continued wrapping around the poor, limit-removed robot until it was completely cocooned in seven colors… seven colors of **pain! **The rainbow shell tightened until it had forced the robot into the form of a… pink unicorn.  
"NREEEEEEEEEIGH!" it said, leaping toward the stars. (Zane Truesdale: 4550 Life Points)

"DAYUM IT!" Jaden vomited. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENIN' TO ME? YOU KEEP GETTIN' BACK TO SQUARE ONE!"  
"How's the old man feeling, hmm?" asked Zane.  
"HE'S FEELIN' PISSED!"  
"We had a duel, that's all," Zane excused, "with each of us putting up our most valuable card as a prize. But I guess playing against a champion like myself was just too much stimulation for the old fool."  
"I ain't no old fool, you hear me?" Jaden growled, unholy vengeance burning within! "I AIN'T OOOOOLD!" The flames of justice began to flow all around his body in a massive spear-like formation!  
"Come on, old kid!" some guy cheered.  
"You can do it, oldie!"  
"Make me BELIEVE in respecting my elders, sir!"  
"SHOW HIM WHO HIS GRANDDADDY IS!"  
"I said I ain't old." The golden oldie looked at his hand: Jaden drew his card, which absorbed all the spiritual fires. And it was important enough to warrant… A YELLOW EXPLOSION. He revealed it to himself. And it was… CARD OF SANCTITY. "I'M SO FREAKING GLAD THEY MADE SUCH A CARD AND I GET TO USE IT AS AN EXCUSE NOT TO LOSE! I ACTIVATE CARD OF SANCTITY!" A shower of gold bars fell as if there were a goldbarstorm outside, causing everybody to shriek and shield their heads. "OW! THE GOLD! Uh, we all draw until we have six cards."  
"It was fair," Zane said smugly, admiring his new cards. "And look at the sweet prize I won."

[.com/watch?v=4SfSSNaEgOg] "Whatevz, kid. I'm starting my counterattack HERE." Jaden threw down a Spell card, summoning a massive totem from above, smashing into the ground. It seemed to be the cross between an all-seeing eye and a bat creature, attached to a semi-gilded pole. And it opened up like a door… LETTING OUT ELEMENTAL HERO NECROSHADE. (Necroshade: 1600 Attack Points) He was red-skinned, covered in bone-like protrusions, and had black lines adorning his flesh, but it didn't matter, because BLADEDGE EXPLODED HIM WITH A PUNCH. (Bladedge: 2600 Attack Points) "By discardin' my Necroshade, it allowed my Bladedge to cruise on into my hand, and once Necro-boy went to the Graveyard, my Blade-homie could be summoned without a sacrifice!" Jaden explained. "Next I'm throw-downin' a total of THREE face-downs and endin' my turn with a DIRECT ATTACK! SLICE! AND! DICE! _**ATTAAAAAAAAAACCKK!**_"  
"BOO."  
"YES SIR!" Bladedge agreed to much appreciation from the kids. He bent forward and spread his legs out. Jets grew out of his heels and under his blades.  
"Yes, the Blue-Eyes White Dragon IS a powerful card, and this one will never be used against me," Zane reflected.  
"I WILL BE!" Bladedge disagreed! He SLAMMED forward into Zane's body, holding his arms out of the way with his massive helmet spines! Then he bucked him upward like a bronco and SLICED his blades audibly through Zane's chest in an 'X'-formation! The jets powered-off, and Bladedge stepped back a pace. Zane's body began to vibrate like a vibrator gone mad!  
"S-sounds like an…" Zane stammered, right before the black hole appeared within his abdomen. "EXCUUUUSE!" He imploded. Bladedge jumped back to Jaden, as a blue circle appeared where Zane had once been sucked into by a cosmic weird thing. The blue circle phenomenon shook wildly and erratically and wildly some more, and then at last turned white! It was a WHITE HOLE! The white hole spat Zane toward the earth, where he was blasted back to earth with a magenta detonation. The master duelist hit the rocky earth with a thud, smoking and bleeding. (Zane Truesdale: 1950 Life Points)

"Yeesh, a Double-Hole Attack…" Atticus seethed.  
"Wait, is he dead?" somebody wondered. Zane sat up and began applying an oversized bandage to his injury. "Oh, never mind, it's cool to cheer now."  
"It was just as beautiful as I'd imagined," Syrus said, trembling with happiness.  
"Weirdo," Mann McOldsmobile accused.  
"Hey, Dobbson knows what I'm going through."  
"GO OLD MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!" screamed the audience!  
"A-and Zane," Alexis added hastily.  
"HIM TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
"But I ain't old," Jaden sniffed. "Either way, sorry 'bout the pain there, but I had t'put my foot down. I'm serious about winning this duel, Zane! I'm now officially 101% see-ree-us."  
"Your friends can care for your grandfather," Zane said with a competitive look, "while you and I duel."  
"Now that's what I'm talkin' about, dude!"

"It's funny, actually," Bastion said with his mind on full-blast, "because earlier on in the duel it was Zane telling Jaden to power-up. Now JADEN is the one who's doing all the goading!"  
"Wow, that's hardcore! I guess!" Fluffy Fred supported.  
"Some of your Duel Science, right?" Piggybank asked.  
"Or common sense?" Baseball Bob asked.  
"Exactly!" Omega-Xis answered.  
"Ahahaha, oh you slay me," Bastion chuckled, smashing his wolfhand onto the ground several times.  
"OW! WHAT DID I SAY? IT'S TRUE! MY SOUL'S LEAKING OUT!"  
"Let's just cut back."

And so, Zane began his turn, drawing a seventh card. He looked at it for a moment before flipping it onto the field! "Unless you're afraid… I designed this virtual stadium myself. Impressive, mmm? I think you'll agree." The newest card was a Mystical Space Typhoon card! A boring regular hurricane swirled into play, consuming and destroying one of Jaden's Trap cards! It was Edge Hammer, with the image of Bladedge swinging a golden… hammer!_  
Dang,_ Jaden mused, _I was gonna end the game right there once he summoned a big monster, since Edge Hammer destroys a monster and deals Life Point damage equal to their Attack Points! Wow, I just explained the whole thing to m'self! I sure am dumb._ The typhoon from mystic space swirled around the card and destroyed it with a lime-green explosion before fading away.

[.com/watch?v=WT_iqlLKHfY&translated=1]"It adds a bit more life to the game!" Zane promised.  
"Hmph, only a guy like you'd have Rolling GIRL for a theme song, yo." Alexis tossed a rock at Jaden.  
"We each begin with 2000 Life Points. First player to hit zero loses!" Zane summoned a smaller, sleeker Cyber Dragon to the field, which had some kid of rounded head and spikes across its body.  
"GRAAAAOOOW," it growled. (Cyber Dragon Zwei: 1500 Attack Points)  
"Are you ready to play, runt?" Zane challenged.  
"What's it do?"  
"Ugh! What the?" he responded.

"He counts as Cyber Dragon when you show off a Spell card from your hand," Syrus called.  
"Thanks, Syrus-kid! Syru-kid for short!" Jaden thanked.  
"Don't call my Syru-kid!"

"Virtual system's ready, so let's begin!" Kaiba commenced, revealing a card named… DOUBLE SUMMON. He then sent it to the Graveyard, enabling him to summon double times that turn! "I attack with the mighty Hitatsu-Mi Giant." He summoned a small yellow spaceship with blue armor and twin laser cannons of judgment, prompting a combination of blue AND yellow explosions! (Armored Cybern: 2000 Defense Points) It sat atop the Zwei-type Cyber Dragon and combined with it!  
"My gosh, they're combining!" cried some nameless fool! "IT'S A UNION MONSTER!"  
"Man, I don't care if it's an ONION monster, I'm not losin'! Ha ha ha! Onion, get it?" Jaden laughed!  
"BWARGH!" screamed the dragon, spitting energy at the blade hero. He exploded into a box of Cheezits. (Cyber Dragon Zwei: 1500 - 500 Attack Points)  
"It's my holographic system!" Zane boasted. "It makes lifelike holograms of every monster."  
"That didn't explain why he killed my Bladedge—"  
"Grr! Augh! Well played!" Zane moaned!  
"Eh?"  
"You did good, Yugi, for a beginner. But how will you deal with this?" The dragon, however weakened it was now, was still up for wiping out Jaden's Life Points! (Jaden Yuki: 100 Life Points, still)

"True your Winged Dragon's Attack Points are 1400 while my Dark Clown's are 600, but if I combine it with THIS card…" The green laser blaster cannon dragon combination shot two concussive laser blasts! They hit Jaden in the stomach and shoulder. They made explosions comparable to two cannonballs.  
"_**GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!**_" Jaden said, caught in the crossfire. "B-but you forgot my Trap…" One of his two remaining cards at long last revealed itself: NEGATE ATTACK! "But you attacked too fast for the cool picture to appear…" The card crumpled up and exploded.  
"Exactly. The negative energy generator. It multiplies my monster's Attack by three."  
"WRONG! Your attack is null AND void!"  
"Oh."  
"Hey! Did you just say something NOT in the script?" Jaden accused, drawing his next card.  
"Dark Clown attack with Dark Light!" Zane said dementedly.  
"Thought so. Well, I got nuthin' else, so I'll summon Wroughtweiler!" The Rottweiler in armor was BACK! With a dark grey explosion.  
"ARARARARARARARRARA—"  
"Yeah, we know it's all you can do." (Wroughtweiler: 1200 Attack Points) "If'n I'm correct, your monster gains 300 Attack Points when it battles? Well, it STILL ain't enough t'stop ME! Attack, with whatever you do!" Wroughtweiler pulled out a baby and slapped Zwei with it, smacking away the space armor!  
"As you can see, combining cards can be very effective," Zane assured as he pointed to his still-living Cyber Dragon Zwei. (Zane Truesdale: 1250 Life Points)  
"Dang, you're right for twice?" Jaden realized! "He's still alive!"  
"Thanks to that ONION monster, HA HA HA!" Alexis shouted, pouting.  
"I get it, a'ight? I KNOW I'm stupid, don't be rubbin' it all in. Now I'll end my turn."

Zane drew a card. "DARK LIGHT ATTACK!" His last remaining monster began exploding from the inside several, several times. The concussive blasts caused it to bloat and expand! It continued to contain the explosions even after it had doubled, tripled, QUADRUPLED, QUINTUPLED in size, and finally became a HUMONGOUS DRAGON HEAD SPACE ROBOT WITH A DRAGON HEAD GROWING ON TOP! (Cyber Eltanin: ? Attack Points)  
"This is the Cyber Eltanin," Zane introduced.  
"Y-you just said something original!" Jaden gulped. His mouth twitched.  
"By removing all Machine-type monsters from my side of the field and my Graveyard from play, I am allowed to Special Summon it from my hand," Zane explained. "Then he wipes out all monsters YOU control on your side of the field!" Wroughtweiler was instantly erased from existence.  
"What? Wasn't Wroughtweiler right there a second ago?"  
"Not anymore. What's more, is that my Cyber Eltanin gains five-HUNDRED Attack Points for EVERY monster I just removed!" The three Cyber End Dragons, Cyber Kirin and Cyber Dragon Zwei all appeared back onto the field for one more dazzling appearance! They were blasted by rays of energy from above, transmogrifying them into MINI robo dragon heads, propelled by tiny rocket boosters! (Cyber Eltanin: 2500 Attack Points)  
"You're… right?" Jaden guessed.

"**NOW, JADEN! PREPARE YOURSELF! I AM ABOUT TO SHRED YOU DOWN TO THE MOLECULE! I WILL ERASE EVERY SCRAP OF YOUR DNA! CYBER ELTANIN! INITIATE THE ****END! OF! WORLD! BEEEEEAM!**" The Eltanin ship's eyes flashed. All six of its mysterious flying dragon heads began cruisin' around the field in a strange formation. They swarmed in a spinning, rising way, firing small lasers (TOO MANY LASERS AND EXPLOSIONS TODAY!) at the ground.  
"Oh man," Jaden sighed, "I'd better hope this thing works." But as he said that, the dragons continued circling around the area, faster than you could comprehend! "WOAH! When'd they put on the juice?"  
"Now YOU'RE not making sense!" Zane laughed. "Jaden, my friend, it's time for you to take your defeat like the man you are!" The dragons now appeared as a ring of steel and beams! The earth broke away from the small square of dirt Jaden stood on within the endless void of hyperspace.  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed the audience members, falling away into the mystery void!  
"**NOW EXECUTING**" stated the main head as it disappeared suddenly. The main unit reappeared above and transformed into a satellite cannon just as large as the space that had been cut out of the illusionary plane of existence. It began absorbing everything that was left. The remaining dragon cannons. The ground. The air. Even Zane. He was placed into a cockpit of some sort, grabbing several control sticks and mechanisms. Several scales and screens showing the energy levels of the machine around him were literally blazing off of the gauges! He pulled his control sticks back and roared, "_**FIRE!**_" The back of the cannon opened up and sucked all forms of matter into it like a hyperspace vacuum! It converted everything in the entire pocket universe into energy! All that was left standing in Zane's way was Jaden and his last card. Finally charged to the point of overloading, the cannon fired the universe at Jaden.

But he knew what he had to do. He tapped a button on his Duel Disk and cried out, "_I ACTIVATE MY FACE-DOWN SPELL CARD…_"

There was a reality-engulfing blaze of light… and then everyone was back in the Duel Dome. Everything was back to normal. Everybody was back in their original spots and seats. It was as if nothing had happened. The only evidence of it all was Zane's Cyber Eltanin and Jaden's revealed Spell. And Winged Kuriboh, covered in sparks of electricity. [.com/watch?v=ViEH57xQu1c]"That… that card…" Alexis realized.  
"It's… Flute of Summoning Kuriboh?" Chazz revealed to all! Yes, the Spell was of two Kuribohs, one Winged, hovering around a wooden flute of some sort!  
"You got it, kiddos," Jaden agreed, breathing hard, as if he'd actually been doing something that day. "It lets me summon a Winged Kuriboh from my deck. An' then, the turn he's hit with everything in the universe, it makes sure I don't take no damage."  
"That's a double-negative, Jay."  
"Quiet, Sy."  
"You…" Zane cut himself off. He gave a true smile of approval.  
"Thanks, lil' buddy, aheh," Jaden thanked, patting Winged Kuriboh on the head.  
"Will you stop hating me then?" it squeaked.  
"No."  
"OOH," it ooh-ed, exploding in a realistic fashion.

"My draw!" exclaimed our wonder-boy hero, drawing a Monster Reborn. "I activate the Spell card Monster Reborn to bring back my Bubbleman!" Bubbly foam appeared in an ugly pile, blown away as Bubbleman swooped his cape across the field! (Elemental Hero Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "Thanks t'him bein' the only monster on the field, I can draw two cards as I did before!"  
"Oh yeah," people remembered.  
"Next I use the Field Spell card Skyscraper and equip my Bubbleman with Bubbleman's Bazooka!" Bubbleman magically grabbed his bazooka out of thin air, and several big-city towers appeared all over the stage. (Bubbleman: 800 - 1600 Attack Points)  
"Could it be?" gasped Crowler! "HE'S GOING TO BEAT HIM!"  
"COME ON, JAY!" Syrus and Mann McOldsmobile cheered on!  
"When my Bubbleman attacks with Skyscraper on the field, he gains a WHOPPIN' THOUSAND Attack Points!" said Jaden. "And I _think_ I'll put that skill to use here'n now! Bubbleman, use your Bubble Blaster! (Bubbleman: 1600 - 2600 Attack Points, Cyber Eltanin: 2500 Attack Points)

Jaden's helpful bubbleguy aimed his large bubblearm (hee) at the massive robotic target and clicked the trigger. A literal ocean smashed out and through its giant face. It exploded. (Zane: 1150 Life Points) "When you try'n attack Bubbleman next turn, his Bazooka absorbs all the damage, yo," Jaden told Zane, "and you don't have ANY cards in your hand. I think that's game."

Zane looked at Jaden through all the holograms and fake city streets. He drew his card. He studied it, and then set it flat on his Duel Disk. He stepped all the way down the Skyscraper scene up to Jaden. He extended his hand and Jaden accepted it. They shook on it. (Zane Truesdale: RETIRED, Game Over)

[.com/watch?v=PmSKxQ2ESdg&feature=related]"…YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" screamed the viewing public! They threw buckets of confetti into the air! The game was over, marking the longest chapter to date! Crowds of bystanders leaped off of the bleachers and surrounded the duelists, shouting random compliments such as 'THAT WAS AMAZING!' and 'I CRIED, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!' and 'That was boring. You two suck.'.

"And… the winner was Jaden _YUCKY_," Crowler groaned. "Zane, do you have any words you would like to say before you officially graduate?" Zane looked at Crowler. The audience was quiet. Zane blushed and ran away as fast as he could.  
"NOOOOO! HE'S CAMERA-SHY!" Alexis cried!  
"Don't worry, I'll catch him!" Angry McArgue guaranteed! "Meet you on the ship!" She blazed (?) off after him.  
Jaden pulled a slip of paper out from his pocket. It was crumpled and yellowed after so much time. It read 'Beat Tristan Taylor and Sy's Bro', and both names were crossed out already. The boy ripped the paper in half and threw it to the ground. _And now, Sy, I can truly say that I've beaten your bro. Thanks for being so patient, yo…_ "Wait, the ship?" Jaden questioned.  
"Yes," Shepherd said, taking the mic from his creepy cohort, "the ships off the island leave in a half-hour. You people should REALLY get packed up to leave. Seriously."  
"…. And you didn't tell us earlier?" Syrus Sy-ed.  
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Shepherd yelled, making his great escape with a fatty suitcase!

Everybody in the Duel Dome looked around like idiots before turning tail and escaping to their dorm rooms, so as to get their stuff. All that was left was Jaden's crew, Chazz's group, Bastion's gang and Alexis/Nancy Wut/Atticus. "So, all-in-all, I'd say this was a heck of a year, eh fellas?" Jaden supposed.  
"Eh, what're you talkin' about…?" Chazz stammered, sweating profusely and trying to hide the wooden box in his pocket.  
"Uh… no, I'm just happy we just ended the first season and are becoming Sophomores/Juniors."  
"Imma be a Junior!" Mann McOldsmobile insisted.  
"W-w-w-wait!" Chazz gasped! "I-it's not what you think!" He looked really worried now.  
"I'm ready t'go home, kick back, and tune up mah deck for the NEXT year's duelin'!"  
"OKAY! I ADMIT IT! I STOLE THE SPIRIT KEYS!" Chazz admitted! "A-AND I'M NOT GIVING THEM BACK UNTIL ALEXIS DUELS ME! I'LL BE ON THE BEACH, THE BEEEEEEEACH!" He fled.  
"Uh, let's follow him, I reckon," Billy Hills told Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Huh, okay, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson told Billy Hills.  
"Me too!" Ojama Yellow insisted. The trio flew away after Chazz in mid-air.  
"… So should we follow them?" Piggybank wondered.  
"I'll be right back," Alexis grunted, stomping after Chazz.  
"Eheheh, that kid, what'cha gonna do?" Atticus shrugged and followed his adoptive sister, Nancy Wut trailing behind on a toboggan.|  
"Well, Jaden? Let's go," Bastion insisted.  
"… T'go home, kick back, and tune up mah deck for the NEXT year's duelin'," Jaden repeated.  
"Let's go, you know we have to," Syrus Sy-ed. And so they half-heartedly walked after the guilty Chazz party.

[COMMENTARY]

Well, there you have it, the best chapter I've written. It took me two weeks due to a combination of frustration, failure, and being a bum. IT WAS WORTH IT! The raw power! The lack of semblance of sense! The overexcited mature of how I describe it! Just compare this one to the very first chapter and tell me it doesn't blow it out of the water. Okay, enough gloating.

For those of you who didn't get the joke, Zane began reciting Kaiba's lines from the first episode of the Yu-Gi-Oh! Dub. Yes, the VERY beginning. Season Zero does NOT exist…

Shifting topics for a moment here, let me remark upon something told to me through my latest (as of now) review. A PenguinBound kidderoonie told me a little something about formatting. True it didn't matter to me about how my characters speak, seeing as I always found the rule he described annoying to watch on this site, but I MUST thank you, PenguinBound who is not a registered member apparently, because without your help I would not have realized 'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL MY CHAPTERS?' seeing as I'm a lazy ass who never checked any of his chapters before exempting when he had to re-do the Duel island arc. I felt like spewing disgusting particles once I'd realized my spacing was poop, utterly and completely. I thank this kid SO HARD because without that remark and my subsequent checking I wouldn't have realized how far I'd dropped the ball down the crevice. But now I have a reason to go through all my chapters and improve, as I was already doing! Ugh... Also if you can tell me any places where a word was too long and was replaced by a '!' for some really retarded in a non-offensive way reason due to the shitty system FanFiction dot net works with even though it's the most popular site of its kind, please alert me.

Anyways... We obviously get our sequel hook here, we've had enough explosions here for a season, we destroyed a universe full of buildings and zebras, there were too many in-jokes to follow and in the end Zane became quasi-smart. The last point has a reason, but you won't care about it. I hope this was insightful enough for one week. Next week I'm posting a special chapter crossover with a friend, and you'll get some notes pertaining to that once we hit that mark. I hope you're ready…

FOR JADEN AND YUSEI'S BIG BOOGEY ADVENTURE! Yes, I loved The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy! Why do you ask?


	56. EPISODE S1: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL :O

[.com/watch?v=ONdHEDeWifs]_ Fatboy Conglomerate Studios Presents…_

_A long time ago, on a volcanic island far away…  
_  
Dr. Card, the golden-haired scientifical supervillain was hunched over his incredibly small computer inside his secret cave. He quickly typed up a code onto the machine; 'BANANAMONKEY'. "Darn it, am I original or what?" he asked himself, sucking some coconut juice from a bendy straw. Suddenly, a loud noise emitted from the diabolical-looking box on a desk. It had a frowny-face on it. A robotic arm extended from the box, holding out a tiny screw. "Hot diggity!" the doctor in name only cried, leaping at it and spilling his milky juice everywhere! "Does this mean I can have my time-traveling motorbike now?" He grabbed the screw with his two signature 'gripping fingers' and tugged away to no avail. "G-give it to me!" Dr. Card argued. "You're a really stupid arm, you know! Give it! Give me mah biiiiike!"  
"_No_," the electronic arm said electronically.  
"TXWY-7, you had better give me that screw right now!" Dr. Card ordered.  
"_No_," the arm repeated, avoiding Dr. Card.  
"Give it! We NEED it for the movie!"  
"_No_."  
"Give-!"  
"_No_."

After a few minutes of struggling with the annoying arm, Dr. Card finally pried his screw loose from the box's unforgiving grip! "Whew, that was stupid," he sighed, turning around whilst beckoning forth a bolt of underground lightning for effect. "By Obelisk, I've done it!" he exclaimed, holding it up. "Movie deals, here we coooome! Muwha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
"Um, hey," asked Dr. Card's traditional hunchbacked assistant with a large nose, "can I use that fancy effect when I say something dreadful? Or something like that?"  
"No."  
"Aw…" He faded into the shadows… DANGEROUSLY…  
"Who cares about that guy," Dr. Card huffed. "At least I got the screw… AND NOW, TO DO SOMETHING I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING ALREADY!" He tromped over to his door sitting in the center of the cave. He inserted the screw into the rusty hinges. "There we go. And now… I can finally pay enough attention to my work to **MANIPULATE TIME AND SPACE TO MY WILL!**" He pulled out a book on motorcycle construction. It instantly burst into flames. "Whoops, time for the internet."

He walked over to the computer and began typing randomly into the keyboard with his knuckles. "Wait a second…" he muttered, rereading some of his scientifical procedures and geometrimatical equations. "Oh hey I wish I paid attention beforehand so that I COULD MANIPULATE TIME AND SPACE TO MY WILL, AND BEGIN TO CREATE A COLD-SPACE-FUSION GENERATOR AND INSERT IT INTO A MOTORCYCLE!" Now motivated, he began to punch his keyboard feverishly… AND PRESSED ENTER. Thus, crazy crap began to happen.

MEAN! WHILE! FUTURE! (Heh heh, a bad rip off.)  
Yusei Fudo, a blackish-yellowish-haired Yugi stand-in was riding his crimson red D-Wheel motorcycle down the highway of the barren and degenerate Satellite highway. The roads were in really bad shape, due to the fact that nobody bothered to maintain them. **B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BUMP** went the motorcycle against the pavement. Yusei swerved dangerously in order to avoid hitting the trails of bums lying around. "Whoops, I missed," Yusei fretted as his bike bounced off of a fat man.  
"NO! I NEED MY FAT IN PRISTINE CONDITION FOR THE HARSH WINTEEEEER…"

Suddenly, a non-descript purple vortex opened in the air miles ahead of Yusei! It began sucking in everything near it; small things like random paper that poor cities ALWAYS have, weak building accessories such as glass and roof paneling, and several, several bums. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH" Yusei screamed, attempting to stop, failing horribly, "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He tried turning around, but somehow it caused his bike to flip upside down and spin around! Still yelling, Yusei suddenly remembered purchasing his brakes at Bob's Auto Mart. The Bob's Yusei morbidly recalled the Bob's slogan song:

_"If you're havin' trouble with your Duel~ Runner~  
Visit Bob's Auto Mart~  
We'll help you and make it fast~  
And Donner~!"_ or something along those lines…

"**DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMN YOU BOOOOOOOOOOB!**" Yusei shrieked, flying into the vortex. "'Bob', not 'boob'."

MEANWHILE, IN DR. CARD'S MAN-CAVE…  
Dr. Card's computer began to beep. "Huh?" He looked more closely at the screen. "Hmm…" It read 'TIME PORTAL TO PRESENT DAY APPEARING IN ROUGHLY 20-40 YEARS FROM NOW, WE AREN'T REALY SURE'. "Oh, that was unexpected," Dr. Card realized. "If only I had begun to type with my fingers." He looked around for no reason. "How am I supposed to use THIS to get that volcano?" He sat and looked at the ceiling for a minute. "Well, only one thing to do." He started jamming his ENTER key a few dozen times before tossing his computer to the ground.

MEANWHILE AT YUSEI'S BUM CHUM HIDEOUT…  
Tuff McBuffins, the fat and tough member of the group, was meditating with a picture of his lord and master Jack Atlas in front of him, when he suddenly saw a portal open within the underground hobo tent. "Oh, cool," he decided. While staring at the portal, stupidly, a sudden jolt of memory struck Tuff McBuffins! "Ooooowch." he cried, holding his head.  
Suddenly and randomly, a ghostly blue ghost person in ghost robes appeared in front of him ghost. _My gosh, my first Jedi vision!_ Tuff McBuffins understood. "**PLEASE TEACH ME THE JEDI MIND THINGIE.**"

"I'm not a Jedi," the blue ghost man said bluntly, "I am here to remind you about your… _mission_."  
"My… My _mission_?" he asked.  
"Yes. Your _mission_," blue ghost man answered.  
"W-What _mission_?"  
"Long ago-"  
"How long?"  
"Uh… like… five hundred years. Or something…"  
"Oh."  
"Your forefather's great grandfather's father's adopted cousin, Dr. Drac McBuffins, caused a GREAT and TERRIBLE evil..."

"McBuffins is a funny name, ha ha," Tuff McBuffins chuckled.  
"It's YOUR name."  
"Nah, it's Drac's…" He slapped his own cheeks in realization. "OH MY GOSH."  
"Yeeeeah… well, this spiky haired blondie one day decided to duel the heck out of everybody else in your family for no reason, except for his pregnant wife, who had your ancestor inside of her. Then he exploded and she had a baby, who was your great-great-whatever they were."  
"S-so, that means that this great evil… has somethin' to do with today?" Tuff McBuffins collected.  
"Well, aren't we smarter and more naïve than we seem, hmm?" the nameless ghost snorted. "Anyways, jump in the dang portal already and go beat him up in the past, okay?"  
"Okay," Tuff McBuffins accepted unceremoniously, floating into the purple void. He placed a thick, meaty hand on his gun holster and fingered his weapon. _I bid you farewell father! I will make you proud!_  
"… Man, trolling in death is fun…" the ghost chuckled.

Jamey Simmons, the blue-haired bespectacled nerd with kneesocks, and Jesstin Beaver, the thinly-veiled feminine parody kid, casually walked out of the bathroom. "AWESOME job in there!" Jamey Simmons congratulated, slappin' Jesstin Beaver some five. "THAT is why you always use the pipe!"  
"Yeah~ yeah~ that dump don't know what took it!" Jesstin Beaver cheered disgustingly. They then noticed the blue ghost guy.  
"HEY." Jamey jabbed a finger at the ghost.  
"Y-Yes?" the ghost troller asked.  
"What's that purple vortex thingy?" he demanded, pointing at the purple vortex thingy.  
"A portal that goes back in time, thanks to obvious plots and such."  
"Oh. Well… what time does it lead to?"  
"Around… Yu-Gi-Oh! GX."  
"…" _My gosh…_ Jamey Simmons figured out. _Does this mean…? Yes, I can go back in time and meet my father… THE LEGENDARY LIGHT-BLUE HAIRED DON OF THE WEST…_ Jamey Simmons checked his knee socks to check if he'd brought his two rapid-firing pistols. _… And I can challenge him to a gunfight. I've been told he was the best of the best, so we should be at about the same level in that time zone…_ "C'mon, Jesstin, you're gonna see me shoot my dad in the chest!"  
"Wiggedy wiggedy what?"And with that, Jamey Simmons grabbed Jesstin Beaver and jumped into the portal.  
"This is one friggin' bizarre place," the blue ghost man said before slipping on a ghost banana peel. "Ow! My undead spleen! Darn the need of a punchline! Dang ghost bananas…"

Then at a bar in New Domino City, Ratchet Nickles, the awesome goateed bandana wearin' member of the Chum Bum Gang was drinking his youth (?) away. "Dang it, why'd I just drink all that money away?" he asked himself. "We saved up those plastic bottles for weeks… and we were about to get that Starlight Road card for Yusei…" He turned to some uncomfortable man sitting next to him. "Do YOU know why they made that Trap card for Stardust Dragon?"  
"N-no!" the man cried. "I don't even KNOW that card!"  
"EGGZACKLY!" Ratchet Nickles agreed. "Why'd they make it for a one-uv-a-kind card? Nobody ELSE could EVER use it… AND NOW THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME FOR WASTIN' THE MONEY!"  
"Um, excuse me sir," said a waitress, "but are you a citizen of the Satellite area of the city, where all the poor people were forced for no simple reason? Aren't you… not allowed in a high-class establishment such as—"  
"**WE GOT THAT TWELVE DOLLARS AN' IT TOOK THREE MONTHS! WE HAD TO DRINK SO…** MUCH… cola…" He began to cry on the random man next to him. The waitress turned tail and ran from the freakish hobo. The bartender with a long, sharp, bird-like nose poured another mug full of beer and plopped it in front of Ratchet Nickles, splashing some froth all over his bandana.  
"There ya go, ya freakin' bum," the bartender said politely, grabbing Nickles' money on the counter with his grubby, sausage-like fingers.  
"Heeeeeeey," Nickles slurred out, "whachit with dat nose of you's okayyyyy? You's gonna slice someone's head off with that if you's not careful…"  
"Shaddup ya damn monkey," the bartender grumbled as he turned and sliced a drinker's head clean off. "Oops."  
Then a portal opened and sucked the drunken Ratchet Nickles inside and disappeared. Startled, the bartender turned, once again slicing another unfortunate drinker's head off.  
"What the… oh…"

"Dammit, that's the tenth time." He pulled out a cake. "HEY ALL, TEN-KILL ANNIVARSARY CAKE!" The drunken masses stumbled over for free cake.

MEANWHILE AT THE SIGH-CHICK HQ (For Psychic Chicks)…  
Divine-Sayer, some guy with hilariously huge red, swoopy hair was looking at his refection in a LARGE mirror on his even LARGER desk inside his ENORMOUS office located on the top floor of a HUGE headquarters building. "I am damn sexy," he said to himself before changing his expression, "I AM damn sexy."  
"D-Divine-Sayer-sama?" a sheepish voice said from behind the frickin' huge door.  
"What? I'm admiring my handsomeness right now!"  
"But you wanted to see me?"  
"Oh, Aki-za! Come in, come in!" Divine-Sayer allowed. A busty red-headed girl in super-retro French-style clothing walked into the HUMONGOUS ROOM.  
"What did you need, Divine-Sayer-sama?" she asked.  
"Well, I need you to get prepared for the card game tournament that good ol' McGoodpersons is hosting next month." Then his expression grew evil-ish. "That way I can kill the old fart and claim New Domino City as PSYCHIC LAND!"  
"Psychic Land?" Akiza balked. "And how are you going to do that? McGoodperson's is just the Security Director, you would need to kill the-"  
"I'M THE ONE IN CHARGE!" Divine-Sayer roared, leaping at her like some sort of idiot psychic lion!  
"S-Sorry," Akiza apologized.  
"We should start training." Divine-Sayer said, reverting to his normal tone and grabbing his GOLDEN duel disk, "If we waited any longer or we suddenly got interrupted, you would be TOTALLY unprepared if you fought some guy who might get you to like him then you start really liking him but are too shy to tell him what you feel and fans do faith-shipping fics for you and whatnot. But what are the odds of _that_?" He placed his hand on Akiza's thigh.  
"Divine-Sayer, sir! You told me you wouldn't do that anymore."  
"Oh, sorry, force of habit."  
"It's fine, but I have a-"

A random -Sigh- Chick lackey ran into the room. "Divine-Sayer-sama, you asked for me?"  
"NO INTERUPTIONS!" Divine-Sayer yelled, exploding the lackey's head with his psychic powers.  
Suddenly a portal opened behind Akiza and sucked her away then disappeared, leaving Divine-Sayer confused. "Well… THAT was sudden…" he noted. Then he pressed a LARGE button on his desk. "Haley, send somebody with a big butt up to my office."  
"_Yes, Divine-Sayer-sama,_" replied Haley the Receptionist.

MEANWHILE, AT THE RICH PEOPLE HOUSING IN NEW DOMINO CITY AKA THE TOPS RESIDENCE AKA WHERE TWO MORE CHARACTERS LIVE...  
"Let it rooooooorp!" said a lime-haired boy with an odd ponytail, spinning his battle top (hence the 'Tops' Residence) into a small arena in his (and his sister's) apartment.  
"I think it's 'rip' Leo," Luna corrected, being his sister with twin green pigtails.

Then Leo and Luna got sucked into a random portal.  
"Wait! That's all we geeeeeeeeeet?"

MEANWHILE AT THE RANDOM DUEL STADIUM…  
Jack Atlas, rich Duel King extraordinaire, was riding his giant white donut-shaped motorbike around a big racetrack, in the empty stadium with his trademarked theme song playing. "IT'S THE! I OF THE TIGAH IS THE WAY O THE LAND!" he sang. "IT'S THE! ONLY WAY O SURVIVIN!" As Jack made a soft, beginner's turn in the ring, running down numerous traffic cones in his way, he spotted a portal at the end of the track. Being Jack Atlas, and curious, he raced towards it at **HIGH SPEED**.  
"Aha!" a mysterious man 'aha!'ed, jumping from the stands onto the track! "Finally, I can continue my secretly evil plot… of JUSSSSSTISSSSSSEEEE…" As he was about to enter the portal, Jack Atlas dove from his white donut into the portal, culminating with it closing behind him.  
"WHEEEE!" Jack cried.  
"DAMMIT!" the mysterious man cursed. "Looks like I'll just have to… trust in the me of the past… wait a minute, that doesn't seem to add up…"

[.com/watch?v=KLaGaOgXnec] Jaden and Yusei in…

JADEN AND YUSEI'S BIG BOOGEY ADVENTURE!

SEVERAL! YEARS! EARLIER!  
"… And THAT is why you always use the pipe." Chancellor Shepherd announced over the school PA system. "Anyways, since tonight is Japanese Halloween, located approximately 8 months after everyone else's as you have to adjust for the time zones, and that means YOU SHOULD DRESS UP AND GO WILD!"  
"Woo," went a few people.  
"Also there will be candy at the Obelisk dorm, so come on down."

"Y'hear that, guys?" Jaden asked his dormmates.  
"Meh," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"Meh," Mann McOldsmobile Sy-ed.  
"M-m-m-MEH? But it's CANDY! The children's drug! You should be, like, goin' crazy over it! IT'S CRACK FOR KIDS!"  
"I don't like crack," Mann McOldsmobile assured, "it tastes bad."  
"And besides, this episode's placed in the timeline so that I can be here," Koala Ko Ala said, rolling over in his bed.  
"Oh, cool, yo. But anyways, can't you all be more… in-spirit? Pun intended?"  
"No way, man," Syrus said.  
"Huh?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"Not you. We really don't care about that holiday. I mean, don't WE have some good holidays in May?" Syrus recalled.  
"Children's Day!" Mann McOldsmobile called.  
"Greenery Day!" Koala Ko Ala called.  
"Constitution Day!" Mann McOldsmobile called.  
"Heck, Italy has a May Day!" Koala Ko Ala called.  
"And in America, do they have something called 'Sweet Sixteen?'" guessed Mann McOldsmobile.

"…" Jaden looked around and took out a few random suits from a cabinet.  
"Jay? What're you doing…?"  
"If Alexis can do it to me, I can do it to you, too!" Jaden decided, smiling vilely.  
"Wait, wait… WHAT'RE YOU DOING?"  
"LET GO OF MEEEEEHH!"  
"THAT DOESN'T FEEL RIIIIIIGGHT!"

So Jaden had become a soldier with the mighty Spanish-style hat of Saggi the Dark Clown, the red armor of the majestic Breaker the Magical Warrior, the awesome shoulder guards of the Celtic Guardian, and the irony arm of Gearfried the Iron Knight. "You look stupid," his friends told him.  
"Not as bad as you, dudes," Jaden chuckled.  
"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU FORCED US TO DRESS UP!" Syrus screamed, wearing the fluffy Kuriboh-like body of a smiling Watapon in such a way that only his torso was covered up, much like a baby wearing a pumpkin costume.  
"I look kinda cool, actually," Mann McOldsmobile complimented, diggin' the giant bowtie costume. Only his legs and face were sticking out, and the bowtie itself looked as if it would get in the way. His arms had ripped through the sides for extra mobility.  
"Lucky you, you got to be Shapesnatch," Koala Ko Ala groaned semi-sarcastically, wearing an adorable koala suit. "What kinda Duel Monster am I, anyways?"  
"It didn't have to be a Duel Monster, yo, it's just Halloween."  
"Don't we have something like that on O-Bon? Or Obon?"  
"Nah, plus we celebrate it here too with cool costumes n' stuff!" Jaden taught.  
"If we celebrate it normally… THEN WHY ARE WE DOING THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF SPRING?"  
"Because it fit the timeline," Koala Ko Ala said smugly.  
"Oh yeah, you're here. Good. Let's get this over with."

[.com/watch?v=3-CmeUpQ2LA] They all stepped outside to see several Slifer Reds setting up an apple tank, made for bobbing. There was also a fat man in a blue mask and pants dancing on the side of the road dancing around, shaking his gut. "Yeah, we did it!" Barry the Beginner cheered. Two people clapped twice.  
"Barry?" gasped Jaden. "What's a Ra Yellow doing here at the Red dorm?"  
"Oh…" Barry the Beginner looked at his uniform. "…" It was still yellow. "… What's up with your costume?"  
"I don't know, I really regret putting this together now. But I don't know if ANYBODY CARES about bobbing for apples."  
"I love bobbing—"  
"No you don't, Mann. NOBODY does. And plus, what's up with Crasher Wake!" He pointed to the fat man. "Why'd you bother hiring HIM? He's not scary, just uncomfortable, yo."  
"He was already here when we came outside," Barry the Beginner revealed.  
"Uh, okay, but is that really all you have set up?" Syrus asked, overlooking the Crasher Wake issues at hand.  
"Well, we also have a haunted woods." There was a trail of slime on the ground, leading to three trees. A guy in a bed sheet peeked out.  
"Boo," he said, falling over.  
"So what do you think? Masterful, eh?" Sadly Barry was forgotten, as everybody who mattered had walked off. "D'aw…"

The crew had walked off to the Ra Yellow dorms in search of cool stuff. "Hey cool stuff," said Koala Ko Ala. It was Bastion staring angrily at Mann McOldsmobile with his gang.  
"What's the deal with you and your… COSTUME STEALING WILES?" Bastion ordered. He pointed to his own crimson bowtie. Then he pointed to Omega-Xis, who was wearing a bowtie on his snout, because it looked funny.  
"Yeah!" Piggybank shouted! "You KNOW Bastion was Shapesnatch in the spirit day episode! Just because Bastion's one of the only nerds to dress up tonight doesn't mean you can steal HIS currently-used idea!"  
"Hey, that was a little venomous," Baseball Bob mentioned.  
"DON'T CALL BASTION A NERD!" Fluffy Fred shouted! "COSPLAY IS AMAZING!" He was dressed in a life-sized Godzilla costume that began to collapse into itself. "Woah, woah, WOOOOOOAAAAAHHHH!" It was a disaster. Luckily, nobody cared.  
"Aaaaanyways, what's goin' on here, bruthah man?" Jaden inquired inquisitively.  
"Uh, I was just about to take the kids over to the Obelisk dorm to get some candy from them. It's like children's beer, except in crack form!" Bastion explained.  
"I know, right?" Jaden agreed. "But, uh, why isn't there anyone else out here from your dorm? Besides, y'know, Barry?"  
"Oh, it's just that everybody else decided to celebrate Halloween ON Halloween and said 'who cares, darn it.'"  
"Oh, well that sucks," Mann McOldsmobile said. "Uh… let's go to the Blue Dorm?"  
"Okay!" Jaden agreed. "See ya, nerd!"  
"Aw man," Bastion cried as everybody else left him alone with his gang. "Why did you guys have to leave me with the boring ones?"  
"Hey?" Baseball Bob sniffed. Bastion looked at him. Then he ran off to hang with the cool kids.

And so, Jaden and Syrus and Koala Ko Ala and Mann McOldsmobile and Bastion were sitting in a bush and staring through the massive window of the Obelisk Blue central candy hall. "Hey, what're we doing?" asked Omega-Xis, pushing his snout through the leafy barricade.  
"Oh, we're looking to see what they're doing in there," Syrus told. "See, look over there." Inside of the dorm hall, there was a large group of people in expensive costumes. They were dancing to the beat of rambunctious DJ Lance Rock and his turntables, randomly flashing strobe lights, and general poppin' beats. And then something broke through the wall; a large dump truck had appeared!  
"HERE WE GO Y'ALL!" shouted DJ Lance Rock. "THE CANDEH IS IN DA HIZZZOUZE!" The truck dumped its load and spread fancy, luxury candies all over the dance floor. As others simply continued to dance all over it and crush the wonderful confectionary brilliance, others leaped all over the place, forcing as much sugar into their systems as they could. "TOO MUCH CAND-D-D-TOO MUCH CANDY!" DJ Lance Rock jammed.

"I GOT CANDY COBS!" a guy shouted, holding up a huge collection of candy corn stuck to itself.  
"I GOT A KAT KIT!" a guy shouted, holding up a chocolate cat.  
"I GOT ANOTHER SHALLOW PARODY!" a guy shouted, holding up something else predictable.

"Yo' we have GOT to get in there!" Jaden exclaimed.  
"Well, why don't we?" Bastion asked.  
"Yeah!" Omega-Xis agreed.  
"WAAAAGH!" screamed the Slifers, startled by the newcomer! "OMEGA-XIS?"  
"Does anybody care about ME anymore?" Bastion groaned.  
"Well, not really, but your hand is REALLY forgetful!" Koala Ko Ala stated.  
"You're one to talk, kid," Omega-Xis spat. "But why can't we get in there, guys?"  
"The only Slifer in there is getting beaten for candy," Syrus analyzed, spotting some screaming boy getting smacked around from the ceiling, apparently wearing a label reading 'PINIATA :P', spraying candy everywhere with every smack. "And Chazz is in there hitting him because he USED to be an Obelisk, and he can cheat like that. Apparently."  
"Well, back door ho!" Jaden exclaimed, trekking down to the back door of the building.  
"JADEN YOU STEREOTYPICAL MAIN CHARACTER WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN BECAUSE THEY WILL BEAT YOU UP?" Syrus exploded!  
"BECAUSE I'M STUPIIIIIIIIIIID!" Jaden answered. Suddenly, as if it were funny, a purple portal appeared over Jaden and threw one Yusei and one Akiza at him. "Ow, how random!"

[.com/watch?v=4kXoe17XJRA]As Jaden bit the dust, the two time-travelers bounced off of his face and landed on their feet. "Yo," Yusei said.  
"What's up?" Akiza said. They both had a cool glare in their eyes.  
"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?" Koala Ko Ala screamed as his head exploded.

"…" The two people were too busy staring at each other to pay attention.  
"STOP SHIPPING!" Syrus cried! He paused to wipe off his now-foggy glasses.  
"Why?" Yusei asked.  
"There's nothing going on!" Akiza denied. "It's all that… that PHANTOM guy's fault!"  
"No, it's definitely getting hotter in here," Mann McOldsmobile said, raising his eyebrows.  
"Why on earth are you dressed as a bowtie?"  
"No comment, hon."  
"It's because he's a thief," Bastion accused.  
"It's Halloween, and I'm a koala!" Koala Ko Ala answered, but no one cared.  
"I'm a BUNCH of things!" answered Jaden.  
"And I'm pitiful," Syrus complained.  
"Now what are YOU people?" Omega-Xis requested.  
"I'm a Turbo Duelist from the Satellite District of New Domino City," Yusei answered. "Also, cool blaster arm, kid."  
"Thanks," Bastion thanked.  
"I'm a psychic with extreme self-confidence issues," Akiza explained.  
Syrus spat out a full cup of water before tossing away his paper mug. "What's that? A TURBO Duelist and a PSYCHIC? I'm a skeptic, so I think it's funny!" Suddenly Yusei's red helmet and Duel Runner fell from the sky. "Okay."

Two minutes later, everybody had stepped into the Obelisk Blue dorm through the giant hole created by the candy truck. "So, what's going on?" Akiza wondered. "Why aren't there any… holoboomers?"  
"What's that?" Koala Ko Ala asked.  
"You know, holoboomers? Or Jupiter slides? And why aren't there ay ravers playing Gleep-Glob Ball?"  
"Ah, you're right, there should be some Gleep-Gloppers!" Yusei agreed! "What did that purple portal DO to us?"  
"… Hmm…" Bastion pulled a magazine out from his pocket. He scanned an article reading 'Gleep-Glop Ball: Wave of the Future?' "Hmm… when did you live?"  
"About… approximately 5/4/Random Future Year. Why?"  
"Well then, my Duel Psychology tells me that you two… are from the future!" Bastion answered!  
"That was actually pretty obvious," Yusei and Akiza said.  
"Well, then… let's screw around and have fun until we decide that it's time to fix everything back to normal!" Koala Ko Ala announced!  
"No way!" Syrus disagreed! "That's stupid! Everything'll be ruined! You're ASKING for trouble."  
"Yeah, I know."  
"We're just trying to speed up the inevitable," Omega-Xis added.  
"Oh, I see. Well, go ahead. I'll just walk around randomly."  
"Let's!" The group dispersed randomly.

[.com/watch?v=9rovbGfTYwE&feature=related]So, we will now chronicle Akiza and the beginning of her Halloween adventure. She sat at a children's bar in the room and grabbed a frothy mug of water. "Hm, well I am thirsty," she decided, pushing all the froth away onto the floor.  
"No, don't do that!" disagreed a random idiot.  
"And why is that?" Akiza asked. "I hate water froth!"  
"You're dead-wrong!" disagreed the stranger, brushing some of her grey hair away from her face. "Nancy Wut says so! And Nancy Wut is me!"  
"You can't tell me that I don't not like water froth!" Akiza disagreed.  
"Yes I is!" Nancy Wut said, splashing the water all over the floor!  
"I was going to DRINK that!" Akiza growled standing up.  
"What's wrong, little girl?" Nancy Wut toyed with her. "Lil' baby needs her wa-wa?"  
"HUMANS NEED WATER TO LIVE, YOU BIGOT!" Akiza shouted!  
"Only the STUPID ones do!"  
"Hmph, then you need more water than anyone."

Something snapped within Nancy Wut at that moment. She pulled a long, white glove out from her back pocket and slapped it across Akiza's face! "I CHALLENGE YOU, MADAM, TO A DUEL!" she shouted!  
"Wh-what?" Akiza gasped, rubbing her struck cheek.  
"Defend your honor, ma'am!" Nancy Wut commanded, pulling out her Duel Disk from who-knows-where.  
"Okay. The duel will be rapier-fighting to the death."  
"… Eeeeeeh?" Nancy Wut asked, dropping her Duel Disk onto the wet floor, causing it to explode.  
"Come now," Akiza urged, "I haven't got all night." She pulled an entire rapier blade out from who-knows-where.  
"B-b-b-b-but in a Duel you use—"  
"No, the Duelist's Code states that the Duelee, the one challenged, gets to choose the type of Duel the Duelists Duel!" Akiza stated. "Come now, have at you! I will allow you to bring two allies with you."

"Okay," Alexis and Angry McArgue accepted, appearing from who-knows-where. Akiza tossed three rapiers at the trio.  
"I haven't used a rapier in ages," Alexis recalled, feeling nostalgic.  
"When?" Angry McArgue asked.  
"Oh, when I was—"  
"TATATATATATATATATATA!" Akiza roared, stabbing Alexis dozens of times with her blunt-tipped instrument within the space of a few seconds. The blonde girl was blasted right out through the roof of the building. She then spun around and began cutting downward with her sword, only barely being blocked by her adversaries. She then reared back and put out one tremendous stab, pushing Nancy Wut through the counter she'd just been sitting at. As the dust settled, Akiza took the opportunity to strike an awesome pose.  
"… When did I get roped into this mess?" Angry McArgue groaned. Something popped out from some counter rubble. It was Nancy Wut, still rarin' and ready to go!  
"Heck, don't count me out just yet!" she chuckled as she wiped some dust out from her hair. The other Obelisk Blues in the area began to clap for her.

[.com/watch?v=Jznc645X8Nc]"Woah, she's got an audience!" Jaden gaped, as he sat on his butt and picked candy off of the dance floor with Yusei and Bastion.  
"Indeed," Bastion said, shoving some chocolate into Omega-Xis' mouth.  
"Indeed," Yusei agreed.  
"Hey, I just said that!"  
"Y'know, I feel like grabbin' some spotlight fer' myself, yo," Jaden decided, being the attention whore he is at heart.  
"Does anybody still know I'm here?" asked Bastion.  
"Duel me, bro!"  
"I'm not your bro, yo," Yusei said.  
"Yo, only I say yo, yo!" Jaden told.  
"Hey, does anybody hear me?" Omega-Xis demanded.  
"Well okay then, kid, hold your horses."  
"What can I do to make you wanna duel me, weird-hair-boy?" Jaden asked.  
"What did you call me?"  
"Your hair… it's like you had some kinda normal hair goin; for ya', but then somebody strapped some dynamite to the back and it went 'BOOM'." Yusei grabbed Jaden by the face and burst through the front door with the kid.

"… Let's go home," Bastion decided, feeling depressed.  
"Hey, at least the READERS noticed you there," Koala Ko Ala said, following him.  
Yusei and Jaden crashed onto the ground outside of the Obelisk compound, where Jaden fell flat on his face as Yusei skidded to a cool stop. "Damn, am I the guy who gets beat up all the time today?" Jaden guessed.  
"Maybe, but it serves you right for stomping on my pride like that!" Yusei accused. He pulled out his Duel Disk from his back pocket, which took the shape of a black cube, that then began expanding and transforming into a fully-fledged Duel Disk.  
"Dang, the future's cool!" Jaden said. "All WE have is dehydrated Duel Disk tablets." He pulled out one of those, spat on it, and watched it grow. "Ha, I used THAT one in episode six, I think."  
"I don't care!" Yusei countered. "I'm from the future! It's all just some stupid pop-culture reference and crap!"  
"I see. Well, let's throw down," Jaden accepted, hoping that an audience would soon follow. "Get yo' game on, boyo!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Wait, shouldn't we cut to another character first before dueling?" Yusei thought, seeing as it would be only fair.  
"Well, 'kay kiddo, it's your Duel. And mine. But that's not the point. I should shut up so this can get interesting again."

[.com/watch?v=QfNpLsp1XSk] And so it did, as Jack Atlas leaped through a portal into the infamous woods of Duel Academy. He landed on his head, but it was okay, there was nothing in there of any consequence. He quickly stood up and observed his surroundings. "Whaaaaaa-t is this place?" Jack observed, "my 'Da King Dueling Senses' senses a large amount of dueling energy whatever this place is, that I am currently at." Jack 'Da King' Atlas began to run blindly through the forest following his superhuman(?) senses, equipping his startlingly white Duel Disk to his arm. "I must find the most powerful duelist here and beat them so I can become 'DA KING' of this place too!" But he suddenly stopped and sniffed the air. "I smell… I smell a dork!" He followed the stench until he spotted a shadow in the forest…

"A-HA!" Jack 'a-ha'ed! He tackled the stranger to the ground and pinned them there. "Gotcha Mr. Number-One-Duelist-of-this-place! Now prepare to feel the wrath of my KINGNEEEEEEEEEEESS!"  
"YOUR DUEL DISK IS DIGGING INTO MY APPENDIX!" the Syrus yelled, sobbing! "WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN EVERYTIME I GET LOST?"  
"Oh. Sorry." Jack moved the Duel Disk so it would stop causing further internal bleeding.  
"What the heck is your problem?" Syrus cried, wiping away his tears. "I'm not the number-one duelist!"  
"You're not?" Jack asked. "Er, of course not! I knew that! Because I, Jack 'DA KING' Atlas, is never wrong! I am the king!"  
"The number one duelist on this island is Zane Truesdale, my brother, blood type A, 18 years old." Syrus admitted stupidly, "AND I could take you to him if you'd get off me and leave me alone. Forever."  
"Okay." Jack agreed, getting off Syrus and brushing some dirt off of his clean coat. The duo began walking out of the forest in a random direction.  
"Y'know, if I was I girl, I would've called you a girl-molesting rapist."  
"You mean you're not a girl?"

Elsewhere, Jamey Simmons rolled out of his portal onto the edge of the island's docks. While looking at his surroundings he noted, "I don't think we're in Satellite anymore, Jesstin…" Then Jamey noticed two things: First off, Jesstin was nowhere to be seen, and secondly neither was his right arm._  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

Inside the Obelisk Blue Dorm, Crowler was hunched over its desk writing in its diary titled '_The Dreams of a True Woman_'. "Well, this sure beats standing around downstairs, drinking bubbly water as children slip around the dance floor on candy!" it chuckled, adding some finishing touches to a page. It, along with every other page in the book, had the words '_**JADEN YUKI MUST DIE**_' and '_**NEVER FORGET**_' repeated a disturbing number of times.  
"_YIIIIII__!_" screamed an ear-piercing individual.  
"Heh heh heh, sounds like another low-ranked fool just got an eye-full of that Crasher Wake fellow, heh heh," it laughed, putting down its pen. "That's enough writing for today, I presume…"  
There was a large thump outside of Crowler's door in the hallway. "Huh? What could that be at this hour? Don't tell me… THEY HAVE BEER AND SOME DRUNKEN IDIOT JUST FELL OUT BY MY OFFICE?" Crowler raced to the door.

Meanwhile, right outside, Jesstin Beaver looked at the severed arm it held. "Jamey'll need it more than me," it decided, tossing it back into what was left of the portal before it disappeared.

"Oh hey!" Jamey Simmons realized, catching his arm as it flew at him. He screwed it back onto his shoulder. Unfortunately, it was upside down. "I'll just walk it off."

Scooting back to Crowler's side of the story, Crowler prowled at the side of its door. _What was that sound I just heard?_ it worried. _Maybe… somebody brought alcohol to the party, and a drunken fool just fell out in front of my door! I must research this strange phenomena…_ It pushed the door open, where it spotted Jesstin Beaver standing and looking straight at it. _Who… is this?_ Crowler pondered. _Is this… me from the past?  
Is this… a mirror into my future in the past?_ Jesstin Beaver thought. Slowly, they both lifted one arm in perfect synch.  
"MEEP!" they cried, ducking behind the wall. They both heaved deeply, as if their hearts were to leap out! They slowly peered out at each other and then retreated at the sight of the other. Then they both stepped out at the same time and growled at their respective copy. "…." They picked up a top hat and cane and began to dance the same dance.

Yusei Fudo and Jaden Yuki had already begun to duel each other, where Jaden had his Flame Wingman out already with one Trap card on standby. Yusei himself had only one card on his field, though there was a Quillbolt Hedgehog in his Graveyard. (Yusei Fudo: 3200 Life Points, Jaden Yuki: 4000 Life Points) "Eh, I was hopin' somebody else'd be around to see us duel so they could give me a hi-five, or a thumbs-up, or whatev's," Jaden sighed sadly.  
"I don't care," Yusei said, uncaringly.  
"GASP!" Jaden gasped! "Oh well, it's your turn now."  
"No it's not," Yusei called, "because I activate the Trap card Reinforce Truth on your End Phase!" His last card flipped face-up, showing a warrior guy being engulfed in red energy of truthiness. "Now I can Special Summon one Level Two or lower Warrior monster from my deck onto the field! I'll take my Fortress Warrior and play him!" A four-legged guy made of stone appeared, holding a large circle, made of stone as much as he was. (Fortress Warrior: 600 Attack Points, Two Stars)

"Well okay then, take your turn," Jaden allowed.  
"I'll do that," Yusei accepted, drawing a card. He glanced at it, then picked out a different card in his hand. [.com/watch?v=M1VnlVXtmg8]"I summon Junk Synchron in order to Special Summon the Quillbolt Hedgehog you killed last turn, in Defense Mode!" As an orange robot train conductor appeared on the field, he furiously began putting scraps of metal together into the shape of a hedgehog. It fell apart slightly. (Junk Synchron: 1300 Attack Points, 3 Stars, Tuner; Quillbolt Hedgehog: 800 Attack Points, 800 Defense Points) Level 2)  
"What's all this about a Tuner?" Jaden asked.  
"I'll show you! I Tune my Level Two Quillbolt Hedgehog to my Level Three Junk Synchron in order to perform a Synchro Summon!" The hedgehog thing fell apart into two green stars, which in turn became two green technological rings! The conductor bot leaped and flew through them, and ithey bonded into it! It became enshrouded in light and grew into a tall, scarfed, purple robot warrior! "Junk Warrior, I summon thee!" (Junk Warrior: 5 Stars, 2300 - 2900 Attack Points, Synchro)  
"Uuuuuh… what's a Synchro?" Jaden asked. Yusei gave him the 'You're an idiot' look.

"My monster gains the Attack Power of all Level Two or lower monsters I control when it's summoned!" (Junk Warrior: 2300 - 2900 Attack Points)  
"Okay, answer my question, yo."  
"Junk Warrior, use Junky Punch!" Junk Warrior zoomed up to Flame Wingman and gave it a deadly uppercut, sending junk into his very soul! He blew up. (Jaden: 4000 - 3200 Life Points) "Now, attack him directly, Fortress Warrior!" The stone guy lifted up his stone circle and tossed it at Jaden!  
"No way Joes, because I'm usin' Hero Signal!" His trap exploded into a big 'H'!  
"Oh crap!" Yusei gulped!  
"Now since you beat up one 'o my Heroes this turn, I can call out another one and let'm cruise out onto the field!" The H fell apart and Clayman burst through it, punching the stone circle away. The Fortress Warrior jumped up and caught it like a Frisbee. "Now what's up, Chuck?" Jaden asked.  
"Once per turn, my Fortress Warrior can't be destroyed by battle, and I can never take damage from battles with it," Yusei revealed. "I think I'll play one face-down and call it a turn." He played a face-down.

"Good, yo!" Jaden threw down some Monster card action. "I'll summon Elemental Hero Sparkman and equip'm with Sparkman's Gun!" Sparkman appeared in play via electrical burst, and then shot Junk Warrior with his awesome pistol. He fell and grabbed his stomach in pain. (Junk Warrior: 1300 Defense Points)  
"Did they even really ALLOW guns like that in this time period?" Yusei balked.  
"They did now!" Jaden answered. "Next I'm playin' a second Polymerization to fuse Elemental Hero Necroshade from my hand with Sparkman!" Necroshade appeared from behind the hero of light and grabbed him, bonding to his flesh and suit as a pair of wings and black/red decals. (Elemental Hero Darkbright: 2000 Attack Points)  
"_ELEMENTAL HERO DARKBRIGHT,_" explained a robotic feminine voice. "_THIS FUSION MONSTER CAN ONLY BE SUMMONED WHEN YOU ACTIVATE POLYMERIZATION ON THE MONSTERS ELEMENTAL HERO SPARKMAN AND ELEMENTAL HERO NECROSHADE. WHEN THIS MONSTER ATTACKS A DEFENSE POSITION MONSTER, YOU INFLICT DAMAGE TO YOUR OPPONENT'S LIFE POINTS EUQAL TO THE DIFFERENCE. THEN, AFTER IT ATTACKS, IT IS SHIFTED INTO DEFENSE MODE. IN ADDITION, WHEN IT IS DESTROYED, THE OWNER MAY DESTROY ONE OPPOSING MONSTER._"  
"Uuuuuuh, what was…"  
"Ignore it," Yusei said. "It happens."

"Okay then! Darkbright attacks your Junk Warrior! Use Shady Lamp!" Darkbright took out a desk lamp and screwed in a black light bulb. Then he turned it on, shooting a ray of black light at Junk Warrior's face! He couldn't see, so the next best thing to do was explode. (Yusei: 2500 Life Points) Darkbright then fell over, because he looked too closely at the darkness and burned his eyes. (Darkbright: 1000 Defense Points) Clayman patted his shoulder and offered some Visine™.  
"I think that qualifies as a turn in my book, y'all!" Jaden decided.  
"Good, because I'm ready to change the definition of the word!" Yusei trash-talked!  
"What?"  
"I… I don't know what I just said," Yusei decided, waving it away. "All I know is that I'm playing my Trap card, Descending Lost Star to bring my Junk Warrior back to life!" His Trap card disappeared and restored his Synchro Monster to its original state. (Junk Warrior: 1300 Defense Points) "Next I'll summon my Nitro Synchron!" A small, ugly-faced fire extinguisher appeared. (Nitro Synchron: Level Two, Tuner) "Next I'll Tune HIM to my Warrior in order to summon my Level Seven Nitro Warrior and draw one card!" The fire extinguisher flew at Junk Warrior's head, causing much cranial distress. THEN THEY COMBINED! They were a green, bull-horned creature, covered in steam and green pouches of some fluid.  
"MWEH HEH HEH," it laughed dreadfully. (Nitro Warrior: 2800 Attack Points)

"Next I'll be activating One for One, allowing me to discard one monster from my hand to the Graveyard and Special Summon a Level One monster from my hand!" By throwing away a pesky Lolwut, Yusei summoned a green guy with a racecar for a chest. (Turbo Synchron: Level One, Tuner) "After that, I'll Special Summon the Quillbolt Hedgehog back from my Graveyard and Tune my Turbo Synchron with it and my Fortress Warrior!" The three monsters combined into a red truck-man with a large, bulbous head. (Turbo Warrior: 2500 Attack Points)  
"Now you're just being cheap," Jaden said.  
"Yes, I am!" Yusei agreed! "Especially because I can add one-thousand Attack Points to my Nitro Warrior during a turn I played a Spell Card, like One for One!"  
"Aw snapsky, that ain't cool, Sly!" Jaden gulped.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"It sure is for me, and what's even cooler is that when Nitro Warrior destroys a monster, he can switch one of your Defense Position monsters into Attack Position and attack again! Go, Nitro Buster!" The green monster began spewing smoke from its mouth and eyes like a steamboat gone wild! (Nitro Warrior: 2800 - 3800 Attack Points)  
"TOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" it screamed! Then it charged straight at Darkbright and threw it straight upward with its horns, opened wide, and spat fire at the Hero monster! He was roasted immediately into ashes.  
"Don't forget kid that when Darkbright's destroyed, he takes one of YOUR monsters with'm!" Jaden reminded as his Clayman stood up for no reason. (Clayman: 800 Attack Points)  
"Don't even think about destroying my Turbo Warrior, because he can't be affected by the abilities of Level Six or lower monsters!" Yusei ordered.  
"Well cool, 'cause I'm targetin' your Nitro-Jerk!" Jaden chose. Darkbright's lucky lamp of destiny fell down and smashed itself against Nitro Warrior's skull! He exploded in a green mess of danger.  
"Well fine, 'cause I'm ATTACKIN' your CLAY-Jerk!" Yusei retorted! His red car guy jumped at Clayman and smashed his head-blob upon the Hero! (Jaden: 2200 Life Points) "Now it's YOUR turn," Yusei said. "Can YOU do better this time?""Oh yeah," Jaden challenged, drawing everybody's favorite Bladedge.

[.com/watch?v=Q8OPPXMYxQc] Tuff McBuffins popped out at the base of the island's volcano. He landed crouched on one knee, then looked up as the purple teleportation portal faded out of existence. "Hmm, so this is it?" Tuff McBuffins thought, looking around. "Where's this evil man I'm 'sposed to find? Drac McBuffins?" Then Dr. Card ran by and bumped into him, sending random papers everywhere. "Ow, man, what're you doing? Didn't you see me leap out of a portal into this odd past-zone?"  
"Oh, right on schedule," Dr. Card muttered to himself. A shotgun poked his cheek.  
"ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE DRAC MCBUFFINS?" Tuff McBuffins asked politely.  
"Uh, no, I'm not," Dr. Card said, "but I know who is."  
"YOU DO?" Tuff McBiffuns gasped with elation! "Tell me where he is so that I can kill him and reclaim the trust of my family!"

"He looks like this," Dr. Card stated, showing Tuff McBuffins a photo of Atticus Rhodes, smiling at the camera and holding his hand in a salute-mode. "I think he's over there, in that building somewhere," he guessed, scratching his head and pointing to the Obelisk Blue dorm building.  
"GREAT!" Tuff McBuffins shouted! His eyes flashed and he took one huge leap, rocketing toward the building!  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Alexis, falling on Dr. Card and knocking him to the ground. "Ugh… that girl's got another thing coming  
if she thinks that's getting rid of me!" Alexis stuck her rapier into the dirt and pole-vaulted with it back toward her soul-sisters to help combat the red-haired menace!

Atticus meanwhile was sitting in his room, sipping on some tea like an aristocrat. "Ah, it sure is nice, sitting around on Japanese Halloween sipping tea," he said. "Now if only I had some girls…"  
"BWAAAAAAAGH!" shouted Tuff McBuffins as his head appeared from Atticus' tea cup!  
"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!**" Atticus shrieked, tossing his cup to the curb! From the ashes of the porcelain mug rose Tuff McBuffins, wielding two pistols.  
"Are you the man who killed my family?" he asked. His eyes were red for dramatic reasons.  
"No, man, I'm just a—"

Tuff McBuffins jumped at Atticus and landed with his knee on the guy's neck. "Listen here buckaroo, I came here to kill the man who killed my family. And you look like him. And I'm about to ask you a question, and I wanna hear 'yes'. Now are you Drac McBuffins?"  
"No."  
Tuff McBuffins threw away his two pistols and pulled out two shotguns. "WRONG ANSWER!"

Two seconds later, Atticus was running away from the building screaming, being chased by no less than twenty-five heat-seeking missiles, twelve grenades, a mechanical boomerang, a fat man in combat fatigues with a rifle and a machete, and twelve wolverines on flying jetskis.

MEANWHILE AT THE BAR…  
Mann McOldsmobile was sitting around at the Obelisk Blue children's bar, drinking some frothy water as he watched Akiza effortlessly destroy the Alexis trio in a rapier match. His left arm had ripped through his bow tie visage in order to grip the handle of his mug. "Ah, I tell you, future-man, they don't make women like they will in the future," Mann McOldsmobile sighed.  
"I'll drink to that, bro," Ratchet Nickles praised, clinking his mug with Mann McOldsmobile's.  
"Drinking fight?" Mann McOldsmobile proposed. Ratchet Nickles pulled out an entire barrel of water.  
"What took y'so long to ask?" he asked. Thus, they became preoccupied with drinking water. Gosh I wish I didn't have to write for so many characters.

[.com/watch?v=bcrTO09bPH4] MEANWHILE WITH SYRUS AND JACK…  
They walked along the pier toward the legendarily regular lighthouse of the island, which never mattered before and never will. "Th-there he is!" Syrus identified, adjusting his specs! "There's my bro!"  
"Whaaaaaa-t is this place?" Jack asked.  
"This is where ZANE is. The NUMBER ONE DUELIST. At DUEL ACADEMY ISLAND. HERE. At THIS place… AT THIS LOCATION." Syrus repeated.  
"Why are you talking funny?"  
"Why are YOU a molester?"  
"Why is YOUR mother-"  
"HEY." Zane, wearing a highly detailed and awesome Cyber Dragon suit, interrupted them and rolled toward them.  
"So you're the el furte around these parts?" Jack questioned, looking at the Cyber Dragon Zane quizzically. "Well then, Cyber Dragon, I, 'DA KING', Jack 'DA KING' Atlas, challenge you to a game of… CHECKERS."  
"My name is Zane."  
"Okay, Zane the Dragon. LET'S! CHECK! ERS!" Jack slammed a small table with a checker board on it onto the concrete and placed all of the game pieces in their respective positions within the blink of an eye.  
"Wrong game," Syrus moaned.

"NO, THIS IS JUST RIGHT!" Jack yelled! Zane wriggled up to the side of the black pieces. "Heh, the RED pieces are the BEST ones! You have no hope of winning now, fool!" He lifted one red piece up high above his head. Then… he placed it one square ahead and one square to the left of its original position. "Your move."  
"…" Zane nudged a black piece forward with his nose and fell over, pushing the table and shifting all of the pieces around. Some fell into the ocean.  
"The pieces!" Syrus cried!  
"LEAVE THEM!" Jack commanded! He touched one of his red pieces and… pushed it forward. "I AM THE KING!"  
"Not yet, you need to push the piece all the way to the end," Syrus explained. Jack picked up his piece again and placed it atop one of Zane's black pieces.  
"I AM THE KING!" Zane stared at him and spat a red piece onto Jack's new king.  
"Grrrr… THAT'S CHEATING!" Syrus exploded, flipping the table away and out of sight. "… Sorry…"

Zane and Jack began to beat up the poor boy.

BACK TO THE REGULAR PLOT…  
Two monsters exploded. Jaden and Yusei were assaulted with dust particles of death. "UUUUUGH!" Jaden cried.  
"GRRRRRRRGH!" Yusei cried. (Jaden and Yusei: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
[.com/watch?v=mIKRn1dbT28 ]"Wow, that was amazing!" Jaden complimented.  
"Yeah, I haven't EVER had a duel like that one!" Yusei agreed.  
"Let's go back inside and get all buddy-buddy with each other, yo!"  
"Why don't we?" The new duo strutted back into the Obelisk Blue dorm, to see it had been completely destroyed on the inside. Akiza was shaking hands with Nancy Wut, Angry McArgue and Alexis, and all three of them were obviously tired. Mann McOldsmobile was sitting on one of two non-destroyed barstools with Ratchet Nickles, drinking vast quantities of water. "Hey guys, we just dueled over a hair comment and became the best of friends!"  
"And WE'VE just formed an uneasy alliance after a sword battle to the death!" Angry McArgue stated.  
"And we're drunk off the ambience!" Mann McOldsmobile and Ratchet Nickles laughed, falling to the floor, drenching themselves in water.  
"Coolio!" Jaden announced.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"We should all end the first half of this story in a very anti-climactic way, y'all! Let's go down t'MY place!"  
"Okay," the cast agreed, and they all walked down toward the Slifer Red dorm.

And yet… something was happening in the polar ice caps… somebody was thawing an ancient evil out of its icy prison! "EEEEHEEHEEHEEHEEE…" it laughed.  
"EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE!" laughed its savior.  
"EEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-**HEE!**" they laughed. It was terrifying…

Meanwhile Bastion walked back to his other gang members. "Hey guys, what's going on?" he asked.  
"This," they said, pointing to Luna.  
"I don't have a side-story," the poor girl said.

"Me neither," Leo said as well, standing around Chazz, Billy Hills and Deep-Voiced Dobbson.  
"Huh, what, huh?"

[.com/watch?v=fGx14rfg9kA&feature=related] SOME! TIME! LATER!  
Leo was walking around Chazz wearing a children's childish black cat costume, with complimentary painted-on whiskers and nose. "Oh man, this is awesome!" he cheered! "I had no idea that YOU were a BOSS of two people and a dorm!"  
"Che, yeah," Chazz sighed, rubbing his nose with pride, "I sure as heck am!"  
"I reckon he's the coolest!" Billy Hills agreed!  
"Huh huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson assured.  
"My gosh! Finally I can talk with some COOL people! From the PAST! SUH-WEET! Boy I sure wonder where my sister is anyways though." Leo noted._  
Man, it feels so great to have people look up to you_, Chazz thought. _Maybe when I get older I'll go into showbiz… or maybe even a superhero live-action television show! Then, the world's children will be at my beck and call…_ "Wait, what happened to the dorm?" Chazz suddenly realized, as he and the others were standing in the wreckage of the Obelisk Blue dormitories. DJ Lance Rock was still manning the turntables, quite pathetically if I may add.  
"T… too much candy…" he sighed. "Darn rapier battles…" As he pouted, Crowler and Jesstin Beaver were doing a miming routine against each other's palms, in order to find out which one was the real one. But remember: no matter who wins, they all lose...

AS! THAT! HAPPENED!  
Syrus was trail-blazing the dark, dangerous, child predator-filled woods by himself, still dressed up in his absolutely humiliating, 'please-bully-me-right-now' costume. "Aw man, how did I even get into the forest at the start of this thing anyways?" he questioned. "Oh right, I said I'd walk around randomly. Dang it, I'm stupid again. Why am I stupid again?" He sniffed the air. "Wait… smoke? At this hour?" Something appeared behind him. The puffy boy whirled around and was face-to-face with Jamey Simmons, knee socks and all, smoking a cigar and wearing aviator shades, holding a revolver to Syrus' head.  
"Hey boi, you're Syrus Truesdale?" he asked him.  
"WH-WH-WH-WHO ARE YOU, WEARING SHADES AND KNEE SOCKS IN THE DARK, SMOKING A CIGAR IN A FOREST, HOLDING A REVOLVER TO A LOST KID?" Syrus whimpered loudly, beginning to tear up. "And yes, I'm Syrus Truesdale, a boy who got lost due to a bad mistake."

_It IS him!_ Jamey Simmons celebrated! "AKOFFAHEECKABLECK!" he spat, choking on his own cigar. He vomited it onto the ground. "I've come here to duel you… with pistols."  
"Oh come on now, first I get beat up by some 'I AM DA KING' weirdo, and now THIS? I think… I think I'm gonna cry for reals…" Jamey Simmons tossed a gun at Syrus. It bounced off of his face. "Ow!"  
"Come, you get the first shot."  
"But what if I KILL you or something?"  
"In a battle of skills, it's only natural for the loser's life to be forfeit," Jamey Simmons poetically declared, holding two guns outward. "Have at 'ya!"  
"Uuuuuuuuhhh…" Syrus closed his eyes and fired three times. The first time he nicked a tree. The second time he obliterated a birdhouse. The third time he destroyed an airplane several miles away. "Um… um… draw?" he suggested.  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Jamey Simmons roared, shooting several times at the blue-haired loser!  
"AAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA!" As Syrus fled, bullets continued to strike near his heels but never connected. _Come at me with your full strength,_ wished Jamey Simmons, _FATHER!_

[.com/watch?v=PLa8-tG2uBY&feature=related]MEANWHILE AT DR. CARD'S PLACE…  
The hunchbacked assistant was sitting dully on a pink towel in the dark, stony cave. "HUNCHY!" Dr. Card called.  
"Yes Dr. Card?" the guy replied.  
"Can you tell me how rabid this badger is?" Dr. Card tossed a rabid badger at Hunchy.  
"NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!" it roared, biting him uncontrollably.  
"Kinda rabid," Hunchy explained, throwing it into a random cage.  
"Oh, thanks Hunchy," Dr. Card thanked. He walked away, scratching his head. "Why did I do that, again?"  
"Oh ho, but one day," Hunchy muttered to himself, standing up on his ultra-stubbystubbster legs, "ONE DAY, you will be the one to ask ME for MY opinions! Muhuhahaha…"  
"WHO SAID YOU COULD TALK TO YOURSELF, HUNCHY?"  
"N-No one, master..." Hunchy recoiled.  
"THEN PIPE DOWN!" Hunchy complied, sitting down again with his vacant look. But he remembered…

_DATE:__ 30 or 40 B.D.5. (Before the Dawn of 5D's)__  
__LOCATION:__ Polar Ice Caps, Canada__  
__TIME:__ 1234 hours_

_Jeager__, the freaky clown man of the future and the past of the story which causes much confusion for us all stood right near a barbershop pole in two feet of snow and ice, wearing a cool black trench coat and fedora hat. Then another figure approached him. "Who… who ARE you?" he asked. It was ANOTHER __Jeager__, but dressed normally.__"I…" trench coat __Jeager __said, removing his hands from his pockets, and pointing them at the other __Jeager__, "am you. HEE HEE HEE~!"__  
__"B-But, how? HEE HEE HEE~?" __Jeager__ of the past asked. "I'm actually *NAME AND ADRESS WITHHELD*, who just wanted to stop the story from straying from my original concepts! I HATE Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic!"__  
__"I… really… don't… know… what… you… MEAN… HEE HEE HEE~…" trench coat __Jeager__ pondered. "But I'll just absorb you now to become even more POWERFUL!"__So trench coat __Jeager__ opens his trench coat and absorbs himself. _

_"NYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH WHAT A WORLD!" screamed *NAME AND ADRESS WITHELD*._

_"Mmmm. I taste like clown. HEE HEE HEE~!" __Jeager __said with a sinister grin, snapping his fingers to open a portal that lead to Duel Academy Island! "Okay, so I've absorbed myself, check! Now, to phase four: DESTROY THE HILLS AND DOBBSON. And everybody else." _

_He remembered that faithful day in which he was sent flying by Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson, just because he tried to kill everyone. That's not right! That biting snowy air had ruined his vocal chords, so he couldn't horrify people into submission with his bare laugh anymore! It wasn't fair! But he digressed. He took off his fedora hat, somehow ushering in a new __Jeager__ clone. "Yes, me?" he asked._

_"You, wait for the future," __Jeager __ordered._

_"The future?"__ Jeager__ asked. The coat-wearing edition flipped into the purple time vortex.  
"Yes, THE FUTUUUUURE! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"_

Back in GX time, Hunchy smiled an unsettling toothy grin. _You kids will be wishing you'd used the pipe,_ he warned mentally.

"HUNCHY, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP THINKING AND SMILING!" Dr. Card yelled. "GOSH, FIRST YOU SHOW UP AND START WORKING FOR ME FOR NO REASON, AND THEN YOU BEGIN TO **DO** STUFF? THAT'S OUT!" And then Hunchy got angry.

[.com/watch?v=yilokJERZRE]Yusei and Akiza stood in the forest, alone. They looked longingly into each other's eyes. Yusei looked at Akiza. Akiza looked at Yusei. And then… they looked at each other. "This is stupid," Jaden blabbed.  
"Yeah, where's the fireworks of youth?" Nancy Wut complained.  
"Sh-shut up! It's not like we're really doing all that stuff! It's just for that weird Phantom-Kid!" Yusei denied adamantly.  
"Yes, there's nothing romantic going on as of yet!" Akiza agreed.  
"Speaking of un-romantic…" Nancy Wut trailed off.  
"… What are you about to say?" Angry McArgue asked. "Come on, you don't just start something like that and not say anything else!"  
"Exactly… why don't I get to do much in this episode?" Alexis realized, feeling under-used in respect to her two best friends.  
"… THERE we go!" Nancy Wut exclaimed, relieved.

"BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!" Syrus shouted, flying through the bushes and avoiding three bullets in mid-air. Jamey Simmons charged out, smoking a cigarette now.  
"Come on KOFF KOFF show me ya moves, man!" Jamey Simmons yelled.  
"J-Jamey?" Yusei shouted! "What're YOU doing here?"  
"What do you mean?" Jamey Simmons asked, accidentally swallowing his cigarette. "I got sucked in here with the rest of the Bum Chum Gang, presumably! We were in the sewers while you were out!"  
"Tee hee bum chum" Nancy Wut commented.  
"Well some portal absorbed me on my bike and took me here!" Yusei explained. "And Ratchet is drunk!" He pointed to Ratchet Nickles and Mann McOldsmobile, lying in the grass, covered in water. "And I met this chick from later in the timeline!"  
"Don't call me a chick," Akiza demanded, uncomfortable. "That's uncouth."  
"Uncouth…? Whatever, anyways, we have friends in here!"  
"And J-dawg!" Jaden insisted.  
"Yeah him too."  
"… And Nan?" Nancy Wut sniffed.  
"No," Yusei said in a matter-of-fact way.  
"Mmm…" Nancy Wut curled up into a sad ball of sadness.  
"**BUT THAT GUY TRIED TO KILL ME!**" Syrus screeched, pointing to the six bullet holes in his hair. "It'll take HOURS to style that back!"

"Who cares," Alexis said, blind to the boy's plight, "because I… hear something…" There was a true rustling in the bushes. And then… SOMETHING JUMPED OUT!  
"**TRICK OR TREAT! EHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHOHOHOHO!**" It was a zombie with a duel disk on its arm!  
"Eeeeek deadthing!" Angry McArgue and Jaden squealed!  
"BOOM," Jamey Simmons said, shooting it through the head, "HEAD SHOT." The zombie's head exploded and allowed its body to evaporate into darkness.  
"That was kinda cool," Akiza said, picking up Syrus, "but now we need to learn what's going on.  
"**TRICK OR TREAAAAAT!**" screamed some extra zombies, leaping out from nowhere!  
"We betta' get out of here." Jamey whispered to Syrus.  
"Like HECK I'm going with you!" Syrus yelled. "You already tried to kill me seven times, I'd have a better chance with the zombies!"  
"But you shot yourself in the foot earlier." Syrus' foot was bleeding for a stupid reason. "And those zombies look like they'll make you duel them in order to eat you, but you suck at dueling, don't you?"  
"True." Syrus flopped out of Akiza's arms and stood up weakly, pulling his Duel Disk out of his costume. Jamey Simmons stepped behind him, allowing him something to stand against.

"ILLEGAL SUMMON: STEAM GYROID!" Syrus brought out his soul train helicopter against the rules, allowing it to pummel several zombies with its weird arms! Jamey Simmons began firing bullets at the slow-moving semi-living targets. And yet, dozens more zombies began to stand out of the ground… and do nothing. "**TRICK OR TREAT, HEE HEE HEE!**" they laughed. Needless to say, they were slaughtered. Repeatedly, more and more dead men were turned into black fog.  
"Get outta here guys, and let us handle these idiots!" Syrus ordered! "Just figure out how to end this!"  
"Okay," the rest of the guys accepted, running off. Alexis grabbed Mann McOldsmobile and Ratchet Nickles, and fled with the escapees, down the infamous 'Deadly Gravel Way'.

But before we see what they do, Jamey grabbed Syrus and lifted him onto his shoulders. "Come on, you know you can use this, dad!" he recommended.  
"D-dad?" Syrus wondered.  
"I AM from the future, y'know," Jamey Simmons reminded with a wink. _My… son?_ Syrus understood. _That's… awesome! We can do this! I suddenly feel as if we can do this!_  
"**TRICK OR TREAT!**" a zombie vomited next to them.  
"DIE! AGAIN!" Syrus commanded, shooting through its face. And yet, there were now about three hundred zombies within their visions. "Come on, we have to get to higher or better ground!"  
"Got it!" Jamey Simmons jumped onto a zombie's face and leaped off of it! Steam Gyroid looked around, slugged a few guys, then took off into the air after them. Jamey Simmons made a clean landing atop the steam locomotive as it spun its random helicopter parts around, allowing it to fly. "Woah! How're we doing this?"  
"Uuuuum," Syrus' hair said, "the power of the will to survive?"  
"Let's go with that!" Jamey Simmons accepted! They rode the contraption onto a giant hill that we've never seen before and never will again, and it flattened several zombie guys. Then it came to a stop, turning slightly and sliding down the mountainous surface!

"**TRICK OR TREYEEEOOW!**" screamed several idiotic antagonists as they slid over them-slash-shot them as they passed by. Then as the giant thing slid to the bottom of the hill, they jumped away! It exploded for no reason and pushed them onto the top of a nice, grassy plane.  
"Wow. That's a nice plane." Jamey whistled.  
"Yeah, but no one ever flies it anymore." After a few seconds Jamey Simmons put his arm around his shoulder.  
"AAAAAH DAAAD I SEE WHAT CHA DID THEEEERE!" Jamey Simmons laughed. But lo, they looked forth and saw the zombie hordes fighting an army of students, dueling with all their hearts! And cards! "Wanna go help?"  
"Why not?" And so they flew toward the group of fighters, a-la Dragonball Z.

[.com/watch?v=IhxiMwlF2u4 ] "**TRICK OR TREAT! AHEHEHEHEH!**" one zombie said, entering a duel with a student.  
(Zombie: 4000 Life Points, Nonamekid: 4000 Life Points)  
"I-I summon Vorse Raider in attack mode, a-and end my turn!" the Nonamekid said. (Vorse Raider: 1900 Attack Points) A yellowish raider of the vorse (huh?) appeared and swung his sword menacingly.  
"**TRICK OR TREAT! AHEHEHEHEH!**" the zombie said, doing nothing with his cards, and apparently ending his turn.  
"Uh, I summon Giant Orc in attack mode and attack you directly with both of my monsters…" A grayish pig-like demon with fatness appeared, wielding a giant bone. (Giant Orc: 2200 Attack Points) The duo of monsters both held up their weapons and attacked the zombie. (Zombie: 0 Life Points) He imploded.

The boy stared at where the zombie just stood. He was slack-jawed. "DUDE. I just killed a zombie by dueling."  
Everybody listened. "**R-R-R-R-R-RRRRRRRRRRRRREAAAAAAAAALLY?%&#*&)(!()**" And thus, the tides of battle turned.

MEANWHILE, BY THE LIGHTHOUSE…  
Zane and Jack were sitting in front of their checkerboard, carefully moving each piece after minutes of thought. Sadly, all of the spaces on the board were filled up… except for one. Zane spat a slobber-covered piece onto the last space. Jack retaliated by putting a piece onto a random checker. "I AM DA KING! KING ME! I USED THAT JOKE ALREADY!" But they suddenly felt a disturbance. The earth began a-rumblin'. Zombies burst out from the concrete, as if there could actually be people buried there! Even though they weren't literally real zombies!  
"TRICK OR TREAT, HEH HEH HEH!" they all laughed!  
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Zane said standing up calmly, yet coolly.  
"Zombies and dueling don't really mix?" Jack responded in a heated manner.  
"Never say die."

A tremendous holographic explosion rocked the lighthouse area and the crap proceeded to hit the zombie fan.

MEANWHILE, AT THE BATTLEFIELD…  
Akiza was running around with Alexis, Nancy Wut and Angry McArgue, beating up all sorts of zombies with their cool rapier blades of magic and mystery. The redhead from the future herself took out her rose-colored Duel Disk from who-knows-where and threw a card onto it, channeling red magical energy around her! "I summon forth the Black Rose Dragon!" she said, forcing all of her CRIMSON energy to take the form of a black rose-covered dragon!  
"WAAAAAAAAAARGH!" it shrieked, flailing brambly tentacles in all directions! They somehow moved through all of the cool, normal humans and instead broke many zombies in half!  
"Uh, why don't you just use the sword?" Alexis asked.  
"Because this is neater!" Akiza explained.  
"Oh yeah!"  
"WHOA!" a couple of other, very unimportant students gasped.  
"I know," Barry the Beginner said, strapping on his duel disk and throwing away some leftover apples, "we can use our monsters to kill the zombies!" He whipped out a certain signature card of his. "I SUMMON THE DAAAAARK MAGICIAAAAAN!"The Dark Magician appeared before several zombies!  
"Eh, ugh!" He whipped his staff at them, but it went through their heads. "Whoops, I'm just a Duel Spirit. Bye." He disappeared.  
"I wish my life were cool again," Barry the Beginner whined, allowing several zombies to overtake him.

Elsewhere, Jaden and Yusei were summoning forth Junk Archers and Thunder Giants, spearing and shocking away random weak zombie foes. "It's so easy t'beat these duelists!" Jaden laughed! "What, are these dead dudes trippin'?"  
"I don't think they're really human," Yusei sighed as his monster fired a volley of deadly arrows into the crowd.  
"Well then, let's not hold back, bro!"  
"YOU GOT IT!" They let loose a massive blast of dueling energy, wiping out the Life Points of hundreds, if not thousands of enemies! (Zombie #1, #2, #3,4, 5 6 7 and 8 through 1,890,832: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"It's hilarious though, since they keep fightin' without any monsters," Jaden said, wiping away some Duel sweat.  
"Plus, they aren't doing any damage to anyone as far as we can see…" Yusei figured out.  
"Yeah, no dorms are in any danger, apparently, and the students are obviously okay. Well, most." Barry the Beginner's head was inside of a zombie's mouth.

"Maybe it's just a decoy measure?" Angry McArgue supposed, flying by and smashing a zombie stomach.  
"Maybe… but then who are they attacking?" Yusei asked.  
"The Chancellor!" Nancy Wut warned, flying by, punching a zombie in the eye-socket.  
"What's a Chancellor?"  
"It's like a principal, but with a different name," Alexis said, flying by, hitting a zombie with a truck.  
"Exactly!" Chancellor Shepherd said, walking by, coming home from the convenience store.  
"Well… let's rule that one out."  
"WAAAAAAAAAAIT!" cried Omega-Xis! Bastion came running in with Luna, ducking under DJ Lance Rock as he threw some CDs through some deadly cadavers. "We found something!"  
"Yes, we most certainly have!" Bastion agreed! "Listen to this random little girl!"  
"Who is that random little girl?" Yusei inspected.  
"I'm not random, I'm Luna," the green-haired one said. "I saw a large mass of zombies heading to the big, ruined building."

"Well then," Jaden said, as some zombies rose under his boots, "let's go to it, since these guys are really annoying! AKIZALADY! ALEXIS TRIO! SYRUS AND SYRUSLIKE KID! COME ON, CHAZZ IS SCREWED!"  
"_He's a Slifer Red, moron!_"  
"BUT CHAZZ IS AWFULLY STUPID TONIGHT!"  
"WE'RE ON IT!" yelled all of the called characters, running by with the main characters.

MEANWHILE IN THE OBELISK BLUE DORMS, WITH CHAZZ…  
"… And THAT'S why, Little Leo, you NEVER use the pipe." Chazz said confidently, sitting on some rubble.  
"Whoa. I'd have never guessed!" a wide-eyed Leo exclaimed, looking at a small blue plastic pipe in his tiny little boyhands.  
"Wait guys, huh, huh, I think something's heading towards the dorm huh!" Deep-Voice said, looking out the strangely surviving window on the ground.  
"Billy, check it out," Chazz ordered, trying to act boss-like.  
"Uh, sure, I reckon." Billy Hills put his ear to the super elegant carpet piece on hand and listened. "Something dead this way comes… I reckon I know this, since I summoned the dead once. Wasn't that smart then, I reckon, and not that smart now..."  
"IT'S THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PUMPKIN, HUH HUH HUH!" Deep-Voice shrieked.  
"No… It's ZOMBEHS… with duel disks on their arms, I reckon!" Billy Hills screamed in terror! "I RECKON IT'S LIKE THREE YEARS AGO ALL OVER AGAIN!"  
"HUH? I REALLY WANTED TO SEE THAT PUMPKIN, HUH!"  
"What? Quick! We gotta get out of here!" Chazz said, as he picked up Leo and started running toward the dorm's back door.  
"I'm not gonna do anytin' today, boss!" Ojama Yellow cried!  
"AHH! FREAKY THING!" Leo wailed! The group ran away, passing by Crowler and Jesstin Beaver playing some hambone on their knees. But lo, several zombie-like organisms began breaking through the ground and staring at them menacingly, holding out their Duel Disks!  
"**TRICK OR TREAT, HEHEHEHE!**" they laughed.  
"This looks troublesome," Chazz muttered.  
"I KNOW, HUH, THEY LOOK READY TO DUEL, HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson gulped.

"No, not THAT…" Chazz looked down in shame as Crowler and Jesstin Beaver yodeled nearby.  
"That's jus' embarrassin', I reckon."  
"**TRICK OR TREAT, HEHEHEH,**" a zombie marauder growled, poking Billy Hills in the shoulder!  
"AAAAHH HUH HUH A ZOMBIE POKED YOU!" Deep-Voice Dobbson screeched, blowing it into pieces with the force of his voice!  
"Good one, Dobbson!" Chazz complimented, hoisting up Leo by the ankles. "We'd better get outta here, who knows what they're planning!"  
"WAAGH!" Leo screamed, as he was swung into zombies like a mace. The quartet began to dash away, but they were stopped… by a sudden horrible feeling washing over them!  
"_I've found you again… EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"_ As they were immobile now, huge glops of zombies tackled them and covered them up. They then began turning back into black slime-like stuff and pulled them through time and space.

"Wow, how convenient!" Jaden roared as his party came onto the scene. "Let's jump in that pile of zombie whatzit!"  
"Got it!" Nancy accepted, kicking the rest of the cast members into the sludge. As they disappeared from sight, she walked away, whistling…

[.com/watch?v=fylg8zp4Pzo] The large group was spat out into the Abandoned Dorm cave, wherein they saw Dr. Card, tied to a desk chair, next to… Jeager! Or that *Name and Address Withheld* guy! And Hunchy! "Welcome, my friends," Jeager chuckled. "How was your Japanese Halloween?"  
"I KNEW it existed!" Jaden cried!  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! EVIL CLOWN MAN!" screamed Leo, Billy Hills and Syrus.  
"Weren't you in that one episode with the submarine?" Bastion asked, pointing to Dr. Card.  
"My, aren't YOU smart?" Dr. Card sneered. "Yes, yes I was. But that's not important right now." He jerked his head toward Hunchy the hunchback. "This PUNK double-crossed me! I thought you were my loyal henchman, Hunchy! What went wrong? I can even recall the first time we met…"

"_Um, hey," asked Dr. Card's traditional hunchbacked assistant with a large nose, "can I use that fancy effect when __I__ say something dreadful? Or something like that?"  
"No."_

"What happened to that BOUNDLESS loyalty, you Hunchy guy, you?" Dr. Card wailed in distress.  
"How stupid are you?" Alexis asked, flat-out.  
"I can make robots and twist the fabric of time and space, but that's about it."  
"Enough," Hunchy said, pulling off his disguise, "it's time to play my hand… EEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!" He was… ANOTHER JEAGER!  
"Wait, now there's TWO of you guys we beat up? Huh huh huh huh uuuuh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson wondered.  
"Nay, I'm Lazar Jaeger," one said, "and this fellow is Jaeger Lazar."  
"Hello, EEE-HEE-HEE—"  
"STOP THAT LAUGH!" ordered Angry McArgue, kicking her shoe at his face! He swiftly opened wide and swallowed it.  
"HEE HEE! I'm leagues ahead of you all, especially after…"  
"**I** come in!" said the final clown man, stepping in with a black trench coat and fedora hat, pulling off his shades! Yes, it was the one from earlier! "I, folks, am *Name and Address Withheld*."  
"I'M CONFUSED!" Luna screamed, bursting into tears.  
"YOU MADE A LITTLE GIRL CRY, BASTARDS!" Jamey Simmons yelled, shooting three bullets at the freaks! Jaeger Lazar held out a Random Mummy monster card and turned it into pure black duel energy. It absorbed the bullets and disappeared. "What?"  
"We are the animation director," Lazar Jaeger revealed, "so WE control what WE can do."  
"And we're SICK of what you've done to our wonderful show," the one with no given name said, "we've decided with the announcement of this stupid episode, we've had enough of the original story being ruined. We're hijacking this story and turning everything back to normal."  
"But then it won't be good!" Syrus complained.  
"We _know_."

"You MONSTERS!" Yusei shouted, instinctively taking his Duel Disk out from his who-knows-where! "You CAN'T do this to our story!"  
"Ha, monsters, I reckon," Billy Hills joked. Suddenly, Lazar Jaeger jumped at all of the non-Yusei and Jaden characters and captured them by turning his own body into a black vortex!  
"YO?" Jaden cried, reaching out for them all! But he was too slow…  
"_Jaden!_" cried out Alexis' voice.  
"_Yusei!_" went Jamey Simmons.  
"_You have to duel these psychopaths! Hurry!_" The vortex then became a small marble and fell to the floor, and rolled over to Jeager's feet.  
"Hey, now it'll be a piece of CAKE to take that weird volcano!" Dr. Card exclaimed. "Thanks, guys!" Jaeger Lazar grabbed him and sucked him into his own body. " that's not cool!"  
"So I'll humor you all," said the non-named for fear of lawsuits one, pulling out a large book, "the laws of this world state that in order to do anything, you must duel. So, shall we begin the Tag-Duel?"  
"Tag Duel, Mr…."  
"You may call me Jim," Jim said, throwing the book away.  
"Jim? Only one of us're needed to kick YO ass!" Jaden said.  
"THAT can be arranged," Jim chuckled. He snapped his fingers and a clone of himself appeared behind Jaden. It smacked him in the head with a crowbar and faded away.  
"Ch… cheap… shot… ugh yo." Jaden fell on his face, ugly costume and all!  
"JAAAAAAAAADEEEEEEEN!" Yusei cried! "Are you okay?" He knelt down and lifted up Jaden's head.  
"Yusei… that guy's… not cool… yo. Please…" He held out his Duel Disk, albeit weakly. "t-take my deck… yo."  
"Alright." Yusei took it from him and dropped his head onto the stone floor.  
"Ow, yo!"  
_  
For Jamey, for Ratchet and Tuff, for Akiza, and that… Jesstin, I think?_ Yusei decided. _And for all the other people, who I don't care about. _ He slammed the Jaden Duel Disk onto his own, miraculously fusing them into one Dueling organ! _THIS IS FOR YOU!_ Suddenly, the card-holding tab broke off due to stress. "Oh, sorry. I have about eighty cards in my deck right now."  
"Play on," Jim allowed. Jaeger Lazar jumped up and became a Duel Disk on Jim's arm and forty cards (and an Extra Deck) crafted themselves from the dark Duel Energy he held.  
"Okay, you freaky clown guy! DUEL!" (Jim: 4000 Life Points, Yusei: 4000 Life Points) "DRAW!" Yusei drew… Clayman, Bubble Shuffle, Turbo Synchron, Burst Return and Sparkman. "… How about you go first?" He suggested, frankly disgusted by his terribad hand.  
"Much OBLIGED!" Jim accepted! His first six cards levitated around his face. "Heh. You know what Halloween is all about?"  
"Candy?"  
"No. ZOMBIES!" Jim set two Traps and a monster. "And that's my turn."  
"Where's the zombie?"  
"The zombie isn't here yet, because it doesn't HAVE to be here yet."  
"That's bad logic!" Yusei drew his next card in an overly dramatic fashion. It was Hero Kid. _SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THIS KID THINKING?_ he wondered hysterically. "I summon to the field, the Elemental hero Sparkman!" Sparkman appeared to the field. (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) "Now, attack his face-down monster with whatever you do!" Sparkman attacked it by charging his hands with electricity and punching it like a real man! It was… A PYRAMID TURTLE! Which was a turtle with a pyramid on its back and a fancy, twirly Egyptian beard! (Pyramid Turtle: 1400 Defense Points) As it exploded, the pyramid remained… "What's up with that pyramid?"

[.com/watch?v=EMjP11yGRuQ] Jim snickered. "Oh, it's a part of its effect! When destroyed by battle, Pyramid Turtle allows me to Special Summon a new Zombie from my deck with fifteen-hundred or less Defense Points! I call out the Soul-Absorbing Bone Tower!" A huge pile of bones broke the top of the pyramid off as it trailed into the cave's ceiling, causing the rest of the power triangle to crumble into dust. (Soul Absorbing Bone Tower: 1500 Defense Points) "Next I'll play the Trap card Soul Rope, allowing me to pay one-thousand Life Points in order to Special Summon another monster from my deck!" Another Soul-Absorbing Bone Tower appeared, pulled in via yellow rope of destiny. (Jim: 3000 Life Points) "NOW the first one's effect activates. Whenever I Special Summon a Zombie-type monster, you must discard the top two cards of your deck!" Two purplish flames drifted down from the first tower and landed on Yusei.  
"Ow," he groaned, brushing them off. He sent away a Neo Bubbleman and a Metamorphosis from the top of his deck. (Yusei: 72 cards remaining)  
"Then I'll flip up the OTHER Trap: Call of the Haunted! My Pyramid Turtle returns to me!" Jim explained, whipping his arm forward! The card flipped up as prescribed, and the turtle broke through the ground, returning to play. "Go, my Bone Towers!" Four small fires flitted onto Yusei.  
"This is getting real old real fast…" He discarded a Level Eater, Quillbolt Hedgehog, Elemental Hero Burstinatrix and Elemental Hero Necroshade. (Yusei: 68 cards remaining)  
"And remember this, boy: as long as a Zombie exists on the field, you can't strike my Soul-Absorbing Bone Towers. EITHER of them."  
"What?" Yusei gasped!  
"That's right, eee-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!" Jim chortled. "Try as you might, there's basically no way for you to defeat this combo in YOUR sorry state!"  
"We'll see. You can go ahead." _My gosh, he managed to do all this on MY turn?_ Yusei worried. _This isn't looking good so far._

"Draw," Jim executed. A new card floated out from the confines of his deck. "Pyramid Turtle attacks Sparkman." The turtle leaped at Sparkman and spun in mid-air, attacking as a weird square drill! Sparkman slapped it away because it was too stupid. (Jim: 2600 Life Points)  
"I was afraid of this," Yusei admitted as a third Bone Tower appeared.  
"You know what to do, then?" Jim joked as four fires floated into his foe's face. Yusei dispelled them with Wroughtweiler, Battle Waltz, One for One and Sonic Chick. (Yusei: 64 cards) "Then I will summon Zombie Master and discard a Ryu Kokki in order to revive one Zombie with his power." A gothy boy in a purple vest popped onto the field.  
"Heh eh heh," he chuckled, getting excited by the deadly atmosphere. (Zombie Master: 1800 Attack Points) He reached into the Soul Absorbing Bone Tower closest to him, pulled out a soul, and swallowed it.  
"Gulp," he swallowed. "Ew, that tastes nasty!" But for his brave, stupid feat, he called out the trusty Pyramid Turtle once more! Six fires pestered Yusei as they drifted down from the towers. He discarded Clay Wrap, Quillbolt Hedgehog, Junk Barrage, Level Eater, Dark Factory of Mass Production and Feather Shot. (Yusei: 58 cards) _When did I get TWO hedgehogs?_ Yusei wondered. _Or Level Eaters? What ARE they, anyway?_  
"You could've summoned the Zombie Master beforehand and destroyed Sparkman," Yusei pointed out.  
"Please, boy," Jim said, "don't you see? I know that you have no real hope of me losing. Even WITH that giant deck of yours, you'll lose over time. Let me slowly rake you over the coals as we go."

"I see." Yusei smirked, drawing again. "I'm going to use the effect of Elemental Hero Necroshade from my Graveyard in order to Normal Summon a high-leveled Elemental hero from my hand: Bladedge!" Elemental Hero Bladedge slid out onto the field, cutting right through the Zombie Master before he could understand what was going on. He fell apart into cool cubes. (Jim: 1800 Life Points) "Then I'll place Sparkman into Defense Mode." Sparkman guarded himself precociously. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)  
"You're worried I'll ram my Pyramid Turtle into him again?" Jim snickered.  
"Maybe."  
"Okay then, I see where you're coming from," Jim accepted, "but what will you do when I DON'T use the turtle?" The Pyramid Turtle broke open into a massive being of bone, with sharp talon-like fangs and a large pulsating core within its chest. (Ryu Kokki: 2400 Attack Points) "Then I cast the Spell Book of Moon!" A blue book fell from above and smacked Bladedge in the head. It caused him to fall backward stupidly and become… a FACE-DOWN monster. (Bladedge: 1800 Defense Points) "Now your monster is in face-down Defense Position."  
"Obviously," Yusei muttered.  
"EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! I **LIKE** you kid! You're a laugh!" Jim laughed. "Ryu Kokki, smash him!"  
"GRUUUH!" it groaned, lifting its giant bony fist and crushing the hidden Bladedge.  
"Your move," Jim allowed.

A yellow steamroller/locomotive/truck machine monster appeared on Yusei's field. "Well good, because I'm summoning Road Synchron to the field!" (Road Synchron: 1600 Attack Points, Four Stars, Tuner) "Then, because I control a Tuner monster, I'm allowed to revive the two Quillbolt Hedgehogs from my Graveyard!" Two Quillbolt Hedgehogs appeared. (Quillbolt Hedgehog: Two Stars) "Now I can Tune my Hedgehogs to my Synchron in order to bring out the Level Eight Road Warrior from my Extra Deck! GOOOOO!" The hedgehogs leaped onto the yellow machine and glowed white with futuristic energy! They all combined into a bronzed knight-like figure, with pipes spitting steam out from his back and clawed gauntlets made for rippin' up the road, which is actually stupid, and you shouldn't do that. (Road Warrior: 8 Stars, Synchro, 3000 Attack Points) "Now that my two Quillbolt Hedgehogs get removed from play, I'll activate Road Warrior's ability to summon a Level Two Machine or Warrior monster from my deck and replace them!"  
"Bleh," Road Warrior spat, spitting a new Quillbolt Hedgehog onto the playing field. (Quillbolt Hedgehog: 800 Defense Points)  
"Yeah, of course I have three now! What of it?"  
"I wasn't questioning it."  
"You'd BETTER not! Now attack, Road Rippin' Rampage!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"What was that?" Yusei gasped. But no matter, because Road Warrior stuck his rippin' gauntlets into the earth and ripped them outward, showering Ryu Kokki with boulders, though they honestly weren't made of the road. And then the bone creature was crushed, but not before spitting some bone fragments at Road Warrior's eyes!  
"ACK! MINE EYES!" he cried, falling over and exploding. (Jim: 1200 Life Points)

"I bet you didn't know Ryu Kokki instantly kills any Warriors or Spellcasters it fights, right?" Jim asked.  
"No, but I suppose I'll end my turn here."  
"Fine by me. I'm playing Pot of Greed, in order to draw two cards." Jim sent a card to the Graveyard and picked up two new ones. "Next I cast Supremacy Berry and Terraforming!" He pulled a card out from his deck and held up some fat grapes.  
"What do they do?"  
"Terraforming gives me one Spell card from my deck, and if my Life Points are lower than yours, Supremacy Berry grants me two-thousand Life Points." He slowly and irritatingly lowered the grapes into his mouth and chewed them in an unsettling manner. (Jim: 1200 - 3200 Life Points)

_Wait, I just realized it! As long as he has those three stupid towers, I can't do anything unless he summons more weak monsters!_ Yusei strategized. _He's thought this game through._  
"_Young one…"  
What? Who's there?_ Yusei panicked.  
"_Do not worry, I have something for you,"_ told an ancient, serene voice. Yusei's Duel Disk began to glow a faint crimson! Something was inside of his Extra Deck!_  
Thank you, whoever you are, probably Crimson Dragon guy in the plot, who is a magic dragon I shouldn't know about yet. I'll use it wisely, because I'm not supposed to have that card until around episode fourteen!_

[.com/watch?v=UzkHEQwHK44] "Have it your way! I'll just beat those Life Points out of you all over again! I play Monster Reborn, bringing back Elemental Hero Necroshade from the Graveyard!" The red bone-ish figure rose from beyond the Grave! (Necroshade: Five Stars) Next I'll Normal Summon Turbo Synchron!" The green guy from earlier was back! (Turbo Synchron: One Star) "Finally, I'll tune my Turbo Synchron to my Quillbolt Hedgehog and Necroshade in order to summon…" The three monsters were purged by a beam of sparkling light from above! They were sucked into the cosmos by the power of the rays, and the sky of the cave which doesn't make sense but bear with it spat out white dragon with a spear-like head, covered in green and purple bulbs over its forearms and chest! It took in a large breath and screeched!  
"HIYAAAAAAAAAAAHN!"  
"THE STARDUST DRAGON!" Yusei announced, pointing upward, showered by sparkles of stardust from above, drenched in light! (Stardust Dragon: 2500 Attack Points, 8 Stars, Synchro)

"And… what exactly did that accomplish?"  
"He can negate cards that destroy things!" Yusei explained.  
"… How does that help you here?" Jim questioned.  
Yusei turned around and began conversing with the Crimson Dragon in his head. "_Uh, why did I need to summon it?_"  
"_….._"  
"DAMN YOU POWER-BASTARD."  
"I suppose you end your turn then?"  
"I digress; go ahead."

"Fine. I will play the Card of Safe Return." A weird man appeared on Jim's field, laying down on his hand and knees and in an intense state of depression. He was muttering to himself in an unsettling fashion.  
"Is he..."  
"Ignore him. Your move."  
"Well then, I'll take it." Yusei picked up another card: Polymerization! _This looks good. I'll just hold onto this. _"I'll summon Elemental Hero Clayman in Defense Position." The brown man sat down and held his arms out in front of his face. (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points) "I'll call that a turn."  
"Then I'll just set a monster myself," Jim snickered. "Why DO you anime people always summon your monsters face-up all the time, hmm?"  
"You're one to talk?"  
"Oh, no no no," Jim declared, shaking his Accusing Finger™. "Let me tell you the story of my birth, as dictated by the script."

[.com/watch?v=ByNvDFHTihc&feature=related]_One blustery Halloween night, an animation director was slaving away in his office, handcuffed to his own desk. "Oh man," he groaned, rubbing his face as he drew animation cels, "I can't believe that they're making ME, *Name and Address Withheld*, work all night on this… Yu-Gi-Oh! GX episode forty-one, and I'm an animation DIRECTOR! I don't have to do the grunt work!" Suddenly, a burst of pain shot through his wrist! "DAAAAANG CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME! IT FEELS LIKE DEATH!" In his sudden insanity, he pulled out a piece of paper from his desk. "That's it, I'm going to draw the most unsettling character I can to scare those freaks when they find me!" He began to draw… __Jeager__, in all his clowny glory. "TRUE ART," the man announced, "IS A BLAST! AHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA!" Then his wrists exploded due to extended stress! Blood surged out from his stumps as he laughed himself to death, covering his entire studio in his red blood cells and the odd white ones! The blood, instead of staining the paper red, actually COLORED IN THE PICTURE OF THE CLOWN._

_Two days later, the man's co-workers walked into his office to find him dead. Stepping through the puddles of blood, they pushed his body out of the way and picked up his masterpiece. "Hey look, this'll be GREAT in our next series!" they proclaimed! "He'll scare ALL the kids!" They pranced out like idiots.  
The eyes on the picture glowed green. _"WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEEE?" _it screamed, silently._

[.com/watch?v=q48brPFjmPw]"Is… that really what it says?" Yusei asked, un-believing.  
"You're rude, you know?" Jeager groaned. "Go, take your bloody turn."  
"And was that a joke?"  
"YES, YES IT WAS. JUST PLAY."  
"Fine by me! I activate The Warrior Returning Alive to add Elemental Hero Burstinatrix back into my hand!" Yusei decided! Burstinatrix jumped back onto the field! "Now let's see what these two fuse into! I play Polymerization to see whatever the hell I can get!" Burstinatrix and Clayman were lifted up by a blue force of nature and forced together into our favorite Rampart Blaster! (Elemental Hero Rampart Blaster: 2500 Defense Points) "Hmm… the card says that it can attack you directly for a thousand points. Then let's do it! Rampart Blaster, rev it up! Stardust, follow suit and kill that face-down monster!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Stop that!"

Rampart Blaster blasted the ramparts of Jim's Life Points with a missile barrage, white Stardust Dragon waved its wings, sending sonic shockwaves into and through the hidden monster!  
"BWAAAAGH!" it screamed, revealing itself to be some hideous zombie combination of a fat man and several animals of no consequence! He exploded.  
"Heh heh," Jim chuckled, swiping the several missiles out of mid-air. They burst against the ground instead. (Jim: 2200 Life Points) "Well, there went the Plaguespreader Zombie. May I take my turn?"  
"Sure, why not."  
"PERFECT!" Jim took his next card from his Duel Disk, leaving a small path of dark flames in the card's wake. "I'll set myself a Trap card and revive my Plaguespreader Zombie!" The ugly fatso from the last turn was BACK! "By doing so, I must return one card to the top of my deck from my hand, but then I draw that card back with Card of Safe Return!" Jim exploited, as a card floated out of the poor random safe return-guy's back.  
"I DESERVED THAT!" he sobbed.  
"Wow, weird," Yusei gulped. Six more flames floated from the top of the Bone Towers.

"Next I'll summon the Pyramid Turtle to the field and activate the Field Spell card: Zombie World!"At his command, the entire cave turned into a holographic toxic wasteland, full of decaying plants and small undead vermin scampering around fields of skulls.  
"Ugh, it STINKS here!" Yusei gasped, holding his nose as hard as he could!  
"This Field Spell turns all monsters in both Graveyards and fields into Zombies, and in addition now you can't Tribute Summon non-Zombies!" Jim shouted! "How do you like it? EEE-HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE?"  
"What're you laughing for NOW?"  
"THIS! I TUNE MY PLAGUESPREADER ZOMBIE TO MY PYRAMID TURTLE!"  
"WHAAAAAT?" Yusei screamed! (Plaguespreader Zombie: Two Stars, Tuner) The Plaguespreader Zombie picked up the Pyramid Turtle and put it into his mouth. Two seconds later, it exploded into a grey serpent the shade of dead flesh, with six wings and a red core of mystery. It was covered in hard spines and seemed to be made from several dragons combined through death. It periodically hissed upon the release of the odd blue soul from its chest hole. (Doomkaiser Dragon: 2400 Attack Points)  
"Upon his summoning, the Doomkaiser Dragon summons a Zombie monster from your Graveyard to go with it!" Jim said. He snapped his Snapping Fingers™ again. "Twelve more cards."  
"You've gotta be kidding!" Yusei groaned as the twelve new flames joined the original six.

"EEEEYAAAAHHH!" screeched Elemental Hero Bladedge, growing from the Doomkaiser Dragon's back in a grotesque manner! Strands of flesh rotting bound them together. It was horrific, to say the least. (Elemental Hero Bladedge: 2600 Attack Points)  
"That's terrible!" Yusei cried, trying to stop himself from vomiting.  
"Of course, have you come to expect anything less? Now, strike Rampart Blaster! Bone Towers, strike Yusei! Go!" Bladedge rose and threw down his bladed arm, sending a shockwave toward the fortress-blasting warrior. As the attack flew forth, the eighteen flames of pain flew down to Yusei in a swarm.  
"GYAAAAHH!" He rose his arms and shielded his face… and heard a large explosion. (Yusei: 3900 Life Points)  
"THE HECK'RE YOU DOIN' TO MY BLADEDGE?" Jaden roared, leaping up and taking the fires in his own chest. (Yusei: 34 Cards) The cards Level Eater, Speed Warrior, Avian, Winged Kuriboh, Level Warrior, Shield Wing, Tuningware, Reinforce Truth, Dark Catapaulter, Fusion Recovery, Hero Ring, Transcendent Wings, Winged Kuriboh Level 10, Feather Wind, Edge Hammer, Miracle Kids, and two Hero Kid cards fell to the grave._  
My gosh… I have THREE Level Eaters? Oh yeah, and that Jaden guy's back to life!_  
"Jaden! You're up?" Yusei gasped.  
"Hellz yeah," he said, blowing out the remaining flames on his costume as it burned away, revealing his original outfit. "Like I'd stay down as my friends and cards get stolen by evil clowns?"  
"Good to see you up," Yusei accepted.  
"Yes, very good," Jim said with a coy smile. "Now I can destroy you BOTH together… eee hee hee…"

[.com/watch?v=WYFN6mB9Tzk]"Yeah FALSE!" Jaden yelled, drop-kicking the Jim in the face and leaping back next to Yusei.  
"UGH! You little…" Jim wiped the blood off of his nose. His eyes hinted bloodlust. "Oh, now I'm going to finish you. I WILL FINISH YOU AS SOON AS YOU DECLARE YOUR TURN OVER, BOYS! EEE-HEE HEE HEE, _**AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH !**_"  
"He's getting stupider by the minute," Jaden sneered. "Aaaanyways, let's see what we got!" He pulled out their next card.  
"Hey!" Yusei recoiled. Jaden looked over at their new combined hand. (Jaden and Yusei: 3900 Life Points, 33 cards)  
"Yo yo yo, what can you do with this card?"  
"Uh, I can discard a monster to summon it."  
"Can yo do anything with any of the ENTIRE DECK in the Graveyard? And yeesh, could you do something 'bout this rank Field card?"  
"Don't patronize me! He's so cheap!"  
"Well, let's just look at what you can do now!"  
"Fine! Gosh! Ugh!" Yusei doggedly checked through his giant Graveyard. "Uh… OOOOOHOHO… I get it now…" Yusei and Jaden threw their arms outward.  
"We discard Hero Kid in order to Special Summon the Quickdraw Synchron to the field!" The space suit-wearing boy appeared on the field and looked around. Then he was shot through the chest by a mysterious, gun-slinging robot! (Quickdraw Synchron: Five Stars, Tuner) "Then we call back our third Quillbolt Hedgehog to the field in order to perform a Synchro Summon!" The last of the hedgehogs flew down from nowhere and got eaten by the robot's massive cowboy hat. AND THEN IT WAS CONSUMED IN FLOATING GREEN BINARY CODE! "Quickdraw Synchron can be used as Syncho Material in ANY Warrior Synchro Summon! We summon the Nitro Warrior!"

The gunbot took in all of the coding through its palms and turned into the green, horned monster from the earlier duel. (Nitro Warrior: 2800 Attack Points) "GO, NITRO WARRIOR! DESTROY THE BLADEDGE!" Nitro Warrior leaped forward and grabbed Bladedge with one hand, then ripped him right out from the Doomkaiser Dragon while spraying blue blood everywhere with a shower of azure souls blowing away in the wind! Then Nitro Warrior threw the golden dead hero to the ground, blowing him into pieces. (Jim: 2000 Life Points) "STARDUST DRAGON, BLOW THAT MONSTER AWAY! SHOOTING SONIC!"  
The white dragon flapped its mighty wings and released an arrow-shaped blast of wind. It flew toward the grey dragon, until a Trap card flipped itself up in front of the shot: [.com/watch?v=K6caHvpy_cI&translated=1]Assault Mode, Activate! The Trap featured a man attaining ultimate power. It absorbed the blow and flew onto the Doomkaiser Dragon. Then it began to shake madly, as if a time bomb was in its stomach! The creature… it grew more draconic, more deadly, more… horrifying! It straightened up and grew bone armor over its chest in the shape of an angry skull! Two arms of bone jutted out from its sides, right under its largest wings! Its head straightened up and stared hatingly at the Stardust Dragon.  
"I tribute the Doomkaiser Dragon with my Trap card in order to Special Summon the Doomkaiser Dragon/Assault Mode from my deck!" Jim yelled! "In addition, for one turn only, I can summon as many zombies as I want to from your Graveyard!" From the dragon's body grew Rampart Blaster, Necroshade, Road Warrior and Clayman, writhing in pain as they tried to escape their flesh prison. "Discard twelve cards and your Stardust Dragon!" (Doomkaiser Dragon: 2900 Attack Points) As a stream of flames dropped down from the three towers, the Doomkaiser Dragon's chest opened up and breathed a stream of purple flames at the white dragon, forcing it to fall to the ground and burn to death. The twelve flames drifted around Jaden and Yusei, circling them until crashing toward them, burning them as well.  
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" they cried, as the cards Polymerization, Junk Barrage, Card Defense, Cosmic Blast, Rockstone Warrior, Silent Doom, Soul Union, Super Junior Confrontation, Invincible Hero, Fusion Gate, Mirror Gate and De-Fusion fell from their deck. (Jaden and Yusei: 21 cards) Even Elemental Hero Sparkman looked worried, and he was still in Defense Mode!  
"Th-the hell he think's he's doin', interruptin' my theme song," Jaden scoffed.

"And now I'll take my turn!" Jim demanded! "I activate the Spell card Book of Life in order to revive my Pyramid Turtle from the Graveyard, and remove one of your discarded monsters from play!" As all of the monsters inside of the Doomkaiser Dragon melted back into its flesh, despite the fact that all together he would have had more than five monsters in all for that turn, but who cares because they're gone now, Pyramid Turtle rose from underground! Six cards dropped from Yusei and Jaden's deck; Prevention Star, Tuning, Turret Warrior, Defense Draw, Fusion Sage and Kishido Spirit, and Stardust Dragon disappeared from Jaden's Graveyard and Yusei's life. (Jaden and Yusei: 15 cards)  
"No! Stardust!" Yusei cried! "Why do you have so many useless cards in your deck?" Yusei asked.  
"Same to you," Jaden retaliated.  
"Stop your driveling and pay attention!" Jim declared! "I now ram my turtle into the Nitro Warrior in order to bring out one Il Blud!" The Pyramid Turtle exploded without even moving, and Nitro Warrior was seen standing with a smoking fist while in a boxing position, signaling a badass kill. (Jim: 400 Life Points) Emergency Provisions, Elemental Hero Prisma (just some guy made of crystals, go with it), Polymerization, Shield Warrior, Scrap-Iron Scarecrow and Turbo Booster were lost. (Yusei and Jaden: 9 cards)

A card floated out of the Card of Safe Return man and in its stead came a really, really big fat man in prison clothing. (Il Blud: 2100 Attack Points) "Il Blud, attack Elemental Hero Sparkman!" The fat guy unzipped its prison pajamas AND SHOT OUT A GIANT EVIL FACE WHICH ATE SPARKMAN AND THEN FLEW BACK INTO THE MAN'S CHEST! Then Il Blud calmly zipped his suit back up, as if nothing had happened. "Doomkaiser, destroy Nitro Warrior!" The Doomkaiser Dragon disappeared and reappeared behind the green soldier.  
"WHAAAAAAGH!" he roared, as the dragon's chest opened wide and consumed him whole. (Jaden and Yusei: 3800 Life Points)  
"Bone Towers, attack him, all three of you!" (Soul Absorbing Bone Towers: 400 Attack Points) The three towers began to shake and drop femurs down upon the duelists!  
"AAAAAAHHHH! LEG BONES!" (Yusei and Jaden: 2600 Life Points)  
"Now take your turn and make your retaliations so that I may conclude this game already!" ordered the Jim as he set one Trap card. "I grow tired of these lame escapades!"  
"Yo! Adults can't say 'lame'!" Jaden accused! "It's kid domain ONLY! WE get the HIP lingo!"  
"I DON'T CARE!"

"Yeesh, he don't care," Jaden gulped. They drew one card. (Jaden and Yusei: 8 cards) It was good ol' Pot of Greed! [.com/watch?v=f2ILUSVNNrg]"Woah! That card's ALWAYS too useful!"  
"Let's use it. We need something good," Yusel gulped.  
"We play Pot of Greed!" Jaden shouted, tossing the green pot at Jim. He punched it into fragments of its former self. Jaden and Yusei drew two cards. "Next we activate the Spells Double Spell and Fifth Hope!" A bluish ball of energy appeared on the field next to Elemental Heroes Bladedge, Avian, Sparkman, Prisma and Wildheart. "Double Spell lets us discard two Spell cards in order to gain one of our older ones back from the Graveyard, and Fifth Hope adds five Elemental Heroes into our deck to draw two more cards!"  
"Yeehaw!" shouted Avian as he and the other hero monsters flew into the small patch of deck that Jaden and Yusei still called home! They drew Junk Synchron and Bladedge. (Yusei and Jaden: 11 cards)  
"Yeessss! Lucky!" Jaden cheered! He reached out to the cards, but Yusei slapped his hand away.  
"No, let ME handle this one," Yusei demanded. "We discard Burst Return and Bubble Illusion for Monster Reborn, to revive Elemental Hero Necroshade!" Necroshade broke out from the ground like a trained zombie as the blue orb dispelled itself. (Necroshade: 1500 Attack Points, Five Stars)

"What are you doing?" Jim asked. "Another Level Eight Synchro Summoning?"  
"Yeah, that's 'ZACTLY what WE'S doin'!" Jaden argued! "Even though I still don't get it."  
"No, not just yet!" Yusei denied! "I'll decrease Necroshade's level by three in order to revive the three Level Eaters in our Graveyard!" In an instant, three small ladybugs with stars on their shells leaped onto Necroshade and began to bite him furiously! He cried into his palms. (Necroshade: Level Two)  
"And this accomplishes what, exactly?" asked Jim.  
"THIS, MO-FO!" Yusei shouted, summoning Junk Synchron into play! The orange guy landed with extreme prejudice! (Junk Synchron: Three Stars, Tuner) "I'm tuning my three Level Eaters, Level Two Necroshade and Level Three Junk Synchron together in order to Synchro Summon the Junk Destroyer!"

The four material monsters became the four arms. The Synchron formed the head. As soon as that was finished, magic and willpower did the rest, as a grey body, huge black legs, four back-decorating blades and a magnificent forehead crest appeared to bring them together. The Junk Destroyer was large. (Junk Destroyer: 2600 Attack Points, 2500 Defense Points) Then its four arms all pumped themselves up, released buckets of steam, and flew out like rockets! They slammed into two bone towers, burst right through the Il Blud, and slugged Doomkaiser Dragon/Assault Mode in the chest, splintering its skull decal. "Wh-WHAAAAAAAAAAT?" Jim gasped! The four monsters fell. "This… THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE?"  
"No it isn't!" Yusei taught! "The Junk Destroyer can destroy as many monsters you control equal to the number of non-tuner monsters used in its summoning!"  
"Well, when Doomkaiser Dragon/Assault Mode is destroyed, I can revive its previous form from my Graveyard!" Jim cried! "Arise!" The older, weaker dragon rose up from the dust. The Trap card inside it faded away from its soul. (Doomkaiser Dragon: 2400 Attack Points) "In addition, when he's summoned, I can take one monster from your Graveyard as well!" A Hero Kid appeared and made a pitiful act of defending. (Hero Kid: 600 Defense Points) Four flames dropped down next to Jaden and Yusei. Avian, Hyper Synchron, Domino Effect and Limiter Overload were lost. (Jaden and Yusei: 7 cards)  
"Well then, we'll ignore'm!" Jaden ignored! "Junk Destroyer!"  
[.com/watch?v=EUurS8XsD4I]"Use Destruction Junk!" Yusei called! The Junk Destroyer's fists flew around wildly! One fist smashed into the Soul Absorbing Bone Tower from the front, one smashed it from behind, and one smashed it from above. Then the last one held a broken radio tower, and swung it right through the pile of bones! They exploded everywhere!  
"THAT'S GAME!" Jaden and Yusei declared.

"Not yet it isn't!" Jim exasperatedly screamed, flipping up another Trap card! "I play Iron Resolve!" The card had the image of a man breaking out from all forms of invincible metal restraint with sheer willpower! "I halve my Life Points in order to negate all damage this turn!" (Jim: 200 Life Points) The bones all disappeared out of thin air.  
"Damn, we almost had'm!" Jaden cried!  
"We have one more turn to turn it around," Yusei stated. "And if we need to, we can summon Bladedge next turn to destroy Hero Kid, since Necroshade's back in the Graveyard."_  
They… they're right!_ Jim realized. _I need to lock them down NOW!_ The clown-like demon held out a card with a man throwing away some cards. "I activate Card Destruction, so now we both discard each card in our hand and draw the same number of cards as we discarded!"  
"That's a lot simpler than it sounds," Yusei sniffed, as he and Jaden discarded their Bladedge. They drew Prisma again. _Damn dead draw… heh._  
He carefully drew his next cards… included with them was Card of Sanctity, that one card I keep inserting into duels! How appropriate! "HA! I PLAY THE SPELL CARD: CARD OF SANCTITY!" Jim hollered, playing the Spell card with the men running in money! "Draw cards until your hand has six cards!"  
"WHA?" Jaden and Yusei cried! They picked up all of their cards until there was one left. _This… this game all depends on how he ends his turn,_ Yusei gulped.  
"Then I'll play the Spell card Book of Life to Special Summon Zombie Master, then remove your Necroshade from play and discard Vampire Lord to Special Summon my first Zombie Master, then…" He drew one card from Card of Safe Return. His hand only had Call of the Haunted, Card of Safe Return, Zombie World, two Call of the Mummy Spells, and a Despair From the Dark monster card. _Damn! I need to hold onto this card, but I can't Special Summon any extra monsters… oh well! I'll do what I need to do!_ "I tribute Hero Kid and Zombie Master to summon the Despair From the Dark!" The two monsters were bathed in pure darkness, and combined together. The combination… disappeared. However, the earth began to split open, releasing red, hellish light and heat into the zombified landscape. Several skulls fell into the divide. The being that rose from it was a tremendously gigantic shaded being, with long, lanky, spiny arms and two horrific horns. The only given feature you could understand was his expression, glowing orange: that of one who is ready to eat your entrails. (Despair From the Dark: 2800 Attack Points, Eight Stars)

"Destroy the Junk monster!" Jim demanded! "Searing Souls! Doomkaiser, Zombie Master, then strike them directly! WIN THE GAME!" The demon let out a pained bellow, and from its body burst one-hundred eight black spears! They thrust themselves at the Junk Destroyer! But even though it was gored through the heart, even though its body was effortlessly torn apart, even though its head was completely speared through, it was okay. Why?  
"We remove Shield Warrior from our Graveyard," Jaden said with a smirk. "Our Warrior can't die in this battle." (Jaden and Yusei: 2400 Life Points)  
"…" Jim's eyes looked empty and fearful. "… But, but! You have no cards left in your deck!" Yusei picked up their last card. "As long as you have no options left to follow through with, you've lost! Game over!"

[.com/watch?v=cWWbNpSvQ18&feature=related]"We activate Miracle Fusion." Avian, Burstinatrix, Bubbleman, Clayman, Necroshade and Stardust Dragon all appeared next to a gold-colored hero with an 'E' on his chest. "Say hello to Elemental Hero Electrum." (Elemental Hero Electrum: 2900 Attack Points)  
"N-no, no!" Jim cried! "This can't happen!"  
"Yes, it can." Yusei and Jaden gave him a thumbs-down. "All removed from play monsters return to our decks, and here they are now in spirit! EVERYBODY!" All of the monsters reared up for an attack. "ATTACK!" Electrum grabbed Junk Destroyer and transmuted it into a giant sword, twelve feet in width, thirty-seven in length. The four heroes jumped to Jim's side and held him by the limbs.  
"Y-you can't be serious!" he gasped! "This can't happen!"  
"It already is, yo," Jaden explained. "Electrum!"  
"Stardust!"  
"WIN!" Stardust Dragon and Electrum combined, coloring the man white and giving him access to giant, shining wings of stardust! He flew toward Jim and cut him through with one jet-powered swipe.

_It… it isn't… over…_ (Jim: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

The holograms all faded into nothing once again. Jim lay on the floor in two halves. He was quite obviously finished. "That's why you don't frickin' mess with us!"Jaden warned. "I don't know who you are, or what the hell's your problem, but you'd best give back our friends."  
"… I'm… NOT_… FINISHED!_"Jim's two halves floated upright and combined together, back to normal. "If you think this is all I'm capable of, you won't BELIEVE what's NEXT!" The monster began to grow and change color from clown to green. "_**JIM ACCELERATION!**_" He began bursting out of his own coat thanks to his SUDDEN TREMENDOUS BULGING MUSCLES! He grew fifteen feet in height! The only clothing that stayed on his body were thankfully his pants! His hair became frizzy and uncomfortable to look at! "!" he cackled! "PREPARE TO FACE *TRUE Name and Address Withheld*!" (*TRUE Name and Address Withheld*: 9001 Attack Points) "TRICK OR TREAT, HEE HEE HEE HEE HEEE!"

[.com/watch?v=NKESs1JetVE]Jaden and Yusei turned to each other and nodded. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!" They leaped at the weirdo and began pummeling him.  
"OOOOOOFFF!" *TRUE Name and Address Withheld* stepped backward in response to begin jabbed in the stomach by two people at once.  
"GIVE US BACK OUR FRIENDS!" Yusei demanded, gripping *TRUE Name and Address Withheld*'s arm to the point of breaking.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" he wailed!  
"DIE, YOU DUMMY!" Jaden said as he uppercutted *TRUE Name and Address Withheld* in the chin, then added a big stomp into his stomach, forcing him to vomit out all of the consumed characters in a blast of dark energy!  
"Oof!" they cried, landing on the stone floor. They were in no shape to fight.  
"You okay guys?" Yusei asked as *TRUE Name and Address Withheld* slumped onto the ground.  
"Yeah, you guy's good?" Jaden asked.  
"I think so," Syrus whispered, struggling to keep consciousness.  
"BUT **YOU** AREN'T!" *TRUE Name and Address Withheld* laughed as he leaped upon his two mortal enemies!  
"RIGHT BACK AT'CHA PUUUUUNK!" screamed Koala Ko Ala and Crasher Wake, busting right through the wall behind him on Yusei's Duel Runner! Then ran over his neck, and with their combined girth, they broke it. (*TRUE Name and Address Withheld*: Game Over)  
"Uuuuuugh…" He fell and turned back into his original state.

"Good job, you so-and-so!" Jaden exclaimed, patting Koala Ko Ala on the back.  
"That hurt, man," Koala Ko Ala sniffed.  
"And what's with that guy?" Yusei asked, pointing to Crasher Wake.  
"I came for the food," the wrestler said.

SOME! HOURS! LATER!  
After the group could regain their strength, they all left the safety of their danger cave and stepped out to greet the sunrise. The academy had been completely leveled. "What went on up here?" Mann McOldsmobile wondered, rubbing his head.  
"Beats the heck outta me," Ratchet Nickles gave up. "Ugh, the hangover!"  
"You just drank water, guys," Alexis told them.  
"Some _goooood_ water," Mann McOldsmobile recalled.  
"I reckon we all forgot that the guy was tryin' t' kill me n' Dobbson," Billy Hills reckoned.  
"Who?"  
"Never mind, huh."  
"I wish we had less characters here so that we all got a chance to talk, though," Luna sighed.  
"Yeah," Dr. Card said solemnly.  
"Get outta here!" Jaden said, lightly slapping him away.  
"Ahh, okay, I'm going!"

"Anyways, what DID happen?" Chazz asked.  
"Look over there, a character!" Bastion cried! He pointed Omega-Xis at Tuff McBuffins and Atticus, walking up over a hillside, laughing with their arms around their shoulders. They were covered in random debris left over from their nightly deathromp.  
"Aahahahahaahaaah, hey guys!" Tuff McBuffins greeted.  
"Guess what?" asked Atticus.  
"What?"  
"I was living a lie!" Tuff McBuffins roared with laughter!  
"Oh. Well we killed one of several ultimate evils," Yusei bragged.  
"Yeah!" Jamey Simmons vouched.  
"Oh… okay! Ha ha!"

Then came Jesstin Beaver, running to Yusei in utter fear! "WAAAGH, YUSEEEEII!" it cried, latching onto his leg!  
"Woah! You were here too, Jesstin?"  
"I saw myself in the fuuuuu-huuu-tuuuuuree! It was sooo scary, Yusei!" it whined shrilly.  
"Heh, EVERYONE says that with Crowler!" Jaden told.  
"Oh."

[.com/watch?v=k4moOdG6Arc] MEANWHILE, AT THE DOCKS, A FEW MINUTES LATER!  
"Are you sure this'll work?" Syrus asked as the entire cast had grouped up by the sea. Another Duel Academy was in the process of being air-lifted onto the wreckage of the old school.  
"Of course, yo, I read it in 'The Seven Mysteries of Duel Academy'!" Jaden assured.  
"That's ridiculous, but somehow I feel like it'll work!" Koala Ko Ala thought.  
"Or, y'know, we COULD just stay here for a while and mooch," Ratchet Nickles suggested.  
"LOOK! PLOT DEVICE AHEAD!" Omega-Xis cried! A bus suddenly drove onto the scene from a blue portal! It had 'Time Bus' painted on the side.

"I reckon this here's the Time Travelin' bus," Billy Hills said, for he recognized it. "My mama said so, I reckon."  
"Alright, get on guys," a bus driver said, stepping out of the vehicle in a bus driver's uniform.  
"Whoa, the rumors were true!" Leo and Luna cried together.  
"Of course," Bastion said, "we DO have a steady timeline to keep up."  
"Huh?"  
"Accept it," he sighed.  
"Yeah that's swell, so let's go guys!" Yusei rushed.

"Goodbye Angry," Akiza said to Angry McArgue, as she stepped past the door.  
"See you," Angry McArgue responded half-heartedly.  
"Goodbye Nancy," Akiza says to Nancy Wut.  
"Bye, bitch!" Nancy Wut bid.  
"And I think I'll miss you most of all, Alexis." Akiza said with a gentle smile. "That's because you're the normal one."  
"Goobye Aki, and good luck with Yusei." Alexis said, giving a friendly girl hug to Akiza.  
"Y-Y-Y-Y-usei?" Akiza asked, blushing.  
"THAT'S ANNOYING! STOP THAT!" everybody said, including the students not present and the zombies who died along with *Name and Address Withheld*.  
"Well, good luck with Jaden." Akiza said, boarding the bus.  
"That's the dub Alexis!"  
"I know."  
"… See you."

"J-J-J-J-aden?" Syrus cried, grabbing Jaden's arm! "Didja hear that?"  
"The dub," Jaden said.  
"I know, this IS the dub!" Koala Ko Ala assured!  
"Nah, this is the dub BASED on the dub."  
"Yeah, so that means you get all that!" Mann McOldsmobile slyly remarked.  
"Anything else you wanna try to explain?" Chazz asked, lodging his fist into Mann McOldsmobile's face.  
"Nope. Nada. Nothing."  
"Chazz, you're cool!" Leo complimented! "I'm gonna make sure to try and become the type of guy who picks up minors and uses them as weapons, just like you!"  
"That's cool, kid!" Chazz replied. He gave him one hair. "This is one of my hairs." An energy burst shot out of it!  
"WOAH! That's cool!" Leo gasped!  
"One day, if you get a hair as strong as that, you'll have finally surpassed me. Fare thee well!" Leo walked back toward the bus.  
"I reckon we'll be seein' you, kiddo!" Billy Hills said.  
"Huh! Huh!" was all Deep-Voice Dobbson could say.  
"Um, I've decided that I'm going to try and learn psychology when I get older, just like you, Bastion," Luna told her new idol.  
"No no no, my young girl," Bastion denied, "it's SCIENCE OF DUELING. Farewell."  
"Bye," Omega-Xis said.

Luna walked up to Leo and the power duo stepped onto the bus. "Ew, a hair!" Leo said, disgustedly throwing away his new hair.  
"Goodbye father," Jamey Simmons told his young father with a tear in his eye, "I've had fun."  
"It's been a humbling experience in this bad costume," Syrus said with a sniffle. "I'll meet you again in about…"  
"Ten years."  
"Huh?" Nevertheless, the man son walked onto the time shuttle.  
"Holy crap…" Syrus gasps, "That mean I'll finally SCORE!"  
"Yeah, but with _who_ is the question." Jaden wrapped an arm around the little squirt, looking intentionally at Nancy.  
_"NOOOOOO, WHY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO DO THIS INSINUATION TO MEEEE?"_

"Hey man, though you tried to kill me and all," Atticus forgave, "you're an alright dude. If I see Drac McBuffins, I'll slaughter'm for ya'!"  
"Thanks, man!" Tuff McBuffins thanked, hugging him tightly. There was a loud crackle. "May we meet again!"  
"WAAAHHH!" screamed Jesstin Beaver as it ran onto the bus after Tuff McBuffins.

Jaden and Yusei smacked their hands together into a powerful handshake. "This won't be the last time we see each other, bud!" Jaden promised!  
"I know, I already saw the movie!" Yusei agreed!  
"Huh?"  
"See ya' soon." Yusei walked onto the bus and the doors closed. The GX kids waved as the bus revved up its wheels, driving into the horizon.

MEANWHILE, BY THE LIGHTHOUSE…  
Jack and Zane were finally finished with their game of war and peace, having stacked all of their pieces into massive towers upon the game board. "You were a very mighty opponent..." Jack told Zane.

"… TO THE KING. I am the king!" Jack slapped Zane across the face and leaped out into the open ocean. "THE KING RIDES AGAIN!" He landed on the fast-moving time-travelling bus just before it leaped into the next dimension…  
Zane fell on his side and wiggled.

ON! THE! BUS!  
*Name and Address Withheld* was kicked off of the bus in 4th Century China. "EXACT CHANGE ONLY, PUNK!" screamed the bus driver. He turned to the rest of the passengers. "AND IF ANY 'O YOU GUYS DECIDES TO BREAK CANON BY REFERRIN' TO THIS STUFF, YOU'RE GETTIN' SENT BACK TO THE DINOSAUR AGE, GOT THAT?"  
"Yes sir mister bus driver sir," everybody quickly muttered. And so, the bus left the hellspawn on the ground in the past. And so… HE WAITED.

Jaden and Yusei's Big Boogey Adventure - END

[.com/watch?v=WU9SNOvLW6E&feature=related]_**But wait! It's time for Chancellor Shepherd and Officer Tuffles' Safety Rules of Halloweeeeen!**_

"Uh, hey, we're under contact to do this so don't blame us, okay?" Shepherd said, worriedly.  
"Hi, I'm Officer Truffles, and some of you may recognize me as some guy named Ushio!" Officer Truffles introduced, patting the scar on his cheek. "Well forget that, I'm totally different! TOTALLY! So without further ado, let's go over the BASIC HALLOWEEN SAFETY RULES!"

1. Don't ask a zombie for candy; it's very impolite and zombies take it as an offence.

_Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. She walked up to a zombie. "Candy," she said. The zombie scratched her face. "Owie," she said, crying._

"See, when zombies get offended, they get angry!" Shepherd explained. "We don't need any MORE deaths out here, got that kids?"  
"Exactly, our jails are full of ENOUGH zombie assaultists as it is!" Officer Truffles said.  
"That's not a real term, sir."  
"Oh, fine."

2. When being chased by a werewolf look for help; preferably a vampire that only sucks animal blood.

_Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. Suddenly, a werewolf wearing jeans burst out from the shade! "AROOOOOOO!" he howled!  
"Get'm," Rei commanded. A vampire wearing combat fatigues leaped on him and they both exploded._

"As you know, the rare animal vampire has a high silver content in its blood," Shepherd stated, "but he himself is allergic to fur."  
"Get them to collide and watch the fireworks!" Officer Truffles suggested while Shepherd checked the script to verify that crap.

3. Don't take candy from a guy in a van. His candy ALWAYS sucks.

_Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. Suddenly, a van pulled up in front of her. "Candy," she said, stepping inside. A few seconds later she ran out and began to vomit, sobbing in a pained fashion._

"Yeah, y'know those Now n' Later candies?" Officer Truffles asked. "Yeah. We're talkin' THAT bad."  
"And black licorice!" Shepherd added.

4. Isn't funny how parents say don't take candy from strangers, but on Halloween you go to other people's houses and demand the customary candy?

_Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. She walked up to a house and said "Candy." Some guy walked out of the front door.  
"WE DON'T WANT ANY!" he shouted, throwing a rock at her. She fell over and began to sob._

"Sometimes it just ain't worth it," Shepherd warned.  
"That's why you carry a big stick when you go out for Halloween," Officer Truffles exposited.  
"Are you SURE you're a real police officer?"

5. If you don't dress up as a _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ Character, the Head of the Association of Sector Security for Heading Educational Authorities in Dueling, Sheldon, will find you and duel you into a coma.

_Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. Then she was punched in the face by a man named Sheldon. She fell over and cried into her hands._

"Come on now, this is just getting painful to watch, man!" Shepherd cried.  
"Hey, it's for their own good!"

6. Always return crappy candy that people hand out back to them. They need it more than you.

_Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. She walked up to the van from earlier and tossed her candy at it._

"That one's not deadly, just rude," Shepherd sniffed.  
"… Anyways…" Officer Truffles sighed.

7. Stay safe, stay alert, and stay alive.

_Rei from Neon Genesis Evangelion was walking around dressed up as a witch. She left thousands in her wake, with not one survivor._

Shepherd looked awkward. "Um… disregard that last image… and have a great Halloween!"  
"Wait, Halloween already ended!" Officer Truffles cried!  
"… Damn, we need better planning next time.

[COMMENTARY]

Happy Hallowe… damn. Well, at least you get a decent back story for Jeager, a crossover with a friend's series, numerous stupid character interactions, the longest chapter ever made, the utter destruction of a large building, more crossovers with Neon Genesis Evangelion and Yo! Gabba Gabba, a water-drinking match, dangerous nostrils, utterly useless zombies, and even some decent foreshadowing about the future of some characters! I hope this was good.

SUPPA-SPECIAL THANKS TO MY FRIEND KNOWN AS THATPHANTOMGUY! SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT ALL THE JOKES PERTAINING TO HIM AND HIS GREAT OPINIONS!


	57. Episode 56: Chazzanova

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic

Episode 56: Chazz-anova

[.com/watch?v=Qq6mnC2GeuQ&feature=related] We enter to the beach, where Chazz was sitting impatiently with his arms crossed, wearing the seven legendary Spirit Keys (one of which was taped up due to previous splitting) surrounded by his followers. All of our other main characters appeared on the scene within moments. "Ow, ow, ow," Jaden cried, stumbling all over the place.

"Are you okay?" Bastion asked.  
"Naw, I'm okay, I just got his by two lasers yo. I'll be fine," Jaden assured as his hand fell off. "Dang, that's happenin' too much lately," he groaned, screwing it back on his wrist.

"That's disturbing," Atticus gulped. "Switching subjects, Chazz you fool in love, tell us your demands!"  
"I already told you! Plus, you were IN on the plan!" Chazz argued.

"You were what?" Alexis asked, angry.

"Uh, well, sis… Chazz is an incompetent idiot." Atticus turned back to Chazz. "Chazz, you incompetent idiot! What're you doing spoiling it to everyone? Now I'M accountable!"  
"Well I reckon it's jus' as Mama always said, 'Chazz is what Chazz does,'" Billy Hills recited.

"That's not what she said," Nancy Wut replied.

"Enough with the useless dialogue!" Chazz commanded, rising up from the sand! "Time to get to business! You want this, right?" He took out the box with the Spirit Keys inside.

"YOU REALLY DID TAKE THEM!" Syrus Sy-screamed! "SINCE WHEN DID YOU GET THIS STUPID?"

"I told you to SHADDAP BEFORE I WRING YOUR NECK!" Chazz roared, firing a CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST at poor Syrus, knocking him into the ocean!  
"SYRUUUUUUUUUUSSS!" Jaden cried! "Alexis, show him that NOBODY does that to Sy!"  
"Except you!" Fluffy Fred stated!  
"Yeah!"

Alexis whipped out her Duel Disk and strapped it to her forearm. "This won't take two episodes. We'll be back on the boat in about twenty minutes. BIT CHARACTERS!"  
"YES MA'AM!" shouted Deep-Voice Dobbson, Baseball Bob, Fluffy Fred, Piggybank, Nancy Wut and Mann McOldsmobile.

"Go pack up everybody's things! We have a boat to catch!" commanded Alexis.

"YES, MA'AM!" The bit-characters leaped away like ninjas.

"What about Billy?" Omega-Xis wondered.

"He's cool, so he stays."  
"Woo, I reckon!"

"Am I important too?" Ojama Yellow asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"… I'm sorry, I can't bring myself to tell you." Ojama Yellow just sat there and stared. It was uncomfortable. "Fine, just get out of here." The Duel Spirit floated away, depressed.

"And to you, Chazz," Alexis diverted her attention, "tell me why I shouldn't destroy your reproductive organs and get ready to leave, anyways?"  
Atticus took this time to come up with a crappy reason. "You see, Chazz took it upon himself to steal the Spirit Keys for YOU! Isn't that romantic? He STOLE the most important thing on the island for YOU! Isn't that just precious?"  
"No, that's DISTURBING!"

"A-Atticus, why isn't it working?" Chazz whimpered. "N-nah, I don't need your help for this! Just duel me, my love! I assure you that I will return the keys even if I lose, but if I win, you MUST become my beloved girlfriend! And then, once you finally love me back, we… shall marry…" He stared into the sky wistfully, gushing manly tears.

"Careful," Syrus worried, "he IS the second strongest duelist at the school, because we're ignoring the fact that Bastion and Zane just graduated. Then again, Bastion's only a technicality."  
"Hey, you're right!" Bastion noticed.

"That's sad!" Omega-Xis cried! "DON'T DO IT, GIRL!"  
"It's okay, I'm the ONLY competent female character in this show!" Alexis promised. "I can't POSSIBLY lose! _and even if I do I'll just dump him later_ LET'S DUEL!" He Duel Disk powered-on!

"I don't like the sound of that whisper, but a real man NEVER gives up!" Chazz yelled blindly! He strapped on his Duel Disk as well!

"Let the games begin!" Atticus shouted, waving a checkered flag and wearing the clothing of a NASCAR racer! (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Alexis: 4000 Life Points) "These clothes make me feel so official!"

"I'll start this one off with two face-downs and a monster: Lovestruck Young Girl - Koyuki!" A traditional schoolgirl in a sailor fuku appeared! She fidgeted and blushed, as if she was thinking of her secret crush.

"Fubuki…" she sighed. (Lovestruck Young Girl: 0 Attack Points)

"I'm already annoyed," Alexis said.

"But it's makin' a statement, I reckon! It's like, I reckon, he's tryin' t'show how HE'S like the gal, and YOU'RE like the guy she likes! I reckon it's poetic!"  
"Of COURSE it is," Atticus agreed, sitting in a red racecar bed and playing around with his flag.

"I'll also play the Spell card Love Letter!" A large note appeared on the field, sealed with a kiss. "This card lets me show you my love by giving you a present! Sadly, I can't give you any jewelry yet, but that'll come later. For now, choose either my monster or one of my Trap cards."  
"I don't give half a damn about that girl, so I'll take your first Trap card," Alexis commanded.

"Dang Alexis," Atticus snickered, "that was cold as… _yuki!_ Get it! Ko-YUKI? **ICE!**"  
"BOO," someone said.

"Hey!" Jaden Yuki added.

Chazz meanwhile picked up his giant card hologram and giant envelope hologram, then stuffed his gift into the gift receptacle. "Mweh," he smacked, kissing the envelope. "Here, my love!" He tossed it through the air at Alexis, who karate-chopped the thing in half. "NOOOO, THE CAAAARD!"

"I don't NEED your charity," Alexis growled dangerously.

"Take that, Chazz-O!" Jaden dug, face-down in the sand.

"A-are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm a'ight, I just got hit by some hard monster attacks earlier. Nuthin' I can't handle."  
"Um… re-think that please," Bastion muttered, "you look like you need some medical attention."

"Nah, our nurse's a gym teacher, yo."  
"True that."

_Well, so far so good,_ Chazz told himself deludedly, _this love note-like thing is like a REAL Valentine! And she accepted it… thanks to Atticus' help…_

_He had a short vision where he hid behind a tree, twiddling around with his hair nervously as Alexis strolled down a dirt road. He held his Valentine's card at the ready. "I sure hope she accepts my love note," Chazz said to himself. And then, she passed the tree!  
"I feel scared for some reason," Alexis told herself worriedly. At that, Chazz struck with all his heart!  
"PLEASE ACCEPT THIS NOTE!" the boy screamed, jumping onto Alexis' back, knocking her to the ground!_

"_OW! WHAT THE HECK?"_

"_I LOVE YOU!" Chazz cried, slapping her in the head repeatedly! "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!"_

"_GAH! GET OFF!" Alexis pushed Chazz off of her and leaped to her feet, ready to strike back!  
"PLEASE ACCEPT MY FEELINGS!" Chazz shouted, slamming his note into her face. Alexis fell over, out cold. "Was my love too hot for her…?"_

"_Don't sweat it, Chazz," Atticus approved as he tugged Alexis' body up the road, "we'll just take her down to the Love Dungeon and—"_

_DAH! My mind freaks me out sometimes! _Chazz mentally gasped, shaking the weird images out of his head. _On second thought, it's best that I duel her instead. Time for her to reciprocate her feelings…_

_He had a second delusion of grandeur. He and Alexis were charging down the road from before. "Chazz, please take this return letter!" she called, holding out a Valentine's envelope!_

"_Ahaha, ahaha!" Chazz laughed._

"_Whoop!" Alexis yelped, tripping and falling on her face with a disgusting crackle. Chazz frowned and stopped in his tracks. Alexis slid across the dirt on her face, leaving a red trail and coming to a stop at Chazz's feet. She shakily held up her note and lifted her head, completely devoid of flesh and missing one eye! "P-please, don't let th… this get in the way… of our ro-romance…"  
"!" shrieked Chazz._

"_Don't worry," Atticus said, holding a sewing needle and wearing a stethoscope, "Dr. Atticus is here to do a face transplant!"_

[.com/watch?v=WFUtN1EiauU] _I'm really, really disturbing myself today. I should stop thinking._ "Now that you have my feelings, I feel that you should reciprocate! Give me my card back! I activate Giant Trunade!" A large foggy hurricane with an ugly guy's face appeared and sucked all Spells and Traps off of the field!  
"Cripes, what an ugly dude!" Jaden gasped!  
"And what's dumber is that he returns all Spells and Traps to their owner's hands! What's the use?" Syrus questioned.

"I dunno BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH!" Jaden guessed, vomiting a fountain of blood.  
"! JADEN, ARE YOU OKAY?"  
"Yeah, I'll manage."  
"Or not!"  
"Or MAYBE," Jaden countered.

"He's got a point," Atticus shrugged. "But see kids, it's all about the SYMBOLISM behind the moves!"

"Plus," Chazz said, getting his three cards back via magic without touching his Duel Disk via teleportation, "when my—"

"HOLY CRAP WHAT WAS THAT?" Omega-Xis cried!  
"Oh, come on, the robot hand powered by the soul of a dead child surprised at THAT?" Bastion joked. "It's ONLY teleportation, my hand."

"You have a REAL point," Syrus agreed. "Wait, souls?"

"Ahem, back to THE point, when that card, Hidden Wish, is sent from your field into my hand," Chazz said, showing off a Spell card featuring a small child looking toward an evil, grinning, shaded woman, "then you lose one-thousand Life Points, and I GAIN one-thousand Life Points!"  
"Ow," Alexis said, losing Life Points. (Alexis: 4000 - 3000 Life Points)

"Yum," Chazz said, gaining Life Points. (Chazz: 4000 - 5000 Life Points)

"I reckon that's jus' what you do best, Chazz," Billy Hills complimented, "hurtin' others fer yr'own personal gain's your specialty!"

"Think before you talk, please," Chazz pressured.

"WH-WH-WH-WHAT WAS THAT?" Syrus cried! "That card! H-HIDDEN WISH? THAT WOMAN'S A CHILD MOLESTOOOOOOOORR! LOOK, LOOK WHAT IT DID TO THEM!" Bastion and Omega-Xis were vomiting in a bucket. Jaden had fallen onto the sand and his soul leaked out of his mouth. Atticus was riding around in circles in his racecar bed. "RACECAR BEDS DON'T EVEN DRIVE! YOU'VE UPSET THE NATURAL ORDER! I MEAN, THAT EVIL WOMAN AND A LITTLE BOY? YOU SICKEN ME! WHAT KINDA HIDDEN WISH ARE **YOU** HIDING?"  
"Blame the card, not the criminal," Chazz excused.  
"I give up at life," Syrus Sy-ed.

"All of you, come on, it's just a card game!" worried Alexis!

"It's NEVER just a card game!" Jaden disagreed terribly.  
"Chazz, please just say it's my turn before they say something else!" the poor girl urged!  
"Okay I activate my other Trap card; Treasure Map, the Map to my Heart!"  
"IT'S NOT CALLED THAT!"

"Fine, Treasure Map," Chazz groaned, gaining a magic treasure map in the process. "By sending it to the Graveyard, I can draw two cards." He ripped the map in pieces, spraying sparkles of different colors through the air. "I'll lay my two new cards face-down and end my turn!" Two face-downs were thrown down.

[.com/watch?v=8hRZn_6YVO0&feature=related]"Then I'll go ahead and end this, so we can get outta here and away from you!" Alexis decided, drawing her next card, beginning her turn! "I summon Blade Skater in Attack Mode!" The purple ice-skate lady appeared and slipped onto her butt! (Blade Skater: 1400 Attack Points) "Kill that schoolgirl!"

"Um, but," Koyuki sighed, fidgeting, "but then I'd never get to tell him that I… I…"

"No way, I play Ring of Destruction!" Chazz interrupted! A grenade ring appeared around the Blade Skater and blew her up. (Chazz: 5000 - 3600 Life Points, Alexis: 3000 - 1600 Life Points)

"THE HELL IS THAT ROMANTIC?" Alexis challenged!  
"Well," Atticus began, putting the brakes on his racecar bed, "it's like… you're having a lover's spat… and then he tells you that it's all your fault… and then you both break down into painful tears and reconcile through the fourteen-hundred points of pain."  
"That's horrible," Alexis said.

"It's all I got. Besides, what's love without pain?"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"How was that a joke?"

"CAN 'YEW FEEL THE LOVE UP'IN HERE, I RECKON?" Billy Hills cheered blissfully!

"No."

"Now that it's my turn again," Chazz said, "I'll activate the Spell card Graceful Charity! I draw three cards and discard two!" An angel appeared by Chazz's side.

"_Here you go,_" she offered, handing Chazz three cards. "_HEY, GIVE THOSE BACK!_" She took two at random. "_Jerk…_" She faded away, confusing everybody present.

"Next I play Pot of Greed to draw two MORE cards!" Chazz added, drawing two cards out of a random disposable pot! Then he disposed of the disposable pot. "Then I'll be activating the Trap card Ojama Trio!" Ugh, it was the three Ojama Brothers standing under a spotlight! NEVER DO I WANT TO SEE THOSE FREAKS AGAIN! UUUUURGH! Blegh. The trio of fuglies appeared instantly on Alexis' field!  
"Why would you give me something so ugly?" Alexis pleaded! "You're a terrible person!"  
"B-but they're adorable! Look!" Chazz ushered! The three trolls, glistening with sweat and saliva, turned to Alexis with sparkles and crust in their eyes.  
"They're… THEY'RE… oddly adorable…" Alexis said, much to her horror!

"Alexis, you're scaring me," Atticus gulped, sitting in his racecar bed now with a scantily clad woman.

"Wait, who's that?" Alexis asked.

"Who?" Atticus asked, now by himself, under the covers, mostly naked and satisfied-looking.

"Why does everybody vomit at stupid cards, and yet nobody cares about THAT [u]THING![/u]"

"Atticus is cool," Bastion inferred.

"Yeah, he's cool," said Syrus. "Hell, if _I'M_ okay with it…"  
"NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!" Alexis screeched! Atticus gave a thumbs-up.

"Well then, I'll just play my Spell card, Polymerization!" Chazz announced! "I fuse my Lovestruck Young Girl – Koyuki with the two monsters, Lovestruck Young Boy – Fubuki and Lovestruck Man – Jim!" Next to Koyuki appeared two new characters. One was a boy about the girl's age, who stared at her from behind a pole ad breathed heavily, holding up a camera.

_I'll just follow her home and catch some snapshots as she's changing, and then I'll go back,_ he assured himself perversely. The other one was even worse: a middle-aged man who looked upon Koyuki in a frightening manner. His glasses were foggy and his skin was red.

_I'll just take this one, and nobody will be wise about it…_ he plotted.

"THE HELL KINDA HIGH SCHOOL LOVE IS THIS?" Syrus cried! "This is disgusting! That boy she liked was a stalker? And **Jim**? That's HORRIBLE!"  
"We agree," agreed everybody.  
"But see what they become together!" Chazz said, as the trio combined together into… a grotesque mass of purple, fleshy heads with tiny arms and legs.  
"I… AM… LEGION!" it cried! (Legion – The Ultimate Expression of Love: 3000 Defense Points)

The crowd viewing the game vomited in the sand. "Oh, and before I forget, Legion takes up to three of your monster card zones, leaving you with none!" Chazz taught.  
"BWAAARGH!" Legion spat two masses of flesh at Alexis' field, lying next to the Ojama Trio.

"Uuuuugh," Alexis gasped, covering her mouth. "I'm… about… to puke… this is the least romantic thing I've EVER seen…"  
"But look!" At the request of Chazz, everybody inspected the flesh blobs further. They were still-beating hearts. "It's all romantical!" Nobody fell for it. "Fine, I'm ending my turn with a face-down. People these days just don't get all mushy like they used to."  
"YOU SAID IT BRO," three of Legion's heads agreed.

"I reckon this is a bit much," Billy Hills supposed.

"We ALL do," Jaden said, losing blood from every orifice of his body. "I mean, this ep's good 'n all, but it's too dialogue-driven. I'm bored as heck, yo."  
"You're dying, so it's acceptable," Atticus told him.  
"Oh yeah!" Jaden agreed with a smile.

Alexis stared at her hand, and then to the field again. She tapped her Cyber Prima card a few times, but found no way to use it. _Damn, I wish I had, like, five monsters in my deck. What am I doing?_

"Alexis, do you like my gifts?" Chazz snickered. "Awful sweet if y'ask me!"

"No, it's mind-scarring and atrocious. Haven't you ever heard of chivalry, where you do nice things for women for the sake of it? Yeah. Monster hearts. Chivalrous. Nice."

"THEY'RE COW HEARTS," Legion said. "JUST SAYIN'."

Atticus looked at him strangely.

"Oh wait, I've got it," Alexis figured out suddenly!  
"Eh," Atticus responded. "What'cha gonna do, sis?"

"I'm setting a face-down, that's what," Alexis said, "and that's it." A face-down card appeared in front of her. The Ojamas began playing around with the cow hearts and poking the new card.  
"Hey look, it's-a hat!" Ojama Yellow chuckled, putting the heart on his head.

"If that's all you're doing, I'll play a Spell card I like to call Legion Gets Cleaned Up!" Legion was covered within sudden soapy bubbles, signifying the changes in his heart! Or something…

"What's he doing now? Is a shower all he needs to get—" The bubbles faded away. Legion was now an older teenage boy with short brown hair, dreamy eyes, and a muscular-yet-thin build. "Aaaalright then, I take back what I was about to say," Alexis decided, happy with the changes.

"I'd like it if you paid more attention to me than my monster."  
"Too bad, Chazz."

"A… anyways, LGCU gives my Legion three-hundred Attack Points." Legion pulled on a handsome tuxedo.  
"THANKS FOR THREADS," Legion thanked in the same voice as earlier.

"Eeep!" Alexis gasped.

"Next, he gains three-hundred Attack Points and can switch the battle position of one monster you control!" Chazz added! (Legion: 0 - 300 Attack Points)  
"Woah," Ojama Yellow gasped, moving into an Attack Position. (Ojama Yellow: 0 Attack Points)

"Oh SNAP!" Atticus yelped! "He has THREE-HUNDRED more Attack Points than that yellow, and when an Ojama Token is destroyed, the owner loses three-hundred MORE Life Points!"

"That's depressingly low," Omega-Xis said.  
"And that's just giving Alexis the advantage, with a new monster space," Jaden said.

"B-but don't you see?" Chazz instructed! "A REAL lover always gives their significant other a sporting chance!"  
"Sorry, this is just boring, I reckon," Billy Hills said, "and a lil' while ago, you stopped bein' the badass I came t'respect. It's jus' sad, I reckon."

"STOP REPEATING YOURSELF! Gosh, will EVERYBODY say that today?"  
"You're not cool anymore."  
"You're not cool anymore."  
"You're not—"  
"Stop making bad jokes! Besides, you're all being idiots! She has sixteen-hundred Life Points!" (Alexis: 1600 Life Points)  
"Oh yeah."  
"So she'll have one-thousand."

"That doesn't prove how good you are at dueling."

"Well, screw you all, because I'm not going to be a brute and just smack my love around! Isn't the name of the episode 'Courting Alexis'?"  
"That was an eternity ago."

"Well… who cares! I'm attacking the Ojama Black Token!"

"BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" shouted Legion, launching his body at the token as if a missile!  
"IT'S CAUSE I'M BLACK, AIN'T IT?" Ojama Black shouted furiously! "Though I'm really purple…" They both head-butted each other. Legion fell into the sand whereas Ojama Black levitated back into place.

"YOW! Chazz just made a stupid move in order to help Alexis out!" Atticus narrated! "Ain't it heatin' up in here?"

"No!"

"Well then here's a bonus!" Chazz flipped up his face-down! It was the small boy from the… DISTURBING… card played earlier, but now he was facing two paths. One lead to a fairy castle, while the other lead to a demonic wasteland. "Please, no comments on the kid again! He's been through enough! Now when I take damage, you choose the effect the card activates! Dramatic Crossroads Power One: Discard one random card. DC Power Two: You show your _ENTIRE hand to me_… and I am allowed to take one of _your cards_ for _myself!_"

"Did you have to say it so suggestively," Syrus Sy-ed.

"And even stranger is the notion that she's actually choose the second effect!" Bastion understood. "Through my knowledge of the Science of Dueling, that's just stupid!"

"Be-CUUUUUZZ," Atticus moaned, sitting in his bed with a rich-looking woman.  
"PLEASE, JUST ONE A DAY IS ENOUGH!" Alexis shouted.  
"Okay, fine. I never get to have any fun…"  
"Aaaahh!" screamed the mystery lady as she was pushed into the sea from the flying racecar bed.

"As I was saying… Be-CUUUUUZZ, if Alexis really honestly and truly loves Chazz, then she'll give Chazz one of her cards! And that'll ALSO mean she trusts him enough to know Chazz won't take anything too important! It's so SIMPLLLLLLLLLLE!"  
_It'll be just like my third vision of the future!_ Chazz believed! _Come on, Alexis, please let us live together in a future like…_

_Chazz was in a sleeveless leather jacket, wearing circular sunglasses and wielding an electric guitar, surfing through the air on power chords and musical notes and approaching a dragon made out of rocks and straight green lines. "AAAAAAAAAAAAW YEEEEEEAAH!" he shouted! He strummed a few times on his guitar, shouting "PLAY US HOME, RESPITE OF DIPPERON!" Respite of Dipperon complied, releasing such face-melting notes that the rocks covering the dragon into kool-aid._

"_YEYEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" the beast shrieked, detonating Respite of Dipperon!  
"NO, DIPPERON!" Chazz shrieked! "ALEXIS, I NEED YOOOOOU!" _

_A green portal appeared in the air, and Alexis flew out on a flaming flying unicorn, wearing a long pink dress and matching pink tall pointy hat with a ribbon streaming from it. "I came as fast as I could on Starstream!" Alexis said. "Take this, my first guitar!" She handed Chazz a small, plastic, electronic purple guitar with flower stickers on it.  
"Thanks, honey!" Chazz thanked, kissing her on the lips. "!" he cried! He pressed one circular button and a steady beat came from the toy._

"_!" boasted the beast! The dragon exploded into gumdrops._

"_YEAH!" the couple cheered, hi-fiving each other. _

_[CHAZZ AND ALEXIS: + 400 EXP, + 7 MONEYS]_

_[ALEXIS LEVEL UP! LEVEL 14. NEW MOVE: Jack Rabbit]_

"I choose option one," Alexis said.

"… You… didn't even put much thought into it…" Omega-Xis groaned.

"Then… THEN THAT THOUGHT SEQUENCE WAS ONLY A FEW SECONDS LONG?" Chazz screamed, flipping onto his face.

"Look, how did you think that I would love you within moments of telling you how much I DIDN'T love you?" Alexis stated. "You're just an idiot." She placed a random card of hers into her Graveyard. "If anything, I love… dueling."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chazz wailed!

"And Zane," Syrus added.

"**NOOOOOOHOHOHOOOOOOOO! WHY DIDN'T I CATCH ONTO THAAAAAT?**"

"You really didn't know?"  
"It was OBVIOUS?" Chazz asked, exploding and landing on his face, smoking with the heated stupidity of his actions.

"DUUUUUUUDE!" Atticus gasped, driving his racecar bed to a screeching halt next to his Chazzy friend! "Are you alright? You might need some serious aloe vera for that burn!"

"BOO."

[.com/watch?v=nnF6psoWdXo&feature=related] Chazz slowly stood again, after Billy Hills and Atticus helped heave him up. "Thanks, you two."

"Don't mention it. But seriously, I have some aloe vera in the trunk."  
"Don't reckon it, I mention."

_Alexis… really doesn't want me,_ Chazz finally decided. _I can't change her mind if she's so adamant about it. I mean, really, why didn't I ever take Zane into account? Am I stupid or something? If she says she loves dueling, then am I supposed to deprive her of it? I'm gonna… HELL, I'M GONNA DO __**SOMETHING!**_ "Okay then, Alexis, I'm going to play Ojamuscle!" A Spell card appeared, with an incredibly tanned man crushing the Ojama Trio with his own muscles! "I can destroy each and every Ojama on the field and give my Ojama King one-thousand more Attack Points for each one! That means the tokens are history!"

"What Ojama King?" Alexis asked. Now, instead of Legion standing by Chazz, there was the gigantic face of Ojama King staring everybody down horrifyingly and wearing a white tuxedo.  
"HEY HOW'S IT GOIN'?" he greeted.

"B-b-bu… but how's that…"  
"It's because he's gotten serious," Atticus explained.

"But how did everything transform like that?" Omega-Xis demanded. "Wasn't the Ojama Yellow card taken with the deep-voice boy? How COULD you have summoned that King guy?"

"In love, there's no such thang as cheatin'," Jaden said poetically, pale and covered in his own blood.  
"You're not okay."

"I know, yo."

The Ojama King rounded up and grabbed the Ojama Trio within his mighty grasp. "WATCH OUT, GUYS!" he warned, putting them in his mouth.

"This is creepin' me out!" said the one-eyed green one.

"GULP!" swallowed the King. And because the Ojamas were rich in protein, he INSTANTLY BECAME INCREDIBLY BUFF, WITH HIS BODY MATCHING THE SIZE OF HIS HEAD! "GRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHH!" (Ultimate King Ojamaster: 300 - 3300 Attack Points)

"Hey, the name changed."

"And because the tokens were killed, you lose 300 Life Points for each one!" (Alexis: 800 Life Points)

_Now THERE he goes,_ Alexis reminisced. _If he'd only been playing seriously from the start…_

"Now THAT'S scary!" screamed Bastion, shielding his eyes! "HE'S BLOCKING OUT THE SUUUUUUNN!"

"Alright now, Alexis!" Chazz said. "Can YOU beat this?"

Alexis drew her card. "Thanks for the challenge, Chazz," Alexis thanked. "NOW you're back on the program. In this case, I'm going to begin by activating the Trap card A Rival Appears." Her face-down exploded, bringing out her Cyber Prima! (Cyber Prima: 2300 Attack Points, 6 Stars)

"Oh hey, that Trap card summons a monster from your hand with the same Level as an opposing monster!" Bastion explained. "Because Ojama King is Level Six. And Cyber Prima is, too. And so it… works…"

"Nerd," Jaden insulted.

"Next I play the Spell Monster Reborn, bringing my Blade Skater back onto the field!" Alexis shouted, apparently full of heated emotion! The purple lady with the pirate earring was back, and she did nothing! (Blade Skater: 1400 Attack Points)

"Ah snayup, I reckon she's up'ta sumthin'!" Billy Hills warned, shaking Chazz by the shoulders! "Look out I reckon!"

"Don't worry about it," Chazz assured, looking confident with his smug-ass smile. "It's all going according to plan."

"B-but don'cha reckon you want yer' girlfriend?" reminded the Billy-boy (Hills). Chazz shrugged. _So this is what I reckon bein' a real man's all about!_ Billy Hills understood. _I reckon it all!...?_

"Now, combine with Polymerization!" Alexis chanted! "I combine Etoile Cyber with Blade Skater!" The red woman appeared from atop Ojama King's crown!

_C-can it be?_ Jaden wondered in his death throes. _My beloved… Cyber Bladder… wait, that doesn't sound right._

"HEY THAT'S ULTIMATE KING OJAMASTER TO YOU!" the King clarified. Despite that, the Etoile Cyber extended two long tentacle-like bandages and wrapped them around the violet one. The bandages pulled her back toward her, at which point they began to spin! They spun and they spun and they spun _so hard_ that they COMBINED INTO CYBER BLADER! Yes, the red ice skater of power! She crossed her arms and began spinning on the Ojamaster's head! "YOW! THOSE SKATES'RE POINTY!" (Blade Skater: 2100 Attack Points)

"Next I'll equip her with Fusion Weapon!" Alexis called!  
"OH NOES!" Atticus mock-yelped. Out of Cyber Blader's arm grew a weird electrical appendage. It was apparently strong. (Cyber Blader: 2100 - 3600 Attack Points)

"That's strong enough to beat that terribly-named Ojama!" Syrus said! "Awesome move, Alexis!"

"Thanks, and now I draw rid the earth of this abomination!" Alexis declared. "Cyber Blader and Cyber Prima, combine your powers!"

"YOSH!" the Cyber Girls agreed. Cyber Blader fired bandages from her wrists, a la Spider Man, and grabbed the one with the creepy mask. She spun around, whipping her up with a good bit of wind, and then leaped and turned her body sideways. This in turn changed the rotation of her ally into a vertical arc rather than a horizontal one, and smashed the Ultimate Ojamaster in the forehead repeatedly!  
"AAARGH! MAH FAYSUH!" the King screamed! He reached out to grab the Cyber Prima, but the bandages let her go, allowing her to wield her two golden rings! She swung them through the wicked King's muscular hand and let it drop to the sand! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWCH! NOW I'M REALLY STEAMED!" He leaped up at the Cyber Blader and threw a punch! "TAKE MY ULTRA-HOLY-MIRACLE-PUUUUUUNCH!"

"Hmph," Cyber Blader groaned. She began spinning in midair, instantly summoning a tornado around herself! "TAKE THIS! GALE SOUL!" The Ojama was lifted and tossed carelessly by the wind as if a piece of ugly paper! The Cyber Blader focused herself and shot three bolts of lightning into the wind with her electrical appendage. They rebounded countless times against the walls of the twister! Naturally, the boastful Ojama was gored by them thirty-seven times every few seconds.

"!"  
"Shut up," ordered Cyber Blader. She held her weird arm high, and then called the lightning back into it. And as they returned, they combined into a glowing ball of electricity! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" She threw her arm outward and scored the beastly guy in the chest, knocking away the wind and pushing him right into Chazz (who wasn't disturbed thanks to holograms and such).

"REMEMBER ME… AS A WOMAN…" the Ultimate King Ojamaster pleaded with his dying breath. Then Cyber Prima kicked it into the distance. There was a twinkle in the sky. (Chazz: 3600 Life Points - 1000 Life Points)

"Can you top that?" Alexis asked smugly.

"Actually," Chazz decided, viewing his next card, "I can't." He set his Brain Control card (originally meant to signify him taking dominance over everything else in Alexis' mind, which is creepy-sounding) along with the rest of his hand onto his Duel Disk. "You win, fine, you aren't my girlfriend. So what of it? The Chazz rides alone!"  
"Uh, good?" Syrus guessed.

"All according to plan," Atticus whistled, kicking his racecar bed into the sea.

"What?"  
"Nuthin' you'd understand. Protectin' the cosmic timeline and all that jazz…" Atticus ripped off his outfit and was dressed back in his original uniform. "Just kiddin', I just like screwin' with you guys. I'm weird."  
"Oh?" guessed everybody. Alexis approached Chazz and set her hand on his shoulder.

"Okay, so I guess you understand we're just friends?" she double-checked.

"Fine by me," Chazz agreed. "And besides, when I'm the star of the Japanese dueling circuit, women will be THROWING themselves onto me!"  
"Nerdy women!" Omega-Xis chuckled.  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed everybody.

"Wait, what?" Alexis gulped.

But then the pendant on Jaden's neck began to shine. "WHADDAHELL? WHAT AM I WEARING?"  
"You forgot all about the pendant?" Syrus inquisitioned!  
"Didn't you?"

"Well, yeah."  
"And look at Chazz's neck!" The keys Chazz was wearing began glowing purple! "This doesn't bode well!" Bastion grimaced, recalling Duel Science 101. "If something glows, crap happens."

"Oh hey look," Billy Hills noticed, "sumthin's happenin' at the volcano I reckon!" Seven brown obelisks loudly and suddenly stabbed their way through the ground in front of the magma mountain, signifying magma danger ahoy.

"Then… this means the adventure never ends?" Jaden said with a massive shrug.

"Don't just stand there," Atticus suggested, "let's go there and duel our last Shadow Rider!"  
"How did I forget they were relevant and that there was one left?" Syrus wondered.

"Everybody forgot EVERYTHING after the Jaden Zane duel," Bastion said.

"Alright, I feel better not being the only one anymore."  
"Who said you're not the only one?"

The group ran off (Jaden hobbled) toward the new dueling site… just as the less-important characters ran onto the beach carrying several pounds of luggage. "Uh… check the cafeteria?" Nancy Wut decided.

"Why not," Baseball Bob said, and they all ran back toward the empty school as the ships set sail from the academy.

[COMMENTARY]

This episode was pretty much just a bridge of stupid between the Zane match and the last two episodes. NOTICE how weird Atticus was. NOTICE how stupid Chazz was. NOTICE that the adventure never ends.

I never understood why the hell the writers wrote this episode! I mean, sure, Alexis is a strong female character. So in order to prove it, you have to write an excuse plot to make the final boss appear. That's what makes this story so enjoyable! The sources are stupid as stupid-hell, making it so much easier to come up with funny stuff!

Anyways, I know you all wanted to know this, but Legion was taken from Shin Megami Tensei, because I like it and he is weird enough for my story. Also the Chazz imagination sequence no. 3 was based upon my thoughts right after reading the Harry Potter fan fic (or 30Hs). I could never emulate it no matter how hard I could ever try, so you can just settle for the power of rock. There will never be a story quite like it. I also like Homestuck. And One Piece. And Neon Genesis Evangelion. And Japanese music. I don't like this website, but we already knew that one.


	58. Episode 57: Rise of the Sacred Beasts 1

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 57: Rise of the Sacred Beasts – Part One

Jaden and the gang all burst through some trees into a dark, dusty clearing surrounded by seven frighteningly-tilted stone obelisks, uncomfortably seated near the show-famous volcano. "Woah yo, this thang's REALLY gettin' funky now," Jaden gulped, holding up his forgettable, somehow important magic Egyptian pendant, which was now blindingly bright and shaking like a mad washing machine. It exploded. "Hey, now we don't have to worry about the forgettable anymore! Let's go home!"  
"I agree," Chazz added, desperate to escape accountability for the current situation.

"Wait, look there!" Syrus yelled, taking aim at something smoky rising in the center of the area! It was something shaped like a metal can. Something in turn rose out of its top… A TRADING CARD DECK? "Oh, hey, trading cards," he casually remarked as he strolled up to the cards. Then, just as he reached out to grab them… A MECHANICAL SPIKE PUSHED HIS HAND AWAY. "Ow. What?" It belonged to a four-legged robotic spider mech, with a liquid-filled tube containing an old man… "AAAHHH! IT'S PORKY!" Chazz slapped him in the back of the head. "Ow. Who summoned another previously-copyrighted character from a horribly-conceived card?"  
"Stop coming up with Syrus-ish ideas," Chazz demanded. "Anyways, what're you doing slapping our friend's hand away from some cards, rip-off artist?"  
"Hey," the robot tank countered, "this show was made BEFORE the game was released!"  
"But the game had been in development since 1997!" Syrus argued. "WAIT! Why aren't I screaming?"

"Because Billy Hills did it for you," Omega-Xis said. Billy Hills was unconscious and foaming at the mouth. "Now who IS this fool?"  
"Finally… I THE NON-FOOL MAY INTRODUCE MYSELF coughcoughcoughAHEM!" the man in the machine shouted! His voice was deep and grandiose, like a magician, or some crazy old guy! "I AM… THE VICE-PRINCIPAAAAAALL!"  
"I don't believe you," Alexis said flatly.  
"But I AAAAAMM!" the man cried! "LOOK, FOR MY NAME IS ON THE STAFF ROOOOOOLL! I'm Kagemaru AHEMAHEMAHEM." The spider mech held out a sheet of paper with the names of all the staff members of Kaibaland Duel Academy listed on it. Under Chancellor Shepherd's name was 'Kagemaru – Vice Principal (not Vice-Chancellor)'  
"But then, who IS the Vice-Chancellor, y'all?" Jaden wondered.  
"And why haven't we seen you all year?" Alexis wondered suspiciously.  
"I was ALWAYS in this, this MECHANICAL SHELL! How DARE you not acknowledge me from the very start!"  
"Hmmmm," Jaden thought. "I… THINK he was sitting in front of Crowler in the first episode…"  
"And was he on the morning announcements show? I think I remember the name," Bastion considered.  
"I know I got a t-shirt from 'im, I reckon in the Spirit Day episode," Billy Hills believed.

_He was walking around with Chazz and Deep-Voice Dobbson, and they were combined together as a VWXYZ Dragon Catapult Cannon costume! Chazz was manning the incredibly heavy legs, while Billy and Dobbson were being held up as the arms. Their heads poked out between the yellow tank-claws of the machine. "Huh huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson chuckled._  
"_I reckon this is FUN!" Billy Hills shouted!  
"S-SHADDAP…" Chazz groaned with a grimace, sweating as hard as he could and nearly bursting a few blood vessels, "MY ARMS'RE… KILLING MEEEEEE!"_  
"_Oh, excuse me," Kagemaru called, approaching Billy Hills with a t-shirt cart, "would you like a t-shirt? It has a design of Margera Wonderweiss reaching out for a bottle of EVA-01 Steak Sauce while wearing a two-headed kitten on his head."  
"Y'reckon it's the one where he's also holdin' a Sammich?"_  
_"…"_ _Kagemaru's mech held the shirt in front of his face._  
"_WOULD I, reckon?" Billy Hills cried, overjoyed!  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH EVIL ROBOT MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN HUHUH!" screamed his compatriots, ditching him and escaping. _

"… _I'll take five, I reckon."_

"Seriously?" Bastion screamed! "How'd I MISS that one? I LOVE THAT SHIRT!"  
"I'm… hurt… IT STINGS LIKE **BEES!**" Kagemaru announced! "I… I… Will you silence thyselves and your hurtful words if I tell you that I made the Spirit Keys?"  
"That depends," Atticus growled, "how MUCH did you make the Spirit Keys?"  
"NONSENSE HE SPEAKS! I was the one given the DIVINE IDEA to create such… SUCH THINGS to seal away these trading cards! And now, thanks to you, ALL of you, I can UNLEASH these cards once again!"  
"Wait…" Atticus thought with sense. "Why did you make the keys to seal the cards that you want to use?"  
"I sealed them because they were too POWERFUL!"  
"But why do you want them now?"  
"Because of their POWER!"  
"But you… and then… just… WHY?"  
"Because… I KNOW THE MAN WHO MADE THEM HIMSEEEEELF!"  
"Wut?"  
"BeLAY that question, my student! I am now prepared to DUEL! I was the one who worked with the Seto Kaiba to design the academy, and so I sealed them within, waiting until there was one student here with enough DUELING ENERGY to UNLEASH THEM! The Duel Energy—"  
"DUEL ENERGY'S REAL?"  
"**THERE IS NOTHING A CARD GAME CANNOT FIX!** And so, the energy built up over the years from every single duel, every card ever played, everything ever DONE with a random cardboard rectangle helped to DE-POWER the mechanism holding the cards sealed! Thus, you and your LAST GAME you have JUST PLAYED had UNLEASHED THE BEASTS!"  
"Then it's all CHAZZ'S FAULT! AGAIN!" Omega-Xis accused! "See, because he dueled Alexis! And if he'd waited until the next year, then the first game would unleash them! And there would be other people who could come with security, and pistols, and they'd shoot the cards or something! And then we wouldn't have to do this! Let's all hate on Chazz!"  
"So did you make the Shadow Riders yoself in order to make a surge in Duel Energy?" Jaden wondered.  
"Of COOOOURSE, the Keys themselves are USELESS, I SAY, USELESS!"  
"That's dumb."  
"What about me?" Omega-Xis complained. "My opinion matters, I think…"  
"What **ABOUT** you, you're just an easily-forgotten side character," Chazz spat.  
"Hey!"  
"WHO'RE YOU?" Bastion shrieked. Omega-Xis shot everybody a deathglance.

"And so…" Kagemaru punched through the shell of his spider robot suit, with his right hand… wearing an EYE OF WDJAT RING, "let us have the FINAL MATCH of the SEVEN STARS COME TO FRUITION!"  
"Shadow Riders!" said Nancy Wut, on the other side of the island.  
"WHO OF YOU HAS THE MOST ENERGY?" Kagemaru demanded, stepping out into the open air. As he did, he rapidly de-aged into a young man in his thirties, as if by (black) _magic_!  
"His Shadow Item controls his age, I guess!" Alexis noticed! "Look out everyone! This means he has all his teeth again!"  
"MROOOOOOWW!" screamed a sudden cat with a deeply eerie voice! It was Garfield, bouncing out from the trees! He crashed into the robot shell with a thud and spat out a small hunter-colored soul orb… NAMED BANNER!  
"FINALLY!" the soul orb cried in jubilation! "I'M FREE! That cat stinks like cat stomach acid on the inside!"  
"Hey, it's that cat that ate Banner HEY IT'S PROFESSOR BANNER!" Jaden yelled!  
"Woah, that's weird!" Atticus said. "Unlike me, who is cool."  
"I'm cool too, and I can fly," Banner insisted. He fluttered about randomly.  
"Well, everybody else's confused," Billy Hills said, "s'could you all give us an I reckonin' bit o' info?"  
"Banner, he died a few weeks ago and his soul was eaten by Garfield!" Syrus explained. "You, you had to BE there to get it."  
"Oh."

"Excuse me, I have about four more seconds before my stupid cat eats me again! I have something I just remembered to give you!" Banner warned urgently.  
"Cool! How'd you know I was here, anyways, yo?"  
"No time! Blegh!" Banner ejected a card from his own soul. It hit Jaden in the forehead.  
"Ow."  
"You have only one chance to use this. Use it well now and forever!" Banner said. "The world depends on this!"  
"But wait!" Syrus asked. "Can I ask you a question?"  
"No," Baner replied, being eaten by Garfield again. The cat then scampered off.  
"I… guess that was important?" Kagemaru supposed.  
"Maybe," Atticus supposed as well.  
"Hellz yeah it is," Jaden decided, staring at the new Spell card: Sabatiel – The Philosopher's Stone, a greenish orb of pure magical energy. "Yup, goin' right in mah deck," Jaden decided, placing it wherever his deck would be.  
"That means you're dueling him?" Chazz deduced.  
"Of course!" Kagemaru shouted!  
"You bet yer buffaloes," Jaden accepted, stepping up to the challenge.  
"BOO," someone said.

He pulled out a Duel Disk out of nowhere apparently, and dragged himself into the center of the septet of obelisks. "Dr. Youngboy, I presume you're ready to… THROW DOWN?"  
"SUPERBOO," someone said.  
"Hehey, that one was more orginal!"  
"Puh-lease," the oldyoung man sighed, taking a Duel Disk out of his pocket, "there's no way you can stop me now. I already have the ULTIMATE DUEL MONSTERS CARDS!" He pulled the deck out of the storage container, prompting it to explode, and stuck the cards into his dueling weapon of choice. "Let us DUUUUUUEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL!"  
(Kagemaru: 4000 Life Points, Jaden: 4000 Life Points) "I'm going to go first," Kagemaru stated, "and I will SET TWO CARDS!" A Trap card appeared.  
"That's a boring start," Jaden said.  
"Maybe… BUT THIS MONSTER SHALL NOT BE!" A huge, purple blob appeared. It was disgusting looking. (Giant Germ: 1000 Attack Points) "And thus, this turn… is… OVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!"  
"This guy's getting' on my nerves," Chazz scoffed.  
"What took you so long, I reckon?" Billy Hills asked.  
"It takes four seconds for most," Atticus threw in.

"I guess I'll kick this off with the ANIME power of Elemental Hero Bubbleman!" Jaden decided, throwing his blue hero into the fray! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "This means I get to draw two cards, since he's the only dude chillin' out on the field!" He drew his cards with a certain sense of flair, and they were Hero Signal and Skyscraper. "Nice! Next I'm playin' Skyscraper, which ALSO adds one-thousand Attack Points to all Elemental Heroes even when they get attacked, at least in the Anime version!" A few small buildings appeared around the dusty arena. "THEN I'm settin' two cards and attackin' that ugly thing over there! Bubbly Bubble!" The buildings began shaking around, as if they were trying to help Bubbleman in some way. And it helped? (Bubbleman: 800 - 1800 Attack Points) Powered-up Bubbleman threw a bubble at the enemy. It slowly floated over to the monster and hit it, causing an explosion of purple nastiness as the germ died. (Kagemaru: 3200 Life Points)  
"Ugh, it smells crappy in here!" Syrus gagged. "Wait… smell? Aw, dammit, a Shadow Game…"

"Yes, it IS a Shadow Game apparently used in order to kill a young man, and I shall now use the effect of the Giant Germ you have killed to summon BOTH OF HIS BROTHERS!" Two identical random fat bubbles of purple germs appeared and floated around randomly. They looked ready to punch a bitch and avenge their big bro. (Giant Germs: 1000 Attack Points) "And then, I shall deal 500 points of direct damage unto you, as you have destroyed my vile germ!" The purplish nasty haze wafting around the immediate area suddenly flowed at and into Jaden.  
"Wha… UUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!" the boy gagged! He fell over and began heaving.  
"Jaden!" Syrus cried out!  
"Are you alright?" asked Bastion.  
"That smelt like a vomit sundae with garbage sauce, and I told myself never wanted to experience that again," Jaden worried. "But don't worry, I'm a'ight. At least it isn't in my mouth. Banner sure was good at abuse by food." (Jaden: 3500 Life Points)

"And **THEN** I shall take the damage you have inflicted unto me and summon, from my hand, the EMMISARY OF DARKNESS, GORZ!" Kagemaru announced, reminding us all that it was still his turn! A sword appeared in the ground. It gleamed in a black fashion and looked as if merely looking at it could cleave your soul in two. OW, MY SOUL! A man covered in light metallic armor and black clothing leaped down from above, wearing a crimson cape and wild blood-red hair, and his face obscured by a simple flat helmet. To go with his swords, his wrists had incredible twisting blades attached as if for the hell of it. He was hardcore. (Gorz, the Emmisary of Darkness: 2700 Attack Points)  
"I-incredible, he's just summoned forth a monster with over 2500 Attack Points!" Syrus announced!  
"And he hasn't even taken his second turn," Alexis added with a shudder.  
"But it's just a card game," Omega-Xis thought.  
"IT IS NEVER JUST A CARD GAME!" Kagemaru declared! "For I now summon by his ability a Kaien, Emissary of Darkness token with the same stats as the DAMAGE YOU HAVE INFLICTED!" An armored woman appeared, wearing a helmet and breastplate, holding a saber and a shield. She sat in Defense Mode. (Kaien: 800 Defense Points)  
"D-dayum, she looks incredibly useless!" Jaden gulped. "Uh, I guess I'm ending my turn, then."

"GOOD! For now I shall play the Trap card Solemn Wishes!" His first Trap of the game flipped face-up and showed a happy woman in a calming rain.  
"THAT doesn't seem as scary as demon swordsmen or germs," Jaden chuckled.  
"But it gives us both five-hundred Life Points whenever we draw a card," Kagemaru explained, blowing some of his long hair out of his face. He drew a card. (Kagemaru: 3200 - 3700 Life Points) "And then I shall SHIFT all my monsters to Defense Mode and activate my SECOND Continuous Trap card, Gravity Bind!" His second Trap appeared which happened to be some sort of distortion in space (in the image of the card). The air in the dueling area had become, somehow, ten times heavier than before. Everybody in the game instantly fell onto their faces.  
"Ugh," Jaden grunted, struggling under the alien force atop him.  
"Hmhmhm," Kagemaru chuckled.  
"This is painful to watch," Alexis complained. "Jaden, at any time, you can just call us, and we'll take you place!"  
"And that will mean he forfeits," Kagemaru stated.  
"But"  
"And that means I get the cards."  
"But"  
"AND THEN I TAKE OVER THE WUUUUUURLD!"  
"Yeah, remember that," Jaden said. (Gorz: 2500 Defense Points, Kaien: 800 Defense Points, Giant Germ: 500 Defense Points, Bubbleman: 1200 Defense Points)  
"That will BE IT!"

"W-wait, it would be common sense to just attack Jaden with you Gorz, and yet you ignored it completely! What're you scheming?" Bastion deduced.  
"Hey smart point," Syrus agreed.  
"Pfft, ameteurs," Kagemaru replied, "YOU SHALL SEE IN THE NEAR-FUTUUUUURE! Use this time to prepare thyself, boy."  
"Hmph," groaned Jaden. (Jaden: 3500 - 4000 Life Points) "I'll be layin' down my Clayman wit' some face-downs," he told, placing down his duo of Traps (?) along with his muddy hero. (Clayman: 800 Defense Points) "Your turn, yo!"  
Kagemaru drew his next card. (Kagemaru: 4200 Life Points) "I end my turn."  
"Really?" Jaden gasped. "Because it would—"  
"I **END MY TUUUUURN!**"  
"Oh, cool." Jaden drew a card. (Jaden: 4000 - 4500 Life Points) "Then… I'll do nothing, too! Ha ha!"  
"You're an idiot!" Chazz yelled! "Just look at that! What're you tryin' to do, STALL him?"  
"Well I could use more cards in my hand," Jaden noted.  
"AND I AS WELL!" Kagemaru announced.  
"Plus, I gotta find a way to beat'm up, so of course I gotta stockpile."  
(Kagemaru: 4200 - 4700 Life Points) "ME TOO! And it is your turn."  
"Really? Is that all you're gonna do?" asked Bastion.  
"Me too!" Jaden added. (Jaden: 4500 - 5000 Life Points)  
"Well, thank you," Kagemaru thanked. (Kagemaru: 4700 - 5200 Life Points) As he pulled the card out of his deck, the seven obelisk structures began to glow.  
"Oh crap! Freaky ju-ju magic!" Alexis gulped! "This means… this means…"  
"This means I am about to EXPOSIT!" Kagemaru said, holding out his three-card hand. "Now how do you believe I was able to receive my magical mystical SACRED BEASTS?"  
"Uh, that sounds nice," Syrus supposed. "Go ahead, try and make this make sense. And what's going on with those obelisks?"

"Well it all began one day when I was working for KaibaCorp, around six years ago…"

_Kagemaru was walking around the pristine marble floors of the KaibaCorp reception area. Within his giant spider mech suit. "Doo dee doo dee _DOOOOOO!_" he hummed._  
"Paging Mr. Kagemaru," _called the intercom system. "_Paging Mr. Kagemaru Kagemaruman, please come up to Kaiba's office at once." _It fizzled out and he headed into the elevator. "TO THE TOP FLOOR!" he shouted! He spider robot's arm poked the elevator's button for 'K-Floor' and began screaming gibberish to annoy everybody else in the elevator._

_TWO! MINUTES! LATER!  
Kagemaru burst through the door to Kaiba's office with a ruined paper caught on one of his spiky legs. "MISTER KAIBAAAAAAAHH! I came as soon as you called, and I brought the finished blueprints for that SCHOOL YOU ORDERED!"  
Kaiba's office was mainly filled with a long, white desk, a wider window hidden by manila blinds waving with the air conditioning system, one giant mural of Seto Kaiba on each of the walls, one Seto Kaiba in a rolling chair and one Maximillion Pegasus on a wooden stool holding a vibrating suitcase. "MISTER RANDOM SPIDER ROBOT MAN, I HAVE SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT!"_  
"'_Ey, he's my master carpenter!" Kaiba corrected, pushing three empty bottles of gin onto the plush carpet. "Now look here, bitch, we don't pay you to scream through doors."  
"HE DOES NOT PAY ME ONE CENT!" Kagemaru accused, poking Pegasus._  
"_Yeow!" Pegasus sniffed. "I came to ask you for some extra SPECIAL help, Kage-boy!"  
"I AM NOT YOUNG BOY, I AM OLDER THAN YOUR MOTHER!"  
"I have no mother."  
"THAT IS STRANGE."_  
"_Back on our original subject, I have something – URF – REALLY important for you to take care of for me. See this wiggling briefcase?"  
"MY EYES DOTH __**NOT**__ DECIEVE?"_  
"_No they don't! Now I randomly decided to design three more totally awesome god cards like the Egyptian ones, and they OBVIOUSLY went HORRENDOUSLY ERRONEOUS!" Pegasus screamed!  
"So you were stupid."  
"R-right. What we need you to do is have you seal the three cards in your school, possibly with seven amazing obelisks in the ground around it for no reason! And find some way to seal the away with duel energy with no real cause for it!"  
"It's my idea, BITCH," Kaiba said._

"_Uh, alright, will they somehow… HELP GIVE ME INFINITE ENERGY SO THAT I MAY BE ABLE TO WALK WITHOUT A PORKY SUIT?"  
"You don't even know what that is yet."  
"But this takes place in the TWO-THOUSAND TWENTIES OR SOMETHING! I am unsure!"  
Pegasus tossed the suitcase at him. "Whatever, just hide this away somehow."_  
"_Also, make seven weird wooden keys for them. They'll do something somehow," Kaiba suggested._  
"_Okay."_

"And that is how I HID THESE CAAAAAAAAAARDS!" Kagemaru concluded.  
"Is that ALL the backstory you've got?" Atticus inspected. "I mean, I got taken over in an abandoned dorm. You hid cards? I don't see the resemblance."  
"THERE IS MORE… but not yet," promised Kagemaru.  
"Whyyyyyyyo?" Jaden whined. "I was so engrossed!"  
"BECAUSE I ACTIVATE THREE CONTINUOUS SPELL CARDS!" Kagemaru cried out! "One copy of The Burden of the Mighty, and TWO copies of THE MESSENGER OF PEACE!" Two cool monk men appeared with doves surrounding them, and along came a large crown with baby birds in it.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH" screamed the babies.  
"Wait, three cards?" Syrus lampshaded. "Glowing pillars? Him doing something? I SENSE… SOMETHING BAD."  
"Hey me too I reckon," Billy Hills added.  
"BUT OF COURSE!" Kagemaru said. "NOW I AM DISCARDING THE THREE CARDS I JUST LAID OUT IN ORDER TO SUMMON THE **FIRST OF THE THREE SACRED BEAAAAASTSS!**" The three cards were suddenly hit by lightning and turned into odd distortions in space.  
"EEEEEEEEKKK!" went the baby birds.  
"NOOOOOOO!" Jaden wailed! "THE BABIES!"

Yet, Kagemaru had no worries over the fates of these adorable thingies, as they were going to become a part of the great one. The seven obelisks emitted large bolts of electricity in all directions, converging unto Kagemaru's playing field. The static charge combined into… a giant skeletal golden figure of massive proportions. As he kneeled, he held his armored hands outward and created some sort of electric field. (Hamon, Lord of Striking Thunder: 4000 Defense Points)  
"Aw man, this ain't good," Omega-Xis groaned. The skies had begun to drizzle and the air began to feel electrified itself. "I feel like throwing up again."  
"Please kill that thing as soon as you can," Atticus requested. "It's pretty tough."  
"'Cha, yeah wrong," Jaden scoffed. "My Avian's just as strong as 'dat guy."  
"Nope!" Kagemaru discounted. "For you see, this monster, IT IS A FIGURATIVE GOD OF LIGHTNING! As such, it is immune to destruction by card effect!"  
"H-huh?" Syrus gasped! "How can you kill THAT?"  
"AND IN ADDITION," began Kagemaru, somehow cracking every window in the immediate Skyscraper area, "IT CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE FIELD BY ANY ABILITIES! ITS CONTROL CANNOT BE SWITCHED! IT CANNOT BE EQUIPED WITH ANY SPELLS OR TRAPS, AND THE EFFECTS OF ANY CARD CAN ONLY EFFECT IT UNTIL THE END PHASE OF MY TURN! YOU MUST TAKE IT DOWN THROUGH BATTLE! But you cannot, for I have MY TRAPS! And it's just as well to mention how when in Defense Mode, Hamon can NOT allow you to attack any other monsters I control! Thus, your turns shall be completely USELESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS UNTIL I ALLOW YOU TO DO A THING MYSELF! And thus, I have AMPLE time to call out the other two Sacred Beasts upon my own leisure."  
"That's… that's just cruelly irritating," Syrus said.  
"Of course!" Kagemaru agreed. "And thus, I END MY TUUUUURN!"

Jaden drew a card. (Jaden: 5000 - 5500 Life Points) _Well, here we are, Jaden m'boy,_ Jaden thought. _It's come to this. I traveled to a card-playing high school, met several awesome idiots, chilled with some homies, killed robot dragons and normal dragons, watched my ancient Egyptian teacher die from eucalyptus juice and get eaten by his pet cat, and now I'm dueling a god. _

_My life is SO SICK. In a weird, semi-gross way._

_Ignorin' that for a sec', I guess I should just let this awesome healing rain heal me until this sucka' deos something. So, let's start gatherin' some hand advantage!_ "I'm just gonna end my turn, then!" Jaden said, making his hand count six, forcing him to discard an Elemental Hero Necroshade.  
"THEN I WILL END MINE!" (Kagemaru: 5200 - 5700 Life Points)  
"And I as well, yo!" Jaden copied, discarding a useless Dark Catapaulter. (Jaden: 5000 - 5500 Life Points)  
"This crap is so boring, and it's not SUPPOSED TO BE!" Chazz complained! "COME ON! IT'S A GAME AGAINST GOD CARDS! STUFF SHOULD BE HAPPENING!"  
"Stuff IS happening," Kagemaru declared, (Kagemaru: 5700 - 6200 Life Points) "as I AM SETTING OE TRAP CARD FACE-DOWN!" The seven sparking obelisks were suddenly emitting a heavy smoke.  
"Now what's going on with the pillars?" Bastion wondered. "This CAN'T be good! I should know!"  
"Does it matter, young MORTALLLL?" Kagemaru challenged, puffing his massive chest out defiantly!  
"Yes, yes it does," Bastion countered.  
"Now don't start worryin' about that, kiddo," Jaden urged, "'cause I just drew… a card!" And alas, it was: Philosopher's Stone – Sabatiel! (Jaden: 5500 - 6000 Life Points)

"Can you say WHICH card?" Kagemaru inquired, ready to do anything less boring.  
"Nope."  
"Con**SARN IIIIIIT!**"  
"Hey, I reckon only I 'kin say that, consarn it! I reckon you're makin' fun 'o me'n my culture! I should sue you, I reckon!"  
"Oh then I'm sorry."  
"Aaaanyways, I'm endin' my turn," Jaden decided, casting away an utterly useless Hero Kid card.  
"Well then…" Kagemaru drew. (Kagemaru 6200 - 6700 Life Points) Now atop his deck was his most important card. The seven obelisks became pitch-black in significance. "This is… PURHURHUUUUUURFEEEEECT…" observed he. "I SHALL NOW ACTIVATE THE CONTINUOUS TRAP CARD AND ANTI-SPELL FRAGRANCE!" And so along with the Gravity Bind appeared some horrendous pot of incense.  
"Burn burn burn" said the pot.  
"Oh no, three cards again?" Alexis shouted! "This means trouble!"

"I'll just let these cards sit in front of you and build the unholy suspense!" Kagemaru laughed! "My turn ends here, and yet the terror now shall only BEGIIIIIINS!"  
"I don't think he knows what he's saying anymore," Syrus decided.  
"**QUIET** YOU BOY!"  
"Anyway Jay," Syrus pressured, "do something. NOW. That guy's got all he needs to WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE WORLD. WE NEED YOU."  
"You guys need me, eh?" Jaden repeated. "Well, in that case I've just got to activate this ONE card and win HERE and NOW, yo!" (Jaden: 6000 - 6500 Life Points He held his Philosopher's Stone – Sabatiel card out in-between his fingers. It inexplicably began to glow green, as if it were today's sudden plot device. "I play the—"  
"**ANTI-SPELL FRAGRANCE GOOOOOO!**" commanded Kagemaru, lifting and throwing his smoking pot at Jaden! It grabbed him by the armpits!  
"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!_" Jaden wailed!  
"Buuuurn" the pot warned.

Syrus wasn't gonna stand for it. "EITHER TALK NORMALLY OR GET THE HECK OFF MY FRIIIIIIEEEEEEEND!" He charged forward in one bound and slapped the face off of the steel pot!  
"Oh" the pot sighed, dropping to the ground and exploding.  
"Woah!" Omega-Xis cried! "That stood out as something awesome but only because he's never done anything special in this show!"  
"Statistics don't matter in THIS hood, y'all!" Jaden disagreed! "Thanks, Sy! That thing was disturbin'!"  
"Uh, you're welcome," Syrus accepted, walking back over to the secondary characters. It made for an awkward silence.  
"E-erm, that card that the boy just killed makes it so you aren't allowed to play a Spell card unless you've set it face-down for one turn or longer," Kagemaru explained. "Look, that just wasted a bunch of time and made us forget what was going on, so can you people in the back all just…" Without warning, large iron circus-level cages burst out from underground, capturing all of the non-dueling characters present.  
"Okay now, what the hell is this?" Alexis asked, just plain exhausted with the day's stupidity.  
"It's just a little something the Good Doctor cooked up for me," Kagemaru explained, simply and cryptically.  
"The 'Good Doctor'? This correlates to something in our past!" Bastion gasped! "I just have NO IDEA WHAT!"  
"And I reckon it feels so obvious, too!" Billy Hills added!

"You just freakin' CAGED UP MY FRIENDS?" Jaden gulped, enraged! "What, you havin' ALL THE POWER IN THE DING-DANG WORLD wasn't enough?"  
"PRESCISELY!"  
"Naw, man naw; LISTEN HERE!" Jaden demanded, somehow beginning to glow a shade of forest green!  
"Woah, I can't tell if that's supposed to be taken literally or as a special effect!" Atticus said.  
"Me neither!" Jaden agreed! "But just listen, Kage-whateverthehellyourname'ssupposedt'be, I dare you. I DARE YOU! Just summon your other two freaking Sacred Beasts. **I WANNA BREAK 'EM.**"  
"…BOO," someone said.  
Everybody balked at that. "…. You just challenged a physical quote-unquote 'trio of gods' in an incredibly non-cool-sounding way, you cocky bastard," Chazz said, somehow angry.  
"And you think anybody else would be capable of such a thing?" Syrus suggested. "Jaden, go! You've survived worse! And I can't think of anything else lame and encouraging to say!"  
"Thanks, it really doesn't help," Jaden thanked.  
"Aw."  
"I end my turn." He tossed away a random card to his Graveyard. "Don't worry, y'all, this won't take long."

Let us recap for all you with no short-term memory, like me. Within the confines of Skyscraper, Jaden had summoned Bubbleman and Clayman (1400 and 2000 Defense Points respectively), and had three face-downs set. At least one of them was Hero Signal, which may or may not be useful soon.

And yet, Kagemaru's much more impressive field had Hamon, one of the three Sacred Beasts and a being of lighting incarnate, who was protecting two copies of Giant Germ, exactly what it says they are, a Gorz, the Emissary of Darkness and an Emissary of Darkness, Kaien token that was summoned once he'd hit the field. But don't worry; the token won't have any effect on the story as a whole, literally. Forget it. NOW. And besides the monsters Kagemaru had summoned, he also controlled the Trap cards Gravity Bind (which prevents any Level Four or higher monsters to stay in Attack mode), Anti-Spell Fragrance (which stops both players from playing any Spell cards from their hands), and Solemn Wishes (which allows players to gain five-hundred Life Points each time they draw a card). Upon his next turn, Kagemaru will finally put these all to good use. Sadly I have already alienated all people here for the humor. I should go home now.

"YOU SAY THIS WON'T TAKE LONG, BOY?" Kagemaru challenged! "I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT OFFER! PREPARE THYSELVES AS I PUT ALL OF MY CARDS TO GOOD USE! I NOW OFFER ALL OF MY FIENDS AND TRAPS FOR THE LAST TWO SACRED BEASTS! COME FORTH!" (Kagemaru: 6700 - 7200 Life Points) The seven black obelisks around the field exploded from anticipation. "Aaaahh, collateral damage!" The two giant germs and demon swordmaster all grabbed each other and combined to become a catalyst of evil, in the guise of a ball of heinous purple power. As it began to bulge and grow, the three Trap cards and their effects started to fade. The card images began to flare up and burn for no given reason. The fires started to move around, as if they were writing something across the ground… a summoning circle!

The lines drawing out the circle burned upward and converged! They had become at last, a tremendous crimson serpent, covered from head to tail in large spines. Its face was obscured by large horns, and it landed onto the ground on two bony, winged arms. It emanated pure heat and its saffron eyes pulsated. "_**KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!**_" it wailed! (Uria, Lord of Searing Flames: 3000 Attack Points)  
"AAAAHH!" Jaden cried out, grabbing his head! "MY EARS!"  
"Is he really alright, I reckon?" worried Billy Hills.  
"No," Atticus predicted, "the damage he's taken today's gonna start really piling up. I'm surprised he's still holding on after all this, and I think everybody forgot about the increased gravity from earlier. I can't tell how it's possible for him to be able to stand in front of those guys, but if anybody can beat them, it has to be—" Jaden fell over onto his face. He bled excessively. "We're screwed."

"KRRRRGH…" growled something. Something big… yes, the orb of fiendish power we'd forgotten had already grown to a sizable size, nearly half the size of Hamon and Uria.  
"Oh, if you're ALREADY feeling the HEAT," Kagemaru joked, "then do as I say and prepare yourselves for… THIS!"  
The orb had begun to tear. Black blood seeped out from it and dropped onto the ground and began to smoke. An ebony arm ripped out through the ball! A leg! It broke open, releasing a tremendous winged demon, covered in the dark blood. His horned visage stared upon Jaden with deep red eyes, and his iron nails scratched against themselves. His tail whipped around as he prepared to kill, kill, kill! He inhaled deeply, all of the blood burned away to reveal his royal blue personage, and he bellowed.  
"**FOOLISH MORTALS! DO YOU SEEK DEATH? IT IS I!**" Raviel announced.  
"I would like to introduce you all to my friends, _URIA, LORD OF __**SEARING FLAMES,**__ AND RAVIEL, __**LORD OF PHANTASMS!**_" (Raviel, Lord of Phantasms: 4000 Attack Points)

"Did… did he just tell me he was going to kill me, yo?" Jaden asked.  
"Yes he did, but that was just programmed in," Kagemaru explained.  
"Oh, well that's okay."  
"You… really don't seem that disturbed for one facing some of the strongest Duel Monsters in existence."  
"Eh, it's just a card game."  
"YOU WEREN'T SAYING THAT EARLIER!" Alexis griped. "LOOK, GET SERIOUS AGAIN! WE NEED THAT!"  
"I WON'T GIVE YOU THE ALLOWANCE OF TIME!" Kagemaru shouted! "URIA, ELIMINATE ONE OF HIS TRAP CARDS! THE FIRST ONE!"  
"What?" The red dragon leaped up, extended forth its wings and beat them toward Jaden. A flaming gale inhaled and eliminated his Hero Signal card.  
"GAH, MY EYES…" Jaden groaned, shielding himself from the blazing air! His eyes caught fire! Luckily his eye fluids put them out.  
"Ah, yes, once a turn Uria is allowed to destroy one of your face-down Spells or Traps and gains one-**THOUSAND** Attack Points for each Continuous Trap I have in my Graveyard." Kagemaru then pointed to Clayman. "Hamon, I order you to strike DOWN the Clayman hero and deal 1000 points of direct damage to the boy! Kill him!"  
"Wait, WHAT?" Bastion cried! "No way!" He held Omega-Xis against the bars of the cage and proceeded to fire away against it. The attacks bounced off the bars and back into Omega-Xis' mouth! He exploded.  
"_**OOOOOOWWWWW!**_" he said.  
"Ha! That cage couldn't be blasted away by an ELEPHANT, because I should know! That cage was STOLEN from Elephant with a laser trunk!" Kagemaru exposited! "Hamon, commence with the death!"

"_KHYAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!_" Hamon shrieked, standing up and holding its arms out. Lightning struck out from the dark clouds above and branched out. The larger bolt crashed upon Clayman, frying him instantaneously. The second bolt, however…_  
Wait… ACTUAL lightning?_ Jaden finally understood. _Waaaiiiit… I'm risking my life! Why did it take me so long to understand? WHY? I WISH I WAS LESS UNSMART!_ The lightning was falling right above his head. _Oh. Shouldn't I move?  
Yes, you should._ Something reached out. Something somehow pulled Jaden away from where he was standing. He crashed onto the ground and avoided death thanks to Something.**  
KRRRRAAAAAAAAASHHHHH! **The lightning struck where he had formally stood, making a large searing mark upon the earth. "AHH! WAAAARH, MY EARS HURT."

"JADEN!" the peanut gallery cried!  
"What was that?" Syrus asked! "You just flew backward, and—"  
"_Come on, Syrus,"_ the boy's hair told him, _"can't you tell it was me?  
These clues of foreshadowing are really unimportant right now, aren't they?_ Syrus questioned. _No, I shouldn't say that. You just saved Jaden's life! You're awesome!_  
"_Thanks~"_  
"Wooh," Jaden cried, regaining his composure and cleaning his ears, "NOW I know what it feels like to get serious again." (Jaden: 6000 - 5000 Life Points)

"**GETTING** serious?" Kagemaru scoffed. "You're out of **TIME** to get **SERIOUS!** All I need to do is give you **ONE DIRECT ATTACK!** My Sacred Beasts shall crush you like a grape-boy! **COMPARABLE TO A GRAPE!**"  
"Maybe, but first I activate my last Trap card: Hero Signal!" Yes, he had set two copies! _It's never too late to prepare like that, yo, I think yo! _ Jaden thought. "Since you beat one of my heroes this turn, I'm allowed to Special Summon a new one from my deck! Say hello to Elemental Hero Sparkman!" An 'H' shone through the sky, bringing Sparkman into the battle in a flash! He flexed uncomfortably. (Sparkman: 1400 Defense Points)  
"Urgh,** DARN ALL 'H's!**" Kagemaru cursed! "Uria, goooo! De**STROOOOY** the Bubble**maaaan!**" His flaming dragon deity accepted the command and started to flap his wings one again.  
"Sorry, but now I'll activate the Trap card Negate Attack!" Jaden apologized, bringing forth a purple energy barrier. "This card stops all of your monsters from attacking, and it DOESN'T target one guy in particular! This means that the Sacred Beasts have got to oblige, dude." The dragon stood down.  
"Hmph, so they do," Kagemaru obliged in return. "Just show me what you can do against **MY THREE SACRED BEAST CARDS WHICH ARE REALLY GOOD AND HARD TO BEAT AND STUFF!**"

Jaden picked up a card.  
"Hey, another card!"  
"D-don't just charge into this one!" Chazz warned! "Think everything through before you screw up, Yuki! MY life matters to me!"  
"Ehhhhh, don't sweat it, Chazz-o," Jaden suggested.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Come now, don't be like that. I'm saving YOU, too."  
"… OKAY," someone said.  
"Let's begin the end, shall we?" Jaden started. (Jaden: 5000 - 5500 Life Points)_  
Woah! He really seems to know what he's doing! _Bastion realized!_ And that's weird considering he's fighting a spine-tinglingly destructive enemy! Maybe… maybe the REAL reason we have children fighting giant evil things in this series instead of adults… is because they're TOO STUPID TO REALIZE THE CONSEQUENCES? _

…_Nah, that's dumb._

[COMMENTARY]

This episode was primarily written to justify what was up with those idiotic Sacred Beast cards. And in order to do that in this series, you have to make up some real stupid shiz. But it's YGOGXTFF, so it works. Also I got lucky with Kagemaru looking like a four-legged Porky Tank from Mother 3. Also Kagemaru = Vice-Chancellor(Principal), because that's the way I'd heard it the first time around, and so it works out compared to whatever he was originally. He was fun to write for, but nobody cares. Plus I got to whip out that great shirt again. I wish I had one.

Also, did anybody else think that something should happen to the guy in the group who always ruins absolutely everything for everybody with his own stupidity (Chazz)? Yes, irritation is everywhere. Oh, and Duel Energy? Remember how it was a throwaway gag from episode five (you can check for it)? Expect more stuff to happen like that, only more important-like. But that's not to say it isn't ALREADY important, I mean we're gonna get a crapload of power auras within the next… always, so there's that. REMEMBER EVERY JOKE OR YOU WILL HAVE SOMETHING NEGATIVE HAPPEN TO YOU!

I'd like to point out while I still can that 'Dr. Youngboy' came from the term 'professor youngboy', coming from a story I once read on the YGO Card Maker forums. Godspeed, terrible writer who I hope has improved after several months of inactivity.

Coming around to Kagemaru's backstory that was much more interesting than the preceding Duel, it all pretty much came around to explaining what they did and how drunk Kaiba was when he came up with the ideas. It does not work.

Getting to the real Dueling part with all the Sacred Beast fighting really made me realize how darn boring I am when I get 'serious', and by serious I mean type too much on the same day. I've made a few humorous changes, but they don't amount to much, and the part where Jaden flew away from the lightning felt really awkward. I apologize.

Next week signals the end of the first season! Woo! It's a much better episode than this one, I'll tell you! It's also going to be hell to edit. Ugh. Here's to an almost 30-page on a Word Document chapter! It's long but better! People do stuff besides not draw cards! AND there's music in it that nobody listens to! Yes. Yes.


	59. Episode 58: Rise of the Sacred Beasts 2

_Last time yo, on Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic, yo!_

_Jaden dueled a man with the three Sacred Beast cards. Yes, the Egyptian God cards, except for Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. Because it's EX-TREEEEEEEEME._

…

_No, we ain't getting' any deeper than that. You should'a read it by now! What, you'd be skippin' around, punks? GO HOME TO YA MOMMAS, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS STORY!_

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic  
Episode 58: You Should Have all Seen it Coming, Because I Told You He Would Do Something

Before we come to our subject matter, we take a look at the cruise ship-style boat leaving the island and heading toward mainland Japan. Several children were jumping up and down, sliding down massive water slides with loop-de-loops, running on top of a massive rock wall, getting fruit juice and various types of water at the '4Kids Bar'. Downstairs were several malls and shopping centers. In addition, there was everything anybody could ask for, except for a bathroom! They couldn't afford plumbing after getting the walrus for the FREE walrus rides. Below the deck (ha, card humor) there was a boy with white hair, tipped as green as his eyes, for that was just his style. He was paling around with his token two friends, as is customary in this show, Barry the Beginner and Beehive Larry. "So, you're freaking telling me that you just literally graduated from Duel Academy on your FIRST year?" Barry the Beginner gasped. "That's impossible! Especially if you JUST JOINED this year!"  
"What can I say," the boy chuckled, "I've had some tutoring before I joined. I'm excellent, pure and simple."  
"It's true!" Beehive Larry agreed. "I remember that one time you beat me in one turn!"  
"Who're you again?"  
"I'm Larry, Stephen! Come on!"  
"No, you're saying it like 'Stefen'! It's like 'Steven'!"  
"How are we supposed to TELL?"Barry the Beginner introjected.

As that non-pointless character introduction was going on, Angry McArgue and Zane Truesdale were sulking next to the 'Super Ice Cream Bubblegum Slushy Shop'. "How could they miss the ship?" Angry McArgue worried, sipping on her ice cream slushy with bubblegum in it.  
"…" said Zane.  
"When I see Chazz next, I'm gonna wring his neck! And rip his head off! And… and stuff! I should call Alexis. I don't even have any of my stuff…" The girl pulled out her trusty cell phone and dialed in A-L-E-X-I-S-P-H-O-N-E. "…. Alexis?" she wondered.  
"_Hey, Angry?_" Alexis replied.  
"Alexis! The ship's already left. You guys're all stuck on the island."  
"_WHAT?_"  
"Yeah, and I'm stuck with Zane until I can get ahold of you and Nancy."  
"_Wait…_" Alexis thought for a short moment. "_Is Nancy with you?_"  
"No," Angry replied.

"Damn it all!" Alexis shouted!  
"What's going on?" Syrus asked. "We're about to see Jaden make his counterattack!"  
"Nancy and the rest are missing, and our ship left already."  
"… It's… not my fault?" Chazz hoped.  
"Technically, it's Kagemaru's fault," Alexis explained, "so you're okay. YOU HAVE ONE MORE STRIKE."  
"Wait, what did Chazz do again, I reckon?" Billy Hills wondered.  
"You guys have really bad memory," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"So we're stuck on this island with some evil freak next to the freaky volcano. Awesome!" Omega-Xis growled. "AND I'm tingling all over, feel hot, and like I'm about to die due to the sense of disturbance coming from that guy! I didn't ask for this!"

[.com/watch?v=GXXrTLlEm_A&feature=related]"And you didn't have to!" Jaden agreed!  
"Um, was that supposed to be supportive?" Atticus asked.  
"I don't know, but I'm about to counterattack."

Jaden pulled out the Philosopher's Stone card and summoned it onto the field. "I play the Spell card Philosopher's Stone – Sebatiel!"  
"What's that name even MEEEAN?" Kagemaru ordered.  
"Somethin' about the Sabbath. You know how kooky Japanese guys get about Christian references. THEY LOVE 'EM!" From the stone flooded forth holograms of each card in Jaden's deck. "Once I play it, I can search my deck for any Spell card and add it into my deck at the cost of half my Life Points." (Jaden: 5500 - 2750 Life Points) "I'll just be picking up a Miracle Fusion… and I'll do it again."  
"What?" the cast asked in disbelief. Jaden put the card into his hand and allowed the deck to flow past him repeatedly.  
"Yeah, this Spell returns into my hand THRICE!" Jaden explained! "I'm halving my Life Points two more times!" He grabbed a Gift of the Martyr and a Final Fusion card. Then the cards faded and the stone was grasped by Jaden himself. (Jaden: 2750 - 1375 - 687.5 Life Points)  
"Has… anybody ever had Life Points like that?"  
"BUSTIN' DOWN PRECONCEPTIONS, JADEN SUMMONS HIS SUPAH' FLY ELEMENTAL HERO TEMPEST!" Jaden held forth a Polymerization and his cool stone.

Avian popped out of Jaden's hand and grabbed Sparkman and Bubbleman. "Let's make it work!" Avian suggested. As Bubbleman and Sparkman punched him in the face, they all began to combine! They reformulated as Tempest, the green-haired muscleman with the bubble blaster arm. (Tempest: 2800 Attack Points)  
"Now I'll cast the THIRD ability of Sebatiel!" Jaden commenced! "Once I've played it three times, I can equip it to a monster. Then it multiplies their power by the number of monsters you control."  
"…" Kagemaru looked at his monsters. There were four, including the forgotten token lady. She waved at him. "I CURSE THEE!"

Kaien frowned.

"Yeeeah, 6700 Life Points ain't enough," Jaden chuckled. He threw his Philosopher's Stone to Tempest who caught it in his gun arm. Magically, it transmuted the gun into a normal arm, and in its hand was a dual-bladed glaive. He spun it around over his head and became… (Tempest: 2800 - 11200 Attack Points)  
"WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME?" Kagemaru cried! "THIS IS NOT… NAY, IT BE POSSIBLE, BUT REALLY REALLY CHEEEEEEEEEEEAP!"  
"Oh my gosh," Billy Hills realized, leaping to his feet with utter anticipation, "HE'S TOUGH ENOUGH T'END THE GAME IN ONE TURN I reckon!"  
"Wait, let me see," Atticus declared, doing mental math. "Eeeeh, not _QUITE._"  
"What're you talkin' about?" Jaden requested. "Here I am over here, about to tell Tempest t-ATTACK! ATTACK URIA!" Tempest swung his weapon off to the side, somehow gathering a massive wind around its tip. It started to shape itself into a large sphere of air, somehow green and spinning around the blade of the glaive. With one smooth motion, he swung the spear downward and sent the entire package at Uria in the guise of a tremendous, emerald shockwave.  
"THAT… THAT WAS TOO FAST! I DEMAND A RE-DOOOO!" Kagemaru cried! "Hmph. JUST KIDDING! RAVIEL, DO YOUR THING!" The blue giant nodded, grabbed the cardinal wyrm, and proceeded to dig his teeth into it.  
"WAAAAAAAAAARGH!" it cried, futilely. As a massive slab of flesh was ripped from its body, the rest of its being turned to a fog, then inhaled by Raviel. And he became… slightly larger and engulfed by black, writhing shadows. (Raviel: 4000 - 7000 Attack Points) The beast turned to the oncoming blast, held forth his arms and pushed through it. It disintegrated into merely a large gale, pushing everybody present onto their backs. (Kagemaru: 6700 - 2500 Life Points)

"How did you DO that?" Jaden ordered, outraged as he flipped to his foots! "You just stole my win, man! You don't just up'n DO that! Besides, that was GEN-YOO-INE CHEATING!"  
"No way, young one," Kagemaru explained as Raviel's power fell back to normal, "because the abilities of the Sacred Beasts, as do the Egyptian Gods of LEGEND proCEED the powers of ALL OTHER MONSTERS! And that allOWS me to TRIBute ONE MONster on MY FIELD to inCREASE the POWER of RAVIEL to well you know the rest."  
"Now THAT'S a call-back."  
"Don't compliment'm, Sy! Just let me set a Hero Barrier and it'll all be okay, a'ight?"

But as Jaden argued, Kagemaru worried to himself. _Darn this boy and his superluckdeuxexmachinawhatnot! At this rate, I can't put the plan into action! But really, I SHOULD have done it LAST turn! WHY do I not think?_ He placed his hand on his deck and tried to feel the vibe of the card. It was… VILE. _Oh ho ho ho ho ho… this is the time to dominate…_ "Boy, this is the time for expository storytelling information-giving!" he announced.  
"Oh, really?" Jaden asked in an exasperated fashion.  
"What's wrong with that? The last one was EXCELLENT!"  
"Look, I feel like dying right now; my ankles are burning, my calves are trembling, my arms are too tired to let my Duel Disk down, my eyes are blurry and my head is just plain crappy. Plus my heart stopped twice today. Could we just skip it so I can go to the hospital, or a bed-like thing?"  
"NO! Now, listen, LISTEN AND BEHOOOOLD!"  
"DO we HAYAVE to, I reckon?"  
"YEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!"

_This flashback takes place at the point in time wherein Kagemaru had set up the mechanisms for the seal on the Sacred Beast trio. "Welp, I set up a great deck, and put it into this large can!" he told himself, holding it up with two of his four spider legs. "I wonder what these… these THIIIINGS WERE FOR!" His third leg held up the wooden box of seven Spirit Keys, while his fourth leg scratched his tank in thought. "Oh well!" He set the can into the ground and slapped a couple random seals onto it. "Now… IT CAN ONLY BE UNSEALED THROUGH MANY MANY CARD GAMES! __PERFECT!__"_  
_"Oh crap I missed it," complained a random man, who was really not all that random._  
_"WHOZZAT?" Kagemaru cried! "THERE SHOULD NOT __BE__ ANYONE ELSE ON THIS ISLAND AT THIS __TIME!__ Except for the __CONSTRUCTION WORKERS!__ And the __PLUMBING SPECIALISTS!__ And the __FASHION CONSULTANTS!__ And the __PEOPLE WHO BRING THE DRINKS!__ And the __SPECIAL ENTERTAIIINMEEEEEENT!__ And you, good sir, do__ NOT__ resemble __ANY__ sort of __SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT__ I would __**EVER**__ WANT!__" He tossed a glass of wine at the mysterious stranger._  
_"I don't do that," the man said, straining the red liquid out of his devastating yellow hair and mopping the remainder off of his sleeveless lab coat with a napkin. His black and white mask he happened to be wearing at the time was confusing to people who did not know the man – NAY, the DEMON known as Dr. Card._  
_"Who're you?"_  
_"Dr. Card."_  
_"Oh."_  
_"And I have a plan."_  
_"Huh?"_  
_"A plan for YUUUUUUU!" Dr. Card held out a ring with the Eye of Wdjat on it, which holds significance in the source material. "Put on this ring."_  
_"No, I am in a glass tube!"_  
_"Okay then, don't put it on yet," Dr. Card accepted. "But tell me, what is this disease of which you suffer from?"_  
_"O, this calls for ANOTHER FLASHBACK!" he shouted._

"What the hell?" Chazz interrupted. "A flashback IN a flashback? WHY? We don't have TIME for this crap! I have a soap opera to catch in two hours!"  
"Then you gotta MAKE time, buckaroonie!" Kagemaru demanded harshly, pumping his pecs distractingly as he spoke! "WATCH! STARE DEEPLY INTO MY PECTORAL MUSCLES AND TAKE IN THE FLASHBACK FLASHBAAAACK!"

_"O, this calls for ANOTHER FLASHBACK!" he shouted once again in the past._

**_Kagemaru was once a young, muscular, shirtless boy, and he had a problem. "Doctor," he cried as he sat in a doctor's office, "why do I feel so tired all the time and can't move all that much?"_  
_"Oh, it's because you have a Muscular Dystrophy of Enhanced Muscles disease," Dr. Character said._  
_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_  
_"And you will gain the voice of a Victorian hammy actor."_  
_"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"_**

_"Interesting, you've gotten a disease that has affected you since the very beginning of your life?" Dr. Card summarized._  
_"Yes, and it torments me to this very MOMEEEENT!"_  
_"That's too bad, seeing as this RING lets you gain PERFECT HEALTH AND WELLNESS!" Dr. Card insisted, chuckling darkly._  
_"R-really?" Kagemaru gasped, suddenly interested! "I feel INTEREST!"_  
_"But sadly, it only works when you're in the vicinity of the Sacred Beast cards you've just sealed up."_  
_"Wait, how do you know what they are?"_  
_"Oh, I'll tell you via flashback."_

**_One day, Pegasus was sitting in his design studio where he painted card art furiously on all sorts of easels. "Damn damn damn I wish we didn't have to do one-hundred cards in a month plus promotional cards!" he complained. _  
_"Yo," Dr. Card said, poking in with three clean slates, "paint some threatening Egyptian God card-based monsters."_  
_"Okay okay okay, but I'm two seconds behind now! I need to catch up!" Pegasus cried, slapping paint on the boards. _  
_"Great. Now put your stamp on these three forms," Dr. Card urged, holding out three forms. Pegasus splattered some paint over them. "Perfect! Now I'll be back tomorrow to pick them up." Dr. Card walked out of the room satisfied. _**

**_Three minutes later there was an explosion of evil in the card factory downstairs. Several people were screaming and running around in a panic. One guy leaped into Pegasus' art studio! "PEGASUS! BLACK MAGIC IS AFOOT!"_  
_"OH NO!" Pegasus screamed! "Let's make Kaiba-boy deal with it!"_**

_"And that's how I know them, for I DESIGNED THEM!" Dr. Card shouted._  
_"WOAH! So if I were to make ANY cards, they could be INSANELY POWERFUL?"_  
_"No, it's complicated."_  
_"Oh."_  
_"So, since you're an IDIOT, and you just sealed away your only source of immortality," Dr. Card sighed, "how's about you become evil, work for me, and reclaim your lost childhood?"_  
_"M-my LOST INNOCENCE?" And so he remembered, again._

_One day he was going to play baseball at school. But he was in a robotic fish tank. So he couldn't and he felt sad._

_"I… wish to reclaim that springtime of youth…" thought the Kagemaru man. "Can you tell me that it cannot be truly, truly outRAGEOUSly dangerous to the world?" _  
_"Nope, it's gonna screw up the earth!" Dr. Card assured happily. _  
_"OKAY THEN!" Kagemaru cried! "What must I do?"_  
_"All you have to do is do nothing until the seal goes awry and then defeat some kids in card games, and then play the trump monster, and then…"_  
_"Trump card?" Kagemaru wondered. "What __IS__ this __CARD?__"_  
_"Oh, I've had THIS one in preparation for a while," Dr. Card hinted, handing him something special… which fell down, as Kagemaru couldn't grab it._  
_"__WHOOPS!__"_

"That was so… stupid… and yet so full of info!" Atticus realized.  
"What am I supposed to do with all that?" Jaden demanded. "I didn't come here to listen to this crap! Come on! I just wanna beat you already! Come on! Yadda yadda yadda! Blah blah blar! Yo yo yo! Take your turn and bring out your NEXT strongest monster so that I can kill it!"  
"Bah, why should I do such a thing for a BRAT LIKE YOOOOOU?" Kagemaru scoffed. "Oh yes, because it is my PLAN! For I now summon the card I drew long, long ago, before I explained the whole story to you! I summon the PHANTOM OF CHAOS!" A strange, black portal of inky darkness appeared in play and emitted a weird sound, harkening to that of a demon being skinned by his demon lord, as if for fun, judging by the cackling.  
"What IS that thing?" Syrus asked, sweating. "I hear some… screams of agony, and… somebody… laughing? What the hell?"  
"EXACTLY!" Kagemaru agreed! "Next I shall activate its special ability!" The black portal of evil began to change form into… a black edition of Uria, the Lord of Searing Flames! It opened its mouth as if to roar, but said nothing.  
"It's BACK?" Alexis gasped!  
"Yes, yes, YEEEEEEEESS it hath returned!" Kagemaru announced! "My Phantom of Chaos can take the form of any monster in my Graveyard, can take its name as well!"  
"And why?"Jaden asked. Elemental Hero Tempest shrugged. (Tempest: 11200 Attack Points) Kaien gave an 'I dunno' look.  
"Oh, you'll see… YOU'LL SEE NOW! I FUSE MY THREE SACRED BEASTS TOGETHER TO FORM THE _**FINAL**_ BEAST!"  
"F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FINAL?" Jaden gasped! "That sounds… tough?"

"Yes, yes yes yes yes indeed," Kagemaru warned, shivering with excitement. "FUSE TOGETHER, MY SERVANTS! FUUUUUUUSE INTO THE GIFT DR. CARD GAVE ME THAT ONE TIIIIIME!"

The three beings began to combine together. And by combine, I mean there was a wholesale slaughter. Raviel ripped Hamon's head off and absorbed it into his arm. Then he shoved his arm through the black Uria, and had it turn into black fluid and splatter across the ground. Raviel lifted Hamon's cadaver and began pulling it into his body. As soon as it was all gone, he began to bulge and bubble as if a creature of slime. He flew upward as black goo spurted from his legs and covered the earth, re-forming as a serpentine red tail! Hamon's cranium sprouted from the beast's left arm! A yellow blade appeared on the right wrist! The wings of the yellow creature broke from his back and extended outward in the rain, sending small electrical crackles through the wind! He flopped down onto the ground, supporting himself with the Hamon head and his wrist-blade, stuck into the earth! The souls of the damned began to flow around him and strengthen him, wherever they're supposed to come from anyway! "HEH HEH HA…" (Armityle the Chaos Phantasm: 10000 Attack Points)

"That thing… what's with its power level?" Chazz asked, starting to feel sick.  
"I… I reckon it ain't natural!" cried Billy Hills.  
"J-Jaden…"  
"What?" Jaden asked. He didn't seem too bothered.  
"Something feels really, really scary about that monster," Syrus warned. "My hair's shaking. What's this mean?" His hair was indeed shaking around.  
_"This thing… it feels solid!"_ the hair warned! _"And look closely at Jaden!"_ As Syrus squinted his eyes, he could see a light blue aura drifting from Kagemaru and Jaden into the monster! _"I think that their combined fighting spirits actually summoned this thing into real life!"_  
Syrus blinked twice in understanding. "The… the hell?"

"STOP WORRYING!" Jaden shouted harshly.  
"EEP?"  
"Shut up and wait for me to win," Jaden commanded. "You're makin' me ache all over."  
"SILENCE BOY!" Kagemaru shouted! "WITH YOUR HELP, I HAVE USHERED THIS CREATION UNTO THE EARTH! ONCE I USE HIM TO DESTROY YOU, I SHALL CONQUER THE EARTH AND FORCE THEM TO DO… something… BUT THAT COMES AFTER THIS! ARMITYLE, DO THY WORST! BLACK BAPTISM!" Tempest's weapon of choice had begun to lose its windy energy and thus lose power. However, Kaien still sat there in Defense Mode… (Tempest: 11200 - 5600 Attack Points, Jaden: 687.5 Life Points)  
"Those aren't enough Attack Points!" Alexis proclaimed! "JADEN!"  
"I TOLD YOU ALL TA' SHUT UP!" As he said that, the magnificent evil being opened both of its mouths as open as they could be and started to gather as much black energy as they could. Once they had gathered enough to form two dripping globes of some tar-like liquid, they channeled their chi into firing two pure evil laser beams through them! They struck the Tempest hero, and he faded away like a mirage. But that was on purpose, because it was a mirage. I bet you didn't see THAT coming, huh? WRONG! You just don't pay attention! You'll understand once you read the next line.

"I just activated Hero Barrier in order to negate that Attack!" Jaden cheered, motioning toward his surviving hero. The black energy had been completely and utterly absorbed by the 'mirage' hero, effectively becoming useless.  
"D-d-d-d-d-…d…" Kagemaru fell to his knees.  
"What? Was it REALLY that crushing to have summoned your best ultimate super awesome monster and then have it made useless?" Jaden joked.  
"d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dd-d-d_a_-d"  
"Why did you have to say that, Jaden?" Alexis asked exasperatedly.  
"What?"  
"You should KNOW that ALL bad guys go crazy when you make their plans useless!" she instructed! Now Kagemaru was lying on the ground, face-down, butt-up. It was pitiful.  
"Maybe he's just powering up for his next attack?" Jaden suggested.  
"Don't suggest stupid things like that! Take him out while he's not looking! It'll be kinda funny!" Chazz called!  
"Gotcha." Jaden whipped out his next card. "This… is gonna… be SWEET." He threw down a Spell card. It was a flute. "First I play The Flute of Summoning Kuriboh, summoning my Winged Kuriboh!" _I hope this counts as Banner's theme music, and I'm sure he won't mind me usin' it when I need it…_

[.com/watch?v=6DhmHNWDTOg] He put the flute to his lips and set up an instant BGM. At the sound of the tone, Winged Kuriboh flitted out onto the field!  
"OOH!" it shouted, ready for action! (Winged Kuriboh: 300 Attack Points)  
"First up, I'm usin' Berserker Crush!" A card flipped up, displaying Winged Kuriboh slashing the air furiously! How cute! "Now I can remove one monster from my Graveyard and turn THEIR stats into Winged Kuriboh's for the turn! I mean the other way around! Whatever? You get me! I'm tired, okay? I remove Elemental Hero Bladedge, whom I discarded when you were doing SQUAT, bozo, to change my Kuriboh's stats into his!" The outline of the hero began to form behind the cute creature, but was cut short as Winged Kuriboh slashed it away, absorbing it into his very being! How cute! (Winged Kuriboh: 2600 Attack Points)

"Next I'm usin' the card Gift of the Martyr to tribute Tempest and add his Attack Points onto my Kuriboh!" declared Jaden. Tempest's body and weapon blew apart, and yet his soul returned to enter the Kuriboh's body. It made him STRONG! (Winged Kuriboh: 2600 - 8200 Attack Points)  
"Woah! That's actually a good start!" Bastion complimented.  
"But it's obviously not enough!" Chazz complained, tapping his foot to the beat of the song in our heads.  
"I DID say START," chuckled Bastion.  
"Meh."  
"I'll fight that big jerk on your field with Winged Kuriboh, activatin' BATTLE BY TWO!" Finally came a Spell with two penguin warriors getting ready to fight for their rights! "My monster's Attack Points get to DOUBLE in THIS scrap!"  
"**NAH-NEE?**" Kagemaru screamed! Winged Kuriboh flew at the behemoth of evil, looming above in the rain, and then spun toward him. The Kuriboh began flinging rays of multi-colored energies in all directions, twirling into a magnificent spear of prismic power, cascading to the evil enemy, splitting into seven-hundred-seventy-seven points of light! (Winged Kuriboh: 16400 Attack Points)They all cut into the enemy and… passed straight through, blasting Pluto's moon to icy dust. The seemingly deadly 'injuries' began to flow back into shape, as if he were made of water…? (Kagemaru: 1 Life Point)

"Damn, this guy can't be destroyed by battle, I take it," Alexis groaned irritatedly. "But that guy there hasn't lost yet! Is this some sort of cheap-ass way to continue and add drama to this duel?"  
"But we know that Winged Kuriboh can mffmffmfmff I reckon?" Billy Hills gasped, being muffled suddenly by Chazz.  
"No! Don't spoil it!" he commanded.  
"Oh, I reckon."  
"d-d-d-DDDD!" Kagemaru shouted, floating off of the ground under his own powers! "HA HA HA, I HAVE FINALLY COMPLETED THE MAGICAL CHANT OF POWEEEEEEEEEEERR! THE FUUUULL CAPABILITIES OF MY MONSTER HAVE BEEN UNLEEEEEASHED!"  
"Whatzit?" Jaden wondered.  
"By chanting the ancient words of a language with only one letter in the alphabet," Kagemaru described, "NOW BEING SPOKEN, THE GREAT ANCIENT BEING FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION, ARMITYLE, GAINS THE FOLLOWING EFFECTS:  
1. Any damage the owner of this monster received that would reduce your Life Points to 0 will reduce them to 1 instead.  
2. Your opponent cannot activate the effects of any Spell or Trap cards that would destroy any card on the field.  
3. This card fuses to the owner."  
"So this is just some kinda rip-off of that stuff Marik said when he played The Winged Dragon of Ra?" Syrus Sy-ed. "Wait, fuse?"

"_**Mweh heh heh,**_" chuckled Armityle, amused. "_**You actually know the language of my ancestral home?**_"  
"HE'S REALLY SPEAKING! HE'S DEFINETLY A DUEL SPIRIT!" Chazz yelped!  
"What? Who'd believe in a DUEL SPIRIT?" Omega-Xis asked rudely. "Wait…" He considered his options. "Okay, ignore me."  
"_Whoever you are, you've fulfilled the contract, and I must respect it,_" mused Armityle, rubbing his chin with a deadly nail. "_PREPARE TO TAKE ME INTO YOUR VERY BEING! D D D DDDD!_" Armityle's entire body began rumbling and bubbling up until he erupted! His entire body just broke into black liquid, covering Kagemaru.  
"EW!" Jaden gasped. "YUCK-TOWN! THAT LOOKS NASTY!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Stop ruining the effect, I beg of you!" Bastion shrieked! "It's annoying!"  
The fluids began washing over Kagemaru, steaming and burning away into… armor. He had a headpiece matching Raviel's head, saffron arms with the skull of Hamon and the wrist blade of Armityle, and the rest of the armor was purple and flesh-like, with crimson spikes lining the arms and legs. He looked… like a bad cosplayer. (KAGEMARU: 20,000 ATTACK POINTS)  
"Dude, you look like poo," Jaden said, telling it like it was. In response, Kagemaru plowed through Winged Kuriboh and appeared in front of Jaden's face.  
"BOY, YOU ARE ABOUT TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOOK LIKE POO!" The man began to smack Jaden in the chest with his fists. With every second the punching speed began to climb at an amazing rate! With each one carrying the strength needed to punch a brick and turn it into brick-bits, the fists flew into the tired boy and started picking him up off the ground! "HA HA HA, AHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Once he had been smacked a foot off of the mud, Kagemaru back-flipped and kicked him with all the force a super-powered back flip entails! Following that action, Kagemaru held up his Hamon-based arm and fired a lightning bolt into Jaden, striking his abdomen and exploding, oddly enough! Then as Jaden fell back into the muck, the man grabbed his arms.

"AND NOW, I FORCE YOUR BEING INTO USELESSNESS!" shouted the manjerk!  
"Wait, what're you gonna do t'him?" gasped Chazz!  
"THIS!" Kagemaru began bending Jaden's arm bones in all the wrong directions. There were obviously several cracking sounds emitted from the body.  
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!" screamed Jaden's allies! "JADEN!"  
"Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeegh," Jaden replied, vomiting an obsene amount of blood in a funny way.  
"YOU _**TOY**_ WITH ME YOU _**BOY?**_" Kagemaru rhymed! "WELL, IN THAT CASE, YOU WILL EN_**JOY**_ MY _**PLOY**_ FOR _**UTTERLY KILLING YOU!**_" The demonic man crushed Jaden's Duel Disk, sending his cards all along the ground randomly and spraying plastic parts everywhere. Then he tossed Jaden up, grabbed him by the feet, and FORCEFULLY pulled and crunched every bone in Jaden's lower body backward, as well.  
"I… can't watch this," Syrus muttered, rubbing away hot tears and holding Alexis tightly. She was slightly irritated, but didn't say anything to him.  
"J-Jaden… DO _SOMETHING!_" she screamed!  
"Mah God, he's already dead, I reckon!" Billy Hills sobbed!  
"I'm not just SITTING HERE!" Bastion held out and fired Omega-Xis several times.  
Kagemaru held Jaden out as a human shield. "Hmmhmmhmm…" Jaden's body twitched helplessly as it took the super-heated energy blasts in the back.  
"N-NO!" Bastion choked, holding his robot hand back.  
"DAMMIT, BASTION!" Chazz squalled! "You're making it WORSE!"  
Atticus sat cross-legged and was whispering something to himself. It was apparently important, as semi-invisible lines were emanating from his back.  
"H-hey, I reckon we're gettin' some FORESHADOWIN'—"  
"Shh," Atticus demanded.

"AND NOW," Kagemaru denoted, "I END THIS FIGHT!" He grabbed Jaden's head and pulled it back sharply. It broke. Jaden's body was simply dropped to the earth and landed awkwardly. Blood poured forth. Kagemaru turned to Jaden's allies and smiled grotesquely. "And as this game has ended, and I have summoned my ultimate monster, I now shall use the power amounted to me by this Duel Spirit to… TAKE _overtheworld_." He began walking up to the kids, gathering balls of fire in his palms. "Huhuhuhuhuh, aheheheheheheeeeehhh…"  
"What… are you doing…?" Syrus wept. "You've… locked us in a cage, ripped our friend apart… and now you're going to…"  
"KILL YOU!" Kagemaru replied. "THERE MUST BE NO SURVIVORS!"  
"THE HELL DID YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS ABOUT BASEBALL BRING YOU TO _THIS?_" Chazz demanded!  
"_SILEEEEEEEENCE!_" screamed the man, as there was no good answer to that question! He raised his arms aaaaand felt something grab his leg. "BWA?" he babbled, accidentally hurling the two orbs at Jaden, causing much fiery destruction within a thirteen-foot radius.

"UGH!" Kagemaru grunted, landing on the opposite end of the field, smoking. "OW OW OW OW, HOT ARMOR, HOT ARMOR!" he cried! "WHAT WAS THAT?"  
And lo, obviously, our smoldering main character slowly crawled out of the new crater. He gathered up his floor-cards and shuffled them around a bit, taking extra care to separate the Graveyard and deck from the rest. Jaden took in a very deep breath and exhaled, and then felt better enough to speak. "We ain't done yet," he said. (Jaden: 687.5 Life Points)  
"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b… BUT YOUR BODY IS COMPLETELY DESTROYED!" Kagemaru shrieked! "YOU CAN NOT STILL LIIIVE!"  
"I stopped feelin' anything about twenty minutes ago, bro," Jaden jibed. "Sure, I can do this..." He bent his arms over his head into a circle. "Heh heh! But as long as I make sure my legs are all straight and the bones're stuck into each other, I can still stand!"  
"Disgusting!" Syrus gagged! "I mean, I mean JADEN! You're ALIVE!"  
"But, but HOW?" Bastion inquired. "HOW does that DEATH-DEFYING crap WORK? It's a MIRACLE!"  
"Hey," Jaden answered, holding up his hand (of cards), "the show must go on, and it can't without me!"  
_That's a… lame answer…_ the world thought.  
"I've been through too much t'day, let's leave it at that. But hey!" Jaden growled. "There's STILL somethin' WHACK I gotta address! What is UP with you an' that mystical chantin' you did once you almost lost?"  
"What do you MEAN?" Kagemaru replied. "I was calling upon the powers that be for my next turn!"  
"But you just fell over and began whispering to yourself on your face!" Jaden raged! "It's just like ME doin' THIS!" He slumped over and started to shake as if crying.  
"… Hey, are you alright, small child?" Kagemaru asked, concerned.  
"HA HA HA HA HA **HA!**" Jaden laughed as he popped back up!  
"WAAAAAAAGH?" screamed everybody.  
"See?" Jaden asked. "It's as needless and useless as that! Nobody can find it all that appealing or awesome if you do something as seemingly-random as that at ANY MOMENT!"  
"Well I found it useful to put into motion AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME!"  
"Jus' shut it, boy," Jaden rudely insisted, waving his arm in a circular arc.  
"Good job at making fun of yourself!" Alexis complimented.  
"I'm just sayin' that I used to be as dumb as that guy. Now, I'm less so," Jaden decided. "Pssh, I'm done. You're just stupid."  
"AND YOU CONTINUE TO MOCK THE ME THAT IS _IIIIII?_" Kagemaru leaped forward with rage and punched with his wrist-blade, sending all of his evil energy into its tip! As it came at Jaden, the boy merely held out his palm. The energy exploded around him, not even touching the young duelist. The blade had bent upon contact with his hand.  
"I've ascended to a whole 'nother plane of existence," Jaden taught, "I can't even feel that."  
"Y… you don't?"enquired Kagemaru, dripping with sweat. He pulled back and stumbled over.

[.com/watch?v=N_ghYuPzvqE&feature=related] Jaden picked up the last cards from his ruined Duel Disk. "Okay… I had a face-down or two, right?" he checked, placing his forgotten Skyscraper back into play.  
"I don't remember," Chazz replied honestly.  
"Eh, it doesn't matter anymore. All I need is two more cards." As the boy's own will summoned the buildings into reality, he placed two more cards into his Graveyard pile. "I activate Miracle Fusion." Elemental Heroes Avian and Burstinatrix appeared on what was left of the field and stared down Kagemaru with winning intent. "I remove these two Elemental Heroes from my Graveyard from play in order to summon Elemental Hero Flame Wingman!" The green Stone of Sabatiel appeared from a gleaming emerald shimmer within Jaden's hand. He smirked and hung his head over it. "There it is. Strange; I know what to do with this." He stood up and straightened his posture. Letting out a great sigh, he pressed the Philosopher's Stone into his chest, and strangely absorbed it. "Aaaahhh. And now… my power is over… nine."  
"Are you seriously parodying that?" Alexis wondered.

"MILLION!" Jaden concluded! "JADEN YUKI GOES ABOVE AND BEYOND AAAALL EXPECTATIONS!" The green ebb and flow of the stone's energies began to float out from Jaden's body and stretch high enough to scrape the clouds! Even the forgotten light rain gave up and finally stopped!  
"What Spell hath thou cast upon thyself?" muttered Kagemaru in confusion.  
"This ain't no stinkin' Spell card, it's the soul of a someone real important!" Jaden countered masterfully! "And now I'm gonna put my OWN spin on things, y'hear?" The energy began surging into a form more flame-like, more crackling like electricity, and more "_**EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!**_" form!  
"WAAAHH!" Atticus cried, falling over with surprise!  
"Are you okay?" Alexis asked.  
"No," Atticus assured, catching his breath. "It's just, uh, the word 'extreme' caught me off-guard. Yeah." _Woah, I couldn't have expected this to add so much Duel Energy into his body,_ Atticus thought with a crazy-excited smirk. _This is going even better than expected! We could survive this!_

"Now, I summon my Hero to the field!" Avian and Burstinatrix both turned into red and green bolts of energy. They swirled into Jaden's battered-yet-energized chest, granting him the power to become… Jaden wearing a Flame Wingman costume. (Jaden: 2100 Attack Points)  
"_**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA?**_" gasped everyone present, as though this was the biggest let-down of their lives.  
"Don't be like that, guys," Jaden dismissed, "I have a plan. See, I've still got some cards left in my hand. And that Kaien Token there," he continued, motioning to the 800-point monster left to be forgotten, drawing a circle in the mud with a stick, "she's still out, and a sittin' duck nonetheless. So, I figure it's 'bout time to do this:" He held the Spell card Battle Fusion. "Battle Fusion, used when I battle a Fusion monster, makes MY Fusion monster, me, gain YOUR 20,000 Attack Points! SO!" Jaden pumped his arms. "I'M ATTACKING YOU!"  
"THEN WHAT DID KAIEN HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?" Kagemaru wailed as his eyes bugged out!  
"NOOOOOTHHIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGAH!" Jaden cried out! He flew in front of Kagemaru and began landing dozens of brick-breaking punches into his chest with his left arm.

"NOOOO, I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS!" Kagemaru disagreed! He pulled back, flipping onto his legs and right hand. "This is a SHADOW GAME! As long as I KILL you, I can BEAT you!" (Kagemaru: 20,000 Attack Points, Jaden Yuki: 22,100 Attack Points)  
"What am I watching here?" Omega-Xis asked. "Wasn't this a card game?"  
"And today started with a clip show and explanation of our idiotic world," Syrus recalled.  
"And THEN it was a Duel against Zane," Alexis recalled.  
"And THEN it was a duel between me and you," Chazz recalled.  
"What the hell kinda school is this?" Bastion asked.  
"It's the **DUMMEST **school!" Jaden answered, uppercutting Kagemaru in the chin!

The man in purple skidded upon the air itself and barreled toward Jaden in a bum-rush! "YAAAAHH!" Using his dragon arm, Jaden thrush forth and caught Kagemaru's head with his second mouth and pushed him to the ground.  
"It's over, dude," Jaden stated as flames gathered within his dragonheadarm. "Taste the flames of justice, be-yotch!  
"IT SHALL NOT END HERE!" Kagemaru denied! He opened his own mouth and exhaled a burst of white fire into Jaden's hand head! It all naturally served to power up Jaden's own attack, stupidly.  
"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!" went the dragon. Its attack appeared as an explosion, taking away even more of the arena than Kagemaru had already destroyed before.

Rubble began falling everywhere and bouncing off of the cage. "Damn, dude!" Chazz chuckled. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but that was pretty beast, Yuki!"  
"Don't sweat it!" Jaden said as something big appeared behind him. Armityle, growing from Kagemaru's suit of armor, had risen again.  
"You… YOU INSOLENT FIGHTER KID!" the shadowboy shouted, as if it were an insult! "YOU'VE PUSHED ME TOO FAR!" The armor all flowed off of him like slime. Armityle birthed itself back into existence once more, towering above the students and constructor of the island. "CHAOS PHANTOM, PROTECT ME!"  
"_YES,_" Armityle accepted. His body began emitting innumerable black drops of vileness which fell to the ground with a 'SPLAT'. From each one came a copy of either Raviel, Lord of Phantasms, Uria, Lord of Searing Flames, or everyone's favorite, Hamon, Lord of Searing Thunder. (Raviel: 4000 Attack Points, Uria: 3000 Attack Points, Hamon: 4000 Attack Points)

"Dang, you guys have some REALLY bad memory."Jaden tsk-ed. "I DO have more Attack Points than any of you."  
"_OH, DO YOU NOW?_" challenged the monstrous monster of a monstrosity. (Armityle: 4,982,753,490,853,409,850,000 Attack Points) "_FOURTY-NINE SEXTILLION, EIGHT-HUNDRED TWENTY-SEVEN QUINTILLION, FIVE-HUNDRED THIRTY-FOUR QUADRILLION, EIGHT-HUNDRED FIFTY-THREE BILLION, FOUR-HUNDRED NINE MILLION, EIGHT-HUNDRED FIFTY-THOUSAND ATTACK POINTS! YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY TRANSCEND THIS POWER!_" Black powers poured from Armityle's being and flooded the skies of sunny Duel Academy Island. The shrieks of the damned emitted from the shaded yonder and pulled at everyone's souls to join them.  
_Brr,_ Syrus thought, shivering, _this feels so strange. Even though Jaden's going to win, I feel kinda uncomfortable. Also, did he pronounce that number correctly? I'm still not sure._

"Yeah?" Jaden replied. "It's BATTLE Fusion, dammit, don't you GET IT?" (Jaden: Processing…) "This is a BATTLE, and you're still a FUSION! Its effect is STILL IN USE!" (Jaden: 4,982,753,490,853,409,852,100 Attack Points) The force of Jaden's battling aura began to warm the air around the entire island. The monsters Armityle had birthed started to shake and pop into black goo once again. The unshakable power of Flame Wingman had started to overwhelm all enemies, even without the need for battle. "Give it up, y'all, good guys win!" Jaden said in his 'Imma hero lol' pose.  
"Nay, nay they have NOT!" Kagemaru disagreed, putting away his black colored pencil. "I had yet to play my final card, figuratively, unto my LITERAL card!" He held the physical Armityle the Chaos Phantom and showed off his work: he had written 19,834,217,590,854,852,982,198,728,917,589,754,139,807,589,342,759,807,435,728,475,982,041,751,409,854,398,753,047,598,437,598,734,541,359,142,982,378,023,740,827,198,478,953,498,564,986,528,973,420,195,690,479,052,210,342,175,481,574,587,349,857,345,897,034,275 Attack Points all over it, completely covering up all of the card's original picture and text, with the side-effect of making it look obviously faked. And yet, the abomination caused the real monster to gain strength? Armityle began to grow larger and larger, until he stood, coiling his enormous tail around the isle and blotting out the sky with his face.  
"_PREPARE TO DIE, WORMS!_" he jeered, his breath itself heating the land. (Armityle, the Chaos Phantom – DIE MODE: 19,834,217,590,854,852,982,198,728,917,589,754,139,807,589,342,759,807,435,728,475,982,041,751,409,854,398,753,047,598,437,598,734,541,359,142,982,378,023,740,827,198,478,953,498,564,986,528,973,420,195,690,479,052,210,342,175,481,574,587,349,857,345,897,034,275 Attack Points)  
"Why is it 'DIE' mode?" Jaden inquired, wiping away some sweat off his forehead.  
"Because that's what you're supposed to DO, and it's all you CAN do," Kagemaru told.

"BOO?" someone said.

"Prepare to lose your lives, young mortals!" The snake-like coils began to revolve around the island and fire drops of black power from the being's flesh, corroding anything that they touched! They came as if a rainstorm!

"Crap crap crap crap crap…" muttered Syrus, holding his head in his hands.  
"What're you 'crap'ing for, kid?" Jaden asked. "You've got nothin' to fear, 'cause Jaden Yuki ALWAYS RISES TO THE OCCASION, BABEH!" Jaden's body began to expand! Aye, by stealing the idea of exponential growth from his mortal enemy, Jaden the Flame Wingman grew large enough to push away the monster's tail. He continued to grow and grow and grow until… (Jaden: 19,834,217,590,854,852,982,198,728,917,589,754,139,807,589,342,759,807,435,728,475,982,041,751,409,854,398,753,047,598,437,598,734,541,359,142,982,378,023,740,827,198,478,953,498,564,986,528,973,420,195,690,479,052,210,342,175,481,574,587,349,857,345,897,036,375 Attack Points) He matched his size.  
"IM… _IMPOSSIBLE!_" the arch-demon screamed!  
"Shaddap!" Jaden ordered, pushing him in the face, knocking him into the sea.  
"OH MY GOOOOOOOSH!" was all everybody else could say, and they would've been better off not saying anything, for that matter.

"And now to kill the invincible Armityle!" laughed our hero. He took one mighty leap… and vanished.  
"What… where BE he?" yelped Kagemaru. There was nothing... until…  
"_I BE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!_ Yo." Jaden rode down through the clouds, wielding the ultimate weapon of flame… THE SUN.  
"?" Jaden threw the sun down and smashed it into the fiend! "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! _**IIIIIITT'S SOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT!**_" Jaden then lifted it up, smashed it down again, lifted it, slammed it down, scraped it across the guy, picked it up, and threw it back into outer space to grace the earth with its presence. There was nothing left of Armityle.

"It's… impossible!" Kagemaru screamed. "It canNOT BE! Such UTTER disreGARD for the RULES!"  
"Rules THIS, CHEATER!" Jaden then took all of his powers back into his being and proceeded to fall to earth. "WHEN ELEMENATL HERO FLAME WINGMAN DESTROYS A MONSTER BY BATTLE, THEIR ATTACK POINTS ARE INFLICTED TO YOUR LIFE POINTS AS DAMAGE, MEANING THAT YOU FREAKING LOSE, DAMMIT!" And though he had no bones left in his body, Jaden fell onto Kagemaru and punched the youth out of him. The Shadow Ring exploded.

As for Jaden, as he set his fist upon the face of his foe, his arm bunched itself up in a disturbing manner. Now an old man again, Kagemaru fell on his side and Jaden fell onto his chest, causing several ribs to snap. Both fighters stared at each other for a long moment….. "BLEH," they vomited, spitting forth six quarts of blood and eight teeth each. (Kagemaru: -19,834,217,590,854,852,982,198,728,917,589,754,139,807,589,342,759,807,435,728,475,982,041,751,409,854,398,753,047,598,437,598,734,541,359,142,982,378,023,740,827,198,478,953,498,564,986,528,973,420,195,690,479,052,210,342,175,481,574,587,349,857,345,897,036,374 Life Points, Game Over)  
"YOUYOUYOUYOUYOU DIIIIIIIIIIIIIID IIIIIIIIT!" Syrus and Billy Hills celebrated!  
"That creepy size thing was really great!" Bastion expressed!  
"But mostly the win thing!" Omega-Xis certified!  
"I reckon!" Billy Hills said in support!  
"I knew there was a reason I chose you over Bastion to be MY rival!" Chazz said with that jerky flair. "But hurry up and get us outta this cage."  
"I'M NOT USEFUL IN THE SLIGHTEST!" announced Ojama Yellow.  
"Wow," Atticus sighed, falling over and inhaling deeply. _Dang, I think I over expended my abilities out there,_ he told himself. _That Philospher's Stone really is amazing!_  
"Atticus, what's wrong?" Alexis checked.  
"Oh, it's nothing, I'm just expending all that pent-up stress I had inside and releasing it with a happy sigh. Hi Jaden, you were cool, and stuff."  
_Well, he kinda was,_ Alexis decided, leaning against the bars of the cage with a satisfied arm-crossing. _Now if we could just get off of the island, I'd be truly happy._

"A-a'ight, Kage-bro," Jaden sputtered, standing upright one more time, "now jus' tell me ONE more thing that's been botherin' m-meh."  
"W-what could YOU possibly want to GAIN from ME?" Kagemaru decreed. "I am but a feeble oldster with no way of moving his pinky toe, despite moving his own mouth quite expertly."  
"But wh-whatever happened to that jive turkey Dr. Card?" he asked.  
"Card?" Kagemaru repeated. "But all he would do is take that volcano to do vile things with, like… build a secret supervillain cave volcano base. What harm could an idiot inflict?"  
[.com/watch?v=i-M9vhUAmVM] "_WHO'S_ an idiot?" asked Dr. Card.  
"WHO?"  
"WHAT?"  
"WHEN?"  
"WHERE?"  
"I RECKON?"  
"BUCK WILD?"

"Alas, it is I," Dr. Card said, making a grandiose pose and lacing a half-black half-white mask upon his grim visage, "Doctor Card, card supervillain extraordinaire, and the one who was behind EVERYTHING that has happened to you kids this year! And this too." A cage broke out from the ground, capturing Jaden and Kagemaru.  
"Aw, that wasn't even necessary, yo!"  
"YOU?" Syrus and Bastion wailed! "NOT NOW!"  
"He's Dr. Card?" Alexis inquired. "The one who's been messing with us with all that Seven Stars crap?"  
"Th-the very same," Syrus answered.  
"And the one who stole Atticus' soul?" Alexis inquired.  
"Yes," Dr. Card answered politely.  
"BITCH!" swore Alexis as she started punching the super-duper-cast-iron bars of the cage containing the students.  
"Dang! I remember you now!" Jaden recognized, holding one zig-zaggedly-shaped finger at him. "You tried t-BLEGH PAIN- make me go underwater, to some ghetto underwater school!"  
"Actually, I was GOING to put you into a box and kick it out of the submarine after I'd dueled you into submission," Dr. Card instructed.  
"And what's the deal with the Shadow Items?" Chazz demanded as Alexis began biting the cage with her sharp fangs. "I fought a girl named Yuki who mentioned you, I think! She went crazy and tried to kill everyone! WITH A SHADOW ITEM."  
"I reckon she was usin' a whip with an Egyptian eye on it!" Billy Hills recalled. "I reckon I'd never forget her an' her Prinnies; they were so cheap!"  
"She's just a test-subject," Dr. Card sighed, as if she were just an after-thought, "but after she went off to success, I'd learned how capable humans were of using Shadow Items."  
"And then you used me to mess with the island?" Kagemaru inquisitioned. "For what purpose?"  
"Well, you WERE supposed to use the Armityle Chaos Phantom monster from an alternate dimension to take over the world for me, but, eh, that didn't matter."

"BUT THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Syrus wondered aloud. "I, well, I mean you've spent all this time trying to get a volcano on a dueling island, when you could've just gone to Mt. St. Helen, or Mt. Etna or something. Why here?"  
"Because it HAS to be this one!" Dr. Card insisted.  
"Why?"  
"Because… one day, long ago… I was trying to turn this volcano into a fully-functional secret lair… and I dropped my Jacuzzi into it as I ran from coppers. Well, that one old one, but…"  
"YOUR JACUZZI IS DEAD."  
"Well, but—"  
"**YOUR JACUZZI FREAKING BURNED INTO ASHES IN THE MAGMA,**" Syrus Sy-ed loudly, "**AND YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT FOR DOING ALL OF THIS. YOU WASTED YOUR TIME, GO HOME.**"  
"… But—"  
"GO. HOME." Syrus' face had an almost unsettling frown on it as he gave Dr. Card the order.  
"Eeeeh," Atticus moaned, sitting upright as Alexis ran around the bars of the cage in frustration, "so it seems as if Card has messed with all of us. Jaden was forced to Duel Kagemaru who was forced to take over the earth, Chazz was almost killed, as was Billy, my soul was taken, frustrating Alexis, and Syrus was bothered by his lack of knowledge. So do we all have a vendetta we can turn against him?"  
"And me?" Bastion asked eagerly, holding up Omega-Xis.  
"What ABOUT you?"  
"Well why am I mad?"  
"Uh…" Atticus thought long and hard for a good reason. "Be… cause he made that Amazon lady try to rape you."  
"Sagitorically, if I may add," Omega-Xis said.  
"Grr, now I have a reason to anger!" Bastion growled happily.  
"Wait, where's Card?" Chazz wondered.  
"HE'S OVER THERE!" Syrus cried, pointing to him jogging up the side of the volcano! "YOU KNOW, IF WE WEREN'T HERE HE COULD HAVE DONE THIS ANY TIME! LIKE LAST YEAR! BOY, HE'S A DOOFUS!"  
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH, HE'LL MAKE OUR DUELING HOME A MILITARY FORTRESS – AND HE COULD'VE DONE THAT ANYWHERE ELSE, FOR THAT MATTER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
"Can't ANYBODY STOP HIM?" cried Omega-Xis!  
"WE HAVE LOST HOPE, I RECKON!" shouted Billy Hills!  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, FOOLS!" Dr. Card laughed maniacally as he dashed up the mount! And as he neared the one-eighth mark… he was hit in the back of the head by some luggage. "OOF! OW! UGH! YOW!" he grunted as he spun down the hill on his side, bumping against all sorts of sharp rocks.

[.com/watch?v=Ls7oOxUBbYQ] And behold, standing on a grassy patch of hill stood… THE BIT PLAYERS. Deep-Voice Dobbson, Nancy Wut, Mann McOldsmobile, Piggybank, and Baseball Bob with an outstretched arm, previously used for chucking luggage, were on the scene. "ARE YOU THE SICK PRICK WHO KILLED CUTS N' GUTS?" Mann McOldsmobile demanded.  
"Who?"  
"IT'S THOSE GUYS!" the other characters cheered! "YEEAAAAH, BEAT HIM UP! Though you're idiots for taking this long to find us."  
"Uuuuuum, maybe?" Dr. Card replied to the above question. Mann McOldsmobile, Deep-Voice Dobbson and Piggybank immediately jammed their fists into his head, chest and stomach in synch, knocking him into a tree. "… Okay," he said, standing up and dusting himself off, "I suppose that this means DEATH!" He stuck one arm into the ground as Deep-Voice Dobbson ran up to his face!  
"I HOPE YOU'RE READY T' GO, HUH BUB HUH!" he yelled as he began to punch furiously! Dr. Card pulled his arm out from below, pulling with it a giant slab of dirt and stone! He absorbed the attack in the mud of his earthy gauntlet and slammed the boy into the ground.  
"YOU'D BETTER GET READY T'DIE, BUSTER!" Mann McOldsmobile and Piggybank leaped over Dr. Card and started to throw nickels and dimes at the villain as if bullets! They hit the earth-shield-arm instead as it was held overhead, but as a special surprise, the item in question burst open! Fluffy Fred was inside and ready to rumble!

"DON'T COUNT ME OR MY HAIR OUT JUST YET!" he said, shoving his fluffy pompadour into Dr. Card's face!  
"NO boy should have such SOFT HAIR!" the doctor raged, shooting a pair of handcuffs at the boy's neck! The cuffs clamped upon his necky flesh, rendering him effectively choked and useless!  
"GLECK!" the poor useless guy cried.  
"NO, FRED!" Bastion cried! "HE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO DO ANYTHING!"  
"REVENGE!" Piggybank cried, whipping several dollar bills from her skull and flinging them at her target enemy! Dr. Card whipped his arm around, knocking them away and into Mann McOldsmobile! "AAHH! WRONG KIND OF REVENGE!"  
"Oh well," Mann McOldsmobile shrugged, leaping into Dr. Card's face with a heavy drop-kick.  
"OOF!" the bad guy grunted, flipping away with a beautiful spin! He recovered swiftly and started spinning his handcuff set around his head, twirling Fluffy Fred like a chain mace!  
"WOOOOOOAAAAAH THE CHOKING!" he said painfully.  
"WAAAGH! HOW ILLEGAL!" Kagemaru balked!

Our Mann McOldsmobile and Piggybank-based characters, Mann McOldsmobile and Piggybank, weren't gonna stand for that. They both charged ahead as Dr. Card threw his boy ammo down into the ground, breaking it apart upon contact. The two characters leaped over the poor soul and dove toward Dr. Card, who sneakily pulled his wrecking boy back! Of course, that knocked the two would-be assaulters away. "Ow, the knockback," they screamed at the top of their lungs, ejecting blood from their eyeballs!  
"I-I ain't gonna be no weapon," Fluffy Fred growled, garnering what fighting spirit he had left…  
"Quiet, weaponboy," Dr. Card said as he painfully pulled his chain.  
"AAAHHI'LLBEGOOD" The ground beneath his feet rumbled as Mann McOldsmobile and Piggybank wiped their eyeballs clear of all blood fluids. And from the soil erupted Deep-Voice Dobbson, spinning at high velocity, hair spikes gleaming in the sunlight!  
"Huh taste my spiky hair huh!" he declared! He landed his hairstyle in Dr. Card's chest, ripping his sleeveless lab coat into shreds and drawing two teaspoons of blood!  
"Ahh! I'm so embarrassed!" Dr. Card wailed, as his non-sleeved coat fell away to reveal his sleeved lab coat! Deep-Voice Dobbson flipped away and back under the ground.  
"ALLEY-OPP!" Mann McOldsmobile yelled, spreading saliva everywhere, as he threw a tree at the doctor! He held out his free hand and grabbed it while wiping his face on his new sleeve.  
"Come now, I ALREADY FOUGHT with trees! Can't you remember ANY EPISODE, SPIT-BOY?" He twirled the tree around in his hand and swung it into the earth, knocking Deep-Voice Dobbson out of the ground!  
"HUH?" he cried. He was blown over to Jaden and Kagemaru, who were then all captured by a sudden cage that broke from under them. "Huh, two cages, huh?"  
"Aaah! He caged mah cage!" Jaden cried! "We're all screwed! Dobbson, do somethin'!" Dobbson was already boring away through the dirt. "Aw, at least take the OTHER useful characters wit' you!"  
"Like me!" Alexis and Chazz insisted.  
"I can shoot stuff!" Omega-Xis said.  
"DOESN'T MATTER, HEAT OF THE MOMENT, HUH, GUYS, HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson foolishly decided, for he was a man, and it is manly to do stupid things.

"YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAH!" Piggybank shouted as she continuously pelted the penultimate for with pounds of pennies!  
"USELESSUSELESSYOUAREDUMB!" he countered, punching them all into Mann McOldsmobile's face! Several of them dove into his mouth and through there his stomach!  
"WHA-BLAGH, UGH!" he groaned, falling over! "NO, AHH, THAT'S FOUL!" As his gut wrenched itself in two, he was suddenly captured as a cage fell from above. He couldn't move no more.  
"What's with all the cages?" Syrus asked. "Did you just guess where we'd stand and set a trap?"  
"Yeah, kinda," Dr. Card answered, kicking the previously-thrown tree at the Piggy of Bank. She broke through it with a headbutt.  
"THEN WHAT WAS UP WITH THOSE TWO HUH CAGES HUH THAT CAUGHT EACH OTHER HUH?"Deep-Voice Dobbson asked as he poked through with his hair, smashing one half of the tree into splinters.  
"Spur of the moment," he sighed, shrugging the question off.

"WhatkindofdoctorAREYOUUUUUU?" asked Piggybank as she punched Dr. Card hard enough to shatter an iceberg.  
"!" he answered courteously, deflecting the attacks with his handcuff chain.  
"Shouldn'tadoctorbeSMARTERTHANTHATHUH?" Deep-Voice Dobbson brought to the table, diving out behind the Doctor with the intent of impaling him on his hair.  
"WellnoI'mmorelikeanIDIOTSAVAAAAAANT!" Dr. Card suggested, tangling Deep-Voice Dobbson within his OWN disastrous Yu-Gi-Oh! hair!  
"OOOOOOOOOOOWWOWOWOWOWOW!" Fluffy Fred shrieked, scratching at his neck.  
"Ahh, huh, the, huh, the TANGLES!" whined Deep-Voice Dobbson, stuck within the confines of the doctor's follicles, for he really should use conditioner more!  
"And now that you are stuck, I have no use for the other one!" Dr. Card said, releasing Fluffy Fred!  
"OHTHANKGOODNESS!" he shouted. Dr. Card's handcuffs flew into his hair and captured Deep-Voice Dobbson!  
"NO DOBBSON!" Chazz and Billy Hills cried! "I MEAN, I RECKON!"one added.  
Then the cuffs whirled around and tied themselves around Fluffy Fred's neck. "SONUVAGUN!" Then the other half of the cuffs flew out from the man's sleeves and he caught the cufferpart on his ring finger. Then he spun it around three times as the two caught kids writhed embarrassingly and threw it at Piggybank!  
"NO!" she declined, slapping it away!  
"Don't do that, they're tricky!" Bastion warned!  
"What?" questioned Piggybank. True to the boy's word, the cuffs turned around and caught Piggybank by the throat. "AGH SAW IT COMING THOUGH!"

"NOOOOOO, WE HAVE NO HOPE LEFT!" Syrus cried! "THEY'RE ALL CAPTURED!"  
"Not quite." Deep-Voice Dobbson and Piggybank dashed around Dr. Card and caught him… with the chain, by the neck!  
"It's finished, huh, Card, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson check-mated! He and Piggybank pulled as hard as they could, pushing with their legs and putting their best foot forward! With their indomitable wills, they were prepared to march off to a new tomorrow! The unimaginable fighting children's invincible spirits pulled at the chains of tyranny and robotics and idiocy and didn't seem to have a real effect as Dr. Card summoned BLACK SHADOWY ARMS TO STRETCH OUT AND PUSH THEM AWAY!  
"WHAT ARE THOSE?" Syrus squealed!  
"_I think my life was useless,_" Fluffy Fred cried as his Life Force left his body and wore a depressingly happy expression.  
"NNNGGH, UUUGH," Piggybank groaned.  
"HUUUUH, UUUUUHHH," groaned Deep-Voice Dobbson.  
"Yawn," Dr. Card groaned.  
"What's he doing?" Atticus wondered.  
"Does it matter?" asked Dr. Card as the chains that bound everyone's windpipes snapped. They flew a few feet around the handcuff zone and flopped around, completely unconscious. And then three cages fell onto them. "Hey man I won!" Dr. Card realized! He looked around for a few seconds. Then he started walking up the side of the volcano again.

All other characters looked at him, stunned and slack-jawed. They looked to their backs, scraping their bottom jaws upon the ground, and stared upon Nancy Wut and Baseball Bob. "_Why didn't you do anything?_" they beseeched.  
"If I tell you, I'll have to go into a flashback!" Nancy Wut warned, patting Baseball Bob on the back.  
"NO NOT ANOTHRE FLASHBACK!" Chazz shouted!  
"It all started four minutes ago," Baseball Bob began.  
"DAMN IT!"

[.com/watch?v=ompcuSLqS0I] _Four minutes ago, Baseball Bob had thrown a suitcase at Dr. Card, signaling the assault against him. Two seconds later, he realized what he'd done and become paralyzed with fear. "Aw man…"_  
_"What's up, doc?" Nancy Wut asked as all other guys leaped into the fray. _  
_"I-I-I-III-I-I can't do anything," Baseball Bob admitted. "I threw the suitcase in the heat of the moment like a man does! I can't fight! I'm just Baseball Bob; I haven't done ANYTHING since hitting Chazz and his brothers with a baseball bat in episode twenty-six! What am I DOING here?"_  
_"Well, I'm Nancy Wut!" Nancy Wut said._  
_"…."_  
_"What do I do?" she asked._  
_"Uh… say… weird stuff?"_  
_"Yeah, guy! So what? I also like my 'Lexis and Friends friends! Why do you think I'm doing this myself?"_  
_"But you… don't do anything… besides say sometimes-funny things."_  
_"And I can kick butt when I need to!" Nancy Wut continued. "Stop being all cowardly and stuff! Repetition sucks!"_  
_"I-I'm not brave!" Baseball Bob complained. "I can't do this, I can't do this! Go ahead, call me Shinji-Desu, I'm not fighting him!"_  
_"That don't make no sense!" Nancy Wut groaned as Fluffy Fred got choked. Then she decided to try a different approach. "What made you call yourself Baseball? Bob?" _  
_The boy started thinking. "Hmm. Well, it all started back in Middle School…_

_**Back when the boy was merely named Bob, he was in Hittokiri Battosai Middle School, known for its fantastic Yu-Gi-Oh! Baseball League. No, wait, not yet. Back then, it was bad. Real bad. They always lost. It was depressing. All the other students always had great stories to tell their families about their huge losses, so at the same time it was alright for some other jerk people to have fun with. For some reason though, Bob had an idol. His name was Barry Bonds. His young dream was to become the next 'Mr. 300' and get every home-run he could. He would spend long nights staring at his Barry Bonds poster on his ceiling, telling himself 'Man, I'm gonna be the next Mr. 300. Then I'm gonna find the One Piece, and then I'm gonna be the next Hokage. Then my life will be complete.'**_

_**He entered Middle School about the same time as he'd learned Naruto and One Piece weren't real, nor was Major League Baseball. Devoid of his idol, he decided to join the next best thing: the Yu-Gi-Oh! Baseball Team, in an attempt to break into the Major League Yu-Gi-Oh! Baseball League, his universe's answer to baseball and card games. **_

_**And then came the try-outs. The coach, the team captain, and the rest of the team and team hopefuls all stared at the brown-haired kinda-tall soft-spoken kid as he stumbled up to bat. "Who's this fool?" asked the coach, a man with ratty black hair, bad posture and bad teeth, wearing a whistle and some sweats. "'Ey, what's 'is name, Layton?"**_**  
**_**"He's named Bob… that's it," replied a rather normal-looking man in a top hat and baseball uniform, red and white. "Mr. Morooka, this guy really doesn't look like much."**_**  
**_**"Ha, he's gonna strike out in an instant, Layton!" chided Phoenix Wright, a guy with swept-back black hair in the same uniform. "His stance is totally off!" Bob was standing straight up, holding the bat outward. "Kid, Bob, Kid-Bob? Can I call you Kid-Bob?"**_**  
**_**"No."**_**  
**_**"We're gonna have our pitcher pitch to you, I'll be the catcher!" Phoenix Wright announced, running behind the new guy with a baseball glove and an umpire-quality mask made of Styrofoam.**_**  
**_**"That mask doesn't look… never mind…" Oscar the Grouch hopped onto the plate in his trash can and took out a Duel Disk.**_

_**"Hey, it's that Bob kid!" one of the new recruits noticed. "He never talks to anybody; that makes it AWESOME to make fun of him!"**_**  
**_**"Yeah, I know! He says he want to be the next 'Mr. 300!' That guy never existed! What a loon!"**_**  
**_**"Wait, he never talks? But he said that?"**_**  
**_**"… ESP?"**_**  
**_**"Okay. HA! ESPER!"**_**  
**_**"TELEKINETIC!"**_**  
**_**"EASY-TO-FORGET!"**_**  
**_**"Who?"**_**  
**_**The boys in the back continued to laugh at the poor Baseball Boy, who could only close his eyes and try to block it out. **_**It's not fair…**_** he cried to himself. **_**Am… American Baseball IS real! I know it, I saw it on ESPN! WHY DO THEY LAUGH AT ME?  
**_**"PSST," muttered Phoenix Wright.  
"Eh?" noticed Oscar the Grouch. Phoenix made, with his fingers, a thumbs-up, a peace sign, the number two, a walking motion, the sign for a left turn, and fireworks with his magic skills. "Got it, here comes the Grouch Special, aheheheheh!"**_** BASEBALL SECRET TECHNIQUE 44 – DEATHLY GROUCH GROUCHER SPECIAL: TAKIN' OUT THE TRASH!**_** "DRAW!" He drew a Prinny Laharl card and flipped it around in his fingers, tossed it up, bounced it off his trash can, and slapped it with all his junky might! It flew at Baseball Bob, emanating a giant Oscar the Grouch face!**_**  
**_**"MAMAMAM EATCHA!" he gurgled, flapping his Muppetty mouth like a freak of nature!**_**  
**_**"Is he tryin' ta KILL that kid?" Mr. Morooka wondered.**_**  
**_**"TAKE THIS LOSER OUT!" Phoenix Wright yelled.**_**  
**_**"We don't TAKE LAME-OS on OUR team!" Layton laughed brutally!**_**  
**_**"WOOOAAHHOHOHOHOOOOO!" the onlookers laughed!**_

_**"NNNGH… I WILL BE THE NEXT MR. 300! I WILL NOT LOSE!" Bob roared! He swung his bat forward, smashing the Grouchy apparition into dust.**_**  
**_**"Yowza, he beat Number 44!" Mr. Morooka gaped!**_**  
**_**"WOAH!" everybody gulped!**_**  
**_**"That wasn't hard," Bob chuckled, holding his bat down. The Prinny Laharl card hadn't just gotten lodged into the bat, nay; the BAT got stuck in the CARD! It had scrunched up around the bat's shape! It was awkward to look at!**_**  
**_**"…. okayyou'reontheteam" Layton mumbled, pulling his top hat over his eyes.**_

_**Eight successful months on the team later, Bob had pulled his team, single-handedly, to the world championships. And then it came to the bottom of the eighth (as there were only eight innings in Yu-Gi-Oh! Baseball). They were down by five-hundred Life Points. They needed to pull it together. The bases were loaded. And Bob was up at bat.**_**  
**_**"COME ON, BOBBY!" Phoenix Wright shouted!**_**  
**_**"YOU CAN DO IT!" cheered Layton!**_**  
**_**"YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, KID, YOUR DREAMS ARE CONVERGIN' HERE T'NIGHT!" Mr. Morooka babbled.**_**  
**_**Baseball Bob stepped up to the plate in full team regalia. He stared at his foe, Ichigo Kurosaki. **_**  
**_**"Hmph," Ichigo Kurosaki grumbled, "you know I'm the only one fit to become the next Hokage, chump."**_**  
**_**"Not if I find One Piece first," Bob countered.**_**  
**_**"Cheeky BASTARD!" Ichigo Kurosaki leaped twelve feet in the air, did a back-flip and a split, and before landing on the ground, he threw an Ocubeam monster card at Bob. "BASEBALL TECHNIQUE 777: SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT!" The card disappeared in a puff of smoke. It was replaced by a roaring twelve-foot ebon horse.**_**  
**_**"KOKUOH-GO!" it shouted righteously! It clopped toward Bob as fast as he could… and then was smacked in the face by the bat. "KO**__KU__**OH-**__NOOOOOOO!__**" he screamed! He flew into the giant amazing scoreboard, smashing it into smithereens! (Minnesota Monkeys: 1500 - 0 Life Points; Rorouni Kenshins: 1000 Life Points, Winners)**_**  
**_**"!" screamed the earth as everyone ran up to join Bob in lifting him up with a large trophy as sparks waltzed upon the arena dangerously!**_**  
**_**"And now to go to Duel Academy!" Bob decided suddenly!**_**  
**_**"But first, will you accept the title… Baseball?" Ichigo Kurosaki suggested.**_**  
**_**"Ichigo… thanks!" Baseball Bob accepted graciously! "But seriously guys, baseball came from America. Watch ESPN sometime."**_**  
**_**"HUNH!"**_**  
**  
_"So there's your special skill!"Nancy Wut realized!_  
_"What? My awesome baseball skills?"_  
_"No no, you idjit; you're super-dependable!" Nancy Wut exposited. "You took your whole crappy team to the WORLD SERIES of Middle Schools! We need you! THEY need you! The… city needs you?"_  
_"You…" Baseball Bob understood something important. "You're right." He took a deep breath and a giant gulp as Dr. Card began strutting up the volcano again. "I may be cowardly, but TRUE bravery is doing what you gotta do when you don't wanna do it!"_  
_"Huh?"_  
_"I'm gonna do something!"_  
_"__Why didn't you do anything?__" they beseeched._

"And THAT'S what we did while you weren't looking," Baseball Bob said as he picked up his backpack and took a wooden bat from it.  
"By jove, that was kinda interesting!" Bastion yelled!  
"But what now?" Dr. Card asked, standing around, waiting for excitement.  
"You seriously stood around and waited for us? How nice."  
"Are you… SO SURE?" Dr. Card asked, summoning his black shadowy arms from his sleeves again and folded them while folding his arms.  
"Oh yeah, I reckon that was confusin', how'd you do that?" Billy Hills asked.  
"You SHOULD have asked that earlier, so that you'd know your HATRED makes me STRONGER!"  
"What's that?"  
"These are made of pure hatred, and not even _I_ know how it works!"  
"Oh, simple enough."  
"You bastard!" Jaden called. "Bob and Nancy, what WILL you DO?"  
"Don't start saying that again!" Syrus grimaced.  
"Nancy, use your SPECIAL TECHNIQUES!" Alexis and Atticus urged!  
"Nn? You're giving me clearance?" Nancy Wut questioned, nodding her head a tad to the right.  
"Yes! You can go all-out!" Atticus allowed.  
"All-out?" Omega-Xis repeated. "She's a random person! How can she go all-out, randomly?"  
"I'll put it this way," Atticus described. "You ever get assaulted by hundreds of pop-up ads at once?"  
"No."  
"It's kinda like that."  
"I just said no! Geez!"

[.com/watch?v=Vn_GynDTj-I] "Perferheeeeerfect…" Nancy Wut began glowing with a nice sunny smile on her face."Bob, follow… my… lead." She instantaneously vanished from sight.  
"Gotcha!" Baseball Bob got, running into battle behind her.  
"Where'd she go?" Dr. Card asked foolishly. Nancy Wut appeared in front of Dr. Card and teleported around several hundred times. "HUH? WHAT? WHERE?"  
"Hiya!" she greeted, smashing his face with a teleportation fist. There was a big THWACK from the hit radius. As he was sent reeling, she popped around infinity more times and plowed him over with a BUM RUSH! He flopped and bounced down the side of the volcano again!  
"OOooooh, you're gonna pay for that one," Dr. Card growled, staring back up toward Nancy Wut. A cage fell from above. She avoided it with teleportation. "Darn, should've seen it coming." She began slapping him in the face hundreds, if not thousands of times, within the space of three seconds. THTHWACK THTHWACK THTHWACK THTHWACK THTHWACK THTHWACK! "BWA BWA BWA BWA BWA BWA BWA BWA BWA BWA BWA BABW BWA BWA BWA BWA BABAAAAHHHHH!" He flew and bounced off the top of a cage, right into the path of a Nancy Wut kick!  
"SOLAR PLEXUS SHOT!" she called, smashing her toe into his tummy! He spat some spit and was headed straight for Baseball Bob. The batter chewed some bubble gum and prepared to swing his bat.

He swung his bat. It was hard enough to shatter the wood and show the aluminum bat that it truly was. "NO FAIR!" Dr. Card declared!  
"This is no fair," Nancy Wut said, appearing right in his path. She hit him. Then Baseball Bob hit him back. They hit him back and forth several, several, several, high-speed times.  
"My gosh, they're twisting the fabric of time and space!" Syrus said, as the air around the two became ripply and orange! Countless small stars poured from the air and scattered around the area and swirled, forming a tiny galaxy of sorts!  
_HERE'S MY CHANCE!_ Dr. Card realized! He held his shadowy arms forth, sprouting tiny evil hands that flew out to grab them! Once they had a grip, they absorbed their powers and shoved the two heroes away! Baseball Bob flew into the sky, but Nancy Wut held her ground, though she fell over!  
"Ow!"  
"WOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!"  
"You fools, you should know by now that I am a master of time and space, which you have just allotted to me through your reckless space-warping!" Dr. Card laughed!  
"What a random power-up!"

He held his arms out and began pumping dark flames out of his arms! Ashes and cinders flowed out in the breeze and scattered like flower petals! "How did he DO that?" Jaden asked. Everybody shot him a glance.  
"How did YOU do stuff?" they countered.  
"Touche, Joes." A sparking black spark floated through the bars of Jaden's cage and swirled into the form of a shadowy clawed hand! It fell toward his face! "EH?" An old hand darted out in front of the attack! It grabbed and crushed it.  
"Ow, me old bones! They be pain-filled!" Kagemaru grunted, shaking his Defending Hand™ around.  
"Old guy! You came through for me!" Jaden gasped, teary-eyed!

"How dare you make an old guy do something for a young'un!" Nancy Wut revenged! "I shall punish you!" She began flitting between the falling flames like a mirage.  
"Sorry, I meant to focus EVERYTHING on you. One mistake like that is UNFORGIVABLE!" He began pumping the flames out at full-power! They started to cloud the air like a mass-quantity pollutant… of ! The dark arms started falling into Nancy Wut from all directions!  
"Aiyeeee," Nancy Wut muttered, guarding her face with her arms!  
"NO!" Atticus cried!  
"STOP HATING HIM!" Alexis demanded, slapping him in the face before breaking down and crying. "I'M SORRY, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING!"  
"I can hold you!" Chazz held his arms outward. She pushed him away with her heel.  
"She can't take much more of this!" Bastion warned! "Bob, where ARE you?"

Baseball Bob was high above, free-falling. _This is it,_ he told himself. _I've been knocked hundreds of meters into the air and I'm gonna die when I hit the ground! I'm not gonna—_ He was slapped in the face by a phantom of some sort. It was… the spirit of Shinji Ikari! "SHINJI?" Baseball Bob gasped! Shinji Ikari silently looked at him sadly, crossing his arms in disapproval. Baseball Bob gripped his aluminum bat and swallowed deeply. Spines poked out from the club and sparkled. "I understand! I UNDERSTAND! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" He broke through the storm of black hands with his mighty slugger and slugged Dr. Card on the top of his skull. His club got stuck in his head-bone. The flames stopped coming forth and those already out stopped moving.  
"YOU DID IT?" Syrus screamed in disbelief! "Uh, I mean, sorry?"  
"S'okay," he sighed, dropping onto the ground.  
"You did it, Bobbyboy!" Nancy Wut cried gleefully, embracing the Bob boy of Baseball!  
"Good job," Alexis sighed out of relief, wiping away two tears.

"Or NOT," Dr. Card warned as dozens of handcuffs flew out from his mouth!  
"WEIRD!" shouted Baseball Bob as they wrapped around every limb! Nancy Wut escaped that fate and kicked Dr. Card in the back of the knees!  
"Yeow!" he yelped, falling backward! "Cheap shot!" The cuffs flew upward and pulled Baseball Bob along with them!  
"!" announced Nancy Wut as she karate-chopped the cuffs to pieces! The two characters spun to face the enemy and twin-uppercutted him, releasing a wave-motion beam into his chin and blowing him toward the moon!  
"….." The sky twinkled where he disappeared.  
"Did they do it, I reckon?" Billy Hills hoped.  
"I THINK THEY DID IT!" Chazz screamed!  
"OH YEAH!" Alexis rallied!  
"He's not done yet," Nancy Wut realized.  
"He's not?" Baseball Bob gulped. The two were suddenly captured by two swirling balls of dark energy.  
"_**HUUUUUUUUUUUUUNH?**_" the peanut gallery balked.  
Slowly but surely, Dr. Card floated down, extending two stiff arms from the moon. "Hmph. I didn't think I'd have to do THAT. And if I'm so easily hit from the ground, I suppose I'll just wait here until the earth rotates the volcano under me! Muhuhaha!"  
"But the moon rotates too!" Omega-Xis taught. "What if you miss?"  
"I'll walk?"  
"Good enough."

"Guys! You gotta get outta there!" coached Jaden! "You can't give up after gettin' caught by some random device!"  
"Yeah, Jaden!" Syrus attacked! "You two, please hear us! You're the only ones who can save us all and stop that guy from taking over the earth, even though he's an idiot! He's hurt all of us, and won't stop until somebody teaches him a lesson! Please, stand up, for the sake of us all!"  
"Hmph, you think of me as some common schoolyard bully?" Dr. Card scoffed. "You truly ARE espers."  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Atticus asked.  
"I… don't know."

Within his inky black prison, Baseball Bob was subjected to the tormenting screams of Hell itself, clawing into his brain, and tearing his spirit apart. And yet… _… Espers._ "Bully…?"  
_"HA! ESPER!"_  
_"TELEKINETIC!"_  
_"EASY-TO-FORGET!"_  
_"Who?"_

He flexed his body and blew the darkness to pieces! "WHERE'S A BULLY?" Baseball Bob challenged.  
"YOU DID IT!" the good guys announced! "YEAH!"  
"Manny used to be a bully," Nancy Wut said, blowing her sphere away as well.  
"How did YOU do that—"  
"I was waiting for YOU first."  
"Y-you surely jest," Dr. Card heaved, "you COULDN'T have broken out like THAT! YOU COULD NAHT!" He began expending all his powers and called out a tremendous, mile-wide arm, covered in countless smaller hands, spinning about like drills! Four grippers appeared and held down Baseball Bob's and Nancy Wut's arms and legs! "THIS IS THE SUMOF ALL OF MY POWERS! THE INESCAPABLE FATE OF DEATH BECKONS YOU! JOIN THE MILLIONS WHO HAVE COME AT ME LIKE YOU FOOLS, AND PERISH!" The arm of destruction clouded the sunset-filled sky and caught everything in sight within its shadow. There was only way to escape it… to go through it.  
Everybody turned to Nancy Wut and Baseball Bob. They looked at each other and nodded. The hands holding them down started falling apart from their mere presence.  
"Please, this is just weak," Nancy Wut boasted, pulling out a tray of tater tots and shattering all their bindings.  
"LET'S TAKE'M DOWN!" Baseball Bob and Nancy Wut jumped and flew at Dr. Card, right into his deathhand.  
"No! Dodge it!" Chazz called!  
"NAY!" Baseball Bob took the lead, twirling his bat as they went, blowing all the evil away through their path of righteous revenge!  
"NAH-NEE?" Dr. Card shrieked!

"Spuds," Nancy Wut call-backed, slapping her tray into his face.  
"GAAHH, THEY'RE PIPIN' HOT!" Dr. Card shrieked, wiping the taters from his eyes! So he didn't see Baseball Bob's bat coming as it slapped him in the face and sent him earth-bound. He bounced off of the stony exterior of the volcano's base and got pushed down further as the fighting students landed their heels into his side! They sweeped their legs upward, pulling the man out, stunned!  
"HAH!" Baseball Bob hit him with the bat in the chest, smashing him against the bars of one of his cages!  
"GOWAAHHHH!" He vomited blood just in time for Nancy Wut to appear and headbutt him sideways! "DAAHHH!" Dr. Card landed on his head, letting the rest of his body flop over him. "You DARE push me beyond 100%?" His body evaporated. _And now to blow them away with my super-form as I re-materialize…_ Baseball Bob flew upward and punched him in the face before he even returned to form. "DAMN IT, HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" Dr. Card screamed, now in the form of a man covered in black cloudy tattoos!  
"What a stupid super-form," Nancy Wut bleh-ed. "I'll get rid of it." She swirled around the doctor in some sort of a Nancy Teleportation Hurricane Wut.  
"W-wait, no, I'm supposed to show off my new power!" Dr. Card beseeched as his mist-like body started flowing apart into the flow of the tornado! "Aren't you even curious?"  
"NOPE!" Nancy Wut leaped out of the wind tunnel, allowing it to wiggle and shake around independently!  
"WOAWOAWOAWOAWOAWOAWOAWOA!"  
"QUIET!" Baseball Bob demanded, stabbing his spiked bat into the wind. It dispersed and Dr. Card smashed into the bat with his ribs, having returned to physical form.  
"….OOOOOOOW….." Dr. Card pushed off of the bat, but couldn't get anything to move. "I'm… screwed?"

"THIS IS THE LAST BLOW!" Nancy Wut warned, lifting up Baseball Bob who lifted up his bat!  
"You can't be serious," Dr. Card whispered, ribs groaning, legs shaking.  
"YAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGG!" Nancy Wut swung Baseball Bob who swung his baseball spiked club which grand-slammed Dr. Card away into the stratosphere.  
**_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM_** went the universe. Baseball Bob softly dropped to the ground and looked up. "I… did I just…"

"**_TWO-HUNDRED PERCENT!_**" screamed Dr. Card. Black pillars of flame dropped from above in random directions! A spell-circle suddenly wrote itself into being with the pyres acting as markers! The circle glowed purplish-pink and summoned a giant black horned demon, breathing toxic clouds of gas from its nostrils and dripping poison from shining orbs along its flesh!  
"You're pretty dense," Baseball Bob and Nancy Wut said together, staring up at the hideous beast, "because at the reading speed prescribed by the author to each and every reader, OUR POWER-UP SONG ISN'T OVER YET!" The beast twitched one finger. Within that time frame, the two students flew up, smashed his face in, broke off his left horn, sliced his belly open, ripped off one arm, carved up his legs, pulled his Dr. Card original form out from his giant heart, reduced the transformation to ash and held their common enemy by the ripped-up collar.

"Um, can't we work something out?" he asked, utterly battered and defeated. They shook their heads. "Um, I'll give you one dollar." They held their arms back. "Uh, I'll hire you for evil?" They gathered up the energies of the universe into their hands. "Erm… kids like candy, right?"  
"MIRACLE PUNCH!" They fused together their powers and produced one combined punch. The impact blew everything summoned in the battle to dust. They had slammed Dr. Card out of sight, nearly busting him out of orbit.

"You did it!" Syrus jubilated (new word?)! "You saved the earth!"  
"Probably!" Atticus verified! "Nancy, you were incredible!"  
"Bob too!" Bastion added.  
"Yeah, him too. Wait, who's Bob?"  
"Now find a way to bust us outta this cage so that we can victory-carry you to the school's docks!" Chazz said.  
"A-alright, we're comin…g." Baseball Bob fainted due to the sheer amount of awesomeness he'd just forced his body to secrete.  
"Bob? 'Re you okay?" Jaden wondered.  
"Oh, the boy shall be fine, but my body shall not!" Kagemaru spat, foaming at the mouth.  
"Whoop, guess I shouldn't have fallen on you so hard." He patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll be ai'ght." The shoulder cracked and became dislocated.

"_ULP. _Guys, I think I just killed an old man," he worried.  
"We have more important things to worry about, I reckon," Billy Hills worried. "I reckon nobody can get us outta here now!"  
"D-don't worry, all we have to do is yell for help!" Alexis suggested. "HELP! HEEEEEEEEELP! YOO-HOO, ANYBODY? Ugh, we're screwed."  
"W-well, Bob and Nancy could get us out if they weren't... SLEEPING on the JOB," Atticus joked.  
"BOO," someone said, trapped in the cage with Mann McOldsmobile.  
"I JUST KILLED AN OLD DUDE, GUYS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"  
"Um, can anyone dig?" Syrus suggested, digging away with his fingernails. "Ahaha... I don't even know what I'm doing!"  
"I'm hungry!" Bastion insinuated. "If we don't get out of here within the next forty-eight hours, I'm seriously gonna die of hunger, everyone!"  
"Shut up, I'm trying to think!"  
"I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAARED! I reckon."  
Alexis turned to her little corner in her large cage and began to feel pity for herself.

[.com/watch?v=IvmIzxO0-n4] "I think the boats already left, everyone..."

YU-GI-OH! GX! THE FAN FIC - THE END

CREDITS:Director: Hatsuki Tsuji

Series Composition:  
Junki Takegami  
Shin Yoshida

Screenplay:  
Akemi Omode  
Ema Baba  
Jun Maekawa  
Junki Takegami  
Natsuko Takahashi  
Shin Yoshida  
Yasuyuki Suzuki  
Yuki Enatsu  
Storyboard:  
Hatsuki Tsuji  
Hideaki Uehara  
Hisaya Takabayashi  
Kazuhito Kikuchi  
Kiyoshi Egami  
Koji Yoshikawa  
Masaharu Okuwaki  
Masaki Sugiyama  
Naoki Hishikawa  
Naoyuki Kuzuya  
Noriyoshi Nakamura  
Shuichi Shimamura  
Yoshihiro Ueda  
Episode Director:  
Akira Shigino  
Kiyoshi Matsuda  
Toshihiro Ishikawa

Music: Yutaka Minobe

Original Work: Kazuki Takahashi

Character Design: Ken'ichi Hara

Art Director: Junichiro Nishikawa

Animation Director: Hideyuki Yoshida

Sound Director: Takuya Hiramitsu

Director of Photography:  
Hiroaki Edamitsu

Producer:  
Hidetaka Ikuta (NAS)  
Naoki Sasada (NAS)  
Noriko Kobayashi (TV Tokyo)

Chief Unit Director: Kan Tsuruta

Colors Choices: Ayami Minowa

Duel Layout: Masahiro Hikokubo

Monster Design: Ken'ichi Hara

Planning:  
Hidetaka Ikuta (NAS)  
Noriko Kobayashi (TV Tokyo)  
Yukio Kawasaki (TV Tokyo)  
Production Committee (Shueisha):  
Kenji Yasaka  
Masahiko Ibaraki  
Shigeaki Oouchi  
Recording Director: Yuji Mitsuya  
Sound Effects: Toru Noguchi

Animation: Studio Gallop

Animation Cooperation: Dongwoo Animation

Broadcaster: TV Tokyo

Development: Tokyo Laboratory

Distributor: Konami

Music Cooperation: TV Tokyo Music

Production:  
NAS  
TV Tokyo  
Sound Effects: Anime Sound Production  
Sound Production Assistance: Jinnan Studio

ENGLISH CREDITS:  
Translation: Arthur Murakami

Executive producer:  
Alfred R. Kahn  
Norman J. Grossfeld  
Tom Kenney

Adaptation: Matthew Ordek

Associate producer: Shane Guenego

Editing: Jordan Podos

Editing Assistant:  
Abelk Bautista  
David J. Etzold  
Sherene Sharpe

International Distribution: Rebecca O'Neil

Japanese Liaisons:  
Enna Hozumi  
Pico Hozumi

Main Theme:  
Alex Walker  
Jake Siegler  
Matthew Ordek

Marketing:  
Anietra Guzman  
Roz Nowicki

Mix Engineer: Questar Welsh

Music Composition:  
Alex Walker  
Elik Alvarez  
Freddie Sheinfeld  
Jake Siegler  
Julian Harris

Music Editing:  
Liz Lysinger  
Mitch Getz

Music Executive Producer: John Siegler

Music Production: Julian Schwartz

Music Production Assistant: Michael Brady

Post-Production Graphics:  
Jennifer Obrotka  
Kana Hashimoto  
Luciale Dumaguing Garret  
Paul J. Baccash  
Rob Bruce  
Ryan Kelly

Post-Production Supervision: Christopher J. Guido

Production: Matthew Ordek

Production Assistant: Sherene Sharpe

Recording Engineer:  
Alon Namdar  
Joseph Shalack  
Mike Knoblauch  
Questar Welsh  
Rich Alvy  
Suzanne Goldish

Sound Design: Ohad Tzachar

Story/Gameplay Adviser: Arthur Murakami

Voice Direction: Eric Stuart

VP of Production: Brenda Dillon

SONGS USED:  
[.com/watch?v=Qq6mnC2GeuQ&feature=related] [Zan] Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei Character Song Album - Kiri Tori Sen

[.com/watch?v=PmSKxQ2ESdg]Wings Please – K-ON!

[.com/watch?v=bybkLlNbaaw]beatmania IIDX 14 GOLD - GOLD RUSH

[.com/watch?v=ehTdJ5_ZxKc]Bleach OP 7 – After Dark

[.com/watch?v=gNu-E6JBZFU&feature=related]Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-Chan theme full

[.com/watch?v=UCFZpPHn6vQ]Bleach ED 2 – THANK YOU

[.com/watch?v=WYFN6mB9Tzk]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann – Happily Ever After

[.com/watch?v=XRgD1psVTbw] Welcome to NHK ED 1 – Odoru Akachan Ningen

[.com/watch?v=zW3wvLfkm2I]Fullmetal Alchemist OP 2 - Ready Steady Go

[.com/watch?v=q4jNy8krvHY]Megaman Battle Network 5 Virus Theme: DS Remix

[.com/watch?v=I5OWKVpzarI&feature=related]Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers Intro

[.com/watch?v=372PCB4pSZ8&feature=related] 01 - Nonaka Ai - Kamisama to no Yakusoku

[.com/watch?v=hnElS3OVEko&feature=related] Disgaea 3 Theme Song Collection Devil label - Sinful Rose

[.com/watch?v=t87oCPHwLY0&feature=related]Laharl's Theme – Disgaea 2

[.com/watch?v=RqIL78NEHAw]Persona 4 - Period

[.com/watch?v=ibJhcheHdyE&feature=related]Gintama OST 3 - Women Who Ask What's More Important Work or Me Deserve a German Suplex

[.com/watch?v=suAvxsNKwdc]K-ON! - Fuwa Fuwa Time

[.com/watch?v=81pQ4KaU94s&feature=related]Mega Man 8 – Tengu Man's Stage

[.com/watch?v=eywnRyCp1y8&feature=related]Eureka Seven OST 2 - Dewey Novak

[.com/watch?v=4MTTA4ckwmM&feature=related]Mega Man 7 – Spring Man's Stage

[.com/watch?v=lg2Lc3v7_D0]Mega Man X2 – Bubble Crab's Stage

[.com/watch?v=3oXy07T9PTk&feature=related]Mega Man Xtreme 2 – Wire Sponge's Stage

[.com/watch?v=IJtCTUdAyxw&feature=response_watch]warinside / BLANKFIELD, T06: Rockman X2 - Deep Sea Base Stage

[.com/watch?v=hbk1j_IptSY]Mystic Oriental Love Consultation – Immaterial and Missing Power

[.com/watch?v=KabX8wcPOl4&feature=related]O-Life Japan – Captain Murasa

[.com/watch?v=Y5Qo9iAB9q0&feature=related]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 1 - Decisive Battle

[.com/watch?v=HXXBEbpJous]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 3 - Infantile Dependence, Adult

[.com/watch?v=ZmglC_XRBvk&feature=related]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 3 - Hostility Restrained

[.com/watch?v=u2VNoFhYL1g]Mega Man - Elec Man's Theme

[.com/watch?v=GopzpFJm4LQ]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann - Ten wo Tsuke

[.com/watch?v=uw4zx9dGlx8]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 1 - Rei II

[.com/watch?v=A_ndaumP7zE&feature=related]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann - Spinning, Spinning, Spinning, Spinning, Spiii!

[.com/watch?v=nt4ldDExzhU&feature=related]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 1 - The Beast

[.com/watch?v=iG8bTwjmvHI&feature=related]Mega Man 20th Annivarsary - Shadow Man

[.com/watch?v=rlL2Soci6eY]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 2 - Rei III

[.com/watch?v=lUmtg67s8hk]Kumikyoku Nico Nico Douga - Rock Version

[.com/watch?v=YP6-sqMQJ9s&feature=related]Pokemon Gold and Silver - Route 27

[.com/watch?v=o40Hhgs_Mlk]Rebuild of Evangelion 1.0 Soundtrack - Angel of Doom

[.com/watch?v=WVDWWV4hVyE&feature=related]Mother 3 - Porky's Theme

[.com/watch?v=P8u-imovxh0&feature=related]Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's OST - Savior Star Dragon

[.com/watch?v=1qS1kqhhebw]Marissa Stole the Precious Thing

[.com/watch?v=EKNxNUsaKw8]Mother 3 - Porky's Porkies

[.com/watch?v=tWgJACa_jeM][Zan] Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei Character Song Album - Hoshi no Kinka Yama

[.com/watch?v=sqTsXETOJBI&feature=related]Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Unfounded Revenge

[.com/watch?v=9iFALDG0w_w]Mega Man Star Force 3 - Rivals Unite

[.com/watch?v=j9mbsaZl1yE&feature=related]Buso Renkin Opening - Maka na Chikai

[.com/watch?v=oT8Pa-Nff5o]O-Life Japan - Strawberry Crisis

[.com/watch?v=ImgXFmW-Xng&feature=related]The Idolmster - Agent Yoro wo Yuku

[.com/watch?v=ePGH352-R3w]Magic Shop of Raspberry 東方ヴォーカルArrange

[.com/watch?v=eye3Biwn0l4&NR=1]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 3 - Depression

[.com/watch?v=3NDEOZzrSbc]Persona 3 Portable - Wiping All Out

[.com/watch?v=LKy7PnjsDX8]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 3 - The Heady Feeling of Freedom

[.com/watch?v=DU22T51189g]Rebuild of Evangelion 2.0 - The Red Ambassadress

[com/watch?v=7zZ3HDCxfZE]Persona 3 Portable - Danger Zone

[.com/watch?v=YaFXMHqV3kI]Rebuild of Evangelion 2.0 - Carnage

[.com/watch?v=H_MtRSBJ4tk]Disgaea 2 - Disgaea Rhapsody

[.com/watch?v=S8C8hJaScDI]The Melencholy of Haruhi Suzumiya ED2 - Tomare!

[.com/watch?v=mH7_Jq5bPJ4&feature=related]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 1 - EVA-01

[.com/watch?v=2jqvflXdSYU&feature=related]Bleach OP9- Velonica

[.com/watch?v=SaskbnKEk_k]Mega Man Battle Network 5 - You're Not Alone!

[.com/watch?v=hYBeeoX5rbI&feature=related]Mega Man 4 - Dr. Cossak Stage 1

[.com/watch?v=n3Vdp_7dTjo&feature=related]Kinnikuman - Blazing Kinnikuman

[.com/watch?v=_NokxznEqHk]One Piece - We Are

[.com/watch?v=rkzYhlRWzQQ&feature=related]Otoinashi - Mother Earth

[.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE]Sanford and Son Intro

[.com/watch?v=cc7x_TCQjG8]Fairy Tail OST1 - Erza's Theme

[.com/watch?v=uYkDP5xDoO8]Gundoh Musashi OP - GHOST BUSTERZ

[.com/watch?v=BbswP2s_Pbk]Eureka Seven OP3 - Taiyoh no Mannaka he

[.com/watch?v=EBP_P44cKng]Rebuild of Evangelion 2.0 OST - Fate

[.com/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw&feature=related]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 1 - Jikai Yokoku

[.com/watch?v=k_lzo52AgNM&feature=related]Mother 3 - Tatsumairi Grief

[.com/watch?v=m0x_B3WncDg&feature=related]Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Victory Road

[.com/watch?v=o8etTPYKnd4]O-Life Japan - Nuclear Fusion

[.com/watch?v=WyxDxyQQuTQ&feature=related]The End of Evangelion - Huan to no Mitsugetsu

[.com/watch?v=m5FRq_Ijq5E]Mega Man 5 - Bright Man Remix

[.com/watch?v=93nIljXpqUY]Monty on the Run - Main Theme

[.com/watch?v=LMOH9LdOTIE]Touhou 12.3 - Beloved Tomboyish Daughter: Unthinkable Natural Law Mix

[.com/watch?v=wBh7d31oXdM]Mother 3 - Dry Guys

[.com/watch?v=bOwD9sLEy4s&feature=related]Disgaea 3 - Cosmic Rays

[.com/watch?v=bOwD9sLEy4s&feature=related][Zan] Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei ED1 - Zetsubou Restuaunt

[.com/watch?v=YkLIgGkyoGs]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann - Libera Me From Hell

[.com/watch?v=Hgz_SJdxVkg]Popotan - Icchae!

[.com/watch?v=E2TIpwT6sf4&feature=related]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST - The ABCs of Resort Life

[.com/watch?v=Mm0YmRHdyz4&feature=related]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST - No Helping It!

[.com/watch?v=fGx14rfg9kA&feature=related]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST - You Three Sisters, Be Moe

[.com/watch?v=wUYpsOcLxLA&feature=related]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST - What the Hell are You Thinking Inside the Dark?

[.com/watch?v=PIFoZjsRzQ4&feature=related]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST - Right Now, Preparations Are Essential!

[.com/watch?v=73b_-hgfaPY&feature=related]Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST - The Blue monday e'r'ectrical parade

[.com/watch?v=OfDJOgUD7WE]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX - Get Your Game On!

[.com/watch?v=a8PiL0gCGN0&feature=related]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 1 - Misato

[.com/watch?v=xN-aK6k6Qgs]Code Geass OST 2 - Previous Notice

[.com/watch?v=dbi_qihgrfY]Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei Character Album - Dead Line Dance, Death

[.com/watch?v=zDdwOc_tlVo]Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei OST - Nozomu Itoshiki

[.com/watch?v=mEPT5pB2G7U]One Piece - Explosion Sonic Wave

[.com/watch?v=7YbG5FgNB6s&feature=related]Mother 3 - Macon's Run My Dog!

[.com/watch?v=7fXC2S-1tGU]Super Smash Bros. Brawl - Stickerbrush Symphony

[.com/watch?v=A66x3BHyr-w&feature=related]Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei Character Album - Bara no Hitsugi

[.com/watch?v=7WWUGeD5Hj0&feature=related]IOSYS - Itteyoshi

[.com/watch?v=Q_439qLQzHs&feature=related]Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood OST - Lapis Philosophorum

[.com/watch?v=O5Rplvp2Dso]Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood ED1 - Uso

[.com/watch?v=TzFl6sWHmXI&feature=related]Persona 4 - Reach Out to the Truth

[.com/watch?v=pk1YWlE396Q]Mega Man X4 - Web Spider's Theme

[.com/watch?v=2_RAVXte6NI]Miku Miku ni Shite Ageru

[.com/watch?v=D0neWyGPJOM&feature=related]Neon Genesis Evangelion OST 2 - Background Music

[.com/watch?v=4qrBvlz_Qag]Kirby and the Amazing Mirror - Cabbage Cavern

[.com/watch?v=BsBgCYL9Dn8]IYOSYS - Convictor Yamaxanadu!

[.com/watch?v=d-FVixp53FA]Kirby's Dreamland 2 - Coo the Owl Remix

[.com/watch?v=HgCzAqPhSlk&feature=related]Jump Ultimate Stars - Dragon of Dreams

[.com/watch?v=VOYJMufpWGg]Touhou 12.3 - Shanghai Teahouse: Unthinkable Natural Law Mix

[.com/watch?v=9C8EUrtEhfM]The Rockford Files Intro

[.com/watch?v=fGvVOun_7kU&feature=related]The World Ends With You - Give me All Your Love

[.com/watch?v=wtL57XeEvyI]Negima? OP - 1000% Sparking

[.com/watch?v=vrul8oXwkhE&feature=related]beatmania - 20,november remastering

[.com/watch?v=IHuzsD0Z3Qs]Mega Man X4 - Magma Dragoon's Theme

[.com/watch?v=GiweKm0eEXQ&feature=related]Mega Man X3 - Doppler Stage 1

[.com/watch?v=OLzOrik5YJ8]Black Rock Shooter

[.com/watch?v=gHwHiymSojk]Sonic 3 - Carnival Night Zone

[.com/watch?v=7Ggul4fBQw0]Sonix Advance 3 - Toy Kingdom Act 3

[.com/watch?v=ZQjcGFoN6tk]The World Ends With You - Someday

[.com/watch?v=vdEbT8Dh42Q]Mother 3 - Etude for a Ghost

[.com/watch?v=OWU1iP2fIuE]GaoGaiGar OST - Beautiful Wings of Light

[.com/watch?v=mTiLBXsFRW4]Mother 3 - Battle Against the Masked Man

[.com/watch?v=iQXkadQqWRY]Touhou Arrange - Beware the Umbrella Left There Forever

[.com/watch?v=frMPayj2KgU]Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei OP3 - Kuusou Rumba

[.com/watch?v=cpf3FACOUsU]Disgaea 3 - Brilliant Blue

[.com/watch?v=OHGOBiH2mPo][Goku] Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei Album - Kuusou Rumba Rap

[.com/watch?v=QGlNzNO0yJs&feature=channel]Mega Man 2 - Wood Man's Theme

[.com/watch?v=ljSAvJj61aw&feature=related]Mega Man 2 - Bubble Man's Theme

[.com/watch?v=KMDWeSzyTvc&feature=related]MOTHER 3- MROB-6720M

[.com/watch?v=6DhmHNWDTOg]BlazBlue: Contiinuum Shift Song Accord #1 - Endless Despair

[.com/watch?v=dOgo8-ncw-k&feature=related]Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei OP1 - Hito Toshite Jiku ga Bureteiru

[.com/watch?v=vInCXBXcH7A]Mega Man X7 - Flame Hyenard's Theme

[.com/watch?v=Ys3xZ4Bmdjw&feature=related]Ootsuki Kenji - Nippon Biki Komori Kyoukai

[.com/watch?v=9-RYrJakg14]Disgaea 2 - Demon's Trill

[.com/watch?v=ynZ96nC4IW4]O-Life Japan - Border of Life

[.com/watch?v=2_aB02ToHUQ&feature=related]Mother Opening

[.com/watch?v=sfkNhBZ43Sg&feature=related]Pokemon Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald – Contest

[.com/watch?v=We60ZX5C99I]Naruto OST 2 - Afternoon of Konoha

[.com/watch?v=SXCkSx0SpAM]-Man OST 1 – Allen Walker

[.com/watch?v=qoDgG2R1mEU&feature=related]Disgaea – A Dark Race Becomes Magnificent

[.com/watch?v=kRrOlNAFyHM&feature=related]Bleach OST 3 – Yours Truly

[.com/watch?v=xscm_qYntfA]Disgaea – Witch Hunting

[.com/watch?v=vposcJ76EgE&feature=related]Puffy Ami Yumi – Red Swing

[.com/watch?v=MqFhczSljwM&feature=related]Contra – Stage 1 Music

[.com/watch?v=G2EWjQ1D7R0&feature=related]Naruto OST – Rising Fighting Spirit

[.com/watch?v=NBnAZ9oFtwY]Rainbow Girl

[.com/watch?v=8RE3h-SOdYQ&feature=related]Persona 4 – A New World Fool

[.com/watch?v=BdcHN9TSyIw] Mega Man 10 OST: GET THE PUNK OUT

[.com/watch?v=IKbKOC2QNgg&feature=related]Touhou – Septette for the Dead Princess

[.com/watch?v=bby132VFgVY]Blaz Blue – Motor Head

[.com/watch?v=4SfSSNaEgOg]Persona PSP – Pandora

[.com/watch?v=WT_iqlLKHfY&translated=1]Nico Nico Chorus - Rolling Girl

[.com/watch?v=ViEH57xQu1c]Lucky Star OP – Take it, Sailor Fuku!

[.com/watch?v=WFUtN1EiauU]Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai ED2 – Taisho[

[.com/watch?v=8hRZn_6YVO0&feature=related] HIGH SPEED LOVE SONG 「High School Love」

[.com/watch?v=nnF6psoWdXo&feature=related]HIGH SPEED LOVE SONG 「L'amour dans le lycee （High School Love）」

[.com/watch?v=2OfJQlxQHR0]K-On! – My Love is a Stapler – Mio Version

[.com/watch?v=KLaGaOgXnec]Castlevania 3 – Wicked Child

[.com/watch?v=3-CmeUpQ2LA]Touhou- Tabula Rasa – The Empty Girl

[.com/watch?v=_TTM-70GmXY][Zan] Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei – Ringo Mogire Beam

[.com/watch?v=9rovbGfTYwE&feature=related]Disgaea 3 – Blue Concerto

[.com/watch?v=Jznc645X8Nc]Hidamari Sketch – Sketch Switch

[.com/watch?v=QfNpLsp1XSk]Galaxy Angel – GALAXY Bang! Bang!

[.com/watch?v=M1VnlVXtmg8]Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's OST 2 – Sound Duel

[.com/watch?v=Q8OPPXMYxQc]Bleach OP4 – Tonight Tonight Tonight

[.com/watch?v=bcrTO09bPH4]Lucky Star – Fun Fun Dayo

[.com/watch?v=mIKRn1dbT28]The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya – God Knows

[.com/watch?v=PLa8-tG2uBY&feature=related]Mother 3 – Formidable Foe

[.com/watch?v=yilokJERZRE]Code Geass OST 2 – Picaresque

[.com/watch?v=IhxiMwlF2u4]Masakki Endo – God Knows

[.com/watch?v=weI7rJ6NYe4]The Minibosses - Moshi Moshi ~ Original Post Only

[.com/watch?v=fylg8zp4Pzo]Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne – Kotowari Boss Battle

[.com/watch?v=EMjP11yGRuQ]BlazBlue: Continuum Shift – Queen of Rose ~Scarlet Onlooker

[.com/watch?v=UzkHEQwHK44] Neon Genesis Evangelion Death and Rebirth – Tamashi no Refuran

[.com/watch?v=ByNvDFHTihc&feature=related]Mother 3 – Absolutely Safe Capsule

[.com/watch?v=q48brPFjmPw]Disgaea – The Invasion From Within

[.com/watch?v=K6caHvpy_cI&translated=1]Project Chaos - Hadyn - Three Ring Nightfall

[.com/watch?v=f2ILUSVNNrg]Fist of the North Star OST – Sentoo

[.com/watch?v=EUurS8XsD4I]Digimon Adventure – Brave Heart

[.com/watch?v=cWWbNpSvQ18&feature=related]Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's OP4 – Believ in Nexus

[.com/watch?v=NKESs1JetVE]Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's – We Ride to Survive

[.com/watch?v=k4moOdG6Arc]Air – Farewell Song

[.com/watch?v=WU9SNOvLW6E&feature=related]Ducktails – The Moon

[.com/watch?v=GXXrTLlEm_A&feature=related]Lamento

[.com/watch?v=N_ghYuPzvqE&feature=related]Persona 4 – The Almighty

[.com/watch?v=Ls7oOxUBbYQ]JAM Project – Okkusenman

[.com/watch?v=ompcuSLqS0I] Ookiku Furikabutte OP1 - Dramatic

[.com/watch?v=Vn_GynDTj-I]Nico Nico Douga Monogatari – Part 3

[.com/watch?v=IvmIzxO0-n4]Heavy Beiber

IF ANYBODY WHO OWNS THE ACCOUNTS ON WHICH THESE VIDEOS CAME FROM, OR OWN THAT PRINNY LAHARL PICTURE I LINKED TO, OR THAT SHORTER VERSION OF HAPILY EVER AFTER I USED TWICE, AND YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO TAKE THE SONG DOWN, OR PICTURE, THEN PLEASE TELL ME AND I WILL DO SO. IN ADDITION, IF I MISSED ANY LINKS, PLEASE TELL ME.

CHARACTERS:  
TOO MANY TO COUNT

DISCLAIMER: SEVERAL, SEVERAL, SEVERAL PEOPLE WERE HURT DURING THE MAKING OF THIS PRODUCTION. ALL THE ANIMALS ARE FINE, HOWEVER.

QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, CONCERNS?  
KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF

WEATHER REPORT - STAND PRODUCTIONS  
2009-2010

Three hours later, Dr. Card crash-landed into his cave-lair on his back. "Oh fudge that hurt," he muttered. "You kids, rest assured, I WILL kill you all!" He sat up. He ribs snapped and crackled. "... Or maybe I'll just lie here for the next four months." He picked up a television remote and watched television.

COMMENTARY

FINALLY. I HAVE WASTED FIFTY-EIGHT WEEKS ON THIS STORY, AND I HAVE ERADICATED ONE-FOURTH OF IT. REJOYCE, CHILDREN OF THE CORN! Well, time to commentate.

Okay, so we have the anime card given to Jaden via stupid soul intervention of randomness, that's average—OH WAIT. We have the ship scene at the beginning. It has more foreshadowing than you'd expect! I mean, FREE walrus rides? Who woulda thought. In more seriousness, Stephen Boyd! He's going to do things, because he has a name. Literally, he was a character created when my friend from the YuGiOh Card Maker Forums NAMED YANKEE wanted to suggest a new kidcharacterkid. So I took his idea and combined it with a needed Marty Stu for later plots. Yes, season two will be all about Mary Sues and Marty Stus. I'm going to troll you guys so hard that it won't even look like trolling. It will be so sweet. Also he's with two guys because everybody in this series is ALWAYS introduced with two other guys. Just wanted to accentuate the POWERR TRIOS.

So anyways, I continue to go off-canon the more we proceed in the story! This is a lot more interesting than the last episode for a few reasons. For one thing, I loved writing Kagemaru's backstory. It explained a lot for everyone, especially me. I guess I should stop rambling now, but then comes the Armityle the Chaos Phantasm card from later in the series put way earlier than proposed. It works because it ends goodly? Also there's no reason for Armityle to be a Duel Spirit from a world of 'D's', but then again there's no reason for Armed Dragon Level Ten to control an orbital space cannon.

So then Kagemaru joins with his monster, reveals it matters in a purposely clichéd way, breaks all of Jaden's bones, Atticus shows that he does a thing in this continuity, Jay comes back with a body of entirely broken bones, everybody takes a hop over the shark, and then Jaden kills the rules with sheer manly willpower. He broke Duel Monsters. Ow.

Sadly after causing the worst recorded loss in any Yu-Gi-Oh based fiction through sun throwing and winning with a decimal point in his Life Points, Jaden's cool You Tube musical moment (in the amount of time allotted to read through the moment itself, though it's okay if it took you longer because I'm just stupid for including those types of passages anyway), Dr. Card appears with some freaky song and ruins everything and skipped over the shark. When I came up with him as a bad guy based upon that 3D movie enemy guy from the future during about episode 16, I wanted to come up with a guy who would ruin everything.  So there you go, he forcibly extended the chapter with his presence, allowing us to shift from forced action scenes to hilarity-infused backstory. And the bit characters. And Nancy Wut. And Okkusenman.

And then I force too many random characters into ANOTHER flashback, detail the past of the most literally useless character, give him a limit-break, made Nancy Wut go apeshit, and Dr. Card suffer like a Jaden on evil pain med-steroids. That sums up this season's Nico Nico Douga moment. Thank you for participating. HAPPY FLIPPING ANNIVARSARY and the Heavy Bieber song was incredibly necessary after all that I've just put you kids through. Thank you for listening to my endless ranting, and have a very nece dey. Also if one of my ten-thousand links isn't working, please please please just tell me where it came from. G'nightmorningnoon.


	60. Episode 59: Back to Duel

Another season, another title! I'm not quite sure if this counts, though.

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic  
Episode 59 – Back to Duel

[.com/watch?v=jaHl725hKZ4] Truly uplifting guitar riffs blew out of the volcano! It was the end of Summer Vacation! Children were coming onto Duel Academy Island via boat and helicopter! Some kids were so excited that they leaped out of the choppers and met the harsh reality of the hardness of cement pavement! (Death Count Season Two – 13)  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH DUELACADEMYISLAND," Jaden sighed, stretching his arms and his legs, standing around his friends Syrus Truesdale and Mann McOldsmobile. "It's so good t'be back, y'all!"  
"I know, it's been so boring living in a box all vacation!" Mann McOldsmobile sighed.  
"It's great to see everybody back again," Syrus said contentedly. "So while Mann was in a cardboard box,"  
"It had a hole in it!"  
"That's terrible, but what were you up to, Jay? I got to go to Disneyworld!"  
"Oh, my dad took me to the hospital where he works and I went through super-painful rehabilitation exercises for all these two months, and I had to focus all of my energy into healing so that I could move my limbs again. Frankly, I'm still hurtin' so much I feel like dyin'!"  
"That's horrible, Jay! And in Japan, summer break is usually only ONE month long!" Syrus gasped! "I'm so sorry!"  
"Oh. Eh, don't mention it. You have to live in fear of everythin'! So we're even."  
"Wait, what're you talking about?"  
"Your life sucks."  
"Yeah."

"Wait a minute, we haven't even established the setting yet!" Mann McOldsmobile cried! "I mean, where are we standing? By the docks with the falling kids?"  
"Oh, we're by the suspension bridge that got busted last year but fixed in like two days," Jaden said, pointing to the bridge.  
"I remember that bridge!"  
"Well, then what's up with this lady?" Mann McOldsmobile held up Ms. Dorothy.  
"Hi, kids!" she said, waving. "Look who I found!" She held up Garfield the cat.  
"MEOW," he said gratingly.  
"AAAAAAHHHHH! PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT!" Syrus picked up Garfield and threw him into the sea. He swam back and stared at everybody. "… Cut to the next scene."

Crowler was running at top-speed while holding a pudgy, creepy, French, bug-eyed puppet within its creepy mitts, making its way to the school's docks. "Boy," the puppet 'said', as Crowler tried not to move its lips, "it SHUHR was great that you became Chancelluh this yeahr since Shephad left last month!"  
"Well, Bonaparte," Crowler answered, "it was because all those 'child molestation' counts really piled up last year. He needs to learn to keep his hands off the nubile young girls at our school, heh heh. But in all seriousness, he's hiding out in Peru to avoid the officials."  
"Sacre bleu!" Bonaparte the hand puppet gasped. "Dat sounds pretty bad! How'd a freak like dat get in chahge of a school?"  
"I don't know, but for further exposition, we're heading toward the docks because we HAVE to see the year's new Freshmen! We have a VERY special new student coming this year! His name: Aster Phoenix extrordinaire!"  
"Woah, THE Aster Phoenix? Heah?" the fat puppet asked as they finally broke out into the crowds of new kids! Many of them either ran at the sight of the duo or were merely thrown out of their way. "It must be some mistake! I mean, he's a world-famous Duelist! Why'd HE come tuh OUWH academeh?"  
"Beats me, but once I find him, I'll make him my NEW apprentice!" Crowler exposited. Meanwhile, Bastion and his Baseball Wreckers gang noticed it from afar.  
"Hey, isn't that Crowler?" Fluffy Fred noticed!  
"You're right!" Baseball Bob agreed!  
"Let's go say hi, Bastion!" Piggybank ordered nicely!  
"Why not?" Omega-Xis debated!  
"Then, with such a duelist under my command, I will become UNSTOPPABLE!" Crowler shouted to the heavens, freaking several kids out!  
"Hello, Dr. Crowler, how nice it is to see you!" Bastion greeted, running over! Crowler kicked him away without breaking its stride and continued charging toward the big Duel Academy ship.  
"But… suh, what if dis Aster Phoenix gets into a Duel, and then we don't get to sway him to ouhr cause?" Bonaparte suggested.  
"Um… I don't know, but hopefully nothing gimmicky like that'll happen," Crowler shrugged off, not realizing that in a TV show, if you say it, it WILL happen.

MEANWHILE, WITH ASTER PHOENIX…  
Jaden was standing on the rocky expanse of rock by the suspension bridge, next to the giant cliff of destiny next to the Slifer Toolshed. He was staring down a grey-hair-boy with a white tuxedo and creepily blue eyes. "Yo, Freshie! M'name's Jaden Yuki! What's yours?"  
"He looks like some sort of important character!" Mann McOldsmobile guessed! "Pound 'im to dust! Too many main characters leads to bad situations!" He, Syrus, Ms. Dorothy and Garfield were sitting on the edge of the cliff.  
"Eee, eeeh, I'm scared," Syrus mumbled, wobbling about dangerously. "Why do we live on an island of cliffs and unnamed volcanoes? Wait, I asked that last year."  
"Repeatedly," Ms. Dorothy said. "But boy, day one, and Jaden's ALREADY dueling? Hmph."  
"What, you're saying that like it's a bad thing."  
"It is!"  
"Why?"  
"Because… it's dangerous?"  
"Can I push her?" Mann McOldsmobile suggested.

"Like I asked before they started sayin' useless stuff, I'm Jaden? I wanna duel you; no, wait, I meant GET YO' GAME ON!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"So what's your name, kid?" Jaden invited.  
"Uh, was that supposed to be a catch-phrase or something?" Aster asked.  
"Yeah!"  
"That was… never mind. Anyways, you can call me… Aster Phoenix!" the guy introduced. He had the voice of a slurred drunken surfer dude.  
"_Who? We can't hear from up this sheer cliff face!_"  
"What's that short for?" Jaden asked.  
"It's not a nickname. Why does it have to be a nickname?"  
"Well, Jaden's short for Jaden Yuki! Aster Phoenix CAN'T be for Aster Phoenix!" Aster gave him a look of confusion. "I'ma call you A P! For Aster Phoenix!"  
"Call me Aster!"  
"Got it, Ap! That's short for A P, which is short for Aster!"  
"OKAY, I'LL DUEL YOU."  
"Don'cha mean… get your game on?" Jaden suggested teasingly.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"I'M GOING FIRST."  
"Woo hoo!"

As that happened, Chazz, Alexis, Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson, and Nancy Wut suddenly strolled up to the other characters upon the cliff! "HIIIIIII EVERYBODY!" Nancy Wut shouted!  
"Hey! Those guys!" Mann McOldsmobile greeted! "How's it going?"  
"Hi guys," Deep-Voice Dobbson said, "some of huhs aren't feelin' well, huh."  
"Yeah, we lost Zane and Angry over the summer," Alexis worried. "Syrus, do you have any way of communicating with Zane?"  
"Uh, I have this!" Syrus pulled out a sheet of notebook paper reading , '_If you ever need me, clap three times and believe – Zane_'. Chazz promptly ripped it apart. "NOOOO, THE MAGIC SPELL!"  
"Like that would even work! Come on!" Chazz growled. "Anyways, we bumped into each other while we were coming, since I wanted to see Yuki do something stupid, and Alexis to ask what she just asked."  
"It's always funny t'see what Jaden does, I reckon," Billy Hills noted.  
"He's funnier and dumber than TV, huh huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson added.  
"He's dueling some guy down there," Ms. Dorothy told.  
"Apparently this guy came over to our shack earlier and asked to see Jaden, since he's our UNOFFICIAL STRONGEST DUELIST!" Mann McOldsmobile stated.  
"You guys were already in the dorm?" Chazz asked. "How early'd you get here?"  
"Oh, ummmmm…" Syrus began to remember.

_One month ago, Syrus stood outside of the Slifer Toolshed holding a mouse-shaped balloon and a Mickey Mouse hat. "Wait, WHICH month was I supposed to come back, again?"_  
"Oh, so how was Disney World?" Nancy Wut asked.  
"It was fine. I liked the flying elephant ride."

(Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Aster: 4000 Life Points) "I guess you can go first, A P!" Jaden urged!  
"ASTER!" Aster screamed, now obviously flustered, as both boys drew their cards from their suddenly-apparent Duel Disks.  
"Phoenix Flyer?"  
"NICKNAMES CAN'T BE LONGER THAN NORMAL NAMES!" He angrily threw down a monster. "I set a monster. Your move."  
Jaden drew a card. "School's in, class is in session, and it's time for your first lesson at Duel Academy! I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman!" Lightning danced across the field! From it arose Sparkman, posing a heroic pose! (Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points) "Lesson One: WE HAVE DAILY HAZINGS!" Sparkman shot an arrow of electricity from his palm at the card, causing it to reveal itself: a Lolwut! It exploded.

"He's using that? Seriously?" Alexis wondered.  
"Well, his deck can't be THAT great, since earlier he came in and just bought eight booster packs of the 'Gagagigo and Archlord Zerato and Friends' set at the shop," Ms. Dorothy recalled. "I'd show the flashback, but it's exactly what I just said! Boring!"  
"Thanks, ma'am, I reckon!" Billy Hills thanked, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Usin' Lolwut? Is someone takin' lessons from Barry the Beginner?" Jaden chuckled. "It's funny because he's a beginner at the game, since that's his name. Get it, Flamin' Phoenix? Please believe me."  
"Stop calling me things!" Suddenly, an annoying cell-phone jingle began to play.  
"_OOOOH THE TIME HAS COME, TO STAND UP FOR TOMMOROW, OH OH OH_" it moaned. (.com/watch?v=uYkDP5xDoO8&feature=related)  
"AAAAHHHH, TURN IT OFF!"  
"_WE'RE GHOST BUSTERZ NO FEAR FOR ANYTHIN IN OUR WAY_"

Mercifully, Aster answered the phone. "Y'ello?" he greeted.  
"My GOSH! Who pulls out a CELL PHONE during a CARD GAME?" shouted Chazz. "That's so obnoxious!"  
"Yeah, like me!" Ojama Yellow announced.  
"NOT HELPING!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted, slapping him away.  
"It's like talking to your friend during brain surgery, or, or going on Skype during a wedding!" Alexis related! "That's, wait... okay, who wrote my lines today?" She threw her script to the ground.  
"D-don't worry guys, it's cool, jus' a Freshman, you did it too," Jaden told.  
"NO WE DIDN'T."  
"Okay. But seriously, shut up."  
"So yeah, I'm dueling him right now," Aster whispered to the phone discreetly. "I'm just playing weak stuff so I can tell what his strategy is. Any suggestions?"

Within the crystalline chambers of the Fortress of Solitude in the arctic, a hooded man wearing all white clothing was moving around his Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventure™ Tarot Trading Cards. He flipped one card over, showing an ugly baby. "The reaper is in reverse," the man said to his cell phone. "Take the fall."

"Got it." Aster hung up. "So I'll be setting one card face-down and playing Reload!" His Trap appeared on the field as an ancient Egyptian gun appeared in his hand. He put his remaining cards into it and shot his deck, making four new cards fly out.  
"How useless! Ha ha!" Jaden laughed! "You're a funny kid, ApPle!"  
"The hell'd THAT one come from?" Aster cried! "I'm playing The Sanctuary in the Sky!" A small space opened up on the side of his Duel Disk, wherein he slid a Field Spell card. A magnificent Roman temple appeared among the cliffs, turning everything around the players into blue sky on a realm of clouds.  
"Sweet, Action Aster! Great move! I couldn't a' done it better m'self, homie!" Jaden congratulated.  
"… D-did you just say… Action Aster?" Aster asked, speechless and pale.  
"Yup! Cool nickname, eh?"

[.com/watch?v=rsc-NbIqaEA] The boy slid into a sudden bout of depression, brought upon through memory. _Aster Phoenix used to be a small boy with a teenage older brother and an NES. "Dang it, this game's crap!" his brother shouted as Aster walked into the family room.__  
__"What'cha playin' bro?" he asked.__  
__"O-oh, Aster, hey." His brother felt like pushing all his sorrows onto the small one. "Heeeey, I got a new game for you! It's called ACTION 52!"__  
__"Wow!" Aster got to hold the clear plastic cartridge in question. "Cool, it's clear! And it has a ninja on the cover with a dragon! Sweet! Can I play?"__  
__"Suuuuure," the elder Phoenix boy allowed. He slipped the game into the NES and got them past the title screen, showcasing a Cheetahman waving his fist around to the tune of 'It Takes Two'.__  
__"Cool! A cheetah!"__  
__"Not JUST a cheetah," the brother said, "a cheetah-MAN!" He turned on the first game and handed the controller to the little kid. __  
__'FIREBREATHERS' read the screen. Two dragons appeared in a grassy plane.__  
__"Cool, the dragons!" Aster cheered! He took the controller and started attacking the second player with fireballs. Then he won. "…. That's it?"__  
__"Don't worry, you have FIFTY-ONE games left!" the old kid said.__  
__"But are they all this bad?"__  
__"Don't worry, there's ONE GAME on this cartridge that's secretly… THE BEST GAME IN THE WORLD." _

_Being an idiot, Aster fell for it and spent the rest of the day playing EVERY GAME._

_"AAAAAAAAAHHHH, WHY DID I JUST LOSE WHEN THE GAME JUST STARTED?"_

_"AAAAAHHHHHHH, WHAT'S A FETTUC?"_

_"AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH, WHAT THE HECK IS MICRO MIKE SUPPOSED TO BE?"_

_"WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH, WHAT'S THAT FACE ON THE GROUND AND WHY DOES IT KILL MEEEE?"_

_"BLARRRRRRRRRGHGGGG! TIME? __TIME?__"_

_And then, he had played through FIFTY-ONE GAMES. There was only one left… THE CHEETAHMEN. "Alright, could this one… TRULY… be the BEST game in the world?" Aster asked himself. He took a deep gulp and shakily pressed START. _

_He soon threw up from the sheer unplayability of the mess._

_Aster didn't sleep well that night. In his dreams, he was having trouble jumping, babies crawled around spraying milk everywhere, tough dudes smashed things with giant purple lollipops, Bubblegum Rosie was calling herself 'Rossie', cows were flying through the air, short magician things were shooting streamers on ledges and swinging around like Spiderman, crocodile people were running through the bomb-filled streets shooting people, ect. And Aster was caught in the middle of it all, chased by a naked guy with a giant schnoz and feet, rolling around in a ball of wrinkles and hair! "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" the boy screamed! "AT LEAST PUT ON A TACKY SUIT AND SOME BAD SUNGLASSES!" Suddenly there was a disturbance in the air. All of the monstrosities fled. And then the Cheetahmen trio entered. "Y-you… you lied to me!" Aster complained! Then one of the bipedal martial arts gi-wearing cheetahs held out his crossbow and shot him in the leg! "YEOW!" Aster fell over and nursed his injured limb in futility! The bulky member of the team picked him up by the shirt and punched him in the stomach! "OOGH!" he cried. At last, the one wearing the red headband walked over, spun his two wooden clubs in his hands, and smashed Aster's head in._

_"Action 52…" muttered Aster's older brother, standing over his bed, whispering into his ear. "Action 52… Action 52…" The kid sat up with a jolt, spraying his icy sweat all over the room.__  
__"NOOOOOHOHOHOOO!"_

[.com/watch?v=Y7IUTiUmqKs] "And THAT is why you will never say ACTION in front of me ever AGAIN!" Aster commanded, panting heavily! "Do you understand? My childhood trauma won't let me sit still when I hear that word! So stop nicknaming me!"  
"You got it, Action Hero!"  
"NOT ACTION!" Aster threw a monster card onto his Duel Disk. "I summon Warrior of Zera, and offer him as a tribute to summon the Archlord Zerato from my hand!" A dark-skinned green-armored warrior appeared, held up his blue sword, and was struck by a ray of light via the tip of the fancy temple. His form was replaced by a pink, taller, winged shape. His sword had become longer and curved as well. (Archlord Zerato: 2800 Attack Points) "Then I'll discard a Mystic Shine Ball monster card to wipe out your monster by his effect!" A small glowing orb appeared next to Zerato. He stuck his hand into it, shattering it, and took all of its powers, firing them at Sparkman as a storm of lasers and glass. Sparkman exploded. "Attack him directly, Archlord!"  
"Woah! Nice goin', Phoenix Games!" Jaden called! "You're pretty good after all!"  
Aster twitched. "NOT ANOTHER TRAUMA!" he sobbed, shooting a thousand salty tears into Jaden's face.  
"More like Ew! Phoenix." (Jaden: 1200 Life Points)

"That looks pretty bad!" Syrus worried.  
"Why's Jaden so stupid today?" Chazz asked. "I mean, sure he's an idiot, but now he's just annoying."  
"We lost his meds," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"His Stupid Pills?"  
"No, it keeps all the antibiotics and super-vitamins that are putting his bones back together from the last episode. It's tragic."  
"Oh." Everybody looked down in a somber fashion.  
"A-anyways, I reckon you should take this!" Nancy Wut threw a towel at Jaden as Billy Hills slapped her face.  
"Leave m'catch phrase alone, I reckon!"

Jaden caught the towel on his face, and as it slid off it took the wetness and salt away with it. "Thanks, yo! But y'know sumthin', Dingo Pictures?"  
"How did you even GET that nickname? Is that an insult?"  
"I summon Elemental Hero Clayman and play the Spell card Metamorphosis!" Clayman appeared on the field, round and brown as ever! Then he turned into… Clayman dressed as a football player with a shield. Yech. "It's Elemental Hero Clay Guardian now, bub!" (Clay Guardian: 2800 Defense Points) Jaden held his pointer finger out at Aster and shouted "PENALTY GAME!" Aster Phoenix exploded!  
(Aster: 4000 - 3400 Life Points) "AAAAHHH!" he screamed! "What did you do?"  
"You lost six-hundred points."  
"How?"  
"Because it's convenient."  
"B-but was it your monster's ability?" he reasoned, brushing away the ashes covering his suit and brushing his hair back into place with a giant afro pick. "Tell me that, at least."  
"Y'know you've made two big mistakes here, bub," Jaden taught, setting one card face-down. "One: you have no cards left in your hand." His opponent was out of extra cards. "Two: my monster has as many Defense Points as your monster had Attack Points! Now you can't beat'm."

Racking his brain in anger, Aster prepared his answer. "One: I USED that card to wipe your field and gain an ADVANTAGE, and I can do so AGAIN if you don't pose an actual threat next turn. Two: how is it MY fault that you summoned that monster? Three: I win if I draw a monster! Do you understand?"  
"Heh heh, heh." Jaden held up two fingers and was having fun wiggling them in a precise order.  
"_Don't try reasoning with him, I tried!_" called Syrus from high above. Understanding, Aster Phoenix began to silently cry blood.

_This boy's an idiot! I was promised a good match!_ Aster thought. _Sartorius told me he'd be a challenge and all I needed to do was survey! All I've learned from today is that he uses Elemental Heroes and that he's an IDIOT! Was this truly the destined boy I was sent to duel?_

MEANWHILE, IN THE FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE…

The white-robed man flipped up another one of his Jo Jo Tarot cards. On it was an upside-down picture of a Frenchman with tall, silver hair and fashionable summer clothing. "The reversed Chariot?" the figure understood. "The game is coming to a climax…" Then, deciding it was better than spending his time flipping over cards and sitting idly, he pulled out a remote control and watched some TV.

"I have BETTER things to do than duel someone like YOU!" Aster growled! He drew a Spell card. "No matter, I'd better finish this. I activate Beckoning Light!" His Trap card disappeared, beckoning the Mystic Shine Ball out of Aster's Graveyardplace! "This card discards my hand and replaces it with Light-type monsters from my Graveyard, which I can then discard to wipe your monsters away again!" The Mystic Shine Ball appeared again, got crushed again, and blew away Clay Guardian again for the first time.  
"Is he REALLY going to lose THIS early?" Chazz appraised.  
"No! Would anybody REALLY set a Trap card in this show and NOT use it?" Syrus lampshaded.  
"Have you taken notes?" Alexis wondered.  
"_Howdidyouknow?_"

"STRIKE HIM!" Aster shouted as the archangel took the offensive once more! He flew at Jaden and cut through his neck in one swift blow! Just kidding, it was just a Winged Kuriboh.  
"OOH," it 'ooh'ed, sobbing two tears. Winged Kuriboh exploded!  
"Sorry, I played my Flute of Summoning Kuriboh, Mr. Advanced Placement," Jaden said as his newly-revealed Spell card flew off the field toward the Graveyard. "You done this turn, seein' as you're STILL out of cards?"  
"Hmm hmm hmm…" _He's better than I thought,_ Aster believed. _This is actually getting fun! Will I get to see one of these comebacks I've heard so much about?_

_He remembered the day before. "Sartorius," he said within the confines of the Fortress of Solitude, pushing Superman's corpse around with his foot, "WHY should I bother with this kid when I get to the academy? I mean, sure, his deck is a foil to mine and makes it kinda funny, but—" __  
__"Aster, enough, let me explain it to you." Robed figure Sartorius shuffled his tarot cards around in his hands. "Every man and woman is born with three qualities of varying quality when it comes to Duel Monsters: luck, skill and sheer power. Jaden Yuki is quite possibly the most lucky man on the face of the earth, but while his power is high, his skill is below par. I know your skills and power are top-level, but that is why I need you to employ the power of chance to pick out a deck at random and duel the STRONGEST STUDENT at Duel Academy. Once you have lost to Jaden Yuki, that means he's followed my expectations and our plan will work. Trust me."__  
__"Fine, I see," Aster understood. "I'll just hold onto my real deck and fart around 'til I lose." He kicked Superman out of the way. "Can I take the hovercraft to the island?"__  
__"No, I arranged for you to use the sunset helicopter."__  
__"I NEVER get to use the hovercraft!"_

"You see, Yuki," Aster began, "I'm starting to believe what I was told about you. When everybody is born, their destiny is already set out before them. Losers shall always be losers, and nameless characters will never be named unless the plot deems it necessary. And then there are legends, like you."  
"Me?" Jaden asked to the tune of 'wa-wa' music. "More like a super-star! Or a superhero with a kickin' theme tune like 'DAnananananana…' But a legend? No thanks!"  
"Oh you poor sap, you're gonna fulfill your destiny whether you want to or not!" His hair began to flow as if dunked underwater and his azure eyes turned pure blue! "Now, come at me with your full power! I WANT TO SEE YOUR FULL POWER! COME ON; IT'S SHOWTIME!"  
"Found the huh meds huh!" called Deep-Voice Dobbson as he tossed two pills into Jaden's mouth. He swallowed hard.  
"Maybe not FULL power…" Jaden considered, "but how's about our new half-season theme song?" [.com/watch?v=iYcRQBrUbd0]  
"THAT SO DOESN'T FIT THE TONE OF THIS SCENE!"  
He picked up his next card off of his deck. He flipped it around! It was that guy I don't like; "Elemental Hero Bubbleman in Attack Mode!" Bubbleman appeared with a sickly purple background! (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points)  
"Oh my gosh, Boss," Ojama Yellow cried, standing on Chazz's shoulder, "that means he can draw TWO cards!" Garfield ate him.  
"Thanks!"  
"MEOW."  
"EEP!"

"Hah!" Jaden said, pulling two cards from his deck of cards! He added the cards with the cards in his hand, and played another Spell card. "I then activate The Warrior Returning Alive!" Sparkman floated out of his Graveyard and into Jaden's hand in one swift, circular arc.  
"WOAH HOW'D HE DO THAT I RECKON?" Billy Hills gasped!  
"He's still got it!" Syrus said with a smirk.  
"I GUESS that has to do with the last episode?" Alexis supposed.  
"Next I'll play Polymerization!" Jaden said, fusing Bubbleman and Sparkman with Avian!  
"Hi, long time no see!" he greeted, waving to the kids.  
"Hi, Avian!" everybody greeted back.

"Combine into…" They swirled together into the blue-clothed green-haired blaster-armed Hero, "TEMPEST!" (Tempest: 2800 Attack Points) "Now, by discardin' a card," Jaden said, tossing away a Skyscraper card, "he can't die in battle against guys tough as he is! Destroy Zerato!"  
"ROOAAAAHH!" the man shouted, sounding like a true hardened warrior! Tempest tackled into Archlord Zerato gun-first, aiming it into his stomach. He'd tackled straight through Zerato's blade, which snapped and crumbled. In one burst, a laser burned Zerato to the last molecule, turning him into two specks of dust.  
_So this is what I'll be facing later,_ Aster anticipated, dispelling his eye-glow and hair-float. _This is too exciting…_  
"Then I play De-Fusion!" Jaden added, playing the aforementioned Spell! "My monster splits apart and all three Heroes attack you directly!" Tempest split back into Bubbleman, Sparkman and Avian.  
"HAH!" Bubbleman threw a rockin' bubble at Aster. (Aster: 2600 Life Points)  
"HOO!" Sparkman threw a shockin' spark at Atser. (Aster: 1000 Life Points)  
"Whoop!" Avian threw an Avin' credit card at Aster. (Aster: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"And THAT'S how you get yo' game on, son!" Jaden shouted, satisfied.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"I really missed that guy!" Jade acknowledged as the temple in the sky was blown away in the wind, restoring the cliff to its earlier state.

"Wait, what was that card he discarded earlier?" Chazz asked, impressed.  
"Who cares, we just remembered why he's the main character again!" Alexis remembered.  
"So, Aster Phoenix AKA AP AKA random kid who dueled me even though I should be wondering why he's a nation-wide celebrity duelist, I hope you realize what kinda competition you've gotta exceed at THIS school!" Jaden coached. "Good game! If you'd had better card advantage, you may've won."  
"Maybe," Aster said, as the sun began to set behind him and a helicopter burst out from the water nearby. "Well I think it's about time to retire to mainland Japan." He grabbed onto a helpful rope ladder as the helicopter began to fly off. "Maybe I'll even use my REAL deck next time…" The chopper began flying over the ocean, into the sunset. "_Wrong way, idiot!_" It turned and flew back to the mainland.  
"Yow kids! That SURE was the bee's knees, eh?" Ms. Dorothy surveyed, petting Garfield. "We NEVER had games like those when I was a lass. All we had were Hoop n' Stick, Tic-Tac-Toe, Pick-up Sticks, Hackey Sacks, The Hindenburg Disaster, Shoot the Impure Races, Ben 10 Alien Force, Everyone Hates the Immigrants…"

As she babbled on, the other characters began discussing other subjects. "So because I have to ask because I'm the one who plays card games the least around here," Mann McOldsmobile said, "does anybody know what his REAL deck type IS?"  
"Oh, I heard he uses some Elemental Hero fusions Jaden never used," Syrus recalled.  
"Like me, I reckon!" Billy Hills realized! Then he frowned. "Aw dang it, now I'm not unique anymore I reckon."  
"Don't worry about it, we forced it onto you, anyways." Alexis admitted. "All we need to figure out now is what he has to do with our plot."  
"Let's find out as we go?" Nancy Wut suggested.  
"Sounds dangerous." Syrus said. "Let's (not) do it!"  
"In any case," Jaden asked, appearing behind the group as Ms. Dorothy went into her truly racist favorite games, "what'd you think 'bout my Duel down there?"  
"Please don't use Clay Guardian ever again," Nancy asked.  
"Now that I'm on mah meds," Jaden said in a dependable fashion, "ANYTHIN'S POSSIBLE!"  
"AAAAHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" And so they laughed on into the night…

… as Crowler and Bonaparte were stuck by the docks, waiting for Aster. "I don't think he's coming, monsyewer," Bonaparte said, seeing as every student had already left to the island.  
"Not a man."  
"Sorry. Shouldn't we have taken all da children heyah by helicoptah like last yeyah? Then maybe we'd have done all this by now."  
"Stop applying logic to everything," Crowler denounced, smacking the puppet on a nearby box.

[.com/watch?v=MI_wWlz2Rck] Just then, a ship crashed down onto the piers! A plank dropped down from the boat, allowing two students to step out from inside. One was a tough-looking young man, with a dinosaur-ish bandana, dreadlocks flowing to his back, and the sleeveless girl's Ra Yellow top so that he could show off his muscles. And he was a BLACK kid! Truly the first of his race to ever step onto the island. Magical. The other was a perky young blue-haired (down to the small of her back) girl with aqua-colored butterfly-shaped glasses, an idiot smile, and a red dress covered in yellow and black lines running down the underside of her arms, running down to her feet, covered in shiny white boots. I wonder why she's so well-described, even though she's not even in the original material.

"SEN-KAI-YOOOOH!" she shouted! "DADA! WE'RE HERE!"  
"Shugahplum!" Bonaparte exclaimed, as Crowler helped move his puppetty arms into an embrace around Senkaiyoh's neck. "Comment allez vous? How was yuh trip?"  
"Pretty good!" she answered.  
"Hey, Mr. B!" the boy greeted, patting the puppet's shoulder. "'Sbeen a while! Don't worry, I've been taking care of Senkaiyoh on the boat. Boy, was it a massacre!"  
"Why're you wearing the girl's uniform?" Crowler asked. "Wait, A MASSACRE?"  
"AAHH, WHAT ARE YOU?" Hassleberry gasped!  
"Oh, that? I thought you said only the two survivors got to go to the academy!" Senkaiyoh remembered.  
"Non non non, my little flowah!" Bonaparte said. "We said it would take two HOUWAHS to get to the academy! What did you do this time?" Some blood ran down the side of the ship. (Death Count Season Two – 93)  
"Well, they DID try to tap my shoulder, so I didn't show the evil students any mercy!" Senkaiyoh explained.  
"That… that's horrible!" Crowler gasped!  
"You too!" the boy said.  
"Quiet, Hassleberry."  
"I see you're already well acquainted with me, Manwomanpig," the boy whose last name was Hassleberry said. "Well, she just said that's what she heard and I believed her, so…"  
"SENKAIYOH!" Senkaiyoh continued.  
"Not a man," Crowler said. "Anyways, what happened to the captain?"  
"It was SURE hard to drive a ship like that one!" Senkaiyoh deduced, straightening the Captain's Cap on her head. "And THAT'S why we were late! Tyranno tried to drive it and it caught on fire, so we put it out by just shooting at it! It was so hilarious!"  
"Well, what can I say? Aha ha ha ha ha…"

"So tell me again why I allowed both of these students into my school? Crowler asked.  
"Because theyah just as dangehrus as the rest ah dem, bless theyah heahts…" Bonaparte said with a sniffle, wiping away a puppet tear. "By the way, let's get rid of the Slifah Red dorms tomorrah."  
"Okay."

_NEXT EPISODE:  
It's love in full bloom at Duel Academy! Jaden becomes obsessed with new student Senkaiyoh! Chazz Princeton becomes obsessed with BEATING UP new student Senkaiyoh! New student Senkaiyoh becomes obsessed with old-looking guy Mann McOldsmobile! Mann McOldsmobile becomes obsessed with unmasking Bonaparte for the fraud he is! But there's gonna be some trouble, 'cause there's a NEW Tyranno Hassleberry in town! Tune in next time to find out what the heck all this means! Yeehaw!_

COMMENTARY

Ah, it's good to be back! Even though I haven't even taken a break or changed my schedule. Whoop. But this season is going to undergo a few changes. For one thing, we're keeping up with the number of people we kill off. That's important. And as of our last episode, Jaden's got MAD MAGIC DUELING SKILLS. He is essentially going to be a walking Shadow Game. Because he's been blessed with such overflowing awesomeness that he can, in fact, summon holograms into reality. This is still all primarily comedy. But what about Aster? Furthermore, we're throwing in several new characters.

Aster Phoenix: Jaden expy rip-off with blue magical floating energy, a jerk brother and a mysterious tutor! Sartorius: Evil mastermind mystery tutor with blue hair and white clothes! Bonaparte: Creepy marionette! He scares me with his uselessness! Tyranno Hassleberry: Dinosaur kid with Dino DNA, which still makes no sense! Furthermore, I'm throwing in several new characters.

Senkaiyoh: An purposefully over-stylized character with nonsense for a name who I have actually mentioned in the commentary beforehand! She WILL screw this thing up further. Police brutality. Expect it. And don't expect a good reason for her existence. Sure, I'll give you a reason later. But it won't be good. Oh yeah, and there was also that one kid from the beginning of the last episode. More on him later?

And as we go on, we shall find more and more odd happenings to be happening! Jaden gets a new deck! Sartorius reveals how he's going to rule the world and why! Mann McOldsmobile may get angry again! Will Action 52 play a large part in the plot? What happened to Ms. Dorothy to make her who she is? Will I wise up and stop throwing Shades Milligan into every episode? WAS there even a reason to Shades Milligan? Why was I calling the Fortress of Solitude the 'Hall of Justice' on the original release of the story after not doing the research until just now, completely ruining the joke? Do I have too many Jojo's Bizarre Adventure references already(not yet, actually)? The answer to these questions, and more, may or may not be answered by the end of the season. Also let's start betting over how fast the kill count will break a thousand.

Writing notes, because I have to justify some things: I chose to put in a few songs for some reasons that I feel like I have to justify them.

Star Man for Aster's flashback! The song to me feels like a disappointment. It makes me sad, as if I'm doing something horrible by listening to it. Just like playing Action 52. Such an expensive piece of gaming technology, and yet it can only bring about so much scarring, lasting pain.

Gemini Man for Aster! Come on, it sounds like a "secret agent coffee shop"(Quote by sister, ShinyKendo). Google up Aster Phoenix. Tell me he does not look the part. And then we have a Mega Man thing going for his NES past. Perfect?

Go My Way! A song that supposedly personifies the first half of the season? I'll give you twenty-six-plus-six episodes to think about it. I'll just tell you to link it toward Sartorius. Give it some thought and it may make sense. TAROT! (good thing I don't believe in tarot readings)

Lost My Music. Because Senkaiyoh shall bend the universe to her will. I'm SO looking forward to people complaining over her. Get sick of me babbling about over her Mary Sue attributes, because that was the point.

Small note: Syrus had a pretty lousy vacation this year. But that will NEVER compare to his adventures… next year… yes. I just hinted to something that I can post in one entire year. It was not useless.


	61. Episode 60: Champion or ChazzBeen

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic  
Episode 60 – Champion or Senkaiyoh

Chazz Princeton was standing in the center of the good ol' fashioned Duel Dome arena, standing with a brown-haired Obelisk Blue kid, with really wide eyes, both shuffling their opponent's decks. "YOU CAN DO IT, CHAZZ!" Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed from the sidelines! "I RECKON YOU CAN HUH HUH!"  
"Hey boss, it's 'da first Duel o' th' new year!" Ojama Yellow announced, sitting on Chazz's shoulder. "How d'ya feel?"  
"I feel like I won't even NEED my Armed Dragons to take care of THIS newbie," Chazz stated.  
"I feel undahpreciated."  
"Hey RED KID," Chazz's opponent asked, "what's with the WEIRDO on your shoulder?"  
"He's ugly. Get with it."  
"Uh, okay?"  
Crowler was standing nearby, holding Bonaparte holding a microphone. "BONJEWER, CHILDREN!" Bonaparte greeted. "T'day's the fuhst day of classes, and I suppose yew're all wonderin' why we've ALREADY got a Duel set up!"  
"Yeah," said the audience.

As that happened, Jaden, Alexis, and their respective posses were scrambling down the halls, trying to get to the main event. "Aw no, it's last year all over again!" Mann McOldsmobile cried. "Ooh, I know! I can get you to the library!"  
"Not now," Nancy Wut cautioned. "We don't need no book learning today!"  
"I just wish that we already knew about this thing so that we wouldn't HAVE to be late, yo," Jaden lamented.  
"We DID," Syrus claimed. "They had the PA system say it all over the island. At maximum volume. People on mainland Japan heard it. We MIGHT be there already if you weren't being a LAZY BUM while Alexis and everybody waited on us!"  
"I mean really, did you HAVE to do that nose hair trimming this morning?" Alexis groaned.  
"Long story, man. LONG."  
"Hehey," Atticus snickered, signaling that he was with them, "I guess that you could say we're in a… BUM rush?" He smiled awkwardly and waited for the payoff.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Gets worse every time," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"Oh hey we're here," Alexis quickly exclaimed, for they had just entered the Duel Dome.  
"Hey, who's that short guy on stage?" Atticus asked, pointing to Bonaparte.  
"It's a puppet, Atticus," Alexis stated, disturbed, "a really, really uncomfortable puppet."  
"That Mrs. C!" Jaden guffawed.  
"Mrs.?"

The two students gave their decks back to the original owners and backed off into Dueling position. "So allow ME to explain to them all what we're doing here," Crowler said, snatching the microphone out of her marionette's paws. "My son, Chazz Princeton, will be dueling in order to determine the fate of the Slifer Red dorm! If he is to win, he will be promoted to Obelisk Blue and the old building will be destroyed!"  
"GAYYYAASSSSP!" the audience shrieked!  
"Naw way!" Jaden cried!  
"B-BUT LISTEN, GUYS!" Chazz instructed as the Slifers in the room tossed red items at him. "IF THE RED DORMS ARE DESTROYED, ALL OF US REDS CAN GO UP A DORM AND LIVE IN LUXURY! WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD BREAKFAST ONCE SINCE BANNER KICKED IT! DO YOU LIKE BREAKFAST?"  
"Boo," some kid roared, tossing his red ketchup packet at Chazz. Chazz blasted it away with his CHAZZISAWESOMELASERBLAST and ignored the ignorant masses.  
"Hmph. Idiots."  
"B-back to the point," Crowler continued, wiping a red towel off of its face, "if this weird boy over here wins…"  
"MY NAME IS FILLERBOY BLUESTUDENT!" the random filler student boy from Obelisk Blue claimed.  
"Yes yes, if Filllerboy wins, Red is still destroyed, so there."  
"SO WE'RE SCREWED EITHER WAY?" Jaden and Mann McOldsmobile cried, sobbing into the heavens.  
"But it's good," Syrus said quietly. "I wanna be Yellow…"

"Anyways before Chazz duels Fillerboy he has to duel Bonaparte's daughter, who wants to save the Red Dorms," Crowler spat as Senkaiyoh from earlier walked on-stage, taking Fillerboy Bluestudent's place.  
"SEN-KAI-YOOOOOOH!" she screamed.  
"Wait WHAT?" Atticus asked suddenly.

ONE! DAY! EARLIER!  
Crowler was sitting in its office, the Chancellor's Room, dwelling on the cruelty of life in general. It fiddled around with Bonaparte's puppety body, making him dance around like a common rag doll. "Doo dee doo dee doo," Crowler sobbed. "OH IT'S HOPELESS!"  
"What, Crowluh?" Bonaparte asked, Crowler moving its mouth slightly in a way people wouldn't notice.  
"I just wanted Aster Phoenix! That's all I truly desired for our mighty school as its new Chancellor. A fresh face. A school mascot of incredible constitution. And yet I can't even find this new most important student of the millennium! It's just not fair."  
"Why did we need him again?"  
"Because everybody's frigging killing up all the students at this school EVERY SINGLE YEAR!" Crowler shouted! "Why do you THINK I put up the kill counter? For FUN?"  
"It looked interesting, Crowluh."  
"BUT OUR POPULARITY KEEPS SHRINKING! We BARELY got any NEW main characters since Zane Truesdale graduated! All we have is… that… Hassleberry kid… and… see? NOBODY!"  
"And my daughtuh," Bonaparte reminded. "Look, I got an ideuh. How's about we have a NEW stah of the school? And while we'uh at it, we could get rid of Slifuh Red. It's the biggest of ouh dorms, despite being the smallest quartehs. If we put the LOW-ranked students into the HIGHER-ranked dorms, then we MAY be able t'make us moah populah!"

"Hmm… and our new star… could it be my son?" Crowler thought. "My own flesh and cash? It's perfect! What a perfect idea, Bonaparte! We could reinstate him into Obelisk Blue after dueling some random Blue Freshman, like HE used to be, and he'll gain ALL his popularity BACK! Bonaparte, you're awesome."  
"Ooh, can my DAUGHTUH pahticipate as well?" Bonaparte asked.  
"You're becoming less awesome by the minute."  
"Well, I suppose ouh kids could Duel it up, and then the winnuh would duel the random kid, and THEN we'd have a stah on ouwah hanz!" Bonaparte decided.  
"Fine then." Crowler caved in. "Our kids can duel. Waiiiit… ARE YOU SAYING THAT IF YOUR KIDS WINS YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME?" Crowler threw Bonaparte against the wall.

TWO! MINUTES! LATER!  
Senkaiyoh was walking around with Tyranno Hassleberry, heading to the Slifer Red dorms. He was carrying all of their luggage to appear respectably chivalrous. Senkaiyoh however was ambling on ahead, talking on a titanium cell phone. "So I'll be dueling tomorrow, daddy?" she asked.  
"_Yes, pumkin, you'll be facing a Sophomoah student befoah we blow up the Slifer Red dorms!_" She looked at the crappy building ahead of them. A window fell out and broke suddenly.  
"Well, it looks pretty hazardous, so okay!" Senkaiyoh accepted.  
"_Alright, den. I'll see you tomorroh, mon angette! Kisses._" He hung up. Senkaiyoh destroyed the cell phone in her steely grip.  
"Alright, Hassleyberry," Senkaiyoh said, "thanks for coming with me. I'll see you tomorrow!"  
"Well okay then," the cool kid accepted, "but at least let me take your bags inside first."  
"'Kay! I'm on the first floor!" Senkaiyoh instructed. "I'm gonna look around a bit before I turn in." She waved, he waved, and he walked her two bags of stuff into the first floor. He entered a giant, one-floor-sized room, full of half of the school's population, all Red students.  
"WHAT IS THIS SCHOOL?"

The blue-haired girl strolled around up the stairs of the tool shed and stopped at the last door of the flat. "I hope they like new neighbors!" Senkaiyoh hoped, intent on taking the room next door. She kicked the door down and screamed "SENKAIYOOOOH! HOWDY, NEIGHBORS!" Inside was Jaden, eating Cup Noodles from a cup and looking at trading cards atop Mann McOldsmobile's fallen bunk.  
"Uh… yo?" Jaden stuttered. _Her eyes… sparkling like stars! Her hair… like the endless expanses of the universe! Her aura… it feels like somethin' else cosmic-related! What is this… longing?_ And that's how he fell in love with our random new character.  
"I'm Senkaiyoh, and I'm gonna live right next to you!" She pulled out a gun from nowhere. "I brought a casserole! Whoops. I guess I brought a gun."  
"AAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Jaden fake-laughed. "Oh boy, you're a riot, Senkai."  
"Senkaiyoh."  
"I'm Jaden, yo!"  
"SENKAIYOH!"  
"Senkai, yo. Gotcha." He quickly inhaled the rest of his noodles through his mouth cavity and wiped his face. He offered a hand in shaking merriment. "I'm Jaden Yuki, the best Duelist kid at school, proven approximately 53 times so far. Nice dress. New uniform?"  
"No, I forced them to let me wear it, because it's my SPECIAL uniform!" Senkaiyoh explained, slapping Jaden's hand away. "I'm a GALACTIC POLICE OFFICER, SWORN TO ELIMINATE ALL EVIL NO MATTER WHERE IT LIES!"  
"Oh, cool." _A'ight, now it's time to lay it on thick, Jay-bird,_ Jaden told himself. _Gonna put the moves on 'er._ "Uh, I like girls with long hair and random blue glasses." _SCORE!_

Syrus suddenly walked into the room, steaming with general upsettery! "Jaden, I just went to take a shower. And you know what?" he demanded.  
"Not now, Sy!" Jaden warned.  
"The soap smells like ass!" Syrus pouted. "Why does it smell like ass?"  
"I do not know, Sy."  
"It's because you keep washing your ass with EVERYBODY'S SOAP. I mean, you put the soap, in your ass. That's disgusting Jay! We could ALL die if we use this soap! And it'll wash down the drain, ruining ALL the water! You told me you stopped doing that, Jaden." Syrus appeared finished.  
"Uh…"  
"I mean seriously, who puts the soap in their ass-cheeks?" Syrus complained further. "That's foul!"  
"Is he your friend?" Senkaiyoh asked.  
"Um… yeah. He lives in this room with me and a tough guy."  
"Ooh, tough guy?"  
"I'm Syrus Truesdale and I do not stick soap in my ass," Syrus assured. "UNLIKE HIM! Ugh!" Senkaiyoh glanced at Jaden. Jaden frowned. Senkaiyoh stopped looking at Jaden.  
"I'm Senkaiyoh, galactic police officer!"  
"Oh."

And then Mann McOldsmobile walked in, covered in wetness, not wearing a shirt. He placed one hand on the empty doorframe. "Uh, hi guys? What's with this random girl? And why're you on my bed?"  
"Oop, sorry Mann," Jaden apologized. "Nuthin' personal."  
"Nah, it's alright, it's just that there's a bed on the top with nobody inside."  
"But Koala Ko Ala DIED in that last year!"  
"Oh yeah." Suddenly Mann McOldsmobile accidentally crushed the doorframe with his bare hand! "Oops! Didn't mean to do that, ha ha ha."  
"WAIT WAIT WAIT! Did you just break that thing?" Senkaiyoh questioned.  
"Um, yeah," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"And can you survive this?" Senkaiyoh asked, slamming an iron girder over his head.  
"OW! Yeah," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"WELL THEEEENNN…" Senkaiyoh announced, "I'm an idiot."  
"… Okay."  
"And I'm not done!" she insisted. "You see, I do dangerous stuff all the time, being a galactic policewoman and such! So I need to make sure that before I die, I can carry on my DNA!" She grabbed Mann McOldsmobile by the shoulder. "You! I need you! Your body is stronger than normal humans. That way, I can't kill you by accident! Give me a baby."  
"… No," he declined.  
"What are you talking about, mysterious female character?" Syrus cried. "You're making this thing go from Teen to Adults Only! LIKE JADEN! UGH! Stop hurting our demographic, you guys!"  
"Nah, it'll only rise to Older Teen!" Senkaiyoh insisted. "Teen Only at the very least!" She patted Mann McOldsmobile on the belly.  
"Ahh! My belly!" he recoiled.  
"Come on, it'll only take five minutes!" Senkaiyoh went on. "It'll be fun! I'm sure you're not gay enough to turn me down!"  
"Well, yeah, but… I only like older women."

"..." Senkaiyoh said.  
"..." Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"I'll take it!" Jaden said.  
"… Allllright then," Senkaiyoh accepted, "have it your way. I'll just keep asking you at every opportunity!"  
"No!" Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"Please, ma'am, get out of our room," Syrus stressed. "We don't need another Sue or Stu here."  
"Alright thennnnn," Senkaiyoh repeated. She picked the door up and every piece of shattered wall. She threw them back into place, somehow fixing everything perfectly. "I guess I'll see you around! Sen-kai-yoh!" She walked out the door, leaving the three guys alone.

"I like her," Jaden sighed. "I'm in love, bros."  
"She's a whore!" Mann McOldsmobile said decisively.  
"AND she's OBVIOUSLY a MARY SUE," Syrus verified.  
"Naw, her name's Senkai!"  
"You don't get it, do you?" Syrus groaned. "Alright, a Mary Sue by definition is a female character in a work of fiction who instantly becomes a top-tier character and dominates EVERYTHING, storyline and all."  
"But she's cool! Didn't you see those cool shades?"  
"Jay, look," explained the glasses-boy, "she's a Mary Sue, which is BAD. She instantly made you fall in love, she's pulling things out from… hyperspace or something, and she's sexually harassing our Mann McOldsmobile. Plus she looks different because of her dress. That MEANS she's taking the story from us. Which is BAD! It's like Shades Milligan, if he ever became important! We DON'T want that."  
"And I don't like being sexually harassed, you fool in love!" Mann McOldsmobile stated. "You KNOW I'm uncaring about love right now seeing as I suddenly got an interest in Alexis and got over it! That MEANS it was an ACCIDENTAL CHARACTER TRAIT WE'D ALL BE BETTER OFF FORGETTING. She's FORCING IT ON ME."  
"But she's got blue hair, y'all! BLUE!"  
"_**I**_ have blue hair!" Syrus yelled!  
"Y'do?"  
Syrus jumped up and spin-kicked him in the face. Two teeth and an eyeball flew out of his head.  
"WHYYYYYYYyyyyy…"  
"Look, we're getting off-topic here, but this girl's a BAD OMEN. We've got some bad JUJU magic up in here. We can't have it."  
"Now to the point," Mann McOldsmobile reminded, "why's the soap smell like ass?"

Outside, Senkaiyoh slid down the banister and fell as it snapped in half. He glasses showed a small line of orange, as if on a circuit board, and summoned a second cell phone out of thin air. She grabbed it and dialed a number. "…. Hey daddy? What was that about you getting rid of the dorm? Because… _**I like it.**_"

ONE! DAY! LATER!  
Senkaiyoh and Chazz attached their academy-issued Duel Disks to their arms and drew their opening hands. "Damn you, taking away more screentime than I got this episode?" Chazz complained. "I'm gonna beat you, then beat that guy and secure my space in my old dorms! And I'm not even gonna use my best deck!"  
"So you're cocky, huh?" Senkaiyoh asked.  
"Well, I have to figure in that when I was a Freshman, I could've COMPLETELY smoked myself with just some silly Ojamas…"  
"Hmmm… because I'm new, can I decide who goes first?" Senkaiyoh asked.  
"Sure, why not?"  
"Then go, black-hair kid! You can do it!" Senkaiyoh coerced. [.com/watch?v=2kqSvmoQvqI] (Chazz: 4000 Life Points, Senkaiyoh: 4000 Life Points)

"AND THE DUEL COMMENCES!" Crowler shouted! "CHAZZ TAKES THE FIRST MOVE!"  
"I'm playing Polymerization to fuse together the monsters Ojama Yellow, Ojama Green and Ojama Black to form the Ojama King!" Chazz shouted!  
"YIPPEE!" Ojama Yellow cried, as he and his brothers appeared and combined into the bigface horror!  
"HOW'S IT GOIN' GUYS?" Ojama King asked.  
"AAAHHH!" the students yelped, averting their eyes!  
"When Ojama King enters play, three of your monster card spaces become occupied!" And as Chazz said so, three ugly Ojamas appeared on Senkaiyoh's field.  
"Repulsive!" Senkaiyoh cheered!  
"Next I'll set one card face-down and end my turn," Chazz decided, playing two extra cards. "That's enough for now." _Heh, I set Destruction Jammer, so if she tries to destroy my Ojama King by an effect, I can discard an Ojamagic card from my hand to negate it. Then I can summon a second Ojama King once I use Fusion Recovery, also in my hand! Boy, do I love monologues._

"How could you summon something so UGLY?" Senkaiyoh questioned. "It's like… ew!"  
"But the question is 'can you beat him'?" Chazz asked.  
"Yeah."  
"Really?"  
"SEN-KAI-YOH! I PLAY SIX SAMURAI UNITED!" She summoned a group photo to the field, showing six technologically advanced samurai standing together for their yearbook picture.  
"Did you say… Six Samurai?" Chazz gulped.  
"Yeah, now when I summon one of them I get a token on my Spell card! And I'll also use Gateway of the Six Samurai, which gets TWO tokens every time!" A wooden sliding door appeared with a complex symbol pictured. "Then I'll summon Legendary Six Samurai – Mizuho in Attack Mode!" A woman in red semi-traditional glowing samurai armor appeared, her hair styled into a flowing ponytail, holding two small scythes in her hands. (Mizuho: 1600 Attack Points) Two floating circles appeared on the doorway, one on the photo. "Next I Special Summon Grandmaster of the Six Samurai, possible if I already control one monster!" A grey-haired aging man with a robot eye and a respectable amount of armor appeared, holding forth a short laser sword. More orbs appeared.(Grandmaster: 2100 Attack Points)  
"She's swarming the whole field already?" Alexis gasped! "That's so stereotypically Sue!"  
"I know, right?" Jaden asked dreamily.  
"Complaint!" Syrus complained.  
"Yup!" Atticus agreed.  
"Alright, so now I'll activate Mizuho's ability: I can tribute one other Six Samurai monster to destroy one of your monsters!" Mizuho the red picked up the Samurai Grandmaster and threw him at the big Ojama!

"I don't think so!" Chazz disagreed! "I play Destruction Jammer, so I can discard a card in my hand to negate the activation of your stupid samurai's ability and DESTROY her!" His Trap card flipped up, knocked the old man away, and took Ojamagic with it. "Furthermore, by discarding Ojamagic, I can take Ojamas Yellow, Green and Black from my deck and add them to my hand!" Chazz took his cards and felt smug.  
"So?" Senkaiyoh challenged as the red woman was hit in the face by the oldmanball. "My monster goes to the Graveyard but I still have a lotta tokens! I'll discard my United card to draw two cards!" Six Samurai United ripped in half, signifying the split between the band in 1987… and Senkaiyoh drew two cards. "Now I'll play Smashing Ground!" A giant fist squished Ojama King with a fart noise, erasing the three tokens from existence.  
"D-did you just crush my big monster without any build-up or complex strategy?" Chazz supposed.  
"Next I'll use my Gateway's effect to remove four counters and add a Six Samurai from my deck to my hand! I summon Legendary Six Samurai – Kizan!" A black-armored man stepped up to the plate, taking out his favorite sword. (Kizan: 1800 Attack Points) "Just like the older one, I can Special Summon HIM from my hand, too!" From nowhere, yet again, Senkaiyoh held a katana and swung it around wildly! "KIZAN! GRANDMASTER! STRIKKU! STRIKKU!" The two monsters appeared next to Chazz on either side and slapped him with the backs of their blades.  
"AAHH! LASERS DON'T HAVE A BACK!" (Chazz: 100 Life Points)

"Next before I end my turn, I Special Summon Great Shogun Shien due to having two Samurai!" Senkaiyoh went on. A man in fiery armor stepped out, wearing a billowing cape, a flaming crest, and a hell of a tough-guy moustache. (Shien: 2500 Attack Points) "When he's on the field, he only allows you to play one Spell card per turn! And because I'm not finished yet, I'll use Double Summon and Monster Reborn to revive Mizuho and summon Kagemusha of the Six Samurai!" A really forgettable guy from the distant past in brown armor appeared with the red woman. (Kagemusha: 2 Stars, Tuner; Mizuho: 3 Stars)  
"Are you… seriously going to…"  
"SYNCHRO SHOKAN!"

The two newly-formed guys combined into a younger form of Shien. He had similar armor, but his cape was replaced by two demonic bat wings and a purple aura. "Legendary Six Samurai Shien!" Senkaiyoh greeted!  
"BOO." (Shien: Synchro, 5 Stars, 2500 Attack Points)  
"What's that one do?" Chazz asked, worried for his own Dueling safety!  
"He negates one of your Spells or Traps every turn."  
"WHAAAAT?" Chazz squealed! Both Shiens bumped fists across time. _She… she just put me on lockdown in one turn! And she gave me mercy! She COULD have summoned all of these guys LAST turn! She truly is… A MARY SUE!_

"Uh… you 'kin do it, I reckon!" Billy Hills supported.  
"Don't give huh up huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson suggested.  
"LOSE SO WE CAN STILL GO TO SLIFER RED!" Jaden ordered.  
_It all comes down to this one draw…_ Chazz drew a card. He stared at it. "Uh… I pass?"  
"STRIKKU!" Kizan sliced through Chazz's Life Points and his heart… of Dueling.  
"NOOOO, HUH, I SAID DON'T GIVE UP, HUH!" (Chazz: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"DON'T STOP!" Senkaiyoh commanded! "OTHERS! STRIKKU! STRIKKU! STRIKKU!"  
"What's she mean?" asked Fillerboy Bluestudent as his body was cut into pieces. (Death Count Season Two – 94, Fillerboy Bluestudent: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"Sh-SHE WON? ALREADY? TWICE?" Crowler exploded, but not literally! "HOW DID SHE?"

Bonaparte stole the microphone from its cold, clammy hand and shouted, "AND SO THE RED DORMS ARE SAVED BY MY DAUGHTAH!"  
"Yeah?" three people cheered, excluding Jaden.  
"AW YEAH, GIRLFIEND! YOU DID IT! YEAHEAH!" the boy shouted! Senkaiyoh left Chazz standing on the stage and approached Mann McOldsmobile!  
"Hi, everybody! How'd I do?" Senkaiyoh asked.  
"AHH! SKANKYBITCH WHORECAKES?" Mann McOldsmobile shrieked, fleeing.  
"Uh, alright I guess?" Alexis said. "I'm Alexis, and I'm slightly afraid of your ultimate power."  
"Thanks!"  
"You were AWESOME OUT THERE!" Jaden said, hugging Senkaiyoh!  
"Aw, thanks, you feel disgusting!" she complimented. She shoved him off.  
"I'll be good."  
Syrus decided to step up to the front and center. "So is it true that you're a Mary Sue?" asked he.  
"Uuuuuh… yeah," she said.  
"And are you here to steal our major parts and roles?" Syrus inquisited.  
"Yes, kinda."  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Syrus fell on his face. His glasses shattered.  
"Hey!" Tyranno Hassleberry walked over to his good friend named Senkaiyoh. "Sen', your dad's askin' if you have anything to say to the crowd."  
"Gotcha!" She turned around with the Dino Dude and went to her 'father'.

"YOU MEAN WE HAVE A BLACK GUY NOW?" Jaden jubilated, sending spittle everywhere! "SUHWEET!" He began to fangasm everywhere!  
"EW! HE FANGASMED OVER MY FACE!"  
"GET HIM OUTTA HERE!" Alexis and the gang lifted up Jaden and ran away, trying to contain the mess.  
"AW MAN, I SLIPPED IN IT!" sobbed Nancy Wut.

Senkaiyoh patted her inanimate father's balding head, knocking three hairs loose, and took the mic. "Uh, hi everybody!"  
"HI!" said one fellow.  
"Quiet you! So, you may be wondering why I saved the Red dorms, right?" she reminded. "Well, I went to my dorm room last night and decided to see what some of my new dorm mates were doing. The place was REALLY REALLY stupid. And a window fell out of it. But when I went inside, I met some stupid people. I thought they looked pretty happy. I wanted to feel like them too. For in their poverty, they banded together and built their ties of youthful happiness together! I want to be like that, too! And now because I'm out of things to say, everyone cheer for me!"  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!" screamed a giant fraction of the Slifer Red dormitories! They began leaping off of the bleachers and running to their new Suetiful savior! BUT SHE WASN'T HAVING ANY OF IT. Senkaiyoh tossed everybody named Chazz, Crowler, Hassleberry and Bonaparte into the air, summoned about eight remotely-operated gun turrets and two gatling guns, and...  
"DIIIIIIIIE GROPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERSSSS!" she shouted. Everybody was shot. The Red horde died. (Death Count Season Two – 692)

"But Senkaiyoh," Tyranno Hassleberry said as she caught him, disregarding Crowler and the rest, "they weren't tryin' to grope you, they wanted to CELEBRATE you!"  
"Whoops!" Senkaiyoh said, shrugging and sticking her tongue out.  
"HA HA HA! Let's go." The two left.  
"Uuuuuugh, that was horrible," Crowler groaned, rubbing its aching head.  
"Well, anyways, now I think we shouldn't be troying to destroy the Red dormitries, because it would be terrible if my little guhrl were tuh lose a place she loved, right?" suggested Bonaparte.  
"… Maaaaybe," it said, obviously hiding an ulterior motive.  
"Yuh-r still gonna try, ain'cha."  
"Yes indeed-y."  
"Oh."

Syrus felt weary and scared as he took a newly-cleaned Jaden back to their room with Mann McOldsmobile. _She has an unused archetype that won in one turn, she has a Synchro, which still technically doesn't exist, and she's done something to help us all just because. She's going to screw up everything…__  
__She wants my XXXX,_ Mann McOldsmobile worried, in his own way. _A girl five years younger than me wants my XXXX… I'm scared for today's kids and tomorrow's adults…__  
__She's still hot, AND she has a black friend~!_ Jaden celebrated in a worrisome fashion. _I can get my sexy-time on AND have RAP BATTLES? SICK!_

MEANWHILE, LATER THAT NIGHT…  
Chazz sat on the ground in the Duel Dome as Janitorboy Ikkaku brushed cadavers away with his mop. Billy Hills and Deep Voice Dobbson draped a blanket over his back. "C'mon, huh, Chazz, huh, time to go."  
"It's twelve, I reckon, AM. It's time t'go t'sleep, I reckon."  
_It's… it's so embarrassing. I LOST to a STRANGE FRESHMAN! Am I… becoming a worse Duelist?  
_"I sure as heck don't know, I reckon."  
"Huh, maybe, huh?"  
"Shaddap, you bastards…"

_NEXT EPISODE:_

_Uh-oh! Looks like Bastion's Baseball Wrecking Gang's back, and they're stealing everybody's stuff! It's up to Mann McOldsmobile to save everybody from his new deck type…. one you'll NEVER FORGET! Ahahaaaa. So tune in next time for __Three Billy Goats Gruff: The Fusion of Our Cultures!__ See ya there!_

[COMMENTARY]

Yeah, this chapter probably irritated a bunch of people. Or it would if anybody read this, but I digress! My Mary Sue Senkaiyoh is fun. Maybe she won't be screwing up the entire timeline yet, but who cares. It's the ride that matters. If only I gave Bonaparte that job. He's a puppet, you know.

If it takes a Chazz to lose for a girl to become important, she's a Sue! If it's her fault the Red dorm still exists, she's a Sue! If she has an overpowered deck, she's a Sue! If she wants another character's sexual powers, she's a Sue! If she's invincible, she's a Sue! And if she's a girl in a Yugioh story playing any sort of a part in the story, she's a Sue. (*Roaring applause and rampant outrage within the audience*) But seriously, why are all the women useless in this series? The only one who really did anything in the series decided to give up her psychic powers for no reason, effectively taking her out from the story. I hate YGO5D's season two. (*General agreement and cheering throughout the world, except for like three people*)

Well, I kinda did just take a lame episode with no use in any way, twist it around, murder the villain of the week, and reinforce the cruelty of Crowler toward her ignored son. As an added bonus, I was planning for Senkaiyoh to use Six Samurais for several months (like since episode 20), and wouldn't you know it, the Legendary Six Samurai set came out before I had to write this chapter. LUCKY. Everyone, keep a drill in your heart and a SEN KAI YOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH in your soul! Also I chose her name because I wanted something sounding stereotypically special. It means something along the lines of 'In shallow leaves'. I think.

For talking about random crap nobody cares about… HERE'S THE RANDOM POINT ROUND-UP!  
Mann McOldsmobile got to the library in episode twenty-two.

Chazz has like an amazing point about the dorm's destruction, so everybody else is an idjit.

I'm going to lump together Hassleberry and Senkaiyoh as childhood friends just because they appeared at the same time and I got some ideas. TWO WORDS: DINO DNA.

I truly dislike how many accidental Stus I had been writing before. So I'm just going to work on making everybody overpowered, like Shades Milligan. HE WAS THE WORST CHOICE EVER!

No, Chazz won't really be going depressey, but maybe he'll work up some uneasy alliance with Senkaiyoh as time goes by. I'm unsure as of now.

Next week Hassleberry does stuff.


	62. Episode 61: A Hassleberry Hounding

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic  
Episode 61 – A Hassleberry Hazing

Duel Academy Island, guitar riffs, dangerous volcano, you know the rest. Jaden, Syrus, and Mann McOldsmobile were carrying three tremendous burlap sacks full of Duel Disks. "This is SO un-CHILL, man!" Jaden complained. "Just because I fell asleep in Crowler's class she makes me lug all these replacement Duel Disks across campus!"  
"Yeah, I hear ya," Mann McOldsmobile groaned, "and I have to carry some because I just asked her what gender she was! I mean, don't we ALL make that mistake at some point?"  
"And it's TOTALLY unfair how I'M doing this just because I'm your friend!" Syrus sobbed pathetically. "It's just not right…"  
"By the way, whazzup wit' all these spare Duel Disks anyways?" Jaden asked.  
"Most of them were owned by the Slifer Reds who died yesterday. The others are here because some idiot's been taking over the Ra Yellow dormitories, gathered up his forces, gone over to the river by the Uselessly Small Bridge, AKA the West River all of a sudden, and forcing other people to Duel them before taking their decks away because he says 'you're too weak!'. Or so I'm told of course."

"That's an oddly-specific random rumor. Why didn't I hear that yet?" Mann McOldsmobile wondered.  
"Because YOU didn't DUEL him yet," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"Whaaaaaaaaat?" Jaden asked, dropping his Duel Disk bag. "Syrus, you CAN'T have a DUELIN'-related problem in THIS show and not tell ME 'bout it! I'm S'POSSED t'help. I'm Jaden! You know that!"  
"Fine, let's go take care of this," Syrus accepted, picking up his and Jaden's stash and throwing the bags atop Mann McOldsmobile's head. "Balance that all the way to the non-descript warehouse!"  
"Where's that?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"I dunno, just keep following your instincts and the path of the setting sun!" Syrus and Jaden took off toward the West River, leaving Mann McOldsmobile in the dust. He looked around. Then he simply dropped the Duel Disks. They all shattered.  
"Yeah, like I'll ever NOT follow you guys around!" he decided, kicking the bags away, further atomizing the contents, and chased after his friends.

SOME! TIME! LATER!  
The trio entered the vicinity of an incredibly small wooden bridge crossing a tiny stream of water. Standing guard was an entire fleet of bandanna'd Ra Yellow students. And one Obelisk Blue one. "Hey, why's there an Obelisk student?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"You don't want me to explain it," Syrus muttered.  
"YOOOO KIDS, LET ME CROSS THIS BRIDGE!" Jaden commanded. "WE GOTTA GET ACROSS TO GRAZE IN THE NEXT PASTURES!"  
"What're you saying?" Mann McOldsmobile questioned as he was shoved forward. "And why'm I going first?"  
"Be-CAUSE, this is mah BILLY GOATS GRUFF plan!" Jaden explained. "Y'see, they's the troll, and we's the goats! When Sy tried to Duel 'em, he was the LIL' one. Now YOU'RE the middle goat, and once they're completely underwhelmed, I'll come in an' SMOKE 'em as the BIG BRO goat, allowin' us to eat the green grass beyond. See?"  
"That's HORRIBLE! That's a TERRIBLE plan! It makes me feel sick!"  
"Well, y'wanna go with the BILLY GOATS GRUFF plan, the JACK BE NIMBLE plan, or the RED SHOES plan?"  
"What? You mean the others are jumping over the bridge, or wearing evil shoes that make you dance until your feet get cut off?"

Mann McOldsmobile began walking up to the punky Yellows. "HEY, WHO WANTS TO DANCE WITH THE MIDDLE GOAT?"  
"YOU SERIOUSLY GOT TEMPTED INTO THE BAD PLAN BY TWO WORSE PLANS?" Syrus shrieked in disbelief.

"Hey you, thinking you can just walk all over HASSLEBERRY'S TURF?" demanded a mauve-haired girl with bunny ears growing from her head, sticking out from a dinosaur bandanna. Her shirt was also open at the bottom, showing off the television screen in her stomach, displaying only fuzzy static.  
_WOAH! FETISH?_ Jaden and Mann McOldsmobile thought in shock.  
"Yeah, you can't just WALK all over his TURF!" crowed Baseball Bob, standing along with this new female character.  
_HUH? THIS GUY?_  
Piggybank burst out from the shade, landing next to the bunny-person! "You BEST not be thinking you can STEP all over his TURF," she warned.  
_WHAT? HER? WHY?_  
"_**YAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!**_" Fluffy Fred shrieked in pain as he broke through the bottom of the bridge, sopping wet bandanna and all!  
_AAAAHHH, WHAT AN IDIOT!_

A green flash of energy struck the ground next to Jaden's feet. "YIP!"  
"So, punk, you REALLY wanna walk ON this TURF?" asked Omega-Xis.  
"I don't think you would like to walk on this turf," Bastion concluded. Both he and his hand were wearing their dino-bandannas.  
"WHY?" Jaden pleaded.  
"… Eh?"  
"Why are YOU here?" Mann McOldsmobile cried! "AND _TWO_ OF YOU ARE BLUES NOW! Where'd YOU come out from?"  
"Eh, it's kinda embarrassing," Bastion sniffed, scratching his cheek. "This new boy with a Dinosaur deck came into the Ra dorms earlier and beat everybody up. Then I came in with Fred in order to protect everyone and got beat up, too. But look at these bandannas!" He got hit in the head by a large rock and fell over backward.  
"NOOOO!" Piggybank and Fluffy Fred wailed.  
"And who's HER?" Jaden asked, poking the bunny lady in the television.  
"_Ow!_" she complained. Piggybank slapped Jaden's hand away.  
"_Ow!_" Jaden complained. "What?"  
"Sorry," Piggybank apologized, "Can't let you mess with her, because…"  
"I'm her older sister, Bunnyear," Bunnyear said.  
"And I'm HER younger sister, Piggybank," Piggybank said.  
"AND TOGETHER WE'RE THE BUNNYEAR AND PIGGYBANK SISTERS!" they celebrated, hugging.  
"Heh heh, Bunn Year," Jaden snickered, nursing his hand.

"So why was she introduced in this season if she was mentioned in a flashback that I wasn't around to hear, if she's not that important?" Mann McOldsmobile wondered.  
"I asked that too, but it's still weird," Syrus warned.  
"I'll explain it myself," Piggybank said, taking on the responsibility. "FRED, PUT THE BRIDGE BACK TOGETHER."  
"Aw," he said, carpentering it back into shape.  
"Will I get to do anything THIS season?" Baseball Bob asked.  
"MAYBE!"  
"Oh."

[.com/watch?v=ibJhcheHdyE] _One day, long after Piggybank had left for Duel Academy, Bunnyear had continued her original job: back at home allowing her parents to watch her television stomach, 24/7. She was somehow okay with it._"Now back to Everyone Loves Lenalee,"_ it said. Suddenly, Bunnyear sneezed. __  
__"CHOOo!" she sneezed. Her ears bent, cutting off the show she'd been showing! "Aah! The signal!"__  
__"Don't worry, we'll just watch the TV in the den," Bunnyear's mom said.__  
__"Wait… we have ANOTHER TV?" gasped Bunnyear's dad.__  
__"You didn't know that?" asked Bunnyear. "It's right there." She pointed to the wide-screen TV sitting behind her, covered in dust. Her parents crawled up to the screen and turned it on.__  
_"Lavi said WHAT?"_ Lenalee asked.__  
__"Hey, could you turn it down a bit?" Bunnyear suggested. Her parents didn't move. "H-hey dad? Mom?" She tapped their shoulders. They fell over. Then they slowly and disgustingly straightened themselves up and stared into the hypnotic screen. "Guys? GUYS? NOOOOOOOOO!" _

_Weeping, she ran up into her room and collapsed onto her bed. "OOOH, MY PARENTS DON'T CARE ABOUT ME! WHY? WHYYYY DON'T THEY CARE? HOW WAS I BORN WITH RABBIT EARS? AAAAHAAHAHAAAA…" She looked up and wiped the snot from her face. Then she spotted a picture on her dresser. Inspecting it closer she saw herself and her parents, staring at her bellyvision, and in the back was Piggybank, sitting in the shadows. _Wait, Piggybank? My sister who went off to Duel Academy?_ she remembered. _I should go and re-connect with her! She deserves it! I ignored her like our parents did for so long…

_And so she went off to meet her sister and met her off-screen. I promise you this was planned out before chapter 59 was written. I assure you, she's not that random._

[.com/watch?v=Ku1YlgMhMng] Jaden and Mann McOldsmobile processed thusly. "… Eh, seems kinda situational for an origin," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"Aww, don't be like that," Bunnyear beckoned. "I'm just here to provide SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT!" She twitched one ear and her TV showed some quality programming.  
_"Where's the beef?"_ somebody asked on-screen.  
"OOOHH!" everybody 'ooh'-ed.  
"She's cool," accepted Jaden. "Anyways, c'mon, I'm a busy dude yo, and Mann's gotta duel somebody."  
"Yeah! Huh?"  
"Well, as second-in-command of Sgt. Tyranno Hassleberry," Bastion proclaimed, "I shall duel you!"  
"And we've got some special rules to employ here, bucko!" Omega-Xis stated. "If you lose to Bastion, then you also lose your deck via a bunch of useless thugs!" He motioned to the entirety of the Ra Yellow kids. They kinda shrugged.  
"Did he beat up ALL of them?"  
"Yes. It was horrible."

"So you really think you can beat me, Mann McOldsmobile?" Mann McOldsmobile challenged, taking out his DUELING SUPPLIES.  
"Quite," Bastion said smugly, "for over the break I've been refining my strategies and came up with a brand-new deck!" He took out his Duel Disk and prepared to Duel.  
"What'd you do with your six OTHER decks?" Jaden asked. "Besides the one that got trashed. Heh, continuity, dawg."  
"E-Bay."  
"LET THE MATCH BEGIN!" Fluffy Fred shouted, having fixed the bridge back together! It broke under him and sent him sprawling down the river. (Mann McOldsmobile: 4000 Life Points, Bastion: 4000 Life Points, Death Count Season Two – 692)  
"LET'S GO BUCK WILD! OWMF!" Omega-Xis said, chomping down on Bastion's opening hand.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"As the challenger, I will allow you to go first," Bastion allowed.  
"Fine by me! I summon Gladiator Beast Hoplomus in Defense Mode!" A big, cream-colored-armored rhino gladiator with superbig hands appeared and guarded his face. (Hoplomus: 2100 Defense Points) "I'll also set one Trap card and end my turn there! Go ahead, Nerdlinger Giveup!"  
"Yes?" asked Nerdlinger Giveup from within the Yellow crowds.

"How DARE you call me by his name!" Bastion shouted! "I am Bastion! BASTION!" Several small cultivation Petri dishes appeared on Bastion's field. "I activate "A" Cell Incubator!" he named. "I'll tell you what it does in a bit, but first I'll Normal Summon the Alien Shocktrooper!" An amphibious, four-legged alien soldier leaped out onto the battlefield, wearing bluish armor over his green hide, brandishing a machete.  
"GRUUUH," it growled. (Alien Shocktrooper: 1900 Attack Points)  
"Aliens? You ARE a nerd!" Syrus insisted.  
"Shut up, Nerdboy Jones: Syrus Edition!" Bastion countered!  
"That was LAME!"  
"Next, by controlling one Alien monster on the field, I can Special Summon another one from my hand: specifically the ALIEN DOG!"  
"EEERE' BOY," the Shocktrooper whistled, tossing a small stereotypically-shaped bone. A white dog with blue parts leaped out and caught it.  
"ARP ARP!" (Alien Dog: 1500 Attack Points)  
"Yeah! You're dead now, buddy!" Piggybank shouted!  
"Why is that? They're still weak," Mann McOldsmobile insinuated. "OH MY GOSH NERDS USE STRATEGY."  
"I know, right?" Bastion joked. "When the Alien Dog is summoned, he adds two A-Counters onto any of your monsters!"  
"'A-Counters'? Sounds weird."  
"ARP, ARP." The dog scratched behind its ear. Two watermelon-sized purple limbless abominations of nature flew out and hit Hoplomus with a 'SQUELCH' sound.  
"Eeeeugh! What's _that_ for?" Mann McOldsmobile cried out in disgust.  
"When a monster with an A-Counter fights an Alien, they lose three-hundred Attack and Defense Points for the battle!" Bastion taught. "But don't worry just yet, I'm removing them."  
"Oh, thanks."  
"IN ORDER TO SUMMON ALIEN OVERLORD!" The two counters fizzled out and exploded. In their stead came a black extraterrestrial, seemingly borne from a meteor, with six bony red arms stemming from its shoulders. Purple lightning sprang from its body.  
"GRRRRH!" it growled intensely. (Alien Overlord: 2200 Attack Points) The Petri dishes began to shake and spew purple bubbles.

"Now what?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"When A-Counters are removed from the field, my Incubator takes them and protects them until its destruction, where it sends them all back onto the field again!" explained Bastion. "Before I attack, I also use my Overlord's special ability: to shoot one A-Counter onto all of your face-up monsters!" The chest cavity of the dark alien opened up… and revealed a giant purple gun barrel.  
"… Hubba-wha?"  
"It gets worse later, trust me," Syrus promised.  
"Oh, okay." BANG! SPLAT! The gun shot another writhing token onto Hoplomus.  
"Ew," Hoplomus squealed as he tried brushing it off. "It feels nasty!"  
"Shocktrooper, kill him!" Bastion ordered! "Shocktrooper Shocker!" The soldier ran at Hoplomus and slammed his long knife at Hoplomus! (Hoplomus: 2100 - 1800 Defense Points, Shocktrooper: 1900 Attack Points)  
"I don't THINK so!" A Trap card flipped up, showing Hoplomus and a purple bull guy under a protective barrier of hexagons! "I play Defensive Tactics, negating your attack and letting me Tag-In a new Gladiator Beast at the end of the Battle Phase!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted.  
"YEAH! BEAT THAT BASTION!" Jaden cheered! "SORRY BASTION, NOTHING PERSONAL."  
"I understand." A third Petri dish started to shake.

"GYEAAAAAH!" screamed a black tyrannosaurus, wearing some… black armor. (Spartacus: 2200 Attack Points)  
"I'd explain the Tag-In thing, but I did that once!" Mann McOldsmobile explained. "And when Spartacus is summoned, I can add one Gladiator Beast Equip card into my hand from my deck!" He picked out a shoulder-guard, because it is special. "Now, seeing as it's probably my turn…"  
"Aw, what the heck!" Bastion allowed, smiling brightly. "I can't say no to you!"  
"Good. I summon Gladiator Beast Laquari in Attack Mode!" Mann McOldsmobile said, summoning a tiger man wearing flamin' red protective body gear!  
"NrrNRRR!" he growled. (Laquari: 1800 Attack Points)  
"Next I'll Special Summon the Test Tiger, because I can do that." A cool tiger cruised on over, semi-armored. (Test Tiger: Not important) "And then while HE'S on the field, I can tribute them both to Tag-In a Gladiator Beast! Come on out, Secutor!" The tiger picked up the tiger. The tiger then walked off, exchanging a hi-five with a green lizard guy in blue armor, who was short. He had giant turbo-powered gun-blaster guns attached to his back. The two tigers then exploded, allowing Secutor to calmly walk to the fight through flames in an awesome fashion. (Secutor: 400 Attack Points)  
"If I remember correctly, then he Tags-In two monsters once he himself was Tagged, correct?" Bastion checked.  
"Yeperoonie."  
"What a DUMB move!" Piggybank challenged.  
"Yeah, his points are LOW!" Bunnyear added. "Uh, did I get it right?"  
"You'll catch up in about a quarter of a season," Baseball Bob assured.  
"Oh."

"You don't remember? I JUST summoned Spartacus!" Mann McOldsmobile said. "I'm equipping the Spell card he just sent to my hand, the Gladiator Beast's Battle Manica!" Secutor gained a great shoulder guard. "Now when he fights, he can't be destroyed by battle! And THEN, I play THIS!" He held out a card with a marauder of a captain slicing a log-man several times. "Double Attack! I tribute a monster with a higher Level than another one I control, and the weaker one can attack DOUBLE times this turn!" Spartacus exploded. "So now when my Secutor fights this turn, I can return him to the deck for FOUR Gladiators!"  
"Uh, Mann, the GBs don't work like that, sorry," Syrus hand-waved.  
"HUH?"  
"You're kinda an idiot, yeah," Jaden promised. "They won't summon any more guys even if they fight a lot, yo."  
"You've GOTTA be kidding me," Piggybank groaned.  
"What," Bunnyear wondered, "is that a bad thing?"  
"_HURRY. DEVELOP A UNIQUE TRAIT NOW. BESIDES NOT KNOWING WHAT DUELING IS. PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU FOR THAT,_" Piggybank whispered loudly.  
"Oh, uh, um… I'm a techie?"  
"I took a class on how to hack major computer mainframes and motherboards two years ago, so I'm a techie," Syrus said. Nobody cared.

"I don't believe you guys," Mann adamantly denied. "You can't be serious about something like that. I KNOW my deck! I'm gonna prove it to you how I know what my cards do! Secutor, attack him! Doubly!" Secutor's gun-blaster-guns shot out two guns twice. The fighter lizard went guns akimbo on them bitches by grabbing them all within each of his limbs and fired away. They bounced off of the Alien Dog and flew into Secutor's shoulder guard.  
"Ah, m'ribs!" he groaned. (Mann McOldsmobile: 1800 Life Points) Then Secutor exploded and turned into Laquari again and Murmillo, the fish-guy. (Laquari: 1800 Attack Points, Murmillo: 800 Defense Points) Murmillo threw a trident at Alien Overlord, who exploded. Laquari gained several weird firecracker-sized flaming rockets that floated around him, which somehow made him stronger. (Laquari: 1800 - 2100 Attack Points)  
"H-he didn't summon four guys?" Mann McOldsmobile whimpered.  
"No, you're just dumb," Piggybank said.  
"I know, right?" chuckled Jaden.  
"NOT helping."  
"But you made YOURSELF lose SO HARD!"  
"DAMMIT!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted, tossing his deck at Bastion. He caught it easily. "I quit! You guys're mean! I wanna kill something! Ugh!" He cried a thousand tears as he stormed off.

[.com/watch?v=_scbziJUEog] "… Jaden, you wanna go?" Omega-Xis asked.  
"'Kay, guys, I'm down wit' that," Jaden said, stepping onto the bridge. "Time for da ELDEST billy goat to take the stage." He pushed all of the Baseball Wreckers Gang off of the bridge and into the raging river. (Bastion: Game Over, Death Count Season Two – 692) "Now," Jaden decided as he dusted off his hands, "THAT is how you get the show back on track."  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed the rest of the Yellow Dorm.  
"SO YOU HAD A REAL PLAN AFTER ALL, EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T EVEN NEED MANN TO DO ANYTHING?" Syrus said rather calmly.  
"_Well, Mann wasn't in the regular episode either!_" Jaden said.  
"Shoot, Jaden, you're suddenly kinda smart!" Syrus complimented.  
"Nah, not really."  
"Aww…"

"Uh, hey," a Yellow student asked amongst his own ranks, "if THEY'RE gone, WHO'S gonna be our figurehead?"  
"THAT'D BE ME!" said a brave Ra Yellow guy, stepping onto the bridge. Jaden pushed him off. The Ra kids looked on in shock. Another kid stepped up to the plate. Jaden pushed him off.  
"_What do we do now?_"  
"_Um, let's go in groups!_" Four kids walked up. Jaden pushed them all off. As they floated away, Jaden stared at the rest of the kids in a freakish manner.  
"_Aaah! His eyes say 'I'm hungry… FOR YOUR DOOM!_"  
"_Maybe if we don't do anything until the Sarge gets back, we'll be fine!_" The kids stood there and did nothing.

Then Jaden pushed them all into the river from behind. They all floated away at dangerous speeds clocking in at kinda fast, which was made worse as they were cut and bruised upon impact with Fluffy Fred, Bastion and the rest. "AAAHH! THE KIDS!"  
"MY EEEEYES!"  
"OW, MY DINO BANDANNA!"  
"I do believe I'm drowning, gang."  
Jaden posed gallantly over the bridge in celebration! "Haaaaaa ha ha ha haaaaa! I did it! I ruled 'da school without no Duel! Write that one down, Sy, 'cause that rhyme's a WINNER!"  
"On it," Syrus said, diligently scribbling the words down, "but you still didn't get them to return all the decks they stole."  
[.com/watch?v=nwgYwoqaoDc&feature=related] "WHO'S gonna return the decks we stole?" demanded one stern Tyranno Hassleberry. "What happened to my group? You two HONESTLY couldn't have done it yourselves!"  
"Our third member is a sniveling wreck," Syrus said. "Hey wait IT'S THE BULLY!"  
"_Oh my gosh he's the black guy,_" Jaden noticed, held spellbound in his gaze.  
"What's with you, stranger?" Hassleberry ordered.  
"_You're the first actual black guy I've ever met. Do you want to rap with me?_" he asked softly.  
"No! I don't LIKE rap!"  
"_But… but rap is a man's soul. … No thuggin' love?_"  
"No!"  
"_That means… you aren't black._"  
"Do all Japanese people like tentacle rape?"  
"Ew no," Jaden recoiled, free of this strange man's spell!  
"Then don't stereotype me, darnit; I GOT DINO DNA!" Hassleberry shouted.  
"Does that mean anything?"  
"I HAVE A FRICKIN' DINOSAUR BONE UP MY ARM. NOW SHUT UP AND DUEL ME."  
"Okay," Jaden said in a teasing tone as he wiggled his finger. "But you gotta promise to return the decks you stole when you lose~!"  
"Fine by me, darnit!" The two boys took out their Duel Disks and prepared to Duel.

_If this kid actually managed to beat all my forces, then he's got to be like some sort of enemy commander!_ Hassleberry thought to himself. _If I can win this, I can reclaim all my troops AND MORE!_ (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Hassleberry: 4000 Life Points)  
"Now lookie here, kid, this is what a REAL black guy's like!" Jaden shouted. "I summon Elemental Hero Wildheart in Defense Mode!" Wildheart appeared, carrying his sword on his back. He was too busy to hold it for all the swag.  
He had on oversized sunglasses and a poofy denim cap. He also had on forty gold chains, all having random letters of the alphabet on them. He was also wearing a white t-shirt, baggy jeans around his ankles, regular jeans around his calves, gym shorts around his knees and ugly boxer shorts that everybody could see against their will. He carried a boom box upon his shoulders and said "PEACE!" as he held out gangsta hand signs. (Wildheart: 1600 Defense Points)  
"That's not Wildheart," Syrus Sy-ed.

"That's offensive, kid."  
"But it's WHO YOU ARE, judging by the thousands of hours of rap videos I've watched," Jaden concluded.  
"You really haven't met a black person before, have you?"  
"No."  
"That's sad."  
"I know."

"Maybe I should just hurry this up," Hassleberry sighed, summoning a monster. "Agumon, Attack Mode." A yellow dinosaur with a big head appeared. (Agumon: 1400 Attack Points)  
"Ha! Digimon deck," Jaden chuckled.  
"Not a Digmon deck! Anyways, that summon counted as a Special Summon!"  
"He's right!" Syrus verified, looking the facts up in his 'Guide to Digimon Decks' guide. "What an excuse!"  
"Next I'll tribute my Agumon to summon a bigger dinosaur!" Hassleberry warned. "Come on out!" Agumon grew into a bigger yellow dinosaur with a horned helmet.  
"GREYMON, RAAAH!" he roared. (Greymon: 2400 Attack Points)  
"It's a Digimon deck," the Slifers decided.  
"Euuuugh. NOT a Digimon deck."  
"Riiiiiiiight."  
"ATTACK HIM!"  
"PAH!" Greymon shouted, spitting a great ball of fire at Wildheart.  
"Not cool, son," Wildheart cried. He exploded.  
"Ow," Jaden said. (Jaden: 3200 Life Points) "Wait, what ow?"  
"When Greymon kills a monster in Defense Mode, he still deals damage to your Life Points, 'son'!" Hassleberry explained.

[.com/watch?v=1aHy5OGchRg] "Well then, I guess I'll be doin' something back to you, SON!" Jaden shouted, drawing a card and flipping it around in his hands. "Guess what I drew?" It was some Spell card with a bluish mystery totem of somethingness. "I use Monster Reincarnation, so by discarding Elemental Hero Necroshade I can add Elemental Hero Wildheart into my hand from the Graveyard!"A giant copy of the item on the card appeared on the field and flipped open like a door. Necroshade leaped out of Jaden's hand and walked into the totem. The door closed behind him. There were several scary grinding noises. Then it opened up again, releasing Wildheart back into the real world, who jumped back into Jaden's hand as the totem exploded.  
"Why does everything explode on this island?" Hassleberry asked.  
"It's tradition!" Jaden exclaimed as Bladedge dropped down from above! (Bladedge: 2600 AttackPoints)  
"That's right," Syrus remembered, "when Necroshade is slaughtered without an afterthought, you can Normal Summon Bladedge without a tribute, even though he has Seven Level Stars!" Greymon exploded. (Hassleberry:3800 Life Points)

"Whaaaaat? What'd you just do?" Hassleberry questioned.  
"I just attacked your monster," Jaden answered. Bladedge wiped his bladey arms clean with some Wet Ones™.  
"He didn't move, though!"  
"He's moving," Jaden assured. Bladedge was chowing down on a Sammich. Well, he had no mouth hole, so he kinda just smashed it into his face messily, spraying orange M&M's in all directions. Several bounced off of Hassleberry's face.  
"Hmph. I'll ignore that for now," he muttered, chomping down on one. "Hey! Mmm, chocolate!"  
"Well maybe that means this would be a good time to ask;" Jaden asked, "what's with you guarding this bridge so determinedly, even though it makes you an asshole?"  
"Asshole?" Hassleberry repeated. "I'm just doing what I was told!"  
"You DON'T guard bridges at Duel Academy," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"Lookie here, I'm gonna tell you the story of how I got to where I am today, and you'd _BETTER NOT INTERUPT WITH A STUPID JOKE COMMENT,_ alright?" warned the hassling berry.  
"Uuuuuh… let's think about that for a second," Jaden suggested.  
"Go ahead," Syrus told.

_"Well, it all started back when I passed my entrance exams…"_

_Hassleberry was walking around with Senkaiyoh, wearing a Jurassic Park t-shirt because it was funny. They were inside of a giant domed building exactly like the one from Episode One, and they walked up to some proctor guys. The proctor guys looked at a paper they had on hand. "Names?" they inquired.__  
__"Tyranno Hassleberry!"__  
__"SEN-KAI-YOOOOOOH!"__  
__"Okay, Sen-Kai-Yoh: Slifer Red!" one proctor guy said, handing her a Slifer uniform. "You apparently got a zero on the written portion of the tests, but hey, if you can Duel you can go."__  
__"UNACCEPTABLE!" Senkaiyoh shouted jovially as she held out a pistol and shot the guy in the face, then began cutting the clothes with a stupidly large machete._

_"…. Uuuuuh, you get Ra Yellow?" the other proctor guy said, trying to ignore what had just happened. __  
__"WHAAAAAAAAT?" Hassleberry screamed! "HOW IN SAM HILL DO I GET YELLOW? I'M BLUE MATERIAL!" He stepped on the desk between them and grabbed the proctor guy by the collar. "__I GOT __**DINO DNA!**__"__  
__"I-I-I-I'm sorry, kid, but if you want Blue from the start, you need to graduate from a snooty old prep school!" the proctor guy explained.__  
__"NO EXCUSE!" Senkaiyoh carried on, blasting the man apart with a laser rifle.__  
__"Aw shoot, now how'm I supposed to get to the Blue dorm aside from doing good in school?" Hassleberry complained.__  
__"Don't you know?" Senkaiyoh said helpfully. "In order to rank up quicker, just beat up EVERYONE in the SCHOOL! It ALWAYS works! How do you think I made it through middle school, what with all the biker gangs and drug cartels?"__  
__"Oh yeah, those guys!" Hassleberry reminisced. "Didn't that drug ring employ babies?"__  
__"Babies with a DRUG problem!" They laughed._

"So you actually think you can get to Blue if you just beat up the entire school?" Syrus re-stated.  
"That's right."  
"Dude, if it were THAT simple, I'd be in Blue right now thanks to me killing off the entire Yellow Dorm," Jaden reasoned.  
"… Y'mean I was lied to?"  
"Pretty much."  
"D'AW, NOT AGAIN!" Hassleberry screeched, grabbing his head in irritation! "I CAN'T HAVE THIS KINDA STRESS; I GOT DINO DNA!"  
"I don't get it."  
"That's it! I'm gonna have to Duel all my frustrations out onto you guys instead of beating you up like a jerk!" Hassleberry concluded. "I play a Field Spell called Jurassic Park!" A giant red symbol with a black tyrannosaurus skeleton silhouette rose within the background. "NOW who's got a Digimon deck?"  
"You do. And besides, how's THAT a Field Spell? It's a logo. You gotta pay to use it, yo."  
"I…" Tyranno Hassleberry looked back at the symbol in desperation. "Y'mean… I gotta pay ROYALTIES to use this card?"  
"Pretty much, copyright-thief," Syrus assumed.  
"DANG IT ALL!" Tyranno threw a rock at the symbol. A 'c' fell off of the label. The logo now read 'Jurassi Park', and was hence legal. "There, now it's a TOTALLY different movie!"  
"Yeah, alright," Syrus said, rolling his eyes. Their plan to get 'Berry to not use the card was FOILED!  
"Sweet dodge, yo!" Jaden complimented.  
"This new movie advertisement gives all Dinosaur-type AND Winged Beast monsters an automatic three-hundred point stat boost!" explained Hassleberry. "In addition, they're unaffected by Traps, and when attacked they can switch to Defense Mode!"  
"That's actually kinda useful," Syrus noticed. "Jaden, look out: on the ten-point danger scale, he's registering a three now!"

[.com/watch?v=SWZ_UqLWjUQ] "I'll ignore the idiot and summon a Guilmon in Attack Mode!" A red lizard with a biohazard symbol on his adorable face appeared. His ears flapped as his tail wiggled.  
"Tee hee," Guilmon said. (Guilmon: 300 Attack Points)  
"And then Jurassi Park gives him a power boost!"  
"Hey, I know that movie!" Guilmon noticed. "I… think." (Guilmon: 600 Attack Points)  
"That's still depressingly weak!" Syrus complained. "This episode's really boring. Can we just say you lost with your Digimon deck so we can go home?"  
"You know the answer to that one! Guilmon, use your ability to attack that Red fool directly!"  
"HYAAAH!" Guilmon yelled as he slapped Syrus in the face.  
"AAAAAAHHH WRONG ONE!" (Syrus: -600 Life Points, Game Over)  
"Ha ha, that was kinda obvious," Jaden laughed. Then a rock hit him. (Jaden: 2600 Life Points) "Aw man. That wasn't funny at all. Couldn't there be a better way to inflict that damage?"  
"Well, I DO have this," Hassleberry said, holding a refrigerator. A stranger poked his head out.  
"Hee hee hee," he laughed creepily, holding up a sock with some melted chocolate in it.  
"I… don't want to know what attack you were gonna do with that."

"Now I think I'll end my turn with a face-down," Hassleberry decided.  
"Hmm. I just noticed something, Sy," Jaden said he noticed.  
"What's that?"  
"This phony doubles as a dummy."  
"WHAT'RE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, PHONY?" Hassleberry balked.  
"Well, you've obviously just tanned yourself to death, seeing as you don't like rap or anythin' gangsta." Hassleberry stepped up to Jaden and grabbed him by the neck.

"You punk! Who do you think you are, mocking my proud heritage?" he growled.  
"But you're not black."  
"I'm African American! I just came to Japan with my father for his job because we knew everybody else spoke English here, too! We went through slavery, the Civil Rights era, and the general asinine nature of racists! What did YOU go through recently?"  
"… Sorry, I don't know much about American history."  
"DIE!" Hassleberry slammed his rock-hard fist into Jaden's face, sending him flying into the Jurassi Park sign.  
"Ooooooowww…" Jaden moaned, sliding off at a sluggish pace.  
"Jay-DUUUUUN, throw away your gross prejudices and jump off toward a new tomorrow!" Syrus told. "You're being terrible!"  
"N-no, a rea-REAL man n-n-never gives up on h-his beliefs," Jaden muttered, spitting out three teeth. "Wh-when I was growin' up, all the TV shows said that ALL black people are like I am today! I decided to act like them because they was off 'da hook!"  
"You… YOU DUMBASS!" Hassleberry screamed! "I'm gonna show you how wrong you are and get you to change your ways as I kick your BUTT, y'racist BASTARD!"  
"But I thought I called you all cool…" Jaden trailed off.  
"YOU ALL?" Hassleberry raged. "JUST TAKE YER' DAMN TURN! I can't wait to sumthin' sumthin' sumthin'…"

"Now, as I was sayin'," Jaden said, summoning standard Wildheart back to the field, "there's one stupid mistake you made out here today. Even if your monster goes to Defense Mode, you're still gonna be takin' a big trilo-bite of dino-damage!"  
"What kind of one-liner is that?"  
"I DON'T KNOW!" Bladedge flicked his wrist, sending a shockwave at the Guilmon! In defense, Guilmon fell onto his belly. (Guilmon: 1600 Defense Points)  
"I'm activating my Trap card Amber Pitfall!" Hassleberry's Trap card flipped itself up, showing a businessman falling into a hole in the ground, filled with syrup! "Now YOUR monster goes into Defense Mode!" Bladedge fell on his belly. (Bladedge: 1800 Defense Points)  
"Woah! You jus' made ME waste my turn!" Jaden gasped! "I'll give ya' that. I'm throwin' down two face-downs and endin' mah turn."  
"Hmph, and you think it's 'cool' to talk 'like a black guy'?" Hassleberry guessed. "Come ON, we aren't ALL like that! I already brought that up! That's kinda offensive the way you go on about it!"  
"What? It's just my 'Black-Guy Speak'. We Japanese people don't know we're doin' anything wrong!" Jaden assured. "We do it all the time!"  
"Hey...now I know that EVERY Japanese person thinks like that!"  
"NOWAYIT'SJUSTHIM!" Syrus screamed, pointing.

"Sure he does. I believe you."  
"Really?" Jaden said.  
"Sure!" Hassleberry said. "As long as you're willing to say not every black man's a rapper!"  
"Uh… o…kay?" Jaden conceded.  
"NOW we're getting somewhere!" Hassleberry yelled! "I'll just end this game over here with a New Ultra Evolution!" A Spell card featuring a dinosaur walking through time and space appeared, causing Guilmon to change form… "I get to discard a Dinosaur from the field to summon a bigger one from my hand!"  
"Ohh! Is he Digivolving into Gallantmon or something?" Syrus thought.  
"GUILMON DIGIVOLVE TO…" he began as he was swathed in the light of the time-space continuum! He became… a big green lizard with round blue plates or something across his back. "Raar," he roared. (Reptar: 2600 - 2900 Attack Points)  
"Still a Digimon deck," Syrus decided. "And a Rugrats deck."  
"Not when I ATTACK DIRECTLY!" Reptar persuaded, flipping onto Jaden.  
"No way because I activate a card called Insurance that sends one card from my field to my hand which was also Insurance which lets me gain five-hundred Life Points when it's sent from the field to my hand." He did so confusingly. Reptar stepped off of Jaden, who still had Life Points. (Jaden: 200 Life Points)  
"Jaden! That was the most confusing move I've ever seen!" Syrus shouted! "And not in a good way! You could have done LOTS of things with only one card that could have allowed you to gain Life Points! I just don't see the point!"  
"Sy, I believe there's a little thing called 'padding out the show'."  
"This episode has been going on for long enough! And the Bastion duel? Unnecessary! We've HAD enough padding! We're going to make everybody get bored and stop reading –slash-watching even though we just ACT like a real television broadcast!"  
"Stop it, you're padding now, too!" Hassleberry warned!  
"But isn't this entire episode padding?" Jaden said.  
"Erm… yeah, I guess you're right."  
"Urgh, so naïve!"  
"What was that?"

Jaden pointed at Hassleberry, as if to make a statement of some sort. "YOU LISTEN TO WHAT EVERYBODY TELLS YOU!"  
"HUUUUUNH?" gasped Hassleberry!  
"You heard you needed to take over the school!" Jaden described. "So you tried to beat up hundreds of students that I had to push off a bridge! I told you that you needed to rap! So you didn't disregard it with 'oh those crazy Asians,' you got mad and punched me into Jurassi Park! We called your introductory episode padding! And though 95% of it IS, without it you would pop up randomly and join our crew in an irritating fashion! We NEED that 5% to establish you as a no-nonsense, naïve little tough guy!"  
"Aw, shucks!" Hassleberry chuckled. "I guess I do take everything so seriously, but you WERE offensive!"  
"True!" Jaden said. "And I am sorry! And I will give you a gift to say I apologize!" He tossed Hassleberry a Gummi Bear and Vanilla Cream Sammich, which he caught in his mouth.  
"Mmm! Apology accepted, kid!" accepted Hassleberry with a lip-smack of happiness.

[.com/watch?v=oVtmeqa4nrU&feature=related] "And now, I'll end this Duel the way only a true friend can! With the true union of our souls together, I summon Elemental Hero Avian!" Avian appeared.  
"Uh, I guess so," he mumbled. (Avian: 1000 Attack Points) A pterodactyl swooped down and took him away. "CURSES! NOT AGAIIIIIIiiiiiiin…"  
"Jay-duuuuuuuuhn," Syrus Sy-ed, "don't summon Avian! That's an insult, not a show of friendship!"  
"It WILL be in a second!" Jaden assured! "I activate Skyscraper!" As usual, countless tremendous city structures burst through the earth's crust and knocked the Jurassi Park symbol to smithereens!  
"NOOOOOO, I WANTED TO SEE THAT!" Reptar screamed! He became depressed. (Reptar: 2900 - 2600 Attack Points)

"Next I use the Spell card I ALWAYS use, Pot of Greed! And Polymerization!" Jaden announced, spinning the card around on his finger, flipping it into the air, bouncing it off of his fluffy hair, blinking it away with the force of his eyes, and catching it on his tongue—  
"They're bored again!" Syrus cried!  
"Okay, fine, I fuse Wildheart with Avian! This is the fusion of African and Asian cultures, just like our friendship!" Jaden concluded.  
"But I'm Italian," Avian told, returning suddenly! The pterodactyl swooped back down from above with the birdman hero and crashed into Wildheart! He stood up and took the attack in the back without bending a bit.  
"Is that all?" WIldheart spat.  
"Not really," Avian said, in immense pain.  
"UUUURRYAAAAAHH!" Wildheart picked up Avian in one hand, the dinosaur in the other, smashed them together into a swirling mess of trans-dimensional energy, and jumped in. It then blew apart into…

"ELEMENTAL HERO WILDWINGMAN!" It was Wildheart, now with feathered clothing, bird-like arms and feet, great white wings, and mysterious tattoos on his chest! (Wild Wingman: 1900 Attack Points) "With his ability, I can discard my Insurance Trap card from my hand in order to destroy your Amber Pitfall card and switch Bladedge back into Attack Mode!" Jaden expressed, discarding the card of lore.  
"HYAAAH!" Wild Wingman shouted, waving his arm and sending a swirling wave of wind into the Trap card Hassleberry still controlled! It exploded. Bladedge suddenly felt… as if he could move… and as if he could make a difference in his life and the lives of others!  
"I BELIEVE!" he announced, jumping to his feets! (Bladedge: 2600 Attack Points)  
"Wild Wingman gains one thousand Attack Points through Skyscraper and attacks your Reptar with Wild Wingpulse! Get yo' ATTACK on!" (Wild Wingman: 1900 - 2900 Attack Points)  
"BOO," someone said. Wild Wingman leaped into the air, stretched his wings out, and sent some radio waves or something at Reptar's face! He felt nothing. He shrugged. He fell into pieces. (Hassleberry: 3500 Life Points)

"Bladedge, take his lead!" Jaden ushered.  
"STILL BELIEVING!" Bladedge decided, flying through Hassleberry! (Hassleberry: 900 Life Points)  
"But I still have some Life Points left!" Hassleberry stated! "I haven't lost yet!"  
"No you don't, because I pull the same thing I _JUST_ did: I play De-Fusion!" He played the card, being a bland, unoriginal character, just like everybody else I write for… *SNFF*. Avian and Wildheart punched Hassleberry in the stomach, in a holographic way.  
"Nyooooooo!" (Hassleberry: 0 Life Points)  
"Yeah, see ya', suckah'!" Avian bade, fading off with all the other holograms.

Taking his defeat in stride, Hassleberry strode up to Jaden and offered him a handshake. "Jaden, that was the first time I've lost in ages; mostly because I duel kids like that one over there."  
"I AM right here!" Syrus squealed in anger.  
[.com/watch?v=_k5j8MoF8MA] "Ha! I know what you're talkin' about, kiddo!" Jaden agreed, shakin' it up wit' a good handshake.  
"I'm STILL right here!"  
"Now, about all those cards you took from people in order to start your evil regime?" Jaden politely asked.  
"Sure, they're right over there," Hassleberry said, pointing to a giant stack of cards sitting next to the bridge. "In hindsight, I should've put them on the OTHER side of the bridge so people couldn't just take them back, but who cares?"  
"Yaaaay!" Syrus gleefully exclaimed, pulling away a giant bag full of stolen goods. "I feel so rich now! And yet, so empty."

"I guess we've found somethin' to bond over: Our love of cards games!" Hassleberry chuckled! "And as they say, I'm a lil' bit country…"  
"And I'm a lil' bit rap n' roll!" Jaden concluded!  
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" they laughed!  
"BOO," someone rightfully said.  
"But seriously, Wildheart's Australian Aboriginal."  
"Heh heh heh NO," Jaden replied sternly.  
"AH THOUGHT HE WUZ NATIVE UHMARE-KIN!"  
"Who said that!"

ONE! HOUR! LATER!  
Jaden and Syrus walked back into their dorm room to meet Mann McOldsmobile, sniffing under a blankie. "Catch," Syrus said as he tossed Mann McOldsmobile his stolen deck.  
"Owm," he said, eating it. "So I take it you won?"  
"Yup, the status quo is back to normal!" Jaden announced! "And guess who's takin' the TOP BUNK!"  
"I AM!" Hassleberry announced, stepping inside!  
"Oh hey, that guy!" Mann McOldsmobile remembered. "You're the one who's NOT Asian!"  
"Like totally!" Hassleberry took off and put down a backpack and started removing and admiring eighteen completely identical dinosaur cups. They were orange and apparently created in the image of a certain character from the hit TV series, Dinosaur Train™. "Oh Buddy, I know who I'm gonna put YOU next to on the shelf!"  
"Look out now, a kid died in that top bunk!" Syrus warned with a waggling finger and a bright, baby-like grin.  
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" everybody laughed.  
"Guess who's coming to dinner!" Senkaiyoh said, breaking through the floor with her head!  
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" everybody laughed.

NEXT EPISODE:

Looks like it's Syrus' time to shine, because he and Tyranno Hassleberry's DUELING personalities over a classic children's book series have put them in a STICKY situation! But when the chips are down, can they join together to take on the sleeping giant of the Slifer Red dorms? To find out, you just CAN'T miss next week's episode _History of Rainbow Fish! Punk Rock Versus the Bonds of Brothers!_ It's gonna be a DUELING good time!

COMMENTARY:

Heh, walkin' all up on this turf. This chapter sure was an ambler, going from Jaden carrying Duel Disks, to Mann McOldsmobile Dueling Bastion, to racial challenges and finally a lasting friendship. That Jaden sure is an idiot. At least Hassleberry is cool. Tellin' it like it is, ahahaha! What a card. I hope this wasn't misconstrued as me making racist jokes toward African people or Asian people. It's just Jaden. He's an idiot. But not other people named Jaden, th-they're okay, too! I think. Just don't hurt me. I'm a black kid too, despite everything we've been through. Accept it!

Anybody else remember the Three Billy Goats Gruff? Good times, left a last impression on me. You really CAN do anything with three people and cheating. Or that was a different story. In either case The Red Shoes was weird. Hassleberry beating up the entire Yellow dorms was also supposed to teach us two things today: he is a badass and he listens to everything Senkaiyoh tells him. He isn't stupid, she is. This episode also served the purpose of making Bastion slightly interesting again and allowing another useless character to be introduced. Will Bunnyear get the Fluffy Fred treatment or the Baseball Bob special? Who knows. Heh, Bunn Year. I only just noticed it looked like that the first time I typed the name. As a bit of trivia, she was imagined to resemble the character Reisen Udongein Inaba from Touhou, but pretty much only hair and ear-wise. Damn, so many references and all I do is listen to the music. Touhou is ruining my life.

Hassleberry does in fact use Reptar! And Greymon! And Jurassi Park! He's amazing. Simply amazing. Going for any Dinosaur card that works? That's his style. Watta gimmick! And now he's bunkin' in with J-Man and the crew? WOWOWOW! WHAT A TWIST. Just HOW could our characters and character-based humor CONTINUE to DEVELOP? Oh Syrus goes Yellow next week, just reminding. Have a good few days and stuff, you two.


	63. Episode 62: Sad but Truesdale

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic  
Episode 62 – Depressing but Syrus-Related

Our episode opens up to Syrus and Hassleberry furiously punching the crap out of each other.  
"AAAAAAH, I TELL YA THE ENDING TO THE RAINBOW FISH IS AMBIGUOUS!" Syrus stated.  
"ARARARARARA! NO WAY, IT HAD A _DEFINITIVE_ ENDING!" Hassleberry challenged. They both stopped beating one another's faces in order to catch their breath and argue to their fullest potentials.  
"I can't BELIEVE you thought of that stupid book as an ENDING!" Syrus growled. "Look, remember how they came out with five OTHER books later? It's NEVER going to end! Whenever we're about to forget the series, we'll get a NEW book! That series will NEVER end!"  
"WRONG!" Hassleberry debated! "That first book was the BEST ending, how the fish had selflessly given all of its scales so PAINFULLY after RIPPING them from its flesh? It's symbolism for how one can enrich the lives of so many others through self-sacrifice! It's a CHRISTIAN book! And it was so poetic that we never NEEDED a sequel! So there, the first book is the TRUE-BLUE ending!"

"Uh," Mann McOldsmobile mumbled, "maybe we should talk about the second book! Yeah, heh heh. When the new fish on the block comes around and the guy gives the rest of his scales to him! That's so nice!" The two angry kids punched him in the schmooze, sending him out through the back wall.  
"Nooo, don't fight, peeps!" Jaden wailed! "Please, let's just fill up our Dinosaur Train mugs with some hot cocoa and play card games!" The two kids looked at one another for a moment before Syrus rekindled the fight. Hassleberry returned fire.  
"AAAAAAH, WHY DID YOU THROW OUR MY COMMEMORATIVE HE-MAN CUPS?" Syrus demanded.  
"ARARARARARA! I HAD TO MAKE SPACE FOR MY BUDDY CUPS, OR COURSE!" Hassleberry roared in response.  
"Guys, stop it!" Jaden wailed! "Can't we compromise? We can just store some of the cups in the OTHER cups!"  
"YOU'RE TEARING OUR LIVES APART AT THE SEAMS!" Mann McOldsmobile sobbed.  
"I HATE Dinosaur Train! It makes no sense!" Syrus growled as the two fighters pulled back for a second. "How do you expect me to believe some idiots invented a time-traveling train and LEFT it in the DINOSAUR era?"  
"It's OBVIOUS that they got KILLED by the dinosaurs who stole the train and built the foundations of modern language after the commands they discovered!" Hassleberry stated.  
"Why don't they just SAY that then? And who want to watch such a post-apocalyptic spectacle such as that?"  
"Why do YOU like EVA so much?"  
"EVA is special; Dinosaur Train is STU—" Everybody was suddenly knocked off their feet via shockwave as something tremendous landed on the ground hard outside.

All of the kids stepped outside, because nobody else bothered to look out their own doors, and saw Chazz n' company laughing maniacally next to a new house, dropped via helicopter. "HA HA HA MONEY BOUGHT THIS," Chazz obviously stated to the world as he threw several $1 bills into the air.  
"Yo, what'd you do THIS week?" Jaden asked.  
"Oh, huh, y'see, we, huh, bought a house because living in a tool shed is no good," Deep-Voice Dobbson explained.  
"So Chazz jus' used up a bunch of money I reckon and bought this house and had it air-lifted!" Billy Hills continued.  
"That was stupid," Syrus said. "Why don't you just go up a dorm if you hate Red so much? Besides, now everybody's all disoriented! Look for yourself." Senkaiyoh had taken out a bazooka and shot down the helicopter and was turning her attentions to the new house.  
"DIE, MONSTER!" she screamed.  
"No, DON'T shoot my house!" Chazz cried! "I paid MONEY for that!"

"We're here!" said somebody different as they flew down from above. It was Shades Milligan, carrying Alexis with him via jet-boots! "How was the flight, milady?"  
"Bleh," Alexis replied. He let go of her waist and she walked into the house, locking the door behind her.  
"… Why does everybody do this to me?" Chazz muttered, tearing up. "I feel… like my character has been DERAILED!" He began kicking at the door. "ALEXIIIIIS! THIS IS MY HOOOOUSE! YOU NEED TO ASK FIIIIRST!"  
Alexis unlocked all eight locks on the door and stared out at everybody. Her eyes were dark and pained-looking. "_Guys, this isn't a good time._"  
"It's NEVER a good time to steal!" Senkaiyoh taught. "Now come out so I can shoot you, thief!"  
"Chazz likes me, so it's okay," Alexis said. Senkaiyoh shrugged and threw her bazooka away haphazardly. There was a large explosion far off. (Death Count Season Two – 696)

"I'm not afraid to sue you if you don't let me back in!" Chazz swore. "I paid good money for the half-pipe, sno-cone machine and mystery escalator rides!"  
"What if I gave you a good reason for why I came here in desperation?" Alexis suggested.  
"Okay," Syrus supposed. "Let's hear what happened. We need to take this show SOMEWHERE."

_Late one spooky night within Crowler's domain, lit only by one tiny candle as the windows were completely sealed for no reason, Bonaparte slowly rose over the Technical Chancellor's desk and asked it, "So monsyewer, what will we be doing to foind our next stah? Though I really want moy daughtah to be—" __  
__"SHUT IT!" Crowler shouted, jumping atop the table with extreme prejudice! "What we need is summa this!" It held out a small photo of Syrus Truesdale crying over a puddle of milk. "Syrus Truesdale is Zane's younger brother of course, so he can just ride on his fame. Doesn't that make sense? And what's more, we're going to promote him to Ra Yellow if he wins a duel I'm cooking up." ____And once Syrus rises through the rank, he shall become the biggest star of the world!__ Crowler plotted horribly.__  
____C'eh magnifike!__ Bonaparte decided. ____Once that boy goes to Ra Yellow, then we can… I don't know yet, but something!_

_"Also I thought that we could turn Alexis and her family into pop idols that sing during Duels. Everybody will love them."__  
__"Okay with mwoi."_

"And that's pretty much what happened, and do NOT ask how I heard exactly what they said," Alexis demanded coldly.  
"I was the candle!" Shades Milligan revealed.  
"Don't explain it!" Alexis ordered.  
"I don't get it, why are you so against stardom?" Senkaiyoh asked. "I mean, you just have to humiliate yourself in front of millions and everybody loves ya'! It's PERFECT!"  
"Disregard THAT and listen to THIS!" Syrus called! "Crowler said she's gonna promote me to Yellow!"  
"Great for you, buddy!" Jaden said, patting his back.  
"Yeah, if you like SYRUS that is," Hassleberry grunted.  
"You stole my deck, so you have no right to act as if I owe you something!"  
"Say Rainbow Fish 1 was the best."  
"No!"

"The third one was the best!" Bastion decided as he and his usual suspects arrived.  
"Hiya, we have news!" Bunnyear said, just to make sure she wasn't forgotten.  
"You're going to duel SOMEBODY today!" Fluffy Fred exclaimed!  
"Yowza!" Syrus gasped. "Who?"  
"Mohawk Jill, the strongest of all the Slifer Reds and the mistress of the Punk Rocker cards."  
"…. Oh, a callback," Shades Milligan understood.  
"Then EXPLAIN!" Senkaiyoh demanded, punching his torso to smithereens.  
_I… never even had a… chance…_ Shades Milligan fell over and ceased to respond, but nobody cared.  
"So anyways, that's the plot," Piggybank said.  
"If you beat her, you'll rank up," Baseball Bob repeated.  
"And I had to say something before I was forgotten!" Omega-Xis stated as they all began to fly away. "It's up to yoooou…"  
_J-J-J-Jill?_ Syrus mentally gasped. _N-not her… ANYONE but her or Senkaiyoh! THE MEMORIES WILL NEVER FADE!_

Jaden turned to Syrus. "Sy, you're GOIN' places! All you gotta do is beat this girl and show the world that you're the best Slifer Red has to offer besides me!" Syrus frowned. "Uuuuh, cheerful response?" Syrus continued to frown. Jaden grabbed his hands and punched one fist into a palm. "Oh yeah, I'm Sy, and I'm SO gonna beat that girl and go to Ra Yellow!" Syrus frowned so impossibly hard that his mouth flipped upside-down.  
"I reckon he's happy now!" Billy Hills cheered!  
"Don't be silly, that's severe depression," Chazz noted. "Besides, what's there to worry about? You're still a main character. You'll beat her, predictably."  
"Yeah, predictably!" Senkaiyoh told.  
"Mmmm….mmnnnn… IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT I CAN'T KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT!" Syrus sobbed, rocking the heavens with the sheer whininess of it all. "Nyeh heh heeeeh…" He ran off.  
"NO HUH SYRUS HUH NO!" Deep-Voice Dobbson screamed, reaching toward him!  
"I'll go get him," Hassleberry groaned, slowly chasing the kid.  
"I wonder what's gonna get'm to cry tomorrow," Jaden wondered.

THREE! SECONDS! LATER!  
Hassleberry walked into the Jadengroup's room and stepped in front of Syrus's bed. Upon said bed was a blanket cocoon. "Up 'n at'm kid," Hassleberry said. "You gotta face your fears, and it's just a card game."  
"Nah, I'll pass," Syrus declined from inside the blanket, shaking mildly. "Besides, I'll be okay in here. I've got my Vitamin Water, my canned ham, my sudden apocalypse kit, and everything else I'll need." Hassleberry squinted his eyes so hard with concentration that the blanket exploded, sending all of its contents around the room and throwing Syrus into Hassleberry's legs. "Oooowww."  
"Get up Syrus!" Hassleberry demanded! "If you're so afraid, then you have to FACE that fear! You come out a better man for it, and people stop shaking their heads sadly when they see your face! Now come on! Ready to fight that fear?"  
"But I'm too AFRAID to face my fear! Of failure, which makes you feel sympathetic and less confused. Because if I lose in front of everybody it makes me look like some sort of Rex Raptor or something, y'know, something nobody likes but like making fun of."

"So you're afraid of being like that absolute and total loser, Rex Raptor?" Hassleberry understood.  
"Yeah, and we ALL know we wanna be a Weevil Underwood or something. But I know I'm going to lose, no matter what I do!"  
"And how is that? You haven't even fought this season yet!"  
"But there's this." Syrus pulled out his Power Bond card from his hairstyle. "My brother AKA Zane Truesdale AKA the reason my last name is my only redeeming feature gave this to me, and I rely on it so much. If I use this, that means I've failed as a duelist and will have to give up when I lose that card and live on the street where I am picked up by aliens and then deemed by them the best representation of us all, then I'll be scanned by them, decided useless, and be the main cause for the entire earth getting turned into alien breakfast cereal!"  
"That's insane," Hassleberry said.  
"I know, that's the prob—wait, no, the problem's that I'm using my brother's powers to win, meaning I'm still completely useless though I sure can lampshade weird things, ahahaha."  
"Then don't use the card."

[.com/watch?v=mTJQpp5IXAs]"… MY GOD." HALLELUJAH! _HA_LE_LUJAH!_ The answer had finally come to Syrus! If he didn't use the card, then he WOULDN'T BE USING HIS BROTHER'S POWERS AND HE COULD TRY TO WIN BY HIMSELF! "Hassleberry," he said, standing straight up like a man of truth, "thank you. I can… I CAN DO THIS!" Syrus threw the card into the wall, where it stuck like a rectangular dart. "Let's go down to that Duel Dome. And you're also right, the first Rainbow Fish book is the ONLY one for me."  
"For US, you mean!" Hassleberry corrected. They blew the door up with their minds and burst outside, leaping down to the ground from the Slifer Toolshed's second level. "LET'S GO SEE US SOME DUEL!"  
"Woo," cheered Jaden, Chazz, Billy Hills, Deep-Voice Dobbson, Senkaiyoh and Alexis. They all teleported into the Duel Dome. The kids took their seats in the audience section while Syrus flipped onto the event stage.  
"Come on out, Jill, I'm not afraid anymore!" Syrus said. "I'm ready to WIN!"

There was a large explosion across the stage. The audience was instantly full of random kids. And standing against Syrus was a tall girl, who wore her red coat with respect, having ripped the sleeves right off in a grungy manner. Under her skirt were acid-washed jeans, her face was decorated in horrifying make-up, and her hair… was the most breathtaking, flamin'-red Mohawk in existence.  
"Really now?" she asked in the bitchin'-est tone available.  
"Uh, yeah. I think. Yeah."  
"Hmph," Mohawk Jill pouted, "when I heard I'd be dueling Zane's brother, I was hoping there would be something more… less depressing about him. You make me feel depressed."  
"…" Syrus slowly slid onto his face and began to weep.

"Hey, bitchlady!" Jaden called! "Whadda ya think you're doin', fillin' up the entire audience with your appearance? YOU SUCK!"  
"Can I shoot her?" Senkaiyoh asked, holding and aiming a sniper rifle.  
"No way kid, you'll shoot your eye out," Hassleberry denoted, lightly pushing the gun down.  
"Aw."  
"So who IS she, huh, Chazz, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked. "I huh haven't huh seen her before."  
"She's Mohawk Jill, of course," Chazz began, "one of the twelve or so Slifer Reds Senkaiyoh didn't just out-and-out murder yesterday."  
"POLICE BRUTALITY!"  
"Exactly. Jill has been in Red since her first year, and is set to graduate next year. But she says that she wants to show that Red students can still be great duelists, and has repeatedly denied rank-up proposals. She's got an amazing lockdown strategy of her own with those Punk Rocker monster cards of hers. But I could still beat her with my Armed Dragons, because I'm full of pride and money."  
"I also heard she's a real asshole," Alexis stated.

"Stand up like a real man!" Mohawk Jill ordered. "I didn't come here to duel some sort of wimp, so much unlike Zane! I wanted SOME kinda challenge! Like your awesome brother!"  
"What's in it for you?" Syrus mumbled into the floor.  
"I get to graduate and go to the Pro Leagues with your brother Zane, DUH!" she explained. "How obvious WAS it? I can't WAIT to get outta this stupid school!"  
"She really doesn't care 'bout Red Pride?" Jaden figured. "Senkai, kill her! Now!"  
"SENKAIYOH!" Senkaiyoh insinuated, holding out her Red Ryder BB Gun. She pulled the trigger, sending buckshot into her own face. "**MY EYES!**"

"…Waaait a minute, Mohawk Jill," Syrus realized, using his smartness. "You've just completely altered the way everybody in the audience perceived you as a person by doing stuff…" Syrus realized.  
"Yeah. And?"  
"Then that means… I can do it too!" Syrus understood, floating onto his feet with magiks! "I'm gonna make you all respect me slightly more than you USED to! By being COOL and DEVELOPING CHARACTER TRAITS!"  
"_There you go! Feel that motivation!_" Syrus' hair motivated.  
"Yeah right, chump," Mohawk Jill sneered.  
"… Mmn… oh well. DUEL!" (Syrus: 4000 Life Points, Mohawk Jill: 4000 Life Points)

"Mwee hee hee," chuckled Crowler, watching from afar through a pair of opera spectacles. "Once this Duel ends, we can choose if we'll continue to push Syrus through the ranks into popularity, or if Jill wins this, we can bill her as 'The First Punk-Rocker Duelist!' We'll get so much money from merchandise that we'll be able to afford ANOTHER obelisk to go outside!"  
"That sounds like a plan!" Bonaparte agreed. "Let's get a green one this toime!"  
"Stop it with your weird accent," Crowler commanded, bonking him on the head.  
"So much abyoose!"

"I'm going first!" Mohawk Jill declared, summoning some sort of anthropomorphic skunk to the field. "Punky Skunk in Defense Mode." The skunk slapped some drumsticks together and started making a ruckus on his magically-appearing drumset. (Punky Skunk: 2000 Defense Points)  
"Oh no, she's already got HER act together, and if I know that then he' s SCREWED!" Mann McOldsmobile cried, suddenly appearing!  
"Now?" Senkaiyoh asked.  
"No!" he declined.  
"With Punky Skunk on the field," Mohawk Jill explained, "all of my 'Punk Rocker' monsters are safe, meaning there's not a card in my deck you can touch, punk! In a negative connotation. Just waste your turn setting up some type of defense, and then let me pick it apart with my typical grunge-related monsters! I'm gonna—"  
"I activate Shield Crush, interrupting your exclamation and destroying your skunk!"A laser smashed through Punky Skunk and his drums, exploding them.  
"… What?" Mohawk Jill gasped.  
"Come on out, Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot!" Syrus called! "Attack her directly!" His large old-style train robot rode the rails out of Syrus' hand and into Mohawk Jill's FACE! (SRSLR: 1800 Attack Points)  
"Th-the hell'd you just DO?" Mohawk Jill demanded as the holograph harmlessly floated through her rad face, full of outrage! (Mohawk Jill: 2200 Life Points)

"Snappy-snap snapinsky, y'all!" Jaden cried! "Syrus isn't failing! He's WINNING!"  
"I feel bad for being so surprised!" Chazz exclaimed, feeling deep shame and regret!  
"Well with a name like Punky Skunk, who expected HIM to survive?" Alexis asked!  
"AHAHAHA," everybody laughed!  
"B-but that wasn't even a PUN!" Mohawk Jill complained!  
"**SY-RUS! SY-RUS! SY-RUS!**" the crowd cheered!  
"You think you can just start making fun of anybody lower than you, eh?" Syrus challenged! "Yeah, WRONG! Respect me or be torn to pieces by our audience members!"  
"**UH, WE DON'T LIKE YOU ****THAT**** MUCH, SYRUS,**" the audience said.  
"Oh. Well, just don't insult me, please."  
"It's too late for that!" Mohawk Jill said. "Once the train leaves the station, it can't go back until it's run its track!"  
"Yes it can! And don't start with the metaphors!" Syrus cried, pointing to Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot, walking backward and shaking its groove thing as it did so. Four-point-five people chuckled.  
"STOP MOCKING ME!" Mohawk Jill cried! "I summon Punk Rocker Roadie in Attack Mode!" A guy in a leather jacket and a pink Mohawk as tall as he stood appeared.  
"YEAYEEEEEAAAAAH~!" he rocked out, being far too happy to be a real Punk Rocker. (PR Roadie: 1000 Attack Points)  
"He's nothing special," Syrus brushed off. "If anything he's stupid and useless! LIKE THE OLD ME."  
"_STOP FORCIN' IT SY, IT AIN'T WORKIN'!_"  
"Oh."  
"Not until I play the Spell card: They Never Stop Coming!" The image of a thousand idiot fans swarming over a popular band appeared, and every man was out for blood. The cardsquare spat out two more roadies. The trio began singing a song they liked, but crappily. Then they ate the original one. (Evil Roadies: 500 Attack Points)  
"Urp. So? They're both worse off than me with only five-hundred Attack Points!" Syrus joked.  
"But I just sent my Roadie to the Graveyard," Mohawk Jill reminded. "When he's sent off, I'm allowed to Special Summon one Punk Rocker from my hand!" She took out one truly important card. "Come on out, Experienced Punk Rocker!"

A dark-haired man in spunky clothing appeared with his beat-up guitar on hand. He looked incredibly pale with blotchy skin, gaunt cheeks, and soulless eyes."_Gotta shoot up 'gain t'night, 's wearin' off,_" he mumbled, falling over. (Experienced Punk Rocker: 1900 Attack Points)  
"He's not experienced at all!" Syrus Sy-ed! "He's been chewed-up by the dark punk rocker underworld! HE'S COMPLETELY SICK!"  
"Oh he's experienced, alright!" Mohawk Jill dictated. "Whenever he kills a Burned-Out Rocker in battle, he gains five-hundred Attack Points!"  
"Um, yeah, I've never even heard of that card before, so I don't think I'm in any danger!" Syrus decided sweatily.  
"You think so? Not when I play the Field Spell card Concert Riot!" The field turned into that of a dimly-lit basement, covered in cheap beer and broken furniture. The two Roadies began shambling toward Syrus in a mischievous manner.  
"AAAHHH! STRANGER **DANGER!**"

"Crap! She's gonna force her monsters onto him!" Alexis realized!  
"Um, d-don't hurt me, guys…" Syrus choked. "I don't want ANNNY trouble, alright?"  
"WELCOME TO DA JUNGAAALL!" the two punks shouted, punching Syrus in the mouth!  
"GBAAAAH!" Syrus splattered, spitting blood in all directions! Luckily, after that one blow the two punks became truly Burned-Out Rockers, signified by their Mohawks falling over. "OH NO, I GET IT NOW!"  
"I play the Spell card Let's Rock Out!" A needled appeared in the Experienced Punk Rocker's hands. He jabbed it into his chest, filling his body with corrosive energy!  
"!" he roared, punching one Burned-Out Rocker into oblivion. (Syrus: 2600 Life Points)  
"And he's not done rockin' out just yet! That Spell card I just played causes my monster to attack you AGAIN!" Mohawk Jill shouted! The Experienced Punk Rocker finished eating what was left of his kill and prepared to strike again. (Experienced Punk Rocker: 1900 - 2400 Attack Points)  
"RARARARAAABBABAAA!" he vomited, smashing the other punk into Fritos. He ate them as well. (Experienced Punk Rocker: 2400 - 2900 Attack Points)  
"Please… just tell me you're done…" Syrus whimpered, holding his eyes shut.  
"Yeah, make your move so I can get outta this dirty hellhole!" Mohawk Jill urged. "The only reason I stayed a Red is because every other dorm's too full of themselves! 'Oh, we're rich!' 'Oh, you can't leave your miscellaneous drugs THERE!' You ALL make me SIIIICK!"

"SYRUS!" Hassleberry shouted! "Come on now! Don't show any weakness! Face your fear, stomp it out and tear her monsters apart! Then you WON'T lose!"  
"You're right," Syrus decided, half-heartedly, "I've gotta… man up?"  
"THAT'S the ticket!" Hassleberry cheered!  
"OOH, OOH!" Senkaiyoh cried! "Play your theme song!"  
"Uuuuh, no. Instead I'll summon—"  
"PLAY THE THEME SONG AND DRAW SOMETHING GOOD!" Jaden screamed!  
"**FINE! I ALREADY DREW A CARD, BUT HERE YOU GO! Ugh.**" A submarine with a funky face and a handheld torpedo appeared and fell to the floor with a '_**SPLUNK'**_. "I summon Super Robot Submarine Robot and switch my Super Robot Steam Locomotive Robot to Defense Mode!" Syrus began. His train shifted into a defensive position. (SRSR: 800 Attack Points, SRSLR: 1800 Defense Points)

"Okay, so?" Mohawk Jill asked, grimacing like a Grimace. "That's a terrible move. What, does he have an EFFECT or something?"  
"Yeah, he attacks you directly." The submarine threw the missile at her face. It exploded painfully and covered her punky face in holographic soot. (Mohawk Jill: 1400 Life Points)  
"Ha ha, now you look funny!" Syrus jibed! "Also my sub turns to Defense Mode, so you can't touch him (for damage), either!" The submarine twisted onto its side. (SRSR: 1800 Defense Points) "Also I set a card. Remember it!"  
"Well, that turn was a'ight, but he's still got that INNAPROPRIATE PUNK monster to contend with," Jaden worried. "Why doesn't he use… uh… what GOOD cards does he have, 'sides the train?"  
"Shield Crush," Senkaiyoh said.  
"Power Bond," Alexis said.  
"Nope, he gave that up today," Hassleberry said, holding the card in question and waving it around. "He said he wanted to win by himself, and because this came from his brother, he can't use it."  
"THAT **IDIOOOOOT!**" Jaden erupted! "**HE GOT TWO OF THOSE LAST YEAR IN BOOSTER PACKS! WHAT ARE YOU DOIIING, SYRUUUUUS?**"  
"I DIIIIID?" Syrus screamed! "OH NO, I WAS TOO BUSY BEING DEPRESSED TO REMEMBER! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"  
[.com/watch?v=PsuOeFiKoXo] "YOU LITTLE PRIIIICK!" Mohawk Jill screeched, blowing all of the soot off her body! "I'LL KILL YOOOOOU!"  
"_**WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAAA!**_" Syrus wailed! "DON'T KILL ME-HEE-HEEEE!"  
"I summon Worst Punk Rock Manager Ever! Go!" A fat, stupid-looking rich man who didn't know what he was doing jumped up and drop-kicked Syrus in the face! And then he became burned-out and devoid of energy.

"Eh, I'll hire a kid t'do that from now on," the fat man decided, pouring money out from his nostrils.  
"NO NOT AGAIN!" he sniveled. (WPRME: 600 Attack Points)  
"KILL HIM!"  
"GIMMEE MY FRICKIN' PAYCHECK!" the Experienced Punk Rocker shouted, throwing his deadly guitar around wildly!  
"I TOL YA I DON GOT CHA MONEH!" the manager screamed in defense! IT WAS A LIE!  
"I play No Entry!" Syrus cried, activating his Trap! It featured two guards guarding a gate into a cavern. "HE MOVES TO DEFENSE MODE!" the boy screamed, guarding his face with fear! The guitar completely missed the target and crashed onto the floor. The druggie fell over, exhausted. (Experienced Punk Rocker: 1200 Defense Points) "A-a-a-also, y-y-you discard one card in your hand," Syrus added.  
"Hmph," Mohawk Jill sighed, discarding the last card she held onto. "You think that'll help you to win? You little nerd! NOTHING you can do will beat me! You'll NEVER measure up to your brother! Face it and let me have him because every woman finds him sexilicious!" Mohawk Jill yelled! "STOP TRYING TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT!"

"…." Syrus closed his eyes and looked down to the floor. He shook lightly, as if he were crying.  
"Oh don't pull that Jaden shit on me," Mohawk Jill growled. "Like that'll signify some sort of comeback when you start laughing?"  
"SHUT THE STUFF UP, YOU FEMALE DOG!" Alexis screamed appropriately!  
"YEAH, GO HOME! WE DON'T NEED ANYONE LIKE YOU HERE WHEN WE CAN HAVE THAT GUY!" Jaden raged!  
"WHY DON'T YOU JUST **DIE** OR SOMETHING, YOU INFURIATING WASTE OF A RECURRING NAME?" Chazz asked, throwing Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson at her.  
"YEAH!" the collective argumentive audience shouted.  
"Oh no, this is bad!" Crowler worried.  
"What is is, Crowluh?" Bonaparte inquired.  
"When that Mohawk Jill girl wins, she's not going to sell ANY merch! Everybody already hates her, so we can't make money!" it realized!  
"**OH NYOOOH!**"

"_STOP IT._" The audience froze and turned their sights toward Syrus, for he had captured their attentions. "… It's true that my brother Zane is amazing," he began. "He's always had great grades for some reason… so athletic… everybody says he's the funniest person in the world… he has the idol-quality looks… I've been in his shadow since I was… no, since before I was even born. And yet…" He looked up at Mohawk Jill. Hot tears were streaming down his face, contortioned in righteous anger! "**I'M NOT TRYING TO BE HIM! I AM SYRUS TRUESDALE! AND I SWEAR, YOU SHALL FALL TO ME!**" He pulled out a Spell card and held it aloft.  
"USE YOUR NEW ALTERNATE THEME SONG TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE!" Senkaiyoh suggested.  
[.com/watch?v=VDV22egZULE] "Already on it." The Spell card appeared on the field, showcasing a train station connection zone. "I activate Super Robot Docking Station!"  
"You can't, because the effect of The Worst Punk Rock Manager in the World states he's too cheap to let you play Spell cards!" Mohawk Jill said.  
"It's true," the manager said, lighting up a cigar. Syrus punched him in the face and he exploded. (Mohawk Jill: 200 Life Points)  
"Wait, what?"  
A scale-model of the image in the card's art appeared. "I'm not listening to that crap! I use this card to fuse three of my Super Robot monsters together!" The Super Robot Drill Robot appeared next to his brethren as they all set themselves up around the train tracks. They revved themselves up and smashed into each other, thus successfully fusing together in a train wreck of train wreck proportions. And yet… their combination didn't yet appear.  
"Where's the Fusion?" Mohawk Jill asked, slightly unnerved. Syrus pointed skyward. A rift had begun to appear in the sky. Azure, spinning and yet seemingly technological, in a way? It started spitting bolts of holographic electricity into the audience, now completely encompassed into the current events that were but beginning to occur. And then something poked through it. It was a drill. The drill belonged to a mauve automated super robot. It had tasteful flames painted along its sides. It also wore an enraged expression.

"Ultimate Super Robot Jumbo Drill Robot XX-Edition 2009 inflicts damage through battles with Defense-Position enemies," Syrus judged. (USRJDRXX-E2009: 3000 Attack Points)  
"I…impossi…ble?" Mohawk Jill muttered, quaking. "HOW DID YOU FRICKIN' DO THAT?" Syrus pointed at his monster, then toward Mohawk Jill's. The drill fell. The Punk Rocker was crushed by a giant drill. Syrus won. Mohawk Jill lost. (Mohawk Jill: 0 Life Points, Game Over)

"And that's how you do it," Syrus sniveled, wiping his snot-encrusted face on his sleeve. "DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT ME AND MY BROTHER AGAIN!"  
"But you—" Mohawk Jill was interrupted as her head exploded. All of the holographic images faded into nonexistence as Syrus looked toward the audience. Alexis had just blasted the girl's head off with a Red Ryder BB gun.  
"He said to shut up," she one-lined. (Death Count Season Two: 697)  
"Mine," Senkaiyoh sniffed, taking it back.  
"AND THE WINNER IS ZANE'S LITTLE BROTHER!" Crowler announced into a microphone, ducking under three bullets.  
"I always knew the kid had it in'm," Hassleberry stated comfortably, sliding back in his seat.  
"You should'a seen him last year when he broke ten-thousand Attack Points!" Jaden recalled! "Boy, those were the days, ha ha ha!"  
"I don't remember… wait, was I here earlier?" Mann McOldsmobile stupidly flipped-out.  
"Wait, where's Billy and Dobbson?" Chazz wondered.  
Syrus took in a deep sigh of relief. _You're growing, Syrus,_ his hair said. A yellow coat fell onto his head from above.  
"Welp, time to go be a Ra Yellow!"

ONE! TELEPORTATION! LATER!  
Syrus appeared in the Slifer Red dorms with the other characters. "Weren't you going to be a Ra kid?" Jaden asked.  
"You saw this coming, with all that Hassleberry stuff, right?" Syrus asked. "I mean it's painfully obvious."  
"Oh yeah. What an episode, yo!"

MEANWHILE…  
Crowler sat on a chair with Bonaparte. "Wait, weren't we going to do something with Syrus?" Crowler asked.  
"I dunno," Bonaparte mumbled.  
"Oh."

NEXT EPISODE:

Aster Phoenix decides to drop by and show his stuff to the hip kids, UNLESS JIMJAM JUGADORES HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT! And while that happens, Atticus Rhodes gets the surprise of a lifetime! Or maybe THREE! Watch out for the next episode: _Atticus' Upset! The Future Unwinds!_ It's gonna be a shocker!

COMMENTARY

Welp, we could all see where this story was going from the start. Syrus and Hassleberry become buddies, Alexis gets a house because she's rude, and Mohawk Jill does something. Yeah, I mentioned her name a forever ago. I was originally going to put her into the filler arc last season, but I decided 'Meh she's boring' and replaced her with Angry McArgue for characterization reasons. She's changed a lot, from a taskmaster to an ass. Good thing Syrus accidentally killed her! But seriously, what happened to the Rainbow Fish books, and how does Dinosaur Train make sense?

Also Alexis is a bitch in this episode. But it's okay, because Crowler is always a bitch. So it evens out. So nobody was derailed, we're just setting up another THE WORST EPISODE EVER later on. I wish the original source material was better. I also wish I could stop repeating myself.

So Syrus levels up. It makes sense for SOMEBODY to do something like that in a series like this. BUT WHY SHOULD IT BE THE CRAPPIEST CHARACTER? HE HAS NOT GROWN OVER THE COURSE OF THIS SERIES. He has always been a whiny bratkid worryboy and hasn't gotten to evolve past that at this point! In this story, sure, he KINDA shut up a little bit, but now I'm on a soapbox or something! They COULD have just kept Chumley in or something. He developed SOME, at least. Eh. GO INSECT DUELS.

Also don't mind the egregious usage of drugs punks and crappy rockers this episode, it was to be expected. I think the giant drill robot made up for everything. I mean, it wasn't a very ELECTRIC episode overall, and I had to post it several days late, making it feel even worse, but it's something. Something… different. *_WINK…_*


	64. Episode 63: The Demon

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic  
Episode 63 – The Phoenix

One day full of filler, Jaden was dueling Bastion for absolutely no good reason other than to fill up two minutes of screentime. On one side: Elemental Heroes Flame Wingman and Sparkman. On the other: T-Bone, the bulldog of _Clifford the Big Red Dog _fame. "Here goes Polymerization!" Jaden called! The two monsters fused. Boom. They were Shining Flare Wingman. (Shining Flare Wingman: 7609 Attack Points) "Attack that T-Bone with Useless Steak Bone!" Shining Flare Wingman threw T-Bone a bone. He exploded.  
"AAAAH, UUUH, AAAAAHH!" Bastion screamed! "I WISH I HAD GIVEN A SHOOT ABOUT THIS DUEL EARLIEEEER!" (Bastion: -12982 Life Points, Game Over)  
"NNNOOOOO, BASTION!" screamed Fluffy Fred, climbing all over Bastion's legs!  
"AAAHH! GET OFF OF US!" Omega-Xis cried.  
"Good one, Jaden!" Piggybank exclaimed, giving him a thumbs-up.  
"You were there?" Jaden yelped.  
"Yes, always," Baseball Bob noted.  
"Maybe if you-you uuuh, went to class sometimes you would uuuh…" Bunnyear mumbled.  
"I told you to practice your lines last night, sis!" Piggybank said. "If you wanna be on the same show as me, then you have to get motivated."  
"Well you ARE the more experienced actor!" Bunnyear accepted, rubbing her head.

"Stop taking the spotlight," Jaden instructed. "'Sides, what use do _I_ have for _grades_? All we do is play card games."  
"Don't you want to graduate?" Omega-Xis asked, blasting Fluffy Fred off of Bastion's legs.  
"Well sure. But nobody cares about anything besides how good we are at Dueling, right?" Jaden recalled.  
"… Oh yeah."

"HEEEEY!" Syrus heralded, scooting in with his yellowish blazer! "Listen guys, guess what?"  
"Zane's fighting Aster Phoenix?" Piggybank asked.  
"You shouldn't even know who Aster Phoenix IS yet!" Syrus whined.  
"We watched the reruns together," Baseball Bob explained.  
"OOOOOH."

LATER! THAT! NIGHT!  
Everybody was sitting in the newly-christened Alexishouse branch of the Slifer Toolshed. The large paper-thin plasma-screen television in the main room was on, showcasing a representation of Zane's head next to a representation of Aster Phoenix's head. They were flying around, shooting lasers and tackling each other. "_WHAAAAAAT?_" Alexis flipped! "_ZANE'S DUELING THAT NEW MARTY STU?_"  
"Yeah," Senkaiyoh said, getting interested. "That Zane guy looks pretty cool as a disembodied head!"  
"That's not the half of it," Chazz sighed. "How long 'til the fireworks start?"  
"Just after the head-thing ends, I think," Bastion said. There were a few knocks at the door.  
"Let us iiiiiiiin…" moaned the voice of Nancy Wut.  
"We wanna see too!" groaned Mann McOldsmobile.  
"NO FILLER CHARACTERS ALLOWED!" Senkaiyoh shouted!  
"You're a hypocrite!" Syrus called.  
"But she's GREAT!" Hassleberry supposed.  
"She's GREATLY A HYPOCRITE!"  
"**WHOEVER SAID THAT, STEP UP SO I CAN SHOOT YOUR FACE!**"

[.com/watch?v=cpf3FACOUsU] The television began blaring a great beginning tune akin to a legendary match of something equally useless! The duel was set to commence! The two heads flying around the screen bumped into one another, causing a climactic explosion! The screen cleared away to show two random commentators with funky hairstyles commentating. "Oh no, the commentators have started commentating!" Bastion exclaimed! "Get ready, folks!"  
"This duel's gonna be over in two seconds," Chazz said, "NOBODY can be more overrated than Zane. Besides Yuki."  
"Damn skippy, yo!"  
"But remember, he never truly showed off his full potential," Syrus rectified. "He slapped together a deck of crap to duel Jaden! Here he's gonna go all out. I'm worried for my bro! Should I be feelin' worried for my bro? I'M HYPERVENTILATING." Alexis splashed some water on his face.  
"Get a hold of yourself, your brother's awesome," she told.  
"Oh yeah."  
"Plus, I KNOW how good Zane is!" Jaden clarified. "He'd NEVER lose to a hotshot uppity duelin' surfer-accent hangover-soundin' clean-clothed magical kid Action Aster duelist like Aster!"

"AAAAAAND here we are over in Random Duel Arena 4787," Afro Commentator broadcasted, staring at the viewers from his green suit and extravagant glasses, "and today we're watching old favorite Aster Phoenix with his signature Elemental Hero Phoenix Enforcer fighting a new entrée to the Pro League, Zane Truesdale hailing from Kaibaland Duel Academy!"  
"Boy it sure feels great to be back here in Lucky Number 4787, I tell you!" commented Jimjam Jugadores, the most popular commentator on the circuit. He was being paid one-hundred dollars for every word he uttered, along with the ten-thousand it took to hire him. His name was also pronounced 'Heemham Hugadores' for trivial reasons. Nevertheless, this was definitely a momentous occasion. "Once we get the ball rolling, this is sure to be one of the season's Defining Duels™! The Zane guy's using apparently what seems to be the Cyber Dragon series, being one of the few who have actually mastered them! I can't wait to see what kinds of tricks HE'LL be up to! But first a word from the next scene." Jimjam Jugadores put away his microphone and sat back in his chair.  
_Dammit,_ Afro Commentator thought to himself, _this Jimjam's got the authority to even usher in a scene-change! But someday, that power will be mine…_

"CROWLUH!" Bonaparte cried, holding a phone up to his puppety ear! "They'uh talking about us! I can't HANDLE this kind of mess right now!"  
"I know, but shouldn't we wait a minute before getting bent out of shape?" Crowler suggested.  
"No I can't, you imbecieeyuh!" he barked, being careful to add the French emphasis to the word. "I'm trying to get a reign on Astuh Phoenix, but I can't heah the lady on the phone ovah youh griping!" He returned to his phone conversation. "Yes yes, I'm still heyuh… yes yes, I am awayuh that he was on the fifty-ninth episode… yes, I am aware that I am a mannequin… alright, bon soir…" Bonaparte threw the phone to the ground. "Well THAT didn't wohrk!"  
"AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!" Crowler shrieked, throwing Bonaparte into the wall. He fell to the floor and it began to sulk on its desk. "_I NEVER get any good scenes…_"

MEANWHILE, IN LUCKY NUMBER 4787…  
Zane Truesdale was sitting impatiently inside of a weight-lifting-slash-waiting-room. There was a rich-ish man standing over him with an eager expression. "Well, Zane," he wheezed, "we got a lot riding on this match. You think you're ready?"  
"You can count on me," Zane said, "I never lose."  
"I hope you're right," the richy man grinched. "You'd better win, because you've got one chance. If you lose, SomethingCorp™ will be blowing FORTY-FIVE BILLLLLLLION YEN! Which is also a lot of dollars, too!"  
"Thank you, but I like to walk," Zane excused, "_especially_ before a _big match._"

Angry McArgue walked onto the scene. "Zane, I'm – oh, you guys again," she groaned. "Trying to do something stupid as usual?"  
"Oh great, it's you. The guardian," ol' richster grunted. "I'm not willing to talk to you after what you did last time!"  
"You were trying to dress him as Hitler to sell some soap for that SomethingCorp™ commercial!" Angry McArgue argued. "If he hadn't brought me with him, he'd be black-listed in every country besides Antarctica! NOBODY wants to work there!"  
"Blah blah blah," the grumpy moneybags gagged. "Just take him out there and get him to win. If he loses… HE'S FIIIIIIIIREEEEEEDDD!" His head exploded from the sheer gripeness of himself, spreading money everywhere. (Death Count Season Two: 698)  
Angry McArgue rubbed Zane's shoulder. "Come on tiger, get to it!" she coached. "When you get back, I'll make some stir-fry for dinner! Because it tastes good."  
"Why?" he asked. "Demon? Gimee a break."

"…"Angry McArgue didn't know if that was an insult or not, so she shrugged the last statement off. They both stood up and walked down the tremendous path to the stadium's opening. "I have better things to do than to worry over the figment of someone's imagination." They walked after the miniscule shape of light in the distance. Within the darkness and dankness of the pathway, it looked as if a mile away. It was terribly built, that hall.  
"Geez, can't they just make these things SHORT?" Angry McArgue muttered. "Movies with these things are dramatic, but there's a fine line between epic and stupidity…"  
But something felt wrong. The further they went, the more the shape of light changed. Something animal was standing in front of them.

"Zane… stop." Angry McArgue demanded. They stopped. There were some assorted clattering sounds not too far ahead. "Who's there? This is our pathway; don't freak us out like this! At least tell me you're installing some lights in here!" She kicked a small empty can of Nikl Nip™ cola from the floor at the shaded hall that lay before them. It bounced off of some sort of… guy? Thing? Creature? This… creature… dove out in response and grabbed Angry McArgue by the esophagus with his iron claws! "GAAACK! GAAH!" she groaned! The repeatedly punched the creature's face, with an explosion following every one!  
"_**You'll need to do better than that,**_" it jeered. "_**I am INVINCIBLE!**_"

"AHH!" Zane cried! Instinctively, he summoned a flaming broadsword out from the center of his very soul. It illuminated the surrounding area, revealing this being to be a sort of anti-heroic man, whose jumpsuit was covered in stylish flame decor. Upon his arms were green gauntlets, one of which had three fearsome claws, and his helmet and wings were reminiscent of the weakest character in this entire series! And as we studied this new adversary, Angry McArgue's arms were quickly changing shape, as if trying to become amorphous knives? To conclude the paragraph of foreshadowing, Zane cleaved the being down the middle.

Angry McArgue dropped to the ground as did the right half of the monster. The left half grew itself back into shape, engulfing itself in fire.  
"_**Ha ha ha… oh, Zane!**_" it laughed. "_**I can't wait to see you outside! HA HA HA HA HAAA!**_ Urp?" Zane cut his head into quarters. The monetary kind. (Death Count Season Two: 698)  
_Immortality doesn't exactly work out when your brain's ruined._  
"G-gah! _**GYYAAAAAGHHHHH…**_" The monster erupted into flames, falling over backward. It ceased movement and turned to cinders. Angry McArgue pulled herself onto the wall and started rubbing her arms vigorously, as if to defrost them of our confusion. Her eyes were tearing up with strangeness and pain and her breathing felt labored.  
_Darn it, she wasn't supposed to know she could do that yet!_ Zane cursed.  
"What… what happened?" Angry McArgue asked as he arms restored themselves to normal. "Why were… was my arm melting?"  
"I'm fine," Zane said. "A demon…" He helped Angry McArgue up off the ground and dusted her off. She was shaking.  
"Z-Zane… I feel… weird. And what was that, that sword? And that… demon?"  
Zane shook his head. He took her arm and led her back towards the weight-slash-waiting area. "Please, Zane, I need you to tell me. Do you know what happened?"  
"….." He said nothing. Instead, he wrote a short memo on a sticky note and handed it to her.  
"'Please just sit down and watch the show,'" Angry McArgue read. "'The pain will subside quickly. Don't tell anyone about this, just trust me…' Tell me now. I have to know," she demanded. Zane didn't react. She sighed loudly and went with it.

But Zane thought. _Dr. Card… what in all seven hells are you planning?_

MEANWHILE, IN THE FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE…  
Sartorius was sitting in his robe and his throne at his glass table, setting numerous Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventure™ Tarot cards across the furniture. At the head of it all was a face-down Duel Monsters card. It began to catch fire and burn away, somehow not disturbing anything else around it. Sartorius smirked and took out a cell phone. "Aster," he said into the device, "it seems as though our friend's found our sentry and eradicated him. Are you prepared to handle an opponent of such caliber?"  
"_Do you doubt my skill?_" Aster answered. "_You KNOW I'm going to win this. You saw it in the cards. The JoJo ones._"  
"True, but I want you to focus some effort onto this Duel. This is the strongest opponent you've ever faced! He's got near-godly powers in the realms of strength and skill!" Sartorius taught. "He is DIVINE. You must give caution."  
"_Ugh,_" Aster groaned, "_it's bad enough that I've thrown a game to that slanderous idiot Jaden, but now you're actually believing I'll start losing?_"  
"In due time, you'll understand everything," Sartorius stated. "After tonight's show, you will go back to Duel Academy and challenge Jaden once more and WIN."  
"_Hmph. Can I at least use my new deck against that kid, teacher?_" Aster grunted.  
"Why of course. I pray thee well." Sartorius cut off his phone and turned to the doorway behind him. "Stephen?" he called. "I pray you're ready."  
"Don't worry," a black-coated young fellow from episode 58 who you will not recall answered. "I've always wanted to get into teaching, heh. We're taking the hovercraft?"  
"Yes, we're taking the hovercraft."  
The hip young character smiled. His blonde hair was tipped lime green at the ends. "Good."

BACK AT THE LOVELY ARENA 4787…  
Random people ran around picking up merchandise themed after everyone's favorite Zane and Aster. They picked up their Zane Truesdale coffee mugs, their Aster Phoenix video game system cases, and ZaneXAster yaoi from shady vendors. "AAAND now we're about to begin the biiiig Duuuuuel!" announced Afro Commentator.  
"Here at the game, we've got a stagnant air of romanticism and hormonal imbalances going on dividing our audience!" Jimjam Jugadores announced. "It's the Zany Broads versus the Risin' Phoenixetta Lorrettas down here, and people are ALREADY placing bets on the catfights going on in the foyer! Gosh, Afro-headed man, I'm just so excited to see what could happen tonight!"  
"You SURE are flapping your gums for the money," Afro Commentator groaned.  
"That I am!" Jimjam Jugadores exclaimed. "Now look at them enter the arena!"

From below, the stage began spitting sapphire flames about the air, ushering in a giant animatronic Cyber Dragon! It wheeled around the arena, peering about the audience, spitting lasers at the unlucky ones. (Death Count Season Two: 702) Then the behemoth slithered into its stated place, launching sparks from every joint of its frame! It opened its fat maw up wide and revealed… a cannon! Zane was seated inside, wearing a flashy white Elvis Presley outfit and blue helmet for safety reasons! The dragon cannon fired him out into the air, throwing him into the sky as he unfurled himself, showing off the tassels attached to his arms and legs! He floated down to the floor in a zig-zag fashion, without a parachute, and ripped away his lame old costume to reveal his old-fashioned Obelisk Blue uniform adorned with a small star icon under his neck!  
"WE LOVE YOU ZAAAAAANENENENE!" screamed the nubile young girls.

"OH MAH GOSH I MISS YOU!" Alexis wailed, sobbing all over her TV.  
"I can't see through the tears!" Senkaiyoh complained.

"ANNNND HERE WE ARE, ABOUT TO INTRODUCE TO YOU, THE AUDIENCE, THE OTHER COMPETITOOOOR… ASTEEEER PHOOOEEENIIIXXXX!" screamed Jimjam Jugadores!  
"GOSH DAMMIT STOP MILKING THE OPPORTUNITY!" ordered Afro Commentator.  
A large, mysterious bird appeared in the center of the action. It appeared to be a male peacock, extending the feathers on his tail. It held aloft its wings and caught fire, as several things have this episode! From its breast walked out Aster Phoenix, symbolically wearing a shimmering red jumpsuit with false crimson feathers glued onto the arms poorly! "KAKAAAW!" he cried, leaping forth onto the stage! He began to prance around, waving his arms like a crazy person! "KA KAW! KA KAW!" he screeched!  
"SHADDAP!" shouted the real Aster Phoenix, punching the crazy man in the face, forcing an explosion! "Now are you ready to Duel or not, sir?" Aster asked Zane.  
"NO WAY!" roared the real Aster Phoenix, dropping down from above via jetpack! As he touched down to the floor, the previous Aster Phoenix exploded, revealing the third to be the charm.  
"My gosh… where's the next gonna come out?" Jaden wondered.  
"Don't wonder," Syrus Sy-ed.

"I've heard a lot about you," Zane told his opponent as he shuffled his cards. "Thirty professional duels and not one loss. Not too shabby for a little kid."  
"And how did you enjoy the gift I sent you?" Aster asked. "I picked him out myself."  
"Bring it on!"  
"FINE THEN!"  
[.com/watch?v=d-zW0J738do&feature=related] "DUEL!" (Zane: 4000 Life Points, Aster: 4000 Life Points)  
"Now I'll show you my true power, Jaden!" Aster promised, staring directly at the hidden cameras!  
"He knew I was watching? Duh!" Jaden cried!  
"I summon…" Aster played his first card. "Elemental Hero Avian!"  
"NO MAN DON'T DO IT!" shrieked everybody! _OH MY GOSH!_ they gulped. _I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF, BUT HE'S PLAYING THAT MONSTER!_  
"Yo man dat's WHACK copyin' a cool kid like me!" Jaden pouted. "One Archetype per anime character, thanks!"  
"No way! A Deck of Heroes?" Zane asked, surprised! Even HE knew how stupid that card was! (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"And then I'll throw down a couple 'o face-downs and end my turn," Aster ended. Two cards appeared before him, waiting for their chance…  
"BOO," someone said.  
"OH HO HO, ASTER PHOENIX HAS JUST SUMMONED ONE OF THE LEAST POPULAR MONSTERS IN THE GAME!" Jimjam Jugadores called! "HE MUST HAVE SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE!"  
"Yeah, those two face-downs are just ASKING for TROUBLE!" Afro Commentator said.  
"Shut up," Jimjam Jugadores ordered.

"Hey Aster, check this out!"  
A giant robot dragon appeared in Aster's face. "GWAAAARRRRGH!" it shrieked.  
"I play Cyber Dragon in Attack Mode!" Zane stated. (Cyber Dragon: 2100 Attack Points) "I'm allowed to summon him when all the monsters in play are on your side; a little trick I picked up at the Academy." He held out his arm of judgment and cried, "Alright Cyber Dragon, attack with Strident Blast!"  
"**BRAAAAAAAHHHH!**" the dragon shrieked, firing a spinning laser of cyberenergy at the puny green Hero!  
"Look out," Aster called, "I trigger my Draining Shield Trap card!" He tossed out a simple, circular shield at the blast, and somehow blocked it in full! "Y'know, the card lets me gain Life Points equal to the attack I just blocked," explained Aster.  
"Nice move. But I have a better one!" Zane assured! "It's a Spell card, and it's called Trap Booster!" He sent away one card from his hand, calling out a bear trap with rockets taped to its sides! It cruised on by, taking a second and third card out with it! "So that means, after I ditch a card, I can play a Trap card from my hand!" The bear trap crashed into the screaming audience and exploded, taking with it a random Spell card and taking on… "I choose my Trap **Jammer,** and it cancels out **your** Trap card, junior!" A storm of literal grape jelly began to swarm above Aster's head, threatening to crash into his shield!  
"Now you're just ripping me off, douche," Aster said calmly, activating his OWN copy of Trap Jammer! The second Trap Jammer took in all of the jam from the heavens and fired it all into Zane's left eye, negating the first one! "Seems as though I've one-upped you, ya' babbling idiot." (Aster: 6100 Life Points)  
"…" Zane bent over and pounded seventy-eight metric pounds of jam out of his head. He licked a smidge off of his cheek to show how serious he was.

"OOOOH MY GOODNESS," Jimjam Jugadores shouted, "WE ARE SEEING A BIG MATCHUP, FOLKS! WHERE IT SEEMED AS THOUGH ZANE HAD THE UPPER HAND, HE IS NOW IN A BIT OF A _JAM_ BY TWENTY-ONE HUNDRED LIFE POINTS, AND JUST WASTED A GOOD THREE CARDS! THINGS AREN'T QUITE LOOKING _GRAPE!_"  
"DAMN IT ALL JIMJAM, STOP CASHING IN AND LET ME SPEAK!" Afro Commentator screamed!  
"NO CAN DO, AFRO GUY, I'M RAKING IN AS MUCH MONEY AS I CAN, HERE! THAT CYBER DRAGON SEEMED TO KICK-START THE GAME, AND YET well you know the rest, heh heh heh," Jimjam Jugadores chuckled. "But can Zane still make a comeback after this turn? We'll have to wait and see for ourselves!"  
Jimjam Jugadores slammed a chair over Afro Commentator's head.

Angry McArgue was seated among some SomethingCorp™ executives. "Okay, this is getting weird, AGAIN," Angry McArgue mumbled. _First we get attacked by some weird flaming thing and my arms lose shape. Now these two fools are arguing? Why is tonight just getting worse and worse?_

"Noooooooo," Syrus said, writhing his arms madly as if they were tentacles, "I can't believe what is happeniiiiiiiiiing. My brother is losiiiiiiiiiiiing."  
"You don't sound too torn up about it," Senkaiyoh noted.  
"I had already set myself up for a letdown when I saw Avian. It just sorta carried over."  
"**Don't give up on'm now!**" Jaden and Alexis cried! "**He's just getting started! I should know!**"  
"Aaaaahh, you're starting to scare me," Syrus mumbled, falling on his side. He began to drool on the nice carpet in despair.  
"NOT ON MY CARPET!" Alexis and Chazz shouted.  
"I'm so confused, and yet I really want to watch this matchup!" Hassleberry groaned! "I'm torn!"

"Oh boy Jimjam, I haven't seen two pros go at it since Kaiba and Yugi!" cheered Afro Commentator, nursing his bleeding head.  
"That's a… terrible claim," Jimjam Jugadores said. "This is only the second turn. How could you mean that this early?"  
"I… I'm just desperate!"  
"You literally just gave up right there."  
"Don't hold it against me."  
"Get out of my booth. GET OUT OF MY **MOTHER-PUNCHING** BOOTH!"  
"NOOOOHOHOHOOOOO…" Thus began more desk-bashing than asked for.

As that drama went on, Aster Phoenix began his next turn. "I play the card we all saw coming!" He threw a Pot of Greed to the ground, where it promptly exploded. "I draw two cards and play Polymerization!" Burstinatrix jumped out from Aster's hand and stood next to her ally. She was promptly absorbed into Avian's flesh, turning his clothing black and flame-pattered! His wings began to grow outward as his body expanded! His head became covered in a green, swooping helmet, his arms became more armored and battle-ready, his clawed glove essentially became a hell-rake, and a salmon-colored tail sprouted outward, swirling around his now-raptor-like legs. "Say hello to the Elemental Hero Phoenix Enforcer!" greeted Aster. (Phoenix Enforcer: 2100 Attack Points)

"No way!" Jaden called afoul! "That's s'posed to be Flame Wingman! Not that AP crap no offense AP!"  
"You didn't know that the monsters can make different Fusion combinations?" Hassleberry asked.  
"Wasn't it obvious he didn't?" Chazz groaned. "Darn it, Yuki, stop being such an idiot hero!"  
"Aw man!" He shrugged with a lame smile, effectively ending the conversation with stupidity.

Aster Phoenix nodded his head. "Phoenix Enforcer, kill Cyber Dragon!" The demonic Hero charged straight into the mechanical monstrosity, throwing a three-clawed ray of light through the dragon! They both exploded.  
"NNGH!" Zane grunted. But alas, through the smoke of the burst, Phoenix Enforcer leaped back toward his master.  
"You had an easy time with him earlier, but you should remember how he regenerates! Just like a phoenix, he will be reborn from the ashes time and time again," Aster Phoenix noted, whipping around a pointer finger of knowledge. "I'll just set one more card face-down and end my turn. What do you say to that?"  
"Alright kid, settle down," Zane called with a twinge of uncharacteristic hate in his voice. He drew a card. "Well, whaddaya know, Aster?" He threw down his own Pot of Greed. (Death Count Season Two: 703)  
"Boy oh boy," Jimjam Jugadores announced, "I just hit that Afro idiot with a desk and BOY am I surprised! While I wasn't looking, Cyber Dragon's been replaced by a Phoenix Enforcer and Zane JUST used a Pot of Greed! I wonder why everybody always gets it? Boy, maybe the original creators are lazy like that? Who knows?"  
"I'll draw two and play an old favorite: the Spell card Power Bond!" Zane called, playing his Spell of powerful bonding! Twin Cyber Dragons rose from the earth and were smashed into pieces.

"What's he doing?" Senkaiyoh asked, confused. "They're dead. He killed him. Weirdo."  
"No, don't you remember? Death is just the first part of rebirth, y'know?" Jaden explained, grabbing Senkaiyoh by the shoulder. He held his free arm aloft as he told her, "Through death, you can achieve so many more things than you could while alive, and THEN come BACK from the dead! See what I'm sayin'?"  
"No," Hassleberry groaned, separating the two children. "We are NOT going to talk about a gosh-darn zombie apocalypse."  
"Well he's freaking summoning a trump monster so shut up and let me listen," Alexis growled menacingly.  
"That's my bro!" Syrus cheered. Alexis scratched his face off.

[.com/watch?v=ZQjcGFoN6tk] "Listen up," Zane told, "'cause Zane's about to win."  
"BOO," someone said.  
"WHO WAS THAT?" Angry McArgue gasped.  
"I actually thought that line was pretty cool," Syrus said begrudgingly, "but really, how'd the duck get there?" He pointed to the 'BOO' duck of choice, standing behind the group's sofa. Nobody seemed to care.  
"I'll send two machines to the Graveyard to summon a whole NEW machine!" Zane announced! "So meet my Cyber Twin Dragon!" The floating remnants of the Cyber Dragon twins were sucked into a sudden vortex. The void exploded with activity from the swirling masses of ironworkers, flying about and sticking bits and pieces of metal together at will! Once complete, they gave a unanimous thumbs-up, attached a gift basket, and threw out the Cyber Twin Dragon, twice as powerful than ever! (Cyber Twin Dragon: 2800 Attack Points)  
"But my Power Bond's not done yet," Zane stated, taking his wonderful fruity gift basket off of his new pet. "With Power Bond, my Cyber Twin Dragon's Attack Points DOUBLE!" And so the Dragon truly WAS twice as powerful than ever. (Cyber Twin Dragon: 2800 - 5600 Attack Points)  
"Wowzers," Jimjam Jugadores exclaimed, "Zane Truesdale's looking at a possible seven-THOUSAND damage combo this turn with that Power Bond card! Gosh! Bonkers!" His bank account continued to blossom.

Zane picked out a shiny lemon from his wonderful basket and took a big bite. "Cyber Twin Dragon, attack the Phoenix Enforcer!" The two dragons inhaled, reared back, and shot a storm of love at the target. He took it head-on and his body was explosively disemboweled!  
"Gaaaah, holograms!" Aster gasped as he was slapped by a holographic small intestine. (Aster: 2600 Life Points)  
"And guess what?" Zane inquired. "Cyber Twin Dragon gets to attack again!"  
"YESSSSHREE!" cheered the Duel Academy kids.  
"What? I still wanna see the show," sniveled Baseball Bob.

The stray bits of flesh and blood scattered across the arena started to wiggle and seep off of the dirty floor and screaming fans, coming back into Phoenix Enforcer's body, in an attempt to rise again, BUT IT DIDN'T MATTER! The Cyber Twin Dragon fired one more burst of mutual acceptance, cutting through the immortal, tearing his form to shreds of meat and meat byproducts. The field was engulfed in a smoky fog. As if to show off his win, Zane took his half-eaten lemon, held it out and dropped it to the ground. Aster slowly began to clap. The rest of the audience, confused, joined in for the hell of it all.  
[.com/watch?v=3dz62HjPhHY] (Aster: 100 Life Points)  
"ASTER! WOOO! CLAPPING!" they shouted! "**HOLY CRAP HE DIDN'T LOSE!**"  
"How situational," Aster chuckled, having activated some Trap card with Burstinatrix charging a battery from the inside? "Sorry to interrupt your song, but Elemental Recharge granted me one-thousand Life Points for having my Hero on the field. Just enough."  
"EEEEH?" Angry McArgue cried, spitting blood!  
"DAAAAAHHH!" the SomethingCorp™ executives cried, spitting blood!  
"IMPOSSIBLE! I WON!" Zane cried, spraying vast quantities of lemon juice about!  
"UNBELIEVABLE!" Jimjam Jugadores yelled! "Aster Phoenix just pulled a Yugi on us with that wildly lucky move! This means he HAS to win this Duel! What a tumultuous turnabout!"  
"What're you trying to say?" Zane ordered.  
"Well, that's what happens on this show," Jimjam Jugadores explained.  
"Grrr…" growled Zane in response.  
"GAAAAAHH!" cried the kids of Duel Academy, vomiting blood all over the television screen! "HE'S RIIIIIGHT!"  
"Why are you spitting blood?" Omega-Xis asked. "Don't lock us outta the loop."  
"Quiet and stay there with the rest of the filler characters," Bastion ordered, nursing his bleeding empty wrist.

"Don't forget Power Bond's secondary effect," Aster warned, "the BAD one, that is." Cyber Twin Dragon's right head fell off and smashed upon Zane's head. He was unfazed. (Zane: 1200 Life Points) "And I'll draw this match to a close with the Spell card Misfortune." A mysterious masked individual appeared on the field, wearing a classy suit, hat, cape and creepymask. He floated next to the regenerating Phoenix Enforcer and stood still. "Even though I can't attack this turn, Misfortune inflicts damage to your Life Points equal to half of your Cyber Twin Dragon's original Attack Points." Zane's eyes widened. His supporters wept in despair. SomethingCorp™ died. All of it died. (Death Count Season Two: 2,498) The mysterious figure threw a banana peel at the dragon robot. It slithered forward just enough. Sliding on the peel, it flipped backward, detonating and destroying everything holographic in sight. The smoke blew itself away, revealing the loser to all. (Zane: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"WHAT AN OBVIOUS COMEBACK!" shouted Jimjam Jugadores. "That ending was sudden, but—" The surviving Afro Commentator snared his neck from behind with a necktie and proceeded to choke his victim.  
Aster Phoenix calmly stepped up to Zane and looked up at him. "How can this be?" Zane demanded. _What the hell did he just do?_ Zane thought. _That's not what happened in the original! He's supposed to draw this game out longer before striking me down! What happened?_

"Don't think that you're the only one who can fight fate, Zane," Aster told. "Also, Sartorius wanted me to pass a message: you should know damn well that we're going to break the reincarnation cycle. It won't matter what power-ups you take on, who you inspire, or where you run. You can't fight your destiny – your TRUE destiny, that is." Aster turned to his audience and waved. They threw roses, money and inappropriate articles of clothing at him.  
"I know," Zane said. He walked off calmly to reclaim his Angry McArgue friend.

"Zane… lost?" Alexis asked, unbelieving, before imploding.  
"That Aster Phoenix kid's good!" Senkaiyoh accepted. "I like'm!"  
"No, DON'T like'm!" Chazz ordered! "He just beat our top student from last year! The one Jaden had to do EVERYTHING HE COULD in order to beat! And he's coming here to kick Jaden's ass next week!"  
"What are you gonna do now?" Hassleberry asked, worried. "I mean, if losing to a GOOD guy made me smarter as a person, then if you lose to a BAD guy like him…"  
"Oh no, that logic works!" Syrus realized. "Jaden! In the next episode, you're facing your NEW strongest rival. What will you do?"

Jaden looked.

NEXT EPISODE:  
It's finally happened! Aster Phoenix is coming back to Duel Academy to start his year off with a bang! But before he can get his game on with Jaden, a master criminal strikes the island's card supply! With this new foe, can Jaden and Aster join forces and take him out? Also, Bastion decides that he wants to reconnect with his British roots! Will he be moving back to Great Britain? And what about his bloody past…? Next time: _Wolf in Sheep's Clothing! Aster and Jaden: The Strongest Tag?_ We swear, it won't hurt TOO much!

COMMENTARY:  
Alright, so this one got a little weirder than usual before the Duel happened, but I assure you, someday you will finish this story and reread this chapter, shouting 'OOOOOH, HE HINTED THAT EARLIER IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLEEEEE!' And yes, because Angry McArgue has a SPECIAL POWER, that means the other siblings do too. And Zane does have a flaming sword.

Also, please find it hilarious how Zane is pretty much being kept safe by the young lady he kinda kidnapped on accident. He was supposed to be able to take her back to school! Instead she became the mom. Heh… I wish I was funnier.

Also, THERE WERE THREE ASTERS? Nope, not here. Not this time around, no way. Oh, and Sartorius has stuff to do with some Phoenix Enforcer Duel Spirit nonsense? REINCARNATION CYCLE? To be continued.

Because we all want justification for the songs employed that you didn't listen to, I'll just say some stuff for the benefit of nobody.

Cremation Melody: The song listed as the Duel began (remember! Just plug youtube and . and com in front of the address!) was a bad callback to Zane's Jaden Duel, since Rolling Girl, Nico Nico Douga stuff, yeah it's his alignment. Woohoo, nobody cares. But hey, Aster's pretty Jaden-like…  
Someday: Yeah, also used when Jaden Dueled Zane. It was kinda just thrown in because we all find it cool. Bonus factiod: It was actually made Deep Voice Dobbson's theme song, but then new all just sorta forgot about it! It was used somewhere in the 'Cuts n Gut Go Crazy' (official name now) arc when he Dueled with Billy Hills.  
Mizokonuchi Taiyoh Zoku: Heroic-sounding and I enjoy it! It's cool because it's for a hero-like evil-ish guy! I intend to use the "alternate" version of this song sometime for a call-back of sorts. I also wish I could find the original form of this anime opening on youtube, but I digress, this was performed live.

Sorry the ep concluded so suddenly, but it was getting sorta dumb at that point to throw in two more turns, so I just drew it to a close there. Don't hurt me and have a good 'un!


	65. Episode 64: A New Breed of Hero Part One

Aster Phoenix extraordinaire had been caught by the paparazzi in his escape from Duel Arena 4787 from last week's installment. So, the good boys and girls in Duel Academy were forced to listen to him asking questions as they stared on in anger and remorse. "Mister Phoenix! Mister Phoenix!" some news reporter exclaimed. "We have apparently received reports that you're going to enroll into Kaibaland Duel Academy! Is this true?"  
"No, of course not," Aster denied, "it's all just a part of my plan."  
"And what plan would that be, sir?"  
"There's some boy there who's been making a huge mess out of my good name!" Aster answered. "This weird idiot is going around using my deck, which we all know is taboo! I mean, one deck type to a character, am I right?"  
"LIES N' SLANDER!" Jaden quoted.  
"So I'm going to take a little break, head on over here and rough 'im up with a new deck I've been preparing."  
"A new deck, you say?" the inquiring masses inquired.  
"Yes, I figured that if I'm going to duel one kid with heroes, then a lotta idiots may start copying me after his failure, so why not move onto a better card Archetype?"

"Who IS this young creep?" they asked him.  
"Well, I can't really say it, buuuut…" Aster thought about it for a second. "His name sounds like Schmaden Schmooky."  
"Syrus Truesdale?" they all guessed.  
"No, not—"  
"IT WAS SYRUS TRUESDALE, FOLKS! YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST ON CHANNEL 18981 NEWS!" one determined anchorlady promised her cameraman, staring right into the lens of the viewing public. Senkaiyoh shot the television dead with an anti-tank shell.

"How do you do that?" Bastion asked.  
"I can summon guns!" Senkayoh explained.  
"DAAAAAAAAAAARN it all they think I did it," Syrus sniffed, now horrified for his own life. "Everybody wants me dead now that they think I'm Jaden!"  
"Well don't you worry a bit, G," Jaden said, "because he's coming here!""WHAAAA?"  
"And I'm going to beat him in a Duel!"  
"Huuuuh? How will that help me?"  
Jaden narrowed his eyes and looked up. "**I. DON'T. KNOW.**"

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic  
Episode 64: A New Breed of Hero - Part One

Sartorius was sitting in a fast-moving hovercraft scooting over the Arctic Ocean, dressed in a super-fluffy coat now rather than a drafty cloak. Alongside him was a boy who was apparently named Stephen Boyd. Sartorius sifted through his cards and pulled one out of the muddled-up pile. Three cards blew away in the wind. "Oh crap," Sartorius muttered. He looked at the card he'd drawn: a Boston terrier with a sand beast standing behind him in an Aztec mask and two-wheel drive. It was the Fool…!  
"Ha ha, that was pretty stupid," Stephen Boyd chuckled, handing Sartorius three replacement cards.  
"You misunderstand," Sartorius explained, "the zeroeth card, The Fool, signifies the start of a long journey."  
"Are you sure? Because it's stupid to be doing this out here in all the arctic wind without a roof. 'Sides, couldn't we afford the roof? It's cold."  
"Now you _know_ how expensive hovercrafts are these days. And only weaklings succumb to the cold," Sartorius mumbled as he gathered his cards together.  
"That's an excuse if I've ever heard one. How could an excuse sound so bad?"  
"Fool, there is no excuse for fate. And yes, that was quite bad. I apologize."

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE ACADEMY,  
"Monsyewer, I believe it is Ahktic-level cold here," Bonaparte muttered, shaking in Crowler's arms. "Oi, da irony of it awl!"  
"D-d-d-don't worry, we just have to wait for Aster to arrive and then we can go home," Crowler said, "and besides, it's supposed to be either summer or fall, depending on what culture we're basing our school year on."  
"I don't think this is going to wohrk."  
"Well your fatty French accent is really grating. I just wish Aster were already here…"

Meanwhile, above their very heads, Aster Phoenix stood within the cargo hold of an airplane crafted almost entirely from birch wood. "Sir, are you really going to do this?" the pilot called out.  
"Of course," Aster replied, "the star of the show has to make a star entrance!" He kicked the backside of the plane off and fell toward the academy at breakneck-speed. He burst through the clouds like a bullet and cruised down above the school with his fist at the ready.

As that happened, Bastion was looking up various pictures of Aster Phoenix on the internet, bloodying up Alexis' stolen computer with his wrist stump. "Hmm, Aster Phoenix seems nearly perfect." He pointed to dozens of pictures with him cosplaying as the eponymous Strike Witches. "He's taken Comiket by storm with his cosplaying skills, graduated from X-Treeeem Sports College with two PhDs in awesome, won every professional match he's been in to date, AND he has REALLY blue eyes. It's unsettling how perfect he is. Boy, he even has a _SECRET PAST!_"  
"Boy, it seems unlikely he'd ever turn to CRIMEFIGHTING!" Senkaiyoh laughed!  
"Dammit, she's already controlling the plot," Syrus Sy-ed. Suddenly, a traditional-looking bomb flew through the window behind his head!  
"DIE COPYCAT!" some freak shrieked. Alexis reached out, grabbed it by the fuse, and threw it back out.  
"No thanks!" Alexis yelled.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—" The freak exploded, taking the bomb out with him.  
"I knew I was going to get death threats," Syrus muttered in depression.  
"Let's cut to Aster Phoenix beating up criminals," Chazz decided.

Aster Phoenix fell down above the Duel Academy card shop building section of the building, because everybody knows where it's located. "AI-YAH!" he shouted, punching the air as hard as he could! The force of his blow cushioned his fall, blowing the ceiling apart! He dropped like a feather and landed with a small 'TAP'. Some bad guy whirled around with a start.  
"GAH!" screamed a random man in hefty robber clothing, striped black and white. He had a duffel bag full of stolen cards.  
"You know what?" Aster asked.  
"U-u-uhhh, what? That in order to stop me you've just caused more property damage by destroying the roof than I would have by stealing these cards?" the robber suggested.  
"That's true, but also… you can't fight your destiny… OF ME PUNCHING YOUR FACE!" Aster punched him in the face, causing an epic purple explosion and changing his body forever…

"My goodness, what was that explosion?" Crowler cried, carrying Bonaparte toward the scene of the crime! "Did you hear that?"  
"Ugh, moy aunt in Paris heard it!" Bonaparte sighed, rolling his marble-like eyes. "Really, who writes this connerie? Heheh, French word, it's funny."

"IT'S HERO TIME!" Jaden cried, running to the same location with Syrus, Mann McOldsmobile, Hassleberry, Bastion, and his re-equipped Omega-Xis.  
"What was up with that explosion?" Syrus asked. "We don't HAVE purple explosions!"  
"I think he can tell you," Omega-Xis said, pointing his snout to the figures up ahead. They arrived at the point of explosion, a broken wall with one Aster Phoenix, and one wolf in robber clothing.  
"Oh, well that's what happens when you punch a robber into a dog-like form. I was going to turn him into a coyote, but I put too much force into my punch," Aster explained. "And here, mister, you can have these cards as long as you want… IN PRISON! HA HA HA HA HA!" He began dropping forty Lolwuts atop the wolf, one at a time, agonizingly.  
"*Generic wolf whimper*" he said.  
"SILENCE, ASSAULTIST!" Senkaiyoh shouted, assaulting him from behind! He threw the wolf in the way of the blast. Wolfcriminal took the full impact, exploding… into a mess of red meat and sinew. "EXPLAIN YOURSELF, THIEF!"  
"You got me all wrong, gal," Aster assured with a wink, "THIS was the punk who thought that crime would pay off. But now HE'S going to pay… IN JAIL."

"OH MY GOSH, THAT'S ASTER PHOENIX!" Crowler squealed! "HE'S FINALLY HERE!"  
"Stand down, mon angette!" Bonaparte pleaded! "Don't slawtuh the big stah of the 'cademy!"  
"Holy crap," Mann McOldsmobile gasped, standing over the criminal wolf, "he really DID get transformed into a wolf in one blow! I can only do it in three!"  
"IGNORE THEM!" Crowler shouted! "Bastion, please take these children away."  
"Yes ma'am," Bastion complied, pulling everybody one step away.  
"Now Aster, how do you do?" the teacher asked introductively.  
"You don't matter in this episode," Aster said bluntly. "I mean, a puppet and a shemale? Who cares about you?"  
"I don't know if I'm a puppet or not," Bonaparte sniffed.  
"That's just rude," Crowler muttered. The duo faded into the background.

"You insulted my dada!" Senkaiyoh announced, holding one arm outward and one hand on her head! "With the world as my witness, I shall hold you accountable!"  
"What, are you gonna shoot me?" Aster asked. "In THAT pose?"  
"Kinda! It's my Serious-Time Pose!" Senkaiyoh agreed, holding out a shotgun in her right arm.  
"Wait a minute!" Mann McOldsmobile exclaimed! "What if this character is too important to kill off?"  
"So?" Senkaiyoh wondered.  
"That's BAD," he stressed.  
"Oh, if you say so," Senkaiyoh gave in, causing the gun to fade into air.  
"Now if you would please step out of my way," Aster requested.  
"Okay," Senkaiyoh said.  
"NOW you choose to be civil?" Bastion whined. "Let's all stop bothering."

"That's just how she rolls, and on that note, shouldn't you be rollin' on outta this place?" Hassleberry ordered sternly. "Like we'd actually Duel you after insulting our friend on national television."  
"Sure," Jaden said. "I like to Duel." _And it'll give me a chance to get this jerk-butt punk to lay off of the small folk like Sy!_ Jaden reassured. _I don't care if he insulted me on nationally syndicated television news shows full of lies, like Channel Four or the really high-numbered one nobody watches, but he's got another thing comin' if he thinks he can insult Sy and Ms. C-Rowler like that!_  
"Good!" Aster replied. "Then it's settled; we're Dueling tomorrow at some sort of time. I don't want any other spectators besides whoever's here. I'm not making a spectacle out of this."  
"Yay!" Senkaiyoh cheered.  
"Fine!" barked Jaden.  
"Fine!" mewed Aster.  
"Woo!" Syrus said.

That night was spent with much happy partying, drinking, and laughs shared between Jaden Yuki and Aster Phoenix. Syrus was almost killed three more times. Senkaiyoh tried forcing herself on Mann McOldsmobile again. But it was all okay, because Tyranno Hassleberry performed his special dinosaur puppet show, and Bastion laughed and laughed…

THE! NEXT! DAY!  
Sometime in the morning, the J-Dawgz was sitting in the Duel Dome, waiting for the big event. Two mysterious workers and Janitorboy Ikkaku were plugging giant cables into the base of the Dueling stage. "Uh, what's this even do?" worker Yumichika Ayasegawa asked.  
"Don't ask," Janitorboy Ikkaku stated.  
"But why's it spewing raw sewage all over the floor?" asked worker Rangiku Matsumoto, pointing to a mess spread all over the floor (and growing).  
"Don't ask, just plug the bastard in," Janitorboy Ikkaku stated.

Jaden and Aster themselves began to step up into place and hold out their Duel Disks. "Don't worry," Syrus called out, "everybody from last night is here to support you!"  
"We believe in you, even if we don't look like it!" Omega-Xis added.  
"Senkaiyyyyyyoh!" Senkaiyoh chided adorably.  
"Uh, thanks yo," Jaden chuckled, finding solace somehow!  
"_OOH,_" 'ooh'ed Winged Kuriboh, floating out of Jaden's hair.  
"Who're you? Either way," Jaden understood, "I'm not gonna hold anything back."  
"Really?" Aster asked. "Well then this should be interesting." He snapped his fingers. "Duel!" (Aster: 4000 Life Points, Jaden: 4000 Life Points)  
"Real go-getter, ain'cha?" Hassleberry called.  
"Let'm be, tiger," Jaden said.  
"But I'm the tiger!" Bastion gulped.  
"It don't matter as long as his cards do the talkin'."

Standing just out of sight and mind, Beehive Larry muttered into a crystal blue cell phone. "Uh, hey, mister Sartorius? I was told to tell you when Aster Duels Jaden, so… yeah."  
"Really?" Sartorius responded, sitting in a nice Motel 6 room with his male compatriot. They were playing on a hastily-connected Game Cube. "Then it is only a matter of time until this boy falls to the light, mweh heh heh." He held up a Jo Jo Tarot card featuring an old Indiana Jones-type man with a purple vine of thorns around his arm. "Hermit Purple? Then he will certainly have a lot to reflect on after this match…"  
"Sorry, I just make the calls, I don't care about them," Beehive Larry groaned. "I really don't care about predictions and stuff. So…"  
"Fine then," he sighed disappointedly. "Just know that Stephen is almost there. Keep him safe." Both parties cut off their phones.  
"Hey, was that Larry?" Stephen Boyd asked.

[.com/watch?v=KYST7X3qd30&translated=1]"Sounds like somebody's real excited 'bout this bout," Jaden chuckled.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"_OOH, OOH,_" Winged Kuriboh urged, shaking its finger in warning.  
"Don't worry, I got everything under control. We're winnin' this scrap!" swore Jaden. The winged guy nodded and imploded away.  
"You're letting your guard down, y'cocky bastard!" Mann McOldsmobile called! "You're already using a song with your name on it! Don't push your luck and such n' such!"  
"Don't do that!" Syrus warned.  
"Gotcha!" Jaden called out.

_Just listen to these flunkies,_ Aster thought with a grimace, _they don't even know what they're facing. My new cards'll make the E-Heroes look like Ojamas and Kuribohs! Because we hate those!_ "Are we about ready?" he begged.  
"Listen up!" Jaden cried. "It's time t'loosen that tie, roll up yo sleeves, put on yo work pants, get out there, harvest them pum'kins and GET YOUR GAME OOOOON!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Yeah, whatever," Aster groaned, drawing his starting hand of six. He tossed an Elemental Hero Clayman onto the field. He appeared in a triumphant pose! "Defense Mode, please." Clayman obeyed and fell apart into all sorts of fun clay shapes. (Fun to play with not to eat.) (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points) "Not bad, eh? Your move."  
"This is terrible. I can't even EAT that!" Omega-Xis cried.  
"How dreadful!" Bastion realized. "In this Duel, Jaden's going to have to face some of his FAVORITE monsters – and some of his LEAST favorite monsters!"  
"I remember that quote!" Mann McOldsmobile gasped!  
"Well here goes SOMETHING!" our hero announced, tearing a new card out from his deck.  
"BOO," someone said.

Jaden looked at the new card. "Hey, not bad."  
"Stop making bad jokes already!" Aster shrieked!  
"I'm not the one nicknamed APple," Jaden reminded, "or ApPle for short."  
"You don't even remember what you made that nickname for anyway!"  
"All I know is that I'm playin' some def Polymerization beats in da hizzie!" Jaden cast his Polymerization magic, calling Avian and Burstinatrix to the field!  
"BOO-"  
"Hi Aster," Avian greeted.  
"Ugh, I told you never to call me again!" Aster shouted.  
"Oh, I forgot." As Avian felt the icy grip of depression, he and Burstinatrix combined to form Flame Wingman, surrounded in a haze of flame and heroicosity! (Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)  
"Now use your Infernal Rage attack! I like that one!" Jaden commanded! Flame Wingman held out one humanoid finger and aimed it at Clayman's child-friendly pieces. The flames encasing him spiraled out of control and engulfed Clayman! He melted into clay byproducts.  
"AND NOW START ENJOYING OF DA SUPA POWA!" Senkaiyoh shouted, taking the spotlight! Flame Wingman teleported into Aster's face, blasting him with a surge of holographic fire.  
"Ugh," he groaned. (Aster: 3200 Life Points)  
"Sorry Senkai, it's only fun when _I_ say it," Jaden sighed.  
"SENKAIYOH!" Senkaiyoh corrected, giving up the spotlight.

[.com/watch?v=Bk_uS9WQVSU&feature=related]"Is that all?" Aster spat, playing a card of his own. "This card should be familiar to you: POLYMERIZATION!" His OWN Avian and Burstinatrix cards descended to the field, swirling like cake mix in a bowl of antiheroicness to form the Phoenix Enforcer! (Phoenix Enforcer: 2100 Attack Points) He hovered above the floor and whipped his tail around in beastlike anticipation.  
"OH SNAPPY SNAP-SNAP SNAPSKY!" Omega-Xis shouted! "HE'S GOIN' BUCK-WILD UP IN THIS JOINT!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Omega-Xis, please don't try to be cute," Bastion asked.  
"No, listen! Isn't that one invincible in battle?" Omega-Xis recalled. "He's killing our flagship Hero!"  
"OH NO!" screamed Bastion!  
"Why does your hand have to talk?" Hassleberry asked.  
"Don't sweat the small stuff!" Jaden told.  
"That's not small stuff! His hand's a robot and Flame Wingman's going to **die**!" Syrus insisted.  
"I'm an ALIEN robot!" Omega-Xis corrected. "Gosh."  
Mann McOldsmobile whispered, "He's not a robot."  
"But don't worry!" Jaden laughed. "I been waitin' to face this monster and beat 'im up! Come at me, Phoenix Enforcer!" The Phoenix Enforcer zipped into Jaden's face, bringing a large wind with him. Less than a second later, Flame Wingman's body began to rip open in giant chunks, erupting in flame and blood. In two seconds, he fell into thick blocks and exploded.

"What, are you seriously inviting my attacks?" Aster asked. "Our decks are similar, but not equal."  
"Pulling racism into this, ApleP? I'm disappointed in you."  
"_Stop that!_" Aster growled. "And I'm saying that our decks reflect ourselves unto our enemies! You seem to take battles as a game, whereas I'm dead serious! I'm being professional against you, while you're just lying about. I'm better, so my deck's better."  
"Offensive!" Senkaiyoh shouted!  
"It don't matter if my deck's black or white! I can still beat'cha if I believe!" Jaden boasted! "I summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman to activate his anime effect and draw two cads as the only card on my field!" Bubbleman spun onto the field with a cover of bubbles, allowing Jaden to draw two cards unnoticed during the chaos! _And they're all none the wiser, heh heh,_ he gloated.  
"You TOLD us the EFFECT already! Stop thinking you're so slick!" Aster groaned. "I'm tired of being your tsukomi act already!"  
"Adam Pandora, you'd better calm thyself down a bit," Jaden suggested. "See? AP? Adam Pandora?"  
"That's not short for Aster Phoenix anymore, is it?" Mann McOldsmobile thought.

"Next I activate The Warrior Returning Alive to bring back my Avian!" He slapped down his card and Avian rose from the grave, covered in bloody arrows!  
"I WILL NEVER DIEEEEEEYUH!" Avian roared!  
"Fusion number two, activate!" Jaden held aloft his second Polymerization of the episode, calling Sparkman out from his hand! Avian latched onto Sparkman's back and stuck Bubbleman onto his right arm.  
"Heh heh, this is fool-proof," Avian snickered. In anger, Sparkman pushed both men off and slammed Bubbleman into Avian's face! "Oogh… I guess I'm… not that immortal…" The two backwater Heroes exploded, and Sparkman began emitting some sort of ruddy aura! (Mad Sparkman: 1600 - 2800 Attack Points)  
"Ehhh, I was s'posed t'summon Tempest, but the rage-boost's fine," Jaden excused. "Bash On, Sparkman!" Mad Sparkman flew at the audience area, ripped up a bunch of chairs right out of the building's foundations, and threw them at Phoenix Enforcer's head. They bounced off of his skull and he fell over, unconscious. (Aster: 2500 Life Points)  
"What a move," Aster mocked, "how could I ever bounce back?"  
"His holographic monster threw a real chair at you," Hassleberry said. "CAN you bounce back?"  
"Sure," Aster believed, playing the forth Polymerization of the day. YES, ANOTHER ONE.  
"Oh man, what's he going to summon THIS time?" Syrus gulped.  
"MY PHOENIX ENFORCER SHALL EVOLVE EVEN FURTHER! SPARKMAN, JOIN HIM!" Aster ordered!

Sparkman's brother Sparkman walked out onto Aster's side of the field and bent down to check on Phoenix Enforcer. "B… brother?" Mad Sparkman called.  
Sparkman's brother Sparkman looked up and said, "Sorry, but I have to do this." He picked up Phoenix Enforcer and ate him. His energies began bubbling up inside, covering his body in green. His arms and legs became covered in cybernetics and talons, upon his back grew shining, mechanical wings, and his helmet became silver and spiked like a crazy sea anemone. He became… A SHINING EXAMPLE OF PERSONAL HEROISM. (Shining Phoenix Enforcer: 2500 Attack Points)  
"And then he gains three-hundred Attack Points for each Elemental Hero in my Graveyard, just like Shining Flame Wingman," Jaden and Aster both explained simultaneously. "Stop copying me! What? RRRRG…"  
"I like asscheese!" Jaden cried. Aster stayed quiet. "Aw man, if you're gonna copy ALL MY MOVES, then at least copy the humiliating things I say! Because you're not original. Get it?"

"Grow up, kid! SPE, destroy his Sparkman!" The evolved Sparkman's brother Sparkman recalled all of his fallen allies. It caused him to glow blazing white, and…  
[.com/watch?v=R0PvTo9Dkt0]… Shed five tears… (Shining Phoenix Enforcer: 2500 - 4000 Attack Points) "USE SOLAR POWER!" Mad Sparkman found himself unable to attack his brother, Sparkman. He dispelled his aura and dropped to his knees.  
"Brother," his brother, Sparkman, or Shining Phoenix Enforcer, called, "PLEASE TAKE THIS! **MY SOOOOOOOUL!**" He burst through the ceiling and into the sky, traveling into outer space. Within seconds he reached the sun. Sparkman grabbed the sun in his left hand and held his right out to the arena. "SOLAR RIGHT!" he announced, channeling the energy through his body and out his hand, firing a concentrated stream of prominence. Back on earth, Mad Sparkman looked up to the heavens and saw the blaze coming. Yet he was at peace.  
"I'm so… sorry," he muttered. He was struck by the full force of our native star. Mad Sparkman was erased forever, only leaving us with Sparkman. Sparkman fell back down through the roof and into his proper place on the field. (Jaden: 2800 Life Points)  
"That's enough for one turn I'd say," Aster said with a sly grin. "I'll just place one card face-down and end my turn."

"Is EVERY game like this?" Hassleberry asked.  
"Only the good ones," Syrus said. "But it's not REALLY good just YET."  
"Contradictory!" Senkaiyoh called.  
"I say nay, Senkaiyay!" Jaden disagreed! "Things're about to start REALLY heatin' up with my POT OF GREED PITCH!" Jaden tossed a Pot of Green hologram into Sparkman's face. The cybernetic behemoth crumpled to the floor and leaked blood.  
"What's wrong with all your immortals?" Bastion inspected. "They suck."  
"You shut up, the source material even made fun of how useless you were periodically!" Aster attacked!  
"Low blow, kid…"  
"It matters not!" Jaden's hand leaked greenish energy into his Duel Disk as he picked up his two next cards: Miracle Fusion and Skyscraper! "Sweetness! I play Miracle Fusion, performing a Fusion Summon by removing two Elemental Heroes from my Graveyard!" Two bluish flames fluttered about the field for a moment. They took the shape of Sparkman and Flame Wingman from beyond all time and space? The two souls combined into the form of Shining Flare Wingman, whose armor dwarfed the radiance of Sparkman's, whose wings unfurled to twice his size and length, and whose attacks are way more impressive. (Shining Flare Wingman: 2500 Attack Points)  
"Now who's the copycat?" Jaden asked. "… Damn, you were supposed to say that."  
"… Just say the damn lines."  
"Fine! If you think he's strong now, he gains twelve-hundred Attack Points from all the Heroes in my Graveyard!" Shining Flare Wingman mustered all the feeling he could for his fallen compatriots… and cried four-THOUSAND tears. They burst right out of his helmet, drenching the field in the pain of a real man's world. His headgear fell to the ground, revealing his original-flavor head!  
"Gone… but not forgotten…" (Shining Flare Wingman: 2500 - 3700 Attack Points) Everybody's heart strings were tugged.

"Sure, it's real moving, and you knocked my monster unconscious again, but where's the threat in summoning such a weak trump monster?" boasted the Phoenix, flipping some hair out of his eyes.  
"Um, I'm also equipping him with Light Laser, so anybody he fights gets removed from play," Jaden said. A headpiece with one azure crystal in its center appeared on Shining Flare Wingman's cranium.  
"So? That's still not enough."  
"Um, I'm also playing Skyscraper so I gain Attack Points when I attack a stronger monster," Jaden said. The ground rumbled erratically, firing a cityfull of towers all around the Duel Dome! A sudden radio tower burst through Sparkman's chest and wore him all the way to the top of the city.  
"Ooooooh crap," Aster cursed. Shining Flare Wingman took one leap and flew all the way to the top of the tower to meet his foe. He pulled him off of the antenna, slicing most of his body in half. He slowly started to repair himself within moments. But who cares? Shining Flare Wingman began punching Sparkman at a rate of 6500 fpm (fists per minute), shattering his body. The Hero whipped his mirror around by the arm, grabbed him by the neck, and headbutted him in the forehead hard enough to shatter his form into thousands of tiny pieces. Then he fired his laser. (Shining Flare Wingman: 3700 - 4700 Attack Points)

One piercing ray of light burst through the headpiece, exploding it, and it encaptured every bit of this immortal's body. They were all eradicated. The immortal was dead. Just like the last one. I should stop with the small sentences. The wingman of shining flames and such then lifted up the radio tower, flipped it upside-down, covered it in white fire, and threw it at Aster. _THE HELL?_ he thought! _JUST HOW MUCH POWER DOES HE HAVE?_ Aster flipped away and landed on his bottom as the tower broke into the pavement just a few feet forward! The fire put itself out and the tower fell into ashen steelbits. The true Hero of the sun dropped to his commander once again, satisfied. "D….. **DAAAAAAYUM,**" Aster yelled, for it was all he could say.  
"HELL YEAH!" Syrus and Mann McOldsmobile shouted!  
"PRODIGIOUS!" Bastion yelped, for it was all he knew.  
"I DON'T GET IT BUT IT WORKS!" Senkaiyoh and Hassleberry gave.|  
"You'll get used to it in a minute," Syrus coached. "You haven't seen anything yet! I hope."  
"I broke your composure, yo!" Jaden realized, rubbing his head with accomplishment. "That's gotta count for sumthin', Aster! This Duel is so freakin' dope, man! Heroes goin' head-to-head? It's a DC Marvel crossover except without the inevitably bad writing!"  
"WHAT'S WITH YOU, YOU FOOL?" Aster barked!  
"What?" Jaden checked.  
"YOU THINK THIS IS ALL JUST SOME GAME?" Aster leaped to his feet and clenched his free hand into a fist of raeg (a form of rage so intense that it disregards all rules of spelling). "Just shut your mouth! You think this is going to be like last time, that I'll just be some sort of pushover! This time I'm using all of my power! Your job is to help me to continue my evolution for my justice and my revenge!"  
"Um, do you know what a card game is really for?" Syrus asked.  
"It's all about vengeance," Aster answered.  
"Senkaiyoh, shoot him."  
"Okay!"  
"Don't shoot me," Aster declined.  
"Okay!"  
" You keep disrespecting me with that attitude of yours, you little upstart!" A-boy shrieked.  
"Like this?" Jaden suggested, making his raep face (a form of rape face so intense that it disregards all rules of spelling).  
"I SAID STOP! People like you are always choosing the monsters they think are the best, or the ones that look the coolest! A true Duelist uses the deck that was MADE for them! The one that fits them one-hundred percent! Forgo all disgusting desire and grab the one gifted to you from your future! Your fate! Your [whoops .com/watch?v=6M91aQNabTc&feature=related] **DESTINY!**" His Trap card flipped up. It had a cup of tea in a porcelain cup… with a D in it. "I activate Dude Time!"  
"HM!" Senkaiyoh gasped!  
"What, what is it?" Bastion asked. "Do you know about that card?"  
"No, but 'Dude Time' sounds funny and sexy!" Senkaiyoh giggled. She drooled.

"Wait, 'D'?" Hassleberry deliberated. "That's like Jaden's 'H'!'  
"Of course I can't be playing these paltry Elemental Hero monsters forever," Aster explained, "so it's time I moved onto a NEW BREED OF HERO!"  
"Title drop!" Nancy Wut said.  
"When an Elemental Hero leaves the field, I can play this to add a Destiny Hero from my deck to my hand," Aster explained, taking one card from his deck.  
"What do you mean, 'Destiny Hero'?" Jaden asked.  
"You ever hear about a Hero series produced by Industrial Illusions Duel Monsters Inc. that was never produced?" Aster asked.  
"It was never produced."

"… Well, my father was the one who created them," explained the smarticle Aster. "So I have the only copies in the universe! I'll show you their true power, starting with this: my Field Spell, Imprisoning Big Ben Revenger of Dude!" The city of skyscrapers shattered like the illusion it was! A regal clock tower and manor grew in its place, taking the scene into nighttime! The clocks were displaying the hour as eleven.  
"Oh my," Bastion gasped, short of breath and blushing suddenly.  
"Don't get any funny ideas," Syrus Sy-ed.  
"Is he in love with Big Ben or something?" Mann McOldsmobile whispered hoarsely.  
"No," Bastion explained, vomiting, "I have bad memories associated with it…" See episode twenty-one!  
"Yeesh," Mann McOldsmobile sobbed, reliving the depression!  
"And now I'll introduce you to the world!" Aster promised! "Appear, Destiny Hero Doomy Devil Dude Guy!" A caped figure with ridiculously-tall neck-head armor appeared. His skin was bone-crushingly pale and his arms were gut-punchingly long with tooth-rippingly long fingers! He seemed ready… for your doom. (DHDDDG: 600 Attack Points)

"Hee, more like 'Dumb' Hero," Senkaiyoh joked. "He's a wimp! Just like Avian!"  
"Don't you compare him to Avian!"Aster denied. "Let's save that for later."  
"Seriously though he makes me wanna cry," Jaden admitted. "What's with the hokey name?"  
"My dad never got around to naming his cards, so I, uh, did it when I was six," Aster told.  
"HA! You were lame when small."  
"SHAAAAP!" Aster commanded. "My Destiny Heroes control _time_. As in, _time and space_, y'know? They're MUCH more powerful than your paltry _elements_! You may as well be using Vehicroids at this point!"  
"Hey!" Syrus sobbed.  
"Doomy Devil Dude Guy, go! Doom Touch!" The mysterious customer somehow disappeared, leaving the afterimage of a clock face. He reappeared with the same symbol behind Shining Flare Wingman, touched him, and leaped back into place. Shining Flare Wingman began convulsing madly, appearing to collapse into himself!  
"Ciao," Aster bade. The Elemental Hero imploded without a trace. "See you in two turns."  
"… Well that sucks," Jaden decided.  
"Heh heh heh." Aster's hair began to flow about in a subdued manner. His eyes turned a deep, glowing cerulean. "By the time I'm done with you, you'll know the true meaning of 'suck', trust me!"  
"WOO—EEE, DOUBLE-ENTENDRE!" Senkaiyoh cited!  
"OH NO, NOT LIKE THAT!" shrieked Aster, Hassleberry, Jaden and Mann McOldsmobile.

NEXT EPISODE:

The Duel between Jaden and Aster heats up! Aster's Dude cards are pullin' out ALL the stops, ESPECIALLY when Destiny Hero Plasma is introduced! And with all of Jaden's cards negated, how the hell did he just summon Elemental Hero Electrum and blow up the whole field? You'll have to find out next time on episode sixty-five: _Jaden Grows Up! What Makes a Dude?_ It'll be so disappointing, I promise!

COMMENTARY

Uh, just to get this out there, I left the YuGiOh Card Maker forums a few days ago, so there's been drama and this came out late. Sorry. But hey! Now I have more time before the posting schedule screws with me again, so there's that! Yay. Well there that went.

This one was really just me finding a boring episode and trying to see what I could do to it. Yes, now we know that Aster Phoenix is supposed to be an angry Jaden, and Senkaiyoh is completely uninteresting unless she kills something. BUT THEN D-HEROES WOAH. I only screwed up the names because they were so different in Japan! I mean, what, would you rather have Doom Lord, or would you rather have DEVILGUY? They're both equally something, so why not squish them together? And it only gets worse from here! *Twing*

So other than that, there's some continuity in here, bleh, and some Sparkman family drama. I hope it was more fulfilling than having regular old Tempest V Shining Phoenix Enforcer. You know, going over everything I've done so far, one you get past the irritating typos everywhere, you can definitely tell that through the first 20-odd episodes, I had a bigger focus on comedy rather than story. Then at some point around there I began thinking, 'Hm, I could throw the more serious elements in here via awesomeness proxy'. That's how you can see me using as many giant effects and world explosions as possible. Our best example would be the Zane Vs Jaden Duel. But now I keep falling into ruts! I continuously lose the sense of hilarity and go into some long, rambling expanses of fireworks, yes, but that's not really the balance I want! The best episodes I had (ignoring my overuse of regular characters) were around the start of the Shadow Rider (Seven Stars!) arc. I'm inexperienced. I keep having to talk to other people every few pages to find what I could do differently. Sometimes, I hit a good balance between 'We're advancing the 'plot'' and 'OMQ THIS IS THE FUNXX'.

Is there anybody out there that can help me out? I want to improve as a writer; that's why I began this venture! But what can I do to improve overall quality? Are there strategies? Pointers? Anything? I humbly beg you, the readers, for PMs about suggestions, tips, random nuggets of glistening, mucous information. I know you guys are better at this than I am! PLEASE! Before I start to ramble; SAVE THIS POOR BOY'S SOUL!

Ship. I forgot. Nobody reads this part. At that, I suppose I should say that I know, somewhere, there is a fine Marvel DC crossover. I just haven't found it because I haven't really looked. Also I need to write more episodes with Janitorboy Ikkaku.


	66. Episode 65: A New Breed of Hero Part Two

[Pre-Chapter Question Corner!]

Hey guyz, would anybody out of the two people who read this story be interested in a QUESTION CORNER special chapter to go up later on? Where you send me a question (or a character, if you like that kind of thing) and I make up a somehow funny reply? All you have to do is send a question! I want to have at least a few so that I can write a chapter at the end of this half of the season and then post it along with a regular chapter. Think you guys care enough?

also im gonna parody the movie as soon as he dub reaches da net. kep me posted plez

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic

Episode 65: A New Breed of Hero – Part Two

[.com/watch?v=eRlDxDjzx7A&fmt=18]Where we last left off, Jaden's Shining Flare Wingman had been slapped into the future by a person named Destiny Hero Doomy Devil Dude Guy and Aster had started to exhibit super powers. "He he ha ha," Jaden snickered, "dudes, lay off the harshin' vibes! It's all gonna turn out the way it should."  
"Exactly," Aster agreed, eyes a-glow and hair a-float. "That is, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"  
"Shut your face!" Mann McOldsmobile shouted!  
"Exactly!" Senkaiyoh agreed! "I mean, to what Manny said!"  
"Exactly!" Hassleberry and Jaden agreed! Jaden drew one card.

"Look out, now," Aster warned, pointing to the giant Big Ben representatives. They began to display a change in time! The faces flipped over, displaying '11:15' in digital numbers.  
"Egads! What does that mean? It's only ten-forty on my watch!" Bastion yelped, checking his Omega-Xis wrist.  
"Don't worry yourself about it," Aster sighed. "I'll tell you when the clock strikes YOUR DOOM."  
"Oh yeah?" Jaden boasted. "Well in that case I'm about t'STOP time!"  
"Ooooh, one-liner!" Syrus admired.  
"Thanks, Sy," Jaden thanked. "Anyways, I don't think I'm the only one who realized what happened to your eyes?"  
"I'm too powerful to tell you right now!" Aster stated.  
"Damn your excuses!" Jaden shouted! "Sic 'em, boy, yo!" Wroughtweiler jumped out and tackled Destiny Hero Doomy Devil Dude Guy, exploding him! (Wroughtweiler: 800 Attack Points, DHDDDG: 600 Attack Points) The explosion caused Wroughtweiler to fall on his back, writhing pathetically like a turtle, but worse. Like an attack dog. (Aster: 1600 Life Points)  
"Thanks, because now I can play my Trap card: Dude Signal!" His Trap card flipped face-up and shot a D into the air.  
"HOT DAMN!" the men shrieked!  
"Cool!" Senkaiyoh said. "Dude."  
"It's, uh original," Jaden joked. "What'cha you gonna summon?"

"Destiny Hero Gen. Tenacious Diehard Guy the Dude!" Aster called! A spiny shell flipped out of the D-Signal, breaking it apart. It broke open, revealing it to be the two halves of a battlearmshield on an orange-sorbet-colored haired man, wearing only boots and an erroneously bulging, eye-scarring thong! (DHGTDGD: 800 Attack Points)  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the men shrieked, spewing blood all over the ceiling! "IT'S AN EXHIBITIONIST CLAYMAN! MY **BRAIN** HAS BEEN **DEFLOWEREEEEED!**"  
"He tends to do that," Aster said with a smirk.  
"Hee hee hee hee," the fallen general chuckled.  
"And now it's time to show his little 'talent'," Aster said.  
"OH GOD" Senkaiyoh shouted.  
"ARISE!" screamed Destiny Hero General Tenacious Guy the Dude. He stomped the ground. A blue wireframe in a humanlike form arose next to him, shook vigorously and flew open, sending forth tiny clock icons. Destiny Hero Doomy Devil Dude Guy stepped out from the structure. The two Guys performed a hi-five.

"You see, while Doomy Devil Dude Guy manipulates time for enemies," Aster explained, "General Tenacious Guy the Dude can teleport his allies to his side the turn as they 'die'."  
"So they all freaking mess with time? ALL of them?" Syrus gulped. "_Cheap-ass_ **bitches!**"  
"Well said, cheap-ass bitch," Aster complimented. "Now if you don't excuse me, I'll summon Destiny Hero Da Rolex Dude Guy!" A cool, stylin' black guy appeared, wearing diamonds all over his body, up to and including over his eyes as a visor. His pale hair flew about like a wispy flame and he wore a pretty crappy watch. He put his wrist up to his head and tried to look at the time.  
"… Nnnn…" He groaned. "Damn glasses." He attempted to take his eyepiece off like glasses. It wouldn't come off that easily. (DHDRDG: 1600 Attack Points) In defeat, he began taking out several faulty 'RLEX' diamond watches from his coat and held them over Wroughtweiler.  
"HIS power is to change the timing of earthly events, so I can pick up the top card of my deck and send it to the Graveyard if it's a Spell," Aster told. "I can then activate it on my next turn if possible." He flipped up his next card. It was Misfortune! "How appropriate!" he chuckled. The watches all disappeared and Da Rolex Guy strolled back into his spot.  
"Darn, that's the card that beat Zane last night!" Hassleberry identified!  
"JADEN, LOOK THE **FUCK** OUT!" Omega-Xis yelled!  
"Language, Mega! Geez!" Jaden ordered. "That was TOTALLY unnecessary for a chide or chuckle from the reader! We don't have those kinds of ratings."  
"Sorry… OH CRAP LOOK OUT!"

[.com/watch?v=FgBvQHvFvNM]"Hey lil boy," Diamond Dude asked, crouching over the downed Wroughtweiler, "wanna buy a WATCH?" The dog suddenly flipped onto his feet in anticipation.  
"RARARARARARARARA" Wroughtweiler yapped incessantly! Its body suddenly broke open as the past-watches appeared inside of his body, breaking it apart from the inside. (Jaden: 2200 Life Points)  
"Thanks, AP Central!" Jaden thanked. "When that sunofabitch dog kicks it, I get two sweet cards from the Graveyard: one E-Hero and one Polymerization!" He reclaimed his Bubbleman and his Spell to be used for the fifth time that day.  
"Does it matter? Doomy Devil Guy Dude, help out the General," suggested Aster as tiny icons began dotting his eyes in a ring.  
"Eh?" gasped Jaden.  
"HA!" The two other D-Heroes held one arm forward. This sent a ripple through the air, flying into Jaden's chest.  
"G-GWAAAAAAAAaHH!" Jaden cried, clutching at his heart! The organ had been accelerated by five times for a few seconds. Jaden dropped to his hands and knees and gulped in air. (Jaden: 1400 Life Points)

"**THE TIME. IS. ELEVEN. THIRTY.**" announced the two great clocks.  
"You heard it, it's time for your turn," Aster said, setting one card face-down. "I'll just hurry up and set a card. Go ahead, make your move."  
"Are you alright Jaden?" Bastion called out. "You can always quit!"  
"We won't make fun of you for too long!" Syrus assured.  
"Th-thanks," Jaden thanked, "but this is the real deal now. He's… Aster's…"  
"A Psychic," Aster said. "I know, like you."  
"Psychic?" Hassleberry wondered. "But…"  
"We can both manipulate the effects of Duel Monsters and reflect them unto real life!" Aster said. "We're more alike than you realize, Jaden, and yet the gulf between us will never narrow. I nearly killed you in a pretty subtle manner. What can you do?"

[.com/watch?v=2s2c-QMlBbY&feature=related]"I… I…" Jaden rose up and grit his teeth. "I C'N SUMMON MAH BUBBLEMAN!" Bubbleman was summoned. (Bubbleman: 800 Attack Points) "He's gonna save me some TIME by lettin' me draw two cards!" Jaden shouted, doing so.  
"BOO," someone said.  
"Next I'm gonna CLEAN your CLOCK with BUBBLE BAZOOKA!" Jaden added, summoning the weapon into his ally's arms! (Bubbleman: 1600 Attack Points)  
"BOO," someone said.  
"I SED LET'S CLEAN SUM CLOCKZ!" Bubbleman fired a large spray of water, all flooding toward General Diehard Guy the Dude!  
"Sorry to BURST your BUBBLE," Aster said, spitting the joke like poison, "but I play Dude Shield!" His Trap card disappeared and a blocky Dude made of giant stone slabs crashed down from above, guarding his ally with his rock-hard arms! Two bright blue clock symbols appeared above his fattyrock arms. The stream of water began to slow as it came at his symbols, eventually coming to a stop. He then safely smacked it all out of the air with a "RUUUUGH".  
"Who in the world is that guy?" Bastion gasped.

"Dude Shield brings out Destiny Hero Defendguydude to shield my General, but he can't count as a monster as long as the Trap's active," Aster explained. "He also leaves when the card's discarded. But for now, he'll slow any attack you throw at the General from infinity to zero in an instant!"  
"Why'd they promote that guy to General in the first place?"  
"I don't know." (DHGDDG: 800 Defense Points)  
"Oh hey it's my turn again," Aster signified, drawing a card.  
"Oh hey Wingman's back now," Jaden said simply. His monster appeared once again, shedding some LIGHT on this situation! (SFW: 3400 Attack Points)  
"Oh hey no he's not," Aster said simply. Doom Lord smacked Shining Flare Wingman upside the head as some masked man in a suit pushed him into Jaden. They toppled to the floor and the Elemental Hero was catapulted through time once more. (Jaden: 150 Life Points)  
"Wha, wha, what the heck?" Mann McOldsmobile gasped.  
"My Misfortune Spell card from earlier activated too, y'know," Aster whistled. "You lost Life Points equal to half his Attack Points. You sure are as lucky as I was told, kid…"  
"Crap, that's not a lot of Life Points," Syrus muttered. "You could stand a comeback now, Jay."

"This game is so different," Bastion noted curiously. "All of Jaden's moves are being blocked off or predetermined for him, locking him down in an endless loop! If you're going to win this match, Jaden, you have to blitz through him in one blow!"  
"Um, okay, but if he tries knocking your head off, I'll shoot his arms off instead," Senkaiyoh promised.  
"Thanks for the suggestions, but I'll be okay, guys!" Jaden re-reassured.  
"Maybe not," Aster disagreed.  
"What d'YOU know, ACTION Aster Phoenix?"  
Aster twitched.

MEANWHILE, AT THE DENNY'S…  
Sartorius and Stephen Boyd were sitting at a table in a Denny's™ high-quality eating establishment, waiting for their delectable platters of eggs and sausages. "Do you really have to do that here, with all the people watching?" Stephen asked. "It's awkward."  
"Yeah, it really is," an onlooker proclaimed. Sartorius stuck his column of hair into his face. The man fell over, out cold.  
"You can never be too careful," Sartorius decided, shuffling his predictable cards around. He pulled out and flipped up a card with a diabolical old man and his airborne grey Hercules beetle. "Hmm, the Tower of Grey. Jaden has a bit of a trip scheduled, then. Mweh heh heh heh heh."  
"Whatever," Stephen said, shrugging it all off.  
"The Tower card signifies a dangerous journey, Stephen," said Sartorius, "meaning he may just be out of the picture long enough to put our ultimate plan into action."  
"Really now?" Stephen asked, with a healthy gleam of interest in his eye. "Ow, something's in my eye." He dug it out.

BACK AT THE RANCH… OF DUEL MONSTERS…  
"I gotta hand it to you, those Dudes of yours are some of the rockin'-est monsters 'round town," Jaden complimented.  
"Compliments from a weakling like you mean nothing," Aster said.  
"Okay, then how about this?" Jaden asked, getting into some sort of power-pose. A green aura flooded out of his body and covered him in power.  
"I think we're getting somewhere," Aster decided.  
"My gosh, his power's spiking!" Senkaiyoh cried!  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Syrus screamed as his Scouter exploded in his face.  
"Now, I gotta hand it to you, those Dudes—"  
"It STILL means nothing if you can just say it again like that!" Aster declined.

"**THE TIME. IS. ELEVEN. FORTY. FIVE.**"  
"SHADDAP!" Omega-Xis yelled. "Somebody turn it off, please."  
"I'll get on it!" Jaden promised! "Now Bubbleman, Blast that Brutha' with some BomBBarding BuBBle Barrage!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"That joke is so forced it hurts," Aster said. "See you in a second, Devil Dude Guy." The demonic member of the team was targeted by the water flow, but caught within a wireframe of bluish energy, teleporting him through time. The attack flew right into Aster, who took it in the face. "**…OOOOOWWW,**" he groaned, wiping his face off with a towel. (Aster: 600 Life Points) "Alright, I'll give you this; that freaking stings."  
"I know, right?" Jaden agreed as Clayman appeared. (Clayman: 2000 Defense Points)  
"Yowzer!" Hassleberry had to say.

[.com/watch?v=uR7Tbqjc8dQ&feature=related]"Okay now, bring him back around," Aster commanded. The General gave a thumbs-up. The digital frame appeared again, unfurling itself into Doomy Devil Dude Guy once more. "Next I'll send Bubbleman into the future, check the top card of my deck, and give the General an Equip card." Doom Lord punched Bubbleman, Diamond Dude summoned a Magical Stone Excavation, and a large, dirty steel ring fell onto the General's head with a loud 'THUNK'.

"So explain the last two things," Bastion obliged.  
"Sure, random kid in the audience," Aster accepted. "Magical Stone Excavation next turn will allow me to a Spell card into my hand from the Graveyard, and my Equip, Ring of Magnetism, makes it so that the only Attack Target you're allowed is the General!"  
"That means you've chosen that card, then."  
"Misfortune?" Aster told. "Sure. Now you just have to try and stop me from getting it."  
"One can play at that game!" Jaden announced, drawing his next card. He twitched and rubbed his chest. "Ow, the residual pain."  
"And I'm already playing it, that game," Aster burned.  
"Well… I play for KEEPS!"  
"But you're all out of CONTINUES!"  
"You forgot that I exchanged all my allowance into quarters… OF VICTORY!"  
"Sorry, you were tricked," Aster apologized, "all you got were some STUPID BUFFALO NICKLES!"  
"Well I—"

"**THE TIME. IS. D. TIME.**" the interrupting clock buzzed.  
"WHATEVER!" Jaden screamed! "I PLAY POLYMERIZATION TO FUSE WILDHEART AND NECROSHADE!" The two power players appeared before Jaden and melded together. They were now a red-haired witch doctor of some sort, waving around a golden staff of mystery! "ELEMENTAL HERO NECROID SHAMAN, DO **SOMETHING!**" (Necroid Shaman: 1800 Attack Points) Necroid Shaman, as the new creation was called, danced around a bit. Then he stopped. A large pie tin fell onto Destiny Hero Defendguydude, catching him completely off-guard. He fell onto the General, crushing him as well under his girth.  
"Next, after he kills a monster of yours, I can Special Summon one monster from your Graveyard to go with him!" Aster's old Avian appeared and took up residence next to Clayman the Forgotten. (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"Now, let's smash some suckers!" Jaden commanded! Avian and Necroid Shaman ran into their respective enemies and held them down.  
"Guess what, Jaden?" Aster challenged. "When the Big Ben Revenger of Destiny has been active for four turns, I take no damage from ANY battle."  
"**_I don't care!_**" Avian and Necroid Shaman punched the two remaining Destiny Hero enemies, exploding them beyond recognition.  
"I still blame this on you," Necroid Shaman said to the Avian.  
"Jaden seems kind of damage-spongy tonight, and he usually doesn't get like that," Bastion noticed, shaking. "This Duel's taking its toll."  
"But as long as that stupid fake Big Ben FAKER stands, Jaden can't win the game," Syrus said.  
"I'm sure he has some random fusion that can do the job, right?" Mann McOldsmobile suggested.  
"There's Wild Wingman I think," Hassleberry remembered. "He sure was random."

"Misfortune," Senkaiyoh said.  
"Oh right," Omega-Xis understood. "Guys, if he doesn't get a frickin' miracle workin', he loses. Like, right now. Jaden, do you think you can top-deck something useful, like, NOW?"  
"Don't you think I've weaved 'nuff miracles to make that look like a stupid cakewalk?" Jaden assured. "I end my turn."  
"Good, because I end my game," Aster said, discarding two cards. Shining Flare Wingman made his return right on top of Jaden. "And just so you know, [INSERTION FOR IMPACT .com/watch?v=1mUQNe-aUOo]I am NOT left-handed. Which is to say that I still haven't played my REAL theme song."  
"THEY MATTER? I FORGOT!"  
"Ow. Get off." Shining Flare Wingman stood up off of his summoner, and saw the mystery man of not long ago standing in his shadow. "I don't care if you're usin' your song on MY game-endin' turn. Now get this: I play my two face-downs." One was De-Fusion.  
"But you can't De-Fuse without the Fusion materials in the Graveyard," Aster chimed in.  
"My second card is Burial from the Different Dimension!" Jaden added, flipping up a mysterious sarcophagus! "This adds my removed from play cards from Miracle Fusion back into my Graveyard!" The coffin opened and chucked out two mummies. Then it shot out dangerous bandages that wrapped around Shining Flare Wingman, sealing him within forever! It exploded. The two mummies then broke free, existing as Flame Wingman and Sparkman! They grabbed the Misfortuneman and kicked him in the mouth. He died. The audience clapped.  
"Nice moves," Aster complimented.  
"Jaden it up, Jaden!" Syrus cheered!  
"Yeeeeah no." Jaden drew another card and signaled another turn. "I'm blowin' this pop stand wit' my FUSION GATE FIELD SPELL!"  
"Random supportive exclamation!" Syrus cheered!  
"For once, he's right!" Bastion complied!  
"_Perfect…_" The current field began to crumble. The clocks exploded with fiery danger and great expectations! The Big Ben Revenger of Destiny fell.

And something rose from within the rubble. As the field took on a technological appearance, a tremendous lumbering shadow trudged forth. "Thank you so much, Jaden!" Aster thanked. "You've just unlocked my fourth-strongest Hero!"  
"HUH?" the others inhaled.  
"Ever read about 'The Man in the Iron Mask?'" Aster asked.  
"No."  
"…uncultured idiots…" A heavily-scarred half-naked giant stepped out of the shade. His hair hadn't been cut for years and his face was covered in an iron muzzle. "Welcome, Destiny Hero Dreadful Master of the Dudes and the Guys!"  
"RAAAAAAAAAAGH!" he roared! (DHDMotDatG: ? Attack Points)  
"Did you even TRY when you were naming them?" Mann McOldsmobile blasted.  
"I WAS FREAKING SIX AND MY FATHER HAD JUST BEEN KIDNAPPED!" Aster shouted! His icy blue irises became identical to clocks! They spun madly and covered his body in electric azure power!

"That's… deep. Uh. I'll just have to SUMMON ELEMENTAL HERO THUNDER GIANT!" Clayman and Sparkman combined together in a flash, creating our second Hero Fusion (with Fusion Gate's help, of course)! Thunder Giant and Flame Wingman stood together and posed, because shit just got real. (Thunder Giant: 2400 Attack Points)  
"DREADFUL MASTER, STOP TIME!" Aster shouted!  
"RAAAAHHH!" Dreadful Master of the Dudes and the Guys growled, summoning one giant clock face over the field! All of Jaden's monsters froze in their amazing poses! Destiny Heroes Doomy Devil Dude Guy and Da Rolex Dude Guy reappeared, covered in aqua-colored time symbols!  
"Your monsters can't destroy mine the turn my monster's summoned," Aster revealed, "and in addition, he turns back time for two of my Heroes! He also destroys Avian because he can do that." Avian exploded! "Next he gains Attack Points equal to the Attack Points of all my other Destiny Heroes!" Dreadful Master of the Guys and the Dudes began inhaling the clocks enveloping the two allies, gaining their strength! (DHDMotGatD: 2400 Attack Points)

"Crap! He's STILL in a lock-down!" Syrus whined! "Do you have anything else to use?"  
"… Nnh…" Jaden's power aura began to recede.  
"There! That's it! I figured it out!" Aster called! "That's the ONE thing that separates our powers! Our ambition!"  
"Your what?"  
"You?" Aster knew. "You Duel for play. Me? I play in order to save my father's life and to condemn all criminals who think themselves above human law!"  
"You're Batman?"  
"No, let me go into detail.

_It all started back when I was a kid. My father, Jameybond Phoenix, was a world-renowned secret agent._  
"Why haven't we heard of him?" asked Omega-Xis. "I mean, with a name like that…"  
"SECRET agent. Anyways."_  
We had just been sent on a mission in Neo Soviet Russia which was actually full of evil robots, and he was apparently cooking some ideas up in the spy plane. "What're you doing?" I asked him. It turned out he was scribbling some sketches and ideas for Duel Monsters cards!_  
"_It's just a hobby," he told me. "After this mission, I'm going to give these ideas to my friend Maximillion Pegasus and make 'em just for you, buddy." I was overjoyed! He was going to produce a new set of Heroes, just for me! I could hardly wait._

_And if you were wondering, of course I was trained for this kind of thing. Why else would a six-year-old be in Neo Soviet Russia fighting evil robots?_

_It only took a few hours. I had been wreaking havoc with my signature weapon, the Seventeen Machine Guns Strapped to Each Other, while my dad was making short work of thousands with his lucky Swiss Army Knife. The air was cold, crisp, and stinking of oil. We were stuck right in the middle of the main base and came upon the Mother Brain, controlling the entire country with its brainy powers! "Now! We shall stop you!" my father yelled, pulling an atomic tree out of his army knife.  
"yOU CANNOT STOP THAT WHICH IS INSIDE OF YOUR HEART/" the Mother Brain told._  
"_I ain't afraid of no ghost!" I screamed, running at her with my guns a-blazin'!  
"NO SON, DON'T!" my father screamed, but I didn't listen. The Mother Brain exploded, shooting blue energy around like rockets!  
"sWEET DREAMS, aSTER/" she mocked. She died, and yet, her energy flew at me! My father threw his tree weapon at the burst, trying to shield me from the attack, and yet it still wasn't enough. I was struck in the face as a result of my own stupidity.  
"NOOOOO, MY FACE!" I screamed! It hurt like the devil!  
"ASTER!" my dad cried! He teleported in front of me and took a few dozen high-powered blows in order to save my life. At this point I couldn't stand to be awake any longer; the energy was entering my frail body and giving me more power than I ever could have conceived of. The last thing I saw was the secret base falling down around me and my dad picking me up as a blazing white fire began behind us._

_Not five minutes later, I came to and was being carried outside by my dear father, covered in huge, frightful burns. He was talking into his bowtie phone, calling the agency to come get us. The mission was a success, but it hadn't yet finished changing my life. I was thrown to the ground with a start, and my dad had been grabbed by the mouth and the arms by some figure with crazy yellow hair. They disappeared, like a brownie in front of a hungry spoiled kid. I was all alone, but they'd dropped something: the plans for the Duel Monsters cards. They were all labeled 'Destiny Hero', left unfinished by my father. I sat up and howled in despair._

_Two weeks later, I got the completed cards from Pegasus as a gift, thanks to the agency. After that I quit._

"You quit being a secret agent to find the man who kidnapped your dad?" Bastion understood.  
"And then I joined the most powerful man in the world, who manipulates time as I can," Aster hinted. He stomped the ground in frustration. "It was all my fault! I was too much of a greenhorn and didn't listen! I charged in like some sort of Jaden, and then my father gave up his own energy to shield me and was taken by some mysterious freak I've devoted myself to finding and exacting my revenge on! YOU have NO reason to be as celebrated as you are!" Aster froze. He took in a deep breath. "But that's another story. Now I'm going to finish this game and show you the light!" He threw down a new monster! "I tribute Doomy Devil to summon Destiny Hero Dashing Guy Dude!" The pale Hero was suddenly altered into a man in thin black armor, with two large wheels on his feet, surrounded in time symbols. (DHDGD: 2100 Attack Points, DHDMotGatD: 2900 Attack Points) "General, I tribute you to power him up!" The General complied, popped into tiny clocks, and surrounded Dashing Guy Dude's feet. The wheels began to rev up like crazy! (DHDGD: 2100 - 3100 Attack Points)

"What? NO!" Jaden cried!  
"THIS IS TRUE POWER!" Aster boomed! "HEROES! CRUSH OUR ENEMIES! TRANSCEND TIME!" The small one disappeared and the large one began to expand his arms. Clocks appeared all over Jaden's field. His two monsters suddenly exploded as Dashing Guy Dude flew past.  
"AAAAAHHH!" the Master roared, throwing his fists down at Jaden!  
"STOP IT!" Jaden cried! The fists crashed into the ground right ahead of Jaden. The hologram exploded thanks to a couple of stray bullets. And through the wreckage and the smoke rose Aster Phoenix flying toward Jaden upon gilded royal wings, and he gave Jaden one straight punch in the face. He exploded. (Jaden: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"That was for the 'Action Aster' comments, you bastard."  
"JADEN!" screamed Syrus, Bastion, Omega-Xis, Hassleberry and Mann McOldsmobile.  
"Crap, I shot the wrong one," Senkaiyoh lamented. "Is he okay?"

"Unn… uuuugh…" Jaden still stood after his final blow. And yet he was wobbling furiously. His eyes began to dilate and his check began to swell from the pain. His Duel Disk exploded, as it couldn't compute Jaden LOSING. His cards flew all over the floor and he finally fell on his chest. "I… can't believe…"  
"So long, bro," Aster announced. All of his special effects faded away. "I won't be seein' you. At least not for a little while." He took his leave, putting on his jetpackbackpack and then breaking through the ceiling.  
"Jaden, you have to stand up! Are you alright?" Bastion called.  
"I… I…" Jaden picked up one random card. He couldn't see anything on it. "I… can't see my cards anymore…"  
Syrus took a deep gulp of oxygen. "YOU MEAN THAT THE SHOCK OF LOSING LITERALLY MADE YOU TURN BLIND WHENEVER YOU LOOK AT A DUEL MONSTERS CAAAAAARD?"

"Yeah… that is actually… pretty… stup—id." Jaden fainted.

NEXT TIME: Well, the time has come. Jaden has become completely useless! His time as main character comes to a screeching halt as Syrus brutally assassinates him! But now with blood on his hands, the stage turns to the American desert as he eludes the law all on his lonesome! But how can he escape with Cocoa Titan on is tail? Next time: _Syrus on the Lam! What the Eff is Happening?_ I don't know either!

COMMENTARY:  
Woo. A sub-par chapter full of beat-downness. Eh, it was alright, but overall, typing it was more about making Aster's monsters overly cool. Did I succeed? Are they better than Avian? Is the Captain Tenacious guy disturbing enough? Anyways, I just kinda feel about this chapter. I don't have much to say, other than 'They Duel and some guys say stuff'. The real part I actually cared about was the ending portion, since I had been trying to envision it for a couple of weeks beforehand. Everything else… meeeeh. Have fun with it. And I'm serious about the 'please send stuff' note at the top. Ask me anything and there shall be a chapter about it. YES.


	67. Episode 66: Pop Goes the Duel

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic  
Episode 66: Not a Real Jaden Episode

A large mob of Yellow students was gathered outside of the school Nurse's office. "Oh man, didja hear Jaden lost the power to Duel?" one guy remembered.  
"Yeah, he like, lost, and then he couldn't play anymore."  
"That's dumb."  
"What an excuse plot!"  
"Also Aster Phoenix revealed his backstory! It was gripping!" some guy claimed.  
"Actually it was just another excuse plot," another one supposed.  
"But it was GRIPPING!"  
Chazz kicked the door down, sending several kids flying. His entourage stepped alongside him and aimed their pointer fingers. "SHAAAAAA**DAAAAAP!** YOUR **YAMMERING** IS IN**FYU-UU-UU**RIATING MEEEE!"  
"But—"  
"NO EXCUSES HUH KIDS HUH!" They all three began firing energy blasts throughout the hallway.  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"  
"Let me try," Senkaiyoh suggested, tapping the trio.  
"Well, it's your job," Chazz sneered. The Billy Hills, the Deep-Voice Dobbson, and the Chazz all retreated back into the room.  
Apparently the group remembered her. "Oh hey it's that girl **AUUUUGH!**"_**  
BOOM!**_

Senkaiyoh walked back into the office, where Fonda Fontaine had just taken out a leek and Jaden had retreated into a corner with fear. "Did it help?" Senkaiyoh asked.  
"We DID ask for you to cut down on the noise," Alexis sighed. "It kinda worked, I suppose."  
"Jaden, I can't fix your eyes if you don't allow me to stick this onion into you," Fonda told.  
"But that NEVER works!" Jaden whimpered.  
"WHAT IF YOU GO TOO FAR?" Syrus screamed! Everybody groaned in imaginary pain.

"Maybe you should give it some time," Bastion suggested. "If he got traumatized by losing, he should just win a game."  
"Duel me, Jay!" Mann McOldsmobile demanded.  
"Uh, okay," Jaden complied sheepishly. The two pulled out a couple of Duel Disks and equipped them! "DUEL." (Jaden: 4000 Life Points, Mann McOldsmobile: 4000 Life Points) Jaden stared at his five cards in his hands. They were completely blank to his eyes. "Uh, I play this card." Avian appeared. (Avian: 1000 Attack Points)  
"Uh, hey, that was a good move!" Omega-Xis lied. "You said you can't see the cards? Well that was one lucky move, bucko!"  
"You should bill yourself as the 'Good-Luck Duelist' and re-invent yourself!" Hassleberry added.  
"Uh, I wouldn't say that," Avian groaned, waving the idea away with his excuse hand.

"It's NOT the SAME!" Jaden sobbed, kicking his Duel Disk to the curb. He ran away in sadness.  
"Poor kid," Senkaiyoh muttered.  
"Should we go after 'm?" Mann McOldsmobile asked.  
"Nah, he needs some time to himself," Chazz allowed.  
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Jaden wailed, dashing down the halls without caution! He ran right past Crowler, who nearly toppled over in surprise! "SORRY MS. C!"  
"Was that _YUCKY_-Boy?" Crowler wondered. "It seems like he's torn up about something. I'd HEARD that he can't Duel anymore, but I didn't believe something so stupid could actually happen! Maybe I should…"  
"Do something for the boy?" suggested Bonaparte, wriggling up Crowler's leg.  
"Good idea."

Crowler headed out to the Slifer Toolshed and threw a basket of collectible soaps at it. "GET WELL SOON, YUCKY-BOY! Ha ha ha ha…" Crowler strutted off with a satisfied whistle.  
MEANWHILE, INSIDE OF THE ALEXISHOUSE…  
"Alright, now that we've all assembled," Bunnyear began.  
"And that we've decided on a name for huh, Alexishouse, huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson continued.  
"We can focus on bigger problems, then!" Bastion stated. "Without Jaden, this dorm has a MUCH lower chance of surviving. I mean, wasn't he the ONLY thing stopping Crowler from destroying it?"  
"I know, right?" Ojama Yellow agreed, appearing.  
"Die," Chazz growled.  
"Alright," Ojama Yellow agreed, disappearing.  
"I helped too," Senkaiyoh recalled, staring blindly with a bright expression.

"Can't everybody live in the Ra Mansion?" Baseball Bob remound. "It's a lot nicer, and they have food."  
"But where's the ambiance of a low standard o' livin', I reckon?" Billy Hills suggested.  
"You're all stupid," Piggybank decided. "So can we just ignore it and hope the predictable thing happens?"  
"NOTHING predictable happens HERE," Mann McOldsmobile said, wearing the mask of a Majora.  
"Oh!" Fluffy Fred said, relieved.  
Suddenly, everybody could hear somebody singing to the tune of a ukulele. _"Singin' on a boat…_

_Don't know why I'm just standin' and singin' on a boat, _

_Can't do anything else because I can't swim,_

_I'd rather be hangin' wit' my homies on a whim,_

_And I'm pretty thirsty too._

I want something to eat, because I feel hungry,

_But that's too bad since I'm on a stupid boat._

_Why am I here again?_

I forgot,

_So Nancy says a thing."_  
"Chicken nuggetastic," Nancy Wut said.

Everybody was somehow aesthetically pleased by the crooning. "What could this beauteous aria MEAN?" Bastion questioned, wiping away a single, salty tear. But Alexis quickly understood the meaning of the warbling.  
"Come on guys," she groaned, leading the commotion outside toward the cliff. There they saw Atticus and Nancy Wut floating around in a wooden raft in the waters below.  
"HEY SISSY!" Atticus shouted, waving gleefully as he wore a Hawaiian shirt, a ukulele and an adorable speaker system balanced atop his head. "HOW YA DOIN'?"  
"DIE!" Alexis shouted.  
"No but really could you help us because we're kinda trapped."  
"Yeah boobie-lady, what's the scoop?" Nancy demanded. Alexis threw Fluffy Fred at them.  
"AH, THE SCENE CHANGE!" he cried.

THREE! SECONDS! LATER!  
"Many thanks," Atticus thanked, sitting with Nancy Wut as they tried and failed to dry off. "We came over to try and ask if you were still against that cool pop idol plan Crowler suggested."  
"I'd rather go out with Fluffy Fred for a year," Alexis growled.  
"HEEEEY!" Fluffy Fred cried, sitting in a wet pile next to her.  
"But it's really nice and really cool!" Nancy Wut pursued. "We can totally kick it 'n junk!"  
"Exactly~!" Crowler chimed in, wearing a wetsuit and tied to the bottom of the boat.  
"AAAAAHH!" screamed everyone.  
"THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?" Jaden gasped, despite being absent.  
"Oh, I was just taking these two around the dorms, nothing more nothing less," Crowler explicated.  
"That's even freakier than Fluffy Fred's hair!" Alexis shouted. "Stop following me!"  
"Two digs in twenty seconds…" Fluffy Fred mumbled.

"Well why DON'T you give it a try, kiddo?" Crowler asked, falling over backward onto the boatcraft.  
"BECAUSE YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH THOSE STUPID IDEAS!"  
"Sounds like it makes sense," Bunnyear decided.  
"But just listen!" Nancy Wut begged. "We get some cool poofy dresses, we sing while we play card games, we dance around, we get free men, we get into drugs, we get real unpopular, we run over and kill a small kid, we go to prison, get sexually harassed, we get out, we go to rehab, we get out, all the comedians make fun of us, we have kids, they ride on our success and money in order to get popular with the TV execs, they treat us like crap, we do nothing to stop them, we watch them get into drugs too, we get into fights with them, they start whoring themselves out at clubs, we try to ignore it, we do drugs again, we overdose and we die while trying to decide who to entitle our savings to!"  
"That was disturbing," said a shivering Hassleberry.  
"Hee hee ha **ha!**" Nancy Wut giggled.  
"Help sway them to my cause," Alexis asked. "They won't listen to me."  
"But I want to see you humiliated in a poofy dress; I get off on that stuff," Chazz said.  
"You should really think against such an idea, guys," Bastion explained, "because Alexis' singing makes me feel like dying… because I've heard her sing on at least one occasion apparently."  
"THEN DIE ALREADY." Alexis killed them.  
"CHAZZ! BASTION!" everybody cried. (Death Count Season Two – 2498)  
"NOOO!" Jaden cried, even though he was absent.  
"Ow," Chazz said.  
"Why am I always last?" Bastion asked.  
"I dunno," Omega-Xis said.

Atticus decided on a different approach. "Well, let's talk about your image, then. That may sway you to our cause." He pointed to a cardboard cut-out of Alexis wearing trashy makeup, knee-high boots, a black dress that stretched down to her waist, and her hair done up with a blue scrunchie. "Say hello to Lexanne!"  
"AM I SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORT OF WHORE?"  
"How about something more casual, like Lexxylove?" Nancy Wut tried, holding a cut-out of Alexis wearing naught but an apron.  
"Can I have it?" Chazz asked. Alexis blew it up with her eyes.  
"Cool!" Senkaiyoh cried.  
"Aw. With the apron thing, we could've been selling out arenas all around the world!" Atticus lamented.  
"Why are you a brother again?"  
"I think that's called sexual harassment, Atticus," Piggybank said.  
"Who's he?" Bunnyear asked.

"In any case, I reckon, shouldn't you all finish this with a Duel?" Billy Hills suggested.  
"Oh, and why don't we just call ourselves the 'Fluffy Freds' already?" Alexis yelled.  
"WHY DO YOU HATE MEEEE?" Fluffy Fred despaired!  
"Because shut your face. Now we have a sudden cut to make," Alexis said, tapping her watch. "So I'll give, and I'll Duel you. If you win, we can join and be 'Momusu' or whatever. If I win, then you shut up about it forever. Fine?"  
"Well, we were banking on the name 'Bro-Bro, Sissy and the Nan'," Atticus said, holding up some 'Bro-Bro, Sissy and the Nan' merchandise, showcasing the trio nakedly in aprons.  
"So you're going to be a porn group?" Syrus inspected. "Count me in."  
"You sicken me!" Senkaiyoh cried, taking a 'BBSN' t-shirt for herself. "Okay, let's cut."

ONE! CUT! LATER!  
We cut to the Duel Dome, where Alexis and Atticus were ALREADY beginning to Duel. The stage was empty for now, but the stands were filled to the brim with mostly random students. Crowler and Bonaparte were seated with the Baseball Wreckers, calmly waiting for the lights to dim. "Honestly Crowluh, this is a really stoopid plan," Bonaparte said. "I mean, whoiy do we have to sit behind Atticus?"  
"We always sit on this side," Crowler said.  
"The lights!" Bastion said as they cut off.  
"Ahh, Fluffy Fred! That's my cue," Crowler cursed.  
"I'M A CUSS WORD NOW?" Fluffy Fred sobbed, biting on a handkerchief.  
"Being a cuss word is actually kinda cool," Baseball Bob said.  
"It's okay, it'll all be fine," Bunnyear soothed, wiping his tears with her opposable ears.

"**LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,**" Crowler announced, basically screaming into its microphone, "**I NOW PRESENT TO YOU SIDE A FOR THIS WONDROUS DUEL, ATTICUS RHODES!**" Atticus appeared in the spotlight, hanging from the ceiling by some wires. He was wearing his apron, though it was a tad drafty. All the women nose-bled. All the men vomited and began to cry.  
"WAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Atticus laughed! "HELLO, BOYS AND GIRLS!" He began to be thrown around wildly by the wires as he descended to the ground, flying around in everybody's faces. Four people died from the agony or bodily stress. (Death Count Season Two: 2502)

He smashed into a wallpillar, was dropped to the ground, and leaped onto his feet. "SACRE BLEU! ISN'T THIS PORN?" Bonaparte screamed, vomiting all over Crowler's lap.  
"Ewww."  
"LOOKING GOOD!" Nancy Wut called.  
"Come on sis, I'm ready to DUEL this!" Aster challenged.  
"BOO," someone said.

"I'm so excited," Chazz said, sitting behind the usual Jaden suspects with a nice banner. It read 'bro-bro & SISSY' in horrific handwriting. There was a rainbow and two hearts on it.  
"I admire you huh Chazz huh for being so open with your dirty feelings," Deep-Voice Dobbson complimented.  
"That IS pretty terrible!" Senkaiyoh said.  
"Well hey, Jaden's not perfect either!" Chazz stated, pulling out the world-famous Cyber Bladder card.  
"Cyber Blader? Why?" Hassleberry asked. "Wait, what? _Bladder? Seriously!_"  
"Because she's got blue hair!" Chazz said. Syrus, Billy Hills and Senkaiyoh suddenly felt very used.

[.com/watch?v=ryhUWWRQFlo&feature=related]"Alexis," Atticus told, "by the end of the year if we play our CARDS right, we'll have a record deal, a movie trilogy, a reality TV show, a gravure CD series, and a fanbase built up of the world's impurities!"  
"BOO," someone said.  
"I'M NOT STARRING IN ANY OF YOUR PERVERTED MOVIES!" Alexis roared! "YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, YOU EXHIBITIONIST!" They both drew their cards and prepared themselves.  
"Temper temper!" Atticus joked. "Anyways, I'll be summoning the Panther Warrior to the field in Attack Mode!" A purple panther in a warrior mode appeared, holding a saber of heftiness.  
"UUUUNGH," Panther Warrior grunted, pushed almost to the point of tears. (Panther Warrior: 2000 Attack Points)  
"Next I play the Spell card, Spotlight!" Dozens of small lights flew around the arena, ending up over Panther Warrior. He gave us a bashful smile, dropped his sword and began to pose. "Once he gets his Star Power going, he gains three-hundred Attack Points!" Atticus claimed. (Panther Warrior: 2000 - 2300 Attack Points) "Now I'll hand the mic off to you." He threw a microphone at Alexis. She smashed it within her grip.

"I'm through with this already," Alexis groaned, playing herself a Field Spell card. "I activate Ritual Sanctuary." The field became a very simple church with some lost menorahs standing on some tables for whatever reason. "No, the church isn't Jewish, but that won't stop me from using its effect! I discard one Spell card to add a Ritual Spell from my deck or Graveyard to my hand," she exposited, discarding her Spell card, "and then I'm playing Cyber Angel Ritual, allowing me to discard Cyber Prima to Ritual Summon Cyber Angel Idaten!" The church suddenly became steel-coated, allowing a mysterious flaming altar to rise up! The traditional Cyber Prima we all know and love appeared and was promptly chucked into the flames. Her screams didn't matter, for they didn't cause the product to come out any weaker. Said product? She leaped out of the flames, now wearing a pink-black suit combo, with a deep-rose-colored headdress covering what looked like two rocket thrusters on the back of her head. (Cyber Angel Idaten: 1600 Attack Points)

"What's up with doing all that just to summon her?" Atticus asked, nonplussed. "Psssh, don't tell me she has a _special ability?_"  
"_**EFF YOU, ATTICUS!**_" Chazz called.  
"I don't NEED you for that!" Alexis answered.  
"_Sorry._"  
"As I was saying… eff you Atticus, she's got an ability!" Alexis stole her discarded FUSION WEAPON card from the Graveyard, featuring a white knight with a golden laser archery bow grafter onto his arm. IT LOOKED SO USELESS. "Idaten allows me to add a Spell from my Graveyard to my hand, which in this case is what I discarded for Ritual Sanctuary, which in this case was Ritual Weapon, which means in this case, I equip it and you're screwed." Idaten's arm atrociously turned into the featured golden weapon. It looked horrible, but it all worked out in the end. (Cyber Angel Idaten: 1600 - 3100 Attack Points)  
"You're kidding me, right?" Atticus gasped. "She's so much more powerful now!"  
"I don't care what your response is!" Alexis disregarded. "You don't count as a 'people' anymore! Attack Panther Warrior with Hair Buster!" Idaten took one leap and turned her rocket thrusters on. As they began to spew flames, Atticus flipped up his face-down card.

"I play the Cursed Ring!" he said. A skull ring appeared on Panther Warrior's panther finger. Idaten's hair thrusted her down into the floor, painfully enough to send out a massive shockwave! The shockwave hit Panther Warrior for massive damage, but it wasn't massive enough. He merely exploded. A little bit. The blast whipped up Atticus' apron with disastrous results. A combination of vomit and blood was spewed into the sky, painting the ceiling drably. Atticus glanced up at it and felt symptoms of heartburn. (Atticus: 3200 Life Points)

"What's the deal with this card?" Alexis asked, shielding her eyes from the pain.  
Atticus swallowed hard and got over his burning heart. "Cursed Ring curses the owner… WITH IMMORTALITY! To your monster's attack."  
"Rip-off," Idaten muttered, scuttling back into place.  
"So what kind of advantage can that get you?" Alexis inspected. "I mean, it's not that big an effect, I can just summon another monster to kill him instead. Plus there's a whole host of cards you could have used to protect him. How dense ARE you, really?" Atticus winked. _What's he doing?_ Atticus winked repeatedly. _Is he really winking suspiciously like that? Or is he spazzing out again?_ Atticus winked so hard his eye spat blood and phlegm. _OOOOH, he's trying to take a fall to get Crowler to shut up! Nice._

"So, my turn begins!" Atticus exclaimed! He drew a card and promptly played it. "I activate Stray Lambs!" Two adorable puffy goats fell from above and bounced briefly. (Lamb Tokens: 0 Defense Points) "I've summoned two Lamb Tokens to the field, and they're _almost_ as cute as my lil' sis!"  
"_**DAMN STRAIGHT!**_"  
"Dammit Chazz, I don't like to repeat myself!" Alexis told.  
"_I'll be good._"

"But why'd he summon those?" asked Syrus as Chazz began to sob behind him.  
"Atticus is planning to sacrifice them," Hassleberry said. "When Panther Warrior attacks, you have to Tribute one monster. He's stupid like that."  
"He's exactly right!" Atticus verified, pointing into the audience!  
"_Who?_"  
"_I can't hear from that far!_"  
"_YOU'RE TOO SEXY._"  
"Now now." The lights dimmed everywhere except for above the Panther Warrior. "In order to achieve stardom, you gotta step on a few friends first. And in this case, I mean eat."  
"GOBGOBGOBNOMNOMBLUH" Panther Warrior snacked, chewing up one Lamb Token like cotton candy. Spurred on by the spotlight and his newfound protein, HE PICKED UP HIS SWORD AND HELD IT HIGH. He was shaking from the bodily stress, though.

"Next up! I Equip him with Path to Destiny, allowing an Equipped Beast-Warrior type monster attack you directly!" Atticus' field now held an image of two samurai, preparing to slice each other down. Luckily, they were both hiding behind the corner of a building.  
"AAAAAAUGH!" Panther Warrior yelled, running toward Idaten!  
"AAAAARRRG!" Idaten shouted, running toward Panther Warrior with ROCKET POWER! She tripped. Panther Warrior skipped past her and carved Alexis' shoulder! Luckily, he was a holographic representation of a monster. (Alexis: 1700 Life Points)

"N-NOOO!" Chazz wailed, contorting his face with deep sorrow and apprehension! "_LEAVE SISSY ALONE!_" Somehow, this garnered everybody's attention. He gathered his courage together and screamed to the school: "ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS HUMILIATING HER AND MAKING MONEY OFF OF HER BODY! SHE'S A HUMAN! LEAVE HER THE FLUFFY FRED ALONE!" He shot a heartful pink CHAZZISAWESOMEENERGYBLAST at the Panther Warrior. He exploded… BUT THE RING REMAINED. (Atticus: 3200 Life Points)  
Alexis opened her mouth. "CHAZZ, SHUT YOUR FLUFFY FRED MOUTH AND…" Alexis closed her mouth. _Um… well,_ she thought, _he IS trying to help me. I'll give him a break today._ "And… sorry… IGNORE THAT STATEMENT… um?"  
"EEE…" Chazz took a deep breath and quickly composed himself. "Hrmph." He held his fist aloft and sat back down.  
"You were awesome, I reckon!" Billy Hills supported.  
"The fist thing at the end was breathtaking!" Deep-Voice Dobbson believed.  
"The fist thing wasn't at all cool," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"I got it covered with something better," Chazz decided, holding up another sign. Written in crude sharpie ink, it read 'BRO-BRO is a NO-NO!'  
Special thanks to 4Kids on the signs, but that's all the props it's getting from me tonight.  
"You do know that since Zane left us, Atticus has become our most powerful upperclassman," Syrus Sy-ed, rubbing his eyes furiously.  
"You've got to be kidding me," Senkaiyoh disagreed. "What about… wait, who else is at this school?"  
"Nope, we just have the naked man," Mann McOldsmobile complained.  
"My eyes still sting," Syrus groaned.  
"Now I'll just set one card face-down and call it a turn, sis," Atticus decided. He set one card.

"Good!" Alexis said. "Then I'll play Pot of Greed and summon Cyber Petit Angel!" A small pink robotic winged circle appeared. A symbolically ugly green pot fell on it. They both broked. (Cyber Petit Angel: 300 Attack Points) She drew three cards. "Cyber Petit Angel's ability activates when summoned in Attack Mode and gives me one Cyber Angel Ritual card!" Alexis threw down her Ritual, then tossed her two monsters into the flaming altar. They didn't sound too happy. "SAY HELLO TO CYBER ANGEL DAKINI!" From the flames arose a blue-skinned woman in semi-hefty armor, wielding a katana, a saber, a staff and a fist because she had four arms. (Cyber Angel Dakini: 2700 Attack Points) "Now her ability activates: when she's summoned, I can destroy one of your monsters of your choice. Now choose!"  
Atticus shrugged and sighed. "Well, she inflicts damage against Defense-Position monsters, so I have to choose my zero-Defense Point Sheep Token!"  
[http:/yugioh. wikia. com/wiki/Cyber_Angel_Dakini] A **REFERENCE.**  
Dakini the Blue walked up to the token. She lifted it up, began pulling it apart, and ripped it into two gooey halves. Blood poured forth, much unlike the last one. While she was at it, she pointed at the Panther Warrior, who was speared at all angles by spinning wind. (Atticus: 2800 Life Points)_  
Come on, bro, you don't have to cut this so close,_ Alexis mentally complained.  
"Yes I do!" Atticus replied.  
"Don't do that."

[.com/watch?v=TsSjvKOdL8M] "Sorry for the privacy invasion, but I play Panther Warrior is DEAD!" A Trap card flipped up, showing Panther Warrior being dead. "Now that my Panther Warrior is dead, I can summon a new Beast-Warrior monster from my deck to the field! I call Bronze Warrior!" Atticus' purple panther popped open, producing a strong, bronze-skinned man with twin dual-bladed knives in an apron. (Bronze Warrior: 500 Attack Points)  
"What is up with you and those things?" Alexis asked, thoroughly disgusted.  
"They're comfy and easy to wear!"

"That's strange," Syrus said, holding his eyes shut, "why would he summon such a weak monster?"  
"I can tell you why," Hassleberry answered, digging his eyes into Senkaiyoh's shoulders, "he has an effect to get some Beast-Warrior monsters from his deck, so that's my reasoning."  
"Why can't I ever know anything like that?" Mann McOldsmobile wondered, washing his eyes with antibacterial soap.  
"Heh, he's just as pathetic as Fluffy Fred if he thinks that's gonna create some sort of game-breaker at this point," Chazz remarked.  
"HEEEY!"  
"Look out, he's about to explain the card!" Senkaiyoh cried, watching carefully through a pair of binoculars.

"My Bronze Warrior and his acute fashion sense have a special effect up their sleeves," Atticus began, "but first I'm givin' him the Spotlight!" A green spotlight appeared over the Bronze Pervert. He felt the adulation of the women and smiled. (Bronze Warrior: 500 - 800 Attack Points) "Next I…" Atticus drew just the card he was waiting for. "… I play Bronze Warrior's special ability to add one Beast-Warrior from my deck to my hand!" Bronze Warrior pulled a bone out of his apron pocket and threw it onto the ground. A muscular behemoth of a man with a monkey tail jumped out and ate it. He was only wearing an apron, predictably. (Indomitable Fighter Lei Lei: 2300 Attack Points)  
"Damn it, Atticus!"  
"That's my theme! Just look at the other women! They're eating it up!" Atticus reasoned.  
"_**I LOVE MY SEAT!**_"  
"See! SHE sure likes the view."  
"Ugh, you're so embarrassing," Alexis groaned. "Go on."

"Then this is a good time to tell you that Bronze Warrior gives all of my Beast-Warrior monsters four-hundred extra Attack Points!" Bronze Warrior did a service pose. Indomitable Fighter Lei Lei's eyes lit up. (Indomitable Fighter Lei Lei: 2300 - 2700 Attack Points)  
"Oh crap!" _Don't cut it so close! Come on, give me room to breathe!_ Alexis worried.  
"KICK HER ASS, SEXY CARDS!" Nancy Wut ordered.  
"YOU GOT IT!" Atticus shouted! "I PLAY ULTIMATE STAGE COSTUME!" The church field exploded, for there was an even higher power present: the power of gaudy clothing. The Bronze Warrior was in an absolutely massive black cloak, obviously built for somebody four times his size, which covered the entire stage in its silkenness. Incredibly wide shoulders covered in salmon-colored plates sat upon him as well as a tall hat. Bronze Warrior looked hilarious.

"What a waste of a religious center," Alexis lamented. "What's the scoop on this one?"  
"It boosts my monster's power by three-thousand."  
"WHAAAAAAAAT?"  
[.com/watch?v=YaeeX5IBb1M] "But Lei Lei still kills your Cyber Angel first." The mystic magic monkey man made his presence known as he leaped above Cyber Angel Dakini.  
"LEI LEI SMASH!" he grunted, throwing his arms upward! Dakini looked up at the oncoming threat. She blushed and gasped loudly. Lei Lei fell on her, crushing her to death with his girth, but sadly he landed sitting on her staff. "UUUUH…uuuuuuhhhg…" Lei Lei let loose a stream of pained tears as the pole squeezed up through his mouth, finding solace only as he exploded. **OW.**  
"And Bronze Warrior, attack her as well! Apron Panic!" The bronzed soldierguy slipped out of his costume and flew into Alexis, feet first.  
"EEEEEEWWW!" Alexis shrieked! (Alexis: 900 Life Points) She immediately threw the man away and started shivering with disgust. "ATTICUS, YOU'RE TAKINGTHE APRON THING TOO FAR!"  
"There you go," Atticus said, helping the Bronze Warrior back into his costume. "Whoops! I forgot that Ultimate Stage Costume can't be used for a DIRECT attack! Aha ha ha ha ha! But you can never have too much of a good thing, Alexis! Our game doesn't have to end so soon!"  
"_**IN THE NAME OF FLUFFY FRED, DON'T DO IT! END THE NIGHTMARE!**_"  
"_Or, y'know, don't._"  
"That first audience member is right!" Alexis decided! "In the name of the moon, you shall not have your way with me!" _Nice crappily-done save, bro!_ Alexis mind-thanked.  
"You go girlfriend," said Cyber Angel Idaten, being alive again, though covered in deathly burns.  
"Huh?" Bronze Warrior wondered aloud.

"I just played Fulfillment of the Contract!" Alexis' latest card had a bunch of people discussing business matters in an office with a demonic blue one-eyed horror. "I pay eight-hundred Life Points to summon a Ritual monster back from the Grave, and then when Idaten is summoned, I get a Spell card back from the Graveyard, meaning I get my Ritual Hall, meaning—"  
"**GET ON WITH IT!**"  
"I discard a Spell, get my Ritual and summon another Cyber Angel." The tremendously useless stage costume exploded, and the church reigned supreme once again!  
"I feel ugly again," sniffed Bronze Warrior. He cried three tears.

"AAAAYAH!" shouted Idaten as she burned away into a more normal-looking woman, wielding a metal nunchuck fan, long black hair, sported a golden deadly spike headpiece, and looked around with her deadly soulless eyes! (Cyber Angel Benten: 1800 Attack Points)  
"WIN." Benten threw her fan at the Bronze Warrior. He exploded. (Atticus: 1800 Life Points)  
"But you didn't win," Atticus pointed out.  
"She deals damage to your Life Points equal to the Defense Points of a monster she destroys," Alexis said. Her nunchuck hit Atticus in the forehead.  
"Ow I lose," he said. (Atticus: 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**" The female audience overloaded and exploded.  
"Yay, now we don't have to look at him in an apron anymore and won't have to see Alexis or Nancy in a… _**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_" The male audience overloaded and exploded.  
"But what about the hundreds of cut-outs I had made?" Crowler wondered, sniffing over its monetary losses.  
"Heck, I'm torn," Chazz said. He exploded.  
"Huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson wondered.

[.com/watch?v=nnF6psoWdXo&feature=related] MANY! SECONDS! LATER!  
Janitorboy Ikkaku was seated upon some scaffolding and washing the ceiling, and our main characters stood around the center of the arena by Atticus in a towel. "Please tell me the aprons are going away for good," Alexis hoped.  
"Sure," Atticus allowed, giving his to Senkaiyoh.  
"Yum!" she snacked.  
"What the hell kind of plan WAS all that?" Mann McOldsmobile ordered. "I mean, you were going to whore yourself and your sisters out to the public?"  
"It was Crowler's fault," he blamed. "She's been following me around for… since the beginning of the year, bugging me about all this."

_One day, Atticus walked into his room. Crowler was sitting on his bed. "Oh hello Atticus! Didn't expect to see you here."  
"WHY ARE YOU IN HERE?"  
"I just wanted to ask you a favor."  
He shut the door._

_One day, Atticus woke up. Crowler was staring down at him, hanging from the ceiling. "WAAAAUGH!" he screamed._

_One day, Atticus was taking a bath. "Want me to scrub your back?" Crowler offered, sitting behind him in the water, fully clothed._  
"_WAAAAAAUUUGH!"_

_One day, Crowler punched Atticus in the mouth. "HURRY UP AND MAKE A POP GROUP!"  
"AAAAARRRRRRGGH!"_

"Oh, okay."  
"What was the point?" Nancy Wut grumbled, sitting around by herself. "I was looking forward to the money…"  
"Hey, where's Jaden?" asked Syrus suddenly.  
"Let's do a quick cut!" Chazz decided, holding onto his new Apron Alexis cutout.  
"YEAH!"

Jaden, meanwhile, was by the beach, dragging a wooden boat toward the coast. "I sure am glad I took that rowing class. I bet Sy'd have liked it."

NEXT TIME:  
Stephen Boyd and Sartorius finally enter the school! But they infiltrate… AS NINJAS! Together they enter the lab where Wheeler the Velociraptor was born long, long ago. When they get into the facility, they learn a startling secret: Wheeler has become a chimpanzee! What are his demands?  
He'll tell us next week, in _Breakin' the Law! Predict THIS, Bitch!_ What card will Sartorius flip next?

COMMENTARY:  
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to read this. Nobody should have to blindly walk into such a horrifying chapter/episode. By the way, if you like what you read, send me a message! Bla bla bla. No, please don't. I don't want to know.

Aside from… that… yeah! Alexis gets some more screen time and looks slightly cooler! Woo. Also Atticus is shown to be batshit insane! Woo. We pretty much also get Jaden walking around doing nothing. Overall, the entire episode had zero substance, so I made it up as I went. I feel bad for that now. Meeeeeeeemnmnmnmn. At least there's... bro-sis bonding potential for his losing purposefully...?

And yeah, Atticus' musical alignment shall be with magical girl tunes. Because it has significance. Significant LAUGHTER! *applause*

Also, Hey guyz, would anybody out of the two people who read this story be interested in a QUESTION CORNER special chapter to go up later on? Where you send me a question (or a character, if you like that kind of thing) and I make up a somehow funny reply? All you have to do is send a question! I want to have at least a few so that I can write a chapter at the end of this half of the season and then post it along with a regular chapter. Think you guys care enough?

Yeah. I'll keep plugging this in at the end of every episode until number 84 or so. Yes, I'm going to go that far. Bluh bluh.


	68. Chapter 67: We've Seen the Light

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. The Fan Fic  
Episode 67: We've Seen the Light

One fine guitar strummin' day on Duel Academy Island…  
"Syrus?" a teacher called.  
"Here," Syrus answered.  
"Senkaiyoh?" a teacher called.  
"SENNN-KAAAII-YOOOOH!" Senkaiyoh answered.  
"Weird robot-loving kid?" a teacher called.  
"DAMMT I'M MANN!" Mann McOldsmobile answered. "I HAVE OTHER TRAITS!"  
"Jaden?" a teacher called.  
"He ran away because he lost one game and turned kinda blind," some student claimed.  
"Oh, okay. Uh… where's the punchline?"  
Syrus took in a deep breath and Sy-ed deeply. "I miss Jay," he said sadly.  
"He SURE was a wild card, I tell you," Hassleberry reminisced.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW?" Syrus burst, jumping out of his seat. "HE WAS THE BEST THING ABOUT THE ACADEMY! MY BEST FRIEND! THE FRESH RAY OF SUNSHINE THAT ILLUMINATED THIS DEADLY HELLHOLE! THE BLOOD THAT COMES GUSHING OUT OF MY GAPING WOUNDS! THE 'E' TO MY 'MOE'!"  
"Moe? No, man, you aren't moe!" Hassleberry denied. "Nor are you named Moe!"  
"Teacher, Syrus is practicing boy's love in his head!" Senkaiyoh called.  
Syrus gulped! "NOOO, NOW EVERYBODY THINKS I'M GAY FROM MY FREAKISH APPROXIMATIONS OF FRIENDSHIP! I need to get out more."  
For whatever reason, Chazz was standing in the doorway to the class with Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson and listened in on the humiliation. "Boys, bring me my motorboat."  
"Aye aye 'aye' reckon!" Billy Hills chuckled. _I reckon I'm so clever!_ Deep-Voice Dobbson glared at him.

SEVEN! MINUTES! LATER!  
Jaden was sitting in his reminiscent lil' wooden rowboat, rocking with the foamy ocean waves. He had given up on rowing for the moment. Instead, he had resorted to biting his arm in hunger. "Mmph mmm," he chewed, "three whole days since the big Duel and I still haven't gotten mah game back on. Plus I haven't even had anything to eat since I left to do my soul-searchin', and I'm so stupid-feelin'. What am I doing wrong?"  
"YOU'RE INFYUURIATING ME WITH YOUR INCOMPETENCE, THAT'S WHAT!" Chazz roared! He and his two vocal buddies stood next to him, holding a white banner as they rolled up next to Jaden upon Bastion's back.  
"Hello Jaden, in a spot of trouble?" Bastion supposed.  
"S'up, guys? How'd yo all get out here?"  
"You have been sitting **this** **close** to the school for **SEVENTY-TWO HOURS,**" Chazz raged, pointing to the painfully nearby beach. "I can still touch the sand in the water if I use my tippy-toes! You aren't giving this your all! Do your thing; say '_throw down face down_, _hyuk hyuk hyuk!_' or whatever and get happy again!"

"But I'm in my early-life crisis," Jaden mumbled, twirling his finger around in the wood paneling. "I can't do my thing. I'm not up to it, that's all."  
"What you're doing is giving up, like me!" Chazz told. "Just like last year when I went to the far south and tried to take over the world by Dueling. But who snapped me out of it and allowed me to keep my composure all the way until Duel Island ended?"  
"Oh yeah, you did become lame after that. But I apologize, I just gots to find mah muse and get back in it, seein' as I can't see mah cards," Jaden apologized. "For whatever reason." He shrugged slowly.  
"Fine, Yuki! See if I care!" Chazz growled. "Just make it snappy and get your butt back to the academy soon. Got it?" Bastion turned around started floating back to the nearby academy.  
"Please Jaden, we'll need you soon," Bastion pleaded. "You can do things that the rest of us can't."  
"I hear ya'," Jaden heard.  
"And take this, huh huh conserve your energy, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson shouted, throwing a Broccoli n' Cheese McSammich Meal to Jaden. It bounded off of his head and into the water.  
"Why did we volunteer to be the ship again?" Omega-Xis asked.

MEANWHILE ON THE HOVERCRAFT…  
Sartorius sat at a tray table as he and Stephen Boyd rapidly cruised over the surf of the Pacific Ocean. He had two more Jo Jo cards set out and he began flipping them over in order. First revealed was a Wheel of Fortune, signified by a demonic-looking fancy car with a muscley arm sticking out of the window. "The Wheel of Fortune signifies that our friend Jaden's adventures aren't over quite yet," Sartorius predicted. "I'm surprised how long he's managed to worm his way out of everything sent at him. I'd say we have a fifty-fifty chance of him staying silent."  
"I see," Stephen Boyd accepted with a groan. "Now can you stop looking at cards for two seconds and help—"  
"As we wait though, I believe it would be best we begin taking more followers…" Sartorius ignoredly flipped over the image of an exceedingly ugly man showing off his two left hands as his mummified familiar held out his dual-knived wrists in the background. "Apparently it's the Hanged Man… I think we should begin with somebody weak-willed, such as… Chazz Princeton, the boy we saw last year?"  
"Oh yeah, that one Duel broadcast everywhere?" Stephen Boyd remembered. "He sure SEEMED weak-willed. Plus he even has an orbital space cannon in his possession! That'll be a perfect last-ditch."

"NEARING DESTINTION." stated the hovercraft's onboard autopilot system, Autronia.  
"Thank you, Tronia," Sartorius thanked, gathering his possessions together.  
"DON'T TRY TO FLATTER ME WITH YOUR SWEET TALK." The computer stated. The hovercraft crashed into the Duel Academy docks, exploding and sending Sartorius and Stephen Boyd onto the concrete. Crowler and Bonaparte immediately appeared with a 'ZIPP!' sound effect.

[.com/watch?v=6GbctgywNBg] "Why hellooooo, mister Sartorius!" Crowler greeted creepily. "And how nice it is to see you again, Mister Boyd! Marvelous year last year, wasn't it?" It shook their hands. "So I hear Aster Phoenix, one of your protégés, was unable to attend the academy this year?"  
"I'm terribly sorry about that Mr. Crowler—"  
"Not a man."  
"—but young Aster has been in high demand as of late. He's been booked full for the next three seasons, so you can understand our predicament. Hence I sent you the message that I would be coming out to look for new talent?"  
"You did?"  
"I sent it to Bonaparte, your assistant," Sartorius clarified.  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER?" Crowler roared, throwing Bonaparte to the concrete. He broke.  
"Hey, don't beat him up over that!" Stephen Boyd said. "It's alright; no harm done, nothing's spinning out of control. Besides, isn't life that much more fun when it's so unpredictable?"  
Hearing his words, Crowler bent down, picked up her marionette friend and rubbed his head softly. "I suppose you're right, then. In any case, I haven't forgotten to properly greet you yet, Stephen! It hasn't been long since you left, and almost everything's in the same place as you left it."  
"What happened to Shepherd?"  
"He went out on the lam because of those harassment charges."  
"Good ol' Shep sure couldn't keep his hands off the women!"

"In any case," Crowler re-railed, "to get back on track, I must thank you for coming to take that teaching position we have open. I swear, that Slifer Dorm has been a madhouse ever since Banner disappeared and presumably died and got eaten by his cat AHO-HO-HO-HO. Maybe the lack of meals is what's doing it."  
"I forgot that the Headmaster had to provide meals," Stephen sighed contentedly. "Don't worry, I have something in mind."  
"Good! Now I assume you won't have any troubles finding the Slifer Dormitories?" Crowler supposed. "I hope you won't mind if we diverge and give your tutor a guided tour of the school grounds."  
"And I'll go and create a list of ouwah STRONGEST Duelists on the whole school!" Bonaparte volunteered. Crowler threw him far away toward their office.  
"That won't be necessary, I think I'll be able to scout the good ones out by myself," Sartorius offered.  
"Just be careful, because some of our students have some real hidden talent, if y'know what I mean, ha ha ha!" Crowler got up close to his ear. "_By that I mean the homicidal maniacs and people who can turn stupidity into an art form._"

"I don't believe I'll have any trouble discerning the idiots from the murderers from the actual Duelists, thank you," Sartorius thanked. "Stephen, could you lead me around to the dormitories?"  
"Sure. See you 'round, Crowler," Stephen bid, walking away and taking care to step on Bonaparte. Sartorius followed, chuckling to himself._  
And now we wait… mweh heh heh heh…_  
"What a nice young fellow," Crowler supposed. Then she walked away into the hovercraft and flew away to Barbados.

Chazz and his gang were walking back to class through the helpful forest pathway. "Damn Yuki, making trouble for us all," he muttered. "You can run, but you can't escape your damn problems! I already SAID we went over that idea!"  
"THAT'S SO DEEP!" Ojama Yellow cried in admiration, shaking his ugly butt.  
"Ew!" Chazz screamed, sending him flying.  
"Aw, come on, huh Chazz huh," Deep-Voice Dobbson reasoned, "don't just scream the lil' guy away like that! Little huh guys huh matter too."  
"Oh yes, I FORGOT that Ojama Yellow is people," Chazz sniffed. "Where would I be without HIM?"  
"Aw, I reckon you're just in a rival crisis is all, so you're in the grumps," Billy Hills decided.  
"'In the grumps'? Are you speaking clearly?"

"You should listen to him, Mr. Princeton," suggested the newcomer Sartorius. He and Stephen Boyd stood in their way at the end of some sort of  
clearing. "Duel Spirits are quite precious indeed, and it's important to protect them. You never know when they'll come in handy."  
Chazz spat on the ground. "Who are you, why do you know my name, and why are you stopping me from going back to the class I'm skipping?"  
"I got the police on speed-dial I reckon!"  
"The police won't be necessary; I assure you I'm no child predator. I'll just need a smidgen of your time."  
"I see you have this covered?" Stephen Boyd checked.  
"Sure, go ahead and do what you need."  
"Gotcha, I'll talk to you later." Stephen Boyd turned and left the scene.  
"And who was that?"  
"He is the new Headmaster of the Slifer Red dorm, and I'm here to Duel you," Sartorius said.  
"And why can't we just pass, huh guy huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson asked.  
"Call me Sartorius. And you can pass me if you win a Duel."  
"Good!" Ojama Yellow cheered. He flew back on-screen and past Sartorius. He exploded. Some sort of shadow was standing behind Sartorius.

"'Duel Spirits are quite precious indeed, huh?'" Chazz repeated. "Okay then, I suppose EVERYTHING'S solved by Dueling."  
"Of course."  
"Fine. I don't even want to ask. "  
_Hmm, although I wasn't told of the other two boys. Let's see if I can convert them as well._ "In addition," Sartorius decided, "how about each of you Duel me together?"  
"Eh?" the trio gasped.  
"Yes, you all start with four-thousand Life Points each against my own four-thousand. If you win, you earn the right to become professional Duelists in the professional circuit. I sponsor Duelists, you know." He tossed them his business card, featuring Sartorius laughing like a demonic madman. 'Sartorius Sartorius:' it read, 'I sponsor Duelist kids just like you'. "That includes Aster Phoenix."__

Aster Phoenix? This guy means big business! And we all know how rich people love money, Chazz decided. "Why me of all the people on the island?" he asked. "Why did you choose to seek me out?"  
"Because you're one of the least weak and easiest to manipulate Duelists on the island."  
"I see your point," Chazz agreed.  
"DON'T DO IT CHAZZ I RECKON!" Billy Hills warned!  
"Quiet, and take this." Chazz tossed Billy Hills his Ojama Yellow card. "In the event we turn pro, rip it in two.  
"Uh, alright I reckon." The four Duelist guys all took out their Duel Disks. Sartorius' was something a little special.  
"Dude, are you alright?" asked Chazz. Sitting next to a confident Sartorius was a rickety tray table labeled "Duel Disk". It fell over and one of the legs fell off.  
"No, are YOU alright?" asked Sartorius. "A Duel Disk is a Duelist's soul."  
"Your soul is crap."  
"Or so you think?" Sartorius lifted the tray table up. Another leg fell off. In retaliation he smashed it to the ground by its last legs, snapping them apart. "Ah, there we go."  
"Your soul is a busted-up tray. That basically means you suck as a person."  
"As they say," Sartorius said, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder. DUEL."  
(Sartorius: 4000 Life Points, Deep-Voice Dobbson: 4000 Life Points, Chazz Princeton: 4000 Life Points, Billy Hills: 4000 Life Points)

The enemy sat on the ground cross-legged with the tray sitting on his lap. He set his deck onto one corner after one good shuffle and placed five cards face-down upon the tray. "Hey, ain'cha gonna check those cards out, I reckon?" Billy Hills asked.  
"Not necessarily," Sartorius said, "mweh-heh-heh-heh-heh, MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!"  
"… Should I hit speed-dial, huh Chazz huh?"  
"No, just kick his ass."  
"On it, huh Chazz HUH!" Deep-Voice Dobbson drew a card. "I summon the huh Bass Beast huh!" A large lion stood next to Deep-Voice Dobbson on his two hind legs.  
"La la la LAAAAA~" he sang. (Bass Beast: 1600 Attack Points)  
"But that's not all, huh, because I play Opera Hall!" A card appeared and showcased a fat man singing with a soulful blocky robot. "Now, huh, I can summon a second Bass monster from my hand, and I'm choosin' the Bass Caterpillar!" A large green caterpillar constructed from circles appeared and wiggled furiously. (Bass Caterpillar: 1300 Attack Points) "Now, combine, huh, to form, huh, the Bass Aircraft!" The Bass Lion tapped the Bass Caterpillar, causing it to fall apart. Then the lion began picking up its segments and stuck them onto each of its limbs. Then he put its head on as a helmet. It was then the Bass Aircraft.  
"How'd he turn into an airplane, I reckon?" Billy Hills asked.  
"To do this, huh!"  
"LAAAAA~!" Bass Aircraft sang sweetly.  
"Wow, yer' right, I reckon!"

"In that case, it seems to be my turn," Sartorius understood. He placed another card onto his tray. "I believe my latest card was called Vision." He flipped the sixth card over. It showed some sort of evil eyes staring at a man, releasing psychic waves about throughout a trippy wasteland.  
"Oh hey he was right cool I reckon," Billy Hills gulped.  
"And I believe my next card is going to be… The Hanged Man." Sartorius flipped over the top card of his deck. It featured some strange green slimy thing upside-down on some sort of tree-ish thing.  
"Stop cheating, freak!" Chazz decreed!  
"I do not cheat," Sartorius explained, "for Vision reveals my next card and returns it to my deck. If I play the card revealed, you all lose one-thousand Life Points." He snickered a little. "The Hanged Man really suits you, Princeton."  
"Eh? What're you talking about?" Chazz demanded.  
"The Hanged Man, Trump number Twelve, is the fortune I've predicted. It represents you perfectly. You've given up so much to get where you are today, whereas you used to be an impulsive little brat controlled by others above you. But you've grown to be like the others and come to terms with yourself, reinvented as a lover and defender. One thing I see out of place is you losing patience with me…"  
"Damn RIGHT I'm losing patience! You know how much animation you're wasting with this junk?" Chazz shouted. "I could finish you in TWO turns by myself if you'd stop being such a freaky child molester!"  
"Mweh-heh-heh… I am neither molester nor a freak as you call me, I am just a simple Dueling Sponsor slash soothsayer slash Duelist slash future ruler of the universe."

"There you go again! You CAN'T tell me a molesting freak doesn't act like that!"  
"I have the right to dodge that question. Now accept that and take this: I play the card Suit of Sword X!" A Spell card image appeared in mid-air, featuring a field of swords in the ground. "Once I play this card, my card is rotated for you. If you stop it facing upward, all of your monsters are destroyed, and vice-versa if it's reversed. Call it." The card's hologram began flipping around as fast as conceivable possible.  
"Uh, uh… um, why's it gotta go so fast?" Chazz complained!  
"**Call it now,**" ordered a large, shadowed figure.  
"Okay WHOOPS I RECKON" Billy Hills blurted out suddenly. The card froze upward.  
"**Nice choice, I respect it,**" the shadow respected.  
"So what the hell is this… shadow thing… supposed to be?" Chazz asked, peeved.  
"Do your thing, if you'd please, my friend," Sartorius allowed.

[.com/watch?v=ZiXr1AgiTFU&fmt=18]The shadow began to illuminate numerous globes and lights across its body, bringing it into full view. It was some sort of robot with a head inside of a large ring, folding its two large tri-clawed appendages over its core-tail-combo. "**I thought you'd never ask,**" it sighed with a booming, metallic tint to its voice. "_**THE **__**WORLD!**_" The Bass Aircraft was stabbed all over with swords and the mechanical figure had disappeared, having stood behind Billy Hills now all of a sudden.  
"Who WAS that?" Chazz asked. "Another Duel Spirit? They're just popping out the woodwork now. And they're quoting _memes_ now! What a world…"  
"**Laugh all you want,**" the Machine-Fairy grunted, fading back into the shadows. "**But once you see the light… LITERALLY…**"  
"That was a huh bad huh joke."  
"Don't worry, he's just one of my Duel Spirits," Sartorius stated, discarding his card. "I assure you, he won't do anything dangerous until the end. Then you'll all be dead. And I'll be happy."  
"Got speed-dial, huh!" Deep-Voice Dobbson's cell phone inverted upon itself, causing confusion. "Huh?"  
"And now you don't. For now I shall just summon Arcana Force IX – The Hermit." A small, insect-like floating bluish robot with a tiny sword and shield combo platter appeared and blinked its singular red eye. (IX Hermit: 1900 Defense Points) The card began to spin, obviously causing the bug much turmoil. "Call upright, he can't be destroyed through battles. Call it reversed and he dies when attacked."  
"I call it reversed!" Chazz ordered. The card stopped revolving, causing the Hermit guy to be thrown off and onto the ground. It began to sob.  
"I reckon that's what you get for bein' re-named t'fit the motif!" Billy Hills chided.  
"BOO HOO HOO," it sobbed.

Chazz stepped forward. "I think it's my turn now," he decided, "and I'm starting by playing the Spell card Graceful Charity!" A beautifying angel appeared over him.  
"_I'm your guardian angel,_" she said, "_and you need to take these._" She handed him three cards. "NOW PAY UP."  
"Sheesh! Take 'em or leave 'em, cheapskate!" Chazz growled, throwing two cards at her. They missed and floated into the dirt.  
"_Good enough for now, but I'll be back for your first-born,_" she decided, flying away.  
"Next I activate the card Level Modulation!" A set of five dice appeared. They didn't matter in the slightest. "First things first: you draw two cards." Sartorius picked up two cards.  
"Ooh," he said, studying them.  
"You told me you weren't going to look at your cards!" Chazz cried! "Stop cheating by following the rules!"  
"I said not necessarily," Sartorius insinuated. "And then I laughed. And then the deep-voiced boy talked. And then I called you The Hanged Man."  
"Do _I_ get a fortune, Mr. huh Sartorius—"  
"You don't deserve one because your voice is too tenor."  
"Huuuuuh…" Deep-Voice Dobbson groaned musically.  
"See, there you go again. You really need to learn how to stop that."  
"But I reckon he CAIN'T stop it! It's in 'is blood, I reckon!" Billy Hills cried out.  
"And your accent is truly offensive."  
"But… I reckon it's what made me so dern popular!"  
"Excuses, excuses…"

"More like excuses to NOT LOSE!" Chazz yelled, gaining attention again! "Level Modulation's second effect now activates: I can summon one 'Level' monster from my Graveyard!" The dice bounced around and spat out magic oils and died. From the puddle of dreams rose the crimson, armored dragon bursting with death-bound blinding blades! No, I am NOT coherent anymore, because it is done! (Armed Dragon Level Seven: 2800 Attack Points)  
"I see," Sartorius noticed.  
"Dobbson, now!" Chazz ordered.  
"Right, eh, Chazz, eh," Deep-Voice Dobbson exclaimed, sucking in air as he spoke.  
"… Seriously?"  
"But Sartorius made me self-huh-conscious, Chazz! You gotta believe me, huh!"  
"Just play the goddamn Trap." Deep-Voice Dobbson's latent Ojama Trio Trap card flipped itself up and ejected three Ojamas onto Sartorius' field!  
"Heya fake-boss!" Ojama Yellow greeted.  
"BLEHEEGK!" Sartorius spat with bloodiness.  
"These three Ojama Tokens do nothing for you but take up three monster spaces, deal three-hundred damage to you when they die, and act generally annoying!" Chazz dictated.  
"He's right, fake-boss!" Ojama Yellow agreed as the three Ojamas wiped their butts in Sartorius' face.  
"Ugh, I'm not a boss!" Sartorius spat blood. "Hermit!" The Hermit sat up off of the dirty dirt and its eye flashed. It zipped up and kicked the three monsters into their places on the field.  
"Next I'll sacrifice my Level Seven Armed Dragon to summon…" The earth shook dramatically. "… just wait for it…" Having achieved a suitable amount of build-up, Chazz thrust a monster card onto his Duel Disk. A laser struck his dragon from above, turning it into… a bipedal dragon lord covered in iron and demonic horn-like spines of skewering. Steam radiated off of its presence. It hungered. (Armed Dragon Level Ten: 3000 Attack Points) "Say hello to _Armed Dragon Level Ten!_"

"I see," Sartorius saw.  
"See THIS," Chazz suggested.  
"I don't," Sartorius didn't see, as all four monsters on his field were suddenly sitting in the Armed Dragon's mouth.  
"You aren't missing much, blind-ass," Chazz guided. "I just discard a card and my monster kills your whole field. Nothing personal, Yellow."  
"No offense taken, boss," Ojama Yellow accepted.  
"SSSSLLLLLLRRRRRPPPP!" Armed Dragon Level Ten inhaled, swallowing all four monsters.  
"_Once you have truly internalized the lessons life has set out to teach you,_" the Hermit preached, "_then_ _you will learn that you have BECOME the lesson–_"  
"DON'T CARE!" Chazz screamed!  
"BLLAAAAGH!" Armed Dragon belched, spitting out three pairs of Speedos at Sartorius' face.  
"Ew," he recoiled. (Sartorius: 3100 Life Points, **THO**_ROU_**GHLY** DISGUS**TED**)  
"Man the flickin' I reckon up!" Billy Hills cried. "They're just reckon holograms!"  
"That…doesn't make it any better."  
"And now the coup de grace!" Chazz exclaimed! He held his main pointer finger at Sartorius. "Armed Dragon Level Ten! _**METEOR TEN!**_"

The dragon's eyes flashed. He took one leap and left the stratosphere. Once safely tucked away in the asteroid belt, he punched one of the giant space rocks, causing it to fly into another rock, which hit two rocks, which hit three rocks, which bounded and rebounded around until they had smashed ten asteroids into a humongous slab sitting just ahead of the monster. Armed Dragon Level Ten slashed the giant slab apart, causing all ten rocks to fly down to earth.

They all crashed around Sartorius and his tray table, covered in azure flames, and surrounded him like a prison as the dragon crashed down from above and slugged him holographically in the face. The asteroids blew up, sending space dust everywhere. (Sartorius: 3100 - 100 Life Points) "Interesting," he understood. "This isn't a Duel Spirit, but just merely a hologram that threw actual meteors into my face. For what reason could this occur?"  
"Because I'm a badass."  
"Fine answer, me boy," Sartorius accepted. "I'll play The Selection of Fate." He placed a Spell card into his Graveyard pile. "Billy-kid."  
"EH I RECKON?" Billy Hills gasped. "'Re you reckonin' me?"  
"You can participate for this effect card. All you must do is walk up to me, choose one of my cards, and if it's a monster card I may summon it to the field." Sartorius held up his hand. "Which one is the Hanged Man? Mweh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh."  
_The Hanged Man?_ Chazz recalled. _How far is he planning to take his fucking symbolism? IT'S NOT COOL, JACKASS!_ "NOT COOL, JACKASS!" he shouted.  
"Heh heh!"  
"Rrrrreckin'..." Billy Hills looked toward his friends for support.

"Don't worry; all you have to do is deal one-hundred damage on your turn. You've got this in the bag!" Chazz coached with a ChazzThumbUp. "_Just don't screw up._"_  
Wowzers, a ChazzThumbUp; I reckon that means I 'kin do it!_ Billy Hills believed. He calmly walked up to Sartorius. "Let me see the cards, I reckon," Billy Hills requested.  
"Alright, if you insist," Sartorius said, showing his Arcana Force XII - The Hanged Man card.  
"No, I reckon Imean don't show me the cards. Why're you showing me the cards, I reckon? I JUST told you not to, I reckon." Billy Hills wondered.

"Eye on the birdie," Sartorius suggested. He put all five of his cards into his mouth and swallowed.  
"EH RECKON?"  
Sartorius stood and whipped his arms around, sending a stream of cards out from his sleeves! "Look look!" He flipped them into the air and caught them on his fingers, spinning them like rectangular tops. "Pick which one! Pick which one!" Billy Hills reached out and reached for a random card.  
"Reck!"  
"Oops!" Sartorius flicked them all away into his towering hair. They seeped into it in a horrifying fashion. They all started flying around through the hairdo like flies buzzing around a new corpse!  
"… I reckon someone slipped me sumthin' earlier. Chazz, why'd ya do it, I reckon?"  
"Not his fault." Sartorius snapped his fingers. The cards briskly floated out and into the air, waiting to be chosen. "Now make a choice!" Billy Hills reached out to the card in the middle. "Try again." To the one on the far right. "Too bad." One floated up an inch. He reached to it. "Try harder."  
"SCREEEW THAAAATireckon!" Billy Hills screamed, splapping all of the cards to the ground. Five copies of the Hanged Man monster appeared. "AAA…AA…A A…AAAAAAA… RECK…ON?" "THE HECK JUST HAPPENED?" Chazz demanded!  
"HUH WHAT HUH!"

"_Tee. Hee._" they tittered in unison. (XII The Hanged Man: 2200 Attack Points)  
"The monster you choose can be summoned," Sartorius explained. "Your friend splapped all five cards to the ground in answer, so I summoned each of them and you all lose one-thousand Life Points."  
"EEEH?" they all cried, exploding (but only on the inside). (Chazz Princeton: 3000 Life Points, Deep-Voice Dobbson: 3000 Life Points, Billy Hills: 3000 Life Points)  
"Y-y-y… you tricked me, I reckon!" Billy Hills assumed!  
"**Foo**lish **boy**!" Sartorius stated, "There **are** no tricks! Only **fate** exists. You cannot escape **me** no matter **how** hard you try! Now, spin, my Hanged Man number one!" One of the five creatures began to flip upside-down and right-side up again dizzyingly. They retched every few moments. "Call it upright and once per turn my monster destroys one of my cards and I lose Life Points equal to its Attack Points. Call it reversed and I destroy your monster."  
"What?" Chazz looked up at his dragon. "But…" All four of the other Hanged Men began to revolve as well. "You have… five…"  
"_Only through the destruction of self can you attain true divinity,_" the first monster hinted cryptically. "_Please accept it and grow._"  
"… Ugh… stop plugging that useless Tarot load; nobody really gets it!"  
"You… you hafta call them all upward, I reckon," Billy Hills realized.

"We believe in you, huh, Chazz!" Deep-Voice Dobbson told. "Don't worry, huh, Tarot cards LIE! Huh just huh focus!"  
"Nnn… uuuuhhh…" Chazz looked at the five creatures cryptically. They quickly devolved into teal blurs, flipping faster than the eye could understand, threatening to expel bodily fluids at any moment. "I… I… STOP!"

MEANWHILE, AT THE SLIFER TOOLSHED…  
Stephen Boyd stood at the head of a table in the eating establishment area, having gathered the whole dorm together, plus Bunnyear but minus Syrus, Jaden and the Chazz group. "Why's she here?" Hassleberry asked, poking her. She was unresponsive. Senkaiyoh was watching a program on her stomach while gripping Mann McOldsmobile like a pillow, lying on the floor.  
"_Bobby, now I don't want you to think you're the reason we're getting a divorce."  
"Yes, you had nothing to do with it, so don't worry. It's just—"_  
"_Of course it wasn't my fault! Hell, if anything it's BETH'S fault! _Duh, I dunno how to be a mom! 'Ey Bobby, waddo I do now?_" the boy mocked._  
"Ha ha!" Senkaiyoh and Mann McOldsmobile laughed, pointing at the screen. She just came in here right after that guy in the black-and-green leather coat with the lime-tipped semi-long white hair and all the studs lining his pants legs and arms. Boy, does he look warm!" Senkaiyoh described, watching her favorite show.  
"Seriously though; please let me go," Mann McOldsmobile requested, breathless. "You grip too hard." A bone snapped.

"I guess now's as good a time as ever to explain why I'm here, since almost all eleven of you Slifer Reds and random other students from other dorms have assembled," Stephen Boyd began, "I'm your new Headmaster!" No response. "That means I bring food."  
"**YEEEEAAAAAAAHH!**"  
"Does that mean you're re-instating cookies after dinner? With milk?"  
"Does the flavor 'Choco-LOTTA Chocolate Chips Chocolate Chip Cra-Z Cookie' mean anything to you?" He took out a large cookie platter, covered in chocolate cookies covered in chocolate chips covered in chocolate sauce. And there was milk.  
"I LOVE YOU!" Bunnyear shrieked, admiring him.  
"Sweet jegus, just like her sister!" Mann McOldsmobile shrieked!  
"Thanks, odd rabbit-eared girl in the back! Now I'm going to be moving into Headmaster Banner's old room on the first floor and I'll try to keep all of you kids in line."  
"But you were here last year!" one guy reasoned. "You CAN'T be a teacher!"  
"I got qualifications!" Stephen Boyd held out a coupon. '1 Free Job down at Duel Academy Island', it read.  
"Where did you GET that thing?" said Barry the Beginner.  
"Chik-Fil-A. They were passing out chicken sandwiches with these inside. Plus, I DID graduate in my _first year_, am I right?"  
"I'm hooked!" Bunnyear told herself. "A new young teacher, making up the rules as he goes, with that dark punk look, as if he want to make the world his enemy!" She turned to Senkaiyoh. "Can I live in your room?"  
"Sen-kai-NOOO!"  
"Perfect! Thanks!" She girl-hugged her.  
"Aw, man!" Senkaiyoh complained with a smile and a wink, signifying the end of the animated short.

"Oh, and also, before dinner begins—"  
"DANGER! DANGER!" Syrus bellowed, running into the room! "_DOUBLE_-DANGER! JADEN IS **GONE!**"  
"He actually floated out further?"  
"YES!" Syrus told. "Oh who's the white-haired prettyboy we're expected to embrace?"  
"I'm your Headmaster!" Stephen Boyd answered. "The name's Mr. Boyd, but just call me Stephen. I'll be making sure you guys are safe. AND FED."  
"Hmm, trendy. Cool. BUT JADEN'S GONE!"  
"Buck up, Sy," Hassleberry told, patting his shoulder, "we'll make sure he' okay. I mean, what could POSSIBLY happen to Jaden in a boat?"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Jaden screamed as he rowed his boat through a herd of shark-knights wielding swordfish.  
"Oh, and also," Stephen Boyd remembered, "I've been told recently that Chazz, Billy and Deep-Voice are all moving out of the Slifer dorm."  
"Deep-Voice was the FIRST name?"  
"Yes, and they're going to be joining a new dorm getting set up in that old building in the woods," Stephen Boyd explained. "It's gonna be totally refurbished, and those three will be the first members, blah bah bleh... More details will arise shortly. In conclusion, don't worry, you'll be seeing them around again at some point."  
"But… why did they leave?" Syrus asked.  
"Well…"

Chazz, Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson fell to their knees in shock. "We… lost already?" Chazz growled. "NO!" He punched the ground. "DOOOWW, MAH SEXEH FIST!"  
"Are we… gonna be alright, Chazz, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson pleaded as tears welled up in his eyes. "I mean, huh, Chazz, we all lost together. Nothing good huh EVER happens when you huh lose a card game. Will we… huh…"  
"Look at me," Sartorius demanded. "Look at my face." Chazz begrudgingly agreed and stared into his eyes. "Boy-chazz, I know all about you. You want strength to defeat your rival. And yet you cannot do it alone." He tilted his head upward in a domineering fashion. "Do you know why?"  
"Because you're infuriating me?"  
"No," Sartorius laughed, "but you are _quite_ funny. What you're doing wrong is merely embracing your dark side, the side thirsting for power and cards that throw useless, non-painful asteroids. What you need is to balance yourself with the power of _The Light_. Do you want it?" Sartorius drew the card off the top of his deck. "I can give it to you and your friends, who want nothing but to empower you to your own selfish goals."  
"I… I…"  
Sartorius took out a Jo Jo Tarot Card featuring a heavily-scarred man of Native American descent holding a hideous ebony doll. "The Devil in Tarot is a symbol of yourself tied down by desires. Loosen yourself. Divide your burden and let me help you."  
"D-don't you touch me!" Chazz whimpered. "Don't you do it!"

Sartorius touched the card to Chazz's unmoving, transfixed head. "That's right…" He was engulfed with a white aura.  
"Ahh, ahh! What are you doing?" Chazz demanded, suddenly losing the will to be a jerkface!  
"I'm taking your anger from you." Sartorius threw a card labeled 'Judgment' at Billy Hills and a card labeled 'Hierophant' at Deep-Voice Dobbson. They too were engulfed in whiteness.  
"GYAAAH!"  
"HUUUUH?"  
"All of you join me, and I will assist you in any way I can. And in return…" A fine mist perforated from the trio and obscured them from sight.

"… Well, blue-haired boy," Stephen Boyd answered, "they're just going to be undertaking a little Duelist lesson and figure out what cards truly fit their play style. Basically they're in-training."  
"That sounds… acceptable," Syrus said with a shrug. "Can I have a cookie."  
"Heck yeah!"  
"WOOO!" Syrus leaped into the cookie pile, ushering in a new age of chocolate.  
"So, uh, what are some of your interests?" Bunnyear asked, suddenly sidling up to him.  
"I like good people," Stephen Boyd answered, "and high-tech stuff. Also fried chicken."  
"Hey! _Me too!_"

"Stand up," Sartorius demanded. "Now, do you know what to do?" All three Chazz characters rose. They wore all-white clothing and their hair was freakishly ashen.  
"Why indubitably sir," Chazz said, holding out a small white cloth. "Would you care for a shoeshine whilst we are here?"  
"That won't be necessary, Chazz," Sartorius decided, "just prepare to get to work."  
"Why I embody joviality over yon fair decision and feel well hardiness over our current occupation," Billy Hills said, equipping a construction worker's helmet.  
"That was more Engrish than Olde English, but that's fine; I must just be a little rusty," Sartorius thought.  
"_We shall all prepare to put the new dorm building back into shape upon your request, sir,_" Deep-Voice Dobbson told in his new feminine voice.  
"Now that's just as disturbing-sounding as I'd hoped," Sartorius said. "My guinea pigs, go forth and fix up that old shack in the woods. I'm leaving to Domino City to prepare something special." Sartorius suddenly dropped the Wheel of Fortune Tarot card. It fell upside-down. "Oh whoops I guess that means Jaden Yuki is going to have a change of fortune, mweh-heh-heh." He picked it up and scurried off. Chazz, Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson jumped into a construction crane and drove it off toward their new destination.  
"WE SHALT NOT FAIL THEE, SIR!"

NEXT EPISODE:

Digimon. Neon Genesis Evangelion. Naruto. All of these shows have something in common. And it's coming back to bite them all in a bad place. Why? Because Senkaiyoh is going to ruin everything for everyone everywhere! Beehive Larry makes a special guest appearance! NEXT TIME: _The Grand War! Something something something!_

COMMENTARY:

Woah. An episode where something happens to Chazz! And he turns evil! I'll NEVER be able to write him badass ever again! AAAAAAWWWWW

So this may have been a little boring, but it's good for showing Sartorius off as rather insane. His musical links will mostly stem from Fate Stay Night, which can mean several things, including 1. He's got myth-level powers, 2. He's really CU CHULAINN or 3. Come up with something good, blar. I don't care anymore. Eh. Ramble.

Also now random person-suggested character from last bit of season 1 appears and takes over the dormitory as headmaster. WHO SAYS GARY STU? sERIOUSLY, i MEAN WHO COMES UP WITH THESE CHARACTERS, iT'S LIKE A MADHOUSE, oF INACTIVE IMAGINATORY ILLNESS UP IN HERE,

I should really use less references everywhere. I'm not even doing them right. Anyways, yeah, send me questions. I THIRST FOR THEM. Also I am fully aware that nobody reads this stuff.

Also, Hey guyz, would anybody out of the two people who read this story be interested in a QUESTION CORNER special chapter to go up later on? Where you send me a question (or a character, if you like that kind of thing) and I make up a somehow funny reply? All you have to do is send a question! I want to have at least a few so that I can write a chapter at the end of this half of the season and then post it along with a regular chapter. Think you guys care enough?


	69. Chapter 68: Steak Sauce RUMBLE :0

(NOTE: This episode was written as slightly-cannon by my sister here on , Shiny Kendo, or whatever she's calling herself these days. I don't know if she writes much or here anymore, but feh. If anybody even gets this far, they should check HER stuff out. NOTE NOTE: She mainly writes stuff about Pokemon and Dio Brando running Sesame Street, but it's all good.)

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: The Fan Fic  
Ep. 69: Steak Sauce RUMBLE

A weak guitar ditty eased us into the world of Slifer Red Dorm. For lack of a better thing to do, a few of our main characters decided to watch some TV using Bunnyear's wacky stummick.  
"How do you operate this thing, yo?" Jaden said, looking at the monitor up close.  
"Out of the way, Jay! Den!" Senkaiyoh shoved him brutally out of the way. "When a boy examines it, it's gross!"  
"There's no buttons or anything involved," Bunnyear said. "I just have to summon all my willpower and energy in order to turn it on, and then the channels change when I move my ears." After a few seconds, the TV screen flickered to life, Senkaiyoh backed away onto the couch, and this is what she saw:

[.com/watch?v=hj0-hpO7a0Y] At first the screen was simply a void of brown...stuff. "Di-di-di," a freaky voice said repeatedly. "Di-di-di. Di-di-di. ...Digimon. ...Digimon. ...Di-di-di. ...Digimon." A kid appeared and started flailing wildly, only to fall into the brown, saucy void below. Then a bunch of letters started flying around, showing various meat dishes swimming in the brown stuff as if they were letter-shaped windows. More panicked children were sent hurdling into some sauce.

Then the chorus kicked in: "Digimon, digital steak sauce, Digimon steak sauce yum yum! Digimon, digital steak sauce, Digimon steak sauce yum yum!" The scene changed to a slideshow of disgusting monochrome meat products...which were transformed into delectable, full-color steak sauce-related products! Greymon, Togemon, Kabuterimon, Garurumon, and all your other favorite Champion-form characters started chowing down on some steak sauce-related meals. "WAAAAARK!" Birdramon said as it bit down on some medium rare steak.  
A blue-haired kid was shown riding on a giant slab of venison, gliding through an entire steak sauce OCEAN. "ChaAaAaAange eento dee-lishus steak sauce toOoOo save the taste-budding WORLD."

Suddenly, the hideous head-body guy Nanimon punched through the screen to deliver a special message to the viewers! "HEY, YOU! YES, YOU!"  
"AAAAAH!" Everyone flinched, even tough drill sergeant Hassleberry!  
"Not me, please," Syrus begged. "Not meEEEEE!"  
"I WANT YOU TO BUY DIGIMON STEAK SAUCE!" Nanimon screeched. "It's high in vitamins and minerals. Perfect balance of gluten and flavor. YOU WITH ME!"  
"**GAAAAAAAAAH!**"

Just as suddenly, the commercial resumed. "Digimon, digital steak sauce, Digimon steak sauce yum yum!" Little kid TK looked worried as Angemon stole his huge bowl of steak sauce, flying away into the sunset. "Digimon, digital steak sauce, Digimon steak sauce yum yum!" All of the kids were flying through the sea of steak sauce using air bubbles as transport. They were, inexplicably, happy. The viewers were brought to the tiny island of veal (floating in the middle of a GARGANTUAN amount of Digimon steak sauce), where the chanting stopped. The image of a corrupt corporate executive appeared behind the island! Birdramon's "WAAAAARK" played again.

A bottle of Digimon Steak Sauce appeared, releasing a mammoth geyser of brown goop. The goop turned into a glowing red cyclone, sucking a bunch of struggling Digimon into it! All of the Digimon were soon thrown out, having Digivolved into their Champion forms! "DIGIVOLVE INTO STEAK SAUCE. DIGIVOLVE INTO ULTIMATEDELICIOUSNESS," the freaky voice crammed in as Birdramon "WAAAAARK"ed again.  
"Digimon, digital steak sauce, Digimon steak sauce yum yum! Digimon, digital steak sauce, Digimon steak sauce yum yum!" All of the main characters, children and Digimon, were armed with oversized bottles of steak sauce. When they squeezed some of the steak sauce out at enemies, they transformed into delicious meals! It ended with a huge "DIGIMON (steak sauce)" icon, and Nanimon posing. "Digimon, digital steak sauce, Digimon steak sauce yum yum! Digimon, digital monsters, _**DIGIMON!**_"

Syrus rubbed his stomach, looking dazed and swaying back and forth. "I really got a hankering for some steak sauce..."  
A hypnotized Mann McOldsmobile said, "Senkai, gimmee some steak sauce, would you?"  
Jaden and Hassleberry swayed to and fro singing, "EVA-01 Steak Sauce yeah...EVA-01!"  
"It's freakin' Sen...kai...YYYYOOOOOO! This commercial is evil!" Senkaiyoh pulled out a handgun and started shooting holes in the wall behind Bunnyear! "Pure evil!"  
"Wooooah! The commercial is evil but my tummy is not! I'll change the channel, alriiiiight!" Bunnyear dived out of the way.  
"Hmm, touché." Senkaiyoh's gun disappeared.

These kids would come out of their state of temporary hypnosis soon enough. But the great battle of the sauces was far from over...

_In reality, the Legendary Steak Sauce TrinityTM had been fighting for (about 1.5) decades. Over the years they had come to a strange sort of peace, with each brand taking its respective seat within the ranks of society: EVA-01 was popular among the aristocrats, Digimon among the middle class, and Kabuto brought itself to a weird niche market in the form of delinquents and hoboes. _

_During these approximately fifteen years, the flavor and potency of steak sauce was brought into the public eye. When asked about their favorite food there will always be "pizza kids", "ice cream kids", and "steak sauce kids". Pizza and ice cream have now become common lunchtime items amongst the school cafeteria circuit, but what of steak sauce? Is this condiment of legend, which has brought three branches of a wholly unique culture together in a beautiful demonstration of today's class system, to be ignored in today's business of education?_

No longer.

_For this was the day of which the Great Unholy Sauce Vote was slated to start on! The creator of this vote, a certain Crowler, was surprised to find that the results were found not in the booths of voting, but on the_ field of carnage...

"Hey, Slifer SLACKER! You think Digimon steak sauce is better than **EVA-01** steak sauce!"  
Some nameless Slifer slacker had been backed into a wall by a slightly larger, more blue and bullying child.  
"Uh, y-yeah! That's right!" the smaller one said. "Di-gi-mon! Have some steak sauce! Digimon have the steak sauce!" After failing to recapture the magic, the kid found a large bottle of steak sauce in his pocket, took the top off, and sprayed it all over the blue bully Super Soaker style.  
"Hey, you think this hur- ow, my eyes! This don't prove anythi- aah, it's up mah nooooooose!" Pretty soon, every square inch of his body had become a lumpy and unnatural shade of digital steak sauce brown. The kid then smashed the bottle over the Obelisk Blue's head, mixing shades of pitiful blood _red_ into the brown fiesta.

Da Jaden Krew watched the fight via a window. "What the hell are they doing!" Syrus and Hassleberry cried at the same time. They glared at each other.  
"Calm down, guys," Bunnyear said. "Birds of a feather flock together, after all."  
"You're not a crazy shipper, are you!" gasped Syrus.  
"What she means is...is..." Jaden tried not to think too hard about it. "Get along now, hear?"  
"And now for a tasty meal!" The little Slifer kid nibbled Obelisk Boy on the shoulder. "Mmm..._**MMM!**_"  
"YOU CRAZY CANNIBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."  
"**DO** **DIGIMON STEAK SAUCE COMMERCIALS REALLY HAVE THAT EFFECT ON PEOPLE!**?" Syrus couldn't believe it. "I mean, imagine how many people have actually SEEN that commercial! And if it's a lot, we'll have a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE of DUEL GHOULS! And they'll be out for our sauce-smothered flesh..." He stood there, trembling.

"If that ever happens, we'll whip 'em into shape!" Hassleberry said, pumping a fist.  
"Yeah!" Jaden concurred, and the theme song played for a few seconds.  
"Wait a second, WHO'S GONNA SAVE THAT GUY!" Bunnyear screeched, jumping around and dialing 9-1-1 in her cell phone. "Hello, is this the police?"  
Senkaiyoh had spontaneously appeared outdoors. "Freeze, you steak sauce-loving fool! You are under galactic arrest!"  
"_**MMM...**_" The boy stood atop the fallen body like a rabid animal, giving Senkaiyoh a twisted, dripping grin.  
"...And did I tell you that galactic arrest means DEATH!" She riddled the boy's body with bullet holes, and it tumbled backward off of the body. (Death Count Season Two – 699)  
"Hey..." The bully started to emerge, healthy save for the hardening shell of steak sauce around him. "I'm alive, thank Steak Sauce God™! Thank you, ma'-"  
"Don't worry, youngster boy! I'll put you out of your MISERYYY!" She shot the bully between the eyes...a killing blow! (Death Count: 700) "Poor kid, didn't have a chance..."  
"HE COULD HAVE GONE TO THE HOSPITAL," Bunnyear said with tears in her eyes. "Wasn't that at least a _little_ harsh?"  
Mann McOldsmobile looked at her and said deadpan, "Bunnyear. _Everything_is a little harsh here."

On the flip side, Jaden applauded madly! "Ya dun good, Senkai!"  
Mann McOldsmobile and Hassleberry gave a thumbs-up, Bunnyear shook her head in sadness, and Syrus shrugged.  
"It's m'job!" she cooed. "Hope I have your respect now, Mann McOldsmobile!"  
"She's MY girl, Man™!" Jaden said, arms crossed. "Better step off, yo! Don't cross through the mud! I mean, the Senkai, yo!"  
"Okay," he replied uncaringly.

Meanwhile, back at the dorm (again)...  
Wondering if the academy knew about those types of incidents, Bunnyear turned her stomach on and changed it to the "Duel Academy Weekendsz" network.  
"...and if you give your Beaver Warrior some Spells and Traps as backup, Trap Hole is recommended," some loser kid said at a news desk. You could tell he was a loser because he wore glasses.  
"And now, back to academy news with Linda Academy," a female reporter said, readying her script. "What's your favorite steak sauce? Everybody has one, whether it be Jack Daniel's, Heinz, OK Sauce, Tabasco, Cackalacky, Jim Beam, Sweet Baby Rei's, Lea and Penpen's, Ring of Fire, Red Tokyo-3 Bay, Ole Baby Rei's BBQ, Gendo's Favorite Brown Sauce, Chancellor Shepherd, HFuyutsuki, or any of the other colorful varieties. If you had to have one choice of the three major steak sauce competitors in our academy lunches, what would it be? Despite the list of choices I'd just rattled off, there are only three options available, for financial reasons. A. EVA-01. B. Kabuto. C. Digimon. Write it down and submit it to P.O. Box 1832943531..."

"Oh, great. Perfect timing," Syrus said with a sigh (no it's not a Sy this time). "Once the war starts, nobody will survive. We might as well just abstain from voting."  
"It's a great opportunity for ME, at least," said Jaden.  
"YOUR meals will hardly be any different!"  
"What do you mean? Pouring a big fat bottle of Kabuto on fast food makes it even more delectable!"  
"When exactly would you have to eat fast food!" Hassleberry said, not believing the still-dastardly meal choices offered at Slifer Red.  
"The crime rate is exceptionally high at this school," Senkaiyoh said. "Target practice!"  
"...2493414341513534, exclamation point, 3264577542..."  
"Wait a sec! Rewind that, rewind that! I need the whole P.O. box number!" Jaden started scribbling all over a small square of paper. Hassleberry and Mann McOldsmobile followed suit.  
"Uh, okay."  
"P.O. Box 18329..."

"Heave..."  
"HOOOOOOO!"_  
BLOOSHE!_ Using a fancy pillar that came straight out of the Obelisk Blue dorm, a ragtag bunch of Yellows broke through the wall! Dust and wall matter bounced off of everyone's faces.  
"Freeze!" Senkaiyoh pointed a rifle at them. "In the name of Duel Academy's 17th Article of Lawfulness, DON'T COME IN NOW, ALRIGHT?"  
"Hold on!" Tubby Lowvoice declared. "We just wanna know your steak sauce preferences. Which is it? Kabuto, Digimon, or EVA-01?"  
"Kabuto!" Jaden cried, raising his hand. "...Come on, don't be shy..." The other kids mumbled words of EVA-01 and Digimon. "Oh, come on, yo! I can't be the only dude who likes that stuff! It's brown gold!"  
"EVA-01? Kabuto? Get outta town!" a misc. Ra Yellow girl said. "Our dorm has practically become Digimon Yellow! Join or be joined! Er...destroyed!"  
"Is everyone fighting outside?" Senkaiyoh asked.  
"Um...yeah, pretty much."

She went skipping out the newly-made exit, shooting randomly. "RANDOM CARNAGE!"  
"Good luck with that."  
"I'm a Ra at heart," Hassleberry said. "So even without actually trying the stuff, I guess I'll go with you!"  
"WOO!" the Digimon Yellows cheered, patting him on the back and welcoming him into the brigade.  
"I don't wanna be a part of this!" Bunnyear panicked, causing her ears to flail like puppets and the reception to get all fuzzy.  
"Nooooooooooo! Not only does mah krewmate leave me, but now, I can't even vote for the delinquent drink!" Jaden shed a single tear. "You'll stay here, Hassleberry, if y'know what's good for ya!"  
"Well...both roads probably lead to gore and violence, so I think neither choice is good for me. But none of us are gonna die permanently, I figure, so I'll see you guys later! Oh, uh, also guys, if you still want me on your team, don't kill them." He gestured toward the Jaden Krew.  
"Fair enough," Tubby Lowvoice said. "You ARE that freaky drill sergeant kid. We could use you on the team! Ho heave!" The Digimon Yellows all ran backward and left.  
"...So, guys. Anyone else gonna play on team Kabuto Red?" Jaden looked around at his mates. Everyone reluctantly raised their hands. "So y'all liked Kabuto, too! Man, don't be so 'shamed o' yo' believes!"  
"Actually, I like EVA-01 more," said Syrus.  
"Digimon," said Bunnyear.  
"I...don't actually care about steak sauce," said Mann McOldsmobile. "Anything's decent."  
Jaden's eyes shimmered with tears. "You...y'mean-"  
"Yes, Jay," declared Syrus. "We had nothing better to do today."  
"A...a..."

[.com/watch?v=e6nmEPSdJnQ] By the time the next scene rolled around, the gang was in front of the Slifer Toolshed except for Jaden. Five other nameless Kabuto Reds stood by them. Jaden came out holding a scroll with the image of Naruto Uzumaki on the front! "Ya-ha!"  
"How did you know THAT was in there?" Syrus wondered. "I've never even seen it before! What, did you have a secret stash!"  
"Don't ask questions! It's time to get yer game on, folks! There's a war goin' on out there, and this area won't be safe for long! So if I was you, I would focus on training mah ninja ski-owz!"  
"Oh. ...Okay."  
"What does the scroll say?" Mann McOldsmobile wondered.  
Jaden unrolled the scroll to reveal...a picture of twelve year-old characters Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura!  
"THAT'S NOT A SCROLL AT ALL!" Syrus gasped. "IT'S JUST A PROMOTIONAL POSTER! AND AN OUTDATED ONE, AT THAT!"  
"That may be, Sy," Jaden said, turning the poster to himself for a second, "that may be. But this'll help plenty! Just concentrate on your favorite character from the series, and it'll get you psyched!"  
"Zabuza's not on there," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"...Just stare at Sakura, then."  
"Wha- I can't stare at a fictional twelve-year-old girl! That doesn't help at all!"  
"Sakura's one of the worst characters in the series!" Syrus said. "I mean, nobody likes her, am I right!"  
"...I kinda like Sakura," a random Red said with a tear running down his cheek.

"Okay, what now?" Jaden asked himself whilst rubbing his forehead. He took a closer look at the poster. "Hey, every y'alls! Look closer! There's some special ninja text in the background, yo!"  
"Are you serious or are you just pulling our legs!" Syrus said. Everyone else eagerly crowded around. "No hope..." He sat in the corner and shook his head.  
"Ain't no joke, yo." Jaden's words gave Syrus the courage to look over at the ninja "scroll".  
In the background was a strange cluster of blue smudges which read, "Hold ← + B and Itachi performs the Unlikely Green Suplex!" "WHAT THE! THIS IS **CRAP!**"  
All of the other Reds took out their Nintendo DSs. "Side plus B," they recited in chorus.  
"**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIIIING?**"  
"We're desperate, alright?" Mann McOldsmobile said. "Now I may be capable of large-scale manslaughter, but a _steak sauce war?_ That's too much."  
"_Something doesn't sound right about that sentence!_"  
"It's not working," a bland name student said. "Hm, maybe if I try it again it'll work."  
"**NO, IT WON'T!**"

An anthropomorphic blue toucan with a rainbow-striped beak ran over to Jaden, holding a letter. "Woah there, sonny boy! Here's a special note, for YOOOOOO!"  
"Aw sweet!"  
"From the Plot Committee!"  
"Awww. What is it this time, G?" Jaden took the letter, opened it, and started to read, miraculously all with one hand. "So I'm gonna miss out on the steak sauce battle of the century? Just because I'm supposed to be somewhere in the ocean!"  
"Pretty much."  
He froze where he stood. His blood ran cold. He clenched his clammy fists. Jaden looked almost panicked in response to this no doubt horrifying news.

Jaden turned back to normal. "Bye, guys! Hasta la vista and all that!" He skipped away into the burning sun-in-the-middle-of-the-sky.  
"So," said Syrus, "does this mean we have _more_ hope...or _less_ hope?"  
Before anyone could respond to that sentence, Barry the Beginner appeared where Jaden once stood! He even possessed his ol' ninja scroll! "Good afternoon, fellow Slifers!" he said with a salute. "I'm here to-"  
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," the random kids booed.  
"But I-"  
"Boo, ."  
"But I haven't even-"  
"GO HOME," Syrus said.  
"Rrrgh I CAN TEACH YOU THE UNLIKELY GREEN SUPLEX!"  
The crowd turned silent. Soon murmurs of "he knows the suplex" buzzed throughout.

He slammed a green blackboard onto the grass, showing he meant business. "First things first, you must play the video game..._in your mind._ And then you gotta blah blah blah, and then ya blah. And then..."  
A look of inspiration filled the crowd's faces.

[.com/watch?v=T6zDfxZ4NcE] TRAINING MONTAGE MUSIC

Barry the Beginner clapped, giving every Red the signal to start demonstrating their skills.

Donny Dumb, one of the several non-useful Slifer Reds, took a deep breath, put his hands together into a funky shape, and uttered something. The air around him erupted into a puff of smoke, and when it cleared, the viewers noticed that he had performed the Shadow Clone Jutsu! Except all of the hundreds of thousands of clones were either horribly deformed or shriveling up on the ground. An audience applauded his efforts.

Betsy Brisket licked the palm of her hand before attempting the famed Rasengan! Bluish chakra began swirling around in her hand, manifesting itself as an energy-packed orb. Sadly the orb was quick to expand and explode, launching her body elsewhere and leaving her ripped-up hand on the ground.

Bunnyear stepped up to the plate, looking notably nervous. Before she could do her thang, Syrus ran up to her to try and stop 'er! "People, people!" He fell to his knees and screamed, "**STOP** the **MADNESS!**"  
The music was cut short, ending like a record.  
"You're just going to fail miserably and die in a horrible self-inflicted accident! THINK _THAT_ OVER, RANDOM SLIFER CITIZENS!" The other Slifer Reds looked and talked at each other. He turned to Barry the Beginner. "How dare you subject my comrades to this kind of treatment, Barry the Beginner."  
"Well, no, I never-" Some idiot Slifer launched himself into the ocean via a miscast Chidori. (Death Count 701) "...Well...we were better off without him."

[.com/watch?v=axi7Sgm5VAU&feature=related] The battlefield was already cooking...with steak sauce! In one corner, Digimon Yellow! They were armed with several advanced infantry units such as the high-movement recon cars and heavy, reliable tanks. Standard stuff (by a demented and murderous school's standards), but they claimed to have secret weapons up their sleeves...

In the other corner, EVA-01 Blue! Using their special AT-Field-manipulating gauntlets, they could blast any enemy back! And they, too, said they had more coming! But who-will win? WHO-WILL WIN? **WHO! WILL WIIIIIN! **_**BREAK!**_

Baseball Bob and Fluffy Fred sat on a couple of chairs on the sidelines of a smoking, plains-turned-desert battlefield. "Woo! Go, Piggy!" Fluffy Fred cheered. "But seriously, where's Bastion?"  
"Meheheh," Baseball Bob said with a shrug.  
The majority of the island was ablaze with blazing hot warfare tactics. Members of the Digimon faction would shoot their AK-47s at the duelist brethren, only to have them bounce off of what seemed to be the air itself. Children were killed, strangled in the streets. No one was safe.

A bright red recon unit bounced right past them, kicking up a monstrous amount of dust and knocking them right out of their seats. Piggybank crawled out from the broken window, scraped-up and mangled. But as long as she had her machine gun, she could fight! "Don't worry, largely-useless characters," Piggybank assured, "I won't let the good name of Digimon (steak sauce) go down that easily."

An ironclad, hidden-faced, probably-not-important Blue appeared to riding on air - BUT WAIT! It was more like a pulsing mass of air in the form of a huge bird, flapping its "wings" above them! "Heh heh!" a mysterious voice said. "Got you now, heh heh! Heh, using my gun I can create - heh - an entire AT-Field _BEING!_ Truly the finality of the evolution of all of God's creatures, heh heh!"  
"_Who the hell is HE?_" Baseball Bob whispered to the other two kids.  
"I can see through your disguise any day," Piggybank said coldly. "This one is actually quite clever. However, the distinct usage of two 'heh's in every sentence gives you away as..." She pointed dramatically at him and said, "**Deep-Voice Dobbson!**"  
"_Huuuuuuh!_" He gasped and fell off of his AT-Field pet, falling to his sandy demise.  
"...And to think, if Bastion was here she _wouldn't_ be able to pull off that reasoning with such badassery," Baseball Bob said.  
"People are DYING in this episode! I gotta get outta he-uhhhhzz!" Piggybank grabbed Fluffy Fred by the shirt collar, stopping him mid-escape.  
"Two things. FIrst, everyone knows Dobbson can't die," she told him. "Not at a time like this. Second, the death count hasn't gone up. Therefore, using my deduction skills, I can conclude that no important lives will be lost during this episode."  
"Oh! Now I feel all better about it." Fluffy Fred got back in his seat and looked at the grotesque and twisted figure of a dead Deep-voice Dobbson. He didn't really care, though. "Hey, where's that AT-Bird?"  
"Meheheh."

From the highest peak of the tallest, shadiest castle spire, Chazz watched the saucy battle in safety. He tapped his foot below the swivel chair, being a bit anxious. "Status report: looks like our side's winning," he said, and then he took a sip from his fancy glass of orange juice.  
"Everything looks hunky-dory!" Nancy Wut said, located off to his left in an identical chair.  
"All good, if you like _death._" Angry McArgue provided her own, slightly grim outlook.  
"Uh...I don't really see which side is winning," Alexis said. "How can you possibly tell who has the upper hand!"  
"Well maybe if you came over here, you'd see it better. Hmm? HMM!"  
"Chazz, this is exactly why I chose to sit as far away from you as possible," she said with a sigh.  
Behind them, Crowler sat thoughtfully at a desk. "Does anyone else see something _missing_ from the battle?"  
"More buckets of blood?" Nancy Wut piped in.  
"Some good old dueling?" Chazz figured.  
"In-line skating!" Alexis said, thinking she definitely had the correct answer.  
"No, **NO,** you ignorant fools!" Crowler slammed its hands on the desk and stood up. "Chazz, you were very close. _HOWEVER!_ There are only TWO corners in this steak sauce triangle!"  
"So?" Chazz shrugged it off. "That just means the Slifers got themselves killed." His beverage-holding hand turned into more of a beverage-holding fist. "Serves them **right** for liking that poor dude sauce Kabuto." The glass shattered, sending a puddle of orange juice onto the floor. "...If you slip on that, it's your own fault!"  
"No, I can feel it, son. They're biding their time."  
"Just let us go home, _mister!_" Angry McArgue shouted, getting out of her fun-filled seat. "I'm so bored I'd rather die in a war than just sit around HERE!"  
Crowler stood up so high, it was on its tippy toes...! "That is **no** way to address your elders, young lady! If you leave now you won't get that stuffed bear I promised you! I swear I'll-"

The opening of a door interrupted their feud. Everyone turned to look at their intruder...who was also Zane! He stared coldly at Crowler.  
"...Well," Crowler said, starting to sweat, "I-I was just-"  
He stared coldly at Crowler.  
"Y-you see, we've got some important business to a-"  
He stared coldly at Crowler.  
"...Alright, what do you wa-" Zane took Angry McArgue by the arm and strode out the door. "...a-a...a..."_  
Good going, Zane,_ Alexis thought. _I don't think I can stand Angry when she's Mad._  
"...Well, whatever THAT was about," Crowler huffed, and it sat back down. "Ah, well. It's Zane, so...whatever!"  
"So what's the plan?" said Chazz, playing with his hair out of boredom  
"The plan i

Its important announcement was cut short by a scene change. The scorched sands were dyed a shade of crimson...crimson for BLOOOOOOD. Adolescent Duelists had fallen on practically every inch of land there was, bleeding for all they were worth. Death Count? No not now.  
The AT-Fielders and military dudes all automatically assumed the guardians of the delinquent drink had been slaughtered already. Hoo boy. They were about to get one whammy of a surprise...

"SENKAIYOOOOOOOOOHH!"

A crazy girl ran screeching through the crowd with one heavy laser machine gun in each arm. Violent red explosions occurred, appearing and disappearing as if running after her.

From behind a small crowd of easy-to-spot bushes, Beehive Larry talked into his walkie-talkie. "Bastin', come in, Bastin'. This is Miner Forty-Niner. It appears we've spotted the first Red yet, Senkaiyoh."_  
NEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW BUHSHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!_ A missile decimated the crowd of bushes and, somehow, left Beehive Larry shivering among an audience of ashes.  
"...Over."  
"Hey, you with the beehive!" Senkaiyoh pointed her smokin' barrels at him with a despicable catlike grin. "Don't you move."  
"Y...y-yeah? O-or what?"  
"Or I'll shoot you!"  
"Oh. O-o-o-okay."  
A shot flew past his ear. He tried to keep his balance. "Quit flapping your gums!" Beehive Larry nodded - but that had only sent another shot flying his way. "Or your head! OR BREATHIIIIIIIIING!" Now she was just firing wildly! Beehive Larry's impressive ducking and dodging skills were the only things keeping him alive.

"I've had enough of this crap!" he sobbed. Beehive Larry dug into his pocket and pulled out a colorless, cheap, store-bought Digivice! "Let's Digivolve! Gargomoooooon! Use yer freakin' rabbit machine guuuuuuuns!"  
As he talked the screen on the device glowed, and its light flickered around on the ground. From that light, a creature was summoned! This creature was a little green blob with a long tail and a gooey horn on its head. "Ahm Zerimon!" it said, bouncing around blissfully.  
"Come on! Is this really supposed to be my secret weapon! What a ripoff." Zerimon went on to jump into the line of fire and turn himself into an explicit, goopy mess. "Awwww."  
Senkaiyoh's laser blaster flewout of her hand, as if someone had tackled it! "My gun!" she said, noticing her gun. Behind her, a white wolf creature with blue stripes rolled across the dusty gooey ground. "What the?"  
"You should learn how to train your Digimon, Beehive Larry," Bastion said, coming to the rescue! "But now you can't because it's dead! And Miner Forty-Niner? _Are you serious!_" Behind him stood the five other Digidestined Digimon Yellows, all possessing various hairstyles.  
"Better _hope_ he wasn't serious," remarked Omega-Xis. He stared at the reader. Then he started to flail like a mad puppet. "CARE ABOUT MEEEEE!"  
"YoU cAaAaAmE fOr MeEeEeEe!" Beehive Larry weeped and fell over.

One of the random Digidestined boys shouted, "Garurumon, get back over here!" The wolf hobbled over. The boy grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, swinging him around like a weapon. "Raise your Digimon with hope and love. That's the real way to train! Oh, and friendship. Lots and lots of friendship!"  
"He apparently has none," Bastion said, rubbing his chin.  
"Even I can tell that you've no friendship at all!" Senkaiyoh yelled, summoning a bazooka. Then she removed two laser guns from the interior of the bazooka!  
"I summon Beelzemon in Attack Mode!" the necessary single female of the team cried, holding out a prissy pink Digivice, or a small electrical device of varying shape depending on which season of the show you were watching that year. A Duel Monsters™ card appeared on the ground, with the image of a black biker dragon guy with spiky clothing and bodacious blond hair. He also had a pointy-looking mask, which definitely wasn't a good motorcycle helmet, so he should like stay off the road. Apparently _Beelzemon_ had 2500 Attack Points. He held out a dangerous duo of guns.  
"We're dueling now? Okay!" Senkaiyoh dropped her bazooka and put both guns in one hand while digging through her invisible side pocket in search of trading cards.  
"Attack! Double Impact!"_  
BLOOP BAOW!_ Bullets from either gun barrel curved awkwardly in order to plug up Senkaiyoh's double laser strategy - _for good!_

She stopped digging around and looked down into the gun barrels. Senkaiyoh pulled one trigger, and nothing came out. Then both at the same time. Then she quickly alternated between them. With little warning, the bullets swam out amidst a sea of red laser light-juice! Her neat blue glasses were shattered - obliterated - decimated - like, gone!_  
...Oh well!_ Senkaiyoh said to herself. She punched one of the guns. ALL OF THEM INSTANTLY EXPLODED INTO A BUNCH OF BITE-SIZED PIECES in preparation for a change of plan.  
"I've never seen her without those glasses," Bastion marvelled.  
"We sure did get her good!" Beehive Larry said, cheering up. "Looks like she's giving up, getting all angry and stuff!"  
"Pishawwww. It wasn't YOU who done it," a Digidestinedboy said scornfully. "It was _Jilly_ Belly over there."  
"You should just, y'know, get out of here," the girl named Jilly Belly said.  
"Let me deal the final blow!" Garurumon Boy said, whirling the wolf above his head a couple of times. "Lupine Blast!" He threw the Digimon as if it were a bowling ball!  
"Yyyyoh!" Senkaiyoh threw a small crumb-sized portion of her laser gun. The impact tossed Garurumon way back into the island's resident volcano, even making a visible indentation in the rock! She rubbed the dust off of her hands confidently.

Six Digidestineds stared at each other.  
"What, nobody knew she was really overpowered?" Bastion asked.  
"I thought it would go away with the glasses," Garurumon Boy said.  
"Well you were horribly wrong! Senkaiyoh Crumbshot!" Several super-ultra-powerful shards scattered like a spread maneuver!  
"Brace yourselves!" Bastion stepped back and lifted his yellow Digivice with an Omega-Xis mouth...!

MEANWHILE, AT A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SECTION OF THE BATTLEFIELD...  
Two indistinct EVA Blues with visors covering their eyes stood behind a wall, laughing like real punks in the near darkness. "Hyuk nyuk hyuk nyuk hyuk," the boys cackled.  
"Hey, Madison," one said in a nasally voice, "bring up the status report on Secret Weapon One."  
"Gotcha," the other said in a tone near-indistinguishable from the other guy's. He held up his wrist and commanded, "AT-Field Computer, on!" A pulsing red screen appeared above the wristwatch-like device.

**SECRET_WEAPON_ONE**

**95%_COMPLETE**

"Perfect," Madison said. "AT-Fields can be used for anything these days!"  
"Hyuk nyuk hyuk nyuk hyuk nyuk hyuk nyuk !"

On the other side of the wall, Piggybank waited with a hefty gun in her hand. _When is a good time to strike? Well, maybe since they've been laughing for a good ten seconds I should strike while I have the chance._  
Piggybank leaped out with her gun blazing! "Take this! For saaaaaaawce!" she cried.  
The bullets merely bounced off of their convenient AT-Field wrist-projections! "You foolish Digimon Yellows underestimate us!" Nameless laughed! "Your tools are [.com/watch?v=7X3Kcyv3XLA&feature=related] GACK!" A _mysterious stranger_ got him with a chokehold! Various other _shady assailants_ started wailing on Madison, finishing him off with a drop kick to the FACE!  
"...Beginner Barry?" Piggybank said, almost dropping her weapon in surprise.  
"That's Barry the Beginner! Is that so hard to remember? Now get the hell out of here, before we take you out with them!"  
"Eee!" She ran off in a prissy, wimpy fashion. Well, least she didn't drop her weapon!  
"Starting with the Blues' stronghold..." Syrus said to Barry the Beginner, because all the Reds were there. ALL OF THEM. "We're really taking a chance here, aren't we?"

Mann McOldsmobile ripped the AT-wristwatch right off of Nameless's arm. It crackled with the power of electricity. He sloppily applied it to his own arm, but it slipped out of place and fell somewhere on the ground. "Looks like they're not much use to us like this," he said with a sigh. "Everyone, move out!"  
Some AT-Guards, man-shaped figures taking the form of pulsing black air, came around the corner! "INTRUDER ALERT," they moaned in zombie-like voices. "SYSTEM ENGAGE."  
"**WHAT?**" Syrus refused to fight such atrocities.  
"Bunnyear, drop-kick from behind! Donny Dumb, get them in a chokehold! Mann McOldsmobile, do your thing! Everyone else covers everyone else!" Barry the Beginner directed.  
"Is this ALWAYS going to be your strategy?" Syrus wondered.  
"Nope, not after it stops becoming useful!"  
"D'awwww..."  
Regardless, the near-invisible creatures were both stopped in one fell swoop by Mann McOldsmobile's choking hands. The strange life-forms collapsed onto the ground in two hard-to-avoid heaps. "And that was the Two-Hand Chokester tactic," Mann McOldsmobile commented. "Learn from it!"

Crowler's eye twitched.  
"No...something's wrong! Something's _definitely_ wrong here!"  
"What? What is it?" Alexis asked.  
''I sense a Slifer." Its eyebrow wiggled. "No, more. There's the whole lot of them! Practically the whole dorm is alive!"  
"So you want us to kill them all, ma'am?" Nancy Wut guessed.  
"**Yes!** Well, no, actually, just...Jaden Yuki. But the more Reds gone, the better." It leaned forward and looked out the window. "They're still not deployed?"  
"Nope!"  
"Dammit!" it cursed.

Barry the Beginner and his band of merry men appeared in the most iconic section of the building: the Duel Dome. Light shined in from the big glass panel above, illuminating but a path of ruin. The field had been ripped practically in two, and spectators had nowhere to sit. The air was pulsating with the madness of a million AT-Beings.  
"Whatever you do," Barry the Beginner whispered, "stay toge-"  
"BERSEEEEERK!" Donny Dumb ripped his shirt off and charged directly into the fray! He did some random karate moves and, miraculously, started hitting stuff! You could just hear the stock screams and punching sounds fill the air.

All but a few Slifers joined in, following the suddenly-woven pattern of battle-driven anarchy. They chokeholded, they drop-kicked, they double-choke kicked, they backhand-straight-jabbed. Raging phoenixes and wolverines came for them, but the force of their moves was too mighty for the transparent beasts to handle.  
"AAAAAAAARGH what the hell are you guys DOING!" Barry the Beginner screamed so hard, his throat ached.  
"I hate to say it, but they're doing a good job," Bunnyear said as she watched the fight. "Although I can't tell if they're winning or not."  
"They were under your control until now," Syrus noticed.  
"Yes," Barry the Beginner admitted. "By attaching their Unlikely Green Suplexes to my own presence, I had them attacking others at my whim. But by now they've figured it out. The secret to using the cheat code..._is to believe in yourself-_"  
"_**NO!**_ No! Just no! That's stupid and I've heard it a million times!"  
"Oh, you have? Well, then! ...I have no idea."  
Syrus's hair shook around some.

Eventually the funny sound effects stopped. Kabuto Reds were flailing around randomly, hoping to hit something fresh and different...but it was not to be. For indeed, they had won! "That's it!" Mann McOldsmobile said. He turned to Barry the Beginner. "You said we'd never do it."  
"That's not true!" His fists clenched in defiance.  
"You SAWK," a Slifer screeched. "We don't NEED your help if you keep DISSING us folks."  
"I NEVER said that!"  
"I say we BEAT-HIM-UUUUUUUUUUUP!" Donny Dumb roared, pumping his pitchfork-holding fist!  
"YEEEEEEEEEEEH!"  
"Now, hold on!" Bunnyear stepped in front of Barry the Beginner.  
"Yeah, well, I say we don't," Mann McOldsmobile said.  
"Huh?" the Reds said, tilting their heads.  
"I say we toss him outside so the Blues and the Yellows can get him themselves!"  
"YEEEEEEEEEEEH!"  
"Why would you do an idiotic thing like that!" Syrus said, his hair flipping around as if having a seizure! "You're making my hair do all **sorts** of crazy!" In response, they shrugged. "We should keep him in the team. Maybe not as the leader, but as, you know, a regular comrade?" They blinked. "...Fine, do whatever you want with him."  
"YEEEEEEEEEEEH!"

_RIIIIING RIIIIING_  
"Mommy!" Chazz dug a cell phone out from his pocket. "It's a phone call from..._her!_"  
"Her?" Alexis said, confused.  
"Her," Nancy Wut said with a nod.  
Crowler smiled a despicable smile. "**Her!**"  
All across the island, members of the EVA Blue faction looked at their AT-Screens.

**SECRET_WEAPON_ONE**

**100%_COMPLETE**

"Wha..." A visor-wearing Blue gal stared at her screen in sheer child-like amazement.  
"The time has come, I reckon," Billy Hills said, sitting at a desk located somewhere in the schoolhouse. The whole area was dark except for the blinking lights of his desk. "Reckon I had better press this here button - _launch!_" His fist broke through the "BREAK IN CASE OF EMERGENCY" case, allowing his bloodied hand to strike the big red button within!

Far, far below was a near-bottomless, empty abyss. Two rickety lifts could be heard slowly, slowly lifting something up. It was a big humanoid robot-or-something. It was blue...shiny...and really freakin' huge.

_**It was EVA-00.**_

"Wait..." Alexis started to connect the dots. "EVA-01 steak sauce...her...secret weapon...AT-Fields..." She looked several feet to her left. "You don't mean..."

"_**MUTHA-TRUCKIN' AYANAMI REI!**_" everyone shouted.

"Not Shinji? Oh, so close..."

From a secret stash, missiles were deployed all over the battlefield. Rather than slaughter some more mostly-innocent childrens, they shot up into the sky and became spectacular firework. Explosions of orange and blue, red and green, tantalized the yellow-blue audience.  
"Fireworks I reckon are deployed," Billy Hills said. "Tactic is in full force, I reckon."  
Behind him at another desk was Shades Milligan. "Code Grandaddy Purple is in full effect!"  
"What does that even mean!" screamed Crowler from within a speaker.  
"It means everything's going fine..._I think._" He tilted his cool shades.  
The rickety elevator thingies stopped. "...Well the lifts just stopped," said Crowler. "WHAT'CHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT!"  
Shades Milligan located the instruction manual: "How To Operate Your NERV-Lookalike Facility". "Okay, follow these directions, Billy."  
"I reckon that's Billy _Hills_ to you!"

[.com/watch?v=nt4ldDExzhU&feature=related] "Okay, first...oh gosh...pull levers A B and H at the same time, push button B2, twist the little twisty thingy, put the keys in and turn, pour the bubbling liquid in the blue beaker, scratch the record _three times_, go to the dance pad and press the up arrow five times, pull the whistle twice to make it go woo-woo, break the glass, pull out the green button, throw the button onto the control panel, hit the button, wait for the machete to fall down, take the machete, cut the bamboo thicket, find the box, open the box, and then take out the slip of paper."  
"I reckon that's...one long instruction," Billy Hills said, holding a box.  
"Don't stop 'cause it ain't over yet. Then you have to take the paper out and say "HASHIIIIIIIII!". Then you pull every lever, twist every twistable, and _**BOP EVERYTHING.**_" Billy Hills bopped every single item on the control panel three times frantically. "_**YOU BOPPED IT THREE TIMES!**_"_  
AAAOOOW!_ An annoying sound came from the control panel! Everything on it stopped blinking. "High score!" it said. "Too fast for ya?"  
"D'AAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"  
"Okay, let's do it again, from the top."

FAST FORWARD INTO THE FUTURE.  
"Okay!" Billy Hills said, wiping sweat from his brow. "EVA-00 deployed! I reckon now we prepare launch sequence - okay, WHY do we have to do all this to deploy three robots?"  
"That was just the first one, Billy boy" said Shades Milligan. "ARE YOU READY!"  
Billy Hills left.

**SECRET_WEAPON_TWO**

**SECRET_WEAPON_THREE**

**100%_COMPLETE**

"We had three this whole time?" Chazz said. "Dang! Guess you really CAN'T underestimate money!"  
"No, son. You really can't."

*INTERMISSION! YOU CAN GO GET YOUR REFILLS NOW.*

[.com/watch?v=nWEt_VgLOWY&feature=related] MEANWHILE, ON THE BATTLEFIELD…  
People all over the island locked hands and swayed to and fro, completely absorbed in that great light show in the sky. They had realized that not only did steak sauce not matter...neither did steak sauce. They forgot many of their differences that day, on the blood-red field of carnage...

*~ THE END ~*

BUT THEN!

[.com/watch?v=WxXWhBhH08Q&feature=related]A Prog Knife sliced their heads off. Hundreds of tiny smiling heads bounced off of the red grass and the bloody daffodils, going out without a prayer or a dream. They were ignored in favor of the second secret weapon of the day: the EVA-00 and her pilot, blue-haired quiet girl Ayanami Rei!  
"Whazzup, beez-nitches," Rei said blandly from within the cockpit.  
"OOOhoohoohoohoooooo!" Crowler clapped. It ran up and snatched the cell phone from out of Chazz's hand. "We've been waiting all day for your arrival, Rei!" The cell phone displayed a visual of our blue-haired hero-like character.  
"What about us?" Shinji and Asuka said, sitting in the purple EVA-01 and red EVA-02 respectively.  
"Oh, you're not important," Crowler dismissed.  
"You know, we could just _leave_," Shinji said, dark-haired and submissive.  
"I'm paying you for this."  
"How much?"  
Rei spoke up. "One hour, 100,000. Two hours, 200,000. Three hours, one French bread." She held up a long bread loaf. "Four hours, two French breads." She held up a second long loaf. Through the EVA's freaky screen, she gave Shinji and Asuka a thumbs-up.  
"I don't want any French bread!" Asuka roared, fiery-haired and German.  
"You can leave in two hours," Rei said.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"  
"What is it now, Shinji?" Asuka said, rolling her eyes.  
Shinji was floating up to the top of the cockpit! The breathable LCL fluid within had been replaced with totally-NOT-breathable STEAK SAUCE! "GAAAAAAAH...GLOCK..."  
Asuka slammed her fist down on some metal stuff. "Speak up!"  
"I don't hear him breathing," said Rei.  
"I don't care what you hear him doing, just do your job!" Crowler shut the foldable cell phone angrily and shoved it into its pocket.  
"Mum, that's MY cell phone," Chazz said with a tear in his eye.

Alexis and Nancy Wut had been looking in on the conversation. "What was that at the end?" she wondered. "What happened to Shinji?"  
"No one knows," said Nancy Wut. "It's a cliffhanger."  
"No it's not! Just call them back!"  
"Or maybe he's dying. _He's dead._"  
"That wasn't just any old series of moans and groans," Chazz deducted. "It was...EVA-01 STEAK SAUCE."_  
GASP!_ All of the Blues in the room were horror-stricken!  
"Who thought it would be a great idea to fill someone's EVA with** steak sauce!**" Alexis put her hand on her hip.

JUST THEN, Dan the Drawer burst through the double-doors behind them! "I'M SOORY! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD TURN OUT THIS WAAAAAAAAY!"  
"What would turn out what way?" Crowler raised an eyebrow.  
"I'm the one who filled EVA-01 with EVA-01 Steak Sauce!" he said, doing a few panicked bows. "I'm sorry! I thought Shinji would be breathing his own element! I didn't know he couldn't breathe some sauce named after his own EVA! Please forgive me!"  
Crowler told him "We'll think it over" as some lackeys rolled him up in a blanket and tossed him into the ocean.  
"On one hand, you're terrible," Alexis said, dismayed. "On the other hand, Dan was a murderer himself. Well, let's just watch everything play out for a while."

The opposing armies of the living all looked up at the beasts and collectively said, "_**WTFEVAS!**_"  
The hulkin' homunculi stared their tiny opponents down. A flurry of brown sauce sloshed right out from the top of EVA-01's head, bringing a poor dying boy in a form-fitting Plug Suit with it. Shinji's fallen husk, stripped of breath and dignity, tumbled haphazardly onto the ground, bringing to mind the birth of Athena, only with much more steak sauce. He fell in exactly the wrong way, both anatomically and in terms of physical health.  
"Ihh! The suit! It's so form-fitting!" Some kids ran away. (You should totally know that Weather Report suggested the "fell in exactly the wrong way" part.) Other children, members of the Blue faction, kneeled before the unearthly brown elixir and started to sip.  
But who was to operate EVA-01? Beehive Larry ran toward the big behemoth and, putting his hands behind his back and pushing with all his might, shoved himself right into the cockpit! His outfit became drenched with tasty juices, but he was still, in many respects, fit for battle! He put on some blue shades and said, "I'm a rebel!"  
"...Well, at least you're not Shinji," Asuka deducted.  
"Wow! NOBODY likes Shinji! Just like in the cartooooooooons!"  
She reasoned that they were both pretty dumb. "Looks like it's time to make introductions," Asuka said. "I'm-"

"I pilot EVA-00," Rei cut in. "I should be the first to make the introductions." The cyclopian cyborg mightily stomped the ground. "It's Ayanami Rei. She's the brains of the bunch. Pilots the EVA-00. Likes: Dadda Gendo, Kensuke Aida, Penpen, EVA-01 Steak Sauce. Dislikes: **EVERYONE ELSE.**"  
"I'm Beehive Larry! Lemme tell you all about my-"  
"No."  
"...Wow, she really DOES hate everyone else."

EVA-02 broke into an INSANELY actiony pose! "I'm Asuka! I pilot the EVA-02, and I'm the one who likes to throw the first punch! I like beating Duelists up for money and being an unsympathetic character for the better part of an anime! I dislike idiots, annoying people, and annoying idiot people! And Rei! I wanna give a shout-out to Misato back in Tokyo-3! You're a terrible person!"  
"Back atcha, sis," said Rei.  
"What's your last name?" hollered a random guy.  
Asuka groaned, "That's still up to interpretation." The random guy nodded, diving deep in thought.  
"Hey, can I get you kids on a question-and-answer panel?" Chancellor Shepherd shouted via the tallest unbroken obelisk of Duel Academy, holding a microphone out in Rei's general direction.  
"Why not," Rei supposed, for it was all she knew.  
"Don't keep me here for more than two hours, Rei," Asuka said. "I don't like French bread!" But Rei didn't respond. "Rei?"  
"Dadda Gendo..." she moaned.

_Sometime last week...  
After all of the Angels had been destroyed, Commander Gendo Ikari celebrated a job well done by experimenting with a different wacky hairstyle every day. That day he had chosen a ponytail. A soulful hippie ponytail. Sadly he did not have enough hair for it. He hadn't realized that everyone around the office was laughing at the stupid hair band behind his head, holding onto the few depressingly-short strands of hair he had left. But it didn't matter. He was still mildly cool, because he was Gendo. The manga adaptation had definitely taken its toll on his sanity. It was like an emotional roller coaster ride for him. Don't judge him._

_Near the old EVA loading area, where a person standing on the small strip of concrete could only hope he would not fall into the eighty-feet deep abyss below, Rei was standing in front of Soulful Hippie Gendo.  
"Dadda Gendo, I'm ready to go," she said.  
"Don't call me Dadda Gendo," said Gendo. "Have you been watching late night television lately?"  
"Yeah, son."  
He squinted hard at her. "Looks like we're going to have to restrict some privileges, young lady."  
"Aw, snap, boooy, whatchoo saaaay."_

Then old man Fuyutsuki approached them. "Gendo I need to ask you a ques-" He stared at the pitiful mockery of a ponytail on the back of Gendo's head. "'Stared at the PONYTAIL'? I don't see any PONYTAIL! WAHAHA, HA HA HA, HAAAAAAAA..." Fuyutsuki danced a jig of intense, heart-ending laughter. As he did his dance number, he did the Worm wrong and rolled off the edge of the concrete platform. He laughed all the way down until the _**splat**__.  
Rei and Gendo looked over the railings. "My god he's dead," said Gendo._

"That didn't answer MY question," said the chancellor.  
"Too bad," Rei said, snapping out of it.  
While everyone was doing stupid stuff, Yellows had been slowly disassembling EVA-01's leg using chisels and knives! "We're silent but deadly!" one freak exclaimed.  
"Do something, y'all," Rei said.  
"Uh...o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-okay!" Beehive Larry ran his hands over all of the cartoony buttons and levers that weren't supposed to be there. EVA-01 began to dance. The EVA started raising and lowering her arms and legs in a manic fit, throwing kids left and right. There was no end to this painful death waltz in sight.  
"Watch me do a REAL something!" Asuka roared, activating a bunch of crazy candy-colored levers. EVA-02 pulled two giant laser blasters from her waist or something. She jumped high into the air and spun around what must have several hundred times, shooting glowing red lasers in every conceivable direction! Most of them just flew up into the sky, but some of them damaged students and dismembered buildings! Even the Alexishouse's chimney was not unscather, and the tippy top of it came crashing to the ground.  
"...What was that?" Crowler asked.  
"Oh, that was just part of my house falling apart," Alexis answered with a deep hardy sigh.  
"Ahem! MY house?" Chazz crossed his arms.  
"Settle down, youngsters!" Crowler said, holding a bag of popcorn. It swerved around their conversation to better watch the battle. A bolt of red light tore through the glass, breaking it like it was nothing. The blast, huge as it was, somehow managed to spare everyone the pain of actually getting hit by it. "What are they doing now! I paid them to destroy OTHER people!"

With the glass scattered all around them, their ears could listen to all of the shouts and whimpers of war. The very thought might be enough to drive any sane man off the brink. The three remaining childrens looked at Crowler. Then, they left, one by one. First, Alexis; second, Nancy Wut; third, _Chazz._

The pained cries of war started to fade. Even still, it could hardly hear itself think.

"Well, you're the only friend I have left, Bonaparte."  
The puppet shook around as it spoke. "Those two wuh nevuh youh friends!"  
It frowned.

_Digimon. Digital monsters. Digimon are the champions._

Six figures stood on a cliff overlooking the brawl. Behind them were six other, more digital-looking figures.

_Digimon. Digital monsters. Digimon are the champions._

Beelzemon got his guns ready. Garurumon stiffened up. Greymon rubbed his teeth together. Omnimon cracked his steely knuckles. Justimon prepared his big fisting arm. BanchoLeomon marched in place. "So, you all?" said Bastion as he turned to his crew. "Are we ready to fight those EVAs?"  
It was a unanimous "NO".  
"Well, now we are. Let's all force our Digimon to rumble!"  
"Okay."

_Digimon. Digital monsters. Digimon._

**SENKAIYOH_AND_COMPANY**  
[.com/watch?v=rGBwbR1Foo8] Meanwhile, in the middle of an expansive red plain, Senkaiyoh stood in front of a massive line of POWs. The Digimon and the EVAs stood together, shackled to each other, looking down at their blood-stained shoes. At Senkaiyoh's command they stepped forward, approaching her one at a time.

To think it had all started over some steak sauce! How ridiculous. Looking back the children realized this. How many lives had been lost over this brown gold? Thousands? Millions? Over the course of a single day? Well, the death count wouldn't update it well enough, so they had no real way of knowing, but the point is they knew it was really high.  
Slowly they swayed in tune to the inspiring melody of death. One by one, they were slain.  
_"Next!...Next!..."_  
Senkaiyoh rubbed her bloody fist off. No reason to rush when the prey was already tied down, although she found the quick kills more fun.  
Two academy boys were left, chained to the dead and the decaying. Senkaiyoh killed the one on the right with a fatal punch through the ribcage. Then, she ripped off Hassleberry's shackles. "Hey, I'm no prisoner of war," he realized, "I'm Hassleberry!"  
"OHHHHHH!" Senkaiyoh patted his bandanna. "I'm glad you don't care about me slaughtering everything as much as you used to!" she said, wiping some blood off of his uniform but actually adding stains in the process.  
"Yeah, well, I kind of got desensitized to it over the years!" Hassleberry gave an unfrazzled grin. He kicked some kids aside. "What are you gonna murder next?"  
Several red laser blasts flew past them from behind. They chopped through the entire area around them, but JUST happened to avoid them.  
Senkaiyoh pointed over her shoulder with her thumb. "The EVAs!"

**KABUTO_STEAK_SAUCE_CONGLOMERATE**

[.com/watch?v=kQBi2IIMmpQ] The tension hung in the air of the Duel Dome like a thick blanket of warm and comfortable suspense. This was because many of the Kabuto Reds were not particularly battle-ready; in fact, most of them simply sat around watching Bunnyear's TV.  
"Hey dude, dude!" Donny Dumb waggled his finger a bit. "Let's watch the academy news station!"  
"Hell no!" argued some random guy sitting next to him on the floor. "This is THE game, man! The Cardinals still have a chance! I mean, it could go either way!"  
"Actually, I'm with him," Bunnyear admitted. She was standing in front of them with her eyes glued to the screen. "So much suspense..."  
"There's suspense going on _right now around us!_ Guys, this is serious!" Syrus shouted, grabbing all three guys' shoulders and shaking them. "_It's a slaughterhouse outside._ And if a tornado hits, who knows what's going to happen!" Conveniently as he said that, several energy blasts hit the side of the building, totally obliterating the glass dome! They all ducked down and covered their heads, but the glass had been destroyed so completely that only a gentle sprinkling of powder rained down on them.  
"You're right." Bunnyear's ears twitched, and the channel changed.  
Linda Academy was still at her news desk, reporting the news students wanted to hear. "...And here he is, reporting live from the middle of a combat crisis."  
A fat kid in a tuxedo appeared on-screen. The backdrop: a deadly battle."Big Scoops Weekly here," he said. "So Stephen Boyd, why are you out and about? Going to, uh, enter your vote at the voting booth?"  
"Nope, just going to the card shop," he answered.  
"Oh. Well, what's your favorite steak sauce brand?"  
"That's a tough one, but I'd have to say brown sauce."  
"Um...brown sauce? I'm...pretty sure that's not a specific brand. Oh well. Back to you, Linda Academy." The interview ended.  
"Wait a minute, hold on!" Donny Dumb yelped. "What was that in the background? I gotta check THAT out!"  
"Maybe you're not as dumb as I thought," Syrus said.  
"No, I'm still dumb, man. That battle looked frickin' _sweet!_"  
"Sorry, my stomach doesn't have a pause feature." She bit her lip.  
"It's proof that the battle's still going," Syrus realized, "and hitting the island worse than ever." He stood up and marched away. "I'm going downstairs."  
The Reds stared at him for a moment as he leaped into the huge and jagged crevice. Then they went back to the game: Louisville Cardinals versus Minnesota Wild.

One thing none of the academy students knew about the Duel Dome was that, just below the arena, somebody had built a stupid and incomprehensible laboratory. It was a cave that seemed to stretch deep underground. Maybe it led to Dr. Card's lab, eventually, in some convoluted way, but there was no time to think about that.  
Syrus's footsteps echoed as he walked down the brown staircase, carved right into the rock. Whatever mastermind had made the secret headquarters had done some masterful work with it. Alien machines and instruments had been curved as if one with the walls themselves. It was a mechanical cavern; the union of materials organic and inorganic; the natural and the unnatural.

Syrus found Mann McOldsmobile spinning some dials around with his digits. A monitor blinked seizure-inducingly from purple to red, until it finally stopped at purple. "Uh...how's it coming, Mann McOldsmobile?" It couldn't have been going well, he thought.  
"I think I lost," the man said, "_but_ if I've still got a continue left on this thing, I still have a chance to initiate it."  
"Initiate what?"  
"Initiate the transformation."  
"...You shouldn't leave important information that I don't know anything about out of your sentence. And besides, what transformation?"  
"Something awesome, probably."  
"Probably? PROBABLY! We need to have a DEFINITELY awesome game plan going, or we might not survive! Am I the only one going mad here?"  
"Yes. Just sit tight and I will do the best I can."  
"'The best you can'? You can't do best! Here, **I'll** show you **my** best!" Syrus flopped onto the control panel and smeared his face all over the dials! "**Where's your transformation NOW, Mann McOldsmobile!**"

The secret underground lab began to rumble. The twisting caverns beyond began to break off from the rest. It felt as if the whole academy was moving.  
"Syrus, what the hell were you thinking!" Mann McOldsmobile clenched his fist, but a fallen rock scraped along it. He resisted the urge to pummel.  
Without another word, they ran upstairs. Syrus lost his footing and slipped on the dry rock, and a rushing Mann McOldsmobile left him behind in his run for safety.

Upstairs, the Kabuto Reds were panicking and running around in circles. "Do any of you know what's going on!"  
The rabbit ears were fluttering around madly. "Something... _involving radio signals,_" she knew.  
_Did Syrus actually know how to initiate the transformation!_  
The structure of the school started to rearrange itself. The Duel Dome Roof tore itself farther and farther apart, and one end moved high into the air. Pistons and engines assembled themselves using bits and pieces of the ruined academy. It was as if a giant alien vehicle was being built before their eyes by some unseen mechanic. The students who happened to keep themselves running around in the Duel Dome flew past the complex construction and ended up standing on a giant patchwork chair.  
"Waaaaaaaugh!"  
"Wubbawubbawubba!"  
"Wobwobwob!"  
Their dreadful view of the outside world was soon covered by rising rock and a crispy ceiling. There were only two chairs in the bus, and the one in front of them was the only one fit for a regular-sized human being.  
Syrus turned around. His face was small and distant, bloody on the side, but clear. Although nobody could hear it, he said these words: "Welcome to the Duel Academy Bus. Hope you have a safe trip." He tipped his plastic bus driver's cap. "Time to liberate."

The school bus, dotted with painted-on stars and galaxies, started up with a hearty roar. The hum of the engines and the flashing of the lights resounded throughout the whole island. The Duel Academy Bus reared up on its hind wheels and roared.  
Syrus shielded his eyes with one hand and looked out the window. No glass - must have been broken by those strange blasts - but it would do in a pinch. He would make it through this...he would fight until he died...if it meant Jaden and Mann Mc Oldsmobile and all the rest would survive.

He noticed something in his pocket. It was a driver's license made completely out of stone. _Truesdale, Syrus._  
This bus was made for him.  
He turned the steering wheel a couple hundred times and headed in the direction of the EVAs.

**EVA_CENTER_OF_COMBAT**

EVA-02 landed with a hearty thump. Her laser guns reloaded, or something. Asuka looked around at all of the destruction. Then she looked back at that dancing fool of an EVA dancing nearby. _What a dancing fool!_ she thought.  
"Piece of-u cake-u!" she said with an odd Japanese-ish spin. "So what's next, Rei?" She smirked confidently. "I don't see anyone else around here. Nobody alive, anyway."  
"Transformers are more than meets the eye. Look there." EVA-00 pointed to a cliff smeared all over with red. Some folks and their Digimon were standing on it!

"Whoops! Looks like they found us!" BanchoLeomon discovered.  
"Tch! By golly, he's right!" a snooty rich boy said.  
"Look, there's going to be blood and carnage no matter what we do," Bastion said. "Either we can run away like little boys, or we can stand and fight, like adolescent boys! Who's with-" The EVA-00 revealed a deadly glowing Prog Knife and got ready to attack!...slowly. "Fine, everyone just throw your Digimon at them."  
Like a dissatisfied audience throwing tomatoes, the Digidestined Yellows hurled their digital partners at the giants. And, much like tomatoes, the Digimon splattered all over the EVA-00's face.  
"There is a simple solution to this problem," Rei said. She scraped the Digi-Fluids off with her Prog Knife. This caused a layer of juicy metal cyclops meat to show. "_Better._"

But there was one Digimon left: Greymon. Bastion crammed the big fat orange dinosaur into Omega-Xis's mouth! "Take this, foul beast! Dinosaur Charge Shot!" A sickly green aura emanated from the flailing Greymon's body, charging up a powerful blast. Then Omega-Xis released his dino-bite, and Greymon went zig-zagging through the skies!  
He clamped onto EVA-00's soggy meat face before being smeared off and thrown away. The dinosaur managed to hold its ground, kicking up crimson dust as it skidded backward and forced its claws deeper into the ground.  
"Hey, Asuka. Let's tag up, y'all," Rei offered, but as she turned around, EVA-02 had already disappeared! "Y'all? Where are y'all?" EVA-00 wheeled around and faced the ocean, wherein a running red guy appeared to her! Somehow the EVA was running on water! Hey, cool, yo!  
"Why?" Zooming in with a single large eye, Rei spotted a magic duel bus in front!  
"That creepy Crowler thing told me I'd get more money if I went after the bus!" said Asuka, throwing a cell phone into the LCL surrounding her. "**So I'm going!**"  
Greymon had been ripping off bits and pieces of EVA-00's leg during the conversation. It was was a large dino, but not THAT large. As Rei wiggled the limb around to remove the dinosaur, shards of foot fell down.  
"I'm going to have to make an escape," she finally decided. "Beehive Larry, keep it real." EVA-00 made leaps and bounds toward the ocean.  
"Uh..." Beehive Larry stared at all of the soggy brown controls surrounding him. He poked one, but it somehow splashed all over his shirt! Then he got scared. He decided not to eat EVA-01 steak sauce ever again. Beehive Larry curled up into a ball and began to shiver.

[.com/watch?v=hzLxo5ggE6I&feature=related] Elsewhere, a mysterious figure scanned the area from behind a lonely red hedge. That constant stampede of EVA-feet would be hard to avoid if he was indeed planning a break-in. But if he did nothing, he would be letting down his best friend.  
"Taste the berries of cold hard _justice!_"  
A smattering of little pink bombs rolled around EVA-01's feet. As she stepped all over them, they exploded and set off a chain-pain reaction! A big and hardy gush of steak sauce spouted out from the legs, but the EVA showed no signs of stoppin'. Greymon sniffed the brown elixir, but it avoided it like the plague...because Digimon only endorse Digimon brand steak sauce.  
_Ah...it's working like repellent._ Beehive Larry looked on with wonder. _Don't have to worry about THAT right now! ...Unless the legs fall apart or something. Well, I'm safe in here!_  
Some steak sauce dripped onto his hair, causing all of the gel to splash out and the hair to fall into a gooey mess.  
**STEAK SAUCE HELL.**

Jilly Belly yelped, "This guy's stealing our prize! Our metal armored prize!"  
"Listen up, gang," Bastion said. "If it's a Red, we kill him. If it's a Yellow, _we kill him_. We, as the Digidestineds, cannot risk it. Are you with me?" They nodded bashfully. "Good, now get in Omega-Xis's mouth." They stared at him. "Anyone? ...For Pete's sake, it's not as if you were ever going to appear at this school again!"  
"Take the plunge!" squealed Omega-Xis. "We'll all go buck wild _together!_"  
The Digimon Yellows shrugged. One by one, all but Bastion put their hands inside. They all lifted their hands up. "**BREAK - OW!**" Their palms were collectively stabbed.  
"Dino power!" Greymon jumped up really high and stuck its horn right through the middle.  
"**GAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

Tyranno Hassleberry tucked and rolled out of the bush, revealing a bazooka from behind his back as he got into a kneeling position. "Freeze! You're under Hassleberrurrest!" But nobody could hear him, since he was so far away from the living. "Okay! You asked for it!"  
Bastion started powering up a massive Omega Buster charge shot when he saw Tyranno. Fiery green aura surrounded his "comrades"! "Let's see if you can handle THIS! Big Blast Big Blast!" he said as he aimed and fired!  
Like asteroids in his wake, the Digidestineds and their Greymon buddy were driven deep into the ground, leaving a trail of noxious Omega-Fumes. Hassleberry tumbled and rumbled out of the way, lucky to have escaped with his body intact. "We're on the same team, fool!" he shouted up at Bastion. "Why would you do this to...to a man with dino-DNA!"  
Bastion's eyes narrowed. "Nobody can be trusted."  
"Except him!" Omega-Xis said. "You can trust him! Yep."  
"But I'm Hassleberry! _The EVA is our common steak sauce-affiliated enemy!_"  
Greymon crawled out of the ground, being the only survivor after the blast. It crouched down and sniffed Hassleberry. "_Worthy,_" it whispered in a voice loud enough for Bastion to hear.  
The boy with the wolf-alien hand jumped off of the cliff, did a triple quadruple backflip in the air, and made a perfect landing in front of Hassleberry. "You have a deal."  
They turned to face their madly-dancing opponent. _BUT COULD THEY DO IT!_  
But she was just...dancing. Dancing and spraying steak sauce everywhere. "Nah," the boys said together.

MEANWHILE AT THE BUS…  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Syrus gripped the steering wheel tightly with clammy hands. Both of his feet were slammed on the large rock pedal. The sea breeze hit his face like a stranger's warm and unfamiliar breath. It was the breath...of FEAR.  
He really didn't want to fight these guys. He really, really didn't. Syrus had watched the entire Neon Genesis Evangelion series, and by golly it scarred him for life. Oh, sure, there were much worse things that had happened in his life, but dang. The moment he spotted one of those crazy EVA things, he headed for the sea and almost hoped the bus would sink. What if it roared at him, and then it had to get all bandaged up! Scary.  
He heard Kabuto Reds protesting behind him. They'd probably have beat him up if the one seat in the Duel Bus wasn't so dumb. Syrus thought he heard one falling several meters down to the floor of the bus, twisting his neck and killing himself. And yes, he knew _exactly_how that sounded.

Deep down, Mann McOldsmobile thought that Syrus knew exactly what he was doing. It wouldn't hurt to try and help him out some, y'know what I'm sayin'? So he slammed all of the other useless Reds (and one mildly-handy Bunnyear) aside, leaped onto the stone wall, ran up that wall to reach the ceiling, punched a hole in the ceiling, and climbed through.  
Immediately the sea breath breeze hit him, but, being Mann McOldsmobile, he could handle it easily. With his shiny REGULAR shoes pushed into the bus's roof, he looked around, not expecting to see much. Lo and behold, a red devil was on their trail!

"**Hey, crew!**" he said very outrageously loudly. "The EVA is coming for us!"  
"WuwuwuWUwuwu...wuwuwuwu..." Syrus whimpered. A bunch of splashing flounders flew through the unprotected window. "Gah! No, stop! It's my bus, **MY** bus! Naaaaaaaaaaw..." He fell several meters down to the floor of the bus, twisting his neck and killing himself. The flounders started to flop around crazily on the wheel, causing the bus to go haywire!  
"HEYYYY! HOLD OOOOON BROOOOOOOOO!" Donny Dumb and the rest of the idiot Reds dove over the edge of the huge chair as if they were cannonballing into a kiddie pool. Needless to say it was a collective suicide dive. "BRO-ACK-GLAHCKKFREHAAAAAAAAA..." Bunnyear smashed her hands against her ears to stop the cries of pain.

The Duel Academy Bus swerved around so wildly, Mann McOldsmobile ALMOST lost his balance! What the heck was Syrus doing down there!  
EVA-02 latched onto the back of the bus and loaded the laser into her gun. EVA-00 was also approaching – damn. "Don't worry if we kill you!" Asuka said. "I'm only doing it for a paycheck!"  
"That doesn't make anything better!" Mann McOldsmobile argued. "...Actually it would've been better if you were just murdering for the fun of it!"  
[.com/watch?v=zgUYewTn4Rs&feature=related] "_You're doing a great job, urban youths!_" Crowler's voice loudly announced from within the EVA. "_Keep at it and you'll be getting two HUNDRED french loaves by the end of it!_"  
Mann McOldsmobile's eyes narrowed as the viewers zoomed in on his face.  
"Was this Crowler's plan all along!" He started to walk closer to EVA-02, now struggling to keep his balance. "Tell me or else!"  
"I really don't know-" Asuka started to say.  
"_Yes! It was all her plan!_" Chazz gave it away over the phone! "_Her stupid evil plan! Her plan...TO DESTROY JADEN!_" A Crowler slap was heard.  
"...Her?" She thought it over for a second. Then she burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

From behind Mann McOldsmobile, a Senkaiyoh appeared! "SENKAI!" he gasped.  
"That's Senkai [.com/watch?v=6CMTXyExkeI] -y-y-y-y-Y-Y-Y-Y-YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_**oh!**_ to YOU, Mann-y!" She tousled his hair some.  
"Ow." He shook his head around to get it back into its original style. "But how did you...! And where are your...!"  
"I got on while you weren't looking! And - oh! The glasses?" She put another pair on. "_There they are!_"  
"Huh! Why did you even take them off in the first place?"  
"I didn't! Quick, while her guard is down!" She loaded Mann McOldsmobile into a large bazooka and immediately fired him at EVA-02! With added launch speed, his right hook was about as powerful as a right hook explosion. His fist dealt three successive waves of powerfulness, like a hammer pounding nails into a wall! The EVA's head was completely smashed, and the laughing Asuka fell out through the other side. EVA-02 fell backward into the water, left to sink like the Titanic, and remaining just as tragic.  
Mann McOldsmobile backflipped a great distance onto the bus. While looking around he realized something: "I don't see EVA-00. Must have escaped after she saw the whooping _**I**_ gave that other one."  
Senkaiyoh tipped her glasses. "No. I still see her. That's not her plan!"  
"Then what is it?"  
"_She's talking to the fishes!_"  
Mann McOldsmobile shook his head slowly.

Inside of the bus, the flounders kept flopping. At this point only a few of them were left; the other fish had either drowned themselves in the ocean or suicide flopped onto the floor. Two of the remaining flounders clamped themselves around the steering wheel like a pair of hands. The third flounder remained on the rock pedal, keeping the Duel Bus at **TOP SPEED.**  
Eventually the Duel Academy Bus skidded across the water, kicking up magical sea dust and making a painful screeching sound. The flounders stopped on the bloody shore of a different part of the island. The wheels squashed several diseased corpses upon entry.  
Senkaiyoh leaped straight onto the shore, convinced that there was more trouble ahead. Mann McOldsmobile took Bunnyear along on his way out through the huge breakable bus doors, since she wasn't dead AND she was good clean entertainment. Then, with nobody left to drive it, the Duel Academy Bus exploded. The coast was clear, as far as those two could tell.  
"...Maybe the war is over," Bunnyear figured. She realized she was stepping on a pale and dying earlobe. "...Ew."  
"You should still get to a safe zone," he insisted.  
"Oh, right." [.com/watch?v=KYLvj5WrKAQ] A policecanoe sailed onto shore. "Oh, hey! There's the police-peoples I called!"  
"No!" Senkaiyoh yelled from somewhere in the background. "DOOOOOOOOON'T!"  
"It's the police! They're cool, right?" And so Bunnyear stepped up to the canoe.  
Four tall men with no hair and smiley faces were standing straight up in the wooden boat. They seemed to be dressed in strange police-cloaks. The shortest one on the left wriggled around as he said, "Hey there, little young chap. What brings us fine young strapping men to this island? Daddy-o?" "He" sounded more like a female trying to pass for male...badly.  
"Well, everyone's dying here, so...take me somewhere else until it gets cleaned up?"  
All of the policemenwomen wriggled around wildly, like fingers. "We will save you! Yus! Yusssssss!" They spoke as one...almost like LEGION.  
"Come aboard!" Bunnyear hopped on.  
"Yus! Yusss! YUSSSSSSS!" The canoe was starting to rip itself apart. "YUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" A giant blue arm showed itself from below the waves, taking the policefingers and Bunnyear high into the air! The policefingers crowded around her, ensnaring her in their trap. She was caught, just like a mouse, and all because she hadn't listened.  
"_**BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**_"  
Senkaiyoh came to the rescue yet again! "She knew we were coming, so she waited!"

EVA-00 crept onto the shore with Bunnyear in one raised hand. Rei announced, "Yus. It was me. So you can run and tell that."  
The girl in the glasses generated a normal-looking handgun. "Get out of the way, Mann McOldsmobile, for your own good!"  
"Fine..." He disappeared into a small flock of tropical palm trees.  
"FYER!" _PYEW!  
_  
Senkaiyoh's gun shot out...three more guns! And those guns fired more guns! After ten generations of handguns had appeared, the first nine began to shoot bullets at EVA-00 - right in the exposed face. And if that wasn't enough to defeat Rei, the final generation combined their bullets into a World War Two-class naval battleship larger than the EVA herself. The battleship flipped upside-down over EVA-00, and started firing big missiles with frowny faces at her. The beast erupted into an explosion of fiery death.  
Rei roared a great roar of terror. "." Her crumbling, exploding body was whisked away into the ocean.

Waves of orange-tinged water washed over the shore, taking drippy red sand with it. It drenched the gunslinger girl in disturbing water.  
Mann McOldsmobile facepalmed. "She has the ability to summon _**boats**_ now?"  
"Another job well done!" Senkaiyoh shouted in his general direction. "Right, Mannly?"  
Mann McOldsmobile slowly walked back over to the scene of the battle. "Right, you did such a thorough job that you killed Bunnyear, too."  
"She'll come back later!"  
He shrugged. "Yeah, well. ...Wait, doesn't that mean Rei's going to come back to life, too-"  
"**HASSLEBERRY!**"  
"Senkaiyyyyyoh!" Hassleberry and Bastion walked up to them from behind.  
"Is EVA-01 destroyed?" she asked him.  
"Nope! We realized he was just going to stay there and have his own dance party," said the real hassle.  
"But when I realized the pilot was Beehive Larry," Bastion added, "we blew him up with a Hassle-bomb!"  
The two Yellow fellows had a good long laugh about that for several moments. Mann McOldsmobile managed a small chuckle while Senkaiyoh watched them with a vacant smile.  
"Heh heh, death," the Mann said.  
Bastion put his arm around him and patted his back. "We have a lot to talk about, my murdersome friend! Let's go have a talk over...uh..." His eyes drifted over to the flock of tropical palm trees. "There!" he said, pointing at them.  
"Oh, what the heck." Mann McOldsmobile went along with it, putting on a casual grin. Bastion gave a thumbs-up to Hassleberry as they left.  
"...**HI!**" Senkaiyoh gave Hassleberry a reuniting hi-five! She broke his hand though.

The two guys stood under the obscuring shadow of the palm trees. "How about that steak sauce?" Bastion asked.  
"Well, to tell you the truth," Mann McOldsmobile began, "I-"  
"I'm a fan of Digimon, in case you couldn't tell," he interrupted. "And you know, the war is still going."  
"What are you getting at?"  
"Look up."

This whole time, Mann McOldsmobile had been standing inside of a cavernous mouth. It was the mouth of Greymon, glutton of EVIL! "Oh crap, I'm in a mouth," he realized. "Why didn't I notice this before?"  
Through the Digimon's nostril-window Bastion smiled...**evilly.**"It's an ambush. Give up, Kabuto!"  
"Do you think this is enough to stop _**MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**_"  
Crowler's voice over an intolerably-loud Alexishouse speaker system cried, "_The votes are in! The sauce has been decided! Stop fighting, you imbeciles!_"  
Mann McOldsmobile cupped his hand around his ear and looked up. "What?" Bastion snapped his fingers, causing Greymon to clamp its mouth over the unlucky victim. He was quickly swallowed.  
"_Or, at least, stop fighting __yourselves!__ Goodness gracious, how many students are still alive on this island? __**Two!**__ But I digress. This was all just a sauce poll before you chaotic students started beating each other to a pulp! So allow me to announce the winning sauce before whoever still happens to be alive._"  
Bastion's eyes grew wide. This was it! This was the decision he had been fighting for! All of that deception, lying, and killing had all been building up to this moment!  
"_We only have votes on one particular sauce, for some reason. And...hm, that's odd. Anyway, THE WINNING SAUCE ..._"

"_Sweet Baby Ray's._"  
Unbelievable! That wasn't even one of the available selections! How did they come to that decision!  
"_None of you stupid kids even noticed the VOTING BOOTH I set up! That's why the only votes were from me and my trusty sidekick Bonaparte. So there. Yet another driving force behind the future merging of Ra Yellow and Slifer Red dorms!_"  
"_...Study hard!_" The intercom turned off.  
Bastion cried.  
(Death Count Season Two: 3,268)

AND THEN…

[.com/watch?v=nNGY_fvXUCY] Jaden, Syrus, and Mann McOldsmobile were all eating in the school cafeteria. They each had bowls of rat bone salad with a healthy dollop of swooping steak sauce on the top.  
"So what's this sauce called, yo?" Jaden asked, gnawing on a saucebone. "It sure as heck's not Kabuto, I can tell ya that!"  
Mann McOldsmbile sighed. "Sweet Baby Ray's."  
Syrus dropped his bone utensils. "_**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!**_ So I ended up driving the Duel Bus for _**NOTHING.**_ Neon Genesis Evangelion was right; no matter what happens, you can _never have hope._"  
"_Now_ I understand that anime!" Jaden said. "But still, bro, what a letdown! Nobody was even FIGHTING for THAT sauce. We didn't fight for ANYTHING'S rights!" Everyone at the table looked seriously bummed out, mon.  
Chazz walked over to them with a delectable sauce-drenched meat slab. His wine glass was filled with saucestuffs. "Hey, Slifer _Slackers,_" he sneered. "You're not looking so..._TOUGH._"  
"Of course we're not chipper!" Syrus screamed. "We all got involved in a war with no victors! Think about it! Senkaiyoh lost a pair of magic glasses, the entire student body was murdered, _I lost my STONE DRIVER'S LICENSE..._" He shook his head. "And I couldn't save Barry the Beginner. The list goes on."  
"I'm right here," Barry the Beginner said from a nearby table.  
"Actually," Chazz said, taking a big bottle out from the infinite depths of his pocket, "if you'll look at the label..."

Jaden read the label. "Sweet...Baby...**REI'S!**"  
"EVA-01 Blue dorm won by proxy! OOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOO!" Chazz laughed like a stupid rich girl and strolled away, putting on his evil white wig and sipping steak sauce out of a straw.  
Syrus shook his head some more. "That was terrible. That was a terrible ending."  
Suddenly Jaden was being carried away by that toucan guy. "Whoops! Looks like I gotta go now, y'all! See you when I can see mah cards!"  
Janitorboy Ikkaku appeared, jabbing Toucan Sam in the back with the red end of his soggy mop lance. "Hey, get a move on. If you weren't on the island before the big war, you're in the way."  
"Whatever you say, janitor boy!" With Jaden balanced precariously on his beak, the bird flew away.

The Kabuto Reds stared at each other.  
"Ha," Mann McOldsmobile laughed.  
"Heh heh," Syrus guffawed.  
"Aaaahaha, AAAAAAAAAAhahahahahAAAAAAAAA!" Barry the Beginner boomed.  
"Hee hee ha ha ha!"  
"Ahahaha!"  
"HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO! HAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHA! Ahaha! A_ha!_"  
The camera started to zoom out. Viewers noticed that the cafeteria had no ceiling, and the fraction of the cafeteria that was still intact was also floating in the middle of a red ocean. Janitorboy Ikkaku wondered exactly how he was going to clean everything else up.

**(*****\~*-*~THE_END~*-*~/*****)**

_Thanks to Weather Report for throwing in a bunch of humor at times I thought weren't funny. It might remain unfunny, but whatcha gonna do. ...!_

_And hey, he wrote the story this was made for, so this literally WOULD NOT EXIST had he not been there._

NEXT TIME ON YU-GI-OH! GX!  
Whoops! Looks like the Academy's lookin' good as new! And, hey, now Jaden's in space! But expect the unexpected – his OC girlfriend Piggybank is with him, too! And, woah, there's Yubel! Also, Hassleberry gets a meal from EcDonald's. Why? Tune in next week to find out!

_Episode 69: Pushing Dandylions for a Special Porpoise and the Black Panther_

COMMENTARY  
Our favorite steak sauce is Sweet Baby Ray's. We put it on everything.

Also I'm looking forward to much to writing for Gendo in the near future.

I truly apologize for all the trouble I've caused with no updates for the past three weeks, but was giving me error message #2 for whatever reason whenever I tried to edit the story. And this past week was spent trying to re-work some four episodes of a story arc I'd been doing but was suddenly INCREDBILY DISSATISFIED WITH. So I'm still working, I promise thee! Next ep in a week, because I still need mah worktime.


End file.
